Work Text:
Alex Danvers is having a terrible summer.
She should be at Camp Longshore, with her friends from the past five summers. Instead, she’s in the middle of Bumblefuck, Kansas with her parents and Kara, visiting people she barely knows.
“It’ll be fine,” Jeremiah tells her from the front seat, his eyes firmly on the empty roads, “you’ll be fine.”
“Not that you have any right to complain,” Eliza huffs. Alex rolls her eyes as she leans her head against the car window. Kara eyes her nervously, but Alex doesn’t care. It’s Kara’s fault they’re on this godforsaken road trip anyway, and Alex isn’t ready to forgive the girl just yet.
After what feels like an eternity, they pull up to a modest house, surrounded by farmland, and Kara tumbles from the car, sprinting to the porch.
“Slow down, Kara!” Jeremiah calls out after her, but in the blink of an eye Kara’s at the front door, and hugging Clark tightly as Martha and Jonathan Kent appear. Alex watches warily, ignoring the jealously that seems to sprout in the pit of her stomach. She drags her feet up the driveway, ignoring her mother’s incessant demands to ‘ pick up your feet, Alexandra.’ Martha hugs her mother, Jonathan shakes Jeremiah’s hand and Alex ducks around the Reuniting Cousins and into the house.
The living room is quaint, and Alex inspects the photos along the mantle, Clark’s progression from infant to middle school to college graduate, his proud parents by his side. She studies Martha’s face and wonders what a mother’s pride must feel like. She looks at Clark’s smile and wonders what it must be like to be a hero, strong and tall and selfless, so sure of yourself.
“Your room is upstairs, second door from the left,” a deep voice says from the doorway. Alex whirls around to face Clark, schooling her features so it doesn’t look like he just scared the bejeezus out of her (which he most definitely did). Alex stares him down defiantly, refusing to like the reason she’s stuck in this godforsaken place. Clark smiles kindly from behind his thick glasses, as though he can read her mind.
“You know, I’m really grateful Kara has you,” he tells her, “You’ve already done so much to help her out, and I’m just… thank you. For taking care of her for me.”
“I’m not doing it for you,” Alex fires back.
“I know, but still… thank you.” He goes to leave, before turning back once more. “It might not be the most interesting thing in the world, but I’m taking Kara to the local county fair tonight, and we’d both love it if you came with us.”
“Right, and crash your family reunion,” she scoffs, folding her arms across her chest.
“No Alex,” he smiles, “be apart of it.”
As Clark turns to leave, Alex stares back at the mantle, looking at the photographs, and for a moment she wonders what it would be like to have an older cousin - or anyone, really - to look out for her.
///
Alex shouldn’t be here.
She shouldn’t be stuck in a rowdy small-town crowd, being pushed and shoved by people having a better time than her. She shouldn’t be accosted by the harsh smells of fair food that make her stomach churn, or the bright lights that make her eyes strain.
No, she should be in a cabin at Camp Longshore, playing truth-or-dare or listening as girls gossiped about their crushes back home.
But instead, she listened to stupid Clark. And now she watches as he and Kara have some sort of Kryptonian pissing contest, seeing who can win the most games and get the most prizes from the various booths. At any other time at any other fair, she’d play alongside them, and laugh and enjoy herself. But she’s bitter as she watches Kara and Clark interact so naturally, that unexplainable jealously reappearing without warning.
Alex wanders away to one of the food carts, hoping that gross carnival food can replace the feeling of unease she’s felt ever since she arrived in Kansas. She roots around her bag for some cash as she hears someone call ‘next!’ She lifts her head, ready to give her order.
And then she forgets how to exist.
When she was younger, she used to read books about people falling in love in an instant, about the universe bringing people together because their souls were tied together in a way that human logic just couldn’t explain. She’d watch movies about couples meeting by chance in high school and spending the rest of their lives together. She’d searched her school and hometown for any sign of a soulmate to no avail. She’d dated boys, kissed boys, touched boys just to try and feel something akin to what she saw on screen or read in old library books.
But none of that felt the way she feels when she sees that girl behind the counter. Her dark hair hangs in two plaits, and the only thing brighter than her smile is the lively fire in her eyes. Alex knows the girl is speaking, but she can’t hear the words. White noise washes over her, and all Alex can focus on is the way her blue plaid shirt hugs her figure, the silly cowboy hat perched on her head, the goddamn dimples that appear when she smiles.
Alex has to remind herself to take a breath. The girl stares at her expectantly, like she’s waiting for an answer.
“Uh, so-sorry?” Alex says, and she feels like slapping herself, it’s been three seconds and she’s already made a fool out of herself.
“I asked if you’d like to order?” she says, still smiling. Alex thinks she may melt at the very sound of this girl’s voice. It makes the hairs on her arm stand up straight, it makes her heart feel like it may explode.
“Just a corndog and a soda, please.”
“You’re not from here, are you?” the girl asks. Alex shakes her head, her eyebrows scrunched together. She doesn’t trust herself to ask the pretty girl how she put it together (she’s pleasantly surprised that she managed to make an order at all). The girl turns to the worker at the back of the stall.
“Stella, one corndog and pop please!” she puts emphasis on the ‘pop’, before turning back to Alex with a small smirk on her face. Alex takes a deep breath, deciding that some chances are worth taking.
“Did my use of the word ‘soda’ offend you?”
“I’m not offended, just disappointed.”
“Disappointed?”
“Well yeah,” the girl says with a dangerous smile. “It means you’re only passing through town, probably won’t be here for very long.” Alex thinks that the girl’s smile may be the best thing she’s ever seen.
“I’m here for a couple of days,” Alex confirms.
“That’s a shame,” the girl says as she hands Alex her food, “you seem like fun.” Alex tries to hand her the money, but the girl refuses to take it.
“It’s on the house,” she says. Alex blushes, and hopes she doesn’t notice. “Enjoy your stay in Shithouse, Kansas.” Alex thanks her and walks away. She makes it three steps before whirling back around and marching back to the counter.
Because that’s not a smile that she wants to let go of just yet.
The girl doesn’t seem all that surprised that Alex is back in front of her.
“Do you- do you want, wanna-” Alex stops and braces herself. It’s just a girl, she tells herself. “When does your shift end?”
The girl tilts her head to the side, sizing up Alex. She takes off her cowboy hat, and gives it to her coworker, leaping over the counter like she’s done it thousands of times before.
“You won’t get in trouble?” Alex asks her.
“From who? My parents breaking all sorts of child labor laws? They’ll manage.” She sticks out a hand to Alex. “I’m Maggie, by the way.”
“Alex,” Alex introduces, shaking her hand. “So, what do you wanna do first?” She’s acutely aware that Maggie has yet to let go of her hand. And instead of letting go, Maggie drags her into the crowd.
And Alex lets her.
///
Alex stares up at the Ferris Wheel, anxiety building at a rapid pace. Maggie, on the other hand, is fine. She skips the queue (still pulling Alex along by her hand) and smiles brightly at the ride operator.
“Hey, Joe!”
“Sawyer,” he drawls.
“Any space on the next round for two gals?” he stares down at Maggie (who just keeps smiling, god what was it with her) and surveying the numbers waiting. He waves them through, ignoring the jeers and boos of the people still waiting.
“I feel bad,” Alex says when they’re seated and moving.
“Don’t,” Maggie scoffs, “Those people… are not nice people.”
“Okay..?”
“You can’t try to be an individual down there. Anything even remotely different, and they just turn against you.”
Alex notes the spite in her voice, the anger and the pain tinging her words. If she were braver, she’d reach for Maggie’s hand and give it a small squeeze. But she’s not brave. She’s just Alex. And instead of being brave, she’s kind of scared shitless because they’re slowly gaining a lot of height.
“You okay, Alex?” Maggie asks, seeing how pale the girl’s getting.
“I just… I don’t really like heights?” Alex says, and she frowns when Maggie laughs at her.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you wanted to go on it,” Alex says simply, missing the way Maggie blushes at her words.
“Tell me things about yourself,” Maggie tells her, “to, er, take your mind off it.” Alex takes a shaky breath and looks into Maggie’s calm gaze. She feels her heart squeeze tightly in her chest, and she knows it’s not because of the Ferris Wheel.
“I’m fifteen,” she says, “I think I might wanna be a doctor when I’m older. I got kicked off summer camp a week ago. I shouldn’t even be here.” Maggie shifts her body so she’s facing Alex, a look of surprise etched into her features.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you for the type to get kicked off camp,” Maggie says, throwing in an infuriating head tilt to boot. “What happened?”
“They found pot in my bag,” Alex admits, and Maggie lets out a low whistle.
“Damn, girl, I definitely had you pegged wrong.”
“It wasn’t mine. One of the girls asked me to hold onto it for her, and I knew they wouldn’t believe me if I denied it.” Alex doesn’t mention the reason she agreed in the first place. She tries to push away the memory of the kiss Alison pressed to her cheek, the way her slight touch made Alex’s stomach drop. She tries to forget the way Alison’s gratitude made her heart swell.
“You’re a good person, Alex,” Maggie tells her, “a lot better than me.” Alex throws her head back and laughs.
“You think I’m good? You should meet my new sister.” Alex regrets saying it, fearful that Maggie will ask about Kara. She can’t talk about Kara tonight, she can’t play second fiddle even when Kara’s not around. So Alex is grateful that Maggie doesn’t push it further, and even more grateful that the ride pulls to a stop, and she can finally return to the ground. Alex exits the ride eagerly, and waits for Maggie to do the same.
“So where to next?”
///
“You know, I am a bit concerned about your above-average shooting skills,” Maggie says in awe, watching a disgruntled fair employee hand Alex one of the biggest stuffed animals she’s ever seen. “What are you, some secret agent?” Alex laughs, feeling lighter tonight than she has in a long, long time.
“Can I buy your silence with a giant teddy bear?” she smirks, reveling in the butterflies that erupt in her stomach when Maggie laughs and accepts her gift.
They walk slowly through the thinning crowd, taking their time and weighed down by the oversized prize. Alex wishes she could slow down time, because walking by Maggie’s side is the most content she’s ever felt. And she has to stop herself from telling her why Jeremiah insisted she learn how to shoot (to help Kara) and why they’re really in Kansas (to make Kara happy) and how she feels like she’s turning into the family disappointment (because Kara is perfect and Alex never will be). She doesn’t know what it is about Maggie that draws her in so close, but she knows she’s never felt it before, and it’s so unique she’s unsure if she’ll ever feel it again. But she can’t say any of that to Maggie, so instead she tries a different route.
“So what’s it like living in Shithouse, Kansas?” she asks.
“Let me put it this way,” Maggie says, “I’m getting out the first chance I get.”
“Why? It seems… quaint.”
“See, you’re like the nicest person I’ve ever met and the best thing you can say about it is that it’s quaint ” she says it like it’s a dirty word.
“I’m from Midvale,” Alex shares, “it feels like everyone knows my business, like everyone’s waiting for me to slip up and fail.”
“It’s like that here,” Maggie tells her, “only everyone’s already watched me fuck up and now they look at my life like they’re passing a car crash.”
“Can I… is it too forward if I asked what happened?” Maggie mulls over the offer, still struggling to carry the giant bear. She turns to Alex, the fire in her eyes still burning bright.
“You can ask, but not here.”
“Not here?”
This time it’s Maggie who takes a deep breath before facing Alex fully.
“Do you trust me, Alex?”
///
This is either the best or worst decision Alex has ever made, only time will tell.
The pick-up truck was probably red at one point, but now it’s just mostly rust. It races down a dirt road at an alarming pace, and the headlights are the only lights for miles around. Maybe accepting Maggie’s offer was thoughtless and stupid, but Alex can’t explain it. She looks at Maggie and she feels so safe, so understood. She decides to make a joke of it anyway.
“You’re not gonna kill more or anything, are you? Chop up my body and bury it deep in the woods?”
“Well now I’m not,” Maggie says, rolling her eyes playfully. Alex laughs, leaning her head back against the seat and letting herself relax fully. They drive in silence along the country road, the only sound being the tyres on the gravel, the wind whipping past them, the steady roar of the engine.
The truck starts to slow, eventually coming to a stop by a quiet lake, lapping softly in the starlight. Maggie gets out of the driver’s seat, jumping onto the bed of the truck with a practiced ease. Alex follows suit, albeit with not as much grace. They lie back, using the newly acquired giant teddy bear as a shared pillow, staring at the stars that hang high in the dark night sky.
“It’s beautiful,” Alex breathes.
“I hate it here,” Maggie whispers, “so much. I hate the carnivals where I have to work my ass off and not get paid. I hate that my summers are spent driving around to America’s shittiest towns for the sake of a goddamn food truck. I hate my parents and what they want me to be. I don’t wanna be stuck here with a shitty house and a shitty husband and kids I can’t stand. I don’t wanna be a part of the family business, because you can barely even fucking call it a business. I don’t want this for me.” If Alex is surprised at the confession, she doesn’t show it. Instead, for the first time that night, she reaches out to Maggie and squeezes her hand.
“Well,” she says slowly, “what do you want for you?” Maggie turns to stare at Alex, like really, fully stare at her. Alex thinks that maybe it’s the first time Maggie’s been asked that question, and the look she’s getting makes her heart ache in a way she can’t quite understand.
“I want to help people,” Maggie admits, “I think I wanna be a cop, actually. Help people who can’t help themselves, people who society just kind of fucks over.”
“So then that’s what you’ll do,” Alex says simply. “You’ll get out of this town, and you’ll go to college, and you’ll become a detective and work cases and be a badass for people who don’t have a voice.”
“And you’ll be saving lives as a kickass doctor,” Maggie says with a smile, “probably get some technique named after you, win a whole bunch of prizes and then have a whole hospital wing dedicated to you.”
“Every girl’s dream,” Alex laughs, “well, actually, my mother’s dream. I wanna get into research. Find a cure for everything. Help doctors as well as patients.”
“That sounds awesome.”
“It sounds like a pipe dream, especially when you’ve got a mom like mine.” Alex doesn’t elaborate, and Maggie doesn’t push, a perfect understanding settling between the two of them. Maggie hesitates momentarily before speaking again.
“My mom found me kissing a girl in my room like six months ago. We agreed not to tell my dad, but then some guys from school took photos of us together behind the bleachers and sent them all around town. I mean, everyone knew. All my siblings found out. The local priest took it upon himself to tell my dad. My mom intervened before he could send me to conversion therapy.”
“Oh, Maggie.”
“And I’m just so mad. Not because they outed me; I mean I’ve known I liked girls since I was like eight. I’m just so mad that they took away the power I’m supposed to have over my coming out. It should’ve been done on my terms, when I could’ve sat my family down and told them. Introduced them to my ex-girlfriend properly, and given a little speech about how I’m the same Maggie I’ve always been, and nothing will ever change me. And now I don’t get that anymore.”
“That, er, that sucks,” Alex says somewhat lamely, and Maggie throws her head back and laughs loudly.
“Alex, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you,” she says, her bright gaze making Alex’s cheeks burn. “You’re smart and you’re funny and there’s just something about you… I can’t quite describe.”
“I know the feeling,” Alex replies with a small laugh.
Maggie leans towards her, almost closing the gap between them. Alex feels like her heart is in her throat, like she shouldn’t breathe for fear of ruining whatever’s about to happen.’
“Alex,” Maggie breathes, “may I kiss you?”
Alex doesn’t answer.
Alex decides to be brave.
She closes the space between them, pressing her lips to Maggie’s, her skin on fire and her heart racing. She’s driven by need, by the warm glow in her chest that seems to pull her towards Maggie. The girl in her arms is soft and beautiful and kissing her makes Alex feel like she’s immortal, unconquerable, like she could leap from building top to building top and save the world. Kissing Maggie feels so natural , so innate and perfect.
But then her brain catches up, and Alex realises that she’s kissing a girl .
Maggie is a girl .
And she may not know a lot about life, but Alex knows that being gay probably doesn’t fit in with the perfect life plan Eliza has worked out for her, nor her own plan.
So Alex pulls away, and Maggie is confused.
“I’m sorry, Maggie,” she says quietly. “I… I…”
“I get it,” Maggie replies. “Don’t worry, I get it. Do you want me to drive you back to where you’re staying?”
Alex shakes her head.
“Can we lie here? Just a little longer?”
Without another word, Maggie snakes her arm around Alex’s shoulder, pulling her in close. They lie in silence, each wishing for these moments under the stars to last infinitely longer.
///
“Where the hell have you been, Alexandra?” Eliza’s tone is sharp and angry, and Alex groans as she steps through the front door of the Kent residence. Her parents stand on the landing, Martha and Jonathan and Kara behind them.
“I’m sorry-”
“Oh, you’re sorry? You’re sorry.” Eliza turns to Jeremiah, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Did you hear that, honey? She’s sorry.” Jeremiah looks at Alex sternly. His harsh gaze makes her squirm, guilt settling in her bones.
“Alex, we were worried sick,” he says, and Alex can’t quite meet his eyes. “Where have you been?”
“I met someone at the fair. We hung out, they drove me around for a bit. I’m fine.”
“A boy??”
“Her name is Maggie Sawyer,” Alex replies, and her father sighs with relief. Her cheeks burning with the knowledge that Martha and Jonathan probably know all about Maggie from the town gossip.
“We’ve been worried sick,” Eliza yells, “no idea where the hell you were! First camp, and now this. You’re really pushing us to our limit, Alexandra. Go and pack your bags, we’re leaving.”
Alex’s head snaps up, feeling panicked for the first time since they’d arrived in Kansas, her mind going straight to Maggie.
“What? Why?”
“Clark got called back to Metropolis for an emergency, and Mr. and Mrs. Kent don’t need us hanging around causing trouble,” Jeremiah says.
“No, we can’t leave. I- I can’t leave,” Alex says, anxiety rising in her chest. She and Maggie had made plans to see each other the next night and Alex doesn’t think she can leave Kansas without saying goodbye to the girl, without seeing that smile just one more time.
“Too bad,” Eliza says. “Go get your bag. We’re leaving right now.”
“Can’t we wait til tomorrow?” Alex almost begs.
“We’re leaving,” Eliza replies, “and that’s final.”
Alex chokes back a sob, willing away the tears that threaten to fall. She storms passed her parents, pausing only to glare at Kara.
“You couldn’t cover for me?” she asks, “This one time? You couldn’t do something for me?” Kara’s eyes are wide and frightened, unsure how to respond to her foster sister. Alex feels a calming hand on her shoulder, and looks up to see Jonathan Kent giving her a sympathetic, knowing look.
“Will you tell her I’m sorry?” Alex whispers, “Please?” Jonathan nods, and Alex lets some of the tears fall as she trudges up the stairs to get her bag.
Later that night, as they drive down the dark highway roads, Alex wonders if she imagined the entire night. The glow in her chest is fading, as is the taste of Maggie on her lips. She closes her eyes and leans her head against the window, drifting off into a restless sleep and dreaming about the brightest smile she’s ever seen.
///
Alex Danvers is having a really bad day.
It had started with a phone call from her mother, asking when it would be good for her to next come and visit. As much as their relationship had improved over the past few years, Alex still dreads having her mother come and visit. She hates feeling like she’s under Eliza’s microscope, every aspect of her life being inspected and analysed. A lifetime of feeling inadequate can’t be erased overnight, but Eliza just doesn’t seem to understand. And the last thing Alex needs is her mother visiting.
The President’s trip had turned into a disaster. The mysterious Kryptonian was still on the loose, and targeting the leader of the free world for reasons unknown. And of course, that means that Kara is in added danger, which means Alex is even more on edge.
Alex surveys the crime scene, getting caught up on Kara’s recap of her interactions with Madam President as they walk around. Her concern over the case building as she notes the charred red carpet. She feels her blood boil when she sees two unknown detectives working on the scene, clearly not DEO agents. The two figures crouch over a pile of debris, a middle aged man, and a small woman facing away from her. Alex swears under her breath as she walks towards them.
“Hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing at my crime scene?” Alex says as she approaches, not in the mood for this shit today.
“Did anyone ever tell you all you feds sound the same? It’s like you’re all watching the same bad movies together over at Quantico,” the woman says as she stands up, facing the agent.
And then Alex forgets how to exist all over again.
Her dark hair is still long, tucked behind her ears, and instead of a plaid shirt, she wears a leather jacket that screams ‘badass’. She’s still small, with dimples and a strong jaw, but she looks even better than she did that night all those years ago. Alex’s eyes find hers, the fire still burning behind them, filled with life and passion.
All of a sudden, it’s as though Alex is fifteen and angry and confused. She can hear the hum of a happy small-town crowd, she can smell corndogs and cotton candy, feel the heat of the bright lights set up all over to get the fair through the night.
For a moment, Alex is fifteen and quiet and content, lying on the bed of a pick-up truck and falling in love with the voice of a girl she's just met. She can hear the water in the calm lake, feel the slight summer breeze on her face, and see the stars that shine brightly above her.
For just a second, Alex is fifteen and happy, staring into the eyes of the prettiest girl she’s ever seen, feeling the world’s brightest smile wash over her, hold her, change her.
And then she opens her eyes, and Maggie Sawyer is still standing in front of her, hands on her hips and a smile on her face.
(And she’s doing that goddamn head tilt that Alex remembers with a mixture of irritation and fondness)
Maggie’s there in front of her, an NCPD badge on her belt, confidence pouring from her being. Alex feels as though she’s teetering on the edge of something, as if her whole life is about to shift and change. Her heart pounds wildly in her chest and her hands shake by her side. Maggie Sawyer stands before her, and Alex doesn’t understands why she feels like she’s finally found something she’s been missing for more than a decade, a glowing feeling in her chest roaring back to life.
“Alex Danvers,” Maggie says, a wistfulness in her tone that Alex feels in her very core. “What’s it been, like twelve years?”
“Yeah,” Alex replies with a small smile of her own. “Something like that.”