Chapter Text

ISAK: Why do you always walk away?

EVEN: [quirks an eyebrow] At first, it was to see if you’d follow.

ISAK: What if I hadn’t that first time?

EVEN: I knew you would.

ISAK: [epic eye roll] Yeah, right.

EVEN: [grins] Well, you did. Didn’t you?

ISAK: Whatever. Maybe it was the promise of free greens.

EVEN: [laughing] Maybe.

ISAK: But why do you still do it?

EVEN: [shrugs] To see if I can.

ISAK: [confused] Huh?

EVEN: [soft smile] It…gets harder to walk away. Every time.

ISAK: Oh… [blushing] So…don’t, then.

EVEN: Just like that?

ISAK: Just like that.

Chapter Text

ISAK: [singing slightly off key as he and Even lounge on the sofa at the kollektiv] Life….. I wonder…will it take me under…. I don’t know.

EVEN: [looks up from his laptop] Is that…are you singing Nas?

ISAK: [stops and looks up from his own laptop] Nas?

EVEN: You were singing ‘If I Ruled the World’. [smiles fondly]

ISAK: [surprised] That’s Nas? [recovering quickly] I…uh…I mean, yeah. I told you I’d listened to him. ‘Illmatic’ is the greatest record ever made.

EVEN: [grinning] You like it more than ‘The Blueprint’?

ISAK: [nodding, clearly unfamiliar with that album] Yah, of course.

EVEN: [stifling a laugh] More than 'Ill Communication’?

ISAK: [voice cracking] Uh huh.

EVEN: [can’t hold the laugh in any more] Geez, you’re such a bad liar. 'Blueprint’ is Jay-Z and 'Ill Communication’ is the Beastie Boys. Do you even like hip-hop?

ISAK: [turning beet red] Yah…some.

EVEN: Because you think it makes you look cool?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder]

EVEN: Baby… [pulling Isak closer] Love what you love, you don’t have to pretend with me. [places a soft kiss on his lips and shakes him gently] Okay?

ISAK: [protesting] I like hip-hop.

EVEN: And what else?

ISAK: Don’t laugh.

EVEN: [crosses his heart] And…?

ISAK: And, uh…Jason Mraz.

EVEN: [laughs]

ISAK: [bristling] Fuck you.

EVEN: [sings] Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it. I tried to be chill, but you’re so hot that I melted…

ISAK: [shivers and tries to pull away] Jesus, you sing too?

EVEN: [singing softly into Isak’s hair] I won’t hesitate no more, no more. It cannot wait,
I’m yours.

ISAK: [melting into Even’s embrace] You really don’t play fair.

EVEN: Never.

Chapter Text

EVEN: [standing with Isak in the kollektiv kitchen] Shit…

ISAK: What’s wrong?

EVEN: [sheepish] I…uh…I got ketchup on your Jesus tee.

ISAK: Oh, don’t worry about it. That’s Eskild’s anyway.

EVEN: [surprised] Oh? You share clothes with him too?

ISAK: I think I borrowed it when I was living in the basement.

EVEN: Wait, what?

ISAK: [oblivious] But I never gave it back, and he never asked, so…

EVEN: You were living in the basement?

ISAK: For a bit, yeah. I told you Eskild brought me back here that night I was stupid drunk and didn’t want to go home. Noora was still here, and-

EVEN: Yeah, but I thought…[trails off]

ISAK: What did you think?

EVEN: [shrugs] Well, I…uh… [rubs the back of his neck]

ISAK: [barks out a laugh] Me and Eskild? Fuck no.

EVEN: He’s a good-looking guy.

ISAK: Eskild? [thinks] I guess, I never noticed.

EVEN: Never?

ISAK: No. [frowns] But apparently you did.

EVEN: [chuckles] No need to be jealous, baby. I only have eyes for you.

ISAK: [tries to look skeptical, but isn’t really]

EVEN: [levels Isak with a penetrating stare] You’re not jealous.

ISAK: [gives Even a smug grin] No, I’m not jealous. I’m the only one, right?

EVEN: [moving in, taking Isak’s hips into his hands] Yep. The only one.

ISAK: [draping his arms over Even’s shoulders] So…while we’re on the subject…who is Mikael?

Chapter Text

Isak picks up a piece of paper from the desk in Even’s room. It’s a drawing of Isak sitting on the steps in the yard at Nissen. The caption says “the boy that glows.”

ISAK: When did you draw this? [He holds it up for Even to see.]

EVEN: [turns around to see what Isak has in his hand] Oh, about a week before that first Kosegruppa meeting.

ISAK: [pulls another drawing from under a Spanish textbook. This one is of Isak sitting in the cantina. The caption reads “the boy with wonder in his eyes.”] And this one?

EVEN: [walks over to stand next to Isak] I drew that the day Vilde and Sana invited us to join the group.

ISAK: Wonder, eh?

EVEN: [smiling] I wasn’t sure what else to call it. You were always…looking.

ISAK: [ducks his head] Yeah, well, apparently I wasn’t the only one.

He continues to pick up drawings from the table, handling each one as if they were on priceless parchment.

The boy who tastes like cherries.

The boy lost in thought.

The boy with sunlight in his hair.

There’s one of Isak smiling, and it’s different from the others. The details more refined. The eyes are clear, the smile slight but knowing. Isak almost doesn’t recognize himself.

Even leans over his shoulder. There’s warmth radiating from him, but it makes Isak shiver.

ISAK: No title for this one?

EVEN: [his lips brush Isak’s ear] That one is called “the boy who stayed.”

Chapter Text

ISAK: Can’t sleep?

EVEN: [paces over to the window] No. Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.

ISAK: [sits up] I told you to.

EVEN: [a tiny scowl darkens his features] I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me.

ISAK: [flicks on the light by his bed] Seriously? I thought we settled that discussion. I don’t.

EVEN: [his face softens before he turns to peer out the window] Yeah, I know. Sorry.

ISAK: You don’t need to apologize either. I get it.

EVEN: [shoulders tightening] No, you don’t.

ISAK: [easing out of the bed] You’re right, I don’t. But… [cautiously approaches, settling a hand on Even’s neck. His fingers reflexively sliding up and into his hair.] I’m here…to listen, or…to just…be.

EVEN: [glancing down] Just be? No questions? No ‘how do you feel? No ‘are you okay’?

ISAK: Does it bother you when I ask?

EVEN: Sometimes, though 'bother’ isn’t the word I’d use.

ISAK: [curling his free arm around Even’s waist. He sighs when Even leans into him.] What word fits better? I’m learning here, remember?

EVEN: It…worries me. [he turns abruptly, pulling Isak into a hug and resting his chin on Isak’s crown.] I worry you’ll stop seeing me as your boyfriend and start seeing me more as…someone you feel responsible for.

ISAK: [wraps his arms around Even, trying to show him how he feels because the words are still too big for him to say.] If that happens, if I think that’s happening, I promise to tell you. But that’s not what this is.

EVEN: [holds Isak back enough to meet his eyes.] No?

ISAK: You know it isn’t, fuck, it’s…this is us. Isak and Even.

EVEN: Minute by minute?

ISAK: Second by fucking second, if that’s how it needs to go.

EVEN: [smiles] You’re cute when you’re mad.

ISAK: Don’t change the subject.

EVEN: [tightening his hold] I’m not. I’m grateful that you care.

ISAK: I’m paid to care, remember? I don’t want your mom to fire me. [peppers Even’s throat with soft kisses] She might hire someone else to do this.

EVEN: [begins walking them back toward the bed] Can’t have that.

ISAK: Hell no. [topples to the mattress as Even settles over him.] I need the money.

Chapter Text

ISAK: I told you I could hold my breath under water.

EVEN: I don’t think the shower counts.

ISAK: I didn’t hear you complaining.

EVEN: And you never will.

Chapter Text

Sometimes it’s the nightmare.

Isak isn’t there when Even exits the school and steps into the damp, frigid night. He isn’t staring at him with relief, and wonder, and concern, and another emotion Even isn’t presumptuous enough to name. Sometimes Even just walks out into the void and lets the darkness swallow him, grateful - at least - that his last words to the boy made of sunshine were of forevers with him.

Tonight, it’s the dream.

Isak is curled into his body, his head resting on Even’s bicep, their long legs tangled. Tendrils of the fine silk of Isak’s hair tickle Even’s cheek and he gently brushes them away. He really wants to bury his fingers in all that softness, pull Isak out of slumber with a feverish kiss, but it’s late. Or early, depending.

Even has been sleeping more, sleeping better, but he always was a night owl. It’s the only time of day he’s allowed to let his thoughts run their natural chaotic course. It’s when he doesn’t have to censor himself. It’s when he comes up with his best ideas.

Like following Isak to the Kosegruppa meeting.
Like inviting Isak to the Halloween party.
Like performing a little B&E with Isak so that they could go swimming.
Like realizing he was in love with the boy in his arms.

Elsker deg.

They don’t say the words, not ever, and that’s alright. Even knows it’s in every look, and touch, and sweet, caring gesture that Isak gives him.

Even’s not sure what he’ll do or say when Isak does decide to cross that line. Because he knows how big it is for him, he can see it in the way Isak trembles when Even stares a little too long. When those words - and more - dance on the edge of his next breath. He swallows them, or paints them on Isak’s tongue with his own. That’s easier. That’s chill.

Unable to help himself, Even brushes a kiss across Isak’s forehead and whispers the words into his hair. He’s startled to find Isak’s eyes open when he pulls back. Frozen, he can only stare. And hope.

Isak tilts his head, a silent request, and Even finds his lips. They’re warm from sleep. They taste like forever.

Chapter Text

EVEN: [peering over at Isak as they lounge on his bunkbed] You have the Grindr app on your phone?

ISAK: [laughs] Oh, yeah. But I’ve only ever logged on once. Forgot to delete it.

EVEN: [grinning] Didn’t find what you were looking for?

ISAK: [winks] I found it, but not on Grindr.

EVEN: [leans over and kisses Isak’s cheek] Aww, that was sweet.

ISAK: You say that now, but I was such a stalker.

EVEN: Were you? [lifts up onto one elbow to face Isak] I doubt you were as bad as me.

ISAK: [scoffs] Please, I’m a master stalker. I am the best stalker that ever stalked. You have no idea the lengths I went to.

EVEN: I eavesdropped on your conversation with Vilde, Eva and Sana in the cafeteria.

ISAK: I looked for you on Facebook.

EVEN: I hate Facebook, but I did look for you there. And I scrolled through your Instagram…

ISAK: Why do you hate Facebook?

EVEN: And some of your friends’ Instagram accounts. Social media and I…we don’t get along.

ISAK: I Googled you, there was next to nothing.

EVEN: By design. [smiles wickedly]

ISAK: I watched Mikael’s interview with you so many times, I think I fucking memorized it.

EVEN: Oh yeah?

ISAK: Yep. Platinium level stalker behaviour.

EVEN: Oh, I don’t know about that. Gold, maybe.

ISAK: Did I mention I got your full name off the Kosegruppa sign-up sheet?

EVEN: Same. I also figured out your class schedule. And where your locker was. And whether or not you were seeing anyone, and who that might be. I watched your…er…rap videos, and asked around about what you were into.

ISAK: [sits up, flattered and somewhat shocked] Asked who? Where?

EVEN: [grins and reclines, arms folded beneath his head] Around.

ISAK: You were that interested?

EVEN: Enchanted.

ISAK: Whoa… [eyes lowering with sudden shyness] I, uh, I watched Romeo and Juliet.

EVEN: [breath catching, he stares at Isak for a long moment.] And what did you think?

ISAK: [lies down with Even, his head on his chest, hand automatically reaching up to curl into Even’s hair.] I think Baz is wrong, and so were you.

EVEN: [gathering Isak close] About what, babe?

ISAK: A love story doesn’t need a tragic ending to be epic.

EVEN: [sighs with contentment] You’re right. You are the better stalker.

Chapter Text

It’s another Fredag, another pregame at the Kollektiv. Even spends so much time there, he tries to pitch in where he can. Tonight, it’s keeping the kitchen somewhat clean, trying to keep the cans, bottles, and empty bags of chips from piling up.

SANA: Hei.

EVEN: Halla. Having a good time?

SANA: I’m like a mother hen with these people. It’s fun to watch them make fools of themselves, but I can’t let it go too far. You know?

EVEN: [nods as he wipes his hands dry on a dish towel] We don’t deserve you, Sana.

SANA: [smirks] True. [she gathers up some of the trash and deposits it in the bin] Mind if I ask you something?

EVEN: [brows raised] Sure, of course. [he turns to lean against the counter] What’s up?

SANA: You and Isak. It’s…cute, but…why Isak?

EVEN: [laughs]

SANA: I don’t mean it that way. [she takes a beat] Well, maybe I do.

EVEN: Why Isak? Or why a boy?

SANA: You were with Sonja for a while, right?

EVEN: Off and on, yeah.

SANA: Were you ever…I mean, was there another guy before Isak?

EVEN: Not really, no.

SANA: But Isak wasn’t the first to, um, catch your eye.

EVEN: [crossing his arms in thought] No, he wasn’t. I’ve always been pretty fluid in my, uh, my sexuality. Sorry, is that what you’re asking by not asking?

SANA: This is me trying to be delicate. [she grins, her dimples popping]

EVEN: [smiles] You’re very pretty, you know.

SANA: I know, and thank you. So, you’re bisexual?

EVEN: [shrugs] If that makes you more comfortable, sure.

SANA: Not a fan of labels?

EVEN: The opposite of a fan.

SANA: I’m with you there. But you didn’t really answer my question. Why Isak? Don’t get me wrong, he’s…useful. Sometimes.

EVEN: [laughs] He is. Very.

SANA: [grins] Seriously, though.

EVEN: [suggestively runs the tip of his tongue along his teeth] He’s pretty too.

SANA: [rolls her eyes] You don’t have to answer, but that can’t be it.

EVEN: It’s not, but it’s a nice bonus. Honestly, Sana, I can’t tell you why in a way that will make sense to you. It’s…look, something inside me recognized something inside him. And even before I realized I needed to act on it, to find out whether there could be anything with him, I found myself settling into his orbit. There’s something in his eyes, and in the way he’s open to everything. To the universe. To change, when he allows it. His mind is amazing. And yes, he can be stubborn.

SANA: [barks out a laugh] I hadn’t noticed.

EVEN: [smiles] It’s not his nature, though. He’s so flexible.

SANA: Too much information. [winks]

EVEN: Dirty girl! [laughs] No, but, he’s not the hardened man-child he presents to everyone. It’s a shell to protect what really is a soft, gooey center.

SANA: [nodding] I can see that, now that he’s with you. He’s evolving. It’s nice to see.

EVEN: You influence him too, you know.

SANA: Me? Pffft.

EVEN: He admires you.

SANA: [rolls her eyes to cover the blush] Anyway, I’m glad it all worked out.

EVEN: Me too.

SANA: [turns to go] One thing, though.

EVEN: Yeah?

SANA: Hurt him and they’ll need dental records to identify your body.

Chapter Text

ISAK: That was a goal!

EVEN: Apparently not.

ISAK: Yes, it was. This game’s cheating me.

EVEN: [laughing] The game is cheating?

ISAK: [eyeing him] Or you are, yeah.

EVEN: [taken aback, but still amused.] Me? What did I do?

ISAK: What did you do? Some sort of A-B-A-B-up-down-down cheat thingy?

EVEN: [laughing in earnest this time] What? Oh, ye of little faith. You think I’d do that?

ISAK: [indignant] Yes.

Even puts his controller down. They’ve been playing FIFA ‘16 for two hours, and he’d lost interest 90 minutes ago. Only Isak’s enthusiasm, and increasing irritation at losing, had kept him going.

EVEN: C’mere. [gets up from the floor where they’ve been sitting in Isak’s room]

ISAK: [huffs] No. We’re going to finish this game, you can’t quit just because you’re winning.

EVEN: Fine, I forfeit. [tugs on Isak’s sleeve] Come here.

ISAK: You’re so damn smug. [follows Even up onto the mattress but tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.]

EVEN: [wraps his arms around Isak] Whatever you say, baby.

ISAK: [snuggling despite himself] You think you know me so well.

EVEN: I’m trying to. I’ve been trying to know you for a very long time.

ISAK: Since the first day of school, right?

EVEN: Yep, since the very first time I saw you.

ISAK: [tilts his head to meet Even’s eyes] You were serious about that? About seeing me on the first day of school?

EVEN: Yes.

ISAK: [quiet for several heartbeats] Where was I?

EVEN: On the number 12, you got on at Solli.* You were with Jonas and a few others, maybe Magnus. I don’t remember them, really. Only you.

ISAK: [laughs softly] And it was love at first sight?

EVEN: [smiling] If there ever was such a thing. I just know that I couldn’t stop staring at you.

ISAK: [winks] Because I’m smoking hot.

EVEN: [grins] You are, but it wasn’t that. It was the way you were with them, but also apart from them. Like…[chews his bottom lip in thought] It was like you were behind a two-way mirror, reflecting everything they wanted to see in you. Cool kid, funny guy, not a care in the world. But behind the glass, you weren’t anything like that. There were shadows, but also so much light. And hope and fear and longing. And I was somehow being allowed to glimpse that other side.

ISAK: [blushing] How?

EVEN: I dunno. Maybe because I wasn’t your audience. [meets Isak’s eyes] You weren’t performing for me so, somehow, I could see backstage. Behind the curtain. It was something Jonas said, a joke I guess, and everyone laughed. You laughed, but I could tell it bothered you. [runs a fingertip across one of Isak’s eyebrows] Whatever he said, you didn’t find it funny at all. I could feel how uncomfortable you were, even from the other side of the tram car. I wanted to get up and go to you then, but of course I didn’t. Couldn’t. Because you were so fucking pretty, and because I wasn’t a part of your world.

ISAK: Yet.

EVEN: [smiling] Yet.

Isak tilts his head up for a kiss and Even happily obliges. They lay quietly for a few moments, the only sound in the room coming from beyond the closed door.

ISAK: So…from that day on, you were on a mission?

EVEN: [nods] I made it my sole purpose in life, getting to know you.

ISAK: But that was, like, weeks before we actually met.

EVEN: [smirk] We already had the stalker conversation.

ISAK: [laughs] You did your homework.

EVEN: I did my homework. And, to be honest, I had to get up the courage to approach you. In the end, I figured I just wanted to know you. I didn’t know what would come of it.

ISAK: [scoffs] You? Courage? You’re the most courageous person I know.

EVEN: [smiles bright] You think so?

ISAK: [softly] You are. I don’t know if I could ever be you. I mean, deal with everything you deal with and still be you.

EVEN: Everything I deal with makes me…me. It’s frustrating sometimes, but I handle it as best I can.

ISAK: [slides a hand up to cup Even’s cheek] I think you’re amazing.

EVEN: [grins] And hot, too. You said I was hot.

ISAK: [scrambles up to straddle Even’s thighs, peering down at him, arms braced on either side of Even’s head] Incredibly hot. Stupidly hot. [drops a quick, hard kiss on his lips]

EVEN: [a little breathless] Was that your first impression of me, when you first saw me? [runs his hands up and down Isak’s denim-clad thighs] When did you first notice me, anyway?

ISAK: [sits back] Honestly, I don’t remember the first time I saw you. Just…[he scratches his nose] You were just…there, one day. Like…just…You just popped up one day, probably in the yard, and I…I mean, whenever I saw you I sort of just…[waves a hand in front of his face.]

EVEN: [smiling up at him] You were starstruck?

ISAK: [snorts] Yeah. I mean, have you seen you? With the hair, and the lips, and the swagger and…

EVEN: I have swagger?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] You know you do. I swear, I thought you came to Nissen just to torture me.

EVEN: Torture you?

ISAK: Yeah, I thought no fucking way would someone that gorgeous ever look my way.

EVEN: [sits up to wrap his arms around Isak, pulling him into a lingering kiss]
I looked.

ISAK: [following Even down, kissing all the way] Don’t stop.

EVEN: [whispering against Isak’s lips] Promise, I’ll never take my eyes off you.

ISAK: Yeah, don’t stop that either.

Chapter Text

ISAK: You snore.

EVEN: No, I don’t. I purr.

ISAK: [snorts] You are like a fucking cat, taking over the whole bed. And I wake up freezing because you steal the duvet.

EVEN: [grins] Stop sleeping in the nude.

ISAK: [arches one eyebrow] I’m not usually naked when I go to bed.

JONAS: Yo! Dude! T.M.I.

EVEN: [ignoring Jonas] Your bed is too small for us.

ISAK: It’s bigger than yours.

MAHDI: [in English] That’s what she said.

There’s a beat before boys dissolve into laughter. Even and Isak nudge each other playfully, permanent smirks on their faces.

ISAK: I wonder if I could fit a bigger mattress in my room. I’d have to ask my dad for the money.

EVEN: I’ve got a little I could give you. After all, I’m there, like, five nights a week.

ISAK: ‘Cause you can’t get enough of…

JONAS: [groans loudly] Jesus! T…M…I…

ISAK: [shoving Jonas] I was just going to say my company. Geez, Jonas. When did you turn into such a prude?

JONAS: I’m not a prude, you two are just so…vocal. About everything. I didn’t need to know that Even has a hard-on for some spot on your neck, or that you’re, like, obsessed with grabbing his hair.

EVEN: [turns more serious] Are we over-sharing?

JONAS: [sighs] No, I’m happy for you. Really. It’s just…

EVEN: No problem, J. There is now a twelve-hour moratorium on Evak over-sharing. Okay? [smiles and nudges Jonas with his shoulder]

JONAS: [runs a hand through his hair] Now I feel bad. I just don’t think I can listen to any more about what you two get up to between the sheets, not right now.

MAGNUS: [joining them, wide-eyed] I could stand to hear a little more. What’d I miss?

Chapter Text

JONAS: Is it worth it?

ISAK: Huh?

JONAS: [setting down his slice of pizza, he leans back in the booth of the snack bar they’ve stopped in on the way home from school.] I was wondering…you’ve gone through a lot, already, with Even. And it hasn’t even been, like, two months since you first…whatevered with him. Is it worth it?

ISAK: [chews slowly, swallows, takes a sip of his drink before answering] Yeah.

JONAS: [waits a full minute] C’mon, man. Give me more than that.

ISAK: [chuckles] Yeah, it’s worth it. It’s not easy, but didn’t someone once say that nothing worth having ever is? Or something?

JONAS: Yeah. I just worry, man.

ISAK: [grins] Aww, you care.

JONAS: [punches Isak on the arm. Hard.] Dickhead.

ISAK: [rubbing the spot] Ow! Asshole. [laughs] C’mon, I know you’re my bro and you have my back.

JONAS: Always. [a few moments pass] So, it’s good with you guys?

ISAK: It’s still new, so yeah. It’s good. For now.

JONAS: Expecting it to go south?

ISAK: [shakes his head] No, not that. I just…I don’t know what I’m doing. There’s such a fine line between being there for him and smothering him. I’m…kinda learning as I go, here. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wake up some mornings expecting to find a totally different Even.

JONAS: That’s what I mean, though. Is it worth it? Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy, but that’s a lot of responsibility to take on.

ISAK: [nodding] It’s a lot to take on, yeah. But it is totally fucking worth it to me to be with someone who makes me feel the way Even makes me feel. And to know that I’m good for him, that me - the fucking ultimate fuck-up Isak Valtersen - is good for someone…can be good for someone that amazing…?

JONAS: Hey, don’t build him up and then put yourself down, man.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes to cover his embarrassment] No, I know. I’m not, but you know what I mean.

JONAS: [quietly] I get it. You love him.

ISAK: [brow furrowing] Is that what this is? Is this how you felt with Eva?

JONAS: [brows lifting] Whew, man…I don’t know how to compare, but…yeah, maybe it’s the same. Shit, I dunno. [laughs]

ISAK: [toying with his food] You ever think about her…that way?

JONAS: Sometimes. But the past is the past, you know?

ISAK: [nods] I get that.

JONAS: [resumes eating his pizza] I meant what I said the other day, man. I’m happy for you. And I like Even, he’s cool. But I’m still going to worry a bit, if that’s okay.

ISAK: You’re my bro, it’s your job.

JONAS: It is. [chewing the last of his crust] And you can pay me by buying me some more pizza. I’m still fucking hungry.

Chapter Text

There are quick kisses, slow kisses, and kisses that make Even giddy. There are brief kisses, long kisses, and kisses that make him forget that oxygen is a thing his body needs. There are kisses that make his mind numb, and kisses that set his skin on fire. There are kisses that end sentences, and kisses that contain paragraphs. Songs. Entire albums.

And then there are these.

Isak is desperate tonight. It’s late, the air is chilled with the onset of winter, and Even’s boyfriend - God, his boyfriend - is all over him.

He loves when Isak gets like this. Loves when Isak needs him so much, he can’t seem to catch his breath. Loves the way Isak’s skin glows with his pleasure. Loves the sounds Isak makes, like he’s surprised every time they touch, skin to skin.

Even just loves Isak. He loves Isak so much, and sometimes it’s almost too much.

He thinks, maybe, that’s what triggered his last episode. Not that he would ever tell Isak that. God, no. But he’d done a little research in their week apart and learned that falling in love, the euphoria that it can create, can be a trigger for someone like him.

Someone like him.

Someone like him.

“Hey,” Isak’s voice is soft, but hoarse with desire. “Where’d you go?”

“I’m here.” Even takes Isak’s face in his hands, presses his lips to his boyfriend’s warm, reddened mouth. Maybe he should have shaved before attacking him, the boy is practically stubble-burned.

Isak doesn’t fall back under the spell they’d cast, though. Instead, he eases back, studying Even. He’s getting too good at that, at seeing him. Knowing when everything isn’t copacetic.

“I lost you for a moment, there. Everything okay?”

There’s so much concern in Isak’s face, and voice, that a spark of anger ignites in Even’s chest. Not at Isak, but at himself. Okay has become their code word for ‘are you about to lose your shit on me?’

Of course, Isak would deny that, but Even knows the kid is scared and confused and trying his best not to be.

Even takes a moment to study Isak, turning the tables. He’s strong, his boy. And sweet, though he tries hard to hide it. He’s smart too, brilliant at times, and incredibly resourceful.

“I was just thinking,” Even hedges.

Isak runs his fingers through Even’s hair.

He loves when he does that.

“About?”

“You.”

And there’s the blush. Whatever parcel of skin on Isak’s body that wasn’t already red from Even’s attention is now the shade of a maraschino cherry. This is about the time that Isak would crack a joke, or push him away to hide his embarrassment. He doesn’t. He just waits and watches.

“I want to tell you something, and I don’t want you to…freak out, or think that I’m asking for something from you. I’m not. I just…I need to tell you…”

Isak’s eyelids flutter. “You’re scaring me.”

God, his eyes are so big and beautiful, the thick, long lashes almost a sin. Even kisses him, it’s a quick one, meant to reassure him that everything is just fine, but Isak grabs him and pulls him in tight.

He presses their foreheads together. They share breath this way, and this is perfect. It’s perfect for this moment.

“I’m ready now,” Isak whispers. “Go ahead.”

So strong.

Even shares another breath with the boy that’s somehow become his axis, and then he says it. Now or never.

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

He doesn’t miss the sharp intake of breath from the other side. Even’s own lungs constrict, as if the breath had been stolen from him. But he doesn’t want to give Isak enough time to respond.

“Don’t say anything, not yet,” he implores. “I’m not telling you this so that you say it back. To be honest, I don’t need you to say it. Not ever. I just need you to know how I feel about you.”

Even takes a deep breath and leans back a little to meet Isak’s eyes. He has to stifle a laugh because his boyfriend looks like he’s about to cry and scream and laugh all at the same time.

“Still with me?”

Isak nods, and Even smoothes a hand down his arm. Isak visibily calms and, holy fuck, how amazing is that? That he can affect him like this?

“Cool, so…as I was saying, I just needed to tell you. I don’t know the future, as you so correctly pointed out not very long ago. We’re still young, this is very new and all, but…” This is where oxygen is necessary. Even takes a deep breath.

“But?” Oh, but Isak sounds so very small. No no no no no.

Even kisses him again, softly this time, rubbing his nose against Isak’s because he can’t not do that anymore.

“But I…whatever form we take, you will always be important to me. I don’t ever want there to be a time in my life when you’re not a part of it. I want always to be able to call you, or see you occasionally…”

Isak pulls back. “Why are you talking like it’s over? You just said…what you said, and now you’re, what? Taking it back? Predicting the future again?”

And now Isak is angry. Way to ruin a moment, Even. But this is okay, this is good. He can work with this.

“Fuck, no. Just listen to what I am saying, okay?”

“Start making sense,” Isak demands. “Fast.”

Even has to laugh at that. “Okay.”

Isak allows him to pull him back down into his embrace, but Even can feel how tense he is.

“I’m just trying to say I’m happy I met you, that’s all. And…I hope we’ll always have each other, in some capacity or another. That’s all.”

“Okay.”

Hmm, that is much less than Even expected, but Isak likes to run things through his head sometimes. Even knows that much about him, so he waits and contents himself with mapping the constellations on Isak’s skin with his fingertips.

“Have you been in love before?”

Even had been sort of expecting that question to come up, so he’s prepared.

“Yes, but not like this.”

“Like what?”

If it were anyone else, Even would think he was fishing, but this is Isak. All of this is so new to him.

“I told you I’ve never felt anything quite like this, not ever. But yes, I suppose I was in love before, to some degree. Or at least infatuated.” He kisses the top of Isak’s head. “What about you? Have you ever been in love?”

He doesn’t dare add the before qualifier. Yeah, he’s pretty sure Isak is in love with him, but Isak may not know, or may not be ready to go there.

Isak shrugs, shaking them both. “I had a crush on someone once, maybe it was love. I have no idea. But…I get what you’re saying about this, us, being different.”

“Yeah?” Even can’t keep the smile out of his voice.

“I hope I always know you too.” Isak tilts his head up to meet Even’s gaze, and there goes the rest of the oxygen in the room.

Holy fuck. It’s there, right there in Isak’s forest green eyes. Jesus…

There are sloppy kisses, staccato kisses, and kisses that make Even stupid. There are peppered kisses, smushy kisses, and kisses that make him forget that there was ever a time before Isak was in his life. There are kisses that make his blood sizzle, and kisses that make his heart ache. There are kisses that form sentences, and kisses that recite paragraphs. Sacred verses. Entire sonnets.

And then there’s this one.

Chapter Text

There’s a lot that Isak really lo…likes…about Even, but his hands have to be near the top of the list. His fingers are long and slender, strong too. And he knows how to use them. Very well, and in so many ways. But hands? Of all things, it’s Even’s hands make goosebumps race across Isak’s skin without fail? He’s such a weirdo.

ISAK: W-what’s that you’re doing with your finger?

EVEN: You don’t like it?

ISAK: I didn’t say that.

The first time Even touched him, it was shoulder to shoulder. A nudge on a bench that said ‘let me bail you out of this awkward situation with this chick.’ Isak had been so fucking grateful, even if it hadn’t worked. Emma wedged herself into their “group” and the duo became a trio. They’d sat in silence for a while in the still of the night. He’d watched Emma and Even pass a dwindling blunt back and forth, and that was the first time Isak noticed Even’s hands. He remembers thinking how sexy they were. How odd.

EVEN: You’re so beautifully responsive, did you know that? I’ve never…it’s never been like this for me. Not ever.

ISAK: Good. Don’t stop.

The next time Even touched him, it was on the shoulder. Long fingers gave his rotator cuff a squeeze while Emma, ever-present Emma, sat between them. Isak felt the warmth in that simple touch from his neon-painted cheeks all the way down to his toes, and would have given anything to keep that hand there just a little longer. But what would have been the use? Even had a girlfriend, and said girlfriend was waving to him from across the room at that very moment. ‘Hei, Even’s pretty, blonde girlfriend who probably has those hands on her all the damn time and is very much a girl.’

ISAK: Pull harder.

EVEN: [chuckles] As you wish…

ISAK: Perv. I got it. Do you want to get glasses, or should we just drink out of the bottle?

The next time Even touched him was cheek to cheek, their lips so close Isak almost forgot how to breathe.

EVEN: [hums with contentment] Your hair is so damn soft. How do you manage it?

ISAK: Most of the shit in the bathroom is mine.

EVEN: I knew it, you do care about your hair.

ISAK: Shut up.

Then they went swimming in not-even-remotely-Even’s-aunt’s pool. Even’s hands were on his face. In his hair. On the small of his back, pulling him closer. Isak thought he might drown, even when they were finally warm and dry in the comfort of his room. Those hands had drawn circles on his back, traced fingertips across his eyelids, his cheeks, and his lips while Isak shivered and sighed and basked in the glow of having Even exactly where he wanted him.

EVEN: Don’t move.

ISAK: How much longer?

EVEN: I’m almost done. Once I get the general shape, I can fill in the details.

ISAK: I feel riduculous.

EVEN: You look amazing.

The first time Even took Isak’s hand in his was in the locker room. Their fingers wove together like they were always meant to do just that. They fit. Isak didn’t know how else to explain it. And when Even departed with a kiss, trailing his thumb across his cheek, Isak really did forget to breathe.

ISAK: [shivers] Not here.

EVEN: No one can see us, it’s dark and everyone is watching the film.

ISAK: O-okay.

Even has no problem with PDA. Isak isn’t quite there yet. He’s fine when they’re with his roommates in the Kollektivet, or with friends at a party. It’s not like it’s a secret. Everyone at school knows, as do both sets of parents, but it still makes Isak feel exposed when they’re out and about. Even is ridiculously understanding, but every once in a while, he’ll slip his hand into Isak’s. Isak never wants to let go, but he always does.

EVEN: I get it, really I do.

ISAK: You shouldn’t be so cool about it.

EVEN: [frowning] You think I’d force you to do something you’re not ready to do?

ISAK: What if I’m never ready.

EVEN: It’s not a dealbreaker, baby.

ISAK: I’m not ashamed.

EVEN: [nods] I know.

ISAK: It’s…

EVEN: You feel like the spotlight is on you, and you don’t want the attention.

ISAK: Yeah, I don’t want people judging me.

EVEN: People are always judging you, and me, and everyone else. It’s what we do. The trick is not to let it bother you. And to remember that most people are not assholes, most people are cool.

The smile Even gives him is full of patience and understanding that Isak doesn’t feel he deserves. Because he lo…likes…Even so much, and he likes being with Even. He likes the fact that people know they’re together. And he really likes it when Even touches him with…

ISAK: I love your hands.

EVEN: [sucks in a quick breath before gifting Isak with the most incredible smile] Yeah?

ISAK: [exhales] Yeah, like…they’re…so perfect.

EVEN: [grins] Keep going.

ISAK: They make me feel wanted…

EVEN: You are.

ISAK: …like I’m worth wanting.

EVEN: You so are, c’mere. [pulls Isak in and cradles his face in those glorious hands]

ISAK: [covers Even’s hands with his own as their eyes meet] Even?

EVEN: Yes?

ISAK: [blinks] I…I think I…

ESKILD: [bursts through the door] Hey, Isak? Awww, you two are too cute. You give the rest of us hope, you know? Isak, can I borrow your green bomber jacket? I have to go to this party, and the theme-

ISAK: Eskild!

ESKILD: [shrugs] What? Your door was open.

EVEN: Actually, it was closed.

ESKILD: [tsks] But not locked. If you wanted privacy, you should have locked it. Wait. Was this a moment? Oh! Did I interrupt a moment? Carry on.

ISAK: Eskild!

Chapter Text

Even is in the kitchen at the flat share, cleaning up after Hurricane Eskild’s attempt to make Bolognese sauce. The dinner was relatively edible, but the kitchen is now a war zone. This process would go a whole lot faster if Even could hose down the entire room. Or if he had another set of hands helping him.

As if on cue, Isak enters. He’s swapped out his tomato-stained Simpsons t-shirt for a black one that immediately sets Even’s blood to simmering. He knows that tee.

I’M

ILLUMI

NATI

Oblivious to the wave of lust and nostalgia that is threatening to drown Even, Isak grabs a cloth and begins to wipe down the counter. He’s standing exactly where he stood that night, the night that could have started everything between them. The night that should have been the beginning of them, but instead was The Almost.

The Almost had haunted Even for a full week.

What if he had moved just a little quicker, brushed his lips over Isak’s a second or two before Noora’s unexpected arrival? What if he’d stopped him from leaving the kitchen and claimed what they both so clearly wanted? What then? Would they be where they are now?

Even thinks about Isak’s fascination with parallel universes and wonders if, somewhere out there, there’s another Even and another Isak who did kiss that night. Who started from there and took a different path to being together. A universe where he’d had the courage to tell Isak the truth from the start, sparing them at least some of the heartache and pain.

He still doesn’t like it, the idea that there are other streams of time, perhaps even somewhere he and Isak aren’t together at all. Had never kissed. Had never met. Had never…fallen.

Nope, Even doesn’t like it at all. But it doesn’t stop him from wanting to reclaim The Almost. Fuck, if he doesn’t feel like he was robbed of it.

Isak is…not dancing, exactly. He’s moving along to the music drifting in from the living room. He’s so sweet, and beautifully unaware of it. God…Isak.

Isak, Isak, Isak.

He’d been so fucking gorgeous the night of the neon party, with his pink-streaked cheeks, and his plump lower lip, and his hair - sans hat - revealing a million different shades of captured sunlight.

And he is gorgeous now. He is always.

“What?” Isak’s voice grounds Even firmly this universe. “You’re staring.”

“I was thinking about Sonja.” Even sets down the half-empty bottle of Turborg in his hand.

Isak’s eyebrows lift and then crinkle together. “Oh?”

Even nods as he wipes his hands on a towel. “Yeah, and her aluminum leg.”

Isak’s blush is immediate and creeps over his cheeks, the shade almost an exact duplicate of the stripes that painted them that night.

“I didn’t know she had one.”

“Yep.” Even inches closer, his gaze locked in Isak’s. “She stepped on a land mine in Tjøme. I thought I told you about this.”

“N-no.” God, his baby is trembling. This is too good.

Even slides along the counter until he’s standing over Isak, who can barely meet his eyes now. At first, Even thinks he’s just playing along but, no. Isak’s breathing is too fast, too ragged.

“Issy?”

Isak swallows, swaying a little on his feet. “I wanted you to kiss me so badly.” He glances up, looking just as starstruck as Even ever remembered him being around him.

“Did you?”

“You know I did.” The words are almost accusatory.

“Do you know how hard it was not to?”

Isak shakes his head. “No.”

Even crowds him against the counter, a hand on either side of Isak’s hips. “Really? No idea?”

Isak shrugs one shoulder. He’s shaking so much, his breath comes out in stutters and Even cannot believe he still does this to him. It’s only been a couple of months, but still. This is heady stuff.

He has a chance to note Isak’s blown pupils before his boyfriend bows his head, seemingly overwhelmed.

Even knows he can be intense, especially when it comes to this boy. He leans forward and brushes his cheek against Isak’s, against the dusting of fine blond hair on his jaw that he loves to touch and taste. Isak’s gaze is on his feet, just like that night.

Sounds from the others drift in from the living room. Don’t come in here, Even silently begs them. It wouldn’t matter if they did, nothing is going to stop him this time. Despite the thousands of kisses they’ve shared since then, Even needs this one. He needs to reclaim it. He just needs to.

Isak turns his head ever-so-slightly, the air between them humid and scented with malt.

“I love you.”

His confession is a warm breath across Even’s open mouth and Even falters. It’s Isak that closes the distance between them, pressing his lips to Even’s parted ones.

Even returns the kiss automatically, his mind reeling. Heart thundering like a flamenco dancer’s heels on wooden floors.

He leans back enough to see Isak’s face. His eyes aren’t closed but his lashes are low and fan his flushed cheeks. Even waits for those shining green eyes to meet his. It takes almost a minute, while they stand in the now-too-quiet kitchen, their hands gripping each other tight.

Finally, Isak looks up. “What?” One of his eyebrows twitches defiantly. “What?”

Even exhales through his smile. “Say it again.”

Isak rolls his eyes, but one corner of his mouth curves up. “Say what?”

He’s looking anywhere but at Even, and it’s so…adorable, Even doesn’t think his heart can stand it.

“You’re so fucking cute.”

“I’m not cute.”

Even tightens his grip on Isak’s hips, pulling him flush against his body. “Yeah, you are. And sexy too.”

Predictably, Isak rolls his eyes.

Even moves his hands up to caress Isak’s face, brushing his thumbs over his cheekbones. He touches their foreheads together and breathes him in.

“Say it again,” he whispers and feels Isak inhale another shuddering breath.

“I love you.” Isak’s voice is small, hesitant.

Even lifts his head to meet Isak’s eyes, which are shiny and wide, almost fearful. He offers him a smile and Isak exhales, long and slow.

“You said you didn’t need me to say it, but-“

“I don’t, or I didn’t…until you actually did.”

Isak nods, somehow understanding Even’s nonsensical logic. “I do, though. Love you.”

“I know.”

It’s Isak’s turn to smile. “Yeah?”

“Kinda hard to miss.”

Isak visibly relaxes into Even’s caresses. “What gave me away?”

Even pretends to think. “Could be the way you look at me.”

Isak’s eyes narrow. “What way do I look at you?”

“Like you can’t see anything else.”

Another eye roll. “You’re pretty smug, you know?”

“Not smug,” Even counters, pulling Isak back into his arms. “It’s the same when I look at you. Everything else becomes background noise.”

Isak nods and then drops his forehead to Even’s chest.

Even takes the opportunity to slide his fingers into Isak’s hair. He could live in a field of it, it’s so soft and fine.

“This whole thing scares the shit out of me, Even.”

Isak sticks his thumbs into Even’s belt loops. The weight of his arms around his waist is surprisingly comforting.

“Scares me too.”

Isak huffs. “You don’t act like it.”

“I’m almost as good at hiding my fears as you are, Isak.”

“But you see right through me, you always have.” He sighs, his shoulders swaying back and forth in that way they sometimes do. “You probably knew I was in love with you before I did.”

A lightning strike of relief hits Even in the center of his chest. “Maybe.”

Isak stands up, meeting Even’s gaze. His, for once, is unflinching. “You love me, I love you…it doesn’t change anything.”

“Nope.”

“We’re still going to be chill about this, right?”

“Completely chill. No pressure.”

“Cool.” Isak wraps his arms around Even’s neck and pulls him in tight.

Even circles his arms around his boyfriend’s waist and presses a kiss into his hair. “I mean, there’s no rush to set a wedding date.”

“Even.”

“I haven’t even properly proposed.”

Isak’s heavy exhale travels across Even’s neck and it’s all he can do not to laugh.

“Dude.”

Even continues, nonplussed. “We were a little backwards, setting the menu before we have a venue secured, but I still want those mini-burgers.”

Isak slowly leans back. His eyes are wide. “You remember that?”

Even catches his gaze and holds it for a breath. “I remember they were fucking delicious.” He slides his hands down over Isak’s hips. “As were some other things from that night.”

Given the fact that Isak bites his lip, that his pupils are again blown wide, and his neck is now a lovely shade of crimson, Even is pretty sure clean-up can wait until morning.

Chapter Text

EVEN: [spread out across Isak’s bed, his forehead resting on Isak’s thigh while he does homework] Tell me a story.

ISAK: [his nose is buried in his Biology book] Hmm?

EVEN: Tell me a story.

ISAK: [still working] About what?

EVEN: Anything. Us.

ISAK: [looks up, confused] A story about us?

EVEN: [nods]

ISAK: [noting the faraway look in Even’s eyes, he pushes his books aside and slides down to lie next to him] A story.

EVEN: A good one. Happy.

ISAK: [runs his hand through Even’s hair, curling it back behind his ear] Well…next summer, we go to New York.

EVEN: We do?

ISAK: Yep. We go to New York to see the Statue of Liberty, and the Empire State Building, all of that.

EVEN: [sighs softly] That would be cool.

ISAK: Mm hmm, it will be. You design a tour of the city and show me all of your favourite film locations. But we don’t stop there.

EVEN: [inching closer to snuggle more] No?

ISAK: [puts his arm under Even’s head, letting him rest on his shoulder] No, we take the train down to Philadelphia.

EVEN: [throws his arm across Isak’s abdomen] Ohhh, Twelve Monkeys.

ISAK: Whatever, for me it’s all about It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. We go to Paddy’s Pub.

EVEN: [soft laugh] Of course we do.

ISAK: It’s essential. [resumes playing with Even’s hair] I make you go the the historic area so we can pretend we’re Nicolas Cage in National Treasure.

EVEN: I hope I get a reward for that.

ISAK: [presses a quick kiss to Even’s lips] You do. We go to Washington D.C., but we don’t stay long. Trump doesn’t like foreigners.

EVEN: True. So where do we end up?

ISAK: In Atlanta. Lots of TV shows film there, and we try to sneak onto the sets. You convince the crew of The Walking Dead that you belong there.

EVEN: [chuckling] I do?

ISAK: You do, and it works for about half a day. Then we get caught.

EVEN: Uh oh.

ISAK: It’s okay, though, because - me being me - I talk us out of any serious trouble. And, you being you, they’re so impressed with your ideas for the show that they hire you for that episode. As an intern, though. Can’t work legally.

EVEN: [nods] Foreigner.

ISAK: Exactly. We don’t want to get deported before our holiday ends, so you work for free and get a lot of experience.

EVEN: That’s pretty cool.

ISAK: Very cool.

EVEN: [a tear escapes his eye, Isak brushes it away] Then what, do we go to L.A.?

ISAK: No, by that time I’m over the whole Hollywood angle.

EVEN: You put up with it for so long already.

ISAK: I do, so you take me to the beach. In the Carolinas, I think. Or maybe Florida.

EVEN: [tilts his head up] You don’t know?

ISAK: I’m peering into the future, here. The details are fuzzy.

EVEN: [a small smile graces his full lips] I see.

ISAK: There it is.

EVEN: What?

ISAK: My smile. [he cups Even’s cheek and kisses him, nuzzles his nose and notes the wetness on his boyfriend’s cheeks] When we get to the beach, the sun is setting. There aren’t many people because it’s late in the season. Late in the day.

Even clings to him, tears silently falling. Isak knows by now that it happens from time to time. That sadness will invade Even’s bright, beautiful mind and create shadows. Sometimes he retreats into himself, other times he reaches out to Isak.

EVEN: [after some silence] It sounds beautiful.

ISAK: [tracing circles on Even’s back] It is. We sit in the sand and watch the sky change. You describe it in that way you have, like you’re directing the film in your mind. And I see it, it’s gorgeous, and melancholy, and full of joy, all at the same time.

EVEN: [closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, another tear slips down his nose] Isak…

ISAK: [almost whispering] And we kiss, we hold hands.

EVEN: In public?

ISAK: Yeah, though there isn’t really anyone around. It’s just us.

EVEN: [after a beat] I like it when it’s just us.

ISAK: Me too, baby.

EVEN: So…how does the story end?

ISAK: [brushes his lips over Even’s before kissing his forehead and pulling him in even closer] You know? I don’t think it does.

Chapter Text

Sana and Isak are sitting at their desk. It’s about ten minutes before class starts, and she’s double-checking her answers on her part of their assignment. Isak…is not, apparently.

SANA: [watching Isak as he drifts off into la-la land] Thinking about Even?

ISAK: [snaps out of his reverie] Hmm?

SANA: [grins] It’s sweet.

ISAK: [blushing] Shut up. Did you finish your part?

SANA: [shifts her notebook toward him] Nice deflection, and yes. Of course I did.

ISAK: Should we check each other’s work?

SANA: Sure. [they swap notebooks]

ISAK: [reading] “Recent research suggests that humans subconsciously look for mates with dissimilar MHC genes, which are involved in the immune system. Diversity in these genes better prepares our bodies to defend against a wider variety of infectious microorganisms.” Should we offer the definition of MHC in the text?

SANA: [shrugs] If you want, but I don’t think it’s necessary.

ISAK: [nodding] Okay. This is good, by the way. What source did you use? I hope it was reputable, you know how Nipples gets.

SANA: [deadpan] I used Wikipedia.

ISAK: [eyes wide] Sana! You can’t be serious. Do you know how unreliable that thing is? It’s not something you can-

SANA: Isak. Relax. I used the Fisher Journal. If you’d looked at the footnotes, you would have known that.

ISAK: [glancing at said footnotes] Right. Sorry.

SANA: [watching him as he reads] Uh, Isak?

ISAK: [still reading] Hmm?

SANA: Did you always know?

ISAK: [turns to her] Did I always know…?

SANA: That you…were, um…that you were attracted to…

ISAK: [ears turning a bright red, he clears his throat and moves closer] I kinda figured it out around year nine, though I didn’t want it to be true.

SANA: Why not?

ISAK: [gives her the are you kidding look]

SANA: Ah. [nods] But…people don’t really care about that stuff anymore.

ISAK: Really? Because I’m pretty sure they do. There are protests against people like me, laws meant to keep us from doing the things that everyone else gets to do. People make jokes about people like me. Fuck, I used to be one of those people.

SANA: But why? If you knew…what you were, why did you do that?

ISAK: [shrugs] Deflecting, I guess. I figured if I told the joke about someone else, they wouldn’t suspect me. Or something, I dunno. I was an asshole.

SANA: [snorts] Was?

ISAK: [eye roll] Whatever. I can be, I know.

SANA: You have your moments, but…I’m proud of you.

ISAK: [brows lifting] Of me? For what?

SANA: For being true to who you are. For being with Even, for going for it with him. I like him.

ISAK: [smiles] I like him too.

SANA: [returns his smile] You more than like him.

ISAK: [has to look away but smiles, nodding]

SANA: [smug look on her face] You can thank me anytime, by the way.

ISAK: [turns to her, confused] Thank you? For...?

SANA: Who Narcosed you into joining the revue group? Or did you know your honey before that?

ISAK: [smiles, realization dawning] Wow, you are so right, Sana. I should thank you, so…thank you.

SANA: [pleased with herself] You’re welcome. Even can thank me later.

ISAK: I’ll be sure he does.

SANA: [going back to Isak’s notebook] Although, the way he used to stare at you, it really didn’t take much to convince him to join up once he realized you’d be there.

ISAK: [head snaps up] What?

SANA: [sly grin] Oh, didn’t you know?

ISAK: [shifts in his seat to face her] What are you talking about? He used to stare at me? Where? When? You saw it?

SANA: [nods] I did. He thought he was being subtle, but I don’t miss much. I mean, even before Kosegruppa, he’d always be sitting across from you in the cantina, or watching you in the yard. I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner.

ISAK: [floored] I never noticed at all.

SANA: [laughs] Are you serious? Geez, he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. You used to look at him too, so I thought you knew and were just avoiding him.

ISAK: I… [his mouth hangs open for a bit before he shuts it]

SANA: And then you were hanging out with that girl from first year, what’s her name?

ISAK: Emma.

SANA: [growls] Emma.

ISAK: [chuckles] Not a fan?

SANA: She’s the one that went around telling people you were in the closet.

ISAK: [takes a deep breath, nods] I know.

SANA: [incensed] Aren’t you pissed? Why aren’t you pissed?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder] I…uh…I mean I wasn’t the nicest guy where Emma was concerned.

SANA: [stops fuming long enough to think] She was your cover girl.

ISAK: [nods] Something like that. I mean, we weren’t really together, but…I did lead her on.

SANA: Okay, that’s shitty.

ISAK: I apologized.

SANA: Good boy. [nods] Did she?

ISAK: [confused] Did she what?

SANA: [levels him with an incredulous stare] Did she apologize? For outing you?

ISAK: [looks away] No, but…it’s okay. She was pissed.

SANA: [angry again] No fucking way, Isak. There are no excuses for what she did.

ISAK: [surprised by Sana’s reaction] It’s okay. I’m okay.

SANA: It’s not okay. I’m glad you’re good, and that no real harm was done, but it’s not cool. It’s not cool at all. She had no right.

ISAK: [smiles softly] Thank you.

SANA: [frowning] For what?

ISAK: For being a good friend. [he squeezes her shoulder] I’m okay. She’s just a kid, she’ll learn.

SANA: [huffs, rolling her eyes]

ISAK: [squeezes her shoulder again] Hey.

SANA: What?

ISAK: Thanks for…caring. And for blackmailing me.

SANA: [fighting a smile] Yeah, well, I find it useful to keep you focused on our work. Can’t have you sulking through our projects.

ISAK: Can’t have that. [they go back to reading] Uh, Sana?

SANA: Hmm?

ISAK: Let’s hang out sometime. [glances up and catches her eye] You wanna?

SANA: [smiles] Yeah, that would be cool. Especially if Even is there.

ISAK: [brows raised] Oh?

SANA: Hell yeah. Have you seen him? [she winks]

ISAK: [laughing] Look, but don’t touch.

SANA: He said I was pretty, you know.

ISAK: He’s such a flirt. [grinning] He’s right, though.

SANA: Of course he is. The man has eyes, doesn’t he?

Chapter Text

ISAK: [sees Even approaching and jumps up off the table where he’s been sitting] You lied to me.

EVEN: [slows to a stop, brow furrowed] What?

ISAK: You lied.

EVEN: [isn’t sure what to make of Isak’s declaration, he can be…dramatic at times.] About what?

ISAK: [talking more to himself than to Even] I can’t believe it. [starts walking]

EVEN: [falls into step with him] Mind letting me in on the secret?

ISAK: [stops and spins on Even] It was a trick, that’s what it was. You tricked me. [stalks off]

EVEN: [puts a hand on Isak’s arm to stop him again] Babe? What are you talking about?

ISAK: You didn’t forget your I.D. [he spits the word ‘forget’]

EVEN: [eyebrows raised] …What?

ISAK: [pokes Even in the chest] Admit it.

EVEN: Are you…are you talking about the first day you came over to my place?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes, sighing heavily] You know exactly what I’m talking about. You lied.

EVEN: [fighting the grin] Uh…yeah, I did.

ISAK: [mouth agape] I can’t believe you! [stalks off again]

EVEN: [jogs to catch up] Are you really pissed about that?

ISAK: [stops] Yes! [groans, running a hand down his face] I mean, no…I… It’s just that…

EVEN: [inches closer, voice soft] What, Isak? Talk to me. Do I need to apologize? I know I can be unpredictable.

ISAK: I just… [looks off into the street] Do you know how confused I was? I couldn’t read you, like, at all, Even.

EVEN: I know.

ISAK: [leans against the fence that surrounds the school] I didn’t know if you liked me.

EVEN: [soft smile] I did.

ISAK: Yah, I know that now, but back then, I thought I was crazy.

EVEN: [lifts one eyebrow]

ISAK: [wincing] Sorry, but you know what I mean. I thought I was imagining things. And now I know you did like me since, like, the first day of school. But I was trying to figure you out, and you were giving me all these mixed signals.

EVEN: [nodding] I know.

They walk in silence for a bit, Isak still in a state of retroactive agitation.

EVEN: You know, you weren’t the only one trying to figure things out.

ISAK: [glances over at Even] What do you mean?

EVEN: [shrugs one shoulder] I didn’t know if you were interested in me.

ISAK: Seriously? I think I was pretty fucking obvious.

EVEN: You weren’t. The first time I spoke to you, you didn’t say a word to me. I wasn’t even sure you’d follow me out of that bathroom. And even after we sat on the bench, and I shared the Jay with you, you didn’t say anything. You wouldn’t even look at me. I had to start the conversation.

ISAK: [thinking] Well, that’s because I was so…I mean, you were…I didn’t know what was up with you. Like, what was that whole paper towel thing?

EVEN: [chuckles] That was me trying to get your attention.

ISAK: But you caught me looking at you a hundred times, you must have known.

EVEN: I…hoped? I wondered and I hoped. [nudges Isak’s shoulder with his own]

ISAK: But you were so excited to introduce me to Sonja. If you thought I liked you, why did you basically maul her in front of me? I thought you were trying to send me a message. But then you practically eye-fucked me at the neon party, and then the kitchen...

EVEN: [stops walking and Isak does too, turning to him] Isak…

ISAK: [sighs] Forget I said that. It’s old news.

EVEN: It’s not if it’s still bothering you. Come on.

Even takes Isak’s arm and leads him to a nearby café. They order a couple of drinks and find a quiet corner. Isak removes a layer, as does Even and they sit, nursing their drinks in silence for a while.

EVEN: Ask me anything.

ISAK: [picking at the edge of his cup] What happened with Sonja? You and Sonja?

EVEN: [leans back] The first day you and I hung out…I wanted to kiss you so fucking bad, it startled me.

ISAK: [shy smile] Really?

EVEN: That can’t be a surprise.

ISAK: It is, and it isn’t. Hard to say, with everything since.

EVEN: [nods] Right, well. I’ve never connected with anyone that quickly, and it freaked me out a bit. I mean, I totally forgot Sonja and the others were even coming over. I was just…you were… Anyway, Sonja and I were just going through the motions by then. I’ve known her a long time. She was safe, a known entity.

ISAK: You said she was controlling.

EVEN: It felt that way sometimes. Sonja meant well, but somewhere along the way she stopped seeing me.

ISAK: I think I understand.

EVEN: [nods] So…you came along, and you knocked me on my ass.

ISAK: [grins] You hid it well.

EVEN: No, I didn’t.

ISAK: You don’t think so?

Even levels him with a look filled with so much heat Isak has to look away.

EVEN: Isak… I couldn’t stay away from you, you know that.

ISAK: I see it now, yeah. At the time, I felt like I was on a fucking yo-yo.

EVEN: [ducks his head] I’m sorry.

ISAK: I know.

EVEN: So, yah, I wanted you. Bad. But…when I ended it with Sonja, when I asked you if we could…you…you said you hadn’t spoken to your mom since…

ISAK: [groans] Fuck. Even, I…

EVEN: [quick to cover Isak’s hand with his own] I know. You didn’t know, and I know what you went through with your parents. I get it, I do, but it stung. And I didn’t want to put you through any of my bullshit.

ISAK: But…

EVEN: I know, baby. [smiles, squeezing his hand] We’ve both learned a lot since then, yeah?

ISAK: [nods] Yeah. But…is that why you went back to Sonja?

EVEN: [frowns] I never went back to Sonja.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] Even, I saw you at a party, like, two days later. You were kissing her.

EVEN: [light dawning] That’s what you meant, that morning in the kitchen, when you said I hooked up with her?

ISAK: I saw you.

EVEN: [sighs] It wasn’t what you think.

ISAK: [snorts] Sure looked pretty clear to me.

EVEN: [takes a deep breath] She...didn’t want to accept what I’d told her. About you. About my feelings for you.

ISAK: Uh, yah. I can believe that.

EVEN: There was a guy at the party, someone we went to Bakken with. I think he had a thing for me, I don’t know. Anyway, I didn’t even want to go to the party, but Sonja insisted. I was kinda moping around after my conversation with you. And I’d decided to walk away from you.

ISAK: Because of what I said.

EVEN: Water. Bridge.

ISAK: [nods, but his eyes lower] Yeah.

EVEN: So, Geir – that’s the guy from Bakken – he and I were chatting, and Sonja…I think she thought she had to rescue me or something. She comes over to say hello, and the next thing I know, she’s kissing me.

ISAK: You didn’t exactly push her away, Even.

EVEN: [sighs] Look, Isak…I wasn’t in a good place. Sonja’s been…she’s been part of my safety net for a long time. I didn’t want to go back to what we had been to each other, but right then – when you saw us, I guess – I needed the connection. Or I thought I did.

ISAK: What do you mean?

EVEN: How much did you see?

ISAK: [shrugs] She kissed you. Twice. I left.

EVEN: So, you didn’t see what happened after?

ISAK: [shakes his head] No…I…I couldn’t bear to stick around.

EVEN: [runs a hand down Isak’s arm] I hurt you.

ISAK: [shrugs]

EVEN: Sonja…I think she thought we’d go back, that we’d be together again. She stuck close to me for the rest of the party, trying to kiss me. Wanting to make out. I couldn’t. And she got pissed. I told her that, just because it didn’t work out with you, it didn’t change my feelings. About her. For you. About what I wanted for myself.

ISAK: [rapt] Really?

EVEN: [nods] Isak, when I say everything changed for me when I kissed you, I mean it. [grabs Isak’s hands] You have to believe me, I was…I was already half in love with you before we kissed. When I left your flat that Sunday morning, shit… [laughs]

ISAK: [smiling before retracting his hands] Yeah, me too.

EVEN: [smiles] So, no. I didn’t go back to Sonja.

ISAK: [thinking] So, when I sent you that text…

EVEN: The “give me a call when you’ve broken up with your girlfriend” text?

ISAK: [sheepish] Yah. Thank Jonas for that.

EVEN: [grins] I will.

ISAK: Oh, and while you’re at it, thank Sana too.

EVEN: [smiles] Already have.

ISAK: But, when I sent you that text, you and Sonja weren’t…?

EVEN: [slowly shakes his head] No.

ISAK: [frowns] So you only stayed away because of me?

EVEN: I thought I was protecting you.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] Idiot.

EVEN: [nods, smiling] I can be.

ISAK: [gives Even a crooked grin] You got to my flat awfully fast that night. Where were you?

EVEN: [laughs softly] Remember that stalking thing we talked about?

ISAK: [eyes narrowing] Yah…

EVEN: Well, sometimes, I’d ride my bike past your place and debate just ringing your doorbell.

ISAK: [eyes wide] Seriously?

EVEN: Yep.

ISAK: Shit.

EVEN: [nods] I had it bad. Anyway, I’d just circled to go back home when I got your text. I turned my skinny ass around real quick when you said you were home.

ISAK: [laughs] Jesus, Even.

EVEN: [waggling eyebrows] What can I say? You have me wrapped around your finger. Seriously, though, I’d intended to tell you everything that night. But then you opened the door…

ISAK: And attacked you.

EVEN: Did I complain? Fuck…I wanted you so badly, just…to be with you.

ISAK: Me too.

They settle into a comfortable silence, Isak offering Even shy glances.

ISAK: But then you never told me…about you.

EVEN: I was afraid.

ISAK: That you’d lose me.

EVEN: [nods]

ISAK: I’m sorry I made you think you couldn’t tell me.

EVEN: [waves it off] Don’t beat yourself up about it.

ISAK: [poking him again] You either.

EVEN: Deal.

ISAK: And from now on…?

EVEN: I know.

ISAK: [frowning] I can handle it.

EVEN: [smiles] I know.

ISAK: [shrugging one shoulder] Because…I, like, love you.

EVEN: [breath catching] Oh, Isak. That, I know.

Chapter Text

EVEN: [opens the door, surprised] Sonja.

SONJA: Hei, Even. Could I…?

EVEN: Of course. [steps back to let her inside]

Sonja removes her shoes and jacket and follows Even back to his room.

SONJA: You’re cleaning?

EVEN: Just tidying up a bit.

SONJA: [looks around the room] Isak coming over?

EVEN: [nods] In a bit. [He shoves his hands into his pockets, unsure of what to do.] Do you want a beer or something? A coke?

SONJA: No, no. Thanks. I…I just came by to give you something. [She digs into her backpack and pulls out a large, wire-bound sketch pad.]

EVEN: Oh! [takes it from her] I wondered where that was, thanks. I thought I’d lost it.

SONJA: No, you left it at my place.

EVEN: [nods] Well, thanks for bringing it.

SONJA: [nods]

Even thumbs through the pages. Every once in a while a smile touches his lips. Sonja clears her throat.

SONJA: I was tempted to keep one or two of those.

EVEN: Yeah? You should. [he turns the book around] How about this one?

The sketch is of Sonja, but she has long hair. Her smile is radiant, the lines crisp and clean.

SONJA: I love that one.

EVEN: [smiles] Me too. You should have it.

He walks over to his desk and lays the book out flat, bracing his hand on the bulk of it as he carefully tears out the sketch. He cleans up the edges and hands it to her.

EVEN: Here you go.

SONJA: [takes it carefully] Thanks. [she folds it and slips it in her bag]

Even goes back to looking through the book. The first few pages are filled with different doodles and sketches. Some of Sonja, some of other people. Friends, family, random others. The rest are all of Isak, pages and pages of Isak. Isak laughing, Isak eating, Isak studying.

Sonja moves next to Even and watches the images as they pass. She’s spent a lot of time with this book, unable to pass up its rare glimpse inside Even’s mind.

There’s one sketch of Isak sleeping, his face soft in repose. It has light and shadows, depth. Even had not only used the tip of his pencil to capture Isak, he’d used the tips of his fingers. Sonja can see the evidence in the soft edges around Isak’s mouth and in the waves of his hair. The portrait is stunning.

SONJA: [softly] You really love him.

EVEN: [just as softly] Yes.

SONJA: [nods and moves away, her back to Even] There’s another reason for my visit. I wanted to…I need to apologize.

EVEN: [turns to face her] For what? You didn’t do anything wrong, I was the one who…

SONJA: [turns, holding up her hand] Stop. If you’re going to say you cheated, you and I both know that’s not really the case. You and I…what we were in the end wasn’t…us. Not really.

EVEN: Still…

SONJA: [shrugs] Look, Even. I love you, but…we’re better off as friends. Don’t you think?

EVEN: Yes.

SONJA: [nods] Anyway, I do owe you an apology. I already apologized to Isak.

EVEN: For what?

SONJA: [frowns] He…he didn’t tell you?

EVEN: [his eyes narrow] Tell me what?

SONJA: [runs a hand through her hair] Shit…

EVEN: Sunny, what are you apologizing for?

SONJA: [takes a breath and walks over to the window to sit.] The night you…ran off, in Grünerløkka, Isak called me in a panic. He couldn’t find you. He was terrified.

EVEN: [swallows hard] Yeah…I know…

SONJA: I…when I reached him, when I saw him, I was so pissed off. And worried. And just…frustrated. I said some things to him that…that I’m not proud of.

EVEN: [walks over to face her] What did you say?

SONJA: [meets his eyes] I told him…I told Isak you didn’t love him, that…that what you felt was just part of your mania. A symptom.

EVEN: [stops breathing, steps back] What?

SONJA: [hurriedly] I know, Ev, believe me…I know.

EVEN: [takes a shuddering breath, clearly hurt] How…why would you…

SONJA: I was scared! I was…pissed that Isak wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t return my calls. I didn’t know what you’d told him, how much he knew. I was afraid something would happen and he wouldn’t know what to do.

EVEN: Nothing. I’d told him nothing.

SONJA: [taken aback] I…I didn’t know that. Jesus…nothing?

EVEN: [shakes his head] No, I was…I didn’t think he’d want to be with me if he knew.

SONJA: God, Even… [hugs herself] So, when I told him, it was the first time he learned about any of it?

EVEN: [voice tight] Yeah.

SONJA: That poor kid.

EVEN: Yeah. But Sunny, why would you say something like that to him, that I didn’t…feel anything for him? Did you really think that? Do you?

SONJA: [shrugs] I don’t know what I thought, Even, I was just so angry. At you, at him, at…everything. But no, I don’t think that. I don’t.

EVEN: You just said it to, what, to hurt him?

SONJA: [sighs] Yes. That, exactly. And it was wrong, I shouldn’t have taken it out on him.

EVEN: [nods slowly, thinking it through] Like you said, you were hurt. I hurt you, you hurt Isak. [runs both hands through his hair] What a clusterfuck.

SONJA: [blinks once and then bursts into laughter] That’s…one way to put it.

EVEN: [laughs with her] One of Isak’s favourite words. Hey, I’m glad you apologized to him. Thank you for that.

SONJA: [calming] I didn’t do it for you.

EVEN: I know. I’m pretty sure he needed to hear it, though.

Sonja walks around him and back over to the sketchbook. She carefully turns the pages, studying each one.

SONJA: I wish I could say I felt guilty looking through these, but I didn’t.

EVEN: [soft laugh] It’s not like you to feel guilty about anything.

SONJA: Whatever. [smiles] I hope…I hope I find someone who sees me the way you see Isak. These are beautiful.

EVEN: [squeezes her shoulder] Sunny, you will. Trust me, you will. And, hey, we were good together.

SONJA: [turns to him, smiling] Yeah…we were. I hope we’ll still be friends.

EVEN: [pulls her into a hug] Of course.

The doorbell rings and Even leans back, releasing Sonja from the hug. His face is the same as a child’s on Christmas morning and Sonja laughs to herself.

SONJA: Go.

Even practically runs to the door. Sonja walks behind, reaching for her jacket just as Even turns the handle to let Isak in.

EVEN: Halla.

ISAK: Halla.

Sonja stands just out of sight of Isak, watching the pair stare at each other with soft smiles and even softer eyes. There’s an entire conversation taking place without words, and Sonja wonders how long it’s been since they were together. Days? Hours? Minutes? She slips her boots on.

SONJA: Hei, Isak.

ISAK: [peers around Even, who moves to the side] Oh…hei. [glances between Even and Sonja] How are you?

SONJA: I’m fine. [she smiles at his confusion] And I’m leaving. I just came by to drop something off.

ISAK: Ah. [smiles] Good to see you.

Isak slips off his shoes, walks between them and heads back toward Even’s room.

EVEN: Thanks again, Sunny. For…well, for everything. Sure you won’t stay for a beer or something?

SONJA: [smiles] Thanks, no. I have to go. Just…do one thing for me.

EVEN: Sure.

SONJA: [nods back toward where Isak has disappeared] I know it gets…dark for you sometimes, but…try not to hate him for loving you. Okay?

Chapter Text

Even and Isak are sitting on the floor of Even’s room, studying. Even has music on in the background, a randomized playlist that jumps from Nas to Aurora to Beyonce. Once Drunk in Love fades, a melancholy guitar begins to strum. Isak’s not familiar with the song, but he likes it. It reminds him that he’s been meaning to ask Even about the bass and the guitar hanging on his wall.

ISAK: Do you really play?

EVEN: [looks up from the scattered papers on the floor] Hmm?

ISAK: [nods back toward the instruments] I’ve never heard you play. Are you any good?

EVEN: [shrugs] I’m alright.

He unfolds himself from his position on the floor and gets to his feet, shaking his legs to encourage circulation. Isak thinks this must be what it’s like for a baby giraffe when it learns to walk.

EVEN: I need a break, so how about I play something for you?

ISAK: [smiling] Yeah, I’d like that.

EVEN: Okay. [he pauses the music and reaches for the acoustic guitar, careful not to knock Isak in the head with it] Any requests?

ISAK: Surprise me.

Even does.

Isak is transfixed as his boyfriend’s fingers move over the strings, eliciting the most beautifully melancholy piece of music Isak’s ever heard. It’s classical, maybe. He’s not sure. He’s never paid much attention to anything other than pop and hip-hop, but it sounds familiar.

And then Even begins to sing.

EVEN: I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don’t really care for music, do ya?

Jesus Christ.

Isak doesn’t want to move a muscle, doesn’t want to do anything that would interrupt the performance. Even’s voice is…it’s…It’s him. It’s so much like him, strong and soft, and broken and whole.

Even’s head is down, his body curled over the instrument. He’s off in a world of his own, a world that Isak knows he could never travel to with him.

EVEN: Baby, I’ve been here before. I’ve seen this room, and I’ve walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew ya.

The music is mournful, isolating, and Isak hates that it is so beautiful.  Hates that this piece of magic so clearly comes from Even’s pain. All he can do is listen. Breathe, and listen, and fall even further.

EVEN: I’ve seen your flag on the Marble Arch. Love is not a victory march, it’s a cold, and it’s a broken hallelujah.

When he finishes, Even takes a deep breath before looking up.

EVEN: [his eyes widen when he looks at Isak] Are you alright?

Isak tries to speak, but his voice is not his own. It feels like he’s swallowed a cupful of sand.

Concerned, Even lays the guitar on the floor and moves over to Isak, taking his face his hands. He sweeps his thumbs across Isak’s cheeks.

Isak is shocked to feel moisture on his skin.

EVEN: What’s wrong?

ISAK: Nothing, I… That was really nice.

EVEN: [smiles] Thanks.

ISAK: [clearing his throat again] When did you learn to play?

EVEN: [drops his hands but takes one of Isak’s in one of his] When I was nine. After I was diagnosed.

ISAK: Oh.

Even drops his gaze to their joined hands. He slides his fingers between Isak’s in a slow glide, palm to tips. Over and over. The effect is hypnotizing.

EVEN: The doctor thought that it would help me express my thoughts. It’s around the same time I started sketching, though I was always a doodler.

ISAK: Wow.

EVEN: [glances up] What?

ISAK: You’re…like… [he shrugs one shoulder] I don’t even know what to say. You’re…

Instead of fumbling around words, Isak leans in and places a soft kiss on Even’s lips. Even’s hand tightens around his when he pulls back.

Green eyes meet blue.

EVEN: I’ve never actually played for anyone before, other than my mom.

ISAK: Really? [lets go of Even’s hand to reach for the guitar] If I could play like that, I’d show off every chance I got.

EVEN: [chuckles] I don’t doubt it.

ISAK: [looking mildly offended, though he really isn't] What’s that supposed to mean?

Isak positions the guitar on his lap, the way he’d seen Even hold it. It’s the first time he’s held such a beautiful instrument. The honey-blonde wood has darker inlays around the mouth, and mother of pearl accents on the neck.

EVEN: Put the tip of your index finger here. [Even points to the spot on the neck.] Good, now your middle finger here, and your ring finger here. Press down.

ISAK: Don’t let me break this thing.

EVEN: [laughs] You won’t. Press, and now…

He takes Isak’s other hand, curls it, and places it over the strings with his nails face down.

EVEN: Just brush your nails down over the strings in one motion.

Isak does and, to his surprise, a chord rings out.

ISAK: Whoa! [he repeats the motion] That is so cool.

EVEN: That’s a C major chord. And if you move your fingers here, here, and here… [he adjusts Isak’s grip] Now strum.

Isak does, and the sound is the same, but different. The notes are a little higher.

ISAK: Too cool.

EVEN: That’s G major. [he smiles as Isak continues to strum, switching back and forth between the positions] You’re a natural.

ISAK: [continues to strum] Does it help?

Even doesn’t ask him to clarify, and Isak knows it’s an intensely personal question.

EVEN: Yeah, sometimes. Especially when I write songs.

ISAK: [brows lifting] You write songs?

EVEN: [nods, a soft smile on his lips] Yeah. I even have one about you.

Isak stops playing and just stares. A long moment of silence passes between them before Even takes the guitar from Isak’s hands and places it back on his lap.

Isak notes a slight tremor in Even’s hands before he begins to play.

The truth is…I didn’t know
The truth is…I couldn’t know
How it felt to want someone
How it felt to need someone
To see me
See all of me
To feel me
Feel all of me

The truth is…I missed you
The truth is…I missed you
Before I ever knew you
Before I ever knew you’d be the one
The one who’d hold me
In the days as dark as nights
The one who’d show me
That I could be the light

The truth is…I loved you
The truth is…I loved you
From the first smile
From the first mile we walked together
And I loved you more
And I love you still
And love you I will
And love you I will**

Isak is crying, and he doesn’t care how it looks. Even won’t meet his eyes. His grip on the guitar is so tight his knuckles are white. Isak moves decisively, taking the instrument from Even’s fingers and setting it aside.

Even’s hands come up to guide him as Isak straddles his hips.

Isak pulls him into a hug, his hand cradling the back of Even’s head, his fingers sliding into the fine, blond hair.

ISAK: Jesus, I don’t know what to do with you sometimes.

EVEN: [his face is buried in Isak’s neck] I know, but you always seem to. You’re so good for me, Isak. So good to me. I don’t want to fuck that up. I don’t want to fuck us up. Don’t let me.

ISAK: [tightens his hold] I won’t let you if you don’t let me. [he leans back to meet Even’s gaze] Deal?

EVEN: [nods] Deal. [he runs the tip of his nose along Isak’s] Did you like it?

ISAK: [eyes closed, he’s lost in the sensation of being this close to Even, as always] Hmm?

Even trails kisses across Isak’s cheek and down to his neck, his hands running up and down his back.

EVEN: The song.

ISAK: [taking Even’s head in his hands to look him in the eye] Are you fucking kidding me? It was…amazing.

EVEN: [relieved smile] Yeah?

ISAK: Jesus, Even. [pushes his palms against Even’s shoulders, huffing lightly] You’re impossible.

EVEN: [chuckling] Why?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] You sing, you play, you write, you draw, you cook…what the fuck am I supposed to do to impress you?

EVEN: [pecks Isak’s lips before smiling] Just breathe, baby. That’s more than enough.

ISAK: [another eye roll, but he’s grinning] So fucking cheesy.

EVEN: [nuzzling Isak’s neck again] Mmmm, you love it.

ISAK: [melting] I do.

Chapter Text

MAGNUS: [jogs to catch up] Hei, Even.

EVEN: [turns, smiling] Magnus! How goes?

MAGNUS: [falling into step beside Even] Bra, man. It’s all good. Du?

EVEN: I can't complain. Hey, I didn’t know you lived near me.

MAGNUS: Ah, I don’t, but I had to pick up my mom’s prescription from the pharmacy here. Ours was out of her meds.

EVEN: [frowns] Oh...is she okay? I hope it’s nothing too serious.

MAGNUS: Didn’t Isak tell you? [grins] My mom’s bipolar too.

EVEN: [his step stutters for a moment before he recovers] No, he didn’t mention it.

MAGNUS: Yeah, he wouldn’t. He’s good like that. But, anyway...

EVEN: She’s alright, though?

MAGNUS: [wide grin] Oh, yeah. She’s great! You should meet her sometime.

EVEN: [smiling] I’d like that.

MAGNUS: Cool, cool.

They walk in silence for a bit, Even trying to process this bit of news. He knew that Isak had confided in his closest friends, but it’s still jarring to hear Magnus talk about it so casually.

MAGNUS: Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?

EVEN: [wary] Sure.

MAGNUS: It’s...uh, it’s personal.

EVEN: [turns to look at Magnus, who seems uncharacteristically unsure of himself] What’s up?

MAGNUS: [slows to a stop, and Even stops with him] I know it’s a stupid question. Trust me, the guys have already roasted me, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

EVEN: About what?

MAGNUS: Um...well...when you and Isak...when you, uh...have sex, how does that work?

EVEN: [takes a beat and then bursts into laughter] Fy faen!

MAGNUS: [rolls his eyes, his face turning a bright shade of red] Not you too, nevermind. [starts walking]

EVEN: [catches up] Wait, wait. I’m sorry, I... [more laughter] I just wasn’t expecting that. I’m sorry, it’s a...legitimate question. Are you asking about the mechanics? Because there’s the Internet, you know.

MAGNUS: No! No, I get...um...how it works. I was just wondering how you decide who...well...which one of you will, uh...

EVEN: [smiling] Ah. Well...it’s different for everyone, you know?

MAGNUS: Right, I get that.

EVEN: [thinks] It’s just like any other give-and-take situation, really. There’s trust. You listen to your partner. Have you and Vilde...?

MAGNUS: Once. [grinning] It was fast but nice.

EVEN: [chuckles] Okay. Did you discuss what was going to happen, or did it just happen?

MAGNUS: It just...happened, I guess.

EVEN: Right. It just happens naturally. It’s an exchange, right? A coming together.

MAGNUS: [snorts] Uh, haven’t done that yet.

EVEN: [blinks]

MAGNUS: Sorry.

EVEN: [smiles and claps the younger boy on the shoulder] You are one-of-a-kind, Magnus.

MAGNUS: [grins] You know it. But, okay, an exchange. Give-and-take. I get that, but...

EVEN: [drops his hand] Look, Magnus. Some people have preferences, some don’t. It depends on the participants, yeah? Honestly, I don’t really feel comfortable talking about what Isak and I get up to, but it works for us. The whole point of the thing is pleasure and comfort, no matter who you are. It’s about connection, and I’m not only talking about physical connection. Being comfortable with...whatever you do, not feeling pressured into doing something, or pressuring someone to do something they don’t want, that’s what’s important. Being equals in the exchange is important.

MAGNUS: I think I understand. [smiles] Thanks.

EVEN: Did I answer your question?

MAGNUS: [nods slowly] Yes. And no. Good thing there’s the Internet, eh?

EVEN: Yep.

MAGNUS: [wiggles his eyebrows]  Speaking of which, know any good websites I could use to...further my education? 

Chapter Text

Isak’s been watching the minutes tick down.

23:47

23:52

At 23:59, he rolls over to face Even. He can tell he isn’t asleep, his breathing is too loud.

When Even sleeps, he’s quiet, almost too quiet, and deathly still. It had scared the shit out of Isak the first night they spent together. He’d poked him just to get him to move, to show some sign of life.

Even is awake tonight, though, and Isak is glad. He’s been anticipating this moment for months. Isak slides closer, curling one arm above Even’s head, and slipping the other arm across his middle.

He presses a soft, lingering kiss on his boyfriend’s jawline. “Happy birthday, baby.”

Even releases a short, sharp breath. “Is it midnight?”

“Yeah.” Isak kisses his cheek, sliding one leg over one of Even’s until they’re locked together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Even’s skin is warm, soft in places, and rough in others. His t-shirt and sleep shorts wrap him like a gift, and Isak so badly wants to unwrap him. Unable to contain himself, Isak pushes the duvet back, uncovering them both.

Even’s eyes find his in the near-dark. His expression is inscrutable, but his hands reach for him. Grab him and pull him on top.

Isak goes eagerly, slotting his legs between Even’s until they’re pressed together.

Hot, hungry hands slide Isak’s t-shirt up and over his head. He lifts up long enough to wriggle free of the garment, and then he’s reaching for Even’s. It’s gone in a flash, and then they’re both pulling at waistbands, pushing aside fabric, panting into the night.

Even’s touch is like a brand on his skin, and Isak hisses at first contact.

He needs.
He needs.
He needs.

And he wants.

“Fuck.”

The word is a curse and a prayer. Isak loves that he can make Even do both, with his hands, and his mouth, and his body. He reaches toward his side-table, grabs what he needs, and then Isak lets his fingers roam over the body he’s come to know better than his own.

“Please,” Even begs, his voice shaking.

It’s crazy that he can do this to him, make his cool, confident, godlike lover tremble and gasp. Isak is in awe of this boy, this man. He’s twenty now.

Whoa, twenty.

And Isak is just a kid, really. New to this. New to, well, everything. So how is it that he gets to have this? With this guy?

“Baby…”

Isak moves, and they both groan. He’ll never get used to this. Never grow tired of it. Of him. Not ever, he thinks, though he tries to stay away from thoughts of forever. He is so young. And Even is a man.

A man.
His man.

That thought sends a surge of possessive desire through him. Isak grabs Even’s leg, positions him, puts him where he wants him. Where he knows he can do the most to drive Even out of his head with pleasure.

It works.

Even pants and writhes and it’s bliss. It’s heaven and bliss, and pride blooms in Isak’s core, burning him from the inside.

“Jesus Christ, Issy. What are you doing to me?”

More. More and more, anything to get him to fall apart beneath him. Isak is on a mission, and Even’s pleasure is his goal.

“I can’t…it’s too much.”

But it isn’t. Isak watches Even closely, can see him unraveling. Even’s hands are suddenly in his hair, pulling him down and their mouths meet.

It’s a frantic, desperate kiss and Even is babbling against his lips. Please and yes and Oh God.

And there. Theretheretherethere.

Even locks his gaze with his. And Isak is so busy watching the fireworks detonate behind his lover’s eyes that his own catch him by surprise. Then he’s the one gasping. He’s the one shaking. He’s the one who cannot, cannot breathe. Can’t breathe.

And the smile, Even’s smile…it’s everything that Isak has ever needed or wanted.

“I fucking love you,” he says, pulling Isak down over him and crushing him to his chest. It’s sweaty, sticky, and smells of copper and musk.

Isak doesn’t fucking care. He wraps his arms around Even and buries his face in the crook of his neck. They stay like that until the air cools around them. Isak tries to suppress the shiver.

“Maybe we should clean up?”

Isak nods. They take turns in the bathroom, careful not to make too much noise as they move through the flat.

Back in bed, Even is in charge again. He pulls Isak into his arms, kisses the top of his head, and sighs.

“That’s one way to start off my birthday.”

“You approve?”

“I approve.” Even kisses him again before sleep claims him.

***

Something is wrong.

Isak wakes to darkness, and it isn’t just the absence of light. Even is on the floor in the corner, curled up in a ball.

“Even?”

Isak is out of bed in a flash, crawling to his lover’s side.

“Even, what is it?”

Even shivers. He’s naked, and Isak pulls the duvet off the bed to toss it around them both. He gently gathers Even into his arms, grateful when he comes without resistance. He rubs his back in slow circles.

“Can you talk to me about it?”

Even lets out a shaky breath. “Sometimes, it’s too much.”

“What is?”

“You. Us.”

Isak freezes for a moment but then resumes the caress. He’s learned not to overreact, not to let his mind latch onto Even’s darkness because it can pull them both down. It had once before, and he’s determined not to let it happen again. He has to be the strong one sometimes, has to be Even’s lantern in the dark. The ocean wave he can shout into and not expect a response.

Even shifts and meets Isak’s gaze. The circles under his eyes are deep, and Isak schools his face not to frown, not to show disapproval.

“I don’t deserve you, and I’m going to hurt you. I know it.”

“Nei,” Isak says. Just that. No.

Even searches his eyes. “You’re so…I’m going to ruin you.”

Isak gives him a small smile. “You already have.”

Even starts.

Isak squeezes him. “You’ve ruined me for anyone else. I try to deny it, try to pretend that I could let you go if I had to, but it would kill me, Even.” He shrugs. “It would kill me to let you go, so don’t even think of walking away from me.”

“I have these thoughts,” Even begins, settling back into Isak’s embrace. “I can’t always control them, but it’s worse at night. Usually, just before I fall asleep, a thought will come to me. He is going to hate you. You’re not good enough for him. He knows you’re a fraud.”

“A fraud? What are you faking?”

“Life.”

“In what way?”

This is good. This is a conversation, and Isak knows that talking is sometimes the best thing Even can do to work his way out of a tunnel.

“I’m twenty years old, Isak. Twenty. And I’m a third year. Still.”

“Even…”

The blond pushes up, putting a little distance between them. He glares at Isak.

“Don’t try to placate me.”

“I wasn’t.”

Even doesn’t look like he believes him.

“I wasn’t, Even, but you’re being way too hard on yourself. You know that, right?”

He shakes his head. “I should be in the next phase of my life, now. Not stuck. I feel like I’m standing still.”

“It may feel that way sometimes, but you’re not. You’re pushing forward the best way you can.”

Even snorts. “You sound like a self-help book.”

“Maybe, but am I wrong? You had a shitty year at Bakka, right?”

Even nods.

He still hasn’t told him what happened there, but Isak’s not about to push for it now. He knows it was bad enough for him to transfer, and that’s all he needs to know.

“You came to Nissen for a fresh start, and you got one. It may not be the one you thought you’d get, but it hasn’t been all bad, right? You’re going to finish this term. You’re going to pursue film school…and you’ve got me.”

And there it is, the tiniest of smiles. Even’s eyes soften as he watches him. Isak can see a little of the darkness recede.

It isn’t a cure-all, what they share, but it’s a comfort to know that it can be a tether for his boyfriend. Something for him to grasp onto when it all threatens to pull him under. It doesn’t always work, but when it does, it makes Isak’s heart grow three sizes.

He loves Even. Loves him. Wants him happy and smiling, always. Wants him healthy. Wants him to know he’s wanted and needed.

“So,” Isak says, standing and holding out his hand for Even. “What do you want to do for your birthday?”

Even climbs to his feet, all long legs and pale skin.

Isak pulls him toward the bed, and they tumble onto it together. He is immediately surrounded by 194 centimeters of Even.

“Can we just…stay in here?”

Even pushes the hair out of Isak’s eyes, meeting his gaze. His is still shrouded in shadows, pools of wet gathering at the corners.

Isak smiles, brushes his fingers down Even’s cheek. “We can do that. But your mom is going to want to see you.”

“Later.”

“Okay, later.”

Even leans forward, brushing his mouth over Isak’s. “Much later.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” Isak breathes into the kiss. “Whatever you need.”

“Need you.”

“Have me.”

Even exhales, and it sounds like relief. “Thank you.”

“Always, birthday boy.

Chapter Text

It hasn’t been an easy week. In fact, it’s been one of the worst since Even barged into Isak’s life with all of his secrets and his problems. It’s a wonder the guy still wants to have anything to do with him.

First, it was his birthday.

Isak had been so…so fucking amazing to him, from the moment the clock rolled over to 00:00. He’d pulled him close and shown him the stars.

And Even had gone and fucked it all up by letting his mind run amok.

He hadn’t been able to sleep. He’d fallen, but couldn’t stay under, not with those dreams. Isak laughing at him. Isak screaming at him. Isak leaving him. Isak running away. Even letting him go.

Even had somehow ended up on the floor with Isak curled around him whispering all the right words. Still, they felt wrong. They felt…fake. But he’d let Isak pull him back to the bed. And Even had reached for him. Clung to him because being with Isak, surrounding him and being surrounded by him, was sometimes the only thing he could feel. The only thing bursting with colour when everything else seemed so steeped in gray.

In the wee hours of the morning, Even had left. Gone home. He hadn’t gone to school Monday or Tuesday, and when Isak called, Even had hit ‘ignore.’

Not that he didn’t want or need his boyfriend, he did. Too fucking much. But he was tired of dragging Isak down. Tired of that look in his eyes. Tired of the wariness. Even had known that Isak had made plans for his birthday, probably something beautiful and amazing like him, and he had bailed.

Even does this.
He does this.

He draws people close only to push them away when they see the truth of him. Not intentionally, it’s never intentional. It’s his brain, his stupid, predictably unpredictable brain. Thoughts he cannot contain, or even understand half the time, cloud his vision. Colour his judgment. He’s so tired of it.

It’s only a matter of time before Isak gets tired of it too, so why bother? Even could take the first step. Walk away. He could if he weren’t so weak. If Isak hadn’t begged him not to.

Is it love or pity he sees in Isak’s eyes?

Love or pity or both, and which came first?

Ugh.

It doesn’t even matter.

Today is supposed to be special. Even knows he’s meant to be with the person he loves on this day, of all days.

Even though the whole holiday is a joke, Even has always liked it. All the cheesy greeting cards and candy hearts. He and Sonja hadn’t ever gone all out, hadn’t celebrated Valentine’s Day since that first year or two when they’d exchanged cards and gone out to dinner.

With Isak, Even wanted to do more. He wanted to show him just how over-the-top, crazy in love he is with him. Instead, Isak is probably sitting somewhere worried sick. Instead, Even is hiding in his room. Ashamed.

Fuck.
Fuck this.
Fuck everything.
Fuck life.

Why is it that everything he touches turns to shit?

Oh, Even, you know why.

He hears the door open. It could be his mom, but he knows it isn’t. There’s a shift in the air when Isak is near. And it may sound like metaphysical bullshit, but Even will fight anyone who tells him otherwise.

ISAK: [closes the door behind him as he enters and walks over to Even’s bed] Three days. That’s all you get.

EVEN: [his back to Isak. He can’t bear to look at him] If you came here to tell me we’re done, I already know.

ISAK: [climbs the ladder] Move over.

Even does, fractionally. He shudders when Isak stretches out behind him.

Isak places a bag at their feet and pulls Even into his arms, back-to-front.

ISAK: [quietly] Halla.

EVEN: [sighs] Halla.

ISAK: [kisses Even’s nape] You have a choice. You can tell me to go, and I will – for now – but I will be back tomorrow. You can ask me to stay, and we can lie just like this. Or…

EVEN: Or?

Isak reaches down and into the bag, pulls out his laptop, and balances it on Even’s hip. He then pulls out a bottle of champagne. No, not champagne, sparkling juice. The last item is a small pastry box.

EVEN: What is this?

ISAK: It’s Valentine’s Day. Did you think I would spend my first Valentine’s Day without you?

EVEN: [rolls to his back and turns his head to face Isak] Your first Valentine’s Day?

ISAK: My first real one. [brushes a lock of hair out of Even’s eyes] The first one that matters.

EVEN: Isak…

ISAK: I get it, you know. Your darkness, it doesn’t recognize birthdays and holidays. And I wanted to be mad at you for ditching me on Sunday. I was mad. Fucking pissed, at first, but I thought about it, and I wondered if maybe birthdays weren’t good days for you. I thought about what you said, about being twenty and still in gym. I thought about…what that must feel like for you, seeing all your friends swim ahead while you’re still treading water. And yeah, that has to suck. I’d hate it, so I had no right to tell you not to.

EVEN: You didn’t.

ISAK: [shrugs] Maybe not, but I tried to smooth over what you were telling me. I’m not always good at listening, but I try. I am trying.

EVEN: Isak… [turns to his side to face him. The laptop slides to the bed.] I’m sorry that I keep hurting you. I told you I would.

ISAK: [nods] You warned me.

EVEN: [searches Isak’s eyes] So, why are you here?

ISAK:  [taps the laptop] Moulin Rouge, sparkling apple juice, and chocolate cupcakes. I even have a card. That’s door number three. Your choice.

EVEN: Moulin Rouge?

ISAK: It’s by Baz Luhrmann. Not sure if you’ve heard of him, but it’s one of my favourite films.

EVEN: [can’t stop the small smile from curving his mouth] Since when?

ISAK: Since before I met you, actually. I didn’t know he directed it, I just knew I liked it. So? [quirks an eyebrow] Am I staying?

EVEN: [nods] Please.

ISAK: Bra. [taps the laptop] Baz or no Baz?

EVEN: [whispers, his throat is tight] Baz.

ISAK: [nods] Juice?

EVEN: Nei, takk.

ISAK: [slips the bottle back into the bag and picks up the pastry box] Chocolate?

EVEN: [a tear slips from the corner of his eye] Maybe later. Isak?

ISAK: [slides the box aside and opens the laptop, navigating to the film] Slide your legs a bit, we can put it between us.

EVEN: [does so] Isak?

ISAK: [still ignoring him, positions himself next to Even, one arm behind his head.] Can you see okay?

EVEN: Yes, but…

ISAK: Good. [presses play]

Even watches Isak for a moment before realizing his boyfriend hasn’t asked for an explanation and does not want to talk. He sighs and settles into Isak's arms. Even’s mind is racing, but soon the film pulls his focus.

The longer they watch, the more settled he becomes. The colours and shapes and sounds of Baz’s vision fill his senses, and he can’t look away. It’s only after Ewan MacGregor’s Christian joins Nicole Kidman’s Satine onstage for their soaring reunion does Even turn to look at Isak. He finds Isak’s eyes trained on him.

Tell our story, Christian, that way I’ll always be with you. On-screen, Satine and Christian declare their love, and she dies.

ISAK: The only way to have something forever is to lose it. Do you really believe that?

EVEN: [startled] I…sometimes, I think so. Yes. Sometimes no.

ISAK: Explain.

EVEN: The longer we’re together, the more afraid I am that you will grow to hate me.

ISAK: [runs a hand down Even’s arm] I could never hate you, Even.

EVEN: Never is a long time.

ISAK: Do you want me to hate you? Would it make you feel better to be right about it? To say I told you so? Is a self-fulfilling prophecy more important than the truth?

EVEN: It’s not that, it’s just…I don’t know what to do with this. With us. This is as unfamiliar to me as it is to you. And you’re handling it a lot better than I am, by the way.

ISAK: [runs a fingertip across Even’s forehead] I have an advantage.

EVEN: [sighs heavily] You’re going to get tired of this. Do you understand how terrifying that is? That you’ll eventually get sick of this up-and-down, of me, and just…go, I can’t think of anything that scares me more. And it’s only been a few months, Issy. A few months! What will it feel like in a year? In two? In five?

ISAK: [smiles] Five? This isn’t the first time you’ve brought up the future. You do realize I’m seventeen, right?

EVEN: [frowns] Am I too old for you?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] Shut up. Jesus…

EVEN: [sitting up] It’s a concern, Isak. We’re at different places in our lives. We have different paths. Maybe we have different visions of the future, I don’t know.

ISAK: Maybe, but I think we have the same vision of the present. Or I thought we did. Don’t you want this with me? You fought so hard for it, are you bored now?

EVEN: [taken aback] Bored? What the fuck, Isak?

ISAK: [smiles and sits up] That’s better.

EVEN: Huh?

Isak slips a hand behind Even’s neck and pulls him into a kiss that leaves him breathless.

Even flattens his hands over Isak’s thighs, gripping him tight.

ISAK: It’s hard to talk to you when I know you aren’t completely you, but I hope some of what I’m about to say sinks in. Are you listening?

EVEN: [nods] Yeah.

ISAK: Good. [locks his hands behind’s Even’s neck, and his gaze in his boyfriend’s] I love you, Even Bech Næsheim, but if you ever sneak out like that without leaving a note or a drawing or something, I will hunt you down and kill you.

EVEN: I’m so sor-

ISAK: Shhhh! Shut it. Just listen.

EVEN: Sorry.

ISAK: I’ll be eighteen in a few months, I’ll be done at Nissen in a year or so, and I’m just now trying to figure out what to do after that. I don’t yet know where I’ll be, and you don’t know where you’ll be. It scares me because I…you’re important to me. I don’t want this to end. I don’t know about forever, but I do know that six or eight months with you isn’t enough. Make sense?

EVEN: Yeah.

ISAK: The idea of being with you…the way you seem to want, it’s…overwhelming. And every time you bring it up, I feel like shit for not being on the same page as you. Yet. I hope you’re listening to me because that yet is very important. Time. I need time, and so do you. You don’t trust that I’m not going to walk away because of your illness. And I don’t know all of the things that could come between us. I don’t know if distance would kill us. I don’t know if we’d just drift apart. So, no, I’m not thinking of forever right now. I’m thinking of right now right now. Is that going to be a problem?

EVEN: [shakes his head] No, Isak. It’s very…mature.

ISAK: I am nothing if not mature. [small smile]

EVEN: I love you too.

ISAK: I know. [presses a soft kiss to Even’s forehead and releases him] I have a suggestion.

EVEN: Oh?

ISAK: [nods] Stop thinking about tomorrow and be here with me. Today. Right this minute. Spend your todays with me, and we’ll share as many as we can.

EVEN: [smiles] I like that idea.

ISAK: Good. [reaches for the pastry box and opens the lid, revealing four tiny cupcakes.] Chocolate?

EVEN: [stomach growling. He laughs] I think that’s a yes.

They each take one and scarf them down. Isak moans around his fingers as he licks off chocolate icing.

Even can’t stop staring at the spectacle. Only Isak has ever had the ability to drag him through so many emotions in such a short period of time, from fear to amusement to contentment to lust in sixty seconds flat. Watching Isak’s long fingers emerge from his mouth, wet and glistening, borders on the obscene.

He has to find a way to keep this man in his life for as long as possible. And Even suspects that Isak feels the same way, even if he’s reluctant to let his thoughts go there. No one could blame him, really, for all the reasons he’d laid out and more.

EVEN: I don’t want today to end.

ISAK: [meets his eyes and knows he means more than this day] Neither do I. It’s a good thing we have more cupcakes and more movies to watch.

EVEN: Oh? What else did you bring?

ISAK: [evil grin] We watched one of yours, now it’s time for one of mine.

EVEN: Uh oh. What cinematic carnage are you going to subject me to? Fast and Furious 23?

ISAK: [laughs and pulls the laptop back between them] Nope. Something much more appropriate for today.

EVEN: [settles back into the pillows and pulls Isak into his arms as the film starts] Warm Bodies?

ISAK: Most romantic zombie film ever, though the book is better. Something for you and something for me. A compromise.

EVEN: I was kidding about Fast and Furious 23, I would watch anything with you.

ISAK: [smiling up at Even] I know, baby.

EVEN: I would do anything for you, Isak. Anything, even if it hurt like hell.

ISAK: [turns slightly] Even…that’s what you’re not getting. Anything that hurts you is going to hurt me too.

EVEN: [takes a shuddering breath] Ditto.

He leans down to kiss Isak. The soft brush of lips deepens into something else, and Isak turns in his arms. They kiss for long minutes, languid strokes of tongues, hands in hair, and legs entwined. Only some quick thinking and even quicker reflexes stop Isak’s laptop from crashing to the floor.

ISAK: Shit! Thanks for grabbing that. I can’t afford to replace it.

Even closes the laptop and puts it back inside Isak’s bag, he lowers the whole thing to the floor before turning back to Isak.

Isak reaches for him, and they lie down on the mattress, picking up where they’d left off. Determined fingers slide under Even’s t-shirt.

EVEN: [breaking the kiss. He is feverish.] Does this mean you forgive me?

ISAK: [blinks up at him, his eyes foggy with lust] Nothing to forgive.

EVEN: Does this mean you’re staying?

ISAK: Only if you want me…

EVEN: I want you.

ISAK: [grins] Only if you want me to stay.

Even pulls Isak’s tee up and kisses across his chest and stomach, delighting in the quiver he creates.

EVEN: [reaching for Isak’s belt buckle] I want you with me, always.

ISAK: [breathless] How about just for today?

EVEN: [murmuring against Isak’s skin] Mmm hmm, I’ll take it. And the next today. And the today after that. And…after that…too

ISAK: [losing the battle] Fy faen…anything you want, Even.

EVEN: [raises his head and stares at his partially-clothed boyfriend] Careful what you promise, babe. I may take you up on that.

ISAK: [meets his eyes] God Valentinsdag...

EVEN: Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. [looks around] So, where’d we put those cupcakes? I have a use for some of that chocolate icing.

Chapter Text

ISAK: I hate you.

EVEN: [soft laugh] Okay, what have I done now?

ISAK: [turns his phone around] Look at these.

There are photos of Even, candids that Isak has been taking since the Kosegruppa Christmas party. It started out casually enough, but has become something of an obsession.

Even asleep, burrowed under the duvet with nothing but his head exposed.
Even laughing as he spoons muesli into his mouth.
Even frowning in concentration as he works on a new drawing.
Even smiling the smile that he only ever seems to have for Isak.

EVEN: Taking your stalking to a new level?

ISAK: It’s just…so fucking unfair.

EVEN: What is?

ISAK: That you look like that in every flipping photo. I don’t think you’re capable of taking a bad picture.

EVEN: [smiles] Awww, that was sweet.

ISAK: [miffed] No, I’m not being sweet, I’m serious. It’s not right.

Isak swipes through his phone to reach another folder, another carousel of Even.

Even sitting in his window doing homework.
Even playing FIFA with Linn.
Even having a quiet heart-to-heart with Magnus in the corner of the living room. (Isak still wants to know what that was all about.)
Even hugging his mom.

ISAK: Every single one. I could take one right now, and you’d look like a fucking GQ model.

Even snorts, then sniffs and grabs a tissue. He’s picked up a winter cold, and feels like utter shit. He hasn’t showered in at least two days.

EVEN: Not happening. Besides, you’re the only one wearing rose-coloured glasses, Issy. See this? [points at his forehead where a mosaic of blemishes has blossomed] I look like I have the measles.

ISAK: No. You don’t. You should, but you don’t. You look like some cool, London hipster who’s ready to walk down a goddamned runway.

EVEN: [gives him an incredulous look] My hair is oily.

ISAK: And yet still perfect.

EVEN: I’m wearing five different colours.

ISAK: Someone would think it was a fashion statement. If you walked out that door right now, you could pick up anyone you wanted in, like, five minutes.

EVEN: [laughs] Geez, babe. You’ve got it bad.

ISAK: That’s beside the point. [gets up] I’ll prove it.

Isak leaves the room.

Even’s not sure what’s gotten into his boyfriend. He isn’t sure whether he should be amused or worried.

When Isak returns, he has Eskild with him.

ESKILD: How is the patient?

EVEN: I’m fine. Just a little groggy and tired. But Isak, here, thinks I hung the moon, so that’s a booster.

ESKILD: [swoons] You two are adorbs.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] If you’re done, I need you to help us with something.

ESKILD: [grins wickedly] I thought you’d never ask.

EVEN: [laughing] I knew you were kinky.

ISAK: Will you two stop flirting for five minutes? Eskild, do you have your phone?

ESKILD: [scoffs] Of course. It’s permanently attached.

ISAK: Good. Take a photo of Even.

ESKILD: [frowns] Of you and Even?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes, huffing] No, of Even. Just Even.

ESKILD: [wrinkles his nose, pointing] Like…that?

EVEN: Hey!

ESKILD: Sorry, sweets, but…you need a hose down.

EVEN: [looks at Isak] THANK you! I’ve been trying to tell him.

ISAK: Eskild, just take the goddamned picture.

ESKILD: Geez! Fine, grumpy mcgrumperson. [Fishes his phone out and points the camera at Even] Say østebrød.

Even’s face is expressionless when Eskild snaps a few pics.

ESKILD: Okay, now what?

ISAK: Look at them.

ESKILD: [frowning] Look at the pics?

ISAK: Yeah.

Eskild does and his eyes go wide.

ESKILD: Hmm…

ISAK: [eyes narrowing] What?

ESKILD: You don’t look half bad in these, Even.

ISAK: Ah HA!

Eskild jumps.
Even coughs.

ISAK: [peers over Eskild’s shoulder] I told you.

EVEN: Not half-bad doesn’t mean runway-ready, Isak. I’m telling you, you’re in lurve.

ISAK: Shut it. Eskild, tell him he is incapable of taking a bad photo.

ESKILD: Is that what this is all about? [still looking at his phone] I have to say, young Isak has a point.

ISAK: See?

Even sneezes, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his hoodie. It is thoroughly disgusting.

Eskild snaps a few more pics.

ESKILD: Well, I’ll be… You know the true test?

ISAK: What?

ESKILD: Grindr.

EVEN: What?!

ESKILD: [grins while fiddling with his phone] I’ll just replace my photo with yours, and….there. Done. We’ll see how long it takes for [ping!] Okay, not long.

Hey, sexy, I love your hair. Can’t wait to see it on my pillow.

ISAK: [peering over Eskild’s shoulder] Do those lines really work?

EVEN: What lines? Did you really…?

[ping!]

ESKILD: Oh! Another one.

You are fuck hot. Wanna meet up for some fun?

ESKILD: Well, I think you’ve won this one, Isak.

[ping!]
[ping!]
[ping!]

ESKILD: [to Even] Jesus. Is this what it’s like to be you? So unfair. I don’t get this kind of response, and I’m a redhead. And I shower regularly!

ISAK: See? My point exactly.

ESKILD: I think I hate you now. [makes a dramatic exit]

EVEN: [coughing] You’re both delusional. Anyone can look good on a cameraphone.

ISAK: [sits on the edge of the bed] It’s not just that, you…you’re really…[sighs]

EVEN: What’s wrong?

ISAK: I never had confidence issues until I met you. It’s hard dating an actual supermodel.

EVEN: [laughs softly] Baby, I love that you like what you see when you look at me. It’s mutual, you have to know that by now.

ISAK: Yeah…I guess.

EVEN: Fuck…I don’t feel so great. I need to lie down for a while.

ISAK: [getting up] Sure. [tucks Even in] Need anything? Tea?

EVEN: Nah, just some sleep.

ISAK: Okay, I’ll be in the other room.

EVEN: [already dozing] Okay…thanks..

Isak stands in the doorway and watches Even sleep. His hair is a riot on the pillow, his nose is red and swollen, and his mouth looks beestung. He doesn’t look bad, but he certainly doesn’t look great. Isak can’t resist. He snaps a photo.

Even looks like a slumbering angel.

ISAK: [whispering to himself] Goddamnit, so unfair. 

Chapter Text

His friend Britt has been eyeing him all night, casting sly smiles his way anytime he kisses Isak’s hair or Isak whispers in his ear. Finally, he can’t take it anymore.

EVEN: What’s up, Bri?

BRITT: [grinning] You two are too fucking cute, Even. I mean...I never thought I’d see you like this.

ISAK: [arches an eyebrow] Er...aren’t you friends with Sonja?

Britt nods.

ISAK: You were around when they, uh...when they were together.

BRITT: Oh, yeah. I was there when they met. Inseparable, those two, for a while. [she takes a sip from her bottle and then tips it toward them] This is very different.

ISAK: [clearly intrigued, sits up a bit] Different how?

Even wonders how much Isak has had to drink, because he seems perfectly content to have this conversation in the presence of the others. Even arches an eyebrow at Britt. She runs her tongue over her teeth, champing at the bit to spill whatever she’s thinking. It’s always been like this with her.

EVEN: Don’t hold back on my account.

BRITT: [sets her bottle down and sits up] Alright, well, for one thing, Sonja was very much...in charge.

EVEN: [both eyebrows arch] Oh really? You think so?

BRITT: [smirks] I know so, and so do you. Anyway, Isak, here, he seems happier letting you run things.

ISAK: [huffs] I’m in charge.

EVEN: [kisses his nape] Of course you are, babe.

BRITT: [giggle] No, lamb. You’re not, but it’s not like Even here is bossing you around. That’s not what I mean. I just meant...you’re the little spoon.

ISAK: [scoffs] The what?

BRITT: Jesus, you are so adorable. Evi, where did you find this one?

EVEN: [grins and runs a hand through Isak’s hair, who visibly relaxes with the touch] He fell out of the sky and right into my lap.

ISAK: My cheese alarm is going off.

BRITT: Aww, that’s so sweet, Evi.

ISAK: [turns to peer at Even] Evi?

EVEN: Don’t even think about it.

ISAK: [grins] Noted. [turns back to Britt] Why do you think I’m the little spoon? We’re the same size spoons. Equals. I mean yeah, he’s got a few inches on me so I tend to disappear in his noodle arms, but that’s just logistics.

BRITT: Don’t fret, doll, I just meant that you sort of...defer to Even. He kisses you. He takes your hand. He initiates.

ISAK: [frowns] Not always.

BRITT: Fair enough. [leans across and places a hand on Isak’s knee] It’s not a judgment or anything, I think it’s sweet. Even may put on a show in public, but he was always the one to acquiesce to whatever Sonja wanted.

ISAK: [snorts and hooks a thumb toward his boyfriend] Him?

BRITT: She chose what they did and when. Where. Which film, which concert, where they ate.

EVEN: You make it sound like I was a pushover.

BRITT: [nods] A little bit. I think you get it in your head that because you’re a little messed-up up here [she taps her forehead] you need to compensate by giving in to every whim of the ones you care about. But with Isak, you seem to be the one leading and it’s nice to see.

EVEN: We take turns.

ISAK: Sort of. Anyway, even if I do let Even lead, it’s because...this is all really new to me. He’s my first.

BRITT: [a warm smile spreads across her face] Even is your first boyfriend?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder] He’s my first...everything.

Even stiffens. He can’t mean what he thinks he means. But Isak turns to look at him, his cheeks pink and his eyes wide, as if he realizes what he just said. Isak bites his bottom lip.

BRITT: Oh my God, you were a virgin?

Isak is bright red now. He jumps up off the floor where they’ve been sitting, swaying a little as the alcohol rushes to his head, no doubt.

EVEN: [reaching up to steady him] You okay?

ISAK: I’m fine. Just need to hit the head. [he stumbles toward the bathroom, stepping over and around the few other people conversing in clumps around Even’s small apartment.

Even turns back to Britt, who meets his gaze with warmth, affection, and something else he can’t name.

BRITT: I didn’t mean to embarrass him.

EVEN: [shakes his head] He’s alright.

BRITT: Are you?

EVEN: Huh?

BRITT: I take it you didn’t know.

EVEN: [runs a hand through his hair] No...I didn’t. I mean, I should have, but...

BRITT: He’s a lucky kid, to have you be his first.

EVEN: Maybe...

Britt grabs his hand. Even meets her eyes again, startled by her earnest expression.

BRITT: I’ve never, ever seen you this happy, Evi. Fuck, I’m so happy for you.

EVEN: [smiles] Thanks, Bri. It...means a lot coming from you. I’m glad we can still be friends, after...you know.

BRITT: [squeezes his hand and lets go] Are you kidding? Sonja’s fine. She met some guy at work. She’s just fine. And you...you have the sweetest, prettiest boy I’ve ever seen sitting on your lap and looking at you like you hung the moon.

EVEN: [chuckles] He does, doesn’t he? I don’t know why.

BRITT: Well, it’s because you did, silly. [she smiles] You’re amazing, and he seems really sweet. And funny. Thank God he’s funny, or you would go crazy...crazier.

EVEN: [shoves her with his sock-covered foot] Bitch.

BRITT: Asshole. [laughs] Hey, go make sure he’s okay.

EVEN: [already rising] Way ahead of you.

Even winds his way toward the bathroom and knocks.

EVEN: Isak?

ISAK: [through the door] One minute.

Even hears the sound of running water and then Isak opens the door. His cheeks are still red, but the curls around his face are damp.

EVEN: Come with me. [he takes Isak’s hand and leads him back to his room, closing the door once they’re inside.] Were you ever going to tell me?

ISAK: [blushing, shrugs one shoulder] I did. Sort of.

EVEN: [takes Isak’s hands in his] You said you’d never been with a guy, I just assumed...

ISAK: Yeah, well...

Even pulls Isak into his arms, wrapping him up tight and pressing kisses into his hair.

EVEN: I’m sorry if I ruined your first time.

ISAK: [leans back to meet Even’s eyes] What? Ruined how?

EVEN: Uh, running out of the hotel naked?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes and buries his face in Even’s neck] You didn’t ruin shit, shut up.

They stand in silence for a few minutes, soaking in the silence and the ability to be with each other like this. It still takes Even’s breath away that he has Isak. That Isak is his.

Isak breaks the hug and steps back, shoving his hands in his pockets. He takes a moment before looking up to meet Even’s gaze. Even isn’t sure what he’s about to say and his heart is in his throat.

ISAK: Even...that night...that whole day, hell, the whole week...it was the best of my life, to that point. The fucking best. And if I had never seen you again after you...even if that had been it, it still would have been the best week. You were amazing with me. I trusted you and you didn’t let me down. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t make me feel like a kid. You...you were just...and I love you for that. I love you and I trust you and that’s why I follow. That’s why, okay?

EVEN: [can’t speak so he just nods]

ISAK: [small smile] And, technically, you let me lead when it counts.

EVEN: [laughs] Jesus, Isak. [pulls him back into his arms] 

ISAK: [laughing into Even’s neck, his hands roaming over his back] What? You do. You’re the little spoon. If we’re being technical.

EVEN: [squeezes him tighter, kissing his cheek] True. [takes a beat] Have you ever...I mean, do you ever think you might want to...

ISAK: [his hands still] Let you be the...uh...big spoon?

EVEN: Yeah. [holds his breath]

ISAK: [leans back and looks up into Even’s eyes] Is that what you want?

EVEN: [runs a fingertip over Isak’s eyebrow] I want whatever you want, I am totally cool with whatever.

ISAK: [seems to think, his eyes wandering] And...if I want to stay the big spoon?

EVEN: Like I said, totally fine.

ISAK: But if I wanted to...try...

EVEN: [plants a soft kiss on Isak’s lips] Anything you want.

ISAK: [exhales and goes back to hugging Even tight] I love you.

EVEN: I love you too.

ISAK: Britt’s nice.

EVEN: [burying his nose in Isak’s hair] She is. I’m glad you like her.

ISAK: That Julian guy, though? He’s a little creepy. Keeps staring at me like I’m food. And I feel like I should know him from somewhere.

Chapter Text

Tonight, Even is desperate.

His mind is racing, the thoughts tilt-a-whirling around his head like an out of control carnival ride. He needs to tell Isak things. Needs to say them out loud. Needs to show Isak what this is, what they are, what it all means. But, Jesus fuck, he doesn’t have the words. The ones that won’t freak Isak the fuck out.

Isak, in his infinite patience, just stares at him. He is golden skin, and rose-petal lips, and limbs that go on for days. He is sinew and muscle and bone, parts that make up a whole that Even cannot believe – can’t believe – is spread out next to him. And Isak’s eyes, so full of understanding and warmth and – Christ – love.

Even opens his mouth to speak and nothing comes. He groans.

ISAK: What’s wrong?

It’s barely above a whisper, and his voice holds no sign of annoyance or accusation, but it grates on Even’s eardrum like a serrated knife. Because nothing is wrong. Nothing at all. Nothing but him.

He’s wrong. All wrong. And caught up in something so right, he can’t even give it a voice.

EVEN: Nothing.

ISAK: Something.

His smile is soft, his voice softer.

Even wants to cry, but that’s ridiculous. He wants to sing or make up a poem, or something. A film, maybe, without dialogue. Just endless footage of Isak sleeping and laughing and eating and loving him, loving Even, as no one else ever has. As no one else ever would, not that it matters. Isak is all Even wants. Ever.

But he halts that line of thought because it scares Isak. So, Even just traces his fingertips over Isak’s skin, delighting in the tremor that passes through him. Savouring the hitch of his boyfriend’s breath.

Isak frowns.

ISAK: Is it cloudy today?

EVEN: [shakes his head] Not exactly.

ISAK: What’s bothering you?

EVEN: Nothing, I just…I don’t want to overwhelm you.

ISAK: Overwhelm me?

EVEN: [kisses Isak’s forehead] I know I can be too much for you sometimes.

ISAK: Are you worried about me running away?

EVEN: [sharp laugh] Always.

ISAK: Don’t. [snuggles closer, his skin warm] Even if I did run away, it would only be for a day or two.

EVEN: You said that…what I want scares you.

ISAK: It does. Not because I don’t want it, but…[thinks] Because I don’t know what my life is going to be yet. I love you, so much, but people change. I could change. You could too. Right?

EVEN: [swallows hard and buries his face in Isak’s hair]

ISAK: Even?

EVEN: [pulls him tighter]

ISAK: Come on, baby. Talk to me.

EVEN: [sighs and licks a line up the side of Isak’s neck, making him gasp]

ISAK: [shivering] Not fair. Use your words.

EVEN: [shifts until he’s hovering over Isak, staring down into his eyes] You’re going to be a teacher. A professor.

ISAK: [his voice breathy. He lightly places his hands on Even’s hips as he moves over him] Am I?

EVEN: Yes. I think so. [Straddles Isak’s thighs] Can’t you picture it?

ISAK: Maybe. I don’t know how good I would be at teaching others.

EVEN: You’d be phenomenal.

ISAK: [small smile, his eyes soft with wonder] You think so?

EVEN: [nods and shifts, bringing them closer] I know it.

ISAK: [his eyes flutter shut] Even…

EVEN: Soon. Open your eyes.

See me. He wants to say.

Isak obeys, and the look on his face wrecks Even. There’s so much there. Love, respect, awe, disbelief. Belief. In him. It’s mind-blowing.

ISAK: You’re going to take the film industry by storm.

EVEN: [smiling] Yeah?

ISAK: Yeah. You’ll win a few Amandas, and then you’ll win an Oscar.

EVEN: [brows raised] An Oscar? Really?

ISAK: [smiling up at him, his hands caressing Even’s chest, face, thighs] Yes. And you’ll thank me in your acceptance speech.

EVEN: Of course I would.

ISAK: You’ll say I inspired you or something sappy like that.

EVEN: Because you do. Always.

ISAK: I hope I’m there for that.

EVEN: [breath catching] Yeah?

ISAK: [trembles]

EVEN: What?

ISAK: Tell me.

EVEN: Tell you what, babe?

ISAK: Everything. Everything you want, everything you see, all of it.

EVEN: [leans down and kisses him] Don’t panic.

ISAK: I’ll try not to. Just…talk to me. Tell me.

Even takes a deep breath and reaches over to the side table. He grabs what he needs and lifts up to his knees. Moments later, he lowers himself, brings them as close as he can. They both shudder and Even takes a minute to catch his breath.

ISAK: [shaky laugh] This is so not fair.

EVEN: Shhh…

They move gently, in no hurry.

EVEN: What I see is us, always us. Together even when we’re apart. You’ll go away to school or I will. Or we both will. But it won’t matter, Isak. It doesn’t matter where you are because you’re always with me. Do you get that? Do you know that you live inside me? I can’t take a breath without feeling you.

Isak shivers as Even moves above him, his hands gripping him tightly. Isak pulls him down into a kiss that goes on and on. And on.

ISAK: [gasping for air] Jesus…

EVEN: [moving with purpose] I am stupid over you, Issy. You fucking own me. Do you understand? I am yours. Yours.

ISAK: Even… [his hands fly into Even’s hair]

EVEN: You can’t see forever, I know. I know, baby. I know. But I can. I can see it. I can taste it. And so, I’ll wait. I’ll wait for you to see it too. I won’t pressure you, I’ll try not to put any pressure on you. I do try.

ISAK: [panting] I know.

EVEN: It’s so hard, because the words…the right ones, the small ones, they don’t always come. Only the big ones. The ones that scare the shit out of you. Out of us both.

ISAK: [barely breathing] Scares you too?

EVEN: [laughs softly] Fuck, Isak. Yes, it scares me. Because I’m so sure. I’m so…fuck, baby…I just know.

ISAK: B-because…you see it. OhGod

EVEN: Yes.

ISAK: Us.

EVEN: Yes. [losing his rhythm]

ISAK: [groans] Always…

EVEN: [siezed by a pleasure sparked by Isak’s] Yes…yes…always…yes…

There are no more words for a while, only thundering hearts, and shuddering breaths. Even stretches out on the bed next to Isak and tries to count the stars that swirl behind his eyes.

The room grows quiet as the minutes pass and panic settles into Even’s gut once more. He’s said too much, revealed too much, pushed too far, fucked everything up again, he…

ISAK: [quietly] Even?

EVEN: [terrified] Yeah?

ISAK: Thank you for sticking to the little words for me.

EVEN: [exhales] Sure, of course. Whatever you need.

ISAK: But…

EVEN: But? [holds his breath]

ISAK: I don’t mind the big ones as much as I thought.

EVEN: [tries to temper the hope blooming in his chest] Nei?

ISAK: Nei. [slips his hand into Even’s and rolls to his side to face him.] A professor? You think?

EVEN: [turns his head, not even bothering to hide the big ass smile] Yep, or a researcher of some kind. Though, I could totally see you torturing some poor second-years.

ISAK: [turns and laughs into Even’s shoulder, throwing his arm across his chest] Sounds like fun. I could totally be into that. Make them squirm with pop quizzes.

EVEN: [chuckles] You can be a little snake sometimes.

ISAK: You have no idea.

Chapter Text

There are two, distinct periods in Isak’s life: B.E. and A.E.

Before Even, Isak lived in a state of fear that had become so routine to him, so constant, that he only really felt the weight of it when he was alone. In his room, he could let his defense rest. There was no one there to judge him, no jury to find him guilty of being too gay, or not gay enough.

Alone, he could be his uncertain, scared, and lonely self. Because, out in the world – with his friends and his classmates and even his roommates – he’d constructed a careful version of Isak Valtersen. Confident, carefree, cock-sure.

Fake, yes, but give the kid a fucking Amanda Award for Best Actor. Isak deserved it for his daily performances. No one suspected, and if they did, they didn’t care enough to look behind the mask he’d worn.

And then he met Even.

No matter how hard Isak tried, Even could see him. See through him. See the core of him, and that had been fucking scary. Still is.

After meeting Even, Isak realized there was another way to be. Real. Open. Courageous.

Even is brave.

Isak is learning to be.

Take this PDA thing, for instance.

Isak and Even are hanging out with the usual squad. It’s Sunday night, so not much beer is flowing. Linn is in her room, as always, so they're quiet.

Well, quiet-ish. Eskild has two volumes, loud and louder, but even he is subdued tonight. He’s found a cool, new show that he thinks they all should watch, something called Eyewitness, and so they are. It’s not bad.

Jonas and Mahdi are sitting on the floor, listening to music on a pair of shared headphones. Some band Mahdi insists will be “the next one to break out of Norway.”

Eva has shown up with Chris again, and Isak still can’t wrap his head around that one. They’re sharing the oversized armchair, huddled over a bowl of chips and chatting softly. Isak is surprised to see the affection on Chris’s face when he looks at her. Huh.

Magnus and Vilde are out on a date, apparently. Good for them. Isak has no idea where Noora is.

As for Isak and Even, they’re cuddling. Honest-to-goodness cuddling. In front of his friends. Without the aid of any significant amount of alcohol, this time.

Progress.

Even’s arms feel good around him. Amazing. And he’s doing that thing with Isak’s hair that Isak secretly loves, though he sometimes complains about it when they’re in public. Long fingers get lost in his curls, and Isak tries hard not to shiver from the delicate contact.

He wants to melt into Even, dissolve into his touch, but he always stops himself. Right now, he’s wondering why.

EVEN: [in Isak’s ear] Relax.

ISAK: [turns his head a bit, so that he can whisper] I am relaxed.

He leans a little more into Even, delighted when Even’s arm tightens around him. Isak takes a breath and lets it out slowly, willing his body to let go of the tension he always seems to carry. He wants to be at ease with this, with everything.

EVEN: [whispers] Is this too much for you?

ISAK: [matching Even’s tone] No, no. Don’t stop.

Even presses a kiss to Isak’s neck, and Isak can feel him smile against his skin.

He smiles too and bites his lip as his gaze darts around the room. No one is paying them any attention, so he relaxes a bit more into Even’s embrace.

EVEN: I’m so proud of you.

ISAK: [snorts softly] Of what?

EVEN: I know this still isn’t easy for you.

ISAK: [turns his head to meet Even’s eyes] You make it easier. [sighs] I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why can’t I just…I mean, these are my friends, I should be able to be myself.

EVEN: You can be yourself. No one here has a problem with you or with us. They’re all happy for you.

ISAK: [nods, dropping his gaze] I know.

EVEN: This isn’t about them, you know.

ISAK: [nods again] I know. [meets Even’s gaze again] Was it always so easy for you?

Even seems to think about that for a while and Isak watches him formulate his response. He absolutely loves the way Even’s mind works. Most of the time.

EVEN: [narrows his eyes] The short answer is yes.

ISAK: [leans in a bit] When did you…come out?

EVEN: [smiles] I was never in, so to speak. I’ve always known who I am, even when I was a kid, and my parents never challenged that.

ISAK: What do you mean?

EVEN: In primary school, I had crushes on girls and boys. I didn’t really think about it, it seemed completely natural for me to be attracted to both. Pretty is pretty, awesome is awesome.

ISAK: [smiles] And your parents were okay with it?

EVEN: [returns the smile] Oh yeah, they were great. Still are. You’ll see.

ISAK: You’re so lucky.

While they’ve been chatting, Even has been slowly coaxing Isak to rest a leg over his lap, and Isak has let him. He hasn’t had the courage to check the room for a reaction, but he does it now.

Again, no one seems to notice, or at least care. Isak relaxes a few more degrees.

Even grins at him.

EVEN: I know your mom has…issues, religious issues, with homosexuality. You said your dad was okay with us, yeah?

ISAK: Yeah, he’s been surprisingly calm about everything.

EVEN: Will I get to meet him soon?

ISAK: [taken aback] You want to?

EVEN: [frowns a little] Of course I do.

ESKILD: What are you two whispering about so feverishly? Is it sexy?

Isak tenses and Even runs a hand down his arm. The effect is calming, and Isak wonders if he can bottle the feeling and carry it around with him for when Even isn’t there.

Of course, all eyes are on them now.

Great.

EVEN: [chuckling] We’re having a deep, philosophical discussion about the validity of pineapple on pizza.

ESKILD: [shudders] Ugh. Should be banned, in my opinion.

EVA: No, I like pineapple pizza!

CHRIS: [recoils] Well, shit. That settles it, we’re breaking up.

Isak doesn’t miss the look of surprise in Eva’s eyes before she smiles and playfully shoves her boyfriend (?) with one hand, which he grabs and pulls her in for a kiss.

Isak really needs to catch up with her soon.

MAHDI: It’s not bad if you have ham on it too.

JONAS: [nods] And chili sauce.

ESKILD: Okay, I’m about to kick you all out of here.

As the debate rages on, Isak turns to Even who is watching him steadily, a hint of a smile on his lips. Once again, he’d given Isak an out.

ISAK: I’ll set up a dinner with my dad if you’re serious about meeting him.

EVEN: Issy, I am serious about everything when it comes to you.

ISAK: [smiles] Yeah?

EVEN: [swallows, his voice taking on a little gravel as Isak swings his other leg over Even’s lap] Yes. Like right now. I am very serious about kissing you.

ISAK: [breath catches a little] Right here?

EVEN: Yeah. [His gaze is zeroed in on Isak’s lips, something that drives Isak insane.]

ISAK: [licks his bottom lip] Right now?

EVEN: [his eyes half-lidded] Yeah…but…

ISAK: But?

EVEN: I won’t if…

Isak’s lips part of their own volition. He tilts his chin up, an open invitation upon which Even immediately seizes.

The kiss isn’t innocent by any stretch of the imagination, but Isak appreciates the fact that Even doesn’t go all in, as he might do when they’re alone. He’s still giving Isak room to grow on his own.

So he does.

Isak curls his hand around the back of Even’s head, sinking his fingers in the soft waves of his boyfriend’s hair. He sweeps his tongue into Even’s mouth, his fingers tightening when Even groans.

The kiss takes on a life of its own, then. It’s slow, sweet, hot and full of subtext.

This is more than a baby step, this is an announcement.

Isak is vaguely aware that the conversation around them has stopped. He slows the kiss, reluctantly ending it, and takes a moment to appreciate Even’s flushed complexion and dazed expression before he pecks him once more on the lips and turns to face the room.

EVA: That is the hottest thing I have ever seen.

Jonas is shaking his head and grinning.

Mahdi’s mouth is hanging open, and Jonas nudges him.

MAHDI: I’ve never seen you guys…er…I mean, kudos to you for doing that in front of us, Isak.

ESKILD: [practically glowing] My baby boy is growing up so fast.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] You guys are so fucking melodramatic. It was just a kiss.

JONAS: Nah, man. It wasn’t just a kiss. It was…like, you finally feel comfortable around us with Even, and it’s pretty fucking cool.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes again] Come on.

CHRIS: Hey, man, I get it. You’re young, you’re figuring things out, but these guys are your friends. Your family. I’m sort of an outsider, but I see it too. You’re easing into the new you, nothing wrong with that. You’re lucky you’ve got people who support you.

EVEN: I tried to tell him.

ISAK: [swinging his legs around until his feet are on the floor] Is this Analyze Isak Day? I just kissed my boyfriend.

EVA: [nods, smiling] In front of us.

ISAK: We kiss in front of you all the time.

ESKILD: Not like that, baby boy. Not like that. That was pretty fucking hot.

JONAS: That was more like a hook-up than a kiss.

CHRIS: Definitely.

MAHDI: No doubt.

ISAK: [exasperated, turns to Even] See? This is why.

EVEN: [grinning] See what, baby?

EVA: [sighs] Aww, baby.

ISAK: [turns a murderous expression her way] Don’t even go there.

EVA: [grins] You’re so cute! Look, you’re blushing.

ISAK: [stands up] That’s it. I’m going to my room.

EVEN: [still grinning] Am I invited?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder as if his heart isn’t pounding in his chest] If you want.

EVEN: [rising] I want.

ESKILD: [touches the back of his hand to his forehead] My heart can’t take much more.

ISAK: [groans] Jesus, let’s get out of here.

Isak grabs Even’s hand and pulls him after him.

ESKILD: Don’t go away mad, Isak. We love your love.

ISAK: [fighting a smile] Fuck off, Eskild.

Isak drags Even down the hall. He can still hear the others in the living room.

JONAS: Magnus is going to be so pissed that he missed that.

MAHDI: Oh! We should tell him that we walked in on them banging, he’ll blow a fucking gasket.

Their cackling laughter does nothing to leaden the unfamiliar lightness in Isak’s chest. If anything, the feel of Even’s hand on his waist, urging him to walk faster, makes him want to fly.

Chapter Text

There’s a bubble in Even’s chest that won’t pop. It just gets bigger and bigger, and it’s so full of light and joy that he wonders if he isn’t on the verge of another episode.

It’s been good lately. Everything has. School, home, Isak. Alt er bra.

He feels like he has a handle on this life stuff, having settled into a routine, and it’s nice. Even typically hates the concept of the mundane, but this time it buoys him. He’s happy, so fucking happy. Right now, he’s borderline euphoric.

Even had woken up this morning with one thought: how long has it been?

He hadn’t yet considered when, exactly, he and Isak began. Even had wanted him since the first time he saw him and, since then, Isak has lived inside him in some form or another. As a fascination. As a focus. As a fantasy. And, now, as Even’s reality.

But this morning, Isak had mentioned something about his parents’ anniversary and a dinner and all Even can think is, when is ours? Because it would be nice to pinpoint a moment on the calendar and call it the start of them.

Like, is it that warm, blue-sky day in August when he saw the blond for the first time? Nah. Maybe it’s the 3^rd of October, when Isak finally, finally, noticed him in the cafeteria? Because that would make them six months old.

Or is it the 7^th of October when they finally, finally, spoke for the first time?

Did they begin with those godawful cheese toasties?
Or was it the night of the near-kiss?
In the pool?
The morning after?

Even wants to know, no, needs to. It’s becoming an obsession and it’s fucking frustrating because he can’t find the moment. There’s no starting line for him to look back on. But he needs one. He just needs it. Time matters.

So he decides.

The 9^th of December.

It’s the night he’d confessed everything.
It’s the night he’d let go of everything.
It’s the night he’d given up.

It’s the night Isak had chosen him. Had loved him.

Had saved him.

So…almost three months. That’s worth celebrating.

Even needs to make plans.

He briefly considers reserving another suite, but quickly shoots that idea down. Maybe dinner out. There’s a restaurant he keeps seeing, Ett Bord. Looks fantastic. Eclectic, and fun. Like he and his Isak. Yeah, maybe that’s the thing. And they could go to a museum, or a play…

ESKILD: Even?

Even turns, startled to find himself standing in the hallway outside Isak’s room. He has no idea how long he’s been there.

ESKILD: [eyeing him carefully] You okay?

EVEN: [smiles immediately] I’m great, you?

ESKILD: [takes a beat to study Even before answering] I’m fine, thanks. Why are you out here? Is Isak home?

EVEN: Uh, no. He had to go see his parents. Well, his mom.

ESKILD: Oh. [folds his arms] You know, you’ve been spending a lot of time here these last few months. It’s like having another roommate.

EVEN: [wincing] Yeah, about that, I feel like I should contribute more.

ESKILD: [nods] I think that’s fair. I don’t mind being a caretaker to all you children, but it gets costly.

EVEN: [leans against the wall] Money?

ESKILD: That’s between you and Isak, he covers the rent for his room.

EVEN: Food?

ESKILD: Definitely!

EVEN: [smiles] Consider it done.

ESKILD: And I think you should cook more often.

EVEN: [grins] Sure, I can do that.

ESKILD: Pytt i Panna. Once a week.

EVEN: [laughs] Uh, sure. You like it that much?

ESKILD: [hand to his heart] Not normally, but yours is so good it ought to be a sin.

EVEN: [laughs harder] It’s a deal, then.

ESKILD: [crosses his arms again and leans against the wall opposite Even] What were you doing, standing here? I watched you for a few minutes. You were…elsewhere.

EVEN: [exhales slowly] I was thinking.

ESKILD: [purses his lips] Clearly. About?

EVEN: Isak. Well, me and Isak. Us.

ESKILD: [frowns] Everything okay with you two? I’m his guru, you know. I could be yours too. Eskild is all-knowing and wise.

EVEN: [smiles] You are, indeed.

ESKILD: Seriously, though. Is something wrong?

EVEN: [shakes his head] No, I just…I was trying to figure out how long me and Isak have been…me and Isak.

ESKILD: You lost me.

EVEN: Like, the actual day we became an us.

ESKILD: [brightens] Oh! Your anniversary?

EVEN: It was bugging me, but I think I’ve figured it out.

ESKILD: [grins] Yeah? So, when is it?

EVEN: [meets Eskild’s gaze] Remember the night Isak brought me back here?

ESKILD: [sobers quickly] Yeah…

Even blinks.

Eskild swallows, purses his lips, and seems as if he’s going to speak but he doesn’t. He nods.

EVEN: Yeah, so…

ESKILD: Could I ask you a personal question, Even?

EVEN: Of course.

ESKILD: Isak is young.

EVEN: [straightening] I know. That’s not a question, though.

ESKILD: No, I mean… [thinks] He’s younger than his actual age. Do you know what I mean? The kid has been through a lot, grown a lot, but he’s still…Isak.

EVEN: You underestimate him.

ESKILD: Maybe. [nodding] You certainly get to see a different side of him than I do. Than any of us do, really. Though, I can see your influence on him.

EVEN: Is that good or bad?

ESKILD: The jury is still out. [smirks] Relax. It’s good. For now. But…

EVEN: But?

ESKILD: I just…Isak is such a grumpy kitty, or was. Before you. What is he…? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the boy like an annoying little brother, but…Isak? Why?

EVEN: [eyes narrowing] You’re the second person to ask me that.

ESKILD: Because it’s Isak. He’s beautiful, and he can be sweet, but it’s not easy to get past his hard shell to that soft center of his. How did you? I mean…what did you see that made you say ‘yeah, I want that one’?

EVEN: [sighs, lowering his gaze to the floor] Isak is…

Even starts. Stops. Swallows. Thinks. Finally, he hugs himself.

EVEN: Isak is potential. He’s…untapped, unrecognized potential in its purest form. He’s got so much depth to him, it blows my mind sometimes. I don’t even think he’s aware of it. He sees the world in technicolour, sees it as something that’s full of magic and mystery. As a thing to be explored and mapped and appreciated. He’s keenly aware of the people around him and their effect on him. He’s slowly becoming more aware of his effect on them.

ESKILD: [snorts] Finally.

EVEN: [smiles, still looking down] Yeah, finally. Like you said, he’s growing. Learning. I see it every day, and it…I…I want to see the world through his eyes. I want to be as open to the universe as he is. I’m selfish because I want to be by his side when he makes all of his incredible discoveries, even though I probably shouldn’t be.

ESKILD: You think that? That you shouldn’t be with him?

EVEN: [shrugs] Sometimes, yes. Of course I do. But, like I said, I’m selfish. I want everything with him. I want all of him. I’m greedy when it comes to Isak.

ESKILD: Even…

Even looks up and is met with an Eskild he’s never seen before. All signs of playfulness are gone and, in its place, there’s a gravitas he hadn’t thought the other man capable of.

Eskild drops his arms to his sides and exhales a heavy breath.

ESKILD: Isak has probably told you how he ended up here.

Even nods.

ESKILD: That boy, the one I brought home that night from the club. The one who slept on the floor in the basement because he was too hurt and frightened and lost to go home. That boy? He’s gone. He vanished right before my eyes, and I think a lot of that is because of you. I can’t say I approved at first. From everything he told me, you did a number on him. [holds his hand up to stop Even from interrupting] But, I understand it all now. I get it. I can’t pretend to understand the choices you felt you had to make, but I do know that you were trying to do what you thought was right.

EVEN: Thank you.

ESKILD: [shrugs one shoulder] The Guru sees all. [small smile] You love Isak, flaws and all, and he loves you. All of you.

Even’s throat tightens. He nods and pushes off the wall.

ESKILD: And if my calculations are right, you have a few days to come up with a stellar three-month-aversary plan. Which sounds like you need my help. [folds his arms expectantly] Do you need my help, young Even?

EVEN: [allows one side of his mouth to curl up in a half-smile] You’re only two years older than me, but yes. I do indeed, oh wise one. Any suggestions?

ESKILD: [wide grin] Ohhh so many suggestions.

EVEN: [chuckling] Any that won’t get me kicked to the curb by the love of my life?

The smile falls from Eskild’s face and he ashens as he stares past Even.

ISAK: [from behind Even] The what of your what?

Chapter Text

Onsdag 11.46

Isak, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus are sitting in the cantina.

MAGNUS: [shoving a piece of bread in his mouth] I’m just saying, if we all stay in Oslo for uni, we could get a flat together.

MAHDI: Bro, I don’t know if I could live with you 24/7. No offense.

MAGNUS: Total offense! What do you mean? I’m the easiest person to live with, ask my mom.

JONAS: Your mom complains about the state of your room, like, all the fucking time Magnus.

MAGNUS: How would you know?

MAHDI: Because you’re always telling us what a shit stain it is, and how your mom is always on your case about it.

JONAS: You’d be just the type of roommate to never do the dishes.

MAGNUS: [shaking his head] Lies.

MAHDI: Or clean the bathroom.

MAGNUS: [looks between the two of them, incredulous] Is this really what you think of me? [turns to Isak, who has been quiet.] Isak? Do you agree with these losers?

Isak doesn’t respond. He’s engrossed with the cheese toastie on his plate and is picking off the bits of cardamom seed.

MAGNUS: [nudges Isak’s shoulder] Earth to Isak.

ISAK: [startles] Huh?

Jonas and Mahdi stop whatever they’re doing and look at him.

MAGNUS: You alright, man?

ISAK: [straightening, wiping his hands on his jeans] Uh, yeah. Yeah. Why? What’s up?

JONAS: You zoning out or something?

ISAK: My, uh, I’m just busy. With schoolwork, it’s like it never stops.

Jonas and Mahdi exchange a look.

MAGNUS: Is something up with Even?

ISAK: [his voice cracking as he raises it] No! Geez, no. Why do you guys always think something’s up with Even?

MAHDI: We don’t.

JONAS: But something usually is.

ISAK: [swinging his gaze back to Jonas] The fuck is that supposed to mean?

JONAS: [sighs and sets his bottle of soda on the table] It means that there’s always something going on with Even.

ISAK: [opens his mouth, closes it] It’s not like that.

MAGNUS: That’s not fair, Jonas.

JONAS: What isn’t fair? Look, I know he’s got…a lot going on, or whatever, but it doesn’t excuse the fact that he strung Isak on for, like, months. He had a fucking girlfriend, and he was…whatevering with him.

ISAK: [without heat] Jonas, you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.

MAHDI: He’s not wrong, though. What is it this time?

MAGNUS: Don’t say it’s nothing, Isak. We all know you pretty well. We can tell when something’s not right. So, spill.

ISAK: [sighs] It’s…I don’t know. He’s been…shady this week.

MAHDI: [sitting up straighter] Shady how?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder] Elusive. It feels like…like he’s hiding something.

MAGNUS: [frowning] Another episode?

ISAK: I don’t know. I don’t think so, but…what do I know?

JONAS: [sighs heavily] Fuck. Isak? Just…ask him. Don’t beat around the bush, ask him. And if he’s being truly shady, dump him.

MAHDI: Blunt much, Jonas?

MAGNUS: Why are you so quick to believe the worst, Jonas?

JONAS: I’m not, but Even doesn’t have the best track record.

ISAK: [rubs his eyes hard] Jonas…I know you mean well but shut the fuck up.

JONAS: Yeah, I mean well. And, no, I won’t shut the fuck up. I’m tired of seeing you strung out over Even.

ISAK: [bristling] I haven’t been strung out over Even, what the fuck?

JONAS: Not lately.

MAGNUS: Guys.

ISAK: No, not fucking lately. Yes, we had a rough start. No, things aren’t always peaches and cream. This isn’t a fucking movie, Jonas. We’re going to have ups and downs.

JONAS: No one said life was a movie, well, no one but Even.

MAGNUS: Guys, stop.

ISAK: [leaning forward] Do you have a problem with Even?

JONAS: [looks up, takes a breath] Yes.

MAHDI: [groans] Fuck. Jonas, man.

JONAS: Not with Even, but with…look…Isak, he makes you happy. Most of the time. And you know I’m all for that. But if you think he’s playing you again…

ISAK: Jesus fuck, Jonas. Is this how it’s going to be? Every time I need to talk something out you’re going to use it as an excuse to shit-talk Even?

JONAS: I’m not…

MAGNUS: Uh, yeah you are, dude.

MAHDI: Okay, everybody back up and take a breath. Shit.

All four boys stay silent for a while. Isak’s leg bounces beneath the table. He’s breathing hard, and his face is red. Magnus puts a hand on his shoulder.

MAGNUS: Tell us what’s going on, we won’t judge or jump to conclusions. [looks at Jonas] Right?

JONAS: [nods] Sorry, man.

ISAK: [nods, takes a deep breath] I walked in on him talking to Eskild the other day. As soon as I arrived, they stopped talking. They were both acting all weird.

JONAS: [brows raised] You don’t think he and Eskild…

ISAK: [jaw drops] No! God, no. No. They were talking about me. I caught the tail end of their conversation, and Even said something about me dumping him if I found out whatever it was they were talking about.

MAHDI: Did you ask him?

ISAK: Yes.

MAGNUS: And?

ISAK: [blushing] He…uh…changed the subject.

JONAS: [rolls his eyes] Using sex to avoid a conversation is not a good sign.

MAGNUS: Good sex is good sex, though.

MAHDI: I am so not sharing a flat with you.

MAGNUS: [looks offended] Am I wrong?

JONAS: You need to have a conversation with Even, Isak. If something is bothering you, talk to him. It’s better to know now if something’s up, before you get in any deeper.

ISAK: [sighs and nods] Yeah.

MAGNUS: Honestly, Isak, I don’t know if either of you could get any deeper. [brightens] That sounds so dirty!

MAHDI: Focus, blondie.

MAGNUS: [clears his throat] Right. What I’m saying is…Even cares about you. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. And we all know you’re stupid over him.

Jonas snorts.

MAGNUS: Anyway. As I was saying, I don’t think it’s anything you need to worry about. No other guys. Or girls. Have we established whether Even is bi or pan?

MAHDI: Does it matter?

MAGNUS: No, I’m just curious. Anyway, Isak, don’t worry yourself into a fit. You tend to do that.

MAHDI: Yeah, you do.

JONAS: Magnus is right. Ask him. Don’t jump to conclusions.

Isak raises an eyebrow.

JONAS: I’ll try not to jump to conclusions on your behalf.

ISAK: [nods slowly] Ask him.

MAHDI: Tonight.

MAGNUS: Before the sexy times.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes, but worries his bottom lip between his teeth] I…I don’t want to lose him, but…maybe it’s all too good to be true.

MAGNUS: Dude.

ISAK: Right. No jumping to conclusions.

MAHDI: Find out what’s up.

JONAS: And if he fucked up, we’ll deal with it.

ISAK: We?

JONAS: [nods once] We.

Chapter Text

Even tries not the buy out the store, really he does, but everything looks so good. Fresh skolebrød, kringle, and apple cake. He couldn’t choose, so he’s grabbing a bit of each, as well as some fresh strawberries and sour cream to go with the vafler he plans to make for breakfast in the morning.

The original plan for tonight was going to be a nice dinner out, someplace quiet and not too fancy. Even wants the evening to be special, but he doesn’t want to go overboard. It’s only been three months. And as eventful and life-changing as they have been, he knows he’ll want to do something again for their six-month-aversary, not to mention their actual anniversary.

He’s thinking trip somewhere for that one, just the two of them.  Amsterdam, or maybe Copenhagen. He loves Denmark.

“Will that be everything?”

Even smiles at the attractive, young cashier. Her blonde hair is a shade lighter than Noora’s if that’s possible.

“I think I have enough.”

“How many people will be at your little soiree?” Her grin is sly. Inviting.

She’s flirting and Even grins back. “Two.”

As expected, her eyebrows rise. “Er…wow, yeah. I think you have enough.” She carefully places the pastries in a box. “Special occasion?”

Even nods. “Yes. Very. I’m celebrating a milestone. With my boyfriend.”

The blonde’s eyes meet his. “That’s…so sweet.”

She’s trying hard to hide her disappointment which only makes Even’s smile grow wider.

“It is, isn’t it?”

“He’s very lucky.” The cashier lowers the box of pastries into a brown paper bag. “You’re very thoughtful.”

“I try.” Even grins again and fishes his wallet out of his pocket. “How much?”

“Two hundred forty-seven kroner, please.”

Even pays, accepts his change and the bag, and turns for the door. He just gets it open when he hears the girl call out to him.

“I hope you have a lovely evening, the two of you.”

He turns back to her, beaming. “Thanks, I hope so too.”

“And if it doesn’t work out, you know where I am.”

Wow. Bold. Even winks. “I sure do.”

He steps out the door and is surprised to see Jonas there.

“Hey!” Even walks over to him. “What’re you doing here?”

“I was going to ask you that.”

Even lifts the bag and wiggles his eyebrows. “I am shopping.”

Jonas nods over Even’s shoulder toward the bakery. “Who’s that?”

Even frowns. “Who’s who?”

“The girl.”

“The cashier?”

“Yes, Even.” There’s bass in Jonas’s voice and none of the crackling mirth that Even is used to.

“She’s the cashier.”

Jonas eyes him. “I thought you knew her or something.”

“Uh, no. Never met her. Just here to buy pastries.” Even holds up the bags to demonstrate.

Jonas doesn’t respond, he just starts walking.

Even jogs to catch up.

“Why did you think I knew her?”

“You were flirting with her.”

“I wasn’t.”

Jonas stops. “Yeah, you were.”

Even stops and turns to him. “Maybe, but no more than I do with anyone. Is that a problem?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out, man.”

“Figure me out?”

“Yeah, like, what’s your deal?”

“My deal?”

“Stop repeating everything I say,” he practically growls.

Whoa.

Even narrows his eyes. “I would, but I’m not sure what’s happening right now. What are you doing here, were you following me?”

Jonas raises his chin defiantly. “Yeah. I was.”

Even takes a moment to absorb that. “May I ask why?”

“Isak thinks you’re hiding something from him, and I’m here to find out what that is.”

Even exhales a breath of relief. “Jesus.”

“Are you?”

“Jesus Christ.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Even starts to make a joke but the look in the other boy’s eyes stops him cold. Jonas is suspicious, though of what Even hasn’t a clue.

“Walk me to Isak’s.”

The look on Jonas’s face tells Even that he hadn’t been expecting that. Good.

They walk in silence for a while. It’s not a particularly cold evening, and would be a nice stroll were it not for the razor-sharp tension stretching between them.

“You don’t trust me.”

“No.”

Well, at least Jonas isn’t going to hold back.

“Is it because of the way Isak and I got started?”

“Yeah, and…”

“And?”

Jonas stops again. He shoves his hands into his pockets and stares over Even’s shoulder when he stands in front of him.

“I’ve known Isak for a long time. He’s my best friend. We’re…like brothers.”

Even nods. “I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Jonas sighs heavily. “We’ve been through a lot together. I tell him everything. He tells me everything or used to. Six months ago, he…he just stopped talking to me. Really talking to me, I mean. I knew he was going through shit. And I thought, you know, he’d come to me eventually because that’s us, that’s who we are.”

Even can only nod.

Jonas glances up at him and then quickly away. “Or were. Until you came along.”

Fuck.

“Jonas…”

“And I know it’s stupid, I get it. It’s not the same, what you have with him and what I have…had…have with him. But…I feel like you get a piece of him that I don’t get. Which, duh. You do.”

Even suppresses a chuckle.

Jonas turns a surprisingly earnest gaze on him. His eyes are like a cat’s, bright and dangerous. They’re gorgeous, actually. He’s a good-looking kid. Even wonders if Isak ever wanted more from Jonas than simple friendship. If perhaps he was the crush that Isak had mentioned before.

“You keep hurting him.”

Even winces. “I don’t mean to.”

Jonas nods. “Yeah, maybe not, but you do. And I don’t like it.”

“I’m not hiding anything from him, Jonas. Nothing serious.”

“Something, though.”

Even lifts the bags. “Pastries.”

Jonas frowns.

“And strawberries, and some vinyl that I found in a vintage shop. I know he doesn’t have a record player, but I think he’ll still like to own it.”

“What are you talking about?”

Even notes the confusion in the other boy, but also the protective stance. The readiness to defend Isak. To shield him from harm. Even can appreciate that, he’s even grateful for it.

“You love him.”

Jonas doesn’t hesitate. “Yes. I do.”

“Did he…I mean, I know he loves you as a friend. But did he ever…?”

Jonas looks away, nodding slowly. “Yeah…he did. I think, I’m not sure, but…” He runs a hand down his face. “He never told me, but I kinda knew.”

“Did you ever…?”

“No, I…no.” His gaze drops to his feet. “But it was…a boost, having his attention like that. Shit, that sounds so lame.”

Even smiles. “Nah, being the focus of Isak’s attention is intoxicating.”

Jonas nods. “Intoxicating. Good word. But we’re off-topic, what’s with the pastries? Why are you hiding pastries?”

“It’s been three months since Isak and I became a we. And I wanted to do something to commemorate that.”

The other boy’s surprise is short-lived, quickly replaced by guilt.

“Fuck.”

Even chuckles. “Don’t beat yourself up. I like that you still have Isak’s back.”

“Always.”

“I know.”

“He said he overheard a convo between you and Eskild. And you said something about Isak dumping you if he found out about something.”

“What?” Even’s smile dissolves into a panic. “Oh no. Oh, shit.”

“What?”

“Fuck. Isak…no wonder he’s been so skittish.” Even groans. “Eskild and I were talking about tonight, about my plans for tonight. And I didn’t want Isak to know, that’s all. Fuck.”

Jonas’s jaw drops open. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Jesus.”

“Okay, look.” Jonas grabs Even’s arm and pulls him in the direction of the kollektivet. “Go home. To Isak’s. You know what I mean. Go and fix this because he’s panicking.”

They walk briskly.

“He really needs to learn to trust me.”

“Can’t say I helped with that,” Jonas says, walking alongside him. “Look, I’m sorry if I haven’t given you a fair chance.”

“No, I get it.”

“Yeah.”

“And thanks.”

“Don’t thank me,” Jonas bites back. “It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with Isak.”

Chapter Text

The flat is dark and empty when Isak gets in. It’s just as well. After his conversation with the boys yesterday, and an awkward meeting with his parents last night that had kept him and his boyfriend apart, Isak’s not sure he has the energy to deal with Even right now. The guys may be right about talking to him, but it can wait a bit longer. He just wants to collapse on his bed and veg for a while.

Isak’s bedroom door is closed, and he can see light flickering in the crack under it. Carefully, he turns the handle and pushes it open. The room has been…transformed.

White candles flicker on every flat surface, casting a golden glow over his plain, white walls. The shadows dance over his orange curtains, giving them the illusion of moving sunlight.

In the center of the bed, Even has spread out a blanket that Isak doesn’t recognize. He’s sitting atop it, lotus-style, and smiling up at him with so much love in his eyes that Isak’s breath catches.

There are plates of food, sausages, cheeses, and what looks like an entire bakery full of bread and pastries. There’s also a flat square covered in wrapping paper, with a big red bow, laying on his pillow.

“What…?” Isak clears the gravel from his throat as his backpack slides from his grip and falls to the floor. “Even…”

“Happy Three-month-aversary, Isak.”

He can’t move. He wants to, wants to walk over to Even and pull him into a kiss until neither of them can breathe.

This.

This is what the secrecy was all about. Isak just knows it. He just knows. All of that worry and doubt, the pain – self-inflicted – all because he didn’t just ask. Didn’t just trust in them. In Even.

Hot, thick droplets fall from his eyes to the floor.

Even is up and off the bed in a flash.

“I thought…”

“Shhh.” Even pulls him into an embrace and Isak never wants to leave it. Never. Not fucking ever.

They stand like that for an indeterminable amount of time. Isak basks in the heat of Even’s body, soaking it in like the rays of the sun. Even feels solid under Isak’s hands as he runs them up and under his t-shirt.

“I’m sorry I worried you.”

“No, I…I made a lot of assumptions based on nothing.” Isak snorts into Even’s chest. “It’s what I do best.”

Even pulls back, holding Isak slightly away from his body. “Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“If anything like this happens again, if you think something is going on, just talk to me. Okay?”

“I tried.”

Even nods. “I know, but…really. If it’s this important, if I’m freaking you out, tell me. Say ‘Even, stop screwing around, I really need to talk.’ Okay?”

Isak nods and wipes angrily at his face. The wet won’t stop. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Even pulls him back into his arms. “It’s just relief, baby. That’s all. Come. Sit.”

They move to the bed and Isak can see that Even has gone all out. Also, he’s suddenly starving.

“This looks great.”

“Yeah?” God, he looks so hopeful.

Isak leans up and kisses his boyfriend. “Let me change into some sweats.”

“Take your time. I’ll grab the bottle of champagne from the kitchen.”

“There’s champagne?” Isak strips off his jeans and sweater, not missing the hungry look that Even gives him.

“Mmm hmm.”

In the minute or so that Even takes to get to the kitchen and back, Isak gathers himself. He’d been so stupid. Why? Why did he always assume the worst?

“You okay?”

Even’s voice snaps Isak back to the moment. He’s standing in the middle of the room with one leg in a pair of sweatpants and the other out.

“Yeah.” Isak finishes dressing. His limbs feel heavy. Like he’s just run a marathon.

“Come sit with me?” Even extends his hand. His eyes shine in the soft light.

Fuck. He’s so gorgeous.

Isak lets Even lead him to the bed, and they sit across from each other. It’s not ideal. Isak wants to touch him, feel his body warm and real under his hands. But Even has apparently planned this all out, and Isak doesn’t want to ruin it any more than he already has.

“So,” Even begins, a soft smile on his full lips. “We should talk.”

A stone drops into Isak’s stomach, but he nods. “Y-yeah.”

Immediately, Even reaches across and grabs Isak’s hand. “Chill, babe. It’s all good.”

“Yeah?” A glimmer of hope blossoms in Isak’s chest.

“Let’s talk about what you overheard in the hall the other day.”

“You and Eskild.”

“Me and Eskild.”

“Talking about tonight?”

Even nods. “That’s all it was, I swear.”

“I believe you.”

Even squeezes his hand and twines their fingers together.

Isak looks down at their joined hands as Even’s long thumb strokes his skin.

“I didn’t mean to freak you out, Isak, but…this does sort of expose a problem.”

Isak nods. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, babe. Just…help me understand where your head went.”

Isak has to think about that because he isn’t even sure of the answer. “I…whenever something good happens, something bad inevitably follows. Like, it’s karmic retribution or something. Life has a way of pulling the rug out from under me.”

“Karma for what?”

Isak ducks his head. “I’m not a good person, Even.”

Even tugs his hand slightly. “Yeah, you are.”

Isak meets his eyes. “I’m not. I want to be, though. I’m trying to be.”

The older boy smiles. It’s the kind of smile adults give to children. Like they know better and are only indulging them. It’s infuriating to have it directed at him by his own boyfriend.

“You don’t know everything about me,” Isak snaps.

Even doesn’t raise his voice. “Agreed. And you don’t know everything about me. So, I understand if you’re having…trust issues where I’m concerned.”

“I trust you,” Isak counters reflexively.

Even arches an eyebrow. “Is that how this latest freakout came about? Because you trusted me?”

Ouch. Isak looks away.

Even tightens his grip on his hand. “I ran into Jonas.”

Isak flicks his gaze back to Even’s. He tries to keep his voice neutral. “Yeah?”

“I’m sure you can guess how that conversation went.”

“He’s just looking out for me.”

Even smiles, surprising him. “I know. And I’m glad for it. He cares about you.”

“He’s my bro.”

“He’s more than that, though.” Even eyes him closely. “Isn’t he?”

Isak isn’t sure what Even is asking. He doesn’t know how to answer, except with the truth. “Yeah, uh, yes.”

“So, I get it. But Isak, you can talk to me. About anything and everything. I want you to. More importantly, I need you to. We’re still getting to know each other, and talking will help eliminate stuff like this. Yeah?”

Isak nods. “Yeah.”

“I love you.”

Those three words, spoken so casually from someone who shines like a star in the night sky, directed at him…Isak just can’t process it. Still. He just can’t.

“Why?”

The question slips out, and Isak wants to swallow it back down. But he doesn’t. He meets Even’s eyes.

“Why do you love me? You could have anyone. Seriously, anyone. And I have to wonder if I’m not just…I don’t know...convenient or something. Not convenient, but…I don’t know. I’m new to all of this, and I obviously don’t know what I’m doing, so…is it just fun for you, being with someone like me? Like an experiment?”

Isak has absolutely no idea where any of this is coming from, but it just won’t stop.

“I mean, you get to teach me, lead me around like a puppy, knowing I’d do fucking anything for you…”

Even looks like he’s been slapped. His hand falls away from Isak’s.

“Wow.”

“Even, I’m sorry, I…”

Even holds up a hand. “No, it’s okay. Let’s…let’s talk about why. Why is important to you, always has been. I know that, though you’ve never actually said it out loud. Never asked. It’s okay.” He manages to smile, but Isak can see how shaken he is.

“You want to know why I’m with you? Why I love you?”

Isak nods.

Even swallows hard and leans forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.

“It’s pretty simple, Isak. I don’t have a choice.”

Isak frowns. “Of course you do, that’s just…stupid. Everyone has a choice.”

Even shakes his head. “No, I don’t. I couldn’t stop if I tried. You’re…”

He takes a deep breath and catches Isak in his gaze. It’s intense, like he’s peeling away layers. Even does this sometimes and it does funny things to Isak’s brain. Makes him feel like he’s floating. Isak licks his lips and Even smiles.

“You think I’m, what, cool?”

Isak snorts. “Uh, yeah. You’re, like, fucking amazing. And have you seen you?”

“Have you seen you? Jesus, Isak, you’re the hottest fucking thing I have ever, ever laid eyes on. But it’s so much more than that, you’re…smart, so smart, and funny. And you have the biggest fucking heart. You have no idea how big your heart is. You just walk through life caring about the people around you, looking out for them, making sure they’re okay, trying to give them what they need from you like it’s normal to be that way. Most people aren’t that way, Isak. Most people are far more selfish.”

“I’m pretty fucking selfish, Even. I don’t think you’re seeing me clearly.”

“I’m not the one with blinders on, baby.”

Isak sighs. “Even…I’m not that person, the one you described. I’m just not. I don’t even know the person you think you see.”

Even smiles. “Do you know what all of this is about?” He gestures to the room, the candles, the food, the bottle of champagne currently dripping condensation onto the hardwood floor.

Isak shakes his head. “Just you being extra, as usual.”

Even grins. “Today is the 9^th of March.”

“And?”

“So, it’s been three months since we became official.”

Isak frowns. “Three? How do you figure?”

“It’s the night you brought me home.”

Isak thinks back…it would have been the 9^th of December, the night of the Christmas concert…

“Oh.”

Even nods and reaches for Isak’s hand again.

“You burn so brightly, Isak. I was drawn to you from the first second I saw you, and I haven’t been able to stay away since. I’d watch you at school, alone or with your friends. Not everyone could see you, the real you, I know that now. But I could. I have always been able to see you. So, no matter what you’re doing, no matter what you think you’ve done, you are a good person. Fundamentally, you’re the best kind of person. And I fell in love with that guy, that heart, that soul.”

Isak paws at his face. “Don’t make me cry again, I feel like a toddler.”

Even’s laugh is soft. “I am so fucking gone over you, Isak Valtersen. If you think I’m…whatever you think I am, whatever you think of me, imagine what I think of you. Imagine how I feel about you before you ask me ‘why.'”

Fuck the food. Fuck the carefully laid out plans. Isak launches himself into Even and they topple back onto the bed together. Something clatters to the floor.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Isak mumbles into Even’s neck.

“Nothing that can’t be salvaged. Come here.”

Even pulls him up the bed, away from the picnic. They sprawl across the top of the mattress, limbs entwined.

Isak buries his face in Even’s hair and breathes. Just…breathes him in.

“Christ, I am in so much trouble with you.”

“Yeah, you are,” Even chuckles.

“Three months, eh?”

Even hums into the top of Isak’s head and squeezes him tighter. “Are my calculations wrong?”

“No. It’s perfect. It was the beginning of us, the real us.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Isak braces himself on his elbows and looks down at Even. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of just looking at the other boy. He runs one hand through Even’s hair and swears he hears him purr.

“I love you too.”

“I know.”

“What’s the thing with the bow?”

Even grins. “Open it.”

He doesn’t have to tell him twice. Isak is up and off his boyfriend in a heartbeat, reaching for the gift-wrapped flat. It’s roughly album-sized, and when he tears the paper off, his suspicions are confirmed.

“Nas? On vinyl?”

Even beams. “I know you have a digital copy, and you don’t own a record player, but…”

“My dad has one.”

“Yeah?”

“We could go there and listen to it sometime. If you want.”

“I want.”

They lock gazes for a heartbeat. Two. Three.

“Cool,” Isak whispers. He grins and goes back to inspecting the record. It’s in great condition. “Where’d you find this?”

“A retro shop in Arkaden.”

Isak frowns. “I didn’t get anything for you.”

Even’s laugh is infectious. “I think I can forgive you this time since you didn’t even know.”

“Oh, wait!”

It’s a stupid idea, but Isak hates that Even has done all of this for them and he’s done nothing. He carefully extricates himself from the bed and heads over to his dresser. Rummaging through his drawer, he finds what he’s looking for. Turning, he hides the item behind his back.

“What you got there?” Even grins up at him as he approaches.

Isak hands the object over and waits for Even’s reaction with bated breath.

Even’s brows knit as he takes the piece of paper. Isak watches the realization sweep across his lover’s face.

“When…” Even’s voice is breathy. He swallows, turning the drawing this way and that. “When did you do this?”

It sucks, by any standard, and certainly compared to some of the work that Even has done, but Isak is proud of it nonetheless.

He’d found one of Even’s sketchpads one morning and flipped through it, surprised and amazed by not only his boyfriend’s talent, but how varied the styles were. Some were like comic strips, others like fine art. Most were in-between, in Even’s unique style.

Isak still doesn’t understand what drove him to pick up the pencil, but he had. It’s crude, his sketch, but not nearly as bad as he thought it would be. He’d never done anything like that before, and he’d ripped the page out and hidden it before Even could see.

But now the taller boy is holding it in his hand as if it were something precious.

“Issy…fuck.”

“I’m crap at it, I know.”

Even looks up, his eyes swimming. “Fuck.”

“What?” Isak shifts on his feet.

Even rises slowly and stands in front of him. “Is this how you see me?”

Isak shrugs one shoulder, meets Even’s eyes. “I’m not good enough to draw you the way I see you, Even.”

“Fuck…”

“You said that,” Isak teases.

Even sets the drawing down on the bed and takes Isak’s face in his hands. Isak only has a second to gulp a quick breath before Even kisses him, stealing it. Their tongues slide softly against each other and Even’s mouth is warm, sweet, and mind-blowingly erotic.

Isak can feel him trembling when he circles Even’s waist with his hands. By the time they come up for air, Isak is trembling too.

Even leans back and searches Isak’s eyes like he’s trying to unearth the secrets of the universe. “What are you? Like, seriously. What the fuck even are you, Isak? I had no idea you could do this.” He picks up the drawing again.

In it, Even is sprawled out across Isak’s bed in a hoodie and jeans. The sweater had ridden up a little, showing a peek of his defined abs. Isak’s eyes had been riveted to that bit of exposed flesh for long minutes. The image burned itself into his mind, and he’d decided to commit it to paper, or try to anyway.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could draw like this?” Even’s voice is full of awe, and Isak blushes.

He rubs the back of his neck. “I can’t. I mean, I never have before, outside of biology class. Anatomy stuff.”

Even looks dubious. “Come on, you don’t just pick up a pen and start doing shit like this.”

Isak grins. “I was inspired.”

That earns him a smile and a quick kiss.

“You amaze me.”

“Yeah?”

“Absolutely.”

“It’s mutual.”

“Yeah?”

“Most definitely.” Isak’s stomach growls, and he eyes the skolebrød on the bed. “Those fresh?”

Even grins. “Yep.”

“Are they for looking at or for eating?”

“Funny, I was going to ask the same about you.”

Isak feels the blush down to his toes. Goddammit. Hungry and horny are at war inside him.

“Food first,” he teases. “Then we’ll see.”

Chapter Text

EVEN: [perched on the edge of the loveseat under his bed] My father is in town.

ISAK: Really? [looks up from the floor where he has his homework spread out in the table front of him.] Are you going to see him?

EVEN: [nods, distracted by his phone] Yeah. He wants to have a family dinner.

ISAK: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

EVEN: It’s…unusual. We only have family dinners when something big is happening. We had one when my parents separated, we had one after the divorce. It was sort of a divorce party.

ISAK: [frowns] Uh, okay. That’s…

EVEN: [grins] Yeah, I know.

ISAK: So, what’s this one about, do you think?

EVEN: [pursing his lips as he reads something on his phone] I honestly don’t know.

ISAK: I, uh…I want to meet your dad, but if this isn’t a good time, I’d understand.

EVEN: [looks up, surprised] You do?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] You sound like me. Of course I do. This is a thing we do, right? Get to know one another’s families? I’ve met your mom-

EVEN: She likes you more than she likes me.

ISAK: [exaggerated eye roll] Duh! Of course she does.

EVEN: [a grin slides from his face] My dad is…there’s stuff I haven’t told you about my family.

ISAK: [turns all his attention on Even] Something you want to talk about now?

EVEN: [quickly] No.

ISAK: [slight frown] Oh…okay.

EVEN: [also quickly] Soon, though. Promise.

ISAK: [smiles softly] Okay. Whenever you’re ready. So…how long will he be in town for?

EVEN: [looking back at his phone] Not sure. But he wants to do dinner tomorrow night. And…he wants you there.

ISAK: [surprised] Me?

EVEN: He asked for you, specifically. So…yeah.

ISAK: Should I be worried?

EVEN: [chuckles nervously] No…no…

ISAK: [eyeing him] Are you sure we shouldn’t have that talk about your parents now?

EVEN: [contemplates that for a moment and then nods] I could fill you in a bit.

ISAK: [sets his laptop aside and brings his knees up to his chest, folding his arms around them] Shoot.

EVEN: Right, so…my dad and my mom parted amicably. They decided that they just didn’t work together as a couple. It was all very…unemotional. For them. Well, for him.

ISAK: How old were you?

EVEN: Fourteen.

ISAK: And how did you handle it? I mean, with your…um…did it affect you? Differently?

EVEN: [smiles] Yes and no. I handled it okay, but it became difficult to manage my illness. They disagreed on treatment for a while. Years, actually. They fought over it, even before the divorce. And I guess I internalized some of that. Blamed myself.

ISAK: [scooting closer to Even and taking his hand] You have to know it wasn’t you.

EVEN: It was, though. At least in part. But I know it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t something I had any control over. It still got to me, though. You know?

ISAK: [nods] Sure. I get it.

EVEN: They’re good people. Supportive. But they have very different parenting styles. You met mom, she’s a nurturer. Caring, loving, if not a little pushy. Dad is a bit more…what’s the word? [thinks] Regimented. He likes to lay down the law and he expects you to follow it. If you don’t, he is quick to write you off.

ISAK: That sounds harsh.

EVEN: It isn’t as bad as it sounds. He means well, he’s just got a very militaristic mindset when it comes to duty and order.

ISAK: Is he in the military?

EVEN: He was. Now he works as an engineer. He loves for things to be logical. Orderly. I’m not logical or orderly. I think he believed if they could find the right medicine for me, I would magically be cured. Or if I put my mind to it, if I tried harder, I could “beat this thing.”

ISAK: [frowning] It doesn’t work that way, even I know that.

EVEN: [squeezes Isak’s hand] I know. Anyway, he means well, like I said. He loves me, he does. He just has a very remote control approach.

ISAK: Well, your mom’s a bit smothering, so I guess it balances out.

EVEN: [laughs] I suppose it does.

ISAK: [lacing his fingers through Even’s] So when is this family get-together?

EVEN: Tomorrow night. 19:00. Will you come?

ISAK: Of course. [leans up and waits for Even to give him a kiss.] Can’t wait.

EVEN: You’re not nervous?

ISAK: Nervous as fuck.

EVEN: [chuckles as he kisses him again] Aww, don’t be.

ISAK: He may hate me.

EVEN: Doubtful.

ISAK: Or think I’m not good enough, which I’m not.

EVEN: [pulling back to meet Isak’s eyes] Bullshit.

ISAK: [tapping his chin with his index finger] If only there was some way you could take my mind off of your father potentially banning me from your life.

EVEN: [leaning forward, growling into Isak’s neck] I’d like to see him fucking try.

Chapter Text

Moments [33]

The jacket is powder blue.

Isak has never seen this color before, not on a human being. Yet, somehow, Even succeeds in pulling it off. If anything, he looks like some sort of 1930s, Hollywood film star. His hair is exceptionally styled, even for him, and the crisp, white shirt he's wearing underneath the corduroy jacket looks like it's been starched to within an inch of its life. Even his jeans have been creased.

ISAK: I didn’t realize the dinner was so, uh, formal.

Even blinks a hundred times before frowning. He gives Isak a quizzical look before taking in his own appearance.

EVEN: Formal? You think this is formal?

ISAK: Well, it’s definitely more formal than I was expecting.

Isak has gone for a nice, gray button-down and the cleanest, least faded pair of jeans he owns. He’s also forgone his usual snapbacks and hoodies for a bomber jacket. He’d thought that adding a scarf would make him look more put-together, but standing across from Even, Isak feels severely under-dressed.

EVEN: You look fine.

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] Even, you look like a goddamned runway model. Well, more like a runway model than usual. Hang on, I have a suit jacket around here somewhere.

Isak turns to his small wardrobe. He rarely has the need for anything dressy, so his one, good suit hangs neatly at the back, covered in plastic.

He feels Even’s presence behind him as he fishes it out.

EVEN: You own a suit?

ISAK: [removing the plastic from the dry cleaner] I got it when my grandfather passed away.

EVEN: [voice softening] Oh.

Even’s hands land on Isak’s shoulders, offering a brief squeeze of consolation.

EVEN: I’m sorry.

ISAK: [shrugs, leaning a little into Even’s space] It was a while ago, but thanks.

He removes the jacket from the hanger and shakes it out. The lightweight wool feels foreign to his fingertips, so used to cotton jersey and denim. But the rich, navy blue compliments his outfit well.

Even holds it while Isak slips his arms into the sleeves, the soft swish of the sateen lining cool against his hands.

EVEN: [steps back, admiring him] Wow.

ISAK: [grins shyly] Yeah?

EVEN: [drinking him in] Definitely.

Isak smiles and grabs his scarf, ready to go, but Even just stares. At first, Isak thinks his boyfriend is still checking him out, but he soon realizes that Even is stalling.

ISAK: Are we biking it?

EVEN: [startled out of his trance] Uh, no. Taxi.

ISAK: It’s not that far, is it?

EVEN: [bites his lip] Uh…no. Not far. But I’d prefer not to arrive all wrinkled and sweaty.

ISAK: [nods] Whatever you want.

EVEN: [small smile] Thanks.

He still doesn’t make a move to turn around and head for the door.

ISAK: Are you nervous about tonight?

EVEN: I…uh… [he starts to speak, closes his mouth, starts again, stops, pressing his lips into a thin, white line.] Let’s go.

Even turns quickly and walks out, Isak has to jog to catch up.

***

“Not far” was an understatement. The house is, literally, five minutes away from the kollektiv. It isn’t until they stop in the driveway that Isak understands the reason for Even’s trepidation.

Isak knows this house.

DRIVER: That’ll be 323 kroner.

What a ripoff.

Isak watches Even draw the money out of his pocket, his hands shaking and his face pale. The driver gives him his change but Even makes no move to get out of the car. His gaze is fixed on his lap.

ISAK: Even?

Nothing.

DRIVER: Let’s go, guys. I have other fares to pick up.

EVEN: Hang on a sec.

He takes a deep breath or tries to. Isak can feel the panic coming off of him in waves.

Isak is so confused. What are they doing at this house?

ISAK: Are we going swimming again?

EVEN: [wincing as if he’s been slapped.] Isak…

ISAK: Is this his house? Your dad’s?

Even’s nod is almost imperceptible.

ISAK: And that little girl?

EVEN: My, uh…she’s his daughter.

ISAK: Your sister.

Another small nod.

ISAK: What the fuck, Even?

DRIVER: [glaring into the rearview mirror] Get out of my car, or I’m restarting the meter.

ISAK: Restart it then!

He does.

For long minutes, the only sounds in the car are engine noises, the ticking of time passing on the meter, and labored breaths. Even is practically vibrating, and Isak wants to reach out to him. But he’s pissed.

He’s so pissed right now.

ISAK: Why did you lie to me?

EVEN: [shrugs one shoulder] I don’t know. My family, it’s complicated.

ISAK: [snorts with anger] So is mine. So is Noora’s. Hell, everyone’s.

EVEN: Isak-

Isak has to turn away. He feels blindsided. Exposed. And he’s angry with himself because a large part of him is sympathetic toward Even. Family life can be brutal, and it’s a big deal to share that kind of pain with the world. It’s natural to keep dirty laundry hidden. Except this is them. Isak and Even.

Isak takes a deep breath and looks back at Even, whose eyes plead with him for understanding.

ISAK: [exhaling slowly] Okay. Talk.

EVEN: When I was twelve, my dad announced he was divorcing my mother at dinner one night. Like…[swallows hard] like he was letting us know he’d be out of town on a business trip.

ISAK: Jesus.

EVEN: “Your mother and I are not really compatible anymore, and I think it’s for the best. I know she agrees.” And she nodded. Just nodded, like he’d just commented on the weather. But…I knew she was devastated.

Even’s jaw clenches so tightly, Isak thinks he might break a few teeth. He reaches across the seat and grabs his hand, squeezing. Even visibly relaxes, closing his eyes.

EVEN: But that’s my dad. When something isn’t working, when he thinks it’s not fixable, he moves on to the next thing. If it doesn’t make sense, he wants no part of it. So, they divorced. A few years later, he remarried. Then had a little girl.

ISAK: Your sister.

EVEN: She’s not, not really. She…she doesn’t know me.

ISAK: Was that her? That night?

EVEN: [nods] Camilla. Yes.

ISAK: She had no idea who you were?

EVEN: [shrugs] I don’t know, I don’t think so. We’ve…never met.

The cabin of the car goes silent, and Isak realizes that both the engine and the meter have ceased their noise. He catches the driver’s gaze in the rearview mirror and recognizes the look of sympathy in his eyes before the guy looks away.

Isak wraps both hands around the one of Even’s he’s been holding, offering silent support for him to continue.

EVEN: So…yeah.

ISAK: Why didn’t you tell me?

EVEN: [finally meets his eyes] I honestly don’t know, Isak. I can’t even say I wanted to tell you. This part of my life is just so…fucked. I mean, my dad supports me in his way. He’s just a phone call away if I need anything, anything financial. Life advice. References, that sort of thing.

ISAK: Sounds kind of cold.

EVEN: [nods] It is. But my mom, she has more than compensated for whatever I don’t get from my dad.

The driver snorts and Isak shoots his gaze back to the rearview mirror.

DRIVER: Sorry, but that’s bullshit, son. [he turns in his seat,  as much as he can, and looks at a startled Even] Your dad sounds like an asshole. You’ve never even met your sister? What the fuck kind of shit is that? [snorts again] You seem like a nice boy, and I really don’t like to stick my nose into other people’s business, but don’t give your dad a pass on this. Just don’t. You go in there with your head high and show him that your life is just fine without his constant presence, but that little girl is family. Get to know her, if you can, and you keep being you.

He looks at their joined hands and then meets Isak’s gaze. Isak is stunned speechless.

DRIVER: [to Even] You’ve got this one on your side to back you up too. [to Isak] Boyfriend?

ISAK: Yeah.

DRIVER: [nods] My sister is marrying her girlfriend at the end of the year. [A smile tugs at the corner of his mouth] You two seem good together. Solid. You remind me of them.

Even smiles for the first time since he showed up at the kollektiv to pick Isak up, and it’s a relief to see.

Isak pulls Even’s hand up to his lips and gives it a soft kiss.

EVEN: [looks at Isak, his eyes full of emotion] That’s really cool of you to say.

DRIVER: [shrugs] So, are you going in, or should I take you back?

EVEN: [long exhale] Nah. Let’s get this over with.

ISAK: [to the driver] What do we owe you for idling here?

The driver waves him off.

DRIVER: Don’t worry about it. [looks at Even] Good luck with that shit in there.

EVEN: Thanks.

Isak and Even step out of the warm taxi and into the frigid evening air. The car pulls off, leaving them staring in silence at the large, suburban home that Isak has only ever seen at night.

Even takes his hand.

EVEN: I love you so much.

ISAK: I know.

EVEN: And I’m sorry.

ISAK: It’s okay, I understand. Sort of. Just don’t do this again. Please.

EVEN: [squeezing his hand as he stares up at the house] No more secrets, I promise.

ISAK: Good. One question, though.

EVEN: [turns to him] Sure.

ISAK: Why did you tell me this was your aunt’s house?

EVEN: Dad’s second wife and my mom were friends. I used to call her aunt as a kid.

ISAK: [scowls] Even, just so you know, I’m not going to like your dad. In fact, I’m pretty sure I fucking hate him already. And if he says anything salty to you, anything at all, I’ll probably punch him in the nose.

EVEN: [grins suddenly, grabs Isak’s face and plants a loud, wet kiss on his lips] Baby. Was it something I said?

Chapter Text

Surreal.

That is the only word that comes to mind when Isak finally meets the infamous Mr. Næsheim, Christian. It’s like peering into the future of some parallel universe. He’s a mirror image of Even, or Even in about twenty-five years. The same bright, blue eyes. The same mesmerizing mouth. He’s…hot.

And cold.

The physical resemblance is all they seem to share. Where Even’s smile is pure sunshine, his father’s is downright glacial.

Mrs. Næsheim, Sabrina, is considerably younger, delicate, and almost disappears into the background when they’re all seated at the dinner table.

The spread is nice. Roasted chicken, steamed fish, brightly colored vegetables, potatoes, rice. It’s quite a feast and smells delicious. But food is the last thing on Isak’s mind.

When they walked in, Christian had greeted his son with what Isak could only describe as a half-assed hug. One arm, barely any contact, and a perfunctory “good to see you” were all he’d afforded Even. Isak had gotten even less, just a quick once-over that had left a chill over his skin that hasn’t dissipated.

Even is tense.

Isak’s never seen him like this, and he doesn’t like it. He hates the wary look in Even’s beautiful eyes, hates the way he’s chewing his bottom lip like he’s waiting for something awful to happen.

They’re seated across from each other at the dining room table, so he can’t even take his hand.

Christian is on one end, and Sabrina is on the other. There’s no sign of little Camilla, which Isak also doesn’t like.

CHRISTIAN: [between bites, not looking up from his plate] So, Isak is it? What do you do, Isak?

EVEN: He’s in school, dad.

CHRISTIAN: Ah, yes. Which school?

ISAK: Nissen.

CHRISTIAN: [looks up, his knife and fork hovering above his plate] You’re not in uni yet?

ISAK: Not yet, no.

CHRISTIAN: Third year?

ISAK: Second.

CHRISTIAN: [resuming his dinner] I see.

A heavy silence settles over the table. Christian eats heartily, while Even picks at his plate. Isak should be starving, but there’s no room in his stomach due to the herd of buffalo currently stampeding around in there. He steals a glance at Sabrina as she cuts tiny pieces of chicken and slips them into her mouth.

She’s a lovely woman, fine-boned and fair. And she seems to like Even, despite not having said more than three words to him since they arrived.

CHRISTIAN: What do you plan to do after school?

Isak and Even share a look.

Christian looks up at Isak.

CHRISTIAN: I’m sure you’ve made plans past upper-secondary school.

ISAK: Uh…I’m still sorting that out.

The look Christian gives him is unmistakable: resigned disapproval.

CHRISTIAN: You know, Even… [Christian returns his attention to his plate] Leave it to you to do something like this.

EVEN: Something like what?

CHRISTIAN: A second year? Really?

Isak notes the red rising up Even’s neck, a stark contrast to the bright white of his shirt. He’s about to explode.

SABRINA: [quickly] Isak, what do you think you might want to do after school? [Smiles at him when he turns to her] I’m sure you’ve thought about it. It may seem far away, but life has a way of sneaking up on you.

Isak flashes a quick look back at Even before answering. Even’s face is on fire, his eyes dark, and his nostrils flared. Oh, how Isak wishes he could touch him. Just a touch to calm him. Beneath the table, he extends his foot forward until he finds Even’s.

Even looks up and Isak watches him take a deep breath, some of the tension melting from his rigid frame.

ISAK: I think I might be a teacher.

SABRINA: [smiles again] Oh? How wonderful.

ISAK: Or a professor, perhaps.

CHRISTIAN: Of what?

ISAK: [turning to the older man] Biology.

This seems to impress him because Christian looks up.

CHRISTIAN: Now, that surprises me.

ISAK: [meets his gaze, offering a small smile] Why? Do I not seem like the science type?

CHRISTIAN: Well, science is very practical. And Even is anything but practical. I’m surprised he’d go for someone with some sense. The last boy he claimed to like, Mikael was it?

EVEN: [his tone one of warning] Dad.

CHRISTIAN: [turning to him] It was Mikael, wasn’t it? He was in your film class at Bakka, right? Head in the clouds, just like you. [Thinks] Only, not quite like you. Was he?

SABRINA: Christian…

CHRISTIAN: [waving it off] Anyway, at least this time you’ve latched on to someone with brains. [To Isak] I assume this is a realistic ambition of yours. You do well in your classes?

ISAK: Uh…yes…I-

EVEN: You know, dad? It’s none of your business how Isak does in school. And he’s only seventeen. He has time to figure out what to do with his life. [To Isak] I’m sorry.

ISAK: No, it’s fine.

CHRISTIAN: I was only trying to get to know the seventeen-year-old boy that my son seems to be fixated on at the moment.

SABRINA: Christian…

EVEN: [dropping his fork with a clatter] Fixated?

CHRISTIAN: [unfazed by the little outburst, he turns to Even] Poor choice of words, I apologize.

EVEN: [not about to accept the apology] Where is my sister?

Christian’s eyes go wide for the first time this evening. He swallows hard and grabs his napkin, wiping his mouth unnecessarily. The tension in the room is so thick, Isak can feel it crawling along his skin.

SABRINA: [softly] Camilla is playing with the kids next door.

EVEN: [turns to her] I thought this was a family dinner. Why isn’t she here? We’re family, aren’t we?

SABRINA: Of course you are, but… [Her gaze darts up to Christian’s]

CHRISTIAN: We don’t think it’s wise for you to be in contact with her until she’s older.

SABRINA: You don’t. [Christian meets her gaze across the table] You don’t think it’s wise. I disagree, and you know that.

Her voice is still soft, almost accommodating, but her gaze is sharp. Isak reassesses her. This is a woman who knows how and when to pick her battles.

CHRISTIAN: Even, you know you’re too…unpredictable.

Even snorts.

EVEN: Jesus Christ, dad. You act like I’m dangerous.

SABRINA: [conciliatory] We know you’re not, Even.

CHRISTIAN: Excuse me, it was only a few months ago that he ran out naked into the city and had to be picked up by the police. And before that, you broke into our basement to take a dip in the pool!

EVEN: No one got hurt. [He glances over to Isak] Physically.

Under the table, Isak nudges Even’s foot.

Even offers a smile. It’s small, but the sight of it is such a relief.

CHRISTIAN: No one got hurt this time.

EVEN: [turning to his father] Not ever. I’ve never harmed anyone else. My illness has never posed a threat, and I would never put myself in a position to hurt anyone. Much less a child. Much less my own sister. But you’ve decided that I can’t be a part of her life.

CHRISTIAN: Until you grow out of these…episodes of yours-

EVEN: [eyes wide] Grow out of them?

ISAK: What Even has isn’t something that’s going to go away. You know that, right? You of all people should know. His doctors had to have told you how this works, that he’ll be on meds the rest of his life. That it’s always about finding the right balance of meds, and that the balance will change. It’s about managing it, not curing it. It’s not Even’s fault. You get that, right?

The table has gone silent with all eyes on Isak.

Christian looks annoyed. Indignant.

Sabrina smiles at Isak. She reaches out and squeezes his arm.

And Even…

Even’s eyes are wide. They shine.

Isak shrugs one shoulder.

ISAK: I’ve done a lot of research over the last few months. [To Christian] If a seventeen-year-old gym student with a murky grasp on his future can figure this out, surely you can. Sir.

Christian focuses his attention on his plate, but Isak can see the tick in his jaw. He’s pissed.

Good.

SABRINA: [getting up] Excuse me for a moment.

She leaves the room, which falls into another awkward silence. When she returns, Isak is shocked to see who she has with her.

He can feel Christian tense up at the other end of the table, even though he can’t see him.

Even’s mouth hangs open as he stares at the little, blonde girl.

Up close, the family resemblance is striking.

SABRINA: Cami, there’s someone I want you to meet.

Camilla’s eyes are bright with surprise as she looks back and forth between Even and Isak. Isak swallows hard.

CAMILLA: You were in my pool.

EVEN: [shakily] Th-that’s right. Sorry if we scared you. I’m Even. Your, uh… [He looks up at Sabrina who nods] I’m your brother.

Camilla frowns and looks up at her mother.

CAMILLA: I have a brother?

SABRINA: [nods, her eyes flick up to Christian before she looks back at her daughter] Yes, Even is your brother. We… [She kneels in front of her] I’m sorry you didn’t get to meet him before now, but it was complicated.

CAMILLA: Adult stuff?

SABRINA: [smiling] Yep. But he’s here now.

EVEN: [clears his throat] I’m…so happy to meet you.

Camilla turns back to him. Isak can see her little mind taking him in, this impossibly tall boy with the same eyes, and the same hair, and the same sweet face as hers.

CAMILLA: Can I show you my room?

EVEN: [beaming] I’d…really like that.

Isak thinks he might burst into tears when Camilla takes Even’s hand and practically pulls him out of his chair and out of the room. He hears Sabrina sniffle and looks over to find her hand over her mouth and her shoulders shaking. She looks over at her husband, and Isak follows her gaze.

For once, Christian’s expression has softened. He seems as shaken as the rest of them. He locks eyes with Isak.

CHRISTIAN: How is he? Really?

ISAK: [answers without hesitation] Amazing. Even is the most amazing person I’ve ever met.

Sabrina resumes her seat and grabs Isak’s hand and squeezes hard.

SABRINA: You’re a lovely boy, Isak. I’m glad that Even has you in his life.

CHRISTIAN: The night Even…ran out of that hotel you were in…

ISAK: I had no idea he was ill, he…hadn’t told me. [Swallows] If I’d known, I would have seen it coming. Maybe. I dunno. [Fidgets with his napkin]

SABRINA: Why did he try to hide it from you?

ISAK: Worried that I’d reject him or something if I knew. That I wouldn’t want to be with him. And maybe he’s right. Maybe I would have run in the other direction had he told me a week or two before then. Okay, maybe a month before. Maybe. [Looks up at Sabrina] The thing is, no one has…no one’s ever seen me the way that Even does. I doubt anyone ever will again, so…And I need him. He makes me better. And he needs me. So…yeah.

CHRISTIAN: You’re seventeen, Isak.

ISAK: [turns to him] I know, but it doesn’t make what I feel any less genuine. Does it? Does Even’s illness make what he feels any less real? Who are you to pass judgment on either of us?

CHRISTIAN: [frowns] I’m not passing judgment, just stating a fact.

ISAK: I’m seventeen, yes. I live in a flat share with a few friends because mom is mentally ill and my dad ran out on us both. I’m seventeen, and I study at a school I don’t hate. I’m seventeen, and I have a great group of friends that look out for me. I’m seventeen, and I love a boy. I’ll be eighteen in three months, and all of those things will still be true, I hope. What does age have to do with any of it? With anything? You wanted Camilla to be older before she met Even? Why? She needs her brother now. He needs his sister now. Even needs his family. Now.

Christian studies Isak long enough to make him squirm, and Sabrina’s hand tightens on his. Isak squeezes back. He’s shaking.

CHRISTIAN: You’re very…forthright.

ISAK: [the corner of his mouth lifts in a half-grin] Not always.

CHRISTIAN: He’s lucky to have you.

ISAK: We’re both lucky.

Christian nods.

Even and Camilla return to the room. She’s still leading him around by his hand and Even looks perfectly content to let her.

CAMILLA: …but dad says I can’t have one until I get older because it’s a big responsibility, and I have to learn to keep my room tidy so that he can see that I’ll keep the bunny’s cage tidy too and look after him and pick up after him and stuff.

Isak can’t help but grin at her rambling.

She pushes Even back into his seat at the table and lifts her arms in a silent demand to be picked up. Even does, setting her down on his lap. He’s practically glowing.

With all eyes trained on the newly-united siblings, Isak surreptitiously wipes away the droplet in the corner of his eye.

Even catches his gaze. His smile is radiant.

Chapter Text

Even is in his happy place, Isak’s bed.

They’re wrapped up in each other, which isn’t unusual in any way, not these days. And yet there’s a hushed quiet surrounding them that isn’t entirely comfortable. Even gets the feeling that Isak has been walking on eggshells.

The short journey home…back to Isak’s, from Christian’s place, passed quietly and they haven’t said much to each other since they got in. But they’d come to some unspoken agreement that had led them to strip down to their t-shirts and boxer-briefs, and climb into bed to cuddle.

Even needs as much of Isak as Isak is willing to give right now because…holy fuck…his head is spinning.

ISAK: It was really sweet, watching you with Cami.

Isak’s mouth rests against the curve of Even’s neck, and when he speaks Even can feel the vibration everywhere. He suppresses a shiver and pulls Isak tighter into his embrace, rubbing slow circles on his back.

EVEN: She’s incredible.

ISAK: She’s so much like you.

EVEN: Yeah?

Isak nods and plants a kiss on Even’s skin before leaning back.

Even tilts his head down to look at him, his boyfriend. Isak. God…he’s…

EVEN: [soft smile] Hey.

ISAK: [returns his smile] Hey.

Isak studies Even’s face and Even can see the thoughts formulating behind his moss-green eyes. He knows what’s coming. Part of him wants to distract Isak from the pending conversation, kiss him until he’s boneless and breathless beneath him, pleading for more.

He could.

Even could wipe the questions away with a brush of his fingers on Isak’s skin, but it’s a long overdue conversation. And he’d promised no more secrets.

ISAK: Are we going to tackle this now? Or do you want to wait until morning?

EVEN: Now, I think.

Isak nods and unravels himself from Even.

It hurts, the loss of him, but Even knows it’s only temporary. Hopes it’s only temporary.

Anyway, Isak doesn’t go far, he sits cross-legged facing Even. He even reaches out and takes Even’s hand, as if he knows this isn’t going to be easy. So much patience and understanding for someone so young.

It takes Even’s breath away.

ISAK: So…tell me about him.

EVEN: [lacing their fingers together] Before I do, I need you to understand something, Isak. [Looks deep into Isak’s eyes.] I mean it when I say I’ve never felt anything like this before.

ISAK: [nods] I know.

EVEN: Do you, though? Really?

ISAK: Well, no. How could I possibly know for sure? I’m not you. But…I believe you when you say it, so…

EVEN: [exhaling slowly] Right. Okay…

ISAK: [huffs a small laugh] Even, Jesus, the longer you drag this out, the scarier it is for both of us. Tell me about Mikael. Did you…[looks down, suddenly smaller somehow] Were you in love with him?

Even’s first reaction is to say no. No, he wasn’t, because he’s pretty sure he’s never been in love with anyone before. Not the way he feels right now, about Isak. Not the way he finds it hard to take a breath without knowing that Isak is there, or will be there. Not the way his thoughts settle into something resembling normalcy when Isak is around. It’s an easy ‘no,' but it would also be a lie.

EVEN: I thought I was, at the time.

Isak’s eyes drop to their joined hands and Even squeezes tighter.

EVEN: Isak-

ISAK: No need to explain. I can’t really get jealous about something that happened before you ever met me.

EVEN: Yeah you can. I would be. I mean...

ISAK: [glances up, a small smile on his mouth] Yeah? You’d be jealous of an Ex?

EVEN: Mikael isn’t my Ex.

ISAK: You wanted him to be, though. [rolls his eyes] Well, not an Ex, but…you know what I mean. You…you wanted him the way you have me.

Fuck. Even has no idea how to respond to that. Yes, he’d wanted to be with Mikael. But, fuck…saying that out loud…

ISAK: [nudges Even’s knee with his own] Hey. Stop. It’s okay. Just…tell me about him. You and him. What happened?

EVEN: We were in the same year, the same class.

ISAK: At Bakka.

EVEN: [nods] Both in film studies. At first, we didn’t get along. He tends to go for the big, commercial movies. Michael Bay, Cameron, that sort of stuff.

ISAK: And you prefer Baz.

They share a quiet smile and Even brings Isak’s hand to his lips to give it a quick kiss.

EVEN: Yeah. Anyway, we did become friends. He was…different from anyone else I knew at the time. He’s from this very religious family. Muslim.

Isak’s eyes widen.

EVEN: What?

ISAK: Nothing. Go ahead.

EVEN: [slight frown] Something.

ISAK: [bites his lip in thought] Well…it’s just that Sonja said something to me once…

EVEN: About what? Mikael?

ISAK: No, not about him, but about you. She said you memorized the Quran last year. Was that because of Mikael?

Wow. Okay. Even needs to have another talk with Sonja at some point.

EVEN: Yeah and no. Mikael intrigued me because he was so proud of who he was and where he came from, proud of his faith and his culture. But at the same time, he got a kick out of challenging much of what he’d been taught. He would do things, crazy stuff, just to see what would happen.

ISAK: Like what?

EVEN: Like smoking weed at home, in his parents’ living room when they weren’t home, knowing they’d smell it when they got back. Or like leaving a six-pack of beer in the fridge for them to find.

ISAK: Geez.

EVEN: Or…like kissing me and posting a photo of it on Facebook.

Isak’s expression morphs into something Even’s never seen and he freezes. Fuck. Maybe this was better left unsaid.

ISAK: [his voice low] Did he…did he out you? On fucking Facebook? Is that why you left Bakka?

Even releases the breath he’s been holding.

EVEN: No, no. I mean, yes. I guess he did, technically, but I told you. I was never in, so to speak.

ISAK: What about Sonja?

EVEN: We were on a break at the time. But it wasn’t like, I mean Mikael and I didn’t have that kind of relationship. Up to that point, I never really thought of him that way.

ISAK: So, he kissed you why?

EVEN: Like I said, to prove something. Or…I dunno…start a conversation. Provoke one.

ISAK: Did he?

EVEN: Oh, yeah. But he also…I…

ISAK: You saw him as more than a friend after that.

Even nods.

His father had been right about one thing, he had been fixated on Mikael. Mikael who laughed too loud, and pushed too far, and took every risk imaginable. Mikael who’d dragged Even kicking and screaming out of his shell and made him realize he didn’t need to hide who he was. Made him realize that he was his own brand of brilliant, and had something to contribute to the world. Mikael who had shined so brightly that Even had gotten caught up in his orbit for a time.

Mikael who had nearly destroyed him, in the end.

ISAK: Even?

EVEN: [snapping out of his thoughts] Sorry. Anyway…

ISAK: [leans forward and gives Even a soft kiss] Talk to me. What happened? Why did you leave?

EVEN: Mikael knew I…felt something for him, though I don’t think he really took it seriously. He would flirt with me. Say things that made me believe he wanted more, and then either pretend he hadn’t or say he’d only been joking. He would praise me, encourage me, call me his other half, and then…[Even shrugs] It was so confusing. And my meds weren’t what they should have been, so I reacted badly - very badly – when he rejected me.

ISAK: You told him you wanted more from him?

Even nods.

EVEN: We were setting up to film a skit for revue and…I… He was extra-flirty with me, touching me and…I…I kissed him. At school. Like…really kissed him, and started telling him how I felt. The others came in, and…he…

Isak rises to his knees and moves to sit next to Even, putting one arm around his shoulders.

The tension that had been building in Even’s chest eases a bit.

ISAK: Better?

EVEN: [can barely speak] What did I do to deserve you?

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder] You transferred to Nissen.

Even kisses him because he has to. He just has to.

ISAK: [smiling softly before adopting a serious face] Continue.

EVEN: [clears his throat] Okay, so…like I said…the others came in. The thing is, he’d responded to the kiss. I mean he…he wanted it just as much as I did, but when the others came in, he shoved me. Hard. I fell, and I must have knocked the camera down. It shattered. But, worse, Mikael was screaming at me. Taunting me, teasing me in front of the others. I was shocked. I’d seen him do stuff like that, out-of-character stuff to get a rise. To get a result. But he’d never put me in the line of fire, and I suddenly realized that he wasn’t my friend. He wasn’t my anything.

ISAK: Asshole! I hope you decked him.

EVEN: I just left. But, like I said, my meds weren’t calibrated right. The images of him – the kiss, the aftermath – it festered in my mind for the rest of the day and into the night. Sometime around midnight, my phone blew up with notifications. Mikael had posted photos of me, of us, on Facebook. He made jokes about how I kept chasing him, about how damaged I was. Some of the others in our group joined in, others defended me. Called him out on his bullshit. It was chaos. And I…something snapped in me.

ISAK: [quietly] What did you do?

EVEN: [meeting Isak’s eyes] I broke into the school. I went to the film lab. And I basically trashed the place. I left passages from the Quran on the walls, I quoted things that Mikael had said, scribbled some stuff he had done. Illegal stuff. It was ugly.

ISAK: [eyes wide] Fuck.

EVEN: [sharp, short laugh] Yeah. So, I had no choice but to transfer. My father convinced the school it was just an episode, caused by…you know.

ISAK: Wow. Fuck.

EVEN: Well, now you know.

ISAK: Even…I’m sorry you went through that. But…I’m glad it happened, in a way, ‘cause…well…

EVEN: [smiling] Because I’m here now.

ISAK: [nods] Yeah. That’s hella selfish, isn’t it?

EVEN: [pulling Isak into his arms] Nah, babe. I feel the same way. I wouldn’t change any of it if I knew it would bring me to you.

ISAK: [laughing into Even’s neck] We’re a couple of saps.

EVEN: Yeah, we are.

They lay in silence for a while. Even’s mind replays the events of that day on a loop. It isn’t healthy, so he turns his attention to Isak. The solid muscles of his back, the soft hair against Even’s cheek, how perfectly they fit into one another.

ISAK: Have you spoken to Mikael since then?

EVEN: No.

ISAK: Do you want to?

EVEN: If I say yes, will you freak out?

ISAK: If I say no, would you believe me?

Even chuckles and leans down to kiss Isak. It’s a soft brush of lips that slowly deepens, and he loves this. Loves when Isak melts under him like this. By the time they break apart, they’re both breathing heavily.

ISAK: I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that.

EVEN: [grins] Good. But to answer your question, yes. I do want to see him if only to apologize and to ask him why.

ISAK: [nods] I can understand that.

EVEN: And I’ve heard a few things that I’m curious about.

ISAK: [eyebrow raised] Like?

EVEN: I hate gossip, but I’ve heard that he’s out now.

ISAK: [leans back, surprise on his face] Like…out out? Really?

EVEN: So the rumor goes.

Isak moves away from Even, and panic seizes his heart.

ISAK: If he is, out I mean, you…maybe you’d want…

EVEN: [quickly takes Isak’s face in his hands] No. Abso-fucking-lutely not. Do you hear me? Tell me you hear me.

ISAK: [covering Even’s hands with his own] I hear you.

EVEN: And you believe me?

ISAK: [softly] Yes. [Stronger when Even gives him a skeptical look.] Yes, yes, I believe you. Geez.

EVEN: [pushing Isak down onto the bed] Hmm…I don’t think you do.

ISAK: What’re you-?

EVEN: [crawling on top of him] I think you need some convincing.

ISAK: I…Oh…

Even kisses him, slow and deep in an attempt to show him just what this is. Just what they are.

Isak writhes as Even takes his time undressing him, cherishing every centimeter of skin as it is revealed to him. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful.

EVEN: [panting into Isak’s skin] Mine.

Isak rears up. Suddenly, Even finds himself on his back with Isak above him. His clothes disappear impossibly fast.

ISAK: [breathy but firm] Mine.

EVEN: Yes.

Isak kisses him, his tongue flicking against Even’s for the briefest of seconds.

ISAK: Mine.

EVEN: Yes.

Isak sinks one hand into Even’s hair, forcing him to meet his eyes before he lowers his head and places a kiss on Even’s chest. Over his heart.

ISAK: Mine.

Even has to close his eyes. He can barely draw in enough of a breath to respond, but respond he does.

EVEN: Yes.

Chapter Text

The boy squad, including Even, are hanging out in the Nissen yard before school. It’s an unseasonably warm day in late March, and none of them seem ready to leave the sunlit benches and head inside to the cold, utilitarian classrooms.

Even and Isak are sitting on the railing while the rest of the boys have claimed the table and benches for themselves. Even’s arm rests behind Isak’s back, his fingers occasionally brushing lightly across the thin strip where Isak’s jacket doesn’t cover his back. It’s…private. It’s totally chill.

MAGNUS: Ugh, I need this week to be over.

MAHDI: Bro, it’s only Tuesday.

MAGNUS: [groans loud and long] I know. Yesterday felt like a week all by itself.

JONAS: You still having problems in Norwegian?

MAGNUS: I don’t get it. It’s, like, Norwegian. Shouldn’t I just ace it?

JONAS: Don’t stress about it, you’ll only make it worse.

MAHDI: I’m rocking Norwegian, bro. I’ll help you if you need it.

MAGNUS: [his face lighting up] Yeah?

MAHDI: [smiles brightly] No problemo.

JONAS: See? Stressing for nothing.

From their perch, Isak can watch the student body as they enter the space, gathering in clumps to overshare or to commiserate. He offers a smile and a nod to Eva when he catches her eye. She joins Sana and Chris, and the three of them immediately fall into whatever girl-talk they normally do. Isak briefly wonders what they do talk about so animatedly. Wonders what’s just made Sana’s dimples pop, and what has Chris wiggling her eyebrows.

They’re pretty cool chicks, all of them. Isak realizes he’d like to hang out with them more. Then he’d have, like, one giant squad. A super squad. What with Magnus hooking up with Vilde, they were heading in that direction anyway.

Isak sneaks a glance at Even, and he looks crazy good. His hair is perfect, and he’s wearing that retro-varsity jacket that Isak likes so much. It makes him look like James Dean or some shit, and Isak still can’t believe that he gets to have this guy. That Even is his.

The taller boy’s eyes crinkle with mirth at something else Magnus has said. Isak had missed it but doesn’t really care what it was. He’s more interested in the way Even’s face transforms with his laughter. This guy was born to laugh. He wears joy like a second skin, like his every cell is suffused with it. Fucking gorgeous.

Isak’s about to lean up and whisper something to that effect when Even’s expression shifts. His whole body tenses and his face pales. It’s such a sudden and disparate state from the one he’d been in only a breath ago that Isak can’t help but follow his gaze to the source.

A group of people has entered the yard.

Isak’s seen most of them before, but there’s one guy he doesn’t recognize. He studies him in parts. A wild mane of chestnut hair, deep olive skin, and a wide full mouth. A slight frame. A little short but, all-in-all, he’s…cute.

The guy’s in the midst of what looks like a pretty heated conversation.

Even’s hand drops away from Isak’s back, and Isak turns to ask him who the guy is, but…

He knows.

Even’s face tells him everything he needs to know about the guy on the other end of the yard.

Isak swallows hard and turns back to look at the newcomer.

He’s staring back. At Even. There’s a filament of recognition stretching between them that makes Isak’s stomach churn.

Panic.

Panic and fear.

And anger. An irrational anger that creeps up from his gut and wants to spill out of his mouth in a string of profanity.

Isak wants to grab Even, wrap his hand around his neck and pull him to him. He wants to break his connection with the other guy, somehow. Remind Even of his promise.

Isak’s gaze darts back to the boy’s. He looks awestruck. Like…he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Like Even is a mirage in the desert. He looks thirsty.

Meanwhile, Isak’s on the verge of a fucking panic attack.

But then, Even turns to face him. Slowly, so slowly, he looks at Isak. His gaze charts Isak’s face, mapping it. Cataloging it, perhaps.

Eyes, forehead, nose, mouth.
Eyes, hair, mouth.

Mouth.

Mouth.

He finally settles on Isak’s eyes. He must see the fear in them because his expression morphs into the most beatific smile that Isak has ever seen. His eyes, Even’s eyes, are clear. And full. Of love. For him.

Before Isak can say anything, Even turns back to the other boy, who hasn’t moved.

He isn’t looking at Even anymore, he’s looking at Isak.

Isak swallows, but then Even slips his arm across his shoulders. His hand squeezes Isak’s bicep as he pulls him into a half-embrace. Isak is so grateful for the acknowledgment that he doesn’t have time to even consider the implications of such a public display.

Even has just claimed him.

In front of Mikael.

Isak meets Even’s eyes just as his boyfriend mouths the words “love you,” and he wants to cry.

Then Even looks back across the yard.

Isak does too.

Mikael’s smile is soft. Genuine. His gaze darts back and forth between Isak and Even, finally settling on Even, and he nods before turning back to his group.

JONAS: Hey, Isak, are you coming?

ISAK: Huh?

He’d missed a big chunk of a conversation, apparently.

Even’s hand drops to his waist. Suddenly breathing is an issue.

MAGNUS: Pizza. Later. Can you skip?

ISAK: Uh…I…

EVEN: [nudging Isak’s shoulder] You deserve it, live a little. [he winks]

ISAK: [smiling at him before turning to the guys] Fuck it, yeah. Sounds good.

EVEN: [brightly to the guys, as if he hasn’t just rocked Isak’s world] Am I invited too?

MAGNUS: Dude, of course!

MAHDI: You have to, they have the best fucking pizza, bro.

JONAS: [to Even] Yeah, man. [a small smile] You’re one of us now.

Chapter Text

Staring down at the phone in his hand, Even keeps replaying the other morning in his head.

He’d been sitting with Isak and the boys in the yard, stretching out their brand new, pre-school ritual for as long as they could, and it had been a study in the mundane. A typical morning on a typical day and Even had loved every second. Isak pressed to his side, relaxed and smiling. It was perfect.

But the thing about perfect is that it never lasts.

At first, Even had thought Mikael was a figment of his imagination. Why would he be in the Nissen yard? It made no sense. But Mikael had made ripples in the gathering pools of people. A shift of a body here to accommodate him, a nod of recognition from someone else. Sana’s knowing eyes following his approach. He was definitely a real boy and not some celluloid nightmare.

For a split-second, Even had panicked. The last time he’d seen Mikael, he’d been screaming at him. Pelting Even with the most hurtful things he could have possibly said, words strung together explicitly designed to cause maximum injury. And injure they had.

But the Mikael that had walked into Even’s Norman Rockwell painting the other morning seemed different somehow. Lighter. It’s this thought that bounces around inside Even's brain as he waits for Isak at “their” table after school this afternoon.

He’s tempted to call Mikael right now. Ask him why he was at Nissen. Ask him how he is, if he’s sorry, if he forgives him.

Then he spots Sana.

When Even catches her eye, he waves her over, only a little surprised when she joins him right away. It’s like she’s been expecting him.

SANA: Even.

EVEN: Sana.

She smirks, one eyebrow arched.

SANA: Did you need something?

EVEN:  [suddenly unsure] The other morning, there was a guy from Bakka here.

SANA: [tilting her head] Mikael?

EVEN: [heart stuttering] Yeah.

SANA: [narrowing her eyes] What about him?

EVEN: [studies her for a beat] You know, don’t you.

Sana straightens, her expression suddenly serious. She nods once.

EVEN: [lowers his voice to almost a whisper] Why didn’t you ever say anything?

SANA: [frowning] Wow. You…you really don’t remember, do you?

EVEN: Remember what?

Sana takes a seat at the table and gestures for Even to take the space opposite, which he does.

A stone drops into the pit of his stomach. She’s no doubt heard a detailed account of his epic meltdown. Fuck.

Defeated, Even lowers his eyes to the table between them. The wood is solid, despite what must be many years of abuse. There are scratches everywhere, little dings and nicks from regular use. There are also etchings, carvings, on the surface. Some endearing – Ina loves Mattias - and the like, and others that are laughably obscene. Some are just damage for the sake of damage, deep gouges that serve no purpose other than to destroy.

Even briefly wonders if those had been done in anger or boredom. Or perhaps anger at being bored, stuck in school, forced to learn and do homework and coexist with other insufferably self-obsessed teenagers.

His thoughts are getting away from him, so Even chances a look at Sana.

She’s waiting patiently, or maybe just formulating a way to say yes, I know all about your crazy ass without hurting his feelings.

SANA: [slowly] We’ve met before.

EVEN: [narrows his eyes] Before when? What do you mean before?

SANA: [takes a breath, pressing her lips together as she seems to debate with herself.] It was during Ramadan the year before last. You were…keen on studying Islam, and Mikael’s family invited you for iftar one night. My family was there too. You were so polite. You sat in the corner while we all talked and ate, but I could tell you wanted to join in. I also knew you felt like you didn’t belong.

Her words unearth memories long-buried. He’d heard Mikael rail against his family and their beliefs for so long, and seeing him in that setting – surrounded by a loving group of people, sharing in that – it had confused Even. And Sana…he remembers Sana now. She’d been the last to arrive, with her brother, and she hadn’t looked too happy to be there.

She’s watching him now. Closely.

SANA: [eyeing him carefully] Do you remember?

EVEN: [nodding] Yeah. Yes. I’m… [He lets out a nervous laugh] I’m sorry I didn’t before now. I mean, I felt like we’d met before, but…I mean, I was…that was at the peak of uh…I…

Sana reaches across the table and covers Even’s hands with one of her own.

SANA: [her voice softer than he’s ever heard it] I knew something was wrong when we spoke. I didn’t know what, but I knew. The thing is, you were so open to learning. So eager, I guess. It was…cool.

She pats his hand and pulls back.

Even can barely meet her eyes.

SANA: When I heard about what happened at Bakka, I understood. You have…this huge thing that you live with, but you handle it. Pretty well, I think. [She smiles] Your mind must be such an amazing place to live, even if it is a pain in the ass sometimes.

Even snorts.

EVEN: Are you close, you and Mikael?

SANA: [shakes her head] No, not particularly. He’s more a friend of my brother’s.

EVEN: [frowning] I wonder what he was doing here.

SANA:  [drops her gaze from his and smoothes the sleeves of her jacket] That’s not for me to say, but I can say I don’t think it has anything to do with you.

EVEN: Okay. That’s good to hear.

SANA: [arches an eyebrow] Worried he’ll say something to Isak?

EVEN: Yes. Well, no. Not what you’re thinking.

SANA: [grins] What am I thinking?

EVEN: [takes a deep breath] You probably think I haven’t told Isak everything about me, especially not about one of the worst moments in my life. And you’d be wrong. He knows.

SANA: Everything?

EVEN: Everything I remember, he knows.

Sana seems to consider that. Consider him.

SANA: Even…

Isak chooses that moment to stroll up and plop down next to Even on the bench. He leans over and plants a loud kiss on Even’s cheek.

ISAK: Why so serious, people? The sun is out, spring is here, and it’s a great fucking day.

EVEN: [eyeing him with amusement] Who are you and what have you down with my grumpy kitty of a boyfriend?

Sana covers her laugh with a hand.

ISAK: [indignant] Did you just compare me to Grumpy Cat?

EVEN: No, but now that you mention it…

ISAK: [with perfectly executed mock indignation] Fuck you.

EVEN: [grabs Isak’s arm as he pretends he’s about to leave] Sorry, baby. You’re nothing like Grumpy Cat. You’re not ferocious enough.

ISAK: [sitting down] What? I am plenty ferocious. I can be downright vicious when I want to be.

Sana snorts louder this time and Even just laughs, his mood lightening.

ISAK: Shut it, both of you. So what were you huddled over here talking about?

Sana and Even exchange a look.

Isak’s gaze bounces back and forth between them, and he stills, his smile fading.

ISAK: What’s going on?

EVEN: Nothing. Nothing’s going on, I just…Sana was reminding me that we’ve met before, her and I.

ISAK: [frowning] Before…?

EVEN: Before Nissen.

ISAK: [his brows lifting] Huh. And you didn’t remember meeting her? How is that possible? It’s Sana.

Sana meets Even’s gaze, a challenge in hers. Are you going to tell him?

EVEN: [swallows before turning to Isak] We…we met at Mikael’s.

He watches the cloud settle over Isak’s face and quickly takes his hand, squeezing it.

SANA: [sensing Isak’s discomfort] Only briefly.

ISAK: [to Sana] You knew him? Know him? Did he come here to see you?

SANA: [shaking her head] No.

Isak’s frown deepens.

Sana grabs her book bag from where it’s been resting on the table.

SANA: Anyway, I gotta go.

EVEN: Thanks, Sana.

Sana nods and then she’s off.

Isak’s silence stretches on and on. Even knows him. Knows him so well. Knows that Isak is constructing the thing he wants to say, the questions he’s been wanting to ask all week, probably. They haven’t been avoiding the subject, exactly. Okay, maybe they have. It’s just that it’s been so good between them lately. So good.

Even’s skin warms all over when Isak suddenly leans into him, close enough for him to inhale the scent of the boy’s shampoo. Even’s next words spill out of his mouth.

EVEN: Let’s talk about Mikael.

ISAK: [nods against his shoulder] Here?

EVEN: It’s as good a place as any, this won’t take long.

Isak looks up at him, and Even’s heart stutters at the doubt in his green eyes. He studies him, taking in every inch of Isak’s face. The tiny mole above the left side of his mouth. The dimple in his chin. The stubborn hairs at the inside of his eyebrows that refuse to lay down, no matter how many times Even tries to smooth them.

All small parts of a whole that makes his heart soar every time he sees him.

EVEN: [sighing, he smiles] Baby…do you have any idea…?

ISAK: [returns his smile, nodding] Yeah.

EVEN: Good, so believe me when I say there is nothing for you to worry about. Zero worries where Mikael is concerned. Or anyone else for that matter.

Isak seems to accept this with a shuddering breath and a quick inhale-exhale. He flattens his palm on Even’s thigh beneath the table.

ISAK: So…you need to find Mikael and talk to him.

EVEN: [taken aback] What?

ISAK: [meets his startled gaze] You do. I know you need to apologize, and I bet he wants to too. [Twisting the fingers of his other hand into the cuff of Even’s sleeve.] Don’t get me wrong, I saw the way he looked at you. If you were single, he’d be right up in your face. But-

EVEN: I think I made it clear how unsingle I am.

ISAK: [grins, blushing] I think you did, yeah. And it looked like he got it, which…awesome. I don’t want to have to jump him in an alleyway.

EVEN: [laughing] Would you do that, babe? Go to war over me?

ISAK: [meeting his gaze, his eyes full of emerald fire] You fucking know I would.

And wow.

Okay…wow.

Jealous Isak is HOT, and Even is finding it hard to concentrate.

Isak’s mouth curves into a half-grin.

ISAK: Ohhhh. You like that. [He presses his nose into Even’s neck, surprising him yet again.] You trying to make me jealous?

EVEN: [shivering when Isak’s tongue swipes at a patch of skin on his neck] N-no.

ISAK: [pulling back] Good. Seriously, though. It’s okay. Go talk to him.

EVEN: [nods] I’ve been thinking about it.

ISAK: I know. You haven’t said a word about him coming here all week.

EVEN: I wasn’t trying to-

ISAK: [smiles, his lashes fluttering] I know.

Even stares at Isak for a moment because this boy – this boy – he just won’t stop surprising him.

EVEN: Right now, I need to kiss you.

Isak’s smile morphs into a challenge as his gaze locks onto Even’s mouth.

ISAK: Yeah? What’s stopping you?

Even glances around the yard, it’s still half-full.

ISAK: [leans in to whisper] Afraid someone will see us?

EVEN: What’s gotten into you?

ISAK: [moves back, his bravado faltering] What do you mean?

EVEN: [locks gazes with him] You’re…you’re not trying to push yourself, are you? Not trying to prove something or…?

ISAK: [laughs and rolls his eyes] Jesus fucking Christ, Even. Just kiss me and stop over-analyzing everything. That’s my job.

Before Even can respond, Isak’s lips are on his, and they’re soft. So, so fucking soft and sweet and hungry.

Is this what it feels like to be with someone who wants you so much they take risks? Stare down their fears? Slay their own dragons and offer to take yours down too, but only if you want them to?

Less than a year ago, Even didn’t know there was an Isak Valtersen in the world. Now, Isak Valtersen is his world.

But things are getting a little heated for a schoolyard.

Isak’s fingers dig into his wrist and his thigh. He sweeps his tongue softly across his, and Even cannot contain the growl that pours out of his throat. His boyfriend laughs into the kiss. Laughs! Even wants to jump up on the table and do a dance. After he finishes devouring him.

They break apart, both panting. Isak’s face is Alfa Romeo Red and Even imagines he doesn’t look much different. The courtyard has emptied for the most part, and he’s glad for Isak’s sake. He doesn’t want him to regret taking such a bold step.

ISAK: [runs a hand through his hair. His smile is sweet and awestruck] Wow. Okay, then. My place?

EVEN: [chuckling] When I can walk.

Isak grins and runs a hand through Even’s hair, tucking a lock behind his ear. It’s such an intimate gesture, even more than the mind-blowing kiss he’d just planted on him.

Even can’t let go of the notion that something isn’t right.

EVEN: Isak…

ISAK: [his eyes are slightly glazed as he continues to run his fingers through Even’s hair] Hmm?

EVEN: You…this is amazing, but…

ISAK: [drops his hand and meets Even’s gaze, a smile on his reddened mouth] It’s all good, baby. I just wanted to do that. There aren’t many people around, and it seemed like a good test.

EVEN: [eyebrows raised] Test?

ISAK: I’m learning to swim here, Even.

Even nods. He gets it.

EVEN: And? What’s the verdict?

Isak thinks about his answer for a while. He rests an elbow on the table and props his chin in his hand before looking back at Even. Still, he says nothing.

EVEN: You’re killing me.

ISAK: [small grin] If someone had told me six months ago that I’d be sitting here with my boyfriend, kissing him out here in broad daylight, I probably would have laughed, punched them in the arm, and tried to change the subject. [He reaches over and takes Even’s hand in his.] It may sound like a fucking cliché, Even, but you changed my life. I’m not saying you changed me, I’m still me, but…I’m a better version of me. With you.

EVEN: [swallows past the lump in his throat] I’m a whole lot better version of me since I met you.

Isak shakes his head.

ISAK: I doubt it, but okay. I’ll take it. I want us to be, you know, equals in this.

EVEN: We are.

ISAK: Yes, we are.

They’re silent for a while. Isak’s thumb traces patterns on the back of Even’s hand. It’s so quiet, this moment. Even doesn’t want to ruin it, but…

EVEN: I need to talk to Mikael.

ISAK: [watching their joined hands] I know.

EVEN: Do you want to be there?

ISAK: [laughs] Fuck, no. [Backtracks, his eyes wide] Unless you need me to be there.

EVEN: [smiles] No, but thank you.

Isak nods.

ISAK: This is an in-person conversation, then?

EVEN: I think it has to be, and soon. If he’s going to be around our friends and us, I’d rather get it out of the way.

ISAK: Okay. [He pecks Even on the cheek and stands up, letting go of his hand.]

EVEN: [confused] Where are you going?

ISAK: There’s no point putting it off. Call him. Set it up.

EVEN: B-but…he’s probably busy now.

ISAK: [looks at Even as if he’s lost a few brain cells] I’m pretty sure he’ll blow off whatever it is to talk to you.

Even blinks.

EVEN: I thought you weren’t jealous of him.

ISAK: [snorts] I’m not. I own your sexy ass.

EVEN: [a slow smile] You do.

ISAK: [shrugs one shoulder and points to Even’s phone] So, call.

EVEN: Now?

Isak nods.

Even picks up the phone.

EVEN: How’d you know I still had his number in here?

ISAK: [rolls his eyes] ‘Cause I know you. You need closure. It’s not like you to let something haunt you forever, and you wouldn’t have deleted him until you could, I dunno, exorcise the past. Call him.

Even is awestruck and terribly, irrevocably in love.

EVEN: You’re something else.

ISAK: So they say. [nods toward the phone clutched in Even’s hand] Stop stalling.

Even takes a deep breath and hits the green icon next to Mikael’s name.

Chapter Text

It’s okay. Really, it’s just fine.

It has only been four hours since Even texted to say he’d be meeting Mikael, assuring Isak he wouldn’t be late for dinner with his parents.

The dinner. The meet-the-parents dinner.

Well, Even is late. Isak has done his best to stave off the awkward small talk from his dad and the concerned looks from his mother.

At least she seems lucid today. More like herself, which is such a huge relief. Isak breathes a little easier around her now. Between his newfound knowledge on the treatment and care of the mentally ill – thank you interwebs - and his mom’s agreement to receive said treatment and care, Isak’s in a much better place than he’s been for a while.

Or he has been.

Isak checks his phone again and, nope, the battery’s not dead.

He kinda wishes it was, at least then he’d have a little hope. It’s just that it’s been four hours. Four hours.

The notification sound seems so loud that Isak nearly drops his phone. His heart skips a few beats as he swipes to unlock the screen. But it isn’t the text that he’s been expecting.

• Jonas Noah: check your IG feed

Frowning, Isak does, thumbs down through the photos of food, selfies, and random shit. He soon wishes he hadn’t.

Emma’s posted a photo from some party she’s at. Isak doesn’t recognize most of the people, but he knows at least two . There in full, vibrant color, is Even, smiling brightly, with Mikael’s arm draped across his shoulder.

#Reunited

Isak forgets to breathe for a second. Two. Three.
His lungs drag in oxygen, but his throat feels like it’s on fire.

He squeezes his eyes shut, his grip on his iPhone almost painful, and looks at the image again. Remembers to respond before Jonas goes ballistic.

• Isak: it’s all good. thanks. snakkes.

And it is good. Even looks so happy, Isak is kinda happy for him. Despite how little they’ve spoken about Mikael, Isak knows how much the guy means to him. And he’s…he’s glad that Even’s gotten something back that he’d lost.

But.

But.

Fuck.

Okay.
Okay.

Isak needs to be alone, like, right now.

He’s sitting at the dinner table, and his parents are fussing about in the kitchen, but they could come in any second. And they would know right away that he was having an out-of-body experience because that’s what this feels like. That’s what it feels like when you’re trying to ward off a panic attack, trying to talk yourself out of one. In the third person, no less.

Come on, Isak.
It’s not what it looks like, you idiot.
You know Even belongs to you, as much as anyone can belong to anyone.
He loves you.
You trust him.

You trust him.

Fuck.

Isak rushes out of the chair and somehow makes it to his room. He has just enough time to shut the door behind him before he drops to his knees.

As expected, footsteps stop just outside.

“Isak? Are you alright, dear?”

Focus. Breathe. Sound normal.

“Yeah,” he croaks and clears his throat. “Yep! Fine, I’m fine, mom…just…” Just what? “I just…uh…gimme a few minutes?”

She hesitates. He can hear her hovering, knows she wants to come in. She’s his mom now. Again. Like, really really her, and part of him – a small, dark part of him – wishes she weren’t. Wishes she wasn't so aware of everything, of him.

“O-okay,” she says as if she’s forcing herself. “Okay. I’ll just…okay.”

And then she’s gone.

Isak waits until her steps retreat, and then he’s gasping for air again. His hand hurts, he’s gripping his phone so tightly. It’s stupid. He’s being stupid, it’s just a snapshot. One photo of one split second of one moment. And Emma posted it, so…

Isak unlocks his phone to look at it again because, clearly, he’s a masochist now. Maybe he’ll star in Magnus’s next sado dream.

Lots of likes on the photo. Comments too.

Bonnie and Clyde, together again.

And.

Dude! Where have you been? Are you still mental?

And.

Glad you kissed and made up.

Okay, that one hurts.

Isak just wants to curl up into a ball and wallow in these fresh, biting cuts. So, that’s what he does. He crawls over to his bed – damn, the floor is kinda dirty in here – and he levers himself up onto the mattress.

It’s ridiculous. Isak knows he’s being ridiculous. He knows Even didn’t suddenly realize he’s always loved Mikael, and he certainly hasn’t gone running into Mikael’s arms without a backward glance. Still, it hurts. Because there’s no text, no call, no fucking carrier pigeon. Nothing. Even’s just late, and now there’s photographic evidence why.

For Isak, it’s a pain that feels inevitable. Like payback. Sonja comes to mind, and now Isak feels sick. Why is he doing this to himself?

He ignores the first few tears, but the rest make him angry.

Fuck Mikael and his dark wavy hair and his pearly, white smile, and that damned dimple. And fuck Emma. What the fucking fuck? Why is she always at the center of Isak’s relationship crises?

He groans into his pillow, which is wet with snot and tears. The groan turns into a yell, and now his throat is as raw as the rest of him.

A knock on the door startles Isak awake. Which is weird, because he doesn’t remember falling asleep. His cheek is sweaty, his neck hurts, and something is stabbing him in his side. He digs it out just as another knock sounds.

“Yeah?”

It’s his phone that’s been impaling him, which is fucking fitting. He swipes at the screen, but there’s nothing. No notifications of any kind.

The door eases open. He’d forgotten about it already, sleep-drunk.

“I’ll be right out, mom.” His voice sounds like he’s been swallowing gravel.

The door clicks shut, and Isak drags the duvet over his head, glad to be alone for a few more moments. When the bed dips under someone else’s weight, he rolls his eyes. A hand on his back rubs in slow circles. He’s not ready to talk to either one of his parents, and chances are it’s his mom.

But the hand on his back slides down to his ass, so…not his mom, then.

Isak stills.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, are you…? Did I fuck up so bad that you had to hide in here?”

Fresh tears spring up at the sound of Even’s voice, so full of love and regret. Isak doesn’t even respond, he just curls himself into Even’s body and is immediately engulfed. Even’s arms feel strong and solid around him, and Isak can breathe again. He feels like a fucking baby.

“Baby…”

Isak snorts.

Even chuckles. “Are you laughing and crying?”

“Shut up.”

Isak turns so he can look up at Even. He knows he looks a mess, but he’s too relieved to care.

“On second thought,” Isak scrubs the heels of his palms into his eyes and meets Even’s gaze. “Tell me how it went.”

Even shrugs one shoulder and cards the fingers of one hand through Isak’s hair.

“We talked for a while. It was...fucking strange, at first.”

“Yeah? But you...” Isak swallows. He’s not sure whether to mention the IG post or not. “You guys are good now?”

Even nods, but he’s frowning.

“We cleared the air if that’s what you mean. It’s weird, though. I…” He runs a hand through his own hair. “After all this time, it was sort of anti-climactic.”

Bright, blue eyes blink down at Isak.

“Does that make sense?”

Isak nods. “Yeah.”

Even drags his thumb across Isak’s cheek. He looks…scared.

“Why were you crying? Why are you in here? What did I do to us?” Even’s voice breaks on the last word and Isak sits up to face him.

“We’re okay. Um, I…I just had a little freakout. You didn’t text or anything.” He shrugs.

Even pulls out his phone. “Dead.”

Isak drops his chin to his chest. What a fucking idiot he’s been.

“And then I fell asleep on the train on the way here and missed my stop.”

Isak looks up. “Seriously?”

Even’s lips curve into a half-grin. “Sorry. I’m exhausted.”

Isak grabs Even and pulls him down onto the bed. They lie facing each other. Now that he can see him properly, Isak can see the bags beneath Even’s eyes. He knows he hasn’t been sleeping well this week. Understandable, considering.

“Tell me.”

Even takes a breath. “We both apologized.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. Then we caught each other up on shit.” Even smiles. “He asked about you.”

“Did he?”

“Yup.”

“And…” Isak curls a hand around Even’s side. “You told him you were stupidly happy and didn’t even remember ever wanting to be with him?”

Ah. There’s the smile Isak loves so much.

“That’s exactly what I told him. Did you bug the room or something?”

“Nah. I knew you’d tell me everything.” Isak stretches up to kiss him. “Is that everything?”

Even nods. “That’s the gist of it. Mikael told me about coming out to his parents – not pretty, by the way – and about the guy he’s seeing. We didn’t get to talk long because he had people over.”

Isak ducks his gaze. “You…you didn’t want to stay?”

“I did for a bit. A lot of people I hadn’t seen since last year were there.”

Isak nods.

“But, I swear, I left in plenty of time to get back here to you and your folks.” He pleads. “I didn’t think I was tired enough to fall asleep on the train. I’ve never done that. Woke up in Keyserløkka.”

Isak’s brows shoot up. “Whoa.”

Even laughs softly. “Yeah.” He brings a hand up to cup Isak’s cheek. “I’m so sorry. This was really poor planning on my part.”

Isak has to close his eyes. The feel of Even’s skin against his, even though it’s only a hand, rocks him. It just does. He takes a shuddering breath.

“Hey, hey, hey.” Even pulls him into his arms, stroking Isak’s back with those amazing hands of his. “What’s all this?”

“Four hours,” Isak croaks.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing.” Isak curls his fingers into the fabric of Even’s t-shirt. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

Even hugs him tighter. “I missed you too baby.”

They stay like that, intertwined and sharing breath, for long moments. Even smells like rain and sweat and…home.

“Emma posted a photo of you and Mikael.”

“Did she?” Even groans. “Fucking Emma. You know, I’ve tried to give her a pass, but she’s really fucking shallow. Loves gossip too much.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

“Is that what made you come in here?”

Isak nods against Even’s chest, embarrassed.

Even cups his shoulders and pushes him back, ducking his head to meet his eyes.

“You were worried? You thought that I…”

“No,” Isak interrupts. “I mean, yeah, but no. Not really. I know, Even. I know, deep down - you know? – what this is with us. But…”

“But you have moments when you doubt it.”

“Life. I doubt life, I don’t doubt you.” Isak takes Even’s face into his hands. “We’re solid.”

Even searches his gaze. “So fucking solid.”

Isak grins. “Like granite.”

“Like steel.” Even smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

They kiss, soft and slow and sweet, and Isak sighs with contentment when they part.

“My parents are probably running out of ways to pretend they aren’t listening at the door.”

Even laughs, dropping his forehead to meet Isak’s. “This might be the most awkward instance of meet-the-parents in the history of man.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

Even leans back. “Shall we?”

Isak nods, and they disentangle. He winces when he sees the state of his clothes in the mirror.

“I look like we were…you know.”

Even’s laugh is loud. “Uh, yeah. Maybe you should…” He points to the wet spot on Isak’s tee.

Isak whips the shirt over his head and throws it into the corner. It’s an old habit, one he really needs to break. He rummages in a drawer for a fresh one and starts to pull it over his head when he catches Even’s expression in the mirror.

If pressed, he wouldn’t be able to put a name to it other than soft. Even looks so soft.

“You’re so beautiful.” Even walks over to him, his steps measured and languid. “Isak…you’re…”

Isak’s arms fall to his sides, the shirt forgotten in his hand. Soft lips land on his shoulder. There’s nothing sexual about the contact, it’s almost reverent, and it makes him shiver.

“You’re just so incredibly beautiful.”

Isak spins to face Even, whose eyes widen.

“No, Even, you are. You are. Do you even know?” Isak’s been wanting to say this very thing, these very words, for so long. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t been able to, why he always stops himself.

Even is always so effusive with his praise, but Isak has been stingy. Until now. Now he couldn’t stop himself if he wanted to.

He runs a fingertip across Even’s plump bottom lip.

“The first time I saw you…really saw you…my mind went blank. Just blank. Whatever I’d been saying, doing, whatever it was, it was gone. All I saw was you.”

“Isak,” Even whispers on a shuddering breath.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, Even. Sometimes I can’t believe you’re with me like this. Most of the time. You have this…fuck, this is going to sound like a line, but…” There’s no turning back now. “You glow. Like, you literally glow sometimes. And I don’t know what to do with that?”

It comes out like a question, which makes sense. Isak feels like he needs an instruction manual. How to Keep an Actual Nordic God as your Boyfriend for Dummies.

“I’m terrified that I won’t be enough for you. That I-I won’t be interesting enough to keep you, or that whatever fucked-up, quirky thing you find cute about me now will become, like, the worst thing ever to you. That you’ll grow to hate it. Hate me, or at least get bored. Maybe that’s the worst thing that could happen. You’ll get bored.”

Panic fills Even’s eyes. “No! Isak-“

“A-a-and I know what you’re going to say, I know. I’m just telling you how my mind works sometimes.” Isak shrugs. “It’s only fair.”

Even slips a hand into Isak’s hair. His other hand slides up Isak’s stomach, over his chest, and rests on his breastbone.

“I love your mind, Isak. I love every little thing about you.”

Isak smiles. He knows. “I know. And it’s hard to believe that sometimes. Even though you tell me, like, all the time.”

Even laughs, sheepish. “Too much?”

“Nah,” Isak assures him because he’ll never tire of hearing it. “I love how open you are with that sort of shit.”

“That sort of shit?”

His grin is too fucking adorable, so Isak kisses it and wraps his arms around Even’s waist. Even mirrors him.

“That love shit.” He grins. “You’re so good at it. You make me feel so good, Even. Like, all the fucking time. You’re always telling me how you feel, what I mean to you, how much you want me. You make it impossible not to fall in love with you.”

“Good.”

“Very. But you have to know, or…I need to tell you it’s mutual. It’s all mutual. I fucking adore you. You’re sweet and sexy, and funny, and cool, and sometimes I can’t stop looking at you. Sometimes all I want to do is look at you because you’re so beautiful, Even. God, you’re so beautiful, and you’re mine.”

Isak can’t speak anymore because Even is crushing the air out of his lungs, he’s hugging him so tightly. Isak grips him just as hard, arms about Even’s slender neck. He doesn’t comment on the wetness he feels against his bare shoulder, he just holds Even and rocks him. Whispers nonsense into his ear.

“What did you say about us being sappy?”

Isak laughs. “We’re worse than Vilde.”

“Oh God.” Even snorts, leaning back. His eyes twinkle in the low light. “Say it ain’t so.”

There’s a soft knock on the door. “Uh, Isak?”

Dad.

They jump apart.

“We’re coming. Out, I mean. W-we’ll be right out.”

There’s a long, excruciating pause. “Okay, dinner’s ready.”

Even tries to cover his laugh and fails miserably. “Smooth.”

Isak pulls the shirt over his head. “Let’s go before I lose the ability to look my parents in the eye ever again.”

Even takes a deep breath. “Right. Introduce me to my future in-laws. I’ll try to win them over with my charm.”

“They don’t stand a chance against you.” Isak grins, stealing another kiss. “I sure didn’t.”

Chapter Text

Even awakens slowly, blinking into a cloud of soft, blonde curls, and he smiles. He’s been smiling a lot, surely much more than he ever has before. His cheeks are sore from it, his belly tight from all the laughter. It’s a terrifyingly good place to be, happiness. It’s fragile and beautiful like handspun glass, and he cherishes it.

Isak is tucked against him, his back to Even’s front, his head resting on Even’s arm. He is sound asleep. Even can tell by the light in the room that it’s already after noon. If he let him, Isak would sleep until three or even four. On any other Sunday, he would let him but today is special.

In a few hours, everyone is coming over for an early, Sunday dinner. Even is making pytt i panne, at Eskild’s request.

When the “super squad” – Isak’s new term for the combined groups of friends – heard that Even was making it from scratch, they’d all invited themselves. It would be a dinner for twelve, though Even plans to make enough for twenty. Just in case. So, he and Isak need to hit the market for ingredients, which means waking him up.

Even learned early on that Isak is not a morning person, even if his morning starts in the afternoon. He’s found two sure-fire methods of getting him up, though.

One method is to yank the duvet off of him.

It’s cruel but effective. Isak is a snuggler. He gets cold at night, and burrows for warmth like a reptile. It’s cute and Even teases him about it all the time.

Which reminds him, they need to get a bigger duvet. Even usually wakes up uncovered and freezing his nips off. He’s taken to sleeping in actual clothes, which has never been his preference. Although, in this apartment, it’s almost prudent. Eskild has zero boundaries when it comes to the sanctuary of Isak’s room. They’ve started locking the door every night.

Isak mumbles something in his sleep and turns into Even, his lips tantalizingly pursed.

Jesus fuck, he is gorgeous.

He’s so close that Even can count the lashes fanned out across his cheeks. He looks so innocent. The barely-visible fuzz that shades the outline of Isak’s jaw gleams golden in the light. He’s almost gilded, touched by the hand of something divine. Even can only stare.

ISAK: [his eyes still closed] You’re being creepy.

EVEN: [smiling] Am I?

ISAK: [cracking open one eye] What are you staring at?

EVEN: [nuzzling Isak’s nose with his own] My gorgeous boyfriend.

ISAK: [sighing, snuggling closer] That’s okay, then.

Even revels in the feel of Isak’s limbs heavy over him and wraps an arm around Isak’s back, pulling him in further. Isak tucks his head under Even’s chin and Even thinks, maybe, he could live in this moment forever. This one right here.

Isak’s stomach growls, and it’s loud.

ISAK: [laughing] Sorry.

EVEN: Sounds like it’s food o’clock.

ISAK: I’m so sleepy, still. But, yeah, I’m starving.

EVEN: Well, we need to do some grocery shopping.

ISAK: [leaning back, his eyes still a bit droopy as he blinks up] We do?

EVEN: [nods] Your super crew dinner.

ISAK: [eyes widening] Super squad, and I almost forgot.

EVEN: I didn’t.

ISAK: [brows knitting] Are you sure you’re up to cooking for everyone?

EVEN: It’s not a big deal, just a matter of getting enough of everything. And you’ll help cook, right?

ISAK: Sure, though I’m not sure you want me anywhere near the stove.

EVEN: [grins] Not a master chef?

ISAK: Normally I would defend my culinary skills, but since it’s just between us, I’ll just say that there’s a burnt pot of boiled water in my deep, dark past.

EVEN: [eyes wide] You burned a pot of water?

ISAK: I’ll deny it if you repeat it outside this bed.

Even pecks him on the lips.

EVEN: The secret of your dark past is safe with me.

Isak grins, his eyes closing again.

EVEN: Oh, no you don’t. [He runs his fingertips along Isak’s ribs]

ISAK: [yelping] Fuck! Don’t do that.

EVEN: [grinning while Isak squirms, trying to get away] Are you awake?

ISAK: I’m awake. [Laughing] I’m awake, quit it!

Even turns his attack into a caress, slipping his hands under Isak’s tee. His skin is warm and soft like brushed suede. He’s rewarded with a moan.

ISAK: God…

EVEN: What? [skims his fingers up Isak’s spine, causing him to arch into him]

ISAK: [gasps] Even…

Even can’t answer, his mouth is busy nibbling along the column of Isak’s neck. He breathes him in and licks a trail across his skin, loving the shudder that runs through his boyfriend’s body. Not to mention the sounds coming out of his mouth. Even is hungry too, now.

He rolls Isak onto his back, making quick work of his own t-shirt before grabbing the hem of Isak’s and ripping it up and off. He's a bit rough, he knows, but he feels like he might burst if he doesn’t gain access to every inch of Isak’s skin in the next two seconds. Next to go are Isak’s boxer-briefs, and then he is gloriously bare.

Even goes still, staring down at Isak. He looks like a debauched angel. Hair disheveled, face flushed, lips red and parted.

Isak opens his eyes. Even can only see a sliver of green but he can see every bit of Isak’s need. The same hunger burning there that has consumed him.

Even kneels on the bed. Runs his hands over Isak. Knees to thighs, hips, torso, chest, following his own progress. When his gaze returns to Isak’s, he’s caught there.

They stare into one another, and it’s the most vulnerable moment in Even’s entire life. He can’t find the will to hide any bit of himself and so he doesn’t try.

Isak is so quiet, almost calm. If Even couldn’t see the vein pulsing rapidly at the base of Isak’s neck, he would think he was about to fall asleep again. But he feels the slight thrum in Isak’s limbs beneath him. Can almost hear him thinking.

ISAK: [quietly] Is it always like this?

EVEN: [idly tracing patterns on Isak’s skin] Like what?

ISAK: I always want you. Like, always. I know I’m a teenager, but…is it all just hormones? It doesn’t feel like it. Is it always like this? Was it with you and…and Sonja?

Even doesn’t even hesitate.

EVEN: No. Look, I don’t want anyone else in this bed with us but no. It wasn’t like this with her. It’s never been like this, not with anyone, Isak.

Even leans forward, bringing his lips a breath away from Isak’s, who leans up to brush them together. It’s breathtaking how well they just fit. In every fucking way. He kisses him, dipping into Isak’s warmth and tasting his sleep, his desire, his hunger. All of it.

Isak’s hand comes up to cup Even’s neck. He does this a lot, curls his fingers around him, sometimes tight enough to bruise. Even loves it. Loves the feeling of being claimed.

ISAK: [speaking into the kiss] I need you.

EVEN: I need you too.

Isak sits up, pushing Even back. Even complies, unfolding his legs and laying on his back. It isn’t often that Isak does this, takes charge. He’s still so shy in bed like he’s afraid he’ll do something wrong. Even wants to tell him he shouldn’t worry, that he could never do anything wrong. That he has only to be here. With him. That’s all.

But this time Isak is on him like a summer storm, licking, and kissing, and stroking and Even is going to lose his goddamned mind.

With shaky hands, Isak reaches under the bed for the necessary items.

They’re always careful, always safe, but Even wishes there didn’t have to be anything between them. The day will come, he knows, when Isak will need more from him too. And they’ll talk. They’ll be open about it all, Even knows this. They’ll get tested, they’ll do it right.

For now, though…

Isak’s become an expert at relaxing Even, getting him ready. Somehow, his shyness melts away as he allows himself to explore Even’s body. And Even makes sure that Isak knows just how much he’s affecting him. He can see the pride in Isak’s eyes when he gives Even pleasure, and it makes him love him all the more. Isak is utterly selfless in bed, which is a bloody revelation.

But Even’s brain is going offline now because Isak has made a discovery.

EVEN: Jesus…

ISAK: [grinning above him] Yeah?

Even can only nod and pant. Pant and nod. And now he’s panting into Isak’s mouth as his boyfriend devours him, his fingers dancing wickedly inside him.

EVEN: [wrenching his mouth away] Isak…

That’s all he has to say. Isak understands by now, and he positions Even the way he wants him. They come together on matching groans, Even’s universe expanding behind his eyelids.

ISAK: Even…open your eyes. Look at me.

Even does, which becomes nearly impossible when Isak starts to move. Even clutches at Isak’s shoulders, his neck, his thighs. He sinks a hand into Isak’s blonde mop, his fingers tightening when Isak changes the angle of his approach.

EVEN: Oh! Fuck…fuck…

He pulls, bringing their foreheads together as he rocks up to meet Isak’s efforts. Even is shaking and sweating and making sounds he didn’t know he was capable of. By the time their mouths come together again, Even is shaking so hard his breath stutters.

He’s mewling, making embarrassingly needy sounds, but Isak doesn’t relent. If anything, he grows more intense.

Even’s not sure he can take much more.

And then the bough breaks.

He cries out, the sounds swallowed by yet another scorching kiss. Even wraps his arms around Isak’s shoulders and hangs on for the ride. Rakes his nails down Isak’s back as the last throes of his own pleasure grip him.

Then Isak is groaning and cursing and shuddering. It’s fucking beautiful.

They’re plastered together, shivering, panting and throbbing when Isak laughs against Even’s shoulder.

ISAK: That was not very quiet of us.

EVEN: [chuckling] No, I guess not.

Isak breaks their connection, a loss Even feels acutely, and slides to his side. He rests his head on Even’s shoulder.

ISAK: Best alarm clock ever.

Even agrees. He definitely prefers method number two.

***

Isak is proud of himself. He’d diced up bags of onions, parsnips, carrots, and potatoes without slicing off any body parts. It’s a small accomplishment, one that Even had rewarded with a million compliments and just as many kisses. A few of the latter had gone on a little too long, causing Even to almost burn the beef (halal, for Sana’s sake), but they’d rescued it just in time.

Now, everyone is seated around the living room with empty plates and full stomachs.

JONAS: Even, man, that was awesome. I didn’t know someone could actually make pytt i panne.

MAHDI: Yeah, bro. I’ve only ever had the frozen kind.

MAGNUS: Me too, but now I don’t know if I can go back to that.

ESKILD: We’ll just have to make this a weekly thing.

Even’s brows shoot up, and he glances at Isak.

ISAK: My boyfriend is not cooking for a horde every weekend.

MAGNUS: Every other week?

EVEN: How about once a month?

EVA: You could teach me how to make it, then we could switch off.

EVEN: [smiling] I could do that, sure.

EVA: [running her finger over her plate and licking it] Sweet.

MAGNUS: So does this mean we’re back to every other week?

SANA: It means that Even won’t be stuck cooking all the time.

VILDE: [to Even] I’d like to learn too. Or maybe we could all cook together. It would be very kose.

MAHDI: I’m all thumbs in a kitchen, but I can make sure the beer is cold.

EVEN: I’ll drink to that.

Isak smiles and raises his can of Tuborg to toast with Even. Since his doctor told him it’s okay to have one or two beers on the weekend, Isak can tell that Even feels a little more in control.

CHRIS: Speaking of which, who wants another? [She gets up and takes a count of hands.]

Sana, Vilde, and Eva start collecting the dirty plates. Magnus joins them, and the group disappears into the kitchen. Isak soon hears the sounds of running water and clanking dishes. He catches Even’s eye.

EVEN: It’s nice of them to clean up.

ISAK: Yeah.

JONAS: I volunteer for next time.

MAHDI: Me too. [to Even] It’s the least we can do.

EVEN: You guys rock, thanks.

MAHDI: Nah, bro. It’s not a selfless act, I want more of your cooking. What else do you know how to make?

EVEN: [thinking] My lasagna’s pretty good. And I make a decent pad thai.

ISAK: Really?

Even nods.

EVEN: And this fruit tart my mom taught me how to make. Which reminds me, we have vafler, strawberries, and cream for dessert.

Mahdi’s eyes go wide.

MAHDI: You have waffles?

JONAS: [laughing] Uh oh, Even. You said the magic word.

EVEN: [to Mahdi] Are you a fan?

MAHDI: Bro! I could eat them for every meal, every day.

EVEN: Right? Such an underrated food. Wanna help me get that stuff together?

MAHDI: Sure, but I can’t guarantee there will be any left for the rest of these guys.

They get up and head into the kitchen. Isak watches them with a smile. It’s a relief to see his friends accept Even. Not only accept him but welcome him. It’s like he’s always been a part of their weird, little family.

ESKILD: [smiling at Isak] Look at you.

ISAK: What?

ESKILD: You’re happy.

ISAK: [nods] Yeah, I am.

JONAS: It’s a good look on you, Isak.

ISAK: It…it feels good.

ESKILD: [reaching over to squeeze Isak’s arm] Even is a keeper.

ISAK: I know.

JONAS: So are you, though.

ISAK: [turning to him] What do you mean?

JONAS: I know you think you’re lucky to have Even, but he’s lucky to have you too.

ESKILD: Little Jonas is right, don’t forget that you’re kind of a catch too.

ISAK: [indignant] Kind of?

ESKILD: You’re still a grumpy teenager.

JONAS: [chuckling] He’s not wrong.

ISAK: [rolling his eyes] Shut up, both of you.

The front door opens, and Noora comes in, breathless.

ESKILD: There she is! [He jumps up and hugs her.]

NOORA: Sorry I’m late, I was looking at an apartment-share across town.

Eskild’s eyes go wide, and his arms fall away.

ESKILD: You’re moving out?

Mahdi and Even return with plates of waffles, a big bowl of strawberries, and what looks like fresh cream. Isak clears a space on the table, and the guys set it down. Sana lays down the plates.

EVEN: Vilde’s bringing forks.

ESKILD: [whining] You can’t move, Noora! You just moved back. I don’t know what I’d do without you again.

NOORA: [laughing] I’d only be across town, Eskild. It’s not like I’m moving back to London.

ESKILD: [pouts] But why?

NOORA: There’s essentially five of us living here now. It’s time I found something else.

Isak and Even exchange a glance. Even looks guilty as hell.

EVEN: That’s my fault. You shouldn’t have to move.

NOORA: [waves him off] No, I moved out, and Isak moved in. It’s perfectly normal for you to stay with your boyfriend. I’m the one that’s been crashing.

Eskild dramatically throws himself at Noora. What follows is like a scene out of the worst melodrama, with Eskild begging and Noora trying to remain on her feet under the weight of him.

EVEN: Isak, could we talk?

ISAK: [frowns but nods] Sure.

They step into the hall and Even pulls Isak down to his room. He’s about to ask him what’s up when Even turns, takes his face into his hands and kisses him.

ISAK: [melting as always] Mmm. What was that for?

EVEN: [lowers his eyes and takes Isak’s hands] So…I ran into one of your neighbors from the first floor.

ISAK: Okay?

EVEN: He was moving out. [raises his eyes to Isak’s] Of a three-bedroom flat.

ISAK: [his stomach flipping] Okay?

EVEN: [squeezes Isak’s hands] How would you feel about being roommates?

Even bites his lip, his eyes wide and full of hope.

Isak feels faint. Did Even just…

ISAK: Did you just ask me to move in with you?

EVEN: Yes and no? I mean, of course we’d be living together. We’re practically living together now, and this wouldn’t be much different.

He’s talking fast now, not giving Isak a chance to object. He knows the technique well.

EVEN: We’d each have our own room, our own space. And we’d have to find a third roommate. It’s only a six-month lease. And I promise to leave you alone when you need it.

ISAK: Even…

Isak isn’t sure what to say because holy fuck! He wants to. God, he wants to. But it’s crazy, isn’t it?

ISAK: Isn’t this a bit crazy? I mean soon? We’ve only been together for a few months.

EVEN: [dropping his forehead to Isak’s] If you don’t want to, I will totally understand. It’s really more about practicality. Noora could stay here, you’d still be close to your friends.

ISAK: They’re your friends too, now.

EVEN: [nods] I finish at Nissen in June, and I’m looking at universities.

Isak’s been avoiding the inevitability that Even might leave Oslo for school.

ISAK: It would solve Noora’s problem.

EVEN: Yep. And…[drops a quick kiss on Isak’s lips] It would be fun. We’d be great roommates. I may even have a third person lined-up unless you know someone.

ISAK: [leaning back] Who?

EVEN: Remember my friend Britt? She’s looking to move to this area.

ISAK: Yeah, she was nice. I liked her.

EVEN: She liked you too.

ISAK: You really want to do this?

Even nods.

EVEN: Do you think your parents would freak?

Isak knows his father would give in, eventually. He’s not so sure about his mother. Even had thoroughly charmed her, for certain, but she was still fairly traditional in her values. Dating a boy was one thing, living with one would be quite another. Though they’d technically be roommates.

Isak isn’t above splitting hairs.

ISAK: Would yours?

EVEN: [ducking his gaze] I…sort of already talked to them about it. [Looking up at Isak.] I didn’t want to bring up the possibility if I wasn’t sure.

ISAK: Wow. Even.

EVEN: I know, I know. Just…think about it?

Isak nods slowly, but his mind is going a mile-a-minute.

Living with Even. Actually living with his boyfriend, his twenty-year-old boyfriend of roughly three months. That would be...wow.

Amazing.

That’s what it would be, Isak already knows this.

ISAK: We’d have our own rooms?

EVEN: [quickly] Yes. Absolutely.

ISAK: And another roommate there, probably Britt?

Even nods.

ISAK: I suppose it wouldn’t be much different than what we’re doing now.

EVEN: My point exactly.

And yeah, Isak can picture it. Waking up every morning with Even, going to bed every night knowing he was right down the hall. Though, if he’s honest, he knows Even will be in his bed most of the time, or he’d be in Even’s. Just like they are now.

ISAK: [squeezing Even’s hands and meeting his hopeful gaze] Promise me two things.

EVEN: Anything.

ISAK: If I need space…

EVEN: All you want. I’ll even go to my parents if you need me to.

ISAK: And I’ll do the same if you need it.

Even nods.

EVEN: So…does this mean…?

Isak cups Even’s chin, sweeping his thumb across his mouth. He loves this guy so much he’s full to bursting with it. The idea of living with him sounds like a fairytale, but…

ISAK: I’ll ask my parents.

EVEN: [eyes wide] Yeah?

ISAK: Yeah, babe.

Even draws Isak into a crushing hug and Isak clings, laughing into his neck.

ISAK: You really want this, don’t you?

EVEN: [leans back to look down at Isak] I want you, Isak. In every way I can have you, I want you.

Isak knows that feeling intimately, he shares it. And so he’s going to make this happen.

Because Even is everything he wants.

And life…life is now.

Chapter Text

Dear Isak,

I am now sitting in the place where we talked for the first time and thinking about you. It’s almost 21:21. I want to tell you a thousand things. I’m so privileged to know you. I’m so honored to love you. I’m so grateful that you’ve stuck by me these last four years, there were times when I thought I would lose you. I had forgotten that you and I were forged from the same star, that we share something unbreakable. Something almost unimaginable. And that even when we’re apart, even when our paths diverge, we always find our way back to each other. In any other place, in any other time, we are together for eternity. Remember? I love you.

Come to me,
Even

Isak runs through baggage claim, weaving his way past the other passengers. His phone had pinged with the text from Even the moment he turned it on.

He isn’t sure what he expected to happen when he returned to Oslo. For the last two years, he’s been studying at the University of London. And while it’s been an amazing experience, it had taken him away from Even.

To say the separation has been hard on them would be a serious understatement. They’ve done their best, racking up frequent flier miles with weekend trips back and forth but, truthfully, it hasn’t been good for them.

They fight.
A lot.

And Even had fallen into some old habits before Isak threatened to cut him off completely if he didn’t tell his doctor what was going on with him. It turned out to be a chemical imbalance, something easily corrected with an adjustment to Even’s meds.

Isak had been too angry for words when he found out, so he didn’t speak to Even for two weeks.

But that was over a year ago, and things are better now. Better than better, they’re amazing.

Isak is done with school, for now. He’s not sure where he’ll continue his studies, but he does know that – wherever it is – he needs to be wherever Even is. He just…needs it.

So he’s running. Crashing through the door, he grabs the first taxi he sees and directs the driver toward Hartvig Nissen Skole.

God.

He hasn’t thought about that place in ages.

Strange that it played such a big part in his life. He used to think it was his whole world, and yet it seems so small, now. He guesses that’s what it means to grow up, to move on. He’s seen so much more of the world, learned so much more about himself and his place in it.

They drive past a Kaffebrenneriet and Isak smiles. They may not have the world’s best coffee, but he’s missed it anyway. It’s one of the first things he wants to do, now that he’s home.

Home.

What a concept.

The school comes into view, and Isak’s heartbeat picks up.

“Stop here.”

“I can take you closer.”

“No, it’s fine.” Isak opens the door. “I’ll walk the rest.”

He pays the driver and grabs his carry-on, slamming the door shut behind him. The taxi pulls off, and Isak is alone on the sidewalk staring up at the building. He knows Even is already there. He can’t see him yet, but… He just knows. It’s always been that way with them.

So, Isak thinks he’s prepared to see Even. It’s only been a few weeks since he’d last come to visit him in London, one last weekend together before Isak buckled down to finish his semester.

He can still feel Even’s breath against his neck, hot and humid as he pressed Isak down into his lumpy single mattress. A ghost of pleasure ripples through him at the memory of Even deep inside him, stroking the spot he didn’t even know he had three years ago. Skin-to-skin, they’d spent the entire weekend in bed, only getting up for fuel and bathroom breaks. Isak was sore by the time Even left for Heathrow. Everywhere. And he’d missed him immediately.

But they’d agreed to stay apart until Isak finished at UoL.

It’s only been twenty-one days. Well, twenty-two, if you count today. Not that long. So Isak thinks he’s prepared to see Even again. No, he is prepared. This is silly.

He rounds the gate and heads into the schoolyard. It looks the same. Like time has stood still here.

But to his left, it’s not the same at all.

Even is standing by “their” bench. The hedge behind it has grown, and it’s covered in tiny, soft white lights. Hundreds of them. Maybe thousands.

There’s a little path leading from the center of the yard, just a few feet from where Isak stands, and it’s lined with tea light candles. Some guy is playing the violin. A fucking violin.

And there’s Even. In a suit.

Isak can’t move. His grip on the handle of his bag is painful, but it’s the only thing keeping him upright right now.

Christ.

“Even?”

He smiles. “Hei.”

“What…?”

Even takes pity on him and walks over, smooth as anything. God, he is so handsome. This is overwhelming, all of it. Isak sips at the air, tiny breaths that come way too fast.

“Halla.” Even kisses his cheek and eases the bag out of Isak’s grip. “I’ve got it, come on.”

He leads Isak to the bench. Thank God, because he’s about to collapse.

“Wh-what’s all this?”

Even just smiles, setting the bag on the ground before he takes a seat next to Isak. He looks so calm. Serene. Like this is no big deal.

Isak isn’t stupid. He’s seen enough rom-coms to know what Even is doing. But they haven’t talked about this, not really. Not seriously.

Oh, God.

“Breathe.”

“I am fucking breathing.”

Even has the nerve to laugh. He takes Isak’s hand in his, and his touch is warm. Solid.

Isak calms. It’s like Even’s tapped into his psyche and shut down the panic sequence. Abort! Abort! He squeezes Even’s hand in thanks and turns to face him.

“You okay?”

Isak nods. “Yeah, you just…this…I wasn’t expecting…”

“That’s kind of the point.” He leans in and plants a soft kiss on Isak’s lips. “Can we talk?”

Isak snorts. “Uh, yeah. You’ve certainly got my attention.”

The violin guy wanders off, giving them a little privacy.

Even’s gaze falls to their joined hands. He covers them with his free hand and pulls them into his lap before looking up at Isak.

“I had this whole thing planned out.”

“I’m sure you did.”

He grins. “But I think this way is better.”

Isak bites his lip, studying Even. He’s the king of grand gestures, his boyfriend. Whatever he had planned, it was bound to be epic.

“What were you going to do?”

Even smiles. “At first, I was going to arrange a flash mob at the airport.”

Isak groans. “I would have been mortified.”

“I know.” He nods. “That’s why I didn’t do it.”

“Whew.” Isak grins. He takes a deep breath, letting go some of the tension knotted in his stomach. A flash mob. Yikes.

“Then I thought about picking you up in a limo or something.”

“Like Princess Vivian?”

Even’s smile is glorious. “Yes. Just like that.”

“Only slightly less embarrassing.”

“Only slightly, yeah.” Even’s thumb strokes the back of Isak’s hand. “And then I thought this…” He looks around, and Isak does too.

Nissen watches over them like a sentinel, a whisper from the past. It’s a warm, summer evening. There’s a slight breeze that rustles the leaves in the tree above them. Behind the bench, the hedge continues to twinkle. It’s sort of magical, actually.

“I thought this would be more us.”

Isak nods.

Even studies him in that way he does, like he’s trying to catalog him. It used to unnerve him, but Isak’s gotten used to it now. He can see the fruit of it in Even’s paintings and sketches, in his short films.

Isak always ends up in them, somehow, in some way.

“I love your hair long like this,” Even says, reaching up to brush a stray curl out of Isak’s eye.

“I was thinking of cutting it.”

“Please don’t, at least not yet. I’ve hardly had a chance to enjoy it.”

Isak grins. “Enjoy it, eh?”

The glint in Even’s eye is unmistakable. “You heard me.”

Isak sucks in a breath because, fuck, he really wishes they were somewhere private right now. Twenty-two days without feeling Even’s skin slide against his own is twenty-two days too long.

“I know,” Even says, as if he can read his mind. “We’ll go home soon.”

“Home?”

“My place, which is yours too. If you want it to be.”

“Is that your way of asking me to move in with you again?”

Even’s gaze drops to his lap. He’s silent for so long that Isak wonders if his joke was way off. Then the most beautiful blue eyes Isak has ever seen in his life blink up to meet his gaze.

“I’ve been in love with you since the night we broke into my dad’s house. Probably before then. Probably since the day I tricked you into coming back to my house to smoke with me.”

“I still haven’t forgiven you for that,” Isak teases. He laughs to cover the shiver that Even’s words cause.

“And I hope you never do,” Even replies. “I hope you always remember how much I’ve wanted you from the very start. Isak…” He takes both of Isak’s hands into his. “I won’t lie and say I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I can. The thing is, that’s not the life I want. If these last few years have taught me anything, it’s that. The life I want is the one with you. By my side. I want to be by yours. I want to be the one that picks you up at the airport. I want to show you off at my film premieres, and cheer for you when you win some prestigious biochemistry award. I want to yell at you for leaving dirty socks on the floor and apologize to you for leaving broken pencils everywhere. I want to kiss you breathless in the morning, and fuck you until you’re boneless every night.”

“Jesus, Even…”

Even drops Isak’s hands and cups his cheeks. Isak can feel his fingers trembling warm against his skin.

“I’m so fucking in love with you. I always have been, I always will be. Whether you say yes or no tonight, just know that it won’t change how I feel about you. You’re it, baby. You’re just it for me. So…”

He releases Isak, which is good because Isak is Freaking. Out. In a good way, though.

Violin dude is back, and Isak giggles because he finally recognizes the song he’s been playing since he arrived. Nonstop. I’m Yours.

Even’s down on one knee and Isak can’t stop giggling.

He’s laughing now too. “I know this is ridiculous, but let me?”

Isak nods. It’s all he can do because he’s too busy losing his shit. It’s not that he finds this situation particularly funny, he doesn’t. It’s sweet, and romantic, and so over-the-top, and so Even.

“I love you,” he’s finally able to say just as Even pulls a tiny, black box out of his pocket.

Even blinks up at him, a hopeful smile on his lips. “Yeah? I love you too.”

“If you get mini-burgers, my mom will have your head.”

Even huffs. “Isak.”

“Hmm?”

“Do you mind if I actually ask you first?”

“Oh!” Isak gapes in horror. “Sorry.”

Even grins. “You’re impossible.”

Isak shrugs. “You adore me anyway.”

Even’s gaze heats just that quickly. “Fuck, yes. I do. Marry me.”

Isak feels himself nodding frantically. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes,” he says more firmly. “Yes.”

But Even is frozen, his mouth open and his eyes wide with…what…surprise?

“Did you actually think I would say no?”

“I…I thought you’d put up some argument.”

“Argument?”

Even takes something out of the little box, but Isak can’t see what it is.

“Between the two of us, you’re the logical one. I thought you’d say we were too young.”

“You’re twenty-three, and I’ll be twenty-one this summer.”

“Or you’d say we don’t know where our lives will take us.”

“Even…”

Isak cups his jaw. Even has changed a little in the last few years. Grown into himself, filled out. His jawline is still classical, his lips still full, but his cheekbones have sharpened into something truly lethal. Isak remembers seeing Even for the first time at school and thinking he was the hottest guy he’d ever laid eyes on. Seventeen-year-old Isak would swallow his tongue if he could see Even now.

“Every turn we’ve taken over the last few years has brought us right back to each other. I think it’s safe to say that’s how it’s supposed to be.”

Even’s face lights up like Christmas morning. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, so give me the damn ring already.”

Even smirks. “Ring? What makes you think I have a ring for you?”

Isak’s smile falters. “What’s in your hand?”

“A ring.”

They laugh, and Isak feels so light right now. Like he could float away.

Even takes his left hand and slips a black band over his ring finger. It’s cool to the touch and covered in faint etchings. Runes, Isak thinks.

“I have one too.” Even pulls it out of the box and moves to put it on.

“Let me.”

Just like that, Even goes soft. His eyes shine as he hands the band to Isak.

Isak slips it onto Even’s hand, pulls him up to sit on the bench, and kisses him until they both need to breathe again.

When they part, Even’s smile is like a midnight sun. “You said yes.”

Isak nods once. “I said yes.”

Sighing, Even leans back, his gaze dropping to Isak’s ring. “I got these because they’re unobtrusive. I know you don’t like a lot of attention.”

“Even, I’d wear any ring you wanted to give me.”

He looks up, his eyes twinkling. “Yeah?”

Isak runs a fingertip across Even’s brow. “Yeah.”

They share a silent moment, a quiet breath.

His fiancé clears his throat. “Well, these are just for the engagement. We can pick out the wedding bands together.”

“Can’t wait, babe." Isak examines his ring. "What do these say, though?”

Even brushes his thumb over Isak’s ring and meets his gaze.

There’s love in the brilliant blue.
Life there.
Forever there.

”Every moment of every day,” Even whispers. “Yesterday, today, tomorrow, always.”

Chapter Text

Twenty-one days, eight hours, and roughly twelve minutes.

That’s how long it’s been since Even has seen Isak. It’s unbearable. It’s intolerable. It’s bullshit, that’s what it is.

But Even is so proud of his boyfriend. Of his drive, and his commitment.

Isak has grown into quite the scholar and Even loves watching him develop into the person he’s becoming. He wants to be there for every step of it, so the distance has been hard. So fucking hard.

The occasional weekend together seemed manageable at first but Even had quickly realized that having only limited access to Isak wasn’t something he could handle very well. And he’d felt guilty about demanding time with Isak when he knew he was busy with work and school. He’d just needed him so much, more than he ever thought one person could need another. It was unhealthy, really.

Even tried to cope, he did. First with his film studies, throwing himself into it like a man possessed. When film wasn’t enough to occupy his mind, he turned to his art, expanding from sketches into pastels and watercolors. They appeased him for a time, but every canvas became a tribute to Isak. He missed him. So much it ached.

So he turned to other things. Beer. Greens. Hung out with old friends, hitting the party scene hard. It had sent him spiraling and had led to some truly epic fights with Isak.

And…God…God…he’d almost lost him.

Fuck.

Even shudders even thinking about the words that Isak had spoken so quietly into the phone.

I can’t watch you destroy yourself. I won’t stick around for it. I love you too much.

He’d sobered up fucking quick that night.

Issy? What do you mean?

You already know what I mean, Evy.

Please…don’t…

Fix it. Go see Dr. Lerche.

I will. I promise.

Tomorrow.

Yes, yes, anything. ANYTHING. Please, Issy, don’t say you’re…please, just…

Shhh. Calm down. Sober up. Go see the doc. Call me after.

Okay. Okay.

But when Even called Isak the next day and told him that all he’d needed was a small adjustment to his medication, that much of the restlessness, anxiety, and lack of focus he’d been experiencing was caused by a chemical imbalance, Isak hadn’t been relieved. He wasn’t happy. Isak was angry. Livid. He didn’t speak to Even for two weeks.

And, fuck, that had hurt. Even truly thought he’d gone too far that time. He’d been paralyzed by the idea that Isak might never speak to him again. Only that time he didn’t turn booze or weed to numb the pain. He hadn’t wanted to dull anything. He’d deserved it. He’d brought it on himself.

The morning that Isak finally called him was the happiest moment in Even’s entire life. He’d invited him to London for a long weekend, and Even was packing before they even got off the phone.

A year later, Isak is on his way home. To him. And Even is determined to make sure Isak always thinks of him as home, the way he thinks of Isak. His home. His heart. His everything.

Even lights the last of the candles and steps back to admire his work.

“She’s going to love it.”

The violinist Even hired speaks in hushed tones, a smile on his lips. He’s older, maybe fifty, with black hair that’s graying at the temples and olive skin. He’s dressed in a short-sleeved, black button-down and black trousers. In one hand, he casually holds the violin and the bow. He’s probably done it a thousand times. The instrument itself is beautiful, with rich polished wood and polished ebony. It looks incredibly expensive and Even holds his breath every time the guy – Marco – swings his arm.

“I hope he will,” Even finally corrects him. When Marco doesn’t respond, Even turns to find him staring. His eyebrows arch dramatically.

“You’re proposing to a man?”

Even nods. “Yes.”

“Oh, I didn’t know…that was…a thing.”

“Excuse me?”

Marco’s eyes widen comically. “No! No, I mean no offense. I just…I didn’t know that, er…well, proposals like these are generally…” He runs a hand across the back of his neck. “Sorry, I sound impossibly ignorant right now.”

Even chuckles. “It’s okay.”

“This is very romantic, I am sure he will love it.” Marco smiles. “And he’ll say yes, of course.”

“God, I hope so. “ Even exhales sharply. “I need him to say yes.”

“It can’t be a shotgun wedding,” Marco jokes. “So why the urgency?”

That’s the seven million kroner question, isn’t it? Even doesn’t really have an answer. Isak is coming back to Oslo tonight to stay. At least for a while. Even has no idea what his boyfriend’s plans are going forward. Whatever they are, he wants to do them together. Hopes to.

At first, he thought about asking Isak to move in with him. To pick up where they left off when Isak left for London. But after three weeks of not seeing Isak, outside of video chat, three weeks of not touching him, not falling asleep with him or waking up next to him, not once, Even realized he wanted more.

He needs more. He needs everything with Isak. Every damn thing.

Even crouches down to turn on the l.e.d. lights he’s strewn all over the hedge behind the bench.

“Have you ever been married?”

Marco nods. “Yes. Once.”

Even looks up, catches the furrow in the other man’s brow.

“What happened?”

Marco’s sigh is long and weighted.

“Sorry, you don’t have to tell me.”

“No,” Marco waves him off. “It’s fine. I…she…I lost her twenty years ago. Cancer.”

Even stands and moves toward Marco, clasping the shorter man on the shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine.” Marco offers a tight smile. “We had five wonderful years together. She gave me this violin, actually.”

“It’s beautiful.” Even smiles. “You never remarried?”

Marco shakes his head, a rueful smile curving his mouth.

“When you’ve already met the love of your life, nothing else will ever do. No one could replace her. No one.”

Even nods. “That’s why I’m doing this, you see. He, Isak, is the love of my life. I’ve almost lost him more times than I care to even think about. I can’t risk losing him again. I won’t. I want a life with him, and I need it to start right now. Tonight.”

Marco studies him for a bit. “I envy you. This is your beginning. I hope you need to squint far, far into the future to even glimpse the end, my friend.”

Even beams at the man. “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard. I might have to steal that for one of my screenplays.”

“Only if I get a tiny credit, and maybe a walk-on role?”

“Deal,” Even replies, grinning as the sound of a taxi engine closes in.

Suddenly, Even’s heart is in his throat. What if this is a mistake? What if Isak says no? Walks away? Laughs in his face and calls him an idiot?

“Deep breath, my friend. If your boy cares half as much for you as you so clearly do for him, he’ll say yes.” Marco squeezes Even’s shoulder. “Now, shall I play?”

Even takes that deep breath. Then another. And another.

And then Isak is there in the schoolyard.

He’s grown an inch or so since the last time they stood in this space together. He’s grown in so many ways, including his hair which is gorgeous and long. It curls against the tops of his shoulders and sweeps over his forehead in graceful waves.

Even wants to call out to him, run over to him and take him into his arms, but he doesn’t. He waits. He watches as Isak takes in the building and can only imagine the memories flitting through his mind at the moment. He can almost see them play out on the younger man’s face. That beautiful, beautiful face.

Christ, he loves Isak Valtersen. So much.

The knowledge that Isak owns his heart so completely somehow settles Even’s nerves. Isak is in his life to stay, no matter what happens. They’re intrinsically linked. Nothing can ever change that. It’s with this revelation that Even is finally able to let go of the fear. The doubt. The uncertainty.

“Play.”

Marco does.

Isak turns to Even.

Finally sees Even.

His breath catches. And he smiles.