Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. SEPTEMBER 4th 2015. 1400 hours

It wasn’t something you could do normally, laying on the edge of the roof with the scope over my eyes watching the beautiful platinum blond bounce in the castle with two of her three boys. Her blond locks moving around, and the two of the three little boys with matching hair, she was swaying her hips and making weird faces while she tried to catch them and falling every time she was close to, the laughter seemed to be a common theme when the four of them were under the same roof, something that didn’t happen often. The boy’s dad was bad business and had got the boys in a sort of boarding school, only coming home on the weekends and even though he wasn’t home, he was able to make their lives miserable. I could still remember the day the lawyer told her the news that she couldn’t do anything about it and how she fell to the ground sobbing uncontrollably as her parents tried to calm her down. I was now watching Gwen Stefani, Gavin Rosedale’s wife, and my lover.
That night, laying in bed, my mind was all over Gwen, again, she had gone through so much and I had no idea how was I going to bring on the fact that I had lied to her since the second I put a food inside the house, I had not only have to tell her about me lying my teeth off but also about the fact that I was using her to get Gavin out or how the whole boarding school was my idea to keep the kids out of the fire, while being always secured by my team. Shit.
As my mind was running in circles, the bathroom door opened, and Gwen came out like a fairy, all soft and beautiful, her nightie was hot and short and I was already naked under the sheets. It was Sunday and the boys had left a few hours before, as usual, she was hurt and sensible and it was my duty to bring her back to live.
-Hey, handsome-
-Hey, gorgeous- I said while she got under the sheets and under me in a quick flipping motion. I took her mouth on mine, locking our eyes and feeling my heart bursting inside my chest. I was in deep trouble, I was in love with her.

TEXAS, EEUU. SHELTON, LEVINE, ADAM AND Co. MAY 19TH 2015 1800 hours
Today was my first day back to work since Miranda left the house; I wasn’t able to sleep in the same room without having flashbacks of her sucking her boss’ dick on my mind so I slept in a hotel while I sold that shit, which was harder than I thought. I have been serving my country for twenty-two years, I started on the field like a nobody and had climbed my way up, now, I was the leader of my own team, I had left the army after fifteen, I was in my thirties and had a lot of experience, much more than my bosses so the higher I went on a rank, the less I was on the field, and for hell sure I didn’t join the army at the age of sixteen to fill forms and send letters so I left, with a nice pay and a lot of medals and opened with my best friends a private surveillance and security company that worked with the government, we would do the dirty job that the government couldn’t, meaning we would do some illegal stuff, and we couldn’t get caught.
-Well, we all here gather because the Narco activity it’s the highest in the last three decades in the California area. Trace called and we need to stop that, now, it’s been developing to slaves, trafficking, and too many deaths- Luke said, he was the third on command after me, but because it was my first day, I asked him to stay as the first one for a week, while I adjust myself in this new thing.
-We have searched and searched and we found that a British mafia is the one behind all of it, we are figuring out how to handle the situation- Adam, my right hand added
-Who’s the subject? - I asked and he clicked on his iPad and multiple photos of a man appeared on the large TV. Alone, most of them, dressed like he hasn’t left the eighties, long black hair, no visible tattoos, always wearing sunglasses, had a few one with kids, blinds a little, not older than ten.
-Name Gavin Rossdale. Age: fifty. Status: we don’t know. Three kids and has a lot of money-
-The mother? How about her? – He took his iPad again and the photo of one of the most beautiful women in the world appeared.
-Gwen Stefani. Age: Forty-five. Three kids and works as a costume designer and beauty guru. Status: we don’t know-
-She clean?-
-We don’t know…but we think so. She never went with Rossdale to the parties or to the meetings. She kept herself out of his sight mostly; we don’t know how things are at home. They rarely go out and if they do, the kids are there-
I looked at the table and everyone had their necks down looking at the file, from Luke and Adam to Cristina and Carson, to Brad and Brandon. Everyone wanted to work on the case and we needed it to act quickly.
-We need an in, someone who can enter the family, someone who can be there and know things. They’re looking for a bodyguard for the wife, apparently, Mister Rossdale is planning on a trip and they need someone inside the house. It’s a 24/7 job, six days a week, it’s gonna be tough and consuming- Luke said and looked around. – Who wants it?-
-I do- I heard myself say. I wanted out of my normal life, I need that. I was tired and the memories could be as painful as depressing so, not living at home and helping take down a drug lord, seemed like a good idea.
-You sure? We might need to use your name; you have a strong background and have been keeping it low-
-Yeah, I do… -
-Okay, then. I’ll email you everything and we’ll do a background check on you, to see what they’ll see when you go for the interview-
I nodded and took the file Luke gave, all the information I needed to do my thing, I would learn everything, I would act and I would leave. I needed to know how to destroy the hell out of Gavin, destroy the Narco Empire and hopefully not destroying those kids’ life in the process.
I stayed studying in my office all night long, the meeting was set at four pm the next day and I needed to be quick and fast, my background was going to show my army talents, the fact that I worked with Trace Adkins but left his side, not on bad terms at all considering that he’ll call my company to clean messes but they didn’t know that. Trace was hated by the mafia of all kind because he was doing a lot to keep the streets clean.
I woke up the next day after the door of my office snapped close and opened my eyes to find Adam taking a chair and sitting right in front of me, his eyes fixed on me. Of the crew he knows me the most, he has seen my highs and my lows, as much as I have seen his, we are from completely different backgrounds, complete different families, and values, but still found a way to love him as the brother I once had but lost too quickly.
-Are you sure?-
-Yes, I need this-
My answer was simple and real, I need it and out, I need to forget that the last decade of my life has been bullshit after bullshit, and Adam knew it, so he just nodded and gave me a bag, with all the things I needed from clothes to passports and personal stuff. The plane was leaving in a couple of hours and I needed to clean up a little, so I went to the bathroom, a deep shower, shaved my face and headed back to the office where Amanda was waiting for me to cut my hair and make me look tidy. I finished it all and I was hopping on a plane an hour later, my surprised began when a dark sedan was waiting outside my plane.
Supposedly, Chris Young, a good friend, and a double agent was the one who talks about me and apparently they wanted to take good care of me and I had the job without the need for an interview like I was told in the beginning, Pharrell Williams was my contact, he was going to be my boss, the head security of the family for the last ten years, had a close relationship with Gwen and the boys but butted heads with Rossdale. On our way there, he was close and silent; he stared at me and then walked me through what my job was going to be.
-Stick with Gwen, another agent has the children-I nodded and looked at him in disdain and calmness. That’s what I needed, an in with Gwen. We arrived at a huge mansion, at least twenty rooms. Pharrell took me to the back of the house, where the agents slept and to my room, clean and plain, bigger than I expected. I left my stuff on top of the bed and followed Pharrell to where I was going to meet Rossdale. He knocked on the door and got inside, leaving me outside the house, giving me time to see it all from the inside, it was so much bigger than I expected, a lot of room to cover and a lot of rooms to watch, meaning more people to hide from.
-Come in- I heard Pharrell saying from the door and I followed command. The room was big, black walls and dark furniture, a thin man was sitting on the sofa, Rossdale. Smaller than I ever thought he was, smaller than in the photos, he looked pathetic and weak.
-Mr. Shelton. Sit, please. I must say that your reference and your background are quite impressive-
-I know-
-I like it, cocky-
-Confident. I wouldn’t be here if I weren’t, I wouldn’t be alive if I weren’t-
-True, very true-
The silent stayed in the room and I could see his brain moving trying to make me quiver, what he didn’t know is that I knew how weak he actually was, from the get-go, you could get that not only was he cocky, he was that bad kind, not that smart, not trained and for sure, an asshole. If this was the husband, I could only imagine the woman that sleeps with this man.
-I’m going on a trip, business, I’m going to be away for a while, weeks probably, don’t have a return date. My wife is a pretty thing, she needs protection, she is a little dumb, not that smart and not that pretty and well, clumsy, let’s say, she falls all the time and she needs caring- Hum, I hated this guy, so much already.
-That’ll be my job, sir-
-Good, good. Pharrell will brief you in all the good stuff, the times, schedules and all, so I’m sure you’ll be all right-
He got up and I did too, the three of us left the room and were stopped by a blond angel. Gwen freaking Stefani wasn’t pretty, she was perfect, her jaw looked like the god had made it by hand, her nose and her eyes were perfect, she was so small it was ridiculous, she seemed so delicate and soft unless you looked her in the eyes, there was fire and confidence there.
-Gavin, Rodney told me that the helicopter is waiting for you-
-Good, good. Gwen, this is Blake Shelton, your new bodyguard. Treat him well- he said and then left, no kiss goodbye, no hug, nothing. He left me and her alone with Pharrell. Her eyes went to Pharrell’s and I really don’t know what happened because I was just looking at her, couldn’t keep my eyes off of her nor could she keep her eyes off of me, she was measuring me, she wanted to know who I was, how I was and why was I there, why me.
-Mr. Shelton. Nice to meet you- Her voice sounded strained and distant, cold even.
-Mrs. Rossdale- I said and nodded at her
-Stefani, I don’t use my husband’s name- she said softly and I nodded with an agreement. I knew that already- I have to… go for the kids, school is almost done- She was trying hard to keep herself distant, but I could see that she couldn’t, I don’t know why she wanted that, but whatever it was, she wasn’t good at that.
-Yes mam, lead the way- I said and followed hear to the entrance, where a car was waiting for us. The driver, Mark had opened the door. I shook his hand. Mark Burnett, caring, a good guy, family man, hated his boss and didn’t know who he was working for. We entered the car and after an awkward silence Gwen started to talk.
-Is this your first job as a bodyguard?-She wanted to know about me, I could feel her need to know who she was sitting in the same car with.
-Yes, mam. I was in the army from sixteen to my thirties then I quit and started to work on my own, not married and no kids-
-Good, good to know… this is my first time with a bodyguard myself, I …usually have the kids’ ones with us- I nodded.
-What’s your schedule?-I asked and took her off guard
-My…right…you need to know that… Um, let me see… I get up at six, take the kids to school at seven, head to the GYM, ummm…then home, I work from home, so …then I pick up the kids and then his afternoon activities and back home to work. It’s not that difficult I hope- Her voice was so beautiful, so soft, she sounded so lost and quiet like she wasn’t used to someone interested in talking to her, she sounded like a bird with a broken wing but a cool one, she wasn’t interested in talking or making things easy for me, she was trying to put a wall between us but she was failing miserably, I could see her eyes wanting to know, hungry for information, hungry for attention but scared at the same time.
-It’s not, it’ll be easy. I was in the army for a long time; I can handle your schedule- At that she chuckled and for some reason my heart skipped a bit, the sound was dark and gravely and took my breath away. Shit. We arrived at school and the moment I went to open the door to get us out, her hand approached my arm and she shook her head.
-Tristan will go for the boys- Her touch on my arm almost burnt my skin. I nodded and surely after around ten minutes, ten silent and tense minutes, three kids jumped into the car, talking thousands of miles per hour, giving her hugs and kissed and then, the three of them stopped dead, looking at me.
-Hello- I said and the three of them stared at me.
-He’s Blake, my bodyguard-
-You got one?- The oldest one. Kingston, nine years old, hated his father, loved sports and junk food his mother was his life and has good grades.
-Yes, your father went on his trip today and he got Blake for me-
-Good. I’m Kingston- he said
-I’m Zuma and this is Apollo- The middle one said. Zuma, seven years old, a ball of energy, loved sports and running, also hated his father. Apollo, a year and half, nothing much to say about him.
-Nice to meet you all-
The car, after that awkwardness, was filled with stories and homework as the kids told their mom everything they had to do, from the school projects to homework to what happened on recess earlier and that some girl told Kingston that she liked him, all of that in less than twenty minutes. We arrived at soccer practice, after the two oldest change in the car, and the five of us headed to the bleachers. I have never been into soccer, and being under that sun, in a suit wasn’t that fun either but I must say that after that day and while we were heading back to the house, two hours later, I could put educated, well behaved and lovely, to the list about the kids.
On the ride back the kids were exhausted, the two oldest looking at the window of the car, thank God it was one of those cars that, like limousines, had seats in front of each other and at least eight people fit, the little one was napping on top of his momma and I was surrounded by school bags and sweat, felt like my childhood.
We got home, and the boys and Gwen headed up to their rooms while I helped Tristan, the boy’s bodyguard, with the bags. Tristan Trent, dumb name, good guy. Forty-three has a crush on Gwen and loves those boys, also…hated his boss. That seemed to be the trend on the Rossdale-Stefani household, everyone hated Gavin Rossdale, even his kids.
As I dropped the things on the boys rooms, I caught a glimpse of a Gwen leaving the bathroom with Apollo wrapped in a towel, she looked beautiful, she had taken off the sweater she was wearing and my sight turned black and red when I saw a bruise under her sleeve, also, there was a scratch on the back of her neck and I was stunned but pretended that I didn’t saw that, as am sure everyone in this house does but my mind couldn’t wrap around the idea of her, bruised and hurt.

We all walked downstairs and the boys started with their homework, wasn’t much, but in the meantime I was in the kitchen talking to the chef, Luna, awful person but great cook, I had been flirting mercilessly with her to get someone on my side and even though I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, this woman was so hard and cold, close to Gwen, I must say. By dinner time, I had received two real smiles from Luna and got some info on her, from herself, not from the list I had on her. Luna Goodwin, thirty-four, bisexual, hated kids but loved working in the house, apparently had a minor fling with Rossdale but it wasn’t clear if it was over, I got from her that she love dogs and hated cats and that she hated kids, no more, but at least was something.
After the day was done, everyone ate and the bedtime was here, everyone went upstairs but Gwen. She asked me to go to her office, I didn’t know why, and to be honest it scared me a little bit. I walked in and sat in the chair in front of her desk, wide spaces, colorful and completely different to her husbands.
-Mr. Shelton, I hope today gave you an inside of the madness-
-It did, a bit, it wasn’t madness, though. The kids are very good kids-
-They are, yes, they are…Mr. Shelton, I want to welcome you then, to the family, to say something. It isn’t a normal one, no families have bodyguards but I do the best I can. My husband isn’t involved much in the kids’ lives, but I am, meaning that whatever is going on with them, it’s going on with me, meaning with you-
-I understand mam. No problem, at all-
-Good, I’m glad-

Just as we were going to walk out, there was some noise outside the house. A woman was screaming. I heard a noise and saw that Gwen had gone white and she had walked a few steps back, then the door opened and a blonde, young woman walked in, I had taken my gun out and pointed at her, straight.
-Who are you? And what do you want?-
-Where’s Gavin, he told me we were going to have dinner-
-Who are you?-
-Point the gun down, baby boy. You don’t want trouble, you don’t hurt me-
-Again, who are you?- I was getting pissed, very pissed off
-I’m Mandy, Gavin’s girlfriend, now where is my baby?-
-What?-
-Where is him?-
-He’s not in town. We don’t know when he’ll come back- Pharrell had entered the room and was looking dead serious towards the woman.
-What?-
-Yes…now leave- The woman angrily, turned around and head back to the door followed by Pharrell. As she did that, I turned around and Gwen was looking at the floor, lost and tears were swelling in her eyes, as soon as the Mandy girl was gone I turned and she was breathing in quickly and deep.
-You ok?- I asked softly
-I know about her, about them, all of them, it isn’t a surprised… as you saw earlier my husband and I don’t really work like a marriage, it’s better to be off his path and I agree with that- Her eyes looked up, locked to mine and my hands went to her upper arms, held her close to me, as close as I could without getting too much into her space, she was sensible and soft and probably about to burst into tears. She looked up and our eyes locked, it was like a lightning bolt went through my body, I saw her swallow hard and I did too, our bodies were coming closer and closer and then we heard the front door opening and closing, I left her and took two steps back as I saw Pharrell take Gwen by the hand and without a word they went upstairs. I was still in shock, couldn’t believe what I saw and the way Pharrell acted told me a lot about their relationship.
I went to my room and grabbed a fake book to read that had inside of it an iPad that was my only way to communicate with the guys while I was in there. I wrote a brief description of what happened today including the meeting with Rossdale, the way people acted around him and even what happened with the Mandy girl, for the first day it was quite busy, I must say.
It was around ten when I turned on my alarm to five am and close my eyes, enough time to get ready. I needed to do my work-out and have breakfast before we had to go at seven, so I needed to sleep well. The alarm woke me up from the slumber, changed my clothes and went outside; it was dark with the moon shining brightly up in the sky
I ran half an hour, did my stretches and my routine and as I was finishing it all, the sun was starting to come up in the sky, making beautiful color combinations in the sky and making the pool looking even more heavenly. I took off my shirt, trying to stop dripping sweat while I did the cool down routine, simple but effective and against possible muscles pain. Little did I know that Mrs. Stefani was in her room, sitting in front of the window, looking at the way my body move, wanting to see more and feeling tingly, while having the same thoughts that I was having. “What was going on with us?”

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. SEPTEMBER 9^th 201 5 . 900 hours

Since the beginning the pace has been the same, wake up, take the kids to school, GYM, come back, get kids, school activities and then home. It was easy, maybe a bit too easy and the fact that Rossdale wasn’t here, gave me the opportunity to sneak around the house and make some uncomfortable questions, the fact that Luna had a crush on me definitely helped me, making my awkward question completely answerable, this task was becoming a little too easy, maybe, probably, I mean… I had been here for two weeks and have found out a few things, one, everyone hated Rossdale, hate him bad and even his own kids talked trash about him only to be shushed by their mother, a woman who seemed to me to be someone who was part of Rossdale team, after the first impression or someone who is a very good actress, Oscar-worthy actress.

Two, I learned that he was in dirty, dirty business, I mean drugs,  was the least horrible of all and he was right then in London on meetings to expand his business, what he didn’t know is that his meetings were being watched, bugged and we have had the opportunity to get a few agents on the field taking part in them, and third, he didn’t deserve the amazing family he has, those kids were precious, well behaved, sweet and thoughtful and plain perfect, his wife, I wasn’t sure yet if she was there but, I mean, she was pretty damn beautiful and sweet and nice to everyone.

Speaking of kids, my relationship with the kids was ok, they were good kids but I didn’t get too close to them, I mean, this whole thing was work and I wasn’t going to trip on the same rock twice, I was already a bodyguard, for real, to one rich girl, that job ended up with me almost in jail, getting a few enemies and my heart broken while Miranda was left with a new mark on her belt and a new bodyguard, and even though nor the kids or Gwen looked like that kind of people, I wanted to play it safe, meaning no interaction at all.

I had been close to screwing up everything up in a couple of occasions; I got too close to the fire and almost got burnt badly. The first one was the third night after I moved in the house, I had gotten up around two, it was a good time because it was late enough for people being awake but too early for anyone to get up. I put on my black shirt and my black pajama bottom, some black socks and I was ready to sneak around.

I started upstairs, I went to the bedrooms part, Luna had told me that Gavin and Gwen were sleeping in different rooms and that gave me freedom to sneak in his bedroom and move things around a bit, I had a few very helpful gadgets that let me knock the cameras dumb for as long as I wanted, I had a dark light to help me see and I had gone a few times to the camera center of the house and had talked to the guy running it who told me he took a nap every night from one to four, giving me over an hour.

I got in and started with the drawers, a bunch of papers and a bunch of checks, nothing really important or nothing but definitely necessary to read, then went to the closet, lots of clothes that looked, in my opinion, the very same, all black and white with ridiculous patterns and clothes that even stayed in the eighties, but the ugly part of the eighties,  I went straight to the night tables when I heard the door opening and I jumped under the bed cursing and shit.

I saw a beautiful pair of white feet moving around the room, Gwen and her bright red robe, she was too visible to be smart. Dumb woman, if you’re gonna sneak in the middle of the night, the least you could do is to dress in dark colors to melt in the darkness. I saw her kneeling down in front of the drawers and something told me that she was going to the bed too.

I moved my hands under the mattress, over the wood that was under the bed like a little box around it, and with a push I was able to support my body, using my hands, shoulders, and legs, so in case that she looked down, she wouldn’t see me.  Fuck, I was a heavy guy and even though I worked out and all, I wasn’t going to be able to lift my body in this position for longer than an hour, I knew that and I looked at the clock, just after I lifted myself, it was two thirty.

I saw her moving slowly in the room and the stopped in front of one of the drawers, I was starting to sweat, she opened the drawer and took a bunch of papers and started to read them all. Damn it. I saw her moving her hands quickly and the door opened again, making me aware that soon we will be three in the room.

-Gwen?- I heard a voice but didn’t recognize it immediately, even though it sounded familiar.

-I’m here… I left here, yesterday… haven’t found them-

-Ok, just breath, we’ll find the papers, calm down-

-I know, I know…just…damn it. I want them now, I have been looking for over a year now and the quickest I can get them, the quickest we can all leave-At that my ears popped up

-We’ll find the documents and we’ll be out, soon…-

-Help me, Lizzy-

It was Lizzy, the kid's nanny. The two women started to make so much noise it made me roll my eyes to the back of my head, dumb women, it was hard for me to not scream at them for being stupid, if they got caught, I would get caught too and I didn’t need to get caught when I hadn’t turned even a week in here. I took a deep breath and realized this night was gonna be long. I saw the two women moving around the room, reading every single fucking paper that was in that drawer making me almost sigh. My arms were starting to get a bit crampy as the minutes passed by, it had been twenty minutes from the moment they entered to right now, I had my watch in front of my face and I saw the seconds pass by trying to numb my mind from the pain that was forming in my legs and arms.

After an hour and twenty-five minutes, I could see the sweat dropping on the floor, my arms and legs were shaking and my mind was about to explode, without being able to ignore or to stop it, I fell down to the floor with a heavy dump and my head snapped back towards my back.

-Oh, My god-

-What was that?- I blinked quickly praying that they won’t go on the lookout for the reason of the noise.

-Maybe someone’s coming…common, common- I heard them moving quickly and they left the room soon after that, leaving me on the floor, exhausted and ready to go to the bed, which I did after I spent about twenty minutes waiting for any kind of noise.

I took a deep breath, left my spot under the bed and crawling towards the door, I left the room. I walked quickly towards the stairs to only realize that I had left my light on the room, under the bed. I moved quickly towards the room when suddenly Gwen’s door opened and I saw her standing on the doorstep and she looked quickly on my way.

-What are you doing?-

-I heard a noise…-

-You…you did? Me too, what could have been?-

-I don’t know, I was awake and…heard-

-Ah, right… are you gonna look?-

-Umm.. Haven’t seen anything, so probably not, maybe it was something that fell or even a tree hitting something outside-

-Ok, good, yeah, probably. You can’t sleep?-

-I don’t sleep well at night-

-Me neither- At her answer, I just nodded.

-Good night-

-Good night-

I walked away that night with a taking a huge breath of relieving and even more questions about Gwen Stefani and her involvement with her husband.

The second time I almost screw up, wasn’t because I was almost caught sneaking or asking the question inside the house, it was actually because I was caught dead staring at Gwen one day at the pool. It was Sunday and we had left to the country club she belong to, it was early and no one was around, she did six laps, no rest, it was quite impressive, the pool was huge, I used to exercise in a pool around that size and did three rounds of five laps, so she doing six in one sitting was quite impressive. 

Her swimsuit was one pieced, deep blue, her hair under the cap, she was taking deep breaths her head against the wall of the pool, I could see the arched of her back, deeper than anyone’s I’ve seen before, her neck looked so soft and fragile I felt the strange need to protect it, I was looking away to the trees when I heard the water moving and turned my head quickly to catch her leaving the pool and reaching to the towel.

I was now looking straight at her, while her haunting eyes were looking at mine, locked, I swear I could feel her heart thumping underneath her chest, I could feel the way her chest was moving up and down, taking deep breaths of air and I felt the world shift under my feet making me stumble a bit as I got up.

-I’m gonna rinse- she said softly and I nodded. She walked towards the bathroom, which also had a spa. The bathroom was like a private room with what it looked like a living room, it had a couch, outside the shower which was linked to a room to change and had a little tub there, which looked way too good to do many bad things in.

I sat down on the couch and I heard the shower running in the room, I felt my body stiff a bit and an uncomfortable feeling that reminded me to another I had many years ago, made me shake my head and looked down, replaying a couple of memories of when Miranda used to flirt with me while we were in her country club back in Tennessee, especially while she played tennis and how jealous it would make me see her flirt with others in there, in the same way. For her, it was a game from the very beginning and it was me, dumb and stupid who didn’t saw it happened until I was heartbroken and jobless.

I got up from the couch and walked toward one of the walls, where the rules were: No sex was the first one, which made me chuckled a bit, understanding that the closeness of the place was perfect for affairs and romance. I turned around and stopped dead when I saw up the shower, a huge mirror was on top of it and on top of the tub, but it wasn’t the fact that there was a mirror, I loved doing against mirrors because it always adds a bit to the experience, it was the fact that the ceiling mirror reflected on a mirror inside the shower and the body of my naked boss was on display, she was washing her hair, eyes closed, with the water running down her body, that’s what made me stop. My God, she was hot. Her skin looked perfect, scarless, the bruises on her arms had disappeared a couple of weeks back, it looked like it was glowing underneath the white light bulb on the ceiling, she was moving her neck as if it was in pain, I could see her chest moving with each of her breaths, she liked her lips and it only made me want to take them on my lips and take the air out of her lungs.

I couldn’t move, my head was screaming, my feet weren’t moving and my heart started to run inside my chest. I saw her turning the shower off and opening her eyes when I ran to the chair I was sitting, where I couldn’t see the mirror directly. I heard her moving and after what it felt like hours, she came out of the cubicle, wearing white shorts and a soft pink blouse and barefoot, she had the towel on her hair and fresh face.

She looked at me and smiles softly, as she walked up to the mirror to put some makeup on, that was the first time even I have ever seen her make up less and I was blown away with her beauty for sure, I looked down to the floor and I was trying my hardest to not be affected by the intimate of the situation, my breath was starting to slow down and I closed my eyes, mind blank and took a deep and hard breath.

She cleared her throat and I opened my eyes, and the first thing I saw were her bare feet, red nail polish, clean and gorgeous on her pale, porcelain skin, slowly I looked up and locked my eyes with hers.

-I’m ready, I only need my shoes- I nodded and we went to the door where she put her heels on and I opened the door to find three stiff looking women, country club women, all flashy, fake smiles, fake eyelashes, too much shit on their faces to the point where her eyebrows looked to surprise the whole time. The three of them were looking at me, eyes wide, mouth slightly opened and I just stared back, I didn’t like them already.

-Ummmm… hello-

-Good Morning-

-Who are you?- One of them asked, her eyes swam in interest and lust and I fought to stopped the shiver under my skin.

-Good Morning, ladies- I heard Gwen’s voice and her hand on my back, it was the first time I could remember she has touched me on purpose and the place where she touched me, tingled.  –This is my bodyguard-

-Oh, honey… you have great taste-Bitch one said. Gwen walked towards them and they started to walk ahead of me towards the parking lot. I could hear everything they were saying and my hatred for them grew even more.

-Who doesn’t like a tall drink of water? Does he taste good? I mean…we all like…dressing on the side, makes the salad better - Bitch two, followed while the third one just started. My skin crawled and I maintained my scowl.

-Let’s say Gavin knows about dressing, so it’s important that you have yours- At that my sight just went red, I couldn’t believe she said that, did she really said that? Holy fuck. There was a reason bitch three was silent, she’s the queen bitch.

-We have to go, but it was good to see you. I hope your son is doing better, Mel, I heard he had a bad time last week again… I’m sure he’ll come out of jail and rehab better than ever, third time is the charm, isn’t it? Jackie, send my love to your husband, he’s always so caring when I play tennis, he’s super interested in my hit and Lina, hang in there sweetheart, I’m sure Jonah will come back, I mean, how good can a twenty-year-old be good for a fifty-year-old? Right? Bye, bye girls- Gwen snapped and I had to purse my lips to not burst into laughter, man, that was rough and just plain crude. Amazing.

We walked out of the country club, towards the car, she kept quiet, her head held high, her shades on and away to her hips that were a bit more hypnotizing than it should and I followed suit.

-Going home?- I asked and she just nodded as I helped her to enter in the car, was when a dark tear from her makeup ran down her face and I felt my heart clench in pain when it reached her red lips slightly opened. Those bitches hurt her, those bitches and their nasty comments. Damn it.  

I got in and turned the radio on, to try keeping my mind out of her tear and those bitches throats. I didn’t realize it but a country song was playing in the background and the sweet tone of George Jone’s “He Stopped Loving Her Today”, the saddest fucking song in the history of country music and my heart stopped when I tried to change it, I felt the cold finger on my wrist.

-Don’t. This reminds me of home, my dad loves George Jones. This one is a classic, you should never change a classic-

I moved back and let the song play it’s sad tune, covering the car in sadness and emptiness, it was one of those moments when the air gets thick, the heart stops and you let your head fly away. I couldn’t hold back and I slightly snapped at her as my mind went through the comments and the single black tear.

-You shouldn’t let those women hurt you. You shouldn’t let anything like that get inside your skin. You're tough, you are-

-It’s hard not to when it’s true. You were there the last time one of his girlfriends came home asking for him-

-Still. No marriage is perfect, but you make it as best as you can-

-Why do you care about they hurting me?-

-I don’t know…I just…do-

-You just do? Makes no sense-

-I don’t know, it does to me.  You’re a good person, you shouldn’t be treated that way, that’s all-

-You don’t know me, Blake… you don’t know me at all- She said looking to her window and she was right, I didn’t. She was part of my investigation, I shouldn’t be saying, feeling or hurting at all, but for the second time today. I sinned.

-I know you enough to know that you don’t deserve it-

After some time in complete silence, just the slow rumble of the radio, playing the last chores Jones, I felt a hand on mine, her cold fingers dropped over mine and they stay long enough to burn my skin, but not enough to make it better.

It has been three months since he started to work in the house and it has been three months since I have spent my insomniac mornings watching him running around the backyard and doing exercises and stretches and all, shirtless with sweat dripping off of him. Today he started later, he looked a bit slower. Maybe he was sick, maybe Blake wasn’t feeling better, maybe he should stay home and rest instead of going with me to the club, I could stay here so he could rest and I could something with the line I was working with, I had been thinking of hats and boots for some reason, a bit of camo is always fun….Blake liked his camo, when he was not in a suit, he was wearing camo and it looked great on his tan skin, I must say.

I knew I was in trouble, in deep trouble, if the way of my heart jump anytime he talks to me meant anything. The thing between us was getting a bit out of control, he would walk and stand a bit closer to me, I couldn’t help myself and I kept touching his arm as we talk, his eyes locked on mine and it was too hot sometimes.

-Gwen, saw your light on, what are you doing awake?- Lizzie came in my room, her hair was a mess, her eyes half close trying to adjust to the table night light and I just smiled.

-Nothing, just…you know I’m an owl-

-It’s too late to be an owl and it’s too early to be up- she walked towards me and looked out the window and catch Blake doing push-ups on the dirt, yesterday we had rain and today the backyard was a bit muddy, so the usual dust was now mud on his naked arms, his back and even his hair, making it even more appealing somehow. – Well, you have a good view. You crushing on the new guy?-

-No… I don’t know, don’t think so… no, maybe a bit…I don’t know, just…look at him and…-

-Stop rambling. He’s good looking, he’s hot, those dimples, but are you sure?. I don’t think he would say no, I’ve seen him looking at you-

-No, no…it’s no. I'm focusing on getting out of here, taking the kids and run, not on getting the story even more complicated-

-I know…we’ll find that paper and we will go away, don’t worry, honey-

Lizzie has been for me since Zuma was born, seven years ago, she was now their nanny and one of my best friends and her husband was working here as a technician and a handyman, they had older kids, already living alone and all and they would come to visit sometimes, my babies loved them and they loved my kids, which was all I actually cared about.

I’ve been trapped in this marriage for too long and I’ve been desperate to leave it for even longer, it’s been two years since Gavin demanded another baby, like that, demand it, like it was something you would shop on a store, it should surprise me considering he would never spend time with the kids and they hated him. I didn’t though, I loved my kids to the last thread of their hairs and I was ready to do anything to keep them safe, from sneaking around trying to look for the proofs to get to the police and lock Gavin away to kill him if necessary, I was ready to do it, and I was on guard. That’s why I couldn’t let a stupid crush fuck over my plan on getting away and start fresh.

I knew I had a crush on him the second I laid my eyes on him, his sparkly eyes and his dimples were my weakness, he was so kind and flirty that it was plain fun to be around him, he would make the boys laugh with a quick glance, making my heart stumble but it was worse if he looked at me, if that happened my heart would skip a bit and if he talked, it would just stop in its tracks. And he would look at me a lot, I had caught him glancing my way a couple of times and each time I would blush and wanted to run at him and smack those lips with mine or make him smile so I could see his dimples, or just get under his skin, that would help too, I think, to ease the need of him that I felt on me.

I got up and got ready, Blake wasn’t feeling good, so we were staying home today. I got a shower, got in my shorts and top, showing a little too much skin but I seriously couldn’t be bothered to be completely honest, I wanted to see his reaction to it, I wanted him to drool and maybe, just maybe touch me, my arm, my back, anything, I just …wanted to feel his skin.

I went downstairs and the noise in the kitchen told me, everyone was ready to start the day. After quick hellos I told the boys I was staying at work and even though everyone gave me a weird look, nobody said anything. Helped the kids to get ready and everyone went their way, Lizzie and her husband went to visit their boys in New York, the kid's bodyguard would stay out and I and Blake will stay in. 

I went to the office, sat in my chair and started to draw those boots that I had been thinking of for so long, above the knee, a little sparkly heel, maybe some pattern … I let my mind wonder and my hand fly on the paper, I did different looks, different patterns and only stopped when my neck got unbearable, tried a quick self-massage but wasn’t working that well, and was about to give up until I heard a deep questioning voice.

-What is it?-I saw Blake’s tall body on the doorstep, leaning on the frame, hair all over the place, his curls were a bit long and they looked soft and warm, he had a small smile playing on his lips and his eye looked dangerously appealing.

-It’s just my neck-

-You have been sitting for hours, maybe you should stop for a bit- He got in the room, slowly, scanning the room and flowing with the wind, he looked like a cat, silent, deadly and I was his prey.

-When I start, I fly…I just loose myself in it and…- he nodded and walked right behind me. Got his hands on my neck and started to rub it, hard, deep, making me flinch in pain only to be soothed by his southern voice.

-Deep breaths, you’re really tense- The way he was touching my neck was getting me between relieve and hot, damn, he had good hands. One of them could cover so much space and I was so little under him that with one hand he could do a better massage than Gavin ever has, not that he had to give me many, but still. Damn it. Stop comparing them, stop it. It’s always a bad idea when you compare your husband with anyone else.

His hand found a very deep and hurtful point making me flinch, gasp and grasp my desk, he just kept the soothing words as he massages that point until the pain was away and I was left with only sweet and complete pleasure that had me almost drooling, he was really, really good.

He kept massaging my shoulders to then go to my neck, getting all the sweets spots and all that tension away, he was so good that he gave me at least twenty more years of life. Without thinking about it much I just blurted.

-I’m gonna keep you forever… you’re so good- I moaned. The back of my mind was like: What are you doing? But it was shushed and punched in the face by the relaxed and stress-free Gwen – This is so good-  Not even an orgasm has ever left me feeling so good, I thought, or well… I actually said without realizing until I heard a chuckled and a soft

– Maybe you’re doing it wrong…- the heat on his voice burnt my skin, I was able to feel his hands going a bit slower, maybe even sexier.

-Is there a wrong way to have sex?-

-Yes, it is… most people do it in the wrong way-

-And you don’t?-

-I don’t think I do, no-

-Mmmmmmm….- I moaned when he hit another pleasure point in the bottom of my neck, I’ve always been a little edge of pain to get off and he was doing all the right things, making my conscious fly out of the window and fly away as I let another man touching me in ways I haven’t been touch in years, a man who is not my husband, a man who works for me and a man, who I wouldn’t mind at all to have sex with, at all. I wasn’t thinking, I was feeling, and it all felt damn good.

-Gwen…- I heard him whisper and I turned my head and found his eyes, dark and looking straight at me and I knew, right there, it was official, I was about to start an affair with my bodyguard, how cliché of me. The question was how and when. 

I hate this. I refused to let this happen when for the first time Luke said it was needed. I didn’t want to put this on the line, I had in a way fallen for her and the fact that I needed to seduce her now to get the information I needed was just a bitchy move to do. I knew this was always an option, sometimes the information was better from the main source and considering we had clear Gwen out of the Rossdale business when he said in a meeting in London that he’s wife was as clueless as a baby, she only wanted to stay with the kids. So, she was clear and she knew her husband was in bad business but still wasn’t leaving him, why? I needed to know that. That’s why I needed to seduce her and get her to tell me everything.

-How far? How long?- I asked Luke when I saw him a month ago in a Mcdonalds. He was eating his second Big Mac and I was with my only one when he broke the news.

-How far you go? Well… as far as you need to, if you have to start an affair with her, do it…we need to take this guy down. You know that.  And, how long? I don’t know… but we need the information as soon as possible, we don’t know how long Rossdale is staying out of the country, maybe a couple of months, maybe more, maybe less… we don’t know-

So, I went home, change my clothes and considering that Sunday was my free day, I had put on comfortable clothes to go to my meeting and went to the kitchen to drink some water when I saw Gwen making herself a sandwich. I took the chance, I let her see me in some other clothes and I flirted a bit, making her blush and making her laugh.

It was only the beginning, I had started with small looks and touches, on her back, on her arm, helping to get in the car and then to get off of it, and I was successfully doing it, I knew that it was like the dance of the penguins, their mating ritual. We had a bit of something going on and catching her looking at me exercising every morning since the last month assured me that she was interested but wasn’t sure if she was in to have an affair with me, so the touches and the talks became more regular, I started to ask about her life, about her work, about her, in general… I do have to admit not only because I had to but because I needed to know about her, I wanted to.

So when she decided to stay in and I caught her holding her neck, I knew this was my moment. I walked up to her, massaged her neck and I could see her response, as clear as possible. Her sweet moans and her ragged breath told me it was time.

-Gwen- I had said and she turned around

She got up and was now standing right in front of me, looking straight at me, in her cute pajama pants and her huge t-shirt.

-I… I’m gonna …- She started to ramble and I just walked closer and sunk my head, my eyes were at her level, I knew she could look at my darkening eyes and I licked my lips, look at her lips and waited. I didn’t move, she didn’t either, we just started.

-Mooooooom- We both jumped and I took two steps back and she turned around. Kingston came in running to the office with a huge smile on his face. – I got an A on the quiz I thought I didn’t do well!-

-I’m so proud honey, good job!- She said hugging him. Avoiding my gaze and avoiding me completely. The other two boys came in running too, telling her a bunch of stories about the day and we left to the kitchen to have a late lunch, Gwen and me because the boy had eaten in school.  The afternoon was spent doing homework, watching cartoons and laughter, the usual but filled with a bit of tension between Gwen and me.

At dinner time I left to my room, changed and made a couple of calls to my mom and my sister and came back around nine, to have dinner. Gwen was still in the kitchen when I walked in.

-You didn’t eat-

-No, I had to call my mom. I’m eating right now-

-I guess you didn’t come out of an egg-

-No, I didn’t… My mom still lives in Oklahoma with her husband, my sister also lives there with her husband and kids-

-Sister…huh-

-Yeah- I turned to the microwave and put on a minute to heat the food. – I forgot to call her this afternoon, so… I did before dinner-

-You call her every day?-

-Yeah, I like to keep in touch-

-That’s…sweet-

-I’m a mamma’s boy- She laughed

I took my food out, sat down and ate, I could feel her gaze on me, and my skin was a bit, I tingly. I ate quickly and turned to wash the dishes as I felt her presence on my back.

-You eat really fast-

-I do, you learn that in the army-

I finished off and turned around, lean on the counter top and she was standing right in front of me. I saw her staring at me and our eyes were locked. She licked her lips, I noticed she had changed her clothes, she was now with pajama’s shorts and a tank top, her hair was in a bun on top, no makeup and she looked perfect.

She grabbed my t-shirt and dragged me towards her, as she walked backward to a corner of the kitchen.

-Listen, we can’t…-

-What?-

-Don’t play dumb-

-Why can’t we?-

-Blake…- She whined and I ducked my head and brush my lips with her, softly and slowly.

-I’m not gonna ask you anything, I just… I like you-

-Blake…I’m married-

-I know, I know… and I understand it but … when you’re around, I frankly don’t give a single fuck- I groaned, and I understood something dangerous, right now it wasn’t agent Shelton speaking, it was Blake.

Her hands went to my shirt and I brushed her with my lips again, and again and then I pressed my lips, softly, I just wanted her to feel the heat that my body was creating. I felt the air getting caught in her throat and then she pushed towards me, out lips were meeting, simply touching, nothing else. It wasn’t long before our mouth started to really play, and my lips took her bottom lip and dragged it.

-Blake…- she gasped and I took the chance to sink my tongue in her mouth and her hands went to my hair, grasping my hair and pulling it, making me moan, helplessly. Our tongues were fighting to conquer and our breath was ragged, I took her in my arms and plastered her to the wall, her sweet and soft body was against mine, we kissed hard, our teeth went to play and I bit her tongue, her lip, and her jaw as she dragged her nails over my back.

-Fuck…yes- I gasped when her nails went inside my shirt and this time over my skin. I move my hands down, grabbed her thighs and pulled her up against me as I took her mouth again. Her mouth went to my neck and I felt her teeth dragging them across my neck and then biting just over the spot that my neck and shoulder were one. I pushed my hips and my rock hard erection was obvious to her, as she gasped.

She snapped her head back when I hit a sensible spot and I started to push towards her, touching that sweet spot as her hands grasped my shirt and back.

-Blake…oh, fuck, Blake-

-I told you… I do it correctly- I kept pushing and her body turned even more tense as the words came out of my mouth.

-Yes, you do- I took her mouth on my and I kept thrusting my hips and the friction was driving both of us nuts, I took her mouth and bit her hip.

-Blake… fuck- she gasped. – I’m gonna…-

-Yes, you are- Her body was so stiff, I felt she could break and then she moved her mouth down and she bit my neck, I felt her legs quiver, her hands grasping my skin as I kept moving even after she finished. She just gasped, moan and whimper.

-Blake…stop I’m… fuck- she was sensible and her body was relieving the shocks. She pushed one hand down, and over my shorts, she grasped my dick.-Fuck, you’re so…hard- She was moving it as best as she could while plastered against the wall and with little move space.

She pushed me and I let her go, setting her feet on the ground, she turned us around and she sneaks a hand under my shorts as I did the same on her, but mine over her ass. She took me on her little cold hand and I pressed her against me as I took her lips once again. The way her hand was moving was good, not an expert, a little clumsy but it was perfect for me, she kept moving and I felt my breath getting caught in my throat, I gasped and snapped my head back to the wall, I was close, too close.

I took her hand spun her around and plastered her front to the wall, sneak a hand under her panties and the heat of her core was mind blowing, she was covered in honey and her whimper told me she wanted more, I felt her hand sneak around my dick too and her cold hand made me gasp.

I moved my hand in circles over her clit and she snapped her head back as I took her neck into my mouth, her hand other hand went to my hair and kept my hand moving, and she kept hers doing it too. Her legs were trembling and she fastened the pace of the hand job. I was close, she was close too and suddenly her hand stopped, her neck snapped back and the hand on my hair got tighter, giving me that little edge that I needed to come down. I let myself go with a low grunt, her whimper was soft and breathless, the world moved around and I felt her quiver.

Three orgasms, twenty minutes, after dinner, in the kitchen. Shit.

Chapter Text

                CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. SEPTEMBER 20^th 2015. 1400 hours

I couldn’t believe her. I could not believe she had done this. It has been two weeks since that night in the kitchen and I was looking at the monitors, coffee in hand, ignoring my new partner in my new spot of work because my “boss” thought I could be better on the monitors, apparently I was good with computers. Gwen just pushed me away after I gave her two orgasms, I couldn’t believe she had done that.

I have seen her a lot thought, I had studied her, I had taken all the night shifts and I had seen her sneaking around the house, when she thought we slept in here, I had been taking notes and getting hard, all night, every night for two weeks now. I had discovered that she was cold all the time, that she always slept under a sheet and then a comforter, it doesn’t matter how hot it is, I had discovered that she would read bed times stories to the boys, I saw a side of Gwen that I had never have, and maybe would have never had if I wouldn’t be working here either, and lastly I found out that she hated her husband, they slept in separate beds, they never had sex after Apollo, the almost two year old, was conceived, they never traveled together and her family hated him too, the only thing I didn’t know was, what was she looking for every night, well…that and how tight she probably was, how good her body would look like naked and lastly, how good would it feel to be inside of her, knowing the kind of sounds that she made.

The only great thing about working here is that I was making a lot of progress in the case, I could see everyone’s moves, I got my hands on a little schedule of Rosedale’s course of action, I have learned a lot of history about not only the house but the family and I had, horribly, kept falling for Gwen Stefani. She had become the end of every conversation I have been having with people that worked in the house, she was respected, stared at, admired and loved by practically everyone living here, in the mansion.

While here, I had made good friends with Joshua and Aileen, the two other agents that usually work in here, apparently if you’re here, you’re good but considering that I knew she wanted me out, I hated it here. My two new partners were good people, good blood but awfully talkative, at least I was learning about the family in the meantime. Aileen ignored Joshua’s advances on me with a roll in the eyes and a slight punch on his arms every once in a while, while Joshua flirted, laughed and hit on me, all while spilling his guts out about the family he has been working for a decade.

-Because, she is the kind of woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly, you know what I’m saying?-  Joshua had said once. – She takes people under her wings and just helps them, if it wasn’t for her, lots of us wouldn’t be here or even alive- Apparently while some people liked to rescue dogs and cats, Gwen liked to rescue people. She would push to hire agents, soldiers, anyone that was hurt in battle, to work in the house, everyone working right now was carefully chosen by her, everyone but me. That was the explanation of her hesitance at the beginning, she didn’t know me, she didn’t hire me, she didn’t want me here, but she had me here, because of her husband, the man she hated to death.

The time here, also had given me the opportunity to sneak around myself, I had been able to get a few cameras on different rooms, the office, his bedroom, the kitchen and a few others, strategically placed so on the base, they could see inside and also, they were undetectable, it made my job easier now and reduce the amount of danger.

A lot of things have happened in the last two weeks, not job related, Zuma had broken his arm while playing soccer in one of his tournaments, meaning the happy and energetic kid was first bounded to a bed and a couple of days later prohibited to do any kind of sports or exercise, making him a bit more than just miserable, I might add. I had bumped into him on the first week of his misery and tried to help him a bit, when I was little, I was just as energetic and chaotic as he was so, I knew what the deal with him was and how horrible he must have been.

He was laying on the couch, looking at the ceiling, Gwen had taken the other two to their activities and Zuma, in a bad mood, didn’t want to go, so he was stuck in the house.

-Hey, buddy- I said, softly trying not to startle him. I saw him sitting, looking at me, wave with his other hand and then he fell down again on the couch. –Heard about the accident, sucks-

-Yeah…it does. How come you aren’t with mom anymore?-

-They needed someone in the cameras, I’m good with those-

-Oh, okay-

-Why? Miss me?- I asked with a girly voice and smirking, he giggled and I knew I was in, in that second. I pretended to sat on top of him, making him giggle even more, because he couldn’t move, his laugher could be heard all over the house and when I got up a little he moved and I sat on the couch.

-I do miss you a bit, you’re funny and Jackson isn’t. He never jokes around or anything, he’s boring-

-Well, buddy, right next to me, everyone is- At my comment, he just laughed out loud.

-Momma, misses you too, she sometimes calls him Blake, sometimes she realizes it, sometimes she doesn’t-

-Well…I’m glad I’m been missed. I miss you too, nobody is that annoying in the room- At that he threw me a pillow and I laughed, feeling the heat on my body still pulsating after Zuma said that Gwen missed me.

-So, I’m free… wanna do something?-

-I can’t do anything with the stupid cast-

-Yeah, you do… Want to do homework? That’s always fun- I used mybest sarcastic voice with it

-No…- He giggled

-We could… paint, watch sports, we could… talk…we could-

-Watch sports? What sports?-

-I don’t know what’s on but it’s race season-

-Race?-

-Yeah…racing, real racing cars-

-For real?-

-Yeah…wanna watch?-

-Yeah….- I took the remote and turn on the tv, the race was starting in half an hour, and in that time, I was going to teach Zuma Rossdale all I knew about racing.

That’s how I found, my middle child and the man I had sex with, screaming at the tv, laughing and having a great time, watching my boy’s small frame over Blake’s large back as Blake was letting him ride him while screaming at something that happened on the tv was heard clenching, Gavin was not that kind of dad, he wasn’t a present dad and watching Blake spending time with Zum, just… it was too much for my poor heart. Zuma has been having such a horrible time since the accident that it was making me feel so miserable, he couldn’t do anything he wanted and even though I was trying to come up for things to do with him, he wasn’t having any of them, but here comes Blake… all and his perfect eyes and hair and smile, and dimples…and fuck.

I thought that if I got rid of him when I asked Pharrell to change his position, P didn’t ask why, he just did and I could only imagine Blake’s reaction at that, I bet he wasn’t happy about it.

But, I needed more space, if I was going to move on, I had to try to get him fired or transferred to the beach house after our… night delight, I couldn’t get his dirty whispered words out of my head, the print of  his hands out of my body and the need of his heat out of me. I had slept so well that night but had woken up with so much shame that I had to do something, that why I talked to P but it turned out, it wasn’t only a bad idea, it was a horrible one. The second I talked to Pharrell the second time, I had learned a few things about Blake Shelton.

-What do you mean with Gavin wants him in the house?-

-He wants him in the house. I talked to Gavin this morning, after our talk and he said, that when he’s coming back, he’s getting Shelton not only full time but he wants to give him the spot Alexander had-

-But Alexander was here for like… five years before getting that job. Main bodyguard is a big deal, he’ll be with me and the kids the whole time, I suppose-

-Yeah, well…Gavin wants him there. Apparently, Shelton’s reputation is great, not only here but with his friends in London. He has been in a lot of missions, he has a great score, not one lost mission, not even his last one, he got badly hurt, he knows how to move an is loyal as fuck,. He’s worry that some of his enemies will want you or the boys, apparently some shit was said there -

-But, the boys got Tristan and I have Jackson-

-Yeah, well…Gavin isn’t happy about that, he wants Blake back with you and he’ll probably will switch them the second he returns, at the end of the week-

-I don’t want him with me, P-

-Why not? I’ve seen him with you and the boys, he’s good. People like him; everyone likes him, why don’t you want him? IF you’re in real danger, he’s the answer or at least a reliever. Even after everything Gavin said to me, I don’t think he’s in weird business, I don’t. He’s a good guy, everyone loves him-

-That’s the fucking problem… I like him… too much and I don’t have time to have a crush on my bodyguard-

-You have a crush on him?  I shouldn’t be surprised, everyone seems to have a crush on him, every woman and most men-

-Men?-

-Yeah… apparently, Joshua has a crush too and has been delightful with Blake-

-Blake’s not gay-

-Maybe he is… maybe he just looks straight but has a gay core-

-He’s not gay, P-

-How do you know?-

- I just know-

-Gwen…-

-We kissed. We kissed, that’s why I asked you to move him, I can’t deal with that right now-

-You two kissed? GWEN!-

-I know… I know, I couldn’t… fuck, Pharrell, I can’t work with him, I can’t barely be in the same house as him and Jesus-

-You know, I don’t agree with cheating… but Gavin, he’s another thing. We have known each other for years, I met you married but without kids, I have been there for the good and the bad, the awful and the great and I will be there through it all, just as I know you have been there and you will be there… now, that said, I don’t know how I feel with you and Blake-

-There’s nothing between us… I mean, more than what happened, he’s gone and I’ll talk to Gavin telling him that I don’t want him with me, I just…don’t-

My mind was flying, I had to find a good reason for him to leave and I needed it, quick and now. Tomorrow was Sunday, everyone had the day off, meaning I was going to be Shelton-free for the day giving me enough time to think of something, the kids were going with my parents to Disney and I P, had his wife’s birthday.

Tomorrow it was going to be me and Joshua, I like Joshua, he was sweet and tender and had a good heart, he had been pulled out of the army after he punched his commander after sending him and his team on a suicidal mission, one of his buddy die and that mission left two girls under nine and pregnant wife waiting for the hero of the house to return home. Joshua might be gay and like, super gay when you talked to him and he opened himself to you, but he was no butterfly and no baby, he was tough and knew what he had to do. Tomorrow I was finding a way to get rid of Blake Shelton and I was going to succeed, or so I thought.

As my brother always says, tell your plans to God and he will laugh in your face. Joshua wasn’t staying as he usually did on Sunday’s, Blake was. The man I wanted to run away from was staying alone with me for at least six hours, in an empty house, filed with surfaces where you could lie against. Damn it.

Sunday started like any other, lots of noise and hungry kids waiting for food and as I was coming down the stairs followed by kids screaming of excitement, I was stunned as I opened the door to the kitchen to find, a very informally dressed Blake Shelton, cooking, in my kitchen, looking even better than usual.

-Blake! What are you doing?-

-Hey, rascals. Well, I heard its Disney day and well…you cannot go to Disney without pancakes, Disney means pancakes and a heavy breakfast- I couldn’t talk, I was too stunned. I heard the boys talk and Blake listening, laughing and answering but my mind was still numb. I saw him lay his eyes on me and I saw a dare, I saw him calling me coward and right now, I felt like one, I wanted to run and hide under my bed.

-Does it?-

-Yes, it does, besides… I wanted to eat pancakes- The three boys giggled as my little one walked wobbly towards him.  – Besides, I’m staying today instead of Joshua, so I’m making more so I can eat them all thought out the day-  

-Why? What happened with Joshua?-

-He said something about his mom, not really sure. Is that a problem?- His eyes shined with amusement and need.

-No, just wondered. He usually tells me first- I said while sitting down on the table and as the kids dig in as if they were starving and never had ate before.

-Yeah, it was one of those out of the blue situations and I had nowhere to go, so… he asked me to cover for him, so I said yes-

-Ok, ok- Change of plans, I couldn’t sneak around and I was thinking about hiding in my room the whole day, avoiding Shelton as usual. The boys ate and went to clean up, King helping Apollo, as I tried to clean up the mess they made.

-You sure you don’t mind me staying?- I heard his deep voice asking, I could hear the heat and the amusement and slight teasing. – I don’t want to interrupt your plans of resting from the hiding. It must be exhausting to hide from me the whole week and having to do it on a Sunday too…damn-

-I’m not hiding, Shelton-

-It was Blake, two weeks ago- his voice got deep.

-We can’t do this… that why…-

-You send me away? Do you really think that sending me away is going to slow or cool things out between us? Really? I thought you were smarter than that, sweetheart-

-Shelton…Blake, please…- I breathed out and I felt his chest pressing on my back.

-I like it, hearing you say please, it brings me very good memories in this kitchen- He whispered while turning me around and looking dead at my eyes, his eyes were warm, filled with heat and I could swear to God, I could see that night two weeks ago replayed on his eyes. The doorbell rang and I jumped out of my skin, he didn’t eve flinch.

-Save by the bell, quite literal. Go ahead, hide as usual… I thought you were more of a fighter, I guess I was wrong- He said and I felt the anger flashing thought my body.

-I’m not gonna hide. Here’s the thing, just because I feel a physical attraction to you, doesn’t mean that you can come here and be a jerk, sex is not enough, I have a family and kids to think of-

-But you didn’t think about your husband, did you? Did you thought of him while you were coming in my hands? Did you thought of him when you moaned my name? Because I, for hell sure, didn’t-

-Sex is not good enough to put my like in jeopardy-

-Oh, baby, we haven’t had sex in you are already thinking about leaving… wait for it-

The incessant rang of the doorbell was getting on my nerves and I walked out of the kitchen after and angry “Wanna bet?” and walked to the living room calling for the kids as I opened the door to my parents. The boys left and the house was left in complete silence. I was angry, horny and felt a deep need of revenge, I wanted, need it to prove him wrong.

It was still very early, about eight am, so I took my time, when upstairs and took a shower, washed my hair, waxed, cleaned up, did my hair and came downstairs, towel in hand and sunscreen in the other, wearing the smallest bikini I owned. It barely covered my body and it was the one Gavin had never seen, it was scarlet red, the triangles on the front barely covering skin, the ties were so delicate that even I was itching to take it off and at the back, boom, a thong. Blake wanted to play with fire, well… we were gonna play with fire.

 I came downstairs and as I was walking out of the house to the backyard, I heard a loud gasp. I turned my head and I saw Blake, standing there, staring at me, his eyes were fire, he kicked his lips as his eyes traveled down my body but didn’t move. I knew he wasn’t gonna, but I bet my ass he was going to go outside and watching me sunbathing.

I went outside, I heard him following me, and I put the towel on the lounge chair and jumped quickly in the pool without wetting my hair, in one hit, the water was cold and I started to shiver as I moved around the pool to get accustomed to it. I did a couple of laps and I saw Blake was now, sitting in the chair right next to my lounge chair. I got out, all wet and shivery and without even looking at him, I laid chest down on the lounge chair, I felt the drops of water running down my skin, it was a cloudy Sunday and it wasn’t a good pool day, but that wasn’t the point of this whole charade.

-You’re playing with fire- he growled and I felt my body shiver, not for the cold.

-It’s pool Sunday, Shelton. Give me a break-  I said and after a few minutes he moved, and walked to the house, I tried to not scream at him, for leaving or for staying, I wasn’t even sure why, I just… I was mess. I stayed like that, eyes closed and my mind started to fly around, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time.

It wasn’t until I felt the string of my bikini let go, that I opened my eyes and saw Blake’s shadow over me. I felt him undoing the ties and as I was going to protest, his tattooed arm took the sunscreen over the table.

-You’re gonna burn, this is the worst sun, underestimated until is late, and you’re burnt- I wasn’t sure if he was actually talking about the sun or about him but the second he undid the second ties on top of my back, I felt my bikini lay flat on the lounge and then soon felt the coldness of the sunscreen dripping down my back and shoulders, I gasped.

Then I felt his hands, huge on me, traveling across my back, from my shoulders and arms, his hands were giving me a low-key massage as they moved down my bottom, his hands came underneath the ass and I felt his hands squeeze it and with one hand dripped some more on my legs, his hands were traveling comfortably but I only realized I was in danger when the second he moved my left leg open and I felt his hands on my bare ass, he had undone my bottom part and the tiny string that was supposed to cover me, was gone. He kept moving up and down my body until he got on my inner thighs and he stopped. The sunscreen was dry on my skin already.

-Turn around- He gravel voice said and I knew I had a choice. If I turned around, I knew where it was going, my body was quivering in need, I felt my core begging for it but my head was just screaming “No”. I turned around and I saw him ditching the rest of my bikini. I saw him now, he was wearing white t-shirt and shorts.

He took some more sunscreen and moved my legs so he was sitting where they were and laid them on top of his, his hands covering me in the light brown sunscreen I had brought with me downstairs. He reached my hips and kept covering me all over, he ran his hands down and up again, until only my breast were uncovered, he moved again and came closer to me as he took some more sunscreen and started to covered my breast with it.

The second his hands took my boobs, I felt a man leaving my body and his eyes darken even more, my nipples were hard rocks under his hands and I could feel his dick, hard and awake, on my thigh. From my breasts he went to my neck and then back, he kept playing with me, leaving me breathless and tingly all over my skin. I saw him stop and move back, laying his chest over mine and he moved his head to my ear, taking my lobe in his mouth as he nibbled and I grunted when I felt the sharp pain of his teeth. I grasped his t-shirt and gasped, feeling his dick on my stomach.

-I want you, all the time. Everyday. Can’t really stop- He took my mouth and went for the kill, pushed his tongue in, bite my lips and drove me to complete incomprehension and dizziness, he laid full on the lounge on top of me and I sneak my hands inside his shirt, taking it off in one motion.

His mouth went to my neck and his teeth sink in, making me gasp and moan, he was into biting, I noticed the morning after our kitchen encounter and I realized, I was too. I cradles his hips against mine as my hands tangled on his hair, pulling a bit as I did before, and receiving the same reaction, low moan and a growl.

His lips moved to my chest and bite the top of them, both of them, I could already see the redness in them and then took one breast on his mouth, this time, I squealed and moan loudly as his tongue rolled over it. I felt the shivers running up and down my body and I felt a need just about to burst into my skin, I felt lightning bolts over my skin, both nipples eaten and completely bathed with his mouth, marked with his teeth and red because of his beard, and it was enough, not even close to be enough.

His head was about to move down, when I took his arms, pull him up and I moved so I could flip us, now he underneath me, and it was me, moving down on him. I wanted to taste him, I was never the girl giving head, but the taste of Blake was something I needed to. I needed to know what was about him, I moved down, bite him a bit, his growls were loud and I gasped when he tangled his hands on my hair, pushing me down a bit. I undid his shorts and smiled at my sight at, his eyes were blown open, dark blue, mouth lightly open and I could see his body quivering in desperation. I took my time, bite him right on top of his dick, in his low abdomen and let it sprung out of his shorts.

It was big, bigger than I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t huge but it was big, I could see his veins, it was red and had drops on his tips. I moved my tongue and licked the head, his moan was broken and I knew I had him on my hands.

I took his head on my mouth and he gasped as he snapped his head back to the lounge, his hands got tighter and I got hungry, I wanted all from him. I took him in, deep, much more than I thought I could and probably him too, considering he gasped my name, moaned and sat down.

-Fuck, shit…baby, oh, God-

I licked him, and kept my lips moving up and down on him, trying to take as much as I could, covering as much as I could with my tongue and giving him small nibbles that made his breath even more ragged.

-Oh, stop, shit-

After what felt like seconds, he took my shoulders and I realized his dick with a loud pop, he took my legs, and walked towards the Jacuzzi, bubbling right next to the pool, all while kissing my neck and whispering dirty things, I didn’t really understood but made hot. He got us inside the Jacuzzi, sat down on the seat and took my hips, holding them up.

-Next time, I’m gonna go down on you… right now, I just can’t- he sounded desperate, as much as I felt. And as a movie, the second I felt his dick in my entrance, slowly making his way in, I heard thunders, I felt hot, I was gasping for air and my head collided with his neck. I couldn’t get air inside my lungs but I didn’t care, I felt the painful but delicious stretch and I clawed myself onto him.

I felt him moving deep, and deep and even deeper, just then I felt his lips on my cheeks and then on my lips, taking the little air that was left. I moaned and he moved my hips up, feeling the movements of his dick inside of me and the way it grace my clit that had me begging. I felts tiny touches over my back, arms, head, hitting my skin. The feeling of the water against my skin was almost too much to bear and his lips were taking my mind.

I was getting lost on him, I opened my eyes and our eyes locked, feeling the whole world vanish and the sweet pleasure taking over both of us, I felt the stretch and the tingles in my back were taking almost the best of me. I was in heaven and in hell, at the same time and it was the best I have ever felt. I snapped my head back once his tip collided with my clit and I moved back, to see a lightning bolt across the sky and noticed that it was raining softly on us, the rain and the electricity was like the perfect background music, to this moment, I felt the drop running down my breast and I felt his lips on me, catching them with his tongue. My senses were overload and I felt my sudden orgasm hit hard home, leaving me breathless, seeing black and sparkles, my skin couldn’t take no more, and I wasn’t completely sure that I wasn’t hit by one of the lightning bolts.

I slumped and I felt nothing for a while, I felt like I died, go to heaven but was still trying to recover from life. I wasn’t completely back, I felt asleep and woke up when Blake was taking me upstairs, then went out again and came back feeling him, cuddling behind me, drapes open watching the rain come down and his lips on my neck then fell asleep again, only to be awaken by the smell of pancakes.

-Baby, wake up-

-Blake?-

-Hello, it’s almost, three- I opened my eyes, the room was dark, barely light by the light coming through the cloudy sky.

-You took a shower and got dressed- I said noticing his clothes, pajama bottoms and a white t-shirt.

-Yeah, I did. Here, I brought pancakes-

-You like pancakes too much-

-Best thing ever… pancakes and cheese dip-

-You’re so weird- I took the bite he was offering me when I sat down on the bed, dropping the sheets and leaving my breast out. I didn’t even pretended to be ashamed, I just opened my mouth waiting for another bite.

-Blake…what now?-

-Now? Well… we finish eating, we can rest a bit more, sleep and be up by six when everyone will be coming down. But from now on, I’m gonna sleep here, babe. I haven rest this good since I was a baby-

-Blake…-

-Shhhh… don’t think about it just, say yes- I nodded and took it like a champ, I laid back, snuggled with him and kept eating, fighting my hardest to not over think the fact that I had sex with a man that wasn’t my husband, I was in bed with him and who had decided to stay here. I decided I was shutting down my brain and I was going to enjoy this while it last, even if hell broke through the next twenty minute, which was exactly what happened when we heard gun shots on the living room.

Blake’s hand moved to my mouth, covering my scream, took me and dragged me to the bathroom, closing the door, I felt paralyzed, he took me to the bath tub, he was talking but I wasn’t listening, I couldn’t hear anything but the repeat of the gunshots as I saw his mouth move. I found myself on the tub, protecting my body with it as I noticed Blake had his gun out, in his right hand and was whispering over his phone, somehow Blake had managed to do all of that in  seconds. I tried my hardest to not lose my shit. He took a robe, handed it to me and he moved to turn off the lights of the bathroom, the darkness took over and my heard was about to explode, I was sure he could hear it, I wasn’t sure if he was pretending that we weren’t home or if he want them to catch the bad guys unprepared, whatever it was Blake had a plan. He got up and pointed at the door. I saw his whole body change into his soldier self and it was as scary as it sounded. I saw the light of my bedroom being turned on and the shadow walking towards the bedroom. I have never prayed harder in my life

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. SEPTEMBER

23th 2015. 1500 hours

I was covering Gwen on the tub, the strong tub between her and the door, where I knew whoever had the guts to get inside the house, was coming for her. I was on top of her, one hand right next to her head and the other one, on the edge of the tub with my gun pointing at the door, I could feel her body trembling underneath mine, I could feel her hands holding my shirt and her legs wrapping mine, I felt murderous. They were sloppy, shooting at nothing downstairs meant they were not good and they were knew, meaning, they could make a lot of mistakes, meaning I had a chance to take them out.

I heard the door of the bedroom opening, I heard the steps on it, hear them moving shit around, my job was not take those bastards out, it was to protect Gwen. But, God I want to take their heads out of their bodies the second I saw Gwen’s panicked face.

I saw them turning the light on her room; saw the shadows moving around the room underneath the door. I saw them, I felt them and I hated them. I saw one figure getting right in front of the door, I could see if it was facing us or facing the other way, not until I saw the door knob turn and I moved down to cover Gwen again, this time, my whole body on top of hers, I heard him moving around but couldn’t see shit, I moved the gun slightly so in case of need, I could shoot and kill.

Nothing happened, heard the door closing, covering us in complete darkness again and heard them on her room a bit longer until they left. I didn’t move for a bit, I stayed there, on top of Gwen, eyes close and listening to everything I could, trying to remember their paths, their movements, hell, even their smell.

I waited a bit and then tried to get up, only to be grabbed by Gwen.

-Shhhhh… I need to know they left, so I can call for help-

-Blake…I….- She was stammering, her eyes full of fear and my soul crushing and howling. I moved my head down and I kissed her, slow and deep, looking to turn that fear into lust or at least into anything that wasn’t it.

–Don’t you move-

I got up and went out the bedroom. Nothing seemed to be out of place, until you looked closely and see that a few bags she had were moved and the closet’s door was too. I went there first, took the gun and pointing my gun, I opened it quickly. Nothing, it was empty. Looked underneath the bed and empty. I sent and S.O. S to Joshua, who I had to beg to change the day, and he return a simple “Coming”. Joshua was gay, hitting on me and even thought I had revealed my crush on Gwen, he kept going maybe praying for a taste.

I took the comforter and went to the bathroom and helped Gwen to get up, I put the blanket around her and held her close as she trembled.

-Called Joshua, he’s coming but I need you to stay here-

-I’m scared-

-I know baby, and they’ll die because of that- She calmed a bit and then I put her on the tub again. Kissed her softly and got out when I heard Josh’s pick up on the back of the house.

I left the room and did a quick check on the boys rooms, then went to Gavin’s and then went downstairs to caught Josh walking around the house, gun in hand as he looked for something he wasn’t sure, but trying to make sense of the destruction of the living room.

-What happened?-

-Somebody got in, I held Gwen on her bathroom when we heard gunshots – I said and pointed at the shots on the sofas, somebody had spent lots of time destroying anything they could, it was thought, and it was planned. They knew I was going to be here, alone with Gwen, they wanted me to know, they wanted me to protect her… fuck.

-Call Sabrina, we need to clean up while the boys are out- I said and went upstairs to get Gwen. The cameras all over the house will get us an idea of what happened. I knew they were operative, I had gone there after I helped Gwen up to her room, I deleted all the recordings of the backyard since Gwen went out until we went upstairs, then had to erase some other footage of her in her bikini and me getting around the house, not before marking it in my brain and getting hard at the sight of her giving me the best blow job I have had in my life.

I opened the door and looked for Gwen on the tub, she was there, paled, eyes watered and her breath was ragged.

-They left. Joshua’s downstairs calling for Sabrina to clean up, they messed the living room but nothing else. We’re fine, we’ll be fine-

She nodded and got up, trembling to her bones, I got her and picked her up to the bedroom, she was naked, covered with the comforter, I laid here in the bed and noticed the bastards had ate all the pancakes. I put the plate down and kissed her again.

-I’ll be right back- I went downstairs again and Joshua was already trying to clean up. –Gwen’s shaken but she’ll be fine. I’m gonna call Dennis so he keeps the boys tonight, they don’t need to see this and we can move around better this way – Joshua nodded and I called Dennis, giving him a simple brief, and not telling him that they actually go it, but more than they wanted to.

-Sabrina is coming. She asked me to do a few things. Go upstairs with her, we need coverage upstairs, just in case-

I simply nodded and went upstairs. Got in her room and closed the door, locking it, just in case.

-What happened?-

-Sabrina is almost here, I called your dad so he keeps the boys tonight, also extra enforcements for them, just in case. You and I are gonna stay here for a while, they’re gonna figure out what happened and clean up-

-What happened, with this whole thing?-

-I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. But I promise you, they won’t get us with our guards down, again-

.-I’m still shaking-

-Yeah, not the reason I would like… I like you shaking for other reasons- I said lowering my voice. I wanted, no, needed to take the fear out her eyes, needed to see them dark not with fear but with complete pleasure.

-Blake…it’s not the moment- She gasped at the sight of my dark eyes.

I took my shoes off and walked towards the bed, to her, she was laying on top of the bed, wrapped around the comforter, I sat right next to her and caress her face, trying to get her focused in something else than the fear of dying just a few minutes ago.

-I’m gonna protect you with my life that, I will… I’m gonna find out what this was, and it won’t happen again, I promise you that-

-I don’t want you dead, I need you all right, meaning don’t do anything stupid, Blake. Don’t-

-There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do to protect you, baby doll-

-Blake…-

-Joshua was going to call your husband, he might return earlier that expected- I said, it was a painful reminder that she was married, she was taken and I was the other. When the words left my mouth, she tensed and lay down again. –Your security is going to get even tighter-

-I know… I don’t understand, why me?-

-If they want Rossdale, they can get him through you. Sometimes it’s about the family being the target. I think he knew this was a possibility, he wouldn’t have gotten more bodyguards and more security if he didn’t know this was a possibility-

-You think? I’m, scared, not for me, for the kids…-

-The security is going to grow, probably more men-

-I hate this…I hate him, this is his fault-

-Cannot fight against that reasoning, can’t really-

-Blake…- She whispered when I was about to get up from the bed and head down, to get ready and everything done, the next step was taking care of the security again, and cleaning up the mess they did. – What are you up to? Why are you here? Why is my husband so into you?-

I felt my heart get tight inside my chest, I felt small dribbles of sweat running down my back, my senses were heighten because of the fear of her finding out the whole charade, the mess, the lies. I knew I liked her, I knew it, I knew that the second she found out about this, she’ll hate me and that would tear my soul but I was selfish, I didn’t want her knowing, not yet. Even though it would help me protecting her, I couldn’t make myself to tell her the truth.

-Right now it’s not the time. I will tell you and I need you to promise me that when I tell you, you won’t run away. You’ll let me explain everything to you. Promise me that- My words sounded harsh, even for my ears, I sounded a little desperate and hurt. She looked at me for a little while and then just nodded. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to hers, a little, looking for support and praying for strength to get up from bed and take care of my job, strength to separate from her because the only thing my body and soul wanted to do was wrap her in my arms and whisper sweet nothings until she felt asleep. I need her to feel safe and I couldn’t do that right then and I was heartbroken to say the least.

I got up, turned around, put on my shoes again and walked downstairs, caught a glimpse of the cleaners, all the security team was there and I was feeling the hairs on my neck curling, I was tingly and after many days and nights on the field, I knew what that meat. Trouble.

-He’s on his plane, he’ll be here tomorrow at noon, maybe before- Joshua’s words hit me and I knew what that meant. My husband-free time, was over. My life was going to be the same old, dominated, tired life and all my dreams of escaping and leaving were gonna vanish, as usual, the kids were going to return to their usual, mean and retracted selves, my family wasn’t going to come back for dinners, and Blake wasn’t going to look at me like …that, ever again, not with the boss here, not with my husband here. That thing that people say, you never know what you have until is gone, it’s true. The few days of complete happiness, were up and now I was returning to my old self.

-Ok…- I said, and I saw his eyes getting warm and fuzzy. Everyone knew my misery when Gavin was at home, this had been his longest time away and I, stupidly, got used to it. Dumb move.

The door opened and I saw Blake, in dark pajama bottoms, a white t-shirt and running shoes, with a pillow and a sheet under his arm.

-Mam, Blake is gonna asleep here tonight, for good measure. We were lucky that he was doing rounds upstairs when this afternoon attacked happened, if not, you might not had been so lucky. He’ll stay here while the boss comes back tomorrow and he decides what to do with the house security- I felt lost and hurt and not ready for Gavin to come back. I nodded and took a deep breath, walked towards the bathroom and started my night routine. Clean up, moisturizer, change clothes and then back to the room, usually it only took 15 minutes but tonight, it lasted 30.

I got in the room and caught the pillow on the sofa, moved right next to the bed, the lamp was on and Blake was nowhere to be seen. He was sleeping in the sofa, of course he was, the dream was over. I took a deep breath and sneak under the sheets and comforter, Blake had changed it after I took a shower, and all the things that happened today hit me like a wall of brick, I lose my conscious soon after that on the arms of Morpheus, before 9 pm. Only waking up when I felt two arms tugging me behind me.

-You won’t be sleeping alone, sweetheart. Ever again- Blake. He kissed the side of my head and I saw that it was barely 10:30 pm- I snuggled and I felt his large frame behind me, covering me and warming me, getting all the monsters in line and letting me have a good and calm night of sleep.

I woke up all warm and fuzzy, with kisses up and down my neck, I moved and felt a beard over my shoulder and small bites, I snuggled up to him and his arms go tighter around me, I moved my head and gave him a small but sweet kiss of good morning, our lips brushing and my eyes locking to his blue, crystal clear ones.

-When he comes back, this will be over-

-It doesn’t have to-

-Blake…-

-Listen, I can’t… I need to hold you, kiss you…be with you. You have gotten under my skin, sunflower-

-Sunflower?-

-Yeah… You’re a sunflower- He whispered and kissed me, softly, our breaths mingling, a sweet and pure kiss that got chills running all over me. Blake treats me like I could break with one look or one touch, I kind of like it and kind of hate it. I have never been treated like that ever, not by Gavin at least, and even though I love the fact that he’s so attentive and sweet, I want him rougher, so I bit his lower lip when I had the chance and I felt the air getting caught on his throat, I heard his laugh and he took my mouth one more time, a little harder, using his tongue this time and sending chills to every part of my body when our tongues touched.  

I moved, now we are face to face, the kiss was rough and sweet at the same time, it held so much meaning and so much depth, it’s hard to describe how it felt, I felt like my soul was being lifted from my body and it was dancing around the room, it made me forget the night before, it made me forget the reason he was in my bed and thankfully, it made me forget that Gavin was returning home today, could be in a few hours or could be in a few minutes, I wasn’t sure but I sure as hell didn’t care while his tongue caressed mine and his hands went from my arms to my thighs.

I felt him pushing me up towards him and laying back on the bed as I got on top of him, I loved this, I always felt like I was in control, something that didn’t happened often so I sure as hell loved it. I tangled my hands on his hair and tugged it a bit, enough to move his head back and enough for him to let it grunt a bit. We both smiled a bit within the kiss and I laughed when he flipped us, so I was now under him, I never realized that sex could actually be fun and I could actually laugh during it.

-Want to play dirty?- he whispered and he bit my lip as his hands moved to my stomach and tickled me. I laughed and I tried to escaped but couldn’t. He stopped when his hand got in my shorts.

-Blake…- he went to my core, I felt his hand on top of me, not moving at all. His mouth to my neck and his tongue making circles in it. He was teasing and damn it if it wasn’t working. I moved my hands to his hair and pulled and as he separated from my neck, I went to his neck and sucked a hickey, right there where everyone could see…and I knew it was a good idea because he moaned, grunted a bit and then just moved his hand and started to rub my clit and I almost lost my mind.

I moved my hand to his forearm and gasped as I moved quickly to the finish line, damn. My hand went to his sweatpants and grabbed him over it, I could feel him, hot and hard over the fabric, his hand started to move faster and I stopped as the heat started on my limbs, geez.

-You close, sunshine?-

-Blake…- my hands moved to his neck and arm, my nails scratching him and I felt about to burst out. My neck snapped back and his mouth went to my night shirt, a thin fabric that separated him from me, nothing to be honest, he took my nipple and bit it a bit, harder than he had before but not painfully, at all. I felt the tingle on my nipple, the tingle on my back and then, the complete burst of energy and then blank. I was in so much pleasure that my limbs went a little numb, my soul left my body and I realized, I was falling in love with my bodyguard, how cliché of me.

-I heard you were with my wife at the time of the attack?- The snotty British accent came through his mouth and I held my shit together, I just wanted to punch him in his smug face or tell him that I wanted his wife, whichever was going to feel better.

-Yes, sir. I was doing my rounds- I said instead of giving in my pathetic and lovesick need.

-Why were you doing rounds on what must have been a lazy day?-

-I was told Mrs. Stefani had some threats made against her- You are not gonna get me bastard.

-Yes, she had. Thanks for your service Mr. Shelton. I don’t know what could have happened if it wasn’t for you-

-I’m sure, whoever would have been in my place, would have done the same-

-I don’t know… I was told your skills were quite impressive and that you have an unbelievable sense of danger. Your friend…Mr. Young, has said some very impressive things about you-

-Chris knows how I work, we have gone through a lot, sir. I’m glad that he still likes me, I guess- I guess Chris went kiss ass on me

-Yes, he does. He wouldn’t shut up and now I have some threats, a few …friends of mine, want your service too, when you contract is over, which is soon. I hired you for the time I was going to be away but the current events had…made me realized that my wife needs a 24/7 bodyguard and I want you- I felt the victory on my bones, I felt like drinking and screaming and lungs out.

-I would very much like that sir, I like this kind of situations, I know how to work with them-

-Good, that’s what I need…but I must say something Mr. Shelton.- Rossdale’s demeanor changed, his voice got lower and lower until it was barely a whisper. –You see, my wife is a very beautiful woman and well…I have never wanted a bodyguard with her for that particularly reason- all my muscles were tight, he knew that we had hooked up, he had to know. –I need you to be more than her bodyguard, more than that. Pharrell told me she doesn’t want a bodyguard with her, at all…especially you, considering she didn’t picked you, but I did. My relationship with my wife isn’t … your usual kind. Have you even been married?-

-I have. I’m divorce-

-Nasty divorce?-

-Some could say-

-No kids?-

-No-

-Lucky bastard- He got the nerve to chuckled. Damnt it. Hold it, don’t break his face.

-You want me to become… her friend?-

-Yes, her friend, her guardian angel, her shadow…even her lover if necessary- At that my eyes went wide and I couldn’t hide my surprise.

-Sorry?-

-I don’t give a fuck of what my wife does or who she does. I need her alive. That’s it-

-Ok, sir- I tried to play it chill

-I need her contain. You know what I do, I know that because Chris told me that he told you. I plan to master the drug trafficking and my wife is playing a huge part in this. She is my recoil, she is my award and she is the main thing I want when I get to the top. I need her alive so I can show the others what they don’t have, I don’t care about her mental state or shit. I need her breathing- don’t punch him, don’t punch him

-Yes, sir-

-But…I do need her here, I know I don’t have Pharrell or any of the other guys in my corner, so I want you in my corner, Shelton- he came close and smiled. – I want you seducing my wife so she never leaves-

-If you don’t mind, sir. I prefer starting with friendship, lovers come and go, and friends stay. Your kids like me already-

-I heard that… I need to do something about those boys-

-Have you thought about boarding school?-

-With the kids away…it’ll be easier to … control the situation- I couldn’t believe this words were coming out of my mouth. Son of a bitch. I felt like a true bastard but playing his game with the kids at home was too dangerous, it was easier to maintain my focus on her and confine the boy’s safety to Adam and Luke.

-I’ll have to think about it- His eyes told me he liked that idea, a lot. And I was glad about it.

-I want you sleeping in a room upstairs. My wife’s bedroom has a room on its right, empty room. I want you there, near and aware of what’s going on- I simply nodded and begged for m free day to come close so I could talk to any of the guys. –I want you there tonight, I want this new…phase to start now, meaning… I want you sleeping with my wife as soon as you can-

-Sir, your wife is a very beautiful woman…but as I said, I know my job, I’ll start as her friend and savior… I’ll protect her with my own life-

-You don’t want to shag her?-

-Sir… I know my job. I need you to trust me and I need you out of it, all- A tense silence and then his head bent told me I was ready to fuck Gwen’s brain out and get this fucker to jail, under the same roof, how great will that be.

I went to my room and gather all my things, and head to the room Rossdale told me about, I took a shower, organized my shit and head down to the living room. My lovely boss was telling his kids and wife about the new arrangement, and at that all I could see was Gwen’s eyes on me, I couldn’t figure it out but I let a smile come across my lips and let all the rawness of my feelings for her out in the open, my eyes and my smile.

Everyone got settle, had dinner and went to bed, as I re-did the rounds schedules with the other guards, re-arranged the camera’s position. Not without Pharrell fighting his position. While everything happened I had a sandwich and went straight to the room, cleaned up and changed and headed to Gwen’s room.

Without knocking and got in and I heard her voice.

-Who’s there?-

-I told you that you wouldn’t be sleeping alone ever again, sunflower-

-Blake… what are…- I walked up to her, got in bed and kissed her as she was sitting up on it. I took it all, I took her breath, her moans and her whimpers. I was starving and I wanted her. I laid her back and got on top of her, took her hands and placed them on the top of the bed, guarded and restrain as my mouth traveled to her neck.

-Blake… Gavin is…near-

-So? I want you- Bit her ear. – Don’t you want me?-

-Blake… that’s not the point!-

-It is baby, it definitely is…- I moved my head down, thank God I have long arms, and with my teeth struggled but succeeded in undo the buttons on the pajamas she had in the front, reaching the soft and hot skin underneath her all. I kissed my way to her breast and her moving body allowed me to do it easier.

-Blake…- she moaned when I reached one of her nipples, my tongue stroke lightly over it and then my teeth scratched it, her body shuddering and arching, looking for more as her head was moving.  – It’s not a good idea, they could walk in-

-Then we have to keep quiet even though I love hearing you scream my name-

-Blake…- I took her breast in my mouth and sucked it all and I saw her ready to scream, acting quickly my hand moved to her mouth and covered her screams. Her now free hand went to my hair and pulled it, I moved my other hand and uncovered her other breast and sucked it, now I was an animal, the way she was moving, the danger of getting caught and the way she was pulling my hair was making me feel all too good.

Her hands went to the hem of my shirt and pulled it off of me and as I did that I felt her mouth on my stomach and my chest, her hand traveling and marking me with her nails and her tugging my bottoms, her hand tugged it down and now I was almost completely naked and when I thought I could just get her as naked as I was, she slipped the pajamas down and took me in her mouth. I froze there in the spot.

I grunted, maybe  a little too hard, I saw her smile as she licked the head and I closed my eyes, I knew I wasn’t going to combat her, not this way, not tonight. Her hands on his abs pushed him a bit, making him sit and then slightly laid back as she took him on her mouth, the licking became sucking and turned to moaning as Blake’s teeth were clenched and his eyes were full blown. He took her hair in his hands and moved, kneeling down in front of her, he pushed her back down and her head was in a nice bending position, it let me move to her and not choke her.

Her mouth stared with soft nibbles, nothing too serious and nothing too hot, but definitely something good. His body was tensing more and more as she started to suck her way down his dick, she wasn't moving too quickly nor too far, she was testing his mind and he was more than happy to maintain his body from moving like an animal and fuck her mouth the way he wanted. She was on him like a Popsicle in a hot day of summer, all over, dripping and slowly giving him everything he had always wanted, but he needed more, his hand tangled in her hair.

-That’s it baby- he voice, gravely and low.  – Quicker- he said, and Gwen grunted at that, shaking her head and maintaining that slow maddening pace. –Gwen…quicker- he grunted this time and her eyes went to him, a glint of a dare in her eyes and he had enough. He took her hair and moved her down her throat again, a little farther and he started to push his hips towards her. She received like a champ, her lips red and streched, and her hands went to his thighs, holding herself to them. The way her dick was disappearing inside of her mouth was driving him nuts and he was soon on the edge.

Soon, too soon if you ask me, I was ready to burst and ruin what it could be a hell of a night, so I moved out and her growl made me shuddered. I pushed her back and her head was now hanging off the bed and he was kissing her way down her, taking off her shirt and tugging down her shorts, naked as the day she was born, Blake kissed her belly and with soft swirls of his tongue reached the place Gwen was needing the most. He gave her a nice, long, soft lick and looked up, catching her in the middle or her arching pleasure, her nipples hard and her neck completely exposed.

She did it again but this time opening her legs and fitting his head between them, holding her hips and repeating the motion until he had to fight against the way her hips were moving against his face, he wasn’t having any of it, he bit her thigh and she arched even more and then sunk her tongue inside of her core, he knew what she wanted and he was going to give it to her, not yet but soon enough.  I got her so near the edge, I could see the ears swelling up in her eyes, I moved up and aligned my dick to her and slowly entered her, so slowly it almost hurt.

-Blake…- she said. The pace was slow, I didn’t want to rush, I want her sore tomorrow, I want her to remember me while she talked to her husband, while she walk, damn…even while she slept. I wanted her to feel me inside of her, the whole time.

I lower my back and now the angle hit her bright spot directly, how I knew? The way her neck snapped back and her hails scratched my back told me everything. I was moving slowly, I didn’t want to rush it.

-Blake… quicker, I need it quicker- she gasped and I moved my thumb to her clit, moved it slowly and her scream was caught by my mouth, her walls getting tighter and tighter, barely letting me move. I pushed my hand away, used it as leverage and snapped my hipbone to her clit, the friction was too much to handle and she came apart in my arms and I let myself go, my soul and all. It was a delicious pleasure I knew, I couldn’t live without.

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. OCTOBER 2nd 2015. 900 hours

The last week has been a week of hell, between the attack, Gavin returning and the boys sensing the weirdness of it all, the only good -  no, not good … great- thing was having Blake in my bed, every night, holding me, kissing me and making me laugh, who knew the half-dressed cowboy could be so funny.

We hadn’t…done it since that day, almost a week ago, he hasn’t wanted more and it has confused me a lot but those few times while on the bed before falling asleep have turn me into a teenager, us making out like a couple of teens before curfew, all tongues and arms, moans and lots and lots of sweat the only difference between then and now, was that I never woke up with my high school boyfriend in my bed while my husband slept three doors down.

October was here and I was ready to celebrate my birthday, I have never been the kind of woman who didn’t react well to her birthday, I loved being older, I love celebrating life and me especially with my boys surrounding me with hugs and kisses on my special day. It was less than a week away, just a few days, and the only thing I wanted was going on a trip, I wanted to leave, be away and be with my boys – Blake was a tacit, he hadn’t left my sight since the attack-

I was dressing my bed and organizing the pillows, softly trying to make a plan in my head for my birthday, a way to get out of the house and not make Gavin thinking it was weird for me too, as my mind tried to run through different scenarios, the door opened and Blake walked in his usual uniform, dark dress pants, white shirt, black shoes, his hair well put together and his smile was bright.

-Good Morning- I loved his accent, that country growl that I needed to hear first thing in the morning. He always left before the sun rises so nobody could have caught him here, with me in his arms.

-Hey!- I said and smiled as he closed the door and walked towards me, his eyes low and shining with need and lust, he came to me, took the pillow I had on my hand and threw it over the bed as his other arm reached around me and pulled me to him, our bodies pressed against each other and his head moved down and it collided with hers quickly.

-I missed you at breakfast-

-The boys aren’t going to class today, I wanted to sleep in-

-I know…I still missed you, sunshine- Today was the sunshine, he had a different nickname for every single day of the week, and I loved every single one of them. He lowered his mouth and touched mine lightly, this time, as I smiled and kissed him back. Our mouths colliding with each other, sweet and unhurried, letting the feeling and contentment set in as my hands moved to his neck and tangled with the hair on his nape, his arms around me and pulling me towards him as he deepened the kiss and, as usual, I lost myself in him.

The kiss ended with him on top of me, on top of the bed, my knees cradling him and me not knowing how the hell we got to be in that position, his mouth on my neck and his hands running through my thighs, felt like feathers.

He moved and his body stopped pressing mine so hard and with a soft kiss he murmured – You need to eat and I have news for you-

-What? News? What news?-

-You told me you wanted a trip for your birthday, right? Well… I might have got it-

-What?!-I squealed, sitting down my bed and looking up to him, I could feel my eyes bright with excitement and the hope and happiness running through my system.

-I told Rossdale you wanted a break from the city and that you said that you wanted a trip. He would look good if he offered but… I offered Oklahoma, my state and I might have slipped that I have my own ranch there, will be fairly covered and nobody would think you would have gone to Oklahoma.-

-For real? Tishimingo, Oklahoma? And he said yes?-

-He wants to win cookie points and I want you under my roof where I can fuck you…all night long-

-The kids…-

-My nephews would love to hang with the boys, just one night I need you all for me… just you and me-

My heart stopped, well it actually fluttered and I moved up to kiss him, hard and wet, my arms went around his shoulders and his hand to my head, controlling the way we were moving and the depth of the kiss, he separated and took a deep breath and smiled.

-I want that too…-

-Good, he’ll talk to you, act surprised and excited, but not sure about Oklahoma…not too excited and the fact that I’m going, shouldn´t be something to celebrate and…-

-I know, I know…In his eyes, I hate you and should stay like that- I said against his lips and he bit my lip a bit, making me gasp and press myself to him. –I love this… when is he telling me?-

-Today ….- he whispered and lick my neck all the way up to my mouth, where he sneaked his tongue on me and the make out return, this time a little more groping than before and I could feel his bulk on his pants, growing and hitting my sensible spot, making me gasp a bit. –Fuck…I need you, I always need you-

-Really?-

-Oh, baby… all the fucking time… I have been having night rounds for too long, some sneaking in and out of your room is necessary and me wearing a hard on is not good….worse if something happened I need to have my pants on-

-Oh…-I wanted to kick myself, again I left Gavin’s words to follow me and say stupid things and make me think even stupider things.

-Gwen, never doubt that I’m dying for you…never- he whispered and his eyes were mellow and soft on mine

I felt a thread on my heart, squeezing it and I could feel my lips about to say those three words that I was not ready to say and he wasn’t ready to hear, it was too much too soon and I felt the fear of ruining this take my breath away.

-I can’t wait-

Blake let me go and he got up from the bed, took my hand, pulled me up, kissed me and left, while I was just trying to figure out my feelings. Was I in love with him? Like did I LOVE him? No…too soon, it took me a year to say it to Gavin and I met Blake less than a month ago… it can’t be, I’m too emotional, damn Gwen, damn it!

I got ready, organized my room and head down to the kitchen to get a good breakfast, as I was going down I heard Kingston and Zuma’s laugh, I stopped, and I waited for a second and there it was, a little laugh from my baby boy, then I heard a country twang and I rushed downstairs to catch Blake and the boys playing with some sort of swords, Blake having Apollo on his shoulders.

-Mom!- Zuma said and ran towards me, followed by Kingston.

-Good Morning, sweet boys!-

-Mom! Dad told us we are going on a trip for your birthday!-

-Are we?-

-Yeah…I asked Blake if you guys could visit him in Oklahoma…-Gavin entered the room with a cup of coffee in his hand, leaving a trail of smoke. Gavin was wearing his usual ripped jeans, ratty black shirt and his stupid smile.

-Oklahoma? Blake?-

-Yeah… you need a break and you can’t be alone…so Oklahoma, for a week, you and the boys, I was away too long, I need to stay here-

-Common, mommy!-

-Yeah, mom…please, please!- I heard my boys beg and little that they know that my mind was made already, but I played cool and played it cold.

-Mmmmm…. Mr. Shelton… Don’t you mind?-

-Not at all, mam-

-Thanks… I guess it’s settled, then-

The boys cheered and jumped up and down as Blake’s sight was set on me, just like Gavin’s. I walked to the kitchen and started to get my breakfast going as I felt a hand on my back, it wasn’t Blake considering his cologne didn’t hit me right in the nose, Gavin.

-Are you mad?-

-No, no I’m not…swear-

-I know you don’t like him very much but … you wanted a trip and well, you are in danger…so, he has to be there-

-I know, Gavin, I know that-

-I hope you can understand that… I need you to, become his friend, trust him as much as I do, I trust him with you and the boys, meaning I trust him with my life… I need you to do the same- He whispered that in my ear, kissing my temple and hugging me to him, I had my eyes closed, feeling so much that I wasn’t sure what it actually was, it was mix of disgust and anger, love, loneliness, sadness, rage, and underneath it all, confusion. I opened my eyes and the mirror in the wall in front of me, it was displayed an angry looking Blake.

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. OCTOBER 3rd 2015. 1700 hours

-Take care, enjoy the week and listen to Blake. I love you. Have a good birthday- The was what the bastard of Rossdale said before we got on the plane to Oklahoma after he gave her a kiss. The kids were sugared up, electric, completely excited, but seemed like the crash was near, and all I wanted was to punch that bastard in the face, so hard to break his stupid asshole…nose.

Gwen and him went to dinner last night, the came back right after ten and I pretended to be asleep in my room, I was too jealous and pissed to even think about going to her room, and she didn’t even bother to knock my door, hell I didn’t even heard her door opening last night, so sure as hell I was going to come up to her to say nice and sweet things when she.. fuck… fuck. This morning, after a terrible night of sleep, he and the kids gave Gwen a few presents and took her out almost until four pm, when we head off to the airport, of course, them, the family, in one car while I was in the other with their bags and one of the bodyguards.

I got on the plane, the kids took their seats and Gwen and I helped them with their seatbelts, the three kids yawning and tired from not sleeping because of their excitement, besides of the sugar crash and all of their activities throughout the day. I sat in the back as Gwen went to the bathroom and came back and sat right next to me, three rows behind the now, sleepy kids.

-So… what’s happening?-

-Nothing-

-Blake…-

-I … hate him, ok?-

-You hate him?-

-Yes…I hate him-

-You’re jealous… you’re jealous of Gavin?-

-You went out with him…all night- I hated that tone of hurt and complete disappear I slipped out of my mouth. I didn’t look at her, I stayed with my eyes fixed at the front of the plane. It hurt.

-Blake… I …-

-No, no… don’t. I get it, it’s your … husband… and it’s your birthday-

-Blake…-

-Gwen…please- I said, my voice was small and soft, pained

-He wanted me to spend the night with him and I…-

-You don’t have to explain anything, nothing at all. I knew where I was getting-  The plane took off and the silence reign the plane, she look at her hands the entire time, her face blank, pale as her lips, so pale her skin could be confused with her blouse, and in my head I was trying hard to not scream, loud, as loud as I could.

Half way to the trip, after hours of silence, looking at the window and trying to refrain myself from doing something stupid, I heard her again, soft her voice, inviting me to do something stupid.

-You knew the drill…of us, of this-

-I guess, I did… I have to remind myself of that-

The silence took over again and neither of us talked through the entire flight, the pain I felt on my chest overpowering everything else in the room, thankfully Apollo woke up from the slumber minutes later and moved towards us, snuggling to Gwen while he looked at me with wondering eyes, that boy knew what was up, for sure. His dirty blond long locks were all over his head, tangled in a mess of light curls, his deep brown eyes stuck in mine as her hand took Gwen’s ear and he sucked on his pacifier. He knew something was off with us, and his eyes showed it.

The plane landed and we woke up the other two, completely groggy and half sleep, we got to the truck and head an hour north to the ranch, everyone in the car slept, and I used the time to try to make my mind about what was going to happen now, I didn’t know if there was still and us, I didn’t know if I wanted to be an us, I was angry and hurt to the core and she didn’t get it, she said nothing she…did not care. I was just the fuck-bodyguard to get the itch away while she played well with her husband, a Narco and a pimp and the shittiest- shittiest- a person in the world right now. She was ok with that…so why did I fucking care about her?!

We got home, unloaded everything, it was late and I was tired and my head was everywhere, I got everything in everyone’s room and as I did a round of the house and got all the security things on, I heard her voice.

-Blake…- I turned around and saw her in her white pajamas shorts and her light blue blouse, leaning on the frame of the doorless kitchen. –Can we talk?- I nodded and she entered the kitchen and sat on one of the stools.

-Gavin… wanted me to spent time with him, we hadn’t have spent time with each other since he left and he…wanted- I nodded and she went on. – This…relationship we have started in the knowing fact that I am married-

-I know, and as I said, it took me off guard the fact that you spent the night with him-

-I know… I know. I like you and I don’t want this to end…badly … I don’t want him running one of the great things that have happened the last few years. He tends to do that and you have given me a lot of strength and … love, even. I don’t want this to…-I interrupted her. I needed her to stop talking. She wasn’t talking about love, she was talking about …support and shit, the betrayal I felt was in the love as “falling in love” part and that’s what it ripped my heart. We definitely weren’t on the same page and I felt like a déjà vu, I felt like Miranda and Blake, all over again and it hurt and sucked because I thought she was different, we were different.

-Just sex? Is that it? Nothing else?-

-Do you want something else?-

I took her lips, our eyes locked and I could see the conflictive thoughts in her head, her eyes were dark with need and bit of fear. I wanted them away, so I put my biggest effort on that kiss, I took her hair in one hand and pulled it bit watching her eyes fluttered a bit and her back arched as the light tingles of pain rush through her. There’s something exhilarating about a woman who likes that blurry edge between pain and pleasure.

-What do you want to do, Blake?- She whispered while she undid my pants and I took her thighs and walked up to my room, the main bedroom, with a huge ass bed, super king size, soft comforter above it, the sheets underneath even softer that will feel like a soft caress on her skin.

I took her mouth this time, sweet, as my hand played with her skin on the bottom of her back and the tiny string of her thong under her shorts, it made me want to howl at the moon and rip it off of her, which I did, the ripping not the howling. I pulled them down hard, making her hips move and her breath to be caught in her throat

I got her naked with a sweet and fast removal of her shirt, and I took off my black boots as she completely undid my pants and tugged them down, I got rid of everything but my tight black boxer briefs. All the clothes scattered around the bedroom, everywhere. She was walking back towards the bed and I was walking right in front of her like a predator, she reached the bed and lay back as I pinned her down my body, her eyes were almost closed and her hands were gracing my shoulders.

-I want you screaming while you cum- I said getting her perfectly positioned between me and the mattress.

-Boy, I don’t play…- I didn’t let her finish, I got my mouth in her neck and bit it. I felt her shake underneath me. I licked my way up her mouth, took it, bit her lips and then just took the air out of her lungs one more time, I tangle my tongue with hers, I covered every part of her mouth with mine and took all of her thought on that kiss, slowly turning her nervous eyes into lusty and dark eyes, filled with need.

I moved down to her nipples, taking one in my mouth, first licking it, moving it with my tongue and sucking it, with a bit pressure but no pain, not yet. I did the same with the other one, and her hands moved to my hair, grasped it, pulled it and moaned under me, her nails traveling over my head until they clench when I bit her right nipple, not a little but a lot.

Took her nipple in between my teeth and pulled it inside my mouth, she gasped and stammered something that turned from “it hurts” to “feels good”. Her nipples got even harder and she pulled my hair even more. The stings of pain only made me want more from her. I repeated the same with her other nipple, but this time I bit a bit harder, she rocked her hips up, and that’s how I knew I was right about her.

I kept my teeth on her, pulling with them, biting her with them and adding more and more, her hips rocking against my leg and her head snapping back in silence. I had moved the comforter completely under her and I moved my mouth down her again, I went to her abs, biting her skin hard as a purple mark appeared in there, making me almost growl.

I moved down and down until I reached the place I had wanted to reach for long. Her perfect core was bare, her lips were a bit red and swollen, her clit shined thought and it looked so good. I moved her legs apart enough so I could get a perfect look of her. I licked my lips and looked up. She was looking at me, her eyes dark and nipples hard and red, and her mouth opened in a silence prayer. I moved my tongue over her and I felt her shiver and arched at the simplest touch. 

I did it again, this time softer and I heard her whimper. I moved her legs farther apart and repeated the feather-like touch, so soft it was barely there.

-God…- she gasped.

-Blake, say my name, I want you to know who is doing this, all of this…- I said and repeated until she said my name. -Tell me what you want…tell me how you want it- I whispered and did it again, her back arching even more and her hands going to my head.

-I don’t know… I had… oh God- She said when I repeated and repeated the motion.

-He doesn’t like to do this, does he?- I was shocked.

-No…do not stop, please, don’t stop- She begged and I loved the sound of it.

I moved my tongue harder on her clit, circling it and losing myself in her clean taste. I was deep. I moved harder and harder over her clit until I took it in my teeth and pulled a bit, her arched body broke and she gasped again. Her legs were wrapped around my head, I had her hips under control with my hands, not letting her move the way she wanted. Her hands on my hair, pulling it towards herself and I kept the slow but deep pace of the licks. My tongue moved down to her entrance and I moved around it, she hissed when it was only a touch and not really what she wanted it to be. 

-Blake…please, God please- she was gasping for air as she trembled.  I knew she was close but I wanted more before I fucked her brains out.

I took her legs and unwrapped them, put them down and flip her over as she had her chest towards the bed. I grabbed her hips, got her on her knees with her chest on the bed and opened her legs again, this time; it was the perfect sight for what I wanted. I moved my head and got to her entrance at once, sneak my tongue inside of her, making her moan against the mattress and grasp the sheets in her little fists as if she didn’t know what was going on inside her body but wanted more.

I pushed farther and licked from her clit to her entrance, over and over again, this time without getting too deep, and making her back up towards me. I saw her hand sneak to her clit, thinking I was going to let her get any kind of release without my help. She touched her clit a couple of times, I let her do it, watching her fingers covered in her honey and I bit her thigh in warning.

-Don’t touch yourself- she had stopped and grasped the comforter when I had bitten her.

-I need more, much more-

-You won’t get more unless I want you to get more-

-You can’t do this to me…Oh God, I’m so close-

-If you touch yourself again, you’ll win a punishment-

-What?-

-You heard me, five slaps in that beautiful ass of yours if you do it again-

-You’re not gonna control me with sex, Blake. Know that.- she said gasping and I just let the low and gravely laugh come out of my mouth.

-Then, you won’t mind me doing it…- she growled and pushed her hand on her clit again, this time to taste my limit instead of looking for her pleasure. Stubborn, she was the one who it was going to be harder for, dumb move.

-Ok… you won it- I couldn’t wait. I kneeled down and said –You have to count them-

-I’m not a baby…you can’t just…- Once slap, it wasn’t hard, it wasn’t soft, it was enough to get her on and close enough to her soft spot for it to not be enough to release. She moaned deep and low. –Fuck…-

-Count- She didn’t say anything. I repeated, this time harder and I saw the print of my hand on her ass, her right hand moved to my thigh and I felt her stammered the number two. –No, from one-

-Fuck…Blake...-

-Say it, if not we’ll start over-

-One, oh god One-  I did it again, in the other cheek, and she gasped the number two.

-Louder next time- I opened her legs and slapped the inside of her thighs.

-Three. Oh, fuck three…- she whined and moved against me, looking for my hand and I gave her the fourth slap almost on top of her clit. She bit the comforter, screaming. –Four- I gave her the time to release it from her teeth and to get a grip of herself. 

The fifth one I gave it to her on top of her clit, right after I said. –If you cum, I’ll make you beg for hours until your throat is hoarse- and I did it. She came, just how I wanted her to. I wanted her to know how good it could be. Her whole body shook underneath mine, she screamed into the comforter, she slumped on the bed and shook. I waited a minute and then moved to her case on the table and went for the only thing I was sure Gwen had brought, her little vibrator, pink, with a string in the end for holding. I had encouraged her to buy it, to bring it and to use it.

She had her eyes closed when I moved again, pulled her lips and turned the thing on, the slow rumble heard across the room and now she arched when I introduced her in her tight entrance as my dick moved jealously.

-I told you not to cum- I growled and she screamed again, her shakes hadn’t stopped, and they wouldn’t for a while. I knew how sensible she must be and I was going to get her off at least once more before I fucked her. I moved back and slapped her again and again.  Her legs shaking, her back arched, no noises coming out of her mouth and I pulled her on her knees and held her onto my chest as I sneak my back to her front and started to fuck her with the vibrating toy.  She opened her mouth and I took her screams in my mouth my boxers were fucking tight, the shirt was covered in sweat and I felt perfect as the little blond was on way to her second orgasm of the day.

Her legs were again out of control, her hands in my hair, pulling and scratching anything they would find, I knew she was out of this world. The little string would let me to pull the toy out, slowly, as slow as I could, letting her feel all the movements on her clit, every time I would do that she would clench her fists tighter on my hair. I started to fuck her with it, not slow but hard, I wanted her to feel it all, the toy was around two inches long and it reached all good places. I got it in and then moved my hand to her clit to rub it until she was rocking her body to me, silently asking for more.

-You can’t scream- I whispered. Getting her into the whole charade and turning her even more. I wasn’t gonna let her scream, I would take her mouth or cover it if she tried to.

I pushed her down again and on fours I let her find her own release, I got the string on my fingers and she was moving hard against it, until her back arched and she shook, her chest collapsing in the bed while I held her hips. I took the toy out of her and took the briefs off as I snuck inside of her in one move.

She was tight, quivering, shaking and completely wet, her orgasm was still running over her. She gasped when she felt me sneaking inside of her.

-I can’t- she gasped

-Shhhhh… just feel- I said and I rocked my hips into her, I felt burning and close. She was whimpering and moaning softly every time I moved out and I start to fasten the pace. I moved over her back and kissed the back of her neck, whispering sweet things to her and getting her to rock against me, it was a sweet pace that lasted long enough for her to fall apart again, this time, almost passing out as she fell asleep almost immediately. I came just right after she did and I felt my body turn liquid, my soul roaring and every pore of my body dancing out of my skin.

It has never been like this, ever. If she wanted to go back to her son of a bitch of an ex, fine, but fuck. I wasn’t going to make it any easier for her. If she wanted to walk away, she would have to walk away from this, from us, from it all.

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. OCTOBER 12 2015. 1700 hours

I realized something was off with the boys the second I woke up in the morning, Gavin had taken the boys to dinner with them and there, something had happened, I didn’t know what or why, but something had happened. They were quiet and didn’t seem their cheerful selves, none of them, not one of them, and considering we had returned from Oklahoma the day before, and they had returned not only happy but wanting to return, it was off for me the fact that they had lost all of that joy, the next day.

I knew I hadn’t let my sadness and anger come through, not to my kids and most definitely to Blake, the reason of it. The truth is that I’m crumbling inside but that’s my problem, I want no one sharing my problem, it’s nobody’s business, it’s nobody’s problem, it’s my responsibility to build myself again, I was letting no one else do it. The threats Gavin had made to my family were enough for me to fuck the whole week off and I had put it on Blake and had ruined what it could have been my salvation.

The week has been as beautiful as painful, from day one, when Blake and I had our discussion, after he fucked my brains out and after all, he got up and went to the bathroom, I heard the shower opening and I felt the tears running down my face and I felt my heart breaking into little pieces, because I knew what this was, it was an angry fuck, I could see the betrayal in his eyes, the pain and then the anger… and even though it was going to destroy me, I knew I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t.

The next week was full of fun activities for the boys, we went fishing and sealing and hiking and went to the stores in town and we did barbecues and bonfires, everyone was having an amazing time. The boys had never been so much time with another man that wasn’t my dad or Todd and it looked like they loved it, Kingston was trying to dress like him a bit, he stopped wearing his shorts and started to wear the jeans and the boots I had brought with his resistance, Zuma was trying to ask him all about certain slang and Apollo was just jumping up and down every time he saw him. And all of it hurt.

Every night after hours of running around and screaming and laughing with the boys, Blake and I would jump into each other bones until our bodies would fall from exhaustion, in those moments we didn’t pretend everything was fine, we didn’t have smiles plastered on our faces, in that moment the anger and the pain would come out, exploding from our bodies.

-Take off or I’ll rip it out of your body- his tone was low and dark and rough. The boys were out at Blake’s sisters, and he was ready for us to be loud.

I felt his hand opening my jeans as I got rid of the blouse I was wearing, we were walking back to the door and my back hit it with a dry sound. my top was off, his hand went to my back and undid my bra and the second it dropped I  felt his other hand holding my bare ass, he was good. He had undone my jeans and bra at the same time.

I moved my hips and the jeans dropped lower, making him take the edges and slow them down to my legs, kneeling down in the process, he let my thong on. He got up and caressed my legs on his way up, took my neck in his mouth and bit me, in such a beautiful and hot way, I felt my knees weaken and buckle.

He put me up to him, took my lips on his and the fight for control started, his tongue was out and about, our tongues moving and caressing, grunting, our lips and teeth playing along, until he got in and took my lips between his teeth when he saw that I wasn’t backing down.

-Blake- I gasped and his hands took my hips and pressed them towards him, his raging erection right in my core. He walked with me towards the bed and dropped me in it, his hands moved to his shirt and quickly ditched his jeans and boots as his eyes were stuck in mine.

He took everything off, he kneeled down the bed and as he was going to kiss me I moved, flipped and push him back to the bed, I took control this time, it was my turn. I kissed him, hard, I took everything I needed, I want it all, I wanted his strength and his warm to fight all the shit that was building inside of me.

I worked my way down, I kissed, I licked, I bit his skin until the pain inside of me, seemed to reduce and slow down, I left at least five clear marks on his skin, on his shoulder, his bicep, his stomach and finished on his hipbone, there, I bit the hardest.

-Fuck, Gwen-  

I licked the mark and then moved to his dick, I kissed it and nibbled it, I licked from the root to the tip, his eyes on me, they were watching my every move, they were watching the swirls of my tongue and his breath was getting a bit faster. He was letting me have the control, he was there waiting, passively, something he wasn’t used to.

I took the tip from my lips and moved down on him, his breath caught in his throat and his head snapped back, his hand moved to my arm and the other one to my head, not pushing me or moving me, just there, it stalled and it was amazing having the power over this man.

I sucked him harder the next time I went down and up, harder like I was drinking a very thick beverage and the way his hips bucked and arched told me it was good for him, and a hell of an idea. I kept moving, forward, taking him harder and farther each time, his hands moved to the threads of my hair and fisted when my tongue moved underneath the head and I followed the thick vein that went over his dick, it was one of those empowering yet weakening moments, I felt powerful and strong but I needed him inside of me, I needed him pounding inside of me and the look in his eyes, told me that his control was being held by a threat.

I went down on him one more time, used my tongue to swirl as much as I could and held his testicles in my hand, squeezed a bit and his grunt and moan were enough to get me ready  to jump over him, I sung my thong down and I pressed my hands against his chest and moved forward.

I moved my hips down and with my core; I brushed his dick from root to tip a couple of times.

-Don’t tease- he said as his hands went to my hips.

-I’m the driver today, cowboy-

-Really? Do you like to be a cowgirl? Are you any good?-

- You’ve never seen me riding-  

The next time I moved up, I let his dick on my entrance, not pushing down hard but slowly, letting him inside of me slowly, the way his dick was entering me so slowly it was such an amazing pain/pleasure experience, his dick wasn’t small – not at all- but it wasn’t huge, it was the perfect size to feel incredible open and wide and full, but wanting more.

-Jesus, fuck- he gasped and I moved down and down, slowly, letting my clit drag along his shaft, when I hit the bottom, I stopped, getting my strength back up.

I moved up, slowly too, just a bit and not too much, half of him and went down hard, his hands catch my hips and gasped. I repeated but this time I sat on him, not bent but completely sat on him, his legs had flexed and were now supporting my back, I started to move up and down, maybe a little too hard for me but I needed to hurt. I snapped down and up his hand helping me with the bouncing and his legs supporting my back as my head snapped back.

I was riding him, not quick, slowly, building the pressure of our hips, of our orgasms and I licked my lips, enjoying the whole thing, I was until his hips snap back up and he hit all the good buttons too quick to hard and I felt the blood rush towards my center and my body exploded into an unbelievable orgasm that left my body tight.

I was barely coming back when I felt my chest pressed to his and his mouth on the side of my neck, kissing it and licking it, my legs wrapped around his middle and we were perfectly sitting together, he moved me up and down him, and my arms went to his back and to his hair. His hips moved up fast and hard as I cried out in exquisite pleasure.

-Yes, yes- I heard him and I bit his neck.

His movements turn hard and I moved my legs and pushed him down again, my hips started to move up and down again, I needed him to finish with me on top, I wanted to feel like I gave him that.

-Fuck Gwen-

-Yes, just like that- I whimpered and my hips moved down, hard, and grind on him, our cores brushing and pushing against each other. We had become two animals looking for release and I was ready to cry out. Then I felt his hand slapping one of my cheeks and I couldn’t help but moan, I moved down and bit him again, his chest.

He started to move his hips again and he took my hair in his hand and pulled it as the other one slapped the other cheek, I was losing the battle of control and as close I was again to that edge, I wonder if I really cared about that.

He did it again and again and I could feel the mark he was going to leave in ass for a few hours and I needed more, his hand got tighter and his movements got harder, I was dancing on that edge of abandonment but it was the second his hand landed on my ass and one of his fingers brushed my back entrance, when I lost it. I felt myself go and trap him inside of me, I felt him grunt and let loose and burst his seed inside of me. My body was trying to get back from that when I felt him sliding out, I was breathing hard and fast and my body went limp, I gasped when he pushed me down to the bed and kissed me hard.

-I like that; I like the fact that I can turn you on like fireworks-

-Yes…you can, only you-

The boys were with Blake’s sister and I was spent on his bed, I fell asleep immediately and I felt his arms sneak around me, and pulling me towards him.

I woke up in the middle of the night chest to the bed and grasping the sheets as I felt a tongue touching me in a very private place. I felt my gasp and curse as two hands lifted my hips off the bed and his mouth was exactly where I wanted it.

-Fuck, Blake!- he was vicious, I moved my hand and pulled his hair, his teeth grazing my thighs and his tongue having his way with me. I felt two fingers inside and his tongue playing with me, leaving me breathless and mess and my legs moved farther apart, he bit my ass and smack in one more time, I was whimpering and gasping when he did. I felt like my still groggy body was living an out of body experience. He started to play with my back entrance and I remember stilling.

-Shhhh… I won’t do anything you don’t want, just feel-His fingers slowly rubbing my entrance and his other finger inside of me, brushing that spot that rolls my eyes to the back of my head. It was …weird, not bad at all just different, and I blamed that on the fact that my body was over sensible. I was about to cum when I felt his hand move and his dick entering me.

I arched and his hand kept moving and his other hand went for my hair, grabbed it and held me. I have never gotten that, that need of grabbing hair, not until Blake, when the pain of the hold was so mixed with the need to cum that I wanted it and even needed it.

He pounced hard and I felt my legs quivering.

-I’m close…fuck, I’m so close- I cried out, he kept pounding and then everything exploded, including him. It was a quick but so hard that left tears running down my face. Again. I felt down and forgot about the world until the sun was rising in the sky.

Nevertheless, a week later and the “joy” was over, back to LA, back to reality and back to Gavin, and of course, back to figuring out what had happened the night before between Gavin and the kids.

-Kingston, baby, come here- I asked him to and he straightened his back and walked towards me, following me to my sanctuary, my designing office.  – Sit, please- I asked again and closed the door. – Can you tell me what’s going on and what’s got you like this? What happened last night with your dad?-His silence was strong, his lip quivered and his eyes watered. –Kingston, tell me-

-Dad said… he said…- he started to cry, tears pouring down and I just kneeled down in front of him and held him close to my chest as I rocked him. –He said that he was sending us to a boarding school-

The shock took over me and I just stared at the wall, blank, my brain went off and I held him close.

-No, no … I’ll talk to him, no, you guys aren’t going to a boarding school… I can’t let him- Now my tears were mixing with his and the door opened quietly.

-Darling- His voice came through.

-Why did you tell them that we are sending them to a boarding school- My anger came through every single vowel

-Because I AM sending them to one, I had the name here and all… is here in LA and they can come on weekends- he said as he sat in the chair on our right and tapped my shoulder, I was still holding my trembling nine-year-old

-You can’t, I’m not letting you do that-

-Letting me?-

-Who says that you have to … let me do anything? Don’t forget who the boss is-

-I’m not letting you do that- I said, I got up and held his eyes. I was angry, I saw red, nobody was coming between my kids and me, I was not gonna let him do that, I couldn’t.

-Shut the fuck up before you regret it- the anger on him was now high, I knew this anger and I knew what was coming and I was ready for it.

-Don’t you think you can…- before I finished my words, the first hit came. A slap across the face, it hurt. It hurt a lot.

-Hitting me doesn’t give chills, it doesn’t scare me- I barely saw Kingston running to the door and running away from his father’s anger. I felt his hand coming to my neck and slamming me into the wall and cutting all the oxygen.

-If you want to see your children at all…I advise you to fuck off if not- his voice came through my tears, my anger and the lack of oxygen I was getting inside my body

-Mr. Rossdale, I advise you to move your hand off your wife’s neck- I barely heard the twang of Blake’s voice as I took a deep breath and fell to the ground. My hands hit the floor and I don’t know how long it was until I felt the cowboys arms around me, hugging me and lifting me up from the ground.

My sight was still a bit sketchy, I couldn’t see very well but I could feel a lot, I still could feel Gavin’s hand and now I felt Blake’s arms around me, my head was on his neck as he walked me towards my bedroom.

I felt soon being left in a cloud and as I focus my sight, I saw his eyes filled with worry and anger.

-Take a deep breath, baby girl- I did as he said and I felt his hands caressing my hair, I closed my eyes and kept on breathing, I felt a small kiss on my forehead and his hands over my face and neck. – Deep breaths, he’s gone now…he’s gone- 

After a little while, I could still feel his presence, even though he wasn’t in the room.

-You knew the drill… no messing with your wife- My voice was furious, I was seeing red and my anger kept rising.

-She’s my wife-

-If I see you doing anything like that, fuck anything and everything and I will kill you with my bare hands…I’ve done it before and for less. Do you understand?- My voice had an edge I’m sure he heard because his face went a bit white and he took a step back.

After a gathered myself and left Gwen with the boys in her room, I went to Rossdale’s office and almost killed him. I had entered and he immediately had taken a stand on me.

-Never again do that Shelton, or you’ll be out of that door so fast…- I didn’t let him finish I had slammed the chair against the wall.

Pharrell, Jason, Justin and Gregory were in the room, their bodies jumped and then completely stilled as their eyes were painted with surprise.

-She’s my wife-

-She could be anything, you’re not gonna take a hit on a woman, you’re not gonna take a hit on a kid. You want me to give you a preview for the reason?- I was still like a mad dog -You want to take the kids to boarding school? That’s not my fucking problem…but you’re not gonna slap or choke anyone on my watch. Do you understand?- he didn’t answer. I wanted him to answer. – I said, do you understand?!-

-Yes-  the little rat said.

I turned around and left the room, slamming the door behind me and then headed to her room. I had left the kids in her bed, terrified but with their mom. I took a deep breath and as I went upstairs I heard the door opening and then Rossdale’s car driving off. The little bitch was hiding? Good.

I came inside the room and saw the kids snuggling with Gwen in the middle of the huge bed, I walked in and took off my jacket.  Gwen was sitting in the bed, Kingston on her right and Zuma on her left as Apollo – who wasn’t understating the situation- was sitting on her legs.

-What happened?- Gwen asked as I sat on the chair right next to the bed

-He won’t do it again-

-What about us?- Kingston added

-He’s never touching anyone of you four. I promise you that-

-I mean…the boarding school- I couldn’t tell them it was my idea, I couldn’t tell them that it was part of a bigger plan that the second it was over they’ll be free of Gavin and all.

-I can’t of anything in that matter yet. It doesn’t mean that I won’t help your mama in whatever I can. Your father is a… unique man, I don’t know the reason but I promise I’ll try to figure it out, buddy- Their bodies went limp and his eyes closed, believed to be lost already.

-Buddy, I want you to look at me, all of you- I said, sitting on the bed and taking Apollo in my arms. – I’m gonna do whatever it takes to help you guys, I’ll do anything and everything in my hands to help you guys, from leaving boarding school to be free …  from everything and everyone-  I vowed, and I know the three pair of eyes, understanding my words, knew it was that… a promise and a vow.  

It’s not necessary to say that Rossdale wasn’t around much, didn’t eat with the family and didn’t hang with them at all but his plans on boarding school were steady and the kids had received a visit from one of the counselors of the school, explaining how it was going to be and what it was, I had done my own little research and the place was great, really great and I knew that my team were going to maintain their eyes on them in there.

Rossdale had called me two days after the incident and we had talked about it, he hadn’t apologized but did accept that his anger got the best of him, I agreed and told him something that sounded a lot like it, but with no regrets at all and I felt like he sensed that. He knew he fucked up and he knew he had to gain my trust again, tough shit.

I can’t deny that there was a shift inside of me, I didn’t give a fuck if Gwen didn’t want to be with me ever again, I didn’t give a fuck if Gwen wanted to be with this fucker, I was getting her out of this mess and eliminating Rossdale the second could, seeing her against the wall with a hand on her throat, watching the woman you had under your skin almost run out of air, I vowed to her and her boys, and God to get her away from him, even if she hated me through eternity. I vowed to do what she needed me to do, not what she wanted me to do.

 I learned the hard way that, that wasn’t the same, some people want what they can’t or shouldn’t have and you could stay quiet or do something about, and, second, real love is about knowing the difference and knowing where to stand on.

I didn’t know why Gwen stayed, I didn’t know why she had protected him for so long and I sure as hell didn’t care if she wanted to do it. That shit was going to end, for good and for all. Even if it pushed her away, I preferred her free than mine.  

In less than a three weeks after the announcement, a destroyed Gwen and three crying boys were saying goodbyes and I even received a tight hug from each of the boys with a small whispered “Take care of her” from Kingston.

Gwen came down crying as the boy’s car went off and I took her in my arms. The second phase of the whole job was done. The third part starting in that same moment.

-Have you thought about divorcing him?-

-What?-

-Why don’t you leave him? He could have killed you-

-It’s not so easy…-

-Why? You could-

-He’s too powerful-

-I am too…I can protect you, all of you. We can leave him behind-

-Blake…-

-Just think about it… we can just run away- I whispered, I took her head between my hands, I didn’t care that Pharrell was watching us from the car -Gwen… listen to me, he’s a dangerous guy, he’s a really dangerous guy. Bad news, very bad news-

Her eyes were still teary from her goodbye but my eyes were determined, it was a duty to convince her and start to unravel what was about to come. Running away and destroying Rossdale’s empire. We were so close to doing it, I could taste the victory. A victory I would share with four people.

Chapter Text

CALIFORNIA, EEUU. ROSSDALE-STEFANI HOUSEHOLD. OCTOBER 31^st  2015. 800 hours

That’s how it was now the Halloween weekend. It was the damn costume party time that I hated so much, the costumes, the screaming, and the “scares”, I  never liked dressing up, it was enough to pretend to be someone else for months as my job required, to do it when I didn’t have to and the idea of pretending to be someone while pretending to be someone was just, too much for me. So, there’s no need to say, I hated Halloween.

-It’s Halloween weekend!- Gwen squealed when she entered the kitchen wearing a white shirt, her common blue shorts and her flip-flops, her hair wrapped in a bow and make-up free – the last one has been a common “fight” between the two of us-. – Thomas, Blakey, how are you?!  Aren’t you excited?! Halloween!-

I was finishing my coffee after eating a huge sandwich, when she went to the empty plate on her seat in front of mine, a plate that Thomas, our new chef, was just about to serve. Thomas was one of the men I had pushed to get; he was part of my team and my new eyes in the kitchen. I had been moving people around, changing positions, bringing new faces, more backup and more known faces to my eyes. With Thomas, Tim, Zac and Rae coming along, all of them in different positions and none of them in the same room, I had eyes and ears everywhere now.

Halloween was a Saturday this year and the boys had left the week before this one, for their first week away in their new school, they had returned the day before, Friday, home. They returned energetic, clingy and mommy needy but telling great stories about their week, they loved the school and had new friends, apparently, even the teachers were great and they felt like in Harry Potter, their words not mine. That definitively eased the burning guilt that had been tightening my heart for the last week while watching Gwen’s eyes watering any time whenever one of the boy’s names came up in conversations, and it had eased the worry in Gwen’s eyes too.

-Don’t remind me that- I said, dryly.

-You don’t like Halloween, Blakey?-

The day after I had my boss’s throat in my hand, we had come clean – sort of-, I had made and statement, and so had Gwen. I had claimed her and her boys, people knew I had her back, people knew to not mess with neither of them, not even a little bit, I was becoming the new king at home and everyone knew that, even Rossdale. We were flirting openly, we had hugged openly and in more than one occasion, she had kissed my stubble in front of other people, even Rossdale. It was obvious that our relationships had developed into something new and damn us if we were hiding it, even trying to hide it seemed stupid when the truth was that I was sporting a massive erection, every hour of every day.

Pharrell’s eyes were on me like a hawk, he knew what was going on, I knew he and Gwen were closed and I knew that he didn’t like me very well considering that well, I was a “known” hit man, but not only Pharrell had his sight set on me, so was Jason and Vladimir’s, the last one was Rossdale’s main bodyguard, with whom Tim was working with.

In Rossdale’s eyes, thought, Gwen and I were already a thing, he had asked me to make a move on her, I did, and she accepted, but there was a glint of jealousy every time he saw us together and the burn I felt on his gaze, made me feel good and powerful. He knew – I believe- that his days were counted and his powerful empire was being threatened in a way and by someone he never expected.

-Nah, gorgeous, I don’t- See? Flirting. I took her weird dieting bread and cut her a piece as she took a sip of her tea, I put the slice on her plate after a took I nibbled on it and chewed it with a disgusted face.

-That’s my bread!- She whined in her girl voice that never failed to get me hard as a rock as she took the bread of her plate and took a big bite where I had nibbled it.- Why not? It’s like the perfect moment to be someone else for short periods of time, even if it is just for a party-

-I have never liked, ever. Not even as a kid-

-Were you that boring kid who always said: I’m dressing up as myself?-

-Yes, if I wanted to make and excuse, usually it was more of “ I don’t like it”-

-Boring…so boring! What are you gonna dress up like?-

-I’m not-

-You have to, it’s a rule!-

-My contract didn’t say anything about dressing up for Halloween- I said and then whispered to her. – Maybe in another scenario, but not today- That made her blushed and hid her face in her tea.

-Your contract said to be with me and do anything I wanted, and I want you to dress up, today, Halloween-

-Gwen…-

-Please! Please! I’ll find you a costume for today!-

-Gwen…- She pouted and when her lower lip came out, I knew I was lost, she looked so beautiful it almost hurt and I was a goner for her puppy eyes.

-Mornin’- I heard a mumble and saw Kingston entering the kitchen, his plaid wrinkled pajamas were too big for him and his hair was tousled over his barely open eyes. I straightened my arm towards him and his stumbles went directly to me, colliding his little body against my body for a few minutes,  his head resting on my thigh, his eyes closed and I knew he was fighting against the sleep that was seducing him again. He stayed liked that until his head was clear enough and his eyes opened completely, still a glint of sleepiness in his eyes.

-Hungry?- I asked and his nod against my chest was the only answer I got, not even a mumble.

-How about French toasts, Big guy?- Thomas asked, and he just nodded I laughed and helped him to sit right next to Gwen who was smiling in that soft smile that only mother is able to do.

-Baby, I need you to help me, Blake doesn’t want to dress up today, we totally have to convince him-

-You’re not?- That woke him up

-I’m not so much into it-

-Please, please! I’m gonna be a rock star, Zuma is gonna be a ninja turtle and Apollo, a cowboy-

-It’s late for a costume!-

- Blake, we’ll find it!- Gwen said, putting me in the spot and me, acting like I didn’t want to when I was all over it. Her smile and Kingston hopeful eyes were enough to know that I’ll be dressing up as something ridiculous tonight, and I wouldn’t care at all.

Gwen and Kingston made some calls to someone I was not allowed to hear, as I did my rounds with Zac, downstairs and upstairs. I had arranged how we were going out tonight, Gwen had pressured me to do the “Trick or treat” thing with the boys and we had arranged the houses, the time and even the amount of candy. The morning became late afternoon and the boys were preparing their costumes, their bags and even making deals of candy exchanging for later, laughter and squeals were heard upstairs and I could help but grin as I went to my room, only to find Gwen Stefani, sitting in my bed, wearing an amazing pink tutu, and a total badass but still delicate top that showed her perfect breast and her bra.

-Damn, you look good- I growled as I moved up to her, took her mouth hard and while laying on top of her, I started to kiss her neck as she pulled my hair tightly.

-Your costume is right here. You’ll look so hot, it would be amazing if we make it home-

-I just hope that it isn’t a cartoon-

-It’s not, I would never do that to you, babe-

-Ok…what is it-

She just tipped her head and moved her body so she was resting on her forearms, she took something from the floor and she a cop hat on her head.

-You ready? Office Shelton?- Her voice got low, her eyes looked dark, the biting of her lip and the growl of her voice got me hard and ready for a quickie.

-Really? A cop?-

-The best I could do on short notice… it even has handcuffs- she whispered the last part and the sight of her handcuffed to the bed did it for me. I moved again took her lips and plastered down to the bed. My body pressing hers down completely against the mattress and I moved my hips and legs to be in the middle of hers, only having her tutu and my pants in between.

-There’s no time, Blake…- She said tilting her head and giving me more space of action

-There’s always time for a quickie, are you up for it?-

-Blake…- she gasped as I took her ass in my hand and pressed her against me. My tip rocking her sweet spot or at least close enough to get her to freeze and then to move quickly.

She moved her hands to the front of my pants and I took her thong under the tutu, moved it to the side and sneaked one finger inside of her. She was tight and soaked, and thank God for that because I wouldn’t be able to give her a nice pre-workout like usual with our little time and because of how horny I actually was.

-Fuck, Blake!- she gasped and she returned the gesture with a nice hard tug to my cock. I took her hips and plastered against mine as I got up, took her with me, and pushed her against the wall right next to the door, if her dress got too wrinkly I don’t think she would mind at all if I gave her what her body was waiting for.

I moved and aligned my dick with her entrance, easy and heedlessly, pushed her down slowly and easily as I took her whimpers in my mouth. She was tight, slick and fucking amazing, I growled inside of her mouth and she bit my lip the second I got inside of her completely.

-Fuck, you’re tight-

-Blake, oh, God… move, please-

The fact that I was almost a foot taller than her, helped me to let her hanging on me, quite literally, her thighs were against mine, her chest against mine, her back against the wall and her hands on my shoulder looking for leverage, I took deep breaths trying to control myself.

I took her hips and got her up, moving her across my dick, she moved her legs around me and again, I pushed in, harder, she arched and it let me sink even farther. I growled and then took her hips, moving her up and down slowly, letting my dick hit all the right places.

I didn’t know if we were going to be able to have sex tonight, I have never been around the boys while high on sugar and on Halloween, so this had to be enough for today, at least.  It’s not like we are sex animals, but we were having sex, at least, five times a week, which was actually quite a lot in a normal relationship.

I moved her up and her nails clawed into my skin, breaking it, maybe. I grunted and used my chest to smash her against the wall and my control broke. I put my hands on the wall, only helping her to move with my hips as I started to move them like pistons, fast, hard and just right. I felt her teeth sinking into my shoulder, my head was heavy and I felt my heart about to burst and then, I felt her tightening and exploding, and everything went white, completely white, and then pitch black, I was conscious but blind and I just pushed her up against the wall as I tried to get my strength and sight back.  My head against her neck as I took a bit of her skin into my mouth.

-Shit, Blake-

-Fuck, Gwen…you’re gonna kill me one of this days-

I moved my head up and I saw her face thrown back on the wall, she was biting her lip, eyes closed and the shadow of a smile on her bit lip, she looked perfect and beautiful and completely mine.

I put her down, took the costume and changed in her room, as she laid on her bed, taking deep breaths and smiling as I stripped naked and then put on the cop uniform, I even took the handcuffs catching a glint in her eyes that made my pants tighten.

We got downstairs and everyone was ready to start the hell night, we were taking two extra bodyguards, one for each, I would stay with Gwen while Tim, Rae, and Roland had the boys.

The trick or treating thing went well, we got more candy that we expected, all of it was scanned before letting the boys eat it, and we returned home around ten, after two hours of walking around, ringing, bells, screaming kids high on sugar and loud music. Our tired asses got in the house, and the boys started the trading as I took off the cop hat and the belt and sat down on the couch, watching them fight, negotiated and asking me and Gwen to mediate in the exchange of a Twix, a Kit-Kat and a Sneakers bar. It was a tough and hard decision, but at the end, all of the parties were satisfied with the outcome.

Needless to say that, that night Gwen and her three boys slept together on her bed, after passing out of the sugar high and that on Sunday, there wasn’t much of a breakfast but more of a brunch, a late brunch that turned a bit teary when the boys left around two pm to school again.

Something that was giving me anxiety as I saw the boys leaving in the huge black car to the school was the memory of the card I got that morning in my room.

     Wednesday. 2 pm. Cabo. Killers r gonna be on duty. We have it all.

Rae’s handwrite. The note came with a registration for two weeks in a bed and breakfast in Montana under the name of Mr. and Mrs. Austin. I guess the operation was going to the second phase and this part was the one that scared me the most.

The plan was “simple” it was going to be a hit, on Rossdale’s part, we – me and Gwen- were gonna run away to Cabo, hid in a village that I had there, Rossdale was going to look for us and it gave enough time to catch the sneaky bastard.

Sunday tears turn into a Monday goodbye when Rossdale announced that he was going on a new trip for two weeks, living Gwen uneasy when he said that the hope that she’ll be there when he returned. The first clue, he thought I didn’t know about his plans.

On Monday, I prepared an emergency bag and put it in one of the cars, I had everything arranged and Zac was looking out for the car, protecting it and covering it as Wednesday came along.

It was dark, it was around two in the morning, Wednesday had arrived and my body was tight, I couldn’t sleep, I took naps during the day, knowing that today everything was going to be crashing down.

I had my eyes closed, my mind was looking for sounds, shadows and after four hours of pretending to sleep, I heard it. The crash downstairs. Gwen jumped and I took her hand and took our shoes under the bed and pushed her to the closet, in less than a minute I had her putting on her shoes, her eyes were wide, her face was paled and I knew, for the second time ever, she was meeting the warrior side of me.

I knew the attack was coming, the boys knew the attack was coming, but that didn’t mean the adrenaline didn’t push and pulsate on my veins or the fact that the thought of “them” hurting Gwen, got me on my nerves.

I had taken the glock under the table and had it on my thigh as I took Gwen to the back of the closet, we waited. I saw the door opening, the soft light of the hall coming in, my body tighten even more and I just waited for them to walk in. I got the gun up and pointed to the door of the closet.

I saw them looking for us, I could hear their voices, fuck. I chose French over German and now, the german fuckers were talking and I didn’t know what they were saying. They searched more and as I saw one of them coming closer to the closet, through the little holes in the door, he stopped when a shattering glass and a high pitched scream was heard downstairs. They ran and I took Gwen’s hand and closed the door of the bedroom, opened the door of the balcony.

-Listen to me, we are going to slide down the pipe, do you hear me? My car is there, we can leave, I have a special bag in my car, always, for cases like this. We are leaving, then we’ll handle everything else- Her eyes were filled with fear, he lips white as snow, and I could see tears gathering behind her eyes.

She nodded, I saw her eyes turning into steel and then nodding again, the warrior was here. I slid down first, she did close behind, I did it, noiseless and even though I caught her down, her feet touching the ground sounded a bit too hard.

-What was that?!- I heard a recognizable voice.

I pushed her behind the bushes and I saw Jason and Pharrell, walking right in front of us.

-They aren’t upstairs…. Where the fuck are they?-

-Where did he put that little bitch? They can’t be far- Jason said to Pharrell, his voice low and growly, I had to stop my need to punch him right in his fat, stupid face.

Pharrell just shook his head and they went in again, looking for us, I was sure. I took Gwen’s hand and dragged her towards the trees at the other side of the dirt road that led to the back entrance. Slowly, I walked us through the trees that reminded me a bit of my hometown and I saw a figure up against the jeep I had hidden there.

Only the team knew about that jeep.

-Blake?- I heard the whisper.

-Rae- I said and dragged Gwen of our hiding place.

-Listen, they’re looking for you two… you can’t turn on the car just now, we have to push it at least a mile away, so they don’t listen to the engine-

-I'll do it… you return, I don’t want them imagining things, baby girl-

-Can you?-

-Yes…go, go… keep me informed of anything, tell Tim and the boys that I’m all right-

-Ok… just…ok- Rae looked at me, looked at Gwen and after giving her a quick hug, she walked back to the house.

-Blake…what’s going on?-

-I’ll explain in the car but… I heard your husband had a plan, I hid this car here and asked Rae and a few friends to help me with this whole thing-

-You knew?-

-Honey, I move in close circles with your husband…I know how his mind works. We don’t have much time, I’m gonna push the truck to the road, I need you close-

-You can?-

-Yeah, I’ll just put the car in neutral-

I did, I got the car near the road, we got in, turn it on and started to drive north, to Montana.

-I’m scared- I told him. My nerves were making me shuddered so much I couldn’t control my movements. My mind was numb, we have been flying down the interstate for close to three hours, the sunrise still over and hour away and I wanted to cry.

-I know baby- His voice sounded pained. -I’m so sorry-

-It’s not your fault-

-Still, feel like crap… -

We still had over half of the road ahead and I could even close my eyes. The fear creeping over me, the thought of how close it was for us to get caught, the thought of watching people I trusted helping Gavin and the thought of my babies, alone, in that damn school just made me tear up. It didn’t matter how hard I was trying not to, the tears were down in a flow down my cheeks.

-I’m sorry-

-Sorry? Baby, if this isn’t my fault, it’s even less yours-

-I married him… my laugh is in shambles, Blake-

-Not for long, we’ll figure something out; I promise you that he won’t win-

-The kids, he’s gonna get the kids-

-I sent Tim to the school on Monday; he’s keeping an eye on them and was going to talk to the principal-

-Why?-

-Honey, I survived because of my instinct- he said, his face was stone and his eyes looked pained and hurt. His face looked tired and dirty, in the good kind of way. I was sure I didn’t look any better. – Try to rest, we’ll stop in a bed and breakfast soon, I need to rest and so do you-

I nodded and closed my eyes. What now? My life was falling apart. I didn’t have a house; I didn’t have my kids… I had nothing but Blake. What now?

Chapter Text

The second plane we have taken in the last forty-eight hours. We went from California and rode straight to Nevada, where we spent the night in a disgusting, tiny room in the middle of nowhere.

-Gwen…sweetheart- I felt my eyes fluttered open and I… everything was white, wait…no, I could see the windshield of the car, the sun shining bright and what was I doing…oh, fuck. I sat down quickly when I remembered. – Calm down baby, it’s me…you’re safe, we are safe-

-Blake…- I looked at my right and I saw him, his eyes looked sad and tired, his hair tussled, his shirt was super wrinkly and I had a feeling I didn’t look any better.

-Baby, I’m gonna ask for a room here, ok? I bought food…thank God I had a few thousands in cash-

-Food? Thousands? Where are we?-

-Nevada… we’re spending the night here-

-Nevada… how long was I out?-

-A long time baby, about eight hours-

-God…-

-Listen, stay here, ok? I’m gonna ask for a room for us, tomorrow night we’re heading to the airport. I have a friend who’s gonna get us tickets to Utah-

-Utah? We need to be somewhere where they won’t look for us. I talked to my men, they’re gonna get us out of this mess, ok?-

-Ok… can we… can we trust them?-

-I would trust them with my life, even more…I would trust them with yours-

He kissed my forehead and left the car while my head was spinning round and round. I was somehow in Nevada, waiting for a plane to Utah, because – I remembered- I was running away from my husband who probably, tried to kill me and my …lover, yes, I was cheating on my husband. What did the fuck happen with my life? What happened with my church Sundays and all?  Officially my life went to shit.  I jumped when the door opened and Blake was looking at me.

-We have a room,  it could be worse, at least we’ll be resting and sleeping and eating properly. We’re both exhausted-

-I’m not, I slept, I’m a horrible companion-

-You’re not, you are exhausted too… common, baby, let’s take a break-

I opened the door and took it slow, my legs were cramping, my back was killing me and I was exhausted, beyond anything else. I took a deep breath and walked to the back where Blake was getting our bags, he looked at me and his eyes looked bluer than ever. I walked up to him, smiled – it might not reach my eyes, but I wanted him to know that I was ok- got on my tip toes and kissed him, soft and quick.

-I love you-

-I love you, baby. I love you-

As he said the room could be worse, couldn’t be too hard for it to be it, but at least had a bed and a bathroom. I’ll close my eyes over the floor, no carpet thank God. I took my flip flops and headed to the shower, washed completely and thoughtfully as I heard Blake washing his face and preparing his shower after mine, or so I thought. I felt the cold air on my skin as the door of the shower opened.

I felt a hand on my back and I felt myself being pushed to the side. Blake was now under the water and with his head back, his chest soaked and his eyes slightly opened, he looked like a warrior.

I took the soap and started to clean him, it was so sexual-less it was beautiful, it was my way to thank him for what he was doing, it was my way to tell him how thankful I was. As I was doing his arms, they went around me and he whispered.

-I got you- I felt his love tangling my heart and hugging and warming every single part of my body.

We finished the shower and headed out, both using socks to our feet wouldn’t touch the floor, even him –that’s how disgusting it looked- we sat in the chairs and him took out two sandwiches, with fries and all, I had a veggie one and  he had steak, they were cold and a little insipid but hell, after so long,  it tasted amazing. We drank water and he even took a couple of candy bars for us.

He explained his plan, it was a five-part plan.

• Getting us out of California. Done
• Getting us to Nevada, safe. Done
• Getting us to Utah safe. Tomorrow
• Getting us to Montana safe.
• Wait until his friends got rid of Gavin

The last one was the one I was nervous about, that one, I wasn’t sure how long it was going to take and the thought of having to wait for someone else to take the shots, I didn’t like. I made a decision there and then, come clean about my “job” in the house.

-Blake, I have to tell you something-

-What is it?-

-There is a reason why I was living in Gavin’s place, not only because he was threatening me with the kids… A few years back, I … saw and met a girl, I didn’t know he was actually…selling women, young girls who aren’t even full of women and I lost it, she was sad and the way she looked at me was so… hateful and God, I understood, the man I was with had taken everything away from her and there I was, living in a beautiful house with my kids and pregnant with Apollo and I felt dirty, disgusted-

-You didn’t know-

-Didn’t I? I’m not even sure I didn’t know anymore. The truth is, I went to the police, once Gavin was out of town I went and the cops…they knew they knew who I was, they knew who I was with… and after I talked to one of them, he… made an offer. Help them, I take things I think it could help the case and I sent it to them… It doesn’t take away my disgust, my shame or even my pain, the pain of those people who he has destroyed but… helping to end it, end him…it’s the best I can do-

 -Gwen, it's not your fault he’s an animal and son of a bitch, the fact that you’re helping to get him caught, it’s more than most women would do-

-I don’t believe it… you didn’t look at her, her face, her anger, and her pain. I did, it follows me around and I’m sure it always will-

-Baby, some things, we can do much about… this one is one of them-

-I’m not helping anymore-

-You are… you’re with me, you’re safe and the boys are too-

-I don’t know…I just…- I felt the tears running down my face and he hugged me, tight against his chest, tight enough to almost not breathing but at the same time not tight enough. While I was trying to stop my sobs and tears, I felt him getting up – with me in his arms- and walking, I felt his sitting down and I realized we were in the bed. I snuggled and I felt his lips on my head, giving me strength and giving me hope. Trying to erase memories.

I felt asleep again, this time in his arms, happy to feel the darkness surrounding me and holding me in place, maybe giving me that peace of mind that I was desperate to have. My breath grew slower and deeper, I felt safe and happy, even if it was for a little while.

It was six pm, we were heading to the airport, we had gotten rest, food and after a quick re-do of our bags, we were actually lighter. Blake had almost six thousand dollars in cash. Why did he have so much cash?! I didn’t know, but I was grateful for it.

We had left the motel quickly and Blake was on his phone talking to his buddy in the airport.

-Yes, Luke. We’ll be there in twenty. Yes, yes… Utah. Yes, we can stay there for a few days, hopefully, it will be less disgusting that the one we were just in- a long pause. -  I know, I know… the page looked great but you should have seen those floors-

I chuckled and he looked at me, winking and popping his dimples out. He kept talking and I was looking out, the dessert, cold and unforgiving, a night here would leave you dead in less than three hours – unless you’re Blake, he looked prepared for anything-

-We’re almost here baby- he said, squeezing my hand and giving me a smile. – Look-

At the distance, I could see a wired place and lots of lights. Private airport. His friend had money and lots of resources if you ask me, but I wasn’t going to complain.

-Who are these friends of yours?-

-His father is the owner of the place, we fought together, we have respect for each other and he’s a good guy. I called, he answered and we’re heading there-

-Ok… just…ok-

-I’m here, baby, don’t worry-

We got inside after Blake said his name, we went in, parked in a hangar and he left the car quickly, I followed. He took our bags, got his backpack on, got the other bags on one hand and took mine with the other and he dragged me to plane that was, apparently, waiting for us.

He got in, fast and the second we were in, a tall man came out of the bathroom.

-Blake!-

-Josh!-

-IT’s all set-

-Have you talked to Rae?-

-Yeah, she’s in Cali, looking for you two, apparently, Rossdale is going nuts-

-Good, good-

-I’m josh, by the way, we’re so rude-

-I’m Gwen-

-Right, right. Babe, this is Rae’s husband-

-Oh, hi. She helps us big time… yesterday?- Was it only yesterday?

-Seems longer, right?- Blake laughed at my confused face

-Totally-

-She likes you, Gwen. That’s what, she told me you’re good, you and your boys-

-I like her too-

-Good, I’ll tell her. So, common boys, leave before it’s late. You have a very good start-

He hugged us both and went down the stairs as Blake took me to the seats and got my seatbelt on, and then arranged his and we took off. The flight was quick enough, we landed and there was another car for us, this one a red pick-up. We got in and he drove us around three hours east, I was groggy, the flight was rough, my nerves were high, my body was tight and I was still exhausted and so hungry and then, Blake’s phone rang.

-Hello?- I saw him grasping the wheel tighter and growling. –Fuck, yes… yes, I’ll turn around, where to?- I saw him take a u-turn, a very illegal u-turn and head back from where we were going. – Ok, arrange the shit with Josh, yes… we’ll sleep in there, we’re leaving first thing tomorrow-

-What happened?-

-Apparently, a person saw our car leaving the motel, they might know we’re her… so, changed of plans, we’re off to Montana-

-Montana at once?-

-Yes…We are going to stay the night at the airport, we don’t want to make a lot of fuzz about the same plane leaving two times on the same day, so… Josh’s parents are going to Montana tomorrow at six am, meaning…we are going to Montana, tomorrow at six am. That’s one of the reasons we’re in Utah-

-Oh, Ok… I get it… like cleaning our trace-

-Yes, exactly, also means, we’re going to miss the bed at the crappy motel- I didn’t believe him until we ate and were laying on the ground of the airport, lights gone, only our bags as pillows and in Utah it was cold this time of the year, so I was stealing as much warm as I could from Blake.

It was needless to say that I didn’t sleep a thing, every single thing made me flinch, the lights of the cars in the highway were too bright, the wind was too noisy and cold, Blake's arm was too hard, the floor was too uncomfortable and my mind was too busy.

My mind was wondering around the life changes of my life, four years ago I was a happy mom of two, married- not happily but not miserable-, tight with my parents, had work, had a content life I just couldn’t deny, then it all started in a downhill spiral, I realized my husband was selling drugs – that definitely didn’t set well with me- but I moved on pass it, for the sake of keeping my family together, I prayed harder on his name, I prayed for forgiveness for not doing anything but then, that shameful Tuesday night when in Florida I saw Vera, the thin blond that was being purchased like some sort of dessert, stared at me with dead eyes right after the anger and pain filled her once beautiful blue ones. That day, I changed my life, I decided to change my life and I was now, for years later, regretting that decision in a way, yes, I was on my way to destroy him but at what cost? I kept thinking about my boys and how I wasn’t with them, I kept thinking about their safety and my brother’s and parents. Wasn't it better to live like a clueless, dumb woman? Right now, in the middle of the night over the floor of an airport, fighting for my life...it seemed much better.

I didn’t know if I was finishing whatever I have started alive, I didn’t know if Blake was going to make it, I didn’t know where this thing I had with Blake was real, I didn’t have a clue about my future. So I spent my night doing what every single person does when stressed, creating different scenarios, plans, speeches and even got the nerve to think about a wedding, my head was running wild, my imagination even wilder.

-Gwen?- I heard he mumbled and I tried to play dead. – I know you’re awake, you didn’t sleep a bit last night-

-I couldn’t. My head is all over, I keep thinking about the boys and about my parents, and what if we die, and the boys are with him and…-

-Babe! Calm down…listen, everything is gonna be all right, ok?-

-I love you, and we are working hard to keep you and the boys safe while my boys get shit sorted-

-Ok…. I’ll try, is just…so much going on-

-I know, and I know you have much at risk, I know a lot of crap it’s on your plate and I know how hard you’ve tried to clean…so baby steps, once step at the time, one breath at the time, one hour and one day, I promise you, everything is going to be ok-

-If it’s not-

-Then it’s not the end-

-That’s so cheesy and like…overused-

-Yeah, well…it’s overused, because it’s true, baby- he kissed my head – And don’t make fun of my cheesy thoughts- he joked and I felt my arms growing tighter around him

-What time is it, anyway?- I saw him moving his hand up and guiding it to his face.

-Five-oh ten. We could get up and tried to eat something. I need to move my back, the floor it’s too hard and I’m not a child anymore-  I laughed and I sat down, pulling him to me, with a loud grunt he pretended to be falling and making me laugh all over him as he pulled me down and kissed me. Deep and dirty, we haven’t kissed for real since the night we ran away- two days ago, I guess- and I missed it but I was too in shock to actually pretended I was ready for it. The kiss calmed me, it didn’t turn me on, it relaxed me, it reminded me he was there and that I was one lucky bitch.

We got up, he cracked his back with a very satisfying move and moved all of his body as he flexed, stir and even did a couple of jumps, while I was flatted down the floor.

He reached for his hand and pulled me up, we gathered our things and sat in the chairs and had the rest of a sandwich we had bought on our way back to the airport, we had barely finished when two people in their sixties walked in and with a smiled introduced themselves as Josh’s parents.

They showed much appreciation and concern about out safety, gave us, even more, cash after Blake fight it hard, but the name Trace came up and he accepted, not happily but he did. We all got in the airplane and flew a few thousand miles. 

So, I’m here, the second plane in forty-eight hours, almost no sleep at all, tired, exhausted, hungry and I started to feel a little anger, definitely the time talking. I decided to just, snuggled with Blake and take deep breaths, a passed out half an hour later over him.

The last two days have been doing a number on Gwen, I can’t really do nothing but be proud of her. She was holding on me like a champ, she hasn’t freaked out, lost it, I haven’t had the need to knock her down, she has eaten as much as she could, she has maintained her cool but the only thing was the fact that she wasn’t sleeping, it was the only thing concerning me, she was getting exhausted too quickly and too often and it could get us into trouble in the near future, it concerned me, big time.

Things were getting harder, the whole Utah thing wasn’t planned, apparently nothing was going to be planned anymore, we were now playing with Rossdale’s actions and answers, he was moving his man over the west coast area, he didn’t know about Rae’s background or even mine – not completely- so we were able to hide easily yesterday but Luke’s call warned me about his sixth sense, he was in that business for a reason, so we had to think twice before making any decision.

During the night over the airport, I barely slept at all, I kept waking up to Gwen’s shiver, my own adrenaline and even my own fears, it wasn’t good, I had to be rested for today but, sometimes you can’t shut down your own head.

I was now under Gwen, trying to relax my muscles and trying to sleep even if it was for an hour before landing, Gwen had passed out like a baby, all bones and muscles melting over me. I had shared a few words with Jonathan, Josh’s dad and he just gave me some information about Rossdale’s next movements and a credit card and a letter from the team and one from Trace. I would read it in the motel.

The motel we were staying was an upgrade from the last two days, it had a clean bath, a wonderful bed and clean floors, all wood and in the middle of fucking nowhere. The team had a base near there so we were going to be watched and protected for the three nights we were spending there.

 I closed my eyes and didn’t realize I fell asleep until I felt the plane touch the ground, the sun was out and shining bright, my stomach growled and I was dying to get some food in my belly. I looked down and Gwen was still out cold, definitely exhausted. I took her seatbelts off and Jonathan gave me a signal,  I took her in my arms and walked down the stairs to a car that was parked on the edge of the runway, a man dressed in jeans and a hoodie had my stuff and opened the door for me to put Gwen safe in, buckled her up and after thanking everyone I headed to the motel, forty minutes upstate, almost in Canada.

We were almost there and I was following the directions Jonathan had given me when I felt Gwen moving on the seat, I looked over her and she was rubbing her tired eyes and stretching hard while moaning and grunting lightly.

-Morning!-

-Hey, where are we?-

-About half an hour from the motel. I heard, it has a tub-

-Oh, God, yes!- She moaned and I just started to laugh hard. –I need to feel human, clean and warm again-

-I’ll take a shower, then you can get the tub-

-You don’t want to get in the tub with me-

-Baby, if I lay down, I won’t be moving, at all for hours… -

-Now that I thinking about it, neither am I …better if we leave the tub for tomorrow…I think I might pass out-

-We’re getting there, we’re eating, we’re showering, we’re sleeping… how’s that sounds?-

-Perfection, it sounds so good, I might cry-

-You wouldn’t last in a war, you need to thicken, soldier-

-Yeah, that’s why I’m a designer and no soldier-

-True, I like you soft and sweet, war does things to people, not nice things, I might add-

-Wat did things to you…-

-Of course, it does to everyone. If you’re there, you see it all, you lose friends, you lose brothers, you lose innocence and you lost part of your soul, your parents lose a son, a child, the lose sleep and they lose part of their souls too… friends, they lose a friend, a friend that isn’t going to come back and even if you have no one there, you still know we are out there-

-That’s why you always tried hard to keep the boys…kids? Protect their innocence, their souls …their hearts-

-Them and yours, baby doll. But I don’t think I did such a great job, though-

-I think you did a masterful job, cowboy. I really do- Oh, Gwen…if you only knew that the reason for your misery is right here.

-I love you, baby-

-I love you-

Chapter Text

We arrived at the motel, fake names and fake IDs that Josh’s parents gave me to get here sage and that would give us enough time to handle things and rest while my boys moved. The IDs came with a phone, with two numbers, Trace and Luke’s, that was it.

The hotel looked good and it had a rustic vibe to it that I loved. The owner of The Voice was Mark Burnett, friends of Carson, they went to school together and had maintained a nice relationship over the years and as an owner of a chain of hotels/motels and a very patriotic person, he has helped in more than just a couple of missions.

-Common, Baby- Gwen was stirring on the passenger side

-I’m starving…-

-Yeah, we need to eat something. I’m starving too-

The valet parking took our car, and thanks to Mark’s orders we were gonna take his car and switch everything to his. His car was faster and bigger, and most importantly, parked somewhere we could actually leave quickly in case of need. Heading to the lobby, a dark haired man approached us.

-Mr. and Mrs. Mallory?-

-Yes, it’s us- I was Jason and Gwen was Veronica.

-Mr. Burnett called, please follow me. My name is Thomas-

We followed him to the elevators and he pressed the last floor with a key, the ride was made in silence as Gwen leaned sleepily on me and I pressed her to my side, looking at the stranger’s back as the tension grew a little bit. The tension caused by me, I am sure of. I’ve always had trust Mark, it has been at least a decade since we started to work with him but having Gwen’s life and her kid’s life on me, I didn’t even trust my shadow.

The elevator doors opened in front of a door, he inserted a key and opened it, holding it open he asked us to get inside. Inside of it, it was pitch black, I could see the shapes of the furniture, I looked at the couch and by the looks of it looked good enough to hide in case of need. I pushed Gwen inside of it and the darkness of it swallowing us whole, I felt her resistant and fear of the dark unknown room.

The lights went on and it blinded me for a second and then I saw the open space, it was beautiful. I looked back and I saw Thomas walking up with our luggage, he put it on me the main room and looked at us, Gwen now hiding her face from the lights with my chest.

-You can’t open the windows and this room’s only way in with the key. Mr. Burnett didn’t say much but he said that you needed help. Don’t you worry, we have been in this kind of situations and nothing has ever happened. Everything will be all right-

-Thank you, Thomas-

-Don’t worry Mr. Mallory. Whatever you need, the phone on the wall is direct line with me, security and Mr. Burnett himself-

-Thanks, son-

With that, he walked out and I let a sigh of relieving go. Safe. At least for now. I hugged Gwen and I held her close as her hands went to my neck, and I just sunk a bit and held her up to me, she pressed herself harder and I felt her relax as I walked us to the corridor where I hope the bedroom is. The place was huge and I need to make around to see it before I rest.

I headed to the closet, big enough for a person to hide in, good, just in case. The bathroom next and it was huge, it had a giant bathtub that I knew Gwen would appreciate, it was just as big as our room in the last motel we stayed in. I went to the room again and caught Gwen looking at me, her eyes low and half opened over the covers of the king size bed.

-Baby, sleep. I’m gonna make around and I’ll come back here, we’ll take a nap, then we’ll eat- I whispered to her and her only response was a soft nod at me.

I hadn’t left the room when her eyes closed, defeated by tiredness. I went to the living room, it was big, big furniture looked strong, walls painted of a sort of pastel weird color that looked fancy and personal at the same time, giving you a weird warmness on your chest. There were two other rooms besides the small kitchen, that was completely packed and with good food, probably so we don’t call for room service.

The other two rooms, one was a small office that seemed quite comfortable and had an amazing view of the scenery and the other one was another bedroom, king size bed and the same stuff that in the other room, just smaller.

I returned to the main room and to the bed, Gwen hadn’t moved at all, I took off my shirt, my belt, and my boots, sneaked in the bed and brought Gwen towards me. Exhaustion colliding, we were relatively safe and my body needed a few hours of sleep, enough to keep me away at least for the next few days, I let myself go with a warm body and light weight on my chest.

I was under the water, I was swimming but weirdly it felt like flying, I was flying under the water, I felt such a freedom, one that I had never felt before, I felt a complete euphoria within myself that felt as beautiful as scary. I saw sharks coming towards me, sniffing and swimming away, starfishes in the corals as I passed by, I saw fishes swimming from all directions, I was in the middle of the most peaceful environment ever imagined. Then it turned sour.

I looked up and saw a darkness over the water, I swam up, or tried to, as my legs and arms weren’t really helping me to go up. I was just going everywhere but now, I was trapped, I started to feel the air leaving my lungs. Fear, no not fear, it was desperation what came over me, I looked up and tried to scream nothing happened, I tried to move my legs and arms and I saw her. Gwen over the water looking at me, I could see her clearly, she was smiling and then a hand grabbed her throat and from smiling her face turned dark and then she started to hold the hand trying to move I away and … that’s it. All black.

I woke up with a jump but didn’t open my eyes as I tried to control my heart rate and tried to hear if everything was in place and quiet. I felt Gwen moving on top of me, I opened my eyes and the room was dark, the bright light that had been beaming through the curtains turned dark blue covering the room in shadows, I could see the light of the moon over our bags on the floor. I felt her snuggling closer but my stomach wasn’t in the mood to keep sleeping, rumbling loud enough for me to hear it but not enough to wake her up. I had to make a quick decision as I was trying miserably and failing to control my hunger.

I slipped out of the bed and let her snuggle with my pillow. She looked gorgeous, beautiful, she had her hair spread across the pillows, her face half masked with her hand and she looked tiny in the bed. I took a deep breath and walked to the kitchen, we needed food and now. There was pasta, bread, and vegetables, so that had to be it, mainly because it was quick.

Started to cook when I heard a sound muffled by the thick carpet over the hardwood floors, as I knew, I turned around and Gwen was walking up to me, her eyes half opened and her legs and feet completely bare.

-Hello, slept okay?- I asked as I finished stirring the pasta. Gwen didn’t respond and just walked to where I stood. I opened my arms and her body collided with mine, gripping herself to my shirt. I held her tight.  -I was starving and I need food, so do you-

-Ok- she murmured and snuggled closer to me. –My stomach feels funny- As on cue, my stomach growled angrily again

-Mine too… it hasn’t got any food since breakfast-

-You’re funny-

-I know-

-Blake…what now?-

-My team will take care of things while you and I stay here, we already moved the wasp’s nest, so now, we lay low-

-Blake…who’s your team?- I could feel her indecision and her fear from the way her body tighten to the way her words stuttered a bit. –I can’t leave a pan to go to the oven. I know nothing about you and I know it’s late to realize that but… I’m scared-

-I can’t say much right now- I felt her trying to move away but I brought her back inside my arms, the only sound in the room was the low rumble of the AC and the boiling water spilling over the stove while cooking the pasta. Her body was still tense and still. –What I can tell you is that … You’re not going to the oven. You’re not. I’m here to protect you and the boys and I promise you I’m not even the shadow that Rossdale is-

Her silence was stoic, she didn’t say anything, her body tight and against mine, I couldn’t be completely sure if it was against her will or not but she was pressed to my chest, her head against my neck and her breathing so light I could have thought she had fallen asleep. The pasta should be ready by now, the bread was on the toaster, the vegetables needed to be cut but I couldn’t free her so that I could get to do everything needed, I needed her to know that I was there, with her and for her.

-The pasta is gonna overcook- Her voice was as tense as her body was. But she was talking, at least. I nodded and freed her, held her arm and sat her on the stool near the stove.

I took the pasta out, cut some vegetables and took the bread out of the toaster, all while I could feel her eyes on me, usually I was very good at sensing people’s emotions and Gwen’s face was so easy to read it was almost embarrassing, but right now, she was close, completely close to my possible reading.

I served the food, we ate in silence, not to brag but the food was good as hell and I knew it was one of those times where everything fit right in.  I looked at her, she ate it all and I served quite a lot for her, much more than usual considering she hadn’t eaten anything since this morning either.

I looked at her and for the first time, she wasn’t looking at me, in the months that we have been together, every time that I have ever looked at her, she was looking at me, smiling at me or at least pretending she wasn’t doing either of those two things, now, now…she wasn’t.

I had to… it was the only sane reason, I had to be pregnant.

I didn’t pick it up at the beginning, there was too much going on, the flights, the fear, the running, the lack of sleep and the lack of food but now, it all made sense. Since about two weeks before hell broke loose I had been having my stomach supersensible, especially in the mornings, I had been tired almost every day and every second of the day and most importantly, since Blake came into my life, well…since we slept together the first time, I haven’t had my period, I was now two weeks late.

How my brain link the dots? Well, I woke up after the long nap, still tired and a little uneasy on my stomach and the first thing that popped into my head was the time when I was pregnant with Apollo how it was always like that. That made my eyes open immediately and I started to count days and the missing period came along and I freaked.

Sat down quickly and I felt a wave of nauseous, pretty sure it was the shock of the possible pregnancy. Shit. I took three long deep breaths, clear my mind and started to analyze the situation while I could still feel Blake’s arms around me and I could hear him doing something in the kitchen, I realized that it has been only about two months since this whole Blake thing started, and that, the possibility of me having his baby was extremely high considering that not only we have been having quite a lot of sex but we haven’t used protection in ANY OF THOSE TIMES, so stupid, stupid, stupid.

I knew nothing about him, nothing. I knew his name and last name, Blake Shelton. I knew that he was once a soldier and now worked in security in some sketchy thing because he worked with Gavin, but nothing else, I knew nothing about the man I that might have gotten me pregnant.

That is where I took all the courage I could and dragged myself to the kitchen to ask a question that not only he didn’t answer but in the ones, he did answer,  felt like lies at some level, which not angered me but just saddened me. I felt alone, yet again. Another man that messed with me, that probably was going to do a number on me and that probably was going to scarred, not only my life but my kid’s too, and I hated myself for that. So much.

I was now feeling the water from the shower hit the small of my back as I silently cried with my head against the wall, if I felt powerless before when I was living under Gavin’s roof, well, right now I felt even more powerless and to add to that, I felt stupid too. For falling for him and for letting him come and destroy the little I had. Now, I had no kids, I had no roof, I was being pursued, I was pregnant and I was hating him and hating myself even more because I really didn’t hate him.

-Don’t cry, baby. We’ll get through this, I promise you- I heard his whisper, right after the cold air of the opened shower door hit the back of my legs. He got in, naked, and I cursed myself when I instantly felt the rush of heat and my breath getting ragged for all kinds of different reasons that had nothing to do with the tears pouring down my face. His hand came to my shoulder and slid down to my hand, where I was holding the loofah.

He took it, took the soap, and started to rub my back, my head was still on the wall, he was rubbing all over my back, my legs, shoulders, and arms, as I stood still like a doll. He took one of my arms and spun me around; my head was down looking at the floor, looking at the soapy water running down the drain when his hand went under my chin and lifted it, catching my eyes and using his free hand to wipe the tears that we still coming down, silent tears.

-Please, don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart, the sunshine-

He started to clean my front, his soft hands around me and kissing my neck and head, as he did. He never tried to take it far, he pushed me aside and washed quickly while I looked, everything and every single thing he did. He turned the water off, dried the both of us and naked as the day we were born, he took my hand and took me to bed, covered me with the sheets and then snuggled me, no words said, nothing, my heart was sinking.

-I would never hurt you intentionally. I can’t, it is actually physically impossible to me to hurt you. I … I need you to know that-

And after all that happened, after all, he said, all he had done and all my fears and sadness, I believed him. I did. I looked up to him and I saw in his eyes what I could see reflected in mines, pain, and fear. Pain, probably for what he was causing me, for my tears and fear, my rejection, probably. His eyes had never looked so beautiful, his eyes shining and at the same time, so dark, it was one of those moments where you remember the different shades of every color and of every person.

 I moved my head to his, locked his eyes with mine and I kissed him, I put everything of me in that kiss, it was deep and hurtful, it had an edge I don’t think we had ever tasted. His hands went to my head as mine to his sides, I bit his lip hard enough to hurt and I felt his skin shiver under my hands, his hand fisted my hair and pushed it back as the kiss turned even wilder.

My body was reacting; my body was aching just as much as my heart was. I kissed him deeply, I bit his chin as I worked my way to his neck and he moved his hands to my ass, he took it and uncovered my body from the sheet I was under. I sat down over his middle section, never ending the kiss and never, even wanting to do it. His hand got to my entrance and my nails scratched my way down making him hiss and growl, he pushed to fingers inside of me and I clawed him to me like a wild cat would.

His two fingers started to move lightly, teasing and building that fire that had started with anger and had turned into the need. I moved my hands to his hair and pulled it hard enough for him to growl and to fastened the pace, I started to rock my hips, something he didn’t want me to consider the way his other arm held my hips and stopped the movement with a force I didn’t know he had. He slowed his fingers once again.

-Fuck, Blake… Shit. Don’t do this-

-Common, you know you want it. Let it built- I shook my head, letting it build meant letting more than my orgasm built, it meant leaving me needing and empty at the end.

He twisted his fingers and hit that spot that left me screaming and arching, even more, I bit his neck and tried to fight the buildup as flames were now bathing my skin like I was touching the sun.

His fingers were not stopping and my shivers and whimpers weren’t either, I couldn’t fight it anymore, he was deep inside of me, hitting all the good places and leaving me there, in his hands, waiting for him to let me flight in a mind blowing orgasm that I knew it was about to split my body in two. And it did, I felt the sudden wave, the heat clashing against my body, the trembles took over my body and my scream had to be loud enough to be heard outside, it had to.

When I thought I was about to pass out from the release, I was floating on my back and he had spread my legs and now, his head between my legs and I felt a fire in my core, his tongue.

-Fuck!- I was over sensible, everything was like fire on me. I held his hair and arched to him. I felt him biting my thighs, my core and lastly my chest as he moved and slowly, oh, so slowly, pushed himself inside of me as I ached for more.

I lost myself, the pain, the pleasure, and the memories, all until like a tidal wave our orgasms hit us from the center of our souls. This was is. A goodbye.

I had to sort of getting used to the new dynamic, the weirdness of it, at least for the day. My distance from Blake and my need to get away and at the same time to have him near had me sick. He had received a call from one of his men right after that only night of sleep, saying that Gavin was nowhere to be seen and that the house was destroyed and even burnt to the ground, Russian mafia job, apparently Gavin stepped out of them and they don’t like that, at all. That ended our twenty-hour recess from life.

We had left the hotel and we were gonna meet with one of Blake’s man to see what were we gonna do in this mess of a situation, we needed to know how things were going to develop and I needed to get the hell out of there, even if I was wearing a long and wavy brown wig, too close to my natural hair.

-You look cute in brown-

-My natural hair is brown-

-What?-

-You thought I was natural blond? Oh, honey…nobody is this blond- Honey? Damn it, it slipped.

We arrived at the park and headed to where I man with big sunglasses was sitting, he looked at his right and smile, got up and opened his arms, in that moment, hell broke loose.

His right arm went back and he threw himself to the ground while Blake pushed me down and rolled with me to the street gutter right next to us, all while bullets and screams were flying by.

Shit. Shit. Luke was hit, I saw his shoulder, his expression and the look he gave me. I had Gwen down under me as I tried to see where the shots were coming from, I looked at my right and Luke had his phone in his hand, he was moving his fingers quickly. Calling for help? Rossdale was screwed, he knew it, I knew it. This was a suicidal mission that was gonna end with one of us dead, hopefully, him.

When Luke called me earlier he said that Rossdale knew where we were and that meeting us here, in the back of the park was better to control what he was planning. We knew he was going to hit right now, but damn, I wasn’t expecting him to be so reckless.

The shots were coming from our left, we were being protected by the gutter and I had a terrified Gwen shivering right next to me, her hands on her head as if they would cover it from a bullet and I saw Luke sliding to me a simple shotgun.

I got slightly up and I felt Gwen trying to hold me down as I pointed my gun to the man that was shooting from behind the tree, I felt the calmness that came over me right when I was about to shoot and then the man fell to the ground with a grunt, not by my doing. That’s when the real hell broke loose.  There were gun shots coming from everywhere, I could hear Gwen’s whimpers anytime I bullet would hit someplace near us, I could hear Luke’s grunts probably coming from the fact that he got a bullet on his shoulder and I could hear some screams coming from the shooters.

Shooters, more than one, more than three, I could hear at least four different guns being shot, none of them the same, they were coming closer to hit us and I couldn’t even see who to shoot without getting my head blown off.

I heard more guns and felt a slight pleasure on my leg, Raelynn had dragged herself towards me and handed me three helmets and two automatics, I gave one of each to Luke and put the helmet on the terrified Gwen as I did the same and started to aim to kill.

I realized quickly that we weren’t the main focus anymore, there were six shooters on our center-left and I saw at my right six more, those six included Trace, Brad, and Brett, those were holding the bad one’s attention completely. I aimed to the first one on the right arm, a very successful shot if I may say, collapsing on the ground holding his arm tightly, next shot in the leg. I saw two more falls down and the only one left in that area was moving back to the other tree when I saw Luke aiming at him, his leg went back and his body was hit by at least four bullets from the other guys. Four down, two left.

I pulled myself up a bit more and saw that one of the shooters had his aimed at us, to me to be exact. I pushed myself down when I realized it and making him miss the bullet that was directly aimed at the middle of my head.

I could hear the grunts and the silence left by the guns being shot, I tried to get the shooter again, he was aiming and shot the second I pushed myself down. I needed to get rid of this guy. I made Luke a signal and he moved to the far left, I saw him dragging his body to be on his vision, we both pulled up at the same time and the guy’s attention went to Luke giving me time to hit him right across the forehead, not a problem anymore.

I pulled myself up a little and saw the last shooter running towards the alley when a shot hit him in the right leg making him fall down and I saw the guys running at them, guns and handcuffs in hand as I took and deep breath and enjoyed the silence.

I looked down at Gwen, her eyes were tightly closed, her breath was ragged the helmets was not on completely, her hands were holding my leg with a grip that will leave bruises. I helped Gwen to sit down on the floor, her head was a little scratch and dirty, there were some tears across her face and she looked damn, perfect.

-So, I’m proud of you. This mission was not as long as we thought, I’m proud of you-

-Sir- I said looking at Trace who had walked over to us, gun in hand and a huge smile on his face.

-You took down Rossdale as you promised you would. Nothing gets to you, son. I’m really proud. You knew he was going to hit the second you walked in but still got you a little unease. I have to say, I’m impressed he sent his dummies to kill-

I felt Gwen’s body going tight and her eyes looking at me when the words left Trace’s mouth. I looked at her and I swear I could see a light burning out in them, she moved her head to her side and the only thing I could see was the bruise on her cheek and the one in her temple, probably made by the pavement. I saw Raelynn helping her to get up and she just…walked away. Not a word was shared, not another look, no explanation and in that moment I understood what had happened the night before, a goodbye. That was it for me and Mrs. Stefani. It was over.

Chapter Text

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC. JULY 14^th. 

I was sitting in the airplane seat, feet bouncing at the rhythm of my eagerness. There was this oppression on my head since Adam called last night, the news had broken my heart and had me angry ready to kill that motherfucker of Tom. Didn’t matter anymore, I was on my way to see her, to see them.

My heart was pounding and my nerves were on the edge, my skin knew I was about to see her again, only a couple of hours left.

LATVIA. JULY 13th. 2300

It’s that moment when you realized how sudden and fragile life actually is. The moment that you realized that you’ve been living in a haze of self-pity and angriness, the pain and shock were strong, I couldn’t breathe correctly, I couldn’t stand correctly, I couldn’t sleep or eat. I felt tied down, I felt an emptiness inside of me that wasn’t going to go away, I knew it.

Right after the blowout, I went to the hospital. I had gotten a full checkup, Luke had been patched up and was going to be heading to his wife to be babied and I was standing there, pretending to listen to Trace explaining what had happened. I wasn’t really paying attention at all, my brain still fixed on Gwen trying to remember and burn in my brain every single second I spend with her.

-You ok? Dizzy?- I heard someone said, I took a deep breath and looked at Adam, standing right in front of me, the whole room was now staring at me. His head to the side and giving me a scrutinizing look. I shook my head but didn’t respond to the first question. Was I ok? In the hospital they had me with an IV for a couple of hours, I had bruises and scratches, a bullet had ricocheted in the pavement and to my arm, it had a nasty look to it but now was covered in a white clean bandage. The bruises were mostly on the front of my thighs and my arms as well as the different sizes cuts. Did it hurt? I wasn’t sure, still. My head was all over the place, I was still trying to process the information.

-Is that a yes? A, no? A, I’m gonna die soon?-

- I’m not dizzy, I’m just… figuring out what happened. I’m distracted. I need to sleep-

-You sure?-

-Yes. I need to rest- I knew everyone in the room could smell the bluff. I have been in the mission that had taken us even a year to finish, in that time I barely slept at all, or maybe sometimes didn’t at all. We were once abducted and were tied to a chair for a week, drugs, cuts, and beatings were the usual treatment, and still…after we left the whorehouse, I had given the boss an exact explanation of what had happened and how we got the hell out of there. This time after a little over the two-month mission, my head was blown off.

-Ok, son. We got you a room in a hotel nearby- I shook my head.

-I prefer going to the headquarters. I can take a plane and head there soon. I could be there in less than four hours-

-Really? You want that?- Carson just looked at me stunned. It was known my hatred towards staying inside the headquarters bedrooms and do nothing, but I felt the need to do exactly that. Even when the whole Miranda debacle, I didn’t stay in, I considered wrong and exaggerated. It didn’t matter how angry and hurt I was, I didn’t. Now it seemed appropriate.

-Yeah, I need a break- Everyone was in shock, I could feel it. I got up from the bed and headed to the exit. Desperate to stay but desperate to leave too, I felt an ache under my skin. I took a long deep breath and got to the exit, climbed in the car and I looked at the window, catching Gwen’s dad entering the hospital with a grim face.

Adam and Carson entered the car and we started to roll out when I asked.

-Why is Gwen’s dad here? Is she there? What happened to the kids?- I asked everything

-If you had listened to Trace. You would know- Carson said, looking at me with a crooked eyebrow. I rolled my eyes and looked at Adam.

-Gwen is there, she had a few bruises and scratches that I know of. She sealed the documents and everything in the hospital, though. Probably for her husband. The kids were picked up by the grandparents, we called them after we heard that Rossdale was coming here. They’re worried, but she’s ok. They’re free. We got Rossdale two blocks from the park-

I nodded and just moved my head back to the seat and took a deep breath. She was alright, they were alright. They’re free from him, forever. No more drugs, no more fear. That didn’t mean the nightmares will disappear, but at least they were free to replace those nightmares with dreams.

We got to the airport and I took a long nap in the plane, the drugs kicking in, setting me in a nice cloud of haze that followed me into the headquarters bedroom, where I fell asleep into oblivion for the next twelve hours.

I was now in France. I had asked for a change of weather, here it’s a bit chilly, much better than the hotness of California. It has been six months since the mission ended, two days after it, I asked for a change that was granted easily considering that the mission in Europe with the Russian Mafia was going south, now it was almost over, we had conquest at least their “plays” on the American continent, and we were probably gonna leave the rest to the European agencies, we had dipped our whole bodies in the water and it was their turn now.

I was returning the next day, I had been in an almost comatose state of living. I had agreed to work twice as harder to get my mind out of her blond head but it has been impossible, six months later and still, I would wake up missing the way her nails scratched my chest for me to wake up, or the way her hair always was sprawled over my chest.  I would close my eyes to find her chocolate ones looking at me, sometimes angrily and sometimes seductively.

Finishing my packing, almost ready to go to bed, to fight with the covers, trying to sleep until the sun rose again, Adam called.

-Hey, dipshit-

-Hey, Hey, Blake-

-Blake? What happened?-

-I found out something today, I didn’t know it until, well...about an hour ago and …well… sit down, first-

-Adam, what happened? I talked to my mom this morning…-

-It’s not your mom-

-Endy?-

-No-

-Then what happened?-

-Gwen- My heart sunk, hearing her name was still painful. Then, I got scared.

-What happened to Gwen?-

-Nothing…well, nothing terrible or bad, I hope. Listen, I was with B, walking in the park while Dusty tried to catch the pigeons. When I saw her, she was… big and my head went light, my sight went blurry and without much I approached her and asked her about it-

-Big? What do you mean with big?-

-She first didn’t want to talk to me, I stalked her, I followed her, people were looking at us and it wasn’t until her brother, Todd, stopped her, she told me. She called about a week after the …incident, and someone in the office, I heard it was Tom, told her that you were out of town and didn’t know when you were coming back. She asked him to tell you something, he ended up quitting and well, you remembered what happened to Tom. The thing was, you never got the message.-

-What message?-

-She’s pregnant. 7 months. Might pop out before, considering her age-

-Wha...what?-

-You’re gonna be a dad-

The airplane touched the ground, I jumped from my seat to the exit with my bag in my hand ready to get the hell outta there. As I jumped out of the stairs, I saw a car at the end of the path, Adam.

-Glad you came, asshole- I heard him say as he approached me.

I got close and gave him a tight hug, we haven’t seen each other in months and the last time we did it wasn’t a pleasant moment, I was tired, angry, hurt and plain bad. Now, I was anxious, and anxious was good, well, not good but at least better.

-Does she know?-

-No, she doesn’t. She might imagine that well…you know now, considering that I know, but not for sure- I just nodded, the stewardess gave me my bag and with that, Adam and I started to walk towards his car. –What are you gonna do?-

-Kill Tom-

-He’s nowhere to be found. I called Trace and he told me he’ll try to reach him. No luck so far-

-There’s a reason why I always hated that fucker…-

-Did you? Mmm… and I always thought Luke and I were a little jealous over you two dance skills anytime we went drinking….-

-Fuck off-

-Listen, don’t be Blake and just make assumptions and ….bust in with harsh words and stupidness, ok? She has been going through a lot. The Rossdale’s trial finished a couple of weeks ago, she has full custody of the boys and a restraining order, she moved out to a normal size house that she’s still getting used to… and she’s pregnant. Too many things, too much shit-

-I know…still, why didn’t she try again?- Wasn't she gonna tell me? Or… Did she give up? You don’t give up on your kid's father…right? Right? Well, that might be true if the father of your kids wasn’t a drug dealer and a pimp or an agent pretending to be someone else to get your husband

-Maybe she’s still upset…dude, it was rough what happened. You know that- Adam trying to get some sense into me. -Don’t you dare to give her crap in this moment? Now, you want to refresh first and then go to her or…-

-Now, I want to see her now-

-I knew it… that’s why we are around ten minutes from her house according to Paulina-

-Who?-

-Paulina… my GPS-

-You got her a name?-

-Of course!-

-You’re so stupid…swear-

Soon we reached a suburb, beautiful houses, some bigger than others but all seemed very good and very nice. I saw a few women talking under umbrellas protecting themselves from the very soft beams of light, a couple of lemonade stands alone considering it was still very early in the morning, I saw a few people getting the paper on the doorstep and kids running around in their pajamas probably waiting for breakfast. It was so normal it was ridiculous the idea of remembering what had happened less than a year ago when Gwen and I were protecting ourselves from bullets aimed to kill us both.

We stopped in front of a house- the biggest so far that I’ve seen- white walls, tall ceiling, huge windows, a couple of bikes in the front yard on the yard – one red and one blue, the boys favorite colors-, the paper was there, hadn’t been picked out yet, there were two small paths that led one to the front door and one to a fence that led to the back yard. The driveway was big, there was enough space for three and maybe four cars. As I felt Adam’s hand on my shoulder, I saw a curtain being pulled back but I couldn’t recognize the blond head.

-Be nice. She said that the boys missed you…but she didn’t. It’s gonna be an uphill battle and let me tell you fighting with a pregnant woman isn’t a good idea- I just nodded, the nerves were all over the place, my stomach threatening to empty itself on Adam’s car and my hands shaking a bit. I took a deep breath when Adam stopped me. – Fuck, you should have changed clothes. You’re on your uniform-

-Doesn’t matter- My voice was thick and gravely, hard and I couldn’t recognize it. He nodded and I step out of the car, grabbed my bag, right after I gave Adam a long, hard hug. As I stepped out, I felt eyes on me, from everywhere, not dangerous eyes but curious ones. I used my peripheral view and saw that a few neighbors were now on their doorstep looking at the uniformed man on the new neighbor entrance.

As I walked to the front door, it opened, Zuma and Kingston were there in their pajamas, mouth wide opened. I knew I looked rough, like my beard was longer than usual and I sport a few cuts over my face, my eyes were still a little wild, I had my hand in a bandage, but I hoped I didn’t scare them, and I thought I did consider they didn’t move until Zuma smiled and ran towards me. I kneeled down a bit and let his little body crashed against mine, his arms were tight around me, I heard him sniffling a bit and I looked up to see Kingston in front of me, his eyes watery and his mouth trembling a bit.

-You came…- His voice was small and soft

-As soon as I could, buddy-  I saw a couple of tears running down his face, slightly different to the face I got used to seeing and I moved my arm towards him, inviting him to crash over my body, which he did. The three of us sunk to the ground, holding each other for a while, the boys were clingy and I loved it, it felt like they actually missed me – almost as much as I missed them. Those two months with the little rascals were made to be written in books-.  I looked up and I saw her. There she was, Gwen, inside the house, her face slightly covered with a shadow, I took my chance.

-Common, boys. Let’s get inside, my ass is freezing and I’m old, my knees are gonna crack- I heard them muffle a couple of muffled laughs as they helped me to get up and then Zuma took my bag and almost dragged it and I was about to help him when I heard a tiny squeal.

-Blaaaaakey- I turned to see Apollo running towards me in her pajamas, I took him in my arms and threw him in the air. He was so big, now – few inches taller a few pounds heavier-, it was almost like it wasn’t him. I hugged him close and his little arms went around my neck as I held him as close as I could, God I missed him. I missed them all. I kept walking and after the two boys got in, I stood in the entrance, outside, on the doorstep, looking at Gwen. She looked beautiful.

Gwen was very pregnant, she looked beautiful and round, she was gorgeous. Even more than usual. Wearing a big sweatshirt with the Caesar’s Palace logo covering her belly and shorts, her hair tight in a bun, high up and face completely clean.

-Hi-

-Hi-

-Can I come in?-

-Sure…- She said after a minute of silence. I was just looking at her.

I went in but didn’t really pay attention to my surroundings, I would do that later, right now I was looking at her. She looked nervous and hesitant, she didn’t know what to expect, just like I didn’t.

-Blake! Are you staying?!-

-I don’t know… haven’t really decided. I just arrived from Europe, I’ve been there the last few months-

-What were you doing?-

-Working, buddy-

-Uncle Todd said you work with the government. Is it true?-

-It is. I do. Always have- the last part I said, looking at Gwen. Maybe I was trying to uncover my lies or to assure her that I wasn’t lying anymore.

-That’s so cool-

-Now, we’re going to school here. There are cool kids there, some are jerks though-

-There are jerks everywhere, son-

-I guess so-

-Aren't you gonna, like…come in?- Zuma asked me and both Gwen and I snapped at it. I was still in the entrance door, holding Apollo in one hand and two steps from Gwen.

-Let’s go to the living room- Gwen’s calm voice said

-Mommy can I show Blake my new backpack?-

-Yeah! And can I show him my science project?! I got an A+ and a trophy-

-That’s so cool!!-

-Sure, go ahead, go for them. Pollo, honey, why don’t you go for your new book, story one, the one about the far- She asked, definitely trying to get us at least five minutes alone. The boys all, of them, jumped to their rooms to go for their treasures as Gwen and I looked at each other.

-What are you doing here?- Gwen asked me, sitting down at one of the couches, a white one with color stripes at the corners.

-I think it’s obvious, the main reason but not only one is under that sweatshirt and living inside of you-

-You didn’t know about her, before and it was fine…-

-Her? It’s her?- I felt my throat closing up and my heart rate increasing again.

-Yes, it’s her. I always wanted a girl…I ..oops- she clenched her stomach and I moved towards her, scare.

-What happened?! You ok?-

-Yeah,…she’s moving. Kicking actually, she does it a lot. When she starts, she doesn’t really stop- She said that through her teeth and I couldn’t help myself. I got one hand over her covered belly and I felt a couple of kicks and that was it. She stopped.

-Blake…-

-I came back for you, all of you, all of you five. I’m not giving up, Gwen. You might want to hate me, but you’re gonna have me, here, in your house, fighting for you even if it means, against you- As on cue she kicked again, all while Gwen and I looked into each other’s eyes.

Chapter Text

-So, where were you?- Kingston was sitting right across from me, his eyes had been glued to me since the second I put a food inside of the house, especially after he showed me his trophy for the under 12 basketball championship.

-I was working buddy, I told you. As soon as I could, I jumped on a plane and asked a friend to bring me here-

-Do you really work in security?- Zuma had grown a little of an obsession with any security related thing, meaning guns movies and even some workouts, I was impressed that he even signed up on karate and boxing.

- I do. Your momma and I were working together to get some bad guys in jail and we did. But, I had to finish what I started and that meant going to Russia-

-We missed you. We thought you weren’t coming back- King looked down as he gave a green and purple dinosaur to Apollo, who was sitting on my lap

-I wouldn’t have been able to be away for long from any of you, any-

-Sister!- Apollo screamed almost in my ear and I flinched but ended smiling the little boy on my lap. I had changed my clothes and was now sitting on the ground with a bunch of toys surrounding me, I had been playing with the boys for two hours now.

-Yeah, you’re gonna have a little sister, Pollo- Apollo looked at me with a bright smile and his hands went to my beard.- I should have shaved, right?- His head shook quickly. I pulled him in and hugged him like I had been doing since I arrived, hugging all of them and dying to hug Gwen, who hadn’t come close since I arrived.

-Where are you gonna live?- Zuma was sitting at my right, resting his body on the couch, socks off, still on their pajamas and his eyes set on me

-I searched for a hotel, a couple of blocks from here, near enough-

-Oh, Okay-

The bell rang and everyone looked at me.

-I didn’t invite anyone. Don’t look at me- I said quickly.

Gwen got up and walked up to the door, I heard voices and Apollo snuggled closer to me as Kingston laid his head on my leg, looking at me with so many questions behind his eyes that I was sure, most of them, I couldn’t answer without hurting him.

-What do you mean he’s…- I heard Dennis’ voice. – Blake…- His eyes were wide, taking the whole picture, Apollo on me, Kingston’s head laying on my leg and Zuma on my side, all of us on the floor.

-Grandpa! Blake is here!!!- Zuma pointed the obvious.

-I can see that son- Dennis took three long steps at us, he stood near us, his eyes on mine –probably looking for something- and Patti walked behind him, followed by Gwen.

-Blake, we didn’t think we would see you here- Patti’s voice was completely surprised. Kingston had gotten up and hugged them

-I came as soon as I fou… as I could- I told her as I got up with Apollo on my arms. Both of them looked at each other and then at Gwen, they knew I didn’t know about the pregnancy.

-It’s good to see you here. It really is- Dennis said and I was surprised at that comment. I had met him a few times before, but not enough for him to have high standards for me considering he hated Rossdale as much as I did and I was working with/for him. So the genuine statement took me off guard, his eyes looked sincere and even, soft.

-It’s good and feels good to be here. It really does-

-Where are you staying?- Patti asked, her eyes on my arms and on Apollo’s hands, that were all over my face but taking their time on my beard

-At Morton’s, two blocks from here. A friend, Adam… he called for my reservations- Apollo was getting his hands on my mouth, laughing at the way my beard tingled his little fingers.

-Good, very good. We were thinking about a family dinner. Blake, do you eat mushrooms? Patti makes a killer mushroom ravioli-

-I do, I eat pretty much anything- I was stunned. Inviting me to eat? Didn’t they know that I played double agent and knocked up Gwen? Did they think Gwen was pregnant with Rossdale's baby? Wait…what is going?

-I bet… I mean, he’s a soldier, probably has eaten disgusting things. Right, Blake?- Zuma was now looking up, his eyes wide and anxious.

-Blakeee- Apollo kept repeating.

They both sat on the couch and I took the boys with me, sat again on the floor but face to the couch, being able to talk to the couple and trying to get Gwen to intervene in the conversation – something that I failed at-

We talked for a few hours, where have I been, what have I been doing, what had happened here, didn’t share much information at all. I I was a bit jumpy and my nerves were still on the edge and I knew it and felt like they could feel it. I felt at ease with the boys, though. Usually, after a mission, it would take me more than a few days or even weeks to get back to my normal self with anyone, I needed time to take the edge of the field off. Not this time. This time I had three boys literally hanging over me and I had a baby on the way, what a change can two months make in a man’s life.

I took deep breaths and kept the talk, Apollo’s nap time was ahead and the other two were about to crash. The excitement and the quick lunch were taking its toll on the boys.

-Boys, how about you go to bed, a nap. I’ll be here when you wake up, I won’t miss those ravioli-

-Promise?-

-I promise!-

The two oldest got up from the floor where they were laying down with their eyes almost completely closed and headed upstairs. Gwen had gotten up and her arms went to the sleeping Apollo in between mine.

-I have him. Don’t want to wake him up-

She gave me a look that I ignored and got up, barely moving my arms, using my legs strength. I stood there, looking at her, waiting for her to tell me where to go. She just stood there but soon snapped and turned around, we walked in silence to the hallway and passed four colorful decorated doors before she stopped in front of one that had dinosaurs and trucks on it, I smiled at that. She opened and got in, I was received by a dozen of colors and designs, bright, lights, dark, everything, it had dinosaurs on the walls. The bed was so small -it looked like it was a crib, but the bars were taken down- that I didn’t think I could have ever been able to fit there

She moved the covers away and I got him in the middle of the pillow, Gwen –momma Gwen- put pillows around him, so he didn’t fell to the floor or smack himself with the wall. She took his shoes off and his pants – he didn’t wake up- it always amazes me how deep a baby can sleep when they are out.

She turned on a light on his bedside table, it was a police truck whose siren turned on –silently- into a pale yellow light. Guess Apollo was still afraid of the dark, he’s still a baby.

We left the room and she stopped me in the hallway. –Blake… what…-

-Do your parents know the baby is mine?- I asked softly, looking straight into her eyes, our eyes locked and I saw her nod. – The boys?- She nodded again.

-They all sort of figured it out- At that, I chuckled

-We are no actors- I said trying to remember the number of times we had been almost caught making out or the times where one of the boys would catch me staring at her with a love-sick look  -Gwen, I want to be here, for them and for you, and for her…-

-I know. I get it-

-You do?-

-Yes, whatever happened to us, it’s not the boys’ fault or her fault- I closed the gap between us but she walked back and then turn back to the living room, leaving me disappointed but eager, I had seen the indecision in her eyes. I was known for my stubbornness and my intensity, and Gwen was a challenge that I was more than willing to participate in.

We walked out of the hallway and both Dennis and Patti were looking at us.

-Boys sleep?- I nodded and sat on the couch for the first time in the day, leaving a heavy sight and feeling the emotions of the day crashing on me –So, Blake… tell me. What happened?-

-I work in a security organization, we work with the government but we aren’t government. My goal was getting Gavin Rossdale in jail, we succeeded. Gwen had been playing with my boss for a while, getting them information. In that time, Gwen and I got close and when the time was up, we fled and now she’s pregnant-

-That’s a hell of a summary. Where have you been?-

-Europe. The organization Rossdale created was stronger than you would imagine, I had to finish it all but I didn’t, not completely. I left some people on it while I came here and… be here-

-You coming back?-

-Don’t think so, seems very unlikely-

-I’m glad. I’m sure you’ll want to be with the baby- 

-I came back for five people, Dennis. Not just one- That was a hell of a statement and I knew it.

He nodded and a smile took over his face, I could see the change in his eyes. The conversation changed to what to do when the baby is born, Gwen said she has been arranging a room for her but she wasn’t very far in it.

-I can help, you know. I’m here now. We could go with the boys to the store tomorrow, and buy what we need-

-You sure?-

-Yeah, do you have a list? We can all go after breakfast and have lunch out. I always hear something about Shake Shack –

-You’ve never been there?

-No, is it good?-

-Even I can say, it’s good, son- I smiled at Dennis and the conversation went on until steps were heard in the hallway, the rascals were awake now and the food was going to be demanded at any minute.

The day went great, we all had dinner and even though the uncomfortable feeling was there and Gwen avoided me a few times, it was an actually enjoyable dinner. Dennis was right, Patti’s cooking was amazing, the pasta was perfect and after a little begging on the kids’ part, we all had ice cream for dessert. Dennis and Patti went to their home and I called for an Uber promising the kids that I would pick them up at 8:30 am to go to the store and to finish the baby’s room.

The path was gonna be rocky, I knew it. The path was gonna be hard, I knew it… but here we were and I wasn’t giving up anytime soon. The next day as promised I brought the donuts.

-Hey, I’m still getting ready- Gwen said as she opened the door. She was wearing a dress, no shoes on and her hair was wavy around her face, no trace of makeup. Perfect.

-Don’t you worry, I brought food… you have plenty of time-  I walked in with the big box and put it on the counter as she got the table ready for the kids. I helped her to get things ready.

-Thanks-

-Are we gonna talk?-

-Blake…-

-Fine, fine…call the kids and get ready, I’ll take care of them-

-Ok…-

Minutes later, three kids came in running towards us, screaming and ready to be fed. I opened the box and we started to eat the doughnuts I had bought and the boys were filling with sugar, probably not a great idea before going shopping but hell, I really wanted them.

The two older had eaten two each and I was finishing my third and Apollo his only one when Gwen came in looking perfect, but like, seriously perfect.

-Doughnuts?- She asked the second she saw the huge box opened.

-I really, really missed the real ones- She looked at me for a second but I just tried my best puppy face, it looked like it worked ‘cause she just rolled her eyes and grabbed one.

She had a couple more with her tea and the boys were bouncing off the wall already, but it looked like the pinnacle of energy wasn’t there yet. I got everyone settled in the SUV I had arranged over the phone with Adam the second I had a little chance the day before and we were on our way to the mall, to buy things for our future daughter… fuck, it seemed unreal.

The store was huge and to say that it was an easy to task to take care of the kids while I was trying to not get in Gwen’s way and trying to pretend that I wasn’t freaking out or shaking like a little boy during a thunderous night, seemed impossible.

We bought pacifiers and some clothes, Gwen got a cowgirl outfit that would look divine on a mini version of Gwen… shit a mini version of Gwen. I was having a baby girl with Gwen… here come the shakes again. I would stop every few minutes to just close my eyes and stop myself from running away from the store and to pretend the last day was a lie. Everything was getting real and even though I was happy, the fear was creeping on me every few minutes.

-Blake… Blake!- I snapped out of it and saw Gwen looking at me, while Kingston and Zuma were laughing at Apollo, who had tried one of the bows Gwen had chosen.

-Sorry, just… everything ready?-

-Yeah…all is done… can’t believe it-

-Me neither…we’re having a baby- I said it and I sounded so terrified even in my own ears.

-Everything is just sinking in…isn’t it- She got closer and got her free hand on my chest, and rubbed it a bit, over my heart.

-A bit… I mean, inside of you , t here’s a human being, who we made and who’s gonna…be alive and breathe and talk…-

-And she will walk, and get hurt and fall in love and have boyfriends and kids and…-

-Gwen. Please, are you trying to freak me out?-

-Sorry… just. I see things differently, I have done it 3 times already and well… almost 6 months to prepare for this little one-

-Yeah…- I couldn’t help myself and put my hand over her pregnant belly. I felt a move and I took my hand off of it quickly.

-She’s kicking-

-Damn, I don’t think I will ever get used to it-

-Imagining feeling it from the inside and feeling her move, your organs move and all… it’s strange and fascinating at the same time-

I got my hand there again and she kicked against it, this time… I didn’t move it away and I felt her move and I know it was impossible but I felt like I could feel her breath.

It was our time to pay and the cashier took it all, pass it on the machine thing and I took out my card to pay. I felt Gwen about to say something but I just looked at her and she smiled and walked right behind me.

-I’m glad it’s a girl… I’m sure four boys would have driven you mad- The cashier, who's name was Amanda, and we knew it because it was taped in very poorly way on her ugly green shirt

-Three boys aren’t easy either…but yes, having a princess it’s gonna be better- I told her with a smile and she just sighed.

We took all of the things and did a quick trip to Shake Shacks - where I found out that Gwen was eating meat again because of the pregnancy- and then home, I was starving and the food smelled amazing.  We ate and then took the things out of the car to get everything ready.

The next couple of weeks were similar, I would go to her house and would spend the day there. Todd and Jen had come a few time and so had Dennis with Patti, and to say that I hadn’t had quite a few interesting conversations with them, I’d be lying.

-I don’t know if I should be either, thankful or pissed at you…- Todd and I were hanging in the kitchen while everyone was outside in the backyard, watching the boys play basketball with Dennis and Eric.

-Well, how about we start with the first one so the second one can come and stay- Tried to play it funny, hoping to get on the right track with Todd. He was the closest to Gwen and someone who I had grown to love when I was on the mission. We had clicked from the very beginning and I had felt a real companionship before…hell broke loose.

-You… played us, all of us… for a good reason but still and then knocked up my married sister- His voice was gravely, filled with pain and I felt my heart tightening on my chest. Damn. I knew this was coming but with all the baby fever and the trying to get Gwen to talk to me, I didn’t really had anyone but those four, well…five, on my mind.

-Who I loved and…still do- He was the first person I had said that too, out loud and with so many words. – I know that you probably prefer some guy without baggage who can claim to be clean of shame and mistakes, and I can’t. I most definitely can’t. I have way too many flaws, I have death and hurt and pain over my shoulders of a lot of people, I even have a crazy ex-wife and two divorces… no kids and haven’t fully committed since I was 22 when I married my high school sweetheart … I have never been around babies but my sister’s… I’m not what Gwen’s used to, or the kids or you guys… but I care about her… a lot. And I care about all of you.  When I met you and your family reminded me how close my family was once, before my brother died, and even then…when he did… It was good,  I had great parents and stepparents and... shit happens, life happens, and it takes the good things in life. Leaving you with memories but then... with you, it could feel real again. Even if you didn’t know me, the real me…-

-I shouldn’t like you and if I ignore the way you got into our lives, you seem a perfect fit for the Stefani household, which is crazy, loud and … which likes you-

-Thanks. I mean, can’t be easy for anyone of you to see me come back like nothing happened-

-Everyone is happy that you’re back…my mom called me so happy that I thought she might cry. She said that the boys took you in as if you had never left and … that you looked so committed that she was ready to leave Gwen alone for a few days before you came around, we all got turns to help her. And no, it hasn’t been easy for us, for them… but for some reason, I believe it wasn’t easy for you either-

-I’m gonna do all it takes so Gwen can feel supported…by me. I left her on her own before, but fuck… I have only one mission now and it’s on her, it's us-

In that moment Todd looked at me, took a swing of his beer and walked passed me, not before giving me a pat on the back which made me grab him and hugged him hard like I used to do all the time.

-Fuck off- He said and I kissed his cheek

-Don’t be a bitch and love me back-

With the kids, Patti was right. It was like I never left, we got the hook a the routine rather easy and thanks to the morning routine, I was able to stretch the days a bit longer and stayed until their bedtime, reading Apollo a story and having the two oldest talk until their eyes were begging for rest. It felt so easy and natural that scared me every single night, when those words left their lips “Love you, Blake… See you tomorrow”

I left King’s room with a soft click and went to the living room where Gwen was sitting on the big comfy chair in the back. She had her head snapped back, hand on her belly and her teeth had caught her lower lip in between, she looked beautiful.

I walked up to her and when my boot reached that step on the stairs that cracked every time you step on it, she opened her eyes and looked at me… and smile

-Are they sleep?-

-Yeah, Zuma wasn’t in the mood but grabbed a comic and promised me he would sleep soon-

-He never gets to read over five pages, always passes out-

-I do too… Sleep just hits me and I’m done- I sat in front of her chair and looked at her

-I’ glad you’re here-

-I’m glad to be here-

-They missed you quite a lot- Only the boys?

-I missed them too…all of you-

-How are you holding up?-

-Me? You’re the pregnant lady-

-But you have had two weeks to understand that in any minute a human being is gonna be between your arms-

-I’m terrified of squishing her-

-You won’t-

-What if I drop her?-

-You won’t-

-What if…-

-Blake! You will be a great dad. You’re a natural…-

-I don’t know… I already screw up things before-

-Blake… it’s different you know that. I can’t even blame you completely for…well…it-

-You don’t?-

-I… I have thought things through… there are things that are… unstoppable or…-

-Yeah, me falling completely in love with you is one of them… and then fucking it up too-

-In love…? Blake…-

-I told you that I loved you. You might not believe it right now…but I meant it and …still do-

-Blake…-

-Listen, I’m not asking you to say it back… I’m not asking you to even believe it…but I needed to say it. I love you, my feelings haven't changed and never will and that has nothing to do with the fact that you’re having my baby, but has everything to do with the fact that… you’re perfect, you’re loving and sweet, witty but nice, caring and God damn it, Gwen, you make my heart run faster than ever ... and I have been in the center of a war in the Middle East, so in, that you aren’t even sure in which country you are or even who are you shooting at, an enemy or an ally or even a innocent… You make my head go crazy and spin around and not completely sure… -

-Blake!-

-What?!-

-My water broke…- A minute of dead silence and then

-What water? I was about to bring you a glass but you seem to be resting so I didn't want to intrude and…-

-My water… the baby is coming-

-Baby? Now? What?-  I looked at the couch where she was sitting and I felt my heart stop and then raise. – Holy Shit… we have to go-

-Call my parents and wake up the kids…I’ll grab the bag-

-Right-It took me a second to move but I did. Not exactly to do what she asked but rather something she might not want.

I went up to her and pressed my lips to hers, I put enough pressure to make her open her mouth and I felt her hands on my neck, pressing herself back to me. Our breaths mixed, our tongue touched and I felt alive once again. No more haunting dreams about how it was before, not more needy dreams…I was gonna lock this moment right here in a vault inside my brain to remember forever.

I finished the kiss and after a new peck, I ran upstairs while I called Dennis. The boys got up quickly and in less than ten minutes we were on our way to the hospital, right after we dropped the boys at Gwen’s parents.

The way to the hospital was filled with Gwen’s breathing exercises and my questions, the contractions were less than five minutes in between and apparently that meant, it was almost time so I hit the gas very hard and we reached the emergency room when for the first time Gwen groaned in pain and I felt my knees weakening.

They took us to a room where they prepped us both to the delivery room, she was almost here and I felt the need to cry. I held Gwen’s hand when the doctors got her legs up and I just looked at her.

-Ok…everything looks great and seems like this lady is ready to get out to the world and destroy daddy’s sanity-

-She already did and hasn’t come out yet- I told the doctor and everyone but Gwen laughed. She was holding her breath and my hand in a really hard grip that had me clenching my teeth a couple of times.

-Ok, mom. Let’s push when I tell you…. Now- Gwen groaned and after what felt like an eternity the doctor talked again. – Very good, a few more and it’ll be it… having already three makes it easier- Few?! Easier?! She was in so much pain- Push when you’re ready… there it is… that's good…very good-

As the doctor said, it took around five more hard pushes until I heard a loud cry shake the room and claiming my heart. She was here. I looked back and the doctor was finishing off, I ignored the blood, the water and it all...fuck I didn’t even care the fact that it smelled weird. I needed to see her.

-There it is…a beautiful baby girl- He got up and put her in my arms. She was so little. I could totally squish her with one hand, but I didn’t, her face was tight and her head was completely bald, her hands tight in a fist and she was a little red and purple…she was perfect.  I moved up to Gwen who was looking at me, and I looked at her with tears in my eyes, I couldn’t hold them, I didn’t want to either.

-Thank you- that’s all I could say. My throat was tight and my voice gravelly. Gwen just shook her head and held our brand new baby in her arms. She looked at me and just simply said.

-Thank you- She moved and touch my lips with hers and I close my eyes. Stood still for a second but after it, I moved and return the kiss. It was sweet, it was soft, full of love and full of hope.

The path was still a bit rocky and filled with things to say, with the past that had to be discussed but we were going to have thousands of nights if not millions to talk about it. And we did…

Blue Alessandra Shelton Stefani took the world by storm and nobody was completely prepared for it, the way she clung into everyone’s hearts with her hair full of dirty blond curls and those deep blue eyes, those dimples that looked better on her than on me, the sweetness of her momma and the country in me. 

At 23 headlined her first country concert and she cried at least half of it – and us with her, it was our anniversary, but tonight it was all about her. Gwen and I rocked back and forth to “That’s how I feel for you” and cried with “Safe Home”, all while we all - kids, wives, and grandkids included- rocked our Blue Shelton shirts.

And like that… with the last cords of “The best darkest story” and in my baby’s honeyed voice “The most beautiful stories are written over pain” took over the speakers of the sold out stadium in Nashville, making me tear up, once more.