Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j ]

Jiminie: omg
Jiminie: u guys
Jiminie: i need to tell u about last night
Jiminie: my boyfriend

Taebi: is dis about

Kookie: oh yep there it is

Taebi: "imaginary" boyfriend

Hoho: Tae if u put a word in quotes it implies sarcasm

Kookie: so ur saying you don't think Chim's bf is actually imaginary

Taebi: no no i do! he's not real

Jiminie: fuck all of u, ur just jealous

Hoho: we would b if any of your stories sounded legit

Jiminie: which one don't u believe?

Kookie: all of dem

Taebi: alluv them

Hoho: all of them

Jiminie: i kno you're all just afraid to pick one because then I'll b able to provide specific evidence

Hoho: planning on sending us one of your "bf's"
Hoho: (that's how u do it Tae)
Hoho: dick pics to prove the rumoured super schlong?

Kookie: monster manmeat

Taebi: "huge cock"
Taebi: (thx hyungie)

Hoho: coz it could be any dick off google

Taebi: we've all done it

Kookie: wait what?

Taebi: googled a dick pic of a bigger dick to send back to gross dick pic dudes u wanna get rid of?

Kookie: OH
Kookie: oh yeah
Kookie: yeah we've all done that
Kookie: that's a weekly thing for me, basically

Jiminie: wow jeon jungkook can u stop bragging about how much dick game u get for just one moment

Kookie: jealous?

Jiminie: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND
Jiminie: A REALLY HOT ONE
Jiminie: I JUST DONT WANT HIM TO EVER MEET ANY OF U

Kookie: convenient excuse, Mini

Jiminie: fine look what if I show u a pic
Jiminie: OF HIS *FACE*
Jiminie: sort of
Jiminie: obscured. I don't want any of u stalking him

Kookie: that's a dude in a hoodie and sunglasses from google

Taebi: ur not even in the pic with him how do we no u have ever even met this dude

Jiminie: SIGH
Jiminie: fine here

Taebi: awwwwww that's cute

Kookie: he looks like he hates u

Jiminie: that's just his face

Kookie: wow Park Jimin, u supposedly kiss him with that mouth?

Jiminie: I can say that sort of thing! we're boyfriends!
Jiminie: u disrespectful

Kookie: disrespectful what

Jiminie: hav u ever been rimmed?

Taebi: holy fuckin subject change Jimjams

Jiminie: coz last night I think my boyfriend's tongue in my ass gave me a glimpse of the heavens
Jiminie: figured it was easier to make u all read that
Jiminie: instead of yell

Taebi: Hobi-hyungiiiiiie r u dead?

Hoho: was just busy for a mo, soz my Taebi

Kookie: yeah what r ur screen names about anyway?

Taebi: mine is a play on Hobi! but using my name!

Hoho: and mine's a play on Taetae

Jiminie: couple screennames? r u guys fuckin now? did I miss this while I was getting crazy laid?

Taebi: if we decide to u will be the first to kno, my Chimchimineycheroo

Jiminie: anyway hyung since ur back hav u ever been rimmed?
Jiminie: I think it was the best experience of my life so far ever
Jiminie: I came like
Jiminie: oh god u don't even wanna kno

Kookie: you're right. We never want to know. About any of it.

Hoho: fuck
Hoho: this reminds me
Hoho: I owe someone money
Hoho: LOL WAIT FUCK
Hoho: I DONT OWE ANYBODY MONEY FOR RIMMING ME
Hoho: just a bet! a bet!
Hoho: but uh yeah my little Jimmie, rimming is definitely one of the best things a happy healthy consenting young gay man can experience

Taebi: hyungggg will u show me some time?

Hoho: anytime Taebi baby

Jiminie: ew
Jiminie: seriously tho omg his tongue
Jiminie: his MAGICAL GODDAMN TONGUE

-

[private chat: min.y, jung.h ]

Hoho: i owe u 50,000 won

Suga: which bet

Hoho: u know what
Hoho: I'd really rather not say
Hoho: just appreciate my honesty in this situation

Suga: whatever. I'm in my dorm

-

[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h ]

Suga: so
Suga: what's the record again for how many times any of us has made a sex partner come during one session?

Suckjin: Min Yoongi that's disgusting

Suga: hyung you might wanna consider your screenname before you attempt to take the high road here

Suckjin: oh
Suckjin: oh goodness me
Suckjin: I should've changed that before replying. I was only doing it to remind Namjoon.

Joonbug: Hyung, please.
Joonbug: Explaining it is making it worse.

Suga: Namjoon your screenname is fucking gross too is that a pet name from Jin-hyung

Joonbug: I plead the fifth.

Suga: we're not fucking American
Suga: and may I remind you both we have a *trophy* for this award
Suga: and Hobi and I only have hyung's word to go on to make Joon the current title holder

Hoho: we only ever have one another's word to go on! I wasn't gonna bring my ex to meet y'all just so he could tell u about the night of four times
Hoho: u all just had to trust me

Joonbug: Wait. Did I win because I got to five?
Joonbug: Shit, Jin, can you even come that much? When did this happen? Where was I?

Suga: holy shit this is getting juicy

Seok not suck: do I really have to discuss this in group chat?

Suga: for the sanctity of the trophy, hyung

Joonbug: Yeah, for the trophy hyung.
Joonbug: And for me. And my pride.
Joonbug: Please?

Seok not suck: okay fine
Seok not suck: Joonie, the last two times I came dry
Seok not suck: that's why you didn't notice

Joonbug: Oh.
Joonbug: Oh well.
Joonbug: I.

Suga: holy shit you rendered the language king speechless
Suga: anyway this just proves my point.
Suga: trophy. Mine now. Surrender it to me by the end of the day.

Joonbug: Sorry hyung but I'm calling bullshit. You made someone come six times in one night?

Suga: some were in the morning. But we never slept.
Suga: We fucked all night long.
Suga: so I win, right?

Joonbug: This would be the mysterious boyfriend we've never seen, hmm?

Suga: you wanna see him? Fine.

Seok not suck: the part I'm finding it difficult to believe is that you stayed up all through the night forgoing sleep, Yoongi.
Seok not suck: oh wait, the pic just loaded
Seok not suck: well, from what I can actually see of him
Seok not suck: he's really really cute
Seok not suck: so maybe it's almost feasible?

Hoho: more than cute. smoking hot. does he sizzle when you lick him?

Suga: Hands off, ho.

Hoho: I can sincerely promise u I have no designs on that cute piece of ass you've apparently been banging

Joonbug: How are you both so ready to believe any of this is true?
Joonbug: Min Yoongi with a boyfriend,
Joonbug: Min Yoongi voluntarily sharing information about, and pictures of, said boyfriend,

Suga: one picture
Suga: and I made sure to pick one where you can't see his whole face
Suga: none of you can have him he's mine

Seok not suck: Yoongi doesn't have the energy to make things up

Hoho: he'd rather be single than with someone

Seok not suck: which leads Hoseok and I to believe this is actually Serious

Hoho: capital S Serious!

Suga: I'd rather be with him than alone
Suga: I'd rather be awake with him than asleep

Seok not suck: OHMYGOD
Seok not suck: MIN YOONGI IS GOING TO PROPOSE

Joonbug: Seriously hyung that is so fucking gay.

Suga: I *am* fucking gay you soggy goddamn walnut
Suga: hurry up with my trophy

-

Chapter Text

[private chat: min.y, kim.s]

EatJin: so

Suga: that better not be another fuckin reminder-to-Namjoon screenname hyung

EatJin: when do I get to meet your future husband
EatJin: what
EatJin: oh god no
EatJin: Yoongi this is the name of my food blog!

Suga: never

EatJin: it really is!

Suga: no, I mean you never get to meet him

EatJin: you're not even denying the future husband title

Suga: I was choosing not to dignify such bullcrap with a response
Suga: I would sooner take him to meet my ACTUAL PARENTS than have you get all Mother Jin on him
Suga: worst of all
Suga: I have a deep-seated suspicion that he'd actually laugh at your goddamn awful puns
Suga: and then I'd lose all desire to have sex with him ever again
Suga: I don't need you ruining my life

EatJin: omg
EatJin: A NEW FAN OF MY JOKES
EatJin: I HAVE TO FIND HIM

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Jiminie: hi again~

Suga: fuck, you're breathtaking

Jiminie: do u need me to give u mouth to mouth, hyung?

Suga: always

Jiminie: one of my friends took a pic of me practicing my dance solo

Suga: will you ever stop trying to kill me

Jiminie: u owe me 2 pics in return now hyung

Suga:

Jiminie: there, see
Jiminie: u got your revenge
Jiminie: you're so hot I won't be able to concentrate now

Suga: yes that would be where I am right now too
Suga: so you get no sympathy from me

Jiminie: is that second one from today? is someone covering up hickeys with a high collar?

Suga: idk did someone latch their obscene fuckin gorgeous lips to my neck and try to devour me while they were riding me the other night?

Jiminie: ...whoops?

Suga: I'll give you "whoops"
Suga: later

Jiminie: oh yeah?
Jiminie: ...hyung?
Jiminie: hyung? answer me?
Jiminie: what does that mean?
Jiminie: answer me baby, please?
Jiminie: at least send me a pic of how they look before you get vengeance?

Suga:

-

[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j]

Jiminie: HAHA WHOOPS
Jiminie: I'm part vampire and I never knew
Jiminie: who wants to see my artwork?

Kookie: nope

Taeble: eh I'm bored I'll bite
Taeble: OMG THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT

Hobee: NICE TAETAE

Kookie: lol good job hyung

Jiminie: lmao. my point exactly

Hobee: holy shit you did that to
Hobee: your boyfriend
Hobee: and he LET YOU?

Jiminie: to be fair
Jiminie: I didn't plan it
Jiminie: and I don't think he noticed at the time
Jiminie: since I was kind of fully seated on his dick

Kookie: knew you were a bottom

Jiminie: excuse you
Jiminie: I switch
Jiminie: it's boring to always do the same thing

Hobee: not with your current boyfriend though right

Jiminie: what? switch? um yah
Jiminie: i give great dick okay
Jiminie: his face when he's got his legs wrapped around my hips
Jiminie: and the hot breathy moans
Jiminie: fuck I'm gonna need to jerk off if I keep thinking about this

Hobee: does anyone else here ever have sex stories to share anymore? Jungkookie?

Kookie: my last hook-up was extremely disappointing I'm sorry to say
Kookie: he panicked when he saw my dick
Kookie: wouldn't even try taking it
Kookie: wouldn't even try putting his mouth on it!
Kookie: I thought he was gonna fucking cry
Kookie: I was so turned off in the end I couldn't even be bothered to booty call one of my fuckbuds

Taeble: KOOKIE
Taeble: THAT IS THE SADDEST STORY I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
Taeble: COME INTO MY ARMS FOR A SOOTHING HUG
Taeble: OR BLOW JOB???
Taeble: WHATEVER MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER

-

[private chat: min.y, jung.h ]

Hobee: i know your secret~

Suga: what are you talking about

Hobee: if I tell you it won't be a secret anymore

Suga: stop annoying me then

Hobee: it's sure warm out today huh?

Suga: yeah, so?

Hobee: interesting fashion choice you made today, considering. that's all.

-

[private chat: jung.h ]

Hobee: HYUNG I KNOW YOU LET MY CUTE BUT BUILT LIKE A GODDAMN BRICK WALL ADORABLE SUNSHINE BOY ANGEL HOOBAE PARK JIMIN FUCK YOU IN THE ASS AND THAT YOU TOTALLY MOAN AND BEG FOR MORE WHILE HE DOES IT AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Hobee: okay I know this chat is only to myself
Hobee: but that actually helped a little! I feel so much better now!
Hobee: !!!

-

Chapter Text

[private chat: park.j, kim.t ]

Jiminie: Tae
Jiminie: i love you
Jiminie: i'm dying
Jiminie: can you take notes in class for me today?

Taek me out: omg Jiminiejimjams wots the matter?! R U SICK???
Taek me out: U SEEMED FINE YESTERDAY

Jiminie: I can't get up
Jiminie: My asscheeks are on fire
Jiminie: I literally had to sleep belly down and on top of the covers to keep my skin from touching anything all night
Jiminie: my boyfriend's spanking game is fierce
Jiminie: hickeys bad
Jiminie: must never give him that many again
Jiminie: unless I actually want this pain again
Jiminie: which isn't all bad coz he did still finger me til I came twice
Jiminie: and kissed my cheeks better softly
Jiminie: and also slathered cold cream all over them afterwards
Jiminie: A+ aftercare
Jiminie: Tae?

Taek me out: I feel so betrayed
Taek me out: I THOUGHT U WERE REALLY SICK
Taek me out: DYING!!!
Taek me out: I WAS GOING TO BRING YOU SOUP AND BLANKETS AND PORN TO KEEP YOU COMPANY

Taek me out: YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND JIMMY.
Taek me out: IF U DIED I WOULD'VE MOURNED U FOR A WHOLE WEEK

Jiminie: A whole week? I'm so sorry Tae!!!
Jiminie: I hurt u. I'm gonna cry

Taek me out: don't cry Minnie
Taek me out: I accept ur apology
Taek me out: now tell me his spanking methodology

Jiminie: ...word of the day toilet paper?

Taek me out: yah, couple days ago
Taek me out: fate must've known I'd need that word soon
Taek me out: now did he have you stood up and bent over? since we all kno u can touch ur toes
Taek me out: OH OR ACROSS HIS LAP???
Taek me out: or laid out on the bed?

Jiminie: u honestly wanna kno?
Jiminie: u always tell me to shut up along with the others

Taek me out: chimineyjiminey! I love u! u r my bestfriendsoulmate and I wanna b secure in the knoledge that ur getting the good dick
Taek me out: i'm jus weak to peer pressure
Taek me out: so in group chat i agree w everythin Kookie and Hobi-hyung say
Taek me out: TELL ME ALL THR HORNY DETAILS
Taek me out: not like u can do anythin rite now but text from ur prone position on the bed anyway amirite?

Jiminie: ur SO right Taetae
Jiminie: my bestfriendsoulmate

Taek me out: awwwwwww

Jiminie:
Jiminie: okay so
Jiminie: he actually bent me OVER HIS LAP TAE
Jiminie: WHICH WAS EMBARRASSING. LIKE I WAS A NAUGHTY KID. BUT OBV I'M NOT A KID AT ALL SO IT TURNED OUT IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY HOT.
Jiminie: had his left hand firm on the back of my neck holding me down
Jiminie: OH AND OF COURSE HE'D LURED ME INTO UNZIPPING MY JEANS ALREADY SO ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS YANK THEM DOWN OFF MY ASS ONCE I WAS BENT OVER
Jiminie: I FRICKING DID THE WORK *FOR HIM*

Taek me out: oh Minnie
Taek me out: my sweet, naive Minnie

Jiminie: Tae, u let a former fuckbuddy of urs lock u out of our dorm naked and at full-mast once
Jiminie: OUR OWN ROOM

Taek me out: true dat
Taek me out: but then I made a nice new friend down our hall who was v good fun in bed instead
Taek me out: so i think it was a win!

Jiminie: u always see the best in every situation

Taek me out: u usually do too! u just don't realise it
Taek me out: so did he make u count the spankings out loud? Or thank him for dem???

Jiminie: omg Tae no?
Jiminie: how do u know so many filthy spanking scenarios?

Taek me out: i get around, i have my fun

Jiminie: he just
Jiminie: he said he was gonna do it til my skin was as bruised as his
Jiminie: but he's pale as fuck
Jiminie: I'm way more tan than him
Jiminie: so it took a while
Jiminie: he told me to say stop any time though. any time it got too much or hurt too much and I couldn't handle it

Taek me out: *responsible* kinky bf! I approve

Jiminie: kinda got put off asking him to stop when he started fingering me tho

Taek me out: yeah I bet lol
Taek me out: curse your fleshy, highly sensitive, and amazingly hot booty

Jiminie: IKR? (that pic is so old lol who even took it)

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Jiminie: sometimes I wish u could meet my best friend Tae
Jiminie: but then I remember he'd get on your nerves within ten seconds flat
Jiminie: and that u both being from Daegu prob still wouldn't be enough for u to put up with him even tho u really love ur hometown

Suga: babe
Suga: he's your best friend
Suga: I'd learn to put up with him because of that
Suga: since he means that much to you
Suga: I'd be a huge asshole to not even try

Jiminie: still
Jiminie: if u get Tae you'll inevitably get the others too. they'd be right behind him
Jiminie: three big personalities all pushing at u would be ur idea of hell
Jiminie: I'll think about it a while longer yet
Jiminie:

Suga: okay I'm laughing
Suga: what the fuck is that?

Jiminie: u kno! When u need to put ur bff on a leash to allow him out in public

Suga: babe I don't exactly have a best friend
Suga: maybe I've got this one dongsaeng who would willingly claim the position
Suga: but I wouldn't really want him to suffer like that

Jiminie: but you'll let me suffer being ur boyfriend?

Suga: u lil shit
Suga: no spooning for u next time u sleep over

Jiminie: HYUNG NO
Jiminie: I LOVE CUDDLES

Suga: that's why it's an effective punishment

Jiminie: seriously tho
Jiminie: baby
Jiminie: i wish u wouldn't be so down on urself
Jiminie: ur an amazing boyfriend so I'm sure you'd be an amazing best friend too
Jiminie: you'd do absolutely anything for the people u care about
Jiminie: I know coz u do for me

Suga: Jimin

Jiminie: yes hyung?

Suga: thank you

-

Chapter Text

[private chat: min.y, kim.n]

Suga: yo Joon

RapMon: What's up, hyung?

Suga: as a fellow emotionally-challenged, walking disaster of a human being who somehow still managed to nab himself a long-term boyfriend,

RapMon: I'm so offended right now.
RapMon: Mostly because I can't argue with any of that.

Suga: how did you decide what do to celebrate your six month anniversary with Jin-hyung?
Suga: it's an actual pain in the ass being with someone who's 1000% more romantically minded than you

RapMon: ...I'm pretty sure I asked *you* for advice, hyung?

Suga: where on earth did you get that dumbfuck idea?

RapMon: I was drunk.

RapMon: So were you, obviously. Because you actually tried to help.
RapMon: You were roommates with Jin for years, you actually had some really great suggestions!

Suga: so you're saying I should get drunk for inspiration

RapMon: No!
RapMon: That is not the moral I wanted you to take from this story!
RapMon: I'm saying you should talk to someone close to your boyfriend, they will have useful insights into his psyche.

Suga: you did not just use the word psyche on me in a text convo
Suga: go back to whatever essay you're working on
Suga: and jsyk that's not an option
Suga: we agreed not to introduce one another to our friends yet
Suga: coz I know you'll all smother and interrogate him
Suga: and apparently my boyfriend's friends will jump up and down on my only existing nerve.

RapMon: He got to know you fast to have learnt how you hate basically all people.
RapMon: You might know him better than you think, too.
RapMon:

Suga: you dropping cliches written out by whiny emo kids is even worse than your irritatingly vast vocab
Suga: I'm out

-

[private chat: kim.n, kim.s]

Namjoonie: Why aren't you home?

Seokjinnie: you know why~
Seokjinnie: aren't you the one who says the thing that's like, "if you don't ask the question you really want to ask, you won't get the reply you need?"

Namjoonie: I thought you always fell asleep when I started waxing philosophical.

Seokjinnie: Namjoon! I am the perfect boyfriend and I listen to everything you say! Even when I'm making fake-bored snoring noises
Seokjinnie: don't change the subject
Seokjinnie: ask what you really want to ask me

Namjoonie: Will you come home, please?

Seokjinnie: is it more important than my thesis, Joonie?

Namjoonie: Is your thesis more important than your boyfriend's dick?

Seokjinnie: you did not just compare your dick to my thesis. If I neglect my boyfriend's dick will I fail my final year of uni? Coz if I neglect my thesis I sure will.

Namjoonie: Jinnnnnnnnnnnn

Seokjinnie: ohmygod Joonie just jerk it this one time, you get so whiny when you need to get off but haven't come
Seokjinnie:

Seokjinnie: hope that helps you, Joonie
Seokjinnie:

Seokjinnie: are my lips cocksucky enough for you in these?

Namjoonie: Sssshhhh do your work.
Namjoonie: I'm a supportive boyfriend.

Seokjinnie: Who is pumping his dick at a million miles an hour rn
Seokjinnie: try not to sprain anything
Seokjinnie: see you in a couple hours, my idiot darling

-

-

[private chat: jung.h, kim.s]

Jin: Hoseokie, my dearest dongsaeng

URHope: yes, my favourite Seokjinnie-hyung?

Jin: I just spent so many hours on tweaking my thesis, I need this, so humour me
Jin: you know basically everyone on campus don't you?

URHope: I sure do have the reputation of being the friendliest guy on campus

Jin: it's just that
Jin: Yoongi said
Jin: his boyfriend likes puns

URHope: I see where this is going

Jin: you really have no idea who he is? you've never seen him in passing?

URHope: hyung
URHope: I don't know how to tell you this
URHope: can you promise to keep a secret?
URHope: ...even from Joon?

Jin: um
Jin: is it a secret that will harm him?

URHope: of course not! He prob won't even care that much
URHope: not like we do

Jin: then I tentatively agree
Jin: on the condition that if it's going to threaten mine and Joonie's relationship at any point then I get to tell him

URHope: that's a fair deal, hyung
URHope: okay so
URHope: Yoongi's boyfriend is my dance hoobae
URHope: I've been friends with him literally since he started going to school here
URHope: but neither he or Yoongi have ever seen me with the other's friend group
URHope: so neither of them know that I know them both
URHope: I've been getting so much juicy sex and romance gossip on the both of them for WEEKS now
URHope: Jin-hyung, are you dead?

Jin: SCREAMING SO HIGH ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR ME RN
Jin: JUNG HOSEOK HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS DELICIOUSNESS FROM ME
Jin: I THRIVE ON THIS STUFF
Jin: I WANT TO MEET HIM
Jin: INTRODUCE ME

URHope: only if you promise not to mention Yoongi! I wanna keep this going as long as possible
URHope: like, did you know Yoongi *bottoms* for this angelface? my darling dongsaeng?

Jin: omg he's gorgeous and utterly adorable

URHope: and a great person! he's so thoughtful and caring to his HobiHobi-hyung~
URHope: he is human sunshine and idk how Yoongi nabbed him, I'm eternally mystified
URHope: apart from being really good in bed
URHope: like. Jimin NEVER shuts up about that

Jin: HIS NAME IS JIMIN?

URHope: ah yeah shit
URHope: well the cat's way out of the bag now anyway
URHope: if you search your memories you'll probably remember seeing that orange head around campus
URHope: s'definitely why Yoongs only showed us a b&w pic before
URHope: hilariously enough Jimin did the same when he shared a pic of Yoongi with his friends. Coz of the mint hair

Jin: they're meant to be omg
Jin: I wish I could tell Joonie

URHope: hyung!

Jin: I said I *wish* I could! I'm not going to!

-

Chapter Text

-

[private chat: min.y, jung.h]

Suga: yo Hobi

HopefulHobi: s'up?

Suga: you ever had a relationship that lasted six months?

HopefulHobi: uhm wow offence taken
HopefulHobi: you've known me for years! you know I can hold down a relationship just fine
HopefulHobi: lately I just choose not to!

Suga: okay sure

HopefulHobi: you are testing my ~infinite and loving patience~, hyung

Suga: you used hyung on me
Suga: well shit
Suga: I'll buy you beer if you help me out
Suga: and some weed?

HopefulHobi: you're getting warmer
HopefulHobi: I'm slowly becoming convinced

Suga: and
Suga: I'll be your stupid fucking wingman next time you want to get laid

HopefulHobi: idk why you think that'd convince me, you're a terrible grumpy wingman
HopefulHobi: but I appreciate how much it took for you to make that offer
HopefulHobi: have you really been with your boyfriend for nearly six months now?
HopefulHobi: and you STILL haven't introduced one another to your friends?
HopefulHobi: sounds fishy to me

Suga: Hoseok please
Suga: this is going well for me
Suga: this is the best relationship I've ever been in

HopefulHobi: the *only* real relationship you've ever been in

Suga: yeah
Suga: everything else that ever came close is like crap in comparison

HopefulHobi: you are so whipped ohmygod

Suga: I'm going to allow that this once
Suga: since I insulted you first
Suga: I don't wanna fuck this up Hobi
Suga: I really care about him. I want to be with him
Suga: I think forever?
Suga: he's a beautiful human being
Suga: he's sweet, he cares about people more than anyone I know, he works so fucking hard at everything he does
Suga: he's so fucking hot, and *flexible*, he sounds like an angel but his ass is sin made flesh

HopefulHobi: you and your lyrical way with words
HopefulHobi: I am genuinely glad you're so happy, Yoongs
HopefulHobi: but if it's going so well why on earth do you think you're gonna fuck up?

Suga: because I'm me?

HopefulHobi: oh baby no

Suga: oi! Don't pull that "oh baby no" shit on me
Suga: look I just thought the more factors - people - involved, the easier it would be for things to go tits up
Suga: and now it's gone on so long I don't know how we move on from that

HopefulHobi: maybe for your six months you could have us all meet up with him and his friends?

Suga: I see what you're doing
Suga: I want to spend it just us thanks
Suga: but you know
Suga: thanks for giving me a real answer
Suga: you're

HopefulHobi: yeeeeeesssss???

Suga: you're alright

HopefulHobi: I LOVE YOU TOO YOONGLES

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j]

Suga: idk if you're still awake since it's so late
Suga: but I'm finally back in my room
Suga: I'm sorry I had to cancel tonight, babe
Suga: I honestly wasn't expecting that composition back, I thought I'd done great with it
Suga: I was actually really pissed off
Suga: anyway yeah
Suga: it's done with for real now
Suga: I told you I'd be up real late dealing with it
Suga: but thanks for understanding, my Jiminie

Jiminie: I woke up hyung~

Suga: shit, did I wake you? You should turn your notifs off at night!

Jiminie: hyung I wanted to know you got back safe
Jiminie: how would I know if I turned off my notifs
Jiminie: I got some sleep already, I'll get some more in a while when we're done talking, it's fine
Jiminie: or is hyung going straight to sleep?

Suga: I'd say yes just to make sure you went back to sleep but nah
Suga: I'm still kinda wound up. Need a shower or something. Stress relief.

Jiminie: if I was there I'd give you a nice massage hyung
Jiminie: sit across your waist and knead your shoulders gently

Suga: sounds good
Suga: maybe you would be able to do even more to relieve my stress?

Jiminie: maybe~

Suga: you could kiss the back of my neck and down my spine, that'd make me relax into the mattress some

Jiminie: I could massage you other places too
Jiminie: like your thighs

Suga: mm yes

Jiminie: or ur dick
Jiminie: with my mouth

Suga: well that escalated
Suga: not that I'm against any of it

Jiminie: no, I'm the one against u hyung
Jiminie: my tongue hot against the underside of ur dick

Suga: yes
Suga: Jiminie
Suga: your gorgeous lips

Jiminie: do they look good stretched all wide taking ur cock hyung?

Suga: amazing, babe
Suga: u have no idea how those lips feel
Suga: like they were made just for sucking cock
Suga: they get so red and used too

Jiminie: that's coz i love it
Jiminie: i love sucking ur cock hyung
Jiminie: some days its the only thing i wanna do

Suga: and some days all I wanna do is play with your ass til you cry
Suga: eat you out, put my fingers in you, everything
Suga: wanna make you feel so good it'll hurt, Jiminie

Jiminie: hyung, you're all stressed out, just let me take care of you this time

Suga: okay

Jiminie: lie back and let me suck you off
Jiminie: god you always taste so good
Jiminie: if I could just live on your come I would

Suga: fuck, Jimin
Suga: you're filthy

Jiminie: does it feel good baby?
Jiminie: is it all tight and wet?

Suga: how do you always get me so worked up so fast

Jiminie: if you need to focus and put the phone down for a bit that's okay

Suga: yeah
Suga: yeah I'm gonna
Suga: need to fuck into my hand so hard

Jiminie: my mouth baby
Jiminie: you're fucking into my mouth
Jiminie: it's ready and willing for you

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Suga: Jiminie

Jiminie: yes hyung?

Suga: I wanna suggest something
Suga: an anniversary thing
Suga: it's either going to be the best idea I ever had
Suga: or the embarrassment of my life

Jiminie: no pressure then

Suga: mm

Jiminie: hyung it's been saying ur typing and then not typing on and off for ten full mins now

Suga: I feel so dumb doing this
Suga: I'll just type it fast
Suga: don't distract me by replying til I say I'm done

Jiminie: k baby
Jiminie: btw nothing u say will make me like u less
Jiminie: coz u call me ugly on a daily basis coz you can't handle how cute and sexy I am
Jiminie: and that's okay
Jiminie: you'll learn to deal with your feelings for me in a more mature manner eventually

Suga: shut up or I'll take this all back and I haven't even said it yet
Suga: okay so
Suga: we've been together coming up six months now and I know you're excited and want us to do something to celebrate
Suga: and I'm totally into that, I'm not against it at all
Suga: just didn't know what to suggest coz I am shit at romantic gestures
Suga: but I also remember all kinds of random details when it comes to you
Suga: a little while back we were half-joking around about how much we fuck
Suga: and that maybe we could stand to do more things together that aren't sex
Suga: so since we both want our relationship to continue as a lasting one based on deep feelings and not just fucking
Suga: I was thinking we could agree to... not have sex for our anniversary?
Suga: does that sound like the dumbest, weakest shit you ever heard or what

Jiminie: hyung
Jiminie: U R LITERALLY THE CUTEST PERSON IN EXISTENCE
Jiminie: U WANNA PROVE TO ME HOW MUCH U WANT ME FOR MORE THAN JUST MY ASS
Jiminie: AND U THINK U ARE SHIT AT ROMANTIC GESTURES????
Jiminie: MIN YOONGI, U ARE THE KING OF ROMANCE BABY
Jiminie: we will totally bang all day the next day tho coz I'm gonna have so much pent up sexual attraction towards u because of this

Suga: yes
Suga: I was certain this would be your response all along
Suga: yes
Suga: >.>

Jiminie: omg ur doing emojis who r u
Jiminie: this better not be someone else fucking with me on Yoongi-hyung's phone!
Jiminie: Min Yoongi I demand a selfie of u immediately to prove this is really u!
Jiminie: ummm put a hand on ur face

Suga:

Jiminie: well u could've found that in Yoongi's selca archives
Jiminie: same again but from a slightly different angle!

Suga:

Suga: It's really me babe
Suga: look, I'm happy that's all
Suga: you make me happy

Jiminie:

Jiminie: u make me happy too
Jiminie: ugly

Suga: gargoyle

Jiminie: swamp thing

Suga: potato

Jiminie: lovebug

Suga: sweetcheeks

Jiminie: kittenmouf

Suga: angelcake

Jiminie: lmao hyung
Jiminie: call me?

-

Chapter Text

[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j]

[Kookie's status is set to BUSY]

VTae: so a certain young man certainly woz having really intense phonesex last nite

Jiminie: omg
Jiminie: you too?

VTae: I MEANT U MINNIEMINS

Jiminie: ohhhhhh

VTae: u were really loud
VTae: REALLY loud
VTae: does ur bf like u bein loud coz i can't recall u ever being that vocal for anyone else u eva hooked up with

HopefulHobi: yes! tell us the gossip!!!

VTae: oh I have even more gossip
VTae: but I wanna know if Jimmmmms bf gets off on him being loud first

HopefulHobi: omg really?
HopefulHobi: I wanna know both things!

Jiminie: I think ur exaggerating i am not that loud

VTae: oH HYUNG
VTae: HYUNGHYUNG OH HYUNG
VTae: OHHHH HYUUUUNNNNNG
VTae: YEAH I LIKE IT THERE
VTae: OH GOD
VTae: TOUCH ME RIGHT THERE
VTae: THERE HYUNG THERRRRRRE

Jiminie: UR MAKING THIS UP
Jiminie: AS IF U WOULD REMEMBER WORD FOR WORD

VTae: be fair Minmins
VTae: mostly all u did was moan hyung
VTae: he got a kink for that too?

Jiminie: I wasn't going to say his name where u might hear!
Jiminie: APPARENTLY U DID HEAR ANYWAY COZ U WERE EAVESDROPPING

VTae: about that
VTae: interestingly
VTae: u did say his name
VTae: I heard it

Jiminie: bullshit
Jiminie: ur just trying to scare me

HopefulHobi: Jimin where did u pick up that sort of language?! from ur boyfriend???
HopefulHobi: SO TAETAE U KNO HIS NAME???

VTae: yeah
VTae: it's

Jiminie: TAE SHUT UP

VTae: alright alright I'm only teasing!
VTae: I love youuuuuuuu

-

[private chat: jung.h, kim.t]

HopefulHobi: Tae tell Jiminie ur just teasing him
HopefulHobi: we should discuss this privately

VTae: I shouldn't really tell u at all hyung
VTae: Jiminie seems really serious about this
VTae: I think he'd get legit angry and upset with me
VTae: maybe FOREVER
VTae: I love him
VTae: he's my bestfriendsoulmate
VTae: I DONT WANNA LOSE HIM

HopefulHobi: what if
HopefulHobi: I told *you* Jimin's boyfriend's name?
HopefulHobi: then u r free of blame

VTae: we're gonna play a guessing game???
VTae: DO YOU HAVE SECRET PSYKIC ABILITIES?

HopefulHobi: no my cute little chipmunk-cheeked dongsaeng
HopefulHobi: I mean
HopefulHobi: I knew before u did
HopefulHobi: I kno who Jimin's boyfriend is

VTae: AND U DIDNT TELL ME?

HopefulHobi: oh so it'd b okay for Jimin to get angry and upset at me?!

VTae: UR NOT HIS SOULMATE
VTae: tho if I am honest u r both human sunshine
VTae: so u do share that part of ur souls

HopefulHobi: look look look
HopefulHobi: I'll say the first letter
HopefulHobi: after all u could've been trying to trick Jiminie into revealing all
HopefulHobi: I know ur actually quite a sly dongsaeng
HopefulHobi: so his name begins with Y

VTae: WOW
VTae: U DO KNOW
VTae: OR UR READING MY MIND
VTae: DO IT AGAIN

HopefulHobi: okay! But then you have to do the third letter
HopefulHobi: O

VTae: WAH
VTae: it's another O after that, hyung!

HopefulHobi: you know too!
HopefulHobi: N

VTae: G!

HopefulHobi: I!

VTae: YOONGI!

HopefulHobi: YOONGI!
HopefulHobi: ohmygod this is amazing
HopefulHobi: so many of us know now

VTae: so many???

HopefulHobi: oh uh
HopefulHobi: one of my hyungs who's a friend of Yoongi's knows too
HopefulHobi: it's just Kookie and Joonie who don't

VTae: whos Joonie?

HopefulHobi: a future friend Taetae
HopefulHobi: we're ALL going to become very, very good friends
HopefulHobi: Jiminie and Yoongi-hyung are going to rue the day they forbade us all to meet

VTae: hyung ur scaring me

HopefulHobi: MUHAHAHAHAHA

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

HopefulHobi: so, you and this boyf of yours have been together quite a while now right?

Jiminie: yep! six months this weekend, hyung! so I'll be busy all weekend, okay?

HopefulHobi: i get it, Jims, you'll be in bed all weekend~

Jiminie: maybe~

HopefulHobi: plenty of lube, bb, chafing is bad

Jiminie: hyung i think i know that by now

HopefulHobi: ah yes, the extensive sex life! u gonna tell me the deets? sex toys?

Jiminie: i could, if u want
Jiminie: ur quite kinky hyung aren't u?

HopefulHobi: have i been keeping it hidden until now?! i surely didn't mean to! WAH
HopefulHobi: r u getting him a sex toy for ur six months?

Jiminie: lol no actually

HopefulHobi: u need help figuring anything out? i may be single but i'm a total charmer~

Jiminie: i know u r hyung, i see ur charm at work everyday at the dance studio~
Jiminie: i got it covered tho. i bought something really gross and he's gonna cringe, but he'll wear it anyway coz it's from meeeeeee

HopefulHobi: u torture him huh?
HopefulHobi: sounds promising, i like it

Jiminie:

-

Chapter Text

-

The knock at his dorm room door comes at the ungodly hour of seven o'clock in the middle of the night (it's still night at that time, not morning, you can't tell him otherwise), and Yoongi would be outright ignoring it, or telling whoever it is to fuck right off on pain of death if:

a. he had actually slept at all the previous night and therefore actually been woken up

b. he didn't know for certain who it was going to be on the other side

After all, when your adorable, sexy as fuck boyfriend tells you he wants to get an early start on the day of your six-month anniversary you not only don't argue, you physically can't. Your jaw locks shut and you just find yourself smiling dopily at him and nodding in agreement, because he looks so fucking happy to be spending an entire weekend nonstop with you, and how did you get so lucky as to be with someone as sweet and gorgeous, yet sassy and playful as Park Jimin?

And so, for Yoongi to ensure he would in fact be ready to start at stupid-o-fucking-clock in the "morning", he'd elected to simply pull an all-nighter and work on his music until Jimin appeared at his door, his perfect fluffy orange hair warm and comforting like the sunset, eyes wide and hopeful, holding out a fricking gift already. Jimin just doesn't wait for anyone or anything. When he wants to say or do something he does it.

He says Yoongi has been a factor in helping him develop that confidence; Yoongi believes it, but only because he's been bullshitting his own self-confidence his entire life.

"Open it, hyung!" Jimin chirps, making encouraging faces at him as he pushes the gift tauntingly up under Yoongi's nose.

"What about a 'hello'?" Yoongi asks. "Why aren't you surprised to see me awake?"

"Because I warned you in advance," Jimin says primly, biting back his smile. He leans in to kiss Yoongi on the cheek. "Good morning, hyung. Happy anniversary. Open it!"

Yoongi groans in response. When he feels a soft poke at his cheek he knows he's pulling one of his pitiful, long-suffering grimaces that Jimin swears are adorable.

"Did you sleep at all?" Jimin asks. It's almost amusing how well he knows Yoongi's habits to realise Yoongi wouldn't have slept in order to make it to seven am awake. Or--

"Do I look that terrible?" Yoongi asks, reaching up to scratch his face.

"You always look wonderful to me," Jimin coos, and then starts laughing. Yoongi is actually relieved Jimin hadn't kept up the mushiness with a straight face, because as much as he literally feels that way about Jimin's face he's not going to go around saying that shit out loud! And he can't deal with it if Jimin does it either. "When was your last coffee?"

"Uh," Yoongi takes a glance at the clock, squinting as if it'll give him a clue, merging one of the numbers into a coffee mug. "Three-ish, I think?"

"Coffee first," Jimin decides gently, slipping his arm through Yoongi's and leading him out of his door. "And then if you still haven't said happy anniversary to me I'm going to pout."

-

Yoongi stares at the mug and the jewellery box sat next to one another in front of him. "For when you're ready," Jimin had said to him without being at all pushy about it. Yoongi's just trying to clear the fuzziness from his brain first.

At least it's too early to worry about any of his friends appearing. Usually he and Jimin would hit up a coffee shop much further from campus, but Jimin had sensed just how much Yoongi had needed an instant hit of caffeine and guided him to the first one within walking distance.

He sits nursing a breakfast bagel and a cup of hot chocolate himself, complete with a spiral of whipped cream squirted on top and mini marshmallows sprinkled over that. When he tries to take a sip of the actual drink beneath Whipped Cream Mountain Jimin comes away with a white moustache. He knows it's there, and he leaves it there, smiling innocently at Yoongi.

"Urgh," Yoongi groans, reaching out to grab at the base of Jimin's chair and drag it around the table towards him a little. "Come here." He's so cute it's unbearable. "Why did you sit so far away in the first place?"

"That's how tables work, hyung," Jimin giggles. He shuffles his chair until it's alongside Yoongi's, leaning in to press his side up against him and rest his head on Yoongi's shoulder. Only then does he poke his tongue out to lick the remnants of the cream from his top lip.

Jimin has a ridiculously long tongue and it's frequently obscene, but when it's only peeking out a little like that the gesture is nothing but innocently, endearingly cute. Yoongi pushes fingers into Jimin's soft hair and kisses the top of his head.

"Happy anniversary," he says.

"There it is," Jimin hums happily as Yoongi picks up his coffee and takes a few lingering sips.

"I haven't got a gift for you with me," Yoongi admits, walking his slim, spidery fingers across from his mug to clasp the jewellery box, considering the dimensions of it. It's pretty large as jewellery boxes go. A bracelet, or a watch; something like that? "We can go back to my dorm so I can give it to you--"

"It's fine, hyung," Jimin assures him, snuggling even closer. "I don't need a gift to make today special."

Fuck Park Jimin, honestly, for being able to say shit like that so easily. Well, it's tough, because Yoongi did do something special for him! And he's going to accept it!

"Fine," Yoongi huffs, "I'll just give you it later when we get back."

"Don't sulk, hyung," Jimin whines the words, but he's smiling. "Come on, open your present. There's one for each of us. You'll have time to decide whether you want to give me a gift after all or not."

"What does that mean?" Yoongi demands, but he's already popping the lid on the box and looking inside.

There are two necklaces inside on chains, heart-shaped pendants dangling from them. Etched onto the surface of one are some music notes and a row of piano keys. The other has matching music notes and a silhouette that's clearly a person dancing. Yoongi's fingers immediately go to the piano one.

"Uh-uh hyung, that one's mine," Jimin says with an amused hum. "It has your first love on it, so I want to carry it." He wraps his hand around Yoongi's as much as he can manage considering his is much smaller, guiding it over to the other necklace. "You get to wear my first love close to your heart instead."

For a long moment Yoongi isn't sure what to say. When he'd said that thing about Jimin being 1000% more romantically minded than him he hadn't been exaggerating in the slightest. Taking the art Yoongi is so dedicated to and wanting to hold it close, cherish it just like Yoongi does. Trusting him to do the same with Jimin's love of dance.

"You little fucker," he whispers into Jimin's ear, because there are actually a few other early-birds scattered around in the coffee shop and he doesn't want to cause a scene. If anyone's watching them they kind of already are though, cuddled up and clearly gifting jewellery. Jimin chuckles.

"Gross, huh?" He says. "Do you hate it? I thought you would think it was too much, but somehow that just made me want to do it even more."

"You're a horrible boyfriend," Yoongi mutters with zero malice in his words. He doesn't pause, lest Jimin think he's serious. "This is so thoughtful. I've done basically nothing in comparison."

"I'm the best boyfriend," Jimin retorts, knowing that's exactly what Yoongi had truly meant. "And don't give yourself a hard time, hyung!" He giggles as he lifts the piano necklace from the box. "I bought myself a gift after all, not just you!"

"The point is that they're a matching set," Yoongi says. "It wouldn't have been the same otherwise."

"Help me put it on, hyung?" Jimin asks, sitting up and offering the necklace to Yoongi with the clasps at his fingertips. He drops his head a little to make it easier for Yoongi to get the necklace around to the nape of his neck and fasten it. When he feels the chain settle Jimin looks up again, reaching to touch the heart that rests just below his throat. "See," he says, lifting it up to show off the flat, untouched surface that has landed uppermost, "nobody can see what's beneath unless you turn it over to show them. It's our secret."

Yoongi studies it for a moment, admiring how beautiful the necklace looks around Jimin's neck. He can admit to himself that he likes the idea of the personalised part being hidden, kept sacred between the two of them.

"Are you going to wear yours, hyung?" Jimin asks curiously. "If you don't want to it's-"

"Shut up," Yoongi reaches for it before Jimin can keep babbling nonsense. "Of course I'm going to. I'm not embarrassed to wear the meaningful gift that my Jiminie has given me." Jimin flushes a little at that; it makes Yoongi's heart swell and his mouth quirk. Jimin is so weak to that nickname when it comes out of Yoongi's mouth. "Put it on for me."

Jimin hurries to comply, leaning around Yoongi's head to watch what he's doing as he hooks the necklace clasp together. As he pulls back Yoongi turns his head to capture Jimin's lips with his own.

"Hyung!" Jimin whispers, pulling back and glancing around. Yoongi is so sick of having to be 'mindful' that their country isn't tolerant of two men together.

"Fuck all of them," he says back softly. "If they don't wanna look at it they can turn away. We're not hurting anyone." And with that he's placing a firm hand behind Jimin's head so that he can't overthink it when Yoongi kisses him again, a simple but lingering press of mouths, nothing obscene that might 'offend' anyone.

He doesn't want to Jimin to feel any discomfort from the other people in the coffee shop, though, so Yoongi drains his cup and pushes out his chair.

"Got plans for the rest of the day?" He asks, stretching. He feels like he can start the day effectively now.

"Loose ones," Jimin says. The smile on his face is so soft, looking at Yoongi like he hung the moon. "I don't mind if there's anything you want to do instead, so I've kept it pretty open." He nudges Yoongi as they head for the door. "Besides, I shouldn't be the only one making plans for our anniversary; it's both of ours!"

"I could plan tomorrow," Yoongi offers innocently. "I'm thinking you face down in the middle of my bed, some play handcuffs, and a shit-ton of lube."

Jimin's too busy doubling over laughing to give Yoongi a legitimate yay or nay to that proposition.

-

They link hands, walking palm to palm once they're off the train. It's nearing 9am, more people are around, but Yoongi realises he and Jimin are following the signs to the botanic gardens, and although it's a tourist spot it does mean that people will be caught up in their own groups, their own little worlds, sight-seeing and reading the information on all the signs. They won't bother he and Jimin, just the way Yoongi likes it. Jimin knows that too.

"I brought your camera, hyung," Jimin says shyly, pulling the case out of his messenger bag. Yoongi has no idea when he'd managed to slip such a big item in there without drawing attention to it, but Yoongi had been pretty out of it first thing. He accepts it gratefully with a soft smile.

"We don't have to walk far if you don't want to," Jimin adds, slipping his hand into Yoongi's again. "And we can take it slow. You had a long night." On purpose of course, but Jimin seems to understand the reason why, and not only that, he's compensated for it in their day.

Yoongi can't believe how lucky he is honestly.

"You know-" he begins, but when Jimin turns to listen to his words he's framed with the rolling scenery of the botanic garden behind him, and the way the beauty of nature slots together so perfectly with Jimin's open, waiting, willing and hopeful expression makes Yoongi forget everything and just gape stupidly. I really fucking love you, is what he had wanted to say.

"I know," Jimin replies eventually, his curious expression having morphed into a broad, warm smile the longer he'd been watching Yoongi just stare at him, at a complete loss.

All Yoongi can do is think, how do I give back to Jimin as much as he gives me?. That starts with saying the words, no matter that he already got the message across.

"I really love you," he says. Jimin's eyes disappear he's smiling so hard.

"I know," he repeats, impressing it properly. Then he's letting go of Yoongi's hand and running down the path, arms spread like he could take off into flight right then and there.

Yoongi's hands are lifting the camera from its case before he has to think. He captures image after image of Jimin's hair caught in the wind, his jacket lifting as he bounces and twirls. The way he glances back at Yoongi to make sure he's looking, sharing in the moment every time Jimin sees something he likes. He leans down to sniff flowers and reaches to touch fruit hanging on branches gently so as not to actually disturb it. Yoongi watches every beautiful thing through the view of a lens and doesn't regret a moment of it.

-

"What's next?" Yoongi asks. Jimin is about to reply to the question when Yoongi's stomach rumbles, and instead starts giggling. It's nearing lunchtime, and Yoongi is never up early enough for breakfast anyway so this is just his body waking up for its first meal, it's normal!

"Food?" Jimin suggests. "There will be food where I was planning for us to go next but maybe we should grab a snack for the journey."

"Sounds good," Yoongi mumbles, because he can hardly deny that he wants to eat right now, can he? But it turns out that even stomach gurgles happen for a reason because when they exit the botanical gardens and enter the next few streets which are full of touristy gift shops and eateries Yoongi sees the perfect snack.

"Come on," he says, squeezing Jimin's hand reassuringly. "We have to eat this."

"Eat what, hyung?" Jimin asks, still clueless right up until Yoongi is dragging him into the store and looking at the display.

"Mochi," Yoongi says confidently, trying to decide between the traditional red bean paste filled, or the sweeter, dessert-like fillings like caramel or chocolate mousse. He points to the mascot on the packaging, a cartoon mochi with a broad smile and eyes crinkled shut. "This guy's cute, he reminds me of you."

"Oh my god," Jimin says, bringing his hands to his face to cover his mouth as he starts giggling. "I'm a mochi?"

"Mochi Jimin," Yoongi agrees sagely. "Good enough to eat."

"I guess I'm flattered..." Jimin says slowly. "But only because you think it's cute. Round and bald, but cute."

"I don't think you're round and bald," Yoongi rolls his eyes. "It's meant to be a compliment! Sheesh."

"You're just bad at compliments, hyung, accept it," Jimin insists. Then his eyes widen. "Oooh! Strawberry filling!"

"I want the chocolate," Yoongi decides, picking up a couple of portions of each to pay for them. They find a bench to sit at outside, opening the packaging. Yoongi pinches his mochi, feeling the rubbery texture bounce back immediately before reaching over to lightly pinch Jimin's cheek.

"See?" he says, gesturing. "Mochi cheeks! Same feeling."

Of course Jimin can't resist pinching his own mochi and then his cheek to test the theory. And since they're always coated with a fine dusting of powder he now has a couple of fingerprint sized smudges of it on his face. Yoongi decides not to tell him.

It isn't until Jimin bites into his strawberry mousse that he concedes.

"-And full of sweetness!" He declares, sitting back against the bench. His nose wrinkles in his glee. "Delicious sweetness. That's me. Okay, I'll be a mochi."

"You said that, not me."

"Ah but hyung I know you were thinking it. Your Jiminie, full of sweetness, just like a mochi~"

-

"A noraebang?" Yoongi asks skeptically. Jimin opens the door and gestures for him to go in first.

"It's private," he says, counting the reason off on his finger. He continues to do so with other excuses. "We can pay by the hour, and leave whenever we want. We both like music. We can drink! Just let loose, relax, have fun. And eat, too."

When Yoongi thinks about it those are all really good reasons. Even if they just hang out, eat and listen to their own choice of background music that'll be so much better than a cafe or restaurant where other people will be, and unpredictable background noise will reign.

And it is nice. They can sit close together, offer out food to one another on their chopsticks to taste and not hesitate or blush about it. Sure, they've both done it with friends but there's a marked difference between Jimin feeding up Jungkook or Taehyung in an almost maternal manner, and wrapping his lips seductively around the meat Yoongi is offering him.

At one point Jimin grabs a microphone and tries to sing with his mouth full and they both end up almost falling over laughing at the spray of crumbs that hits the table as a result. It's kind of gross, but mostly just ridiculous. Jimin had been too excited to hold back and Yoongi couldn't really be irritated about the adorable enthusiasm.

It's so cozy, comfortable and relaxed that Yoongi doesn't realise his eyes are drooping.

He sure realises he'd fallen asleep when he wakes up to Jimin's fingers in his hair, petting it in a soothing, repetitive rhythm though.

"Sorry," he murmurs before even opening his eyes. Jimin just chuckles. His free hand travels up to Yoongi's face and his thumb strokes over Yoongi's cheek. It feels so good; so gentle and caring.

"Also a good place to take a nap," he informs Yoongi, a whisper just above his ear, sounding like this had also been part of his plan all along.

"How long?" Yoongi murmurs, squinting one eye open.

"An hour?" Jimin shrugs, looking unconcerned. "Maybe two?"

"Babe," Yoongi groans, shuffling himself into a sitting position. "Why did you let me?"

"Because you needed it," Jimin replies simply. He pushes his fingers back into Yoongi's hair and Yoongi hums appreciatively. "Because I am happy just to have the whole day - weekend - alone with you. And because you look so cute when you sleep!"

Yoongi scrunches up his face like he doesn't love the compliment.

"What have you even been doing?" He demands. Jimin better have a good answer and not have been spending his time bored all because Yoongi fell asleep!

"Texting a little," Jimin shrugs. And then he coughs, mumbling, "taking pictures of you sleeping."

That deserves a playful punch in the shoulder to be honest, so Yoongi gives Jimin a soft thump.

"Sharing pictures of you sleeping in chat..." Jimin continues. His smile is so smug Yoongi can't tell if he's just fucking with him to get him riled up or whether he actually means it.

"Whatever," he says, deciding not to fall for the bait. Instead he decides to swing a leg over Jimin's thighs and straddle his lap. He's been with Jimin for hours and hours and hasn't kissed him since the morning, what is wrong with him? Yoongi tilts Jimin's head back a little until his full lips are at a better angle. Jimin just looks up at him with sultry eyes and a barely parted mouth. When they kiss Yoongi leads but Jimin is far from passive, lips melding to Yoongi's just perfectly.

It feels good to be able to just take their time; kissing lazily, endlessly. Soft, warm lips against lips, heads changing angle every so often as if to taste a different corner of one another's mouths. Yoongi can never get over how lush Jimin's lips are. They give beneath his touch but they bounce back to fullness immediately too. Nibbling and sucking on the bottom one sometimes feels like sustenance, an entire meal.

"God," Yoongi sighs, leaning back for breath. "Remember when all we used to do was make out?"

"Not really," Jimin chuckles. "Considering that only lasted about two weeks and we didn't even see each other every day during that time."

"What can I say," Yoongi boasts, "you wanted so much more after just a little taste of me."

"You're so full of yourself." Yoongi is about to retort to that, but Jimin knows him too well: "And don't say anything about me always being full of yourself too! It's just cringeworthy."

"My Jiminie is feeling savage today," Yoongi smirks, pulling him into a loose headlock in order to graze knuckles across his head roughly.

-

It's night by the time they exit the noraebang. There may have been another extended kissing session or two. Never anything heated enough to get the two of them worked up and hard, needing to grind on one another fully clothed, just tactile kisses that concentrated on the feeling of mouths touching and nothing else.

If Yoongi was only able to go that far with Jimin the rest of his life he wouldn't mind it at all.

"You still happy we made that pact?" He asks as he and Jimin walk together holding hands in the dark. He tugs Jimin's hand to nudge an answer out of him.

"The no sex pact?" Jimin asks, humming thoughtfully when Yoongi affirms it with a nod. "Well, yeah! It's only for today. I might've thought differently if it'd been longer. Like those people who go a week or more before their wedding days!"

"We're not doing that," Yoongi says flatly. "Because I'm not marrying you."

"Yet~" Jimin chuckles. It's hard to tell if there's any tiny flicker of seriousness behind the joke. But god, who needs to worry about that when they've only been dating six months? At least they can make that sort of joke. At least there's more to them than sex, no matter how it might sound to their friends from all the bragging they've both been doing. No regrets there when everything was completely true, but it had been a conversation they'd needed to have.

"I like the intimacy we have," Jimin continues suddenly. He squeezes Yoongi's hand in his, swinging them back and forth together. "I just wanna fall asleep with you. Spooning you."

Yoongi's little secret; he likes to curl up into a tiny ball to sleep, which makes him the little spoon by default since Jimin can wrap around him but not the reverse.

"Should we... find a movie to watch to kill time before bed?" Jimin asks hesitantly. Yeah, Yoongi knows what he's thinking - they'll need some kind of distraction, otherwise with free time and Yoongi's comfortable bed they'll be having sex before they know it.

"Actually," Yoongi says, glancing up at the night sky, "I have an idea this time. Can I put an app onto your phone?"

"Oh," Jimin hurriedly pulls it from his back pocket. "Sure, hyung!"

He opens it for Yoongi and hands it over freely. Yoongi feels Jimin peering curiously over his shoulder and tilts the screen out of his view as he types in what he wants into the search bar.

A couple of minutes later there's a new app on Jimin's phone.

"I just want to check it for a good location near here," Yoongi says, taking a few steps backwards and away from Jimin. "And then when we get there you can have it back."

"Hyuuuung," Jimin mock-pouts. "What are you planning?"

Yoongi flashes him the trademark 'trust your genius boyfriend' look and doesn't bother to answer. There's a park within about ten minutes walk. It might only have gravel on the ground and not grass but Yoongi and Jimin have jackets on, they'll survive. It's the best compromise between near and suitable for his purpose.

Yoongi gets lucky; there's a tree just outside the park boundary with a nice patch of grass around it. He guides Jimin over, sits down, and pats the space beside him.

"Lie back," he says, plopping Jimin's phone into his lap before lifting his arms behind his head to rest on them as he looks up at the sky.

"I thought we weren't having sex," Jimin giggles as he greedily opens his phone and swipes to find the newest app, leaning back gently as he does so. "Is it a porn app, hyung?"

"Shut up," Yoongi replies simply.

"Oh!" Jimin says, finally having found the app. "It's for... Stargazing?"

"Mmmhmm," Yoongi agrees. "It reads your location and tells you which constellations are visible in the sky above you. You can even take pictures of what you see and it'll superimpose the constellation on top."

"Oh wow," Jimin breathes, glancing up at the twinkling stars in the sky. "They're pretty enough as it is, but this is super cool."

"Give it a try," Yoongi says. He points to what he thinks are a cluster of stars that belong together. "That bunch there?"

Jimin snaps a photo and lets the app do its magic.

"The seven stars of the north!" He says triumphantly. "Probably the most famous stars. How did you do that?"

"Well, they're probably famous because they're obvious," Yoongi shrugs in a moment of humility. He honestly hadn't planned it, he doesn't know anything about stars! "They tell a story of filial piety, right?"

"It's actually on here, hyung," Jimin informs him. "The stars represent seven brothers who did a good deed for their mother. She blessed the people responsible, unknowing who they were, and the blessing turned them into stars when they died." He turns to grin at Yoongi. "So if we're good to our mothers maybe one day we'll become stars too?"

"I'd rather be the celebrity kind of star," Yoongi replies. "But I'll still make sure to treat my mother well."

"Such a good boyfriend," Jimin hums in amusement. "This is fun, let's try some more!"

"I'm so lucky it was a clear night."

-

"It's past midnight," Jimin informs Yoongi at one point, being the only one out of the two of them with his phone out and the time in view.

"Wanna head back then?" Yoongi asks. "Get some sleep? Ready for tomorrow?"

"If I wake up handcuffed to the bed, Min Yoongi-" Jimin starts to say as he hops to his feet, chuckling to himself. Yoongi holds out his hand, silently demanding to be helped up. Jimin tugs him to his feet.

"You'll what?" Yoongi retorts. "You won't be able to do anything with your hands bound."

"We'll see about that."

Yoongi honestly hasn't got any solid plans for tomorrow either so he just lets the subject drop. Jimin had been the one to joke about having the pent up sexual energy. Making a serious plan over it is only going to lead to pressure and no fun.

Besides, there's something else to think about when they reach his dorm.

"Time for my present!" Jimin squeals excitedly as he walks into the room, clapping his hands.

"Oh wow, I'd forgotten," Yoongi says, gaping. "How did you remember?"

"Um, it's a present for me," Jimin points out. "Where is it, hyung?"

He starts glancing around for a gift bag or wrapped box of some sort. Yoongi snorts.

"You won't see it," he says. "Here, let me show you."

He walks over to his chest of drawers, knowing full well that Jimin is peering over his shoulder expecting to see the wrapped gift hidden inside. Before he opens the top drawer Yoongi hesitates.

"It's kind of cliche," he admits, worrying at his lip for a brief moment. "But cliches endure because they work, right?"

"Hyung," Jimin rests his head on Yoongi's shoulder, tilting his head towards him endearingly. "Whatever it is I'll love it."

"Mmmm." Yoongi doesn't believe that but he kind of understands the sentiment Jimin is going for. So he pulls the drawer open to reveal--

Nothing but a few pairs of boxer-briefs and socks that Jimin had left behind at one time or another when he'd spent the night in Yoongi's bed.

"There's more," Yoongi says, noticing Jimin's mystified look out of the corner of his eye and choosing not to acknowledge it. He walks over to the closet, opening it up to reveal the chunk of space at one end just waiting to be filled. "It's your space." He explains. "Your drawer. Your end of the rail. So you can keep more of your stuff here. So you can stay over a lot more often."

"Ohhhh," Jimin's eyes widen at the realisation. "Oh my god hyung, that's so sweet! How much do you want me to stay here? How many times a week? I'm going to annoy you so much, you know?"

"I know," Yoongi agrees flatly, but Jimin is flinging arms around him from behind as he heads towards the bed, nuzzling into his neck as he makes happy little noises, and Yoongi can't really pretend to be grouchy about it for long. At all.

-

Chapter Text

-

[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j]

[Mochiminie's status is set to BUSY]

Mochiminie: couple necklaces BIATCHES
Mochiminie:

HobiHobi: asjkaLDLKHNFDA

-

[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h]

[Suga's status is set to DON'T BOTHER ME]

Suga:

Suga: what fuckin scenery

RapMon: Do you mean,
RapMon: "Where is the scenery, all I can see is my boyfriend", or
RapMon: "Wow, my boyfriend is amazing scenery"?

Suga: yes

-

[group chat: park.j, kim.t, jung.h, jeon.j]

[Mochiminie's status is set to BUSY]

Mochiminie: mygod he's SO cute when he sleeps in random places
Mochiminie:

-

[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h]

[Suga's status is set to DON'T BOTHER ME]

Suga:

Suga: you all are insane if you don't wanna fuck him
Suga: but at the same time
Suga: if any of you ever express a desire to fuck him
Suga: i'll rip your balls off

-

[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h]

Suga: Min Yoongi
Suga: King of Sex, fucking, love-making, banging, knocking boots, bumping uglies, the horizontal shuffle, boinking, screwing, tapping ass,

RapMon: Get on with it.

Suga: fine
Suga: I was running out of ideas anyway
Suga: Min Yoongi
Suga: King of Sex (etc. etc.)
Suga: has done it again
Suga: six orgasms given to one unearthly hotass in one single day
Suga: if anyone wants to win the trophy back I'll accept either: seven orgasms given twice, or six orgasms given three times
Suga: at least until I break my own record once more
Suga: and then you call all kiss the trophy goodbye forever

HobiHobi: its not really anything you did anymore, Yoon
HobiHobi: its your boyfriend's stamina, holy shit

JinAndTonic: yeah, how do you even keep up with him? no way you have that sort of stamina!

Suga: if you think I match him orgasm for orgasm you're fucking joking
Suga: I'm just highly motivated by his perfect ass and godlike body to pleasure him all the way into the world record books
Suga: so really it is all my hard work
Suga: mostly my tongue's hard work

RapMon: Maybe you should insure your tongue.

Suga: sarcasm acknowledged, but it's so important now I might just do that

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

HobiHobi: Jin-hyung, there's no need to keep this from Namjoon anymore: it's TIME

RapMon: Wait, what?

Taesty: HI NEW FRIENDS

Kookie: where are we? Hobi-hyung what is this?

HobiHobi: allow me to explain!
HobiHobi: First of all y'all gotta change your screennames to just your names to save confusion okay?

Jin: check

Namjoon: Okay...

Taehyung: awwww my pun :(

Jin: Taehyung ilu already for your pun, you can put it back if you want, your Jin-hyung says so.

Taesty: YAY!

Jungkook: there

HobiHobi: OKAY SO
HobiHobi: THIS IS THE SECRET YOONMIN CONSPIRACY GROUP

Taesty: what's yoonmin?

Namjoon: Jin, what have you been keeping from me?

HobiHobi: GUYS LET UR HOPE TALK
HobiHobi: Jin-hyung and Namjoon are Jimin's boyfriend (Yoongi)'s friends
HobiHobi: Taehyung and Jungkookie are Yoongi's boyfriend (Jimin)'s friends
HobiHobi: I AM FRIENDS WITH BOTH YOONGI AND JIMIN AND HAVE BEEN FOR ACTUAL YEARS AND NEITHER OF THEM KNOW
HobiHobi: THEY WANTED TO PREVENT US ALL FROM MEETING, WHICH WAS A CRUEL THING TO DO
HobiHobi: TAEHYUNGIE, JUNGKOOKIE, YOU WOULD'VE BEEN DEPRIVED OF YOUR NEW MAMA. JIN-HYUNG COOKS FOR US ALL (WHEN HE HAS TIME BETWEEN DOING HIS THESIS AND DOING NAMJOON)

Namjoon: Hoseok that is not how you make an introduction.

HobiHobi: AND LOVES US ALL LIKE HIS CHILDREN
HobiHobi: (EXCEPT NAMJOON OBV)

Namjoon: HOSEOK I SWEAR

HobiHobi: JOON DON'T GET MAD AT ME
HobiHobi: Get mad at Yoongi! All because he's a grumpy ass you have yet to meet your new adorable dongsaengs-slash-new-children!

HobiHobi: CONGRATULATIONS JIN-HYUNG AND NAMJOON, IT'S TWO MORE BOYS!

Jin: /sobs handsomely

HobiHobi: Taehyung, Jungkook, these are your new parents:



HobiHobi: yes, Jin-hyung does always look at Namjoon in that gross dreamy way

Jin: WE'RE IN LOVE

HobiHobi: AND WHEN THEY BE JUDGIN PEOPLE AS A COUPLE:

HobiHobi: ^this is what they get like to anyone who hurts their babies

Jin: speaking of
Jin: I know I'm handsome
Jin: but stop sharing so many pictures of my face and share more of my new babies so i can coo
Jin: what year are you in, my children?

Taesty:



we're sophomores, mama! Just like my bestfriendsoulmate Jiminie!

Jin: your bestfriendsoulmate Jiminie is adorable! I am adopting him too he just doesn't know it yet

Jungkook: Tae what are u doin

Taesty: saying hi to our new mama?

Jungkook: he is not our
Jungkook: u kno what
Jungkook: i kno better than to argue with u
Jungkook: so whatever do what u want
Jungkook: i hav a date

HobiHobi: "date"?

Jungkook: *hook-up

Taesty: Mama Jin-hyung one of ur new children is a fuckboi
Taesty: look at our Jungkookie

HobiHobi: I remember that one omg
HobiHobi: the accompanying caption was
HobiHobi: "just fucked in an expensive hotel i didn't pay for lol"

Jin: I'm
Jin: having strange stirrings
Jin: proud feelings?

Taesty: JIMINIE IS A MASSIVE MASSIVE HO TOO
Taesty: BUT ONLY WITH HIS "SECRET" BOYFRIEND DON'T WORRY

Jungkook: so ur the sibling who tells tales on everyone
Jungkook: i see

Taesty: tales?
Taesty: TAE-LS?
Taesty: MAMA JIN-HYUNG IS PROUD, I'M SHARING GOOD STORIES

Jin: Jungkook
Jin: Jungkookie
Jin: sweet Kookie
Jin: would you like mama to bake you some cookies?

Jungkook: ...yeah alright
Jungkook: i mean yes please hyung

Jin: NAMJOON LOOK AT HIS MANNERS

Namjoon: Why does this group chat exist again?

HobiHobi: OH RIGHT
HobiHobi: OKAY SO
HobiHobi: Yoongi and Jimin
HobiHobi: Jimin and Yoongi

Taesty: SITTIN IN A TREE

Jungkook: f-u-c-k-i-n all nasty like,
Jungkook: "MY BOYFRIEND'S TONGUE TOOK ME ON A *ROUND THE WORLD TRIP*, NOT JUST TO HONG KONG U GUYS OMG"

Namjoon: Oh for fuck's sake I owe Yoongi-hyung 50,000 won.

HobiHobi: lmfao you made that bet with him too?
HobiHobi: idk why I'm laughing it was painful handing that money over
HobiHobi: couldn't even tell him what it was for coz of the ~secret boyfriend~
HobiHobi: just told him to take it

Jungkook: bet?

HobiHobi: Yoongi-hyung likes to brag a ridiculous amount about his tongue skills

Namjoon: We called bullshit.
Namjoon: Apparently that was a mistake.

HobiHobi: look, Joon, u weren't there for the group chat when Jimin asked me about rimming and claimed he reached the pearly gates via Yoongi
HobiHobi: so yeah. count yourself lucky

Jin: I don't even need to be with Joonie right now to know you've killed him
Jin: thanks Hoseokie
Jin: I'm not into dead men

HobiHobi: he'll recover! give him a minute
HobiHobi: anyway so
HobiHobi: they didn't want any of us to meet
HobiHobi: which is just mean
HobiHobi: SO
HobiHobi: MY PLAN IS
HobiHobi: we force them to confess

Jin: how?

HobiHobi: I figured you or Namjoon could get your flirt on with Jimin
HobiHobi: and Tae or Kookie can hit on Yoongs
HobiHobi: we push them and push them til someone's jealousy explodes and they reveal all
HobiHobi: I don't think Jiminie is the jealous type but I could be wrong???
HobiHobi: ...so yeah let's just push Yoongi into 'fessing up, he's overthinking this all way too much now
HobiHobi: this is my plan as his only real friend. we have to hurt him just a little to help him a lot

Jin: Joonie
Jin: it took me quite some time to train you out of your nasty flirting ways
Jin: but I'm all for you getting it out of your system for the sake of making Yoongi suffer
Jin: since I have also suffered. From not meeting Jimin.

Namjoon: ...Yeah, I'm pretty mad about owing Yoongi 50,000 won, I'll do it.

Jungkook: I hav a spare burner phone u can use
Jungkook: Hobi-hyung can bring it to u

Namjoon: Why do you
Namjoon: Oh wait.
Namjoon: I understand.

Jungkook: Unwanted attention.

Namjoon: Yeah, I actually might have an old burner around myself somewhere.

Jin: jeeze
Jin: Namjoon don't revert back into a fuckboi I can't handle it

Namjoon: You can help if you want? I'll show you everything I write, you can try coming up with stuff too.
Namjoon: Also: why is your response to Jungkook-ah being "popular" pride, but my former status cringeworthy?

Jin: Some genius
Jin: BECAUSE I'M *DATING YOU* YOU MORON

-

Chapter Text

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

Ho-ld me close: Operation Yoonmin Reveal is underway

Jin-gle all the way: what did you guys decide in the end?

Tae-m the beast: we made Jungkook go meet Yoongi
Tae-m the beast: coz Hobi-hyung said one minute with me and he'd claw my eyes out

Jin-gle all the way: mmm, it's probably true

Ho-ld me close: Jungkookie is more on his level! You know: silent and broody.

Nothing works with Namjoon: What happened, then? Tell me you didn't both just sit in complete silence.

Kookie is already a play on my name: what's wrong with that? he loved it!

Ho-ld me close: Joon we hav to go slow with Yoongi

Jin-gle all the way: There has to be more to it than than. tell us the full story pls Kookie

Kookie is already a play on my name: ok
Kookie is already a play on my name: he was sittin alone in the library
Kookie is already a play on my name: so I went an sat at the same table
Kookie is already a play on my name: as far away as possible so he wouldn't b tempted to move
Kookie is already a play on my name: and when someone else tried to join us
Kookie is already a play on my name: I said "fuck off we're using all this space"
Kookie is already a play on my name: and he glanced up at me and smirked

Nothing works with Namjoon: He smirked at you? Holy shit you're *good*.

Tae-m the beast: that's why he's our international playboy!

Kookie is already a play on my name: I do hav insider information from u guys to be fair
Kookie is already a play on my name: I knew wot would work on him, wot he'd like

Jin-gle all the way: it's a far cry from trying to get him into bed so he'll confess about Jimin
Jin-gle all the way: but dang if u haven't started well my child!

Kookie is already a play on my name: hyungs ur all treating me to dinner as thank you, yes?

-

[private chat: min.y, jung.h ]

Suga: maybe this place isn't as completely filled with fucknuts as I thought it was all these years

Ho-ld me close: oh yeah?

Suga: I actually met a cool kid today in the library

Ho-ld me close: lol there's a first time for everything Yoon

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

Ho-ld me close: OHMYGOD
Ho-ld me close: OHYMGOD
Ho-ld me close: HOMYDGO
Ho-ld me close: ITS WORKING
Ho-ld me close: THE PLAN IS WORKING
Ho-ld me close: YOONGI MENTIONED IN PASSING THAT HE MET A
Ho-ld me close: AND I *QUOTE*
Ho-ld me close: "cool kid today"

Tae-m the beast: ...thas a big deal???

Joonbuggy: Shit, this is *huge*.

Jin-gle all the way: Yoongi didn't even say that when he met Jimin!

Ho-ld me close: no
Ho-ld me close: because he didn't tell any of us when he met Jimin
Ho-ld me close: and then one day in group chat he just went
Ho-ld me close: (brb lemme c&p)
Ho-ld me close: "so I've been seeing someone for the past two months."
"and jsyk last night we had the best sex that has ever happened, is currently happening, or ever will happen while the universe exists."
"so you losers should all just give up, shave your heads and become monks now".
Ho-ld me close: and then he sent this
Ho-ld me close:

Joonbuggy: We tried reading his lips to decipher how exactly he was dissing us.

Jin-gle all the way: we think he was actually
Jin-gle all the way: proclaiming his bed as a sacred monument

Tae-m the beast: WOOOOOOOOW. GO JIMINIE.

Ho-ld me close: no Tae listen! this is still about our baby manwhore!!!
Ho-ld me close: YOONGI IS TOTALLY INTO KOOKIE
Ho-ld me close: WHAT A JERKASS. HOW IS THIS MY BEST FRIEND

Tae-m the beast: HYUNGIE THIS WAS THE PLAN THO???
Tae-m the beast: HOW CAN U BE MAD ITS WORKING OUT THE WAY WE WANT?

Ho-ld me close: I don't REALLY want Yoongi-hyung's eyes to wander from our precious Jiminie!
Ho-ld me close: JEON JUNGKOOK WHAT DO U HAV TO SAY FOR URSELF?

Kookie: I'm really good at what I do.

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ] 

Suga: he was pretty hot

Mochiminie: ...
Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: ... are u
Mochiminie: ... trying to make me jealous?

Suga: yes
Suga:

Suga: why isn't it working
Suga:

Suga: why aren't you jealous
Suga:

Suga: I just called another guy hot

Mochiminie: are you in love with him?

Suga: the fuck Jiminie no of course not I only just met him!

Mochiminie: well there you go! ur in love with me.
Mochiminie: but you still have eyes, babe. cant help finding someone attractive.
Mochiminie: ur too straightforward to cheat on me
Mochiminie: you never take ur eyes off me when we're together
Mochiminie: why would I need to be jealous?

Suga: did you just accuse me of being something straight

Mochiminie: ur too gay-forward to cheat on me?
Mochiminie: ur just too gay FOR ME to cheat on me
Mochiminie: I am the cutest boy in the world
Mochiminie: u can't level up from this
Mochiminie:

Mochiminie: u hav obtained the epitome, the number one twink that all other gays lust after

Suga: I wish your confidence was a turn off

Mochiminie: it's not tho is it?

Suga: no babe
Suga: not when I think how far you've come

-

-

[private chat: kim.n, kim.s]

JinJin: JOONIE
JinJin: HOSEOK IS GOING TO CONTRIVE FOR JIMIN AND I TO MEET TODAY
JinJin: I'm so excited
JinJin: he's going to LOVE my jokes

JoonJoon: I'm happy for you Jinnie <3
JoonJoon: We should begin Mission Possible: Attack on Jimin's Booty (Taehyung chose the appropriate alternative for posterior) soon, too.

JinJin: this is going to be so weird

JoonJoon: It's for the greater good.

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.s]

JinJin: Jimin-ah! It was so nice to meet you today! Have you finished your dance class now?

Mochiminie: Yes, hyung, I have! It was nice to meet u too, tho u prob have more important things to do than text me!
Mochiminie: Didn't u say u have ur thesis to finish this year?

JinJin: I'm working hard on it my super-cute dongsaeng, don't you start worrying about me already!
JinJin: I thought I'd share some more of my clever jokes with you since you enjoyed them so much earlier!

Mochiminie: oh no
Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: they're really bad, hyung!
Mochiminie: I just can't help laughing but they're *really bad*, hyung!!!

JinJin: you're in denial, it's okay
JinJin: I even thought of some dance-themed ones just for you!
JinJin: what does a car do at the disco?
JinJin: BRAKE dance!
JinJin: HAHAHAHAHA

Mochiminie: omg hyung
Mochiminie: lol

JinJin: what do cows like to dance to?
JinJin: any kind of MOOsic!
JinJin: HEHEHEHEHE

Mochiminie: I can't believe you're even doing your own laugh sounds after them too lololol
Mochiminie: hyung, you're too much!

JinJin: why does a ballerina wear a tutu?

Mochiminie: oh, ur waiting for me to answer this one?
Mochiminie: I don't know hyung, why?

JinJin: because a one-one is too small, and a three-three is too big!!!
JinJin: I'M SO FUNNY JIMIN-AH, ADMIT IT

Mochiminie: I'm dying lol

-

Chapter Text

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

Kookie: yo
Kookie: ...yo HYUNGS I mean
Kookie: Yoongi-ssi asked for my number

HopeJ: WHAAAAAAAAAAT
HopeJ: WHAT THE EVERLOVING F
HopeJ: IF YOONGI IS ABOUT TO CHEAT ON JIMIN I'LL KICK HIS SCRAWNY-LEGGED ASS

RapMon: You won't win that fight, Jay.

HopeJ: THEN I'LL WILLINGLY SACRIFICE MY BODY AND SOUL FOR MY DONGSAENG'S HONOUR
HopeJ:

Taeaeaeaeae: omg hyungie noooooo
Taeaeaeaeae: let me help u! I WANT TO FIGHT FOR JIMINIES'S HONOUR TOO

Kookie: Jimin can fight for his own honour u kno
Kookie: anyway it wasn't "gimme ur number so we can bang"

HopeJ: WHY DIDNT U SAY THAT IN TH FIRST PLACE
HopeJ: IM HYPERVENTILATING HERE

JinAndTonic: typing amazingly well considering, Hoseokie!

Kookie: he said
Kookie: "if i want this table held and ur here can I message u, kid?"
Kookie: unless none of u thought to warn me he's a huge pervert and into kids
Kookie: he appears not to be takin me seriously as an attractive piece of ass yet
Kookie: gotta show some skin

Taeaeaeaeae: yep! wen he sees those Kookie biceps he'll be drooling
Taeaeaeaeae:

Taeaeaeaeae: he's into Jiminie's ripped bod after all!
Taeaeaeaeae:

JinAndTonic: oh my

RapMon: Dang.

HopeJ: okay
HopeJ: okay okay okay
HopeJ: Kookie, find some excuse to strip off in front of him
HopeJ: Yoongi will get flustered and HAVE to admit he's got a boyfriend!
HopeJ: there will be no cheating on Jimin
HopeJ: never ever ever ever

JinAndTonic: you know
JinAndTonic: once Yoongi kills you for doing this to him, Hoseokie
JinAndTonic: he's genuinely going to be so grateful to you for being all protective over his boyfriend
JinAndTonic: which I am inferring from Yoongi's various threats in regards to what would happen if any of us did not respect Jimin

RapMon: Inferring? In regards? Oh shit, talk dirty to me why don't you.

JinAndTonic: I know what you like, Joonie~
JinAndTonic: actually it's because I've been working on hell's thesis so I'm in wordy mode

-

[private chat: jeon.j, park.j]

Mochiminie: Kookie
Mochiminie: I need ur expert advice
Mochiminie: how do I get come stains out of bedsheets other than trying a 2nd and 3rd etc. wash on a higher temp
Mochiminie: or buying heavy duty stain remover
Mochiminie: coz none of that is working

Kookie: I hav no idea
Kookie: dude
Kookie: think about it
Kookie: I never fuck on my *own* sheets
Kookie: otherwise I'd hav to work out how to kick the other person out the next morning instead of just leave b4 they wake up

Mochiminie: shit
Mochiminie: god ur such a manwhore seriously

Kookie: says the one who has cemented come onto his bfs sheets

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Mochiminie: ummmm
Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: we need to go shopping for new bedsheets

Suga: what did you do
Suga: did you throw something red in there by accident?
Suga: I don't care if the sheets are pink Jimin, my masculinity isn't that fragile

Mochiminie: it's not like that at all! i kno how to do laundry omg

Suga: you're the one messaging me to say I need new sheets

Mochiminie: HYUNG
Mochiminie: THE STAINS WON'T COME OFF THEM

Suga: you're joking right?
Suga: we've never had a problem before

Mochiminie: WELL I GUESS NOW ITS FINALLY BUILT UP TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN
Mochiminie: seriously hyung
Mochiminie: I tried everything
Mochiminie: I even bought some scary looking heavy duty stain remover
Mochiminie: looked like just plain acid
Mochiminie: they're more spunk than sheet at this point i guess

Suga: gross

Mochiminie: ur come isn't gross
Mochiminie: MY come isn't gross!
Mochiminie: can I just throw these away already omg

Suga: no
Suga: burn them

-

[private chat: kim.t, park.j ]

Mochiminie: so Tae hav u had anyone over~ while I've been gone?

TaeTae: yes and no
TaeTae: coz I wasn't alone
TaeTae: but u mean for sex an we didn't do that
TaeTae: Hobi-hyung and Kookie came to hang out

Mochiminie: nice! play video games?

TaeTae: ya! was really really fun
TaeTae: they fell asleep after
TaeTae:

TaeTae: guessing u didn't do anythin so platonic w ur boyf

Mochiminie: "platonic" huh
Mochiminie: WOTD toilet paper is one of my fave things I ever bought u, makes chattin so interesting
Mochiminie: we don't just fuck! yesterday he had a lot of work to do, I also watched stuff w headphones in just sat next to him for hours. anime, movies. it was really nice. domestic like?

TaeTae:...is ur boyfs roommate just never there?

Mochiminie: he doesnt hav a roommate actually!
Mochiminie: he used to
Mochiminie: but last year the guy moved in with his bf
Mochiminie: and then due to some "clerical error" the bed never came up as available on the campus system
Mochiminie: and my bf loves being alone so he's gonna let their fuck up continue til he graduates

TaeTae: he doesn't get lonely?

Mochiminie: oh TaeTae r u concerned about him?

TaeTae: kinda?
TaeTae: he's ur lover
TaeTae: ur special someone
TaeTae: i care!

Mochiminie: i love you u cute puppy
Mochiminie: also I think ur not as slick at taking secret pics as u thought
Mochiminie: jungkookie sent me this old one today, i guess as revenge

-

[private chat: park.j, unknown]

Unknown: this is park jimin yeah?

Mochiminie: who is this? how did u get my number?

Unknown: idk back of a bathroom stall or something. "call for a good time" right?

Mochiminie: shit
Mochiminie: I didn't put my number anywhere! and certainly not for that!
Mochiminie: I don't kno who did! I hav a boyfriend!

Unknown: well that doesn't have to matter

Mochiminie: whoa

Unknown: I've seen u around
Unknown: ur so fine
Unknown: an ass like that is like a buffet, it should be shared by everyone
Unknown: we all need a bite of it

Mochiminie: u sure as hell don't have permission to get anywhere near my ass
Mochiminie: fuck off

Unknown: come on baby don't get upset

Mochiminie: i'm not ur baby either

Unknown: no but i could be ur daddy

Mochiminie: why the hell cant I block this number

-

[private chat: kim.s, kim.n]

JinJin: I *know* you're sat right next to me but I cannot talk about this out loud
JinJin: Yes
JinJin: Yes I am going to reply via message even if you talk aloud

Joonbuggy: Well that just feels awkward.
Joonbuggy: So here I am.
Joonbuggy: Messaging you while we sit beside one another on the couch.

JinJin: Kim Namjoon how are you so nasty?

Joonbuggy: Don't act so innocent; you love dirty talk in bed!

JinJin: I willingly consent to it! Talking this complete filth to near strangers is just gross.
JinJin: and context *matters*
JinJin: You ever call me a cockslut any other place or time, even jokingly, and I'll rip your balls off.
JinJin: via your throat.

Joonbuggy: Duly noted, my love.
Joonbuggy: ...You've spent too much time around Yoongi; you make the same threats.

JinJin: Also, while we're at it
JinJin: After all this time
JinJin: Can you please explain to me what an automatic dick is
JinJin: GOING RED IN THE FACE DOESN'T GET YOU OUT OF ANSWERING, KIM NAMJOON

Joonbuggy: I don't know! It was just a thing I said in the heat of the moment.

JinJin: And yet somehow I still continue to find you sexy.

Joonbuggy: I guess...
Joonbuggy: It means I'm always ready.
Joonbuggy: Like,
Joonbuggy: I see you and automatically I'm hard.
Joonbuggy: Because it's *you*.

JinJin: I am not finding this endearing.
JinJin: I am not.

Joonbuggy: Starting to protest too much, Jinnie.

JinJin: I think my attraction to you is actually some kind of serious sickness.
JinJin: I'm going to go visit the doctor asap.

-

Chapter Text

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

JK: so here's how it went down
JK: i needed Yoongi-ssi to recognise me as sexually viable n not just a kid
JK: so i "accidentally" ran into him on campus
JK: then pretended I saw someone I used to fuck

HobiHobi: "pretended" it was someone you used to fuck?

Taeaeaeae: sum1 you "used" to fuck?

JK: either way
JK: I was all
JK: "hyung u got my back right? hide me from that crazy dude. since I pulled the plug on us fuckbuddying he's been hardcore stalkin me, he's after a relationship or some shit"

Joonbuggy: And?

JK: first he said "who the fuck gave u permission to call me hyung?"
JK: but he was already putting an arm out to hide me behind him
JK: even tho he short AF
JK: did Jimin purposely find the only dude on campus as short as him to date or what?

JinAndTonic: let it all out now, JK. don't ever comment on Yoongi's height in person

JK: and then he was all, "what's an overgrown foetus like u doing with a fuckbuddy anyway?"
JK: an I smirked and said
JK: "hyung, I've had more fuckbuddies than u even though I'm younger, TRUST me"
JK: an then I took a risk and asked if he wanted me to show him some tricks
JK: an he may have laughed in my face
JK: BUT
JK: it was more of an approvin smirk

Joonbuggy: He wants to Suga that Kookie.

JinAndTonic: ohmygod
JinAndTonic: that's disgusting
JinAndTonic: this fuckboi texting stuff has already taken over
JinAndTonic: I'm never baking iced cookies again
JinAndTonic: and possibly never touching your penis ever again either

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Suga: Jiminie
Suga: this kid is actually outright hitting on me now

Mochiminie: are u STILL trying to make me jealous hyung omg

Suga: no! I'm legitimately confused
Suga: why would someone want to flirt with me
Suga: why is he giving me knowing smiles and pervy eyebrows and showing me his biceps

Mochiminie: ohmygod

Suga: I haven't been encouraging him, I swear!

Mochiminie: that's not what I'm
Mochiminie: WHY WOULDNT SOMEONE FLIRT WITH U
Mochiminie: MY HOT AS FUCK BOYFRIEND WHO OOZES COOLNESS, EFFORTLESS MASCULINITY, AND SEEMS SO UNTOUCHABLE ANYONE WOULD BE TEMPTED TO TRY AND BE THE SPECIAL ONE TO CRACK THE FACADE?

Suga: oh
Suga: is that how people see me?

Mochiminie: holy shit baby what did u think they saw

Suga: a grumpy grandpa with a stick up his ass

Mochiminie: when there's something in ur ass it's definitely no stick
Mochiminie: baby,
Mochiminie: ur so *yourself*
Mochiminie: u say what u want when u want. u don't care about gender roles or outdated traditions or "shoulds"
Mochiminie: but ur never vicious, ur just real
Mochiminie: that's so damn hot
Mochiminie: this kid just has great taste
Mochiminie: don't be hard on him k?

-

[private chat: kim.t, park.j ]

Taeaeaeae: Minnie

Mochiminie: yeah?

Taeaeaeae: u think it's possible to have sex with a friend an not have it get weird?

Mochiminie: what
Mochiminie: who
Mochiminie: who u wanna bang?

Taeaeaeae: there may be more than one who

Mochiminie: oh TaeTae
Mochiminie: depends on the person!
Mochiminie: like Kookie would fuck anyone as hot as u in a heartbeat an not get weird about it at all
Mochiminie: but if ur secretly wanting more than fuckbuddies w him then ur screwed

Taeaeaeae: mmm yeah

Mochiminie: now Hobi-hyung
Mochiminie: acts happy and relaxed and chill about everything
Mochiminie: but he is nothing but feelings thru and thru
Mochiminie: I think even tho he likes a fun one night stand as much as the rest of us he falls a lil bit in love with everyone he has sex wit
Mochiminie: so when ur already someone important to him
Mochiminie: thats gonna go SO wrong
Mochiminie: ...now is there anyone else u wanna bang I haven't covered?

Taeaeaeae: no
Taeaeaeae: I wanted u to read my mind an u did
Taeaeaeae: like a good bestfriendsoulmate

Mochiminie:

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Suga: Jiminie
Suga: My Jiminie

Mochiminie: mm?

Suga: you know what people see when they look at you?

Mochiminie: well
Mochiminie: if i say what i *really* think
Mochiminie: u'll get frustrated at me
Mochiminie: like u always hav

Suga: babe, it's because I love you and you need to eat
Suga: it's a physical need, it's about more than looks
Suga: not to mention you're beautiful all the time
Suga: so no
Suga: don't say people see chubby cheeks or baby fat
Suga: they see a ray of sunshine who always puts others before himself
Suga: who will listen to any issue or problem and try to find a solution
Suga: with a smile that makes angels jealous
Suga: and when you walk away
Suga: they see an ass like a ripe peach
Suga: a juicy peach to sink teeth into

Mochiminie: ah, romance isn't dead after all
Mochiminie: oh shit that reminds me
Mochiminie: some unknown number texted me the other day, trying to get with me, saying stuff like i should be sharing my ass and letting everyone have a bite!
Mochiminie: and there was no visible number so i couldn't even block them

Suga: i'll find them
Suga: and kill them

-

[private chat: unknown, park.j ]

Unknown: Park Jimin
Unknown: u dtf?

Mochiminie: NO
Mochiminie: GO. AWAY.
Mochiminie: LEAVE ME ALONE

Unknown: oh come on word is ur totally dtf all the time
Unknown: word is
Unknown: the way u dance
Unknown: ur practically inviting ppl in

Mochiminie: how do i get u to fuck off
Mochiminie: without fucking you
Mochiminie: because no
Mochiminie: never
Mochiminie: aint happenin

Unknown: why dont u send me some of your selfies to tide me over
Unknown: the ones u prob send to ur boyfriend
Unknown: shirtless and sweaty after dance practice
Unknown: ur dick getting hard under your clothes when ur sexting

Mochiminie: ah u got my bf involved
Mochiminie: now he wants to talk to u himself:
Mochiminie: this stops now
Mochiminie: or I hunt you down
Mochiminie: and kill you
Mochiminie: my Jiminie is worth going to jail for
Mochiminie: ...not that they'll ever find your body

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

C.I.Tae: i am here
C.I.Tae: Special Agent Kim Taetae
C.I.Tae: expertly undercover
C.I.Tae:
C.I.Tae: ...well not actually undercover at all since Yoongi-ssi doesn't kno my face
C.I.Tae:
C.I.Tae: to bring u all a live report on Kookies progress in The Seduction

HopeJ: and to interfere if things go too far!

JinAndTonic: they're in a public library, Hobi!

HopeJ: I KNOW PLENTY OF PPL THAT HAV NEVER LET THAT STOP THEM BEFORE

C.I.Tae: ok so
C.I.Tae: omg jeon jungkook
C.I.Tae: masterful !!!
C.I.Tae: I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH SKILL IN ACTION
C.I.Tae: OUR GOLDEN MAKNAE

HopeJ: ohmygod Taetae tell us what's happening!

C.I.Tae: so he shrugged out of his jacket earlier
C.I.Tae: tryin ta show some skin a lil bit at a time
C.I.Tae: but what our Kookie jus did !!!
C.I.Tae: so he brought coffee wit him
C.I.Tae: he "accidentally" knocked the coffee over after he'd drunk like half of it or more

HopeJ: ur getting great at air quotes bb

C.I.Tae: knocked it so it went towards Yoongi-ssi
C.I.Tae: and stood up hastily leaning right across the table to keep it from hitting Yoongi-ssi's papers
C.I.Tae: so then he has a long coffee stain down his shirt where he leant in it right
C.I.Tae: so he starts unbuttoning it!!!

HopeJ: DONT LET JEON JUNGKOOK STRIP IN THE LIBRARY

C.I.Tae: hyungie!!! He's got a muscle tee underneath
C.I.Tae: and may I just say
C.I.Tae: woweeeee muscles
C.I.Tae: dey are BULGING today
C.I.Tae: i think kookie been hitting the gym in preparation for dis
C.I.Tae: Yoongi-ssi is really subtle
C.I.Tae: but im here to watch so I see him glancing!
C.I.Tae: he's not pervin just lookin
C.I.Tae: like i said he's clearly a muscles dude if he's into Minniemins after all
C.I.Tae: he appreciates the fine curve of a bicep
C.I.Tae: thick thighs dat can crush a man's skull
C.I.Tae: abs u can scrub ur clothes clean on

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

HobiHobi: Taetae went all quiet on us earlier, what happened with Yoongi?  

JK: he outright told me he has a boyfriend
JK: ...he was p awkward about it
JK: which is new
JK: i think he was trying to let me down easy?
JK: like shit is this what it feels like for other people
JK: i didn't even wanna bang him really

HobiHobi: ffft please, Yoongi isn't ugly, you would've banged him if not for Jiminie

JK: i'd bang a lot of people

RapMon: That's not a denial.
RapMon: By the way,
RapMon: I pushed Yoongi-hyung too far too. But in the other direction. My antics with Jimin made him homicidal.
RapMon: We went about this one the wrong way, Jay.
RapMon: In order to make Yoongi jealous someone needs to genuinely catch Jimin-ah's interest, make him flustered and flattered.

JinAndTonic: someone needs to be really kind and sweet to him!

HobiHobi: ...I have an idea
HobiHobi: I'll do it
HobiHobi: I'll pretend I've developed feelings for Jiminie!
HobiHobi: which will be easy because he's a DARLING
HobiHobi:

-

Chapter Text

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.t ]

Taehyung: Chimchim

Mochiminie: Taetae?
Mochiminie: you haven't got a fun screenname
Mochiminie: WHATS WRONG
Mochiminie: WHAT'S WRONG, MY MUFFIN?

Taehyung: ...muffin?

Mochiminie: ur sweet and a great start to the day
Mochiminie: ur a muffin

Taehyung: ah
Taehyung: okie i can go with dat

Mochiminie: keep on subject you
Mochiminie: what's wrong

Taehyung: um

Mochiminie: Kim Taehyung
Mochiminie: Taetae
Mochiminie: my bestfriendsoulmate
Mochiminie: u can tell me anything

Taehyung: well
Taehyung: see
Taehyung: Kookie was flirting with a guy

Mochiminie: yep okay standard day so far

Taehyung: but
Taehyung: the guy turned him down

Mochiminie: WHOA
Mochiminie: WELL OKAY
Mochiminie: NOT STANDARD DAY ANYMORE

Taehyung: an he definitely wasn't even *that* into the guy
Taehyung: u kno how Kookie is, he just bangs for the sake of banging
Taehyung: but he doesn't ever get rejected
Taehyung: and he seemed really confused and kinda upset by it
Taehyung: i just wanted to comfort him

Mochiminie: ohmygod Tae what did u do
Mochiminie: no
Mochiminie: wait
Mochiminie: my bff senses are tingling
Mochiminie: you sucked his dick didnt u

Taehyung: i sucked his dick

Mochiminie: you sucked his dick

Taehyung: i did

Mochiminie: THAT'S NOT HOW U COMFORT SOMEONE
Mochiminie: I MEAN
Mochiminie: SOMETIMES
Mochiminie: BUT NOT THIS TIME, TAE
Mochiminie: ohmygod muffin how do u feel r u okay?
Mochiminie: do u regret it?
Mochiminie: do u love him???
Mochiminie: U CAME TO ME COZ SOMETHING WAS WRONG BUT I DON'T KNOW WHICH THING TALK TO ME

Taehyung: i was waitin for u to finish typing at me!!!
Taehyung: i think i'm okay?
Taehyung: i've been thinkin about it
Taehyung: if offerin him comfort right then when he needed it is all we ever hav beyond friendship
Taehyung: i think i'm just happy i was there for him

Mochiminie: oh god i used to sound like this didn't i
Mochiminie: what is wrong with us
Mochiminie: Tae ur mouth is not a comfort hole to fuck! Kookie prob didn't mean to treat u like that but being upset is no excuse

Taehyung: I offered tho!

Mochiminie: because u were also upset! upset for him!
Mochiminie: ur too nice too pure
Mochiminie: ...even when sucking dick
Mochiminie: can i talk to him? will u let me talk to him?
Mochiminie: like
Mochiminie: he knows you wouldve told me everythin
Mochiminie: theres nothing to hide
Mochiminie: let me scope out the sitch

Taehyung: k

Mochiminie: and come back to our dorm for cuddles right now mister!

Taehyung: okay
Taehyung: Minnie
Taehyung: also

Mochiminie: mm?

Taehyung: ...
Taehyung: do I tell Hobi-hyung?
Taehyung: I don't owe him anything coz we're
Taehyung: not
Taehyung: anything
Taehyung: but

Mochiminie: DON'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT GET HERE RIGHT NOW

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

GungHoJungHo: hey Jiminie

Mochiminie: hey hyung! whats up?

GungHoJungHo: I was just wondering if u wanted to go get coffee after dance practice today?

Mochiminie: oh
Mochiminie: do u need to talk?
Mochiminie: can we do it at practice?

GungHoJungHo: not really Jiminie
GungHoJungHo: it's kinda personal

Mochiminie: i'm so sorry hyung i'm busy
Mochiminie: thats why i wanted to kno if we could just do it at practice
Mochiminie: another time?

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: fuck

Suga: is this a booty call?

Mochiminie: omg lol
Mochiminie: no
Mochiminie: sorry baby

Suga: so something's wrong?

Mochiminie: my bff did a well-meaning thing
Mochiminie: a STUPIDASS thing
Mochiminie: but his intentions were pure
Mochiminie: even if the thing he did was not

Suga: did he suck a dick

Mochiminie: he sucked a dick

Suga: he sucked a damn dick
Suga: elaborate and i'll advise

Mochiminie: thank u i love u
Mochiminie: so we have a mutual friend whos a total fuckboi
Mochiminie: who aparently got turned down for the 1st time eva?

Suga: first time he ever got turned down? what a complete asshole

Mochiminie: hyung!

Suga: babe i'm kidding
Suga: go on

Mochiminie: so the way Tae shows his love for people is v hands on
Mochiminie: which i told u a long time ago so u wouldnt think there was any reason to get jealous right

Suga: so it isn't weird for him to have sucked dick to offer this guy comfort

Mochiminie: exactly!
Mochiminie: but becoz Tae is the way he is
Mochiminie: hes kinda started questionin how he feels about a couple of our closest friends

Suga: he's in love with the fuckboi

Mochiminie: he's in love with the fuckboi
Mochiminie: AND
Mochiminie: he's also worried he sort of cheated on our other friend hes in love with!
Mochiminie: hyung i honestly need help with this one i already had to blow off plans with one of those friends today so i wouldn't say anything!
Mochiminie: and he sounded like he really needed to talk too so i feel awful

Suga: hey, don't beat yourself up
Suga: you're trying really hard to help your bff right now and do what you think is best for him
Suga: that other friend of yours can go to someone else, right?
Suga: he must have other people to confide in

Mochiminie: honestly
Mochiminie: yeah, he prob does
Mochiminie: he's so friendly

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

Mochiminie: hyung look i didnt mean to be so abrupt earlier
Mochiminie: sorry
Mochiminie: i'm a little concerned about sum1 at the mo
Mochiminie: they hav to take priority right now
Mochiminie: hav u got someone else u can go to to talk?

GungHoJungHo: oh Jiminie
GungHoJungHo: yeah, I do
GungHoJungHo: don't worry sweetie!
GungHoJungHo: I just wanted to see your cute face
GungHoJungHo: Another day?

Mochiminie: of course, hyung!
Mochiminie: I'm so glad u've got sum1 to be with and take care of u
Mochiminie: hyung, fighting!!!
Mochiminie:

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

GungHoJungHo: jfc Jimin just ruined my plan to start hitting on him but he let me down in the most adorable, caring way ever I can't even be mad

-

[private chat: park.j, jeon.j ]

Mochiminie: Jeon Jungkook

JK: Park Jimidget

Mochiminie: oh u do not want to play me like that right now

JK: ah shit
JK: Tae told u

Mochiminie: OF COURSE HE DID

JK: what did he say tho???
JK: he was ttly up for it! he enjoyed it i swear! it wasn't weird after!
JK: WHY R U PERSECUTING ME

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: OMG HYUNG NOT ONLY DID HE LET TAE SUCK HIS DICK
Mochiminie: HE USED THE WORD OF THE DAY TOILET PAPER I BOUGHT HIM
Mochiminie: "PERSECUTED"
Mochiminie:

Suga: the true crime is revealed

-

[private chat: park.j, jeon.j ]

Mochiminie: honestly tho
Mochiminie: u kno Tae almost as well as I do
Mochiminie: u honestly think this wont affect him?

JK: look
JK: hyung
JK: i legit wasnt thinking about the aftereffects
JK: would u be if sum1 offered to suck ur troubles away via ur dick?

Mochiminie: uurrgghhhh

JK: try and tell me u havent been there

Mochiminie: okay i hav! but this isnt about me!
Mochiminie: u let him down real fuckin easy Jeon Jungkook
Mochiminie: none of ur usual fuckboi tricks
Mochiminie: keep rememberin he is one of ur best friends
Mochiminie: don't go into fuckboi mode with him

JK: im trying really hard hyung i promise

Mochiminie: i believe u
Mochiminie: u know why i believe u?
Mochiminie: UR ACTUALLY BOTHERING TO CALL ME HYUNG

JK: well
JK: hyung?

Mochiminie: mm?

JK: what if i decide i actually still wanna do the dick sucking and stuff?

Mochiminie: if u mean monogamously u better think real fuckin long and real fuckin hard about whether u really, truly mean it b4 u say those words to me or anyone else ever again

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.t ]

Mochiminie: i hav finished shopping for our night in
Mochiminie: i have candy, movies, facial packs, pedicure sets and ALCOHOOOOOL
Mochiminie: everythin is gonna be alright Taetae
Mochiminie:

-

Chapter Text

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: hynnnng
Mochiminie: got cancwl tday
Mochiminie: so hunguv
Mochiminie: pukin up food frm yrs ago
Mochiminie: dyin hyng

Suga: You're not dying babe
Suga: And I didn't sign up for the newsletter on the content of your guts
Suga: ...or lack thereof
Suga: Did last night help your friend Tae? that's the important thing

Mochiminie: seemd 2
Mochiminie: jus wnt him 2b hapy

Suga: I know
Suga: He'll be okay, Jiminie
Suga: He just needs to figure out what he truly wants
Suga: The fuckboi, the other guy, both, or neither.

Mochiminie: thas somucgh 2 thnk sbout

Suga: Sleep it off, love
Suga: You don't need to think about it right now.
Suga: When you're done upchucking go give your best friend a lot more hugs

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

GungHoJungHo: Hey Jiminie
GungHoJungHo: how's ur friend doing today?

Mochiminie: as hungover as i am
Mochiminie: last night we drank 2 forget histroubles

GungHoJungHo: oh boys!!!
GungHoJungHo: sounds like an amazing drinking session if it worked
GungHoJungHo: i just wanted to check in and make sure u were okay after yesterday
GungHoJungHo: u were so concerned about him and i know how u worry

Mochiminie: felt like death this morning but i slept it off some more
Mochiminie: thx for checkin on me hyung
Mochiminie: u are seriously the sweetest!

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: i'm feelin better now

Suga: That's good, babe
Suga: Took you a good 20 hours
Suga: but that's what you get for being the best bff ever

Mochiminie: hyung omg stop u don't kno that

Suga: Of course I do
Suga: you risked alcohol poisoning for your best friend
Suga: A true hero

Mochiminie: hyung r u being sarcastic

Suga: like 50% sarcasm, 50% truly in awe of your big heart

Mochiminie: hyung i've been thinking

Suga: uh oh

Mochiminie: yoongi!!!
Mochiminie: i've been thinkin
Mochiminie: if Tae asked me my opinion right now
Mochiminie: i'd tell him to drop the fuckboi and ask out our hyung
Mochiminie: coz hyung messaged me earlier to check i was okay after i cancelled on him yesterday
Mochiminie: u kno the one who needed to talk and i blew him off for Tae?
Mochiminie: well he still cared enough to check that looking after my upset friend hadn't been hard on me

Suga: Sounds like a solid reason to want your best friend to be with him. Your hyung sounds like a really good guy. Compared to a fuckboi there's no real choice is there.

Mochiminie: but Tae loves them both!
Mochiminie: it's not my decision
Mochiminie: i can't try and influence him

Suga: You can only offer support and advice, babe
Suga: If he asks your opinion you can tell him what you told me
Suga: but ultimately it'll be Tae's decision

-

[private chat: kim.s, kim.n]

JinAndTonic: the group chat is quiet today huh?

RapMon: I've actually never known it be this quiet.
RapMon: It's been unnervingly active since its inception.
RapMon: ...Right now I'd go so far as to say it's dead.

JinAndTonic: think something happened?

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

GungHoJungHo: hey, Taetae
GungHoJungHo: Jimin told me he was busy comforting a friend the day before yesterday
GungHoJungHo: and hungover all yesterday
GungHoJungHo: do you think today is too soon to try and make a new move forward with the plan?

T.A.E: no it's fine, Jimin is fine!
T.A.E: everything is good in our hood

-

[private chat: park.j, jeon.j ]

JK:

JK: "good in our hood"
JK: the fuck Taehyung

Mochiminie: this is your fault

JK: i know

Mochiminie: talk to him!

JK: i don't know what i want to say hyung!

Mochiminie: i don't fucking care
Mochiminie: i'm not asking u to give him a love confession
Mochiminie: just acknowledge what happend
Mochiminie: "thnx for being there 4 me, sorry i took advantage of u and used u for oral sex when i'm a huge fucking manwhore who couldve got it literally anywhere else but with one of my friends and then i wouldnt hav made our whole dynamic fucking awkward as hell"

JK: i see that ur still mad
JK: i just wanted u to kno he's not alright
JK: and that i see that he's not alright
JK: i'll do somethin about it

Mochiminie: Kookie you're one of my best friends too
Mochiminie: if I thought you could make a real go of things I'd support u a million percent!
Mochiminie: but uve never even considered sex with feelings b4
Mochiminie: and Taetae is not a guinea pig

-

[private chat: jeon.j, min.y ]

JK: hyung

Suga: What's so important you'd text me first

JK: shit
JK: sorry
JK: if i'm bothering you i'll stop
JK: i just needed someone to talk to
JK: and talking to other people is complicated right now

Suga: I'm not good at talking kid
Suga: Besides, is it really a good idea after the other day?
Suga: I'm not trying to embarrass you, but are your intentions really completely platonic?

JK: hyung I fuck a LOT
JK: I hit on tons of people a week
JK: I'm not saying you meant NOTHING
JK: I just thought we wouldve had good sex, you know? nothing more than that
JK: but it turns out u hav a boyfriend and that's cool
JK: can we at least still be friends?

Suga: Yeah, of course
Suga: Sorry, I just don't want to give you any false hope
Suga: but you're a big boy so if you say you just wanted some dick and we're fine then I'm taking it at face value that we're fine

JK: didn't want the dick hyung, would've given YOU the dick

Suga: oh fuck off u broken ceiling fan
Suga: We can meet for coffee
Suga: My boyfriend's got a lot on his plate right now so I'm free

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

GungHoJungHo:

GungHoJungHo: a little ginger-haired cutie for a little ginger-haired cutie!

Mochiminie: thanx hyung <33333

-

[group chat: min.y, kim.s, kim.n, jung.h ]

Suga: hey, where are you guys lately?
Suga: you're not bugging me as much as usual
Suga: have you finally learned to respect my boundaries?
Suga: this is great, keep it up

JinAndTonic: actually
JinAndTonic: I think it's because you've been bragging so much less about your boyfriend lately?

RapMon: ...Min Yoongi, the instigator of his own destruction.
RapMon: Fascinating.

Suga: why do you always appear together, you have separate lives

JinAndTonic: Love

RapMon: The randomness of the universe.

JinAndTonic: ...

RapMon: Love, it's because we're in love.

Suga: My boyfriend is still flawlessly beautiful, hot as fuck, and sweeter than a dessert buffet.

RapMon: Dear god I hope that's not a quote from your lyric notebook.

Suga: He's busy being an amazing best friend, unlike some irritating people around here,
Suga: and I've been busy telling a horny freshman where to go.
Suga: i.e. away from me

-

[private chat: kim.s, kim.n]

JinAndTonic: Does he mean JK? JK's not a freshman.

RapMon: Yeah but hasn't he been calling Jungkook 'kid' and 'overgrown foetus' this entire time? Maybe Yoongi just assumed he's a freshman?
RapMon: Or maybe someone else has been hitting on him too.

JinAndTonic: We have entered a dark timeline in Earth's history.

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

GungHoJungHo: guess what I saw today that made me think of you?
GungHoJungHo:

GungHoJungHo: I bought u some, I know you'll want to try it!

Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: i appreciate this so much
Mochiminie: and you're so sweet
Mochiminie: but truthfully
Mochiminie: if you wanted to do something nice for me
Mochiminie: then you should give it to Tae
Mochiminie: hang out with him a little
Mochiminie: he could use a good friend right now, apart from me

-

Chapter Text

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: omg hyung help
Mochiminie: what have i done

Suga: what have you done?

Mochiminie: mine and Tae's hyung, my dance hyung, he offered me a snack treat that i love
Mochiminie: even in the colour of my hair
Mochiminie: and I said...
Mochiminie: (i'm gonna c&p rn)
Mochiminie: "you're so sweet
but truthfully
if you wanted to do something nice for me
then you should give it to Tae
hang out with him a little
he could use a good friend right now, apart from me"
Mochiminie: HYUNG I DIDNT MEAN TO PUSH HIM INTO TAE'S ARMS
Mochiminie: IS THIS COZ I SUBCONSCIOUSLY WANT TAE TO PICK HIM?
Mochiminie: WHAT HAVE I DONE

Suga: babe, you asked a friend to be there for a mutual friend who needs it
Suga: he happens to be the object of your Tae's affections
Suga: so yeah that could've been considered better
Suga: but it isn't evil genius at work, don't beat yourself up over it
Suga: I'm the only genius between us

Mochiminie: BUT HYUNG ;;;;;

Suga: Jiminie, you can't force them together
Suga: or keep them apart
Suga: just tell Tae you'll be at the end of the phone if he needs you
Suga: like
Suga: even if we're getting down and dirty
Suga: I won't get mad

Mochiminie: my sweet hyung ;;
Mochiminie: baby ur being such a good friend to Tae and u havent even met him!
Mochiminie: i seriously love you

Suga: hey,
Suga: this'll never be a problem for you ever because I'm not letting you go
Suga: but if someone ever prioritised sex with you over your friends or your own welfare, Jiminie
Suga: you'd kick 'em in the balls as hard as you could and leave asap, yeah?
Suga: that's basic decency. it's not something special deserving of praise

Mochiminie: I'll hav u kno i have in fact kicked a few sets of balls in my time hyung, I'm prepared, dont worry~
Mochiminie: and i still love you so much

Suga: I knew you could take care of yourself
Suga: I love you too
Suga: my good boy

Mochiminie: mmm yep hyung's good boy
Mochiminie: ...i wish now more than eva u and Taetae could meet

Suga: maybe soon, Jiminie
Suga: seems like it could be about time.

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: if one day
Mochiminie: Tae wanted to share the bed with us because he was sad,
Mochiminie: could he?

Suga: is that seriously a feasible future scenario after i meet him?
Suga: seriously?

Mochiminie: honestly?
Mochiminie: yeah

Suga: what have I let myself in for

Mochiminie: is that a yes?!?!?!

Suga: apparently it's not a no
Suga: I'm disgusted at how whipped I've become
Suga: I'm more whipped than cream

Mochiminie: he doesn't need to squeeze between us! he can spoon me so u can still be my lil spoon

Suga: I'm citing this conversation as one of the many reasons i want to split during our future divorce

Mochiminie: I KNEW U WANTED TO MARRY ME ONE DAY <3333

-

[private chat: jeon.j, min.y ]

JK: hyung

Suga: I like it better when we hang out in person and there's no talking

JK: hyung
JK: pls
JK: u treated me to lamb skewers yesterday
JK: don't pretend i'm not your favourite dongsaeng

Suga: I liked it better when you weren't perceptive

JK: I've always been perceptive I just didn't show it
JK: look, I maybe show my affection in the same dumb ways you do

Suga: the disrespect!!!
Suga: fuck off, whatever you want now it's no

JK: hyung
JK: hyung
JK: hyung
JK: hyung
JK: hyung
JK: hyung

Suga: next time I see you I'm cutting your fingers off
Suga: What do you want?

JK: you know how I fuck a lot?

Suga: No
Suga: You haven't mentioned that literally in every other conversation we've ever had

JK: what do I do if I'm thinkin about just fucking one person
JK: like monogamously?

Suga: For a start
Suga: Try not fucking anyone for a while

JK: seriously?!

Suga: yeah
Suga: seriously
Suga: if they know anything about you, which if you're this serious about them, they likely do
Suga: they know your reputation
Suga: they need to see that you've changed your attitude dramatically

JK: well damn
JK: I haven't tried that since I lost my virginity
JK: but I guess it'll be a good test of hyung's advice
JK: whether it's any good or not

Suga: I could just rip your dick off myself and then it won't be optional advice any longer

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.t ]

Taeyay:

Taeyay: best cuddle hyung ever!!!

Mochiminie: awwwww
Mochiminie: u had a good time together?

Taeyay: Chimmie
Taeyay: Hobi-hyung makes the sun come out again
Taeyay: he makes the birds sing
Taeyay: he tickled me until i smiled again
Taeyay: and then he glued himself to my side til i fell asleep

Mochiminie: he's a great friend!

Taeyay: I love him

-

[private chat: park.j]

Mochiminie: like
Mochiminie: platonically?
Mochiminie: or...?
Mochiminie: i'm too scared to ask directly

-

[group chat: jung.h, park.j, kim.t, jeon.j]

GungHoJungHo: group's been quiet for a while, are all my babies okay in here?

JK: babies?

GungHoJungHo: you're the maknae, Kookie
GungHoJungHo: I care for y'all like you are my own children

JK: hyung that's weird

Mochiminie: he's just playin around
Mochiminie: right, hyung?

GungHoJungHo: of course! I don't think of you as my babies
GungHoJungHo: that would be weird
GungHoJungHo: you're all grown young men
GungHoJungHo: handsome and romantically and sexually viable options

Mochiminie: uh
Mochiminie: ????

-

[private chat: jung.h, jeon.j]

JK: hyung you need to stop
JK: I know you're trying to backtrack because of the fake hitting on Jimin-hyung
JK: but you sound weirder than ever

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: HYUNG
Mochiminie: WHY WOULD HE DO THAT

Suga: babe I am not a mind reader

Mochiminie: WHY WOULD MY DANCE-HYUNG
Mochiminie: IN A GROUP CHAT WITH MY TAETAE AND ANOTHER FRIEND
Mochiminie: SAY THAT WE'RE ALL ROMANTIC AND SEXUALLY VIABLE OPTIONS
Mochiminie: IS HE INTERESTED IN MY TAETAE????

Suga: ...you sure he isn't interested in all of you?

Mochiminie: lol hyung that's ridiculous
Mochiminie: ...or *is it*

Suga: babe
Suga: you're so stressed out by all of this lately
Suga: come sleep over. I'll give you a foot massage

Mochiminie: god, you are like
Mochiminie: the best

Suga: I prefer Yoongi, but God is fine

Mochiminie: ohmygod that's so lame
Mochiminie: you're getting old before your time

-

[private chat: jung.h, min.y ]

J-Ho: OMFG

Anaconda: what?

J-Ho: your username!

Anaconda: I know
Anaconda: I never change it
Anaconda: it's temporary
Anaconda: it's just for a joke

J-Ho: what joke?

Anaconda: don't worry about it
Anaconda: you wanna grab lunch or something?

J-Ho: ah I'm busy! Raincheck?

Anaconda: sure Hobi :)

J-Ho: A SMILEY FACE JUST FOR MEEEEEEEE

Anaconda: I'm just in a good mood
Anaconda: don't make a big thing out of it

-

[private chat: park.j, jung.h ]

Nicki miniJ: i'm running a bit late but i'll be there soon hyung!
Nicki miniJ: can u order me a caramel macchiato?

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n]

J-Ho: SCREECHING
J-Ho: YOONGI'S SCREENNAME HAS CHANGED

RM: First time for everything, I guess.
RM: Newsworthy though?

J-Ho: I'm not done!!!
J-Ho: It's "Anaconda"
J-Ho: Jimin has also changed his screenname
J-Ho: It's
J-Ho: NICKI MINIJ

JinEats: SCREECHING

RM: That's surprisingly couple-y of Yoongi-hyung

JinEats: IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY???
JinEats: THAT ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUNS HUN

J-Ho: AND WHO HAS MORE BUNS THAN ANYONE?

JinEats: NICKI JIMIN
JinEats: I MEAN MINIJ

J-Ho:

-

-

[private chat: kim.t, jeon.j]

JK: you got a minute to talk?

Taeyay: talk literally out loud?
Taeyay: or talk thru text

JK: text
JK: I think I'll be less awkward about this if I hav time to think about my words

Taeyay: thas fine Kookie
Taeyay: i'm not up for in person rn anyway

JK: look i'm sorry
JK: i'm sorry

Taeyay: Kookie stop
Taeyay: you kno what?
Taeyay: I like you
Taeyay: And I know who u r and how u like to live ur life
Taeyay: and still I can't help liking you

JK: hyung

Taeyay: i'm not finished
Taeyay: I like you
Taeyay: but I like Hobi-hyung too

-

Chapter Text

-

It's a little jarring to go from screeching over Jimin and Yoongi's matching screen names in the group chat to silently plotting how he's going to make the moves on Jimin over the sickly sweet wafting scents of a toffee nut latte and a caramel macchiato, but Hoseok can manage it, no problem. If the past handful of months are anything to go by, acting is his secret calling, his hidden talent, his special skill. Neither Jimin or Yoongi suspect a thing.

Mostly Hoseok just wants to be himself. The point is to make this flirtation game with Jimin seem genuine. Not a pass at a fine piece of ass, but a deep, abiding devotion that will have Jimin shook. Maybe it's cruel to deceive his precious dongsaeng this way, but honestly, it was far crueler for Yoongi and Jimin to keep secrets from their best friend and happiest Hobi. He could've been their number one supporter and biggest fan this entire time! Sure, their relationship makes no sense on the surface, but Hoseok knows both Yoongi and Jimin well enough to suspect how their differences might complement one another and allow them to slot together like puzzle pieces. Most importantly he knows the similarities in values that have tied them together and made them strong as a couple, even withstanding the quiet subtlety of not going around campus together publicly when Jimin is a very physically affectionate person and Yoongi is a total emotional clinger; once you have his love and loyalty it's going to take nothing short of murder to lose it again. And even then Yoongi has that air about him that suggests if you could justify it to him he'd even accept that murder is sometimes necessary too. He can be a scary hyung like that.

It's not like Hoseok hasn't always been incredibly physically forward with Jimin anyway; Jimin loves hair ruffles and cuddles, and when he was single he even played along when Hoseok started up a good old game of gay chicken, seeing who could get the closest to the other's lips before the other flinched away. Hoseok always won.

He's gonna win this time too. Maybe he's just got a competitive nature.

"Sorry, hyung!" Jimin quietly calls across the cafe as he jogs over to the table. "I spent the night with my boyfriend, and-" He snaps his mouth shut and shakes his head, a fond smile gracing his face. He's thinking about Yoongi, Hoseok realises. How gross, and how cute! Yoongi actually makes someone this adorable feel good and thoroughly loved. It's actually wonderful. "You don't want to hear about that though."

But hey, Hoseok is a burgeoning A-list actor, so he has to do his thing.

"Actually, I do," he replies, shooting a level gaze Jimin's way. Jimin gulps, noticing the atmosphere change as he scrambles to sit down. "Jiminie, honestly, hyung is really concerned about this situation."

"W-what?"

"Jimin!" Hoseok makes sure there's a nice hint of frustrated desperation in his voice. "You have kept him hidden from all the people you love best for months and months now! Is it so strange that I would worry something isn't right? Are you being treated right? There's no marks or anything on you, are there?" He doesn't think it's going too far to reach for Jimin's arm and shove up his too-long sleeve, not with how handsy he's always been with his dongsaeng. Jimin allows him a look, probably to satisfy his curiosity, but after mere seconds he's shoving his sleeve forcibly back down and pouting.

"None that I didn't consent to, hyung," he says pointedly. "I don't want him being subjected to the third degree like you're doing right now. I know in my heart that something is wrong if you don't want to introduce your boyfriend to your friends, but we both agreed to it at the start, it wasn't one of us pressuring the other. We're just trying to work out how to undo it after such a long time. I want hyung to meet Tae soon, actually. He's been a real rock in supporting me while I've been supporting Tae." Jimin manages to curve his mouth up into a small smile as he adds, "you have too, Hobi-hyung." Jimin never stays mad for long. He is too quick to realise the words and actions that might not be right but are motivated by love and care. "Tae... Didn't tell you what was wrong, did he?"

"No," Hoseok says. "I asked but he was so distraught I couldn't bring myself to push it. I just looked after him like you asked. I care about him a lot. And you too, Jimin." Time to go in hard. Hoseok takes Jimin's hands into his own, gently this time. Jimin is more than willing to accept his loose, reassuring touch. "I think there could be someone out there who could treat you better than this mystery boyfriend of yours. Someone who has been your friend for a long, long time and wants to love you in other ways than that. Someone who understands your love of dance because they share it. You know what I'm saying?"

Jimin is gaping at him so yeah, he definitely gets what Hoseok is saying. His cheeks are flushed but his eyes are frightened. Poor Jimin; he hates to hurt or displease people. Turning someone down will be so difficult for him.

"I- I have to go," he says, standing up abruptly and making his chair screech across the hardwood floor. He hasn't even touched his drink, and certainly doesn't remember to take it with him. Or maybe he doesn't want to feel like he owes Hoseok anything right now. "Sorry hyung, thank you for looking out for Taetae. Sorry."

Hoseok bites his lip, trying to hold back an actual honest-to-god giggle as Jimin flees.

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Nicki miniJ: hyung are you home? free?

Anaconda: will be soon, what's up babe?

Nicki miniJ: i'm coming over

Anaconda: I'll be there in ten and then you can tell hyung what's going on

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.s]

Nicki miniJ: Hyung?

PunmasterJin: Jimin! How are you doing? It's been a while since I last saw you!

Nicki miniJ: Hyung!!!
Nicki miniJ: it's so great to hear from you, i'm sure so glad ur not busy right now
Nicki miniJ: tell me some jokes to make me feel better?

PunmasterJin: At your service!
PunmasterJin: What did the bacon say to the tomato?
PunmasterJin: Lettuce get together!

Nicki miniJ: lol

PunmasterJin: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
PunmasterJin: Because they cantaloupe.

Nicki miniJ: omg XD;;

PunmasterJin: Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
PunmasterJin: It was an Oscar Wiener!
PunmasterJin: wait
PunmasterJin: what do you mean, make you feel better?

Nicki miniJ: ...hyung
Nicki miniJ: what do you do
Nicki miniJ: when you have a hyung
Nicki miniJ: who is so so so kind and caring and warm and friendly
Nicki miniJ: and they *know* you have a boyfriend
Nicki miniJ: but they
Nicki miniJ: uh
Nicki miniJ: they kind of confess to you?
Nicki miniJ: and...
Nicki miniJ: how do i not let slip that one of my best friends has feelings for him???

-

[private chat: kim.n, kim.s]

PunmasterJin: KIM NAMJOON GET BACK TO OUR PLACE ASAP I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING TEA TO SPILL

Jin's Joon: I can't get home right now, but I'm here! What is it?

PunmasterJin: Okay, so Jimin's best friends are Taehyung and Jungkook, right?

Jin's Joon: Yes, that's the case according to Hobi.

PunmasterJin: so Jimin says one of them has feelings for Hobi!!!!!!
PunmasterJin: which one is it???

Jin's Joon: I wouldn't like to assume,
Jin's Joon: but considering Jungkook's reputation for fucking around,
Jin's Joon: I'd be leaning towards Taehyung, I guess?

PunmasterJin: Tae has always been suspiciously quiet about his personal life!!!

Jin's Joon: That's because we mainly all talk about Yoongi-hyung and Jimin in the group chat.

-

"Just hold me," Jimin demands, throwing himself into Yoongi's hurriedly opening arms and burying his face in Yoongi's neck. Yoongi manages to unlock his dorm door one handed and guide Jimin inside. He isn't crying; he hasn't said a word or made a sound apart from his slow breathing, inhaling Yoongi's cologne from his hoodie deeply as if the familiar smell is a comfort to him.

"You've had so many rough days lately, hmmm?" Yoongi murmurs, though it isn't really a question he needs Jimin to try and answer. He guides them to the couch and pulls Jimin into his lap even though Jimin's thighs could crush him with ease. Jimin actually curls around him in a ball, and even though he's muscular in frame he's no bigger than Yoongi really. It's not uncomfortable. Yoongi runs a soothing hand up and down Jimin's back.

"I love you," Jimin murmurs emphatically against Yoongi's skin. Yoongi can't help the dopey smile that crosses his face. He must be doing something right to have such a sweet, beautiful boy so in love with him.

"I know," he replies. He can tell from Jimin's tone that it was just something he needed to share, not something he's said to get back the same reply.

"Well, nobody else seems to!" Jimin declares suddenly, sitting up. "So I want to make sure you know all the time. I love you. I'm not ashamed of you or scared of you, scared to let people know about you!"

"Babe, Jiminie, hey, I know," Yoongi promises, though he's not entirely certain Jimin is even able to hear him right now. "I'm gonna meet Tae soon, aren't I? Maybe when he's got his situation figured out..."

"Don't remind me." Jimin pouts, folding his arms across his chest. Yoongi can't help but be amused; Jimin would never disregard his best friend like that, he's just being contrary. He needs more affection and attention. Yoongi presses a kiss to Jimin's temple.

"What if we curl up under the covers and watch a movie?" He suggests, stroking at Jimin's side through his clothes. "And then later you get dressed up all pretty and I take you out for dinner? You need a treat so let's have a date night."

"You spoil me," Jimin hums happily, entwining his fingers with Yoongi's. If Yoongi has learnt anything over the time they've been together though, it's that Jimin loves being doted on. Maybe because it's how he shows his affection to others.

"I like taking care of you," Yoongi replies. "Someone has to look after the person who's always looking out for everyone else."

"What about you?" Jimin asks as he gets to his feet and waits for Yoongi to stand up with him.

"You always look after me too," Yoongi assures him.

-

[private chat: park.j, kim.t ]

Nicki miniJ: TaeTae
Nicki miniJ: u up for some hot sex gossip?

Taeyay: heck yes!!!

Nicki miniJ: u sure muffin?

Taeyay: honestly Minmins im all gd rite now!
Taeyay: I'LL B EVEN BETTA WITH THIS
Taeyay: TELL ME WHAT NASTY U AND UR BF DID

Nicki miniJ: ohmygod Tae
Nicki miniJ: omg
Nicki miniJ: remember wen u mentioned i can touch my toes while we were talkin about my bf?
Nicki miniJ: i maybe showed him last night that i could do that
Nicki miniJ: and
Nicki miniJ: he literally bent me in half again
Nicki miniJ: n fucked me standing up

Taeyay: oh bejeezus
Taeyay: DEETS JIMINIEMINS
Taeyay: GIV ME DEM DEETS

Nicki miniJ: oh god Tae
Nicki miniJ: i thgt he was just really turned on by it
Nicki miniJ: walked up behind me n started kissing at my neck while undoing my pants
Nicki miniJ: i didnt realise he was gonna fuck me right there

Taeyay: FEED ME MORE IM THIRSTY FOR UR FILTHY SEX LIFE

Nicki miniJ: he goes 2 get the lube
Nicki miniJ: tells me not to move a muscle
Nicki miniJ: "dont move an inch babe i want u just like this"
Nicki miniJ: and then
Nicki miniJ: once hes got his fingers in me
Nicki miniJ: he places his big gorgeous as fuck hand on my neck and starts pushing so that i'll lean forward
Nicki miniJ: an when i was too leant over for him to reach my neck he started pushin on my back instead
Nicki miniJ: "all the way babe, i just saw u do it, i kno u can"
Nicki miniJ: fuck Tae wen I realised what he was doing i nearly came then and there

Taeyay: daaaaaang hes kinda bossy and way confident
Taeyay: daddy af

Nicki miniJ: i am not callin him daddy
Nicki miniJ: but its okay
Nicki miniJ: he's got the oppa kink

Taeyay: OHMY
Taeyay: so he didn't put it in u til he had u bent right in half???

Nicki miniJ: no
Nicki miniJ: god it was like i had to prove myself b4 he'd give it to me
Nicki miniJ: it was
Nicki miniJ: HOT AF

Taeyay: u got such a praise kink Minnie

Nicki miniJ: i've never denied that

Taeyay: so did he tell u dat u were good for him?

Nicki miniJ: he said I was sooooooooo good Taetae
Nicki miniJ: never heard him moan my name so many times b4
Nicki miniJ: i ended up with my hands on the damn floor holding myself up while he rocked into me
Nicki miniJ: it was slow and
Nicki miniJ: just like... tender?
Nicki miniJ: he milked my prostate so expertly i had tears in my eyes when i came
Nicki miniJ: exactly wot i needed
Nicki miniJ: i ttly showed him coz i knew itd get him way worked up
Nicki miniJ: and get me one of the best dickings eva

Taeyay: i hav a q
Taeyay: a general wonderment

Nicki miniJ: mmm?

Taeyay: are all dancers that felxible???

Nicki miniJ: OH TAETAE EW

Taeyay: ew?
Taeyay: u just gav me basicly a play by play of ur bf's dick massaging ur prostate
Taeyay: n i cant wonder if all dancers r that flexible in bed?

Nicki miniJ: I KNO UR TALKIN ABOUT HOBI-HYUNG THO

Taeyay: i want the good dick too

Nicki miniJ: u will get it! i promise Taetae
Nicki miniJ: u deserve the best dicking in the whole damn world
Nicki miniJ: (except my bf is already taken, sry)
Nicki miniJ: ill make sure u get it, whether it turns out to b Hobi-hyung or not

-

Chapter Text

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

[Taecup's status is set to BUSY]

J-Ho: okay Jiminie ran off when I fake confessed to him
J-Ho: LITERALLY ran off
J-Ho: so ya'll will have to wait on juicier info until I see him next
J-Ho: which I will contrive to happen, even if he tries to avoid me
J-Ho: meanwhile
J-Ho: We're overdue the latest Kookie sexcapade gossip over here, give it up babycakes

JK: uhhhhhh
JK: don't know how to tell you this hyung
JK: but there is none

J-Ho: WHAT???

Jin's Joon: Do mine eyes deceive me?

PunmasterJin: Isn't it doth?

Jin's Joon: Actually Jinnie, doth actually translates to the plural "does", so it would read as, "does mine eyes deceive me". In this instance you would actually use "do" even though "doth" sounds more archaic and therefore would seem correct.

PunmasterJin: Oh, huh. Interesting. Thank you for explaining, darling.
PunmasterJin: I love learning~

Jin's Joon: You're welcome. I'll see what else I can teach you later...

J-Ho: uhm guys
J-Ho: first of all shut up
J-Ho: SECONDLY
J-Ho: JEON JUNGKOOKIE EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW

JK: well
JK: i wasn't exactly planning on making an announcement about it or anything

PunmasterJin: I cannot believe you're telling your unbelievably handsome hyung to shut up, Jung Hoseok.

J-Ho: i'm really sorry Jinnie-hyung, i meant please could u and Joon possibly consider having conversations like this privately in the future pleaseplease pls
J-Ho: I'M JUST REALLY PANICKING RIGHT NOW
J-Ho: KOOKIE IS FREAKING ME OUT

JK: look, nobody needs to make a big deal out of it
JK: i'm trying abstinence
JK: celibacy

J-Ho: what the everloving fuck

JK: well
JK: nobody will ever take me seriously as a romantic interest if i carry on as i am will they
JK: it was yoongi-hyung's suggestion
JK: don't make a big deal out of it

PunmasterJin: Yoongi gave you advice?

Jin's Joon: Yoongi-hyung gave you romantic advice?

PunmasterJin: omg you're his new favourite dongsaeng

JK: yah i already figured that out it's not news to me

PunmasterJin: sorry Hoseok
PunmasterJin: that's karma for you
PunmasterJin: you should never be so rude to this hyung ever again

-

[private chat: kim.n, kim.s]

PunmasterJin: JOON JOON JOON JOON

Jin's Joon: I know, I was there too!

PunmasterJin: SO ARE WE WRONG? IS IT JK?
PunmasterJin: JK HAS FEELINGS FOR HOBI AND IS TRYING TO PROVE HE CAN STOP HIS FUCKBOI WAYS?

Jin's Joon: I honestly don't know! Neither of us do! But it seems... feasible at this point.

PunmasterJin: IT REMINDS ME OF WHEN YOU WANTED TO PROVE YOURSELF TO ME
PunmasterJin: I'M GONNA INVITE JK OVER TONIGHT AND NOOGIE THE HELL OUT OF HIM
PunmasterJin: THIS CUTE KID I SWEAR

Jin's Joon: You're the cutest kid-

PunmasterJin: Well thank you, darling

Jin's Joon: -because you're actually like a giant five year old.

PunmasterJin: I'm going to noogie you too
PunmasterJin: in the dick
PunmasterJin: It won't be as fun as it seems

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: i need to confess smthing to u

Anaconda: (is the username thing over?)

Mochiminie: baby i can't confess this with a sex related un
Mochiminie: pls take me seriously

Suga: I am, Jimin, I am.
Suga: I promise.
Suga: I'm guessing you didn't tell me at any point over the last day we spent together because you were too scared to say whatever this is face-to-face?

Mochiminie: it's about last night

Suga: shit are you okay?
Suga: did I hurt you?
Suga: why didn't you say anything?!

Mochiminie: no its nothin like dat!
Mochiminie: hyung stop being so caring and cute its making everythin worse!!!
Mochiminie: look
Mochiminie: last night
Mochiminie: i showed you i could bend over like that
Mochiminie: coz i wantd u to give me the best dicking eva
Mochiminie: (mission accomplished btw)
Mochiminie: coz i needed a distraction
Mochiminie: i didnt tell u what upset me yesterday
Mochiminie: and u let me keep quiet about it
Mochiminie: or maybe u tht it was more Tae stuff idk

Suga: Yeah, I thought you were worried about Tae
Suga: So you're saying you used sex to try and get over your upset?

Mochiminie: am i the worst? ;;;;;;;;;;

Suga: Babe if you had asked I would've done it anyway
Suga: If you needed love and sex, and to feel intimate to be happy again

Mochiminie: ur making it sound nicer than it is

Suga: I don't think so
Suga: I think you're giving yourself an unneeded hard time.
Suga: What are you really feeling guilty about? What upset you yesterday? You clearly haven't been able to let it go.

Mochiminie: MY STUPID DANCE HYUNG
Mochiminie: C ONFESSED TO ME
Mochiminie: TAETAE LIKES HIM, NOT ME. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.
Mochiminie: OF COURSE IM NOT INTERESTED IN A RELATIONSHIP OR SEX WITH HIM
Mochiminie: but!!!
Mochiminie: this is so terrible and stressful!
Mochiminie: Hobi-hyung is the sweetest and I hav to be careful with his heart!

Suga: wait

Mochiminie: ????
Mochiminie: hyung?

Suga: Hobi
Suga: Jung Hoseok "Hobi"
Suga: right?

Mochiminie: ...how do u kno that

Suga: he's my best fuckin friend Minnie
Suga: though not for much longer

Mochiminie: ohmygod
Mochiminie: he's one of MY closest friends!
Mochiminie: WAIT
Mochiminie: he's seen pics of you I showed my friends!

Suga: yeah babe, I did the same with you
Suga: He knows you.
Suga: He knows me.
Suga: He knows we're together and he's never said a word

Mochiminie: maybe he was just respecting our wishes to not introduce one another to our friends?
Mochiminie: so... we should thank him?
Mochiminie: no wait

Suga: No
Suga: If that was it he would've found a way to tell each of us he knows in a quiet aside
Suga: He can't keep his fool mouth shut ever unless it's for bad intentions

Mochiminie: all his tellin me hes "worried" my bf is bad or dangerous coz im hidin him!!!
Mochiminie: AND THE CONFESSION WAS A LIe

Suga: Jiminie, he's been playing us
Suga: I'm not saying he genuinely couldn't fall for you babe
Suga: but I've been telling him for months how great you are
Suga: How good you are for me
Suga: He's too great a friend to fuck with that
Suga: ...at least he *was* my friend.

Mochiminie: hyung!
Mochiminie: so he's fucking with us to make us confess what he already knows, right?
Mochiminie: don't murder him
Mochiminie: let's just fuck with him in turn
Mochiminie: til he confesses what we now know: that he knows both of us and always has
Mochiminie: and that he's a total pervert
Mochiminie: asking me for sex stories about his bff
Mochiminie: wow Hobi-hyung

Suga: ...
Suga: If you have a plan I'm listening

Mochiminie: i'll text u at my hair appointment while i'm waiting for the bleach to do its thing

-

[private chat: kim.t, jeon.j]

Taecup: u felt it was necessary to let me kno via the gc that ur doing the no-sex thing huh?

JK: look
JK: Hobi-hyung asked me
JK: tbf yeah i could've made some shit up
JK: but i didn't bring it into conversation myself
JK: and yeah
JK: i do want you to know

Taecup: idk how i feel about this Kookie
Taecup: its not just gonna sway me with a click of the fingers

JK: that's not
JK: i need to know if monogamy is a thing i can do
JK: yoongi-hyung suggested i start with this
JK: have a serious attitude towards it

Taecup: i know ur always seriously dedicated when u wanna try something
Taecup: just remember it doesnt mean anything will work out for us

JK: you're not a guinea pig hyung

Taecup: lol omg those are Jiminie's words coming out ur mouth
Taecup: HE GAVE U A TALK DIDNT HE
Taecup: dang he said he would be civil

JK: he was civil
JK: i mean, as much as he should've been considering what i did to his bestfriendsoulmate

Taecup: if i recall correctly i did something to u actually

JK: oh ur making jokes about it now?
JK: i'm being all serious and shit and ur

Taecup: i think i hav every right to process this however which way i want!!!
Taecup: i'm not mad at u
Taecup: r u mad at me?

JK: omg hyung no why would I be

Taecup: coz i won't jump on ur dick basically
Taecup: nah i'm joking
Taecup: I wouldnt b ur friend if i didnt think better of u than that

JK: we're friends right now?

Taecup: kinda?
Taecup: friends who need to let time heal stuff a bit more before we should hang out again
Taecup: but we'll always b friends Kookie~

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: so
Mochiminie: how would u feel if i suggested
Mochiminie: responding very positively to Hobi-hyung's fake love confession
Mochiminie: and coming onto him really strongly so he'll admit his dumb plan
Mochiminie: and that he has known about us for a long time now?

Suga: A little jealous, a lot turned on, to be honest
Suga: I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of Park Jimin's seduction
Suga: A+, would recommend, except fuck off he's mine
Suga: (That's a direct quote from me to my friends from the recent past)

Mochiminie: i'll keep u in the loop the entire time baby
Mochiminie: u can even hide and witness everything if we can arrange specific times and places

Suga: you're an actual sex demon

Mochiminie: ur turned on aren't u
Mochiminie: don't u dare send me any dick pics while i'm at the salon and in public!!!

-

[private chat: park.j, min.y ]

Mochiminie: baby
Mochiminie: i hav news for u
Mochiminie: i didnt plan this
Mochiminie: but after the bleaching i decided not to keep the orange again this time

Suga: the fuck Jimin
Suga: You can't change your hair without warning a man!

Mochiminie: I am warning u!!!
Mochiminie: I could've just sent u a selfie with no context but i didnt coz i love u

Suga: When are you sending a selfie

Mochiminie: oh u want one now?

Suga: Well I can't get anymore forewarned can I

Mochiminie: i could tell u the new colour...

Suga: You're not going to though are you, demon tease.
Suga: My hand is on my goddamned heart Jimin, I can't handle this.
Suga: If you're going to destroy me do it quickly

Mochiminie: [has shared a video clip]

"Left, right, what do you think?"

Suga: FUCK
Suga: YOU
Suga: PARK
Suga: JIMIN

Mochiminie: [has shared a video clip]

"You like it, huh?"

Suga: You're a goddamned vision
Suga: I was wrong before about the demon thing
Suga: There's a literal blond angel walking the earth
Suga: I feel unworthy right now

Mochiminie: [has shared a video clip]

"Hyung, stop being silly!"

Suga: Go seduce the fuck out of Hoseok
Suga: I want to see him with his tongue trailing on the goddamned floor
Suga: Panting over you like a dog in heat
Suga: I want him to have a six hour long, super painful boner that won't go away, like that time I slipped him Viagra for a laugh

Mochiminie: oh yep i've done that to Taetae before
Mochiminie: its what best friends do
Mochiminie: ur wish is my command baby

Suga: An angel who grants my wishes
Suga: I really am in heaven

-

Chapter Text

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Suga: Hey, Jiminie
Suga: how come you and Hobi know one another?
Suga: I know you both dance, but you're in different grades
Suga: and I know as much as you wanted to you didn't join the dance club
Suga: on top of your dance courseload it'd be too much strain on your body
Suga: so how did you even meet?

Mochiminie: well, okay hyung
Mochiminie: the reason I know Hobi-hyung
Mochiminie: is... becoz I got put onto the advanced dance course in freshman yr

Suga: you have literally *never* told me this babe
Suga: why not?

Mochiminie: I didnt want 2 sound like I was bragging!
Mochiminie: Im not really that good yet
Mochiminie: Im good but not advanced course good
Mochiminie: so I cant go around sayin it like I belong there

Suga: If they put you there and kept you there then you belong there, Jiminie
Suga: You're so fucking talented. I admit I know nothing about the technical details of contemp. dance
Suga: but what I do know really fucking intimately is how I feel whenever I see you dance
Suga: the beauty in your movements makes my entire being fill with peace and joy

Mochiminie: omfg hyung will u STOP
Mochiminie: stop it!!! Im not that good! Its nothing!
Mochiminie: ur so embarrassing when u get all poetic
Mochiminie: can u just go back to rapping about takin people out with ur tongue technology instead pls

-

[group chat: jeon.j, kim.s, kim.n ]

JK: you made us a private group chat hyung?

PunmasterJin: I sure did
PunmasterJin: I wanted to invite you over for dinner tonight!

JK: free food? okay sure!
JK: but
JK: ...why?

Jin's Joon: Jin and I have concluded that you've got your eye on a special someone
Jin's Joon: Jinnie now wants to smother you in affection.

PunmasterJin: IT'S JUST CUTE OKAY

JK: ah shit
JK: hyungs please don't get involved okay?
JK: this is complicated enough as it is
JK: though i would genuinely
JK: uh
JK: like
JK: appreciate

[Last message 2 minutes ago]

Jin's Joon: Spit it out, Jungkook.

PunmasterJin: Joonie, let him take his time, this is hard for our Kookie
PunmasterJin: He's like Yoongi before Yoongi met Jimin

JK: that's what I mean, kind of
JK: and like, how Namjoon-hyung was too
JK: how do I change?
JK: like, as a person
JK: how do I try to commit to one person
JK: and also talk about feelings and things?

PunmasterJin: Tonight, my child
PunmasterJin: Namjoonie and I will tell you the story of our epic love

JK: can you do it *before* dinner so I don't puke after eating

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Mochiminie: okay
Mochiminie: so lets consider our first step with messing with Hobi-hyung logically
Mochiminie: I freaked out and ran away frm hyung back wen I thought the confession was actually real
Mochiminie: so I cnt just b all over him and flirt like Im ttly recovered and into him straight away
Mochiminie: I think mayb ill ask him why he "loves" me? like im trying to understand why he confessed

Suga: you just want praise babe, I know you better than anyone
Suga: but hey, fuck it, make him sweet talk you all night long if you want

Mochiminie: kay
Mochiminie: but jsyk
Mochiminie: no1 sweet talks me like my Suga

-

[private chat: jeon.j, jung.h ]

HopeAngel: I'm still shook

JK: hyung

HopeAngel: my world is off balance
HopeAngel: tipped off its
HopeAngel: what's it called
HopeAngel: let me look it up
HopeAngel: AXIS

JK: hyung stop it
JK: it's like you don't want me to get into a relationship

HopeAngel: holy shit
HopeAngel: *RELATIONSHIP?*
HopeAngel: I mean babybun of course I want you to settle down if that's what you want! It's just such a dramatic change from having fun and fucking anyone you want
HopeAngel: Who is it who has changed your mind so suddenly?
HopeAngel: AND WHY DIDNT I SEE IT? HOW COULD I NOT NOTICE?

JK: I'd rather not say right now
JK: I mean
JK: I haven't behaved any differently around them otherwise people would have noticed
JK: so I don't actually think I'm that different right now

HopeAngel: I'm gonna get serious here for a moment with you okay

JK: wow

HopeAngel: yeah I know

[Last message 2 minutes ago]

HopeAngel: Kookie
HopeAngel: I am sorry if I implied that being a fuckboi was a major personality trait of yours
HopeAngel: having sex with whoever you want whenever you want isn't bad or wrong
HopeAngel: and if you're offended by us calling you a fuckboi we will all stop it immediately

JK: god hyung
JK: you talk about 180 personalities
JK: but you go from fun loving and fancy free
JK: to serious emotions in 0.2 seconds flat
JK: although
JK: i'm used to that
JK: you are so emotions with everything

HopeAngel: Kook you're avoiding what I said
HopeAngel: are you upset and offended? tell me pls

JK: nah! not at all
JK: I kind of lived up to it
JK: and I know nobody was shaming me
JK: i just think if you take away the fuckboi i'm still me?
JK: i have stuff to offer people other than sex, right?

HopeAngel: 100% you absolutely do
HopeAngel: whoever you like is really lucky

JK: thank you hyung

-

[private chat: kim.t, jeon.j]

Taecup: so how's celibacy going?

JK: you really want to talk to me about this?

Taecup: yeah why not?
Taecup: ur my friend
Taecup: it's a big deal in ur life
Taecup: u probably need some1 to vent to
Taecup: who else u gonna do it to?

JK: i don't understand you, hyung
JK: although, I mean
JK: i want to

Taecup: there's that Kookie charm

JK: I'm not flirting
JK: even if I have got a lot of pent up and unused flirting energy right now
JK: I'll wait for you to give me the go ahead
JK: if you decide you ever want to

Taecup: what if I decide to confess to Hobi-hyung instead and work past my feelings for you, Kookie?

JK: well
JK: it's still good for me in myself to find out if I can date and try monogamy isn't it

Taecup: i hope you really believ that an arent just sayin it
Taecup: becoz its a good attitude to hav
Taecup: dont do anythin for another person
Taecup: do it for YOU Kookie
Taecup: and u can be pissed at me for the decision if it happens
Taecup: but i'm being open and honest here all the way
Taecup: i might decide i never wanna date u or kiss u or hav sex with u

JK: ur a cool person hyung
JK: im glad ur honest and upfront
JK: and we are all in awe of how u do it with no fear
JK: it'd hurt but i'd work really hard not to blame u becoz im the one choosing to do this

-

[private chat: kim.t, park,j ]

Taecup: if i was testing Kookie
Taecup: which i am NOT
Taecup: because testing ur friendships is not the way to make them more secure
Taecup: it just proves ur insecurity in them in the first place
Taecup: but if i was-
Taecup: which i WASNT-
Taecup: he wouldve passed

Mochiminie: well
Mochiminie: from what uve been showin me
Mochiminie: ur convos hav been quite
Mochiminie: civil and... good? like
Mochiminie: emotionally mature and stuff
Mochiminie: i love Kookie but i love u more
Mochiminie: im reserving judgment
Mochiminie: but a lil optimistic about this

Taecup: there's still Hobi-hyung

Mochiminie: yeah, there is
Mochiminie: u mentioned confessing to Hobi-hyung to Kook
Mochiminie: are u going to?

Taecup: i dont think so, not right now
Taecup: the timing isnt right

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Mochiminie: OHMYGOD HYUNG
Mochiminie: I JUST REALISED

Suga: what?
Suga: and stop capslocking

Mochiminie: my best friend likes *your* best friend!

Suga: ...
Suga: you've only just realised this

Mochiminie: shut up hyung omg i've been really distracted and stressed lately

Suga: That's no excuse for outright stupidity, Jimin

Mochiminie: ohhhhh i see how it is
Mochiminie: my idiot hyung has been so nice to me lately he's gotta get some shots in now
Mochiminie: did your niceness meter overflow and break?
Mochiminie: gone all grinchy on me?

Suga: grinch
Suga: wow
Suga: that insult hit me where it hurts
Suga: really, Jimin
Suga: I could cry

Mochiminie: sarcasm meter is still working fine tho i see
Mochiminie: i was just going to say how cute i think it is
Mochiminie: that ur bff and mine could end up together
Mochiminie: like
Mochiminie: we're a match and they could b a match becoz they're personalities we both love
Mochiminie: but like wow
Mochiminie: if ur going to insult me

Suga: Jiminie
Suga: I was teasing you!
Suga: You know that don't you?

[Last message 5 minutes ago]

Suga: Babe, please reply to me
Suga: Even if it's to be rude to me
Suga: Don't leave hyung hanging
Suga: I'm gonna call you til you answer if not

Mochiminie: lol omg hyung it doesn't take u long to crack does it
Mochiminie: I was teasing u!
Mochiminie: SUCKER

Suga: I was teasing you back!
Suga: I wasn't fooled for a minute, Park Jimin!

Mochiminie: lol
Mochiminie: i dont believe u~

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

HopeAngel: Jiminie

Mochiminie: oh hey hyung
Mochiminie: r u going to ur dance club today?
Mochiminie: or the cafe?
Mochiminie: i'm busy u see so

HopeAngel: Jiminie
HopeAngel: I'm sorry I freaked you out
HopeAngel: But you can't just leave a guy hanging like this
HopeAngel: You wouldn't do that to someone

Mochiminie: oh i would
Mochiminie: i would if the guy was one of my best friends and knew i already had a boyfriend
Mochiminie: why would u confuse me like this, hyung?
Mochiminie: do u really like me so much that you'd risk making me all mixed up?

HopeAngel: Confuse you?
HopeAngel: Hey
HopeAngel: Jimin

Mochiminie: no forget it
Mochiminie: i didn't mean that
Mochiminie: it's nothing
Mochiminie: i hav a boyf and we're really happy
Mochiminie: yeah

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Mochiminie:


Mochiminie: how did i do for a start, baby?
Mochiminie: i felt suddenly inspired wen put on the spot

Suga: You're so incredibly hot
Suga: What happened next?

Mochiminie: oh i shut the chat so he would see that any reply he made was unread

Suga: Hobi's going to be freaking out
Suga: That'll teach him

-

[group chat: jung.h, kim.s, kim.n, kim.t, jeon.j]

HopeAngel: ajskhflbfdls
HopeAngel: Jimin said my confession confused and mixed him up?!
HopeAngel: He tried to backtrack afterwards but!
HopeAngel: I think this is working!
HopeAngel: I feel bad though
HopeAngel: My baby Jiminie
HopeAngel:

PunmasterJin: well, you're only going to mess with him a little, right?
PunmasterJin: just so he'll confess that Yoongi is his boyfriend

Jin's Joon: Yeah, it's okay, Hobi-hyung. You're managing it in a controlled setting. Between Taehyung and Jungkook, Jin and I we can keep an eye on any resulting happenings between Jimin and Yoongi-hyung.

Taecup: ...my Chimchim is conflicted?

HopeAngel: Tae, I'm sorry!

Taecup: it's okay, i just gotta do the bestfriendsoulmate thing and zoom
Taecup: this has always been the plan, i'm not mad at u, hyung

-

[private chat: min.y, park.j ]

Mochiminie: omg hyung help me i'm so confused lol
Mochiminie: Taetae asked me if things r okay with u and me becoz of what i said to Hobi-hyung
Mochiminie: obv becoz how else would he suspect, i'm not acting sad in front of him coz we're fine and it's all a ruse!
Mochiminie: but i cant lie to my Taetae!
Mochiminie: but if i say we're really good then Taetae will know i lied to Hobi-hyung and wanna kno why
Mochiminie: AND I CANT LIE TO HIM
Mochiminie: do I tell him we're playin Hobi-hyung?
Mochiminie: I mean, Taetae doesnt kno any of this is goin on
Mochiminie: and he likes hyung
Mochiminie: i dont want him to be sad or even angry that we're fucking with Hobi-hyung

Suga: ...
Suga: when did our lives get this fucking complicated

Mochiminie: lol i know right?
Mochiminie: come on hyung that cant be all u say to this, help me pls?
Mochiminie: pretty pretty please with a cherry on top
Mochiminie:

Mochiminie: with u as the whipped cream and me as the cherry we can hav a v. v. good time

Suga: Don't tell Tae about us fucking with Hobi
Suga: He's got enough to worry about without our game to keep a secret too
Suga: shit
Suga: Don't tell anyone I showed concern for a person I've never met

Mochiminie: baby
Mochiminie: i hate to tell u this
Mochiminie: but if i can see how u (badly) try to hide that u care about the ppl u love
Mochiminie: i assure u that all your other friends know it too
Mochiminie: there's literally nobody to tell that matters who wouldnt already kno

Suga: Leave me to my denial

Mochiminie: okay, but if i dont say that to Taetae what DO i say?

-

Chapter Text

[private chat: kim.t, park.j ]

Mochiminie: Taetae
Mochiminie: this is rly hard for me to say

-

[private chat: kim.t, jeon.j ]

Taecup: omg i think Chimchim is going to tell me Hobi-hyung confessed to him
Taecup: and that he feels SO SO BAD that this happened because he knows I LIKE HOBI-HYUNG
Taecup: BUT HE THINKS HOBI-HYUNG LIKES *HIM* AND THAT IT'LL DEVESTATE ME
Taecup: I JUST LOVE MY JIMJIM JIMINIE SO MUCH

JK: hyung does it have to be me you tell this to?

Taecup: you're the only one who knows i like Hobi-hyung! Jinnie-hyung and Namjoon-hyung don't know!
Taecup: and i kinda wanna keep it that way just til i figure stuff out
Taecup: i know we're all conspiracy buddies but i havent known them dat long in comparison to u and Hobi-hyung
Taecup: and they don't know i like you either

JK: uh, hyung
JK: i think they know I kinda like YOU though
JK: like
JK: Jin-hyung invited me over for dinner with them because he wants to talk about the person i like and give me advice and stuff?

-

[private chat: kim.t, park.j ]

[Last message 5 minutes ago]

Mochiminie: god, sorry
Mochiminie: keepin u hanging like this

Taecup: i hav all the forever time in the world for u my bestfriendsoulmate

Mochiminie: Taetae <3
Mochiminie: its just that
Mochiminie: i cant talk about this right now
Mochiminie: thats rlly hard for me to say to u but
Mochiminie: just trust me for now? things r gonna be okay

-

[private chat: kim.t, jeon.j ]

Taecup: HOLY SHIT NEVER MIND CHIMMIE JUST TOLD ME HE CANT TELL ME WHATS UP
Taecup: THIS IS A FIRST FOR US AND OUR BESTFRIENDSHIP
Taecup: HOLD ME

JK: hyung

Taecup: figurativly!!!
Taecup: after all im not actually upset
Taecup: i know my Jimmie is just tryin to save my feelings
Taecup: gosh he's just the cutest cutie patootie
Taecup: i love him so much
Taecup: i wonder if Yoongi-hyung will let me platonic marry his boyfriend

JK: I wonder if Yoongi-hyung will let me hang out with him in the no drama zone
JK: he seems like the type who doesn't put up with that shit

-

Jimin isn't sure he's ready to mess with Hoseok face-to-face yet, but given that they share a dance class he has no choice but to stuff his worries down deep in his belly and just go with it. Yoongi has promised to be nearby as invisible moral support, which helps more than he will ever really know. Jimin is only able to swagger confidently about this situation because he has Yoongi, the king of false swagger, beside him always.

He tries not to flinch too much when he feels Hoseok's hand come down on his shoulder, fingers digging in a little like claws.

"Jimin," he says, "are you alright? I've been worrying and I just had to come check."

"Hyung, you're so extra," Jimin mumbles playfully. "It's a good thing I know you only get accidentally rough because you care so much."

Hoseok's eyes widen as he realises how hard he must be gripping Jimin, even though Jimin isn't showing any signs of discomfort, not even a little grimace.

"Sorry, I get carried away-"

"It's alright," Jimin says smoothly.

"-I am genuinely concerned though. After what you said, about you and your boyfriend. If things aren't healthy between you I care a lot, but if things aren't good between you and you're personally upset I care even more!"

"Mmm," Jimin doesn't know what to say anymore so he just hums instead. Time to make a break for it. As he picks up his bag to leave Jimin says softly, "nobody cares about me quite like you do, Hobi-hyung..."

It's not a lie; all of Jimin's friends care for him in different ways because they're all individuals with unique perspectives on life and different views on how best to support others. But he knows the way it sounds, how much of a romantic slant there is to his words, and that's exactly what he's going for.

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

Mochiminie: hyung
Mochiminie: i need some advice
Mochiminie: ur a good listener so im hoping we can put any awkwardness aside temporarily

HopeAngel: of course! I'm your friend first and foremost forever
HopeAngel: what's up Jiminie?

Mochiminie: well
Mochiminie: its a friend of mine
Mochiminie: havin relationship issues
Mochiminie: and i want to give advice but idk what to say

HopeAngel: okay, what is the issue?

Mochiminie: well
Mochiminie: i think it's that he's worried they're just too different?
Mochiminie: he hasn't said it outright
Mochiminie: but i think he's worryin because he's upbeat and his
Mochiminie: girlfriend
Mochiminie: is more negative and he's always acepted her as she is
Mochiminie: but the longer the relationship goes on
Mochiminie: i think the pessimism might be draining him and draggin him down

-

"Hey," Yoongi says, nuzzling his face into the crook of Jimin's neck from behind before reaching to nip at his ear. Jimin wriggles happily on his lap as he watches his phone for a reply from Hoseok. "I'd be offended if you really thought I was like that. I'm kind of offended you think this is feasible enough that Hobi will buy it-"

Yoongi is the first one of the two of them to receive a message from Hoseok, however.

-

[private chat: jung.h, min.y ]

HopeAngel: HYUNG
HopeAngel: can you just lighten up sometimes please omg

Suga: what the fuck
Suga: we were fine earlier?

HopeAngel: Oh I know
HopeAngel: I just mean in general
HopeAngel: you know?

Suga: don't tell me how to live my life

HopeAngel: Min Yoongi you just better not be pushing people who are really good for you out of your life on purpose okay! No self destructive nonsense.

Suga: I'm not. I don't know where you got this numbskull idea from. I know full well I'm stuck with you now.

HopeAngel: Don't just think of it in regards to me, hyung.

-

"Urgh," Yoongi thrusts the phone into Jimin's eye line. "You were messing with him and it was getting me all hot for you until he went and did that."

Jimin turns just enough that Yoongi can see his nose crinkling as he smiles a fond smile.

"See?" He says. "Hobi-hyung is too sweet! ...He's just been really silly trying to mess with us too." Jimin leans in and a kiss is pressed to the tip of Yoongi's nose before he can register it coming. He blinks. "I'm glad that if you ever did try to push me away your best friend would be there telling you what an idiot you are."

Yoongi tightens his hold around Jimin's waist, sighing into his soft sweater. "I'm not going to," he insists. "And don't act like your track record for relationships was any better before me either."

"Yes hyung~" Jimin sing-songs obediently.

"Also, he's not being very subtle considering he knows we're together," Yoongi snorts. "Confessing to you but then yelling at me to ensure he 'saves' our relationship? We do talk to one another, he seems to have forgotten that. He's so damn flustered he's thinking even less than usual."

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

HopeAngel: oh Jimin that sounds tough for your friend
HopeAngel: i think it's important for him to talk to his
HopeAngel: girlfriend
HopeAngel: about it though

-

"Hyung, look!" Jimin giggles, tugging at Yoongi's sleeve. "Hobi-hyung put the same fake-belated message for 'girlfriend'. It's like he wants me to know he knows the hypothetical friend is really me and the girlfriend is a boyfriend really!"

"Of course," Yoongi smiles wryly. "You're both about as subtle as a brick to the small of the back."

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

HopeAngel: maybe she just doesn't realise how negative she's being?
HopeAngel: i mean
HopeAngel: i have a friend like that, a little
HopeAngel: sometimes he gets carried away with his destructive thoughts
HopeAngel: and he doesn't realise how deep he's gotten in or how dark he's gotten
HopeAngel: not until I or one of his other friends point it out to him
HopeAngel: some people need a little reality check
HopeAngel: especially from their sig. other

-

"He's talking about Joon," Yoongi says when Jimin shoots him a pointed look. "Joon-ah gets all philosophical and it turns dark pretty damn quick if he's not careful. Lucky he's got Jin-hyung to snap him out of it. That's my ex-roomie and the boyfriend he moved in with."

"Okay," Jimin says after a pause. Then he exhales and his body looses all its tension again as he snuggles bonelessly against Yoongi's chest. "I like hearing about your friends, even a little. I have a friend called Jin-hyung too! Maybe they can meet sometime."

"Yeah," Yoongi agrees easily. "Sure, babe."

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

Mochiminie: what if they already tried that and he just wont listen?
Mochiminie: *she
Mochiminie: sorry, u kno me and typos

-

"Was that a genuine typo or on purpose?"

"On purpose of course, hyung! Seriously, don't you trust my scheming yet?"

"Urgh, Jimin, you're too much sometimes."

"Mmm, I can feel your growing approval right under my ass."

-

[private chat: jung.h, park.j ]

HopeAngel: just be supportive and tell your friend not to give up too easily
HopeAngel: but at the same time
HopeAngel: if after a few tries he can't get through to her
HopeAngel: and she's not willing to try or compromise
HopeAngel: he has to remember communication is key to a relationship
HopeAngel: and so is give and take

Mochiminie: hm
Mochiminie: thanks u Hobi-hyung
Mochiminie: youve given me a lot to think about!
Mochiminie: for what to say to my friend i mean
Mochiminie: communication and compromising and giv n take
Mochiminie: thats a good way of puttin it

HopeAngel: Jiminie, i want you to think about if you have all that stuff in YOUR relationship too okay

Mochiminie: okay hyung sure
Mochiminie: can u cool it tho? this chasing of me is kinda relentless

-

"Was that message really meant for him or was it a hint to me?"

Jimin drops his phone down onto the couch beside the two of them and lets his head fall back against Yoongi's shoulder. The hands that had made their way up his sweater continue to stroke lazily at his abs. Yoongi has this languid, cat-like way of rubbing up against and pawing at everything he wants to lay claim to. Jimin lets his eyes fall shut and hums contentedly.

"I would never tell you not to be relentless, hyung," he assures Yoongi. "You've got to keep up with my stamina."

"Cheeky little shit," Yoongi mutters, but he can't disagree considering Jimin's ridiculously short, almost unreal refractory period. And anyway, he isn't going to stop touching Jimin wherever he wants just because of one smartass comment.

-

[group chat: jeon.j, kim.s, kim.n ]

PunmasterJin: JK, are you okay?
PunmasterJin: You left in such a weird mood
PunmasterJin: You seemed kind of...

Jin's Joon: Shaken.

PunmasterJin: Yes, shook.
PunmasterJin: Jungshook.

Jin's Joon: Dearest, not the time for puns.

PunmasterJin: Kookie, please? Talk to us?

JK: I just
JK: I just can't believe you think it's Hobi-hyung that I like!

PunmasterJin: w.h.a.t.

Jin's Joon: It's not?

PunmasterJin: But Jimin said!

Jin's Joon: Jimin said, "one of his best friends" likes Hobi, right, Jinnie?
Jin's Joon: It was us who jumped to the wrong conclusion, apparently.

PunmasterJin: Now now, we did think of Taehyung first! But then JK did this celibacy thing.

JK: why am I feeling shocked that you guys gossip about us

PunmasterJin: Jungshook x2!

JK: yes I like someone, but I'm doing the celibacy thing for MYSELF too. I can't confess to someone without knowing first if I can lay off sex with random people. And I need to know myself as a person.

PunmasterJin: mmhmmm mmmmhmmm yeah okay
PunmasterJin: SO TAEHYUNG LIKES HOBI?

JK: how would I know
JK: Look hyung, if he wanted people knowing he would've told them. Jimin is his bestfriendsoulmate so of course he told him.
JK: And Jimin doesn't know you know Taehyung so he didn't realise you'd figure it out.
JK: It sucks that it came out that way but you need to keep it a secret.

PunmasterJin: But
PunmasterJin: I want to
PunmasterJin: give him cuddles
PunmasterJin: and

JK: no

PunmasterJin: BUT I JUST
PunmasterJin: NOOGIES

JK: NO

PunmasterJin: THE DISRESPECT IN HERE ;;

JK: Okay
JK: NO, HYUNG.

-

[private chat: kim.n, kim.s]

PunmasterJin: well
PunmasterJin: so

Jin's Joon: Yes, love?

PunmasterJin: Do we think Hobi likes Taehyung BACK?
PunmasterJin: They've always been very flirty in the gc!
PunmasterJin: Although, maybe not so much recently.

Jin's Joon: Well, that might be because Taehyung is harbouring actual romantic feelings now.
Jin's Joon: So expressing them playfully as a joke has no allure anymore.

PunmasterJin: You're so smart.

Jin's Joon: Oh come on, not that smart.
Jin's Joon: Most of the time I can't even walk through doorways properly. Without hurting myself.

PunmasterJin: LOL
PunmasterJin: So true
PunmasterJin: But that's just your coordination, baby.
PunmasterJin: And you have full control over that in bed.
PunmasterJin: I mean, mostly.
PunmasterJin: More often than NOT, anyway.
PunmasterJin: ...Trips to the ER because of bedroom accidents are just a way of life for us now.
PunmasterJin: It's fine. It's more than fine. I love you.

Jin's Joon: I love you too.
Jin's Joon: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

-

[private chat: kim.t, park.j ]

Taecup: Chimmmmmmmmmm

Mochiminie: ???

Taecup: i'm really horny rn
Taecup: and i dont wanna go hook up with someone idc about
Taecup: but i CANT hook up with any1 i do care about
Taecup: so tell me some dirty stories about ur lovelife i can get off to?

Mochiminie: anything for you muffin <3

Taecup: <3

Mochiminie: okay so
Mochiminie: today i discovered my boyfriend has kind of a v v specific kink

Taecup: sounds promisin!

Mochiminie: so we uhm
Mochiminie: okay so theres this guy whos been messing with me lately
Mochiminie: and i didnt realise at first but hyung and i figured it out
Mochiminie: so we decided to mess with him back while he doesnt know that we know
Mochiminie: rather than just tell him we know
Mochiminie: (revenge is more fun right?)

Taecup: (totally)

Mochiminie: so im messing with this guy over text while at hyung's place
Mochiminie: sittin on his lap so he can read the messages over my shoulder
Mochiminie: make suggestions and stuff
Mochiminie: and
Mochiminie: apparently
Mochiminie: he thinks my deceptions an evil schemes are rly sexy
Mochiminie: so while im misleading this other guy
Mochiminie: my boyf is getting a giant boner right beneath me
Mochiminie: practically pressin my pants into my ass crack its that rock hard