Chapter Text
"Can we stop pretending now?
Can we all admit that we don't have it figured out?"
Anakin couldn't put his finger on it at first.
His new captain wasn't jumpy, not in the way some of the other clones were, but he wasn't easy-going, either. He was sort of... stiff? Yeah, that's it. And sort of... perfect.
The perfect soldier.
Though he was tempted to resent the clone for it—because come on, who’s that perfect?—Captain Rex had this other kind of air about him that just made Anakin want to… to make everything okay.
Everything is okay.
Why wouldn’t it be? You’re just paranoid.
Anakin scoffed. No, Obi-Wan is paranoid. I’m not.
And everything’s fine.
That's what he had thought... at first. It hadn't taken long for the young Knight to realize that maybe Rex was a little too perfect. His reports were always filed early or right on time—whatever on time meant. He always got to their briefing right on the dot—that, or he was earlier than even Obi-Wan. He also never just jumped in and gave his input, he always waited until someone asked him for it.
And he always, always stood at attention until Anakin told him not to.
"You know you can stand at ease, right?"
"That's not protocol, sir."
"Yeah but, it's literally just us here right now. Seriously, you don't have to impress anybody."
“You’re still here, though, sir.”
“Okay… Whatever.”
Sometimes, Rex would slip into parade rest, but most of the time, he hovered in some uncomfortable middle and was never truly at ease.
Am I really that intimidating? Anakin didn't think so. He didn't even have two decades of living under his belt yet, and didn't he always make it a point to be welcoming, warm, and friendly whenever Rex walked in? Whenever any of his men walked in?
Upon closer observation, Anakin noticed that none of Obi-Wan's men acted that way around him. In fact, his old Master's new commander—Cody, if he was remembering correctly—seemed to mesh well with Obi-Wan. They had similar personalities and ways of thinking. Always organized to the letter, always sure of themselves, always by-the-book, always looking out for everyone else.
But not perfect.
Anakin shook his head as everyone filed out of the briefing room, watching Cody leave with Obi-Wan.
Cody does everything right, yet he never looks like he's trying too hard. Rex, on the other hand…
His gaze drifted to his captain, who still stood studying the holomap.
"You look like you want to say something," Anakin said, coming over to join him. And, kriff, I wish you'd just come out and say it whenever you wanted to.
Though Rex hesitated, that seemed to be the opening he was looking for—the permission he'd been waiting on.
"With all due respect, sir, I was just thinking that it might work better to our advantage if we positioned our second group here instead of all the way over there…”
Rex's additions to Anakin's initial plan ended up saving the lives of several troopers, much to Anakin's elation. In fact, it all went down almost perfectly.
And Rex had his mission report filed right on time.
Anakin might still have been young, and he might not have known much about clone troopers yet and how they perceived the world, but he was pretty sure they didn't usually act like that. Sure, a lot of his newer recruits were naive, somewhat trigger-happy, and eager to please…
… But the way Rex acted just hit differently and Anakin couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Some of the man's mannerisms felt familiar, even, which only puzzled him more.
"You know, you don't have to wait to be dismissed, Rex. You can just leave. I mean, everyone else is already gone, so..."
"I'm afraid that's not protocol, sir."
"Fine. Then, in that case, you're dismissed."
That had been days ago. Another mission had come and gone.
And he was still confused by it all.
Anakin flopped down on Obi-Wan's sofa, lying on his stomach so he could watch his old Master make tea in the small kitchen area. "Have you noticed anything weird about Rex?"
Obi-Wan barely glanced up from his work. "No, but I have a feeling you're going to tell me."
"Okay, so..." Holding up hand, Anakin began ticking his points off on his fingers. "He's always standing stiffer and straighter than even Master Windu, he never gives his input on our battle strategies unless I specifically ask him to, and he's like the king of submitting his reports early. Oh! And I don't know how many times he's thrown that 'standard protocol' stuff in my face when I try to tell him to relax."
Obi-Wan made a thoughtful sound, mixing the last of his tea before leaning back against the counter. "Perhaps he's just efficient."
"I mean, maybe... But he almost seems... uncomfortable around me."
"Anakin, he's still getting used to things. We all are. Think about it: it hasn't been that long since this war started, and even less time has gone by since you gained command of the 501st." Obi-Wan took a sip of his tea and offered Anakin one of his familiar, reassuring smiles. "I'm sure he'll get more comfortable soon enough, especially once he gets used to your rather... unorthodox methods. That alone is enough to make any trooper tread lightly at first, if you ask me. "
Yeah... Sure.
Though they had just returned to Coruscant that morning—and from a rather tedious campaign to boot—Anakin found himself growing increasingly restless the longer he stuck around in the Temple. For some reason, he couldn't get his mind off Rex. Something about it all kept nagging at him, something vaguely familiar…
With Padme on off visiting Naboo and totally unavailable, vape it, Anakin eventually found himself wandering around the army headquarters. Every turn took him past several troopers, walking either in pairs or in groups. Some headed to the mess hall for a nice dinner and others clearly on their way back from the gym. Still others didn't even seem to have a destination in mind, rather, they were simply enjoying a nice stroll and the company of their brothers.
Part of him hoped to run into Rex, but he hadn't seen the captain since they'd docked earlier that day and asking about him felt... weird, for some reason. One day, maybe he would be able to share in the tight-knit camaraderie of his troops, though it was still too early to have completely knocked down the wall that stood between him and them.
Jedi and clone.
For a moment, Anakin was taken back to a time when he had felt a similar kind of wall—one between him and the rest of the Jedi in the Temple. He'd been new, the famed Chosen One who was supposed to bring balance to the Force.
He'd also only been nine years old.
"I'm sorry." In his mind's eye, a little blond boy tried in vain to wipe the silent tears off his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't... didn't mean to, I just... Sometimes this place is so weird and different and... and..."
"Oh, Anakin." A younger version of Obi-Wan knelt down beside him and put an arm around his shoulders. "Everyone makes mistakes. It's okay. Really, what you did is of no consequence."
"Huh?"
"I mean," Obi-Wan had explained gently, "you're making something out of nothing."
"Oh... I just... Everyone's watching me all the time. I know they are and I just... I don't want to mess anything up."
"Like I said, everyone makes mistakes. You wouldn't be human if you didn't."
"But I'm the Chosen One!"
"True... But you're also human. Unless you turned into a Trandoshan when I wasn’t looking.” A soft chuckle. Anakin remembered smiling—just a little. “Now, come on, I'll fix you some tea and we'll sit on the sofa for a while. Perhaps you can tell me one of those stories you're always making up..."
Blinking away the memories, Anakin headed for the hangar bay. He needed something to do, something to work on. His hands needed to move, needed something tangible to fix. That's how he ended up working on one of the fighters that had been damaged during their last battle.
And for a short while, everything was peaceful. Though his thoughts hadn't entirely drifted away from Rex, he found his mind had become a more pleasurable place to be in than before and he soaked up the tranquility. Whereas Obi-Wan had always felt the most at ease when he was meditating in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, Anakin found his peace while elbow deep in droid parts or ship hardware.
He sensed it before he heard it. The panic, the extreme sense of urgency, the fear. Then, the sound of boots moving the floor echoed through the vast hangar—and they were moving fast.
Maybe someone forgot something.
The footsteps grew louder, pounding against the ground like someone’s life depended on it.
Anakin swallowed a chuckle. Where's the fire?
Switching out one of his tools, he had just begun to remove the durasteel plating when the footsteps skidded to a stop, leaving only the sound heavy breathing in its wake.
Gasping for air, more like.
"Sir..." The voice belonged to a million other troopers, but Anakin knew instantly who was leaning against the aircraft.
Found him, Anakin thought with a smile, removing the plating and setting it gently on the ground beside him. Or, he found me.
"General... S-Skywalker, I..." The slight tremor in the captain's tone shook something inside of Anakin and he was suddenly reminded why he had even wanted to find Rex in the first place.
To see if he couldn't put his finger on exactly what about the trooper seemed so kriffing familiar, so wrong.
"I'm so sorry, sir." Rex pressed on as Anakin hauled himself out from underneath the fighter. "I can explain everything..."
Upon standing, the emotions he'd sensed earlier hit him with enough force to send a less experienced Jedi to their knees. The sheer intensity of the urgency, the panic, the fear made Anakin want to be physically ill. It had him marveling at how Rex could harbor such emotions and yet still stand at attention.
Only, he wasn't at attention. That’s new. He was leaning against the fighter as if the ship was the one thing keeping him from falling on his knees.
Maybe it is.
"Whoa, Rex," Anakin exclaimed, noting the captain's almost ghostly pallor. "You're not looking so good."
"General, I-I promise I can explain."
"Sure, you'll have time for that in a minute, but for right now, just work on catching your breath, okay?"
Though he looked like he wanted to protest, Rex nodded, then sucked in another deep breath. In his hand, he clutched a datapad that seemed about one or two more squeezes away from snapping clean in half under the pressure of Rex's white-knuckled hand.
For a few moments, Anakin stood patiently while Rex caught his breath. Eventually, the trooper looked less like he was about to keel over, even though he had yet to get some color back into his cheeks.
"Did you run all the way over here?" Anakin asked, slightly impressed and more than a little confused when Rex nodded. "Wow, so what was the rush? Are you okay? No one's hurt, right?"
If someone had gotten hurt, wouldn't he find Coric first, though? So... what—?
"No, sir, everyone's fine," Rex replied. The one thing Anakin noticed—besides his winded appearance—was that the captain, though no longer leaning against the ship for support, hadn't slipped into his usual at-attention stance.
Under any other circumstance, Anakin would've counted that as a victory, a sign that Rex was finally getting more comfortable around him. Something told him, however, that this was definitely not the reason.
So... again, what?
Before he could ask, Rex jumped right into it, and Anakin found that his usually straight-to-the-point captain was hardly making any sense at all—and if he was, Anakin certainly couldn't understand him.
"Sir, I had every intention of writing that report and sending it in this afternoon. Actually, I truly thought I had written it, but when I remembered to check it, I saw I hadn't. I thought I had because I always do, you know I do, sir, but we'd just landed and everything was chaotic, and then the 104th was about to ship out and—"
"Rex! Slow down. Just… take a breath!" Anakin shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about."
Rex must have caught himself because the expression was gone in an instant, but for a brief flash, he stared at Anakin like the Jedi had grown a second head.
"My report, sir." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
You're gonna have to help me out a little more than that, Rex.
Anakin resisted the urge to massage his temple. One, because that was something Obi-Wan did, not him, and two, because the cloud of panic surrounding Rex wasn't going away. It was growing.
"What report?"
"The mission report for our last campaign."
Anakin blinked. "You mean, the campaign we just got back from, like, a few hours ago?"
"Sir, it's been almost a full twelve hours since we arrived on Coruscant this morning."
Not even twelve hours and you're worried about some little report?
But he didn't dare say that out loud, not when Rex still looked like he was about to be marched to his death.
Anakin tried for a smile, something to reassure the captain a bit. "Okay, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret that you can't tell anybody, got it? I don't actually get around to reading those reports until a few days after you submit them, so you're fine. You can write it up three days from now, for all I care. Whenever you have the time is fine by me, and I'll read it when it's ready."
And for one long moment, Anakin thought he had broken Captain Rex. The man opened his mouth, but no sound came out, so he closed it and furrowed his brows.
Okay…
"Look," Anakin sighed when it became clear Rex wasn't going to say anything, "it's not like there's any real deadline for those things, anyway. And it's not the end of the world if you don't submit it on time, okay?"
"But, sir," Rex said at last, his confusion palpable, "protocol states that... that..."
Anakin's grin fell short of its desired effect as his heart skipped a beat or two. That uneasy feeling settled over him again, the one that told him something about all this—about Rex —wasn't quite right...
"See? You can't even remember what the proper protocol is for submitting a mission report because it's up to command to decide. I can lead the 501st as I see fit— we can lead them however we need to. You're my second-in-command, Rex. If anyone can submit a report late, it's you. "
His nod seemed only a surface level acknowledgement, something to appease Anakin while Rex's emotions continued to rage underneath.
"Understood, sir."
"Did..." Anakin took a second to study his captain. To really study him. "Did you really run all the way over here just to tell me that...?" The silence was all the confirmation he needed, and before Rex could reply, he pressed on. "This is going to sound like a weird question, but I want you to answer me honestly."
Another nod. "Of course."
"Rex… Are you afraid of me?"
The question clearly took Rex by surprise, but the captain didn't miss a beat—and he slipped into parade rest. "Of course not, sir. Not you."
"Not me? " By the twitch in Rex's expression, that last part apparently wasn't something he'd meant to come out. "Okay, who, then?"
"No one, sir." Nice try. "Sorry for disturbing you, but I appreciate you clearing things up."
Any other person would have walked away; left the conversation before Anakin took it to another level, but Rex wasn't just any other person.
He wouldn't leave until he'd been dismissed, and for some reason, that fact killed Anakin a little bit inside.
Eyeing a row of crates lined up against the wall, he gave a slight jerk of his head. "Come on, let's sit down for a second."
Rex didn't seem to know what to make of the suggestion, but he dutifully followed nonetheless.
Trying to organize all the thoughts bouncing around his brain, Anakin took a deep breath.
Inhale, exhale...
"So, let me get this straight," he said a few seconds later. Rex sat ramrod straight, the datapad still clutched tightly in his hand. "You ran all the way here to tell me that you forgot to file a report when you could have been enjoying some free time, but you didn't do it because you're scared of me."
Rex nodded once. "That's correct, sir."
"Then why?"
Again, Rex opened his mouth only to shut it again.
Come on, give me something to work with here...
"It's..." the captain said at long last. "Well, I just... It's protocol, sir, and I wanted to make sure there weren't any... misunderstandings between us... That you'd know I fully intend to write and send that report as soon as I can. I'll have it written before the end of the night, sir."
"No." Anakin ran a hand down his face, suddenly exhausted. "No, I don't want you to work on it tonight. Get some sleep instead, or… something. What time is it, anyway?"
After a quick glance at his wrist chrono, Rex replied, "Nearly 10'00, sir."
"Okay, great. So we're off duty right now, which means we aren't General Skywalker and Captain Rex. Sitting here, we’re just Anakin and Rex, all right?"
"Of course, sir."
"Which means, you can drop the ‘sir’ after every other sentence. And, you can relax."
To Anakin's minor satisfaction, Rex's shoulders slumped a little and the tension in his back eased.
Well, it's a start, at least.
At a loss for what to say next, Anakin switched tactics. "How did you even know I was here?"
"It was a lucky guess, si—" As Rex clamped his jaw shut, Anakin swallowed a sigh.
"No, I mean, how did you know I was even here at HQ at all?"
"I… didn't." Rex shrugged a shoulder. "Like I said, it was somewhat of a lucky guess."
"And if I hadn't been here? If you searched this whole kriffing base and couldn't find me, then what? Would you have raced all the way to the Jedi Temple?"
Rex thought about this for a moment. "I probably would have commed you instead."
"All because of a late report?" Really?
Another nod.
Anakin had to stop himself from scrunching his nose. Rex didn’t need his scrutiny right now. Just… None of it made sense, yet in some old, familiar, twisted sort of way, it did...
"Anakin, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."
"B-But... I ruined everything. I-I spilled your tea and-and broke the whole tea set a-and—"
"Anakin, you tripped. Everyone gets a little clumsy sometimes."
"B-But I… I failed you. I can make some more, and I'll clean all this up, I promise. I'll fix everything, just—"
"Shh... Anakin, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. It was an accident." Even through the distant, hazy lens of the memory, Obi-Wan's smile shined just as brightly as ever. "I never particularly liked that flavor of tea, anyway. I was just trying to use up the rest of the package so it didn't go to waste. And there’s nothing a little glue can’t do for the tea set…"
Starting off life as Obi-Wan's Padawan, Anakin could remember those feelings of dread and anxiety as vividly as if it were yesterday. He'd been so afraid he was going to mess everything up. Coming out of the world of slavery, where one wrong move would end in punishment, and jumping right into the calm, peaceful world of the Jedi, it had taken him a while to adjust.
It had taken him a long time to realize his new Master—who wasn't really a master master, not like the ones he'd known—wasn't going to punish him for every slip-up he made and every accident he fell into. To realize that Obi-Wan genuinely cared for him; that things were a little more lenient and that he actually had freedom to be his own person. Freedom to say what he wanted, and not just what everyone wanted to hear. Freedom to be the person his mom always knew he could be.
Yet, the fear lingered even now. Fear of failing, fear of letting everyone down—of not doing the right thing. Of not doing enough. Because he might not have been a slave anymore, but he was still the Chosen One. Somehow; he was still meant to bring balance to the Force. And that thought, if he dwelled on it long enough, still terrified him.
Holding back a shiver, Anakin locked eyes with his captain. "Do you know why I came back here in the first place? Because I couldn't get you off my mind." Rex simply raised a brow. "Who are you afraid of, Rex?"
"What…?" Rex cleared his throat. "What makes you think I'm… I'm afraid of someone?"
"You're too perfect. Or, at least, you try to be. I… Well, I was like you, once. A long time ago. Always trying to be better than the best. Always on time, always playing it safe. Always perfect. Or…" Anakin let out a dry, humorless chuckle. "At least, I tried to be. I tried so hard because I was afraid someone would hurt me if I didn't. So… Who are you afraid of, Rex?"
At first, Anakin thought Rex might shut down on him; might clamp his mouth shut or deny it all.
It would serve you right for prying.
Yeah... but I have a feeling I'm not wrong.
The confirmation came when Rex gave a small shudder, slumping further and washing a hand over his face.
"I…" he began, sucking in a breath. "If I fail as your captain, I'll get sent back to Kamino."
Okay... Now we're getting somewhere...
"Why do you automatically think you're going to fail?"
"I don't..." Rex wet his lips, his eyes darting about before glancing back toward the floor. "I don't expect to fail, I just… take active measures against it because…"
When a few seconds passed and Rex said nothing, Anakin gently prompted, "Because...?"
"Because..." Rex swallowed hard. "Because I'm defec—Well, I… All my life, the Kaminoans have expected me to fail at some point. That's why I have to try harder than everyone else. That's why I have to… have to be perfect. If I'm not, they'll..."
"They'll what?"
But Rex was already shaking his head. "Never mind, sir. It's not important because I'm not going to fail. I swear, I'm not going to fail you."
There were so many questions he wanted to ask. He wanted to press for more about Kamino, that far off, cloudy world that didn’t even exist in any of the Jedi archives. He wanted to get down to the nitty-gritty, to make Rex tell him what was so absolutely terrifying about the Kaminoans. Obi-Wan didn’t have anything negative to say about them…
But he knew that, if he did, Rex would shut down on him, and that wouldn’t get either of them anywhere. So, for now, he would just have to shove down his curiosity and leave certain things for another time.
Slowly, Anakin gave a nod of his own. "I know you won’t. You're a good man, Rex, but not failing as my captain doesn't mean you won't make mistakes. I didn't fail as Obi-Wan’s Padawan—I mean, here I am, fully Knighted, right?—but that doesn't mean I didn't make a ton of mistakes. I don't expect you to be perfect. Actually, I don't want you to be perfect." He tried for a grin. "If you are, you'll make me look bad because I could never live up to that kind of perfection. No one can."
Understanding dawned slowly on Rex's face as he nodded.
"So," Anakin continued, placing a reassuring hand on Rex's shoulder—and ignoring the captain's slight flinch—"let's make a couple of things crystal clear between us. One, I don't want you to be perfect or else I'd have to try to be perfect, and do you know how vaping exhausting that would be? Two, since I don't even get around to reading any reports until a few days after the mission, let's give you a two to three day deadline. If you send it in right off the bat, great. More power to you. If you don't get around to it until a couple days afterward, that's still perfectly fine. And three, if you need to talk to me, just comm me, okay? You don't have to make yourself sick running to hell and back trying to find me. My comm is always open to you, even if you just need to get something off your chest or just want to chat."
Though Anakin didn't really think his captain would take him up on that last offer, he threw it in there anyway. We'll get to that point someday.
Once again, Rex nodded. This time, he looked a little more relaxed, thought not completely. Not yet. Maybe someday...
"Understood, sir." Here, the corner of Rex's lips tugged upwards. Finally… "Thank you."
"Oh, and Rex?" Anakin said, his warm smile widening. "When we're off-duty, you can leave my presence whenever the kriff you want. Please don’t wait to be dismissed, just… go whenever you want to."
Though it seemed to be going against every inbred instinct Rex possessed, he nodded and stood—more like pried himself off the crate, but Anakin wasn't complaining. At least he was doing it.
With a small salute, Rex bid him goodnight, then he turned and made his way out of the hangar.
Anakin breathed a long sigh of relief.
Maybe he would never find out why Rex feared the Kaminoans, but that night, he could almost physically feel the wall coming down between the two of them. At least they were finally getting somewhere with each other.
And maybe one day, Rex would trust him enough to confide in him, but if not, at least they were well on their way to developing something more than just an understanding.
To developing something more along the lines of a friendship.
"Can we stop pretending now?
Can we all admit that we don't have it figured out?"
~ "Hard Sell," the Crane Wives