Chapter Text
When Joe’s bag gave way, spilling all its contents on the corridor floor, it took every ounce of willpower not to fall on his knees and weep like a child.
Of course, Hana had finally settled down in her carrier, and she continued to sleep despite the crash of a half dozen cans of baby formula hitting the carpet, so Joe merely blinked back unshed tears and took a deep breath, finding his key and unlocking his flat. He left the door ajar as he carefully put Hana’s carrier on the sofa and quickly went back to retrieve the scattered cans.
“Oh, sorry,” said a voice as he opened the door. It belonged to a young woman he recognised as living down the corridor. She had a bright, sincere smile. “I heard a bang and was worried someone may be hurt?”
“No, no–” Joe replied, half snort, half grunt. “Only my pride. I should have checked the bag before leaving the car... it was stupid of me.”
“Nonsense,” the woman said, quickly helping him to gather the cans of formula from the floor. “It happens.” Joe held the door open to let her in, indicating the kitchen table just next to the living room. “There, they don’t seem to have suffered any damage. That’s good. Baby formula can be so expensive.”
“Tell me about it,” agreed Joe, wondering if he had again gone through all that trouble for nothing. So far he has tried six or seven different formula brands, and Hana hasn’t taken to any of them. She’s not gaining weight as she should, and Joe’s starting to get desperate.
“Sorry?” The woman was looking at Joe like he had grown a second head, and that was when he realised he must have said everything aloud. He felt his face grow hot, a mix of despair, shame, and resignation.
“I apologise, that’s not how I usually– look, I haven’t slept much lately. She–” He glanced towards the sofa, where Hana started to fuss. “Thank you for your help, but I need to, oh, fuck-”
Joe had been trying not to curse in front of Hana, but he couldn’t help it as he dropped the can he was holding. This time there was no carpet to muffle the noise. The loud bang was followed by Hana’s pitiful cries. Joe sighed and walked the small distance, gathering her in his arms, knowing his scent would help to soothe her a little.
It was the only thing he was good for, after all.
“Can I help?” the woman said, her voice contained. That was when Joe realised that she was an alpha like him, from the way she held herself as if she was keeping her pheromones at bay. She pointed to the formula cans over on the table. “Which one...?”
Hana’s cries had stopped quickly after Joe picked her up, but he soon recognised the way she shifted in his arms, her forehead pressing against his collarbone, her little hands looking for something he couldn’t give her. Younes would probably laugh at Joe if he could see him. That one thought almost made Joe break down, but he knew he couldn’t. Not in front of a stranger.
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, wincing when the woman raised her eyebrows. “Sorry, she... she hasn’t really taken to any brand since– I, I have been trying different ones and–”
The woman nodded, realisation dawning on her face as she took in Joe’s unkempt appearance and the lack of an omega in the house or any signs of bonding. For a moment, he was afraid she would arrive at the wrong conclusion, so he hurried to explain in the least amount of words he could muster.
“She’s my niece– my brother, her bearer...” Joe breathed through his mouth. Younes’s scent had almost entirely faded from Hana’s hair by now and it broke his heart. “He passed away two months ago. I’m her guardian, but I–”
“I’m very sorry for your loss,” the woman said. “I don’t think we were ever introduced, but I’m Nile– I live in 26B? If you ever need anything, please, don’t hesitate to knock.”
“Thank you, Nile,” he said, not sure how anyone could help him, not with this, but he was glad he still could remember his manners. “I’m Joe.”
“Nice to meet you, Joe,” Nile said, attempting to smile again. “Now, let’s try one of these, shall we? Just take a seat and hold her for a minute, I can find my way around.”
And that’s how Joe found himself trying to feed Hana a bottle of formula while he told his neighbour about how his life had drastically changed last October, when his brother and his bonded died in a tragic accident, leaving their newborn behind. Younes’s mate had no living relatives while Joe was Younes’s only family in the country. Since they were fraternal twins, Joe was the most likely person to bond with the child, so he was granted full custody.
“Have you thought about finding a wet nurse for her?” Nile asked as she sipped on the tea she had made for Joe and herself. Joe’s cup was still untouched as he tried to coax Hana to finish her bottle. She must be very hungry, because she managed to drink almost half of it before starting to gurgle around the silicone nipple.
Joe sighed, accepting defeat. He put the bottle down and held Hana up against the burp cloth on his shoulder. “Yeah, I–,” he sighed, feeling tired to his bones. “We tried with a couple of beta women, but she just won’t latch. It’s worse than the formula for her...” Joe smiled weakly as Hana finally let out a loud burp. “Since Hana’s bearer was an omega, that’s the ideal milk for her and her doctor put her on all the waiting lists. It’s just– well, most alphas don’t want their omegas to nurse other alpha’s babies, so they told me it’s a long shot.”
Nile was silent for almost a minute, a deep frown on her face. Joe wondered what was going on inside her head, but he held his tongue, just glad to have some adult company that was not a doctor or one of his co-workers. He knew he probably overshared, and Nile was just looking for an excuse to bolt.
“What about the milk bank?” she asked after a moment, her tone measured. “I know there’s one at St. Anthony’s...”
Joe sighed again as he cleaned Hana’s mouth and settled her in his arms. “They fed her with natural omega milk, right after, I mean, and she was doing okay, but since the bank must be local, there isn’t much milk to go around so the priority is for parents who have really sick babies or cannot afford formula. So I– we will manage… won’t we, darling?”
Hana scrunched her nose as she settled against his chest, and Joe felt his heart break a little more. Yes, they will manage. He was all she had in the world, so he had no choice but to find a solution.
“I see,” Nile said, putting her cup down. “So her bearer was a male omega?”
Joe nodded. “Yes, but they told me female omega’s milk could help too, you know, since male omegas rarely have children...”
There was another pause, and Joe started rocking Hana in his arms, wondering if she would nap long enough for him to get some work done. His boss said she understood what he was going through, but he could tell she was starting to get miffed by his hectic schedule and missed deadlines.
“Look, Joe, I may–” Nile let out a heavy breath, as if she had reached a very difficult decision. Joe did not even know why, but he felt his heart start beating faster. “I cannot guarantee, but I may know someone.”
The noise of the pumping machine was almost soothing, but Nicky couldn’t help but wince as he felt the tug on his nipples become sharper. He sighed. He knew he should stop for today before he became too sore. The lactation consultant explained his milk wouldn’t dry as long as he pumped regularly, but she also said that he should respect his body limits.
‘Especially after everything you went through.’
Nicky knew she meant well, but he almost snarled at her and left the hospital without looking back. It was only his desire to make something good out of the ruins in his life that made him stay and nod as she continued to brief him on safety procedures and good hygienic practices.
He shuddered as he turned off the pump and inspected his nipples, relieved that the skin around the areola was only a bit red. Nicky cleaned himself with a damp towel before applying some nipple cream and letting his pecs dry before putting two pads over his nipples and covering his chest with the nursing top he used under his everyday shirts. Then, Nicky spent the next minutes carefully labelling the milk bottles that someone from the bank would come to collect in a couple of hours. He had just started on dinner when he overheard the front door opening.
“Nicky, I’m home!” Nile’s voice echoed through the small flat, and Nicky let out a shaky breath, instant relief flooding through his chest.
It’s been three months, most of his bruises had faded, and he has been getting better at being on his own, but it was a constant work in progress. When he’s alone, his mind tends to wander and take him to dark places he would rather avoid. Helping with the milk bank or cooking dinner requires just enough attention to prevent him from drifting off. Nicky has also been looking for paying jobs, of course, so he can help Nile with the rent, but so far, nothing.
“Something smells really good...” Nile said as she stepped into the kitchen. Nicky looked over his shoulder so he could smile at her and show her what he’d been cooking when he noticed the serious look on her face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Nile became flustered almost immediately. He thought of teasing her about this co-worker she had been talking of lately, but he soon realised that her red face had nothing to do with some infatuation. “Nile?”
Nile sighed and crossed her arms over her chest before leaning against the door frame. She stared into his eyes. “I may have found a job for you.”