Work Text:
"Are you texting your Twitter boyfriend?"
Peter almost spat out his watered-down apple juice all over the weirdly sticky cafeteria table. MJ stared at him over her book– The Handmaid's Tale- - with her typical raised-eyebrow look, the one that told him he couldn't get away with lying to her.
"He's not my boyfriend," Peter insisted. “We’re rivals.”
Really, potatoquality was the last person on Earth– or even in space– that Peter would date. Sure, the guy– Harley, his twitter bio said– was annoyingly perfect. Peter wasn't above admitting that when potatoquality first took advantage of the failing blue check mark to impersonate Peter's SI Intern account, he'd immediately taken to Instagram to figure more about him. And the more he looked into potatoquality, the more he found out how smart and great and talented everyone thought potatoquality was. He had enough science competition trophies to rival even Peter's collection, and he was pretty, too– blonde curls and tanned skin and blue eyes that sparkled with playfulness and intelligence.
Peter still wasn't entirely sure why potatoquality had chosen him of all people to impersonate. He hadn't really paid much attention to it. He didn't even have a verified check mark, so he mostly just laughed with MJ and Ned about the whole thing, watching billion-dollar companies' stock prices plummeting as Elon Musk only went after people who were making fun of him.
It took Ned asking him when he got the verified check mark before he realized that someone was impersonating him .
SI Intern Peter @potatoquality
At this point, Tony Stark could fill an entire orphanage with abandoned robot children
It was funny, Peter had to give potatoquality credit for that. And it fit in well enough with Peter's other light-hearted tweets about the Avengers and Stark Industries as a whole that Peter didn't blame his followers for believing it really came from him.
And potatoquality had posted a few other tweets, too, all using his purchased blue check mark to make them look legitimate. They were all funny, and Peter would have been willing to write it off, and then potatoquality mentioned Spiderman.
SI Intern Peter @potatoquality
Spiderman hangs around here so much that he should just get a job here. Might help when J Jonah Jameson finally sues him for property damage or something
Spiderman working at Stark Industries– did potatoquality know? How? Peter couldn’t resist DMing this Harley guy, mostly out of nerves.
@SIinternpeter:
Are you the guy who keeps impersonating me?
@potatoquality:
Imao yeah
okay be honest did pepper want you to run this account or was it tonys idea
Ignoring potatoquality's use of first names, how the hell did he know? Because, yeah, it had been Mrs Potts' idea for Peter to run the social media account to build up credibility for the internship, while boosting Stark Industries' public image.
@SIinternpeter:
Well, stop.
@potatoquality:
lmao no
It hadn't surprised him at all that stupid potatoquality and his stupid smirk immediately posted another sweet masquerading as him, this time saying "What's one thing no billionaire can afford? Therapy, apparently”. And, yeah, it was funny; Mr Stark probably did need the therapy he wasn't getting.
But he was still using Peter's account. What if someone saw and thought Peter was the one making fun of his boss? What if someone decided to look too much into the real Stark Internship program, and realized who Peter was?
He didn't think it would really happen, but then again, he never would've thought someone would be impersonating him during the blue checkmark fiasco, either.
@SIinternpeter:
Are you really going to spend $8 a month just to piss me off?
@potatoquality:
Darling, I can’t think of a better way to spend the money
tho tbh elon musk would’ve been my first choice but i figured he’d ban me
As it turned out, the best thing to do was wait it out, because soon enough, people began to realize that potatoquality– Harley– technically didn't need the verification mark to pretend to be Peter.
old fayded bleu jeayns @moondark
did anyone else notice that there's a real @SIinternpeter and a fake SI Intern Peter but only the fake one is verified
author of spacey novel @nonthreateningbowperson
@potatoquality sounds like the kind of guy I would want doing my group project for class
SI Intern Peter @potatoquality
bold of you to assume I do my own school work
#1 tim burton anti @mars
I cannot believe someone would put in so much work just into making fun of Tony Stark. How sad.
SI Intern Peter @potatoquality
Tony can cry about it into a pile of hundred dollar bills. He’ll be fine
SI Intern Peter (Real) @SIinternpeter
What about me?
@potatoquality:
are you cool w/ me calling you a bitch on Twitter
Like as a joke
@SIinternpeter:
…sure?
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
What about you, bitch
Jason grace isnt dead @eyourewelcome
Fight fight fight
Unfortunately, the realization that Peter now had a Twitter nemesis only seemed to encourage Harley more. People were making memes now- he knew because Harley would DM him every image he found. And now even his own friends were turning against him.
"Every good rival story has some homoerotic tension," Ned said cheerfully.
Peter rolled his eyes. Impersonating someone online wasn’t exactly a rom com-worthy meet cute. "Name one.”
“Catra and Adora,” MJ said.
"Batman and the Joker!"
“Dorian Gray and his own painting.”
Peter cut them off. "Okay, I get it. But Harley and I aren't like that, okay?"
Ned's smile only grew. "Oh, he's Harley now, huh?”
Peter did his best to glare at Ned even as he could feel the tips of his ears heating up. "Well, I can't just keep calling him ‘potatoquality’.”
"Does he call you SI intern?" MJ asked knowingly, setting aside her book. Uh oh. Things had to be serious for MJ to pay attention to Peter over The Handmaid’s Tale.
"No, he calls me Pete." Peter felt the blush deepening, and before Ned could say anything, he said, "That doesn't... mean anything! It's not like he's calling me an actual pet name, like sweetheart or dar–” He cut himself off, remembering their first exchange. “He doesn’t call me any pet names.”
"Does he call you 'darling’?” MJ asked, leaning forward, on the verge of smiling at him.
"Okay, once. But he was just trying to annoy me, he wasn’t flirting. Here, I’ll show you.”
Doing his best to ignore Ned and MJ's matching smirks, Peter pulled out his phone again, opening Twitter. He paused upon seeing the notification symbol; Harley had tagged him in something.
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
Idk man I just think that if I was a billionaire, I’d pay my interns enough to afford the blue check mark
get thee away from a psychiatrist @cloudplant
Idk man i just think the fake and real interns should kiss
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
@SIinternpeter idk man I think she has a point
…Fuck. Peter looked up at Ned and MJ, trying to focus on them and not the mental image of him and Harley kissing. Because Harley would probably be really good at it– his hands, probably warm and steady, reaching up to cup Peter's face, his breath ghosting across Peter's lips. He'd probably smell stupidly cliche, too, like leather or wildflowers or something, and–
"Was that Harley again?"
Peter could only hope to get out of this lunch period with a scrap of his dignity intact. "He said he wants to kiss me, I think.”
"Tell him you want to kiss him back!” Ned exclaimed.
This was going to be so, so terrible for Peter's poor heart. "He lives in Tennessee! How would we even– it's not like he's going to orchestrate a whole trip to New York just to kiss me."
How pathetic was it that his fingers were trembling slightly as he typed out the DM to Harley?
@SIinternpeter:
Were you being serious?
@potatoquality:
About wanting to kiss you?
Darling, you’re the funny, adorable guy who makes bad science puns regularly. I’d do a lot more than kiss you if I could
There was that word again. At this point, Peter was fairly certain his face was a brighter red than his spandex suit.
@potatoquality:
WAIT I MEANT LIKE
LIKE I'D DATE YOU
That sounded so wrong I'm so sorry
Please tell me you going to be want to kiss me or else this is so awkward
@siintern peter:
I'd go on a date if you were in New York
It felt like the best thing to say, in Peter’s opinion. Yes, he did want to kiss Harley, and go on a date with him, but it wasn’t like it could ever happen. Peter could admit to his feelings without ever having to deal with the inevitable heartbreak that would result from this online flirting.
@potatoquality:
omg a whole date???
wait are you /srs
bc if you dont actually want to kiss me you can just say so
@SIinternpeter:
Yes, Im being serious
If you ever end up in New York, I would kiss you. I’d even kiss you twice
A flutter of butterflies erupted in Peter’s stomach as he watched the tiny dots appear, indicating Harley was typing. And then the butterflies were consumed by vengeful acid when the dots disappeared, and the tiny “read” mark almost mocking him as the minutes ticked by without a response. Did Peter do something wrong, did he misread things? Or was he just freaking out over nothing, and Harley had a perfectly good reason for leaving Peter on read after Peter’s terrible attempt at flirting.
“I think he forgot we were here,” Ned said.
Peter scrambled to put his phone away, feeling like he’d just been caught looking up something inappropriate. “What? I wasn’t doing anything.”
“Sure you weren’t,” MJ said. She’d picked up her book again, idly turning the pages.
Peter took another sip of his lukewarm apple juice, trying to keep up with whatever new conversation Ned had started– something about a code he was trying, or something. His phone felt heavy in his pocket, and he was struggling to resist the urge to check it again. Nervous anticipation buzzed inside him, filling his mind with ‘what ifs’ ranging from what if Harley was secretly a supervillain trying to expose Spiderman’s identity to the world to what if Harley walked through his school cafeteria doors right now?
No, wait, something really was buzzing– Mr. Stark was calling him. Why was he calling him? He almost never called Peter during school hours, unless it was a big emergency?
Peter stood up, excusing himself to take the call. “Mr. Stark? Is everything okay?”
“I’ve got a new intern coming to stay at the Tower. I’ve been trying to get him to come to New York for months and he finally agreed.”
New intern? Like a new superhero Mr. Stark was training? Why was he telling Peter about this?
“What does this have to do with me?’
“Didn’t I ever tell you about what happened in Tennessee?”
Tennessee? Peter’s heart leapt up into his throat. But, no…he couldn’t be talking about Harley , could he?
“No, you didn’t.”
Peter could almost hear Mr. Stark waving his hand dismissively. “Whatever. It’s a long story, I’ll tell you later. Point is, I’ve been wanting to introduce you two because you’re both some of the smartest kids I’ve ever met. His name’s Harley, and–”
Peter cut off the rest of Mr. Stark’s rant about how good they’d work together. “Sounds great, Mr. Stark. I can’t wait to meet him.”
Peter hung up, unable to keep the smile off his face as he sat back down. He was going to get to kiss Harley after all– maybe even twice.
“What happened?” Ned asked, looking concerned.
“I guess some guys really will orchestrate entire trips to New York to go on dates.”
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
@SIinternpeter will you make me the happiest man alive and go on a date with me tomorrow
SI Intern Peter (Real) @SIinternpeter
Sure
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
HE SAID YES EVERYBODY
Jason grace isn’t dead @eyourewelcome
Wait someone tag that one person who wanted them to kiss
old fayded bleu jeayns @moondark
@cloudplant omg psychic
You Know Who I Am @theTonyStark
Wait, Harley, is this the real reason you agreed to visit
Verified Intern Peter @potatoquality
Peter owes me two kisses and I intend to collect
Somehow, finding out that Peter and Harley had a twitter feud that devolved into flirting really only dampened Tony’s excitement to have the two meet.
“I thought you wanted us to meet!” Peter said. After a week of waiting, Harley was finally arriving in New York, and Tony didn’t even want him going to the airport to meet Harley.
“I’m not about to let you two start making out in the middle of the terminal,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “You’re not coming.”
@SIinternpeter:
Tony wont let me meet you at the airport :(
@potatoquality
Homophobic smh
Oh well this means i will just have to kiss you as obnoxiously as possible when I get to Avengers Tower
@SIinternpeter
Please do
Peter could barely stop himself from watching the clock until Tony was supposed to show up with Harley. He was waiting in one of the penthouses, stomach full of butterflies and too much nervous energy to sit still properly. Harley had been texting him constant updates, which meant that Harley would probably be here any second now. And they could actually talk– flirt, even– in real life and not just in the stark white confines of twitter DMs.
Ding!
Peter got off the couch so fast that you would’ve thought his Peter Tingle had gone off. He raced over to the elevator, grinning widely as the elevator doors slowly opened to reveal Tony and Harley.
Peter’s mouth went dry; even in a loose sweatshirt and well-worn jeans, Harley looked even more attractive in person than in those Instagram photos Peter found. Harley was smirking as they made eye contact, and as soon as the elevator doors finished sliding open, Harley was on him, cupping Peter’s face with a warm, steady hand and bringing their lips together.
He did smell like wildflowers, Peter noticed distantly. Harley’s lips were soft against Peter’s, his chest warm where it was pressed against Peter’s. Peter’s hands had found Harley’s hips as one of Harley’s arms snaked under Peter’s back.
And before Peter knew it, Harley dipped him, the kiss swallowing up the surprised noise Peter made.
When they finally pulled apart, Peter couldn’t help but stare at Harley’s lips, pink and slightly parted. Why did he only promise Harley only two kisses? He should’ve gone higher– at least ten, just in case.
“This was a mistake,” Tony said, from his position beside the elevator. “I should’ve just stuck with the robot kids.”
“So, about that date,” Harley said. His blue eyes were sparkling, and he was still partially holding Peter up. “I was googling restaurants and there’s a good taco place around the corner from here.”
He had an accent– Peter wasn’t sure why that was such a surprise, seeing as Peter knew he was from Tennessee. But that accent…yeah, Harley was going to be the death of him.
Peter nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.”