Fics I've Read
(Open, Unmoderated)
Random works
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Hermione Granger and the Quest for the Perfect Penis by ChaosAndCrumpets
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
28 Nov 2021
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Summary
Hermione Granger is unimpressed with penises. It's something she is beginning to resign herself to. But her curiosity is sparked by rumours of one in particular, and she will not rest until she has seen it for herself.
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The hunt for horcruxes stalls after the destruction of Slytherin's locket. Returning to Grimmauld for rest and research seemed like a good idea, but a potion to help Hermione decipher Harry's parseltongue visions goes wrong. When she finds herself captured, the error turns out to be a boon. After all, why would Voldemort kill someone so uniquely intriguing?
Series
- Part 1 of The Naga Potion
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Hermione was nothing more than an aspiring chemist in an anonymous little pharmacy, who occasionally helped women poison their husbands. That was until Tom Riddle plucked her out of safe life and pulled her into the underground to help him distill whiskey. Only, it becomes so much more than that as she finds herself falling for the dangerous man, giving up more of her principles the deeper she falls.
"You are already on the wrong side of the law, Miss Granger." Tom smirked at her, taking another drag from his cigarette, before leaning in towards her. His voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper, "If you are going to be bad, be good at it."
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Their deal had been mutually beneficial. Blaise Zabini got to “date” the Golden Girl to improve his playboy reputation. Hermione Granger gained access to Pureblood events where she could secure the signatures needed for the House Elf Protection Clause.
It wasn’t complicated, their arrangement, but Hermione couldn’t help but feel she was making things difficult, falling for Draco Malfoy who stayed up chatting with her long after his flatmate had gone to sleep.
Oneshot
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Tom Riddle never became Lord Voldemort. Instead, he quietly accumulated power and became the youngest Minister ever elected. When she discovers that Tom is her soulmate, Hermione allows herself to be Bound to him as part of a Hogwarts tradition. With time, Hermione discovers that her Tom is not what he seems - and learns the meaning of power. (Optional Marriage Law, Soulmates, Dark Tom, Eventual Dark Hermione)
Random bookmarks
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Tom looked intrigued. “Soul Glass? I’ve never heard of it.”
“Oh, yes, it’s a very rare material, indeed! If you look carefully, you can see the other half of your soul on the other side. Perhaps that of a lucky lady?” Mr. Burke winked conspiratorially.
“How fascinating.” A slow, predatory smile overtook the handsome features of Tom’s face, something flashing in his eyes as they locked on the shadow beside his reflection. “A piece of my soul, you say?”
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Russian Translation by LauraLove: https://ficbook.net/readfic/13107041/33647376
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That one-night stand with Draco Malfoy was a mistake. Hermione doesn't make mistakes, or at least she isn't supposed to. She's working hard at her Ministry career, however frustrating and pointless her job may be, and she's also got to live up to everyone's expectations as Hogwarts's most famous Muggle-born and a top-tier War Hero. So, why is she still sleeping with Draco Malfoy, ex-Death Eater and infamous pureblood? And why isn't she certain that she wants to stop?
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Hermione was sick of adventure. She'd had her fair share, and taking a seat at the desk in the back of the DLME was all she could have dreamed of -- until it wasn't.
One day Hermione is summoned to the bowels of the Ministry where she is met by the lead Unspeakable who has a rather odd situation that needs to be dealt with.
Draco Malfoy has just arrived from twenty years in the future and insists on speaking to his wife, Hermione Granger.
The only problem is that the Draco Malfoy she knows is still the snarky, button-pushing boy upstairs--and not the man in front of her now.
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Hermione has never mastered Occlumency, so she blocks her mind with violent thoughts whenever she and Tom Riddle cross paths. One day in History of Magic, she accidentally thinks of his penis while she tries to come up with new torture methods.
'Trust Riddle,' Hermione thinks, 'to not bat an eye at maiming and murdering, but the thought of someone touching his prick makes him freak out.'
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sender: [email protected]
recipient: [email protected]
subject: Today’s MeetingGranger –
Attached is the dry-cleaning bill for the shirt you ruined when you threw your tea at it. I’m not sure if you noticed, but I happened to be wearing the shirt at the time. You are lucky it was cold. Pay the bill and I won’t sue you for assault.
Regards,
Thomas Marvolo Riddle
CEO of Walpurgis Corporatesender: [email protected]
recipient: [email protected]
subject: re: Today’s MeetingRiddle –
I did notice, because unlike you, I can identify when something is being inhabited, you forest-destroying monster.
You do not require a dry cleaner to get herbal tea out of a shirt. The shirt was black, the tea was camomile, and you have no grounds on which to stand nor sue. Your company, however, WILL be exposed for the havoc it is wreaking upon our natural world.
Sincerely,
Hermione Jean Granger
CEO of Not being a Twat