Chapter Text
Adrien screamed out in his room as the last of his resolve faded. He had had enough of his father’s constant control. Of his father’s constant manipulative words. He wanted control of his own life and he couldn’t handle it anymore. He felt unattractive and overweight. Everytime he looked in the mirror he would poke at his stomach or pull at his arms. He would knit pick every little imperfection on his skin and it would take over his thoughts. He just wanted to be perfect. Perfect enough that his father would be happy with him. That his father would be proud of him. Adrien screamed again as he picked up a trophy and hurled it across the room. The fact that it fell to the floor and didn’t break in two irritated him and he gripped his hair, pulling out a few strands.
Nathalie was beside herself as she clutched her tablet to her chest with widened eyes. She watched him scream and run around his room, punching a few holes into his walls.
“SUCH A DICK! USELESS FATHER! CAN’T EVEN TALK TO HIS OWN SON WITHOUT MAKING AN APPOINTMENT! CAN’T EVEN! AHHHHHHHH!” Adrien yelled as he pulled his hair. He ran over with bloody knuckles and grabbed a pair of scissors that were in a pencil holder next to one of his monitors.
“Adrien!” Nathalie finally spoke out and went to grab them from him, but it was too late.
Adrien slammed his forearm down in a blind fury and flicked the scissors open, gliding it along the underside of his forearm in quick swift movements. Red lines bubbled up in a criss-crossed pattern along his soft skin and Nathalie grabbed the scissors from his fist.
“This needs to stop!” Nathalie yelled at him and he chuckled up at her with tear filled eyes that were sunken in.
“FUCK YOU, NATHALIE! YOU’RE JUST AS BAD AS HIM!” Adrien spit the words at her like venom and stood up to shut himself in his bathroom.
Nathalie panicked as she looked down at the blood stained scissors and realized just how skinny Adrien had gotten recently. How his eyes were lined with dark purple circles. She heard the sounds of pills rattling, throwing up, and soft chuckling coming from the bathroom. She didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t in her job description. She didn’t sign up for this.
“Sir, I don’t know what to do.” Nathalie spoke in a rushed voice and heard him yell at her to just fix it.
She cursed as she heard Adrien go silent. “Crap. Okay. You can do this. Just call…” Nathalie searched for a help line.
000
Adrien flung open his medicine cabinet and yanked out a bottle of painkillers. He downed the whole bottle and panicked, running to the toilet to force himself to vomit. The room began to blur and spin, causing his eyes to roll back and his lashes to flutter.
He sank and hit his head on the toilet. He lazily reached up to touch the wound, bringing his hand in front of his face. He softly chuckled as he saw his fingers drenched in a bright crimson red. “Finally…”
000
“You’re going to love it here, Marinette.” A nurse walked a girl with dark hair through the halls of Miraculous Healing. It was the best mental hospital that money could buy. “We have many activities to keep you busy and to help you get better.”
The girl was shy and she held her arm with one hand as she peered through the veil of her hair. She worried her lips and didn’t say anything.
“Shy type, huh? That’s okay.” The nurse smiled at her as she lead her to the common room. “This is where all of the guests like to hang out together.”
Marinette looked around and watched as all of the other people were busy playing games and watching a television together. She worried her bottom lip as she caught sight of a patient on the small porch, that was located at the back of the common area.
The nurse doubled back when she realized that the girl wasn’t following her. “That’s the smoking porch.” The nurse gave a worried expression as she noticed how the girl slightly turned her head with parted lips.
The patient on the porch kept his back to her and as the nurse pulled her away… she watched him slowly turn his head to the side and up to blow out smoke. His blonde hair fell out of his eyes and she caught a hint of forest green behind the dark shadows. “C’mon, there is plenty more to see here.” The nurse coaxed her along and she reluctantly followed.
Marinette followed her along the long hallway of doors with small, clear, box shaped windows. “These are the rooms. Yours is right down the hall and your roommate should be there.” The nurse smiled as she opened the door.
Music blasted from a pair of orange speakers and Marinette peered up to see a girl with tan skin and reddish brown, wavy, hair. “Alya, turn that music down. Please. We’ve asked you before.”
“Sorry, Ms. Bustier.” Alya turned the knob on her stereo down and sat on her bed, continuing to edit a vlog.
“It’s okay, Alya.” The nurse smiled at her and pushed Marinette in front of her. “This is your new roommate, Marinette. I was hoping that you could introduce her to everyone. Except the one we talked about.” She gave her a stern expression and Alya rolled her eyes.
“I’m aware…” Alya shut down her editing software and stood up. “Hi, I’m Alya, but you can call me Als if you want.”
Marinette didn’t say anything. She shook Alya’s hand and the other girl made a short a laugh.
“Don’t talk much.” Alya nodded with a smirk. “That’s okay. One day you will talk to me.”
Marinette didn’t give her any kind of expression. She was a blank canvas and something about it bugged Alya. She was suddenly interested in why this girl was even there.
“Alright, let’s go meet the others.” Alya took her hand and Nurse Bustier left them alone. “There are some real… interesting people here, M. Can I call you M?” She raised an eyebrow at Marinette, watching her shrug with a nod. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Alya walked beside her into the common area. Marinette finally took every little detail in. How there was a slew of tables and chairs on one side of the room. The wall beside them was filled with board games and books. The other side had a couple red couches in front of a flat screen T.V that had an entertainment center filled with DVDs. Patients huddled on the couch as they watched some action film.
They were all smiling and joking with one another. Something about it weirded Marinette out. She always imagined that everyone would be unhappy and zombied out on psychiatric drugs. She then caught sight of the small white porch again, but the boy that was there before was gone. Another one stood there with tan skin and Alya immediately pulled her out there. “C’mon, let’s go see Nino.” She giggled and dragged Marinette out of the back doors.
Marinette tripped and caught herself on the white painted, wooden, banister. She peered at it to see a half finished cigarette that had been stubbed out a few times. Her mind got lost in the memory of it between the index finger and thumb of the boy that was there earlier.
“M, this is Nino. Nino this is M or Marinette.” Alya smiled as she clung to Nino’s upper arm.
“Hey, M.” Nino held his hand out and Marinette nervously shook it.
“She doesn’t talk much.” Alya piped up and reached up to kiss Nino.
“I see. Well, I’d rather my best frien….” Nino was cut off by Alya elbowing him in the side. “Ow.”
“He doesn’t know who he’s talking about.” Alya nervously smiled. “Want to help me introduce her to some more people?”
“Sure.” Nino put out his cigarette and flicked it off the porch, hitting a bush. “TWO POINTS!” He raised his fist over his head and Alya rolled her eyes.
Marinette stared down at her pink ballet flats as Alya took her hand again. “Let’s go. C’mon.”
She was once again dragged off to the common area. Marinette swallowed hard as she was suddenly flung in front of strangers. A girl with a pixie cut and pink dress sat on the couch beside a girl with purple dipped black hair. She rested her head on the other girls shoulder as they watched the movie. A heavy set boy sat beside a heavy set girl and they too were cuddling. It seemed like they were all paired up.
“That’s Rose and Juleka….” Alya pointed to the two girls that were sitting beside one another. “And those two are Mylene and Ivan…” Alya kept naming everyone in the room and by the end of it Marinette was mentally exhausted. “EVERYONE THIS IS MARINETTE!”
The only person that Marinette didn’t see was the boy from earlier. She began to space out and wonder where he was. Why wasn’t he there in the common area too?
“Hey, welcome newby.” A tall boy named, Kim, spoke with a smile as he put an arm around Marinette.
She gave him a weirded out expression and he took his arm away from her.
“She’s got her eyes on someone else.” Alya shoved Kim in the arm and he backed off with his arms up.
Marinette flashed a glance over at Alya and she shrugged. Marinette blushed as they were interrupted by Nurse Bustier again.
“Alright, Marinette. You have your first therapy session. So, if you’ll just follow me.” The nurse smiled at Marinette and took her arm.
Marinette peered back over her shoulder to see all of the others wave at her. She turned her gaze back in front of her. They walked down the halls and she heard screaming from a room. It was urgent sounding and filled with rage. She worried her bottom lip as her heart rate picked up.
It got louder, the further down the hall they went. Marinette swallowed hard as she flinched when she heard something hit a door.
Two men in white rushed past them and flung a door open. Marinette followed them with her eyes.
“C’mon, now. You’re going to be late to your first therapy session.” Nurse Bustier lead her away.
The last thing she saw were a pair of feet kicking the end of a bed as two men blocked everything else from view. She heard the screams become silent and her heart rate jumped up her throat.
“Here we are.” She smiled and knocked on the door. “I have your ten O’clock, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, with me.”
“Let her in.” A soft voice came from the office and Marinette stepped inside.
“Hello, Marinette. My name is Dr. Fu.” A small asian man stood behind a massive oak desk. “Sit, please.”
Marinette peered behind her to see that the nurse was gone.
“Don’t worry. She’ll be back when we’re finished.” Dr. Fu smiled at her and gestured to the emerald hued couch in the room.
Marinette kept looking at the shut door, hoping to hear the screaming again. What had happened?
“I see that you were sent here because of something that happened at school. A break down of sorts? Let’s see…” Dr. Fu opened her chart and flipped through it as he let her stand. “Seems like something happened at school with some classmates and a teacher that made you stop talking. You’re parents are very worried about you, Miss. Dupain-Cheng.” He set her chart down and watched her with an interested expression. “He’ll be okay.”
Marinette flashed him a glance as she finally broke her gaze with the door.
“We know you caught sight of him. Please sit.” Dr. Fu gestured to the couch again. “I want to talk about you. Not him. He’s not my guest right now.”
Marinette finally sat down on the couch with her hands in her lap. She knotted her fingers together as she worried her bottom lip.
“Now. I think we need to work on getting you to talk. So, how about we start with some drawing.” Dr. Fu passed her some paper and a marker.
Marinette raised an eyebrow at him as she took the art supplies from him.
“Alright. I want you to draw how you perceive yourself. Can you do that for me?” Dr. Fu smiled at her and she swallowed hard as she nodded. “Good.”
Marinette pulled the cap off of the marker and began to draw herself. Dr. Fu watched her draw a wide body with spots all over it. He watched her accentuate her hips and shoulders. Watched her draw a face with giant eyes and a small mouth. Watched her place a line of black over her mouth. She drew her hair in a weird messy fashion and surrounded the whole drawing in mean negative words that seemed to be echoing around her, in red. She hid in her hair and closed the marker with a pop.
Marinette passed him the drawing and hid inside herself. “Well, it’s a start. I want to make this our thing. Every week… I’ll hand you a clean sheet of white paper and I want you to draw how you perceive yourself. Now, let’s give you an anxiety test and move on to a depression test. Maybe a few others too. Just to see how we can make you better.” Dr. Fu smiled and grabbed more papers from his desk.
He set a piece of paper with phrases onto his clipboard and picked up a pen. “Now, this is a rating system. 0 being that you don’t agree with feeling the way presented at all… and 10 being that you strongly agree that you feel that way.”
Dr. Fu passed her the clipboard and Marinette swallowed hard as she took the pen from him. She began to read each question, finding some of them hard to answer. She didn’t know how she felt some of the time, or rather, most of the time. It took her awhile to get to the end. She passed him back the clipboard as she realized that she had a lot more numbers closer to ten than zero.
“Alright, so it seems like you have extreme anxiety.” Dr. Fu took note of it in her chart. “We’ll continue to work on that. For now, I’d like for you to keep a journal to write down when you feel upset or anxious or really anything and say why. I also want you to write three positive attributes about yourself and stick it in your room where you will see it everyday. I want you to wake up and read it.”
Marinette nodded as he passed her a tablet. “I think we’ve done enough for today. Why don’t you go have lunch and then rest?”
Marinette nodded as Nurse Bustier came in to take her to the cafeteria.
Alya called her over with a smile and Marinette got in line beside her for food. “So… how was it?” Alya grabbed a tray and passed her one.
Marinette shrugged and Alya nodded. “I remember my first time there. I was surprised to see an old man was the main psychologist.”
Marinette nodded as she grabbed the meal that was passed to her. Alya grabbed a cup of vanilla ice cream and set it on Marinette’s tray. “It’s the best thing here.” She winked at her and Marinette’s lips parted.
Marinette turned her head to peer at the doors and Alya dropped a cup to bring her attention back to her. She turned around to help her roommate clean up the mess. Marinette peered over her shoulder at the doorway again.
Alya sighed and gave in. “If I tell you about him will you stop seeking him out?”
Marinette widened her eyes at Alya. “Look, we can’t talk loud. I’m not even supposed to tell you about him. I’ve been sworn to keep my mouth shut.”
Alya lead her over to a table in the corner. She set her tray down and sat on the long bench, gesturing for her to do the same.
Marinette picked up her spork and began to spread strawberry jelly on her bread. She got lost in the red of the jelly as she shivered from the sounds of his screams, the ones she had heard earlier.
“I don’t know much, okay? He’s been here a few months. He only comes to the common area to smoke and talk to Nino. He talks more than anyone else here, but then he has these moments… where- I really shouldn’t say. I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like he loses himself and blacks out? Maybe? I really don’t know what starts it, but he goes into this rage that is hard to control. They rush him off and… well… it’s not fun here when that happens. When you have a moment of losing control? They don’t like it here. I can’t say more. I don’t know more. Just know that no one is really allowed to talk to him. Except Nino.”
Marinette swallowed a piece of her bread and nodded as she let Alya’s words sink in. Whoever this boy was, he sounded dangerous. But a big part of her thought that it was all just tales.
They quickly finished eating and Marinette wandered off to explore the hallways near her room. She crossed her arms as she heard music and conversations spilling from the various rooms. She somehow found herself in front of the screaming patient’s room again. Marinette swallowed hard and peered inside the square window.
Her heart leapt against her ribcage as she took his depressed form in. He was lying on a bed with his white shirt slightly drawn up along one of his hip bones. His jeans sat low on his hips and his blonde hair was spread out along his white pillow. His gaze was distant as he peered at a window that let sunlight into his room. She noticed how his hands were above his head and held there by medical grade restraints and her gaze ran down till she noticed that his ankles were too. She covered her mouth and turned away from the door as tears filled her eyes. She no longer wanted to be there. She no longer wanted the help that this place claimed to give.
She suddenly wanted to know everything about him. Marinette swallowed hard and grabbed the handle with a shaking hand, finding it unlocked.
The boy in the bed turned to peer at the door as it opened with a loud click. He scrambled and pulled against his restraints at first until he realised it wasn’t a nurse or an attendant.
“Hey.” The boy smirked at her and she didn’t speak.
Marinette closed the door behind her and was about to leave when he stopped her.
“Don’t go. Please.” The boy struggled against his binds to signal at her.
Marinette stopped and faced him again. He smiled up at her from the bed and her heart beat faster.
“I always end up this way… I don’t know why I do this to myself.” The boy sighed and peered at the window. “I’m no less locked up here than in my own home.”
Marinette pulled a chair up and sat down to listen to him.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Adrien. And you are…” He searched her sapphire eyes, finding nothing.
She looked around her and found his tablet that he must have been given too. Marinette grabbed it off of his desk and looked at him, as if to ask for permission.
Adrien sighed and nodded at her. “You can use it.”
Marinette nodded and pushed the button to turn it on. She opened a drawing app and began to scribble her name with her tongue poking out of her mouth.
He chuckled at her as she concentrated on what she was writing. Marinette held up the tablet and he read it out loud. “Mar...i...nette. Marinette?” He smiled at her and she nodded. “Nice to meet you Marinette. Sorry, that you have to see me like this.”
Marinette shook her head and hid in her hair as she took the tablet away and began to scribble words down. She turned it back towards him and he scrunched his brows as he read it out loud. “Why were you screaming earlier?” His eyes went wide as he realized what she had asked.
She scribbled the words sorry as fast as possible and flashed the screen at him again.
“No, don’t be sorry.” Adrien sighed with a yawn. “It’s okay. My father came to visit today. It never goes well. I got mad after he left and when I get mad, sometimes I lose control. I black out in a rage. I can’t control it. It’s like my thoughts spiral into this dark black hole. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s usually triggered by his visits. I’m not sure why they haven’t figured that shit out yet.”
Marinette nodded and scribbled down a few words again.
“Why does your father make you angry?” Adrien read it slowly and smirked. “He’s an ass. He barely has time for me and when he does… it’s to make an example of me to the company. Not because he wants to actually spend time with me. He won’t even celebrate my birthday… or Christmas. He tends to knit pick over my looks and defines me as perfect.”
Marinette was shocked by his words, but didn’t show it on her face. She sat there and held the tablet in her lap.
“So, why are you here?” Adrien searched her eyes as she peered out from under her bangs. “There has to be a reason that you stopped talking, right?”
Marinette swallowed hard and began to write on the screen with her fingers. She wasn’t sure why she trusted this boy enough to tell him her secrets, but something about him made her want to spill them all. It took her ages and before long she heard the door click.
“Under the bed.” Adrien whispered and she nodded as she quickly scurried beneath it.
“Are you ready for your medication?” Nurse Bustier smiled at him as she approached his bed.
“Thank you.” Adrien smiled as she began to undo the restraints. He rubbed his wrists with his hands as she passed him a cup of water and one that held pills.
Adrien knocked them both back; before, he passed the plastic cups back at her.
“You can return to the common area, if you like.” Nurse Bustier smiled as she left the room again.
“You can come out, now.” Adrien peered under his bed and she crawled out from under it. He helped her up and she got lost in his eyes and bright smile. “My pills make me tired and slightly out of it. So, if I start to look like a zombie… you know why.” He held his hands out in front of him and she giggled behind her hand. “Hey, I got you to laugh. That’s something.”
Marinette pressed her lips together, as she lost her smile, and passed him his tablet.
“Well, at least I got something out of you. Even if it was for a fraction of a second.” Adrien shrugged and began to read what she had wrote. “My classmates made fun of me every time I talked about something I liked… or if I asked stupid questions my teacher would tell me I was dumb. They also bullied me because I got a bad grade in math and said, ‘I thought asians were supposed to be good at math!’.” Adrien broke from reading to shake his head with an annoyed expression. “That’s fucked up. Just because you’re of asian descent does not mean that you are good at math or really adhere to any of those stupid stereotypes society has made up.” Adrien scoffed and went back to reading what she had written, while Marinette watched him with a shocked expression. “So, I chose to just stop talking because it was easier. My parents got worried and so they sent me here.” Adrien softly laughed as he peered at her and she became embarrassed. “Everyone gets made fun of. I’m sure you’re not into anything weirder than they are. They were just putting their own insecurities on you because you’re so sweet.”
Marinette blushed at his words as he yawned. Adrien shook his head and rubbed his eyes, causing Marinette to catch the thick bands of scars down his forearms. He sighed and let his hands fall into his lap. “If I don’t go out there, they’ll wonder what I’m doing. Are you gonna go too?”
Marinette scribbled down more words and passed him it as she chewed on the tip of her index finger.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you, apparently.” Adrien raised an eyebrow and looked at her with a weirded out expression. “Why not?”
She sighed and wrote something down again. Adrien read it as she turned it around. “You’re a distraction.”
Adrien burst out laughing and groaned. “Ah… shit. They always say that about me. That’s why I’m only allowed to have Nino as a friend. They say I’m a bad influence, but that Nino is good for me. Something about making me a better person.” He rolled his eyes and tugged on his messy bangs. “No one is really allowed to talk to me. Nino’s pretty great though. He makes this shit hole seem less of one.”
Marinette worried her bottom lip and nodded as she wrote that she should go too.
“It was nice meeting you, Marinette.” Adrien smirked at her and took her hand to press his lips against her knuckles.
Marinette’s cheeks grew hot as she stood up to leave his room. She placed his tablet back on his desk and took one last look around. She cracked the door and snuck out, pretending like she had been wandering the halls that whole time.
She heard the door open and watched Adrien walk to the front desk for a match and a cigarette. He placed the cigarette between his lips and nodded at the front desk nurse. Adrien made his way to the common area and walked straight out to the smoking porch.
Marinette swallowed hard as Alya caught up to her. “So, where were you?”
Marinette shrugged and Alya nodded as she watched her new friend stare at the porch area.
Marinette watched how Adrien leaned on the banister, striking the match along the wooden surface to light it. How he cupped the end of his cigarette with his hand and lit it. She pressed her lips together as she watched him blow out smoke and peer at her through the few bangs that had fallen into his eyes. How he smirked just for her and winked.
Marinette gasped and brought her hands to her lips. Alya followed her gaze to Adrien, smoking and joking with Nino.
“You’re really… that interested?” Alya stared at Adrien and then at her.
Marinette got lost in his eyes as he continued to talk to Nino.
“You do know what they say about him, right?” Alya grabbed her arm and turned her. “That he’s a bad influence. I’ve been told to keep you from him. You weren’t wandering the halls were you?”
Marinette swallowed hard as the other girl judged her. She shoved Alya off and walked away from her. “Where are you going?” Alya called after her and she shook her head.
Adrien stopped talking to glance over and see that Marinette was gone. “Where’d Marinette go?”
“Mari… oh no.” Nino panicked as he realized that she had talked to him. “Dude. You talked to her? Alya is gonna kill me… Ms. Bustier and Dr. Fu are going to murder me!” Nino grabbed his head and began to panic as his anxiety flared. He began to hyperventilate.
Adrien stubbed out his cigarette and walked into the common area. He pushed the doors open and walked down the hallway seeing a door close.
Adrien pressed his ear to each door as he heard sobbing.
“You’re not… gonna find her…” A familiar voice appeared in his head as a black shadow with massive white fangs and sharp teeth followed him. He cleared his throat and tried to not focus on the shapeless creature.
“Yes. I will.” Adrien clenched his fists at his sides as he ground his teeth.
“C’mon kid… you’re not allowed to have friends or girlfriends… hospital rules…” The dark voice sneered as a deep purr emanated from it.
“Shut up, Plagg.” Adrien hissed under his breath as he continued to listen through the doors.
The sobs grew louder and soon he could make out sniffs too. “Found you.”
Adrien pushed open the door and right as he was about to get to her, a pair of hands pulled him back. “You aren’t to talk to her. You know that.” Nurse Bustier pulled him away and stepped inside.
Adrien banged on the door and yelled, “HEY! DON’T TOUCH HER!”.
Marinette glanced past the nurse with tears streaming down her cheeks as he watched her slowly go limp with her eyes shut.
“FUCK!” Adrien yelled out and punched a wall. He ran over and picked up a metal chair to throw it down the hallway as he growled through his clenched teeth. He was soon grabbed by two attendants. Adrien kicked and screamed as they tried to drag him to his room.
000
Adrien spent days in his room, getting worse and worse by the moment and Marinette wasn’t much better. She made no progress in therapy and he began to have more outbursts than before.
Nurse Bustier knocked on Dr. Fu’s office and walked in when he asked her to. “What did you need to talk about?” Dr. Fu smiled up at her as he took a sip of his green tea.
“I wanted to talk about Marinette and Adrien. Maybe…” Bustier swallowed hard as she thought for a moment. “I mean we’ve tried to keep him away from the patients. But maybe…”
“Maybe they are a benefit to one another, if we only gave them a chance to talk?” Dr. Fu set his cup down. “I was just thinking about that.”
“Nino was helping, but now I think having them apart is pulling them back. She can’t fo-” Nurse Bustier was interrupted by Fu.
“She can’t focus on her therapy because she is always looking for him. Yes. She’s barely been here and I can see that.” Dr. Fu grabbed Adrien’s chart and opened it alongside Marinette’s. “Bring them to me.”
Nurse Bustier nodded and left his office. She grabbed Adrien first, unlocking him from his restraints. He went to fight her, but two attendants grabbed him first from either side. “Calm down, Adrien. We’re here to help you. Not hurt you.”
“What did you do to her?” Adrien glared through his bangs and she shook her head.
“She’s okay. Dr. Fu wishes to talk to you.” The nurse walked out of his room and he fought against the two men. They grunted as they dragged him to Dr. Fu’s office.
“This seriously better work.” One of the attendants grunted as they slammed him into a chair. Dr. Fu locked him to the chair with more restraints.
“SERIOUSLY? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS?” Adrien cursed at Dr. Fu as he struggled against the restraints.
“Just calm down. Deep breath in….” Dr. Fu sighed as Bustier left to bring Marinette into the office.
Adrien growled and kicked the floor in anger.
000
“Why do you even care about that boy?” A voice spoke in Marinette’s mind and she zoned out on her sketch that she was drawing on her tablet. “Why is he so important to you?” A tall, red, shadow swirled around her and peered over at her drawing of Adrien looking out the window with a saddened expression. The shadow raised an eyebrow at the drawing.
He’s amazing, Tikki. That is why. Marinette thought in her head and Tikki sighed.
“You think everyone that is nice to you is amazing.” Tikki rolled her eyes and stood off to the side as the door opened.
“Dr. Fu wants to see you.” Nurse Bustier held out her hand and Marinette stood up.
She walked beside her and didn’t say a word as she lead her to his office. Marinette stopped outside Adrien’s bedroom door and Nurse Bustier coaxed her to move. “C’mon… he’s not there.”
Marinette began to panic and grip her hair. She fell into a crouch and pulled her hair harder as she cried. It was like she had been told that he had been let go. That he had died. That she would never see him again. It didn’t matter to her that they had only talked once. It didn’t matter to her that they barely knew each other. Something about him drew her to him. Something about him made her want to live. Made her want to be there. Her heart rate sped up as she breathed harder and faster with each breath. Her wrists tingled and she craved the feel of a knife on her skin, ripping through it, causing it to sting and burn. She wanted the satisfaction of seeing blood pour from her veins to know that she was alive, to know that she could feel. To feel punished and like she was wrong for feeling this way.
“Marinette? I need you to calm down. He’s okay. I promise. He didn’t go anywhere. He’s waiting for you, but you won’t get there unless you get up, honey.” Nurse Bustier was thrown off by how she quickly went into a panic. “It’s okay… Let’s just continue on to Dr. Fu. It’s alright. C’mon love.” She touched Marinette’s shoulder and she fell back onto her behind, bringing her knees to her chest. Marinette began to rock back and forth and sob as she got lost in her looping thoughts.
Tikki swirled around her and mocked her with her words. “He’s gone. You’re never going to see him again… You’re never going to talk to him again. It’s your fault. It’s all your fault. Everything is your fault.” Tikki sneered and Marinette screamed out and kicked the floor in anger.
Marinette completely ignored and disregarded anything that Bustier had said.
Nurse Bustier touched the radio in her pocket and spoke into it. “Change of plan. I’m not gonna be able to get her there. She’s in a meltdown because she saw his room was empty.”
“Tell her the truth. Tell her who is in my office.” Adrien flashed Dr. Fu an expression as he heard him speak.
“You two barely know each other, yet this is how you act. Fascinating…” Dr. Fu rubbed his beard as he thought about the two of them.
Adrien glared at him and pulled at his binds again. “You can’t do this!”
“Do you even know what we’re doing?” Dr. Fu spoke and raised a eyebrow at him. “You wouldn’t be fighting me, if you knew.”
Adrien sighed and continued to try to escape.
000
“Marinette. Sweetheart... “ Bustier got down on her level and took a deep breath. “Right now, Adrien is sitting in Dr. Fu’s office waiting for you. Would you like to see him?”
Marinette calmed down a little and stopped rocking to peer up at her with a nod and swollen red eyes.
“You’d like to see him, right? Again?” Nurse Bustier smiled at her and Marinette shook her head as she didn’t believe her.
Nurse Bustier sighed as she pushed the button on the radio again. “She doesn’t believe me. Can you get Adrien to talk for me?”
“Marinette?” Adrien spoke in a struggled voice and Marinette stopped rocking back and forth. “I’m sitting in Dr. Fu’s office. I don’t know why the hell I’m here, but I am.”
Marinette sniffed as she heard his voice. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on it.
“Can you do me a favor and take calming breaths for me? Let one in slow… and then hold it for ten seconds and then release. Can you do that for me?” Adrien rolled his eyes as he relayed what he was told to do. He never used it though.
Marinette slowly took a deep breath in and counted to ten. One, Adrien isn’t gone. Two, he is waiting for me. Three, his voice sounds so soft. Four, I wonder what it feels like to kiss him. Five, I want to see him smile. Six, I want to go to the movies with him. Seven, I want to hold his hand. Eight, I want to feel his fingers interlocked with mine. Nine, I want to feel his fingertips along my skin. Ten, I want to cuddle on the couch with him like all the others here. Marinette opened her eyes and felt herself calm down.
“You okay, Marinette?” Adrien’s voice came out concerned and she nodded.
“She’s good. Thank you, Adrien.” She stopped holding the button and peered down at Marinette. “Ready to head there?”
Marinette swallowed hard and nodded as she hid in her hair.
“Okay, then let’s get up off this floor and head there, yes?” Bustier smiled at her and she weakly nodded. “Alright, let’s go then.” She took Marinette’s hand and helped her stand. “Here we go.” She took her to the office and opened the doors for her.
Adrien peered over his shoulder to see Marinette. Tears fell down her cheeks as she stared at him.
“You okay?” Adrien peered at Marinette with a worried expression as he caught his breath.
She nodded and wiped her eyes as she was lead by the nurse to sit down on the couch. “Okay. Are we ready to talk now?” Nurse Bustier smiled at each of them.
“Yeah.” Adrien swallowed hard as Dr. Fu undid the cuffs. Adrien rubbed his wrists and got up to sit beside Marinette. He lightly touched his knee against hers and she blushed.
“Alright. Adrien, I’m going to start with you.” Dr. Fu flipped through his chart and spoke with a serious tone. “Do you mind if I disclose the reason that you are here and a few other things?”
Adrien peered over at Marinette and worried his fingers in his lap. “It- go ahead.”
“Marinette. Do you mind if I disclose why you are here and a few other things? Even if it’s just based on a few meetings? I have much to learn about you still.” Dr. Fu sighed as he rubbed his eyes with his hands.
“Okay. Going back to Adrien. You came here after a long stay in a hospital due to overdosing on painkillers, self-injuries, and a concussion. You had gotten angry over your father controlling your life and his assistant witnessed you punching holes in your bedroom walls and throwing various items around your room. You slammed your bathroom door shut…” Adrien cringed as Dr. Fu read his chart and witness statement. He hid in his hair and peered over at Marinette, who seemed unphased. “And continued to scream and then you went silent. It was then that she called for help.”
Adrien slumped further into the couch and tried to disappear. Plagg slithered around Adrien and wrapped itself around his throat.
Marinette slid her hand slowly to his and touched his pinky with her own. He looked over at her with a horrified expression and she slightly smiled through a veil of hair.
His worried expression changed to a weak smile as his heart slowed down and the shadows dissolved.
“We thought that it was best for you to be by yourself because you tend to have breakdowns at random times. Mostly after you see your father. Which yes, we acknowledge that is a trigger of yours.” Dr. Fu answered before Adrien could open his mouth to speak. “But you need to have at least small moments with him.”
Adrien rolled his eyes and Marinette slipped more of her hand on his and squeezed.
“Now, Marinette. You came to us after you were in school for half a year. You were being bullied at school for everything that came out of your mouth and were being called stupid. You turned to being mute. My assumption is that it’s because you didn’t want to be made fun of anymore and felt like your words meant nothing. That no matter what you said… it wouldn’t help you and it would only make it worse. So, it was better to stay silent.” Dr. Fu watched her expression become horrified. “It’s okay. So, you went home and stopped talking. You had frequent breakdowns. Those included blasting music and walking to turn your bedroom light on then walking over to open the blinds, only to turn back around and turn the light off, then to turn the light on, then to go shut the blinds. And you repeated this cycle of pacing over and over again, opening and shutting blinds and turning on and off the light. Then if you turned the light off and it was pitch black you’d drop to the ground in fear and scream. Your mother disclosed this to me. You are also self-injurer from what I’ve been told.” Dr. Fu stared at Marinette and she suddenly started to shove her sleeves down and pick at her pants.
Adrien peered at Marinette’s arms as she hid them, catching glimpses of slight raised lines on her soft skin.
“Adrien, you also have an eating disorder and insomnia.” Dr. Fu caught him off guard and Adrien swallowed hard. “Currently, you are on a restoration meal plan to gain weight so that your body can heal. Although, I know that’s not entirely your fault that you have that disorder.”
Adrien sighed and Marinette peered at the shadows underneath his eyes and how thin he looked. She worried her bottom lip as he became embarrassed.
“Currently, you are sitting on a thin line, Adrien. To the point where we are discussing whether to keep you away from the other guests. The last few days haven’t done you any favors. We are not sure what to do with you. You hide food to toss out later and pretend like you’ve eaten it all. You have more outbursts to the point that we fear having you around others. Even Nino.” Dr. Fu spoke with honestly in his voice.
“I don’t like being alone. It’s not much better than my life before I got sent here. And I hate how my body looks. Have you seen it? Like this mark right here.” Adrien spoke out, pointing to an imperfection on his arm. “I just want to get rid of it. To make it go away. And this fat?” Adrien raised his shirt and poked his stomach. Marinette glanced from him to Dr. Fu with a concerned expression.
“Adrien. You are severely underweight for your height. You need to eat or we’re going to have to look into other ways to manage it. We are aware that you were kept in your room since you were an infant, but if you continue to be an endangerment to yourself or others… I can’t have that around my other guests.” Dr. Fu sighed as he picked up their charts and stacked them. “However… for some reason despite all of this… despite us trying to make sure that you two didn’t meet… you somehow did.”
Adrien pointed at Marinette and she slapped his upper arm and crossed her arms.
Dr. Fu laughed at them and how they were acting. “THIS! This is what I need to see out of you Marinette.”
Marinette stopped to look at him with a confused expression.
“For some reason Adrien brings something out of you. I want to see more of that. Which is why I have decided to have you two be roommates and to have you two have group therapy together. I want to see how that changes you both.” Dr. Fu smiled at the two of them. “This isn’t normally practiced, but I want to try it. It seems like when you two are apart… you’re both worse. Despite, only seeing each other once. So, let’s try sticking you two together.”
Marinette blushed as she looked over at Adrien with a surprised expression.
“I thought men and women couldn’t share rooms here or wings.” Adrien pointed out to him and Dr. Fu nodded.
“We are making a special exception for you two. As a test.” He wrote down notes into their charts. “Starting tomorrow, you’ll be sharing a room. Ms. Bustier and another nurse will help you pack your things.”
Marinette’s heart raced in her chest as she thought about staying with him. She had only talked to him once. This whole idea seemed so absurd to her.
“Alright, come on.” Nurse Bustier lead Marinette out of the room and Adrien waved at her.
She worried her bottom lip as she lost sight of him. Marinette was taken back to her room, where Alya was busy vlogging something.
Alya peered up from her screen and stared at Marinette. “And my lovely new roommate just entered the room!” Alya turned the computer to face her and Marinette shyly hid in her hair. “She’s shy, but in no time she’ll be on here talking too.”
“Alya, we have something to tell you.” Nurse Bustier smiled at her and sat down on the bed.
“See you guys later! Bug out!” Alya shut down her live stream and closed her laptop. “What’s up?”
“Marinette isn’t going to be your roommate starting tomorrow.” Nurse Busier tried to ease her into it. “Dr. Fu felt like he wanted to try a new therapy tactic for her and… Adrien.” She cringed as she spoke his name and Alya was shocked.
“You’re having her share a room with Adrien? The one that we’re not allowed to talk to. Well, no one except Nino.” Alya rolled her eyes and Marinette shook her head.
“Dr. Fu has noticed that they do better being around one another. Less outbursts from Adrien and less… mental breakdowns from Marinette.” Nurse Bustier peered over at a saddened Marinette.
“Well, then can I share a room with Nino?” Alya put her hands on hips as she challenged the nurse.
“That will have to be discussed with Dr. Fu.” Nurse Bustier sighed and made sure that Alya was stable before she left to grab a box for Marinette’s belongings.
Marinette fell onto the bed and sighed as she stared up at the ceiling and counted the tiles. She closed her eyes as the memory of seeing Adrien restrained to the bed caught her attention.
“So, how did this happen?” Alya turned her attention to her roommate and Marinette grabbed her tablet to write.
Alya was shocked that she was even going to communicate in any form with her.
Marinette took her finger away from the screen and passed the tablet to Alya. “Dr. Fu noticed Adrien’s behavior issues and mine. He told us both how we got here, in detail. Somehow they wanted to try to get us to be more around one another to get better?” Alya peered at her and noticed how her cheeks grew red. “But you’ve only talked to Adrien once.”
Marinette nodded and swallowed hard as she tried to ignore Alya.
“ONCE.” Alya reiterated how crazy this all sounded. “Do you hear me?”
Marinette rolled her eyes and sat up. She nodded as the nurse walked in with boxes.
“Here you go. Do you girls need help?” Nurse Bustier smiled at them and they both shook their heads.
“No thanks, Ms. Bustier.” Alya smiled and watched her leave.
Marinette began to pack her things into the boxes, while Alya went back to vlogging her life.
Marinette still didn’t know why Alya was there, or Nino for that matter, but she wanted to know. She sighed and continued to pack her clothes and books.
“You really find Adrien that interesting? The rest of us are scared of him. The boy is like a ticking time bomb. I can’t believe they deemed it safe for you to be with him.” Alya was still shocked that Dr. Fu had approved of this idea. She couldn’t see how it would help anyone.
“It is a little weird.” Tikki slithered around Marinette and she tried to push her away. “What? You can’t get rid of me. You love that kid and you know it. Even if you only met him once. Stared a few times… He’s special. Dangerous.” Tikki’s voice faded as Marinette tried to push her away.
Marinette ignored how Tikki hovered around Alya and watched what she was doing from over the girl’s shoulder. She had never thought about how Tikki manifested. Marinette just remembered waking from a breakdown and suddenly the red spindly creature was there, speaking self hatred in her ear like a broken mantra. Just loops and loops of endless negative strings of thoughts.
She shook her head as she packed the last of her stuff. Alya shut down her vlog and laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling. “I barely got to know you, but I’m really going to miss you. I mean… I got to know you, sorta. But I wanted to know you more. I guess I’ll see you in the common area, though.” Alya smiled and peered over at her.
Marinette stayed silent as she laid down and rolled onto her side. She got lost in her thoughts as Tikki hovered around her, spewing them from her sharp toothed grin. Marinette shivered and rolled onto her other side, facing away from Alya.
“Night, M.” Alya turned off the light and laid on her back.
Marinette let the tears fall as she sniffed and shivered.
“You’re not good enough. No one likes you. Adrien is only pretending to like you because he wants out. He’s gonna murder you in your sleep. You’re not pretty and no one wants to hear you speak. You’re stupid and not worth anyone’s time. No one cares about you. You’re not worthy of being loved. You don’t deserve to be happy. You don’t deserve someone like him.” Tikki’s words seeped into her mind and she got out of bed.
Marinette peered over at a sleeping Alya and snuck out of the room. At a certain time, they weren’t allowed to leave their bedrooms, but she didn’t care.
She wandered the halls, peering at all of the art on the walls that patients had made. Marinette stared at each one and noticed little quirks in each drawing. She stopped at the common area and stared at the porch. She zoned out on the memory of when she had first seen him with his back towards her.
“Hey.” A voice scared her as a hand touched her shoulder.
She jumped and breathed in a sharp breath as she clutched her shirt to her chest. Marinette spun around to smack Adrien and he backed up, causing her to trip and fall towards him with flailing arms.
He chuckled and caught her. “Careful. I didn’t mean to scare you. Couldn’t sleep?” His eyes were kind and she shook her head. “Me neither. That was rough today, huh?” He rubbed the back of his neck and she blushed, hiding in her hair. “You probably think I’m really insane.”
“Oh trust me she does, kid. You sugarcoated your issues. Dr. Fu brought them all out and laid them on the table like a bad deal at a casino.” Plagg spoke and Adrien rolled his eyes.
He watched the black shadow creature linger along the walls and crawl around a corner. “She’s thinks you’re absolutely insane, kid. She’s scared of you. Scared that you’ll go off on her. And we all know you will. You lack control and work on impulse.”
Adrien tried to shove Plagg’s words into the back of his head. “I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you everything when we first talked. I didn’t know how much you knew. But then again no one here really knows much about me because I’m not allowed near them.” Adrien placed his hands into his pockets and kicked the ground. “I’m still surprised they let me talk to you.”
Marinette swallowed hard as he took her hand. “C’mon. I want to show you something.”
Her lips parted and her eyes widened as he pulled her out to the smoking porch. He peered up at the sky and leaned on the banister beside her. “See the stars?” Adrien pointed out one of the many stars within the sea of constellations. “One day I want to be up there with them. To see what it feels like to truly be perfect and belong.”
Marinette grabbed his hand and shook her head as he peered over at her confused.
“What? What’s wrong?” Adrien was concerned about her and she pointed at the stars shaking her head. “Something wrong with the stars?”
Marinette poked his heart and smiled. Adrien searched her expression and her gesture. “Sometimes, it’d be easier if you spoke.”
Marinette rolled her eyes and left to grab a piece of paper from the craft supplies that were sitting on a table. She came back and began to write on a pink piece of construction paper. She slid it along the banister towards him and he took it.
“Sometimes it’s better to be imperfect. Stars aren’t always perfect and neither are people. And that’s okay. Our imperfections make us who we are?” Adrien slowly dropped the paper down to his side and Marinette smiled up at him. She grabbed his hand and placed his palm on her chest, slowly closing her eyes. She calmed her breathing and he closed his eyes, feeling her heart race.
He slowly opened his eyes and watched her relax. “You really do better when you’re with me, huh?”
Marinette softly hummed as she began to drift asleep, standing up. Adrien chuckled and picked her up into his arms as her knees gave way. “Silly girl.” He shook his head and carried her to her room.
Adrien laid her in her bed and brushed her hair away from her eyes. He thought about how he wanted to kiss her, but knew better that to do that to a girl he barely knew. Let alone a sleeping one. He shook his head and left her room, shutting her door behind him.
Song that inspired this and also that I listened to: