Chapter Text
The unusual sound woke Nezuko far earlier than she would have liked. She could tell from the noises in the other room that her mother had just gotten up to begin the day's chores and would have – very kindly – let her (and her siblings) sleep a little longer, but a soft whimpering drew her out of her own rest.
Was Rokuta having a bad dream?
She managed to pry her eyes open and looked over at her little brother, sleeping soundly on his own futon. She took a moment to smile at the adorable picture he made. Her other younger siblings didn't seem distressed either. They hadn't even woken with the soft noises as she had. So she turned to the last of her siblings and her eyes widened. She'd never seen him look so… pained.
"T-tanjiro?" she whispered, moving carefully through the mass of sleeping Kamado children to his side. She hoped she could help him without waking anyone else.
Just as she reached him, he tensed up, as if the pain had increased, gritting his teeth (did they seem sharper than she remembered?), veins bulging in his neck and around his temples.
Worriedly, she put a calming hand on his forehead, checking for a fever. He did feel a little warm…
No sooner had she thought this than his eyes snapped open and he sat bolt upright, putting a hand over his mouth to stifle a scream.
His sudden movement had her jumping back, startled. She could have sworn that she'd seen kanji written in his eyes.
What…?
For a moment, neither one of them moved, but then Tanjiro looked around. Instead of calming him down, as she thought the motion should, he seemed to tense even further and he lurched to his feet.
"O-onii…" she started, but then remembered her sleeping siblings. Looking back at them, she bit her lip. She didn't want to shout and wake them up, but she also wanted to make sure her older brother was alright.
As if in response to her thoughts, Tanjiro bolted for the door, steps crunching softly over the tatami mats as he slid it open, stumbling into the other room.
Nezuko's worry spiked and she hurried as quietly as she could after him in time to see him practically shove the front door to their home out of the way and stumble into the snow outside.
In his sleeping clothes.
"T-tanjiro?!" their mother asked from the other side of the room where she'd been building the fire to prepare their breakfast. He didn't respond, not even closing the door behind him. Their mother looked over to Nezuko who met her worried gaze.
"He had a bad dream," she said softly.
A little of the confusion cleared from the older woman's eyes but she still looked worriedly after him.
"I'll go get him," Nezuko volunteered and went to step out, only to realize her feet were bare. His feet had been bare. Her worry grew.
"Take your fukagutsu and his as well, please," she said, hurrying over to help Nezuko get ready faster. "And his hanten! I'll have breakfast ready for you when you come back."
"Hai!" Nezuko agreed, as she finished putting the footwear and her heavy hanten-coat over her current clothes. She didn't have time to change into something heavier. It still took her all too long to get ready, and by the time she did, she could hear the others beginning to stir behind her. She pushed aside any guilt she had for waking them. She had to get to her older brother.
The cold bit at her more than usual when she stepped outside, but she ignored it, instead taking off at the best run she could in the new snow.
She didn't find it difficult to follow his trail and it only took her a couple of minutes to reach the river side. He'd stumbled to his knees in the snow on the small dock that they'd built into the river to more easily get at the deeper waters and fish. He just stared at the water below him as if it held all the answers in the universe.
"Onii-chan!" she called out to him. He didn't respond, so she decided to use his name.
"Tanjiro-onii-chan!" she yelled – screamed. She hadn't used that name in years… but she desperately hoped it would get through to him.
He startled and turned to look at her, eyes wide.
"N-nezuko?" he asked, almost as if he didn't believe he was seeing her. Then a sort of desperation took him over and he stood, rushing towards her. "Nezuko!"
"Don't step in the snow, baka!" she said, not caring how rude she sounded. He'd really scared her. Was still scaring her, to be honest.
He looked down and around them, blinking as if seeing the snow for the first time, and then lifted his feet to look at them. Nezuko gasped at how red they were. He just seemed surprised when he looked back up at her, confusion in his eyes.
"I-it's… it's cold?"
Nezuko's breath caught in her throat. He hadn't even noticed that?
"Put these on," she said shortly, holding out the winter clothing. He seemed to blink at them as if not really seeing them either.
"R-right," he muttered, taking the straw-woven boots out of her hand, sitting down right there on the dock. Nezuko bit her lip, trying not to worry too much. She had to get him home… but what had driven him out here in the first place?
"Onii-chan," she said softly, holding out his hanten as he stood once again. Somehow, she got the feeling any damage the cold would do had mostly already been done and he needed to get warm again. But…
She put her hands on his cold cheeks, turning his head to face hers. His eyes looked completely normal. The brown that always seemed more red than anything – the color that reminded her of their father – stared right back. She felt her shoulders relax a little at that.
"What happened?" she asked softly.
His breath hitched and his gaze shifted back to the water before settling on her again.
"M-my eyes," he said. "What do they look like?"
Any relief she'd gained fled and she stiffened. Then she told him the truth:
"They look normal, Onii-chan," she said as calmly as she could.
He closed his eyes and slumped in his back relief, head coming to rest on her shoulder… and she felt horrible for taking that away from him, but… it was so abnormal, she felt she had to tell him.
"B-but… when you woke up…" he stiffened and his breath hitched, but she continued. "I swear I saw kanji in your eyes."
The breath he let out sounded somewhere between a cry and a whimper. He backed away from her, putting his hand up to his cheeks just below his eyes.
She didn't want to add to that, but felt she had to say everything. "A-and your teeth…"
"My teeth?" he asked, voice harsh. Then he put his thumbs up to feel his canines. They looked perfectly normal, but that didn't seem to reassure him. "M-my hands… they're too cold… I can't feel if they're normal now?" He pointed to his mouth.
She nodded her head. "They're fine."
He took another steadying breath.
"My… my eyes. W-what did they say?" He sounded so shaky, like he didn't really want to know but had to. She bit her lip, wondering if she should say.
Noticing her hesitation, he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. It only partially worked.
"Nezuko… please."
"Waxing Zero."
His legs gave out on him and his knees hit the ground. Somehow his already pale face went even whiter, eyes wide in horror and no longer fixed on her, but staring off.
"T-tanjiro!" she yelped, rushing forward to catch him if he fell further. He didn't, though, just sitting there on his knees for several seconds before slowly turning down to look at his hands.
"H-human," he whispered to himself, sounding frailer than she'd ever heard before. He'd always been so strong. "I'm human… but…"
"Nii-chan," she said softly, kneeling beside him in the snow. "What's going on?" Her heart told her he knew. Maybe not everything, but he knew something.
He took a shuddering breath and she realized tears had begun to run down his cheeks. "I… I can't do it, Nezuko. Not this time. I'm not… I'm not strong… enough."
She wanted to tell him he was wrong; that he was one of the strongest people she knew and how much she looked up to him, but… that would only add to his burden right now. So she just put her arms around him and held him while he cried, hating herself for feeling so useless.
xXx
Nezuko had to lead an almost despondent Tanjiro back to the house. Everyone else sat around the pot above the fire in the center of the room eating their breakfast in a tense silence. Once Nezuko stepped in, and everyone saw her, they all began bombarding her with questions.
She only held up a hand. Fortunately, everyone stopped, even the younger ones, probably seeing Tanjiro behind her acting so uncharacteristically depressed, staring ahead with a vacant expression.
Their mother stood and approached, looking unsure as she glanced between them. Nezuko didn't blame her.
"What happened?" she finally asked, specifically addressing Nezuko.
She bit her lip and glanced over her shoulder. Tanjiro didn't even seem to notice they'd arrived back at home, lost in his thoughts… or, more likely, his nightmare. Seeing him like that made Nezuko's stomach twist.
"I… I'm not sure," she responded quietly. "Onii-chan had a nightmare – a bad one – but… something else happened too? His eyes and teeth changed for a minute – I saw them myself – before going back to normal. I…" she paused again then looked up at her mother, not bothering to hide the full force of her fear. "Mama, I think something terrible is coming."
Their mother stared at them, taken aback and more than a little worried, but eventually she realized that they'd let in the cold and gestured for them to come inside. Her expression only worsened when she saw Nezuko take her brother's hand and physically pull him along.
Once the door closed behind them, their mother put her hands on Tanjiro's cheeks and had him meet her eyes. It took him a moment, but to their relief he did.
"Mom…" he whispered softly. Then, before she could say anything else, he threw his arms around her waist with a yelp and cried into her shoulder. "Mom!"
"Oh, Tanjiro," she whispered softly, then glanced over at Nezuko as she rubbed circles on his shuddering back. "Please get both of you some breakfast."
Nezuko nodded as she removed her own footwear and outer coat before hurrying over to the pot.
"Onee-chan," Shigeru whispered worriedly," what's wrong with Onii-chan?"
She paused as she stuck the scoop into the rice pot and took a deep breath before continuing. "He dreamed about something that scared him so badly – hurt him so much – that he's like that," she glanced over her shoulder.
"Will he get better?" Hanako asked worriedly.
"Better! Better!" Rokuta insisted.
And what was she supposed to say to that? Because honestly, she didn't know, but… she had to believe he would.
"Yes," she replied brightly. "It might take him a long time, but he'll get better."
The others looked relieved, and some of them like they were about to get up and go over to him, but she stopped them.
"Leave him alone for right now. He needs Mama." Then she looked at the small bowls in front of her siblings and their half-finished food.
"You need to finish eating," she admonished, forcing a smile. "And we need to make room for Onii-chan. He'll need to warm up by the fire."
The others nodded and scooted around, making room while Nezuko set up Tanjiro's rice and fish before taking her own.
"Itadakimasu," she said softly and then began to eat as if nothing had happened. It took all of her willpower to not look over her shoulder at her crying older brother, but she didn't want the younger kids butting into what could be a very delicate situation. They continued to shoot him glances, but thankfully took their cue from her otherwise.
She wasn't sure how long it had been when he finally calmed down, but she was almost done with her breakfast. Everyone else, except Rokuta, had finished as well. He concentrated hard as he tried to use chopsticks to eat without spilling. He looked so adorable Nezuko couldn't help but smile at his efforts.
"Takeo," she said to her other brother, smiling at him. "Would you mind gathering the dishes for now?"
He frowned but otherwise nodded and grabbed the bucket they used for dirty dishes, gathering his sibling's bowls as well. Nezuko had just finished hers and handed it over when their mother led Tanjiro to the fire pit and sat him down in front of his breakfast. He'd already taken off his fukagutsu and gingerly stuck his red, swollen feet towards the fire, wincing a little at the heat.
Hanako seemed to have reached her breaking point because s he surged forward and wrapped her arms around Tanjiro. Nezuko dove for the food bowl, to make sure he didn't spill it as he caught her.
"Onii-chan!" she yelled. "Don't be scared! I'll protect you!"
Tanjiro froze for a moment, but then folded around Hanako, hugging her tightly, his already tear-streaked cheeks dripping with water once again.
Then their younger sister sat back, her hands still on her brother's shoulders. "Come play with us! That'll make you happy again!"
Instead of smiling at that as he normally would, he just shuddered and leaned his head forward to rest on his sister's shoulders as he had with Nezuko earlier.
Hanako, confused, just patted his hair and looked around at her siblings. No one seemed to know what to do. Except Shigeru. He stood up and, determined, walked over and put his hands around his siblings. Takeo decided he wanted in on the hug as did Rokuta, both practically throwing themselves at their siblings. Nezuko smiled and decided to add her own love to the pile of children as she put her arms around Takeo and Shigeru behind Tanjuro's back.
After a couple of moments, their mother cleared her throat. She looked so softly upon them and Nezuko could see she did not want to break them up. But she had also always been a practical woman who knew when something needed to be addressed. She wouldn't let this go.
"Alright, everyone. Go get dressed and begin your chores for the day."
A series of protests and groans answered her, but everyone got up and stalked back towards the sleeping room.
"Come on, Onii-chan!" Hanako said, tugging at Tanjiro's arms.
"Except for Tanjiro. I need to speak with him," their mother corrected.
Hanako wasn't the only one concerned and displeased with that. However, their mother silenced them with a raise of her hand. Reluctantly, the other siblings stalked away, some of them rather angrily. Nezuko shook her head fondly and went to stand.
"You too, Nezuko," their mother said softly, then glanced at Tanjiro. "If you're okay with that?"
He nodded, reaching over and grabbing Nezuko's hand, much to her surprise.
She squeezed it, but then extracted her fingers. For a moment he looked lost – almost betrayed – at her, but then she held out his now cool breakfast. He blinked.
"Oh.. right. I can eat rice again…"
She frowned, tipping her head to one side, about to ask what that meant, but her mother shook her head as Tanjiro took the bowl and began to pick at it, putting small amounts on his tongue and chewing them slowly. He seemed to wince every time his teeth closed on the food, but Nezuko couldn't really figure out why. She was sure it had something to do with his statement… but if he couldn't eat rice in his dream, what could he eat?
She remembered the sharp canines she'd seen and decided that perhaps she didn't want to know.
"Tanjiro," their mother said, "I want you to tell me about your dream."
He froze, one scoop of rice half-way to his mouth as his eyes found hers. He swallowed and slowly lowered the chopsticks back to the still-full bowl.
"I know it's difficult, but you need to talk this out."
Nezuko wasn't sure it was such a good idea to talk about it here, where their siblings were undoubtedly listening in, but her mother wasn't entirely wrong either. This – whatever it was – had affected him too deeply.
Finally, after several seconds of quiet, he opened his mouth. "I… dreamed that I kept waking up today – this morning, again and again and again. But every night, a man – no, a monster – comes and k-kills everyone. Y-you, R-r-r-okuda… Takeo… Shigeru… Hanako… everyone. E-except Nezuko. He turns her into a monster like him – a monster that can only eat humans.
"I…" he faded off, seeming to choke on his words. Nezuko reached over in concern and rubbed his back. He glanced over at her, gratefully before forcing his words out. "I was out selling charcoal – like I was supposed to today – and didn't get back until late and stayed at Sabaro-san's house. That's why I survived.
"I tried to learn to fight these d- monsters, and managed to stop Nezuko from attacking anyone until she could resist herself."
Nezuko put a hand to her mouth, very much not liking the sound of this dream. No wonder her brother had had such a reaction.
"I kept looking for a way to turn her human again and fight the person," he practically spit the word as if it were an insult – Nezuko wasn't sure she liked seeing her normally carefree older brother spit such vitriol but didn't say anything as he continued. "In the end, we almost had him but… I was too close. He… he did the same thing to me as he did to her as a last ditch effort – turned me into a monster that attacked people – and I ran off.
"These monsters have powers called blood arts. When I activated mine, I… I woke up here, human again. And every time I died after that, I do the same thing again, and again and again."
He took another steadying breath and then let it out slowly. "Naturally, I tried to save you all, took you all to the village… but he found us there that night. Destroyed the entire village. When I woke again, I tried to tell you everything but… you…" he faded off again, looking away as his hands tightened at his sides. "You didn't believe me.
"I don't want to say what happened that time, but I died and woke up again. I went out to find that monster myself, and he killed me. I tried making you all run to other towns, hide in the woods, hide at Old Man Sabaro's… nothing ever worked."
He practically despaired, head dropping into his hands at those words. He didn't cry again, but Nezuko could tell he was close. She scooted up to his side and laid her head on his shoulder, letting him know she was there.
After a moment he looked back up at their mother again, who didn't seem to know what to make of this dream.
Nezuko could relate.
"The… the only thing that works to save everyone is to send you all away and wait here myself. When he comes by, if I can distract him long enough, he… he turns me into a monster. That's what I've been doing every time after that. B-but… th-the l-last… time…"
He swallowed, looking more than a little green.
"I… I don't know why h-he took a special interest in me… but he did. Set out to capture me in-instead of ignoring me like h-he usually does."
He began shaking. Was it a good idea to go on? She wasn't sure, but their mother didn't stop him.
"H-he… I…" he licked his lips and took another breath. "I tried … to resist. I tried so hard. B-but he… he… made me… eat people…"
Nezuko gasped and their mother looked utterly stricken.
"I didn't want to! I swear I didn't want to! But he wouldn't let me sleep – that's how I usually store up energy as a d- monster and he wouldn't let me! He- he forced me to join his a-army and fight his other Wa… er – generals. He told me I could be the strongest and if I didn't help him, h-he'd h-hunt all of y-you down and k-kill you all."
He took another shuddering breath, but it didn't seem to help this time. Tears came to his eyes again.
"I tried… I tried so hard to k-keep you all safe b-but… I couldn't! I couldn't let him do whatever he wanted. B-but h-he was so strong… and they couldn't stop h-him even w-with my help! H-he left to kill you all a-and I t-tried to s-save y-you! I t-tried so hard to get there first, even as tired as I was. B-but when I g-got there… He… He made me… to save everyone… just because he could! He s-said I was h-his new f-favorite… No one sh-should h-have that monster's attention..." he faded off, letting out deep, heaving sobs again.
"H-he always f-finds a w-way t-to win! WHY!" he roared out suddenly, slamming his fist against the floor in his anger. "A-and the o-one t-time I g-get h-him… so m-many p-peop-ple d-died… a-and w-what h-he m-m-made m-me d-d-do…" He shuddered, drawing in and putting his arms around himeself.
How had a dream changed her once cheerful brother so much? That scared Nezuko almost as much as his dream did.
"What a horrible dream," she whispered… although she herself wasn't entirely sure it was a dream. But then what else could it be? Could her brother really wake up on the same morning multiple times? Monsters and magic and…
This just seemed more like one of the mythological tales her grandmother used to tell instead of real life.
"Have you tried the river?" their mother said softly. Nezuko looked over at her, troubled and puzzled. Apparently she wasn't the only one because Tanjiro managed to pause and look up at her too.
"R-river?"
"We have a boat. It's small, but I'm sure we could all fit in it. We could even take some of our belongings in the water buckets and barrels. We'd have to tighten them down, though." She faded off, looking thoughtful.
Her children continued to blink at her for several seconds. Then Tanjiro's face lit up with a tentative hope. It was the most positive she'd seen him that morning .
"M-mom… y-you believe me?" he asked softly.
She came out of her reverie at his words and glanced sadly at him before moving over to put her arms around him. Nezuko sat back to give her some room, simply watching them.
"Oh, my son. My wonderful, incredible son. I will admit I didn't believe it was anything more than a dream at first. But then… Well, two reasons convinced me. First," she glanced over at Nezuko, "you said you saw his eyes change yourself."
Nezuko nodded, realizing that was why her mother had wanted her to stay. "Yes. I saw Kanji written in his eyes and his teeth were sharp. Later, he looked completely normal."
Which made absolutely no sense, but then she didn't know particulars about human-eating monsters either.
Their mother nodded in confirmation as she went back to rubbing her son's back. "And the second reason I believe you… this can't be the result of a dream. This reaction… it's too much. It reminds me of my father, when he came back from the Russian war…" She shook her head, shuddering a bit herself. Then she looked down at the quivering ball of teenager in her arms. "You've been through so much… and I am so sorry I didn't believe you before. Can you ever forgive me?"
He didn't respond, simply holding onto her and crying. He'd been doing that a lot… even for Tanjiro. He'd always seemed so strong, but she'd seen him cry plenty of times. Just… not like this.
"But you didn't answer my question," their mother finally went on, her voice calm and probing. "Did you try the river? Traveling by water can be much faster than by foot. We could make it to the town with enough time to buy a cart and be well on our way when night falls. We could even leave a false trail into the woods and see if he follows those so we don't have to worry about him attacking the village."
Tanjiro sat back and stared at his mother, eyes red and puffy, mouth hanging open, as if she'd just hung the stars in the sky.
"T-that's a great idea, Mom! I… I mean, the false trails might not work, but I know he doesn't have as good of a sense of smell as I have, and I'd likely lose a trail in the city, even if I could follow it over water! A-and I know exactly where to go!"
And he beamed.
Still not back to normal, but that was definitely far closer to the Tanjiro she knew. Something inside her she didn't know had clenched up relaxed.
"Well," their mother said with a smile. "Then I suppose we should pack up, shouldn't we?"
"Y-yes!" Tanjiro practically yelled, grinning, then shot to his feet.
"Onii-chan!" Nezuko stopped him. He paused, blinking down at her. She held up his half-eaten bowl of rice. "You can't just sleep and gain energy anymore. You have to eat like a normal human…" because he seemed like he really needed the grounding right now. He needed to know he was still human and he needed to get back into the habit of taking care of himself.
He blinked at her, as if unable to comprehend her words, but then he snorted and sat back down, grabbing the bowl – although not before sending her an enormous Tanjiro smile. That, more than anything, helped to ease her worries. Every now and then, Tanjiro would give a smile that was all his, even if she couldn't begin to explain why.
"Right!" he said, and then began shoving the rice and fish into his mouth, barely chewing before swallowing. She sighed, half tempted to smack him over the head and get him to slow down… but there was a tenseness there that hadn't been there before. He still didn't like eating, and now she had an inkling as to why. But it was better than it had been, so she'd count it as a win for now.
xXx
Two Weeks Later
Urokudaki Sakonji didn't quite know what to expect when he sensed someone approaching his mountain, but an entire family of children who wanted to become demon slayers wasn't remotely close…