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Broken Child

Summary:

Hatake Kakashi didn't know what it meant to want to live. He had lived for so long, waiting for the next tragedy to take him for once instead of the people around him. He didn't know what it meant to look forward to the next day, to want frivolity instead of discipline, to ignore the noose that hung beside him every step of his way.

It was odd how second chances gave you so much more to live for.

Perhaps the second chance wasn't for Kakashi to die saving everyone else. Perhaps it was a chance for him to live for them instead.

And if he fixed everything along the way, well he supposed it was a welcome change to see things going right for once.

 

 

[Do not read without reading the first part. You could probably still understand a little bit, but the first part makes it so much more easier.]

Notes:

Greetings and Salutations,

It's been a while since I wrote but I've gotten lots of requests to continue 'Broken Soldier' so enjoy this. It probably won't be very long and mainly focussed on getting Kakashi the help he needs. Please leave a comment so I know if you liked it, hated it, or thought I should add something else. Most importantly,

Enjoy!

~Teaspoon

 

TW- Suicidal Thoughts: Kakashi/Kama is in a very bad mental state and he all but plans out a suicide at the end. If this triggers you, please don't read after the second line break. Stay safe!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"He's with me." Minato said politely, but with an undercurrent of steel. The good thing about being known as lighthearted and fun-loving was that when he did show his serious side, people tended to listen without asking questions. The two chunin at the gate blinked rapidly at the ANBU alongside the three battered children and Jounin sensei but let them in without protest.

"We'll be reporting to the Hokage first. Your mission is a turning point in the War." Inu said quietly. Minato could read the tension in his wiry frame but his voice remained carefree as ever. He wondered when Kakashi had become so adept at concealing his emotions, balking only slightly at the reason he might have had to learn to do so.

"I intended to do so, Inu kun." Minato replied.

"What about Inu's identity? He'll be in trouble if we spread the news." Obito said, making the ANBU wince at the volume. Thankfully there weren't any shinobi in the vicinity to overhear. Revealing an ANBU's identity was tantamount to treason and punishable by death.

"Obito's right, Minato sensei." Rin said, thankfully much more quietly. "If someone knew that time travel was possible, who knows what consequences will come off it?"

"Maa. We have no choice, Rin chan." Inu said. "Unlike Kiri, we have enough bloodlines that will be able to see through disguises. From the Byakugan to the Aburame's Kikaichu, my chakra would be recognised in a second. Even the Inuzuka would be able to smell the similarities and I would have no way of hiding the Sharingan either way. Considering that even I don't know how I travelled through time, we'll have to just take our chances with that." He shrugged. He was very pointedly looking away from his former teammates, keeping his eyes on the Hokage mountain that still held only three carved faces. It was the last bit of proof that he needed and he could feel his breath quickening.

The Hokage's office was unchanged from the one he remembered, aside from the portrait of Minato sensei he hadn't been able to look at. The Sandaime's reaction to his mask was exactly what he had expected. Blatant suspicion and an undercurrent of panic and confusion at his successor's nonchalance.

Without a word, Inu showed his empty hands, raising them well away from his body and apart from each other. "If I may be permitted to disarm, Hokage sama?"

A terse nod and Inu moved, slowly enough to telegraph every move to even a civilian, and stripped off his tanto, kunai, and senbon. A spool of ninja wire was extracted from the grey mass of hair and finally the bone white dog mask was peeled off and placed on the ground. He hesitated but at the last second, left his cloth mask in place. The old man sucked in a sharp breath. "Sakumo?"

Both Kakashi and Inu flinched violently.

"My name is Hatake Kakashi, Hokage sama." Inu began flatly. "Up until three days ago, I was living in a world that was four years ahead of this one."

"Minato?" The Hokage snapped sharply.

"It's all as true as I can confirm without a mind walk, Hokage sama. His chakra, scent and loyalty were all confirmed. He assisted in the last mission and it went successfully." He added.

"Is that so?" He said, something unreadable in his expression. "And how would it have gone without your assistance, Kakashi kun?"

"With a fatality, Hokage sama."

The Sandaime Hokage sat back, steepling his fingers as he gazed at the five shinobi. "And you are a member of the ANBU." He stated, an unreadable expression on his face. "Despite being just sixteen years of age."

"With all due respect, I joined at thirteen, Hokage sama, I'm not entirely inept." Inu said drily.

For a moment, naked shock shone in the man's eyes but it was covered by suspicion. "I would never authorise a thirteen year old to join ANBU."

Inu sighed heavily. "It was during Minato sensei's tenure as Hokage and I wasn't considered ANBU until fourteen because he sent me on tamer missions, though I didn't realise it at the time. It was Minato sensei's idea to... to keep me from the Red Corps." The last words were barely whispered but they seemed very loud in the small office.

There was complete and utter silence.

Obito had gone white as a sheet and Rin made a funny choking sound, turning to stare at the younger Kakashi with horrified eyes, who, to his credit, looked just as shocked. Minato sensei however looked broken. His eyes were shiny and his broad shoulders had slumped.

"The... suicide corps?" He repeated softly. "Did I really fail you that badly? That I would have to put you in the most deadly assassination squad to keep you on a... suicide watch?"

The way Inu avoided his gaze was answer enough.

"Be that as it may," Sarutobi said, in a softer tone, "You remained within ANBU for three years, did you not?"

"I spent six months in ROOT, Hokage sama." Inu replied, sounding almost unaffected by his audience's reactions. "Immediately after Min- your second tenure, I was drafted into ROOT."

"ROOT doesn't exist." The Sandaime snapped. "It was disbanded a little after the second Shinobi War."

"I was under Danzo's command, Hokage sama. It has just gone underground. If I ma-" He blurred into motion the next second, leaping for the window and tackling the dark blur that had appeared in his periphery. The Hokage had thrown his own weapons the moment he saw Kakashi move and true to his aptitude, struck the shinobi that had been spying on them with unerring precision.

The spy was wearing an ANBU mask without the signature animal features and when Minato removed the mask, they found that the prisoner was barely a teenager himself.

"Bear, Owl." The Hokage called and was instantly flanked by ANBU. They were too good to express surprise at the two unfamiliar people wearing their uniform but Kakashi caught the slight stiffening of their shoulders. "Take the spy to T&I and get Inoichi to perform a mind-"

"There's a seal, Hokage sama." Inu interrupted. "On ROOT soldiers' tongues. It keeps them from revealing any secrets and allowing them to be disposed off when they are captured."

Minato sensei looked incensed as he stepped forward. "If it's a seal, I may be able to help." He looked to the Hokage for permission and gently opened the unconscious boy's mouth. Sure enough, there was a small circular matrix inked onto the back of his mouth.

"Can you do anything, Minato?"

He nodded with a small sigh of relief. "It's a fairly simple seal to counter despite how disgusting it is. Inu kun was right, though." His lip curled in disgust. "It's just a step above a slavery brand."

The Hokage acquiesced wearily as Minato pulled out a Fuuinjutsu brush and kunai. Not for the first time, Hiruzen was forced to acknowledge his true age and the weight of his mistakes. He had long since recognised that he was by far the oldest to still hold the hat. How many years had it been since he had enjoyed the lightness of a lack of responsibility? Two wars, the second only just beginning to draw to a close and Hiruzen was so, so tired of the damned hat that only weighed him down.

He was quite certain, that for all their shortcomings, his predecessors had never had to deal with the issues that a time traveller could bring. Then again, they had not been given the opportunity to change the past either, much as they must have wished it.

As he watched the precise strokes the seal master drew along the ROOT agent's mouth, he reflected that perhaps Namikaze Minato was one of the few triumphs he could be genuinely proud of. Perhaps when he passed on the hat, he would finally be able to reap the fruits of his labour. Minato was kind, far more than any Hokage that lived through the Warring Clans Era, and as much as Danzo disagreed, Hiruzen could only think that a peacetime leader might finally be the one to usher in peace. His students too, while childishly crude and argumentative, were far from incompetent and an excellent legacy of Tobirama sensei's Team Seven.

Or so Hiruzen had always assumed.

In the face of Kakashi's return and the knowledge that either Rin or Obito would have perished in their last mission, he didn't really know what to think. He had taken Minato's success as a teacher as proof that he would be a better leader than himself, who had failed his own students so thoroughly.

One broken student, one dead in every way that matters and one all alone.

Kagami, Danzo and himself.

Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraiya.

Haruhi, Airi and Minato.

And now, Kakashi, Obito and Rin.

Truly, Team Seven was a cursed moniker.

He was jolted from his increasingly depressive thoughts by his successor-to-be and the flurry of motion as the ROOT agent was restrained thoroughly by Bear and Owl.

"Take him to T&I. Straight to Inoichi and don't let anyone else close to him. Tell Inoichi to report to me immediately after the mindwalk." His voice was steady and powerful, despite the turmoil in his mind.

"Why don't you have that seal?" He demanded from Inu.

"I reported to you, Hokage sama, despite my position in ROOT. It would have raised too many red flags if I couldn't speak about the missions."

Hiruzen looked contemplative. "It was disbanded then, when you left?"

"No Hokage sama. I left when I reported an odd mission to you. I don't know what happened but one of my teammates was definitely a part of ROOT for at least a year after that. He defected when he was ordered to steal my eye and kill me."

"Ordered what!" Minato exclaimed. "By Danzo?"

"Yes." Inu said timelessly. "Tenzo betrayed Danzo and helped me escape fast enough to report to Hokage sama."

"What was the odd mission you reported to me." Hiruzen asked, voice taking on a defeated quality that Inu winced at.

"Assassination of the Sandaime Hokage on grounds of mismanagement of resources post the Third Shinobi War." Inu took a breath. "Danzo was pardoned even after I reported that."

"Sandaime sama?" Minato said incredulously. "You cannot think that a reasonable recourse?"

"I don't." The Hokage said, face paling by several degrees at the news. "I had several theories but I didn't expect him to be so bold." He schooled his features into something resembling competence and eyed the time traveller. "Anything regarding ROOT is now an S-Class secret." He turned to every one of the young shinobi, impressing the seriousness of the situation before returning to the ANBU. "Inu kun, you will undergo a mindwalk and a trial in front of the clans. We are still at war and I will not risk my village. You will be under unofficial guard by Team Seven. You will submit a written report of everything that you recall from your time in ROOT as well as every main event in your timeline by today."

There were no interruptions and Hiruzen was glad that they seemed to understand the necessity of going through official channels to legitimise the time travelling Kakashi's presence. "I require the mission reports, including Inu's assistance to be submitted by today as well, directly to me. Dismissed."

In a flurry of bows and a muttered Hokage sama, the five left his office and Hiruzen was left alone. A wave of exhaustion swept over the old man, but he couldn't afford to collapse just yet. Danzo... had always been a difficult topic for him. He might regret his normal inaction but the only way to fix it was to act. He had been a shinobi for close to fifty years, he knew how to lock down his emotions and carry out missions.


"We should probably think of a better name for you." Obito said as they walked towards Minato's house. "We can't keep calling you Inu and Bakashi gets first choice on his name because he's the original."

"I could argue that I'm the original." Inu said drily. "Being older and all that." He shrugged. "I don't really care, call me what you want."

"Hikaru." Rin suggested. "With the kanji for brightness."

Kakashi choked. "Why‽"

Rin blushed and mumbled something about caves and darkness. Obito felt a sudden surge of envy and an inexplicable anger. "Chohei." He blurted out. "With the Kanji for 'good' and 'soldier'. You know, cause he fights well."

"I think the Akimichi have the monopoly on names beginning with 'Cho'." Minato suggested, the slight bemusement in his tone betraying the humour he found in the discussion.

"Kama." Kakashi said decisively and Inu twitched slightly. "Meaning scythe."

"That's so boring." Obito complained. "If he gets to choose his name, it should be something cool."

"It's Hatake tradition." Inu said casually instead of arguing. There wasn't the slightest hint of discomfort in his voice and his well practiced shrug was nonchalant enough to fool his audience. "And there's no way I can hide my hair so might as well have a traditional name."

"Hatake Kama it is then!" Rin said just as Minato knocked sharply on the door. A distant "coming" was heard and the next minute, the door was thrown open to reveal a red haired kunoichi.

"Minato!" She squealed. "You're early, mission went well? The kids are all okay? I just got back but I swear Mikoto acted like it's been months instead of just a week. Honestly now that Itachi is going on missions as well, she's going crazy all alone but that bastard Fugaku refuses to let her go back to work. He's such a peacock." Barely pausing for a breath, she dragged him in, paying no attention to the masked ANBU beside her husband's team. The good thing about the mask meant that most people knew better than to pay attention to the actions of the shadow forces even if it was happening under their noses.

"Kushina." Minato said in slight amusement. "There's a bit of a situation."

The Uzumaki straightened, and a calculating glint appeared in her eyes. Unbidden, her hand twitched towards her sleeve. "Hm?"

"Well..." Minato scratched the back of his neck. "I think it's better if we discuss this inside." He ushered in his four companions and Kushina's focus was immediately on the ANBU.

"Did something happen on the mission?"

"You could say that." Minato demurred but Kama just took off his mask.

"I'm an alternate version of Hatake Kakashi. An unknown jutsu transported me to this world which appears to be about four years before mine."

Kushina blinked.

"What."

"It's true." Minato said helplessly. "I confirmed it as much as I could without a mindwalk and even the Hokage seems to believe it. He'll be staying with us until a trial with the clan heads."

"You know, when normal missions have unexpected happenings, it's usually inaccurate intelligence or rogue nins, not time travelling versions of themselves." She said weakly.

She took a deep breath as she tried to wrap her head around the curious scenario. The time traveller was clearly uncomfortable and he had flinched obviously at her gaze. "So how weird is it to see your tiny self?" She offered cheekily, trying to lighten the mood but it didn't seem to help.

Kama just shrugged lightly, not even deigning to attempt a verbal reply, knowing that he would probably weep the moment he opened his mouth. What little of his face that was visible was bone white and his hands were faintly trembling. Minato remembered abruptly that in the hellish future he came from, Kushina had died as well and facing her with no warning was probably not the best scenario.

"Do you want to clean up a bit, Kama? We'll have lunch in a while, but you must be pretty tired."

He saw how his shoulders relaxed infinitesimally at that and was offered a tiny nod. He cursed himself for putting the boy on the spot like that. Kushina seemed to pick up on his discomfort as well, and didn't protest Minato leading him to the guest room.

"I don't usually eat after missions." Kama said softly and Minato winced. He was familiar with the nausea that came from the worst of his missions and knew that ANBU was even worse. Combined with his unexpected temporal displacement, it was no wonder that Kama had no appetite. Still, he couldn't help but think that the boy was far too thin to skip any more meals.

"If you can, try and sip some broth. It shouldn't be too heavy."

Kama didn't try to argue, simply nodding silently and disappearing behind the sliding door.

Minato sighed heavily as he returned back to the others. He trusted Kama enough to leave him unguarded as he bathed but he couldn't help but feel protective of the child, after all the trauma he had gone through. Knowing that he had been actively suicidal at one point of time and was still unconcerned about his own life only made Minato even more uneasy to leave him alone.

"Minato?" Kushina said gently.

"Shina." He whispered as he allowed her to hold him tightly. "Where are the kids?"

"I sent them to begin cutting the vegetables. What happened?"

"The mission went so wrong." Minato said into her hair. He felt the beginning of tears pricking at his eyes and swallowed them back down. "Obito would have di...died if Kama hadn't come back. The future is so horrible, Kushina, you can't imagine it. All my worst case scenarios and then even worse. Obito, Rin, even yo...you." He shuddered and didn't fight when she all but carried him to the sofa and set him down lightly.

"We can change it." She soothed him. "Whatever happens, we can fix it, alright. Obito is fine, Kakashi is fine, so is Rin and so am I." She let him rest his head on her chest, the sound of her heartbeat grounding him. "I'm here and I'll be with you when we fix everything."

It took a while for him to relax enough that he wasn't trembling anymore but thankfully they weren't disturbed. He sat up more comfortably, his gratitude unspoken but heard all the same. "Better?" She asked lightly. "Do you want to talk now or later."

"Later." Minato grimaced. "The last thing I want is Kama walking in on that discussion."

"Is that what he's going by? Hatake Kama?"

"Yes. Kakashi gave him the name."

"How's he dealing with it?" Kushina asked. "Kakashi kun, I mean. It can't be easy seeing your older self in such a condition."

Minato shook his head helplessly. "I don't think any of them have had the chance to accept what happened. Both Rin and Obito found out about their impending deaths, Kakashi was struck by the consequences of his attitude and don't even get me started on Kama. He's got so much trauma and aside from the mandatory psyche evals I don't think he's ever spoken to a Yamanaka about it." He sighed. "I just don't know how to help him and until he finishes whatever trial Hokage sama plans to conduct, none of them can speak to any professionals. It's all a mess."

"I can imagine." Kushina said grimly. "Did Hokage sama say when the trial would be held?"

"There's a lot going on with the war and I doubt the clan heads are going to be free anytime soon." He didn't mention ROOT but he knew that it would also be prioritised over a non-threat like Kama's convenience.

"The war ends unofficially in three days time." Kama's voice came from behind them and Minato tensed at the silent entry. Even Kakashi, his best student at stealth, had never quite managed to sneak up on him, chakra entirely muted and steps silent, but he supposed that ANBU required more skills.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Suna has no interest in fighting, they've lost too much and are unlikely to gain anything further. Kiri is on the brink of a civil war against the kekkai genkai users and Kannabj Bridge was Iwa's primary trading post. With its destruction, they have little to continue the war for. Kumo is the only one who tries to fight, but between Kiri and Iwa, they are bullied into signing a peace treaty. Officially, the war ends is less than a month but there is no more frontline warfare after the three days."

Minato sighed in relief at the news. "That's good to know. I think all of us are tired of fighting."

"Thank Kami." Kushina said, collapsing on the sofa, a wide grin on her face. "Ne, Kama kun!" Kushina said, grinning at him cheekily. "Your stealth has gotten better!"

Something tightened in Kama's good eye before it smoothed out and the offering curved eye smile was so entirely fake that Minato winced. "Maa Kushina san, I like to think that Bear san wasn't entirely useless in his training."

"Oh really? Better than Mina kun also?"

"Of course not. Kushina san how could you make me choose? My loyalty as a student is being called to question here!" Kama replied, over exaggerated pout visible even through his grey mask. The bantering seemed to relax him though, and the fake enthusiasm seemed to melt into something more genuine.

"Bah, Kushina san this and Kushina san that. How many times do I have to tell you to call me nee san, brat." Kushina shook her fists as him in mock anger.

"Maa maa, Kushina nee san, I get so forgetful in my old age, you know." Kama offered another eye smile and Kushina's expression softened. She ruffled his unruly spikes fondly, ignoring his slight flinch at the contact. "Mina kun said you'll have broth, right? Come on. I left the kiddies alone in there, who knows what poison they've created."

Minato followed them, chuckling to himself at their antics. The teasing was more reminiscent of someone like Shiranui Genma but he could see that Kama was only using it as yet another mask. He wondered how much of his new temperament was genuinely Kama and how much was a shield to hide behind. He wasn't blind, he knew that Kakashi hid his childishness behind his stoic attitude to avoid the comparisons to his father but he wondered how much of that childishness was left behind after the tragedies the boy had endured.


He hadn't been able to visit the Memorial stone that day, Kama realised as he lay on the futon, beside his past self.

He couldn't remember the last time he had been in the village and not spent an inordinate amount of time kneeling in penance before the stone and the break from routine rankled him.

Kama knew that his increasingly self-destructive behaviour was unhealthy and more importantly, likely to be caught by the psyche evaluations but as long as he could smile and joke with the past versions of his team, he reckoned that he couldn't be too mentally damaged.

He could hardly believe the world he had been dropped into, the painfully familiar faces carving deeper holes into his ragged heart. They seemed so real, and perhaps they were, but knowing his luck, even if this world was real, Kama would find himself returned to his original hellscape of a life as soon as he let his guard down. Or worse, his blood chilled at the thought, this was a punishment in which he would never be able to save them and would be forced to watch them die all over again, knowing it was his fault.

He was fairly certain that such a thing would shatter him.

How much can a heart break before it becomes unusable? Was it too much to hope that the shattered shards turn to stone so that he would finally be spared the aching grief that tore him up from the inside? Did he even deserve to numb himself to the pain of their loss? When he knew the pain Obito went through, crushed beneath several tons of rock, or how Rin suffered with the weight of his fist crushing her ribs, or even Minato sensei and Kushina nee san's gory ends at the hands of a divine beast.

He didn't know whether to feed the guilty grief inside his head or the pitiful part that begged for reprieve. One bred the other and he was stuck in a vicious cycle of endless hurt. Obito's kindly words had seemed like an absolution of his guilt but now, alone and stuck with only the voice in his head, he could recognise the lie he hadn't noticed. If an apology could only be made by the guilty then how could one be accepted by anyone but the wronged?

The Obito of this world could offer pretty platitudes till the end of time but until he was the one who suffered, they would just be empty words. Kama remembered the boy spitting vitriol at him over every imagined slight and recoiled at the ugly memory. Truly, there was no way that boy could ever give him forgiveness, not that he would ever deserve it.

He stared placidly at the plain ceiling of Minato sensei's house, recalling the many nights he had spent there before his spectacular fall out and subsequent move out over some paltry issue. He could hardly remember why he had left, and the idea that his pride had isolated yet another father figure left his blood running cold.

Was he to be doomed to be surrounded by eternally giving people who always took their own life in the end? From his father committing sepukku to protect the honour of his clan, Obito throwing himself at the rockfall to save his teammate, Rin throwing herself on his chidori to save Konoha and Minato and Kushina sacrificing themselves to save their child, Kama couldn't help but realise that none of them would ever choose to stay for him. And why would they? What was there to stay for? A broken child soldier with eyes older than most veterans? A prolific killer with more kills under his belt than friends? A comrade killer, a murderer, a son of a traitor and after ROOT, as good as a traitor himself?

"Pathetic." Kama whispered out loud, lips forming the oft repeated rebuke with more ease than expected. "Useless, worthless trash. Murderer." Every word drew a new tear from his eye but they felt cathartic, sinking into his skin like a brand until he couldn't escape them. "Comrade-killer. What are you going to do now that your victims are alive?"

What was he going to do indeed, he wondered. He had prevented Obito's death already, and hopefully Rin's would be as simple as avoiding the fatal mission. Minato and Kushina were far more difficult. For all his improvement, he still wouldn't hold a candle to a thousand year old Bijuu and no matter his genius, he couldn't master enough Fuuinjutsu to take Minato sensei's place as the sacrifice to complete the seal. His only hope lay in the Sharingan, another stolen gift that weighed on his conscience. After the attack, there had been enough buzz about the Uchiha's possible involvement for the boy to relise that there had to be something behind the accusations.

While it was unlikely that the Uchiha would make a play for the village so blatantly, Uchiha Madara's control over the Bijuu was legendary. If there was truth to that legend, perhaps there was a chance for Kama to use Obito's Sharingan to take control instead.

It would probably kill him, Kama realised pleasantly. If he managed to hold out to the end, he could both chain the Bijuu and ensure that he was the one to die for once instead of standing at yet another funeral and staring at yet another carved name. Oddly enough, the thought of death brought neither worry nor relief, just the pleasant idea of finally resting after walking for years without break. Peaceful, he supposed.

It would be nice, he decided, as he stared at the ceiling, still wide awake amidst the gentle sounds of his team sleeping, to rest again.