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6
It was all started by a simple ‘bet’ – what thing does Hatake Kakashi like the most?
As his (former) teacher and the current ruler of the Hidden Leaf, Namikaze Minato thought he knew everything about his student. But he forgot that his little, adorable puppy had grown up into an adult. A freaking dangerous, cold-blooded ANBU, with murderous intent kind of adult. The blonde, positive gentleman denied the fact, nevertheless, and he came up with the so-last-decade idea by approaching his student with a big grin on his face. Kakashi was sitting on a park bench, reading his favorite series of lewd literature, right foot crossed the left, lazy face lacked the will of living. He clearly didn’t want to be disturbed; including by the Yondaime Hokage and scoffed at his teacher’s presence around him.
“ … Sensei,” the silver-haired young black-ops nonchalantly greeted.
“I have something for you,” lightly he threw a basic tool any shinobi had, “Consider it as a gift.”
Kakashi deftly caught it, “Is it my birthday yet?” he examined the multi-functional weapon in his grip, his eyebrow raised, “And, isn’t it the same kunai you gave me when I was promoted as a jounin?”
“Not exactly the same – I upgraded this one with a kind of summoning spell, so,” the Fourth’s smile was so delicate and warm, delivering a natural energy as if it could penetrate anything impenetrable, “Whenever, wherever you need me, Kakashi, I would come to you in a flash,” he added doubtlessly.
He could smell a hint of an oddity in Minato’s gestures but decided not to question his motives, “But why would I summon you in a random time?” Kakashi inserted his index finger to its ring, spun it skilfully.
“Well, in case of the emergency, or…” Minato cleared his throat, “…you might need a company.”
“Minato-sensei,” he swore he saw a glimpse of redness in his teacher’s face – what on earth, why and how, and where is Uzumaki Kushina when she was in need, “I am your expert personal bodyguard, we meet literally every day, why would I wish for your extra company,” Kakashi twisted the rod before eventually shoved it into the pocket of his ANBU vest, “On the contrary, I would be grateful if you give me a proper break from seeing your all-day-smiling-face,” he huffed before getting up from his seat.
“…”
“But,” his smug face tilted half-heartedly as he walked, a cocky smirk obviously constructed beneath his dark-blue mask, “I do appreciate the thought – a gift is a gift, anyway, even though I’m not going to use this often,” Kakashi was quickly reabsorbed into the story in his hand afterward, leaving behind his teacher who was now blinking in disbelief. Minato fully understood that his brilliant disciple was always acting all high and mighty, but as far as swaggering against his precious gift? He evidently didn’t teach him enough about hospitality and friendliness, as he saw Kakashi’s sturdy back from afar.
He grunted, almost cussed, “…brat.”
5
It turned out to be a more serious ‘guess’ – what gift does Hatake Kakashi favor the most?
They generally talked back then, when Kakashi was assigned as a jounin-coach for a genin team. It was part of his duty to submit the mission report or to consult the hardship of being a person in charge of three mischief-makers. Umino Iruka knew him as a comrade, a fellow teacher who was responsible enough to guide a nine-tailed beast vessel, a complicated, wrecked, Uchiha-boy, and a helplessly-melodramatic pinkish little girl, until the day of their inauguration as three competent jounin. Now that Kakashi had given up his teaching days – he constantly bragged about living a life as Team 7’s mentor was his personal hardest time and left him nothing but PTSD – they hardly spoke to each other.
Don’t blame him, if he didn’t miss a chance to maintain a discussion when the ex-educator came by to the administrative office. His scarred face showed a joyful expression as he advanced to Kakashi.
To hand him a pile of freshly printed books.
“… this is a series of basic teaching, guidance and counseling,” the tall man in greyish, sleeveless vest received four bundles of fabric-covered copies which were heavy enough to be classified as training weight. Kakashi stared at those manuals a little bit too long, wondering the idea behind this charity.
“Yes, it is,” the academy teacher confirmed, “I heard something about you quitting the ANBU force and re-joining the teaching division, so I assumed that you’re going to supervise a new team,” Iruka, with his angelic smile and sincere expression, explained his pure objective without a doubt, “Please don’t get me wrong, Kakashi-san,” he dropped the ‘sensei’ for the last three years, anyway, “I highly acknowledge that your training method was kind of… brutal, so I suggest you finish this book—”
“I actually have accomplished this one,” Kakashi interjected, “Well, four of them, specifically.”
Iruka’s mouth stuck open, “… eh, what?”
“Including the second and third edition,” he added.
“For real?” the ‘dolphin’ couldn’t hide his awe, “You borrowed them from the library – wait, these books are so rare and expensive they won’t lend you for a lengthy period,” Iruka’s eyes judged in curiosity.
Kakashi snorted an overconfident breath, “I read all of them in the library.”
Okay. The Hatake was noteworthy as a prodigy, one in a million wonder-child who bloomed into a refined, multi-talented fully grown person – but to get twelve thick directories done within the library’s office hour was insane. It required an irrational amount of space inside someone’s head to restore that massive information. Iruka wasn’t certain whether he was astonished by Kakashi’s brain capacity or the fact that he still practiced his barbaric procedure in training his little hellions.
“But, thank you,” the sadistic erstwhile tutor smirked while raising the bulky copies on his hand, “I think the doors of my house might need some stoppers. These things will do the job nicely.”
4
It was supposed to stay innocent, yet it evolved to be – will this make Hatake Kakashi happy?
Called it a childhood crush or a massive infatuation, but let’s just face the verifiable truth that Kakashi’s charm was so universal, so versatile it didn’t only affect those who was around his age. Namikaze Naruto was the living proof. He had been creeping up on his dear teacher since he reached the age of consent – he would never verbally admit his puppy love toward him, though. Instead, Naruto would lag behind him and ambushed him with a horrendous hug. Sometimes his attack came from above. In any other times, it involved his shadow clones. It came as no surprise that Kakashi was being anxious if he sensed the familiar, overwhelming chakra brought by the tailed-beast. This moment, for example.
“What the hell…” it was a smart move from his former student, to show up when he was enchanted by the newest cover of Icha-Icha Tactics, “… an unlimited free-pass from Ichiraku Ramen for—”
“—ever!” Naruto shouted proudly.
“There’s no way the old man Teuchi would give me this!” Kakashi huffed, his eyes rolled in mistrust.
“The ticket proves you wrong!” the grin was followed by an intimate embrace on Kakashi’s left arm.
Which was responded by a palm pushing the side of Naruto’s giggling face away, “This is clearly your handwriting, Naruto!” he exclaimed, analysing the messy scribble with zero effort and lightly slammed a clenched fist on the crown of the younger’s head, “Really, you’re a jounin already, should you stop playing around or pull a prank on people and focus on your missions instead,” Kakashi stood there heaving while taking a closer look at the legitimate imprint of the ramen stall, “Did you force the poor old man to stamp this stupid hand-made voucher you created?” he asked in a judgemental intonation.
“I DIDN’T THREATEN HIM!” Naruto yelled.
Kakashi didn’t reply. He silently assessed him, arms crossed, cold gaze.
“…well, maybe a bit…”
“You punk—”
“NO – I mean, well, I’ve stored my mission fees so you can literally enjoy your ramen for free without inflicting financial loss to Teuchi-oyaji, geez, Kakashi-sensei…” the blond curled his lips while brushing his face on Kakashi’s covered hand as an imperceptible apology, “It’s your fault to keep on declining my invitation – and I know how much you love to be treated so please accept this. Tell me you’re going to accept this, yes?” his shimmering, big-blue eyes flickered the spark of entreaty and hopefulness.
Kakashi rolled his exposed, healthy eye and groaned. He possessed this soft-side inside his chest and rejecting his pupil’s present wasn’t his strongest forte. He eventually received the crumpled piece of paper unenthusiastically, “Alright, alright, whatever to shut that vociferous mouth of yours.”
“Now you can accompany me having ramen at any time!” he shouted exuberantly, “Forever!”
“What an unhealthy way to slowly die,” Kakashi gave up when Naruto dragged him to his favorite ramen stall.
3
It was misinterpreted by a party – it’s not about the gift, it’s about the intention.
And talking about the truest form of an aim, no one could beat a fellow black-ops; that was where Tenzou stepped up the game. Unlike most people who knew Kakashi as an esteemed jounin-sensei, he associated the proficient shinobi as his senior, and he had through a lot under the silver-haired man’s command. Back in the days when they both served the village as a team – Team Ro – he cherished good memories concerning their line-ups in a life-and-death-missions. Kakashi was so warm, friendly, but he took a strong responsibility when it came to accomplishing secretive tasks. Tenzou upheld great respect for his former captain and leading Team 7 temporarily was an honor for him.
At this point, Kakashi stopped questioning why everybody tried to please him.
“Yamato…” he just removed his head protector, both of his birth, natural eye and implanted eye were visible – he needed the sharingan to inspect the effigy made of rice straw on his hand, “…why?”
“You might need it, Kakashi-senpai,” Tenzou’s gloomy voice synchronized with his creepy face.
They were teammate since years ago and Kakashi thought he was getting used to it but he didn’t, “This looks like a rag doll,” he made it clear, “But the chakra infused in this figurine makes me think it will wander around the village and silently absorb people’s blood,” Kakashi huffed, “What exactly is this?”
“A cursed, sacred statue,” his hollow eyes cast as he shortened the gap between them, “I used my Wood Release combined with a highly classified outlawed technique so you can put whoever you want in an endless pain and misery,” Tenzou spoke with his lifeless tone and his ghoul-eyes stared at Kakashi in order to intimidate him; which was useless, “All you need is the mere DNA of your victim.”
“Why yes – no,” Kakashi felt a shiver down his spine at his ex-subordinate’s spooky attitude, “I mean, you know; if I really want a person to die, I’ll just chop their head off or pierce a hole in their lungs.”
Bloodlust. Lovely.
“Well, Kakashi-senpai…”
“I have noticed you already.”
Tenzou’s eerie smile resembled a Cheshire cat and it sent another wave of chilly air toward Kakashi. The younger man quietly grabbed his superior’s hand, twisted it gently, and placed several pins with sharp edges on his palm, “You don’t need to get your hand dirty from eradicating the scums you don’t like.”
“…”
He knew that Tenzou always considered him as a shining example to look up to. But to (not-so) secretly admire him to this point was – oh, Kami-sama, look at how Tenzou genially eye-fucked him.
“DNA, huh, Yamato?”
The ex-member of Root deeply nodded.
“You know, the sweat can dissolve the cellular component of the upper layer of your skin,” Kakashi played the doll in his grasp, “And if this thing turns out to be useful, you just let me kill you instantly.”
2
The situation had evolved into - it’s not about the gift, it’s about the person.
Apparently, everybody had forgotten the most important rule of the shinobi regarding conceal their feelings and emotions. They were trained nothing more as a tool of the village and supposed to set aside their human-related sentiment like, at all. If there was one exact highly-determined ninja so to speak about persistence and dedication, it would be Maito Gai. But no matter how committed he was to his oath to protect the Hidden Leaf, his gentle, squishy heart wasn’t able to contain his explosive affection toward a man he appraised as an eternal rival. When he heard that certain people tried to approach Kakashi, he made a move – wait, he got into a rivalry situation to gain his rival’s attention?
Rival-ception.
And his blatant maneuver wasn’t approved by the conflicted man himself, “…flowers,” Kakashi hissed in a disrespectful manner. Still, Gai had known him for too long he didn’t find his response problematic.
“Flowers, Rival!” he loudly confirmed, “It’s called periwinkle!”
Kakashi glared at him using his single eye and inaudibly spoke, I know, he might not look like it, but having a helplessly in love young lady in his previous team broadened his knowledge about perennials.
“But I bet you have no single idea about the flower language!” Gai threw a dramatic fist to the air, his huge eyes twinkled with a glimpse of emotional, manly tears, “I’ll handsomely explain one by one for you.”
“You really don’t have to,” Kakashi spontaneously replied.
“First!” plainly ignored his rival’s rejection, Gai resumed his explanation anyway, “Periwinkle evokes feeling for the authentic beauty of blossoming friendship – just like ours for the last two decades!”
“Objection,” the masked man almost throw the bouquet in his embrace away, “This whole so-called friendship is one-sided; you forced me to follow your misleading path of self-torturing training.”
“Second!” his chakra flared up Kakashi nearly mistook it as the process of opening the forbidden gates, “Reminiscing about pleasant memories shared with a friend or relative, in this matter, with you!”
“Can we go straight to the practical point where periwinkle is petite, fragile and so easy to be crushed by mere footsteps?” Kakashi howled. Not to mention its tiny petals was effortlessly hidden under layers of leaves and foliage – really, Gai should stop seeing things from its figurative point of view.
“Third!” Gai grabbed Kakashi’s covered hands tightly, “Periwinkle stands for everlasting love!”
Kakashi struggled to swallow his erupting rage, “The flowers are even dead!”
“Not if you put them in a vase filled with fresh water!” Gai argued, his face was an inch in front of his rival’s masked one, “That’s how love goes, Rival! You water it, you fertilize it, you keep it bloom!”
“It’d be easier to watch them die in slow agony,” he sharply opposed.
“RIVAL! At least you can pretend!”
Kakashi dismissed himself from the scene. (…and brought along the periwinkle with him, nonetheless.)
1
Hardly surprising that the clash of Konoha ended up with – who will Hatake Kakashi choose?
“Not you too, Obito!”
Uchiha Obito was the last on his list of the people he would like to date – wait, he never thought to obtain a relationship with literally anyone in the first place. Especially not with an overdramatic clan like Uchiha. They shared long-gone days as the same team – Team Minato – they went through the third world war side by side yet the heated climax of the fight crushed Obito’s hope and dream to be a proper shinobi. Luckily enough for them, the reinforcement came in a nick of time; saving his dear friend’s ass and credit to Hashirama’s regenerative cells, half of his destroyed body was restored although the massive surgery left distinguished scars on his face. Still beautiful – Kakashi admitted.
But. It had nothing to do with his childhood friend’s physical appearance. All good things about Obito were diminished due to the fact that he was a reckless fighter and again, an Uchiha. Kakashi was done with the blighted family – no more drama after the phenomenal confrontation between two siblings.
“And – what’s with this doll?”
Kakashi didn’t try to hide his frustration and Obito was getting instantly pissed off, “It’s a plushie, Bakashi! Do you need two sharingan so you can tell the difference?” he talked back in a loud tone it reminded him to his former student and his eternal rival. Seriously; what’s with their vocal cords?
“They are all the same,” struggled to stay in his cold demeanor and indifferent vibe, Kakashi shrugged while lightly propelling the stuffed toy, “Both are useless,” Kakashi smirked asymmetrically but he maintained not to damage the lifeless animal, “I’m not talking about you, I’m insulting its stupid face.”
“Hey, but it’s cute!” Obito shouted, “Look, look at its fluffy eyes!” his hands – one of them was his real hand and the other was a prosthetic – pushed the armpit area of the feathery plushie, “It blinks! Also, it’s a dog, you always like dogs!” his friendly but mischievous face looked as ridiculous as his gift, really.
“Ninken, I like ninken, not just a plain dog,” Kakashi sneered and slapped the back of Obito’s hand, “Stop it, moron, you’re going to break its joints,” he pulled the poor plushie from Obito’s possession.
The black-haired jounin grinned, “You know, you can hug them when you’re sleeping, too,” he shyly brushed the back of his neck while whistling, “…and, think about the person who gave it to you.”
“You’re talking to a proud member of ANBU, not a random female teenager,” the man in his thirties sneered in mockery before examining the dog plushie carefully, “Wait, I’ve seen this somewhere.”
Hearing that, Obito’s heart skipped a beat,
“Isn’t it the same reward for winning the kunai-throwing game at the summer festival?” Kakashi’s dark eye arrogantly judged Obito, “You came from the most sophisticated elite clan yet you give me a free-plushie?”
“I CAN EXPLAIN—”
0
He was getting tired of this, all of these – Kakashi, Kakashi-san, Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-senpai, Eternal Rival, Bakashi… really. The owner of those names lingered at the boundary of the training field. Leaned his back on a worn out wooden post while sluggishly stared at the gifts he received. Kakashi could tolerate an inter-dimensional kunai or a useful collection of tutoring books, but not what those four idiots gave him. His eyes landed on the orange-colored sky above his head; asking for an answer why had he never fallen for any of those trouble-makers. For some, the reason was obvious. He recollected his memories and made himself shiver – a romantic relationship, for him, didn’t feel any close to right.
Kakashi let out a long sigh. He stretched his stiff body and lazily glanced at his favorite, green-covered novel which laid innocently on the top of the fighting dummy. Ah, he squeezed the bridge of his nose.
He knew, now,
The reason behind his inability to form a bond was him. Since he left the village for months to pursue his own goal, the hole in his heart was left open; Kakashi knew it, but he chose to deny the sadness of longing in order to fully functioned as a proper shinobi – no, he was the trusted member of the special force. The safety of their reputable leader was on his shoulder. He couldn’t let his mind wander—
“Oh, there you are, Little Fang!”
Great, I’m now imagining his voice – wait a minute; a flickering chakra would never lie, wouldn’t it?
“No way…” Kakashi turned around and his heart almost jolted out from his ribcage as he saw his tall, sturdy figure, right before his own eyes. His heart pounded like crazy and his feet automatically ran all the way to his spot, “It’s you, it’s really you!” he looked up to match his eyesight level; it was hardly noticeable, but Kakashi was smiling beneath his mask, welcomed the old man with a warm gesture.
“Of course it’s me, Kakashi, you’ve been missing me this much, I see?” his loud laugh echoed in the empty training ground. The tip of his long, white-spiky hair danced with the afternoon breeze and the large scroll he carried on his back wriggled following his laughing motion. A second after, his gregarious attitude and eccentric, flashy kabuki poses were replaced by a sterner, serious face. His smirk didn’t vanish, though, as he leaned in closer, “Guess what,” the soft whisper came from a husky, masculine voice. His strong hand slid behind Kakashi’s back, slowly pressed the side of his upper arm, “I have a special gift for you,” those intriguing words were transferred intimately right before his right earlobe.
Kakashi didn’t refuse when the Toad Sage led his way through the forest.
Without him noticing, several highly-skilled shinobi stalked his every movement; from the bushes, on the top of the branches, combined his whole body with the tree itself – the later was so ready to do a thing or two with the voodoo doll on his hand. The communication devices were connected to each other. All of them toned down their chakra and automatically switched to the espionage mode.
“…is Kakashi blushing?” it was Gai’s voice, murmured, “He’s good, damn.”
“Clearly,” Naruto snorted, “Why you, Ero-sennin, that’s treacherous.”
“Minato-sensei, do something to your sensei!” this time, Obito whined.
“Like what, complain to his sensei?” Minato replied– again, sensei-ception.
“Is it okay if I use my Wood Release against him?” asked Yamato.
Iruka hushed, “Everyone, I’m trying to eavesdrop here.”
Down there, Kakashi stood face to face with the legendary wandering sennin – Jiraiya.
The younger man stepped back until his back met the tree bark. Its outermost layer brushed Kakashi’s shoulder but he couldn’t care enough; Jiraiya was towering him with his well-built figure, an extended powerful hand rested beside Kakashi’s face. He slowly pinned the smaller guy, his big fingers reached the narrow, masked jaw, “Now that we’re alone, the gift will be yours shortly,” Jiraiya’s breath was heavy and those old eyes of his pierced Kakashi like a shooting arrow, “However, this is a huge secret, I can’t let you tell anybody unless I let you too,” he smirked, created a series of notably wrinkles on his red-lined face, “… now, do you understand how important, how sacred our little secret is?”
“I am fully aware of that – Jiraiya-sensei…” Kakashi stared downward. His single, exposed eye caught a peek of a big bulge underneath Jiraiya’s green pants, “I’ve been guarding the border since you were gone. Minato-sensei kept me busy all day and gave me amateurish missions around the village. He didn’t let me trespass enemy territories and it was a whole boring month without you around,” as he said, Minato, up there, was judged silently by the other five, “My patience has a limit and I demand my gift.”
“Good boy, aren’t you, Little Fang,” the sennin chuckled, “Well, well, what can I say, my gift is the best you could have,” Jiraiya removed his soft grip on Kakashi's covered chin and ran the back of his fingers across the younger’s fair-skinned, bare shoulder. His fingertips trailed down to his exposed biceps, brushed a hint of sweat there, then formed a circle motion tracing his ANBU's tattoo, “Do you really want this?” his hoarse voice whispered, playfully, seductively, “Tell me you want this, Kakashi.”
The bait worked,
Kakashi inclined his torso toward the hermit and placed his palm on the mysterious bump around Jiraiya’s groin and hissed, “I want this.”
The silence between breaths occurred for a moment; their intense gazes met mid-air, two ambiguous grins were formed in sync. Minato’s jaw dropped hard. Obito smashed his forehead. Gai munched on a dry branch meanwhile Iruka prevented Naruto to make an obvious scene. Yamato was the only one who kept his composure together – alas, he might be in the middle of invoking harm using his doll.
“Okay! It’s yours!”
“Yes!”
In a quick pull, Jiraiya revealed the hidden lump inside his trousers – which, in fact, was a familiar book with purple cover and a classic forbidden logo printed on it, “I wrote this especially for you, aaaand!” Jiraiya tapped the top of Kakashi’s head using the spine of his newest masterpiece, “The whole plot hasn’t officially released yet. Keep your mouth shut regarding the male lead character, will you?”
“I get it, I understand,” Kakashi nodded energetically. His enthusiasm didn’t match his posture and of course, his ANBU uniform, “I’ll keep my mouth sealed and for the love of God, just pass me the book!”
“Sometimes I miss your distant behavior when you were a broody kid,” said Jiraiya while letting go of his first printing. Kakashi rushed onto him and gave the perverted author a big hug before teleporting himself a second after. The old sage huffed exaggeratedly and patted his chest several times before shouting, “ALL OF YOU COULD COME OUT NOW!” a boisterous laugh followed his direct order and five younger shinobi jumped from different directions and landed in front of him. Except for Yamato, who just emerged from a nearby tree. Jiraiya smirked in victory as he found those faces of disgust and envy.
Minato broke the quietness, “Was that even necessary?”
“What, the book?” Jiraiya returned the question.
“The seduction,” Obito glared at the grey-haired man.
“Oh, I know all of you were spying on us so I decided to give you the best show,” he folded his hands behind his head, “Not that like the Fang realized, though. He only interested in my work of art.”
“He gave you a hug for that garbage?” Naruto shrieked.
“Yet he’d prefer my garbage than any of you”, Jiraiya scoffed, “Now, let’s move on and embrace the fact that all of you are insignificant compared to my Icha-Icha series. Get over it, boys.”
Iruka was busy comforting Gai who was desperately crying on his chest, meanwhile, Yamato punished himself by facing the tree with a gloomy expression. Jiraiya shook his head in disillusion – to think that Kakashi chose two-dimensional, fictional love story rather than pursuing a true romance with one of these elite shinobi… Sakumo, your only son is beyond help.