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Poseidon was brooding. It had taken him three whole days to heal from all the stab wounds that got inflicted on him, all the while the other gods were like bees besides him.
“Gaia! How many are there?”, Hera asked while Zeus asked with a sly grin, “Counting all of them or just the bleeding ones?”, Poseidon threw his trident at him for that, earning a yelp in return.
“You guys will not believe what happe-”, Hermes exclaimed while entering the infirmary, but stopped at the sight of Poseidon, “...Uncle, I don’t think you noticed but you’re full of holes. You should get some bandages on.”, the god of tides glared at him for that and with an angry grin that looked more like a snarl full of curved sharp teeth, he said “Oh really?! Oh my, oh, how smart my nephew is, oh, I had no idea that I was full of holes and bleeding a river, oh, I thought that Aeolus was just being extra mischievous today, you DUMBASS!”, he finished, making a motion to grab the winged god who in turn yelped and hid behind Dionysus who was sipping his wine right in that moment just to hide away an amused smile.
All the while Ares was fanboying about Odysseus to a smirking Athena.
Yes, this is how his days went. And Poseidon would not have a moment’s rest until he exacted the cruelest revenge on the king of Ithaca.
How petty could he get? Enough to stay up at night working out plans. And oh, ohoho! He found the perfect one! He would make Odysseus break! He would make him touch the edge of insanity. He will torture him mentally! And he knew just how to!
Yes! His plan was flawless!
Odysseus yawned as he woke up, stretching on the bed like a cat in the sunlight. Now that he was back home he could afford the luxury of waking up happy and being lazy until late afternoon. He turned around and hugged his still asleep wife, burying his face in the back of her neck and inhaling deeply the scent of her hair.
One week.
One week full of blessings since he has returned back home.
One week surrounded by the ones he loved most in his life.
One week and he still didn't have the time to tell his wife and son everything about his past 20 years.
Yet he feels like so much has happened in those last couple of days.
He still had nightmares from time to time, and he still couldn't let his guard down, it was reflex at this point, just two days ago he got startled by a butterfly, but things were better. No, they were perfect.
What could go wrong?
Odysseus took one of his usual strolls across the beach. He occasionally did that after walking through his kingdom to see how much has changed.
He still didn't want to get anywhere near the sea, for obvious reasons, but he missed the waters dearly, and it was relaxing.
He walked barefoot on the sand, keeping a close eye on the waves and inhaling the salty air, occasionally picking a seashell that caught his eye.
He stopped and sat down, hands on his knees as he looked at the sunset with a small smile on his face.
Then… he heard a snort, and he looked to his right to see a tall, black, stallion looking down at him.
They stared in silence at one another, then the horse stomped its feet on the sand. Odysseus quickly got up with a yelp and backed away from it, “What the fu- what are you doing here?! What do you want?!”, he asked frantically with palms outstretched as the horse kept approaching him with a fast pace.
The king changed directions, not taking his eyes off of the apparently very scary animal, while he kept backing away. The beast followed him. He changed his way again, and so did the stallion, it just kept coming after him.
“I’m taking it you're still mad about what happened.”, Odysseus said as he chuckled nervously, and the horse quickened its pace, making the king yelp and turn around to run.
He heard heavy galloping behind him and he rounded on a big boulder, the horse stopping on the other side, each of them attempting to go one way or another and stopping at seeing the other move.
“Why are you chasing me like this?!”, the horse snorted again at him and he asked “Why aren't you saying anything?! Look, I know that it's you! Your eyes are blue!”,
The horse snapped its head up and down and neighed.
“Are you here to drag me into the sea? Why are you acting so weird?! Just don't bite me!”.
The stallion neighed again and ran around the rock, making Odysseus yelp and run too, this time towards a bigger boulder which he quickly climbed and sat there. The angry animal stopped in front of it, looking up at him with narrowed eyes.
The king pointed a finger at the animal and exclaimed “What is wrong with you?! You seriously came after me just to act like this?! Aren't you gonna like… at least try to drown me or something?”, the stallion did not answer, instead it sat down on its rear with a heavy flop, and looked up at him.
Odysseus looked down at it and asked “Are you just gonna… sit there? At least say something! Aren't you gonna preach about ruthlessness and how much you want to kill me? I thought we were over that by the way. It’s been years, please, can't you forgive me already?”, it neighed at him, “Or is this about stabbing you? Because you pretty much had that one coming.”, the animal made angry horse noises.
“Why are you making horse noises? Just use your words!”, He yelled exasperated, the horse snorted, and Odysseus glared, “Fine, be that way! I can be petty too! I can stay here all night!”, and he turned around with crossed arms, ignoring the stallion.
“I bet you have better things to do than wait for me to get down from here, Poseidon.”, Odysseus grumbled.
Poseidon did not, in fact, have anything better to do.
A couple of hours plus more complaining later, and morning came. And morning turned to afternoon again.
Odysseus was laying down on the rock, an annoyed expression on his face.
“I can't believe this.”, He grumbled, and rolled around to look down at who he believed was the god of tides in equine disguise.
It still hadn't said a word… And why hadn't Poseidon already attempted to drown him already? Not that he was complaining about this.
The horse looked like it was sleeping. Hah! Now it was his chance.
Slowly, he climbed down from the rock on the opposite way the animal was, but the moment he set foot on land he heard heavy stomps and saw the stallion’s head on the other side of the rock, looking blankly at him.
Odysseus immediately jumped up and sat down back on the rock.
The creature actually made a sound like it had laughed at him as it strolled around the boulder again.
Odysseus glared, “Oh I bet this is so funny!”, it neighed at him.
He sighed, and his stomach growled loudly, “Great…”, he looked down to see the horse watching him with pointed ears, “What? I’ve been sitting here since yesterday afternoon, of course I’m hungry.”, he turned his head to the sea, resting his chin on his hand as he sat cross legged, “You know what I could go for? Swiss cheese.”.
After a long silent moment the horse snorted angrily at him, stomping one foot on the ground, and the king could not help the amused smile that had formed on his face. Looking back at the horse he asked with a shit eating grin and a raised brow “Took you a while to get that one.”, the stallion narrowed its eyes, got back on its rear legs and jumped.
Enough to snap its teeth near the man’s face, who in turn, made a horrified face and yelped loudly, in a manly way of course.
He backed away on the rock and grabbed some moss off of it, then threw it at the horse’s head, which in turn snorted again and made another jump at him, this time managing to grab him by the sleeve of his chiton and drag him down.
Odysseus yelled out in surprise before hitting the hard ground face first. He stood there a moment before raising his head to spit out sand, “I think I swallowed a clam.”, he murmured to no one in particular. He then felt the stallion clamp a mouthful of his chiton and began dragging him backwards on the sand.
“WOAH! WOAAAAAAAAH!”, The king yelled out as he tried to free himself, and in the process grabbed the horse’s nostrils and began pulling, earning a yelp like neigh in return.
It let him go and he quickly got up on his feet, not taking his eyes off of it, who began approaching him with angry stomps again, “Wait, wait, wait! Let’s talk about this! How about-”, “Dad!”.
Odysseus’s blood ran cold. Both him and the horse stopped in their tracks and looked behind to see Penelope and Telemachus approaching them. The horse looked back at him, a wicked glint in its eyes, and the man began to shake.
He gave the deity a pleading look, shaking his head slightly “No, please, no.”, he dropped to his knees, “I’m begging you, don’t hurt them! Please! I’ll do whatever you ask of me! I’ll get in the water if that is what you want!”.
The horse turned in their direction and strode towards them, straight to his wife and son, “No! NO!”, Odysseus got up and ran after it, “Poseidon! Don’t! Please!”, he didn’t know what else to do as he ran towards them, but he would fight the god again if he had to.
He will do whatever it takes to keep them safe, he had no weapon but he would jump at his throat and bite his jugular if he as much dared to hurt-
Odysseus stopped in his tracks. The horse was now in front of Telemachus, who in turn began petting its muzzle with child-like glee, “Oh wow, what a beautiful stallion you are.”, it shook its head and gave a pleased neigh.
What the fu-
“There you are!”, Penelope ran in his arms for a bone crushing hug, no, seriously, he felt his ribs cracking, “You had me so worried when you did not return home last night, I haven’t slept an ounce, where have you been?”, “Yes dad! We searched the whole city for you!”, Telemachus told him as he came to him for an embrace as well.
Odysseus looked like he was the personification of stress, “I-I … aaaah… uhmm”, for once his silver tongue was not working. He kept looking at the stallion which maintained eye contact with him, “I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you, I was just… kept hostage by this horse.”, the man explained.
A long moment of silence where all three looked at him has passed, then they all snorted in amusement, “I’m serious! Poseidon chased me on the beach yesterday and wouldn’t let me climb down that rock over there!”, he argued, pointing at said rock, “And then he grabbed me by the chiton and began pulling me on the sand and I am pretty sure I swallowed a clam!”.
Penelope chuckled, “Ody, my love, you named the stallion after the god of tides?”, “Wha- No! That IS the god of tides! Poseidon, I know it’s you! You can drop the act now!”, he yelled at the horse, which in turn now went to Telemachus and nuzzled him for more pets.
“Aww, aren’t you just the sweetest!”, The prince cooed as he began scratching its head, and Odysseus looked like he was about to have a stroke.
His son was petting the god of the sea, his greatest enemy, the one that tried to kill him literally last week. “Telemachus! Stop that! Be careful!”, He said as he went to his son and dragged him away from the animal by the shoulders, “Father, he doesn’t bite.”, “Yes he does!”.
The stallion gave him an annoyed neigh, “Oh, the poor dear.”, Penelope pouted, “What- Penny, no! Not you too!”, his wife ignored him and went instead to the horse’s side to delicately pet its head, “You’re just the most gorgeous thing. Yes you are.”, the beast nodded its head in appreciation, “I bet you are also the sweetest, aren’t you?”, it snorted softly as she scratched under its chin, “And my husband is just the meanest, isn’t he?”.
Horse Poseidon actually had the audacity to make a sad face and nod again as he leaned his head on her for more pats, “What?!”, “See love? You hurt his feelings!”, “Penelope!”, Odysseus actually whined at that.
Telemachus went to hug its neck and the stallion now rubbed its head on his arm, “Aw, I love him, dad, where did you find him?”, “He found me. He spawned on the beach and began chasing me.”, the king said unamused, glaring at the animal.
Telemachus rubbed the horse’s back, “I wonder if it would be ok with me riding it.”, and he tried climbing it despide Odysseus’s protests.
It neighed and when the boy was fully on its back and holding onto its mane it shook its head excited and began galloping.
“Telemachus!”, Odysseus yelled after him, about to follow them but Penelope just grabbed his arm and told him, “Relax Ody, look, they get along so well.”, “Dearest, that is Poseidon we’re talking about!”, Penelope looked at him long and asked, Are you sure? Has he talked to you?”.
Odysseus opened his mouth, then shut it tight, looked away, then said “N-no, all he did was neigh.”, Penelope was silent for a moment, and then said “My love, I understand your worry, and paranoia, but do you really think that the god of tides would even bother to go through all this trouble just get back at you?”, Odysseus looked at the sight of his son wooing and having fun while riding the horse across the shore.
Far too close to water for comfort.
But then again, what if Penelope was right? Why would Poseidon out of all the gods go through all this trouble just to take his revenge? Maybe it was just a normal horse…
But what if it was Poseidon? The horse held an amazing intelligence behind those eyes. And it understood what he meant with the swiss cheese!
Okay, but why wouldn’t Poseidon simply rise the tides if he wanted to drown him?
So many thoughts were running through his face and he just lowered his gaze in sadness. What if he was simply losing his mind?
“Ody.”, Penelope was in front of him, holding his face in her soft hands, “Beloved, I don’t want you to believe that I don’t trust you. You know that I-”, “No, it’s fine, you’re right, I think I just freaked out.”, he said with a smile and a watery laugh, “Forgive me, dearest.”, he apologized.
She still looked at him with worry in her eyes, “Love, you have nothing to apologize for. Your fears are reasonable, but I wish you heal from them. Do you trust me as much as I trust you?”, he looked at her with nothing more than love in his gaze.
“Penelope, if you told me that outside was day even though it’s night I would believe you.”, she smiled at him, and they both held each other in their arms, pressing their foreheads together in a way more intimate than a kiss.
“It’s actually dusk.”, She couldn't help but say, which got a snort out of him. They basked in each other’s presence until…
A neigh, and an “Aww!”, from their son made them look up to see Telemachus climbing down from the horse and going to them, “You guys are so sweet.”, Penelope chuckled while Odysseus scrunched his nose at him and ruffled his hair.
The prince laughed and said, “You guys! Poseidon is so fast! He ran like the wind! I felt like I could float above the sea! You should go for a ride too!”, Odysseus tensed while Penelope chuckled, “So we are going with that name? Actually, I think it’s a good idea, it would honor the god of tides since he has a liking to equines as well.”, she then rubbed the animal’s back, and looked at it, “Would you allow me too?”.
The stallion knelt down for her to climb, and their eyes widened in surprise. She then sat down on its back and delicately held onto its long mane. The horse got up once she was secure, “My, what a gentlecolt.”, she complimented as it began a stroll, mindful to not go too fast since she was sitting lady like on him. They went for a few rounds around the beach, time where her poor husband was staring after her with sweat drops covering his forehead.
Penelope basically glowed when they returned and she hopped off of it with a giddy smile, “Odysseus, perhaps you should go for a ride next.”, his wife has told him.
The man immediately shook his head, “Nu uh.”, earning an amused snort from the stallion, “C’mon father! It was so fun, you will love it!”, Telemachus exclaimed in joyful excitement. Odysseus could literally see stars in his eyes.
He looked at the horse, who was watching him with a strange look in its eyes, was it a trap? Would it drag him underwater the moment he would mount it? He looked back at his son, and at his wife, who gave him an encouraging look, and he sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
Penelope is right, he has to heal from his fears, and what better way to get rid of his paranoia than to… get along with this horse that is totally not Poseidon.
Hmm… maybe he could still find an excuse. You can’t blame a man for hesitating.
“Well, I would… but I don’t think it likes me. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t let me on its back. So too bad, I guess I should just-”, He didn’t get to finish, because the horse went to him and turned around just enough to show him its back, looking at him with a fucking grin.
Naaah! This was Poseidon, ain’t no fucking way this isn’t him, the aquatic asshole is messing with him. “C’mon dad!”, Telemachus literally jumped in giddiness.
Odysseus sighed and tentatively prompted himself up on the stallion’s back, waiting to be thrown off at any moment.
It didn’t happen, the animal allowed him to climb up and sit on its back, he grabbed fistfulls of its mane and waited. For a moment nothing happened, and then Odysseus made a small kick motion, all the while he said “Uhm… ya!”, and the horse suddenly started running at full speed, earning a surprised “WOAH!”, in return, the king grabbing at its neck to hold himself better.
Odysseus looked up to see the animal approaching the sea at a rapid pace, and his eyes widened, and his face paled, but before he could voice out a protest, the stallion changed ways, running across the beach now, and the man started screaming, in a manly way, of course.
Penelope laughed, ”Look, they’re having so much fun.”, she said as she saw the horse taking her husband to the left side of the beach, “Do you think we can keep it mother?”, Telemachus had asked, “I am not sure, it still looks like a wild one.”, “But mooom! Look how playful it is!”, the boy argued as they now saw the horse running to the right part of the beach with Odysseus barely hanging from its back, yelling like a lunatic.
“Hmm, he does, doesn't he? But we should also ask your father as well.”, “Yeah, you’re right.”, they both looked at a new sight, now the stallion was jumping ‘playfully’, on the sand, Odysseus bouncing on its back while desperately holding onto its mane, “Aww look, they are playing.”, Telemachus had said.
A couple more rounds on the beach and the stallion returned back to the two, with a very almost passed out king of Ithaca slumped on its back.
The animal snorted as if giving out a satisfied sigh, and knelt to lay down on the sand, Odysseus rolling over to fall on his back on the ground with a groan.
Telemacus was right beside him “Are you okay?”, “Splendid.”, he answered sarcastically. The boy didn’t seem to catch that in his tone and instead beamed, “See?! I told you it would be fun! And he looks like he enjoyed it too!”, he said, patting it, “I’m sure he did.”, the man grumbled, blowing hair from his face.
Penelope came to sit beside them, bending down to peck his cheek. He opened his eyes to look at her, “This gave me energy for half of my body, but I will need one more for the other half as well.”, he said, making a motion with only his left leg and arm, blinking with his left eye, “See? I can't even blink properly, the other half is useless, I need a second kiss.”, she giggled while the horse rolled its eyes.
“Dad, can we keep him?! Pleaaaaaase?!”, Telemachus asked with sparkles around his face, “Absolutely not.”, Odysseus grumbled with a blank face, “Hah? Why nooot?”, came the expected whine.
Odysseus was actually saddened by his son’s reaction, and he sighed as he got up in a sitting position, “This is a nice horse but he is a wild one, my boy. It would be… hard to tame.”, he tried to explain “Not only that but we literally found it on the beach. It might not be Poseidon…”, he said, side eyeing the animal, who in turn returned the glance, “... but it could be… I don't know… a follower of his.”, he finished, hoping that the boy would believe at least this excuse.
“I guess it makes sense.”, Telemachus murmured, disappointed, and the horse nuzzled his cheek.
Odysseus watched the encounter and added softly “But… if Po- uhm, if horse Poseidon wants to linger longer, then I don't see why you shouldn’t spend time with it. You two seem to be getting along well.”, the prince’s eyes shined and he jumped at his father to hug him, “You’re the best!”.
Odysseus chuckled as he held his son close to his chest, then his stomach reminded him of how hungry he was, so did the boy’s.
Penelopy gasped dramatically, “You guys are hungry!”, “Yes we are, dad, what do you want to eat?”, Telemachus asked and he thought about it, “You know? I could really go fooor…”, and the horse turned its head to glare in his way, daring him to say it.
Odysseus swallowed back a chuckle and he answered, “Fish, fish sounds great.”, “Yeah, I could go for some fish.”, the boy agreed, “Indeed, we haven’t had any in a while.”, Penelope said with a nod.
“And with that fish…”, Odysseus started, “...we could also eat some swiss cheese.”, he continued innocently.
Poseidon smacked his tail over his face, “Owww! Why did you do that?!”, the king complained, rubbing his face. His son and wife laughed at that, “Maybe he’s not a fan of cheese.”, Penelope told him between giggles, “But he likes fish?”, Telemachus asked while wheezing, “I’m pretty sure he likes cheese, it’s just the swiss one that he hates.”, Odysseus grumbled, and jumped as the animal slapped its tail on the ground in slight warning.
“Speaking of fish, I don’t think the royal cooks have anything, do we send someone to buy or should we go to the market ourselves?”, his wife had asked, “Well-”, “None! I will catch it myself from the sea! With my bare hands!”, Telemachus exclaimed in excitement as he hopped on his feet, “And it will be a big, juicy, tasty, umm, which kind dad?”, Odysseus laughed at that, “How about a gray mullet, son?”, “A gray mullet!”, he yelled happily with a fist clenched in determination, and then Telemachus charged towards the sea.
“Odysseus! He doesn’t even have a rod!”, Penelope complained to him, “Just let him have his fun, dearest.”, he said while laughing, and in turn she stuck her tongue at him, he returned the gesture with a curled tongue, she pushed him against the horse’s back, and he grabbed her foot.
The queen shrieked loudly, ”Odysseus! NO!”, she protested as he held her ankle and began tickling her foot, she laughed loudly, trying to push him away while coiling on the sand like a snake and kicking his legs.
“Ody- seus! You’re such a- bru-huhuhute! You! Mani- AC!”, As she started wheezing he caught pity on her and released her foot. She gasped, and after a few moments she glared and told him “I am so putting makeup on you in your sleep!”, the stallion neighed in amusement at that.
Odysseus eyed him and told her “Do whatever you want dearest, you know I am gonna slay it.”, he said, somewhat proud at the thought that he would look good in makeup.
She huffed and got up, “Then I am also going to fetch sea shells, your hair could use some decorations!”, and then she stomped on the beach in search of said items.
“My hair could use some washing, it looks like a mess because of how you chased and dragged me around.”, he said now to horse Poseidon, “I can’t wait to take a bath, I’ve got sand everywhere.”, he murmured, and froze with wide eyes when he felt a big snout touching his cheek.
Odysseus kept his mouth shut since he was within tail smacking range.
For a moment nothing happened, until Poseidon shoved his fucking tongue over his eye. Odysseus yelped and jumped, he crawled on the sand, and aggressively slammed his face down, covering his head protectively, “Disgusting! My eye was open, you bastard! You licked my fucking eyeball!”, the horse snorted as if saying ‘Pussy’.
Odysseus grabbed a fistfull of sand and threw it at its mane, the animal smacked him again over his face with that long ass tail.
The king grunted and sat back down against the stallion and held up his hands, “Okay, okay, time out, I’ll behave.”, the horse stared at him with great suspicion, but turned to look at the sea at last.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at but I know that it’s you.”, Odysseus told him as he too looked back at the sea. His son was head to toe soaking wet as he jumped belly first in the water with a loud splash, while his wife was on the shore, feet and dress in the sea, looking for shells.
He smiled at the sight, and then turned towards the beast, “You can speak, I won’t tell.”, he tried once again with childish hopefulness. The animal only twitched its ear but made no motion of acknowledgement. It turned its head away to look at seagulls instead.
Odysseus began to chuckle, and horse Poseidon side eyed him without turning its head. Odysseus started howling, and the creature neighed as if asking what the fuck was so funny, “Sorry! Hahah! Sorry! It's just that you looked really funny from that angle!”, the horse turned to glare at him, slamming its tail around in warning, “No, no! I’ll stop! I’ll stop!”, the king said between giggles and deep breaths.
He sighed, then turned around to comb his hands through the animal’s mane, which froze in turn at the contact. Odysseus proceeded to untangle knots and brush its strands with his fingers, humming, “Athena, what did you do to it? Does sea water tagle yours too?”, the horse did not answer.
“It always tangles mine. I would get it so curly and thick you’d think one of Penelope’s maidens did my hair. It always takes me forever to untangle it.”, He rambled on and on as he did the stallion’s mane. He talked about whatever came to mind, about hair, about different fruits he found on Calypso's island, about how proud he is of his son and about his wife.
Oh wow, he did ramble on about his wife, it was really sweet, not gonna lie.
“And when she told me that her water broke I passed out.”, he admitted sheepishly. Horse Poseidon snorted in amusement, “Like, I’m not even joking, she told me that my eyes rolled to the back of my head and my sandals flew out of my feet when I fell.”, the stallion made a weird laugh-neigh-choke like noise, “I panicked, okay?!”, it snorted at that.
Odysseus glared, but with a smile nonetheless. “I braided your mane by the way!”, he admitted bluntly, making horse Poseidon snap back its head to try and see what atrocity the king has done to said mane.
A hand came over its head to pet gently, and the stallion looked at him, “You… are you really just a horse?”, it did not respond.
Odysseus sighed, almost defeated, then pressed his forehead on the animal’s head, at this point he himself did not know if he was just searching for a reaction or just trying to seek comfort.
“Whether you are or not… I’ll go with my gut and will tell you something. I’m sorry.”, Suddenly, the sea became unnaturally calm, the silence grew on the beach, but the atmosphere seemed a bit… warmer.
Odysseus didn’t seem to notice though, instead he backed up a bit and looked down in shame, “For wronging you. I’m truly sorry. It was never something I wanted to do, please believe me. I love the sea and having you hate me hurts. But I’ll always praise you.”, he looked up at the horse at last, and said, “It was never lack of love from me, Poseidon. It was just a lack of wisdom.”, and with that he bowed his head and then looked back at his family who were still having fun in the water.
Now Telemachus was splashing Penelope while she threw seaweed at him.
They stood in silence for a moment, until Odysseus couldn’t help but want to test out his luck, and he flicked the horse’s ear, which in turn smacked his face again with its tail.
“Oh, you’ve done it now!”, and he pulled at its mane, the horse headbutted him and he yelped, then pushed its head away, This time it turned around and chomped his leg while he grabbed it, by the ears and began pulling.
The stallion rolled to his direction and pressed its big neck on his chest, slamming him on the ground, earning an out of breath “oof!”, in return.
It then turned its head around and poked him in the other eye with its tongue, “YUCK, DISGUSTING! WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT?!”, he exclaimed and licked his finger and shoved it in the horse’s ear, which in turn neighed and tried to get away from him but he grabbed its nostrils once again for that day, and began pulling.
Bad move, horse Poseidon snorted in front of his face, spraying him with warm, wet, horse breath. Odysseus sputtered and let it go to furiously wipe his face. “That’s it you-”, And the king rolled around to gain distance, then jumped on its neck to wrestle it.
The horse barely moved as he tried to move him, Odysseus stopped, huffed, and murmured, “Well, this is embarrassing… Please don't tell Athena…”.
The stallion bit his hair and yanked him down, earning a yeowl in protest, “Ow! You swiss cheese hater!”, and he got up and bit its ear, earning a yelp like neigh and a hoof in the gut, far too similar to a well packed punch mind you, that made him hold his stomach and double over on the sand, wheezing, “Oww… You asshole, I knew it was you.”, a neigh in triumph had followed.
“What are you two doing?”, Came Penelope’s voice, “Pennyyyyyy! Horse Poseidon is bullying meee!”, her husband complained from the ground. The animal huffed and got up, going to her and rubbing its head on her arm in fake sadness, “Aw, you poor thing, is my husband mean to you again?”, the stallion made sad horse noises, “What? I’m the victim here!”.
“I couldn’t catch anything!”, Telemachus yelled as he hopped back to them, seaweed in his hair “I did my best though.”, “You just swam and splashed me with water.”, complained his mother “Well you threw water grass at me!”, he argued back, and she scrunched her nose at him.
Odysseus got up from the ground and smiled at them, “It’s okay, we can go to the market.”, “Yes, let’s! I remembered that I don’t have eyeshadow anymore.”, Penelope said as she started ahead, not before giving a goodbye pat to the horse.
“Bye Poseidon!”, Telemachus exclaimed as he hugged the horse’s head and then quickly followed his mother.
Odysseus smiled at them, and right before he could start to follow, he heard the animal speak.
“Nice family. I can see why you fought so hard to return to them.”, It… he had said in a very nonchalant tone, with a smile on its muzzle. Odysseus freaked the fuck out, in a manly way of course, and jumped a few feet away, staring at the horse wide eyed, and pointing a finger at it, “I KNEW IT!”.
Poseidon approached him and with a shit eating grin on his horse face he said, “Yes, yes you did. It was pretty fun to see you on the verge of a breakdown since yesterday.”, the king placed a hand over his chest in an offended motion.
Horse Poseidon smiled at him, and said, “I forgive you.”, “...W…what?!”, the man asked in surprise, “That’s all I wanted to hear from you, king of Ithaca.”, Odysseus was dumbfounded, “You forgive me? Just… just like that?”, “No, not just like that. Make no mistake, you hurt my son and committed blasphemy against me by torturing me with my own weapon. I am still angry about that.”.
Odysseus flinched and lowered his gaze, “But.”, he looked up again, “I told you that I would be letting you go if you apologized, a thing that you didn’t do, instead you just gave me excuses.”, Odysseus opened his mouth “Until today.”, Poseidon finished, and the man looked at him with wide eyes.
“An honest apology. I’m taking it. I am ruthless, not unreasonable. I can understand why you did what you did.”, Poseidon had said as he looked after Odysseus’s family with fond eyes, the man following his gaze, “But my wrath needed to be quenched as well.” the deity spoke, then turned his gaze back at the king, “You do not have to fear my waters anymore. I will not lose a devoted worshipper such as yourself, the tides shall keep you and your family safe and you are a friend of the sea once again. Just don’t piss me off a second time, I will not be so lenient anymore if you do.”.
Odysseus stared at Poseidon and smiled in what he could describe as both relief and joy, not realizing that he started crying until his teardrops seemingly rose from his eyes and vanished in the air. He placed a hand over his chest and bowed, “Yes, my lord. Thank you.”.
“Dad! What’s taking you so long?!”, Telemachus yelled after him as he walked back down to him. “Oh, I was just talking with Poseidon.”, He said with a smile as he looked expectantly at the horse.
It neighed.
Odysseus took in one deep offended gasp as he stared back at him. Horse Poseidon grinned at him.
The man looked back at his son and gestured in the stallion’s direction “He was talking for real Telemachus! It’s him- ah you know what, screw this. Let’s go.”, he grumbled as he grabbed his son by the arm and began guiding him towards his wife.
“Dad? Are you okay?”, “Swell.”, He muttered, then added, “Swiss cheese hater.”.
The ocean spat a projectile right at his head, making him lose balance and fall face first onto the ground.
A moment of silence, then “...Dad?”, he showed his son thumbs up, then he got up, spitting more sand.
How petty can that guy be? Odysseus looked to glare at Poseidon… but the god of tides was nowhere to be seen, so he just sighed in annoyance.
“Look!”, Telemachus exclaimed joyfully as Penelope made her way back to them. The king looked at his son to see him picking up a big fish off the ground, “Does this count as me catching it with my bare hands?”, he had asked. Penelope laughed as Odysseus stared at the fish.
It was a gray mullet.