Chapter Text
All for One, the Eternal Hunger, exploded into existence in a mass of shadowy tentacles and glowing eyes. He immediately suppressed his true form, causing it to become blurry and impossible for mortals to look at directly. If he manifested his full eldritch being, then he would wipe this tiny world from existence.
Normally, All for One wouldn’t care overly much about causing an apocalypse or two, but his younger brother would never let him hear the end of it. In a ravenous mood, All for One had gobbled up One for All’s favorite star that the younger eldritch deity had been lovingly raising ever since it had been a mere nebula. If he destroyed a planet full of sentient beings right afterward, his little brother would go black hole on his ass. In fact, the only reason All for One had responded to a summons on this insignificant little planet had been to hide from his dear brother’s inevitable wrath.
He’d appeared inside a pentagram drawn in blood. If the mortals thought this could contain him, they had another thing coming. The dim basement reeked of decay and mold grew on the stone walls.
A group of bipedal mortals in black robes dropped to their knees before him. “All hail the great All for One, Destroyer of Galaxies! We worship you! We offer our everything to your service!”
How kind of them. All for One felt pleased he hadn’t killed them. He tried to say so. A sound like the death cry of a world emerged from his beak, shattering the lamp overhead. Oops. He still needed to form a voice box.
The cultists shrieked obnoxiously and flailed around. A man wearing a gold medallion, likely the leader, shouted, “Fear not! After the sacrifice, All for One will give us the power to become gods. We’ll rule the world with an iron fist.”
Talk about overpromising. All for One would set this presumptuous fool straight just as soon as he could figure out lungs. His tentacled form shrank and compressed into a body with two legs and two arms like the mortals in front of him. He gave himself curly white hair and his trademark red eyes.
While he was busy transforming, the leader drew a knife and approached an infant lying on a stone altar. “We offer this innocent child to you, great All for One.”
They were giving him a son? All for One had always wanted a son or daughter or little one of other gender, but the senior eldritch abominations kept telling him he was still too young. Bah. Tiresome old fogies. All for One examined the baby with new interest. He had a patch of green curls on his mostly bald head and the most adorable green eyes. All for One’s fake imitation of a heart melted. The baby cooed and giggled. What a sweet sound. This little one would make a fine son. He might even give the cultists what they wanted in exchange.
The leader brought down the knife. The baby’s giggle turned into a choked scream. Blood flowed down the stone altar.
All for One shrieked. The sound made the stone walls melt. The cultists fell to the ground clutching their ears. What had these insignificant insects done to his new son? Although All for One was no expert on mortals, not like his comic book-obsessed younger brother, he felt fairly certain they weren’t supposed to scream, spew out liquids, then go horribly still.
They’d caused his child pain!
In his fury, All for One moved so fast he broke the speed of light barrier. As he cradled the dying infant in his human arms, one of his tentacles shot forth to the touch the injury. He infused the baby with his own essence. As shadows wrapped around the child, the stab wound vanished. Green eyes shot open. The infant whimpered and sniffled, waving his tiny arms.
“How are you feeling?” All for One asked, before he remembered babies probably didn’t talk.
The child grabbed his tentacle and wrapped his fingers around a sucker. Such tiny, perfect fingernails. All for One stared, transfixed.
On the ground, the last surviving cultist groaned, then died.
All for One looked around at the nine dead cultists lying on the floor bleeding from their ears and eyes. Black hole take him, his younger brother probably wouldn’t be happy about this, either. But if All for One left quickly enough, he could pretend to be uninvolved!
As All for One strolled up the stairs, he stroked the baby’s green curls. “What should I call you? All for One Junior? No, that would be egotistical even for me. A mortal ought to have a mortal-sounding name. How about Izuku? Yes, I like that.” He’d killed nine mortals to claim his son so he would give him a name meaning nine. It felt right.
One for All just knew that his brother had eaten his favorite star. After All for One had explicitly promised not to do that! Then big brother had hidden himself away, further proving his guilt. After searching through countless galaxies, One for All eventually found his thieving brother on a tiny planet in the outermost reaches of the cosmos.
It was very unlike All for One to shrink himself down into a mortal form in order to manifest on a planet without destroying it. Curiosity briefly overwhelmed One for All’s anger. He peeked in on the planet, observing the bipedal lifeforms who dominated. Then he compressed himself down into a shape about their size, with white hair and green eyes. He did not forget clothing—he’d made that mistake visiting a planet before and the locals had gotten very agitated. He copied a neon green superhero costume that he imagined looked very dashing on him. Then he added a pair of sunglasses so he didn’t accidentally drive anyone insane with his gaze.
Upon manifesting on the planet, One for All found himself standing outside a white house with a small lawn and roses running up the driveway. Very, very unlike his brother. If All for One could be found anywhere near inhabited planets, he’d usually be lurking in some cultists’ hideout. Their worshiping fed big brother’s oversized ego.
One for All opened the front door and stepped into a small sitting room with a couch and a television. It had been created recently—he could still smell the power. As usual, his brother didn’t know what he was doing. The television had no power cord and the couch was made of solid wood with no cushion. One for All was about to adjust this into a proper living room when he heard a baby’s cry.
Immediately, One for All raced up the stairs. His brother stood next to a wooden crib holding an infant. Uncharacteristically, All for One had taken on a mortal form with curly white hair. He rocked the baby back and forth, whispering, “Hush, little one.”
The baby stopped crying and started sucking on All for One’s shirt sleeve.
“You kidnapped a child?” One for All screeched.
“Little brother, stop shouting!” All for One cried. “I just got him to calm down.”
One for All burned at being addressed as little brother. All for One had been born three seconds before him and proceeded to lord that over him for the next billion years.
The baby started crying again.
Guilt replaced One for All’s indignation. This was his mistake, so he had to fix it. He bent over the infant, making funny faces.
The baby cooed. He grabbed a lock of One for All’s hair and stuck it in his mouth. This left One for All in an awkward position bent over the crib. He solved this problem by cutting off that lock with a thought and regrowing it.
With a giggle, the infant swallowed his hair. Belatedly, One for All remembered that had unpleasant side effects for mortals. But the baby didn’t explode. Instead, he sighed and fell asleep.
In whisper, One for All asked, “Where did you get this baby and who do I need to return him to?”
“Return him?” All for One glared. “You will do no such thing. He’s my new son. I was gifted him.”
“Whatever you think happened, I bet you misunderstood,” One for All muttered. “Mortals don’t like to give up their children.”
All for One said, “But they stabbed him with a knife! If I hadn’t injected him with my essence, then he’d be dead.”
“Oh.” One for All rapidly reordered his opinion of the situation. “I think they were trying to sacrifice this baby to you.”
All for One said, “Then I don’t feel nearly as bad about what I accidentally did to them.”
One for All declined to ask. “On second thought, I won’t be returning him to the people who tried to murder him. But you can’t look after a baby. You don’t know how.”
“I’m doing wonderfully.” All for One waved at the house, slightly jostling the baby, who mumbled before going back to sleep. “I created this home for him, just like all the other humans in this neighborhood. I’ll provide everything he needs.”
“Do you even know what babies need, brother?” One for All glared. “They need more than a house! They need sunlight! And food! They get food from the sun…no, that’s plants. I think mortals eat the plants after they’ve finished absorbing sunlight.”
All for One snorted. “You clearly don’t know much more than me.”
One for All crossed his arms. (Behind him, his shadow crossed a dozen tentacles.) “For your information, I’ve visited this world dozens of times. They have great storytellers here.” And they’d only tried to burn him at the stake once, an incident he didn’t mention to his overprotective older brother. “I know how to find a mortal caretaker.” Probably.
All for One clutched the baby to his chest. “No! Mine!”
One for All groaned. When big brother got like this, there was no reasoning with him. Likely he would get bored of this little project soon. Then One for All would be forced to step in and find mortal parents for the child. Cleaning up his older brother’s messes, as always. Clearly it would also be up to him to keep the infant alive in the meantime. “Fine, I’ll move my most important projects over here.” He snapped his fingers, and a bag of his galaxy creation blueprints materialized on the floor.
All for One sniffed. “Who invited you to live here? This is my child and I’m going to keep all of his adorable moments to myself.”
“I wonder what happened to my favorite star?” One for All stared hard at his brother. “I only took my eyes off it for a few minutes.”
All for One winced. “Ha-ha, of course every child needs an uncle.”
“How old is he?”
All for One examined the sleeping child. “He’s a baby, so maybe a millennium.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, brother! Humans are much shorter-lived than our kind. He’s a century old at most.”
“Why did you even ask if you’re so certain?”
“Because it affects what he can eat.” One for All strained his memory. “When they’re young, humans don’t eat solids. They drink something called milk.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not certain, but it comes out of human naughty bits.”
All for One looked disgusted and clutched the baby protectively. “Humans are perverts!”
“Honestly, I think it’s disgusting too.” One for All wasn’t certain that he was remembering correctly, not that he would ever admit it. “There must be substitutes. I’ll go to a store and see what I can find. You stay right here and don’t let the baby die!”
All for One straightened. “Little brother, I’m offended that you think I can’t preserve a single mortal lifeform.” He kept growing taller until his head brushed the ceiling and his voice echoed with a thousand tones. “Even if every army on this entire planet came after my son, I’d annihilate them!”
One for All rolled his eyes. “Stop fussing, you might wake him up. Does he have a name?”
“Izuku.”
A strange feeling clenched inside One for All’s chest. “What a lovely name.”
All for One beamed. “Thank you! I thought of it myself.”
The human at the store had been very helpful. She’d showed One for All to the baby formula, insisted he purchase diapers too, and answered all his questions. When he’d asked her how soon the baby could start eating raw meat, she’d patiently explained why that was a bad idea. Who knew that humans could get so many unpleasant diseases?
One for All had next asked when Izuku would start flying, but apparently humans only did that in comic books. She had been most insistent that it would be a bad idea to expose Izuku to radioactive waste in hopes that he’d develop superpowers. Then she’d offered to call a group known as the “Child Protective Services” in order to help him out. One for All knew that the humans would only get lost trying to find his brother’s home, but he let her try anyway because she seemed so determined.
One for All pushed open the door and called, “I’m home—” His voice cut off as he saw his brother dangling Izuku out the window. He shrieked, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
All for One said, “I’m teaching him how to fly.”
“Humans can’t fly, you moron! That’s only a thing in comic books!”
All for One pulled Izuku back inside with a pout. “How was I supposed to know that?”
“It’s basic commons sense!” One for All didn’t admit that he’d only realized this minutes ago. “You promised me you wouldn’t let little Izuku die, and then as soon as I took my eyes off you, you tried to drop him out the window.” Leaving his shopping bags on the floor, One for All stomped over and wrenched Izuku away from his brother. He rocked the baby. “There, there, were you scared?”
Izuku giggled. His eyes flashed with a green glow. Then he floated up in the air so he could grab One for All’s bangs. One for All gaped.
All for One cried, “See, he can fly!”
“Well, most human babies can’t. Obviously you did something to him when you shoved your power inside him like a reckless blowhard.”
All for One leapt up and down, crowing, “My son is the best baby!”
As he wrestled Izuku down from the ceiling, One for All grumbled, “This will probably only make him more difficult to look after.”
Regrettably, One for All proved right. Izuku got into absolutely everything. He nearly wandered off into a portal to another dimension, then he swallowed a marble containing the new galaxy One for All had been creating. The eldritch deity only hoped this wouldn’t prove harmful. The human internet had given him valuable information on baby-proofing the house but said nothing about what to do when your baby swallowed a galaxy. Also, every human who read his posts kept repeatedly calling for Child Protective Services. One for All had been accused of being a troll twice and trolls didn’t even exist on Planet Earth.
When Izuku started producing a foul stench, All for One ran over. “Little brother! My baby is dying!”
“Calm down, the nice human selling baby formula warned me about this. He needs to be changed.” One for All pulled up an internet tab with directions, then went to fetch a diaper.
“Then I’ll leave that in your capable hands.” All for One retreated to the other end of the room, away from the smell. But close enough to laugh his head off when Izuku peed on One for All.
Both All for One and One for All had lived longer than most galaxies, but a baby crying was the single most piercing sound they’d ever heard.
All for One held Izuku with trembling hands, his face scrunched up in pain but too afraid to move. “He won’t stop crying! Do I shake him?”
One for All screamed, “NO! That’s the worst thing to do to a baby, I think. They’re very breakable.”
“But movies show people shaking babies,” All for One shouted over Izuku’s wailing.
“Bouncing! Not shaking! It’s a gentle motion!” One for All tried to demonstrate as if holding an invisible baby.
All for One’s brow wrinkled with panic. “How do I know how gently to bounce him before it hurts him?”
One for All sounded ready to cry. “I…I don’t know.”
All for One froze in place, afraid to so much as jostle little Izuku. His hands trembled. Sweat dripped down his nose.
Izuku gurgled, then burped. His spit up sprayed across All for One’s face.
All for One bellowed, “AHHHHHHHHHHH! I think he’s dying! My son is dying!”
Tears streaming down his cheeks, One for All materialized a phone. “I’m calling an ambulance.”
Izuku stopped crying, mumbled, and fell asleep.
“I think he’s better now.” All for One stared down at the sleeping baby, afraid to so much as twitch his hands for fear of waking him. Spit up dripped down his face onto his suit.
Holding his phone to his ear, One for All said, “They told me that baby burping is normal. Also, this mortal wants to call Child Protective Services too.”
The brothers eventually fell into a routine looking after Izuku. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that One for All developed the routine while All for One popped in for feeding, bedtime, and making cute faces at the baby. Whenever it was time to change Izuku’s diapers or burp him, All for One always managed to be mysteriously absent.
Late one night as One for All placed the baby down on his crib, Izuku giggled, yanked out a strand of white hair, and said, “Da-da!”
One for All gasped. “Brother, Izuku just said his first word! This is so exciting. I’m going to create a new galaxy just for him, since he seems to like eating them so much.”
From the doorway, All for One cried, “But—!”
“Shhh!” One for All moved in a flash, putting a hand over his older brother’s mouth. “I just got him to sleep.”
In a softer voice, All for One grumbled, “But little brother, I’m Izuku’s dad. You’re his uncle. We need to make certain he understands this. He was mine first.”
One for All stared at his brother wearily. “According to my human books, a child’s father changes his diapers while his uncle shows up to bring presents and play with him.” He gestured at the trash can of diapers. “Have you changed a single one?” Glowing green eyes bore into the older eldritch abomination.
All for One’s shoulders sagged. Meekly, he said, “I’ll change half the diapers from now on.”
Although All for One had finally been scared into doing his fair share of the chores, the title of “Dad” continued to belong to his younger brother. Eventually All for One had to settle for “Papa.”
All for One felt it first. A sudden shift in the atmosphere of the planet. Distant notes of a melody only eldritch beings could hear. He ran into the living room. “They’re coming.”
Paling, One for All looked up from the baby sleeping in his arms. “What? Why here? Why now?” He brushed a stray lock off Izuku’s forehead. “Do you think they found out about him?”
“Probably,” All for One said glumly. “You know they’re a bunch of nosy busybodies on the verge of going senile—” As a shimmering golden figure appeared in the room, his tone shifted. “Hastur! How lovely to see you. It’s been too long.”
The King in Yellow blurred and shifted into a beautiful young man with curly golden hair. His skin gleamed like the sun. Only his eyes were swirling black pits. He tossed back the golden hood of his cloak. “Little ones, I heard you have a new son. What a happy family occasion.”
All for One grumbled, “I’m not a child any longer. Call me All for One.”
Hastur ignored this demand. “We brought presents for the child.” A golden glowing box appeared in his hand. “I bring you his greatest dream. Or his worst nightmare. Or perhaps both.”
“Why, thank you for such a generous—” All for One’s eyes narrowed. “We?”
Cthulhu strolled through the door without bothering to open it. He appeared as a green-skinned human with patches of scales. Shadowy tentacles blinked in and out of existence around his mouth and the outline of wings hovered at his back. “Little Hungry One and Little Creator!” He bestowed a slobbery kiss on both brothers. Then he snatched up Izuku. “So this is the youngest of our race?”
One for All said, “Hey, you’ll wake him up.”
Izuku opened his eyes. They glowed green. He opened his mouth to scream.
Cthulhu bounced the baby. “Aw, you’re adorable. I wonder if you’ll consume galaxies like one of your parents or create them like the other?”
Izuku laughed and grabbed at Cthulhu’s shadowy tentacles.
All for One scowled. “How did you learn how to do that so fast? It took me months to figure out the correct amount of force.”
“Do you think I didn’t play with you two back when you were tiny fries?” Cthulhu tossed Izuku in the air.
Both One for All and All for One screamed. The baby only smiled and babbled as Cthulhu juggled him around between his tentacles.
“What a healthy pair of lungs,” Cthulhu said approvingly. “I brought you a music box.” He held it up in one tentacle.
One for All examined the gift. “The sound would drive a mortal mad, but otherwise it seems safe enough.” He peeked inside Hastur’s box with more trepidation. “Oh, it’s only ice cream. Izuku would love it, but it would make him sick. A dream and a nightmare, that checks out. We’ll save it for when he’s older.”
The whole house shook as a misty being oozed up from the floor. Yog-Sothoth took the form of a cloud of glowing orbs.
One for All said, “Please turn into a human. You’ll scare the baby.” Izuku reached out and swallowed one of the orbs. “Or he might do that. I’m not taking responsibility, I warned you.”
In a voice like a chorus of damned souls, Yog-Sothoth hissed, “Let the stars look upon this little one and rejoice and despair. My last beloved child was abused by his mortal parent. Nothing will ever be able to harm this one.” Yog-Sothoth tossed Izuku several more orbs that the baby enthusiastically sucked on despite the dark mist coming out of them. Then the eldritch deity vanished.
All for One said, “Power! Now there’s a proper gift.”
Izuku turned invisible and insubstantial. He crawled through Cthulhu, then reappeared in All for One’s arms, cooing.
Despairingly, One for All said, “It will be even harder to baby-proof the house now.”
A knock came on the door. All for One called, “You might as well come in—everyone else has.”
“Am I fashionably late?” A gorgeous dark-skinned woman strolled in wearing a yellow sundress. Nyarlathotep’s cherry-red lips peeled back into a wicked smile. Stars danced around her afro and swirled in her eyes. “I can’t believe you two didn’t tell us about the baby. For shame! I suppose you didn’t want to share this cuteness?” She snatched up Izuku and kissed his forehead. He sampled her hair.
All for One lied, “It simply slipped our minds. What a pleasant surprise for all of you to visit.”
“Oh, the visits are just getting started.” Nyarlathotep smirked. “All the others are eager to meet this cutie too.”
“Wonderful,” All for One grumbled.
The three deities crowded around Izuku, fussing over him. Hastur said, “We have come to share our parental wisdom. Don’t let him eat for the first century or he may turn out as gluttonous as you, Little Hungry One.”
One for All said, “Too late for that. Also, humans die without food, that’s terrible advice.”
Cthulhu said, “Rotate his suckers regularly to remove the outermost layer of his skin. This cleaning will improve his sense of smell and grip on prey.”
One for All said, “He doesn’t even have tentacles, but at least that one isn’t actively harmful.”
Nyarlathotep said, “Children require socialization with others their age. You two little ones had each other. This one needs friends.” She gazed deeply into Izuku’s eyes, and a spark leapt between him. “I’ve gifted your child with the ability to hide his nature from mortals so he can interact with those who were once his kind.”
All three eldritch deities vanished, leaving Izuku floating in the air. It was lucky he could fly.
Taking his son back into his arms, All for One grumbled, “They’ll be back. So will the others.”
One for All said, “Nyarlathotep made a good point. We should help Izuku interact with other babies.”
“If we don’t, she might find friends for him.” All for One shuddered.
One day later, Hisashi and Yoichi Shigaraki contacted Shouta Aizawa in order to enroll little Izuku in Daycare 1-A.
Planet Earth was most definitely not ready.
