Comment on The Double Life of Peter Parker

  1. neumann on Chapter 2 Fri 25 Aug 2017 10:47PM UTC

    you need to explain why she has barriers. does she get attached too easily and tries to combat that? has she been disappointed before? hurt? has she lost someone? is it conscious test to see who cares enough to try to get past them? (although that last one is unlikely at this point considering how she treats people who HAVE tried to get past them) 'cause without reason, she just kind of comes off as a cliche Edgy Loner Girl. not liking things for the sake of not liking them, or because you're scared of how it makes you look isn't cool. loving things and being passionate about them is cool, even if the things are dorky. her apathy is a mask but it's almost like either she herself doesn't know that or thinks it makes her weak (which in itself is highly unfeminist; she should be allowed to be emotional and still be strong) or uncool (which also doesn't fall in line with her forced apathy). she needs to acknowledge her true feelings and perceptions to add texture and depth to your interpretation of her character (and i say interpretation because we really only know 3 things about her from the movie and people apply them differently). it just feels like there should be more...:/

    in any case, i'm glad she let herself feel and actually express some true emotion in this chapter (the awe, happiness, and humor of the rooftop scene). i just wish she'd be real with herself and not immediately dismiss the idea of friendship with ned and peter (though yes, i do get her rationale about avoiding peter)

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    1. CuriousNymph on Chapter 2 Fri 25 Aug 2017 11:56PM UTC

      Hello, neumann. Your review had me intrigued, so I'll reply with as lengthy and fully explained answer as I can. It's been a while since I wrote this chapter so forgive me if I'm a little rusty about the details.

      You've raised some very interesting points that I'd like to address, so thank you for being so candid.

      I feel Michelle has and remains to have barriers because she feels like the kind of person who, because she is so openly honest about what she thinks, people often avoid her. As you say, we've seen very little of her, so it's quite difficult to make judgments on her character, based on such a small vial of information. It's not a test on her part- I think she's just consciously aware that people don't always react to her personality in a particularly positive way, so she's become content with her own company, and is comfortable where she is. The idea of Peter and Ned - in themselves a little strange - being openly honest about wanting to be friends with her feels unusual, since the majority have expressed a desire to not be around her. The Decathlon team are different. There she is surrounded by people whom she actually has come to love the company of, the same way they have a love of her company. How she expresses that love may not come across as the usual means of expressing it, but she genuinely does care. If you continue reading (which I hope you will), you will see Michelle becoming more comfortable with the people in her life. She realizes that the offer of friendship from Peter and Ned is genuine, the same way she made a genuine offer of friendship to the Decathlon team at the end of the movie.

      Michelle is not scared of liking things because she feels it makes her look uncool. She does not dislike things for the sake of disliking them. Michelle does not care about being cool, and never will. If that feeling has come across in this story, then I'm afraid that wasn't the intention.

      Also, I write her apathy as a mask. I'm fairly sure of this. Michelle does feel things, and I make that inherently clear. If you carefully scan her internal monologues, she has a multitude of emotions that she goes through, but never fully showcases, due to her being apathetic in image. But she is apathetic in image alone - in reality, she is as feeling as anyone else. I try my utmost to make her an emotionally diverse character - as the chapters go on, these feelings do emerge and she does accept them, to the degrees of being openly honest about them with herself. I write her as a feminist as much as I can - she inherently believes in being independent, but this does not stop her from talking to people. She doesn't hate Peter and Ned. She's cautious of them. For someone who is so used to their own company, to suddenly have so many people want to be close to you can take time to adjust to.

      My writing is not perfect, and I have never claimed it to be so. But I hope that you will continue with this story, and see the growth of her character as the plot progresses.

      Thank you for your review.

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      1. neumann on Chapter 2 Sat 26 Aug 2017 12:10AM UTC

        was a purposeful seinfeld reference? i'm used to that so that's where my mind went lol

        oh i'm continuing to read, i've actually got a review in the works for the next chapter but i'm multitasking reading and watching the cubs game so it's taking a while lol

        ok, so she's distant essentially because she expects to be rebuffed/rejected. got it. unfortunately that doesn't come off entirely consistently at this point in the story and that's where i was being thrown off. i guess i'll see if it comes together better in future chapters

        as to her apathy: oh yeah, totally a mask, that's obvious. but i feel like...idk, like she wishes she actually was dispassionate and emotionless, like that's an ideal she's trying to achieve instead of it simply being a wall to guard herself. i'm glad she lets herself feel more later on, so i guess i'll see that soon enough lol

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        1. CuriousNymph on Chapter 2 Sat 26 Aug 2017 02:14PM UTC

          I'm glad to hear it.

          Don't worry about bringing up your thoughts about characterization - as an author, I'm always up for discussing characters at length, so don't worry about asking questions.

          I understand that it maybe doesn't come off so well in the first few chapters - but it does become clearer. I may yet add in a scene where she actually explains to the two of them why she is acting as such, and that'll hopefully show some serious growth for the three of them :)

          I don't feel like I write her as wanting to be dispassionate and emotionless - I think it's more that she's just wary of getting attached in case she gets rejected. However, as I say - hopefully you'll see an improvement in later chapters!

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