Comment on Winning Hearts and Minds

  1. Himulia007 (Guest) on Chapter 6 Wed 27 Sep 2017 06:31PM UTC

    Oh my... I just have to comment. This is too good and has way too much space for comments left.
    You know, before this (and your other XCOM Crack) I always thought myself as a loner when it comes to fanfiction in this fandom.
    But this. My brain exploded. I mean, this is crack and still better than most sincere fanfictions I've read. Don't want to know how good you'd write without the crack. Like, wow. I'm tipping my hat, Noscere. Spot-On.
    Guess I have to worship the Great-Commandy-One now. Hehe.
    Sending the Chosen porn? Well...that was...unexpected. Am I the only one imagining how Assassin and Warlock just freaked out and the Hunter just being like "...Guys...that's just porn, y'know? I mean, let's get scared when they actually want to do the stuff for real."
    Sugar-tits. I. Can't. Breathe.
    Yes! Trustfall! Do it! (Don't break your neck, though...)
    Kind of love the Hunter now. He's awesome. I want him in my closet. No, wait, in XCOM's closet. That's way better.
    Himulia007

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    1. Noscere on Chapter 6 Wed 27 Sep 2017 08:09PM UTC

      I find the trick to writing crack is to be sincere about the fact that you're writing shit that would get you 15-20 years for possession, 30 for production, and 50 life sentences for crimes against literature. It's like satire, but instead of revealing the farces of humanity, I'm chasing the dragon into prime tragicomedy territory.

      The great thing about humanity is that we're unpredictable and creative. The bad thing about humanity is that we're unpredictable and creative. I'm giving r/sexcom a run for their money, and proud of it! (somewhat)

      When Melnick calls the Chosen's comments, "the shittiest one night stand" he's ever had, the Hunter had to go explain to the Warlock what a one night stand is, and how it can be shitty. It's not like the Elders ever had to worry about sex ed.

      Funny you mention the Hunter… I have fanfic in my backlog about this https://www.reddit.com/r/Xcom/comments/6n3wsu/weve_put_a_lot_of_love_into_the_new_expansion/, Shen/Tygan, Volk/Chosen, Central/XCOM because XCOM screws us all, but I think I'd get an Exterminatus called down on my head if I actually posted any of it. Thanks for reading!

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      1. Himulia007 (Guest) on Chapter 6 Thu 28 Sep 2017 07:07PM UTC

        *snickers* Oh man, this is hilarious. If I ever get around to actually write something instead of staring the screen down, I may try something like this.

        Yeah that's true. I wonder if we are really unique in this aspect or if every speciem is like that. (Please let it just be us. Just...please. o.o")

        Oh, well, I *ahem* kind of pity the Hunter now. Poor Hunter. Here, get a cookie for going through this psionic-bullshit. *Cookies!*
        (Now, who of you gave the Hunter a cookie? What? No one? At least tell me you did it to bribe him into something. Still no one? Central won't like this, just saying.)

        Volk and the Chosen. Why...why can I imagine this? *blinks* I...need to hit myself now, I guess. Dammit, I won't get that out of my head now. Thanks. XD

        This: Chibi Chosen. Like, Chibi Chosen Comics. "Codewort: C.C.C." One soldier can't write NSFW for shit and just "smuggles" SFW in the packages with...okay, it's still bullshit, but cute bullshit. Like, Hunter-Chibi gnawing on Warlock-Chibis head. *squeak*
        ...you didn't hear that.

        Let's just say that I'm interested in those...DLCS. I do not seem to have a life, so, GET ME DLCS! *mwahaha*
        Himulia007, still over the Great-Commandy-One and the comments on the reddit page

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        1. Noscere on Chapter 6 Fri 29 Sep 2017 04:02AM UTC

          Do it! Just write down whatever comes to mind. The regret, shame, and "Take Me To Church" played on repeat can come at 2 AM, when you realize you've spent two hours madly pounding away at the keyboard writing about Bradford's endless, burning but sometimes quenched by ED desire for his superior. I don't actually think XCOM 2 is the story of Bradford's forbidden love. I just like to shitpost.

          Uh… I've got some bad news, and it's called Vipers…

          They're sugar cookies decorated with angsty things like bleeding roses and crying guns and whatnot, aren't they? Maybe the Hunter likes red velvet cookies. Aw man, I should've written the Hunter as that teen who spends way too much time at Hot Topic.

          I entitled that one "Alien Ass Hunters". As you can see, I write works on par with Tolstoy and Hugo, and that's why that particular story will never see the light of day.

          …I might need to steal this. Would you like credit?

          All right, don't say I didn't warn you. The DLCs for this fic may make you lose all respect for me. They, like the Serpent Suit hoodie, were edited for a reason.

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          1. Himulia007 (Guest) on Chapter 6 Fri 29 Sep 2017 11:13AM UTC

            Ah, yeah, I know that feeling. Some fandoms out there are really...uhm...interesting? I need more shame-music and cookies. :/

            Damn, always those Vipers! Can't they keep to themselves?! What would the babies even look like?! *screams madly*

            Or they wanted to get him high. (And then someone else ate it. *badum TSSS*)

            Alien Ass H- This, this title. XD

            Ah, well, why not. Steal away, I'm not looking. *black figure steals all Chibi-stuff* ... wow, you are fast. o.O
            Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm quite suprised that there were no cat-memes. Or did I miss something?

            Hey, it's crack, what could possibly go wrong? Besides the obvious things of course.

            Himulia007

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            1. Noscere on Chapter 6 Wed 04 Oct 2017 06:51AM UTC

              I've turned this fandom into one of "those" fandoms. We are one edgy OC (hi, Commander) from becoming Sonic the Hedgehog.

              Let me introduce you to something called Monster Musume; in particular, something called a Lamia…

              If Winning Hearts and Minds turns into a softer and fluffy fanfic with Chibi versions of everyone, you'll have only yourself to shake your head at. Also possible: we hit crack speed and go into an alternate universe where MOCX fights against the human menace.

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