I like the tidbits you added between the canon leading up to this point. The scent attraction was a nice addition, as was the whole 'intended mate' bit! I'm always a sucker for that trope, so I'm excited to see where this goes and how he hunts her! Also poor Vegeta. I always get so worked up/upset when he gets beat down constantly, just so stupid Goku can look like the bestest hero, and I felt so bad reading his inner monologue about Freiza being left alive after how he'd begged Goku to end him. UGH. :shakes fist: Vegeta deserves to avenge everything he needs to lol.
A couple bits of feedback I wanted to give you: Toward the start of the chapter, there's this line - "What the hell did she know about saiyan analogy?" - I think you mean anatomy at the end?
Also just for some general feedback, you sometimes switch between present and past tense. I know this fic is done and you might not want to comb through it for such a detail, but something to keep in mind for future writing!
Yoooo!! I didn't even notice the anatomy/analogy bit🤔! Thanks for that. And as for the past and present tense, after you said this I started noticing how I do in fact change between them and I'm actively looking for those little mistakes now. Easier said than done but I appreciate the feedback🌹. As for the chapter itself, I'm happy you liked it. I just wanted to give a backbone to his decision so it didn't seem like he wanted her 'just because'. I really appreciate your comments, they're helpful AF🌹❤😁
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Angelphoenixwings14 on Chapter 2 Thu 07 May 2020 05:55AM UTC
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ReadingRose18 on Chapter 2 Thu 14 May 2020 05:28PM UTC
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Angelphoenixwings14 on Chapter 2 Thu 14 May 2020 09:30PM UTC
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