What an incredible chapter! All the effort you took to format the piece and get the footnotes in is much appreciated: my heart melted from footnotes eight and nine. Your dedication to writing amazing stories shines through, from the research and source-referencing, to the weaving in of languages, to the deep, raw, emotional inner-worlds laid bare outside of grocery stores and elsewhere.
Though I don't know much about Rammstein to be able to tell, the writing is so genuine that I have no doubt it rings true. It seems like this was an important moment in their trajectory to write about too: things were starting to line up for them. That's great stakes for a chapter! There's a real tension that comes from walking the fine tightrope of "things are falling into place, things are better" and "if anything goes wrong things will not be good, which would be so much worse after getting this far". Yet most of the conflict here lies within Richard. Poor guy.
Living with life is hard indeed. Living with life AND a hurting brain/soul/heart, infinitely more so. The line "Unlike Richard, whose subconscious is turning this comment on its head over and over until it gains edges, not that he knows it." really stuck out to me. It's very lonely to hurt. Having to carry hurt around can distort the surrounding world, which gets even lonelier. One of the worst parts is when the hurt twists into a source of shame, of guilt, of trying so hard not to get the problems or hurt or brokenness on anyone else. It hit hard reading how Richard is anxious and desperate to make things good, how he lies about promising to rely on others even a little, and how he was "satisfied he's not stealing more of the other's time." It's amazing how much emotional impact you fit into the three little words: "But, well. But."
One of my favorite parts of the chapter is the bit about salad dressing, and I think it's a perfect example of something you do so very well in Soljanka: demonstrate the chemistry between folks. To that end, the dialogue is superb! Even the best of friends don't get along perfectly, and they can still hurt each other with words. But with the right circumstances and level of care everything turns out deliciously, so to speak! Bands ARE like soup! Soup is a really good metaphor. Soup is also very good in general, and the lovingly-crafted descriptions of food are sublime!
In this chapter there's a really good balance of hurt and interpersonal conflict versus happy, simpatico moments. Life just kind of flows from one to the next and you capture that perfectly. Speaking of flow, the pacing between scenes is so, so well done! We go from the stop on the road to the house in good time (as in it really does feel like a fair bit of time has passed traveling), then there's a nice extended period of unwinding/settling down at the house. The dream/memory sequences fit in perfectly while still being a distinctly separate pause in the flow. The next morning gets on a quick roll, then time slows down when Richard breaks down, and then it changes to a nice kind of slow when they're back at the house savoring good (albeit sleepy) company. Time gets whiled away quickly when busy making soup, and it passes swiftly when having a good time with friends or when thinking of how it will pass/has passed. Such an amazing job! The chapter ends on a beautiful, satisfying note.
Thank you for another heartstring-tugging chapter of this wonderful story. Here's wishing you all the best with the writing process for the next! Cheers! <3
Thanks ever so much for your comment. It's the one I've been dwelling over for the longest: not only was it the first comment on this chapter, this is the first lengthy perspective I've received from someone who doesn't usually go here. Fanfiction inevitably works with a set of pre-established contexts, so it's difficult to make it appeal outside of the fandom it's in; I've been trying recently to make my stories comprehensible to a general reader base, so your review has been really encouraging. I'm really glad Richard makes sense as a character. He's even better in real life, trust me :D
I see the soup metaphor really struck a chord with people. I've been wondering as to why. Ultimately, as you've observed, it may be a case of universal applicability; soups are the ultimate synthesis. It's where different things that don't necessarily go together at first glance are melded into one - and how! My personal favourite metaphor was the salad dressing, though, I'm really glad you liked that one 😂 Paul and Schneider actually had a tense relationship during this time, but the band insisted on having them both, and they made up soon enough.
I also appreciate the observations on the pacing of this chapter. It was my biggest concern. I'm glad it turned out well. Believe it or not, I spent close to weeks just ordering the events of this part, because little additions just kept coming and coming - if you read the first draft of this, you wouldn't have believed the events of this chapter took place overnight. Richard is a deeply introspective character and he has to be observant about his surroundings, but it can be quite hard to get out of his head so I can actually get the narrative moving. His dream alone was originally almost a chapter of its own 😔 Oh, Richard, I won't torment you for too much longer, I promise.
It's wonderful to see you here in AO3 at last. Thank you again for your comment. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you - as the comments below indicate, the writing process was beginning to get to me and I had to take a break. I'm more rejuvenated now, at least, I'll be back with the new chapter soon! Cheers 💖
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TheGreatBepple on Chapter 4 Sat 27 Feb 2021 06:33AM UTC
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Solitary_Shadow on Chapter 4 Mon 15 Mar 2021 12:14PM UTC
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