*Reads through chapter while using hexadecimal decoder.* oh... Ohhhhhhh my word... :) I didn't want to get my hopes up in case Replicant and Automata were merely going to be alluded to, but having read through this chapter while translating those hidden messages, but this chapter seems to have settled it; Caim's gonna be in for some time travel adventures across the Taroverse... and that prospect has me absolutely giddy :) (Really nice touch making the messages hidden in hexadecimal, BTW. Great allusion to the Replicant ending E trophy.
I'll leave a more detailed review soon when I get the time, but for now, just know that I'm LOVING where our first chapter of proper plot is taking us :)
Alright! I'm home, I'm comfortable, and I'm ready to provide my analysis/review on this new chapter! All around, this chapter, while only slightly longer in length when compared to the first two, does a great job establishing what we're gonna be in for now with this fic. Seriously, I like how if you don't bother trying to decode all the hexadecimal messages, all this chapter seems like is a brief retelling of Drakengard's route D, with the only thing seeming unique being at the end, where while she's being devoured by the Grotesqueries, she sees that something intervened, separated her from Caim, and saved him from the bloody end he was meant to share with her. If you don't pay attention to the Replicant and Automata tags, you'd likely be hard-pressed to guess what happened at the end without the hidden messages. It's a minor thing, but I really gotta say, gradually realizing who those messages were from and what was about to occur by the end of this chapter -seeing who was and wasn't going to meet their intended ends- combined with a rather solid abridgement of chapter 12 really had me giddy by the end. Seriously, up till this chapter, I tried to keep my expectations for what this fic was gonna be about rather grounded so I didn't get my hopes up and any unrealistic expectations, and even if the story didn't have any blatant elements that connected Drakengard 1 and Caim to the rest of the Taroverse and its delightfully bizarre characters, what I'd read up to this point made it clear that even if things just took place within the confines of 1's world with maybe some allusions to characters from the past and NieR world, it'd still be an engrossing tale. Now that it seems fairly clear we ARE heading in a time-travelling/world hopping escapade, my mind is just buzzing with the possibilities of where this could go. Seriously, I have wanted to see a cool Taroverse time/world travel adventure starring Caim ever since I've gotten into the Taroverse's overarching lore, and seeing a fic that seems to be going in that sort of direction along with doing a good job portraying just what made the Watchers so unnerving and creepy has me so damn excited to see more.
Seriously, on the whole, I love how the main premise of this fic now that we've gotten into its first proper chapter featuring characters is that 'Accord has developed some sort of interest in Caim, specifically the version of him that experiences the events of route D. Whatever the reason for this Accord model's interest in the deranged prince, it's so great that she's willing to break the 'no interference' rule and go against her 'superiors' orders to yank Caim out of branch D and the overall timeline just before he met a particularly gruesome end, all while making a point to leave Angelus for dead, stating in particular that she couldn't be allowed to survive if whatever it is she's cooking up is going to work.' is super fucking interesting and intriguing. It's impossible to tell where things are gonna go from here till we get an update and I can't help but theorize.
All that being said, I do have a few constructive criticisms to bring up this chapter; first off, the character lines. I'm not saying I got an issue with reusing lines from canon, especially in this case since this chapter seems to be just a quick run-down of Drakengard's chapter 12 before shit goes off the rails, but my issue here is the inflection... or lack thereof in this case. Two particular examples of what I'm referring to here is Angelus's "What vision is this? What happens to the world?" and Leonard's 'Death need not be the end of hope!' In the game proper, the VAs both do a legit good job filling Angelus and Leonard's tones with horror/shock and courage, respectively, and it helps make those lines and the scenes accompanying them super memorable. Here, I don't really feel that same impact of those lines like I did there. I understand this is a fanfic and I understand that some things/scenes just can't be portrayed as well in literary format as they can be on a screen, but I do feel like a few alterations to those lines could've helped send home the same tone that was sent in Drakengard proper, y'know? Like in Angelus's case, to maybe convey her confusion and horror at what's happening better, instead of just copying the game lines letter for letter, you could have Angelus maybe initially stumble over her words from sheer shock, maybe add an exclamation point at the end too to emphasize that even the unflappable contemptuous dragon is phased by all this. Like, as an example; 'Wha... What vision is this...!? What happens to the world!?' with maybe a slanted font to top it off. As for Leonard, that sacrifice was both his final moment, his greatest moment, and a legit great last hurrah, and he WAS screaming, so I'd honestly say in that particular case, an ALL CAPS EXCLAMATION might've been warranted, maybe even include some of that defiant yell he lets out at the end. "DEATH NEED NOT BE THE END OF HOPE! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" It's a minor issue, but I thought I'd bring it up regardless.
The bigger gripe I had though would have to be a few elements of the Grotesqueries portrayal. All around, it was great, but one thing that kinda rubbed me the wrong way was how you didn't really touch upon the fact that once those hell-infants came down upon Midgard, it didn't matter how many the group killed. When one was killed, two more would come in to take it's place. Kill those two, and four would come to replace THEM, and you can probably guess where things would go from there. The biggest thing that made the Grotesqueries such a horrific threat wasn't just that they were four story tall monster infants with adult dentures and ravenous appetites, it was the fact that there seemed to be a near-endless amount of them, to the point that even a bloodthirsty, murderous Caim riding atop a Chaos form Angelus could hope to kill them all. I didn't really get that fear factor from them here and it's for a few reasons. First off, I would've taken like two paragraphs at the beginning to describe Caim and Angelus battling the Grotesqueries in the air before shifting to the ground . I would've detailed that even with Caim and Angelus coming at those things at full murder force and taking down as many as they can in the sky and on the ground, they just aren't putting a meaningful dent into the swarm. Again, nothing major, I understand this is a quick retelling here, but I think a paragraph maybe describing Angelus roasting Watcher after Watcher, to the point that she and Caim lose track of time and numbers, followed by Caim taking the ground and making a stand with his group against them could've helped sell just how dire the situation is. Then there's how you write things out so that after Arioch and Leonard's deaths, the group -at least for a time- didn't have to deal with the Grotesqueries and had a clear, unimpeded shot to the Queen Beast before they 'revived.' Again, I think you should've played to the near-infinite number of Grotesqueries and clarify that Leonard's sacrifice just gave the group a clear, temporary path to the Queen Beast before more came in to take their place. To top this off, it's just a real shame to see that you didn't include the gigantic Grotesquerie swarm hovering around their dear mommy and how Caim and Angelus had to make a difficult as hell suicide run past them all just to get close enough to throw Seere at it. Seriously, the shot of Caim's triumphant sneer/smirk before the screen zooms out to reveal that all the Grotesqueries the two just BARELY made it past ALL just caught up and are about to pile on their asses made for one incredibly chilling shot that showed just how fucked the two were.
But uh... yeah, to briefly sum that whole wall of text up, my advice here is basically; play to the strength that was the seeming endlessness of the Grotesqueries for your story and keep Caim and Angelus having to desperately fly their way past the swarm for a one-way trip. Oh, and keep Caim's triumphant 'I win, ASSHOLES.' smile too.
Finally, the last gripe is minor, but one I thought I'd bring up, and that's the overall vagueness on how Caim ended up falling off Angelus. It's a minor thing, but we don't really get a clear explanation for how THAT happened and I couldn't help but notice. So again, minor, but maybe a brief sentence clarifying how exactly that happened. I mean, you noted in the narration at one point that as Caim was falling from Angelus and before Accord grabbed him, that he and the giant black time cone were 'attracted via forces felt beyond,' so maybe you could work with that, take a small liberty, and note in the narration that the time cone kind of has a gravitational pull as it expands that vaccums in whatever's close enough and isn't really grounded to the floor. With that, you could claim in the narration that either Angelus's writhing in pain or one of the Grotesqueries slamming into her sent Caim flying off her before they could devour him too, and that as he fell he crossed the threshold required for the cone's pull to affect him as well. Then, y'know, after Accord takes Caim and makes her exit, you could clarify that the Grotesqueries that piled onto Angelus eventually get pulled into the time cone's pull as well, leaving her to plummet to the ground or get dragged towards it as well, which would fit with the final part of the chapter you wrote. Again, minor thing, I just wanted to throw my two cents in.
(Alright, I got more to say, just running out of characters.)
But alright, now that I got all my constructive criticism out of the way, let me just go into what I LOVED about your retelling. To start off, your narration is FANTASTIC at portraying the grim horror of Drakengard's world and the situation at hand. Despite all I mentioned in constructive criticisms, it legit was satisfying reading through your narration of route D and getting a literary peak into the chaos that ensured. It works especially well for the characters. Your narration did a great job portraying Verdelet as a cowardly, faithless hierarch whose prayers have never been heard by his gods, and Leonard as someone plagued with some very awful and disgusting desires and wants to atone for his past mistakes and what he feels towards young children. I especially liked how you made it clear that he marched to his death resolute and brave, feeling peace at the very end. Leonard's arc in the game proper seemed to be about his fear of death and how he got involved with the plot to begin with because he couldn't bring himself to kill himself in atonement, so I feel like your narration did a good job the end of that arc justice.
Also, another thing I particularly liked was the shock I felt as I read through the chapter while decoding the messages. I was legit excited and happy when I was that Accord had intentions to save Caim from his end in this branch, but that joy quickly turned to horror when the next message made it clear Angelus wasn't coming with. Again, reading through those messages and realizing that Accord was about to interfere was super damn awesome. (Also cool to find out that the day the Watchers came upon Midgar was June 12th... the same day Caim, Angelus, and the Queen Beast dropped into Tokyo.)
And now... all I can do is wonder. I can't even begin to guess what exactly is it Accord needs Caim for so badly that she was willing to rip him out of his branch and take him back with her to... wherever they're possibly going, but what really has me wondering is why it was imperative that Angelus still die. We know that her presence and maso particles in the world of NieR was what introduced magic into the world, but that's honestly all I can think of and even then, I have to wonder if it's even related, given her maso particles weren't the ones that spread WCS... Either way, this question only makes me wonder even more just what it is Accord needs Caim for, and where exactly they're gonna end up... is it gonna be Midgard over a hundred years in the past, or in a future filled with automatons that yearn to be human? Or maybe it'll be in a closer future, filled with humans warped by his dear companion's magic and a vicious older brother using HIS weapons that at times, feels like a bizarre reflection of himself... At the moment, things could go any freaking way... and I CANNOT WAIT to see which way it goes :D
(Also can't wait to see how Accord and Caim's potential interactions are gonna go, especially given how she and Zero interacted, doubly so if Caim realizes that she could've saved Angelus too... but didn't. Though honestly, that might just be cruel for Caim, given that I can easily see Accord running circles around him and messing with him like she did with Zero, and that'd be pretty fucked to do to a guy that just lost the last living being he had left in the world... so basically perfectly fitting and in-tone for Drakengard XD To speak seriously though, I definitely think THAT incoming interaction will be interesting, and it definitely makes me hope that Accord still maintains the demeanor she had towards Zero towards Caim.
But yeah, in case the two-part review didn't make it obvious, I think you did a great job this chapter and my interest has freaking sky-rocketed with where the plot has gone.
Also, to anyone who's wondering; here's the translated messages, though I'd recommend using a hexadecimal translator to read them for yourself;
June the 12th, 1099 A.D..
This will be my first entry no longer reported to my superiors.
The Singularity known as "Caim" from "Branch D" must survive.
However, it is imperative the Singularity known as "Angelus" from "Branch D" does not.
Activate, now!
Singularity secured. Departing current Branch.
(Oh, and three things I forgot to mention. First, IDK if this was intentional or not, but I liked the detail of how Caim was tightly clutching onto his sword even while bloodied, worn down, and falling towards the time cone. Given how the sight of Caim's sword falling from the sky right after Angelus gets devoured is meant to indicated that Caim met the same fate, having him still tightly hold onto his sword even as he falls feels like a nice way of showing that Caim's fate is being defied. Secondly, I was pretty pleasantly surprised to see that Caim seemed to have developed a genuine care for Seere over the course of the game, at least to the point that he gave him a genuinely sorrowful, if reserved, look when he heard his plan to sacrifice himself. Despite the whole 'sword threatening' thing that happened in the colosseum, I always got the sense that if nothing else, Seere would be the group member outside of Angelus that he finds more tolerable than the others... however low that bar must be ._. Given how similar Seere's situation is to his -boy that lost his parents and home to the Empire and a sister seemingly taken by them as well, topped off by having to see and dish out a fuckton of death- I can honestly see Caim relating to him on some level. Finally, down the line, do you plan to address the state of Caim's pact now that Angelus is dead? Will he keep all the effects of the pact regardless, or will he lose all that enhanced strength and regain his voice? I wonder... Granted, Caim was a dude that could singlehandedly kill hundreds without a pact and while bleeding out from a fatal sword gash to the back, so it probably won't even matter even if that is the case.)
Comment on Arrival / Proclamation
lolrus777 on Chapter 3 Thu 29 Jul 2021 05:39AM UTC
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lolrus777 on Chapter 3 Fri 30 Jul 2021 01:10AM UTC
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lolrus777 on Chapter 3 Fri 30 Jul 2021 01:10AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 30 Jul 2021 01:38AM UTC
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