Comment on Ohayou

  1. Bruh moment (Guest) on Chapter 2 Wed 18 Aug 2021 08:17AM UTC

    Initial criticism:

    Feels very rushed, like you just want the story over with. Like this is a Plot, rather than story. If that makes sense. Consider adding more detail and well story behind the Plot points. Each of these lives are supposed to be 2 weeks right? Unless sunny dies? Write these 2 weeks out, Every day. You can make it like a diary. You don't have to do it every life. Just wanna get the situation across. Like. Explain this life, since nothing changed except for Sunny falling. Then in the next life let's say he throws the violin earlier or Snaps at Mari sooner in a non lethal way. You don't have to tell the whole 2 weeks. Just the Cause and effect of it

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    1. s64 on Chapter 2 Wed 18 Aug 2021 11:28AM UTC

      Thank you for the criticism!
      This is very helpful! ^v^

      Last Edited Wed 18 Aug 2021 11:28AM UTC

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