Comment on Desiderata

  1. Solitary_Shadow on Chapter 5 Wed 20 Oct 2021 10:35PM UTC

    (I'm sorry this is late! God I have been SO out of it since this chapter was published I needed days to recover gngjhghghg)

    You'd been waiting for this for a long time. Thank you so much for your patience, it is what kept me going in the last stages of writing this chapter 💖

    How could I miss out on the French food while writing about the band in France! I loved detailing every one of them, and oh I'm DEFINITELY on team salted butter, salted butter is the best 😍How much salt do you usually get? The salted butter we can get over here averages around 1.0~1.5%. Topped with some honey, banana slices, and grated dark chocolate on top... and we're in business. 🍞🍯🧈

    All in all, much suffering and anguish. This chapter took so long to write primarily because of the final conversation between Richard and Till, but the fight between Richard and Schneider was a big part of it too... a stumbling block right at the beginning! Schneider is in many ways the crystallization of the world's complaints about Richard, as well as Richard's view of himself; it's about finally having had enough, and about wanting to reflect the hurt, as you said.

    I remember a LIFAD-era interview with Schneider, where he fessed up to being that era's objector. Looking back on the Mutter days and his criticism of Richard (they had so much tension between them in the interviews of the time!), I wonder whether they were seeing themselves in each other all along. A mirror, like you mentioned. People who are too similar are often adversarial, because they see their faults becoming magnified, or have to face something about themselves they always wanted to deny. It was very challenging, weaving that thread of self-critique and loathing into every sentence Richard and Schneider share, and deeply painful to boot. Like walking through a sea of shattered glass, or a mug, to follow in Paul's footsteps... 😬

    But, still at the center of it all: Till and Richard. Most of the chapter was about them, so I won't mention the text too much, but... OUCH. Till already seems to view life as a Vale of Tears; add on the full breadth of Richard's problems, and his own guilt about never knowing quite what to do about them, and it's a catastrophe.
    Desiderata was originally inspired by the '5+1 Things' format. I wanted to put a tiny spin on it by placing the '+1' in the penultimate position: Richard leads the narrative until he can't do it any longer, at which point Till takes over to pull him out of the darkness, so that they may strive towards their happy ending. Everyone needs a crutch at some point in their life, even for a little while - and when it comes down to it, the only universal support we have is love. Their talk meanders a lot (I'm already questioning if it needed to be as long as it is 😫), but as long as that got across, I'm content. And never fear - the final chapter will be a gentle one, to reflect the good time Richard has been having in the recent years. Being in the studio with Rammstein again, putting out Emigrate content again, singing love songs with Till 😳💖, may all the happiness come his way! There will always be things that catch him out - I agree with you that Richard would probably not be able to talk about his mother with another person - but this is the end of depicted grief in Desiderata. Only healing and sweetness ahead. I promise!

    I'm also really happy you enjoyed the way the others were depicted! Oh, Olli. I do so adore him. Past the initial minute of confusion, Paul and Flake weren't so much shocked about Richard's behaviour, more exasperated; they're both halfway in and out of the scene, Paul back to his bedroom and Flake down the stairs, hesitant to get involved. Olli alone runs back and forth to solve the issue, and begs them to stop fighting... the one remaining believer in the power of teamwork. Yet at the end of the day, they are so, so essential to one another. Till can make the daube and heat it up, but everyone else must step up to serve it in the end. To make it a meal, instead of mere sustenance. That's the beauty of this band in real life, their bond... and overall, I am very, very happy that you liked this chapter.

    Thank you so much for the support you've given me since this fic began. I won't let you down come the finale, for sure! 💖💖💖💖💖

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    1. Account Deleted on Chapter 5 Mon 25 Oct 2021 07:10PM UTC

      I'll always be cheering you on from the sidelines! Always! 💖

      I'm so happy that you liked salted butter too! It feels a bit silly, but I really appreciate the fact that you enjoy at least bits and pieces of French food 💖. Salted butter here is with 3%, but that's for the "basic" kind, so to speak. There is a kind with more salt in it, in which you can actually see (and taste!) the little beans of salt. Not to be used for baking, but otherwise, it's fair game! One cannot find it anywhere though.

      A stumbling block right at the beginning is always the worst 😭 it's always so difficult to get through, and then once you're done, you realize you still have all the way to go... ouch! No wonder it took some time, but you managed admirably well in the end!

      I'm very happy you changed the structure of the "5+1" format, because it makes a lot of sense to have the "+1" not being at the very end but before that. Especially for Richard, I mean, we all know he hit rock bottom pretty hard, but Till was there to see him through, and now, indeed, as you said, those past few years have been treating him well! (Also, fear not, the length of their talk was perfect, it needed to be long, considering all that had been left unsaid before.) I cannot wait for the healing and sweetness that is promised now 👀 (singing love songs with Till... ah, this is so lovely. Such love!)

      I always appreciate when the others pop up in a long, multi-chapters fic. Rammstein is built on friendship after all, and I like to see it sprinkled everywhere, even when this isn't the point of the story. And it is, here, in a way, what with Richard using food to care for his loved ones. 🥰

      Take your time for the finale! You need your rest after such a heavy, exhausting chapter. I'll be there, waiting! 💖💖💖

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