Comment on Changing History: Consequences

  1. BlackAquoKat on Chapter 1 Sun 03 Jan 2016 09:51PM UTC

    We are now in the very anticipated sequel and HERE WE ARE WITH A DEFINITELY LIVING BREATHING BOROMIR! THREE CHEERS TO THAT! HIP-HIP HOORAY! x3

    Alright, where to begin...oh yes! (shameless reference)

    So you start us off with some gorgeous river imagery with a hint of a Native American/African vibe (Just around the riverbeeeeeeend! love that movie) and then BAM! THERE HE IS, THE MAN OF THE DECADE! I mean, yeah, he's guilty after coming off a crazy-high of Ring madness and his future wife (shh, he doesn't know yet) has been captured, but hey he's still alive and breathing so that's always a plus!

    "Someone had been looking out for her. It should have been him."

    You're here now, dearie, and that's what matter. You're life is most likely going to suck for a while, but it'll get better! I have hope!

    "He saw the wary look in the elf's eyes and self-loathing boiled up inside him. For he deserved every caution. How could the others trust him when he could not even trust himself?"

    As much as I'm glad Legolas is being smart and wary...oh Boromir, it was the Ring, not you, don't hate yourself. His apology was well done, because he's still a proud man and no matter how much you know you're at fault, it is still hard to apologize. And Legolas forgave him, that's always good.

    Anyway, enough moping and self-blaming, GO SAVE YOUR GIRL!!

    As for Mel...literally, less than a chapter in and she's already injured AGAIN. My sister broke all her ribs two summers ago in an accident that wasn't her fault (long story and she had more injuries besides that) so I imagine she could connect with Mel here. Cracked/broken ribs are among the worst/most painful injuries you can get. Her panic is definitely normal: if she hadn't panicked at these deformed monsters kidnapping her, I'd have been skeptical.

    "She tried to brace herself, but nothing could have prepared her for the mighty jerk that brought her face up from the ground or the mind-blowing pain that shot through her head."

    OWOWOWOWOW, I am extreeeeemely tender-headed so every SINGLE time I read this section, I cringe and cover my scalp. *shivers*

    '"Oh god, Boromir," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."'

    Ugh, her aaaaangst. Don't worry, he's coming! I know you don't know, but...it makes me feel better to say it, alright?

    Now, Eregwen, steer the Melomir AWAY from the pointy rocks, no need to run into more obstacles *glares at higher powers*

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    1. fogisbeautiful on Chapter 1 Thu 14 Jan 2016 07:58PM UTC

      I got you and your shameless reference, Bilbo ;)

      I'm gonna admit, I tried to drag out the suspense a little bit on this one. I knew I couldn't drag it out for long, but I really wanted the reader to wonder, just for a split second, if maybe Boromir had really, REALLY died... just that brief moment of panic, just to give you a taste of what Mel is feeling through these early chapters. I don't know if it worked, but that was what I was going for :)

      These scenes with Mel in the early chapters, her treatment by the orcs and Saruman later, were really hard for me to write. I'm a little squeamish myself and some of these things made me a little queasy to write, the hair pulling and the ribs being really high on that list. I'm glad that came across, because it was a lot of work :)

      Yay, CONSEQUENCES! :D I have been waiting to get to this part, so many things to talk and squeal over, EEEEE! :D

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      1. BlackAquoKat on Chapter 1 Fri 15 Jan 2016 01:06AM UTC

        Bilbo needs all the love.

        That split second of fear was brilliant. WE'RE BOTH IN CONSEQUENCES NOW YAY!

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