Comment on Beyond The Wall

  1. Dobanochi on Chapter 1 Sun 30 Jan 2022 06:02AM UTC

    "Further right down the street"... between that and all the allusions to playing a level over and over, you certainly captured the feeling of playing the game lol.

    This admittedly take me a bit to get through (though I'm writing unapologetically maximalist stuff as well, so I don't have room to complain about that), and it did feel like this was all something that wouldn't make sense to be cut into smaller chapters, so in the big picture it did indeed capture the sense of Howard being stuck in this kind of stir-crazy eternity. His interactions with Larry do come across as awkward -- but that makes sense given the circumstances, and honestly it adds to the tragedy of the scene and tone that he cares deeply for this guy but is having such trouble just having a decent moment with him. The detailed and poetic paragraphs such as at the very beginning and end describing the rain... some might call them pretentious, but fuck it, I liked them enough to be jealous I didn't write something similar. Overall you certainly captured a mood very much like the game, which is more than I've managed to do.

    I'd perhaps like to see it a little more up-tempo, but besides that, I'm digging this and I wanna see where it goes, looks like the tags suggest a lot more topics are going to be explored and I hope you can see this through all the way. Also... Google has no mention of your boy Edward Tine nor "The Wrath of Oil" so I have no clue if this is an extant but super obscure document or of you're getting DEEP into the self-created lore making up your own in-universe texts... or, hell, that name sounds familiar, was that a book that existed in-universe in the game? Or is this a false memory I just now made up? Man, I need to play Backbone again...

    It's been a pleasure to meet ya. -Doby

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    1. HorizonCode99213 on Chapter 1 Sun 30 Jan 2022 11:31PM UTC

      Hello! Thank you for reading my story and taking the time to comment. To answer you questions; Edward TIne and "The Wrath of Oil" are both in-universe texts that I made for the story. Edward TIne may sound familiar because it is mashup of two famous authors: Edward Abbey and Robert Tine. One was an environmentalist and the other was a science fiction author, respectively. "The Wrath of OIl, is a book based off of The Grapes of Wrath. Fun fact, the other authors are mashups of real authors too! Susan Hurston is Susan Sontag and Zora Neale Hurtson. "Waltman's Room" is a mashup of Walt Whitman and is a reference to James Baldwin's book "Giovanni's Room". And yes, more topics will be explored soon as chapter two is almost ready to be released. Thank you again for reading my story, I hope you will like chapter 2 aswell.

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      1. Dobanochi on Chapter 1 Mon 31 Jan 2022 08:58AM UTC

        Now, the Giovanni's Room reference was obvious from a mile away, especially in this context, haha.

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