Comment on Not What We Intended

  1. DenaeWolf on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Apr 2023 05:27PM UTC

    OC wolf DenaeWolf cute wolves paws

    Thank you! I’m glad you’re enjoying the story and thank you so much for the critique.

    I have actually gone back and reread Chapter 4. I do agree about the pacing and such. I’m starting to feel that I rushed through this chapter. 😅 My intention at the time was to get to the point, but also not let it be a copy & paste scenario. Well, it seemed to have turned out that way.

    I also didn’t mean to make Endeavor out of character. I was just having him react negatively towards Shoto’s actions. No worries though, he won’t be like Momo’s parents or Kirishima’s mother.

    Anyways, your critique has been helpful and gave me better ideas of what to re-write in Chapter 4 (and future chapters). I am re-writing some parts in Chapter 4 now and working on Chapter 5 “Searching for Momo” I’ll make sure I take my time with each chapter and proofread more often before I post. Thank you again! ☺️

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    1. ZXEmperor on Chapter 4 Tue 11 Apr 2023 06:17PM UTC

      When it comes to Endeavor, like I said it's kind of a tricky subject depending on when you set the story. (I'm assuming post-canon, since Midnight hasn't made an appearance when this would be primetime for her and because of the Dabi-comment)
      I would understand his initial knee-jerk reaction being angry, it's his comments about Momo that follow is where I feel is where he becomes out-of-character (even if it is in the defense of his son). This is a Veteran Pro who had likely worked with hundreds of female Pros (And lets be real, most female Pro-Hero costumes that we've seen in canon aren't exactly modest to begin with.) Considering how the more redeemed version of Endeavor is more tempered I think he is likely to snap more at Momo's parents, thinking that they might have forced Momo to seduce Shouto. (Maybe a little bit of projection due to his own previous actions, you know?) I just felt like the going after Momo's costume felt weak when there was other angles that I felt would have made more sense for Endeavor current characterization.

      Trust me, I completely understand wanting to gloss over certain things to want to get to the more fun stuff.
      Everything I mentioned was all stuff I had to learn too that my own readers had brought up during my earlier projects. It's also the reason I dropped my review since I completely understand where you're coming from and I'm glad that you found it helpful. I'm looking forward of what you have next for this story and will be keeping an eye out for it.

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