Between the beginning and the latest chapter, it looks like a lot has changed but I think your prose is much stronger now. Your prose in here is good though, and serviceable. I can't put a finger on it but aside from mild grammar mistakes like "...about the only thing he'd be celebrating was his eight year of being here," I feel like the prose is a little unsure? The pacing is right, the characters are interesting right away and going through development by reacting to their situation and questioning the events that happen in their respective chapters or another.
I think your prose gets more consistent after each chapter and you start to find the voice you want to tell.
The action is probably my favorite part behind the characters and character interactions though. It flows really well and doesn't feel static while we see George and Blitzer grow.
I don't have a problem with it and I might get an answer to it as I catch up, but the name "George," is interesting. It's a pretty odd name for PMD and rather basic but all names serve a purpose and sometimes it's fine to not have a unique or "fitting" name. This is a nitpick and I hope you find this helpful. I'm sorry this is what you got after such a long wait and I'll be sure to make another review sometime in the future
Thanks for the review. George is a fun name in this setting, since everyone in Eravate has an odd, alien name by the standards of most people. You'll see more examples of this later on in the fic - so having a character with a classical English name unironically stands out. Plus, I don't know any other Georges in PMD fics, either
Comment on Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Zero The Hero
Ultimate_Ecko on Chapter 1 Thu 22 Feb 2024 08:35PM UTC
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Gyeig on Chapter 1 Fri 22 Mar 2024 08:24AM UTC
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