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This is a love song in my own way

Chapter 7: she's so obsessed with me and girl i understand

Notes:

i need to stop watching the merge mansion ads they are so addicting

Chapter Text

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: wake up babe new merge mansion lore just dropped
TG: smh cannot *believe* grandma sabotaged the wedding
TG: she had to have a good reason though right like what was in those files what did the fiance do its all very sus
TG: when will they tell us what is hiding in the basement im really invested in this and they just keep giving me more questions instead of answering anything
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
CG: THAT IS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION AND NOT JUST MY USUAL REACTION TO YOU WHEN YOU START GOING OFF ABOUT DUMB SHIT, BY THE WAY. I GENUINELY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW OR WHY YOU ARE TELLING ME TO "WAKE UP". YOU KNOW DAMN WELL I WOKE UP BEFORE YOU DID.

[TG] sent file karkathelpmesolvethismystery.mov

CG: DOVE.
CG: THIS IS A MOBILE GAME AD.
TG: yeah good job for recognizing that as usual i am astounded by your observational skills you are very talented
CG: DO YOU EVEN PLAY THIS GAME? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU PLAY THIS GAME.
TG: naw its not anything like the ads kind of fucking rude they would trick us all like that but as long as they keep making these absolute masterpieces i will forgive them
TG: if my grandma accosted you with an ominous file of papers before our wedding would you call it off
CG: YOU DON'T HAVE A GRANDMA. I DO REALIZE HOW CONFUSING YOUR "FAMILY TREE" IS, EVEN OUTSIDE OF THE FACT THAT I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE SO MANY DAMN WORDS FOR ALL YOUR VARIOUS GENETIC RELATIONS, BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE A GRANDMA.
TG: actually i was thinking about this the other night
TG: i tried to wake you up to tell you about it but you smothered me with your rumbly boobs and it was honestly a great distraction because i totally forgot about this train of thought until just now
TG: like okay so roxy is mine and roses mom that is an established thing we all know that and acknowledge it no arguments on that one
TG: but in roxys universe rose was her mom
CG: YES. THESE ARE INDEED ALL FACTS THAT I'M PRETTY SURE WE'VE ALL KNOWN FOR SWEEPS.
TG: shush you stop being sassy you can be sassy at me later
TG: so your grandma is your moms mom right or i guess your dads mom but that doesnt matter right now for the purposes of what we are talking about
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT, SO I'LL JUST TRUST YOU ON THAT ONE.
CG: AND I KNOW WHAT A "GRANDMA" IS. YOU'VE EXPLAINED THIS TO ME BEFORE.
TG: and you actually listened and retained that information? amazing
TG: are you picking up what im putting down here or do i actually have to keep explaining this
CG: I LEGITIMATELY HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS IS GOING, NOR AM I SURE I EVEN WANT TO.
TG: if roxy is my mom and rose is roxys mom then technically rose is my grandma
CG: LAST TIME I CHECKED, ROSE WAS YOUR SISTER.
TG: i mean yeah she is that did not stop happening and she wouldnt really be my grandma because *that* would be absolutely bonkers
TG: just like
TG: if you think about it
CG: I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER WANTED TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING LESS.
TG: lmao are you sure about that im pretty sure there are things youd like to think about less
TG: anyway answer my question
TG: if rose burst through the door dramatically wielding a folder of undisclosed yet clearly distressing documents while you were getting all ready for our wedding would you call it off
CG: WHY WOULD ROSE TRY TO SABOTAGE OUR FAKE WEDDING?
TG: i dunno maybe she found some dirt on you roses motives are not the point here
TG: what if it was like really juicy blackmail on you karkat all your sordid little secrets no one knows
TG: what would you do then huh
CG: YOU KNOW ALL MY "SORDID LITTLE SECRETS" AND THEY ARE NOT NEARLY EXCITING ENOUGH TO USE AS BLACKMAIL.
TG: but what if they were
TG: actually some of them are pretty juicy but those ones mostly involve me so i dont know why rose would be threatening you with them i was there and also would probably die if rose knew about them oh shit what if shes trying to kill me thats devious
CG: I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO FUCKING SUCK IT UP AND TELL ROSE TO STOP SHOVING PAPERS IN MY FACE AND GO MAKE GOOD ON HER THREATS BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY I'M CANCELING A WEDDING LAST MINUTE.
CG: WE WOULD DEFINITELY LOSE OUR DEPOSIT AND I'M NOT WASTING ALL THAT MONEY JUST BECAUSE ROSE SUDDENLY DECIDED SHE HATED ME OR SOMETHING.
TG: the deposit is the issue here okay lmao
TG: what if it wasnt though rose is like dont worry karkat here is your deposit back if you go away and dont get married to my idiot sister
CG: WHY IS FAKE ROSE DOING THIS?
TG: i already told you i do not pretend to understand roses motives
CG: THIS IS A HYPOTHETICAL ROSE YOU MADE UP TO HARASS ME BECAUSE APPARENTLY I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GO GROCERY SHOPPING IN PEACE.
TG: it could happen karkat you gotta be prepared
CG: IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
CG: PRETTY SURE IF ROSE WANTED ME TO FUCK OFF SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT ALREADY.
TG: yeah haha you have a point
TG: good job karkat you passed roses test there will be no weird file folders in your future
CG: WHAT FUCKING TEST?
TG: its top secret shhh just know that you passed
CG: THERE IS NO TEST!
TG: ok but rose does like you
CG: SO GLAD WE CAME TO THIS CONCLUSION BECAUSE OF FUCKING MERGE MANSION.
TG: for a game neither of us play it sure comes up a lot
CG: IT CAME UP LITERALLY ONCE AND THAT WAS BECAUSE OF YOU.
TG: lol if you say so
TG: anyway get me a candy bar while youre at the store
CG: "ANYWAY" SHE SAYS, AS IF SHE DIDN'T JUST SPEND THE LAST 20 MINUTES GOING OFF ABOUT ABSOLUTE NONSENSE.
CG: WHAT KIND OF CANDY BAR?
TG: idk surprise me
CG: I'M GETTING ONE WITH BUGS IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.
TG: as long as theyre all crushed up sure whatever love the cronch

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is an idle chum!

TG: wow cant believe youre ignoring me to shop for things for me can i be jealous of myself because i totally am