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Published:
2025-07-29
Updated:
2025-07-29
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2/?
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So just ja and don't say nein (a SIX chatfic by yours truly)

Summary:

The chaotic SIX chatfic that has taken over my brain and slowly grown into a very messy, 40k words long doc.
(Title may change at any moment).

Notes:

*slaps the draft* this chatfic can fit so many headcanons and unhinged discord conversations

Chapter 1: Truth or dare, Cathy needs sleep and Catalina is done with Parrlyn flirting - PART 1

Notes:

Usernames:
Catalina de Aragon: #1Queen
Anne Boleyn: Annie-hilation
Jane Seymour: See-more
Anna of Cleves: A.C.
Katherine Howard: KittyKat
Catherine Parr: SleepyCathy

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

A.C.: I'm boreeeed

 

#1Queen: get a job

 

Annie-hilation: get friends

 

See-more: get a life

 

A.C.: I came here to have a good time and feel attacked

Is this not a safe space anymore?

 

Annie-hilation: Bold of you to assume it ever was

 

KittyKat: let's play truth or dare!

 

#1Queen: what are we, six?

 

See-more: actually, yes we are

 

Annie-hilation: you brought this one onto yourself, Catalina

 

#1Queen: pretty bold to say from someone who far from being six feet tall

 

Annie-hilation: SHUT UP

 

A.C.: Oh-oh, you struck a nerve

 

KittyKat: Pretty sure she struck more than one nerve

 

#1Queen: it's not my fault I struck her, she's so small I can't see her down there

 

Annie-hilation: WHY ARE YOU USING AN AMERICAN UNIT OF MEASUREMENT ANYWAYS?

WE ARE BRITISH

 

KittyKat: well, technically you’re French

 

A.C.: and I'm german

 

#1Queen: and I'm Spanish

 

See-more: And I’m Jane

 

SleepyCathy: and those nationalities don't mean the same thing they used to at our time for the borders moved and the colonies rightfully took their independence

 

Annie-hilation: thank you Cathy?

 

SleepyCathy: Oh, I wasn't siding with anyone. Just making sure to establish the subjectivity of this topic depending on time and context 

 

Annie-hilation: you're such a nerd

 

See-more: says the one who hides fifteen books from the local library under her bed. I was not surprised to find literature, but I didn’t know you were into physics and chemistry

 

Annie-hilation: how do yOU KNOW THAT

 

See-more: I have my ways

 

KittyKat: help, mum is being scary again

 

A.C.: no, let her be. It's entertaining

Do you have any more tea to spill, Jane?

 

See-more: You don't want to know, love

 

A.C.: why do I suddenly do not want to know anymore

 

See-more: well, let's say I have compromising information on everyone in this household, including you

 

KittyKat: moving on from this very disturbing discovery-

Shall we play truth or dare?

 

A.C.: sure, this is a great way to discover embarrassing secrets too

 

SleepyCathy: Well, we have no way of knowing if the players are actually being truthful

 

Annie-hilation: for example, I once lied saying I wasn't the one who broke the coffee machine and blamed it on the neighbour's cat

 

SleepyCathy: THAT WAS YOU? 

 

Annie-hilation: ooop

 

#1Queen: never stand between Cathy and her coffee

Trust me, I learned it the hard way

 

A.C.: I would have loved to see tiny Cathy scaring big Catalina

I assume there is no footage of this?

 

#1Queen: never was, never will be

 

SleepyCathy: I am tiny but full of rage and my blood is 90% caffeine. Of course I can be scary

 

A.C.: I would just pick you up, you can't do anything

 

SleepyCathy: Try me. I am not above biting

 

KittyKat: of course you bite

 

SleepyCathy: NOT LIKE THIS

 

#1Queen: NOT AGAIN

 

KittyKat: chill out, I meant in a “feral animal way”

 

SleepyCathy: … I don't see how that is better 

 

#1Queen: and I don't believe you 

 

KittyKat: Although Anne has been weirdly silent. Anything to share with the class about Cathy and biting, dear cousin?

 

Annie-hilation: Kat, I love you and cherish you, but I swear to lesbian Jesus if you don't shut up-

 

KittyKat: on lesbian Jesus? This is serious

 

See-more: no fighting please…

 

A.C.: All hail lesbian Jesus the peacemaker

 

#1Queen: Reneé Rapp? 

 

KittyKat: No, that's obviously the Father

 

See-more: What about Chappell Roan?

 

SleepyCathy: She's the Holy Spirit

 

#1Queen: This is the gayest and most entertaining blasphemy I have ever seen

 

KittyKat: too bad there isn't any fighting, I was about to make popcorn

 

Annie-hilation: do it anyways

We can always start a fight later, it's easy

 

KittyKat: you're so smart, Anne

 

Annie-hilation: I know, thank you. Please, no autographs!

Notes:

Please comment and tell me what made you laugh! Ideas are welcome too ^^

Chapter 2: Truth or dare - PART 2

Summary:

Cathy gets bullied/tricked into taking a nap.

Notes:

Usernames:
Catalina de Aragon: #1Queen
Anne Boleyn: Annie-hilation
Jane Seymour: See-more
Anna of Cleves: A.C.
Katherine Howard: KittyKat
Catherine Parr: SleepyCathy

Chapter Text

SleepyCathy: Truth or dare seems like a fun idea, let's do it before the beheaded cousins break something

 

See-more: Catherine Parr, willing to socialise? That is surprising

 

#1Queen: Mark this down in the calendar, it's an exceptional event we are witnessing

 

SleepyCathy: Come on, guys. I'm not an introvert, I just happen to spend a lot of time in the house because I'm writing

 

See-more: sure…

 

A.C.: No, this is strange. Cathy, are you possessed?

 

SleepyCathy: Honestly, I don't know anymore. Am I? Are you? Are we all? Am I just hallucinating this conversation? Are we living in a simulation? What does living even mean? What is the point of not being dead? 

 

Annie-hilation: this got deep really fast

 

KittyKat: (that's what she said)

 

A.C.: (did you mean: title of your sex tape?)

 

#1Queen: FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP WITH THE SEX JOKES

Ugh, I am not paid enough for this

 

See-more: you're not paid at all

 

#1Queen: I KNOW

I should be

Back to important matters. Cathy, when was the last time you slept?

 

SleepyCathy: What even is time anyways?

Wait, is it part of the truth or dare game?

 

#1Queen: Yes

 

SleepyCathy: I pick dare, then.

 

A.C.: Go to sleep, Cathy

 

SleepyCathy: …fiddlesticks, you got me

Unfortunately, sleep flees me faster than our dog flees when he hears the word “vet”

 

A.C.: oh, so it's really bad 

also, Wolfie is MY dog. What are we, communists?

 

KittyKat: actually-

 

See-more: it just means Cathy is being dramatic, because Wolfie is very dramatic

 

#1Queen: It's not his fault the vet scares him! Would you like to be poked and prodded by a stranger?

 

A.C.: yeah, leave my boy alone

 

SleepyCathy: notice how everyone jumps to defend Wolfie but not me?

 

#1Queen: that's because I can cuddle him. You hiss and bite when someone touches you

 

KittyKat: is Cathy secretly a vampire?!

 

#1Queen: That’d be Anna

 

A.C.: Why?

 

#1Queen: Because you thrive on the blood of your enemies

 

A.C.: Oh, true. Thanks, that’s one of the best thing someone ever said to me

 

Annie-hilation: Cathy is more like a cat 

 

SleepyCathy: This is NOT “bully Cathy day”

 

Annie-hilation: I must have read the calendar wrong, then. My bad.

 

A.C.: That’s because everyday is “bully Cathy day”

 

SleepyCathy: Why me, though?

 

#1Queen: Idk, we take turns

Jane, you’re next

 

See-more: rude

 

Annie-hilation: It’s not bullying, Cathy, I love cats! And I love you. We should get a cat!

 

SleepyCathy: awww

That's actually really cute, babe 

 

KittyKat: this is sapphic for “let's get married”

 

SleepyCathy: shut up, Kat

And I'd love to have a cat, Annie

 

Annie-hilation: great! We'll look into cats to adopt as soon as you wake up from your nap 

 

SleepyCathy: … fine

 

#1Queen: did you actually manage to trick Cathy into sleeping? 

I am actually impressed

Also, we are not getting a cat

 

SleepyCathy: NO

IF WE DON'T GET A CAT THEN I'LL GO ON A SLEEP STRIKE

 

A.C.: which doesn't change much from your usual sleep schedule

 

KittyKat: more like insomnia schedule 

 

#1Queen: fine. We'll discuss getting a cat if you sleep, Cathy

 

SleepyCathy: YES

I'm not even talking right now, I'm just an hallucination

Or using telepathic powers to text while asleep, you pick

Byyyyye

 

#1Queen: I can't believe it worked

 

See-more: I can't believe you would agree to get a cat

 

#1Queen: Now, let's not get ahead of yourselves. I promised to consider it

 

See-more: that makes more sense

 

Annie-hilation: Cathy is going to be heartbroken, associate the trauma of getting tricked with naps, and never take naps again. Wow, congrats, Catalina

 

KittyKat: everyone stop being dramatic and let’s play truth or dare

I want the tea

 

See-more: Don’t tell me you don’t know how to make tea! It’s so easy, even for you

Step 1: fill the kettle with water from the tap

Step 2: boil the water

Step 3: pour the hot water into a teapot or a mug

Step 4: put the teabag in the hot water

Step 5: wait

Step 6: drink without burning your tongue

 

#1Queen: this level of pettiness is honestly inspiring  

 

KittyKat: Insulting sarcasm aside, you drink tea in a mug?

 

See-more: Yeah? More tea than in a cup and no teapot to clean

 

Annie-hilation: You clean the teapot?

 

A.C.: Anyways I gotta walk the dog so I’m not bored anymore, sorry Kat

 

#1Queen: I have to make sure Cathy is actually sleeping

 

Annie-hilation: hey, that’s my job!

 

See-more: I’m busy

 

KittyKat: No you’re not, you’re just sitting on the couch and staring off in the distance

 

See-more: I take my true crime podcasts seriously

 

Annie-hilation: never disturb Jane during her true crime podcast or you will be the topic of the next one

I know because she has threatened me a few times

 

KittyKat: I hate you all

I will tell on you to my therapist

 

A.C.: Have fun, say hi to her from me

 

KittyKat: STOP TRYING TO FLIRT WITH MY THERAPIST

 

A.C.: God forbid a woman have a love life

Does your therapist know you’re homophobic, Kat?

 

KittyKat: shut up and go walk the dog

and do NOT stop by my therapist’s office

 

A.C.: no promises ;)

The ladies go crazy for A.C.

 

KittyKat: Agent Coulson?!

 

A.C.: No, Agent Cleves!

 

See-more: More like Air Conditioning

 

A.C.: I hate you