Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Computer? How long have I been up here, exactly?” The human sighed, pressing his aching head against the cold steel of his ship. The discarded screwdriver clacked onto the floor below him, the opened panel swinging to bang uselessly against the frame. He still had a good portion of the ship’s electronics to test and repair, but he needed a mental break, just for a second. His stomach rolled in anticipation of the answer, unwilling to listen even as his ears strained to catch the words.

“5 years, 6 months, and 5 Earth days.” Computer’s monotone voice informed him readily, reading it off as if he’d simply asked for a weather report. Not that I can get weather up here. I never thought I'd miss rain so much.

“Thanks, Computer…” He trailed off, letting the rest of his body fall against the wall. The regimented diet and exercise routine was doing very little to stave off the effects of long-term space travel, his muscles fading by the day and every step seemed to aggravate his weakening hips and spine. The specialized pressure trousers were fighting a losing battle with the fluid retention, and his circadian rhythm was atomised years ago. 

“I-I-” He began, only to give up as the echo of his own stutter sang back to him. He was alone. He couldn’t recall the last conversation he’d even had with a human. I suppose it must have been Cosmo? Or Houston?

“May I suggest something, Astrodude?” Computer’s voice sounded again, breaking the silence as the screen swung down into his view. The human could only stare at her, hands grasping his head in some attempt to keep the mounting migraine at bay. “Maybe we could seek out some company for you? Human beings need regular socialization to be healthy!”

“No, Computer. We’re too far from Earth to call anyone, and we need to find Cosmo’s ship.” He wished he could just turn around and dash back to his planet, to his wife and son, and never need to drink another pouch of ‘food’ again. But, he needed to find that cosmonaut and get SiBO back, before his boss found out or Cosmo infected Earth’s ecosystem with the Titanian life form. 

“I was not suggesting a return to Earth. What about the other beings you talk to out here?” Computer reminded him pointedly, but he wasn’t following her line of logic.

“You mean SiBO? Computer, they’ve been kidnapped by Cosmo, I can’t talk to them.”

“I did not mean the Titanian life form.” Computer’s screen flickered from the green line to a diagram of the Solar System. “We are still near Saturn’s orbit. You could talk to the planet or its moons?”

“Are you crazy?” He exclaimed, slapping a hand on his knee as he forced himself to his feet to pace the confined space. “Last time I spoke to Saturn, he ran off in a panic! And Titan- I don’t even know what I’d say to him. I’ve lost his little life form, and I’m still kinda pissed about how I even got it!”

“Very well, what of the Uranian system? You have not spoken much to them, yet.” Computer flashed an image of Uranus onto the screen, a helpful arrow pointed to the pale ice giant. “Or maybe further? We could be the second ever spacecraft to investigate Neptune.”

“I don’t think Houston will see the amount of time and fuel that would be wasted as worth it. Anyway, we can’t go running around after ice giants. We need to find Cosmo’s ship.” He dismissed, picking up a stray screw from the steel floor. Well, I hope that wasn’t from something important.

“Astrodude. We have been trying to find that ship for almost two years now. I do not believe it is likely we will find it with our current trajectory.” Computer’s dull, static voice pricked at his headache and threatened to fan it into something worse. His whole body felt beyond exhausted, like something had squeezed him dry of energy, leaving him a husk floating in space.

“Thanks, Computer. That really helps.” The human muttered, fiddling with the screw and trying to remember where he last saw the pain medication. It can’t be under the seat, I distinctly remember hiding the tool kit there instead. Ugh, or maybe it was the other way around?

“You are very welcome, Astrodude.”

“Computer, you know that’s not my-” He cut himself off, alarmed by a sudden loud beeping, stepping closer to the cockpit to see the readings on the dashboard. “Computer, what’s the ship detecting?”

“I am not sure, Astrodude.” Computer’s screen staticed, the familiar green line stuttering as the ship whined around them. “It is detecting a sudden increase in our speed and a distortion of our trajectory. I am also sensing a background radiation increase.”

“Radiation?” He questioned in panic, trying to see out of the spyhole of the ship. Nothing. The dark of space was as thick as ever, unbroken in all directions, save the distant light of the Sun and other stars. “Computer! What can we do?”

“I am unsure. We do not appear to be heading towards anything at all, so we do not have anything to flee.” Computer reasoned, her voice far calmer than the human was feeling at that statement. “I will try to work out the situation.”

“Yes, please, Computer.” He gasped out, sitting down heavily in his chair. The shaking in his limbs was getting progressively worse and the growing panic was sky-rocketting. Grasping at his chair’s armrests, he tried to breath as steadily as possible. What is wrong with me now?

The constant ringing of the alarm was driving his migraine into a blinding stabbing, the red-flashing lights that had decided to accompany it only maximising his suffering. The man resisted the urge to curl up, still trying to force a calm onto himself. It wasn’t working, and his body felt more distant by the second. Am I dying?

“Astrodude? Are you alright?” Computer popped down in front of his blurring vision, tilting at his shaking form. “You appear to be experiencing some form of medical issue. Can you list your symptoms?

Not really! He shouted internally, hoping his lack of an answer wouldn’t worry his companion. Now I know I’ve gone insane, wondering if the AI will worry about me. She’ll probably just pilot this ship herself once I’m dead, no issues at all. Why’d they even send a guy up here, when they have robots? Oh, wait, the robots went rogue, didn’t they?

As he argued with himself, he vaguely felt his body slipping off the metal chair, the dulled pain of the landing doing little to draw his mind back to his physical form. His sight was gone, replaced by fuzzy grey swirls and dots, like dust trapped in sunlight. He was vaguely reminded of a childhood memory, when he’d gazed upon a dance of similar specks above his head in a dusty, low-lit school room. The memory was simple, but warming, like he was being shown his first experience of wonder. I was so little then. I can’t have been more than six years old. 

He didn’t remember why the dust had captured his attention so surely as to endure all these years in his mind, but the awe was familiar. Awe in the oddest of phenomena had driven so much of his life, from dust to stardust. His awe had driven him to look up and out from his planet’s surface, to the heavens above. The Moon had hung over his head his whole life, but it never failed to draw his eye and set his heart racing. He’d wanted to know more about it so badly, badly enough to dedicate his one life to it. And here I am, livin’ the dream…

And even when he’d learnt more about the satellite; that it was responsible for so many of his planet’s most important characteristics, that it was made of rocks so similar yet different from its sibling planet, that its very origin was still a debated mystery, he could be nothing but enthralled. To be able to look into the average night sky and see an object so intimately familiar to his species, yet still know it held unknowns within its crust. What else could he be but an astronaut?

I still love this job. He tried to tell himself. Sure, his boss was cruel and probably breaking an uncountable number of human-rights laws, he missed his family like a hole in his chest, his ship was slowly wearing down, and his missions always seemed to end in failures…but he was in space!  The final frontier, the vast void, the unsearched wilderness of the Universe! Maybe my bones are disintegrating, but I can’t say the experience wasn’t worth it. Even if I went a bit mad in the process.

His reminiscing was rudely interrupted by reality shoving itself back into his body, shocking his numb limbs back into activity. The pain that radiated from his chest did nothing to reduce his fears of a heart attack, and the now universal muscle spasms turned the worry dial up to seizure. If he still had any other senses left other than pain, they were taking their sweet time to wake up.

A pressure fell upon his back, increasing slowly until he began to sympathize with ants under boots. While it hurt, the weight was bringing his awareness back gradually, the touch of a warm, almost gentle oversized hand fading in first. 

Hearing came next, the buzzing slowly forming into actual words and vaguely understandable sentences. One voice rose above the others, seemingly warning the rest away, while another was trying to speak to him softly.

“-Astrodude? -ou alright?” The hand moved, nudging his face this time. The air smelt of fireworks, oddly, and the human was half tempted to just slip back into the memories the scent invoked. I wonder if Junior liked the fireworks this year? He loved them when I last took him, that smile could’ve powered me all the way to the moon right there and then.

“Ugh…” He fought to work his mouth, trying to regain the use of his own body. The pain was fading, thankfully, but the ache remained. His sight was a no-go, and nothing he tried seemed to motivate his legs enough to do more than twitch. 

“Astrodude? Can you hear me?” The voice was clearer now, tinny and croaky, but strangely familiar. “Guys, I think he can hear us. Maybe quiet down a bit?”

“Why’s he writhing around on the ground so much?” A higher pitched voice squeaked, getting closer as he listened. “We didn’t do that! And he’s nearly our size now!”

“Ah, well, I had not anticipated the differences involved in transporting a fleshy life form as opposed to a celestial. The side effects do not look permanent, at least.” The new voice held no familiarity, only the distinct feeling that he was being mocked as someone dunked his head under cold water. 

“Not permanent! He’s not even wearing his skin!” Someone pointed out, momentarily sending him into a new panic attack. What?

“Don’t be stupid, Venus. He’s just in different clothes. You’ve just never seen him outside that spacesuit.” That voice was recognisable too, his mind latching onto it with a surprising degree of emotion. His eyes gave it another go, blinking against the low light filling them. 

“Astrodude?” The first voice spoke again, and the warm hand retreated as the human gazed at the beings around him. At first his mind couldn’t comprehend what they even were, the size and shape contrasting harshly in his mind. The one closest to him was grey, splotched and varied in shades, but the face was humanoid, the body following in a similar vein. “Are you OK? Do you know who I am?”

His mind began to connect the voice to his memories, the strange skin beginning to make more sense in the new context of his first theory. “...the Moon?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” The Moon offered him an uncertain smile before adding, “But, please call me Luna. There’s a lot of moons here at the moment, things might get confusing.”

“Luna?” He repeated faintly, trying to shake the blurring from his vision long enough to see the rest of the gathered beings. The room was wide, dark with small pinpricks of light stuck to the walls and ceiling. A series of plush, round bean bags were arranged into two rows, a scattering of fuzzy coloured blobs already sat on them. But, the scale didn’t make sense, the seats appeared over twice his height.

Standing nearby, blocking his view of most of the room, was a larger humanoid with a painfully recognizable surface, the scent of ozone hitting his nose. His eyes were instantly fixed onto the familiar greens and blues of his home planet. The being gazed down at him, the odd-coloured eyes almost hypnotizing. Now, more than ever, he wanted to just go home, back to the habitable world of every human before him, where his loved ones resided. I’m so asking Houston for a holiday. Or retirement. I can’t even remember if that’s in my contract.

“Yep! How do you feel, little guy?” Luna, still sitting close to him, peered at him with concern. “That was a rough entrance. I don’t know much about human health, but the shaking looked painful.”

“Um, a bit like I’ve been deep fried.” He hesitantly admitted, trying to pull himself up with quivering arms. Luna reached out to help, offering his own arm to use as something solid to drag himself up with. “W-What is even…?”

“Oh! I suppose we should explain.” Luna hummed, turning an unreadable look to his planet. “Do you want to do it? I’m not very good at speaking to Earthlings.”

“You’re doing fine, but okay.” Earth’s smile was uncertain as he turned from his moon to the human. “Hi, Astrodude! You’ve just been kidnapped by a celestial being who clearly doesn’t know enough about Earthling biology to handle you correctly.”

“Again?” He sighed, not sure how he was supposed to react to such a ridiculous yet plausible situation for the human to find himself in. Ever since I entered space, it's been nothing but wild situations that defy all logic. “Can I get back to my spaceship? I’m actually kind of busy.”

“Really? You were merely floating around and moping when I extracted you.” The mocking voice was back, and he swung his head around to see a screen covered by a grey circle. As he watched, three eyes blinked open and gazed at him, fanned by thin, feather-like fronds. “Unless that is ‘busy’ by Earthling standards, you were by all accounts very bored.”

“I-I was just taking a breather. I have a mission.” He reiterated, not in the mood to get mixed up in some mess with the talking planets. He’d just been coming around to the idea that they were actually real, but now a part of him offered the disturbing idea that he’d finally gone completely bonkers in that long journey and stepped up the hallucinations. Computer was right, I should’ve socialized more often. 

“Oh well. It doesn’t matter.” The being’s eyes bent as it peered down at him, echoing the shape of smiles but having quite the opposite effect. “Earthling. I have summoned you here for a very important mission of my own.”

“What?” He wasn’t sure if he meant that as a follow up question or a simple reaction to this situation as a whole. Beside him, Luna moved to stand, bringing the human along as his arm-rest rose. On his feet, he was surprised to find the moon was only a few feet taller than him, large enough to pick him off the ground, but nowhere near the sheer scale he was used to. 

“Indeed. A very important mission.” The human forced himself to turn away from the creepy eyes, his barely-regained balance threatened by the disturbing sight. “I have found a lovely little collection of Earthling songs for you all to listen to! And, to help our understanding, I found your little Earthling friend.”

“Songs?” Earth frowned, stepping forward to aid Luna in dragging the human towards the nearest vacant bean bag. He tried to resist, not ready to just settle down and accept this wild scenario at face-value. 

“Wait! Am I just here to… what? Interpret songs? Why do you need a human here?” He fought not to look the being in the ‘eyes’, aiming his gaze just past it to the wall beside the screen. “I really can’t waste time here. I need to go back!”

“Oh, oh, oh, don’t worry about ‘time’, I’m dealing with that. You will not miss anything.” The grey creature assured him, the voice rising oddly out of sync with the words. “And yes! You are here to help our understanding. You Earthlings are very strange compared to celestials, you see.” 

“Celestials?” He echoed, unfamiliar with what that was referring to. “Is that what you are?”

“It is what we all are.” Another voice joined in, deeper and far more calming to listen to. Turning, the human was dismayed to see a truly massive humanoid was leaning over him, the swirling colours and bright eyes almost swallowing him whole. Jupiter. I would recognise those colours anywhere. “Every consciousness of non-biological origin in the Universe is a celestial. Stars, planets, and moons. We use it as a general term for ourselves.”

“Oh.” The human wasn’t sure why this was throwing him off more than the last few minutes of madness. It had never really occurred to him to ask how these talking impossibilities referred to themselves, let alone if the phenomenon was Universe-wide. “Wait, is the whole Solar System here? Why?”

“Yep! Even the dwarf planets and X.” Earth nodded, indicating to the back of the room. An angry, dark shape was glaring from the corner, only the eyes visible against the black walls. He wasn’t super sure who ‘X’ was, but decided not to question it. The human also saw a few other smaller beings huddled nearer the middle, gathered on a bean bag beside another, more familiar blue planet. As he stared, he began to link surfaces to those faint images from the Voyager and New Horizons probes. 

“As for why, we do not really know.” Jupiter admitted with a slight frown. “It has become something of a tradition at this point, and it is a good break for the more distant celestials. But, we do not know why Archer started abducting us.”

“Ah…okay.” He still felt a bit faint, and now he was far too confused and overloaded with information to even argue any more. The human let himself be led to the bean bag by his planet and moon, settling beside them on the soft surface. He felt a bit like a kid again, sitting on the arm of his father's favourite chair while they watched TV. 

“ARE WE GETTING ON WITH THIS YET?” The shout nearly shocked him off the seat, his head snapping around to peer down the line of watching humanoids. A few seats away sat a being even larger than Jupiter, so bright it was almost painful to gaze upon it. Golden eyes shone between locks of shimmering, liquid fire, falling like hair over the individual’s head. The skin of this ‘celestial’ warped and bubbled, as if it was being boiled. The Sun. Our star.

“Patience, patience, patience. I will leave you to the songs in just a second.” The voice, ‘Archer?’ tutted, turning its gaze to the star. “These songs are not unconnected, they are arranged into ‘sagas’, and since we have no visuals to look at this time, I will put up an image for each ‘saga’.”

The screen faded from the mysterious being, now replaced by a painting of a huge, wooden horse, licked by flames. The background was dark, but he could make out the faint lines of a wall and the shine of water at the feet of the horse. The fire seemed to be almost mixed with the water, giving the whole picture an almost ominous feel. Text at the bottom read ‘The Troy Saga’.

“Troy?” One of the smaller celestials, nearer Luna’s size, read the word aloud. The surface was grey, marked by craters like many of the other beings, but the human was pretty sure he could guess who it was. “What’s a ‘Troy’?”

“Well, Troy was a city back in the Bronze age. I’m not sure why we’d be listening to songs about it, though.” Earth replied to Mercury, titling his head at the screen curiously. “It’s kind of famous for a story one of the humans wrote about it, but that’s all I can think it might be about.”

“What story is that? I may have heard of it.” Jupiter asked, surprising the human with his curiosity on the matter. Earth nodded enthusiastically as he replied. 

“You probably have! The Iliad is pretty famous.” 

“So, this is about that?” Luna asked, shuffling slightly to give the human a bit more space. “The Iliad?”

“Maybe?” Earth frowned, unsure, and the man couldn’t help but add his own thoughts to the discussion. He could see a glaring issue with this theory, and the urge to correct it was strong. I guess this is why I’m here, to be a human encyclopaedia.

“I don’t think so. If this is the start of a story, the Iliad wouldn’t start in Troy. There’s quite a lot of setup before that bit.” He remarked, surprised that his voice was loud enough to match the towering celestials around him. That’ll make this easier, I suppose.

“What’s your guess, then?” Another being asked, the red surface a stinging reminder of his original, actual purpose of this mad mission into space. Mars was leaning over to stare at him, like he was a curious pet his friends had acquired. The human really hoped Mars wasn’t still mad about that attempted terraforming.

“Um, I wouldn’t want to guess…” He backed away nervously, trying to read the oddly intense stare from the red planet. His feet nearly slipped him off the edge of the bean bag, but Luna pushed him back up and added a hesitant head-pat that was probably supposed to be reassuring rather than condescending. Mars seemed to realise he was scaring the man, backing away to a safer distance.

“Well, if we all SHUT UP, we might find out more.” The Sun hissed, turning his burning eyes towards the rocky worlds. The human ducked in fear, but the rest of the celestials just nodded apologetically.

“Sorry, Sun.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘THE HORSE AND THE INFANT’.

“Wait, this is really all we get to look at? This weird structure on fire?” Mars questioned as a few seconds of electric guitar played before pausing. “What does it even mean?”

“I think the statue thing is supposed to be the horse.” Luna tilted his head at the screen with squinted eyes. “It’s made out of wood, though. Horses aren’t usually made of wood.”

“Well, that narrows it down.” The human mumbled, trying to think of an easy way to explain what the Trojan horse was. So many things probably wouldn’t make any sense to beings who knew very little of Earthling life. “It’s basically a battle strategy, the Greeks used it at the end of the Iliad. They built a fake, massive horse statue and hid in it to be let into the city.”

“Why did Troy let in a horse statue but not the Greeks?” Saturn, and those swirling colours and wide rings could only be the ringed gas giant, asked with a confused frown.

“Um, oh…” This is going to be harder than I thought. He tried to narrow in on what Saturn actually needed to understand about the basics of the situation. “They hated the Greeks, and the Greeks hated them. But the horse was a symbol of one of their gods, and they believed that the Greeks had given it as a gift when they left. It would have been disrespectful to Poseidon if they left it outside.”

“Welllll, if you say so, little guy!” One of the planets nearer the back, a deep blue colour, grinned down at him before blinking at the horse on the screen. “It is a very pretty statue, I guess I would be a bit upset if someone left it outside.”

“Mate, they’ve clearly set it on fire.” A paler ice giant waved his hand at the picture with exasperation, only to receive a confused stare. “That’s not really a respectful way to treat it.”

“Yeah! But it’s not outside getting lonely anymore!” Neptune grinned widely, his attention still held by the horse. The music had clearly gotten impatient, as it started up again as soon as a beat of silence passed.

[ODYSSEUS]

Alright my brothers listen closely

Tonight we make the Trojans pay

“Pay? What do they owe them?” A large moon, sitting just in front of Jupiter, asked, frowning at the first few lines. “Who is even speaking? Who are his ‘brothers’?”

“This is going to be more exhausting than the last one. I don’t wanna explain the whole Trojan war!” Earth grumbled to his moon, but Luna only smiled and pointed at the Earthling beside them.

“We have an Earthling this time, though?” His head shot up to look at the moon, hoping he didn’t look too dismayed by the words. I guess I really am here to spew my vague recollections of Greek Epics. I wish I’d paid more attention in those lectures.

“Um, yeah, okay…” He struggled to even remember all of Ganymede’s questions, let alone answer them. “Like I said, the Greeks hate the Trojans, so they want to fight them. That’s the ‘pay’ part. The speaker could be a few different options, but I imagine his ‘brothers’ are the other Greek heroes in the horse with him.”

“So…they’re in a horse statue, waiting to sneak into Troy and attack them?” Another Galilean moon, paler and smaller, followed up with a mocking tone of dismissal. “Sounds silly. Why do we have to listen to this?”

“C-come on, E-Europa! T-this might b-be f-fun!” A third moon added, and the human was pretty sure he could guess who that one was from the volcanic, yellow surface. Io grinned at the screen excitedly. “I-I wanna h-hear the E-earthling s-sing! L-Luna told m-me they a-are very g-good at i-it!”

“Ugh.”

Ten years of war they killed us slowly

But now we'll be the ones who slay

“Ten? That’s quite long for Earthlings, isn’t it?” A Uranian moon, the largest one sitting beside their planet, worried her lip at the lyrics. “And now they’re tricking them and fighting even more?”

“Earthlings sure do like killing. He sounds very happy about ‘slaying’.” The pale ice giant muttered lowly, casting a small glare at the confused human. “Why’d they stick at it for so long, if they were getting killed for ten years?”

“It was a war, they had a goal and couldn’t leave until it was done.” He tried not to feel too unnerved by the ice giant, straightening his back to reply. “And, the gods were getting very involved in it and messing with them. It made everything a lot more drawn out and complicated.”

“Hm. Sounds very human, blaming it on the gods.” The tone was pointed, but the Earthling struggled to understand where this planet’s animosity was coming from. This wasn’t helped by the fact that half the room seemed to be happy enough to ignore or nod at his statement. What the hell did I do? I’ve barely met Uranus!

“Luna? Why is Uranus so…you’know?” He whispered as quietly as he could to the moon, trying not to further insult the room with his obliviousness. Luna gave him a thoughtful look before whispering back. 

“Don’t mind them. It just- the last video we watched kinda ended on a bit about climate change, and all that stuff you humans are doing to my planet." Luna’s tone faded from friendly to a more controlled note, as if he was carefully holding back his own opinion on the matter. “I-I know it’s not your fault, and so does Caelus, probably. But, they are still a little tetchy about it, I think.”

“Caelus?” He repeated, confused by the sudden new name. Luna shook his head subtly, lowering his voice further. 

“Uranus’ new name.” The moon explained, then offered the nervous human a softer smile. “Don’t worry, he’ll calm down soon. Everyone will.” 

The human wasn’t sure he could hope for that. If they'd recently seen what his species was doing to one of their own, he could understand the animosity at least, but he could hardly expect to change their minds about it. He’d likely be right there with them, if he had the luxury of being so detected from it, but he lived on the planet, for most of his life at least, and he knew just how complicated the situation was. I’m probably not the guy to start espousing about the ‘good’ humans, my carbon foot print isn’t exactly small, given the amount of times I’ve had to take off from the planet. And I’ve not exactly been recycling up here.

Think of your wives and your children

Your families wonder where you've been

They're growing old and yet you're still here

Do what I say and you'll see them again

[SOLDIERS]

Yes sir!

“They left their families for ten years?” Mercury’s voice piped up from his bean bag, counting silently on his fingers before adding, “That’s like, 40 of my orbits! Why’d it take so long?”

“They were trying to get someone back from the Trojans, the wife of one of their friends.” Earth recalled with a thoughtful frown. “I’m pretty sure it all got started because the gods were having an argument and somehow that devolved into someone stealing Helen. And, because neither side was really winning or losing, it got stretched out. It happens quite a lot with human conflicts, actually. Some wars can be over 500 years long, but that tends to not be constant fighting.”

“Well, if I was being kept from my family because of such a silly conflict, I’d just leave.” Mars huffed, rolling his eyes at the idea. “Why didn’t they leave? Was it really just a favour for their friend?”

“Kinda? The Greeks put a lot of value on keeping your word, and many of the heroes who joined the war had previously promised to protect the marriage of Menelaus and Helen. They were duty bound to fight.” The human added, remembering the emphasis his old lecturer had put on the cultural differences that popped up when reading old stories. “It’s actually kind of funny, ‘cause one of the heroes really, really didn’t want to fight, so he tried to act mad and get out of it. And another one dressed up as a woman to avoid the war party when they came to get him. It didn’t work, obviously.”

“Can’t blame the guys for trying, I suppose.” Mercury smiled at the anecdote, raising some of his hopes that the planets wouldn’t be too annoyed by his inclusion. 

[ODYSSEUS]

Diomedes will lead the charge

Agamemnon will flank the guards

“Who are they?” A small voice squeaked, standing up from Jupiter’s bean bag to stare at the Earthling. The celestial was mostly grey, so he had little chance of guessing the name. I have a 1/91 chance of being right. Not great odds.

“Diomedes is one of the heroes, usually one of the smart ones.” He tried to recall more facts about the guy, but his memory was clearly not stellar with this topic. The second name was easier. “Agamemnon was Menelaus’ brother, and the leader of the Greek army. He wasn’t super great at keeping everyone happy, but he was a good military leader. Though, he’s more well known for sacrificing his daughter and getting killed by his wife.”

“Not really something you want to be remembered for.” Luna muttered with a grimace. “I forgot how messy all these Greek myths always are.”

“Might make this interesting, at least.” Earth laughed beside him, tilting his head to hear the next part.

Menelaus will let our mates through the gates to takе the whole city at large

Tеucer will shoot any ambush attack

“Oh! I recognize that name!” Neptune cheered happily, turning a grin to the image still plastered onto the screen like he expected it to change.

“Astrodude did say it a minute ago.” Triton pointed out, absentmindedly fiddling with his sunglasses. The human couldn’t help but question why such a distant moon would need sunglasses at all. Or where he even got them from. Then again, one of the dwarf planets seems to have glasses as well. Maybe they have opticians in space?

“What about the other guy? Is he important?” One of the smaller Neptunian moons asked, “Why is he shooting people?"

“It’s a war, Thalassa, they’ve gotta attack people, and shooting is probably a way to do it.” A slightly larger moon countered, shoving over to sit further forward, near the edge of the seat.

“Oh. I hope it doesn’t hurt them too much.” Thalassa mumbled, but her fellow moon dispelled that naivety rather quickly. 

“It definitely hurts. Really bad.”

“Nereid. Stop scaring her.” Triton turned a stern look to the moon, who offered a sheepish grin in reply.

And Little Ajax will stay back

“Damn, what’d he do to get told that?” Venus laughed, adding with a more mocking tone, “And what’d he do to get that name?”

“He was just the second Ajax they had in the army, and the younger one.” Earth rolled his eyes, then sobered a bit as he recalled the rest of Ajax the Lesser’s story. “He was a pretty good warrior, but he pissed off one of the gods by hurting someone in her temple, so he got killed pretty soon after the war.”

“How? Are the gods just going around killing people in these stories? That’s kind of messed up.” Mars questioned, pondering the idea. The Earthling was surprised to find he actually remembered the fate of Ajax, though only because it had seemed very stupid and fitting when he’d read it.

“Well, it was a team-up between Athena, the goddess he offended, and Poseidon." He recalled, “She blasted his ship with lightning, and then when he crawled onto a rock and mocked the gods, Poseidon got offended and smashed the rock to let him drown.”

“Okay, Luna was right, these myths are messed up.” Caelus muttered into the quiet room, nudging his fellow ice giant. “But, sounds like he had it coming, mocking gods after just getting blown up by one.”

“It’s still not nice to drown people.” Neptune mumbled, then grinned at his friend. “But! I’m pretty sure these are not real things that happened!”

“Yeah, definitely not.” Earth nodded, adding, “Well, the actions of the gods might have been natural happenings, but there weren’t real beings in charge of those things.”

Nestor, secure Helen and protect her

Neo, avenge your father, kill the brothers of Hector!

[SOLDIERS]

Yes sir!

“Oh yeah, they’re trying to save Helen, aren’t they?” Saturn asked rhetorically. “I hope they succeed, then. I can’t imagine she wanted to be stolen.”

“Likely not.” Jupiter agreed readily, “Whoever our singer is, they sound like a good leader for this group, at least. Giving them clear orders and goals.”

“The soldiers seem to respect him. Good for him.” The Sun mused, turning his gaze to the ceiling and avoiding Jupiter’s sudden head-turn to eye the star.

[ODYSSEUS]

Find that inner strength now

Use that well of pride

“For such tiny little guys, you Earthlings are awfully confident.” Venus’ intense gaze fell on the human, causing him to involuntarily move away slightly. Over his head, Earth glared back to Venus.

“Stop trying to scare him, Venus. You did enough damage when he landed on you.”

“Hey, that wasn’t my fault!” Venus hissed, then frowned. “Or was it? I can’t remember why you even wanted to land on my surface.”

“I didn’t. YOU rammed into me.” The human shivered as he recalled that whole mess. It had been nice to speak with his wife, but the situation was not one he ever wanted to experience again. And Houston started to show his true colours, leaving me to die like an inconvenience.

“Ahh. Well, um, sorry?” Venus sounded uncertain, and the human was equally as uncertain about the truthfulness of his apology. He didn't want to antagonise the planet, but his experiences on that surface still played a staring role in his worst dreams.

Fight through every pain now

Ask yourself inside

What do you live for?

What do you try for?

What do you wish for?

What do you fight for?

[SOLDIERS]

What do you live for?

What do you try for?

What do you wish for?

What do you fight for?

“Pretty intense rallying cry.” Titan muttered as he listened, “Though, I do like the pattern. The repeating words are getting stuck in my head.”

“Yeah, music will do that.” Earth grinned excitedly, “The humans are very good at music, they’ve invented so many instruments just for making music. It’s basically another form of communication for them.”

“Oh? And they tell stories with it, like this one?” Another moon near Titan asked, her pale surface glowing in the low light. Given her size, he suspected she was Rhea, the second largest Saturnian moon.

“Yep! We’re probably listening to a musical or something, just without the visuals.” Earth confirmed with another look towards the screen. “Though, it would be nice to see some visuals.”

[ODYSSEUS]

Penelope...

Penelope...

And Telemachus

“Oh! Now I know who the singer is!” He blurted out, excited to finally have a confirmation of his suspicions about this whole thing. “Odysseus! The story is the Odyssey!”

“What, the one about the really unnecessarily long journey?” Mars let out a sigh, leaning back in his bean bag. “We’re going to be here forever. ”

“No, it’s a good story.” The Earthling insisted, happy that this was a story he felt familiar with. I need to remember to read it to Junior when I get back, now that he’s a bit older.

“Real ironic to be named Odysseus and then get sent on an odyssey.” Venus muttered with a smirk.

“Odyssey only means that because he went on the long journey, it was named after him, not the other way around.” Earth pointed out with a tone of exasperation, but the cloudy planet only grinned wider.

“Damn, the journey is long enough to be named after the guy that did it?” Mars’ sigh was deeper and far more drawn out this time. “We really are going to be here forever!”

I fight for us, I fight for us

What do you live for? Penelope

What do you try for? Telemachus

What do you wish for? I'm on my way

What do you fight for? Attack!

“So…who are Penelope and Telemachus?” Saturn asked softly, his gaze falling over a few of his moons with a strained expression. “I-I swear I’ve heard those names before. I-I didn’t forget a moon’s name again, did I?”

“Don’t worry, Saturn.” One of the moons spoke up, his voice bright as he smiled reassuringly at his planet. “You’re probably remembering one of my ‘fun facts’! My biggest crater is called Odysseus, so the Earthlings also divided my surface into names from this story! Penelope and Telemachus are some of the names!”

“Oh! Oh, that’s relieving to know.” Saturn breathed, then looked guilty again. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t remember your fun fact, Tethys. I’ll try to remember it from now on.”

“It’s not that important-”

“Nope! It’s a fact about my own moon, I need to remember it.” Saturn cut Tethys off, insisting on the point while the little moon just shrugged.

-Pained noise-

Who was that?

-Thunder, eagle scree-

“Who was that?” The Sun repeated the question, “I don’t recognize that call. Do you, Earth?”

“Um, probably an eagle of some kind?” The living planet speculated. The human thought it had sounded a lot like a stereotypical eagle noise, even if those sounds didn't always come from the featured bird. Probably a hawk or eagle then, but I’m not an ornithologist.

“That, and the thunder, makes me think of Zeus.” He speculated aloud, glancing at the planet in question warily. At least so far, Jupiter acted very differently from his classical myth counterpart, thankfully. “He was the god of storms, and eagles were a sacred animal of his.”

“What did Zeus do, then? Odysseus sounded like he got hurt.” Saturn was also looking at Jupiter, but the larger planet mostly seemed intrigued by the possible inclusion of his namesake.

“I’m not sure, my friend. I imagine the song may tell us more.”

[ZEUS]

A vision of what is to come, cannot be outrun, can only be dealt with right here and now

[ODYSSEUS]

Tell me how

“A vision? Like, seeing the future?” Caelus asked doubtfully, “The gods could do that?”

“The Greeks believed the gods could do basically anything, but seeing the future was a common trope in the stories. Gods would often warn mortals about things they needed to avoid.” The human speculated as he explained. “I guess that’s what Zeus is doing here, telling Odysseus about something he might be able to change.”

“Will it work? Do the gods’ warnings help the heroes in the stories?” One of the Uranian moons asked, his voice timid but hopeful. The human internally grimaced, not sure how much of the truth he should say.

“Sometimes. It definitely helps sometimes.” He settled on, relieved to see the celestial nod and smile at his answer. This is great practice for when Junior starts asking awkward questions.

[ZEUS]

I don't think you're ready

A mission to kill someone's son, a foe who won't run, unlike anyone you have faced before

“Sounds dangerous. Is he facing a fierce warrior or something?” The Sun mused, absentmindedly tucking his hair from his face. “Though, I do not see the relevance of the opponent's father. Why specify that he is someone’s son?”

“I’m not sure, Sun.” Earth frowned in thought as well, trying to work out the meaning of the wording. “Humans put a lot of emphasis on fathers, though, especially back then. Maybe his father is important?”

“Still, a bit of an annoyingly vague way to phrase it.” The star huffed, his eyes seeking out the living world across the room.

“Most prophecies are like that, to be fair.” The human mumbled to himself, trying to remember what part of the Iliad or Odyssey this was referring to. I don’t remember Odysseus fighting anyone particularly notable.

[ODYSSEUS]

Say no more, I know that I'm ready

[ZEUS]

I don't think you're ready

“Why wouldn’t he be ready? He sounds pretty prepared for a fight.” Mars questioned, tapping a foot against the floor. “I want to see this guy fight. He sounds very over-confident.”

“That’s certainly one word for it.” Jupiter’s brow wrinkled as he considered the song so far. “Odysseus may be running into a situation he is unprepared for, going by the god’s doubt.”

“It would be kind of a bummer to start a story with the main character getting his ass kicked.” Mars laughed at the idea, “Funny though.”

The music softened suddenly, turning the tone in an unexpected direction. The human tensed, a horrible suspicion rising in his mind.

[ODYSSEUS]

It's just an infant, it's just a boy, what sort of imminent threat does he pose that I can not avoid?

“It’s a baby?” Luna muttered in shocked dismay, turning to Earth.” That’s what ‘infant’ means, isn’t it?” 

“Yes. Probably only a few months old.” The living world’s face had fallen into a stiff expression, his voice growing softer. “I-I’m not sure why he’d need to kill a baby. Infant humans can barely move, let alone hurt anyone.”

“He’s going to kill it?” The worried voices of a few smaller moons echoed the question, whispering amongst themselves in fear. 

“Is he evil?” One voice rose above the rest, a little Saturnian moon that stared intensely at the living world and his little Earthling. 

“I-I- Not usually? Odysseus is considered a hero, but that definition is kind of skewed compared to modern values. He definitely does some messed up things.” He knew about some of the stuff further into the story, but he didn’t recall his version of the Iliad including Odysseus as the killer of Astyanax. I guess this is an alternative version? Greek myths have so many variations, this might get confusing.

“Killing a baby definitely puts him in the ‘evil’ category for me.” Hissed a voice from the back, the dark ice giant ‘X’ glaring at the ceiling as if the song would hear and be offended by his option. 

[ZEUS, ENSEMBLE]

This is the son of none other than Troy's very own prince Hector, know that he will grow from a boy to an avenger

“Who’s Hector? Why does his son need to be killed?” Titan asked, his hands clenched together and pressed to his chin as he leaned them against his drawn up knees. 

“H-Hector was one of the greatest warriors the Trojans had.” The human tried not to sound too nervous about talking to the moon. He felt mostly over the whole experience, but he couldn’t help but recall the way the orange-green celestial had forced him to explore his frozen ocean, the biting cold still vivid in his memory. “He was killed by Achilles, I think? Who was basically the best warrior on the Greek side. Achilles dragged Hector’s body around the walls of the city afterwards, so I can imagine his son would grow up a bit angry about that.”

“Or he might not? Why does that mean Ody has to kill him?” Ganymede shoved in with a huff, glaring at the human. “You humans are so weird.”

“‘Ody’? You have a nickname for him?” Titan questioned with a smile, drawing the larger moon’s attention from the human, who breathed out in relief. He suspected Earth, or at least Luna, would not allow anyone to hurt him, but he couldn’t be totally sure in the face of such huge humanoids staring at him so intensely.

“Look, I’m not saying ‘Odysseus’ every time.” Ganymede rolled his eyes. “It’s too long.”

“You’re one to talk, ‘Ganymede’.” Titan laughed outright now, grinning at the other moon playfully. “Can I call you ‘Gany’, then?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

One fuelled with rage as you're consumed by age

If you don't end him now you'll have no one left to save

You can say goodbye to

Penelope, you can say goodbye to Penelope

“Wait, is he saying he has to kill this baby just because they might grow up to kill his own loved ones?” Mercury drew his lips together into a tight line, his eyes flickering around the room as the notes paused. 

“Why would the kid even go after Odysseus’ wife?” Venus hissed with a tone of incredulity. “If that Achilles guy killed his dad, why go after this guy?”

“Achilles is already dead at this point.” Earth pointed out to the cloudy planet. “And Ody was pretty important to the Greeks’ success, he made the plan to use that wooden horse.”

“Why are you calling him that now, too?” Luna’s exasperated question only dragged a smirk onto his planet’s face.

“It’s a good nickname!”

[ODYSSEUS, ZEUS]

I could raise him as my own (He will burn your house and throne)

Or send him far away from home (He'll find you wherever you go)

Make sure his past is never known (The gods will make him know)

“Feels a bit like Zeus is backing him into a corner.” Triton noted, his tone low and irritated. “He’s not even entertaining Odysseus’ ideas, just telling him he has no choice.”

“The gods are like that, a lot of the time.” The human recalled a few other myths that used to annoy him in a similar vein, ones where the gods’ meddling seemed to seal the hero’s fate long before they got any say in the matter. “And, unfortunately, he’s probably right. Prophecies in Greek myths tend to force themselves into becoming true.”

“It’s not really fair, though, if the gods have so much power over the humans.” Callisto added with a bored tone, her gaze fixed on the image still held on the screen. “Is it really fate if the kid is going to be told specifically, by the gods, that he needs to kill his wife? Seems more like the gods are playing with them.”

“Well, the gods were just human attempts at understanding the world around them, so they tend to act in very cruel or vile ways.” He tried to explain, not sure how to word this to beings who he barely believed were sentient a few years ago. “They aren’t supposed to be questioned too much, but they would be pretty messed up if they really existed. I mean, clearly, higher beings aren’t too interested in humans at all, if you guys are any indication.”

“‘Higher beings’? Strange way to phrase it, but I won’t argue with you. You are very small.” The Sun grinned at him, and the human severely hoped the glowing wasn’t some kind of solar radiation he was going to suffer from later. I get enough radiation just doing my job, thanks. I don’t need even more piled on top. My dermatologist will be really happy to see me after all this.

I'd rather bleed for ya, down on my knees for ya (He's bringing you down on your knees for ya)

I'm begging please

(Oh, this is the will of the gods)

“Damn, Zeus is kind of an asshole.” A moon with only one eye spoke up, his voice nasally and pinched. “Um, no offence, Jupiter.”

“None taken, Mimas. I was actually thinking something similar.” Jupiter smiled reassuringly at the Saturnian moon, who only ducked his head to hide amongst the other satellites around him.

“So…is Ody going to do it?” Europa shivered, her voice strained and oddly quiet. “Kill the baby?”

“I do not know, Europa.” While Jupiter replied, the oldest planet turned his eyes to the Earthling a few feet away. 

“...” He stayed silent, not wanting to say something that would likely be proven wrong in a few minutes, but also not wanting to confirm that the baby definitely isn’t making it to adulthood. This is a fun first song, isn’t it?

[ODYSSEUS]

Please don't make me do this, don't make me do this

“At least he seems very against the idea.” Mercury mumbled rather pointlessly, his gaze turned to the floor after Odysseus’ emotional plea. 

“I’d be a bit worried if our ‘hero’ was excited to kill a baby, Pipsqueak.” Venus grumbled in reply, shuffling his seat to relax further back into it. “If this whole thing really is the Odyssey, we’re basically stuck with this guy for a few hours now.”

“Well, we can add ‘doesn’t want to kill a baby’ into his character traits, I suppose.” Mars pondered, though he seemed distracted as he spoke, waiting for the next part to possibly reveal the infant’s fate.

[ZEUS]

The blood on your hands is something you won't lose

[ALL]

All you can choose is whose’s

“That’s a cold line. And a good summary of his situation.” Caelus commented, “He either kills this kid, or dooms his wife. I don’t know what I’d choose.”

“You have a wife?” Neptune questioned, only to grin wider when the pale ice giant swung around to stare at him incredulously. “Only joking! I don’t even know what that is!”

“You know what, mate, neither do I.” Caelus muttered faintly, signing out a breath.

“I-I mean, I can try to explain?” The human offered, scrambling to find any possible way to break down the concept for beings who, honestly, didn’t seem that interested in the whole thing. “I don’t know if Celestials-”

“Dude, if you start giving the room the ‘birds and the bees’ talk, I’m going to dump you on Venus’ bean bag.” Earth halted him mid sentence with a hand over his face, eyeing the Earthling for any signs of continuing.

“I wasn’t going to-”

“Nope! Quiet now!”

SONG ENDS

“Oh? That’s the end?” Saturn leaned forward, peering at the screen. “Is the image going to change?”

“I don’t believe so. Sagas tends to imply more than one song.” Jupiter informed him, adding in a more concerned tone. “And, I fear we do not yet know the fate of that infant.”

“It was a nice melody, at least.” Pluto, his heart pattern recognizable even at this scale, piped up from the crowded bean bag next to Neptune. “Very fast paced, at least at the beginning.”

“I liked all the shouting at the start. It made me feel like we were actually in a battle!” A smaller, pinkish dwarf planet recalled excitedly, “Oh! I need to write this stuff down! I’m going to have so many ideas for our Dungeons and Dwarf Planets games after this!”

The man didn’t even want to ask how such distant celestials had somehow recreated Dungeons and Dragons within the Kuiper Belt, let alone how they were playing it. The less questions I ask, the better.

Now that the first song was done, he was feeling a bit more clear on his mission here. As unprepared as he felt, he knew he’d been on far more dangerous missions with much higher stakes. There are worse places to do than stuck in a room explaining lyrics to uncultured planets. Even if they might be hallucinations.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘JUST A MAN’

“This one sounds nice.” Luna breathed at the first few notes of slow plucking, almost like the start of a lullaby. “Calmer than the last one, at least.”

“Why is it so calm, though? He was about to kill a baby.” Titania hissed, her eyes hard and framed by a tense face. “The title doesn’t sound like he’s going to defy Zeus, it sounds like an excuse.”

“We haven’t even heard it yet, Titania.” Titan reasoned, glancing back at the Uranian moon. Her own expression softened minutely but her eyes remained trained on the screen.

[ODYSSEUS]

I look into your eyes and I

Think back to the son of mine

You're as old as he was when I left for war

Fighting down the urge to connect with the lyrics, the man breathed in and out forcefully, feeling his aching heart beat under his chest. While his own son had not been nearly as young when he’d left, that gap of time still pained him. Missing even a second of his child’s life felt like a betrayal, as though he was throwing away something irreplaceable. But, Rotsar had made him an offer he couldn’t turn down, and now he knew just how much of his life he’d signed away with that naïve decision. If I could go back, I’d like to think I would stay with my family, but I’ve always been a bit of a pushover.

“His kid was a baby when he left?” Venus grunted, adding hesitantly, “His kid is Telemachus, right? I assume it’s not Penelope.”

“Yeah, Telemachus is his son, and Penelope is his wife.” The Earthling confirmed hesitantly, coughing to clear his throat of emotion. 

“Why’d he leave a little kid? I know they had that silly promise to Menelaus, but surely they’d let him stay home with such a small baby?” Mercury inquired, leaning over his bean bag to peer at the human. 

“Promises were a much bigger deal to the Greeks.” He started, then paused, not sure if he was right to say that. He hadn’t exactly asked the celestials how they make or keep promises. This is why I’d make a terrible anthropologist. “If he refused to go, it would reflect badly on his whole kingdom, and likely his whole lineage. And, to be fair, he did try to get out of it.”

“How?” Mercury followed up, intrigued by the hint at a history. “What’d he do?”

“You know that guy I mentioned, who tried to act mad to avoid the war?” He asked, and continued as the smallest planet nodded. “That was Odysseus, and he’s likely the one that suggested the whole ‘promise’ thing to begin with, actually. So, they were a bit annoyed when he tried to get out of it. They only found him out because they placed his kid on the ground in front of the tiller he was pulling to salt his fields, and since he didn’t run his son over they said that was proof he wasn’t mad.”

“...that’s not as funny a story as I was imagining.” Mercury shuffled uncomfortably, and the human was painfully aware of the stares of the room. “They used his kid to force him to fight? That’s messed up.”

“Y-yeah, kinda.” He laughed awkwardly, attempting to avoid the memory of Houston’s college fund offer being held over his head after the Venus disaster when he’d threatened to quit. “But, they really did need him. He was probably the smartest guy there.”

“That’s not really a great excuse, either.” The little planet shrugged, turning back to the screen to eye the burning horse. “Though, I suppose the horse idea needed some brains behind it.”

“Exactly. And the man who placed his kid in front of the plough was killed during the war anyway, usually by some trickery from Odysseus.” As he added this anecdote, he quickly realised that wasn’t going to help these celestials not see humans as violent and petty. Going by the round of stares, his fears were confirmed. OK, note to self, tone down the violence in these stories. 

Will these actions haunt my days

Every man I’ve slain?

Is the price I pay endless pain?

“Personally, I think killing a baby should definitely haunt someone.” The distant ice giant scowled again, his eyes now trained on the gas giants. Saturn sighed heavily, turning a disapproving glare to ‘X’. Planet X? The 9th planet?

“X, please. Do you really think this is helping?” The dark ice giant flinched, taken aback by the ringed planet’s words, eyes narrowing. Nearby, the other giants exchanged nervous glances.

“My apologies. Ignore me.” X’s voice was tight, but he broke eye-contact with Saturn without any further words or expressions, just curling back into his seat. The human couldn't help but be bemused by the whole display, even more so by the very presence of an ice giant his kind clearly did not know about yet. I suppose we'll be sending out a new probe to find them soon enough.

Close your eyes and spare yourself the view

How could I hurt you?

“What’s he doing? Why does the baby need to close its eyes?” Tethys worried over the wording, turning to the moons beside him anxiously. “He’s not actually going to do it, is he?”

“I-I don’t know, Tethys.” Dione kept her voice as steady as she could, faltering slightly as the slow melody continued. 

I'm just a man who's trying to go home

Even after all the years away from what I’ve known

“10 years is an awful long time to be away…” Luna sighed, stirring a lump into the watching human's throat that he was forced to choke down, then straightened with a glare at the ceiling. “Not enough to kill a kid, though.”

“Maybe not, but he’s also trying to protect his wife. Zeus has forced his hand by threatening her life.” Iapetus mused, his hands clenched on his lap as he listened. “Though, I would like to know if Zeus is really all-knowing, and that defying his order would not work. If he raised the kid right, would the knowledge even anger him?”

“Not a risk he’s willing to take, I’m sure.” Earth muttered, “The Greek gods tended to get a bit feisty if you defied them, even if it worked. Zeus might just kill his wife himself.”

I'm just a man who's fighting for his life

Deep down I would trade the world to see my son and wife

I'm just a man

“He’s so going to kill that kid.” One of the dwarf planets, the pale one, snarked quietly. Unfortunately for her, the room was dead silent. 

“You don’t know that, Eris.” Pluto countered, but even he looked doubtful. The Earthling was dismayed to see the dwarf planet turn his gaze to him. “Does he kill the baby, Astrodude?”

“Um…yeah, sorry.” He trailed off into a whisper on the last word, not seeing anyway to avoid an answer without lying or acting dumb. The smattering of gasps was outweighed by expressions of resignation. Clearly, not many of the celestials had held hope for a different conclusion. 

Just as the room tried to come to terms with this dark twist in the story; the drawn out, soft note was slammed back down by a harsher, faster tone, the song powering into a new stanza.

[ODYSSEUS]

But when does a comet become a meteor?

“Um, when it passes my atmosphere, I’m pretty sure?” Earth frowned, then thought about it a bit more. “Or, well, if it burns up in the atmosphere. If it hits, it's a meteorite.”

“And, comets do not usually become meteors as a whole. Bits of the comet may burn up as meteoroids, but the comet itself is not one.” Jupiter noted, tilting his head with a smile. “Though, I imagine the point of that line was not to be astronomically accurate.”

“True.” Earth conceded, nodding along to Jupiter. "Metaphors and all that, very wordy.”

“What is the metaphor, then?” Luna apparently decided to quiz his planet, who shot him a look in reply. Unluckily for Earth, Jupiter also appeared interested in his reply.

“Um, uh…shh.”

When does a candle become a blaze?

When does a man become a monster?

“Probably when he kills a baby.” The Sun spat, digging his fist into the bean bag below him with a scowl written across his face. “Why are we going to be following this human? He hardly seems like a hero.”

“That’s not really the point of Odysseus’ story. He’s fallible, just like every person.” The Earthling struggled not to cower under the star’s gaze, even as the bright celestial tried to smile reassuringly as he noticed his fear. “B-but I-I agree he is crossing a line here.”

“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page, Astrodude!” The star peered closer, his grin widening. “No need to shake so much, little guy! I have a sunny per-sun-ality!”

“Y-yeah, I can see that.” The human swallowed, trying to smile back at the ball of plasma moulded into a humanoid shape. If this is a hallucination, my mind is cruel and messed up, torturing me with puns.

When does a ripple become a tidal wave?

When does the reason become the blame?

When does a man become a monster?

“The answer to most of these questions seems to be ‘when they become dangerous’, so I imagine he’s definitely feeling like a monster for killing this baby.” Mars pointed out. The red planet huffed out a breath and turned to the Earthling. “Is this the worst thing he does? During the rest of the story?”

“...that’s probably something you’ll have to answer for yourself.” He dodged, still unsure what parts of his recollection of the epic would be represented in this adaptation. Best I keep it vague, for now.

[SOLIDERS, ODYSSEUS]

When does a comet become a meteor?

When does a candle become a blaze? (Forgive me)

When does a man become a monster? (Forgive me)

When does a man become a monster? (Forgive me)

“Who is he asking forgiveness from?” Saturn questioned in disbelief, “The baby? Zeus? Himself?”

“Who knows?” A smaller moon of Caelus shrugged dismissively, her planet looking down at her as she spoke, “I’m more curious about why his soldiers have started playing backup singers for his baby-slaughter. Seems a bit odd.”

“It’s a musical, Miranda. Artistic licence, mate.” Caelus was fiddling with a very large notepad, though it looked to scale in the ice giant’s hands. I didn’t even know they knew what paper was, let alone a notepad. “They probably aren’t just standing behind him and singing while he kills a baby. That would be messed up.”

“Funny more like.” Another moon laughed, only to be knocked on the head by Titania. “Ow! What was that for?”

“Ariel, we talked about this. If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t.”

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm just a man

“...how did he kill that baby?” Luna ventured, eyeing the human with a nauseous expression. He gulped, glancing at the rest of the waiting room of celestials. 

“Um, well, in some versions, it’s not even Odysseus that kills him, it’s Achilles’ son, Neoptolemus.” He began, surprised he even remembered how to pronounce that name. “But, he’s usually killed by being…dropped off the walls of the city?”

“...you Earthlings are sick.” He didn’t pick up who said those words, but they stung all the same, and more so for the fact he could not refute them. He could argue that this was a story, but infanticide was hardly unheard of for his species. And telling them that, actually, most living creatures were known to kill their babies would not help either. Well, technically, gravity killed him, so who’s fault is that? No, that’ll definitely get me squished, by my own planet as well.  

SONG ENDS

“Well, that was horrible.” The Sun muttered, glaring at the screen. “Are you going to change now? I’m getting bored of this fire horse.”

“I can’t imagine they’re still fighting the Trojans, not after throwing a baby off a wall.” Venus stated bluntly, also glaring at the screen. “Isn’t this whole thing about a journey? When does that start?”

“Soon, I’d hope.” Earth shrugged, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned loudly. “If it doesn’t start soon, I’ll be asleep before it ends.”

“I thought you were sleeping when I went to Moon club? Why are you still tired?” Luna questioned with a stern expression, eyeing his planet critically. The living planet dodged making eye-contact and waved his concerns away quickly.

“Change of plans, that’s all. Stuff came up.”

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘FULL SPEED AHEAD’

“Running away from the kid he killed?” Venus sneered, but his head rose to listen to the new sound of waves and drumming.

“It’s at least more upbeat than the last one. Sounds like an ocean.” Mars noted, then asked, “So, they must be going home, right?”

“Probably. Greece is full of islands, so the most common mode of transport was a ship.” The human confirmed, hopeful that they might finally be getting to the actual Odyssey. 

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS, ALL]

Six hundred men, six hundred men under my command

With only one goal in mind

(Make it back alive to our homeland)

“S-six hundred! T-that’s a l-lot, isn’t i-it? A-are they t-the guys w-we heard a-about at t-the start?” Io stammered out with a wheeze, his curious eyes finding the human so quickly he didn’t have time to register the question properly.

“N-no, not likely. The other heroes went home to different kingdoms, not his.” The Earthling tried to recall if the scale of Odysseus’ crew was ever even mentioned in the Odyssey. “600 is quite a lot, but I think he left Troy with 12 ships, so maybe they could fit 50-ish on each? I’m not super sure what kind of ships they even were, though, so I have no idea if they'd all fit.”

“T-there are d-different k-kinds?” Io’s response reminded him that he was currently talking to a moon billions of kilometres from his planet and completely detached from what a reasonable amount of soldiers was, or what a boat was. No point in trying to work out how realistic the song is, they won’t notice either way. 

“Nevermind.”

Six hundred men, six hundred miles of open sea

But the problem's not the distance

(It's what lies in between)

“Water?” Neptune tilted his head to an angle to grin down at the human as he asked, “Is that a big problem? I thought ships just floated over it.”

“They do.” The human nodded carefully, trying not to look too unnerved by the large humanoid. “But ships can still be sunk by storms or big waves, or crash into rocks. And they have to make stops at different islands as they go.”

“Oh! Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.” The blue ice giant smiled at him happily, adding, “They’ll be home in no time!”

“Mate, this whole story is about the journey taking forever . I don’t think he’ll be home soon.” Caelus frowned doubtfully, using one arm to push the other ice giant back from his leaning over the human. “Though, I would like to know how they mess up so much over just 600 miles.”

And Ithaca's waiting (Ithaca's waiting)

My kingdom is waiting (The kingdom is waiting)

Penelope's (waiting for me)

So full speed ahead, full speed ahead

“Oh, is Ithaca his home?” Saturn hummed, “And his kingdom? What does that mean?”

“That just means he’s in charge of it.” Luna replied, and the human was left with his mouth half open and the distinct feeling he should at least try to correct that blanket statement. 

“Um, sort of? It was an inherited position, and it was respected because the family line often had riches or great deeds in their past.” He added, “He was basically in charge of it, but it was a delicate position and he could have lost his crown had his wife not waited for him.”

“She waited? For ten years?” Saturn seemed to find the idea cute, so he thought he’d be safe adding the next bit.

“Longer than that, unfortunately.” 

“Oh…oh dear.”

[EURYLOCHUS, SOLDIERS]

Captain, (Eurylochus)

“I like that the crew were nice enough to chorus his name, just in case Ody forgot.” Earth laughed, leaning back in his seat and nearly upsetting the human’s own precarious position on the edge of said seat. 

“I think it is trying to show a level of connection between this man and the crew.” Jupiter pointed out insightfully, his interest piqued by the new character. “I am looking forward to hearing more about Eurylochus.”

“Jupiter, if you start analysing every line in this, we’ll be here until the Sun turns into a red giant.” Ganymede rolled his eyes, but his light-hearted tone and curious gaze betrayed a similar interest to his planet. 

Six hundred men (Six hundred men)

Six hundred men with big mouths to feed, and we've run out of supplies to eat

(Curse the war, our food stores depleted)

“They’re literally a Greek chorus.” The Earthling muttered with a small smile, amused at the irony. A whole boat of Greek soldiers, singing a Greek chorus for their captain. This might be funnier than I expected, especially after those first songs.

“Did they not pack enough food?” Oberon’s voice asked, confused. “Didn’t they just leave land? Why are they out already?”

“Well, they were at war for 10 years, and I don’t imagine they stuck around after the baby-dropping.” Dione shook her head in dismay. “I can’t see the Trojan's letting them hang around and eat after that.”

“It was less the Trojans, and more the gods that actually chased them off.” The human put in, vaguely wondering why the moons of different planets were so chatty and friendly with each other, despite the distance between their orbits. Though, Luna did mention a Moon club, so maybe that explains it. “The gods were annoyed by the end of the war, so they sent a storm to drive them away in some versions.”

“Why were the gods mad? Weren’t they half the reason the war even started?” Dione pressed, her attention far more intense now. 

“Uh, yeah, but some of the heroes managed to do things that specifically annoyed the gods, so they got petty about it.” He tried to explain, not excited at the idea of having to describe specific crimes. I think I got away with being pretty vague about Ajax’s, but I don’t even know where to begin with the rest.

“Sounds like that’s all the gods do, get petty about things.”

“I mean, basically?”

Six hundred men (Six hundred men)

Six hundred reasons to take what we can

So captain, what's the plan?

(Captain, what's the plan?)

“They’re going to steal?” Charon, the moon sitting beside Pluto, gasped in horror. “I don’t like this Eurylochus guy already!”

“More like a raid.” Earth offered, which didn’t sound much better to the human’s ears. 

“What’s the difference?” Pluto inquired of the living world, his moon also listening for the response. 

“Scale? Stealing is normally sneaky and small, while this army was probably just raiding the islands they landed on.” Earth shrugged, then apparently realized this sounded worse and added, “Yeah, humans can be kind of cruel, even to each other, but back then having a bigger army was sorta the only way to protect stuff like food from raiders.”

“You’re really not helping me like these guys, Earth.” Pluto’s side-eye towards the present human stung a bit, but he probably deserved it. We did demote him, in a way, I guess?

“Look, the island raiding is barely scratching the surface, so this is going to be a rough watch then.” Earth sighed, his amusement dying into a tired expression. “You don’t have to like them. The story is interesting all the same.”

“If you say so.”

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS, ALL]

Watch where the birds fly

(Watch where the birds fly)

They will lead us to land

(They will lead us to land)

There we'll hunt for food, my second in command

Now full speed ahead, full speed ahead

“Well, Odysseus definitely seems very intelligent. Using natural signs to aid his crew.” Iapetus commented, his two-sided surface drawing the Earthling’s eye in wonder. “Would that work? Following birds?”

“Uh, I wouldn’t recommend it.” Earth hissed through his teeth, pursing his lips into a line. “You might get lucky and find a bird that is actually going to land, but more often than not you won’t. Some species can fly over water for days, and a few basically never stop to land at all. So, unless you know that bird species really well, it’s not a great idea.”

“I noticed he called Eurylochus his ‘second in command’. Does that mean he’s like Jupiter to the Sun?” Europa butted in, apparently unfazed by the outraged look from the star, and the worried one from her planet. 

“I don’t have a SECOND IN COMMAND! I AM THE COMMAND!”

[EURYLOCHUS, SOLDIERS, ODYSSEUS]

We're up, we're off, and away we go

(We're up, we're off, and away we go (Full speed ahead))

We're up, we're off, and away we go

“Off we go!” The small moons of Mars echoed, jumping up to run around their planet’s bean bag. “Full speed ahead!”

“Come on! Let’s go raid an island!” Phobos cheered, darting off to throw himself full-force against a bean bag nearer the back, dislodging a handful of Neptunian moons. While the planet and largest moon appeared startled, the little moons only jumped into action and chased the Martian moons away. 

“Get back here!” Nereid laughed, ignoring Triton’s attempt to grab her, his efforts only trapping two of the smaller moons. The rest ran off after her, giggling and tripping over legs as they went.

“Are you going to call them back?” Triton muttered to his planet, who gave him an odd, confused look. 

“Why? They’re having fun!” Neptune argued, his own smile wide and undeterred by the scattered chaos his moons were causing. “I’m sure they’ll be back in a bit.”

“Whatever.” Triton huffed with an air of indifference, but the human watched as the moon carefully tracked the positions of the wayward celestials until they returned to their seat.

[POLITES]

Captain

[ODYSSEUS]

Polites!

“Oh. No chorus this time, but he sounds happy to see him.” Jupiter mused, “I suppose this is a friend of his?”

“Sounds like it, mate.” Caelus glared at the screen as he spoke. “Though, I don’t know why this guy still has friends, after killing a baby and all.”

“He was forced into it. It wasn’t his choice” The man regretted his response as soon as it escaped his mouth, but he couldn’t swallow it back down now. The ice giant turned to him slowly, eyes hard and cold. “I-I only meant-”

“Look, little guy, I really don’t care why he did it.” The ice giant rolled his eyes as he muttered, “But, don’t expect me to forget about it anytime soon, okay?”

“Caelus.” As the human spoke, he tried to sound more confident than he felt, but his heartbeat quickened as the pale blue planet’s eyes widened in surprise at the name. “I-I am not trying to defend him, but I really think the circumstances should be taken into account. People do things they’d never dream of under threats.”

He certainly had. In all his time stuck in space, he’d been so close to making horrible mistakes so many times it was getting exhausting. The Martian laser had been a wake up call, but he still knew his future missions would be just as hard. And he didn’t even want to consider the fate of SiBO. I took him from his home, and now he’s being dragged all over the system by a madman who might use him, or hurt him, or kill him! 

“S-sorry, mate. I wasn’t saying you were, necessarily.” Caelus shuffled uncomfortably, his eyes down and shifty. “You’re not a bad Earthling, you’know.”

“Um, thanks?”

[POLITES]

Look! There in the distance, I see an island

I see a light that faintly glows

Maybe they're people lighting a fire

Maybe they'll share some food, who knows?

“Is that likely in Ancient Greece? Finding people who will share food so easily?” Callisto’s question fell into a gap in the song, pausing the steady rhythm once again. I’ll have to find these songs myself, once I’m back on Earth. And listen to them without interruptions.

“I-I have no idea. Look, I might know a bit about Greek myths, but I’m not exactly an expert on their culture at the time.” He breathed out, trying to picture the humanoids around him as simply a very lively board meeting. “I know vague bits, but not a lot.”

“It’s all human, though, isn’t it? Why would it be so different?” Mars sent him a confused frown from his own bean bag, where he had somehow managed to wrangle the two little moons back onto his lap. 

“It’s 3200 years and half a planet removed from me.” The human shot back, “I’m not even Greek, let alone ancient Greek. Human society has changed a lot since then.”

“Huh, if you say so, Astrodude.” Mars didn’t sound terribly convinced as he considered the little human in front of him. “3200 isn’t really that long ago, though?”

“It is for me! That’s, like, 100 generations of humans!” 

“Wow, you guys expire fast, don’t you?” Mars joked before switching to a softer gaze. “Don’t stress, dude, I get it. I think?”

[ODYSSEUS]

Something feels off here

I see fire but there's no smoke

“What could that mean?” The smallest planet glanced at the Earth with a question. “How can fire happen without smoke? Lava? Plasma?”

“I really hope the island wasn’t full of plasma, Mercury. That would be alarming.” The living planet laughed, adding in a dismissive tone. “There are ways to make fires with minimal smoke, but honestly the answer is probably magic or something. These stories always have stuff like that going on.”

“A magic island?” The Sun, overhearing, grinned at the thought. “Well, that sounds sun-sational! Much better than all that fighting from earlier!"

[EURYLOCHUS]

I say we strike first, we don't have time to waste

So let's raid the place and…

[ODYSSEUS]

No

Polites gear up, you and I'll go ahead

[POLITES]

You and I'll go ahead

“Polites sounds quite happy with that idea, at least.” Titania noted, her gaze roaming around the room idly. “He seems much nicer than these other two.”

“He sounds annoying.” Miranda grumbled half-heartedly, “His voice is so high.”

“Yeah, to be the opposite of that other guy, Eury!” Ariel pointed out with a smirk. “See, I’m paying attention! I think these two are going to be opposites that keep popping up to give Ody two different choices.”

“T-that’s actually surprisingly insightful, Ariel.” Miranda stammered, taken aback by the moon’s words. 

“Surprisingly? ”

[ODYSSEUS]

We should try to find a way no one ends up dead

[EURYLOCHUS]

We don't know what's ahead

“They both have a point, I fear.” Saturn sighed, shaking his head and glancing at his friend for his thoughts. “As much as I don’t want to hear about more dead Earthlings, they can’t be sure the island is safe.”

“Indeed my friend, but I believe Ody is not someone who will be so naïve as to jump into this without thought.” As Jupiter replied, his largest moon’s head shot up in disbelieving surprise.

“You’re using the nickname too?” 

“Well, as you said, Gany, his name is rather long.” Jupiter’s amused smile only grew when his moon registered his words enough to sputter in outrage.

“Wait-No!” Ganymede glared at the other Galilean moons as they laughed. “I-I’m not answering to that!”

“Ah, my apologies, Ganymede.” Jupiter chuckled, but the warmth in his eyes seemed to calm the offended moon enough to quiet him. 

[ODYSSEUS, SOLDIERS]

Give me 'til sunrise, and if we don't return

Then six hundred men can make this whole place burn

“OK, dark turn.” Mars paused, “But at least he has a backup plan? Smart, I suppose.”

“That does seem to be his thing.” Venus folded his arms over his chest. “And I suppose the next song is going to be about the island? Something cool better happen there.”

Now full speed ahead

Full speed ahead

(Full speed ahead)

We're up, we're off, and away we go

(We're up, we're off, and away we go)

Full speed ahead

(We're up, we're off, and away we go)

(We're up, we're off, and a-)

Full speed ahead

“Full speed ahead!” The Sun called out as the song ended. The room of celestials turned bemused stares to their star. “What? It’s catchy!”

SONG ENDS

“OK, still no picture change. Maybe after the next one?” Titan speculated to his planet, who was eyeing the wooden horse critically.

“I would hope so. They’re definitely not in the horse anymore.” Saturn frowned, “Or Troy.”

“I don’t think these have been divided by location.” The human ventured, still a bit wary of Saturn recalling their last encounter in orbit. He seems pretty chill with his moons, so maybe they got over it? “If they had been, we’d be changing the picture after every second song.”

“Oh? He visits that many places?” The ringed giant inquired with surprise. “Well, at least it’ll keep this interesting.”

“That’s a guarantee, with the Odyssey.” He assured him, glad that the gas giant was invested in the story.

SONG STARTS, TITLE ‘OPEN ARMS’

The song started with almost tropical animal calls, as if they’d just stepped into a sun-baked forest. The rapid shaking sound that joined in also aided in the upbeat tone of the song.

“That’s an odd title for a song about raiding an island.” Callisto’s unimpressed mutter caught the Earthling’s hearing. At her side, Io wheezed out a laugh.

“T-the most f-f-friendly raid in t-the Universe!” The yellow volcanic moon chuckled out, uncowed by the glare sent his way.

“Anyway, I’m pretty sure these two are just scouting, not raiding.” Europa rolled her eyes at the two other Galilean moons. “Though, if they’re late back, things might actually get interesting.”

“Burning an island is not my definition of ‘interesting’." Titan winced at the pale moon’s phrasing. 

[POLITES]

You can relax, my friend

[ODYSSEUS]

Huh?

“I like this guy, he sounds so nice!” Neptune grinned widely, perking up at the sound of this new melody. 

“Bit odd to tell his captain to relax when they’re investigating a strange island, though.” Triton pointed out from his perch beside the planet, two little moons already asleep in his lap. “Not really the time or the place.”

“He doesn’t think this island is dangerous, though." Proteus recalled, wiggling from his seat on Neptune to lean over to Triton. “He thinks they’ll share!”

“Very optimistic.” Titania commented from her nearby position, looking across at the other moons. “He’s going to walk right into a trap like that.”

“Nope! Sharing is what everyone is supposed to do! So they’ll be fine!” Another of the small Neptunian moons exclaimed, proudly turning to her planet. “Isn’t that right!”

“Of course, Galatea!” The ice giant grinned, while his largest moon muttered something under his breath.

[POLITES]

I can tell you're getting nervous

So do yourself a service

And try to relax my friend

[ODYSSEUS]

I'm fine, Polites

“Aw, Polites is trying to be a good friend!” Tethys’ smile widened to a laugh as he added, “I like how his name sounds like ‘polite’!”

“It’s certainly an ironic naming.” Iapetus agreed with a tempered expression of wariness. “Though, I fear his words will not get through to Odysseus. He seems quite dismissive of the suggestion.”

“He’ll come around!” Rhea decided, passing the two-sided moon a smile. “I mean, after the last few years he’s had, I can’t imagine he’ll turn down a chance to relax a bit!”

“Maybe. Not in a potentially hostile environment, though.” Iapetus reminded her.

“Don’t be such a downer.”

[POLITES]

Think of all that we have been through

We'll survive what we get into

I know that you're tired of the war and bloodshed

Tell me, is this how we're supposed to live?

Look at how you grip your sword, enough said

“I like his rapid singing, it’s catchy!” Luna’s silver eyes caught the human’s attention as the moon turned to him brightly. “Can you sing like that? Earth’s told me a lot about how good you humans are at singing!”

“Ah, no, I’m not a good singer, sorry. Please don’t ask me to.” He pleaded, not at all interested in the panic attack he’d get if forced to sing to the gathered celestials. Drunk Karaoke is one thing, this is an entirely different level of humiliation. “But! Lots of people are good at singing. It’s basically a cultural universal with humans. We love singing, even when we’re bad at it.”

“Why don’t you want to sing then? If it’s something you love.” Mars had apparently been eavesdropping on the two of them, leaning over now to peer at the human. “Go on! Give us a show!”

“Haha, no thanks…” He awkwardly smiled at the red planet, shooting desperate looks back at Luna for help. The moon just laughed silently, his grin of amusement destroying the Earthling’s hopes.

“Damn Astrodude, don’t look so scared, little guy!” Mars was examining him closer now, brows furrowing at the shaking human. “I’m not gonna make yah, I was just joking.”

“Oh, ah…Ha ha?” He tried to laugh, but it came out squeezed and misshapen. “Sorry, I just thought you might want some pay-back, you know?”

“For what?” The red planet looked even more confused now, glancing at the living world and his moon for help of his own. 

“The terraforming? I helped make that laser they shot at you.” He decided not to mention the robot army he may have also helped to form from that incident. I’m sure these guys have nothing to fear from a few robots anyway.

“Oh! Well, that was more annoying than anything else, and you stopped it pretty quickly, didn’t you? So no harm done!” Mars dismissed, offering the human a reassuring head-pat. I need to ask them not to do that. 

Why should we take when we could give?

You could show a person that you trust them

When you stop and lower your guard

Here we have a chance for some adjustment

Give it a try, it's not that hard

“Oh. So he wants to get Odysseus to switch from a ‘war’ mindset to a more friendly one?” Saturn mused, nodding along to the lyrics. “I agree, he could use some practice being nice. Especially after that baby incident.”

“I don’t think being kind to a couple of islanders is going to wipe all that traumatizing stuff from his mind.” Mercury pointed out doubtfully, then added with a shrug, “But, it’s better to start small, I suppose?”

“True. Small steps.”

I'm telling you

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart

No matter the place, we can light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

“Very optimistic attitude.” Jupiter’s voice held a hint of uncertainty as he listened to Polites sing. “Not a common one among the Greek myths, as far as I recall.” 

“I wonder how it’ll backfire?” The Sun sneered with a laugh. “These heroes always seem to fall to some character trait of theirs. It’s not hard to imagine how this guy fails.”

“Maybe not, Sun. He is still a warrior in this army, and I’m sure under the right circumstances he will fight just as much as Odysseus.” Jupiter countered with a frown at the star. “His optimism does not have to mean naivety.”

“I’m not sure I see much of a difference.” The Sun rolled his eyes at the gas giant, but paused at the annoyed look on his oldest planet’s face. “Oh, come on, Jupiter. I’m just pointing it out. I’m sure this will end in nothing but stars and nebulae.”

[LOTUS EATERS]

Welcome

[ODYSSEUS]

Stay back

[LOTUS EATERS]

Stay back

[POLITES]

My friend, greet the world with open arms

“Who the Stars are they talking to?” Venus drew back at the odd, high-pitched and warped voices. The Earthling was equally as confused, taken aback by the unexpected sound. I’d have thought this was the lotus eaters, but the lotus eaters are just random people, not some kind of creature.

“I wish we could see what they look like.” Earth complained, his gaze falling over the human beside him in thought. “I was expecting humans, but now I have no idea!”

“Well, if they can talk, doesn’t that mean they are humans? I thought humans were the only talking species we could understand?” Mercury pointed out with a confused glance at the Earth.

“Not in mythology! That’s out the window, tossed across the Solar System.” Earth exaggerated, throwing his hands up to emphasize his point. “Most of the monsters can talk. And some regular animals as well. The gods don’t even look like humans half the time.”

“Ah. So this could get confusing.”

[ODYSSEUS]

We're only here for food

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food

[ODYSSEUS]

Six hundred friends are waiting for us to show our faces

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food

[ODYSSEUS]

Stay back, I'm warning you

“He’s really jumpy, isn’t he?” Ariel giggled, “These guys sound so tiny and harmless, and he’s threatening them like they're about to eat him!”

“Who knows? Maybe they are?” Oberon worried, his hands held together over his curled up knees. “Like Earth said, these could be monsters!”

“You think a monster would sound like that ?” Ariel questioned, then turned to one of the darker moons, who was staring ahead with an intense look. “What do you think, Umbriel? Are they dangerous monsters?”

Umbriel blinked, then turned her stare to Ariel and slowly shook her head. The other moon nodded with a bright, triumphant smile.

“See! Even Umbriel agrees with me!”

“Ugh, if you say so, Umbriel.”

[LOTUS EATERS]

Food 

[ODYSSEUS]

If we don't get back safely, my men will turn this place into blazes

“That is not my definition of ‘greeting the world with open arms’.” Caelus huffed, “He basically just told them to give him food or get burnt to death.”

“Not really? He was warning them of what will happen if he’s harmed.” Pluto argued, trying to recall the whole conversation. “Though, it would help if he’d actually asked instead of jumping straight into that bit of information."

“Small steps indeed.” Caelus muttered doubtfully, waiting for the music to resume.

[LOTUS EATERS]

Here you go

[POLITES]

See? This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart

No matter the place, we can light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

“They actually gave him food?” Luna asked in mild amazement, frowning as his suspicion grew. “There's got to be a catch to this.”

“Yep, almost certainly.” The human echoed, his previous idea of the lotus eaters rising once again in his mind. I can’t think of any other situation where Ody was offered food so easily. Oh great, now I’m using that nickname!

“I hope he’s not stupid enough to eat it right away.” Mars grimaced and shook his head. “No, Ody’s already shown himself to be quite smart. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Polites on the other hand…” Venus trailed off with a suggestive expression of doubt.

[ODYSSEUS]

My friend, I wish that I could say that I agree

But look at the way this fruit is glowing and filled with glowing seeds

It took me a while to notice just what kind of fruit they eat

It's a lotus, it controls your mind and never lets you free

That's what we'd get with open arms

“Ah, there it is.” Earth nodded to himself. “Lotus eaters. They’re usually just humans, though. Regular dudes with a plant addiction.”

“Earthlings can get addicted to plants?” Titan’s bemused question dragged an amused smile onto the living planet’s face.

“They almost exclusively get addicted to plants. It’s honestly kind of scary how many toxic plants they have decided to consume on mass just because it makes them feel weird.” Earth’s explanation was a bit reductive in his opinion, but what could he say to the planet all those plants and humans lived on? I can’t really argue with him, not when he definitely knows more than me about this.

“So do these lotuses mind-control humans?” The Sun inquired suddenly, startling the Earthling anew. “Sounds useful.”

“Um, for starters, they’re not real.” Earth corrected testily, eyeing the star warily. “Well, lotuses exist, but they don’t have this effect. Second of all, they just make the humans lazy and forgetful, not mind-controlled.”

“Aw, pity.”

[POLITES]

Lotus eaters, I'd like to show my friend that kindness is brave

Could you tell me where there's other food to eat?

[LOTUS EATERS]

The cave (Scary cave)

“Did they just say ‘scary cave’? Oh no!” Charon sat up from her seat between her planet and a small dark celestial. “What’s in the cave?”

“Nothing good, and it’ll probably delay them going home.” Eris, another dwarf planet sitting nearby, responded with a sigh. “And that’ll lead to another issue, and then another. Like Makemake’s games.”

“I’d like to think I include more variety than that.” The spectacled dwarf planet put in with a disagreeing tone.

“Yeah, you’d like to think that.” Eris reiterated with a smirk. Charon shot her an annoyed look.

“Don’t be mean. I love Makemake’s stories! And so does Ceres!” 

“Aha ah ha!” The little dark dwarf planet added enthusiastically.

[POLITES]

A cave! You're saying there's a cave where we could feast?

And where do we sail to find this food-filled cave?

[LOTUS EATERS]

East (That way)

[POLITES]

Thank you!

[LOTUS EATERS]

Welcome

“Well, they were friendly enough. Apart from the mind-controlling fruit.” Luna turned to the Earthling with a question. “Are they harmless in the original story too?”

“Yeah, basically. A few of the crew eat the lotus and have to be dragged off, but other than that they were one of the easier obstacles.” He recalled, trying to remember anything else about them. They hadn’t really stood out to him at the time, not compared to the other islands the crew would end up on. “They get past it pretty fast, compared to future ones.”

“Why are they even in the story? Seems like a pointless pitstop.” Mars pointed out, but the Earthling already had an answer for that. Time to prove I was actually listening, Mrs Sphere!

“A lot of the islands they visit are used to represent things the Greeks were culturally supposed to reject. Because this was an oral story used to communicate through generations.” He hoped this wasn’t too confusing or silly for the celestials to care about. It was likely to come up again with the other islands and he really didn’t want to have to re-explain himself every time. “The lotus eaters represent the desire to forget about the real world and indulge in luxuries and pleasures, ignoring everything else and leaving reality behind.”

“...I did not get that at all.” Mars tilted his head at the little human. “You got all that from a story?”

“Well, yeah. It’s how these things work.” He tried to face the planet with some confidence. “We tell stories, and we hide meanings in them. And we read stories and pick up on those hidden meanings.”

“Earth, your Earthlings get weirder every day, dude.” Mars seemed to relent on his desire to understand, instead tossing a dismissive grin to the living world. The human used the excuse to turn away from the red planet and face his own again. I miss my wife. She’d love to hear all about this. I can’t wait to tell her about this whole wild experience. One day.

[POLITES]

This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms

I see in your face, there is so much guilt inside your heart

“He does feel bad about the baby murder, then?” Dione drawled, her eyebrow raising at the lyrics. “That’s good to know, I guess.”

“I’m not sure he’d have had an entire monologue about being a monster if he didn’t feel bad about it, Dione.” Enceladus refuted, his voice squeaky and pitchy. 

“Hm, true.”

So why not replace it and light up the world

Here's how to start:

Greet the world with open arms

Greet the world with open arms

[ODYSSEUS]

Greet the world with open arms

[POLITES]

You can relax, my friend

“Aw, he’s warming up to the idea!” Neptune grinned excitedly, turning to his fellow pale ice giant. “He’ll be happy in no time!”

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy, Neptune.” Caelus sighed, his eyes straying around the room without focusing on anything in particular. “One song isn’t going to fix ten years of war and having to murder a child.”

“Oh. Yeah, maybe not.” Neptune dropped his smile for a beat, then grabbed it again to add, “Buuut! He can be a little happy, in the meantime, and keep working on the rest!”

“If you say so, mate.”

SONG ENDS

“Well, I like that Polites guy, he’s a lovely singer.” Saturn broke the silence that fell over the room after the last few notes of the song died away. The screen continued to glow softly, the fiery horse almost seared into his eyes now.

“There can’t be more than one or two more songs in this saga, can there?” Pluto pondered aloud, his words drawing the rest of the room to look again at the screen. 

The human rubbed at his eyes, the tiredness from before having faded to a low urge rather than an all-consuming desire. The bean bag wasn’t easy to stay balanced on, especially when the two celestials moved, but it was soft and far better than the floor. At least here, he could pretend he was close to his family, back down on the surface of the blue-green planet lounging beside him. I wonder what they’re doing right now? 

He just hoped they weren’t too worried about him. His poor number of calls home sat in his mind like a rock, weighing every thought down with it. All he wanted was to go home, but so much still stood in his way. Like, for instance, explaining the entirety of the Odyssey to a room of rocks and gas. Ugh, the irony is killing me. This is a cosmic joke to someone out there.

And, even when he inevitably got out of here, he still needed to catch Cosmo and get SiBO back. The Titanian life form needed to go home, ideally. Screw the scientific breakthrough, that little guy had been his friend for too long for him to just surrender them to some laboratory somewhere. I’ll stop Cosmo, get SiBO, and make a stop-off at Titan. Then…then I can go home. To my beautiful wife, and our amazing son. They’re waiting for me and I won’t let them down.