Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s a little bit suspicious to get a letter from Krile. If she wants to contact me directly, why not just call via the linkpearl, or, barring that, just swing by the house? I’m enjoying my hermiting, even though I’m all healed up; it’s not like I’m that hard to find!

“You look rather suspicious of the missive,” Themis says from where he’s helping me weed the flowers.

“It’s from Krile. She was just here two nights ago, why is she sending me a letter?”

“Perhaps because it’s not urgent?” he offers.

“...maybe.... Feels sus though.”

He chuckles at me softly, which is nice. I’ve been working hard at getting him to be able to relax, to feel like he’s safe with me, with us, and it’s starting to show in the way he no longer looks so confused by my weird words and actions.

No kisses yet, but honestly, I think we’re doing okay as we are. He’s stuck fairly close to me since I insisted Hyth and Hades go off on their world-tour of self-discovery after the disbandment of the Scions, and his presences is.... Kind of like Urianger’s actually. Soft. There, but not obtrusively so.

It’s hard to explain, even to myself, so I push the thought away after a moment and remove the gardening gloves to inspect the letter more cautiously. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d got a forgery or fake with a less than stellar death threat included--some people kind of took umbrage with me in a few locations we’d visited before my ‘retirement’--but it smells right, it feels like the sort of envelopes Krile has in the Baldesion Annex on Sharlayan...

A tap on one of the windows makes me jump and look up; Thancred waves at me, and I wave back with a smile, stuffing the envelope in the pocket of my shorts.

“Lunchtime~ C’mon Them!”

Themis helps me gather up all the gardening implements to put away in the little tool shed, and then we go in to wash up before ending up in the dining room with Thancred and Urianger.

“What’s that you’ve got?” Thancred asks as I lean down to kiss his cheek. 

“Oh, Krile sent me a letter for some reason,” I shrug a little, pull it out and hand it to him. “I don’t think it’s boobytrapped, or a fake...”

He’s much more experienced with that sort of thing, and he’s been showing a higher than usual protective streak ever since we got officially married, so letting him have it and make sure that I’m right is no skin off my nose. It also gives me the chance to go give Ange a kiss on the cheek as well before I plop into my chair and start having a go at the plain but yummy food they’ve made.

“If there’s a trick of some sort, I can’t find it,” Thancred says after a moment, sliding it back over to me as Themis sits down as well. “Tis passing odd that she’d send you a letter when she was here only a few days ago, though.”

“Right? A linkpearl call or coming to visit herself makes more sense to me, but like...” I shrug gently and take a bite out of the sandwich. Yum. Yum yum yum~

“Perhaps tis concerning, but not urgent,” Urianger suggests. “A call by pearl or a visit would make it seem an immediate response is called for; a letter implies tis a thing as can be handled more at thy leisure.”

I consider as I eat, then tip my head in acknowledgement of the point.

“Themis said the same thing,” I admit after I swallow. “Still feels sus.”

All three of them make amused noises at that, and Thancred reaches over to gently tug at some of my hair.

“Did you not say the adventures weren’t over?” he asks.

I make a face at him.

“Don’t threaten me, sassy man,” I warn him, sticking my tongue out at the amusement glowing in pale gold eyes. “I am enjoying my quiet relaxy time, thank you!”

I have to admit though, that he isn’t wrong. I just... don’t want to deal with it. Not yet. Even when I’m snuggled up with him, there’s still three nights in five where I wake up at some point from a nightmare and ended to be soothed back to sleep. I’d rushed into and through so much, nearly died more times than I probably should have, changed so much...

I’m not ready to go tackle Pandaemonium. (Though that does remind me, I need to talk to Vrtra about his underwater palace thing, and letting Shtola use the baby voidgate to make a bigger voidgate for his sister.) But...

I glance sidelong at Themis; if I don’t do Pandaemonium, I don’t get Themis to take my hand at the end of Ultima Thule. And honestly, I don’t want to know what that would look like. So...

“It can be an after food problem,” I say finally, pointedly reaching to the pitcher in the middle of the table to refill my glass. “Have you two decided where you’re going yet, on your aimless ramble?~”

Thancred splutters a little, an immediate protest of the label that makes me grin, and opens the floor for further teasing and keeping the mood light. I have to keep it light, because the other option is being upset that he’s leaving...

Lunch is finished slowly, all of us lingering over it with the air of not wanting to move to the latter half of the day. But eventually the food and drink are gone, and Themis is the first to leave; he’s been experimenting with artistic things, working with his hands instead of making everything with creation magics the way Hades does, and that’s time consuming enough that I don’t protest him wandering away to that. (I did say that if he ever wanted to try pottery I needed to know because I wanna do that too. I think he liked the idea?)

Urianger takes the dishes into the kitchen area to wash--meaning Thancred had done most of the cooking because that’s usually the deal; cook does not wash their own dishes after--leaving me and Thancred at the dining table, the letter on the wood between us.

“Are you going to open it?” Thancred asks, lazily draping his arm over my shoulders.

“Can I pretend it doesn’t exist?” I ask, admittedly a bit plaintively. “Time travel sucks ass.”

He snorts in amusement, and leans down to press a kiss to my temple.

“I could always give you a much better distraction,” he murmurs, and oh that voice. I know that voice. “We can leave the letter for much much later, if you’d like.”

I can’t pretend it’s not tempting. Spend the afternoon with Thancred? My adorable ridiculous husband who knows exactly how much I’m going to miss him while he’s away, and has been doing his level best to reassure me that it won’t be for too terribly long... I could get into that, especially when he’s using that sort of voice.

Except...

“It’ll haunt me if I don’t,” I sigh, finally reaching forward to snag the letter. “Besides, didn’t you have routes to plan? I appreciate you pushing back on leaving for me, Than, but-”

But I actually kind of wish he wouldn’t. It just makes me want to cling to him more, and that’s... even if the Scions are disbanded, he’s still the one who collects all their information to send out to the rest. I can’t not let him do that. And yeah, some of this could be mitigated if I asked Hades and Hyth to come back, but I can’t do that either.

I don’t mean to be this codependent on them. I really don’t. And yet, here I am... Ah, I feel pathetic...

He just snuggles me gently as I open the letter and pull it out. It’s not terribly thick, and written in Krile’s clear hand--for which I’m grateful. Some of these dopes have handwriting that’s just chicken scratch to my poor brain.--and I scan it over with a practiced eye.

“....yup. That’s about what I thought.”
I sigh a little, then lean my head against Thancred’s arm as I think. What all do I remember about Pandaemonium?

“Do we need to gather?” he asks.

“Nnnnooooo,” I say slowly. “No, this shouldn’t affect too many people. Honestly, if I’m remembering right, it... didn’t actually affect anyone. It was just a Hero Thing.”

“Tell me?”

I do my best, but it’s been... it’s been long enough here, without the ability to refresh my memory by watching or playing, that the details are fuzzy. Oh, there’s some bits I recall--Thancred cracks up when I tell him I’m going to meet Themis head first, even as he plants a kiss between my ears--but mostly, I feel like it’s going to be... well. More complicated than the game had it being.

“Why not ask Themis himself?” Thancred asks.

“Cause the same as I didn’t want to railroad you lot in Ultima Thule, I don’t want to be railroaded,” I sigh a little, leaning my head against his shoulder and closing my eyes. “Pettins.”

Thancred pulls me onto his lap and snuggles me instead, which is not the worst trade. I get to rest my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat while being surrounded by the warmth and scent that I am going to miss horribly...

“It’s why I didn’t ask Hades too many details about the Elpis trip either,” I admit, letting my tail wind around his leg as he rests his chin gently on my head. “I know the loose picture. I don’t actively want the details. I want things to be as organic as possible, instead of doing things by rote, you know?”

I still feel intensely guilty about Ultima Thule, but everyone has literally gone out of their way to assure me that there’s no hard feelings for it. It’s not in big, grand gestures--though they all have, individually, come to me for hugs and whispers of forgiveness--but in little things like showing up routinely to have dinner with me, regardless of the work they’re embroiled in--Alisaie and Alphinaud had actually dragged Jullus along the week prior, and he’d mumbled an apology for the treatment that we’d suffered in Garlemald before Amondaniel’s nonsense had gone all to shit. Naturally I’d forgiven him for that; I like him! He’s not mine, but still I like him--or bringing me copies of books from the depths of the Sharlayan library that technically I shouldn’t be allowed to have because I’m not a Sharlayan native, let alone an Archon.

Thancred’s arms tighten gently around me as Urianger comes back in and settles himself in my now empty seat.

“Perhaps the timing on this be no accident,” he suggests as I half-smile at him. “I didst mention to Mistress Krile the other day that we mayeth yet finalize our leavetaking within the fortnight. Perhaps she seeks to give something as to occupy thy mind and keep thy thoughts from wending down shadowed paths.”

That.... actually does sound a bit like Krile. Not that she’s the only one who’ll poke me more when Thancred and Ange are away, but like... I could see her specifically sending me this, knowing that they’re going to leave soon, and also knowing that Hades and Hyth aren’t immediately available.

“Maybe,” I hum faintly, loosely curling my fingers in Thancred’s shirt. “Goodness knows we rattle about here with everyone off doing their own things.”

Alisaie and Alphinaud are in Garlemald, though the show up every three or four days with status reports and information about the progress of the restoration. The work seems to be good for them, though there’s been a couple times where I was admittedly tempted to grab my dragoon spear and go explain to a couple of people that if they kept trying to hurt my kids I would be getting involved.

Shtola and Raha are in Sharlayan with Krile; Krile is working on the restoration of the Students with Raha’s help, while Shtola is studying anything she can get her hands on about portal/aether travel, with the intent of one day walking across the shards as easily as the Ancients can. (And has flat out refused to let Hades or Themis give her any hints. Which is fair, because who knows if their ways would work, but also her stubbornness amuses me so much. That’s Shtola for you...) 

Ange has been bouncing about between Sharlayan and the moon, doing something related to the Loporrits that I have decided I really do not need to know about, but I think it’s related to them finding their purpose since the moon isn’t needed to be a big ship safe have any more.

Hyth and Hades allowed me to shoo them off on their world tour a couple of days after I’d had the--admittedly unwanted--ceremony/celebration of my official marriage to Thancred, though they have regularly checked in by tomestone. I have so many pictures of them doing cute couples stuff, and if I’m a little jealous, well, this was my idea in the first place, and they deserve to be happy, damnit.

Thancred and Themis have both been content to hermit with me, which is nice. Themis has, since our talk just prior to that, been experimenting with various types of artisan skills. Wood working, painting, jewelry making... all things he could very easily do with creation magicks--Things Hades has to avoid spending money on this house, or on components for doing things the slow way--he’s attempting to do with his own two hands. He hasn’t shown anyone his progress yet, which is fair, but he does seem to be enjoying himself.

Thancred is, I know, doing what he usually does, which is listening to rumors and flirting with people to get information. It doesn’t always sit easy with me, but he comes back to me, and that’s the part that’s important. That he loves me enough to come back, instead of falling into a different bed every night. That he reassures me, cuddles up with me, and is just... here.

Some days I do think it’d be easier to just live in my Ishgard apartment. But then four people show up at once and I’m reminded that we’d had the house discussion because Hades had pried out of me my desire to have a place the Scions could call home that wasn’t a place like the Waking Sands or Rising Stones. I wanted to give them a place to truly relax, and, armed with my memories of the game, a place they could come back to at any time instead of being so utterly disconnected from one another that even though I’d yote myself straight into further story quests, it made me sad.

Thancred’s arm tighten subtly around me, and I can feel the faintly exasperated sigh that ruffles my fur; no doubt he’d been working up to the information Urianger had just handed me. Leaving in a fortnight.... So, ten days, give or take. Not surprising, but... I can’t pretend it’s sooner than I want it to be. Granted, if I had my way, they’d all come home every night, and the house would never be really empty.

I just close my eyes and snuggle into Thancred; I knew it was coming. And I can’t pretend that Krile’s suggestion to go to Sharlayan, and meet Nemjiji and Professor Claudien isn’t a good one, especially since she was approached by Nemjiji...

“It can wait a couple of days, though,” I say after a moment. “I need to figure out what I should bring to handle Time Travel Bullshit.”

“Considering the way it went sideways last time, you assuredly do,” and Thancred’s arms squeeze briefly tight. “For all you’d prefer to not interrupt Hades and Hythlodaeus, I admit, I would feel better if you did.”

“Aye,” and Urianger nods in agreement, concern on his face. “T’was greatly disturbing to hear that such travels left thee utterly bereft of thy aether in such a manner.”

“The perils of only knowing things in context of non-reality,” and I manage to keep my tone dryly amused. No point in letting the anxiety creep in.... “I don’t know where the other end will anchor this time, considering the up coming crash landing, but I’ll do my level best to be more aware, and not attempt it without properly resting beforehand.”

The prevailing theory is that I’d made the mistake of attempting the portal back from Elpis without being properly recovered from the fight in Ktisis, and that’s why I’d suffered aether depletion to near-death levels. Being fair, at the end of that, I’d just direly, desperately needed to be back with my favorite people, and hadn’t considered the consequences, because there hadn’t been any in canon.

I tend to run headfirst into the differences between canon and reality. Sometimes? It absolutely bites me in the ass.

“Good,” and Thancred nuzzles at me gently. “I’d certainly feel better if you stayed a day or so longer in Elpis and felt properly rested rather than rushing back.”

I’ll probably rush back anyways; for Themis, for Feo Ul who’s probably going to have a conniption fit when they hear I’m making more trips to the past, for Ryne and Gaia who will be hovering if they catch me in the Crystarium beforehand...

“I’ll talk to Tataru about her aether-snacks in a couple days,” I say after a minute. No point in making him worry and push back on his own travels. “You wanna come with me on the initial meeting? I mean, you don’t have to, I just-”

“Wild chocobos couldn’t prevent me from tagging along to the start of your adventure,” Thancred teases gently.

“Verily, t’would be interesting to meet one of the teams as studies the aetherial sea via the Atiascope,” Urianger hums a little, thoughtfully. “It makes one wonder how hath the sea changed since Hydaelyn’s dissolution.”

Venat now rests in the sea. Or maybe she’s already been reborn? Either way, he’s got a point in being curious as to what’s changed, even if it’s not really something any of us need to worry about.

“Will you invite Themis?”

I nod.

“He’s spent too much time alone, I think. Once... Once I’m ready to go, I’ll tell Hades and Hyth, so that...”

So that even while I’m busy, Themis won’t be left to his own thoughts indefinitely. I worry about him; being not just Elidibus, but the heart of Zodiark, had done a number on his memories and personality. I’m seeing the Themis of the raid series start to peek through, the truest parts of his personality coming clear as he becomes comfortable and starts to really trust me, but I don’t want him to self-isolate and feel like he’s made a mistake.

I’m glad he took my hand. Glad he stayed. But I’m keeping a careful eye on him just the same.

“Thy kind concerns show through as ever,” and I hiss a complaint as Urianger smiles fondly at me. “Even without thee in residence, I doubt little that the others would not return here and continue their own cautious attempts at friendship.”

“Aye. While his memory may be a patchwork quilt of odds and ends, I’ve yet to find reason to take umbrage with the past.”

Honestly, Thancred’s words are a comfort; of all of them, his trauma around Ascians is the most personal. But he seems to quite like Themis, independent of me urging the others to give him a chance. That he’s no longer ‘tempered’ the way they were seems to have done a lot for him as well. (Convincing Hades to let himself be cured of his own ‘tempering’ now that I don’t need to worry about him dying an untimely death on me, had been mostly an exercise in setting Hyth on him. We’d won in the end, but the amount of grousing prior to it had been impressive.)

“In any case, that’s a ‘later this week’ concern, not a today concern.”

“And what, darling wife, is a ‘today’ concern?”

I fluster, headbutting him, if gently. It’s still... it feels unreal to hear him say it. And to know that it’s me he’s talking about. (which is probably why he tries to work it into every conversation...)

“The garden’s been tended, Themis is in his workroom... maybe I’ll write for a while. Unless you have a suggestion?”

“Oh, I certainly have one that could be quite distracting for some time, for the three of us~”

There’s enough heat in his voice to make it impossible to ignore the implications, so I immediately look over to Urianger with a raised eyebrow. Ange has always struck me as very very ace, and while I have to admit that Thancred could probably make a stone want to have sex--let alone my demisexual ass--that doesn’t mean I’ll agree blindly.

“Ange?”

Urianger shuffles a little, looking a bit flustered.

“T’was... mine own suggestion,” he mumbles, red coating his cheeks. “Alone, I fear... t’would be discomforting. Upon either end.”

Being fair, he’s not wrong. I’m not exactly forward when it comes to sex, so letting Thancred--or Hades--take the lead has always put me more at ease. And if Urianger doesn’t feel comfortable with instigating either, we’d both probably be awkward disasters. (Which can be amusing, but would make it difficult to get anything started.)

“All right. If you’re sure it’s what you want and you’re okay with it.”

Because like hell I’m going to insist it happen. Am I curious? Certainly; Hades had only touched Thancred when he had to, and not allowed himself to be touched by Thancred in the same vein--it’ll be different with Hyth, that’s for certain--so I don’t know what it’ll be like to be between two people who actually want each other as much as me.

Urianger nods, and tension eases from broad shoulders.

“Then let us retire to a more private space than this,” Thancred urges, pressing a kiss to the base of one ear that makes me shiver. “And.... experiment.”

“Okay, when you say it like that, it sounds vaguely threatening,” and I tip me head back to poke his cheek. “Don’t do that.”

He grins at me, all warm, loving mischief, and I yelp as he gets to his feet without actually letting me get up.

He’s a brat, and a troll, and he’s mine, and I love him so much.

But he does get bit for it.

PTSD is a bitch and a half to deal with some nights. It’s worse when I don’t let myself snuggle up to someone for whatever reasons--in this case, I’d wanted to have some alone time after a very... rambunctious afternoon with Thancred and Urianger, and had ended up dozing off after dinner instead of making my way back to Thancred’s room--as about half the time Scarf will simply teleport me to the nearest person.

I love the little therapy mammet, I swear I do, but getting dropped on someone in the middle of the night, no glasses, and disoriented as fuck from a nightmare, is not my favorite thing in the world. (I should ask Raha if there’s a way to turn that feature off....)

Fortunately this is not one of those nights, but I’m still perched on the edge of my bed, shivering as the cool night air filtering in from my half-open window brushes over the sweat on my skin.

Scarf mrrts at me from my pillow and I wave a hand at it.

“No teleportin,” I mumble, rubbing my hands over my face and squinting into that low shadows of my room. The glow in the dark stars Hades had helped me put on my ceiling via pint don’t cast much light, but they’re calming little blobs of color in the fuzzy hellscape of my shitty vision. “Catch m’breath...”

It’s still a bad habit of mine, trying to ground myself without help. I can do it, but it is markedly easier when I have someone to help me. Having someone else to focus on, outside myself, drags my mind back to where it needs to be...

The little Thancred mammet trots over to my door and jumps up to catch the knob and twist. I’d glare at it, but honestly, that’s not the worst idea in the world, so after a moment I drag myself to my feet, grab my bathrobe since I don’t feel like being dressed just yet, shove my feet into my slippers, grab my glasses and push them up my nose so I don’t trip on something, and obey the little things’ impetuous--and silent--demand that I go find the help I need.

Thancred’s nameplate shimmers gently in the dimly lit hallway; he’s in his room, and he is the lightest sleeper ever. I could very easily knock on the door and he’d be up in moments to give me cuddles and put me back to bed. Hell, given that I share his room according to Hades’ spell, I could walk right in and tuck myself down, no knocking required!

I shuffle quietly on by. I’m going to make myself some tea first, and I don’t want to interrupt if he’s decided to pull Ange into his room again. (The fact that Urianger’s nameplate a door over is glimmering only registers subconsciously; I have committed to the course of making tea, damnit.)

I cling to the bannister on the way down the stairs, taking them carefully; even with a tail, sometimes you just step wrong, and I'm only recently properly healed. I don't need to trip and break something, even if I could fix it myself. I'd never live it down!

There’s a low light glowing in the kitchen, and I hear the bubble of something heating before I step in and see Themis standing by the stove. Steam rises gently from the kettle, and he reaches over to turn the heating element off with the air of one preoccupied.

“...can’t sleep?” I ask.

He jolts slightly, and I half-smile; Thancred’s lessons in soft walking have made me sneakier, even when I don’t mean to be. At least he hadn't been touching the hotplate knob any more...

“Sorry. You okay?”

Themis blinks a couple of times, then gives me a concerned look. I shrug; he’ll either tell me or he won’t, that’s fine. I don’t mind being honest.

“Nightmares,” I reply to the silent inquiry. “Wanted tea.”

“Ah.” He hesitates a moment, then tentatively lifts an arm. “Would... hugging help?”

...he is so precious, I can’t help but smile.

“Can’t hurt to try.”

His arm lifts a bit more, and I go to slip under it, tucking myself close to my newest friend. Underneath the scent of sawdust and paint is the scent of aether, and petrichor. I melt into the warmth of him, little knots of tension easing out of my spine.

It’s not Thancred, but being cuddled by anyone after a nightmare really does help a lot.

“What’s got you up so late?” I ask as he fetches another cup with his free hand.

“...the same, I admit,” and his head rests lightly against mine as he pulls down a tin of chamomile. “And then the room felt... much too silent.”

“I hear that,” and I loosely loop my arm around his waist. He’s being sweet and cuddling me, so I can return the favor easily enough. “You know you can always come knock on my door, right? Or ping me via tomestone?”

Hades had--if begrudgingly--unearthed more tomestones to link together for us--our big-little family, Scions included after some badgering--to communicate with. Mostly because I'd badgered him about it, and Hyth had played around with mine for a bit before agreeing that he also wanted one. From there it had... rather spiraled. Hades complained about it, but no one else did. (Granted, Hades also threatened the Scions against texting him unless it's a true and dire emergency, so like. My tsundere asshole remains a tsundere asshole.)

“You need your sleep. And I did not wish to... interrupt. Were something intimate to be taking place.”

Considering I had just used those excuses myself in not bothering Thancred, I don't really have any room to dispute them. So after a moment I shrug a little, and lightly bump my head against his.

“Fair enough. Tea is helpful. And nightmares aside, it's a nice night.”

Since he seems content to snuggle, I'm the one who gets the honey down off its shelf to be added to the herbal tea. I think his also has lavender in it, but I’ll keep my mouth shut; so long as it’s not in my tea, lavender is tolerable...

“Tis... nicer now that I have someone to share it with.”

That sounds like either Thancred or Hyth have been coaching him, but I don't need to call that out. Instead I hum a little in agreement; a dark, empty kitchen wouldn't have been that much help to me, honestly. Tea might've, but to be alone after a nightmare... almost never. 

“Back when we all stayed at the Rising Stones, I'd have nightmares and go for a ramble until my brain shut itself up again,” I admit, watching steam drifting up from my mug. Too hot to drink yet, but the smell is comforting too. “Thancred finally caught me and insisted I spend more time in his room. Doesn't stop the nightmares, but having someone close at hand does help.”

It's Themis's turn to hum in agreement, and I admit, I can't help but be awed when he picks up his mug and simply takes a drink.

“Doesn't that burn?”

That gets me a startled noise.

“I enjoy higher temperatures, apparently.”

“No kidding,” and I eye my cup carefully. “I've never been big on bubbling hot. When I made tea back before, I'd let it get there, but it always had to cool for like.. thirty minutes to be drinkable. It was just part of the morning routine before work.”

The quiet time before my job. God, that feels so weird to think about. I don't have a job any more. The only reason I have this house is because Hades flirts like birds do, and had insisted on it, and it's everyone else who does money-related things so that we can have food.

I'd say living the dream life, but honestly, I can admit that I'm starting to get maybe a little bit bored too...

“...since neither one of us wanna talk about nightmares, will you tell me what project you're working on?”

Teal eyes glow with eagerness, and Themis is quick to launch into a description of his attempts at woodworking and painting. He won't let us see anything yet, but I don't mind that so much. It's seeing him light up as he describes techniques I don't have the context for that is the important part.

I'd been worried, honestly, at how much he would flounder with no clear path before him, but he seems to be doing all right.

Also? I could listen to him read a fucking phone book and not get bored. I love the sound of his voice.

Eventually we both end up on one of the long couches in the living room, and he's pulled a few books from the shelves to show me what he means. The mugs are forgotten on the coffee table, half-drunk, and I curl up on his lap so that we’re not awkwardly leaning over one another. At some point I start to doze, snuggled into him.

And the last I remember is a gentle hand removing my glasses, and then I drift into soft darkness, surrounded by the soft scent of rain.