Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

After a millennia of unrest, never being able to find tranquility, Luo Bingzu was a tide without a shore, rolling through life with no means to an end. A being destined to be so great, so dazzling, he would never be able to find a light of his own to admire. People often lament over how lonely it must be to be surrounded by darkness, but if your light is so great that no other lights can be seen, isn’t that also a form of darkness? Luo Bingzu thought so.

Thus a millennia passed making him feel only emptiness inside his heart even though his palm held the entire universe, overwhelmingly full. Then as if unable to take it anymore he fragmented at the very end of it all, seeking only to create a better way forward and possibly find a peace he never knew. The System that guided the new souls had no conscience. Simply working to save what was not saved within itself.

Shen Yuan and Luo Bingmei were one at last. And Bingzu could only sigh in relief.

The universe seemingly collapsed in on itself with that single breath.

The end. It was finally over. He could rest easy now knowing it was possible for him to find peace...

Except two things shockingly remained in the otherwise empty universe. A blinking blue screen…

And one lone soul.

The soul remained still, unmoving and wholly void of light. A black dead heart in the epicenter of the universe, easy to forget… easy to miss. Because without any light, it simply faded into the background. And without any cries for help, no one would hear it.

It was only noticed once everything else was gone.

The shock from seeing the soul seemed to bring a little consciousness back to the system. Everyone had their happy ending! Who dared to stay behind?!

But the soul it met in that sea of darkness that stretched endlessly in all directions-

Was Shen Jiu.

Stunned despite not having a physical body, the system recoiled, glitched and morphed into a shadow of the man it used to be, breathless and shaky.

“Why are you still here?”

“…”

“I told you to go. I told you to go centuries ago!”

“...”

“Why didn't you listen?!”

Two tired eyes holding the entire starless universe peered back at the shadowy figure, and even without any light between them to give shape to their figures, Shen Jiu would recognize that presence anywhere. Not a trace of the sarcasm or wit that used to line his lips when alive, only a hint of dryness lined his voice. “When was I allowed to go?”

Bingzu was miffed. “What do you mean?” Sometime after the trial- a long time if he were being honest, there came a time where Shen Jiu died due to qi deviation and being the obsessive fool he was, Bingzu kept Shen Jiu’s soul hostage. It was… hard to let go of for some reason. It wasn’t until he realized how cruel he was being to his shizun that he finally freed Shen Jiu with the expectation of him reincarnating. Something must have gone horribly wrong along the way.

“I died… then part of my soul shattered, flew off to reincarnate and had its happy ending.”

The entity remained silent while listening.

“But the part of me here, was trapped for all of eternity... My life repeated over and over.”

“What-”

“And after I died again, life repeated again-”

“Enough.”

He already knew what Shen Jiu was trying to say.

It just… seemed so absurd? Instead of fully leaving, or reincarnating, part of Shen Jiu had been stuck in a rebirth cycle in the worlds he created?

In the process of self saving, Shen Jiu was actively getting torn to pieces by it.

Continuously pulled into each world that was made by the system- forced to relive the same childhood traumas, same dark days as ‘shizun’ and same untimely death, only having to know in a brief fleeting moment that someone else would swoop in last minute to take his spot.

As if he were just warming the flesh and bones for someone else.

Setting up the plot for each world, withstanding the worst of the traumas, then giving a nice cushiony entry point for someone else to slip in to find happiness while kicking him back out into the dark. A vicious cycle capable of shattering just about any other soul.

But not Shen Jiu’s.

Someone who wordlessly endured the pains of the universe without complaints for a millennia.

And from the heavy exhaustion in that soul, Luo Bingzu knew- Shen Jiu remembered every lifetime but was powerless to change anything, mentally conscious beneath it all. A doll playing a dreadful role.

Who would not break?

“I just want to die. Bingzu.”

Those bottomless eyes didn’t even have the energy to glare, “I hate you. You hate me. We both know it. I’ve endured your hatred over many timelines… your only dream is and always was to get rid of the real me and replace me- in every single one of them. I know it well. And you do too, you who suffered under me, your shizun… and me being the wall you had to overcome. I played my role of villain well, didn’t I? So give me my death. I’m not fighting it. When have I ever resisted death by your hands? Did I struggle during the trial? Defend myself or push at the guards? Did I run or escape the prison? Did I ever do anything to stop you from killing me? It will be easy, I promise. All you have to do is do it.”

There was a brief pause.

“Let me die here, and shatter to pieces. In all my centuries of misery, forced to suffer under you multiple times, forced to relive the same traumas of my past multiple times, all I ask is for it to end. Have I not suffered enough? Is this not enough? You found your peace, didn’t you? So let me have mine. Please Bingzu… I ask for your mercy. In the shred of contempt you have for me, I beg for an ending too. I don’t need happiness. I don’t need to reincarnate. I just need to die. Could you grant me that? Can you let me go?” Each sentence came a little quicker than the last, a little more desperate- as if afraid he wouldn’t be heard if he didn’t say it all right now.

Bingzu only sounded broken in return, “Were you… really in every timeline?”

“Who else could you possibly hate enough to require being saved from in every world if not for me? Where else… could I even go?” Shen Jiu was bitter but his words were airy, as if detached. The traces of agony were heavily masked behind years of acting, “I know what you’re capable of, ‘Ancestor’ Luo Binghe.”

“…”

“I’ve seen you spin time, create worlds, and bend reality. If you want to do something, you can do it.”

“…”

“Surely… somewhere in all your power and depth of mind, you can find the heart to put me to rest at the end of it all. Save me from this cycle, Bingzu. I cannot do this anymore. I cannot do it alone. Please…” There was a trace of tears trembling along his voice- something so faint it was nearly missed, “Save me…”

“…”

After a silence that seemed to last several decades, Luo Bingzu’s soul fragment extended a gentle upturned palm towards him. There wasn’t a trace of deception in his words, only a delicate breeze that soothed Shen Jiu’s soul, “If you take my hand, I’ll save you, Shen Jiu. But you must first take my hand. You have to be the one to bridge this gap. You have to put your life in my hand, and give it to me. Relinquish it willingly. Then and only then… will I save you.”

What a noble way of putting it. Death was in fact, a form of saving for Shen Jiu.

The weary soul almost wanted to laugh.

Tired, depressed and feeling neglected after a millennia, Shen Jiu didn’t even consider weighing the weight of the words ‘I’ll save you’ as anything other than a generic response born of pity. It was just killing his soul after all. Dissolving his existence into nothingness with a quick burst of limitless power. Shen Jiu took the hand that was never gentle towards him in the past, and gently in a way he never was either-

Gently, VERY gently…

EXTREMELY gently.

Held it.

Soft, featherlight, delicate, as if afraid to fall apart.

Two broken hands, mending the fabric of time together in one final meeting, defying their previous fates with a connection of softness rather than hatred. Coming together as one to meet the jaws of eternal death together.

A first greeting; a final goodbye.

Those two palms collided in the center of the universe, creating powerful invisible shockwaves that neither of them seemed to notice… each wave pulsed outwards in all directions.

Every fiber of Shen Jiu was hoping to shatter to pieces and cease to exist in the palm of that hand.

Death would come soon. Sweet death. He wouldn’t have to worry about darkness anymore. Or playing a role he didn’t want to play. Or reliving his traumas. Or dying another pointless death. It would just be over. Like a candle pitifully extinguishing under the sweet kiss of the midnight breeze.

Gone. Everything would be gone.

Truthfully part of him deep down wanted to live, he was human after all. But each time he even began to THINK of living, it felt like needles would weave into his heart and bleed out of his eyes. The words ‘i want to live’ hurt too much to say. He was too tired. He was too broken. A shattered vase could be pieced back together with enough time and care if someone were meticulous and stubborn enough. A crushed vase on the other hand… would take a millennia to fix. It wasn’t worth it. Some things were past the point of repairing and were better to be thrown out and replaced.

Like Shen Jiu.

He already resigned to that fate, and already saw it with Shen Yuan succeeding him.

Now it was finally time to close his eyes for good.

No matter what he felt deep inside, or what he secretly wished for… death was his salvation and he graciously bowed his head to his grim reaper Luo Bingzu, feeling only gratitude for the man’s mercy.

The shizun kneeling before the disciple for the first time.

He began to shake as that warm fragmented soul held onto him silently and firmly. Then began to cry.

He would never have to feel again. This warmth would be the last thing he’d ever feel. There was something beautiful about that.

“I’m sorry.”

They both said at the same time.

And then everything snapped in half. The light, the dark, the universe and the two connected hands- that rippling shockwave that erupted from their palms burst like a supernova and rebounded back onto the two of them. And with that, the system finally put itself to rest.

The story was over.

Right?

….

—

Somewhere in the darkness was a bell. A gentle chime. Something akin to a glimmer of light luring Shen Jiu’s mind back to consciousness. Slowly, gently, warmly… pulling him into a warm embrace. The warmth from the hand that held him before was now spreading to each limb, tingling sweetly like an embrace from the sun. How bittersweet. The first embrace Shen Jiu would receive in his centuries of suffering was death.

Wait no that’s not right? Death shouldn’t be warm.

Another bell.

This time it twisted and distorted until it manifested as the distant gentle clanging of metal accessories, similar to fine chains or beads. Perhaps the shackles of the underworld. Wait no that didn’t make sense either. If his soul were shattered, he’d experience nothingness. If not dead, then… What was happening? Did Luo Bingzu trick him and throw him into another world instead?

This time the bell was clear- definitely the rustle of jewelry on clothing. It was close by, somewhere near his head, as if someone were sitting next to his bed. The thought made his skin crawl.

If he were alive, who would keep him company?

Nobody liked him. The only ones who maybe did were dead.

And if he were alive, just what the hell timeline was this? He didn’t recognize this scenario.

Soft bedsheets cradled him on all sides, making it extremely hard to wake up. His body felt cold from head to toe, shivering involuntarily once in a while. It was so unsettling. As if sensing his distress, a large hand caressed his forehead, sending waves of warmed energy through his body.

The shivers ceased at once.

Then the hand retracted, leaving only warmth behind.

There really was someone next to him. The fact they touched him sent waves of disgust down his spine. That was definitely a man’s hand and after several lifetimes of reliving Qiu Jianlou’s hell, Shen Jiu was repulsed by the mere idea of being near other men. He had to wake up… had to. Quickly.

It didn’t matter who was on the other side of that hand.

He would attack it. He would teach it not to touch him without permission.

And yet… he couldn’t move. Hours seemed to pass. On the other side of his eyelids he could feel the world shift from morning to afternoon, to night, to morning again. The person patiently waited without moving the entire time, for literal weeks, only occasionally pulling a fallen flower petal from his face, injecting warmth through a soft touch, or adjusting his loosely fallen hair so that it wouldn’t tickle his eyes.

Who are you?

Why are you caring for someone like me?

He wanted to ask but his body remained frozen.

The other person never spoke.

After several painstakingly long days, strength returned to his fingertips allowing him to discreetly flex them under the covers, trying to get a grasp on things. He was extremely weak. Even his breathing and heart felt shallow, like a tide that went out- barely lapping at the shores of life. As if any second he would be extinguished.

Each day felt like a struggle to survive.

It wasn’t Shen Jiu’s first grapple with life. If anything, struggling was the only way he knew how to live. When he was wrestling for garbage as a kid, struggling in the winter shed after being beaten half to death by Jianlou, thrown into a demon's nest by Wu Yanzi, or suffering the aftermath of the trial… Or having his soul ripped from his body. Qi deviations, weak constitution, or underdeveloped core.

Life had never been easy on him and death only ever evaded him.

Another week passed and the being next to him still didn’t budge. Part of him was growing increasingly scared. Demons, humans, anyone- no one would be able to sit around for days without moving, caring for someone like Shen Jiu- they’d need to bathe, sleep, eat, anything. Whatever creature was next to him wasn’t normal.

It defied all laws of the universe.

There was only one person Shen Jiu knew that was capable of that.

Luo Bingzu- the ancestor of the entire universe, peak cultivator turned demonic god, ascended past the heavens and hells, capable of being the universe itself.

Nah.

There was no way. It must be a figment of his imagination.

And yet-

A dangerously clawed hand once more caressed his face, pulsing tingles and heat through his bones, careful not to agitate him. Going slow, penetrating deep.

It felt like submerging inside a bath after centuries of shivering in the cold.

He couldn’t help it.

A soft moan slipped from his lips.

The hand mid-touch on his forehead stiffened then recoiled.

If Shen Jiu didn’t already feel dead, then he would have died of embarrassment on the spot right then and there. He hated people seeing a vulnerable side of him.

The gentle melody of metal jingling grew louder and a shadow blocked out the light on his face, getting exceedingly close, too close. Someone was leaning over him. Whether it was intense fear or sheer adrenaline, Shen Jiu found himself gritting his teeth, forcing himself to speak, “Fuck… off.”

“...”

A devilish, low chuckle was the only response he got. The shadow surprisingly backed away after that.

At first Shen Jiu was worried it would create a ripple effect of the person pestering him to wake up or constantly check on him but nothing ever happened. He was genuinely left alone.

At least for two days.

By then he finally had the strength to open his eyes, jaw tense and brows furrowed, wanting to quickly regain control of the situation. What he wasn’t expecting though, was how blurry his vision was. Everything was a messy smudge, blending together, unable to tell up from down, left from right.

He was… blind.

The fear was enough to jump start his body, bolting upright in bed as he clutched his face. The figure next to him didn’t react, only observed, gently putting down the scroll he had been reading.

An entire stick of incense burned as Shen Jiu quietly hyperventilated on the bed, hunched over, fiercely rubbing at his eyes. Nothing helped. Nothing worked. Everything was a mess. If it weren’t for the being next to him, he’d have started crying.

But he wouldn’t lose face in front of someone else.

The entity said nothing.

And surprisingly another whole day passed with neither of them moving.

And then-

Pain.

Searing pain erupted from his chest, bubbling upwards to his throat- his body probably trying to expel some sort of toxic waste. But he didn’t cough. He didn’t puke. He only tensed, wishing, begging, praying the person next to him would just leave him alone so he could relieve himself in privacy. The last thing he wanted was to be seen in a more pitiful state.

The other man had different plans though.

One unexpected thump against his back and Shen Jiu unwillingly half coughed, half vomited a dark blackish red fluid, choking fiercely as shockwaves of an unknown illness ripped through him. “Fuck- cough cough- OFF!” He had tried to catch most of it in his hands, embarrassed to the point tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but it was too much and it dripped onto the bedsheets below. Only once he stopped coughing did the entity slowly approach, gently yet firmly grabbing his sleeve, guiding him to the edge of the bed to get up.

Naturally the man was met with stubborn resistance and a teary voice, “Leave. Me. Alone.”

The entity ignored his command and tugged harder, literally dragging Shen Jiu by the sleeve to the edge until he weakly toppled off the bed with an undignified stifled choke of surprise. Before he could hit the floor, the being caught him and placed him on the floor, sealing him in a small rounded barrier.

A concealment barrier? Even through his blurry vision, Shen Jiu could tell what it was based on the unique energy ripples which only flowed outwards. Anything inside would be invisible and inaudible to the rest of the world but whatever was inside would be able to see out of it. Why did the man put him in one?

“My lord, may we enter?” A delicate female voice chimed on the other side of the door. There was no response but some sort of permission must have been granted as several people entered the room, promptly and wordlessly cleaning the mess of blood on the bed.

It didn't soothe Shen Jiu’s nerves at all.

In fact, the whole situation made him increasingly desperate to die. Death was less humiliating than whatever the hell this was.

Wait…. Maybe he could use the barrier to his advantage and quickly kill himself before the other man noticed? It was worth a shot anyway. Except, as he fidgeted, trying to find a weapon in his silky white bed robes, he found nothing. The only form of weapon he had was his hands and nails..

Well. That was good enough.

After a few efficient minutes, the crowd left the room and the entity dropped the barrier, only to flinch in surprise at the horrible disaster below the barrier- Shen Jiu was mid way trying to claw through his own throat. Two heavy footsteps crossed the room as the being roughly snagged Shen Jiu’s wrists, pulling him to his feet with enough force that both wrists dislocated, whether intentional or unintentional, causing Shen Jiu’s eyes to roll back in wordless pain. He could tell the being holding him up by his injured wrists was shaking, staring at his bleeding throat with partially split lips. It almost cracked a smile on Shen Jiu’s face. This wasn’t even one tenth of the pain he’s endured in life and it was already enough to freak out his captor. He could abuse that information.

“Unhand me.” He managed to master up the strength to say, voice hoarse from how badly mutilated his throat was. The being shuddered one time before gently guiding him to sit back down on the edge of the bed.

THUMP

Eh.. what?

The entity attacked his pressure points, freezing him stiff, no longer able to move.

A restriction spell??

The being knelt in front of him, murmuring too quietly for Shen Jiu to hear. Then some sort of red liquid was pressed against his throat, making Shen Jiu involuntarily whimper. It hurt worse than inflicting the wound did! What kind of medicine was it? The hand applying it to his throat winced when he made a noise but persisted until done- and within seconds the wound closed. Then with all the gentleness in the world, the being began wiping his hands, mouth, chest and wrists clean with a warm cloth- from who knows where- probably left behind by the maids earlier.

“E-noug-h.” He choked out, surprising the entity. Talking while under the restriction spell was incredibly hard to do... and extremely painful.

The being, however, did not respect his wishes and much to Shen Jiu’s dismay, pulled him to his feet and- and…

AND??!?

Stripped him!?

Then redressed him in clean robes???

Then escorted his rigid body back onto the bed, positioning him to sit upright against the headboard. Only then did the spell lift, allowing Shen Jiu to glare viciously. “I’ll fucking kill you.” Shen Jiu said with a dry undertone, turning his head in the perceived direction of the offender, slowly raising his wrists up, “Fix them. You dislocated them.”

The being obediently inched forward, gently popping his wrists back in place. Despite his blurry vision, he could tell the other person was incredibly sheepish and almost ashamed during the process- probably feeling some form of guilt.

And for the first time since waking, Shen Jiu heard the entity speak. It was almost hypnotic how soft and melodic it was- deep and low, powerful yet comforting. He recognized that voice. One that haunted his dreams. It was the voice that belonged to none other than the start and end of his universe: Luo Bingzu, the original- the ancestor of his suffering.

“I’m sorry, shizun.”

Chapter Text

Sorry?

Shizun?

Words he had heard too many times to care.

“Yeah, I’m sure you are. You may leave.” He roughly flicked his hands once the bones were re-set, as if shaking off the filth from their brief contact. The tension in the air was high, trembling between them with small spurts of electric energy. Even without the use of his eyesight, Shen Jiu knew Luo Bingzu was hovering hesitantly by his bedside. There seemed to be something the other male wanted to say, lingering and wavering at the edge, too anxious to say anything but too stubborn to leave. Thus there was a deadlock between them, amplifying the pressure.

When there was no movement for a painfully long time, he tucked his hands into his sleeves and ground his teeth together, something he did to combat awkward scenarios. It would be an understatement to say he felt uncomfortable. “What are you still doing here? If you have nothing to say, then get out. You being here only makes me feel worse.”

“...”

Having no sight amplified his hearing allowing him to visualize the younger male’s movements through sound alone. One step. Two steps. Three- and a soft thump? Luo Bingzu sat down on the stool. The soft rustle of a scroll indicated Luo Bingzu went back to reading, ignoring him. If it weren’t for the fact he was gritting his teeth, Shen Jiu might have cursed at him. “Since when were you so rebellious? You keep ignoring me and not responding. Calling me shizun, but disrespecting me at every turn. Don’t bother calling me your shizun anymore. You clearly don’t see me as such.”

There was only a brief pause as Shen Jiu turned his blank eyes in the direction he assumed the younger male to be, predicting it fairly accurately, only offset by a few degrees, “All those years beating you were for nothing. You still can’t do anything right. You don’t listen. You don’t talk. You don’t obey. What point was there for me being your shizun?”

Some might say he was playing with fire. Well yes. He was. If he could invoke the man’s wrath or desire for revenge, maybe he could incur his impending death sooner. Poison coated words slipped free from his pale, sickly lips, “I know it’s you, Luo Bingzu. I know you’re the original. I know this is the original timeline. What year is it, hm? How long has it been since I died? How long did you leave me to rot in that prison before I decayed? How long did it take for you to get bored having nothing to vent your anger against?” There was a curt laugh, void of any emotion, “You couldn’t even keep me dead. Do you hate me that much?”

The unexpected clatter of the wooden scroll hitting the floor and the sudden brush of a warm palm against his cheek had Shen Jiu flinching, not expecting the gentle gesture as Luo Bingzu surged close to him, voice heavy and low, “Shizun.”

Time seemed to stop with that single word.

“You’re crying.”

What?

“What are you-”

But sure enough, the soft ripple of a tear cascading from his eye cut him off, each word that wanted to follow getting caught in his throat as Luo Bingzu deftly swept his thumb to catch it. The simple gesture blanched his mind, unsure of how to respond as the younger male murmured too close to his face, “Shizun, I-”.

Stop. Don’t say it again.

He didn’t want to hear another apology.

Using body heat for guidance, Shen Jiu slapped Luo Bingzu across the face, meeting no resistance, “Don’t touch me! How dare you?!” His voice was shaky, involuntarily recalling Qiu Jianlou’s wandering hands from the multiple timelines he lived through, “Disrespect me one more time and I’ll remind you where your hatred started! Do you think I care for your apologies? Drop the niceties. We’re far past that.”

The warm hand on his cheek slowly retracted, very slowly, incredibly slow- as if reluctant to leave.

Then once again:

“I’m sorry, shizun.”

…

Sigh.

Gulping the lump in his throat, Shen Jiu tucked his arms across his chest one more time, sharply angling his face in the opposite direction. If he weren’t in the process of recovering from a strange illness, he would have left the bed altogether and exited on his own. For now he was a prisoner, only left with the option of trying to drive the younger male away.

“I don’t want to hear it. Just leave.”

After a heavy silence, Luo Bingzu finally began to move again.

There was some shuffling as the man retrieved the scroll once more, returning to the stool.

Then there was a thick silence between them, boosting every single sound until it felt deafening. The headache he felt earlier from whatever illness he had intensified dramatically in the silence. Birds in the distance from a nearby open window pierced into Shen Jiu’s skull, the ruffling bed canopy in the breeze sounded like a raging waterfall, a wind chime somewhere several courtyards away felt like icicles splitting against his head, and the soft occasional jangle of metal from Luo Bingzu’s attire felt like the chains of hell. The intensity had him burying his ears in his palms, trying to breathe through the pain.

“...”

Luo Binzu began to move, taking a few steps followed by a soft thump. The window was closed.

All the sounds came to a sudden stop. There was a gentle hum emanating around the room… causing Shen Jiu’s hands to lower, head tilting to the side as he listened. A sound dampening barrier was set up? What for? Were the noises bothering Luo Bingzu too or did the man do it for him-…

No.

Luo Bingzu would not care about his comfort.

There had to be an ulterior motive to everything he was doing. But what was it?

After mulling through the various possibilities, he could come up with nothing and therefore decided to drop it altogether. Who knew what went through Luo Bingzu’s mind? It wasn’t worth thinking about.

Time slugged by, several hours to be exact, and each of his senses seemed to be recovering more and more- all except his eyesight. The blurriness burned his retinas uncomfortably, leaving him frantic and desperate, aggressively rubbing at his eyes until they were red and teary. This seemed to aggravate Luo Bingzu who shuffled closer, murmuring a delicate ‘shizun’ towards him, even daring to place a gentle hand on Shen Jiu’s arm.

Before Shen Jiu could retaliate, his stomach growled LOUD, echoing through the tense atmosphere.

…

Shen Jiu bowed his head with pinkish ears, focusing instead on regulating his breathing and ignoring how humiliated he felt. “Say anything and I will kill you.”

Another stomach growl.

…

“...”

Thankfully Luo Bingzu didn’t say anything. Nor did he even laugh. Probably the first time he obeyed since their reunion in that cold unfamiliar room.

Thinking back to it… just where was he really? This was clearly the original timeline but at what point? Which building was this? What was Bingzu’s status? The fact Luo Bingzu’s voice was rough yet robust, it was clear he was no longer a little boy. This was definitely in a time after the trial, long after his death, perhaps even centuries later. For what reason did Luo Bingzu have for reviving him then keeping him company for weeks? Even so much as calling him shizun again.

Wait.

A chill rushed down his spine.

After the various timelines concluded.. Was Luo Bingzu feeling sentimental? Did he think the replacement Shen Qingqiu’s he summoned and grew attached to were anything like him and was now clinging to him? Nah… but… if not that, then what else? What reason did Luo Bingzu have to summon him back?

The tranquil silence broke as a knock fell upon the door.

Tensing up at the thought of someone seeing him in such a pitiful state, he went to immediately scramble to pull his robe tighter across his body, but the dull light of the room was quickly snuffed out. Luo Bingzu had untied the bed canopy and let the curtains fall shut, concealing him inside. His heart was beating rapidly, forced to rely on his hearing to figure out what was happening outside of it.

A hushed conversation commenced followed by the soft clatter of a wooden tray. Then the door closed. Whoever came had quickly left.

“Shizun. This will help you recover.” The curtains parted and a wooden tray was placed carefully on the side of the bed, respectfully allowing Shen Jiu to be the one to make the first move towards it

Stiff like a startled stray, Shen Jiu remained in a hunched posture with one knee close to his chest, eyeing the area he felt the wooden tray to be. There was something… offputting about the scent. Medicinal maybe. “What’s in it.” He prodded at the bed with his hand, trying to feel his way to the tray.

Luo Bingzu hesitated for a moment which didn’t go unnoticed by Shen Jiu, “Soup.”

“You really think I’m stupid?” Shen Jiu finally found the edge of the tray with the tips of his extended fingers, slowly feeling each utensil and bowl. The temperature was good. The utensils were wooden, intentionally dulled as if shaven down to have no sharp edges, and the scent was strong. It threw his stomach into knots, “What did you hide in it?”

There was a brief pause.

“What do you mean, shizun?”

Tch.

Shoving the tray a few inches closer to the edge of the bed, Shen Jiu drifted his blank gaze to the side, “None of those herbs are used for curing ailments but they’re all heavily scented. There’s something in the soup you don’t want me to notice. What is it?”

The sudden stillness of the shadow outside the canopy made him click his tongue. He was right. The only thing Shen Jiu knew was that it wasn’t poison. If Luo Bingzu wanted to kill him it would be as simple as tapping the side of his neck with enough force. Or the man could have just not revived him in the first place. The fact the soup was concealing something meant that it was something that Shen Jiu definitely wouldn’t like, but wasn’t necessarily bad for him.

Sneaky, sneaky, but not sneaky enough. Did Luo Bingzu think he was able to compete with a tactician?

An equally stubborn hand reached through the canopy and gently pushed the tray back towards Shen Jiu’s blanketed thigh, each word chosen carefully, “Shizun, it is to help you recover. You must eat.”

“I don’t want to recover.”

“...”

Another stalemate followed by another stomach growl, this time more intense- not having eaten for several days, maybe weeks. He had no idea how he hadn’t already starved to death? Just what strange tricks was Luo Bingzu using to keep him alive?

Another growl, this time hurting to the point he groaned and held his stomach, lurching forward. This made the other male grow increasingly impatient, his gentle voice being replaced by one that almost felt sinister. “Shizun, you must eat.” A small pause as the voice lightened, “If you eat, I’ll leave you alone for a day.”

Oh?

This perked Shen Jiu’s interest, both his cloudy black eyes sparkling at the prospect of being left alone for a while. That might not be a bad deal. If Luo Bingzu left, he could maybe find a way to die. The only barricade between him and potential death was a pungent overly aromatic bowl of soup. Not bad… It’s not like he was actually scared of what was in the soup. Whatever was awaiting him in that bowl would not even amount to a fraction of the filth he used to shove between his teeth when starving as a street beggar in his youth. Garbage, filth, bugs, leftovers… and in his lowest, a rat.

Stinky soup? Basically a feast in comparison.

His shaky pale hand and long slender fingers reached for the spoon, curling around it with care. He then tapped the spoon a bit awkwardly along the tray, trying to feel for the bowl. Then scooped up some of the liquid and raised it to his lips… but then a searing pain in his wrist from the previous dislocation made him wince and go slack, the spoon falling from his hands.

“...”

The spoon never landed. Luo Bingzu must have caught it. The trembling hands, reddened wrists and frail constitution didn’t slip past the younger male’s attentive overbearing gaze. There was a trace of guilt in his voice as he once more parroted himself, “Shizun… I’m sor-”

“Stop. I don’t care.” Shen Jiu sighed, extending his hand to the other male, “Give it back.”

“You cannot hold it properly, shizun. I’m afraid you won’t be able to eat.”

With a quick roll of his eyes, Shen Jiu nudged the tray away with his thigh and crossed his arms stubbornly, “Then I won’t eat.”

“That won’t do... I’ll feed you.”

“I’d rather die.”

“Three days.” Luo Bingzu words were calculative and assertive, the curtain of the bed being carefully tied back, “I’ll leave you alone for three days, Shen Jiu. If you eat, I’ll give you what you want.”

…

Tempting but Shen Jiu’s pride far surpassed every rational thought, “You-”

There was a jab against his abdomen making his eyes widen in shock. The restriction spell again?! Thankfully his head was left free allowing him to turn his gaze in the direction of the shadow that hung over him, “Bastard. What do you think you’re doing?”

“Shizun won’t eat. So this disciple… has to overstep some boundaries.” Maybe it was the hunger getting to Shen Jiu, but it really… REALLY sounded like there was an amused smile decorating Luo Bingzu’s words, “Forgive my transgressions, shizun. This disciple will accept any punishment after you’re done.”

Rage was too gentle of a word to describe the immense hatred in Shen Jiu’s bones at that moment, his whole body trembling, “You’re a fool if you think I won’t kill you.”

There was no response, only a light atmosphere as if Luo Bingzu was thoroughly enjoying himself. Perhaps after centuries Luo Bingzu finally realized pain and agony didn’t work on Shen Jiu… tampering with his pride was a far more effective method of torture.

Begrudgingly, Shen Jiu was thus forced to submit as Luo Bingzu lifted a spoon of soup to his mouth and with all the dignity in the world Shen Jiu complied. If he pretended Luo Bingzu was his slave, it was really not that hard to swallow.

Swallow?

Maybe it was.

The second that lukewarm liquid hit his tongue, he nearly wretched, only unable to due to the restriction spell that snaked across his meridians, like an internal rope, binding him in place. The soup was thin and salty, but had a weird burning aftertaste that seeped into his flesh. The pungent musk of something-… something very familiar was being heavily masked by sage, basil, thyme, turmeric, cinnamon, ginger and even lemon. It was the most foul mixture he had ever tasted. “Never mind killing you, I will kill your chef instead.” He said dryly, earning him a devious chuckle.

A soft fabric patted against the corner of his lip as Luo Bingzu tentatively dried the edge of his mouth, words light and airy, “Then I’m afraid shizun would still be killing me.”

?

His brows furrowed from where he sat, scowling in the other's general direction, “Are you implying you cooked that god awful soup? You haven’t left my side.”

“Why would I need to leave the room to cook some soup?”

“...”

“...”

“Did you… make a clone to cook soup for you?”

“Yes.”

The audacity almost made him laugh. Luo Bingzu the emperor of the universe uses his unlimited power to… make soup with a clone. The jokes wrote themselves. “Why not just get a servant to do so? Don’t you foul demons have lackeys to do your dirty work?” The animosity in his tone was clear. As a former slave, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but be bitter.

There was a shift as Luo Bingzu leaned closer, “Shizun, you are under my care right now. The only one you’re allowed to ingest things from is me.”

Huh.

Something about that felt ominous.

The rest of the meal went just as poorly with Shen Jiu nearly vomiting after every mouthful. The curiosity of WHAT Luo Bingzu was hiding from him in the liquid was eating him alive. And yet… After each mouthful, he realized he felt much better. It was actually incredible how healthy he felt. Maybe there really was just medicine inside it and Luo Bingzu was a terrible cook? Perhaps being a demon for so long dulled his senses to what a human's palette was like.

In ShenJiu’s youth, he recalled his former master Wu Yanzi who was a demonic cultivator slowly lost the ability to taste and began to ingest raw meat more and more with each passing year. The imagery made his stomach churn. “I really can’t eat anymore.”

“Mn, you did good, shizun.” Luo Bingzu sounded pleased.

“Spare me the condescending praise.” He scowled, “Now undo the spell and get out of my sight. You owe me three days.”

The spell was undone with a quick ‘snap’ of the man’s fingers. There was a bit of hesitancy as Luo Bingzu gathered up the dishes one by one, slowly making his way to the door, “Shizun… Don’t abuse this kindness. If you do anything out of line in my absence, just know I’ll be far less lenient in the future.”

Kindness? Since when was privacy a kindness not a right?

Out of line? Just who could he offend by himself in a room?

Less lenient? What was lenient about standing guard by his pillow all day! Anything less lenient would require them being fused together!

After those brief parting words the door closed with a soft click. And then another click.

…

Another click?

Appalled, Shen Jiu rushed out of bed and tumbled to the floor- his legs not accustomed to walking after sitting for so long. With some effort he managed to get to his feet, roughly shaking the door handle once he managed to find it.

It was locked.

Luo Bingzu really locked him in.

“Hah.” He laughed almost crazily, running a shaky hand through his soft tussled hair, “You bastard… you’re insane if you think you can lock me away for three days. Just you wait… tomorrow I’ll be out before you even notice.”

—

“Master.”

“My lord.”

“Ancestor.”

Droves of demons and humans alike bowed deep as he passed, long black hair flowing behind him as he walked further and further from Shen Jiu’s palace. Yes, palace. An entire palace. There were six arrays, ten formations, three curses and two hundred blood-puppets stationed around it, barring no one from entering… or more importantly exiting. Shen Jiu was a crafty fox. A simple door lock wouldn’t be enough to keep him tied down.. But the rest? Just what could he do to escape?

The jangle of multiple tassels, small silvery chains, and jewelry adorned his red and black robes, both eyes glimmering with unmeasurable power. Each item adorning him was a shackle restricting his powers, preventing catastrophic destruction from simple movements of his hands and legs. Too much power for the mortal realm. Precautions needed to be taken.

As he stalked through the corridor, the bustling of the empire grew quieter and quieter, each candle on the wall self extinguishing as he passed until he reached his office, a lone dreary stone room far underground. Far away from any light. The entity sat at the chair behind the desk and rested his chin in his palm, using his free hand to tap idly along the wood.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

His mind wandered through the dreary corridors, past all the demons and humans mingling above, passed the lanterns and bustling pavilions, all the way through Shen Jiu’s wing to the place where Shen Jiu rested.

There was a dull skip to his dead heart beat.

Tap

Tap.

Tap.

His nail tapped calmly against the desk matching She Jiu’s heart beat, his eyes closing with a gentle sigh.

It was like that, from a distance, he carefully monitored Shen Jiu, shrouded in darkness as Shen Jiu on the other side of the manor had lit three more candles.

Because while Shen Jiu finally got his freedom after days of begging, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but feel uneasy as nighttime rolled in. Each shadow paired with the blurriness of his eyes, made everything feel darker. One more candle wouldn't hurt… Right? He used a match he found on the nightstand to light candle after candle, more and more, until his room seemed to be ablaze like the sun. And with the promised privacy, he sat in the middle of it all on the floor with his knees drawn to his chest.

The shadows danced around him, lapping at the edges of his white robes, tugging at the edges of his hair which draped down his back like a veil, each shadow taunting him. It was always in the darkness he remembered the darkness most.

The cries of people he killed under Wu Yanzi’s hands. The hands Qiu Jianlou used to rob him of his dignity. The rats and bugs that nibbled at the hems of his raggedy clothes in the streets. The disdainful looks he received the entirety of his life. The fingers pointing at him with scornful cries. The trial filled with wails of people wishing he were dead.

I hear you. I hear you.

He thought to himself, nuzzling his face to his knees.

But could you not be so loud?

The people in his life wanted him dead. The system wanted to replace him. And he wanted to disappear.

And yet… he was still there. Against everyone’s wishes, he was alive. A stain on everyone’s life. A darkness. A shadow.

Shen Jiu shakily lit another match, holding it in front of him, eyeing it through the blurriness, as if in a trance. The brightness made things feel clearer. The light chased away the dark. The ferocity of the flame seemed to eat at his anxieties and soothe the coldest depths of his heart. It was in that light he hoped he could one day die.

He had no idea that beyond this moment of weakness, surrounded by fire and light, was Luo Bingzu who tracked his heartbeat on the opposite side of the castle domain, swallowed in total darkness.

Chapter Text

TW: Suicidal thoughts/attempt

 

When the sun began to rise, the candles began to set, hot wax seeping across the floor in a complex network around Shen Jiu who remained seated the entire night, barely getting any rest.

Any time his eyes shut, he’d feel the breath of Qiu Jianlou sneaking across his nape, the touch of a whip on his back, the scratch of rats along his feet, or the scorn of disgust from fellow cultivators across his skin. Several lifetimes worth of repetition, finally free, yet forever trapped in those dark memories. Even though he was taken out of the cycle, the cycle was not taken out of him. He still had to endure the trauma even if he no longer needed to experience it directly and after so many repetitions, he couldn’t shake the shadows off his skin.

The body nor mind could forget.

Each limb felt stiff, groaning as they extended in front of him in a cat-like stretch. Would this count as day one of the freedom granted to him by Luo Bingzu? Or maybe day two already? With how fickle Luo Bingzu could be, he wouldn’t be surprised if the man went back on his word at any second and barged through the door. Thus despite the bags under his eyes, the mess of his hair, or the lopsided robes, Shen Jiu was determined to make a grand escape today.

But how?

Crawling forward a few feet, Shen Jiu felt around the tiles until he found the edge of the bed, using it to prop himself up from the floor.

To break out of the room, he’d need something sharp and narrow to pick the lock on the door. If this were his old room on Qing Jing Peak, he’d have several appropriately sized hair accessories, fans or even just loose nails from the walls to peruse through… but the more Shen Jiu searched the room, the more doomed he felt.

There was nothing sharp.

Did… Luo Bingzu baby proof the room? Every edge was sanded down. Glues and pastes were used instead of bolts or staples. There wasn’t a single weapon, sturdy rope or shard of glass to be seen. Everything was soft wood, rug, or was blanketed by drapes. The windows were also barred.

This caused his eye to twitch.

It would seem he underestimated Luo Bingzu’s foresight. Alright, fine. Want to play it that way? Then we will play it that way.

A little challenge never scared Shen Jiu.

“Luo Bingzu, are you watching? I’m going to leave now.” He called out softly from where he leaned against the bedpost, his frosted gaze drifting listlessly through the air.

Naturally there was no response. He wasn’t even sure Luo Bingzu was able to hear him, he just figured it was worth testing in the off-chance Luo Bingzu found a way to monitor him. Seeing as nothing immediately happened after his provocation, he strolled calmly to the door with a spare matchstick and-

…- set it on fire.

A match, a little qi and a brush of his hand to fan the flames.

Lock or no lock, a door couldn’t detain you if it simply didn’t exist.

Once the wood was weakened by the flames, Shen Jiu abruptly swept his sleeve in front of him once more, expelling some amassed Qi to extinguish the flames. Then with the wood being charred, he easily kicked the reinforced door to pieces with one smooth motion.

The victorious smirk lining his lips quickly faded once he noticed something odd about the air outside the room. It was still. A thick wall of deafening silence. There were no guards. No alarms. No maids. Nothing.

His brows furrowed, taking a tentative step outside the door, keeping his palm attached to the wall to steady his steps. “Hello? … Hello…? Anybody there?” He called into the empty hallway, feeling his voice rebound along the walls until it echo’d back to him slightly muffled. He was completely alone. Using that information as a sign that he could roam freely without being chastised, he quickly hurried down the hall and began to explore.

The building was massive… the pillars, wood, and general layout gave off a classical empire-esque design, something imperial with importance, but not grand enough to be a main residence. There was a small draft due to the large open doorways, tall ceilings and grand features.

It was definitely a palace of high importance… So why was no one else there? It was almost as if… the whole place belonged to him.

After several painstakingly long hours of roaming blindly through the empty halls, he began to feel a little… lonely.

A faint memory came rolling back to him like the distant clap of thunder in a far away storm. It was a short time after he entered the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect under Yue Qingyuan’s suggestion. Yue Qingyuan patted him on his shoulder twice with a large smile, radiating pure light, “This is your home now, Shen Jiu! You no longer need to worry about the cold from sleeping outside. If you need anything, just ask.”

Yue Qingyuan would always say homes were a place of warmth and comfort.

Home. Warmth.

Funny.

As Shen Jiu climatized to the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, he discovered it felt no different than the vacant alleys he used to roam as a beggar. Empty, cold and devoid of any charm. It was a shelter with walls but that's it. There was nothing warm about it.

The looks of disgust he received as a beggar on the streets and the ones he earned as an outsider in the sect, were ironically the same. There would be subtle shoves as he brushed through a crowd which magically formed to obstruct his path, each person trying to vent their dissatisfaction of his dirty past. There would never be an empty seat in the dining hall for him when he stepped in, resulting in him either skipping meals to prevent others from catching on to his pitiful loner status, or result in him taking his food back to his room under the guise of wanting to return to his studies.

If someone were to look a little closer at the scrolls he’d ashamedly stare at in his lonesome, they’d see that they were actually blank, something he’d quickly lift to hide his face when someone passed by. It was a mask to cover the fact he was being ostracized from various social interactions. Something he would never admit. And why was he always isolated? It was simple. They all just saw him as a dirty beggar who killed his family and master and he had too much pride to deny it. To tell any of his truths. It was easier just to be the scum they wanted him to be.

From time to time, he’d have a little bit of warmth with his meal when Yue Qingyuan would stop by his room… but those conversations were mostly about Shen Jiu’s disciples or Yue Qingyuan scolding him, reminding him not to be so harsh on other members of the sect.

But Yue Qi… they were the ones being harsh first?

Nobody cared.

In life what mattered more than anything else was connections. If you didn’t have connections, you didn’t matter. And the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect was no exception to that rule.

To call that place a home was laughable. It was no different than the streets.

And this place too-

The surrounding walls were hollow, the air stagnant, the tiles cold- a reflection of his soul.

An empty shell without any charm.

It wasn’t a home.

Shen Jiu couldn’t help but sneer bitterly at the wall beneath his fingertips.

In all his lifetimes… he never once had a home.

The heavy echo of his footsteps and fingers brushing along the wall of the palace drifted through the air, rippling softly around him. Then he wandered away from the wall, entering the center of an empty courtyard, tilting his blank black gaze to the sky, seeing nothing at all.

What an awful place to be.

—

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

One hunched blood puppet hobbled through the door, nervously rubbing its festering hands together, “M-my lord!” The creature kneeled, trying to appease the ancestor whose heavy gaze fell upon us filthy body, “W-we would like to inform you that Shen-“

“Stop.” The puppet obeyed, ducking nervously under that vicious stare, “That name… is not for you to say.”

“This lowly one acknowledges its mistake. I will try again.” The one-eyed pus laden monstrosity peered up at him from where it knelt on the floor, its stance a bit lopsided, “The young master we guard at the Lotus Pavillion has escaped his room and is now roaming the building.”

“I am aware.”

The vile critter bowed before hobbling away, taking its foul stench with it. With a flick of his wrist, Luo Bingzu detoxified the air then went back to tapping, idly noting how- for some reason- Shen Jiu’s heart seemed to be a little slower than before. Heavier. Weighed down with sand or water.

Tap.

…

Tap.

Depression. Luo Bingzu knew it all too well. And yet, he promised to give Shen Jiu space… Rushing there would only ruffle Shen Jiu’s feathers and get Bingzu nagged at or smacked around for breaking the promise. Therefore his hands were tied, forced to comply and wait.

It was almost funny how, in his youth, he once feared Shen Jiu… but now-

After seeing the worst of humanity for a millennia, it was akin to recalling the wrath of a kitten. Everything Shen Jiu did was the stubborn bristling of an abused cat, scratching or clawing at anyone who got too close or tried to take its food.

It was hard to remember everything he felt back then… Getting whipped when failing tasks, getting locked in a shed for disobeying, being punished for not abiding by the rules- it was a lot for a child to endure. But for an emperor of life and death- one who had killed members of his own family, slaughtered cities, watched the rise and fall of humanity in a world of demons and humans, watching realms merge, collide, destruct and be reborn- … everything Shen Jiu did… couldn’t even scratch the surface anymore. All the previous grievances felt so distant and small.

Tap.

…

Tap.

And yet… for someone whose existence was so small… Shen Jiu still seemed to create waves in his mind.

These three days apart from Shen Jiu were beginning to feel like they dragged on longer than any of the previous countless centuries he’s lived.

Why was that?

—

In the midst of the silence in the courtyard, Shen Jiu found himself relapsing into that same broken trance he used to fall into whenever he was alone in Qing Jing Peak. Every little object looked like a way out, even through his blurry gaze. A sharp edge, water over one foot in depth, ledges a little too high, or plants not meant for consumption. It felt like each item was chanting, ‘die die die die die’ as he brushed past, with increasingly frantic steps.

I want to die.

I want to live.

Polarizing voices in his head tore him apart.

He was blind to his surroundings, bumping into occasional items- one being a pillar, the other being a statue. Another a tree. This continued until he was on the opposite side of the courtyard covered in bruises, shaking softly against the railing that supported him. Each beat of his heart getting louder and louder until it felt like a drum threatening to crush him from the inside.

‘Die’

His fingers seeped qi as he clutched tightly onto the railing.

‘Die’

The railing splintered and broke under his fierce clutch. As if it were his last attempt of holding onto life.

‘Do it’

A sizable splinter of wood broke into his trembling hands, sharp and jagged, cutting into his skin. It would cause a mess if he used it. But it would be quick.

‘Do it.’

But I want to live?

‘Do it’

Confused, distraught and shaky, he angled the wood to his throat, pulled by forces so deep within his heart, he had no idea where they were coming from.

Do I… want to live?

Do I?

…

No.

This time it was his own voice telling him:

No I don’t.

Right as his hands began to move, a soft thud of footsteps echoed behind him, startling Shen Jiu out of his trance.

The sudden presence had him whirling around, brandishing the broken railing as a weapon toward his intruder. There was a shift of air as the entity dodged, deftly catching him by the sleeve to pull him to a gentle stop. Words low, quiet and as unthreatening as possible, Luo Bingzu spoke, “It’s just me, shizun.”

The tension shattered, snapping Shen Jiu from his stupor with a cold sweat, the wooden spike falling from his hands with a soft clatter. “H-has it been three days already?” Shen Jiu’s voice was frail, trembling, one wrong word away from falling apart.

The answer was no.

But Luo Bingzu calmly said: “Yes.”

A lie.

A pretty little lie.

Comfort was born from that lie.

It soothed Shen Jiu, even though it wasn’t true. Because now he wasn’t alone with the darkness in his heart that wanted him dead. It was odd… he wanted to die so badly… but the second Luo Bingzu was around, he couldn’t even think about it.

Neither of them dared to acknowledge the fact it had barely been one day since they parted, instead only standing together in the far side of the pavilion courtyard with Luo Bingzu shrouded in the light of the courtyard lanterns, and Shen Jiu falling to pieces in the only spot the shadows could reach.

Luo Bingzu would never say it out loud.

But he noticed how Shen Jiu had sneakily inched one shaky finger into his sleeve, holding onto it as if it were the only thing keeping him from slipping into insanity. Luo Bingzu simply stood, quietly gazing into a distant flower on a faraway tree, waiting for Shen Jiu to recover on his own time. Never rushing, never wavering, as still as a mountain that loomed next to a small lake.

Something resuscitated in Luo Bingzu’s chest as he felt Shen Jiu’s wordless plea pierce right through his heart, both shaky black eyes peering up at him with an almost desperate haze.

Please don’t leave me alone.

And so, wordlessly, Luo Bingzu closed his eyes and promised.

I won’t.

—

The walk back to Shen Jiu’s room was slow and calculated.

And awkward- mostly for Shen Jiu.

Because in all his life, he never acted so pitifully. Perhaps having the freedom to move on his own without being in a simulation really destroyed his ability to act rationally. He would need to be more careful. That’s why as they walked back to the room, he was more bitter than before, chin slightly raised and eyes sharp.

Whenever he strayed off-path due to his impaired vision, Luo Bingzu quietly led him back with gentle touches on his sleeve.

That was how they successfully returned to the room after a long period of silence. The sight of the shattered door froze Luo Bingzu for a moment, which temporarily satisfied Shen Jiu but his joy was instantly sapped as he heard Luo Bingzu repair it with a slight roll of his wrist. “Really? You would use your powers for such a meaningless repair?”

“In order to give you privacy, shizun, this use of power is not meaningless. Do not worry.” The sincerity of those words pricked at Shen Jiu’s skin and all he could do was shut up, quickly storming over to the distant table in the room. Thanks to his advanced memorization skills, he had already mapped out the room earlier in the day and didn’t struggle to traverse it even with his eyes being a mess. It would appear someone cleaned the room while he was away too, removing all the candles and wax.

Luo Bingzu followed him to the wooden table and sat across from him. “Are you hungry, shizun?”

The thought of the soup came crashing back making Shen Jiu shiver. “No-” Sadly his stomach disagreed and growled right as he spoke, making his mouth clamp shut and ears burn bright red. His body exposed him shamelessly. He tucked his mouth behind his hand and bitterly averted his eyes, “A little.”

“I’ll make you some food then.” Luo Bingzu snapped his fingers, activating a clone somewhere in the distance.

“Thanks but I’ll pass.” Shen Jiu mumbled under his palm, eyes drifting as he recalled the pungent dish he was force fed the day before. The bitter metallic aftertaste stayed on his tongue all night, “I’d rather starve than eat anything you cook ever again.”

There was a soft chuckle, “It’ll be good today, shizun.”

“I sincerely doubt that.” He finally lowered his hand, allowing both palms to rest on his lap with elegant charm. Luo Bingzu couldn’t help but think Shen Jiu looked like a proud lion, outlined by the radiant sunlight that came through the window behind him.

Luo Bingzu’s mood was good. “Try it first. If it’s bad, I’ll grant you one wish.”

“Then I wish-”

“Except for your death, my death, or freedom.”

Shen Jiu shut his mouth once more, glancing in Luo Bingzu’s general direction with a frown. He couldn’t prove it… but he just knew that asshole was smiling.

The food arrived quickly, and this time, as promised… it smelled incredible. “What is it?” He tentatively tapped his hand along the table trying to locate the tray of food.

Luo Bingzu nudged the tray closer to Shen Jiu’s fingers, “Soup.”

Shen Jiu instantly shoved it back, “Don’t want it.”

“Sorry, it’s actually roast duck.” Luo Bingzu once more pushed the tray towards him.

…

“Are you teasing me?” Shen Jiu’s brows pinched, making his normally stoic face a shade angrier.

“I wouldn’t dare.” This time, Luo Bingzu was DEFINITELY smirking.

It pissed Shen Jiu off. If he weren’t so hungry he would have fought back.

Once the tray was in his clutches, he dragged it closer feeling a bit suspicious… but his guard lowered the moment the scent hit his nose. It really did smell good. His wrists were also a lot better today allowing him to eat without assistance, fully capable of using his chopsticks without Luo Bingzu’s intervention. He quickly began to eat.

“Do you like it?” The sound of Luo Bingzu leaning onto the table, cheek in palm, made Shen Jiu scowl.

“No.”

“Then I’ll take it back.” A hand on HIS tray of food triggered something animalistic in Shen Jiu. There was a sharp twang as his chopstick pierced past Luo Bingzu’s head and deep into the wall on the opposite side of the room.

There was a pause, followed by an amused smile, “I understand. Shizun can keep it. I won’t take your food from you. It’s all yours.”

“It really is awful.” Shen Jiu continued eating, struggling now that he was missing a chopstick. This did not slow him down though, barely remembering his table manners, “Really awful.”

“I know.” Luo Bingzu nudged a new chopstick under Shen Jiu’s finger, saying nothing as Shen Jiu snatched it, “I am a terrible cook, shizun. The absolute worst. This disciple will learn.”

“Yes, a very bad cook.”

“Mhm.”

“Never had anything worse in my life.”

“Mhm.”

“You will keep cooking until you get better.”

“Mhm.”

The entire plate was cleared.

It was hard to say who was more satisfied by the end of the meal. The stubborn scowling Shen Jiu whose stomach was practically purring like a kitten or Luo Bingzu who watched the whole thing with a smile.

“Instead of learning how to cook, you should work on curing my eyes.” Shen Jiu said after a moment of silence.

“Why?” Luo Bingzu’s words were light, as he gently patted a bit of sauce off Shen Jiu’s lip, calmly dodging the followup slap it earned him, “Are you saying you think my cooking is fine?”

“No, I’m not saying that. It was truly awful. I just want my eyesight back.”

“I see, I see.”

“... Do you know how to fix my eyesight or do you not?” He persisted stubbornly.

Luo Bingzu smiled, leaning over the table. “Eat the soup I make without complaints when I give it to you. Then you will heal.”

Tch.

“Why didn’t you just tell me it was a medicinal soup?” Shen Jiu grumbled to himself, “I can eat bitter things and the smell won’t bother me much. Make it properly next time and don’t try to mask its smell behind a mess of herbs. I won’t complain.”

There was a heavy pause, then another smile traced Luo Bingzu’s lips, “If that’s what shizun wants. But in return you must promise not to ask me what the ingredients are.”

“Fine.”

It didn’t matter what it was.

As long as his vision returned, he would eat just about anything. He hated being so dependent on someone else.

—

The rest of that day was relatively peaceful, filled mostly with the bored daydreaming of Shen Jiu who mulled over random scenarios from the past. On the other hand, Luo Bingzu was casually tapping his nail against the wooden table, secretly observing Shen Jiu.

One might call it ‘staring’… Luo Bingzu called it ‘studying’.

To put Shen Jiu’s appearance at that moment into words, Luo Bingzu feared he would need to recall a millennia of languages just to find the right ones. All he could do was describe Shen Jiu with abstract parallels. Such as right now, the man was postured with a straight back and an expression downcast as he fiddled with his own empty hands, evoking the emotion one might feel if they were to stumble upon a moonlit oasis among a patch of trees. Thought provoking, heart numbing and tranquil. The warm meal must have calmed him down.

Silky strands of brownish black hair blanketing his shoulders, occasionally swaying like vines in a breeze, paired with the soft rise and fall of his stomach. Once in a while, he’d lick or bite at his lightly reddened lips, contrasting vibrantly against his pale skin. The weepy sadness and subtle exhaustion lining his eyes, pulling each of his eyelashes down would shudder whenever a shadow fell over his body.

It was in that moment, Luo Bingzu realized in all his years of knowing Shen Jiu, that he had never fully taken a moment to appreciate the subtleties that lay bare on the otherwise stoic face. He noticed how Shen Jiu never raised his eyes in a room full of people unless spoken to. When alone, those raven black eyes would be caught on the stars or a stray cloud. Around people, they were locked on the floor. Around women they were respectful. Around men, they were closed or shifting away.

Did other people notice such things about Shen Jiu too? He wondered if he was the only one who did… Otherwise, how did everyone end up turning on Shen Jiu so willingly in the past? Just how many were blind to Shen Jiu’s oasis of emotions?

Every once in a while, Luo Bingzu who observed from a respectful distance, chin in palm, would throw a stone into those reposeful waters, trying to see what kind of reaction he would get. Sometimes it would be a small ripple, both ebony eyes glaring at him when he asked a meaningless question. “Does the sun feel nice?” Sometimes it would be a splash, with teeth baring into a fierce snarl when he asked an embarrassing one. “Do you want me to leave a light on when you sleep?” And sometimes… there would be no movement at all, only growing quieter-

Such as when he asked about Shen Jiu’s name.

“What should I call you if you don't want to be called shizun?” His stone landed dead center in the pond, only to sink rapidly below the icy black waters of Shen Jiu’s heart. There was no immediate response so he threw another one. “Shen Qingqiu?” The water chilled more, emitting a frosty fog, both eyes filled with venom. Luo Bingzu tried once more, “How about Shen Jiu?” The oasis froze completely.

Shen Jiu moved to strike him, failing to land his attack only due to his currently impaired vision, which gave Luo Bingzu enough time to dodge- not that it would hurt him even if it landed. However, the sight of Shen Jiu’s eyes burning red at the seams, chest heaving without rhythm, left a lethal blow nonetheless on Luo Bingzu’s heart, “Never call me that again. Never. Anything… anything but that…” Shen Jiu shrunk in on himself, becoming half the size he normally was- holding the robes tighter around his body. The man’s chin tipped down and eyes narrowed as if fighting off tears, “Shizun… You can call me shizun. That is fine.”

And then the oasis fully closed off, turning away from him.

Centuries had passed since their first meeting and Luo Bingzu realized he really didn’t know much about Shen Jiu at all. What about the name Shen Jiu aggrieved him so vehemently? What made him the person he was today? Was the man really just a blackened soul since birth, born to be a villain to provide character growth to Luo Bingzu? Or was he so much more than that?

Luo Bingzu watched as Shen Jiu tucked himself away in a small corner of the room on a daybed by the window, somehow overcast by shadows despite sitting directly in a patch of sunlight.

The gloomy expression on the man’s face both hurt and satisfied Luo Bingzu at the same time. It was not a good expression. But it was an expression nonetheless. And that meant Shen Jiu, whether conscious of it or not, was growing more comfortable around him.

And thus there was merit to that pain.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” He suddenly said, observing the way Shen Jiu’s head perked like a dog that heard its favorite word.

“Where to?” He seemed intrigued.

“I’ll take you into town.”

Chapter Text

Buried beneath the detached scowl on Shen Jiu’s face was the unmistakable glimmer of delight, “Fine, it’s better than being stuck here in a room with you all day.” Going into town, or rather, being taken into town was a mundane experience to most. However it was not something Shen Jiu ever really had the chance to do in his previous lives. Walking around, enjoying the sights, shopping for new things… It was all a distant daydream. He never really had the chance to live a normal life in the past. To feel normal things. To be a normal person. Every day was a battle for survival, even in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect.

He gracefully stood up from the day bed, trotting in the general direction he recalled Luo Bingzu’s voice last being, stretching one hand out as he tried to feel for the table Luo Bingzu was sitting at. Each word was light and detached, but subsequently filled with desire, “Take me.”

‘Take me’

For a moment Luo Bingzu’s brain short circuited, jaw slightly agape as his shizun stalked closer halo’d by the sun from the window, white robes practically glowing. It was at that moment he realized Shen Jiu might just be the most naive person he had ever met. Those low words in a husky mature tone saturated with desire all the while maintaining an aura of innocence. He knew Shen Jiu was doing it unintentionally. Thus he said nothing. He did nothing. But he didn’t feel nothing. He definitely felt something. Clearing his throat, Luo Bingzu stood from where he was seated, reaching one sleeve-covered hand towards Shen Jiu to catch the other man’s palm, careful to avoid skin to skin contact. “Before we go, you should probably wash up, shizun. I also prepared a new set of clothes for you.”

Shen Jiu’s expression was displeased but didn’t fight back.

He was compliant for once. Probably pacified by the prospect of an outing.

With a snap of Luo Bingzu’s fingers, a wash tub and set of clothes manifested between them, “I’ll give you some privacy while you bathe, shizun… Just don’t do anything foolish. Do I make myself clear?” His words were pointed, referencing what happened earlier, causing Shen Jiu’s scowl to deepen.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Talk to me in that tone again and I’ll strike you. Do I make myself clear?” He mimicked Luo Bingzu’s disrespectful tone. Despite his cheeky rebuttal, he let himself be guided to the tub’s edge, “If your eyes stray in my direction at any point, I’ll give you fifty lashes. Just because I can’t see, doesn’t mean I won’t know. Understood?”

“Mn, shizun, you don’t have to worry. I’ll leave the room. This disciple wouldn’t dare.” There wasn't a shred of mockery in the younger man’s voice, instead sounding incredibly respectful. This surprised Shen Jiu a bit but he said nothing in response and made a shoo’ing motion with his hand, chasing his ‘disciple’ away. The soft thumps followed by a door opening and closing told Shen Jiu that Luo Bingzu left.

Feeling the air in front of him with outstretched arms, he shamelessly double checked- triple checked that he was alone in the room, and finally let go of the breath he was holding. One couldn’t be too careful. Even though Luo Bingzu hadn’t done anything to break his trust in the past few weeks, that didn’t mean he would trust the man blindly. Life taught him to be vigilant, even when showered with kindness. After all, his precious Qi-ge once betrayed him too. That meant anyone could.

A pain he relived too many times to bear, one hand clutching sharp over his chest.

He would never be such a fool and trust anyone ever again.

Never.

The only person he could rely on was himself.

After stripping, and submerging in the perfectly heated water, he felt himself shudder and huddle with his knees to his chest, feeling exhausted. The disjointed sleep last night was already affecting him and it was barely midday. How was he supposed to stay awake until nighttime?

Well… it wouldn’t be his first time ignoring exhaustion. He had many sleepless nights in the past.

By the time he was finished washing, which was a little difficult without his vision, he had made a mess of splashes on the floor, nearly slipped three times, and even got his newly acquired clothes a little wet. Ashamed, embarrassed and ears turning a million shades of red, Shen Jiu knelt down beside the tub, trying to quickly pat up the residual water with his towel, his hair still soaking wet at the tips unknowingly creating more puddles and getting his clothes ever wetter.

“Are you done, shizun?”

“No.” He snapped back.

The door opened anyway, startling him to his feet, towel clutched deep in his palm, “What the hell is wrong with you?! I said no.”

“You were lying.” Luo Bingzu’s voice floated across the air, turning Shen Jiu’s ears a deeper shade of red, sounding a bit helpless as he clutched the towel tighter to his chest.

“So what if I was!? You’re the disciple, you should obey.” He twisted the towel, intending to use it as a whip, “And how could you even tell if I was lying?”

“Shizun.” Luo Bingzu was suddenly in front of him with frightening speed, stopping him before he could even lash out.

Shen Jiu stumbled back, feeling Luo Bingzu gently pry the towel from his hands, “What are you-”

“Let this disciple take care of it.” Luo Bingzu had leaned closer, voice and breath so close it became the only thing Shen Jiu could focus on, throwing him into a hypnotic trance. Each word seemed lower than the last, subsequently making his muscles weaker, “Let me take care of everything, shizun. You need not kneel for anything ever again.”

Kneel?

His knees seemed to sting from how he had knelt just moments ago, lips slightly parted with shock as Luo Bingzu pulled away. Then without much effort, the man pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed before pulling away and kneeling on the floor by Shen Jiu’s feet, calmly wiping up the mess of water.

Each word he wanted to say caught in his throat, tumbled back down, got jumbled then drowned in the pit of his stomach along with his heart. Unsure, confused and honestly baffled. It took a long time before he finally relaxed on the edge of the bed, hand still partially raised from where he had been holding the towel. When met with such sincerity, Shen Jiu was at a loss for what to do. How long had it been since someone could see right through him? It made him feel… naked. Stripped bare. More than when he was washing in the tub.

After a moment of stupor, he finally recovered, “Good. What use would you be as a disciple if you couldn’t even do this much?” He pulled his robes tighter, gaze angled sharply in a random direction.

Shen Jiu had no idea how red his cheeks were.

And Luo Bingzu who stole a few glances would never tell.

After a few more aching moments of listening to the water getting sponged up, Shen Jiu wondered quietly to himself: If Luo Bingzu was so powerful, why didn’t he just use magic to snap the water away? Why dry it manually? Before he could ask, he felt the unmistakable body heat and shadow fall over his body as Luo Bingzu stood in front of him. This jolted him from his daydreams, leaning back a bit over the bed to make some distance between their bodies, “All done? Are you going to take me now?”

“...”

There was a heavy sigh.

“No, I won’t. Not until you’re ready.” There was a soft tug on his inner robe, making him flinch a bit, “Shizun, let me help you straighten your hair and robes. They’re lopsided.”

If it weren’t for how ashamed he felt, Shen Jiu would have slapped the man for his invasive gesture, but he oddly felt that all his strength was gone. “Fine. You may assist. Just… don’t touch me.”

“Mn.”

That was how a very awkward set of people with no people skills prepared for their first ever outing together.

—

Crowds parted with hushed murmurs as the two of them passed, mixed between surprise and awe, yet never loud enough to be heard clearly. Human and demon alike bowed, wordlessly offering their wares to the two of them as they passed the stalls, the vendors never pushing, never begging for sales, only keeping their heads hung low as if basking in the presence of a god.

Luo Bingzu was their god.

“So they know how strong you are?” He asked dryly, guided only by the gentle tugs on his sleeve and the soft tap of a bamboo pole Luo Bingzu gave him. As much as his pride was singed by his pitiful lack of independence, it was being quickly drowned out by the way the sun felt along his skin. It was a beautiful day.

He wished he could see the sky.

“More or less.” Luo Bingzu responded, “This is the empire's main market within the palace walls. Outside is entirely different.”

“I would like to see a market outside then.”

“Shizun.” The warning was clear in Luo Bingzu’s voice.

Oh? Daring to talk back?

He repeated firmly. “I would like to see a market outside the palace walls.”

There was a gentle sigh. “Demon or human market?”

This surprised Shen Jiu, his feet coming to a rolling stop, "They're segregated?”

Luo Bingzu stopped alongside him, words low and quiet, “After years of conflict, they naturally parted ways.”

“Then I’d like to see both.”

After a moment of internal strife, Luo Bingzu sighed and finally agreed. “Mn… Let us finish here, then we can go. In the meantime, is there anything you’d like to buy?”

Buy?

A faint glimmer rekindled in Shen Jiu’s long dead eyes, both eyelashes fluttering a bit nervously and knuckles whitening around the bamboo pole he clung to, “I don’t… have any money?”

There was a faint chuckle, making him glare. Luo Bingzu was smiling, “If you want it, then it’s yours shizun. This disciple will get it for you.”

“As you should.” He bristled uneasily, sharply averting his blank gaze to the floor. Wasn’t this a bit skewed? A master should be the one spoiling their disciple. Not the other way around.

Whatever, it wasn’t worth mulling about.

“Greetings, my lord and esteemed guest.” A man exclaimed respectfully, lulling Shen Jiu from his trance, “May I interest you in anything today?” They had come to a stop in front of a large vending table, Shen Jiu tentatively released Luo Bingzu’s sleeve while patting along the edge of it, trying to feel around for something interesting.

The wares offered were various hair pieces, ribbons and fans. He dragged his fingers along several of them, stopping only to caress a particularly high quality fan. It was metal and wooden, paired with high quality cloth. Even without eyes he could tell it was exceptionally well made. “It would seem you’re not a vendor of the empire’s main market for nothing.” He murmured, gently retracting his hand.

The merchant seemed to practically glow from his praise, “You are too kind, sir, I am but a humble craftsman.”

“Do you like it, shizun?”

“I need nothing.” He quickly turned from the table, recalling bittersweet memories of his youth. Back when he was a street rat, the very same kinds of vendors singing his praises now were the same kinds of people who’d kick and beat him for staring too long.

Maybe those bitter waves of resentment were the main reasons behind him never visiting markets in the past?

After a moment, Luo Bingzu had returned to his side, guiding him to several more stalls. And despite his passive interest in a few rare snacks, ribbons, daggers, or fans, he never asked for anything. Only growing more bitter each time.

By the time they reached the end of the street, Luo Bingzu was quietly observing how still and demure Shen Jiu had become. Only moving the bare minimum amount.

Tap

….

Tap

Luo Bingzu’s nail drummed against his palm, matching Shen Jiu’s heart. It was depression again. His head tilted, wondering what was going on in Shen Jiu’s head. “Do you… want to see the outer towns now?”

“Mn.” Shen Jiu’s gaze lifted softly, “I do.”

—

They teleported into the shadow of a tall building, and Shen Jiu’ brows furrowed, noticing how Luo Bingzu felt a lot shorter now. “Did you change your appearance?”

“Mn. A little younger and in casual clothes. It wouldn’t be good to show my real body in the common streets.”

Made sense.

He said nothing more as Luo Bingzu guided him from the shadows and onto the bustling street. The whole place was swarming with demons. Big, small, festering or fresh. Undead, triple headed, humanoid and animalistic, all blending together. In order to not get trampled, Shen Jiu discreetly shuffled over to his guide: Luo Bingzu, relying on the man for direction and protection. This perhaps would be the only time he would ever allow himself to cower behind his disciple.

“Good sirs, would you like to try our human brothel? We got a fresh batch this morning…”

Human.. Brothel?

Shen Jiu grimaced in disgust, as the demon roughly grabbed at his arm, foul musty breath washing over his body, “Oh! I wasn't aware you already had a whore, excuse my rudeness. This one isn’t bad. Mind trading? We have younger fresher ones for you…”

Before Shen Jiu could snap, Luo Bingzu had already guided him away with a quick tug. There was a heavy smell of blood in the air followed by silence. “What happened?” Shen Jiu asked as he was violently pulled down the street by Luo Bingzu. Demonic energy crackled along his hand where he held onto Luo Bingzu’s sleeve.

He received no response.

A small commotion erupted behind him, “He’s dead! He’s dead! Someone killed him!”

Ah.

Shen Jiu put two and two together. “Thanks.”

“Stay close, shizun.” There was a deep, almost murderous undertone to Luo Bingzu’s voice.

“Mn.”

They continued down the street, and Shen Jiu did his best to piece together imagery in his head. “As expected, it's a place of sin… but it seems to be alive with business.” The streets were tiled with thick stones, buildings tall and spacious. Everything had a red glow from lanterns and an almost charming smoky haze from various drugs and incense.

Once more, a bold demon crossed their paths- this one seemed a bit more respectful.

“Hello, hello! My dear patrons, where are you off to in such a hurry! It's almost evening! The night is still young! Why don’t you try your luck at gambling? If you want to enter, it's only one silver coin for your first attempt!”

Much to Luo Bingzu’s surprise, he saw his shizun leaning into the deal with an interested glint in his eyes, “Hmm..”

“Shizun?” He asked a bit nervously, noticing how the table was long and dense with demonic energy. It was clear underhanded tactics were used regularly on it. The dealers were humanoid and dripping with jewels, making a huge profit off of unsuspecting gamblers. The gambling table was long and shaded by a red and black pergola. One small chained human child was crying to the side of it and several seats were strewn around for onlookers to observe on.

Shen Jiu appeared unphased by the vulgarity. And why wouldn’t he be? Gambling was something he engaged with lots in the past when he used to visit brothels for fun, "What's the reward?”

“This human child!” The demon gestured to the child who wailed harder when all eyes turned to her. Shen Jiu couldn’t see but judging by the pitch and sloppy sobbing, he knew she couldn’t be older than five.

Disgusting beasts.

“I’ll bet.” He stepped forward coolly, breaking contact from Luo Bingzu.

“What kind of game would you like to play!? We judge not by species, human or demon can enter!”

“We will do street craps.” His words were sickly sweet, laced with poison… much like a viper poised before its prey. His teeth bared slightly, “I’ll bet on… Snake Eyes.” The street of demons watching the exchange breath hitched, unable to turn away as the blinded man leaned onto the table, extending his glistening pale fingers towards the dealers, “The dice, please.”

There was something hypnotic about the way the blind man’s foggy vision swept across the table, dark bangs gently falling over them. Despite being seen as a ‘lowly’ human, they couldn’t help but obey the man’s words, quickly placing a set of dice into his upturned palm. The crowd watched as each slender finger coiled around the objects.

Shen Jiu noted the density of demonic energy embedded in them. As he expected, they were tampered with to let the dealers win their gambles. How amusing. “Hm…. Let's increase the ante.” He suddenly said.

Luo Bingzu’s grip tightened on his sleeve but Shen Jiu ignored him.

The table broke into shocked murmurs, “What will the bounty be then?!”

“All your lives, for mine.”

“...”

A chorus of laughter filled the street, attracting an even bigger crowd, “You think you can win!? Fine! What a fine deal. What a deal indeed!” The main dealer’s lips smacked as if licking them before eating a feast, “But let’s make it more interesting… After all, the stakes are so very high, the gambling itself should be equally intense. Five rounds. You must get snake eyes on three of them.”

A wise man would have left.

A fool would have laughed.

Shen Jiu was both. “Deal.”

“Shizun.” Luo Bingzu’s voice was fierce, practically against his ear, “Enough.”

Without missing a beat, Shen Jiu reached behind him to grab the front of Luo Bingzu’s robes, giving him a sharp tug while angling his face towards Luo Bingzu, blissfully unaware of how close it brought their lips, “Luo Bingzu. Let this shizun teach you a lesson of immorality. In the face of dirty cheats, what should one do?”

There was no response.

“You cheat harder.” His breath was sickly sweet, luring Luo Bingzu into a momentary trace, unable to breathe anything else other than the ‘lesson’ his shizun was giving him. Once Shen Jiu released him, he still felt trapped in the man’s clutches, one hand placing over his surprisingly fast heart.

The table was cheering, not noticing the little exchange the two of them had. As far as they were aware, Shen Jiu was a naive slave, property of the demon behind him. Even if Luo Bingzu were to take Shen Jiu right then and there, no one would have bat an eye.

“Let’s begin.” Shen Jiu murmured, both dice expertly nestled between two outstretched fingers. “Wish me luck…” With a quick toss the two dice clattered onto the table, wobbling all the way to the opposite side where the dealer was.

Three - Two.

“Awww, one loss for the human! Four more to go!” The accumulating crowd cheered.

Unbothered, Shen Jiu extended his palm expectantly towards the dealer again, both eyes a terrifying calm. “The dice, please.”

For some reason, it chilled the dealer as he returned the dice to the human. Something wasn’t right about the human’s calm conduct. He was literally gambling his life away and somehow still managing to gaze back at all of them… like they were beneath him.

This time, after being tossed the dice landed on four - five. The crowd cheered, but the dealer was sweating, “You may as well not toss anymore. It’s a hopeless case. You can’t roll three snake eyes.” He had no idea why he was nervous, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was already his loss.

Instead of responding, those chilly venomous eyes locked onto him, blind yet tracking the sound of the demon’s voice until their vision was intertwined, “I’m waiting.” Shen Jiu said, one palm extended, voice cold.

The dice were returned obediently.

“Shizun.” Luo Bingzu practically growled behind him, tugging on his sleeve.

“Shut up.”

“Shizun, I’m serious.”

Ignoring the increasingly angry undertone in his disciples' normally calm voice, Shen Jiu cupped the dice in his palms, bowing his head slightly as if praying. He was putting on a show for the crowd. The table watched with excitement, expecting him to lose again.

Then he tossed.

They rattled, rolled, collided then split apart with a fierce spark.

One - One.

“Snake eyes.” He whispered, slowly lifting his gaze from the table, blindly dragging his vision across the crowd. He extended his palm outwards, waiting for the dice to be returned to him. “Again. Give me the dice.” The murmurs of the onlookers grew louder.

It was a rare roll.

The dealers were hesitant, shifting their gaze amongst each other nervously. What were the odds of that happening? They complied as the crowd grew restless.

“Thanks.” Shen Jiu said without a shred of respect in his voice, calmly cradling the dice in his palm. Then he tossed again, with even less respect as if flicking a bug away.

The dice came to a slow stop, directly beneath the lead dealer’s shadow.

One - One

“S-snake eyes.” One of the other dealers stammered, lifting his gaze up- but his breath hitched, eyes wide- Shen Jiu was staring deep into his soul, looking like a beast that was about to sink its teeth into his prey.

A venomous snake stood across from them. And it was hunting.

“Give me… the dice.” Shen Jiu said, all sweetness gone from his voice as he stretched his palm out again. The dealers quickly snatched the dice, furiously cursing to themselves wondering why their spell wasn’t working. Once they finished reassessing the dice and applying more demonic energy, they returned the dice to him.

The fresh musky energy stung at Shen Jiu’s fingertips, making him sigh softly. They weren’t even trying to hide it anymore.

Lowlifes would be lowlifes.

Well…

He smirked.

He was probably lower than them.

“Last roll.” He announced, hovering his clenched fist over the table. The crowd was immersed in all the chaos, leaning ever closer. Then he released his grip, not even bothering to throw it this time. The dice slammed down hard, spinning in one spot directly below his palm.

Everyone held their breath.

Shen Jiu tapped the side of the table one time with his bamboo pole.

Both dice stopped.

He smiled, the dealers paled.

One - One

“Snake eyes.” He said without a hint of emotion in his voice, “I’ll be taking your lives now.”

“CHEATER!” One of the dealers roared, pointing furiously at him, “Don’t think you can do whatever you want! Cheating in demon territory, you’re out of your damn mind you degenerate human wretch! Villainous scum!”

“Scum?” He called out with an arched brow, qi welling up his arm and bamboo pole as he spoke, “Villain?” He chuckled, “Maybe I am.”

With a quick burst of qi, he knocked the table over with the bamboo pole and leapt forward, closing the gap between them, stopping only when they were a few feet apart. The crowd had jumped back, Luo Bingzu was frozen stiff and the main dealer had fallen backwards, nervously shaking as Shen Jiu extended the bamboo pole forward, using the tip of it to angle the demon’s jaw up towards him. The dealer couldn’t help but think: so this is what the grim reaper looks like. “I’ll be collecting my bounty now.”

“You-”

The pole lunged forward with a sickening crunch, piercing straight through the demon’s neck and deep into the stone floor below. Blood sprayed up, and Shen Jiu harshly tugged the pole out, giving it a quick twirl so that the onlooking crowd and surrounding dealers were splattered with the blood of their kin, “Who’s next?” He said cruelly.

Enraged, one furious demon lunged forward with an outstretched palm, intending to take the pole away but the second he latched on, Shen Jiu gave it a quick twist, spinning the pole. The momentum and the demon's fierce grip caused the spin to dislodge the demon’s shoulder, “Fuck!!” The demon howled in pain.

Snapping the pole in half, creating two sword-like poles infused with qi, Shen Jiu lunged forward into the crowd, slaughtering each demonic dealer, sparing only the innocent who quickly fled. He followed the scent of demonic energy and body heat, needing no eyes to deal with such lowlife individuals.

Only one scent remained, and Shen Jiu lunged towards it but then-

This one smelled… a little sweeter.

He came to a sudden stop, dropping both bloodied poles before they could land on the target, leaving only his body to slam into the awaiting mass.

“Shizun…” The voice was heavy, filled with indistinguishable emotions, the strongest being relief, both warm arms carefully wrapping around his body to steady him. “That was… reckless.”

Luo Bingzu.

“Let go.” Shen Jiu quickly shoved himself out of Luo Bingzu’s grasp and straightened out his robes, realizing how vulgar he had just acted, “So? Nothing happened…. They were also scum.. I won’t apologize for killing your kind, especially not when they’re crooks like that.” He snapped, still feeling the heat of Luo Bingzu’s embrace along his skin.

“You can do anything you’d like shizun. The only one not allowed to die is you.” A hand snatched his sleeve, giving it a tug, as if scolding him, “Do not be so reckless in the future.”

So… Luo Bingzu was mad due to the fact he put himself in danger and not because he killed demons? Huh.

Returning his blank gaze back to where the sobbing child was he crouched down, eyebrows furrowed and palm reaching outwards, “Child.” He was a bit awkward, “Let’s take you home.”

Surprising Shen Jiu, the young girl wailed and practically hurled herself at his waist as she sobbed, apparently unafraid of him despite the fact he was still coated in demonic blood. Each ripple of grief made his frown deeper, unsure of how to help calm her down. Aside from Yue Qi and other stray kids in his youth, he had no idea how to comfort little ones. He tried patting her head until she calmed down, letting her speak into his torso, “I-” She sniffled, “I wanna- go home..”

“Mn… I understand. We will take you home.”

There it was again.

That word.

Home.

It was such a bittersweet word.

“Come, child. Let us go back to the humans.” The little one sobbed a few more times before nodding, keeping one hand balled up against her eyes and the other quickly latching on to one of his fingers. He stood up and glanced in Luo Bingzu’s direction almost helplessly, “Can we?”

“If shizun wants it, I will do anything.” The demon approached, causing the girl to squeak and cower behind Shen Jiu. Luo Bingzu’s voice was lowered to not startle her, once more calm as the sea at dawn, using a quick burst of energy to break the chains, “Shizun, I’ll guide you.” Then he extended a sleeved arm towards Shen Jiu.

Right the pole was gone.

He had to be fully reliant on Luo Bingzu now.

Sigh.

One hand resting on Lou Bingzu’s arm, the other held prisoner by a small child no older than five. This was how the three of them teleported to the human town. A few humans choked in surprise at the sight of Shen Jiu drenched in blood, thinking Luo Bingzu had maimed him but they quickly calmed down upon noticing the fact Shen Jiu was the one leading the demon around. The onlookers thought: Ah… the demon must have been tamed by him. A few exceptional humans were capable of controlling demons under blood contracts. Although rare, it was a possibility.

“This is it? The human market?” Shen Jiu asked with narrowed eyes, noticing the town was not much better than the demon one… if anything it seemed quieter. Worse.

“Mn… it's the human town.”

The scent of booze, drugs and various other forms of vulgarity were pungent in the air. Filth, death and depravity. The road was an uneven mud filled mess with potholes and patches of unknown liquids all over it, something Luo Bingzu was attentive enough to guide him around. “It's disgusting." He couldn’t help but exclaim.

“Mn.”

“Mama! Papa!” The young girl squealed and tore off in a random direction across the street followed by sobs of worried voices.

The young couple wailed just as loudly, reunited with their long lost daughter, “How did you get back Ming’er! We thought we lost you forever!”

The young girl pointed in Shen Jiu’s direction, “He brought me back! He did! He killed them all!! He’s like a god!”

The parents were shocked locking their gaze on the now hesitant Shen Jiu who was still drenched in demonic blood, his gaze slightly lowered to the floor, “It was noth-”

The young couple rapidly approached and kneeled, sobbing, holding onto his hand, “Jiu ceng lianhua. Jiu ceng lianhua. We humbly thank you.”

Jiu ceng lianhua? Nine layered lotus?

He scrunched his brows together, “What is the nine layered lotus mantra for?”

This seemed to surprise the couple who stood from the ground, both of them glancing at each other, “It is the founding religion upheld by humanity for the past few hundred years. I’m surprised you don’t know it.”

“I’ve been… away.” He cleared his throat, “What god do you worship?”

The wife giggled behind her palm, “Oh no, not a god. But a man.”

That was surprising. In all his life, he never heard of a religion that hailed a normal man as the pinnacle of their religion. “A man?” His head tilted, “What man is worth worshipping?”

“There's no human around who doesn't have the nine petaled lotus on their door. It’s our ward and prayer against the demons. A silent wish for a different future.”

It was the little girl who skipped over, tugging on Shen Jiu’s sleeve. “We honor lord Shen Qingqiu.”

Lightning seemed to strike through Shen Jiu’s heart. “What?”

The father eagerly began recounting the story, leaning a little closer, “Many centuries ago, there was a man who not only killed his own demonic master, but also killed his demonic disciple. This wasn’t just any disciple you see… It was THE Luo Bingzu. The demonic beast that rules over the entire world. Shen Qingqiu tried to warn us all! Friendship between man and demon will never last. He alone knelt at the edge of morality and was punished for his beliefs in a one-sided trial… all of humanity turned their backs on him that day and sided with the demons! But look at what siding with those demons did to us! Look what happened when we turned our backs on him!”

“Yeah!” The little girl cheered angrily.

“The world was submerged into chaos! The realms merged. Humans and demons fought for centuries and now humans are on the verge of extinction! Mankind fell the day Shen Qingqiu fell. That is the foundation of the nine layered lotus belief. Among a sea of rejection, a single lotus bloomed as a warning to the people. It was trampled and thrown away. The belief is that by brandishing the nine layered lotus, you are rejecting demonic rule and standing by Shen Qingqiu. One day the lotus will bloom again in mankind! One day we will be brave enough to rise up and face the demons once more just like he did all those years ago!” The eager man fell into a sheepish silence, rubbing at his nape, “Well… really it's just fantasy and a mantra. It’s less of a religion and more of a rejection towards demonic rule. In a world where we’re the weaker species, what else can we do but pray?”

“You knew about this?” Shen Jiu angled his head towards Luo Bingzu, whispering quietly.

“Mn.”

“Why haven’t you moderated properly between humans and demons? Why is it only peaceful within the palace walls?”

“...”

There was no response.

A chilling thought came rushing to his mind. What if… Luo Bingzu lost interest in the lives of the people who inhabited this world and simply let it crumble to pieces around him? Intending to let it all die alongside him?

He shivered.

He suddenly felt very tired.

“Take me back to the palace.”

“Mn.”

After saying their farewells, they teleported back shrouded in a heavy silence.

Chapter Text

Blanketed by a snowfall of silence, the two of them teleported back to Shen Jiu’s room without a single word being shared between them. Questions danced along Shen Jiu’s lips, each one parting and angling towards Luo Bingzu… only to suffocate back down his throat. In the end, nothing was said. Everything had seemingly turned to ice around them, keeping both of them frozen, hesitant and unsure.

Sensing Luo Bingzu was about to apologize, Shen Jiu raised one palm to stop him, keeping his scrutinizing glare downcast to the floor. “It would appear the saying is true.” He murmured quietly, “In a world that has nothing to hold onto, the people will hold onto nothing.”

And ‘Shen Qingqiu’ was the nothing they clung to.

“You’re not nothi-”

He raised his palm again once more, lightly tapping it against the man's arm as if to say ‘enough’. It didn’t matter what Luo Bingzu thought of the situation. To become a dying humanity's last hope… was such a bittersweet thing. Especially knowing that all of humanity abandoned him in the past when he needed them most. How ironic.

Based on the size of the aura, Luo Bingzu had reverted back to his original form, towering over him almost menacingly, yet ever gentle at the same time. “I didn’t know how to tell you.” The man said plainly, one hand daring to tug on his sleeve, as if offering a wordless apology. It didn’t help soothe Shen Jiu at all… he found himself groaning and dragging a palm through his hair. It didn’t help that his qi was rapidly fluctuating in his core, on the cusp of a deviation. It would appear he used too much of it earlier in the market. It made him feel more spiteful.

“Whatever… Do you have a library? Or scrolls about the world’s history? I’d like to know more about it if I’m being forced to live here.” Shen Jiu extended both hands, delicately feeling his pale fingers through the air to search for the table. Once there, he immediately began lighting candles, chasing away the dark as the sun set rapidly behind him. After lighting two, he hesitated then tried to light a third, but frowned upon noticing there were none left. His entire supply of candles had been used up the night before.

The heavy thuds and jingles of Luo Bingzu approaching from behind prickled at his skin, making him whirl around uneasily, “What? Forget how to speak? Why aren’t you saying anything?” He snapped and raised a palm to stop the entity from getting any closer.

Luo Bingzu stopped before the palm could touch his chest, wordlessly pressing an object into Shen Jiu’s hand instead.

It was a little heavy, cylindrical and waxy.

A candle?

“So you had more? How many? Is this the only one?” The scowl on his face deepened as he lit the candle, holding it between them, unknowingly chasing Luo Bingzu away a few steps, “Well? Say something. What's wrong with you? Did you turn into a mute?”

There was a contemplative silence flickering between them, the room’s shadows appearing darker and heavier the more candles were lit. After an achingly long pause, Luo Bingzu’s words were soft in comparison to the harsh shadows around them, “Shizun… are you mad at me?”

What?

“What are you talking about?” He stifled an eye roll and turned away, shrouding Luo Bingzu in darkness as he set the freshly lit candle on the table alongside the other two. Trying to guess what went on in Luo Bingzu’s brain was an impossible task. It was better to let the man be an enigma. Sure he could be mad over Luo Bingzu not telling him about the religion beforehand, or about the state of the world, but he also never bothered to ask. It could be considered his fault too.

The silence thinned a little with Luo Bingzu slowly stepping out of the shadows beside him, obediently lighting another candle by his side. Each one soothed Shen Jiu’s nerves a little more. “About the state of the world…” Luo Bingzu’s words were filled with deeper meaning, far deeper than Shen Jiu dared to contemplate. “Are you mad about it?”

“Why would I be? I don’t care about the world. It never cared about me.” His tone was indifferent as he lit another candle, voice growing almost gentle as the warm glow lit up his skin, automatically reaching for another, which Luo Bingzu obediently supplied. Shen Jiu didn’t dare ask where they kept coming from, he was far too deep in a trance to care. The more light, the better. “The world’s problems are not my problems.” He glanced blindly in Luo Bingzu’s direction, “They’re not yours either… Give me another candle.”

With an outstretched palm he waited, patiently, for another candle.

But then he felt something wet drip onto his palm, his eyes narrowing slightly, almost retracting his hand, but before he could, a new candle was supplied.

Did he imagine it?

He held the candle closer, inspecting it, then began feeling his palm. It was dry.

Odd.

“Look, don’t let the god thing go to your head.” He murmured, lighting the candle in his hand, gazing deep into the fire. All he could see was a vibrant orange haze, like a setting sun erupting in the palm of his hand. “You’re just… one person. To think so highly of yourself that you believe you must shoulder everyone else's darkness…” He turned his gaze to the shadowy mass next to him, “... is a bit egotistical.”

“Mn.”

“Do you understand?”

“Mn.”

“...”

Sigh.

He set the candle down, finally at ease with the way the room seemed to be adequately lit now. “There’s a lot I don’t know about this world… Honestly, I don’t recognize it. Therefore I’d like to get to know it more. That's all. Don’t read too deeply into it, alright? Whether the world was a utopia or the mess it is now… I’d still not care. I just want to know.”

Keeping his palm braced on the edge of the table, he shuffled around it until he found a place to sit, comfortably claiming the chair with a hint of elegance in his pose. The fire glimmering in the depths of his fierce black eyes entranced Luo Bingzu who remained quiet at the opposite end of the table, body half shrouded in shadows.

“Do you have any scrolls detailing the history of the world?” Shen Jiu asked, already extending his palm in Luo Bingzu’s direction. The entity pursed his lips, hesitantly stretching his hand over, hovering it above Shen Jiu’s fingers, wanting to touch it, but then retracting slightly.

“Mn. I do.” A scripture was placed in Shen Jiu’s palm, “Shizun, are you planning to read?”

“Of course.” Shen Jiu quickly retrieved the scroll, dragging his fingertips across the paper. There was a somewhat optimistic side of him hoping he could feel the ink and read despite his vision being gone… but it would appear he was very wrong. His expression darkened with each second that passed.

“...”

“...”

“Want me to read it to you?”

“Mn.”

He passed the scroll back, ignoring how badly his ears burned at the tips. “What good would you be if you couldn’t even do that much for me.”

Surprising Shen Jiu, Luo Bingzu’s reading voice was exceptionally good. It was clear and strong without being overly loud, as if he were used to reading to people when they slept.

According to the scripture documenting the world's history, not long after Shen Jiu’s trial Luo Bingzu merged the three realms with the help of Xin Mo, and engaged in a fierce battle with his own father, eventually submerging the man into lava. Then countless wars subjugating the world were waged, one after another until the whole world was collectively under his control. Rebellions rose, conflicts exploded, and tension between species escalated.

After passively meditating for centuries, Luo Bingzu’s presence suddenly disappeared from the world, locking itself within the empire walls, secluding himself to his own ‘paradise’ as the rest of the world outside was largely abandoned. Demons with naturally stronger constitutions than humans began dominating the world, turning humans into lowly cattle. All the strong cultivators fizzled out no longer having sects to turn to for guidance, leaving the humans outside defenseless and undereducated with cultivation becoming a thing of legends.

The current state of the world was not included in the scroll. Luo Bingzu likely didn’t know what was happening outside the palace walls anymore… or simply didn’t care. “I see. It’s a mess.” Shen Jiu hummed, both arms crossing over his chest, lips pulled into an almost mocking smile, “So as a human trapped in your domain, am I no different than the human cattle mentioned?”

It was a dark joke.

Luo Bingzu responded with full seriousness, “I kneel to you, shizun. If anyone was cattle here, it would be me.”

This caused Shen Jiu’s lips to purse, sitting a little straighter in the chair, “Why is that anyway? You hated me in the past.” After a moment of pondering, he continued, “In fact, you despised me. If this change between us is an act born from pity, then I don’t want it. I’d rather be locked away in that god awful prison. Why are you being like this towards me?”

“I… don’t know.”

The answer was pitifully simple.

‘I don't know.’

The two of them were intertwined in the center of a dying world, equally confused on why they were even together.

A twist of fate perhaps, or something deeper.

“You were the one to bring me here.” He whispered with his gaze locked on a candle.

Luo Bingzu responded just as softly, “I remember.”

“So why? Why didn’t you erase me when I asked? Why am I here? How could you not know?”

…

“Tell me.”

The room began to spin, a small sweat forming along his brow. His qi was escalating dangerously in his core along with the tension he felt in his spine.

In the fragmented atmosphere that twirled between their bodies, Shen Jiu felt there were a lot of things he wanted to ask. His lips parted, only to close shut again. Sure Luo Bingzu was by his side, caring for him, letting him do whatever he wanted now- even going so far as spoiling him…. But what if… Luo Bingzu changed his mind one day?

He reached a palm up to his chest, clutching tightly over the robes, lips pursing… Pain throbbed in his heart.

There was… a distant memory somewhere inside of him. Bubbling up from within. Scraping dangerously as it forced its way out of the darkness.

A memory of two vibrant puppy eyes peering up to him, full of youth and optimism.

“Shizun!” The voice would call. “Shizun!” It was young Bingzu, running to him with a smile that rivaled the sun, halo’d by the afterglow of morning training. Cheeks tinted red from how hard he had been running, the boy would kneel with clasped hands, “Shizun, this disciple is waiting for his next task!”

Right.

Luo Bingzu had always been… one of the sweetest people he met.

Patiently enduring his strict teachings, lining up first to receive tasks early in the mornings, invading his personal space even when he tried to hide away in his room, patiently refilling his tea even after being poured out.

A persistent light, even in the darkest of hours. Much like a candle, enduring the shadows of the night. Withstanding Shen Jiu’s darkness.

But… that candle eventually went out.

Another memory surfaced:

Long after the trial, Luo Bingzu gazed down at him with a blackened expression, eyes flickering red. There was a glint of disappointment in the man's eyes as he stood in front of the spot Shen Jiu was forced to kneel in the water prison.

“Shizun.” The voice would say. Shen Jiu peered up at his former disciple, terrified, cold, hungry, and lost in the darkness he saw blooming across that once innocent face, “Shizun… this disciple… will no longer wait. This is goodbye.”

Then the prison doors closed off forever, throwing Shen Jiu into total darkness. The shadows ate at his skin, tearing him piece by piece. There was a cavity in Shen Jiu’s heart that had never once been filled in the entirety of his life, only growing deeper with each passing year.

But at one point there had been a light.

So very small.

A small radiant smile of a boy who raced to his side, eagerly trying to stand by him no matter how hard he pushed away. A small hand that would shyly reach for his fingers even longer after being struck by the whip it held. A small glimmer in an otherwise blackened world.

Luo Bingzu.

Another memory:

He shoved young Luo Bingzu into the Abyss after discovering his demonic origin, unknowingly losing a part of himself as he did. The only part of him that glowed. Shen Jiu reached his fingers out towards one of the glimmering candles on the table, expression heavy and torn, recalling the way Luo Bingzu’s robes slipped through his fingers.

He never wanted to feel a light like that go out again.

And therefore he’d never let a light in again.

He would only admire from afar, yearning for warmth. A warmth never meant for him. A warmth he always seemed to snuff out with his own hands.

“Shizun!”

A sudden hand enveloped his own, snapping him from his daydreams, Luo Bingzu sounding heavily distraught, “Are you trying to get burned?!”

Ah.

There was a bit of pain searing along his finger tips.

But it was nothing like the void inside his chest. A black hole wishing to absorb all the light of the world, hungry, starved, and never satisfied. “Shizun…” The normally calm voice was a bit more on edge, gently holding his hands. The warmth against his skin felt so very nice.

“Let go.” Shen Jiu shifted his gaze away, having no strength to argue, instead only prying his hands free. He quickly tucked both of them onto his lap, clutching tightly to the fabric. “I… hate you. I’ll always hate you. So…”

His voice trailed off, one tear sneaking down his cheek, “So just… stop all this. You don’t have to pity me. You don’t have to care for me. I asked you to erase me… yet you just… keep…”

The day Luo Bingzu gave up on him in the past hurt like nothing he ever felt before. The day those prison doors closed for the last time, leaving him alone until he met his untimely death, dying of heartbreak and qi deviation on a cold hard floor, in pain, starving, alone.

There was no longer any reason for them to interact. They both pushed each other away in the past. They both let go.

And yet?

Why… were they both there?

“Shizun…” Luo Bingzu slowly approached, as if scared to move too fast. As if Shen Jiu were one blow from shattering to pieces.

“Stop.” He insisted.

“Shizun…”

“I said stop!” He snapped, aiming to strike the mass in front of him, but Luo Bingzu gently caught his sleeve, pacifying the attack. There wasn’t much force behind it.

“I may not know why I did it…” Luo Bingzu chose his words carefully, “But this is the only time I’ve been able to feel in a long time. I don’t want to let that go. Please…” There was something equally broken in that voice, “Please… let me be selfish just this once.”

The ache in his chest amplified tenfold, no longer able to maintain upright position. Shen Jiu clutched at his core, the qi finally losing control, blood seeping from his lips. “Annoying... selfish brat.”

All his strength vanished and he toppled to the floor.

Moments before blacking out, he felt the warmth of two arms catching him, gently cradling him.

In the back of his mind, he could faintly recall a final memory:

One in the past where he fell under a qi deviation on Qing Jing Peak. There was a frantic voice calling out to him as his vision faded and a single light flickering in the darkness. Young Luo Bingzu had rushed to catch him before he fell to the floor.

It would appear, this happened before in the past too.

—

 

Tension drew Luo Bingzu’s gaze away from the scroll he was reading, letting his eyes fall discreetly upon the unconscious form of his shizun that struggled with illness on the bed. The way Shen Jiu’s chest rapidly rose and fell, as if grappling with memories too intense for the physical body to bear. “It’s okay.” He murmured, extending his palm towards the man, gently infusing a mix of qi and energy into Shen Jiu’s forehead to soothe him.

He wanted to give Shen Jiu a good dream to replace the darkness within… but the more he scanned through his master’s memories, all he could find was darkness.

Starvation on the streets, abuse in the Qiu household, beatings under Wu Yanzi, betrayal by Yue Qingyuan, ostracization in the Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, the trial and eventual imprisonment.

He slowly retracted his palm with furrowed brows.

It would appear… there wasn’t any light Shen Jiu could hold onto.

However, right as he thought that, his retreating hand was suddenly caught by Shen Jiu’s, jolting him to the core. Shen Jiu unconsciously latched onto one of his fingers, holding his hand prisoner. Luo Bingzu’s mind was blank, watching as his hand was pulled closer, snuggled against Shen Jiu’s chest. Then Shen Jiu stopped shaking, breath falling like the gentle laps of water on a distant shore, tickling across his skin.

The position was uncomfortable.

And yet.

Luo Bingzu dared not move.

He sat perfectly still, frozen like that the entirety of the night, offering up his hand for comfort, feeling utterly stupefied.

His hand was the comfort Shen Jiu needed.

And for some reason… it was comforting him too.

—

What was going on?

Shen Jiu felt like there was a small fire glowing next to him. It didn’t burn. It didn’t hurt. It was like he was cradling the summer sun against his chest, soothing the ache within. He didn’t want to let go of it.

A bell jingled somewhere in the distant fog of his head.

Bell?

No… if this was like before, then it should be the tassels of Luo Bingzu’s clothes nearby. If he followed the sound, he would find his way back to the waking world.

Another jingle.

Except… if he woke up, would that warmth in his arms disappear? He held onto it tighter, teeth gritting as he curled around it.

No… he didn’t want to wake up.

He didn’t want to lose that feeling.

“Shizun?”

The warmth suddenly vanished, ripping him harshly from his deep sleep, eyes snapping open and lips parting helplessly from where he was curled up on his side. All the warmth was gone. “Bingzu?” His voice was hoarse as if he had been crying.

“Shizun, you’re awake… You suffered a qi deviation. It’s been three days.” The man’s voice was low, steady and calm.

Three whole days? It must have been a bad deviation. Did Luo Bingzu help regulate his qi?

“I see…” With a few shaky attempts, he managed to scoot himself into a seated position, noticing how his robes were still the same as the ones he fell unconscious in. Either Luo Bingzu suddenly decided to respect his privacy or he had been in such a bad state he couldn’t be moved during the deviation because normally the man would change his clothes every few days- something he noticed but tried not to dwell on.

Suddenly the charmingly obnoxious growl from Shen Jiu’s stomach caused both of them to stiffen. This time however, Shen Jiu was a little more shameless in response, only growing red in the ears as he extended a palm towards Luo Bingzu, “Food. Give it.”

“Soup?” The voice was teasing with a hit of warmth causing Shen Jiu’s hand to lower with a frown.

“Soup… will be fine.”

“Then this disciple will make you some soup.”

After a few moments of waiting patiently with hands clasped over his lap, the food was delivered with him being hidden behind the curtains of the bed. Luo Bingzu was very careful to not let people see him in his weakened state. Regardless of the reason why he couldn’t help but feel grateful.

The curtain parted and a tray was delivered to his side, gently nudged towards him. The foul scent had him nearly vomiting, "I'm not sure I'll survive this vile liquid again.” His words carried the slightest hint of humor as he patted his hands around, trying to find the tray. After a moment of struggling, Luo Bingzu discreetly slid it closer to Shen Jiu’s fingers.

“You said you would eat it last time without complaints.” Luo Bingzu’s words carried a smile which didn’t go unnoticed by Shen Jiu.

“I guess I did. What's in it?”

“You also promised you wouldn't ask.”

Right. He did promise.

Sigh.

Whatever. As long as it healed him, the rest didn't matter.

Grimacing a few times as he raised a spoon to his lips, Shen Jiu quickly downed it. One after another. The bitter taste burned along his tastebuds like liquid rust. And just like last time, he really did feel better after eating it despite how badly he had to resist throwing up, “How many times will I need to eat this?” He groaned.

There was a devilish chuckle next to him, “As many times as it takes.”

“You’re so-”

His breath caught in his throat as his vision repaired itself to make the world a lot less blurry, vaguely being able to make out the shape of Luo Bingzu who sat close to the bed. Very close. Had he always been that close? The entire time? His words trailed off into a pitiful stammer and he inched a little further away on the bed.

“Shizun?”

“Nothing, it's just… my eyes. They’re… a little better.” A dull thump in his chest caused Shen Jiu’s eyes to fall shut, one palm raising to steady it. Maybe getting his vision back wasn’t such a good idea after all. “”Could you… sit a little further away?”

Chapter Text

A soft rustling of clothing followed by the gentle scooch of a chair filled the room, before it fell back into the usual heavy silence. Shen Jiu did not dare look at Luo Bingzu again, instead kept his broken gaze locked on a painting on the distant wall. He traced the shape of it with his eyes a few times, kneading the blanket with his hands. Several lifetimes under Qiu Jianlou… and despite how many years passed, he still couldn’t stop himself from fearing what might happen when alone with other men.

It was why he’d spend nights at brothels, choosing to sleep under the roof of a place filled with women.

The past few weeks while blind were easy to overlook… not being able to see made things feel less real. But now? His gaze flicked in the direction of the entity that cared for him. It felt too real. Too close. The distance was no longer masked by a blur, it was more defined, and everything was smaller. Especially the gap between their bodies.

Within touching range.

“Shizun…” There was a hint of hesitation lining Luo Bingzu’s voice, “Are you feeling alright?”

Instead of responding, Shen Jiu made a shoo’ing motion with his hand, eyes angling away, “Go a little further.”

“...”

Some more shuffling noises.

“Further.”

“... Shizun…”

“I said further.”

Shuffling followed by a soft thump, “Shizun… I cannot get any further without leaving the room.”

“Well you’re not allowed to leave.”

An awkward tension formed between them, like an elastic band ready to snap at any second- Luo Bingzu at the very opposite end, pressed against the wall. His voice was lingering between confused and calm, spoken in a way not to agitate Shen Jiu who was bristling like an angry cat on the other side of the room. “This… disciple understands. If you need anything, just call for me.”

From that day forward, Shen Jiu was more fierce than before. And Luo Bingzu? He practically lived on the edge of the room, not allowed to step closer unless commanded to by Shen Jiu. Snapping over the smallest transgressions, smacking Luo Bingzu’s hand away when delivering trays of food, not speaking unless necessary and practically hissing whenever it came to getting changed or bathing. Just about any other person would have gone insane, but Luo Bingzu silently endured each new outburst, calmly drumming his finger against his arm from where he would sit.

He monitored the man’s heart, noting the increase of speed, the decrease, the palpitations when he got too close…

Not depression…

Tap Tap Tap

Tap

…

Tap

It was fear.

Shen Jiu was afraid.

—

Another two weeks passed in a messy blur with both men dancing around each other, eyes always missing, bodies never getting close, words being suppressed within their throats. Both of them under the same roof, yet living worlds apart.

As Shen Jiu’s body healed, his heart broke a little more.

Luo Bingzu would observe blankly, resting his chin in his palm as Shen Jiu tucked himself away. More and more.

Further and further.

The only time they’d get close was when Luo Bingzu offered food, only to get slapped away moments later. It didn’t really hurt. Really. A shadow fell over his eyes.

It really didn’t…

By the end of those two weeks, Shen Jiu had already eaten around seven bowls of that foul smelling soup. Each time, resisting a little less. Perhaps it was Shen Jiu’s imagination but the soup was tasting better each day, almost becoming a delicacy to his tongue. Similar to one's first taste of coffee, slowly transforming into an addiction. It got to the point he’d ask for the soup multiple times a week. Multiple times a day.

At one point he nearly attacked Luo Bingzu who dared to tell him to slow down.

“All done?” Luo Bingzu tentatively crossed the room to the empty bowl, watching the way Shen Jiu was burying his face in his palms.

“Mn… all done…” Shen Jiu let his hands fall back down to his lap with a gentle plop, eyes reddened and teary from the friction, “I think… my vision is back.” Those soft dough eyes flitted towards Luo Bingzu, meeting eye to eye for the first time since revival, freezing Luo Bingzu in his tracks while he was mid-retrieval on the food tray.

Time stood still between them.

Similar to two animals meeting for the first time. Luo Bingzu who was already quite familiar with Shen Jiu’s appearance yielded first and averted his gaze. On the other hand Shen Jiu was… astonished.

Luo Bingzu was… so much different from how he had imagined.

Long black hair coiling and swaying like the mane of a beast, adorned in luxurious accessories and robes, body rippling with muscles and energy. The light caused the man’s hair to shimmer like starlight, truly embodying the concept of ‘universal entity’... and yet there was an unmistakable hint of exhaustion clinging to the man’s eyes.

A pair of eyes that had seen too much.

He looked tired.

One leg after the other, Shen Jiu got up from the bed, tiptoeing past Luo Bingzu who respectfully took a step back to give him more space. The entity had already been conditioned to keep a certain gap between their bodies.

“Are these from the market from a couple weeks ago?” He noticed a few items laying out on the dresser. A beautifully crafted handfan, several ribbons, hair crowns and a silver dagger. Instinctively he trailed his fingers along them, recalling their shapes more than recognizing them visually. “Did you… buy them for me?”

“Yes…” Luo Bingzu remained still. “Shizun seemed to like them.”

“You didn't need to buy me anything.”

There was a pause. “This is the least I could do.”

“If you say so…” It was the first time he could finally admire his surroundings since he first woke in the room many weeks ago. The floor was tiled with snow white squares, elegantly marbled, carpeted by bamboo mats in areas meant for seating or lounging. The drapery and blankets around the room were subtle shades of green, matching perfectly with the dark oak bedposts and pillars. Outside the barred window was a forest of bamboo stretching as far as the eye could see. Every item in the room was plated in excessive amounts of gold.

Luxurious… tacky.

Shen Jiu liked it.

Funny to think a room like that was being used by someone who had been blind and couldn’t appreciate any of it. He picked up the fan from the dresser, twirling it along his fingers like a blade a few times before spreading it in front of his face. “Luo Bingzu… What happened to all the people of this world?” His expression was hidden behind the fan, “The ones from way back then?”

He wasn't worried. He didn’t care.

He just wanted to know.

Knuckles whitening, he clenched the fan tighter, ducking his gaze behind the fan.

Sensing the distress masked behind the voice, Luo Bingzu sat down in his favorite chair. That was a loaded question. “A lot were like you. They died or left of their own volition. At one point I had… offered leaving as a possibility to them. Not many stayed… the ones who did, eventually died off in the following wars.”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Shen Jiu lowered the fan to his side, leaning back against the dresser, one hand clutching the edge of it. “I see so… they're all gone.”

“No they're not.” Seeing Shen Jiu’s eyes narrow, Luo Bingzu quickly continued with more clarification, “Before I brought you back, I figured you’d be upset if you were alone. Therefore I contacted a bunch of the departed souls, informing them of the current state of the world. And a few wanted to give this world another chance.”

This surprised Shen Jiu, his grip tightening around the fan to the point it dug into his palm, “You revived them?”

“More like rebirthed them in this world.”

Rebirth?

An expression of horror flashed across his face trying to figure out what that meant. To be born into a dying world as a human that was hunted for sport by the stronger demonic race. That would be awful. “They all had to start from scratch?”

“Yes.”

“How old are they now?”

The entity lowered his gaze to his upturned palm, counting the years, “Most should be around twenty now. If they’re still alive.”

“Where are they?!” Shen Jiu suddenly raised his voice.

Luo Bingzu’s arms crossed and shoulders shrugged, wordlessly tapping his index finger along his forearm. The tapping habit was something Shen Jiu noticed but never bothered to ask about. He figured it was something to do with boredom.

“You… let them all be born and just left them out there? Without saying anything? Or providing anything to them?”

Another nod.

Shen Jiu’s eyes widened slightly, “Then… Yue Qingyuan…”

“Alive. Human.”

“Liu Qingge?”

“Alive, also human.”

“Ning Yingying?”

“Alive and human too.”

“And you have no idea where any of them are? You just had them be born again and left them out there in a dying world?!”

Noticing the rapid escalation of Shen Jiu’s heart, Luo Bingzu suddenly felt perplexed, sitting a little straighter in the chair. It would appear Shen Jiu was angry at him. Why?

“We have to go find them.” Shen Jiu snapped the fan shut, crossing the room back to the bed, sitting on the edge of it as he tried to wrap his mind around everything. The whole time he had been relaxing in this room, rotting away in luxury, everyone he ever knew was out there… grappling at the jaws of a dying world. He had too many unresolved conflicts with people. Too many lifetimes of repeated arguments. He wanted to see Yue Qingyuan again… wanted to ask questions. To talk clearly. He wanted to apologize to Ning Yingying for how he failed her as a teacher. To clarify to Liu Qingge he was sorry for failing to help with the qi deviation.

After a few moments of heavy silence, Luo Bingzu stood up and crossed over to Shen Jiu, startling him half to death.

“Don’t get any closer to me.” He snapped, quickly extending the fan out in front of him like a blade. The slight tremble in his fingertips did not go unnoticed by Luo Bingzu who stopped in his tracks, eyes darkening and head tilting.

“Do I… scare you?” The entity peered down at Shen Jiu, casting a shadow over the man's body.

“What are you talking about? I’m not scared of anything.” Shen Jiu retorted defiantly. His heart gave him away as it began thumping erratically in his chest, no longer able to maintain eye contact now that the gaps between their bodies was thinning.

The answer was a lie.

It displeased Luo Bingzu.

“So you’re not afraid?”

"I'm not."

Luo Bingzu extinguished all of the candles in the room with a quick snap of his fingers, submerging the room into a sudden darkness that made Shen Jiu flinch and clutch the side of the bed. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

Without responding, Luo Bingzu began stalking closer through the shadows like a beast cornering its prey, both eyes hidden by a veil of darkness, teeth baring like knives when they hit the moonlight, “You’re lying, shizun.”

Shen Jiu backed up a bit onto the bed, trying to escape deeper into the safety of the canopy that stretched around him, “Enough. Luo Bingzu, that’s enough!”

“Don’t run, shizun. Stop running.” Bingzu’s voice was a terrifying calm, heavily contrasting the animalistic expression on his normally placid face.

“I said enough!” Shen Jiu reached for a nearby object and threw it at the entity, sending a pillow straight to Luo Bingzu’s face who didn’t dodge the attack. Instead Luo Bingzu quickly raised a dangerously clawed hand and sliced through it with ease, feathers falling like snowfall between them.

“Shizun.” Bingzu reached the bed and grabbed Shen Jiu’s ankle tugging him sharply back to the edge, ignoring the silent gasp and plea it earned him, two shaky hands now pressed firmly against his torso to stop his advances. Shen Jiu’s heart was accelerating dangerously fast, vision blurring and breathing becoming sharp.

“Shizun, look at me.”

The entity grabbed Shen Jiu’s trembling palm and pressed it against Shen Jiu’s chest, forcing the man to acknowledge just how badly he was panicking. “You’re scared. So say it. Quit hiding it from me. I can tell what you’re feeling even if you’re not honest with yourself.”

“I’m not scared.” Shen Jiu snapped again.

Luo Bingzu didn’t buy it.

The entity tightened his grip on Shen Jiu’s wrist and gave it a little twist, making the man wince, “Shizun. You leave me no choice.” Luo Bingzu knelt at Shen Jiu’s feet, slowly, methodically, moving in a way not to startle his shizun, keeping their gaze locked. Then with his free hand, he parted his own robes, exposing his chest.

Shen Jiu turned to stone in front of him, cheeks draining of all color. “W-what the hell are you d-doing?” He tried prying his hand away, pitifully and weakly scraping at the clawed hand that clutched onto him, “Luo Bingzu, obey your shizun! Stop this right now!”

Ignoring his commands, Luo Bingzu glanced up at his shizun through his eyelashes, ignoring every cry and whimper his master let out, observing the way the man was falling to pieces in front of him. This was never something he planned to do. But this was the only way he knew to pacify Shen Jiu. Even if it meant giving up all his dignity. “It’ll be over in a second, shizun.” Those daring lips whispered, lips parting as he gently- as gently as one could- bit Shen Jiu’s thumb, drawing blood while minimizing the pain. Naturally pain could not be avoided and it caused Shen Jiu to flinch in his grasp, using all his strength to wrestle against him.

“Bingzu!”

Lowering his gaze almost apologetically, Bingzu bit his own thumb and pressed their two bleeding fingers together. A few words were uttered in a language Shen Jiu couldn’t recognize as Luo Bingzu’s eyes began to glow a heavy red, similar to a rose budding from freshly churned soil. It enchanted Shen Jiu momentarily. Only when a drop of blood fell between their palms did he wake up, jolting angrily against Luo Bingzu's iron grip, “Bastard, explain yourself!”

Instead of responding, Luo Bingzu pulled Shen Jiu’s bloody thumb forward and pressed it towards his own chest, using it as a brush to draw a pattern over the skin. Red sparks and blackened energy coursed over the markings, searing deep into his flesh.

After the first few swirls, Shen Jiu paled. He recognized the shapes.

A contract.

A demon enslavement contract.

“Are you insane?!” He yelled, trying to tear his hand free, “That makes you no better than a slave! Bingzu stop!”

Luo Bingzu did not stop, only raising his gentle reddened eyes to meet Shen Jiu’s, both of them appearing broken. With a deafening snap the power sealed itself, leaving a mark across both their chests declaring Shen Jiu the master and Bingzu the slave. “Now…” Those two soft yet fierce eyes peered up at Shen Jiu, full of both innocence and desperation, “Shizun doesn’t have to fear me anymore.”

Fear?

This was done to prevent Shen Jiu’s fear?

“You… you damn idiot!” He snapped, roughly grabbing Luo Bingzu’s hair, yanking him closer to scold him, “There’s no undoing that! It's basically a curse! You cannot disobey anything the master says! Do you have any clue what you’ve just done?! Do you understand what I could do to you!?”

An almost helpless expression fell over Luo Bingzu’s face, eyes softly falling shut, “Would you… trust me any other way?”

…

Defeated by Luo Bingzu’s stubborn and willful actions, Shen Jiu let go with a frustrated sigh, “You’re insane. Why… just why would you go that far?”

“I can never go against you, shizun. I cannot cross any lines you set. No matter what happens, I can never do anything you don’t like.” Seeing how Shen Jiu was refusing to make eye contact, he continued, “You keep looking at me the way you looked at Qiu Jianlou. I don’t like it. I am not him. And I don’t want you to be afraid of me the way you are with him.”

Shen Jiu’s expression darkened, “You looked through my memories?”

No response.

“You’re despicable. I can’t stand you.” He planted his foot and Luo Bingzu’s shoulder and roughly shoved him away, knocking him over, before crossing one leg over the other. “But fine. If you’re going to be an idiot and give your life to me, then I will use you however I see fit. I want to hear no complaints from you. Understood?”

“Yes, shizun.” The response was immediate. After a moment of silence, Luo Bingzu stood up, extending an upturned palm to Shen Jiu, “You wanted to go outside to look for everyone right? Most of them are human. You’d get in trouble with a demon by your side.”

Pondering for a moment, Shen Jiu raised his hand towards Luo Bingzu’s palm. There was static cracking between their hands, as if the universe was urging their skin to touch. Knowing Luo Bingzu couldn’t do anything he disliked soothed his nerves far more than he expected… he found himself growing more confident. Bolder. Why wouldn’t he? A contract with the worlds most powerful being now forced to bend to his will. Anyone would enjoy that. Right? With pursed lips, he lowered his hand, gently, feather lightly, connecting with Luo Bingzu, ignoring the way tingles shot up his arm. A side effect of an enslavement contract was an intense bond where both parties felt reliant on each others presence to feel at ease. It was initially intended to ensure masters did not overly abuse their slaves and for slaves to not fear their masters. Ironically, Luo Bingzu and Shen Jiu were using it for the opposite effect: where the slave could not abuse the master and the master would not fear its slave. “With this contract… people won’t give us any trouble being together in human towns, right? You really thought that far ahead?”

Luo Bingzu nodded.

It would appear Luo Bingzu was taking his wish to find everyone seriously.

Shen Jiu relaxed a little more, “Okay… We leave in the morning.” Shen Jiu stood up, using the fan to jab at the brand on Luo Bingzu’s chest, trailing the tip of it over the markings, both black eyes slowly raising to meet Luo Bingzu’s, “This contact… was your own choice. Remember that.” His words were sweetened as he stepped closer, freezing Luo Bingzu to the core- the man was not expecting how close and daring Shen Jiu would get due to the contract, “I will not hesitate to use you. In many… many ways. My dear disciple.”

Chapter Text

“You’re going out like that?” Shen Jiu raised a scrutinizing eyebrow to the suspiciously youthful Luo Bingzu next to him, wearing clothes similar to that one would expect a demonic disciple to wear, hair pulled into a loose ponytail, and height a bit shorter. The man was still regretfully taller than him, making him sneer just a bit. Some bastards really were born with good looks.

This was the disguise Luo Bingzu used the last time they left the palace together.

He couldn’t stop himself from staring at his ‘disciple’s’ new body, frowning and leaning closer, inching within breathing distance. There was a soft glow to the demon’s skin, radiating with power and energy. It was enchanting to look at.

Meanwhile Luo Bingzu, who noticed the increasing lack of space between their faces, fought every urge within himself to lean down and kiss his master's lips. Why? He couldn’t be sure. It must be the contract forcing him to yearn for such things. Or maybe the younger form he took was amplifying youthful hormones and emotions from deep within his body. Or… could it be the way Shen Jiu’s doe eyes glimmered curiously up at him, those soft pinkish lips pursing as if begging to be bitten? He tried not to dwell on it and instead flicked his gaze towards the ceiling, hands clasped obediently behind his back as his shizun ‘inspected’ him from head to toe.

He would behave.

He would absolutely behave.

He didn’t live a millennia just to lose his rationality due to a low level enslavement contract. He was much stronger than that. Much stronger.

A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his face as Shen Jiu started to pat him down, oblivious to his struggles.

It would appear the contract was highly effective. The branding on their chests burned whenever they got too far apart, instinctively making them crave closeness. Even at night when they slept, Shen Jiu had curled instinctively to the edge of the mattress and Luo Bingzu knelt down at the side of the bed, abusing the fact Shen Jiu was asleep to get devilishly close, practically nuzzling the space his master’s breathing occupied, their eyes merely inches apart.

Perhaps it was too effective.

Luo Bingzu swallowed quietly, never taking his gaze away from the roof above as Shen Jiu’s hands explored his ‘muscles’. Something must have gone wrong with the contract. Maybe he used too much power and unconsciously altered the inscription. Could his subconscious mind sense his desire to be closer to his master and somehow inflict a deeper connection into it?

The bond shouldn’t be THIS strong.

“You look good.” Shen Jiu said plainly, finally taking a step back and dusting off his hands, pretending to wipe off some invisible ‘filth’. It baffled him how safe he felt around Luo Bingzu now that the contract was in place. Especially considering his distaste for slaves after being one himself in his youth, and considering the fact just one day ago, he would be shivering if they accidentally brushed hands. It likely had to do with the fact he knew that Luo Bingzu could never do anything he didn’t consent to. “Last night you mentioned something about not being able to use your full powers outside of the palace. What did you mean by that?”

Clearing his throat thrice, Luo Bingzu slowly lowered his gaze back down to reality, “If I used my powers too carelessly, the world could suffer calamity. It happened during a few of the wars. The palace has a sealing array I constructed over many centuries, capable of suppressing it.” Luo Bingzu showed his palms between their bodies, exposing the vast assortment of enchanted jewelry on each finger and wrist. “Shizun… I will still be strong even after leaving the palace but I won’t be invincible. Please be careful not to cause too much trouble once we’re outside. I can only protect you with the strength of a normal person, not a god.”

“What do you take me for? A troublemaker? Why would I need godly protection?” He rolled his eyes lifting his fan between them, stubbornly fanning himself. Sure he could be a little reckless but he was not an idiot. He never took fights he couldn’t handle.

“This disciple wouldn’t dare imply such a thing… it’s just a warning.” Luo Bingzu followed him to the dresser. “Where did you want to start looking?”

“I think we should start looking at the same human town as before.” Shen Jiu stored the dagger along his hip, and carefully tied back some of his hair with a white ribbon. His movement slowed just a bit, hands lowering hesitantly to the wood below. “Do you think… they’ll want to see me if we find them?"

“Shizun-...”

“It's nothing, never mind. Let's go.” Shen Jiu ducked behind his fan, reaching for Luo Bingzu’s hand, quickly intertwining their fingers. The embrace was only so Luo Bingzu could teleport them to the market.

It was absolutely not because he was seeking comfort.

Absolutely not.

Through the flesh, through the bone, through the stubborn walls around Shen Jiu’s heart, Luo Bingzu could feel the erratic pulses of his master's heartbeat. Sadness, fear and anxiety rippled like shockwaves into Luo Bingzu’s palm, drawing his lips into a brief frown.

“Let’s go.”

—

Emerging from the shadows, the two of them let go of each other's hands. Shen Jiu was the first to break free, oblivious to the way Luo Bingzu’s fingers chased after his hand for a moment, as if not wanting to part. “Alright.” He murmured, raking his gaze through the brightly lit streets. It was a lot livelier now. This likely had to do with a demon's hunting cycle being mostly during the night… Thus humans who were prey would try to get most of their activities completed during the brightest parts of the day.

“If we start asking around too boldly people will get suspicious of our intentions.” Shen Jiu fanned himself, one hand tucked behind his back. “We should wait until evening and find a tavern. People will always be more willing to talk when drinking.”

“Mn.”

The two of them explored the town, trying to get a feel for the environment as they waited for evening to come. The crowds thinned with each hour that passed, doors closing and windows bolting shut. Talismans, cheap arrays and alarms were set to ward off any potential low grade demons that might wander through the streets in the dark. Once the sun began to set, a man wearing armor and an impressive set of robes roamed through the streets ringing a golden bell in his hand, “Curfew starting now! Curfew!! The town guard will not assist if you’re attacked past this point!”

Sensing it was about time to find a bar, Luo Bingzu and Shen Jiu made eye contact, nodding silently to each, wandering until they found a heavily protected and brightly lit tavern. Upon entering, a plump man with waxy skin sauntered up to them, teeth yellowing from years of drug abuse. The stench of booze had Shen Jiu angling his face away, masking his disgust behind his fan. “Welcome, welcome! Esteemed guest! To what pleasure do we owe such a finely dressed gentleman!”

Finely dressed? Glancing down, Shen Jiu noted how his light green and white robes were in fact a million times nicer than anything else worn by the rest of the crowd. He shot a sour look to Luo Bingzu who promptly dodged eye contact. His clothes were ‘supposed’ to be discreet. “We’re just here for some drinks. Nothing special.”

Before he could take another step, the tavern owner raised a hand to stop him, greedily licking his plump lips while eyeing up Luo Bingzu, “I’m so sorry, honorable guest. There is a slight trifle that… must be settled first.”

Bristling uneasily from the dirty glint in the man’s eyes, Shen Jiu couldn’t stop himself from sidestepping in front of Luo Bingzu to ward off the man’s blatant staring. Arms crossing in front of his chest, he flashed a sickly sweet smile to the tavern owner, “What trifle? I’m sure it is something someone of my stature can handle. Do tell.”

The lusty gaze swapped from Luo Bingzu to Shen Jiu shooting waves of disgust down his spine. Luo Bingzu took a step forward angrily, but Shen Jiu quickly reached behind himself to pinch the entity’s arm, wordlessly telling him to behave. This wasn’t his first time dealing with creeps. That being said, he couldn’t help but adjust his frontal robes, decreasing the amount of his skin that was visible. The tavern owner watched Shen Jiu’s movements with hooded eyes, “I am aware how hard it is to capture and tame such a beast… but please know that if you’d like to bring in an unregistered demon into any establishment you must pay a liability fee.” The man stroked at his beard, glancing back at Luo Bingzu’s handsome face, "It's just a small fee of one hundred gold! Surely someone of your stature understands the risk we take by allowing such a beast into our establishment.”

One hundred gold?! That was the equivalent of buying a small manor!

Before there could be any conflict between them, Luo Bingzu played the part of ‘servant’ exceptionally well, wordlessly bowing and extending a small green pouch to Shen Jiu, tied up with golden threads. It was money. Something Luo Bingzu probably brought along from the palace. Cooling his rage, Shen Jiu snatched the pouch and reached inside. It was… filled to the brim with endless gold. He shot a dirty look to Luo Bingzu who smiled sheepishly back at him. Was this amount really necessary? It must be linked to a reserve in the palace. Clearing his throat, Shen Jiu retrieved a small gold bar and tossed it to the tavern owner, eyes pulled into a tight scowl. “Keep the change.”

Satisfied, the owner bowed and gestured inside, “We humbly accept your generosity, esteemed guest. Please, sit wherever you’d like.”

Shen Jiu snagged Luo Bingzu's wrist, dragging him to a central table where they could hear the most chatter. “That sick bastard.” Shen Jiu slammed his fan down on the table, “I’d kill him if I didn’t have to worry about you.”

“You were worried about me?” Luo Bingzu seemed pleasantly surprised, resting a chin in his palm while smiling at Shen Jiu who sat next to him.

“No.”

“You can tell me the truth.” Luo Bingzu persisted.

Instead of responding, Shen Jiu flicked his wrist and smacked the upside of his disciples head with his fan. “Push your luck and I’ll sell you for one copper.”

Upon finishing his sentence a small crowd of drunkards began to amass out their table, one man with an unkempt beard circled behind Luo Bingzu, “Oh hey that's a nice tame. Don’t see much of those around these parts. How’d you get a humanoid to yield to a contract?”

Another man sat across from Shen Jiu, covered in scars, eyeing Luo Bingzu up and down with equal amounts of disgust and interest, “Probably bought it from a dealer as a baby. I hear you can only ever get humanoids to obey if you raise them from birth. Even then they’re usually a bitch to work with. Pretty dangerous too. Many will turn on their masters after enough time.”

The gruff man who spoke first suddenly tugged at Luo Bingzu's ponytail, laughing obnoxiously. He missed the murderous glare Luo Bingzu sent him, the demon’s thick clawed hand crushing into the table below, “Who cares how it was done, it's no better than a dog now. Make it bark, make it bark!!”

“Oh?” Shen Jiu’s expression darkened as he latched onto the drunkard's wrist, using a grip strong enough to bruise, “He bites, not barks. Still want a demonstration?”

Seeing the vicious glare and shadow falling upon Shen Jiu’s face, the man sheepishly let go of Luo Bingzu’s hair. Even though Shen Jiu’s body type was not suited for brawling, the drunkard knew with one look: this man was dangerous, “Ah… Sorry, I didn't mean to offend, sir. Just don’t see demons of his kind so much.”

“Not offended, just remember not to touch someone else's possessions without consent. Otherwise it could be seen as an attempt at stealing.” Each of his words flew like knives into the surrounding men, all of them backing off a bit with awkward coughs. A gentle tug on his sleeve had him whirling in Luo BIngzu’s direction, wordlessly saying ‘what do you want’ with a scrunch of his nose. The other simply shook his head, reminding him it wasn’t worth it. This sort of treatment was to be expected. Shen Jiu sighed. Relax… just relax. He took a deep breath and settled back into his seat, chin resting onto his clasped hands, “I suppose I went a bit overboard with my reaction. He wasn’t cheap to obtain, you know… I’m a little overprotective. To make it up to you all, a round of drinks will be on me.” He raised his hand, summoning a bar maiden with a flick of his wrist, “I pray there are no ill feelings between us?”

“No no of course not!”

Chatter ensued, mostly with people venting their frustrations on their current social and economic situation of the city they lived in. A lot of interesting things came up in the conversation. Mentions of the guild, demon sightings, missing people, the nine layered lotus religion, and the two factions. Additionally, there was a demonic kingdom in the east, and a human kingdom in the west. This information surprised him… If there was a human kingdom, why did anyone risk staying in such a small town on the cusp of demon territory?

“Housing prices.” Luo Bingzu whispered into his ear.

It made sense.

Once the table was sufficiently primed with booze, Shen Jiu finally began probing the conversation, getting straight to the point. He asked if anyone knew any men named Yue Qingyuan or Liu Qingge. Unfortunately the red-cheeked drunkards only cackled and teased him, asking if Shen Jiu were looking for a long lost lover. He only sighed in response, massaging the bridge of his nose. The booze was starting to get to him too and his patience for idiots was wearing especially thin. “We may not know this Yue guy… but there's a place that probably does!” Some manic laughter ensued from the drunkest man who was leaning over the edge of the table, cradling his mug, “You gotta go to the guild mannn. The guild can help ya…. They specialize in finding people, ya'know?!”

This was the second time someone mentioned the guild now. It would appear they would need to pay it a visit tomorrow. “Thank you for the advice.”

After bidding farewells, Shen Jiu got up feeling a bit wobbly, which Luo Bingzu noticed right away, standing close enough to act as support. They approached an elderly woman who was sweeping up some broken plates near the back kitchen, with Shen Jiu in the lead, “Pardon, ma’am, do you know a place we can stay for the night?”

Glancing up from her sweeping, the lady grimaced at the sight of the demon hovering beside Shen Jiu, “There’s lodging upstairs, for one bed it's two silver.” She snubbed in Luo Bingzu’s direction, holding up two scraggly fingers.

It was expensive considering how run down the building was, but it was better than looking for a different place to stay so late at night.

As they turned to go towards the sleeping chambers, the lady chased after them, “Wait wait, That thing cannot enter!” She jabbed her putrid finger at Luo Bingzu who maintained a stoic expression, “That thing must stay outside!”

“If he's not with me, I cannot guarantee he won't cause trouble.” He countered, clutching the side of Luo Bingzu’s robes, tugging the demon closer. “Besides he's… my… property.” Each word burned at his throat to say out loud, “I will not part with him.” Seeing how foul the woman’s expression got, he slid her a gold bar, making her face turn pale. Never in her life had she seen such a large sum of money.

Her tune was changed instantly, tucking the bar deep within her bosom, hiding it from prying eyes, “Ahem, fine, he may enter but he doesn't get a bed of his own, those are reserved for people. Real people. Not things.” She turned to leave, glaring at the handsome yet carnal demon before she left, “Tomorrow you should register him properly at the guild or it will continue to give you financial troubles.”

Financial troubles?

“You’re so expensive.” Shen Jiu taunted. Luo Bingzu only smiled softly in response. The man was both amused and unbothered by all the expenses. Money was a non-issue for him.

And why wouldn’t it be? He could probably just make more if he needed more.

Never in Shen Jiu’s life did he think one day he’d go from the poorest child alive, to the richest man under the sky.

Life truly was unpredictable.

With a sigh he stumbled into the room seeing about twenty single-sized mats lined along the floor, poorly cleaned and hardly usable. Everything was filthy. About half of them were occupied by pungent burly men, some snoring, some half asleep, muttering to themselves or twitching on some sort of drug. Wasn’t any better or worse than the conditions he used to live in when he was a slave, so he wasn’t too bothered. “What an incredible place.” He muttered dryly.

“Shizun…” Luo Bingzu’s lips pursed, tugging on Shen Jiu’s sleeve. He did NOT want Shen Jiu sleeping in such a vile place.

“It’s fine. I’ve slept in worse. Save your powers for when we need it. No sense teleporting back and forth all the time. Let’s go.” They crept over to the furthest bed in the room, keeping at least a two bed gap between themselves and any other people.

It pacified Luo Bingzu a bit, but he still sent deadly glares towards any men that so much as glanced in their direction.

“I can stand guard for the night.” Luo Bingzu mumbled while sweeping his gaze across the room. Every corner of his face was twisted into a displeased sneer as he slowly kneeled next to the straw mat. At the same time, Shen Jiu was trying to get comfortable on it, tugging out a few loose straws that poked at his ribs. The blanket was a poorly knitted sheet of wool and hay, hardly enough warmth for someone as thin as Shen Jiu.

Just don’t think about it.

He repeated that to himself a few times, flopping over onto the ground with a soft thump. This was a temporary sleeping situation. After meeting at the guild hall, they could find a proper temporary residence. As much as teleporting back to the palace every night wasn’t too far-fetched of an idea, they’d have to constantly come up with excuses about their sudden disappearances and reappearances to any straying eyes. Teleportation was far too rare of a skill to use openly. It was better to play safe.

After a few minutes of rustling and rolling back and forth, Shen Jiu was about ready to strangle every single man in the room. Did they have to snore so loudly? It didn’t help that he was overcome with shivers, pitifully clutching at the fraying edges of the blanket to keep himself warm. The thin scrap of fabric wasn’t helping at all.

On top of all that, every rustle across the room had him flinching, afraid someone was approaching him whenever he closed his eyes.

“Shizun…” Luo Bingzu suddenly whispered next to him, making him jolt, “Shizun, forgive me.”

“What are you talking about-” His breath hitched as the blanket was lifted and his disciple crawled on top of him. Never in his life had Shen Jiu experienced such a bold move from anyone. “What the hell!?” He struggled almost violently, trying to escape the bed.

“Sorry…” Luo Bingzu repeated once more, clamping a hand over Shen Jiu’s mouth to silence his struggles. It’s not that he had any ill intentions, it's just that seeing Shen Jiu grapple with the cold, he couldn't sit back anymore. Luo Bingzu pinned his master to the tattered mattress, voice low and soft, “Shizun, relax. I’ll make you feel better.”

Relax?

Shen Jiu bit onto the hand restraining him, nearly drawing blood.

Luo Bingzu didn’t appear to feel the pain, only closed his eyes briefly.

After a bit of adjusting of their bodies, Luo Bingzu slowly laid down over Shen Jiu’s shivering form, blanketing himself over his master. Whether it was something instinctual between them, or a stroke of good luck, Luo Bingzu somehow managed to weasel his way between his master's thighs- definitely not intentional. Genuinely. He was just trying to get comfortable, and their bodies naturally shifted in such a way. He bowed his head apologetically as Shen Jiu bit him harder.

Shen Jiu also hit him not too loudly so as not to draw attention to their suspiciously tangled bodies in the far corner of the room, “You lecherous dog.” He hissed as Luo Bingzu finally released his mouth. Every fiber of Shen Jiu’s body was bristling, wanting to shake off the man who was weighing down on him, but he found himself too weak to resist. Too tipsy, too cold, and too afraid of the dark.

“Its not like that.” Luo Bingzu pleaded with as much innocence as he could, both elbows on either side of Shen Jiu’s head. Regulating the demonic energy of his body, his skin started to heat up, becoming almost hot to the touch. The space between their bodies which was once like a frozen river was now melting away, allowing them to press even closer together. The heat evoked a deep sigh from Shen Jiu who unwillingly melted into the warmth, both hands clinging to Luo Bingzu’s robes.

“Feel better?” Luo Bingzu dared to ask.

“If I wasn’t so tired, I’d kill you.” Shen Jiu averted his gaze, speaking into the crook of his disciples neck. He tried his hardest to steady his heart and keep his expression blank, but his reddening ears gave him away.

He was in shambles.

“Then I shall hope for a swift death in the morning.” Luo Bingzu joked.

“Fifty lashes. I’ll make sure you die before strike fifty one.” Shen Jiu pinched and twisted the skin on Luo Bingzu’s hip, whispering into the man’s ears venomously, “I’ll even use a whip. Remember how we used to do it?”

Luo Bingzu chuckled, “Yes, shizun. I will count each strike.”

“Just like in the past.”

“Mn… just like in the past.”

Shen Jiu groaned softly in defeat… as much as he wanted to make a fuss, he was defenseless. The weight was comforting. The heat was relaxing. The soft rise and fall of the other’s breath against him tingled his skin and soothed parts of him he never knew needed soothing. Never in his life had he experienced such a thing. Such… closeness. With anyone. Ever. The contract on his chest seemed to buzz the closer the bodies got, lulling him into a trance.

Was the mark supposed to make him feel such things? Did Luo Bingzu mess it up somehow?

Well... at the very least a few things were true. One, he was no longer cold. Two, he was no longer uncomfortable. Three, he felt… safe.

Just a little shy. And embarrassed. And humiliated, especially considering his disciple was currently holding a dominant position over him. But he took comfort in the fantasy of beating Luo Bingzu the next day as punishment. For tonight, he would blame the booze and let the transgression slide.

This arrangement was only for tonight.

Only for tonight.

This would NEVER happen again.

EVER.

He fell asleep within seconds.

Luo Bingzu felt victorious seeing Shen Jiu melt away into a peaceful sleep… but the dawn of victory quickly faded away into an internal crisis. How the hell was he supposed to survive the night with Shen Jiu snoozing into the crook of his neck, clinging softly to his robes? His hormones were chirping at the back of his head, whispering all kinds of outlandish ideas to him. Do this. Do that. Feel this. Feel that.

He swallowed and planted his face into the pillow next to Shen Jiu’s head, biting deep into his own hand to quiet the explosion of thoughts inside his head. It didn’t help. Especially since he somehow accidently bit right over the same spot Shen Jiu bit, throwing his mind into a pit of wildfire.

The contract was a shield for Shen Jiu.

It was a dagger for Luo Bingzu.

His bloodshot eyes didn’t close a single time that night. He was stuck staring helplessly at a few ants that crawled along the wall, using it as a distraction while his breathing grew uneven and weak. It was going to be an achingly long night.

Hell was real.

He found it.

And he was the one who jumped headfirst into the flames.

—

The next day, Shen Jiu woke feeling refreshed, both hands stretching high over head, back arching subtly as he shook off the sleep from his body. Booze always made him sleep like a rock. He was completely unaware of how defenseless he appeared at that moment, with tussled hair, messy robes and reddened cheeks from his hangover. “Bingzu?” He murmured through half closed eyes. After blinking a few times to shake off the sleep, he saw Luo Bingzu standing stiffly next to the mat, hands clasped behind his back, refusing to look in his direction. “When did you get up?” He mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with his palms.

There were heavy bags under Luo Bingzu’s eyes, looking like he fought a war all night.

Shen Jiu frowned, sitting up straighter on the mat.

What the hell happened to him?

Chapter Text

After a little morning stretching, Shen Jiu stood from the tattered straw mat he slept on and shuddered, because he knew the smell of it was going to stick with him all day. It would amplify the hangover headache he had. He would need to find an opportunity to freshen up at the guild hall later.

To make matters worse, he had THAT problem to deal with- and by ‘that’, he meant Luo Bingzu. For some reason the man was avoiding him, never glancing his way or saying a word. The statuesque man had become a husk overnight, as if his soul had been sucked dry. Shen Jiu didn’t hide the displeasure in his voice. “Come.” He snagged the demon’s wrist and pulled him out of the bed chambers, ignoring every set of eyes that followed after the two of them- most of them filled with judgmental sneers. To them, a demon in such close proximity was disgusting.

He used to think so too.

His first encounter with anything demon related was his master Wu Yanzi whom he clung to in order to escape his entanglement with the Qiu household, and to pursue greater strength. A child murdering their supposed ‘foster’ family at the ripe age of fifteen didn’t sit well with most people… especially not with authorities. Thus clinging to a scummy villainous cultivator who practiced demonic arts… really was his only choice to escape his fate. Otherwise it would have been jail or execution. He just escaped hell, he did NOT want to get thrown back into one.

The resentment he felt towards demons started under his master's tutelage. Not only was the man cruel to him during training, but exceedingly cruel to others. Cult-like rituals, sacrifices, and zero respect for the surrounding world. Most of the things he learned from Wu Yanzi were criminal activities like theft, arson, and assassination. Nothing good.

He learned how to shut off his heart during those dark years.

He learned to hate demons.

His second encounter with a demon was his own disciple: Luo Bingzu.

One whom he had been jealous of due to his immature outlook on life during the first timeline- resenting the people who walked paths of light while he was cast into darkness at every turn. Plain and simple jealousy. Pettiness. What Shen Jiu did to students like Luo Bingzu was akin to someone having a jar of cookies and putting it too high on the shelf so that other kids couldn’t reach it. If he couldn’t have them, no one else could have them either. Thus when Luo Bingzu shone too brightly from day one, his first instinct was to snuff out that radiant light. To sabotage it.

How was it fair that someone had their life handed to them on a silver platter when he wasn’t even allowed to see the crumbs that would fall?

When that dazzling disciple of his, with no imperfections, revealed his demonic underbelly at the edge of the Abyss, only three things were running through his mind as they stood face to face at the edge. One: a cultivator's job was to vanquish demons. Two: demons were notoriously untrustworthy. Three: he finally found a reason to snuff out the light that blinded him at every turn.

So he, with a slight curl to his wrist, gave his disciple a little nudge. A push into the abyss.
Had anyone else done it… they would have been praised. Defeating a demon who pretended to be a disciple of their sect? A hero.

However this wasn’t just any demon. It was the world’s sweetheart. A demon with a smile rivaling the sun. Someone with a protagonist halo. Someone who pulled the rest of the universe into their aura and had everyone revolve around them.

Thus the human Shen Jiu was branded the true demon. The demon Luo Bingzu was branded the true hero. Shen Jiu ended up being the one condemned to hell, and Luo Bingzu ended up being raised to the heavens.

Humanity turned on Shen Jiu’s blackened soul, leaving him to rot in Luo Bingzu’s shadows.

Until his dying breath.

When has anyone ever been punished for slaying a demon? Shen Jiu might have been the first.

While sitting alone for the rest of his eternity in that darkened jailcell, he realized his mistake wasn’t killing a demon.

It was killing a demon that was loved.

Someone lovable.

Someone unlike him.

Through the reflection on a distant brass mirror as they walked, Shen Jiu could see his own shadowy complexion peering back at him, looking haggard and worn despite his restful sleep. His frown deepened. He wasn’t the least bit lovable. His expression was always steely and strung tight like a trap ready to snap shut at the slightest aggravation. Luo Bingzu on the other hand… was pleasant to the eye and made the heart feel full. He shifted his gaze in the mirror to steal a glance at his disciple only to jolt when he realized Luo Bingzu was watching him through that very same mirror.

“Shizun?” The demon called out to him.

“Shut up.” He suddenly hissed and pulled harder, feeling a bit embarrassed for getting caught staring… and because Luo Bingzu had been staring too. He didn’t have the confidence for that.

This was his third time dealing with a demon in his life… It was Luo Bingzu again, just a lot older. Arguably more dangerous. And yet his intense hatred for demons had largely been swept away over the past few weeks by each careful and tender comfort the man had given him. Every time he tried to light a flame to fight the man with, it was gently extinguished by a smile. Any time he snapped or growled, he would be pacified with food and delicate praises. Every discomfort he felt, would soon be lulled into satisfaction by the tender sweetness of the world’s strongest being, bending to his every whim.

It was a luxury usually given to people who were special, but never to him.

He had no idea how to endure a torrent of gentleness and care. Like a stray cat flinching before it was unexpectedly pet, not hit.

Why would someone as radiant as Luo Bingzu take their time caring for someone as dull as him? Especially considering their history.

It would be a lie to say he wasn’t getting used to it. That he sometimes maybe did things just to see if Luo Bingzu would still go the extra mile for him. If he said the booze was too strong, would Luo Bingzu mix it with some water or juice? If his body was too cold, would Luo Bingzu stoke the fires more? If he dropped a spoon, would the man procure a new one for him? If he wanted to see a bluebird up close, would the demon go and catch one for him? It was thrilling to see what would happen.

Like a child holding a stick of fire, wondering what would happen if he were to set the surrounding objects on fire. Would it explode? Do nothing? Get eaten up?

You see… Shen Jiu used to have nothing. To suddenly be offered everything… How could he resist trying to hold everything? A bottomless cup being catered to by a bottomless pitcher. Always pouring, always filling- never full, yet also satisfied so long as it never stopped.

So he kept taking every little thing given to him.

And Luo Bingzu kept giving.

Being poor taught Shen Jiu how to obsess over his belongings. Ever since the contract was engraved upon their chests, Luo Bingzu officially belonged to him. That's how he saw it.

And Shen Jiu was insanely possessive over the things that belonged to him. Overly loyal. Brutally jealous…

These were tiny details Luo Bingzu would soon learn the hard way about him over time. And when the time came, would the demon still be willing to go the extra mile for him?

They were both going to find out the hard way.

The heavy silence persisted until the two of them were well outside the building, sneaking into an alley beside the tavern, away from prying eyes.

The entity didn’t utter a single word during the walk, remaining completely pliant in his grasp until they came to a stop. Shen Jiu finally looked back at the man, noting how he seemed to be keeping his gaze downcast to the floor. Just like before, Bingzu’s eyes seemed incredibly tired, holding an eternity of exhaustion within them.

Shen Jiu wondered if his own eyes looked the same way.

“I dragged you out here to punish you for last night.” He spoke carefully, trying not to think about too hard about last night. He tried not to think about the way the man had pressed up between his thighs, or that rough hand silenced the sounds that tried to escape his mouth, or the way that low husky voice imprinted deep into his ear when the demon spoke to him in a whisper, or the way the man’s abs would press down against his own abdomen with each breath he took, or the way the man’s hair tickled against the side of his face like a veil sealing him off from the rest of the world, or the way the demon’s muscles rippled on either side of his head from where they were propped on the pillow, or how their robes tangled and knotted in a mess between their bodies, or the way the demon’s body heat thawed his icy skin, or how it felt like the weight of the whole universe was crushing down on him any time the man rubbed against him the wrong way, or the way those deep blackened eyes seemed to shimmer with sparks of red ruby, or how the demonic energy radiating from that sturdy body twisted around his own like a serpent claiming its prey, or the way he was practically squished into submission by the younger males obnoxiously fit body, or how the mark on his chest would hum with satisfaction the less air that existed between their skin, or how the difference in their sizes made Shen Jiu feel sufficiently protected even when in a room full of men, or the way the clothes he clung to in order to remain sane felt like a forbidden silk trapped beneath his fingers, or the way he fell asleep almost instantly without nightmares for the first time in his life, or the way his heart did somersaults in sync with Luo Bingzu’s breathing except missing every third beat and pulsing twice on every fourth beat-... Wait, no, he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about it. He groaned and quickly whipped out his fan, tucking his face behind it so as to hide the burning sensation that rushed across his cheeks.

Focus.

Focus damnit.

He was supposed to be in the middle of scolding Luo Bingzu, not praising him. “Anyway… I decided not to punish you for it because you look pathetic today. Not sure what happened to you last night, but I fear if I were to beat you now, then you would die after one strike. I’ll let you go just this once. Next time I won’t be so forgiving.”

Surprised by the sudden revocation of the punishment, Luo Bingzu finally lifted his gaze from where it had been locked on the floor, “You’re really not mad about last night?”

Shen Jiu pursed his lips. “No.”

Luo Bingzu was largely still an enigma to him. No matter how high or low he searched his brain, he couldn’t figure out Luo Bingzu at all. He found himself countering Luo Bingzu’s question with a shockingly stupid question of his own, “You’re really not mad about me trying to kill you in the past?”

“...”

“...”

?!

“Never mind.” He ducked behind his fan, softly smacking it against his forehead. What the hell did he just ask? That was absolutely not a normal response to an otherwise normal question.

“Shizun-”

“No shut up, I didn’t say that.”

“...”

“...”

Sigh.

Why wasn’t his heart calming down?

As he hid behind his fan, he could still see Luo Bingzu’s lower body below it. The demon was tapping his finger against the hilt of the blade on his hip, saying nothing, only observing. Tapping… the man was always tapping at something. Shen Jiu wondered what it was for.

He couldn’t resist asking, “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“The tapping thing.” Shen Jiu pointed at the man’s now-frozen finger, noticing how the demon’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second. Like someone who got caught in the middle of doing something they shouldn’t. The expression was gone as quick as it came, reverting to the similar placid wasteland it was before.

“It’s… just a habit.”

A lie.

A blatant lie.

Shen Jiu frowned.

Whatever… it wasn’t like he needed to know. He didn’t care. Why the hell should he care? He didn’t. Really.

Once his heart had finally calmed down, Shen Jiu lowered the fan a few inches only to make a sudden unexpected yet intense eye contact with Luo Bingzu. The calculative look in the demon’s eyes sent chills down Shen Jiu’s spine. It felt like his disciple was staring right through him, reading him as if he were an open book. “A-anyway, next time, I’ll double the punishment. So you better behave.” He finished his sentence by snapping his fan shut and quickly whirled around to exit the alleyway, drawing his robes tighter across his body.

He always felt so… exposed under that gaze.

And why the hell did it seem like he was starting to enjoy it?

Last night… It was nice. Agonizing and humiliating… but nice. He didn’t want to let Luo Bingzu know he felt that way or how it tickled his heart a bit. It still did. Or how he kept thinking about the friction. The heat. The soft breaths against his ear.

He cursed to himself, taking a few steadying breaths.

Had he ever been held like that before? Maybe once upon a time in his youth with Qi-ge to ward off the cold when they were slaves, but it was all such a distant blur he couldn’t be sure anymore. Most physical contact was something he chased away with ferocity due to fear of Qiu Jianlou’s wandering hands… but -

He shot a sneaking glance over his shoulder to the demon who was following him.

This was not Qiu Jianlou.

Perhaps he could relax a little more.

Maybe… feel a little more?

Be a little greedier?

If-…

… -if he liked the physical contact, couldn’t he have more of it? Could he be a little more normal? A little more physical. More emotional? Softer?

Truth be told, as vicious as he was at times… he wasn’t cruel by nature. Every punishment he dished out to Luo Bingzu in the past was within sect standards. Whips for rule breaking. Confinement for disobedience. The tear pouring was his fault- after a particularly bad set of nightmares of Jianlou doing something similar to him. The corrupted manual… was also his fault, an act born from pettiness. Ignoring the mistreatment Bingzu received by other disciples was his negligence too. It was something he experienced as a disciple of the sect and from other servants in the Qiu household. He extended his traumas onto the person who shone the brightest in his life: Luo Bingzu. It wasn’t right. He knew that. He knew it after his first lifetime. He dreaded it after his second. By the third, he was dead inside, doing things he didn’t want to do anymore, wishing he could undo it all and be… different.

To be someone else. But unfortunately in the previous repeated lifetimes, he was stuck in a simulation, unable to change anything. In this lifetime with full freedom, couldn’t he be different? Wasn’t he already a little different?

He glanced at his palm, feeling a swell of agony-… his hands burned at the thought of using a whip to hit that soft tempered disciple of his. The past few weeks, despite all his wrong doings, Luo Bingzu had cared for him like he was a precious piece of jade. He didn’t want to still be the same person he was when he used to hurt Luo Bingzu. He wanted to be a person Luo Bingzu would feel proud to take care of.

Someone worthy of that light.

Could he… be selfish and lean into that kind of warmth? To return kindness and tenderness with the same kindness and tenderness?

“Shizun.” Luo Bingzu suddenly grabbed his hand, ripping him from his internal monologue.

“W-what?” He hissed.

“You almost walked into someone…”

Ah…

The first step to being a better person was common courtesy. In such a scenario as this, he should say ‘thank you’. Right? His lips parted to speak, choked a noise similar to a cough then slammed his jaw shut and sharply turned his face away. Luo Bingzu tilted his head in confusion.

Shen Jiu tried again, keeping his face angled away. “T-thank you… for taking care of me.”

There.

He did it.

He said it.

It was a small step, but it was a first step- which was far bigger than anything else he had done before.

He sped away after saying that, leaving Luo Bingzu frozen in the shadows of the morning sun, unsure if he really heard correctly.

There was a barren wasteland within Luo Bingzu, full of sand and dust. However a small wind started blowing upon seeing Shen Jiu retreat from him with reddened ears, shaking up a storm within his chest.

Was… Shen Jiu trying to… change?

He swallowed and tentatively trailed after his red eared shizun, having a million things to say yet being unable to find any words. He also didn’t want to ruin the moment. To disturb the desert within his chest that had procured its very first drop of water after a millennia of drought.

That single drop of water was saturated with emotions. He wanted more of it. So much more of it.

Luo Bingzu began to wonder something: Was the Shen Jiu he knew from the past a man manufactured by trauma? If yes then… who was the real Shen Jiu? Who was the Shen Jiu that would have existed if he lived without traumas? Without having to starve? Without having to shiver? Without having to fight for every single crumb? Who was spoiled and loved instead? Who never had to be beaten or locked away? Who never had to suffer? Who was born into the light, not the dark? Who was trusted and surrounded by friends? Who was able to achieve his dreams?

Who was the real Shen Jiu?

And… had anyone ever tried to find him?

Or was Shen Jiu just like him-… forgotten in their own story? Left to shatter at the end of time as an afterthought?

From that moment onwards he silently vowed to work endlessly just so he could hear a million more thank yous from those pale parted lips. To hear laughter. To paint those porcelain cheeks red. To put the one man who was shrouded in shadows onto the very highest pedestal surrounded by light. He wanted to nurture Shen Jiu into a man that wasn’t sculpted by hardship but by tenderness and care instead. He wanted to see Shen Jiu step out of the darkness and into the light. Even if it meant he needed to step into the darkness to do so.

There was no room for Luo Bingzu in his own world anymore… so he decided he would carve a space for himself in Shen Jiu’s life instead. Greedy? Sure.

But for some reason, the only time he ever seemed to feel something within his chest in the past millennia…

… was when Shen Jiu was involved.

And perhaps the day he stopped feeling was the day he cast his shizun away. So this time, he would endure a million hardships if it meant keeping Shen Jiu in his life.

Even if only so he could feel a little more… To see a little more.

—

Their exploration of the city was filled with awkward tension. Neither person knowing what to say, both lost in thoughts and ideas of ‘what ifs’ and their only attempt to speak happened with both of them opening their mouths at the same time, only to stop at the same time, both waiting for the other to speak, and thus falling back into a new tense silence.

Occasionally they’d brush up against a market stall and Shen Jiu would experimentally graze his fingertips over a random object to see what Luo Bingzu would do.

“Do you like it?” His perceptive disciple would ask.

“No.” He would respond.

As he walked away, he would peek over his shoulder to see Luo Bingzu buying whatever he touched. Wordlessly stowing it away in a storage pouch.

It made Shen Jiu’s heart ache in a good way.

And Luo Bingzu who was unaware of Shen Jiu’s experimental scheming interpreted the accelerated heart rate as one of happiness over him buying the items. He genuinely believed it was due to being spoiled. So he continued doing it.

He had no idea Shen Jiu didn’t actually care about the items.

Nor did he have any idea that Shen Jiu was excited over his doting instead.

This little mind game continued late into the afternoon, with Luo Bingzu feeling sneaky and Shen Jiu being sneakier.

The bottomless cup was thirsty, and the bottomless pitcher was happy to fill.

In the end, twenty six useless items were bought. Sometimes a ribbon, sometimes a gem… even at one point, a plain rock was bought. All of it was carefully tucked away for later. Both of their hearts felt full. Neither of them knew why.

After a long walk, it was Shen Jiu who put an end to the games and spoke with a brightness in his voice that Luo Bingzu had never heard before. He had no idea it was his doting that had lightened Shen Jiu’s voice to such a degree. “We should ask the city guards for directions to the guild. I want to get there before evening.”

Luo Bingzu nodded, falling into line behind his master, putting on the ‘demon slave’ act once more as they approached the guards.

Shen Jiu asked a few things and was pointed in the direction of a very large building. It was a little run down with boarded windows, but its structure was impressive and sufficiently designed for durability. It appeared to have been constructed as a final line of defense in case of a demon invasion. Heavy fencings, catapults and crossbows.

Humanity truly was on the cusp of extinction.

“We’re here.” He murmured, suddenly feeling scared. What if… the guild didn’t have any leads on the whereabouts of the people they used to know? His fingertips lingered on the tattered door handle, feeling heavy and unsure. On the other side of those broad oak doors could be immeasurable disappointment. Even if they did find someone from the past, would those people even want to see him? Or would they sneer in disgust at the sight of him and cast him away.

He began to tremble.

Suddenly a hand covered his own, pulling it away from the door, “Shizun, it's dirty. Let me.”

Surprised and frozen stiff, Shen Jiu sidestepped as Luo Bingzu opened the door for him, slamming straight through his insecurities with one of those dazzling smiles.

For a moment he was able to forget the fears. The anxieties.

So… this is what it felt like to not be alone… To not have to face things alone.

All he could do was step into the dimly lit building with a blank expression, unable to process anything until he was inside.

He didn’t return to reality until he heard the sudden and distinct sound of a cup shattering along the floor.

Then rapid footsteps.

Then he was body slammed into a tight embrace, tears dripping onto his shoulder.

Then… a voice, anguished and soft- one he never thought he’d get to hear again.

“A-jiu, it's you… it's really you…”

That voice he would recognize anywhere. Shen Jiu bit back a swell of emotions, trying to remain cool as he shakily raised his hands, not knowing what to do with them, instead only pitifully clutching onto the man’s robes who was tightly embracing him.

“Qi’ge…” His voice was broken yet soft.

Yue Qingyuan. His beloved childhood friend, someone who had been ripped from his life…

Had finally been returned to his arms.

He couldn’t stop the tears from escaping his eyes, softly collapsing into the hug, breaking into pieces and healing all at the same time. All he could do was repeat himself, feeling several lifetimes of guilt drown out his heart. This man, this treasure, this precious element in his life and the only light he ever had… was in his arms once again and he could finally say the words he never had the chance to say in the past before that very light died. “Qi’ge… Qi’ge, I’m sorry. For everything. I’m sorry…”

Chapter Text

Weakness.

Just one sliver of weakness.

Just one crack in his facade.

A tear escaped his eye as he held pitifully onto the only person he could consider as family. The only brother he ever had. Someone whom he had to part with in three lifetimes, never being able to change the outcome, only knowing he would have to witness Yue Qingyuan die or depart from him, over and over again. Each time was worse than the last… Each time dug a deeper trench into the cavity of his heart.

The reunion didn’t even feel good.

It only hurt.

The embrace was like applying medicine to a festering wound that refused to heal. A rotting chunk of his heart containing Yue Qingyuan’s essence that was far too damaged to be cured. That was why, as much as he clung to Yue Qingyuan with all his strength, he couldn’t fully lean into the embrace, nor could he meet the man’s eyes. He didn’t want to look at his precious Qi’ge’s face.

He was too scared.

He was too afraid to see a corpse staring back at him.

Many times in his previous lives while stuck in the horrific darkness of the water prison, he’d dream of his Qi’ge dragging towards him, begging for help. The image seared into his soul, making him scream- heard by no one. The sounds would only echo and reverb off the water surrounding him on all sides until it came back to him as an echo, louder and louder. No one would come no matter how much he cried.

He was damned to eternal solitude in that godforsaken hell.

The only things that would visit him in the quiet of the night were his nightmares. The cries of the lives he cut short. The deaths he caused would flicker around him. The sounds of bodies falling and sliding across the barren prison floor like rainfall on all sides, dead hands tugging at his flesh and bones, as if wanting to take his life for their own.

In the darkness, he couldn’t differentiate between dreams and reality. In the darkness, his sins came to life.

Please.

He begged wordlessly, fingers trembling around the fabric of Yue Qingyuan’s robes, unable to push the man away nor pull him closer.

Please…

Do not let this be real, for I cannot bear whatever reality may face me if I were to meet your eyes.

I am far too ashamed. Far too filthy. Far too guilty.

The child who kicked rocks with you in the slums, or shared body heat with you when the nights grew colder, or who protected you from the pangs of hunger, died long ago in the shed behind the Qiu manor. I have sinned far too much. I ended up dragging you down with me and brought upon your death across multiple lifetimes.

Please understand… I cannot meet your eyes.

I can never meet your eyes.

We are already worlds apart.

He clutched those robes tighter and with as much resolve as he could muster, forced their bodies apart. It was difficult. It felt like he was tearing a continent in half, splitting himself right down the heart. “Qi’ge... Yue Qingyuan. It’s… been awhile. A very long while. I hope you’ve been well.” Shen Jiu kept his hollow gaze trained on a random object in the distance, trying to maintain his composure whilst crumbling like quicksand on the inside.

Drowning within himself.

“A’jiu… why won’t you look at me?” Yue Qingyuan’s voice softened, lightly trying to guide his chin up, but Shen Jiu resisted, growing weaker with each second. “It’s been such a long time, A’jiu, please. Just once. Look at me?”

“I… can’t.” He confessed, straddling the fine line between sanity and insanity. If he looked… would he see rotten flesh and skin chewed up by arrows staring back at him? Would he see a fractured soul weathered and worn by the brutal lifetimes they lived, full of contempt? Would the man be staring back at him with eyes of disappointment? He couldn’t bear it.

“Shen Qingqiu…” The man murmured, “Please. I need to know this is real. I need to see you properly. Look at me.”

No.

I can’t.

Right before he could run away, Luo Bingzu reached over his shoulder from behind and gently, as delicately as one could, guided his jaw forward, forcing him to look at Yue Qingyuan. The action was sweetened. There was no more force behind it than needed… only enough strength to stir a petal on water, but it was enough to make waves in Shen Jiu. He submitted to the gesture, complying with Luo Bingzu’s will and faced Yue Qingyuan head on.

There… standing face to face with him, was a man he could hardly recognize. A face younger than he remembered last seeing, in his early twenties. Soft black hair pulled into a tidy hair crown, robes worn and armor tattered, but he was full of… life. Those warm black eyes only held relief and a gentle ache inside them.

It wasn’t a corpse.

It was real.

It was Yue Qingyuan, his sworn brother. Alive. Young, youthful, and not resentful. Not disappointed in him.

A sudden relief washed over his body, muscles relaxing he didn’t know were tensed. Something that had frozen inside of him after he first lost Yue Qingyuan thawed. And only now- three lifetimes later- could he finally let go of the tension he had been holding.

A dam containing several lifetimes of agony broke, washing away every flimsy pillar he held himself up with.

And he cried.

Hard.

Everyone in the immediate proximity jolted as tears dripped like rainfall from Shen Jiu’s sharp eyes, head bowing low as if surrendering to the emotions within. Yue Qingyuan’s first instinct was to comfort him, but his attempt was thwarted as the man behind Shen Jiu- Luo Bingzu, was faster. Luo Bingzu instantly moved to shield Shen Jiu from prying eyes, turning Shen Jiu around and possessively cradling him to his chest.

There was a blackened veil over Luo Bingzu’s eyes, wordlessly claiming Shen Jiu’s tears for his own.

As if saying: This is for my eyes only, look away or die by my hands.

Yue Qingyuan was able to get a quick read on the situation and spoke in a low tone, “Come with me to the back. There’s a room you two can rest in.”

Yue Qingyuan guided them to a private room with a daybed and tables. He gestured to a bell on the table, smiling softly, “Ring when he’s ready to talk and I’ll come back. I’ll stay away until then… I can see it’s a lot for him.” While Yue Qingyuan couldn’t really recall who the man coddling Shen Jiu was, he knew from one look: Shen Jiu was safe. So he left without asking any questions.

…

Alone, the two of them remained as an entanglement of limbs in the middle of the room. With a few steps, Luo Bingzu pulled Shen Jiu into the light and guided him to sit on the edge of the daybed with him, never letting go.

Shen Jiu was sobbing uncontrollably, hands desperately trying to stop the tears from falling but he couldn’t catch them all. And whenever he failed to catch one, Luo Bingzu would calmly capture the rest. Blackened talons overturned, they were ruthless to the world but soft with Shen Jiu. Hands designed to kill, showing the ultimate restraint with this one treasure.

“Shizun…” The demon whispered, several octaves lower. “How are you feeling? Can I do anything to help?”

But Shen Jiu couldn’t speak.

Each attempt to say something was drowned out by a small choke, a weak shuddering breath, both eyes pitiful and red. “I-...” He attempted to say something only to sob again, covering his face with his palms, embarrassed half to death but unable to stop. It only made him cry harder.

Several lifetimes of tears, endlessly falling. And Luo Bingzu’s hands were somehow able to catch them all.

Not judging.

Not pressuring him to stop.

Not urging him to speak.

Only accepting him for what he was in that moment, and enduring the turbulent hurricane of emotions Shen Jiu released upon him, making sure not even for a moment that Shen Jiu would feel alone.

As he gently observed his shizun, Luo Bingzu couldn’t help but feel a ripple of guilt swell within. This person sobbing in front of him… appearing so fragile and small… was a person he locked away in a prison to suffer alone until death.

This soft, delicate soul… was thrown into darkness by his own hands. Someone who could cry so whole heartedly, who could love so deeply, who hid all of it away under a mask of frost- someone who hid all of their tender softness away- only ever crying when alone.

That was who he cast away.

That was the Shen Jiu he left alone to die.

Understanding the weight of his own actions for the first time in a millennia, Luo Bingzu held Shen Jiu tighter, grimacing as the body against him shook with sob after sob, each one dragging like blades of glass into his chest. While it was true he had his own reasons and self-serving justifications for doing so in the past, this was the present and he could see things clearly now.

They had both been horrendously broken people.

And they dug into each other like nails.

Now he wanted to undo it all.

After several long hours, Shen Jiu finally came to a gentle stop like a river drying up amid a summer of heat, appearing worn out and pitiful. He refused to make eye contact with Luo Bingzu, weakly pushing the loose hair from his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was hoarse, still tucked up against the entity’s chest.

“For what?” Luo Bingzu murmured, stroking the back of Shen Jiu’s hair.

“For… all of that. It was… unsightly.”

“Even rain can be beautiful, shizun.” Luo Bingzu tapped a finger against him, voice carrying gentle humor.

“Rain? What rain?” Shen Jiu’s brows furrowed, glaring up at the demon with a foul expression, “Are you teasing me? Comparing my tears to rain?”

There was a soft chuckle in response, “I wouldn’t dare.”

Bastard.

The tease brought a complicated smile to his face, too small to be seen. Part of him wanted to hit the demon, the other half wanted to remain melted in those strong arms that seemed to keep him tied together. How did Bingzu always know how to make him feel better? Was it intentional or had he fallen too far down a hole of desire and could find comfort for himself within any action Luo Bingzu took?
This closeness… this gentle sweetness. This affection was a candy for his starving soul. It hurt his teeth, burned his throat, yet he craved it. He wanted to lean into it. He wanted Luo Bingzu’s eyes to only be for him.

He didn’t want to share.

He wanted this tenderness all for himself. He wanted to bait and coax Luo Bingzu into doing more.

More.

Tentatively so as not to rouse suspicion, he inched his index finger along Luo Bingzu’s palm, trailing the tip of it along a crease in the man's coarse skin. Through this action he observed how the demon’s hands were tempered by war and an eternity of experience, decorated with callouses and scars. In comparison, Shen Jiu’s felt incredibly soft, as if the hardships he endured were turning to sand in the entity’s hand. He was merely a small drop in the universe it contained. The tips of the demon’s talons tickled at the back of his hand… sharp enough to cut right through to the bone they wanted to.

Luo Bingzu monitored his actions with an unreadable expression, completely still, tensing just a bit. Acting like a beast who had just witnessed prey walk into its den.

Shen Jiu wanted to… lean into this comfort between them. He wanted the physical contact to be more personal.

To what extent? He wasn’t sure.

Even as he invaded the demon’s space, he knew his actions were akin to a fly landing in a venus fly trap, blissfully unaware of the dangers and still being drawn further in by the sickly sweet scent of nectar. His finger teased at the space between Luo Bingzu’s own fingers, and in a moment of rawness, Shen Jiu flitted his teary gaze up through his eyelashes, intentionally vulnerable as he connected with Luo Bingzu’s own blackened eyes.

Shen Jiu was trying to tempt.

The hand enduring his gentle caresses suddenly closed, trapping him like prey. He flinched, but didn’t pull away. Didn’t look away.

Their hands intertwined.

He felt too immersed. Too captivated. Drowning in the care and affection Luo Bingzu was giving him. The tenderness was giving him a sweet tooth and he found himself helplessly craving that sweetness. Cavities be damned, he wanted to sink his teeth into that sugary bliss, even if it would hurt later.

He wanted to indulge.

He wanted to be indulged.

He even leaned a little closer, tempted by the glimmer in those dark eyes.

“Don’t.” Luo Bingzu suddenly stood up and released him, throwing Shen Jiu’s mind into a cold basin.

“Don’t?” He parroted in a confused tone, glancing down at his now cold hand, abandoned on his lap. It would be a lie to say it didn’t hurt. The warmth was too alluring. With it disappearing so abruptly, it felt like he had been thrown into a vat of ice.

“Shizun… don’t… test my patience.”

Patience? For what?

…

The thumping of his chest amplified, mixed between fury, embarrassment and pain. Did Luo Bingzu still hate him after all these years? Was there a fine line between care and affection that Bingzu didn’t want to cross? Was Shen Jiu just a wounded animal to look after and nothing more?

Unsure and confused, he decided to embrace the fury instead of the embarrassment.

“Fine. I won’t.” He spat while standing from the edge of the bed, roughly making sure to smear away any of his lingering tears with his sleeve. With a flick of his wrists, he straightened out his appearance and returned himself to his closed off state, eyes glazed over by permafrost, “I wasn’t testing anything, what do you take me for? If anyone has impure thoughts, it’s you. Remember? I asked for death, you gave me this life. What for? Huh? You hate me and made me live by your side, in your care. What were your intentions by doing that? You offered me care and I leaned into it, so what? What’s the problem with that?”

Anger… was how he protected himself after all. Always had been.

“It’s not like that, shiz-”

“Shut up.” The brutal cold in his voice made Luo Bingzu wince, the demon’s normally calm and mature softness breaking away to reveal fragile eyes. It made Shen Jiu scoff, “I don’t know what your intentions for me are…” His voice faltered as he sharply turned his gaze away, “But you better figure it out. I don’t like being toyed with. What am I to you?”

The demon who was tapping his finger almost anxiously, took a daring step towards him with a hand outstretched, “Shizun- please, listen, okay?”

No.

He didn’t want to hear the answer.

Shen Jiu kept his cold gaze locked on the door, hands tucking neatly into his sleeves, “Who said you could approach? Kneel where you are.”

“Shizu-”

“I command you to kneel.”

The invocation activated the contract and sent Luo Bingzu harshly to the floor, being forced to kneel as the engraving lit up. For a moment, the demon was stupefied.

“For one incense stick, you must kneel there. Don’t come for me until then. I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Why? Shizun, at least let me explain first-” Luo Bingzu seemed genuinely confused, satisfying Shen Jiu just a bit. If he had to suffer confusion from Luo Bingzu’s sudden rejection, then let him return the favor tenfold. He was a petty man after all. And prideful. As he sent a wayward glance in the demon’s direction, he could almost recall the distant past when the two of them would face off against each other like this when Shen Jiu punished him unfairly on Qing Jing Peak.

If Luo Bingzu wanted to draw a line between them, then let it be the master and disciple one they used to share.

Shen Jiu would put the barrier up. Not the other way around.

He would choose where the line started and stopped. Not Luo Bingzu. If the man was going to reject his advances, then he could stay way back.

Far away. Very far.

He frowned and quickly stormed out of the room making sure to slam the door shut behind him to serve as a powerful message to the demon he left behind. Thankfully no one spared him a glance as he exited, allowing him to seek Yue Qingyuan without interference. Although he felt a bit awkward for breaking down earlier, he was more muddied by anger from what just happened and it made him steel off his emotions, allowing him to approach Yue Qingyuan’s table with a raised chin.

“Shen Qingqiu! Come sit!” Yue Qingyuan smiled sweetly and beckoned him over, inviting him to join the table with him and a few of the other guild members. “I’ve been wanting to introduce you properly.”

A series of small greetings ensued with Shen Jiu sitting across from Yue Qingyuan. Everyone seemed to be polite… no one dared to ask about his tears from a few hours prior. Likely something Yue Qingyuan warned them against doing. It would appear the people seated at the table were all next generation disciples of Qing Jing Peak- ones from when he had been imprisoned. Contrary to Shen Jiu’s expectations, they didn’t look at him with disdain, but rather a muffled sense of admiration.

… Why?

“Who is that man anyway?” Yue Qingyuan finally asked as food was delivered to their table.

“You don't… recognize him?” This surprised Shen Jiu. Then again… the appearance Luo Bingzu was wearing was nothing like the black lotus vibe he had after emerging from the abyss. It was softer. More charming.

More handsome-

Wait no.

He cursed himself internally.

Stop thinking like that.

He and I are master and disciple. That’s all. That’s what I decided.

Welts appeared in his palm from how hard his fists clenched.

Yue Qingyuan shook his head, reaching for some food with his chopsticks, choosing a thick dumpling from the central platter, “No, not really. Who is it? A friend of yours?”

“It’s Luo Bingzu.”

“Oh… I see.” Yue Qingyuan was in the middle of loading up the plate in front of him before the words processed in his head, food dropping from his chopsticks, “WAIT WHAT!?” The whole table was shocked.

“That a problem?” He huffed nonchalantly, chin raising just a bit.

“Shen Qingqui… A’jiu…” His friend’s voice was soft, trying to approach the topic with tact, keeping his voice low so only the current table could hear the conversation, leaning slightly forward, “You realize that's the god of calamity right? The very same man who threw you in jail?”

“The what?”

“The god of calamity.” Yue Qingyuan sat back in his seat, lips pursed tight. Everyone at the table was tense, staring at Shen Jiu like he was crazy, “You realize how powerful he is? During the several centuries of war, a single swing of his sword could split entire continents in half. His rage could muster hurricanes. His attacks could shake the earth. Multiple countries could be felled by a single wave of his hand. The dead could be raised with a snap. Fates changed or rewritten on a whim.” There was a soft sigh, Yue Qingyuan’s face appearing to age with each sentence, “He’s extremely dangerous, A’jiu…”

Ah…

Shen Jiu was making that very intimidating ‘god of calamity’ kneel in the back room behind him. It tickled his heart just a bit, drawing a smirk across his face. “He’s no god. He’s my disciple.”

Serves the bastard right.

Seeing the smug expression on Shen Jiu’s face, Yue Qingyuan could only chuckle and relax. Regardless of how or why, it would seem his dear friend had everything under control. By ‘everything’ he meant the god of calamity, “Well since you seem to understand the gravity of it, I will let it go. Here… you must be hungry.” Yue Qingyuan said fondly, sliding the plate he had been building over to Shen Jiu, “The food here isn't the best but it's the best in town considering the circumstances. You will need strength if you plan to stay with us. Make sure to eat well.”

A dull buzz in his chest resurfaced. This was… familiar. Back in Qing Jink Peak, there would be times when Shen Jiu would sneak away to his room without food, feeling too embarrassed or shy to enter the dining hall when every seat was already taken or preoccupied. Sometimes, Yue Qingyuan would notice his absence and deliver food to his room, making sure he had something to eat. It took everything for him not to smile at the memory. Some things never changed, “Fine. Only because it’s you.” He tentatively pulled the plate closer, lifting up a dumpling with his chopsticks.

Right as he was about to bite, a hand gently laid over the food, blocking it from his parted lips. A low voice rumbled into his ear from behind, thick black hair tickling over his shoulder, “Shizun.” Luo Bingzu’s voice was heavy and dark, “I thought I told you not to ingest anything that wasn't made by me? I hope you have not forgotten.”

Lowering his chopsticks, Shen Jiu’s mind went blank as the hot breath rolled along his ear… He spoke just loud enough for the entity to hear, “Why are you here? Has your punishment ended already? I still don’t want to see you.”

“Mn… I waited. We can talk about what happened later. But for now… Shizun, if you’re hungry, I'll go make you some food. Do not eat this.” The tickle of the demon’s lips brushing not so discreetly against his earlobe struck him like lightning and Shen Jiu found himself going completely pliant, hands dropping to his lap. The food on the plate in front of him withered away to dust, dissolved by the demon’s energy.

He wasn’t obeying his disciple. He wasn’t. Really. He genuinely wasn’t. It's just that Luo Bingzu was a really good cook and he would prefer to eat his disciples' food. That’s all. That’s really all. He could let his anger go, just until the food was done.

Everyone else at the table had turned to stone as Luo Bingzu snapped his cold eyes up, shooting like an arrow straight into Yue Qingyuan's chest. It was a silent message- and it was delivered clearly to everyone who happened to catch sight of it.

No one was allowed to feed Shen Qingqiu, except for him.

Or else there would be hell to pay.

Puzzled by the horrified expressions decorating the faces across from him, Shen Jiu glanced over his shoulder at Luo Bingzu who was simply smiling down at him. The man’s voice was light and airy, “Wait here, Shizun. I’ll make something quick.”

“Soup?” He couldn't stop himself from asking.

“Anything you want.” Then that demon turned and disappeared around a corner, down the long hallway towards the kitchen.

“Is that… really Luo Bingzu?” One of the younger men at the table was trembling, “The… god of calamity? He’s really gonna make food for you?” Everyone’s gaze shifted to Shen Jiu’s flushing face.

With a quick flick of his wrist, Shen Jiu hid himself behind his fan, elegantly fanning himself, “As he should. I’m his shizun after all.”

“Uh… sure, but did you forget what happened between the two of you?” One of the other men dared to ask.

Which part? Pushing him off a cliff? The trial? Imprisonment?

Shen Jiu’s eyes narrowed. “....................................... no. But he’s my disciple, this is standard practice.”

Rapidly fanning himself, he kept his eyes locked on the far wall, trying to avoid the scrutinizing eye contact of the other people at the table. Yue Qingyuan suddenly laughed, “You’re as impressive as ever A’jiu”.

“What the hell does that mean?” Shen Jiu asked dryly over the edge of the fan.

“Nothing… just … you never cease to amaze me. No matter what fate throws your way… you overcome it. Even the god of calamity.” Yue Qingyuan smiled.

Teaching himself basic cultivation before age the age of twelve without any mentorship, escaping the Qiu household at the ripe age of fifteen, slaying Wu Yanzi a renowned cultivator, overcoming isolation in the sec that didn’t welcome him, overcoming the trial that condemned him to death… then somehow recapturing Luo Bingzu’s affection at the end of it all, somehow convincing the world's most powerful being to give everyone a second chance.

Who else could do all that, if not Shen Jiu?

“Quit staring.” Shen Jiu snapped his fan shut.

Yue Qingyuan chuckled softly, “Sorry, A’jiu… I was a little lost in thought. It’s just good to have you back.” There was a slight pause as the man carried a mischievous glimmer in his eyes, “You and him seem… quite close.”

“What do you mean by that? We’re not close. We hate each other.”

He sounded very unconvincing.

“Nothing… it's just good to see you two on good terms, that’s all. I’ll make sure to prepare a room for you and him. The best one we can offer.”

A room?

“Dont you mean two rooms?” He replied with a frown.

Yue Qingyuan waved his hand dismissively, “Hmmm no, no… demons cannot have their own room. Human policy. It wouldn’t look too good if the last line of defense against the demons suddenly gave a demon hospitality.” An innocent smile bloomed across Yue Qingyuan’s handsome face, teasing slightly, “You will have to share. Please understand.”

What was with that tone?

Cheeks reddening, Shen Jiu slammed his fan down on the table, “Don’t think I don't know what you're scheming!”

Yue Qingyuan rested his chin in palm, chuckling quietly, “Oh? What do you mean by that? What could I possibly be scheming? Sharing a room with someone doesn’t… mean anything? What are you thinking about, A’jiu?”

Enough.

Shen Jiu abruptly stood and whirled around. He would need to tell Luo Bingzu of this. Maybe they could use intimidation to force Yue Qingyuan to give them an additional room? Even if it was just for show. He didn’t want people knowing he was sleeping in such close proximity with a demon. Memories of last night came flooding back. He stormed down the long hallway to the kitchen which was lined with lanterns, his heart beating rapidly.

They were master and disciple. Nothing more. Luo Bingzu was the one who rejected his advances first. Therefore there would be nothing between them even if they shared a room. Thus there was no point. Right?!

He rounded the corner, “Bingzu, they-”

…

He froze.

The sight that befell his eyes made his body turn to stone.

Luo Bingzu was holding a bloodied palm over the food, letting the eerie red liquid drip into it.

Drip… after drip.

Soaking into the food below.

Those dark demonic eyes snapped up, a charming smile painting over those lips, head tilting slightly, “Shizun-” But then Luo Bingzu realized the look of horror on Shen Jiu’s face, and he followed the man’s gaze to the blood.

…

The fist closed and wound sealed, hand lowering down slowly, face half cast in shadows. “Shizun.”

The word shizun made Shen Jiu flinch.

Blood?

There was blood? In the food? For how long? What for?

The room began to spin, his mind confused and distraught. The odd flavor in the soup was… blood? He clamped a hand over his mouth, not sure what to feel, taking one tentative step backwards. Luo Bingzu took a step forward in pursuit, only stopped by the counter that stood between them.

“Shizun.” The voice contained a warning. All the lights flickered around them.

Don’t run.

-

But Shen Jiu ran.

Blood? It was blood? Why?!

He slammed into the wall behind him and bolted down the hallway.

This whole time, he was being fed demon blood?!

The lanterns on the far end of the hall began to extinguish one by one, closing in on him from both directions, encasing him in total darkness. His fear and anxieties amplified until he came to a clumsy trembling stop, unable to run in the darkness, hands extending nervously in front of him.

“Shizun.”

A set of strong arms snaked around him from behind, capturing him, one sliding up to his throat. He was held close to Luo Bingzu’s broad chest, and all he could do was go limp as that hot breath fanned across his ear, ten times more sweetly with the lights off, “Don’t run, my dear shizun. Do not run from me.”