Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Mock-turtle...

Right?

That’s what they were...

Right?

I was badly rattled, but I was also hungry.

Thus, I decided that I would head off to the dining hall, eat something, and then go hide in my cozy, safe room until my mom showed up to bring me home for the weekend.

Once there, I went through my usual routine:

Go ‘round to the desert table,

Snitch a few pieces of delectable garlic bread,

(and)

Add some curly fries to that to make it a meal.

Then, I chose a spot at a table where my roommate, and several of her friends were sitting.

Things were going great!

I got to see some new people, and the food was awesome!!

But it didn’t last.

As I was finishing up the last, few dregs of my chocolate milk, I heard a voice ask:

“Would you like some more tea with that?”

It was happening again...

I slowly brought the glass down.

A seat mate with frizzled brown hair and an over-sized hat was at the head.

A rabid, mangy rabbit with bulging pink eyes and floppy ears was to my right.

And on my left, a loudly-snoring rat blew bubbles into soup with every snore.

The Mad Hatter.

I thought feverishly.

The March Hare...I think...

And the Dormouse.

Dorrat.

Whatever.

Plates of all shapes and sizes were stacked every which way, piled high with cookies, cakes, and even the occasional ice cream.

It was excessive!!

I think I'm getting dizzy! 

Dazedly, I whipped my head from one side to the other.

Nobody was looking at us.

Nobody was making any comments.

Nobody saw.

I watched a soft light move up from my toes and pass over the rest of me.

Wherever it touched, the colors grew a thousand-times brighter!

I hurt just looking at me!

But I couldn’t look at them either, because they, too, were blinged out with excessive color!!

In addition to that, I appeared smoother, and more anime-esque.

Like...a chibi!

Again, so did they.

“Care to have some tea?”

“Oh...no thanks...”, I replied “I don’t drink tea...”

“DON’T DRINK TEA!?”

I cringed.

If there was one thing I absolutely hated, it was being yelled at.

Heeheehee-heehee-Hahahaha!!

The March Hair put a paw to his mouth and flat-out laughed.

“IT’S NOT FUNNY!!” the Hatter shouted.

“IT’S A TRAGEDY!!”

The rat snapped awake.

“Huh?”

“ABOUT TIME, HENRI!!”

They shoved their finger into my face.

“This one does not like to drink tea!!”

“Whaaaattt!?”

“It’s tr-uuuuu-uuuuue!!” the Hare sing-songed.

“Oh my gosh!”

A fist was beat on the table, making each and every pile quiver.

“How the heck do you live!?”

“Uh...”

I didn’t know what to say.

They seemed so offended...

“She doesn’t, obviously!” the Hatter griped.

“Look at her!!”

They reached out a giant, white-gloved hand and poked me in the eye.

“Ouch!” I yelped.

A stab of pain issued from my left socket.

“She’s got bags under her eyes, for Pete’s sakes...!”

As I rubbed at it, the three of them began to tsk-tsk.

“You must not get out much at all”.

 “Those who don’t drink tea rarely do...”

“You’re bad, girl, real bad!!”

They all folded their arms, closed their eyes, and shook their heads at the same time.

“TSK-TSK!!”

“I’m sorry...”

“You should be, you glorified Alice-expy!!

Where’s your fire!?

Where’s your inner snark!?

Where's your tea!?”

At that moment...

...I decided to get out while I still could.

“I think I left it in my room!”

I hurriedly stood up.

“Goodbye!!”

The threesome stared at me in disbelief, and then erupted into incredulous guffaws.

"And theeerrre it is!!"

Meanwhile, I bolted from the cafeteria as fast as I was able.

“Goodbye!!” they called sweetly as I retreated into the distance, all sugar, spice, and everything nice now that I'd gone and said something to make myself more like her.

"Goodbye..."