Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

{ ladybug added chat noir, rena rouge, queen bee and carapace }

{ ladybug renamed the chat miracu-squad }

[ miracu-squad || 1:37 pm ]

ladybug: hi

ladybug: this is so we can contact each other

ladybug: if there’s an akuma or something

{ chat noir joined the chat }

chat noir: pawsome.

ladybug: rule 1 - no puns

ladybug: also no identity stuff

ladybug: other than that

ladybug: go batshit

{ chat noir changed their name to the chat’s meow }

the chat’s meow: you’re no fun

the chat’s meow: but i’m unstoppawble

{ carapace joined the chat }

{ carapace changed their name to meenage tutant neetle teetle }

the chat’s meow: noice

meenage tutant neetle teetle: why thank you

the chat’s meow: which one are you?

meenage tutant neetle teetle: i dont know?

meenage tutant neetle teetle: i haven’t actually watched the show in years

meenage tutant neetle teetle: @rena can we watch it for date night?

{ rena rouge joined the chat }

rena rouge: for fucks sake we are not watching talking sewer turtles on date night

the chat’s meow: don’t you mean

the chat’s meow: for fox sake

{ the chat’s meow changed rena rouge’s name to for fox sake }

for fox sake: no i didn’t 

for fox sake: but okay

for fox sake: also

for fox sake: why is queen b here

{ queen bee joined the chat }

queen b: well excuse you i am a Hero

ladybug: one, be nice

ladybug: two, chloe’s getting her miraculous back

ladybug: with a rebrand

ladybug: so you get to pick a new name and outfit too

the chat’s meow: i have a suggestion

queen b: it’s a pun isn;t it

queen b: *isn’t

the chat’s meow: ...no

meenage tutant neetle teetle: i wanna hear

the chat’s meow: the bee’s knees

meenage tutant neetle teetle: YES

queen b: no

{ the chat’s meow changed queen b’s name to the bee’s knees}

the bee’s knees: please no

{ the bee’s knees changed their name to buzz buzz bitch }

buzz buzz bitch: that’s better

the chat’s meow: that’s a bad word

ladybug: baby

for fox sake: baby

buzz buzz bitch: baby

meenage tutant neetle teetle: baby

the chat’s meow: i feel betrayed

the chat’s meow: i might leave now

meenage tutant neetle teetle: no don’t leave you’re so sexy ahaha

the chat’s meow: i have decided to stay

ladybug: :D

[ miracu-squad || 1:09 am ]

the chat’s meow: i has a very important for you all

ladybug: why are you awake

the chat’s meow: why are you awake?

ladybug: reasons

the chat’s meow: can’t argue with that

buzz buzz bitch: i want to know the important

the chat’s meow: the end credits from ratatouille are called the end creditouilles

ladybug: you’re right

ladybug: that’s very important

buzz buzz bitch: how did you find that?

the chat’s meow: just google the soundtrack

buzz buzz bitch: yeah but why did you find it

the chat’s meow: i was looking for that song from up and it’s by the same person

the chat’s meow: who has a great sense of humour btw

ladybug: oh married life?

the chat’s meow: lots of puns

the chat’s meow: yeah that one!

buzz buzz bitch: how? did you know? what song he was looking for?

ladybug: what can i say

ladybug: i know everything

ladybug: also i listen to movie soundtracks when i design stuff and that particular song is good

ladybug: all michael giacchino music is good tbh

the chat’s meow: i use them when i study

the chat’s meow: and when i drive to school

buzz buzz bitch: you can drive?

the chat’s meow: i wish

the chat’s meow: i get driven

ladybug: i walk but i have a playlist of long songs bc i don’t have premium

ladybug: top tips on how to cheat the system

buzz buzz bitch: weak. i just have premium

the chat’s meow: same

ladybug: just because you’re rich kids doesn’t mean you have to flex on the rest of us

buzz buzz bitch: but it’s no fun if we don’t

the chat’s meow: exactly

the chat’s meow: who else will we flex on?

ladybug: you’ve both lost coffee privileges

buzz buzz bitch: hey! i need that

the chat’s meow: sorry

the chat’s meow: we won’t flex on you anymore

the chat’s meow: but rena and carapace are free game

ladybug: they both have premium

the chat’s meow: never mind then

the chat’s meow: hey bee

the chat’s meow: why are you awake?

buzz buzz bitch: i had this function thing

buzz buzz bitch: very boring not fun

ladybug: oof

buzz buzz bitch: why are you awake?

the chat’s meow: i don’t sleep?

the chat’s meow: nah i’ve got a school project due tomorrow that i forgot about

ladybug: yuck

ladybug: oh wait shit so do i

ladybug: talk later?

buzz buzz bitch: sure

the chat’s meow: bye bug

the chat’s meow: this is fun but i should probably go back to my project

buzz buzz bitch: okay

buzz buzz bitch: bye

[ miracu-squad || 4:25 am ]

the chat’s meow: akuma by eiffel

the chat’s meow: come if you’re awake

the chat’s meow: unless you’re ladybug in which case come anyway

meenage tutant neetle teetle: on my way

ladybug: goddamnit

ladybug: i just went to sleep

ladybug: be there soon

[ miracu-squad || 7:03 am ]

ladybug: someone shoot mothman please

ladybug: i want my sleep schedule back

ladybug: not that i had one in the first place

ladybug: but a night of uninterrupted sleep would be nice

ladybug: at least it’s saturday

for fox sake: it’s wednesday

ladybug: not anymore it isn’t

for fox sake: okay then but like

for fox sake: don’t you have school

ladybug: probably

ladybug: but who needs it

for fox sake: good point

ladybug: never mind my parents are making me get up

ladybug: i love them but like

ladybug: let me sleep

the chat’s meow: you love your parents?

the chat’s meow: imagine that

ladybug: are you okay?

the chat’s meow: probably not

the chat’s meow: but i have school now byeeeee

ladybug: chat?

ladybug: chat

ladybug: i’m bringing you croissants later

Chapter Text

[ miracu-squad || 10:31 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: okay so

buzz buzz bitch: i think i’ve decided on my new name etc

buzz buzz bitch: i’m thinking lesbeean

buzz buzz bitch: i’m kidding

buzz buzz bitch: i think i’ll go with honey bee

buzz buzz bitch: so that’s a thing

buzz buzz bitch: haha

buzz buzz bitch: why aren’t any of you saying anything

buzz buzz bitch: i can see you’re online

buzz buzz bitch: say something

the chat’s meow: i’m giving up on you

buzz buzz bitch: not funny

the chat’s meow: sorry

the chat’s meow: but hey!

the chat’s meow: that’s cool

the chat’s meow: we can be happy and gay together

buzz buzz bitch: what

the chat’s meow: oh yeah

the chat’s meow: i’m pan

buzz buzz bitch: oh neat

ladybug: since we’re doing this now i’m bi

the chat’s meow: wait really

ladybug: yeah

buzz buzz bitch: neat

for fox sake: i don’t know what i am but boys and girls are pretty cool

buzz buzz bitch: kinda stepping on my moment here

buzz buzz bitch: but like

buzz buzz bitch: this is cool

buzz buzz bitch: are we all gay

buzz buzz bitch: turtle man come confirm

meenage tutant neetle teetle: yeah nope i’m straight as a ruler

the chat’s meow: like one of those bendy ones?

meenage tutant neetle teetle: no sorry

meenage tutant neetle teetle: but like

meenage tutant neetle teetle: gender is heckin weird so idk

{ the chat’s meow has renamed the chat homosexual heroes + turtle man }

{ the chat’s meow has renamed the chat homosexual heroes }

{ the chat's meow has changed meenage tutant neetle teetle's name to turtle man }

for fox sake: hey ladybug

for fox sake: do you know if any of the temporary heroes are of the homosexual variety

turtle man: asfjhkdlfl

ladybug: i think a couple of them might?

ladybug: not sure

ladybug: also i think your boyf is dying

{ turtle man has changed for fox sake’s name to of the homosexual variety }

ladybug: oh thats why

ladybug: also

ladybug: now that you’ve decided on a name and all we should probably do an interview or something about it

of the homosexual variety: we could do it on the ladyblog

of the homosexual variety: i know the person who runs it

ladybug: yeah that’d work

the chat’s meow: we could use your mirage to have chloe in the video too

the chat’s meow: you know, to really sell it

ladybug: that’s a good idea

ladybug: when do you guys want to do it? 

buzz buzz bitch: this weekend?

buzz buzz bitch: or friday afternoon?

buzz buzz bitch: we can do it at my place

ladybug: oh yeah good idea

ladybug: shit teacher gotta go

buzz buzz bitch: bye then

the chat’s meow: bye!

of the homosexual variety: byewe

turtle man: bye

the chat’s meow: are you okay?

of the homosexual variety: sorry teacher came past i was trying to say bye

of the homosexual variety: i should go now

the chat’s meow: yeah me too

turtle man: i gotta go

buzz buzz bitch: just leave me alone then

buzz buzz bitch: fake friends

buzz buzz bitch: jk love you

[ miracu-squad || 11:23 am ]

ladybug: okay so does friday afternoon work for everyone?

ladybug: like around five maybe?

of the homosexual variety: can we go later? I have to look after my sisters then

ladybug: nine-ish then?

buzz buzz bitch: that works for me

turtle man: me too

the chat’s meow: i mihgt have trouble getting out but i’ll be there

ladybug: so friday at nine it is

[ miracu-squad || 4:01 pm ]

the chat’s meow: it’s come to my attention that bug doesn’t have a nickname

the chat’s meow: we need to change it

buzz buzz bitch: you just called her bug

buzz buzz bitch: that’s a nickname

the chat’s meow: no like in the chat

buzz buzz bitch: oh

buzz buzz bitch: um

buzz buzz bitch: i dunno

buzz buzz bitch: there’s buglady but that’s pretty basic

the chat’s meow: what about uh

the chat’s meow: uh

the chat’s meow: oh no i can’t think of any good puns

the chat’s meow: what has my life come to

buzz buzz bitch: there there *pat pat*

{ ladybug has changed their name to buglady }

buglady: if that’ll stop your existential crisis then i’ll take it

the chat’s meow: no

the chat’s meow: it needs to be better

the chat’s meow: uhhhhhhhh

of the homosexual variety: i know!

{ of the homosexual variety has changed buglady’s name to spiderman but different }

spiderman but different: i can accept this

spiderman but different: tbh spiderman is probably one of my faves

of the homosexual variety: i mean yeah

of the homosexual variety: but hawkeye for the win

the chat’s meow: but spiderman!

the chat’s meow: he has puns and everything!

buzz buzz bitch: it might be bc i’m gay but captain marvel

of the homosexual variety: yeah good point

of the homosexual variety: but like

of the homosexual variety: clint the walking disaster! and kate bishop! and lucky the pizza dog!

spiderman but different: good point

spiderman but different: and the runaways comics are very good

spiderman but different: they also have canon gays so like

buzz buzz bitch: guess what im reading this weekend then

buzz buzz bitch: okay so maybe not bc i can’t find a copy anywhere

the chat’s meow: i think i’ve got some of it somewhere that you can borrow

the chat’s meow: only if you’re careful with it though

the chat’s meow: my comics are very important to me

buzz buzz bitch: dont worry im pretty good at looking after things now

buzz buzz bitch: mostly anyway

buzz buzz bitch: i’ll take care of it

buzz buzz bitch: promise

the chat’s meow: okay

the chat’s meow: i’ll come over in like an hour? I’ve got homework

buzz buzz bitch: ok

Chapter Text

class group chat names

marinette - bread babe
alya - i'll report u 
adrien - sunshine boy
nino - cap-tain america
chloe - that bitch™
alix - zoom zoom
nath - tomato
max - smart boi
kim - yeet or be yeeted
mylene - jolene but different
ivan - vans shoes
rose - pink gay
juleka - goth gay
sabrina - teenage witch

[ absolute mayhem || 5:12 pm ]

bread babe: is there any homework for science i can’t remember

jolene but different: we just need to finish the worksheet from class

bread babe: ty!

jolene but different: no problem :D

yeet or be yeeted: there was a worksheet?

zoom zoom: yeah dipshit

zoom zoom: you turned it into a paper plane then chucked it in the bin

yeet or be yeeted: oh that worksheet

pink gay: dont worry its pretty easy

smart boi: There is however a 98.6% rise in difficulty because you don’t have the sheet

yeet or be yeeted: i’ll do it tomorrow

i’ll report u: okay so was it just me

i’ll report u: or did lb and cn get to the akuma really fast today

that bitch™: no one wants your conspiracy theories alya

i’ll report u: yeah but compared to yesterday’s akuma on the other side of the city they took ages

i’ll report u: it means they must live nearby

that bitch™: or maybe there was something stopping them from transforming yesterday

i’ll report u: yeah but that always happens whenever it’s far away from this area

that bitch™: take your conspiracy theories somewhere else

i’ll report u:  excuse you

i’ll report u: these are perfectly valid theories

zoom zoom: if you guys wanna argue take it somewhere else

that bitch™: fine

i’ll report u: fine

zoom zoom: good

sunshine boy: oh wow what’d i miss

bread babe: alix, the disapproving parental figure we all need

zoom zoom: thanks

yeet or be yeeted: arent you too small to be a parental figure

zoom zoom: i’m tall enough to kick your ass

yeet or be yeeted: wanna try

zoom zoom: lets go

zoom zoom: carpark behind the school at 3

yeet or be yeeted: i’ll be there

zoom zoom: good

cap-tain america: what did i jus witness

i’ll report u: kim agreeing to get his ass beat

yeet or be yeeted: hey

yeet or be yeeted: i think we all know who’s going to win here

zoom zoom: me

i’ll report u: alix

cap-tain america: alix

that bitch™: alix

bread babe: alix

goth gay: alix

sunshine boy: alix

smart boi: alix

jolene but different: alix

yeet or be yeeted: you guys are mean

[ homosexual heroes || 5:32 pm ]

the chat’s meow: my class’s group chat is wild

spiderman but different: god same

spiderman but different: it goes from 0 to 100 in less than a minute

of the homosexual variety: it always starts normal though

of the homosexual variety: like with a science worksheet then i get yelled at for conspiracy theories

of the homosexual variety: and then theres two people who are going to fight each other?

buzz buzz bitch: yeah a similar thing happened for me too

turtle man: same

spiderman but different: haha funny that

[ homosexual heroes || 8:53 pm ]

spiderman but different: can any of you do science

spiderman but different: i cant and i need help for a thing thats due tomorrow

the chat’s meow: what kind of science

spiderman but different: genetics

the chat’s meow: yeah i can do that

the chat’s meow: what do you need?

spiderman but different: uhh

spiderman but different: like pedigree charts and stuff

spiderman but different: i’ll send a photo

the chat’s meow: ok

spiderman but different: image.jpg

the chat’s meow: oh ok

the chat’s meow: i’m doing basically the same thing in class

the chat’s meow: can i call you? it’d be easier to explain

spiderman but different: sure

{ the chat’s meow started a voice chat }

{ spiderman but different joined the voice chat }

{ the chat’s meow ended the voice chat }

spiderman but different: thanjs for helping me

the chat’s meow: no problem

spiderman but different: *thankd

spiderman but different: *thanks

[ homosexual heroes || 9:36 pm ]

the chat’s meow: i’m bored

the chat’s meow: anyone wanna go out

turtle man: go to sleep dude

the chat’s meow: but i caaaaan’t

the chat’s meow: and plagg’s being annoying

turtle man: who?

the chat’s meow: my kwami

the chat’s meow: you know how cats do that thing where they run around at night

the chat’s meow: yeah he does that but he flies too

turtle man: i mean you just said you wanna go for a run outside so like

the chat’s meow: shhhhhh

the chat’s meow: but like

the chat’s meow: wanna go out

turtle man: i would but wayzz is sleeping and i don’t want to wake him

spiderman but different: dont worry i’ll come

spiderman but different: im already awake

spiderman but different: where are you

the chat’s meow: home currently but meet you at eiffel?

spiderman but different: race you

the chat’s meow: haha i win

spiderman but different: no fair you probably live closer

the chat’s meow: i still win

spiderman but different: yeah yeah we get it you won

[ homosexual heroes || 6:58 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: when did you guys figure out you could message each other

spiderman but different: like a month or so after the first akuma? idk

buzz buzz bitch: have you tried calling hawkmoth

the chat’s meow: queenie you’re a genius

the chat’s meow: we can annoy him into giving up

buzz buzz bitch: i was thinking more along the lines of using the tracker thing but okay

buzz buzz bitch: also not queen bee anymore

the chat’s meow: right sorry

spiderman but different: the tracker only works if both people have it turned on

spiderman but different: we tried that a while ago

buzz buzz bitch: oh okay

the chat’s meow: i’m making a new chat just give me a moment

{ chat noir created a chat }

{ chat noir added ladybug, honey bee, rena rouge, carapace, hawkmoth and mayura }

{ chat noir renamed the chat superpeople }

[ superpeople || 7:01 am ]

chat noir: heyyyyyy

{ ladybug joined the chat }

ladybug: oh wow this actually worked

{ honey bee joined the chat }

chat noir: we just need to wait and see if hawkmoth joins

honey bee: ok so i just googled hawk moths

honey bee: and honestly they’re really ugly

honey bee: and are also known as hornworms so like

honey bee: not the best name choice tbh

chat noir: oh wow honey bee out here roasting hawkmoth

{ honey bee changed hawkmoth’s name to mothman }

ladybug: why didn’t wwe think of this earlier

honey bee: you’re welcome

ladybug: thank you

chat noir: and now we wait

{ rena rouge joined the chat }

rena rouge: when i woke up this morning this is not what i was expecting

honey bee: you’re welcome

rena rouge: thanks

rena rouge: lemme text carapace to tell him about this

{ carapace joined the chat }

ladybug: okay yeah i googled hawk moths too 

ladybug: bee’s right they really are ugly

carapace: ohhhh

carapace: yeah that really was a bad choice dude

chat noir: i’m on wikipedia now and i really want to know if he can hover

chat noir: @mothman tell us if you can fly

chat noir: oh wait you can only go up to 12 miles an hour

chat noir: that’s not very fast

ladybug: do you think hawkmoth has wings

ladybug: and if he does, how big are they

rena rouge: ladybug out here asking the real questions

honey bee: i want to know if he has antennae

chat noir: oh my god yes

{ mothman has joined the chat }

chat noir: he’s HERE

chat noir: @everyone

hawkbitch: What is this?

carapace: haha you use proper sentences

honey bee: of course he does he’s hawkmoth

hawkbitch: Is this chat for you to give me your miraculouses?

ladybug: oh yes of courseeee

ladybug: why wouldn’t it be

ladybug: its not like we havent spent the last two years of our lives fighting you

honey bee: hey hawkbitch

honey bee: i found this really cool video i think you’ll like

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

rena rouge: sdfhkjas is it bad i recognise the link

chat noir: he isn’t responding

chat noir: mothmannnn come back we’re sorry

chat noir: not really but it was funny 

ladybug: guys theres an akuma by notre dame

chat noir: that explains it

Chapter Text

[ homosexual heroes || 12:23 am ]

of the homosexual variety: someone please tell hawkmoth to get some sleep

of the homosexual variety: just because he’s awake all hours of the day doesn’t mean i want to be

spiderman but diffferent: mood

[ homosexual heroes || 7:59 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: can we add the temporary heroes

spiderman but different: sure lemme get them

{ spiderman but different has added ryuko, viperion, pegas é and roi singe }

spiderman but different: oh wait i forgot bunnyx

of the homosexual variety: who?

{ spiderman but different has added bunnyx }

spiderman but different: oh yeah

spiderman but different: she’s the rabbit/time travel person who showed up with timetagger

spiderman but different: also when the world was accidentally destroyed 

spiderman but different: but i fixed it so it’s fine

buzz buzz bitch: i’m sorry what

spiderman but different: technically she doesn’t have her miraculous yet but she’s cool so

buzz buzz bitch: are we just ignoring that the world was destroyed?

of the homsexual variety: no

of the homosexual variety: please tell us what happened

spiderman but different: haha no

turtle man: you can’t tell us the world was destroyed and then not tell us why

spiderman but different: yes i can

of the homosexual variety: we will hunt you down

spiderman but different: fine

spiderman but different: i can’t tell you everything bc identities tho

spiderman but different: and also i can’t really remember bc miraculous cure

buzz buzz bitch: are you saying you can wipe our memories

spiderman but different: i guess? I’m not really sure how it works

spiderman but different: anyway

spiderman but different: i gave teh guy i liked a present but i had to do it fast and he saw me, figured out i’m ladybug and came to see me?

spiderman but different: hawkmoth found out? and then either he or chat noir got akumatised i think

spiderman but different: my crush not hawkmoth

spiderman but different: i rhink it was chat but he was called chat blanc

spiderman but different: basically his powers destroyed literally everything

spiderman but different: it was freaky

spiderman but different: there were like statues of dead people? including me and everything was underwater

spiderman but different: and there was a hole in the moon

spiderman but different: anyway i fixed it somehow and everything was fine

buzz buzz bitch: jesus christ

the chat’s meow: wow i missed a lot

spiderman but different: also alya if any of this ends up on the ladyblog i know where you live

the chat’s meow: alya isn’t in this chat

spiderman but different: haha wrong chat?

buzz buzz bitch: wait so alya’s rena

buzz buzz bitch: so carapace is nino?

turtle man: what haha no of course not

buzz buzz bitch: i mean you better hope so or otherwise she’s flirting with some other guy

turtle man: fair

turtle man: yeah i’m nino

of the homosexual variety: also ladybug, you don’t have to worry 

of the homosexual variety: i don’t put anything from this chat on the ladyblog

spiderman but different: okay cool thanks

buzz buzz bitch: question

buzz buzz bitch: why did you pick the ladyblogger to be a miraculous holder?

buzz buzz bitch: i’m not saying it was bad to pick her but like

buzz buzz bitch: out of all the people you pick a person who has a blog that half of paris looks at

of the homosexual variety: i was going to be offended but thats a fair question

spiderman but different: yweah

turtle man: yweah

of the homosexual variety: yweah

spiderman but different: she was near where the akuma was and also i figured i could trust her? she’s helped us before

buzz buzz bitch: yweah

the chat’s meow: yweah

spiderman but different: you guys are meanies

of the homosexual variety: sorry please don’t take my miraculous away

spiderman but different: i won’t

spiderman but different: tbh we need the whole team bc i would like to sleep sometimes

buzz buzz bitch: does this mean we get to know your names now

spiderman but different: no

spiderman but different: i trust you guys with my life but not yet

the chat’s meow: hey also question

the chat’s meow: don’t you have to sync up your phone with the miraculous to be able to chat

the chat’s meow: bc if so, the temporary people haven’t got theirs right now do they

spiderman but different: shit you’re right

spiderman but different: i’ll do that after school

[ homosexual heroes || 10:15 am ]

of the homosexual variety: is it just me or is it weird that nearly all of us are in the same class

buzz buzz bitch: yeah

buzz buzz bitch: i mean i found mine by accident so i don’t know if i can be counted

the chat’s meow: your class?

buzz buzz bitch: no my miraculous dumbass

the chat’s meow: oh right

of the homosexual variety: no but do you think that we know ladybug?

of the homsexual variety: do you think they’re in our class?

the chat’s meow: hey what about me?

of the homosexual variety: yeah you too but she gave us our miraculous

of the homosexual variety: miraculouses?

of the homosexual variety: miraculi?

of the homosexual variety: what’s the plural of miraculous

buzz buzz bitch: idk

the chat’s meow: whatever you want it to be i guess

the chat’s meow: google doesn’t have a definition or anything for it

of the homosexual variety: anyway

of the homosexual variety: i’m going to rule out our class bc everyone’s been akumatised

buzz buzz bitch: adrien hasn’t

buzz buzz bitch: neither has marinette

of the homosexual variety: oh yeah

the chat’s meow: marinette was multimouse though

of the homosexual variety: really? I don’t remember that

the chat’s meow: i think i was the only one to see her

spiderman but different: guys you’re supposed to be in science

spiderman but different: and ms mendeleiev will read what you’ve been doing on your phone out to everyone

of the homosexual variety: i’m not on my phone, i hooked it up to my computer

the chat’s meow: oh neat can you show me how

of the homosexual variety: sure

buzz buzz bitch: how do you know we’re in science ladybug?

the chat’s meow: please tell

spiderman but different: uh lucky guess?

buzz buzz bitch: you mentioned our teacher by name

spiderman but different: i went past outside and saw you 

spiderman but different: and she’s been akumatised so i’ve talked to her before

spiderman but different: also you guys have talked about her before

buzz buzz bitch: i guess i can let that pass

buzz buzz bitch: but only because i already know who you are and it’s funny to watch

spiderman but different: wHAT

[ private message: ladybug + honey bee ]

ladybug: you know who i am?

honey bee: yeah and chat noir too

ladybug: how long have you known?

honey bee: idk, a while

ladybug: please don’t tell anyone yet

honey bee: i wouldn’t

honey bee: i know how much taht means to you

ladybug: taht

honey bee: just bc i can’t sell

honey bee: spell

honey bee: shut up

honey bee: you’re doing a very bad job of not laughing

honey bee: i can see you stop it

Chapter Text

[ homosexual heroes || 11:20 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: okay i’m getting coffee at lunch because i’m dying

buzz buzz bitch: who else wants some

of the homosexual variety: me

of the homosexual variety: i ran out half an hour ago

turtle man: if you’re getting some i’ll have it

buzz buzz bitch: i’ll get some for marinette and adrien too so it doesn’t look weird

of the homosexual variety: you getting coffee for us looks weird

buzz buzz bitch: so you don’t want coffee?

of the homosexual variety: no i want it desperately please

of the homosexual variety: i’m just saying it’s not like you to get coffee for anyone else

buzz buzz bitch: i’m doing a nice thing okay

turtle man: noice

of the homosexual variety: i’ll get mari to get more pastries so you can have some too

of the homosexual variety: is sabrina coming too?

buzz buzz bitch: no

buzz buzz bitch: she’s lila’s best friend now 

of the homosexual variety: oh shit

of the homosexual variety: you can come hang with us

buzz buzz bitch: ok

[ private message: adrien + chloe ]

adrien: are you okay?

adrien: i heard you and sabrina had a fight

chloe: yeah i’ll be okay

chloe: it’s kinda my fault anyway

chloe: i told her that she should try being friends with other people instead of just me

chloe: but i didn’t mean like that

adrien: that;s shitty

adrien: you’ve got us now though

chloe: yeah

chloe: thanks

adrien: did you just say thank you?

adrien: did chloe bourgeois just say thank you?

adrien: i’m screenshotting this

chloe: oh shut up

chloe: i’m deleting it

adrien: too late

chloe: go do your science 

[ homosexual heroes || 5:16 pm ]

buzz buzz bitch: hey chat any reason i just saw you coming out of adrien’s bedroom?

of the homosexual variety: i’m sorry wHAT

buzz buzz bitch: anything you want to tell us?

the chat’s meow: NO

of the homosexual variety: he’s hiding something for sure

of the homosexual variety: cmon you gotta tell us now

spiderman but different: here’sthetea.gif

of the homosexual variety: (i’m stealing that)

spiderman but different: (ok)

of the homosexual variety: ANYWAY

of the homosexual variety: why were you in adrien’s room

the chat’s meow: he had a coffee voucher that was about to expire so he said i could have it?

the chat’s meow: bc he wouldn’t be able to get out tonight

of the homosexual variety: mmkay

of the homosexual variety: any other reasons?

the chat’s meow: no?

of the homosexual variety: you’re not secretly dating him or something?

the chat’s meow: …

the chat’s meow: why would you think that

of the homosexual variety: HE’S NOT DENYING IT

the chat’s meow: I’M NOT CONFIRMING IT EITHER

buzz buzz bitch: it’s because of your father isn’t it

buzz buzz bitch: he wouldn’t let him date a superhero so you’ve got it on the down low

the chat’s meow: i need to have words with you

[ private message: chat noir + honeybee ]

chat noir: why are you doing this

honeybee: it’s funny

chat noir: but you know who i am don’t you?

honeybee: that’s exactly why it’s funny

[ homosexual heroes || 5:21 pm ]

of the homosexual variety: what do you think they’re talking about

turtle man: oh wow this is not what i was expecting

spiderman but different: idk

spiderman but different: she knows his identity tho

of the homosexual variety: wait really

[ private message: chat noir + honeybee ]

chat noir: chloeeeee

chat noir: stop it i don’t wike it

honeybee: but it’s funnyyyyy

chat noir: pretty please with a cherry on top

honeybee: maybe

chat noir: you can pick what i wear tomorrow

honeybee: a week

chat noir: two days

honeybee: four days

chat noir: my final offer is three

honeybee: deal

honeybee: and you won’t complain?

chat noir: i definitely will

honeybee: cmonnnn i could keep this going all night if i really wanted to

chat noir: fine i won’t complain

honeybee: and you’ll pretend you picked the outifts yourself

chat noir: outifts

honeybee: shut up

chat noir: fine i’ll pretend i picked them myself

[ homosexual heroes || 5:22 pm ]

buzz buzz bitch: we have returned

of the homosexual variety: and?

buzz buzz bitch: they’re not dating

turtle man: disappointing

turtle man: i would’ve liked to see that

chat noir: please stop

spiderman but different: what would the ship name be?

spiderman but different: adrinoir? chadrien?

buzz buzz bitch: haha chad

of the homosexual variety: ADRICHAT

turtle man: i approve

spiderman but different: so do i

buzz buzz bitch: i would but i worry about what would happen if i did

the chat’s meow: you should

spiderman but different: ANYWAY

spiderman but different: you said you have a coffee voucher?

the chat’s meow: yes?

spiderman but different: where you at i’m coming

of the homosexual variety: i heard coffee i’m in

turtle man: i’m bored so i’ll come

buzz buzz bitch: he’s by the arc de triomphe

of the homosexual variety: on my way

[ homosexual heroes || 6:34 pm ]

spiderman but different: okay that was fun but we should try going incognito next time so we don’t get mobbed

spiderman but different: like wear clothes over our suits or something

the chat’s meow: like into the spiderverse!

of the homosexual variety: we should do that more often

of the homosexual variety: bc we don’t get to hang out like that usually

of the homosexual variety: there’s usually a lot more screaming/akumas

of the homosexual variety: if we didn’t have this chat we’d barely know each other

buzz buzz bitch: that’s true

buzz buzz bitch: you guys could come to my place sometimes

buzz buzz bitch: and like watch movies and stuff

the chat’s meow: i vote we start friday movie night or something

the chat’s meow: or whatever day etc works best

buzz buzz bitch: and we can do it at mine

buzz buzz bitch: it’s not like i’m short on space

spiderman but different: ok!

buzz buzz bitch: and i have A Lot of movies too

of the homosexual variety: i might have to skip sometimes bc babysitting but im in

turtle man: yeah sounds fun

turtle man: and our kwamis can hang out too

turtle man: i know wayzz misses the others

of the homosexual variety: yeah same here

buzz buzz bitch: so next friday?

the chat’s meow: i’ll be there

the chat’s meow: after 5 though bc i have fencing

buzz buzz bitch: okay

buzz buzz bitch: so around 6ish then?

spiderman but different: works for me

of the homosexual variety: same here

turtle man: me too

buzz buzz bitch: so as long as hawkmoth doesn’t crash the party, what do you wanna watch

of the homosexual variety: can we watch the lb&cn movie

of the homosexual variety: i havent seen it yet

buzz buzz bitch: sure

buzz buzz bitch: anyone who doesn’t want to?

spiderman but different: i’m good with it

the chat’s meow: i’m up fur it

turtle man: yeah okay

buzz buzz bitch: cool

buzz buzz bitch: also chat your puns aren’t funny i saw that

the chat’s meow: excuse you they are hilarious

the chat’s meow: guys back me up here

[ homosexual heroes || 11:49 pm ]

the chat’s meow: you guys are mean

Chapter Text

[ absolute mayhem || 8:13 am ]

zoom zoom: our essay deadline is pushed back bc akumas

zoom zoom: hawkmoth has officially done one (1) good thing

yeet or be yeeted: wait really yessssss

i’ll report u: i haven’t started yet

sunshine boy: it’s still due in three days so you might want to get started

i’ll report u: rip my sleep schedule then

bread babe: you never had one

i’ll report u: that’s true but no need to expose me like that

cap-tain america: we already knew

i’ll report u: ok yeah that’s fair you can stop now

{ pink gay added lila rossi to absolute mayhem }

pink gay: i just realised that lila wasn’t in the chat

teenage witch: hi lila!

teenage witch: i finished your notes for english today

lila rossi: aw thanks sabrina!

lila rossi: sorry i couldn’t do it myself, the arthritis in my hand was acting up really badly today

teenage witch: no problem!

teenage witch: i can do your geography homework too if you want

lila rossi: could you? i don’t think i’ll be able to do it because i’m video-calling prince ali about my pollution project tonight

pink gay: say hi to him from me!

lila rossi: of course!

zoom zoom: does anyone know where my skates are

zoom zoom: i swear to god kim if you put them on top of the lockers again

yeet or be yeeted: it wasn’t me!

yeet or be yeeted: this time anyway

tomarto: i think i saw them up the back of the class

zoom zoom: thanks nath

tomarto: np

{ bread babe created a chat }

{ bread babe added i’ll report u, sunshine boy, cap-tain america and that bitch™ }

{ bread babe renamed the chat absolute mayhem minus lila }

[ absolute mayhem minus lila || 8:15 am ]

bread babe: can someone please stop lila before she hurts someone

that bitch ™ : i thought alya and nino were on the lila train to hell

i’ll report u: i was until she claimed to be rena rouge

that bitch™: ah i see

sunshine boy: won’t people pick up on her lies eventually if she can’t prove any of them?

cap-tain america: i mean maybe that’s how we got here

that bitch™: it’ll take too long

that bitch™: and could get a lot of people akumatized

i’ll report u: chloe or mari, do you think you could bring jagged in or someone?

that bitch™: i mean probably

bread babe: i’ve got a jacket he commissioned that i could get him to pick up at school

that bitch™: i’ve got prince ali’s number too

i’ll report u: i could probably put a thing on the ladyblog to see if lb or cn will come in too

sunshine boy: that’d probably be good in case she gets akumatized too

bread babe: yeah that’s a good point

bread babe: ok i’ve texted jagged and he said that he can pick it up on monday at lunch

i’ll report u: that was fast

bread babe: yeah he’s adopted me? idk

bread babe: he keeps trying to get me to call him uncle jagged

bread babe: anywayy

bread babe: we’re gonna want to make sure that she’s there as well as most of the class

cap-tain america: that should be easy if it’s between period 4 and lunch

cap-tain america: if everyone’s in the locker room, just say it a little louder than you would usually and everyone will follow to see him

bread babe: good idea

sunshine boy: oh wow we actually have a coherent plan

sunshine boy: and school hasn’t even started yet

i’ll report u: why do you sound so surprised

i’ll report u: we have mari on our side and she is unstoppable

sunshine boy: yeah she could probably go up against ladybug and win

i’ll report u: i hope you never get akumatized mari

bread babe: safjhfcgh

that bitch™: you okay?

bread babe: yep fine!

[ homosexual heroes || 8:32 am ]

of the homosexual variety: hey ladybug and chat noir

of the homosexual variety: is there any chance you could show up at my school around lunch on monday?

spiderman but different: i might? I’ve got something else on then but i’ll try

the chat’s meow: yeah same here

spiderman but different: we’ll try to swing by if we can

of the homosexual variety: okay cool

[ homosexual heroes || 12:54 pm ]

turtle man: akuma at school

buzz buzz bitch: you don’t think we noticed?

turtle man: lb and chat might not have

the chat’s meow: we’re here do you know who it is

of the homosexual variety: girl in the year below us i think

of the homosexual variety: something happened in the art room idk what

spiderman but different: akuma’s in her headband

spiderman but different: nice work guys

[ homosexual heroes || 3:02 pm ]

buzz buzz bitch: akuma at the hotel

buzz buzz bitch: it wasn’t me

spiderman but different: on my way

the chat’s meow: do you think hawkmoth could be blind

the chat’s meow: bc this one is really ugly

spiderman but different: chat focus

turtle man: he’s got a point

buzz buzz bitch: maybe hawkmoth is actually kagami’s mum

[ homosexual heroes || 11:49 pm ]

of the homosexual variety: goddamnit

of the homosexual variety: another one by montparnasse

the chat’s meow: whyyyyyyyyy

turtle man: guys where’s ladybug we kinda need her

spiderman but different: coming

spiderman but different: tikki had to wake me

[ homosexual heroes || 1:02 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: i know you’re all awake 

buzz buzz bitch: so who wants to join me in the spamming of hawkmoth

buzz buzz bitch: i’m bored and he’s annoying as hell

the chat’s meow: i’m in

[ superpeople || 1:03 am ]

honey bee: hawkbitchhhhh

honey bee: time to deprive you of sleep

chat noir: *bangs pots and pans*

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

chat noir: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

chat noir: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

chat noir: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

honey bee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

chat noir: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME

honey bee: I AIN’T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED

chat noir: SHE WAS LOOKING KINDA DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB

honey bee: IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD

chat noir: WELL

chat noir: THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON’T STOP COMING

carapace: FED TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING

honey bee: DIDN’T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN

rena rouge: YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB

ladybug: SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO SEE

chat noir: SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH TAKING THE BACK STREETS

carapace: YOU’LL NEVER KNOW IF YOU DON’T GO

honey bee: YOU’LL NEVER SHINE IF YOU DON’T GLOW

ladybug: HEY NOW

chat noir: YOU’RE AN ALL STAR

rena rouge: GET YOUR GAME ON

carapace: GO PLAY

honey bee: ALL THAT GLITTERS IS GOLD

chat noir: ONLY SHOOTING STARS BREAK THE MOLD

ladybug: see hawkmoth this is true teamwork

ladybug: do you think you could do that on three hours of sleep?

honey bee: he better not be sleeping

honey bee: if we can’t sleep neither can he

rena rouge: wait i’ve been fiddling with the settings

rena rouge: and you can set a ringtone for him to hear when you message him

chat noir: everyone set never gonna give you up at full volume

ladybug: done

carapace: he’s gonna hate us

honey bee: good

rena rouge: he already does

hawkbitch: I don’t hate you, I hate that you won’t give me your miraculous

honey bee: see? he sounds like a bad father

honey bee: do you have children hawkmoth?

carapace: he’s not answering

honey bee: that means he’s a bad father

honey bee: maybe he’s gone to check on his kids bc he realised he’s a bad father

chat noir: second verse?

honey bee: second verse

chat noir: IT’S A COOL PLACE AND THEY SAY IT ONLY GETS COLDER

honey bee: YOU’RE BUNDLED UP NOW WAIT UNTIL YOU GET OLDER

rena rouge: BUT THE METEOR MEN BEG TO DIFFER

ladybug: JUDGING BY THE HOLE IN THE SATELLITE PICTURE

carapace: THE ICE WE SKATE IS GETTING PRETTY THIN

honey bee: THE WATER’S GETTING WARM SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL SWIM

chat noir: MY WORLD’S ON FIRE HOW ABOUT YOURS

chat noir: JDFKLDGS

chat noir: SDKFJH’;’kscalj

ladybug: THAT’S THE WAY I LIKE IT AND I NEVER GET BORED

chat noir: kshafa;JDSG’DSALK;H

ladybug: you okay chat?

honey bee: chat noir?

rena rouge: where’d you go?

carapace: dude what happened

chat noir: so hawkmoth did go check on his kids haha

chat noir: it’s me i’m the kid

ladybug: shit where are you

[ homosexual heroes || 1:14 am ]

spiderman but different: chat?

the chat’s meow: eiffel

the chat’s meow: i don’t know if he’s coming after me or not

buzz buzz bitch: we’re on our way

Chapter Text

[ homosexual heroes || 3:27 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: ok so adrien you’re going to stay here with me

buzz buzz bitch: technically i don’t have any ties to you guys either bc technically i’m not a hero anymore

buzz buzz bitch: and it would make sense if he stayed with me too

buzz buzz bitch: so i should be fairly safe as well

spiderman but different: and you’ve got security as well if you need to stop the asshole from entering too

buzz buzz bitch: yeah that too

[ homosexual heroes || 4:01 am ]

spiderman but different: okay can we just pool what we know

spiderman but different: so we can get everything straight with everyone

of the homosexual variety: that’ll be difficult

spiderman but different: shh focus

of the homosexual variety: sorry

spiderman but different: anyway

spiderman but different: we know that gabriel agreste is hawkmoth

spiderman but different: we can assume that nathalie is mayura

spiderman but different: we don’t know what he wants to use the miraculous for

spiderman but different: we also don’t know if he knows that adrien is chat noir

turtle man: wouldn’t it be kind of obvious if adrien turned into his catsuit to get out tho?

of the homosexual variety: he turned into snake boy bc he was going to give viperion it tomorrow (today?) but hawky probably saw plagg

turtle man: oh right

the chat’s meow: you guys should probably go home now so you don’t get caught out

spiderman but different: no you need us right now 

spiderman but different: we can stay a couple more hours

turtle man: and besides there’s probably going to be an akuma sooner or later to try and get him back

[ homosexual heroes || 9:42 am ]

{ bunnyx joined the chat }

bunnyx: i feel like this is a bad time

bunnyx: should i come back later?

spiderman but different: no we need all the help we can get right now tbh

of the homosexual variety: are the rest of the temps joining

spiderman but different: yeah i got them linked up this morning

spiderman but different: they should be here soon enough

spiderman but different: i added them to the other chat too

{ roi singe joined the chat }

spiderman but different: if you want to catch up on what’s happened scroll up

{ viperion joined the chat }

roi singe: so when are we kicking mothman ass?

turtle man: soon hopefully

turtle man: i’ve wanted to fight him since before i knew he was hawkmoth

spiderman but different: we just need to plan first and then ass-kicking will commence

{ ryuko joined the chat }

ryuko: you have my sword if we’re fighting mr agreste

bunnyx: i like your enthusiasm

ryuko: thank you

buzz buzz bitch: is this everyone?

spiderman but different: we still need pegasé i think and then that’s us

spiderman but different: chat you’re on names

the chat’s meow: okay

{ the chat’s meow changed bunnyx’s name to human tardis }

human tardis: thank you

human tardis: i feel blessed

the chat’s meow: you’re welcome

the chat’s meow: i’ve been planning this for a while

{ the chat’s meow changed viperion’s name to snek boi }

{ the chat’s meow changed roi singe’s name to mr monkey man }

mr monkey man: i should feel offended but somehow i’m not

{ the chat’s meow changed ryuko’s name to the avatar }

the avatar: i’ve watched this show

the chat’s meow: yesss it’s so good i’ve watched it at least three times

the chat’s meow: my maman showed it to me

{ pegas é joined the chat }

the chat’s meow: shit

the chat’s meow: bug i figured it out

the chat’s meow: i think he wants to bring her back

spiderman but different: at least it means he’s not as likely to try and take over the world or something?

buzz buzz bitch: yeah he’s just delusional

spiderman but different: chloe be nice

{ the chat’s meow changed pegas é ’s name to ponyboy }

[ private message: ladybug + chat noir ]

ladybug: now that basically everyone knows who everyone is

ladybug: do you want to tell each other?

ladybug: i mean

ladybug: i already know who you are

ladybug: but do you want to know who i am

chat noir is typing...

chat noir: bug i’ve wanted to know who you are since the day we met

chat noir: but i only want to know if you’re comfortable telling me

ladybug: okay

ladybug: i mean you’d probably figure it out soon enough once you know who has a miraculous and who doesn’t

ladybug: but uh

ladybug: i’m marrinette

ladybug: goddamnit

ladybug: marinette

ladybug: i’m marinette

ladybug: now i can’t even spell my own name

ladybug: chat?

ladybug: you’re not responding

chat noir: you’re telling me

chat noir: that the two most incredible girls in my life are the same person

ladybug: yes?

ladybug: i mean i wouldn’t say incredible but yeah

chat noir: i’m so dumb how did i not realise this before

chat noir: and yes i would say incredible

chat noir: you’re so brave and kind and talented and somehow manage to do everything without even breaking a sweat

ladybug: i mean i don’t know about not breaking a sweat but thanks

ladybug: you really think that?

chat noir: yeah of course

[ homosexual heroes || 9:58 am ]

mr monkey man: are ladybug and chat noir going to say anything?

mr monkey man: this feels like mum and dad left us home alone

of the homosexual variety: sdsdgjhgdghk

turtle man: you’re not wrong though

human tardis: who do we vote to be replacement parents while they’re gone

human tardis: i vote viperion for father he seems responsible

buzz buzz bitch: i agree

mr monkey man: what about rena for mother?

turtle man: she’s more of a wine aunt

turtle man: sorry babe

of the homosexual variety: no that’s fair

buzz buzz bitch: what about ryuko

buzz buzz bitch: she also seems responsible

human tardis: so it’s agreed? ryuko and viperion are now our adopted parents

the avatar: I have no idea what’s happening but okay

{ human tardis changed the avatar’s name to mother 2: electric boogaloo }

{ mr monkey man changed snek boi’s name to father 2: electric boogaloo }

mr monkey man: teamwork

human tardis: makes the dream work

father 2: electric boogaloo: what is this

of the homosexual variety: did ladybug or chat noir not tell you?

father 2: electric boogaloo: no? there was a miraculous on my bed with a piece of paper showing me how to connect to my phone

father 2: electric boogaloo: then i had to go do some errands and i didn’t have time to check it out

father 2: electric boogaloo: and now we’re here

of the homosexual variety: oh

of the homosexual variety: well we’re the heroes of paris i guess

of the homosexual variety: lb and cn aren’t here at the moment but if you scroll up you should be able to see what’s been going on

father 2: electric boogaloo: oh

father 2: electric boogaloo: oh shit 

buzz buzz bitch: yeah

spiderman but different: what is going on

the chat’s meow: we leave for five minutes

ponyboy: It was more like 12.3 minutes actually

spiderman but different: not the point

spiderman but different: i’m revoking parent privileges

{ spiderman but different changed father 2: electric boogaloo’s name to snek boi }

{ spiderman but different changed mother 2: electric boogaloo’s name to the avatar }

mr monkey man: you’re no fun

the chat’s meow: you’re grounded young man

the chat’s meow: no tv for a week

mr monkey man: aw man :(

{ the chat’s meow changed spiderman but different’s name to mother of eight }

{ the chat’s meow changed their name to father of eight }

mother of eight: okay anyway

mother of eight: we don’t have much time left in our free period and i know that most of you have science next and ms mendeleiev won’t let us talk in class

mother of eight: so we need to make the most of it

human tardis: how do you know we science

mother of eight: i’m ladybug i know all

buzz buzz bitch: how do you know we have a free period now

mother of eight: you know exactly why shut up

mother of eight: ANYWAY

mother of eight: let me finish before i lose my shit

mother of eight: i’m going to assume that you all know what’s happened

mother of eight: gabriel ‘asshole’ agreste is hawkbitch etc etc

mother of eight: …

mother of eight: goddamnit now i can’t remember what i was going to say

mother of eight: OH

mother of eight: don’t leave adrien alone

mother of eight: i’ve got all your schedules

mother of eight: i’ve almost finished a timetable so that at least two people are able to see him at all times

mother of eight: i’ll get that to all of you by the end of classes but be especially careful today

mother of eight: i wouldn’t put it past them to try and get him during school

mother of eight: anyway go talk or whatever i’m done now

Chapter Text

[ homosexual heroes || 3:43 pm ]

buzz buzz bitch: wait

buzz buzz bitch: you’re telling me that gabriel agreste, a world-renowned fashion designer, willingly made the outfits of all those akumas like that

human tardis: oh god he did

of the homosexual variety: do you think he designed them in advance? like ideas and all that

father of eight: asdfhgfhjkl

mother of eight: as an aspiring fashion designer who used to look up to him before i met him, i can now say i have lost any inch of respect i still had for him

buzz buzz bitch: amen

[ homosexual heroes || 5:19 pm ]

turtle man: i’m bored who wants to play uno

of the homosexual variety: suer babe

mother of eight: suer

mr monkey man: gOddamnit

father of eight: suer

turtle man: what?

mr monkey man: oh i had a bet with my friend that you two were dating. I just lost twelve and three-quarter euros 

turtle man: oh

turtle man: sorry i guess

buzz buzz bitch: suer

[ private message: carapace + ladybug ]

carapace: kim is roi singe isn’t he

ladybug: yeah

ladybug: that was fast

ladybug: faster than it took you to figure out alya

carapace: shut up

[ homosexual heroes || 5:23 pm ]

turtle man: i’m going back to school if anyone wants to join me there for uno

human tardis: on my way

buzz buzz bitch: we’re coming

the avatar: i’ll try to get away from my mother

snek boi: can i bring my sister?

snek boi: she already knows who i am

mother of eight: uhhhhhh

mother of eight: she’s on the list of people who could get a miraculous but not today

mother of eight: probably soon though with the rate hawkbitch is going at

snek boi: okay cool

[ homosexual heroes || 5:42 pm ]

mr monkey man: where are you guys

buzz buzz bitch: on the roof playing uno

mr monkey man: no? you’re not?

human tardis: yes? we are? we’ve already done like three rounds

mr monkey man: i can’t see you

buzz buzz bitch: what school are you at

mr monkey man: the one across the seine by eiffel

mr monkey man: uhhhh international school of paris?

human tardis: we’re at françois dupont dipshit

human tardis: why would we be there

mr monkey man: because when carapace said he was going back to school i assumed it would be the one that akuma came from that we all went to today

human tardis: no he meant the one that literally everyone except viperion and ryuko is enrolled at

mr monkey man: i’m sorry What

human tardis: you didn’t know?

mr monkey man: no? we all go to the same school?

human tardis: you know what

human tardis: i’ll let you have your crisis but come play uno if you want

[ homosexual heroes || 7:19 pm ]

of the homosexual variety: i’m sorry wHAT

buzz buzz bitch: haven’t you figured everyone out yet?

of the homosexual variety: no? have you?

buzz buzz bitch: yeah ages ago

buzz buzz bitch: it wasn’t hard

{ buzz buzz bitch changed of the homosexual variety’s name to worst journalist }

worst journalist: hey that’s mean

buzz buzz bitch: you’ll live

worst journalist: but also how?

buzz buzz bitch: i had my suspicions but once i knew about you and nino it was easy

buzz buzz bitch: you should be able to figure it out now you know about adrien

worst journalist: i still don’t get it

buzz buzz bitch: who else is in our friend group that isn’t here

worst journalist: marinette?

worst journalist: but chat said she was multimouse

buzz buzz bitch: and also had access to the fox miraculous as well as any other one she wanted

worst journalist: …

worst journalist: i need to have words with her

human tardis: oh hey you guys figured it out too

buzz buzz bitch: you know too?

human tardis: time travel remember?

buzz buzz bitch: oh right

human tardis: also you are all really bad with secrets

worst journalist: i’m starting to think i deserve title of worst journalist

mother of eight: i would make you delete the messages before anyone else sees but i honestly don’t care at this point

worst journalist: MARINETTE GODDAMN DUPAIN CHENG

mother of eight: that’s me

worst journalist is typing…

worst journalist is typing…

worst journalist: you know what i can’t even be mad

worst journalist: my best friend is ladybug

worst journalist: that’s pretty frickin cool

worst journalist: how did i not see this before

worst journalist: you have the worst excuses i have ever heard

buzz buzz bitch: ladies and gentlemen the five stages of grief

mother of eight: wait alix how long have you known

human tardis: uhhhhhh a couple months? around when there was that akuma who turned everyone’s shoes into flowerpots

buzz buzz bitch: that was a weird one

mother of eight: it didn’t even affect us because we don’t wear shoes

worst journalist: wait alix?

human tardis: yeah?

worst journalist: you’re alix

worst journalist: do i know everyone in here

buzz buzz bitch: yep

worst journalist: oh my god

worst journalist: i might just go die now

human tardis: no don’t die you’re so sexy ahaha

worst journalist: ok not die

worst journalist: just sleep for a very long time

mother of eight: okay have fun

worst journalist: i will Not

worst journalist: i might just go reconsider my life choices

human tardis: also mari, question

human tardis: why did you think transforming behind a literal tree in the middle of a park was ever a good idea

mother of eight: oKay

mother of eight: there was an akuma right there

mother of eight: what was i supposed to do

mother of eight: besides no one but you saw right?

human tardis: it was a crowded street in the middle of the day

mother of eight: shit

mother of eight: well it’s fine

mother of eight: something would have happened by now and nothing has

human tardis: true

human tardis: still a dumb idea tho

mother of eight: okay i get it dumb idea

{ father of eight changed mother of eight’s name to ladybuguette }

ladybuguette: chat you are not funny

father of eight: i think i am and that’s all that matters

ladybuguette: not really but okay

ladybuguette: it means someone else gets to change your name though

father of eight: i am mostly okay with that

{ buzz buzz bitch changed father of eight’s name to magical anime girl™ }

magical anime girl™: i am not okay with that

buzz buzz bitch: i mean you kind of are the perfect anime protagonist

magical anime girl™: and how do you know that?

buzz buzz bitch: 1) that is entirely your fault

buzz buzz bitch: and 2) the internet

magical anime girl™: yeah thats fair

{ magical anime girl™ changed their name to feline clawful }

ladybuguette: absolutely not

feline clawful: whyever not

ladybuguette: you will not be feeling awful on my watch

{ ladybuguette changed feline claw-ful’s name to purr-ty boy }

purr-ty boy: you punned?

ladybuguette: what do you not like it?

purr-ty boy: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*(*❦ω❦)*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

purr-ty boy: i love it

human tardis: how the actual hell did you do that

human tardis: actually no i do not want to know

buzz buzz bitch: good call

[ homosexual heroes || 7:26 pm ]

human tardis: i’m changing the chat name

human tardis: i think it’s pretty fitting

human tardis: ready and willing to duel anyone who opposes me

{ human tardis has renamed the chat they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) }

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:58 pm ]

turtle man: you know how i had that list of people i would beat up if i ever got a miraculous

turtle man: and it was just hawkmoth and adrien’s dad

turtle man: and when i got a miraculous chat noir’s dad was added to it

turtle man: they’re all the same person

turtle man: which really says something about him

buzz buzz bitch: just punch him with the power of a thousand burning suns

turtle man: i’m definitely going to

Chapter Text

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:29 am ]

purr-ty boy: ok so lb and i have been talking

purr-ty boy: and who wants to help me break into my house?

the avatar: absolutely yes

the avatar: but it’s three in the morning

purr-ty boy: valid point

purr-ty boy: we were thinking around this time tomorrow bc he’s going to Milan for something or other tonight

the avatar: I can sneak out

purr-ty boy: great! now we just need everyone else

purr-ty boy: wait i can hear yelling

human tardis: i swear to god if its an akuma

purr-ty boy: nope just chloe

purr-ty boy: she’s coming too but her phone’s dead

human tardis: oof

human tardis: also yes i’m in

the avatar: question

purr-ty boy: yes?

the avatar: are we kicking ass or just reconnaissance

human tardis: isn’t that when all those people made art and junk

purr-ty boy: no that’s the renaissance period

buzz buzz bitch: you live in a goddamn museum you should know that

human tardis: i’m sOrry i read it wrong

purr-ty boy: okay forgiven

purr-ty boy: and no ass kicking, we’re just going through his stuff and maybe getting some of mine if we can

the avatar: okay

human tardis: wait chloe i thought your phone died

buzz buzz bitch: it did

human tardis: but?

purr-ty boy: she transformed and is now sitting next to me

purr-ty boy: i locked the door but i’m pretty sure jean knows anyway

buzz buzz bitch: hey! I am very sneaky

purr-ty boy: no you’re not

human tardis: no

the avatar: I’m gonig to say no

buzz buzz bitch: okay maybe i didn’t used to be

buzz buzz bitch: but i’m better now!

buzz buzz bitch: also gonig

the avatar: shhhh

purr-ty boy: i’ll see who else wants to go in the morning when everyone is up

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 10:13 am ]

purr-ty boy: okay i’ve checked with everyone and we’re all in

purr-ty boy: we’ll meet up at the louvre at around 2, it’s fairly close and if we need to we can say we’re sleeping over at alix’s place

purr-ty boy: actually since it’s friday we could just sleep at alix’s 

purr-ty boy: if that’s okay with you alix

human tardis: yeah that should be good

purr-ty boy: okay so meet up at the louvre at four so we can get pyjamas and things after school

human tardis: max has a system set up for when we sneak out too

purr-ty boy: cool beans

purr-ty boy: can we use it without him

purr-ty boy: because this could be hard to explain to him

human tardis: yes @ponyboy does know about all this

purr-ty boy: ah

purr-ty boy: right

purr-ty boy: i’m going to go ask marinette a few questions

[ absolute mayhem || 11:12 am ]

sunshine boy: okay i understand everything™ now

sunshine boy: does anyone want to play uno again that was fun

cap-tain america: wrong chat dude

sunshine boy: haha never mind

lila rossi: i’d love to play uno with you adrien!

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:13 am ]

purr-ty boy: help

buzz buzz bitch: no <3

[ absolute mayhem || 11:13 am ] 

lila rossi: what did you mean you understand everything?

sunshine boy: oh haha nothing

sunshine boy: just from this game i was playing with nino

lila rossi: what game? i might have played it

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:14 am ]

purr-ty boy: help

buzz buzz bitch: fine

[ absolute mayhem || 11:14 am ]

sunshine boy: oh you won’t have

cap-tain america: yeah it’s one that max has been working on

that bitch™: i got the game before it’s released so we could try it before everyone else

sunshine boy: right

sunshine boy: yes

sunshine boy: i was playing a game with nino but i was talking to chloe about this other one she got recently

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:15 am ]

purr-ty boy: not like that!!

buzz buzz bitch: in my defense i didn’t know nino was going to try help

turtle man: sorry dude

purr-ty boy: it’s fine

purr-ty boy: just help me undig this hole

buzz buzz bitch: you mean fill it in?

purr-ty boy: no

[ absolute mayhem || 11:15 am ]

lila rossi: oh that sounds fun! what game?

that bitch™: i’m not allowed to say

that bitch™: some kind of confidentiality thing idk

lila rossi: oh that’s a shame

lila rossi: but i meant max’s game

sunshine boy: it’s uh

sunshine boy: based on the heroes

sunshine boy: you play as ladybug or chat noir and defeat the akumas

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:16 am ]

purr-ty boy: max please back me up

purr-ty boy: you mentioned your game a while ago and i can’t remember if this is what it’s actually about

[ absolute mayhem || 11:16 am ]

lila rossi: oh that sounds fun!

lila rossi: i’m sure ladybug would love to hear about this game

bread babe: yes i’m sure she would

lila rossi: what? I really do think she’d enjoy it marinette

bread babe: and i’m agreeing with you

lila rossi: okay it just sounded like you were accusing me of something

that bitch™: personally i enjoy beating volpina the most

that bitch™: then the collector

lila rossi: that’s really mean chloe!

lila rossi: you know i wasn’t in control of my actions

bread babe: i agree with chloe

cap-tain america: nah i reckon it’s more fun with the collector

cap-tain america: and he’s so easy to beat

that bitch™: oh yeah maybe

that bitch™: and his costume is so bad

bread babe: that’s true

that bitch™: hey max do you know when you’ll be able to add the other heroes?

lila rossi: if you’re hoping he’ll add queen bee i don’t think he will

lila rossi: everyone knows that she betrayed ladybug and all the other heroes

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 11:21 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: please let me slap her

buzz buzz bitch: use venom on her

buzz buzz bitch: anything

buzz buzz bitch: i am begging you

ladybuguette: sure why not

buzz buzz bitch: really

ladybuguette: not yet

ladybuguette: but once we’ve dealt with hawkmoth sure

ladybuguette: there’ll probably be at least some evidence of her working with him

buzz buzz bitch: i can’t wait

[ absolute mayhem || 11:22 am ]

bread babe: sure lila whatever you say

bread babe: anyway

bread babe: we have the class picnic next weekend

bread babe: i put the list up on the noticeboard so sign up for what you want to bring

bread babe: no double ups please so first in, first served

cap-tain america: oh cool thanks

[ absolute mayhem || 12:03 am ]

smart boi: this is probably a bit late but if anyone is wondering about the game i nearly have rena rouge and carapace ready to play

smart boi: honeybee is also almost done

smart boi: and queen bee will be available soon too :)

smart boi: I'm working on making more akumas available as well

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:04 pm ]

purr-ty boy: okay so everyone meet at the louvre in an hour or so

human tardis: already on my way

buzz buzz bitch: it’s your house

human tardis: i know

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 2:46 am ]

ladybuguette: okay so pegasé will portal me, chat, honeybee, rena and viperion into adrien’s room

ladybuguette: viperion use your second chance right away

ladybuguette: chat will get whatever he wants and put it through the portal to the louvre where bunnyx will be

ladybuguette: pegasé will go back through to recharge at the louvre

ladybuguette: after that we’ll head to gabriel’s office and see if there’s anything we can find there

ladybuguette: hopefully proof of lila working with him and maybe the peacock miraculous i don’t know what else he has

ladybuguette: everyone not mentioned will be stationed around the house for backup

ladybuguette: if there’s even a chance of anything, rena will use a mirage to cloak us

ladybuguette: and everyone going in has automated messages that’ll send by voice command for most situations just in case

ladybuguette: caution is our best tactic at this point in time

buzz buzz bitch: you do know you’ve already gone over the plan five times at least

human tardis: six actually

buzz buzz bitch: thanks

ladybuguette: yeah but lists make me feel better

ladybuguette: and if anyone wasn’t listening or can’t remember this is here

ladybuguette: okay let’s go

buzz buzz bitch: again we’re right here in front of you

human tardis: oh also

{ human tardis changed their name to alice in idiotland }

alice in idiotland: i still cannot believe it took you this long to figure each other out

alice in idiotland: let’s get this bread

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 2:59 am ]

ladybuguette: TRAP

snek boi: TRAP

worst journalist: TRAP

purr-ty boy: TRAP

ladybuguette: that was a test

ladybuguette: i think it’ll pick up anyone else within a couple meters too

ladybuguette: useful to know

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:02 am ]

purr-ty boy: AKUMA

ladybuguette: AKUMA

buzz buzz bitch: AKUMA

purr-ty boy: sorry that was an accident

purr-ty boy: my bad

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:11 am ]

worst journalist: okay all adrien’s stuff is with alix now

worst journalist: on our way to the office

worst journalist: i hate this name

{ worst journalist changed their name to firefox }

firefox: much better

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:15 am ]

alice in idiotland: hey uh guys

alice in idiotland: i was reading through the other chat

alice in idiotland: and hawkmoth definitely knows who chat is

mr monkey man: oh shit

turtle man: he won’t have left for milan

turtle man: that dude’s left the house like three times in the last year

turtle man: and he won’t leave now there’s a chance they’ll come back while he’s gone

turtle man: there’s gotta be a trap or something

the avatar: Is anyone able to contact any of the people inside the house?

turtle man: i’m not getting through

mr monkey man: I don’t know how else we would be able to get through to them

mr monkey man: pegasé any ideas?

ponyboy: Markov is with me but I could try send him in

ponyboy: I’m back at the Louvre to recharge although I can try and access their communicators remotely

turtle man: try send markov in

turtle man: is he at the louvre with you

ponyboy: yes but I am portalling Bunnyx and I into the garden

turtle man: okay good send him in

turtle man: everyone else stay ready just in case

mr monkey man: got it

the avatar: already on guard

the avatar: I don’t trust Mr Agreste as far as I can stab him

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:19 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: AMBUSH

ladybuguette: AMBUSH

purr-ty boy: AMBUSH

firefox: AMBUSH

snek boi: AMBUSH

turtle man: everyone in NOW

Chapter Text

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:14 am ]

ladybuguette: going through the foyer currently

[message not sent]

ladybuguette: chat heard something so rena’s illusioned themselves and are going ahead to look

[message not sent]

ladybuguette: huh the messages aren’t going through

[message not sent]

ladybuguette: these messages should be able to send even if there’s no signal

[message not sent]

ladybuguette: whenever anyone sees this come asap

[message not sent]

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:20 am ]

turtle man: they should be on the first floor near his office since that’s where they were heading last

turtle man: pegasé stay at the louvre so you can portal us in and out once we’ve got everyone

ponyboy: got it

turtle man: i think we gotta assume their communicators are out of commission

turtle man: there’s probably an akuma or amok messing with that

turtle man: ryuko can you fry the electronics in the house

the avatar: it would be my pleasure

mr monkey man: how u type so much

turtle man: speech to text

mr monkey man: smort

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:24 am ]

turtle man: yeah definitely akuma and possibly amok

turtle man: roi singe can you get in here and do your thing on hawkbitch

mr monkey man: on my way

mr monkey man: i’m Lost in the kitchen

turtle man: go out the door by the fridge and turn left

turtle man: second door on the right

mr monkey man: thanks man

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:26 am ]

alice in idiotland: one akuma down

alice in idiotland: pretty sure it was his bodyguard

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:32 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: hawkbitch is incapacitated 

buzz buzz bitch: mayura is cornered

buzz buzz bitch: still one akuma/amok on the loose

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:38 am ]

firefox: i have both miraculous

firefox: miraculouses?

firefox: miraculi?

firefox: we never did figure that out

firefox: anyway cara’s got gabe, nathalie and the gorilla trapped under a shelter

firefox: @ponyboy can you come pick us up

ponyboy: on my way

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:42 am ]

turtle man: hey uh 

turtle man: hawkbitch is talking and we may have a situation on our hands here

turtle man: really sorry to break it to you this way dude but i think your mum’s in the basement

turtle man: apparently there are backup generators so she should be okay even with the power out at the moment

firefox: lb do you know if there’s anything in that book of miraculous things?

ladybuguette: i don’t know

ladybuguette: hopefully

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 3:48 am ]

ladybuguette: ok i just got off the phone with master fu

ladybuguette: apparently there’s some kind of potion or something in the grimoire that can help

ladybuguette: not guaranteed but hopefully

ladybuguette: we’re going to have to try and get her over there soon though

ladybuguette: have you recharged pegasé

ponyboy: almost

ladybuguette: alright whenever you’re ready

ladybuguette: rena, carapace, ryuko and roi singe stay behind to watch 

ladybuguette: the rest of you help us get her to fu’s

ladybuguette: chat you can choose what you want to do

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:03 am ]

snek boi: emilie’s at fu’s now

snek boi: potion is almost ready

snek boi: apparently it might not work right away or fully help her

firefox: okay 

firefox: apparently nathalie will need some of it too

alice in idiotland: what

firefox: she’s used the peacock too much or something

firefox: not to the extent of adrien’s mum but enough

buzz buzz bitch: alright i’m going to relay ladybug’s instructions to you

buzz buzz bitch: ryuko have you recharged

the avatar: Yes

buzz buzz bitch: great

buzz buzz bitch: assuming carapace will need to recharge soon, can you make like,,,a cage? out of lightning around hawkbitch and co

buzz buzz bitch: before you do that though

buzz buzz bitch: roi singe is going to come through and use his power on nathalie so she can’t do anything while taking her through to fu’s

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:09 am ]

alice in idiotland: nathalie’s been given potion and is on her way back 

buzz buzz bitch: lb says to swap back to shelter once carapace is recharged so they don’t accidentally touch the lightning

buzz buzz bitch: if you were to lower the voltage however and “accidentally” shock them however…..

buzz buzz bitch: never mind i’ve been told that’s not allowed

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:16 am ]

turtle man: i can’t believe it’s finally over

firefox: what did we do with our free time before all this

the avatar: What are we going to do now?

ladybuguette: well we have a few options

ladybuguette: but we’ve only got a few hours until morning so we don’t have a huge amount of time to get our story straight

ladybuguette: first option is that we announce to everyone that hawkmoth is defeated etc etc

ladybuguette: which will also mean that adrien gets out his house

ladybuguette: however it also means that there’s going to be a whole shitstorm surrounding that for months and it’s going to be a lot to deal with, especially if/when emilie reappears

ladybuguette: second option is that we say that we’ve got rid of hawkmoth but we don’t say who/why or any of that and keep the details private

ladybuguette: there will probably be backlash to that because people will want to know what happened but we get to avoid implicating adrien or anything

ladybuguette: we can also try to get adrien emancipated or something since there won’t be a public reason to remove him from his house

ladybuguette: 3rd option is we say it was some magical construct or something gone haywire that was making the akumas and avoid putting any people in it publically

ladybuguette: the choice of revealing hawkmoth will ultimately be up to chat but this is all i can think of at the moment

ladybuguette: we should have a day or two to figure it out if we don’t go public right away and fix the damage to the house

buzz buzz bitch: can’t you just miraculous ladybug that

ladybuguette: oh right

ladybuguette: okay house is fixed now

[ private message: ladybug + chat noir ] 

chat noir: can we talk on here

chat noir: i don’t think i’m up to talking to everyone right now

ladybug: of course

ladybug: whatever you need

chat noir: i don’t know what i want to do

ladybug: that’s alright chaton

ladybug: no one’s expecting you to make a decision right away

ladybug: and whatever you choose we’ll support you

chat noir: my father needs to see some kind of consequence for his actions

chat noir: but he’s my father you know

chat noir: and i know he’s not the best but he is my family

ladybug: if you want us to keep it private we will

ladybug: revealing everything would be a lot of pressure for both your identities

ladybug: and it’s not exactly the kind of thing that will go away after a few days

chat noir: i know

chat noir: it’s just 

chat noir: a lot

ladybug: i promise we’re all here for you whatever you need

ladybug: us against the world remember?

chat noir: yeah

chat noir: us against the world

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:22 am ]

firefox: i know we haven’t made a final decision as to what to do

firefox: but what are we going to do with gabe, nathalie and adrien’s bodyguard in the short term

firefox: like our parents are going to be picking us up in a few hours

firefox: and we have school on monday

ladybuguette: not entirely sure yet

ladybuguette: i’m working on it

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:43 am ]

firefox: hey uh

firefox: you may want to see this

firefox: link

ladybuguette: shit

ladybuguette: i’m sorry chaton

buzz buzz bitch: how did this even get out

firefox: it says it was a “concerned citizen” further down

firefox: i don’t know how or why they got the pictures

firefox: at least it’s on a less reputable blog

turtle man: i guess we don’t really have a choice now though

purr-ty boy: it’s the right thing to do

purr-ty boy: letting everyone know

ladybuguette: yeah but we could have made a plan first

ladybuguette: and given you some time to figure everything out

purr-ty boy: there’s nothing we can do about it now

buzz buzz bitch: at least no one’s detransformed in the photos

ladybuguette: true

ladybuguette: and i think the only person hawkbitch knows is adrien so there isn’t much opportunity for blackmail or anything from him

buzz buzz bitch: silver lining i guess

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:46 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: so are we going to do a press conference or something

buzz buzz bitch: i can get it set up if need be

ladybuguette: yeah this afternoon or tomorrow morning probably

buzz buzz bitch: okay i’ll get that sorted

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 4:48 am ]

mr monkey man: the police are outside

mr monkey man: they’re not coming in or anything but they’re definitely there

ladybuguette: thanks kim

ladybuguette: we’re going to bring emilie back from fu’s and put her back in the basement for the time being

ladybuguette: the potion doesn’t seem to have made an immediate effect so she should be alright there

ladybuguette: we’ll set up a camera just in case she wakes up or anything

ladybuguette: who has their shield up currently?

turtle man: i’ve got mine up

ladybuguette: okay let ryuko take over and recharge

ladybuguette: we’ll use yours to transfer them to the police

[ private message: ladybug + chat noir ] 

ladybug: are you sure you’re okay with this?

ladybug: we can stall or say the photos were faked or something 

chat noir: no this is the right thing to do i think

chat noir: and it means the decision’s out of my hands

ladybug: sure?

chat noir: i think so

chat noir: yeah

Chapter Text

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 6:35 am ]

snek boi: i know this is a serious situation and everything

snek boi: but did anyone else have a hard time keeping it together while we rolled hawkmoth and co in essentially a magical hamster ball out to the police

alice in idiotland: god yeah

alice in idiotland: like this sucks on an epic level but i also absolutely need photos as proof that it actually ahppened

the avatar: I have several photos

the avatar: I will send them to you

ladybuguette: alright me, chat, rena, cara and bee are about to head back to the louvre

ladybuguette: did everyone else get back okay?

alice in idiotland: yeah we’re good

alice in idiotland: max and kim are already asleep

alice in idiotland: luka and kagami are still awake as you can see

ladybuguette: okay we’ll just come back the usual way

snek boi: kaalki says that one of us can borrow the horse miraculous if that’s easier

ladybuguette: actually yeah if you could that would be great

snek boi: kagami’s on her way

ladybuguette: thanks

[ they call themselves the guardians of the galaxy (what a bunch of a-holes) || 10:56 am ]

firefox: i’m changing the chat name it’s been too long

{ firefox has renamed the chat *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ }

buzz buzz bitch: so true

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 11:13 am ]

ladybuguette: most of you are probably either on your way home or asleep rn but i’m just putting this here for later or i’ll forget

ladybuguette: chlo set up a press conference for ten tomorrow morning

ladybuguette: ideally we’ll all be there but if you have family commitments or something that’s fine

ladybuguette: we should meet around eight-ish to figure out what we’re saying

ladybuguette: i’m thinking eiffel? 

turtle man: sounds good

alice in idiotland: yea i can come

firefox: yeah i’ll be there

firefox: also

firefox: reminder that no one will know if you have pyjamas on under your supersuit

firefox: if you get what i’m saying

ladybuguette: i can’t count how many times i’ve fought akumas in pyjamas

ladybuguette: anyway i’m going to go take a nap

ladybuguette: sound off if you can come

firefox: don’t forget to set an alarm

ladybuguette: already done

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 11:19 am ]

ponyboy: i can come

snek boi: me too

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 11:53 am ]

the avatar: I can also come

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 4:09 pm ]

mr monkey man: oh right yeah i can too

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 7:21 pm ]

alice in idiotland: hey where’s adrien staying

alice in idiotland: @purr-ty boy you left your phone here

alice in idiotland: wait he won’t be able to see this

buzz buzz bitch: he’s with mari right now

buzz buzz bitch: they’re probably still asleep

buzz buzz bitch: both of them were absolutely drained

alice in idiotland: yeah that’s fair

alice in wonderland: i’ll just bring it tomorrow

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 9:34 pm ]

turtle man: does anyone want to hang out

turtle man: i can’t sleep

buzz buzz bitch: where

turtle man: idk arc de triomphe?

firefox: it’s still open

turtle man: right

alice in idiotland: we could just go to the school?

buzz buzz bitch: no there’s some event thing on tonight

alice in idiotland: oh right

alice in idiotland: the art showcase

firefox: aren’t you supposed to be there alix

alice in idiotland: shit

alice in idiotland: i gotta go

alice in idiotland: see you tomorrow

firefox: alright school arc and eiffel by extension are out

buzz buzz bitch: just come to the hotel

buzz buzz bitch: my room’s big enough for everyone and there are beds etc if anyone falls asleep

turtle man: i always forget you live in a hotel

firefox: yeah we should take more advantage of that

buzz buzz bitch: well the offer’s open now

firefox: alright on my way

turtle man: same here

[ private message: chat noir + honeybee ] 

chat noir: is everyone still at your place

honeybee: it’s just me, alya and nino but yeah

chat noir: okay

chat noir: mari and i are going to come over

honeybee: okay cool

honeybee: we’re about to pick a movie to watch but we’ll wait for you to get here

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 6:09 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: i’m putting this here to shame you publicly alya

buzz buzz bitch: it’s only right

buzz buzz bitch: i cannot believe that you don’t like toy story

firefox: i just don’t like it???

firefox: the animation is kinda weird especially in the first one

firefox: and my sisters have watched it too many times to count

buzz buzz bitch: yeah but it’s an iconic childhood classic

firefox: and???

ladybuguette: to be fair when i was little i didn’t want to watch it because i thought it was a boy’s movie

buzz buzz bitch: what

buzz buzz bitch: betrayed by ladybug herself

ladybuguette: hey i like it now

ladybuguette: and i did then but just not at first

buzz buzz bitch: you’re on thin fucking ice dupain cheng

purr-ty boy: i’ve always liked it

buzz buzz bitch: well you grew up with me you didn’t really have a choice

purr-ty boy: that’s fair

purr-ty boy: i liked the barbie movies more though

buzz buzz bitch: well you’re not a heathen are you

ladybuguette: the barbie movies are classics and i will not take criticism on this

purr-ty boy: amen

turtle man: amen

firefox: you guys aren’t going to like this but i haven’t seen many barbie movies

purr-ty boy: what the fuck alya

purr-ty boy: i thought i could trust you

purr-ty boy: and then you go and say something like this

firefox: sorry????? 

turtle man: i’m with adrien on this babe

turtle man: i can;t believe you haven’t watched the barbie movies

firefox: i mean i’ve seen some on tv and at other peoples houses

firefox: i just never watched them religiously like some people have

buzz buzz bitch: what happened to your childhood alya

buzz buzz bitch: did you just not have any joy in your life before you met us

ladybuguette: yeah what did you watch if you didn’t have barbie or toy story

firefox: so many things???

firefox: i mainly watched what i had on dvd though

firefox: so like winnie the pooh and idk thomas the tank engine?

firefox: the only disney movies i had were bambi and the little mermaid

purr-ty boy: wait you only watched two disney movies as a kid??

firefox: i mean i saw some at other people’s houses and the movies but they were the main two

turtle man: that’s a little sad ngl

firefox: hey!!! I turned out fine

buzz buzz bitch: debatable

firefox: rude

firefox: idk if you guys watched it but jane and the dragon slapped

ladybuguette: !!!!!

ladybuguette: i remember that!!

ladybuguette: it was so good

firefox: i found the dvd a couple of weeks ago and the animation is so terrible

firefox: i love it so much

ladybuguette: nicee

ladybuguette: i’m adding it to the watch party list

turtle man: how long is that list anyway

ladybuguette: so long nino

ladybuguette: so so long

purr-ty boy: we’ll get there evnetually

buzz buzz bitch: evnetually

ladybuguette: don’t be mean to the baby

buzz buzz bitch: sorry the baby

purr-ty boy: why am i the baby

ladybuguette: its the rules

purr-ty boy: you make the rules

ladybuguette: yep

firefox: lovely moment but is it breakfast time yet

purr-ty boy: yeah the baby is hungry

buzz buzz bitch: just call room service

turtle man: on it

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 7:32 am ]

firefox: our supreme leader ladybug wants me to remind y’all that we’re meeting at eight on eiffel pre-conference

mr monkey man: when did she become supreme leader

firefox: since always

alice in idiotland: the real question is hwy she isn’t issuing her decrees herself

mr monkey man: big words! nice job alix

alice in idiotland: rude. we can’t all be theatre majors kim

firefox: chat fell asleep on her and she doesnt want to move

alice in idiotland: understandable have a nice day

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 9:36 am ]

ladybuguette: okay its conference go time

ladybuguette: i’m doing most of the talking

ladybuguette: just dont do anything stupid while it’s recording and we’ll be fine

ladybuguette: or say anything you’re not supposed to

[ *:･ﾟ✧ tired™ *:･ﾟ✧ || 11:42 am ]

buzz buzz bitch: that went surprisingly well

ladybuguette: yeah i know??

turtle man: nice to know you have such faith in us

ladybuguette: not you the reporters

buzz buzz bitch: would you expect anything else from me

ladybuguette: well mainly

firefox: two kinds of people

firefox: i stand corrected

ladybuguette: you know what i mean

firefox: yeah

buzz buzz bitch: it’ll get worse later 

ladybuguette: i know

ladybuguette: i think everyones just glad its over now

turtle man: true that

turtle man: i can say i am 

buzz buzz bitch: no more getting up every hour of the night

ladybuguette: i can finally sleep in again

firefox: we can have emotions again without stressing out about it

ladybuguette: adrien says he can finally go to school like a normal person

turtle man: i always forget he hasn’t been to school without akumas

firefox: yeah it’s like he’s always been around 

buzz buzz bitch: you started at the same time as him

firefox: yeah and

firefox: wait why isn’t the baby talking for himself

ladybuguette: comfy and doesnt want to move

firefox: valid

turtle man: wait! idea time

{ turtle man changed purr-ty boy’s name to hairy baby }

firefox: babe what the actual fuck

turtle man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCNntjkLoNI

turtle man: cat and also baby

firefox: okay makes sense i retract my statement

ladybuguette: i would like to inform you that adrien fell off the chaise because of this

turtle man: positive or negative?

ladybuguette: well he’s smiling

hairy baby: POSITIVE

hairy baby: I LOVE BIG HERO 6

turtle man: yeah i know dude

firefox: we could probably do them for halloween

firefox: like as heroes

buzz buzz bitch: bags on honey

firefox: yeah we know bee

firefox: but we can change our suits right

firefox: and its probably within reason but the colours schemes arent too far off mostly

hairy baby: YES

hairy baby: i want to be fred

turtle man: okay rich boy turned superhero

hairy baby: maybe not a rich boy anymore

hairy baby: and alas stan lee is not my father

turtle man: shit dude right

hairy baby: its fine

hairy baby: i mean its not

hairy baby: but its fine

turtle man: okay

turtle man: thats good to know

buzz buzz bitch: you know we’re all here for you whenever right

hairy baby: yeah i know chlo

hairy baby: never getting rid of you <3

buzz buzz bitch: you couldn’t if you wanted to <3

buzz buzz bitch: anyway do you guys want to get lunch

hairy baby: sure

firefox: sounds good

buzz buzz bitch: we’re coming to yours dupain cheng

ladybuguette: okay we’re upstairs