Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You're my last hope, Kim Dokja."

Kim Dokja sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Don't you have better things to do with your time? Like writing your next hit novel, for example?"

Han Sooyoung's voice echoed tinnily from the phone pressed against his ear.

"I do, so that's why I'm asking you for this favour." 

"So you're implying that I don't have anything better to do." Kim Dokja rested his elbows on the railing on the rooftop, his gaze roaming over the panoramic view of Seoul that stretched out in front of him. Talking with Han Sooyoung was always an...interesting experience, to say the least. He never knew whether he enjoyed it or hated every second of it.

"Look, I know you've been stressed lately about your job," she said, lowering her voice in a conspiratorial whisper. "This is your chance, Kim Dokja! You can log into the game, kill some people, and blow off steam that way. The STD-free, non-sexual way. You'll feel much better after committing pixellated mass murder, I swear."

"I already have to play shitty games at work everyday, I think I'll pass on this one."

"But this is different. You're playing for yourself here, not for your stupid company that doesn't pay you enough," Han Sooyoung insisted. "Come on, Kim Dokja! If I'm gone for a month I'll be way behind all the other people in the new server and I’ll miss the levelling event!" 

For a moment, she almost sounded whiny. He would have teased her about it if he wasn't sure she'd make him pay for it ten times over. Kim Dokja’s arm was getting sore from holding the phone, so he switched the phone into his other hand. "And why should I care?"

"You're so heartless," she said accusingly. "Don't you remember all the favours I did for you back in the day? I even commented on every damn chapter of your fan--"

"Can't you ask one of your other friends to help you? Or pay for a level booster?" interrupted Kim Dokja.

"My friends are all on the same trip as me, idiot." That was uncalled for. "And I don't trust any of the bastards I met online with my passwords."

"Didn't we also meet online?"

"Yeah, but you're also the type of person who gives out their email to the first stranger on a webnovel forum who asks for it."

"...What's that supposed to mean?"

"So, are you going to do it or not?" she asked, sounding determined. "I'll repay you in expensive souvenirs from my trip, so name your price. Do you want 20 virgin sacrifices? 20 male virgin sacrifices? A sketchy favour that you can cash in at any time, no questions asked? Take your pick, I promise I'll make it worth your time."

He sighed again and idly picked at the rust on the railing. "Fine, I'll do it,” he said after a pause. “But I'm only getting you to level 50, and then I'm uninstalling the game client and never looking at it again."

"Good enough for me," Han Sooyoung said cheerily. She always managed to get her way, damn her. "Call me tonight when you get home from work, okay? I'll walk you through the process. Oh, and remember to comment on my newest chapter! I just posted it this morning."

She hung up just as abruptly as she had called him, and he was left with nothing but the beeps of the dial tone ringing in his ear.

To be honest, Kim Dokja wasn't really sure what the nature of his relationship with Han Sooyoung was. If he had to describe it, he would say it was something like comradery mixed with a healthy dose of mutual antagonism. Yet somehow, he trusted her, and she trusted him back. 

After ending the call, he made his way down the stairs and back to the floor of the building that Mino Soft was on. His contract with the gaming company was ending in a few months, and his enthusiasm for his work was decaying exponentially as time passed and there was no sign of them wanting to retain him as an official employee. Not that he was passionate about his job to begin with, but this was truly a new low, even for him.

Maybe she's right, he thought to himself as he wound his way through the cubicles. I do need to let off some steam. In a non-sexual way.

Besides, there was nothing worth reading online recently. All the currently serializing, popular webnovels were either an embarrassment to human evolution or updating so irregularly that he was better off waiting for it to end before starting it. Nothing could fill the gap that Ways of Survival's abrupt ending and subsequent deletion from the site had left in him. Tls123 had also vanished from the face of the earth, and he doubted he would ever see them again.

Sometimes he almost regretted stopping Han Sooyoung from plagiarising WOS, if only so he'd actually have something worthwhile to read. But then again, not really.

Deputy Yoon frowned at him as they passed each other in the hallway. "Where were you?"

"Smoke break," he said smoothly.

Deputy Yoon didn't look convinced, but Kim Dokja ignored his disapproving stare and headed back to his cubicle. He picked up the empty coffee mug on his desk and headed to the breakroom. Sure, maybe taking a coffee break right after skipping work to take a call wasn't proper employee behaviour, but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore when you were about to be unemployed.

There was someone else in the breakroom when he entered, and to his surprise, he actually recognized her. Yoo Sangah was leaning against the countertop with her earphones in as the coffee machine hummed in the background, watching something on her phone. She looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Kim Dokja-ssi," she greeted, taking out her left earphone. "Are you also on break right now?"

He nodded politely and set his mug down on the countertop next to her. Out of curiosity, he snuck a glance at the phone in her hands. It was some sort of gaming livestream. "I didn't know you played LoL, Sangah-ssi."

"Only occasionally, I'm not very good at it nor do I have the time," she said, humble as always. It was probably a vast understatement, considering how Yoo Sangah never did anything halfway.

They stood together in awkward silence for a few seconds as they both mentally scrambled for something to say.

"Are you a fan of this streamer?" asked Kim Dokja, pointing a finger at the man whose expressionless face was encased in a small, black box at the bottom left of the screen.

"Not really, I'm just watching it because it was recommended to me." She tilted her screen towards him with a smile. "Do you not recognize him? It's YJH."

Now that she mentioned it, he did. In fact, YJH was one of the only pro gamers whose names he knew, and only because he had read too many webnovels that were not-so-loosely based on the guy’s illustrious career. "Didn't he retire?" 

On screen, YJH killed someone in a burst of technicolour fireworks.

"Well yes, but he still streams sometimes. I think he's working as a coach for his team now or something? I'm not sure."

YJH killed some more people. The fans in the livestream went wild and showered him with gifts, flooding the screen with cartoon animations of confetti and rockets.

"This guy’s really popular, isn't he," mused Kim Dokja, shielding his eyes from the painful flashes of colour.

"Of course!" Yoo Sangah leaned in towards him, looking mischievous. Kim Dokja discreetly leaned back. "After all, he does have an aesthetic advantage over the other streamers," she whispered, winking.

Kim Dokja studied the face on the phone screen. It was hard to deny the conventional attractiveness of the man's features. "I suppose," he admitted. 

He was getting flashbacks of that one terrible BL web novel he accidentally read, where yet another super obvious YJH clone was involved in a painful BDSM relationship with some poor college student. Kim Dokja had seen a lot of messed-up shit on the internet over the years, but that was on a whole other level. Even now, he still got phantom pains in his nether regions whenever he saw the words 'garden hose' and 'pineapple'.

"I know, right?" Yoo Sangah smiled brightly at him and picked up her fresh cup of coffee. "Ah, I should probably get back to work now before the others get mad at me. See you around, Dokja-ssi."

"See you."

The rest of the day passed rather uneventfully apart from a few passive-aggressive comments from his supervisor, which he ignored as usual. After getting home and cooking a lonely dinner for one, he obligingly gave Han Sooyoung a call as he settled down in front of his computer. 

"Did you finish installing the game client yet?" was the first thing she said once the call went through.

He was really regretting the fact that he let her talk him into this. "Are you not even going to greet me properly?"

"No. My email’s the usual one and my password is blackflamesempress2018, and if you click on the newest server called Windia..."

“Slow down, it’s still loading.”

Kim Dokja moved the mouse around absently as Han Sooyoung's familiar voice drifted through the speakers. On the laptop screen, her male game avatar's traditional clothes flowed in the air elegantly as the camera's viewpoint spun around him. [BF_Empress], the name floating above the man read, probably because. The whole thing reeked of chuunibyou, but he was too tired from work to bicker with her about it or ask what sort of horrible acronym it was supposed to be.

"--spent two hours customizing his face," Han Sooyoung was boasting. She sounded extremely proud of herself. "What do you think? Don't I have good taste?"

"Sure." 

In his opinion, real men (like YJH, maybe) or the 1D ones in books were far more attractive than these 2D caricatures. The blank faces of the avatars reminded him of the uncanny valley effect, and he personally thought Han Sooyoung had gone way overboard with sharpening the jawline. Not that he would ever tell her that; he currently still wanted to live.

"Why are you playing as a guy?"

"What's wrong with playing as a guy?" she retorted. "It's the 21st century, you gotta live a little."

That was also uncalled for. "I don't care if you play as a girl or a guy, I'm just curious."

"Well, the male avatars in this game are easier on the eyes," Han Sooyoung said casually, as if that answered all of his questions. "What, Kim Dokja, are you scared you'll have a sexual awakening if you stare at his carefully sculpted ass for too long?"

"No."

"Anyway, check your phone, I texted you a list of the things I need you to do everyday. I’ll know if you skipped a day, trust me. I know things."

God damn it.

***

[ You have acquired 1/100 Leather. ]

[ Leather: 1/100 ]

[ You have acquired 88 coins. ] [ You have acquired 131 EXP. ]

[ You have acquired 1 Leather. ]

[ Leather: 56/100 ]

[ You have reached Level 10! ]

[ You have acquired 100 coins. ] [ You have acquired 152 EXP. ] 

[ You have reached Level 11! ]

[ Leather: 100/100 ]

[ Quest Completed: <Collect 100 rolls of Leather for Grandma Yeon> ]

[ Grandma Yeon: Thank you so much for bringing me these 100 rolls of leather, BF_Empress! Do you think you have time to help an old lady like me out with another request? ]

[ New Quest: <Collect 500 rolls of Leather for Grandma Yeon> ]

Well, fuck.

While the lore of the game and the NPCs' dialogue were interesting, the actual process of levelling up was pretty damn boring. Killing fictional monsters wasn’t de-stressing at all; it was actually more stressful, because he kept having to stop to pick up all those cursed rolls of leather. I should just tell Han Sooyoung I quit. Or that my internet is too slow for the game.

His job hunting wasn't going that well either. He didn’t get any responses back from the countless applications he sent out, and the fact that hiring season just ended made things worse. Han Sooyoung kept insisting that he should just quit and become a writer like her, but he wasn't sure he wanted to take that risk. QA testing didn't pay well, but it did pay more than what an unsuccessful writer would make.

Kim Dokja dug up 50 flowers from the garden of the village elder, got 100 chewed-up carrots by killing rabbits for the friendly librarian, and delivered love letters back and forth between two star-crossed young lovers who lived on opposite ends of the forest until he reached level 15. The last quest in the chain of beginner's quests took him to the depths of the tangled forest surrounding the little village, where even the BGM was ominous. 

According to the guides online, he was supposed to kill the boss of the forest dungeon and report back to the town chief, after which he would be allowed to move on to the cities. The dungeon could only be completed in parties of 2-4 people, which was a huge issue for him. He didn’t know anyone in the game, and neither did Han Sooyoung, apparently, because her friend list was empty.

Kim Dokja was reminded of picking partners in gym class all over again, and how nobody ever wanted to pair up with him so he had to practice volleyball with the gym teacher in the corner while everyone else goofed off with their fr--stop. That was enough. He could just wait in the forest until another lonely player showed up and was forced to partner with him.

The path leading to the dungeon entrance was as empty as Kim Dokja felt inside. At this point in time, the majority of the players had already reached level 20 and above on this new server, which meant that there weren't many people hanging around the low-level maps. It was nice being able to wander around and enjoy the scenery in peace since he never got to go on a real vacation, but it didn't bode well for his questing prospects.

Suddenly, the sound of slashing blades cut through the pleasant background music. In the clearing right outside the cave, a small girl with cat ears on her head was viciously hacking away at one of the trees. After what seemed like an eternity, the tree let out a pathetic whimper and crumbled into dust. The girl picked up whatever loot it had dropped and turned to face him, her eyes sparkling in the in-game sunlight.

[ [mia123] has invited you to join her party. ACCEPT or DECLINE ]

A party request suddenly popped up on his screen, and Kim Dokja clicked 'ACCEPT’' in bewilderment. He hadn't even said anything yet.

[BF_Empress]: Hello.

[BF_Empress]: Are you also looking for someone to go through the dungeon with? 

[mia123]: .

The catgirl turned around and disappeared through the portal that marked the cave entrance, and he hastily followed her in. 

[BF_Empress]: Wait up

[BF_Empress]: Where are you going?

[mia123] disappeared into the depths of the dungeon as Kim Dokja fumbled through the dialogue options with the cave NPC so he could chase after her. It was the first time he had skipped through an in-game conversation, which only added to his irritation. Lore was important, damn it.

His computer screen faded to black as he was transported through the portal to a different part of the dungeon. The first thing he heard when the map loaded was the sound of squealing cries, and then the darkness cleared away and he was left standing in the middle of a crowd of rabid rats, whose numbers were rapidly dwindling under [mia123]'s relentless assault. 

[ You have acquired 34 Party EXP. ] [ You have acquired 44 Party EXP. ] 

[ You have acquired 49 Party EXP. ] [ You have acquired 39 Party EXP. ] 

[ You have acquired 31 Party EXP. ] [ You have acquired 30 Party EXP. ] 

Kim Dokja numbly made his way towards one of the few rat survivors, but [mia123] got to it before him. She raised her blade and stabbed it through its skull, and the rat died with a painful shriek and the tremulous clatter of gold coins.

[ You have acquired 25 Party EXP. ] 

He knew he should be grateful to her for carrying him, but he was really more annoyed than anything else. He was also starting to think she might have anger management issues.

[BF_Empress]: Thanks for clearing the stage.

[BF_Empress]: You could have waited for me to get here, though. 

[BF_Empress]: Hello?

[mia123] finished up her massacre, whirled around on her heels, and stalked away from him. Annoyed, he followed her to the portal and into the next stage of the dungeon, where she repeated her brutal assault against a swarm of differently coloured rats. Kim Dokja almost felt sorry for them. How was her damage range so high?

Having resigned himself to the fact that there was no way he could contribute to the party, he amused himself by trying to get a reaction out of her. He wasn't that talkative in real life, but there was something about the promise of anonymity that seemed to awaken a piece of his personality he had long thought dead.

Also, he just wanted to annoy her.

[BF_Empress]: Sorry I'm not contributing, but it kind of seems like you'd prefer if I stayed out of your way.

[BF_Empress]: Do you really hate rats?

[BF_Empress]: Or just animals in general?

[BF_Empress]: Because it almost feels like you're personally offended by them.

[BF_Empress]: Are you trying to do a speed run or something? You've been skipping through all of the NPC dialogues.

[BF_Empress]: It's too bad that no one actually reads them, they're actually a huge pain to come up with.

[BF_Empress]: And a huge pain to debug.

[BF_Empress]: A lot of people don't appreciate the hidden effort that goes into games like this one.

[BF_Empress]: Maybe I'm just projecting, never mind.

[BF_Empress]: I didn't know you could kill trees in this game, but I guess that's environmentally accurate.

[mia123]: shut up

[mia123]: are you always this annoying?

After years of getting tormented and called all sorts of names, the weak insult didn’t even sting. It was hard to get upset with a stranger on the internet who was using a tiny catgirl as her in-game avatar. His finger slipped on the mouse, and to his delight, he found himself staring at a whole panel of emojis he could choose from. He made sure to send every upset one to her for bonus annoying points.

[BF_Empress]: (　´_ゝ｀) 

[BF_Empress]: (╯-_-)╯ ~╩╩ 

[BF_Empress]: (◕︿◕✿)

[BF_Empress]: （╬￣皿￣）＝○＃（￣＃）３￣）

[BF_Empress]: (｀⌒´  )

[BF_Empress]: ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

[BF_Empress]: 。：゜(；´∩｀；)゜：。

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: What, you don't think they're cute?

[mia123]: no

[BF_Empress]: That's the only way I know how to express my disappointment in you.

Kim Dokja paused for a moment to think about what he should say next to guilt-trip her. This was technically Han Sooyoung’s account, so a little white lie wouldn’t hurt, would it?  It's not like they would ever meet in real life. He had already gone overboard with the cute emojis, and once you crossed that line there was no way to backtrack and reveal you were an adult man all along. He had to commit.

[BF_Empress]: You really hurt my feelings, unnie ㅠ.ㅠ

[BF_Empress]: I was just trying to make the world a better place. A little bit of kindness goes a long way in this world.

[BF_Empress]: I’m sorry. I guess I'll stop speaking to you if you hate it so much.

[mia123]: ok

[BF_Empress]: ...

He was starting to suspect [mia123] was a sociopath. He had already called her unnie and firmly established his identity as a fellow woman, so why was she still acting so heartless? Shouldn’t their shared virtual sisterhood bring their hearts closer to each other?

The two of them didn't speak after that, as [mia123] continued her ritual massacre and Kim Dokja lurked around the edges of the map in boredom and organized his inventory by colour. 

Eventually, [mia123] finished clearing the stage, and made her way across the map to the portal that would take her to the next stage. She hesitated beside the portal, as if she were checking that he was still following her. 

Kim Dokja had half a mind to forfeit the quest and force her to start over, but then he'd be sabotaging his own progress as well, and he'd rather just get it over with. It was always possible that he'd end up with an even worse partner next time, and he had to admit [mia123] set a pretty high bar in terms of efficiency.

Making up his mind, he navigated his avatar towards the portal and went through it. [mia123] appeared beside him shortly afterwards, and she determinedly set off to single-handedly wipe out the sewer rat population once more. Kim Dokja despaired for the biodiversity of the game world. 

As he waited for her to finish, he pulled out his phone to scan through his local job listings. He hoped he wouldn't end up washing dishes for a local restaurant or something, but at this point he was starting to get desperate.

The unmistakable ping of a received message cut through the cacophony of shrieks and slashes, and he looked up from his phone in surprise.

[mia123]: empress, collect

The offer came as a complete surprise; [mia123] had been sweeping up all the items and equipment the monsters had dropped so far, and he had let her because it was only fair. Was this some sort of apology for her rudeness? Either way, Kim Dokja wasn’t going to pass up on free loot.

[BF_Empress]: Please don’t call me empress, I don’t need more reminders of how cringy this screen name is.

[ You have acquired 309 coins. ] [ You have acquired 1 Nimble Rat's Tooth. ] [ You have acquired 1 Nimble Rat's Tears of Pain. ][  You have acquired 1 Nimble Rat's Tail. ] [ You have acquired 1 Nimble Rat Fang Sword ]

The chime of the notifications were almost soothing, and the unexpected income brightened his mood considerably. Money was the eternal currency that paved the way to mutual understanding.

[BF_Empress]: Thanks.

[mia123]: .

A few minutes later, he got another message.

[mia123]: collect

[BF_Empress]: Got it.

Kim Dokja had never been one to refuse an olive branch when offered one, so he put his phone away and went back to the game with renewed vigour. Surprisingly, things went a lot more smoothly after that. 

[mia123]: empress, go left

[BF_Empress]: You really don't have to call me by my name. We're literally the only ones here, I know who you're referring to.

[mia123]: where the hell are you

[BF_Empress]: Still in the previous room. Relax, I'll be down in a second.

[BF_Empress]: Why are you smashing the blue boxes? Did you not read the quest guide?

[BF_Empress]: You do know that it's more efficient to destroy the red ones first, right? The blue boxes reset over time and you would need to smash them again.

[BF_Empress]: You know I'm right. Why are you still being stubborn?

[BF_Empress]: See, now you have to destroy the blue boxes all over again.

[mia123]: can you shut up for once in your life

And whenever [mia123] lashed out, Kim Dokja would pull out the panel of emojis to pacify her.

[BF_Empress]: You're so quick-tempered, unnie. I'm just trying to help QAQ

[BF_Empress]: It's alright, I don't expect an apology. I know I'm not going to get one.

[BF_Empress]: !

[mia123]: what

[BF_Empress]: Nothing, the sudden background music change startled me.

[BF_Empress]: I don't get why all the monsters are rats. There's no soul to this party quest at all.

[BF_Empress]: And the rat models are all clearly just copy-pasted from stage to stage, they only changed the fur colour.

[BF_Empress]: The NPC dialogues are lazily written too. You get the same response no matter which dialogue option you choose.

[BF_Empress]: Oh, the game just glitched.

[BF_Empress]: I guess the map doesn't extend that far.

[mia123]: you

[BF_Empress]: ?

[BF_Empress]: Were you going to say something?

They still weren't exactly communicating, but it was much better than how they started out. At least he no longer felt like he was speaking to automated customer support, even if [mia123] was still using one word replies and the period as a valid response.

They eventually defeated the dungeon boss together--well, [mia123] did while he watched--and collected their rewards from the NPC. With this quest complete, the World Map was finally unlocked, and they were now able to explore the rest of the world the game had to offer. Which meant, of course, that they could finally part ways.

[mia123] wasted no time in disbanding the party and heading down a path through the forest, but Kim Dokja was much less desperate to leave her. [mia123] was one of the best MMORPG players he had ever come across, and possibly one of the best in the whole server. It would be hard to find another workhorse like her who didn't complain that he was slacking off. It was also refreshing to meet someone who seemed to be over 18 and could sort of carry a conversation without devolving into profanity. 

(There was always the possibility that she was a child, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t. She had none of the bright-eyed youthfulness that children normally had. In fact, she seemed just as dead on the inside and battered by society as he did.)

With the goal of establishing a long term partnership in mind, Kim Dokja turned around and followed her down the path like a stalker.

[BF_Empress]: Wait up. Are you heading to Showa Town, unnie?

[BF_Empress]: Mia?

[BF_Empress]: Sure, you can keep ignoring me, but I won’t stop talking.

[BF_Empress]: You're not an elementary schooler, are you?

[mia123]: are you an idiot?

[BF_Empress]: Is that a no?

[mia123]: stop following me

[BF_Empress]: I'm not following you, this is the only road to Showa.

[mia123]: don't walk beside me

[BF_Empress]: The avatars move at the same pace, it can't be helped.

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: Did anyone ever tell you your personality's terrible?

[BF_Empress]: I'm going to take your silence as a yes.

[mia123] didn't reply after that, which was disappointing. They continued on to the town without speaking, and Kim Dokja eventually lost track of her in the crowd of other players, and decided to leave it at that.

As he headed to the next recommended training spot, he wondered if he would ever run into [mia123] again. Not that he particularly wanted to hang out with her, but she did seem like an interesting person to be around. Besides, having an ally who was skilled at the game would make this whole levelling up process much more bearable than the slog it currently was.

As he emerged onto the grassy plains, he was delighted by the sight of a now familiar pair of cat ears. However, its owner was less than pleased to see him.

[BF_Empress]: Hello! What a coincidence, seeing you here.

[mia123]: i said don't follow me

[BF_Empress]: I'm not following you, we just happened to end up in the same place. This is the best training spot for levels 20-23, you know.

[BF_Empress]: Why are you so paranoid? It's not like I have any ulterior motives.

Okay, so maybe he did. But Kim Dokja liked to think of their partnership as mutually beneficial: [mia123] provided the brawn, while he provided reliable background narration and +1 to the headcount. Now that they had met again, he was truly starting to feel that their partnership was inevitable. He just needed some way to convince her to friend him, and she would never be able to get rid of him.

Just to be safe, he added,

[BF_Empress]: Don’t worry, unnie, I’m not trying to hit on you. I’m not interested in women. 

Clearly done with the conversation and with the monsters on the screen, [mia123] left the map through a portal while he hastily followed after her. He noticed that she seemed to be lavishing most of her attention on the wild boars roaming through the grass on the map, even though he would have pegged her as an undiscriminating animal hunter…

[BF_Empress]: Are you hunting the boars for leather?

It was clearly the right thing to say. [mia123] froze mid-swing and took a hard hit from a resentful boar. She recovered swiftly and killed it with a flick of her sword, but Kim Dokja knew he had found her weakness.

[BF_Empress]: Are you using the leather for equipment smithing? Or is it a quest?

[BF_Empress]: That reminds me, I actually have 300 leathers left over from Grandma Yeon's quest.

[mia123]: price

[BF_Empress]: There's no need for that.

[mia123]: how much

[BF_Empress]: I'd be willing to give them to you for free as a token of our friendship, provided that we do have one.

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ]

[ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[mia123]: no

[BF_Empress]: Just so you know, most party quests require at least two people. And somehow I get the feeling that you're pretty hard to approach.

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ]

[ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ]

[ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ]

[ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[BF_Empress]: You can't hold out forever.

[BF_Empress]: You know you want the leather. Hunting boars is a real slog, isn't it?

[BF_Empress]: Last I checked, the drop rate of leather for boars was only 15%, so you'll be hunting them for a very, very long time.

[BF_Empress]: It's just not worth it when you could be doing something else. Something...worthwhile.

[BF_Empress]: Like party quests with me.

[BF_Empress]: Make the right choice, unnie.

[mia123]: shut up

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] [ [mia123] has rejected your friend request! ]

[ You sent [mia123] a friend request. ] 

[ [mia123] has accepted your friend request! ]

[BF_Empress]: Huh. Did your finger slip?

[mia123]: i'll delete you

[BF_Empress]: Is that how you treat your life and death companion?

[mia123]: give me the leather

[BF_Empress]: Add me to your party first.

[mia123]: empress

[BF_Empress]: Yes?

[BF_Empress]: You know you can’t kill other players in combat until Level 30, right?

[ [mia123] has invited you to join her party. ACCEPT or DECLINE ]

Kim Dokja clicked 'ACCEPT' with a smile.

[BF_Empress]: I think this could be the start of a wonderful partnership.

Chapter Text

As the saying went, it was impossible to tell whether the being behind the other end of the monitor was a man, a woman, neither, or a dog from their username. After spending an excruciating amount of time on the internet, however, Kim Dokja could usually make an educated guess about it.

Usernames that were overly cutesy like [PrettyPrettyPrincess] or [~Sparkly、Estrella~] usually meant the user was either an underage girl or an adult man masquerading as one, while mundane usernames like [mia123] were far more likely to belong to a woman. She also never corrected him when he called her “unnie”, which only cemented his beliefs.

Taking into account the fact that she said she wasn't in school and that her work hours correlated loosely with his own, Kim Dokja guessed that [mia123] was around his age, maybe a few years younger. Old enough to be defensive about her catgirl avatar whenever he brought it up, but youthful enough that she still had the energy to stay up late and grind her way through the levels. 

In fact, [mia123] reminded him a little of Yoo Sangah, if Yoo Sangah had a permanent stick wedged up her ass. Although [mia123]'s default setting was Ice Cold Bitch, he liked to think she had a cute side to her personality hidden away somewhere, or else she wouldn't have chosen a catgirl as her avatar. 

After surviving [mia123]'s threats of blocking him, Kim Dokja successfully wormed his way into her good graces and claimed a spot as a permanent member of her party. To his surprise, [BF_Empress]'s progress never actually fell too behind [mia123]'s even though they differed vastly in terms of passion for the game, meaning [mia123] was equally (if not even more) busy than he was everyday. He was sure that given the chance [mia123] could make it to level 50 in under 24 hours, but sadly her boss seemed to be as oppressive as Deputy Yoon.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Were you at work?

*[mia123]: .

*[BF_Empress]: Is that a yes?

*[BF_Empress]: You work on weekends? That's quite unfortunate.

*[mia123]: where the hell are you

*[BF_Empress]: Give me a second, I'm coming.

[mia123]: empress

[mia123]: .

[mia123]: what are you doing

[BF_Empress]: You didn't even read the NPC's dialogue properly, what a waste of the writers' efforts.

[mia123]: you're wasting my time

[BF_Empress]: It's all about the journey, not the destination.

[BF_Empress]: Are you ignoring me again?

[mia123]: gg

[BF_Empress]: Why are you saying good game when the game isn't even over? We still have the next boss to kill.

[mia123]: you talk too much

[BF_Empress]: I'm not talking. I'm typing.

[mia123]'s ears flickered on her head in what seemed like annoyance, and she burst into a sprint as [BF_Empress] trailed after her idly. Even though he knew that it was an automated movement, he couldn't help but find it vaguely endearing. He wondered if the person on the opposite end of the screen was fuming right now, and what kind of expression she was making.

[BF_Empress]: This Mr. Yoh reminds me of my department head.

[BF_Empress]: They both harass their female underlings; the resemblance is almost uncanny.

[BF_Empress]: Look, we even get to fight him. How humane of the developers.

[BF_Empress]: His HP is really high, huh.

[BF_Empress]: I guess that's fitting, considering how thick his skin must be if he can continuously brush off the reports of workplace harassment against him.

[BF_Empress]: Do you mind if I land the killing blow?

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: You're heading to Ghost Park next, aren't you? I'll come with you.

[mia123]: how did you know

[BF_Empress]: Isn't it obvious? You're clearly trying to gather all the items for the Level 50 Moonstar outfit.

[BF_Empress]: I don't care about equipment, and I'll give you all the items I collect if you let me tag along.

[BF_Empress]: The more manpower the better, right?

[BF_Empress]: I mean womanpower.

[mia123]: fine

[BF_Empress]: I'm going to log off now.

[mia123]: it's 10

[BF_Empress]: I’m trying to take care of my health.

[BF_Empress]: Actually that’s a lie, I just have work to do.

[BF_Empress]: Since when did you care about when I logged off?

[mia123]: i don’t

[BF_Empress]: You're practically textbook tsundere at this point.

[mia123]: what

[BF_Empress]: Don't tell me you don't know what that means.

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: You're so removed from online culture sometimes, it astounds me.

[BF_Empress]: I would guess that you're older than me, but your APM is way too high for that to be physically possible.

[BF_Empress]: Anyway, go look up 'tsundere'. That'll be your homework for tonight, class dismissed.

[mia123]: go to hell

[BF_Empress]: Goodnight, unnie!

He logged off before she could block him.

***

On Sunday morning, Kim Dokja opened the fridge, and paused. All he had left was half a loaf of bread, a small can of tuna and an expired package of tofu Han Sooyoung had left at Jung Heewon's place the last time they had dinner together, which Jung Heewon physically forced him to take home because she didn’t like the texture. But the more he looked at it now, the more disgusted he felt. Maybe it was finally time for a grocery run.

The elevator was broken again, so he took the stairs down. As he pushed open the glass doors of his apartment complex and stepped outside into the sunshine, he was surprised to see his neighbour's daughter and her friend getting furiously lectured by Grandma Park, the neighbourhood gossip. He'd been trying his best to avoid her ever since she made several derogatory comments about his (lack of a) love life the last time they ran into each other at the local supermarket.

“The flowers are neighbourhood property, and you have no right to be touching them without the neighbourhood council's permission! I'm going to have to speak to your parents about your behaviour."

"My parents aren't home," said Shin Yoosung, who was clutching a pink hibiscus flower in her hand.

Kim Dokja knew for a fact that they were home, and he admired Shin Yoosung's courage to pretend otherwise. 

Naturally, Grandma Park wasn't convinced by her lie. "Do you think I'm a fool? Take me upstairs right now and I'll see for myself if they're home or not."

Just then, Shin Yoosung looked up and made eye contact with him. Her face brightened, and she raised her hand in a wave and ran towards him. "Ahjussi! Over here!"

Grandma Park whirled around before Kim Dokja could duck behind a tree, and he froze in his tracks. "...Yes?"

Once he was within reach, Shin Yoosung's hand darted out and grabbed onto his shirt in a death grip. Unable to break free, Kim Dokja followed after her reluctantly as she dragged him over to stand in front of Grandma Park.

"Just stand here, ahjussi," Shin Yoosung told him. She turned to Grandma Park with a smile. "Didn't you say you wanted to speak to our parents? Well, here he is."

Kim Dokja looked down at where her hand was gripping his shirt, and looked back up at Grandma Park's unamused scowl. "I..."

Grandma Park narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "You're not Shin Yoosung's father."

"He’s Mia’s dad," Shin Yoosung said before Kim Dokja could speak up.

" What? " Kim Dokja and Shin Yoosung's friend chorused.

If anything, Grandma Park just got even more suspicious. "This is your daughter? I thought you weren’t married."

"Did I say dad? I meant uncle," Shin Yoosung said smoothly. Her expression didn't even waver. "He's her mom's younger brother. Right, Mia?"

Mia nodded vigorously. "Yep! So you can totally talk to him instead of Yoosung’s parents and save yourself the trip upstairs."

“The elevator’s broken too, so you’ll have to climb up nine flights of stairs.”

"You're this young lady's uncle?" demanded Grandma Park, looking him up and down speculatively.

Kim Dokja wasn't anyone's uncle, but he also wasn't about to let Shin Yoosung down when both her and Mia were staring at him expectantly. "Of course I am," he said, clearing his throat. "Are the children in trouble?"

Feeling vindicated by the presence of a fellow parental figure, Grandma Park puffed up her chest and launched into a loud rant. "You won't believe what these two little rascals did to the community flowerbed--"

Twenty minutes and one satisfied Grandma Park later, Kim Dokja turned back to Shin Yoosung. "Don't worry, I won't tell your parents about this. Just remember not to get caught next time."

"You're a hero, ahjussi," she said in a solemn voice. "We won't forget your sacrifice."

"I don't think I'm old enough to be called ahjussi yet."

"Thanks for covering for us, ahjussi," Mia said cheerfully, bouncing up and down on her heels. "I promised my brother I wouldn’t get in trouble at Yoosung’s, and he would be so grumpy if he found out about this."

Kim Dokja nodded politely at her. "You’re welcome. And really, you can call me Dokja-oppa."

"Have I introduced you two yet?" Shin Yoosung suddenly piped up. "This is Yoo Mia, my friend from school. And this is Kim Dokja-ahjussi," she continued, gesturing at him. "Ahjussi lives next door and sometimes we greet each other in the mornings when he's late for work. My mom says he's nearly thirty years old but he still hasn't managed to find a girlfriend so when is he even going to get married at this rate--"

Kim Dokja winced and hastily cut her off. "Alright, alright, I think your friend gets the idea. And it’s not that I can’t get a girlfriend per se, it's moreso the fact that I haven’t exactly been look--wait, why am I even telling you this?"

Shin Yoosung frowned. “I just want her to get to know you better, ahjussi.”

"It's okay, ahjussi," Yoo Mia told him graciously, twirling her hair around her pinky. "My brother doesn't have a girlfriend either, and he's ten times more handsome than you are."

"Thank you, that's very reassuring," said Kim Dokja.

"Joonghyuk-oppa is very handsome," Shin Yoosung added, her eyes bright with adoration. "He's really nice too, he took us to go see Parasite today at the movies--"

"And the ticket vendor wouldn't let us in at first!" Yoo Mia complained loudly. "She said it was 'inappropriate for kids' and my brother got into a HUGE argument with her at the booth--"

"My parents wouldn't let me see the movie even though I begged them to go see it," said Shin Yoosung. "Joonghyuk-oppa is so cool."

Yoo Mia beamed at her. "He is, isn't he?" 

"Joonghyuk-oppa wears a black face mask too, just like a movie star."

It sounded more like Mia’s brother just didn't give a fuck about anything, but Kim Dokja wasn't about to tell the girls the truth. He also wasn't keen on listening to a thirty minute lecture about how hot another man apparently was, not when he still had errands to run. 

"I'm glad you girls had fun. Anyway, I still have some groceries to buy, so I think I'll get going now. It was nice meeting you, Mia." 

To his dismay, this Mia was just as disagreeable as the other one he knew, though he wasn’t completely sure that was [mia123]’s name. 

"You can't call me Mia, we're not on a first name basis yet,” she huffed. “Call me Yoo Mia-ssi instead."

"It was nice meeting you, Yoo Mia-ssi."

"It was sort of nice meeting you too, ahjussi." Satisfied with her updated form of address, Yoo Mia turned to her friend and poked her in the arm. "Hey, do you wanna get some popsicles at the convenience store together?"

Shin Yoosung stuck her hand into the pockets of her shorts, and frowned at the meagre handful of coins she pulled out. "Okay, but I don't really have any money left. How much do you have?"

"I used up all my allowance at the claw machine earlier..."

After a meaningful pause, the two of them whipped around to stare expectantly at Kim Dokja.

"Fine, I'll buy you two popsicles," said Kim Dokja, exasperated. "But don't go around asking strangers for favours next time, alright? It's not safe."

"It's okay, the two of us can take you in a fight," Yoo Mia said haughtily. "Yoosung punches really hard and my brother taught me how to drop kick child predators in the nuts."

...Children really were growing up too fast nowadays. "That's great to hear." 

"What flavour of popsicle do you want, ahjussi?" asked Shin Yoosung, looking up at him with a small smile.

"Probably red bean or black sesame. Wait, why are you asking me? I'm the one paying."

After paying for their popsicles and bidding them goodbye, Kim Dokja headed to the grocery store to pick up some necessities. The elevator was still broken, so he walked up nine flights of stairs to get back to his apartment. When he finally closed the door behind him, he set his bags down on the table and just stood there for a moment, watching the dust drifting slowly through the crystalline sunshine, purer than gold, that streamed through the kitchen window. Everything was silent except for the low hum of the air conditioning and the muffled laughter of Shin Yoosung’s parents next door, a faraway happiness that had nothing to do with him.

Kim Dokja pulled out his phone.

[Jung Heewon]

Are you free tonight? <<

>> Can’t, sorry, got a date

Is Hyunsung-ssi back from deployment? <<

>> Yeah

I’ll leave you two alone then. <<

He exited the chat and pulled up his conversation with Han Sooyoung, which was still frozen on the message she had sent him late last night.

[Han Sooyoung]

>> [Picture]

>> went to a dessert cafe today and i’m so fucking full i wanna hurl

He smiled faintly at the screen and typed out a reply.

The food looks nice. <<

Kim Dokja checked his email as he waited for his pot of water to boil, but his inbox was empty. He ate his noodles while scrolling through yet another disappointment webnovel, and then sat down in front of his computer to work on his cover letters. By the time he finished applying to another dozen jobs he knew he wouldn’t get a response from, the sun was setting outside, and the streetlights were glowing faintly in the dusk.

He cooked a dismal dinner in the kitchen and ate it alone on his couch, watching the cars on the streets below zoom past in streaks of colour. He could see people dressed in athletic wear walking their dogs in the streets below, and older couples taking a stroll together, their gnarled hands entwined. Next door, Shin Yoosung laughed at something her mother was saying as her dog let out a bark.

Kim Dokja set his empty bowl down on the coffee table, a small wooden thing he had salvaged from the dumpster, and laid down, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. The happiness of other families had nothing to do with him.

The clock on the wall kept ticking in the darkness, the red needle spinning around and around on the blank clock face. In two months, he would lose his job, and if he didn’t find another one in time, he would have to move out of this apartment and find an even smaller one that he could afford. And after that...well, he wasn’t really sure. The image of the future in his head seemed to be clouded by a heavy fog, one that ate away at his insides and left him feeling like he was hollowed out.

When he was younger, he also had dreams of getting into a good university and becoming someone people looked up to, someone who mattered. He used to have recurring fantasies of showing up at a high school reunion ten years later and showing all his faceless schoolmates that he was so much more than the son of a murderer or the kid Song Minwoo liked to torment.

He used to be so much more than this, and now he was just another worm, crawling through the mud of a dull existence. Time wore down the shine of youth into numbing, mundane mediocrity. Dreams were a luxury now.

His phone buzzed, and the screen lit up with an incoming message.

Han Sooyoung

>> don’t forget to make sure the game’s open in the background for at least 60 min everyday so u can collect the daily stamp

>> KIM DOKJA

Damn it.

Kim Dokja contemplated pretending he didn’t see the message, but he knew she would never let him live it down. Letting out a sigh, he got up, grabbed his laptop, and settled back down on the couch. He was planning to just log on and let the game run in the background until 60 minutes was up when a sudden notification caught his eye.

[ mia123 has logged in. ]

[ Private message from [mia123] ]

*[mia123]: get over here

Did she and Han Sooyoung team up behind my back? thought Kim Dokja, amused. 

*[mia123]: empress

*[BF_Empress]: Sure, since you asked so nicely.

They had both reached level 20 now, which meant that it was now time to move onto party quests. Kim Dokja liked these storyline-based quests a lot better than the pointless monster-killing since it was obvious the developers had put some thought into the different stages. Not that [mia123] was sophisticated enough to appreciate it.

The party quest with the highest equipment drop rates and EXP gain was a 3-6 player one, so the two of them had to look around for a third wheel to join their party. [mia123] couldn’t be bothered to pretend to be a sociable human being, so she passed the party leader status to Kim Dokja and made him do it.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Aren’t you glad that I’m here so you have someone to order around?

*[mia123]: shut up

*[BF_Empress]: Sometimes I wonder if you’re actually an automated voicemail system, with your default answers being ‘shut up’ and ‘no’.

*[mia123]: hurry up

*[BF_Empress]: I see someone looking for a party over there. Should I invite them?

*[mia123]: .

*[BF_Empress]: For your information, typing a punctuation mark instead of ‘yes’ barely saves you any time and only serves to make you look like a 1000% bigger douchebag.

[ [Biryu] has joined your party. ]

[Biryu]: Hi

[BF_Empress]: Hello. Shall we begin?

[BF_Empress]: Biryu, stand on box #4.

[Biryu]: Why 4

[BF_Empress]: Because we already tried all the 13x combinations, so now we’re trying the 14x combinations.

[Biryu]: What does the x stand for

[BF_Empress]: Any number. Is this the first time you’ve done this party quest?

[Biryu]: No

[BF_Empress]: ...Can you please stand on box #4?

[BF_Empress]: That’s box #2. #4 is the one above it.

[BF_Empress]: Never mind, you stay on #2 and I’ll move to #4.

[BF_Empress]: Where are you going? You’re standing on #3 now move back

[Biryu]: What do you even want me to do???

[mia123]: kick him

[BF_Empress]: Are you serious?

[mia123]: now

[Biryu]: ?

[BF_Empress]: We could at least finish this round first.

[mia123]: i said now

[ You have expelled [Biryu] from your party. ]

[ You have been teleported back to the entrance map because there were insufficient people in your party. ]

Kim Dokja sighed. Their fifteen minutes of effort had gone down the drain just because she couldn’t stand [Biryu]’s incompetence for another second. 

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: To be fair, they weren’t that bad of a party member. I’m sure they would’ve eventually caught on.

*[mia123]: find someone else

*[BF_Empress]: Fine. 

*[BF_Empress]: I have a feeling we won't be able to do much better though.

[ [sov8r8ign] has joined the party. ]

Kim Dokja clicked on the NPC once again and they were all teleported into the party quest.

Things progressed smoothly during the first stage. Compared to [Biryu], [sov8r8ign] clearly knew what he was doing, and didn’t even fall too far behind [mia123] in terms of efficiency. He was so familiar with how things went that he even had the energy to spam their chat with countless messages.

[sov8r8ign]: @mia123 you’re not half bad.

[sov8r8ign]: are you a girl?

She ignored him.

[sov8r8ign]: you are, aren’t you?

[sov8r8ign]: how old are you? 

[sov8r8ign]: do you have a boyfriend?

Kim Dokja knew it was none of his business, but the scene was still a little pathetic to watch.

[BF_Empress]: I don’t think she’s interested.

[sov8r8ign]: how the hell would you know?

[BF_Empress]: Logical deduction.

[sov8r8ign]: mind your own business.

[sov8r8ign]: @mia123 is your real name Mia?

Just when Kim Dokja thought she was going to play dead for the rest of the party quest, she finally responded.

[mia123]: shut up

[sov8r8eign]: feisty. I like it.

[BF_Empress]: …

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Should I kick him out? We’ve already started over once, another time won’t hurt.

*[mia123]: not yet

Perhaps in the eyes of a gaming god, incompetence was a greater sin than sleaziness. As a dirty mortal, Kim Dokja didn’t understand her reasoning, but he could respect her decision.

Back in the general chat, the harassment was still ongoing.

[sov8r8ign]: can I get your number?

[mia123]: no

[sov8r8ign]: why don’t you want to give me your number?

[BF_Empress]: Does she need a reason to say no?

[sov8r8ign]: f*ck off.

They made it through all the stages of the party quest, and finally got to the boss. Together, [mia123] and [sov8r8ign] easily took care of it, and Kim Dokja didn’t die a single time even though he was too distracted by the boss’ nipples (seriously, which game designer thought this was a good idea?) to dodge any attacks.

As the boss’s HP bar dropped to 0 and it crumbled to the ground, he heard the familiar chime of a private message in his earphones.

*[mia123]: kick him now

A slow smile spread across Kim Dokja’s face. Ah, so that’s what she meant by ‘not yet’.  

[ You have expelled [sov8r8ign] from your party. ]

[sov8r8eign]’s avatar disappeared from the screen before he was able to pick up anything. Kim Dokja braced himself to get booted out of the map as well, but the notification never came.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: How did you know we wouldn’t get kicked out for not having enough party members after we killed the boss?

*[mia123]: experience

*[BF_Empress]: Do you screw people over like this a lot?

Maybe it was because they were partners in crime now, but [mia123] actually responded this time.

*[mia123]: occasionally

Kim Dokja laughed out loud, and immediately shut his mouth with a click, embarrassed that he’d let her influence his emotions that much. She’s not cute at all, he reminded himself solemnly. Don’t let her trick you into forgetting how much of an asshole she really is.

The music of the game seeped out of the screen, unbidden, and filled up his empty apartment until there was nothing left but light.

When they exited the party quest and arrived back at the entry map, [sov8r8ign] was cussing them out in the world channel for screwing him out of his rightful earnings. Kim Dokja glanced at the chat and casually directed his gaze elsewhere, unbothered. He tried looking for another party member, but the others there must have seen the messages scrolling past because they all rejected his invitation. 

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Want to get out of here and go kill some penguins instead?

*[mia123]: yes

Kim Dokja couldn’t resist teasing her a little.

*[BF_Empress]: Am I finally worth more than a period in your eyes?

*[mia123]: .

Even though he knew it didn’t mean anything, his heart still lurched in his chest.

Chapter Text

[mia123]’s ruthless dispatchment of anyone who tried to hit on her in-game only hardened Kim Dokja’s resolve to keep his true gender a secret. It was manipulative and obviously the wrong thing to do, sure, but he didn’t want to deal with her mistrust.

And it’s not like he was really a catfish by the definition of the word since he had no intentions of scamming her or trolling her. He was just...leaving some information out in order to make their partnership more comfortable for the few weeks they were spending together. The lie didn’t have any negative impact on her life, or so Kim Dokja kept telling himself. They were nothing but pit-stops in each other’s lives, the brief intersection between two lines before they continued on towards infinity.

Today, they were waiting around the entrance map in order to find a third member to do the party quest with them again. Or rather, Kim Dokja was searching for a third member while [mia123] squatted down in the corner of the map to dig for herbs.

[ Private message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Do you know anyone else in the game?

*[BF_Empress]: Never mind, I don't know why I bothered asking.

After PMing several people and getting turned down, Kim Dokja finally found a willing third wheel. 

[ Aslan has joined your party. ]

[Aslan]’s health bar appeared on the side of the screen underneath [mia123]'s slightly shorter one. She had apparently sustained some damage from her over-enthusiastic digging, which served her right.

[BF_Empress]: Hello.

[Aslan]: hello!

[mia123]: hurry up

[BF_Empress]: Fine.

By the time the familiar map of the first stage loaded on Kim Dokja’s computer screen, the gloomy background music was already punctuated by the death croaks of the stone golems as [mia123] cut her way through them. [Aslan] joined in enthusiastically. Kim Dokja didn't even bother.

[Aslan]: you’re really good at this game. did you have an account on an old server too?

[Aslan]: mia?

[Aslan]: hello?

[Aslan]: uh...are you ignoring me?

[BF_Empress]: Don't worry, it’s not personal. She's like that to everyone.

They cleared the stage, found the locket that they were supposed to look for, handed it to the NPC, and passed onto the next stage. Kim Dokja was content with letting [mia123] have free rein of the map, and settled for clearing the few monsters out of her reach. [Aslan], on the other hand, had different ideas.

[Aslan]: I can clear the monsters in this room if you guys wanna go on ahead to look for the ring?

[Aslan]: mia! I said I could clear the monsters here!

[Aslan]: hellooo

[Aslan]: this is a party quest, you're not soloing the dungeon, we're SUPPOSED to divide the monsters between us

[Aslan]: MIA STOP

[Aslan]: can you literally just STOP for one second

[BF_Empress]: Let's go. She can take care of the monsters here.

[Aslan]: does she plan on solo-ing the boss too?!

[BF_Empress]: I mean, she will certainly try. 

[Aslan]: ...

[Aslan]: whatever, I hate grinding anyway

[Aslan]: I don't really care as long as we divide the items the boss drops equally

[BF_Empress]: Well...we’ll see.

There was a ghost lurking near a skeleton sitting in the corner of the next room they entered. After conversing with him, a window popped up in the middle of the screen:

[ Speak the name of the one who has passed to bring their soul to rest. ]

[Aslan]: wait, I don’t remember this part from the old server 

[Aslan]: did the developers just add this segment in the latest patch?

[Aslan]: I’ll go look up the answer online, give me a second

[BF_Empress]: It's Baek Youngshin.

[Aslan]: what?

[BF_Empress]: The skeleton is Baek Youngshin. The childhood friend of Zhuge Lingling from the First Murim.

[Aslan]: wait, who's Zhuge Lingling?

[BF_Empress]: The Ice Flower Goddess.

[Aslan]: did you look that up on your phone? 

[BF_Empress]: Why do you have to look it up? Isn’t the answer obvious? The merchant at the First Murim mentioned that Baek Youngshin was missing when you handed him the Mysterious Letter during the pre-quests.

[Aslan]: how the hell am I supposed to remember THAT

[BF_Empress]: It's not that difficult if you pay attention to the NPCs’ dialogue.

Kim Dokja entered the name Baek Youngshin into the prompt box, and the skeleton crumbled to dust as the ghost warned them that the final boss was approaching. [mia123] soon joined up with them, and the three adventurers headed towards the next map together, with [Aslan] chatting with [BF_Empress] the whole time.

[Aslan]: I'm genuinely impressed

[Aslan]: I just checked, and according to the forums a lot of people got stuck on this part because they couldn't remember hahahaha

[Aslan]: but luckily we have you

[Aslan]: is this your first time playing B&S?

[BF_Empress]: It is.

[Aslan]: I actually had an account on an old server, our guild just migrated here!

[BF_Empress]: That’s nice.

[Aslan]: I couldn't play earlier because of finals, and now I'm super behind on levels and my guild members ditched me

[Aslan]: I was kind of worried earlier that I wouldn't have anyone to do the party quests with but I'm glad I met you!

[Aslan]: empress, are you a university student?

[BF_Empress]: No.

[BF_Empress]: And please don't call me empress.

[Aslan]: （・(ｪ)・） what do you want me to call you?

[mia123]: both of you shut up

[Aslan]: wow mia, you really suck

The appearance of the big boss interrupted any further complaints [Aslan] might've had. As usual, [mia123] contributed over 60% of the damage in the boss fight, while Kim Dokja idly clicked his way through the list of skills his avatar had to the beat of the background music. He did know which skills he was supposed to use; he just didn't have any motivation to fight an ugly nipple monster to the death when he needed to save his energy to fight his impending unemployment instead.

[ The monster of time has been defeated! The captive ghosts cry out in joy! ]

The boss exploded into an array of shining gold coins and colourful items, and [Aslan] immediately rushed forward to collect his share. [mia123] hung back beside [BF_Empress], unmoving. So she had seen them speaking to each other earlier, and decided not to screw [Aslan] over. Maybe she wasn't so heartless after all.

[Aslan]: the gloves here can only be worn by my class, do you mind if I take them?

[BF_Empress]: Go ahead.

[Aslan]: thanks! let me know if there’s something you want to call dibs on

[BF_Empress]: I don’t have anything I want.

A dark blue light caught Kim Dokja's eye, and he noticed that there was a Dream Fragment floating on the ground in the midst of all the items. [mia123] seemed to have noticed too, because she made a sudden movement towards it--but it was too late. The Dream Fragment disappeared into [Aslan]'s inventory.

[mia123]'s ears seemed to droop a little.

[BF_Empress]: Aslan, did you just pick up a Dream Fragment?

[Aslan]: yep

[BF_Empress]: I'll trade you a Dark Crystal for it, or I can buy it off you if you prefer gold instead.

[Aslan]: it's ok, you can have it

[Aslan]: I don't really need it right now, and I can always ask one of my guild members for one later

[BF_Empress]: It's fine. I didn't contribute anything to this party quest, so the Dream Fragment is rightfully yours. What do you want to trade for it?

[Aslan]: hmm...I'll take the crystal then?

[ You have sent [Aslan] a Trade Request. ] [ [Aslan] accepted your Trade Request! ]

[ Trade successful. ]

[Aslan]: thanks!

[BF_Empress]: No problem, thanks for agreeing to the trade.

[ You have sent [mia123] a Trade Request. ] [ [mia123] accepted your Trade Request! ]

[ Trade successful. ]

[ Private Message from [mia123] ]

*[mia123]: why did you do that

*[BF_Empress]: Dream Fragments are pretty useful for smithing equipment, aren't they? I thought you might want it.

*[BF_Empress]: You're welcome.

*[mia123]: don't do unnecessary things

*[BF_Empress]: Give it back then.

*[BF_Empress]: You're clearly not going to give it back to me, so just take it and stop acting paranoid when other people show you kindness.

[ Private Message from [Aslan] ]

*[Aslan]: hey, can I add you as a friend?

*[BF_Empress]: Sure.

Kim Dokja accepted the friend request that popped up on his screen. He had already added [mia123], so adding one more person didn't make a difference. Han Sooyoung could always delete them once she came back, and the mental image of Han Sooyoung arguing with [mia123]--and how much they would hate each other’s guts--cheered him up immensely.

[ Private Message from [Aslan] ]

*[Aslan]: you should join our guild once you reach level 30

*[Aslan]: we're the Revolutionaries, and everyone in the guild is super nice. you should consider it

*[BF_Empress]: Thanks for the offer, but I'm quitting the game next month.

*[Aslan]: but you just started playing...? it gets a lot better once you get to a higher level, I promise. like the fun doesn’t even begin until level 50

*[Aslan]: I know it's kinda a slog right now haha

*[BF_Empress]: This is actually a friend's account, I'm only using it temporarily while she’s away.

*[Aslan]: ohhh I see

*[Aslan]: you should get your own account then

*[BF_Empress]: I think I'm good.

*[Aslan]: alright, let me know if you change your mind

[ Private Message from [mia123] ]

*[mia123]: logging off

*[BF_Empress]: See you.

*[BF_Empress]: Same time tomorrow?

[ [mia123] is offline. They won't receive your private message until they log back in. ]

This uncooperative bastard. Kim Dokja rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched upwards anyway.

[ Private Message from [Aslan] ]

*[Aslan]: if you’re free right now, do you want to go to ludus lake together?

*[BF_Empress]: Sure, why not.

***

With the rise of the morning sun came Monday. Kim Dokja went to work, pretended to do work, and then went home and collapsed on the couch. Eventually hunger got the best of him, and he pulled himself up from the couch to go boil a pot of water. Maybe he'll have ram-don from Parasite ironically, just to remind himself of the class divide and give himself more motivation to find a job. 

Kim Dokja set the pot of water on the stove and turned up the heat. Then he stood there and watched it boil for a lack of anything better to do. It was weird how much he still didn't feel like an adult, even though he was slowly but surely edging towards the yawning chasm of 30. Was this what a mid-life crisis felt like? Or a quarter-life crisis, if he managed to live that long.

The sound of knocking startled him out of his reverie, and he quickly walked over to open the door.

"Ahjussi." A smiling Shin Yoosung beamed up at him. She was holding a blue notebook and pencil case in front of her chest. "Can I come in? I need help with math."

Kim Dokja checked the hallway behind her. It was empty. "Are your parents busy right now?"

"Mom is cooking dinner and Dad's not home yet," she said, stepping under his arm and entering anyway like a miniature home invader. She shucked off her shoes and padded towards the kitchen, where she dropped her notebook onto the table with a plop. "What are you having for dinner? Instant ramyun again?"

Kim Dokja coughed. "I add vegetables to my noodles," he replied, feeling self-conscious. "Anyway, what’s the question?" He left the door ajar in caution and followed her to the kitchen.

Shin Yoosung was sitting cross-legged on her chair, and she slid her notebook across the table towards him when he sat down beside her. "The first question goes like this: 'Grandpa Kim has a lot of rabbits, fish, and chickens in one cage. There's 128 feet and 46 heads, how many rabbits, chickens and fish are in the cage?'"

Kim Dokja's eye twitched. "That sounds convoluted."

"Can you solve it for me?" she asked expectantly.

It was hard to admit that he had forgotten how to do math, especially when she was looking at him with starry eyes. 

"I can try,” he said. “But wait, why are there fish in the cage? They don't have feet."

"So the answer is 0 then, because they're all dead," Shin Yoosung finished for him, nodding along. "Wow, you're so smart, ahjussi!"

His gaze softened. It was good to know that he still was a competent adult, after all. "If we set the number of bunnies as x..."

They managed to get through almost five questions before his phone started ringing loudly on the table.

"Sorry about the interruption," he said, picking it up. Was Han Sooyoung calling him or something? The caller ID read ‘Deputy Yoon’. "Let's continue."

Kim Dokja set the phone back down and let it go straigth to voicemail. If this was really urgent and not a botched attempt to try to get him to work unpaid overtime, Deputy Yoon would call back.

After a few moments of silence, his phone buzzed again.

“It’s alright, I don’t mind,” said Shin Yoosung. She was truly the most mature child he had ever met. “You should check your messages, it might be important.”

“Sorry about this.”

This time, the message was from Jung Heewon, who was asking him if he wanted to meet up with Lee Hyunsung this weekend. Kim Dokja quickly texted her a reply and pocketed his phone. When he turned back to Shin Yoosung, she was staring at him. 

"Was that your girlfriend?" she asked, sounding eager.

"She’s someone else’s girlfriend." The hopeful look in Shin Yoosung’s eyes was replaced with a pitying one, and Kim Dokja hastily backtracked. “She’s just a friend of mine, a platonic one. I’m not interested in her at all and there are no love triangles involved, so you can stop thinking whatever you’re thinking right now.”

“I hope you’ll find love soon, ahjussi. You deserve it,” said Shin Yoosung, much to his mortification. "Oh, and do you think you’ll keep living here once you get married? And put both your names on the lease? Or are you going to take out a mortgage for a new house that you won’t be able to repay until you retire?"

Kim Dokja was begrudgingly impressed by her arsenal of knowledge. "You really know a lot about these things, don't you?"

"Of course!" she replied, sounding proud. "I watch soap operas with Mom all the time. We're watching this one right now where this bad man cheats on his wife with her best friend and then they make her drown and lose her baby but she comes back and pretends to be someone else’s daughter and gets revenge..."

They spent the next ten minutes discussing the soap opera, which seemed to have given Shin Yoosung a lot of strange ideas about what marriage was like. He was also more than a little relieved that they weren't doing math anymore, because he wasn’t prepared to be confronted with inane word problems about people walking towards each other at different speeds after such a long time away.

Shin Yoosung was telling him about how the heroine managed to liquidate her ex-husband’s assets when their gossiping session was interrupted by her mother’s voice. "Yoosung? Are you in there?”

"Please come in," Kim Dokja called out.

Shin Yoosung gathered up her stuff and ran towards her mother in the entryway, wrapping her small arms around her middle in a hug. "Kim Dokja-ahjussi was helping me with my math homework," she babbled, looking up at her with bright eyes.

"That's great, but you need to ask him for permission first before going to his place next time, Yoosung-ah," Shin Yoosung's mother ran a hand through Shin Yoosung’s hair before turning to smile at Kim Dokja. "Thank you for taking care of her. Have you eaten yet, Dokja-ssi? If you're not busy, we'd love to have you over for dinner."

Kim Dokja scuffed his sock against the floor, trying to come up with a polite way to turn down her offer. "Ah, I'm sorry, but I've already started preparing dinner. Maybe another time?"

Shin Yoosung looked between him and her mother like she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. "See you tomorrow then, ahjussi!" she finally said, slipping on her shoes as her mother watched her fondly.

"See you."

He waved the two of them goodbye, and closed the door behind them with a light sigh. His pot of water had nearly all evaporated by the time he remembered it, but he didn't mind.

***

[BF_Empress]: I swear when you logged off last night you were only at level 23. How on earth did you get to level 26 in one afternoon?

[BF_Empress]: I hope this doesn’t mean you’ve been doing party quests with other people behind my back, unnie. I thought we were in a monogamous partnership.

[mia123]: weren’t you with aslan as well

[BF_Empress]: What, are you jealous that I'm friends with him?

Kim Dokja knew that the reply was ‘no’ even before it came.

[mia123]: no

[BF_Empress]: That was a quick response.

[BF_Empress]: Don't worry, you'll always be my closest companion. I wouldn't trade your sparkling personality for anything in the world.

[mia123]: silence

[BF_Empress]: Do people actually take you seriously when you say that?

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: You're losing your touch; there was barely any venom in your words.

[mia123] ignored him, and turned back to her slaughter of the unsuspecting penguins in scuba masks. Kim Dokja had no idea how she wasn’t bored of this repetitive grinding yet. He propped his chin up on one hand, and typed out another message with the other.

[BF_Empress]: You're so diligent, unnie. Are you a model employee at work?

[BF_Empress]: Just watching you play this game is single-handedly raising the KPI of our country.

No response. Her tolerance for his bullshit seemed to be increasing as they spent more time around each other, which was both a blessing and a curse. He missed the days when he could rile her up much more easily.

As [mia123] slit another penguin’s throat expressionlessly, Kim Dokja’s attention drifted to her face, which he noticed had changed slightly since the last time he saw her.

[BF_Empress]: I didn’t know you cared so much about your looks. But then again, the cat ears was kind of an indicator. 

[mia123] stopped in her tracks to type out a reply, not caring that she was currently standing in the middle of a swarm of increasingly bloodthirsty penguins.

[mia123]: what

[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to stand there? 

[mia123]: What did you mean.

[BF_Empress]: I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you use proper punctuation. I’m so incredibly honoured.

[BF_Empress]: The shape of your avatar’s eyes changed, and you’re wearing eyeshadow now. Did you get plastic surgery with an NPC in town while I was gone?

After a long pause, during which he watched [mia123]’s health bar slowly shrink at the side of his screen, she finally replied.

[mia123]: I’ll be back

[BF_Empress]: Are you not going to climb to safety first? Even if the damage the penguins deal is minimal since you’re so buffed up with potions, you will eventually die if you keep standing there like a suicidal pillar.

[BF_Empress]: Did you already leave?

[BF_Empress]: You couldn’t even have bothered to climb up one of the ropes before leaving your avatar unattended?

[BF_Empress]: I think this is possibly one of the most pathetic ways to die in game: slowly beaten to death by penguins because you couldn’t be bothered to move your avatar to a safe place before going to the bathroom.

Avatars in the game lost a lot of EXP when they died, and Kim Dokja couldn’t believe [mia123] would ever do something to set back her furious rampage through the levels, not to mention something this dumb. Onscreen, her red health bar continued dropping as the angry penguins slapped her immobile body with their flippers. 

Kim Dokja wasn’t a particularly morally upstanding person, and so the scene of [mia123] getting mauled in front of him brought a bright smile to his face. He hadn’t felt this cheerful in a while, and the fact that his happiness was built on top of someone else’s suffering didn’t really bother him. He briefly contemplated just doing nothing and letting her die and get sent back to the nearest town--it was what she would have done if their roles were reversed--but that would only put her in a terrible mood for the rest of her night.

Kim Dokja weighed the two options in his mind: 1) let her die so he can enjoy the exquisite schadenfreude, or 2) try to save her so she would be indebted to him, and the answer was obvious.

He moved [BF_Empress] so he was standing between her and the rabid penguins, and started fighting them off. By the time [mia123] got back from her extended bathroom break nearly twenty minutes later, she still had a breath left in her body. She immediately drank a potion and restored her health, before jumping up onto an elevated platform out of the penguins’ reach.

[mia123]: You kept me alive?

It took Kim Dokja a while to come up with an appropriately guilt-inducing response.

[BF_Empress]: We’re friends, aren’t we? It's the least I could do.

***

Kim Dokja's favourite bookstore was tucked away at a street corner twenty minutes by foot from where he lived. It was nice to occasionally stop by and see which undeserving webnovels had gotten a print publication while Ways of Survival was lost to time. Besides, it’s not like the employees could kick him out for reading for free without buying anything, though they did give him unimpressed looks every time they saw him. 

He was one of the only customers in the store when he dropped by after work that day, and he quietly wove his way through the shelves towards the science fiction aisle. On his way there, a multicoloured display of children's textbooks caught his eye. The bright green cover of the textbook closest to him was sporting the title Advanced Math for Grade 4 Students Explained in bolded font, and there was a cartoon of a small girl sitting with her father next to it.

Kim Dokja paused in front of the display. It wasn't like he had any obligation to be Shin Yoosung's math tutor, but he did feel a slight sense of responsibility towards her academic achievements, and didn’t want to seem clueless if she ever came to him with a harder question. He had the dignity of an ahjussi to uphold.

As he reached over to pick up the textbook, his shoulder collided with something warm and solid. "I'm sorry," he said, taking a step back. "I didn't see you there."

The stranger he had bumped into stared at him for a moment or two before looking away, like he had already lost interest. Kim Dokja’s eyes travelled down the man's broad chest and landed on the book in his hand, The Single Father's Guide to Raising Remarkable Children. It seemed like they were both troubled by the same thing.

Noticing Kim Dokja’s stare, the stranger narrowed his eyes. "What are you looking at?" he demanded, tucking the book under his arm.

"Nothing," Kim Dokja replied, schooling his face back into a neutral (and hopefully innocent) expression. 

The man shot him another glare before turning away. There was something about his dark eyes that brought up a strong sense of deja vu, and Kim Dokja blinked a few times, struggling to recall where he had encountered this man before. 

Is he one of Han Sooyoung’s friends? Or one of the patrons of Jung Heewon’s bar? Or a celebrity, perhaps? He certainly does look the part. He pictured the man's face on a computer screen, flattened out his face until it was 2D, and then added an obnoxious instagram filter...

Kim Dokja’s lips parted in realization. "You're YJH," he blurted out, taking a step towards him. Yoo Sangah's favourite streamer.

YJH stopped in his tracks. He slipped out a black face mask from the pocket of his jacket and put it on, all while glaring at Kim Dokja. The implication was clear.

The novelty of meeting a celebrity in real life wears off pretty quickly once you realize he's an asshole, Kim Dokja mused. He noted the dark glare on YJH's face and added, "I won't tell anyone you're a single father, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not a single father," YJH snapped.

“I see. Is that extracurricular reading material then?”

“Shut the hell up.”

Yoo Sangah was right; YJH did have a nice voice even if nothing good came out of his mouth. 

Speaking of Yoo Sangah, wasn't her birthday coming up soon? Since he was leaving his job in a few months, this was the last birthday he would ever be present for. She definitely wouldn't accept something too expensive, but he also didn't want to get her something too cheap...the appearance of YJH was truly a blessing in disguise. Even if she didn't want his autograph, she could resell it online for a pretty good price. Kim Dokja mentally congratulated himself for coming up with such a good idea.

With that in mind, he quickly caught up with YJH, who had moved on to another section of children’s books.

"Sorry to bother you while you're shopping," Kim Dokja ventured cautiously, stopping beside him, "but would it be alright if you signed an autograph for my friend? She's a huge fan of yours." That was a lie. "Her birthday is coming up soon, and this would really make her happy." That was probably not a lie.

YJH's expression darkened even further at the sound of his words.

"I’m guessing that’s a no?”

A hand shot out and grabbed his collar, pulling him in until he was nearly nose to nose with YJH. Kim Dokja craned his neck upwards to meet his eyes, which were burning with fury. He was glad the bookstore was deserted, because he really wasn’t looking forward to showing up on everyone’s social media feeds as That Guy YJH Punched in a Bookstore.

“Stop following me,” growled YJH, tightening his grip on his collar. His threat came out a little muffled from behind his face mask. “If you keep stalking me--”

When he thought about the confrontation in bed that night, Kim Dokja would have no idea what came over him at that moment. It probably had something to do with how familiar his words sounded, almost as if Kim Dokja had endured this exact conversation before.

“Following you from one end of the aisle to the other doesn’t count as stalking,” he argued. “It’s fine if you don’t want to sign an autograph, you don’t have to act like a madman just because you’re annoyed. Now let go of me.”

The hand fisted in his collar didn’t budge. He did feel bad for the guy since it was obvious he had been harassed by fans before, but did he really have to do this in the children’s aisle, right next to Bedtime Stories for Little Girls and Easy English for Grades 4-5? This was beyond lame.

“Are you trying to elevate this to physical assault?" Kim Dokja asked in the sternest voice he could muster. "What would your child think if you got arrested?"

YJH let go, looking like it physically pained him to not be able to kill him on the spot. "I don't have a child," he said through gritted teeth.

"A niece or nephew then. Anyway, it was nice meeting you." Now that he was free, Kim Dokja backed away and casually straightened his collar. "For your sake and mine, I hope we never see each other again. Oh, and you should really buy a book on anger management techniques."

He could still feel YJH glaring daggers at his back as he walked out of the store.

Chapter Text

Sitting at his desk, Kim Dokja scrolled idly through his phone with the game open and running on his laptop screen. He had one of his earphones plugged in his ear, and was listening halfheartedly to the familiar background music at [mia123]’s favourite haunt as he refreshed his email for any responses from companies.

[BF_Empress] and [mia123] were at levels 30 and 32 respectively, and they had both unlocked the much anticipated privilege of killing other players in-game. He thought she would take to this new development like fish to water, but to his surprise, she was surprisingly well-behaved for someone so bloodthirsty. It was like she was going out of her way to avoid making enemies, and she nearly always defaulted to ignoring others instead of confronting them directly.

[ [mia123] has logged in. ]

He heard the familiar chime in his ear, and immediately set down his phone and plugged the other earphone into his other ear. It was only after he had typed out his message to her that he noticed the tension in his shoulders, leftover from work, had dissipated sometime when he wasn’t paying attention.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: I found a hidden scenario last night after you went to bed.

*[mia123]: What scenario

*[BF_Empress]: I think that's the fastest response time from you yet. Keep going and you'll break a world record.

*[mia123]: Explain

*[BF_Empress]: Aslan and I explored Demon Realm together last night after you logged off, and I somehow got stuck in the wall of the industrial complex. Obviously it wasn’t my problem but rather a game design issue, but I digress.

*[BF_Empress]: Just when I was about to embrace death, I realized I could try breaking the wall down instead. After all, the EXP penalty for death does hit a little too hard once you get past level 30.

*[mia123]: Get to the point

*[BF_Empress]: Good stories need a well-developed beginning, middle, and end. Don't rush me.

*[BF_Empress]: So I attacked the wall, and it turns out that the wall was actually the hidden entrance to the throne room where the 73rd Demon King was waiting inside. Aslan and I weren't strong enough to defeat the boss, so I told him we could count on you.

*[mia123]: Don't make promises on my behalf.

*[BF_Empress]: Yes, alright, I know, etc. Can you save the lecture for when we get there? I promised Aslan we'd meet up with him at 10.

*[mia123]: How did you know I'll agree

*[BF_Empress]: I trust you.

*[BF_Empress]: And I know you'd never let a chance to level up slip through your fingers, you crazy overachieving bastard.

*[BF_Empress]: Before you get mad, that was a compliment.

*[mia123]: Shut up and lead the way.

Things between them had changed a little ever since Kim Dokja saved [mia123] from the penguins and cemented their relationship as life and death companions. She was no longer as curt and irritable as she used to be during their conversations, and she stopped sending those annoying, dismissive periods. While he wasn’t naive enough to think this meant they were friends, he did feel like they were on more equal footing now. 

It was nice, being seen by someone.

They headed to where [Aslan]’s white-haired male avatar was waiting, and went on to defeat the boss together like promised. [mia123] channeled the pent-up anger she had towards Kim Dokja to the Demon King, and they successfully killed him before the 30 minutes timer ran out.

[World][Announcement]: [ Congratulations to [mia123], [Aslan], [BF_Empress] for defeating the 73rd Demon King! ]

[World][imyuntar]: I was not aware there was even a boss called the 73rd Demon King.

[World][osu]: U・ᴥ・U is this a new hidden scenario? congratulations on getting the first server-wide kill U・ᴥ・U

[World][AbyssalDrago]: what the hell who are these randos

[World][Silocke]: You dropped your ‘n’.

[World][AbyssalDrago]: shut up!

[World][last.pharaoh]: You brought this upon yourself. There were so many other ways to get around the character limit for avatar names, but you had to choose the worst one.

[World][AbyssalDrago]: ARGHHH SHUT UP!

Kim Dokja tore his eyes away from the drama unfolding in the world channel.

[BF_Empress]: Is this what it feels like to be a war hero?

[mia123]: You didn’t even contribute anything

[Aslan]: ...why are you like this?

[BF_Empress]: Excuse yourself, I provided emotional support. And why would I worry about attacking when you’re here?

They divided up the loot the boss dropped together, and even Kim Dokja ended up with a pair of black wings that neither [Aslan] nor [mia123] wanted after the dust settled. [Aslan] claimed that the black feathers clashed with the steampunk aesthetic he was going for with his outfit, while [mia123] was unimpressed by the mediocre stat bonuses it provided. Kim Dokja didn’t really care either way and cheerfully equipped it. 

Han Sooyoung will be proud of how edgy this looks, he mused.

[Aslan]: by the way, empress...are you free this wednesday?

[BF_Empress]: Possibly. Why?

[Aslan]: do you want to do the chilseok special event quest together?

Chilseok...wasn’t that a romantic holiday? Kim Dokja had never spent it with anyone else before, but he supposed it didn’t mean anything in this context. It was just another opportunity to get good equipment and EXP with no emotional strings attached. Even if [Aslan] hadn’t asked him, he would’ve spent it with [mia123] anyway, assuming that she didn’t have any real-life obligations. 

Besides, the avatar [Aslan] was a man, and there was a 50-50 chance the person behind the avatar was also a man. So they were just two men being bros, hanging out platonically on Chilseok in an unromantic computer game.

[BF_Empress]: Sure. I’ll message you when I’m online then.

[Aslan]: okay!

[Aslan]: that’s great!

[Aslan]: see you then!

Throughout the rest of the night, he found himself staring at [mia123]’s avatar and waiting for her to say something, but she never did.

***

Kim Dokja was engrossed in reading the drama in the comment threads of a webnovel as he waited for his rice to finish cooking that he didn’t even hear the knocks on his door until they devolved into full-out banging. 

“Coming,” he called out, racing towards the front entrance. He unlatched the door and pulled it open, and narrowly avoided getting punched in the groin by a small fist.

“Oh hey, ahjussi,” said Yoo Mia, hiding her hands behind her back with an innocent expression. “What’s up?”

“Isn’t it a bit late in the afternoon to be sleeping?” asked Shin Yoosung, who was standing beside her.

Kim Dokja’s gaze swept over the hallway behind them. It was empty. He looked back down at the girls with a frown. “Is there something wrong? Do you need me to call someone for you?”

“Everything’s fine, my parents are out shopping,” Shin Yoosung assured him in a confident voice. “Actually, we were just wondering if we could borrow your computer for something? It’s school-related, so it’s Very Serious Business.”

His mind whirred to action, cogs spinning at full speed as he tried to remember which tabs were currently open on his laptop. He was decently sure he had closed all the webnovel tabs last night, so there should only be work-related things open, right?

“We promise we won’t look through your browser history,” Yoo Mia added, like she had read his mind.

“Why would I be worried about that?” he deflected. “Do your parents know you’re coming over to my place?”

“My parents don’t mind,” Shin Yoosung said airily.

There was something about the tone of her voice that triggered Kim Dokja’s built-in bullshit detector. “Did they give you explicit permission, Yoosung?”

“But they would if they knew about this,” she argued. “And you let me into your apartment last time!”

Kim Dokja brought a hand up to his face to massage his temples. “Because your parents were home last time, and they knew where you were going. I don’t think Mia’s parents would be pleased to know their daughter went into a stranger’s apartment unsupervised.”

“Why would we even need to go into your apartment?” asked Yoo Mia, sounding genuinely confused. “Just give us your laptop at the door and we’ll return it to you after we’re done with it.”

...The guts these children had, honestly. Kim Dokja could swear he wasn’t nearly this precocious at their age.

Shin Yoosung sent her friend a disapproving look. “Dokja-ahjussi’s laptop might be password-protected.”

“He can write his password on a sticky note and give it to us then.”

“What if you need administrator rights to install something on his computer?”

“He can give us those rights at the door.”

That wasn’t how admin rights worked, but Kim Dokja wasn’t about to explain things so they could make off with his computer. Instead, he turned on his phone and pulled up Shin Yoosung’s mother’s contact, his thumb hovering over the call button.

“Wait, don’t call her!” said Shin Yoosung, tugging on his sleeve with a pleading look on her face. “I’m not allowed to have friends over when my parents aren’t home, and Mia would get in trouble with her brother too if he knew she wasn’t allowed to come over. You’d be responsible for our eternal sadness if you tattled.”

Yoo Mia glared at him, as if she was daring him to try it. Kim Dokja didn’t doubt that she would reach over and snatch his phone right out of his hands if he tried to make the call. Slowly and carefully, he slid his phone back into his pocket, making sure not to make any sudden movements so he wouldn’t startle her. 

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll lend you my laptop. I think you two know not to touch anything that looks important, so I won’t give you a speech about that.”

“You’re the best ahjussi I’ve ever met!”

“Call me oppa.”

Kim Dokja retrieved his laptop from where it was lying on his desk and passed it to Yoo Mia, who took it eagerly from his hands. “The password is Minosoftisascam2019, with a capital M.”

“Got it!” Shin Yoosung saluted him. “Thanks, ahjussi. You have enough space on your hard drive, right?”

“I do, but don’t install anything from unreputable websites. I need my laptop for work.”

“Oh please,” Yoo Mia huffed. “I know all about malware. My brother taught me everything I had to know. I even know to keep my webcam covered when I’m not using it, while you don’t even have a sticker over yours!”

“I didn’t know your brother was South Korea’s leading expert on cybersecurity,” Kim Dokja said dryly.

Yoo Mia turned up her nose in the air. “Of course he is! Oppa has 10 years of anti-harassment experience--”

Shin Yoosung grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hallway. “Thanks for lending us your computer!” she called over her shoulder. “We’ll keep it safe for you.”

Kim Dokja waited until they disappeared back into Shin Yoosung’s apartment before running a hand through his hair and letting out a fond sigh. When he headed back to his kitchen, he was greeted by the heavenly smell of freshly cooked rice. 

True to their word, Shin Yoosung and Yoo Mia brought back his laptop unscathed a few hours later. 

“What did you guys install?” asked Kim Dokja, looking through his laptop to make sure there weren’t any sketchy pop-ups.

Yoo Mia and Shin Yoosung exchanged a conspiratorial look and giggled. “It’s okay, ahjussi,” said Shin Yoosung, “we didn’t install anything in the end after all.”

***

[BF_Empress]: Did you ever manage to buy some dragonhide at the auction house?

[mia123]: No

[BF_Empress]: I can ask Aslan if he has any. His guild members are pretty resourceful, and I know they did a few rounds of the Bahamut party quest last week.

[mia123]: No

[BF_Empress]: Why not? I'm sure he's forgiven you by now.

[mia123]: I don't want to owe you.

[BF_Empress]: You'll be the one paying Aslan this time, so you won't owe me.

[BF_Empress]: The Dream Fragment situation only happened because I knew he wouldn't have agreed if you were the one asking.

[mia123]: I refuse

[BF_Empress]: It's not as big of a deal as you think it is;  I'm not expecting you to return the favour. 

[mia123]: I doubt it

[BF_Empress]: Stop being a paranoid bastard. What could I even want from you?

[BF_Empress]: A pedophile would have lost interest in you a long time ago since you're neither cute, innocent, nor a child. Unless you think I'm trying to pick you up? 

[BF_Empress]: For your information, I’m a heterosexual woman. So that should be the least of your worries, unnie.

[BF_Empress]: So do you want me to ask Aslan or not? Yes or no.

[mia123]: Fine

[BF_Empress]: Of course you’d pick the third option when only two are given.

[BF_Empress]: I messaged him.

At this point, Kim Dokja didn’t know why he was still going out of his way to do nice things for [mia123]. Maybe it was because he pitied her for trying so hard to gather all the materials to craft her sword, or maybe it was simply because he was bored and had nothing better to do. Or maybe he was projecting his own struggles onto her, and felt like if she could get what she wanted then he could as well. 

He wanted her to succeed. More specifically, he wanted her to stop being a paranoid bastard and accept his help already, god damn it.

[mia123]: What was the event

[BF_Empress]: You mean the special event that just ended? 

[mia123]: Yes

[BF_Empress]: An Outer God appeared in First Murim, and everyone defeated it together through the power of love and friendship.

[BF_Empress]: I took screenshots. Did you want to see them? They’re not quite nightmare fuel, but they’re close.

[mia123]: No

[BF_Empress]: Good, because I didn’t actually take screenshots.

[BF_Empress]: That reminds me; the Outer God dropped a level 60 hat called ‘Half-Eaten Dreams’ when it left. Go search it up, it looks quite interesting.

[BF_Empress]: It's probably the ugliest game accessory I've ever seen, and I can’t tell if it's supposed to look ugly or if the designers were just having a bad day. 

[BF_Empress]: You can have the hat if you want...but only if you ask nicely.

[mia123]: No

[BF_Empress]: This is the first time you've turned down an offer of free equipment. Does the ugliness of the hat affect even your indelicate sensibilities? 

[BF_Empress]: The design is very edgy, but I think you could pull it off. Fashion is all about making the impossible possible, after all.

[BF_Empress]: Unless you're so against the idea of common courtesy that you'd rather die than thank me?

[mia123]: It's too ugly.

[BF_Empress]: !

[BF_Empress]: Do you seriously care about the aesthetics of the hat more than its attributes?

[BF_Empress]: I don't even recognize you anymore.

[BF_Empress]: Did you get hacked? Do I need to call the cyber police?

[mia123]: The cyber police don't investigate hackings.

[BF_Empress]: That's the idea, yes.

[BF_Empress]: Apparently there will be another tide of monsters arriving at the Demon Realm in half an hour, do you want to head over now?

[mia123]: Add me

[ You have invited [mia123] to your party. ]

[ [mia123] has accepted your party invitation. ]

Sometimes, he got the distinct feeling that she was only pretending to be annoyed.

***

Lee Hyunsung had excused himself to the bathroom after one too many drinks, leaving Kim Dokja and Jung Heewon in the booth to keep chatting. Jung Heewon was a highschool gym teacher, and now that school was out for the summer, she was working part-time as a bartender at this exact establishment. In order to take advantage of her employee’s discount, their friend group had migrated their meetings here for the foreseeable future.

"And then this bitch had the nerve to come up to me and--" Jung Heewon's phone started vibrating madly, interrupting her mid-sentence. She turned her phone over on the desk where it had been laying face down, and frowned at the name on the screen. 

"You should take the call, I don't mind," said Kim Dokja, sipping from his glass of grape Milkis. "It might be urgent."

"Maybe," she replied, typing out a text to whomever was calling. "Hey, do you still remember Hyunsung's friend from high school? The celebrity?" She said the last word with disdain.

"Vaguely. What about him?"

Kim Dokja remembered how intrigued Han Sooyoung was by the fact that Lee Hyunsung was apparently good friends with a celebrity, and how she hassled him about it in the name of doing research for her novels. It was one of the many, many things she and Jung Heewon always argued about.

Jung Heewon's phone buzzed, and she frowned at it briefly before continuing on. "Well, his friend coaches this girl called Lee Jihye, and I met her a few times for lunch. She seems to look up to me as some sort of mentor." Jung Heewon shrugged at the admission, but there was no denying the subtle pride in her voice. "She calls me sometimes to ask for advice, whatever. It's not a big deal.”

Coaching? “I thought his friend was an actor.”

Jung Heewon nearly snorted her drink up her nose. “Actor? Are you kidding me?” she asked in disbelief. “No, he’s a professional gamer and a semi-professional asshole.” 

“Wait a minute,” said Kim Dokja, a faint memory blossoming in the back of his head. “Is this the same friend that glared at the driver who rear-ended his car so hard she burst into tears and the police thought he was the one who rear-ended her?”

She snapped her fingers and pointed at him. “Yep, got it in one.”

Kim Dokja leaned back in his seat in shock as he tried to process the fact that he was finally meeting this gargantuan asshole. He knew the mythos surrounding this bastard by heart, including fan favourite legends like That Time Lee Hyunsung’s Friend Called Someone by the Wrong Name For Two Months On Purpose, or That Time Lee Hyunsung’s Friend Brought His Own Food to the Restaurant and Paid the Owner to Shut Up About It, or That Time Lee Hyunsung’s Friend Reported his Neighbours who were Violating Noise Bylaws and Got Them Fined.

Another pro gamer, huh. I wonder who’s the bigger asshole between him and YJH.

The screen of Jung Heewon’s phone suddenly lit up with the flood of incoming texts, and Kim Dokja blinked curiously at the alarming messages as they flashed by.

[Jihye]

>> UNNIE HELP

>> I THINK I BROKE MASTER'S MICROWAVE

"You should probably call her back," he said pointedly.

Jung Heewon sighed, resigned to her fate. "I should.” She brought the phone up to her ear. “Hello? I know. You should be calling maintenance, not me. Yeah. Shouldn’t you be more worried about his iPhone? Uh-huh. Of course Kim Namwoon was the one who came up with the idea, I’m not even surprised. Hmm. Then it’s not broken , it’s just trashed. Mhmm. I have no idea how to clean it, look it up on the internet. Yeah. Are you not going to tell your manager? Hm. Well, I suggest you start writing that 1000 word reflective essay right now before school starts up again. Yep. Okay, bye.”

“Crisis averted?”

Jung Heewon wrinkled her nose. “This is why I didn’t go into counselling,” she sighed. “Anyway, the only reason I’m bringing this guy up is because Hyunsung wants to invite him to our get-together tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait,” said Kim Dokja, deadpan.

“And tell Han Sooyoung to behave herself when she meets him, I don’t want to clean up after them if their asshole energies collide and--”

“Han Sooyoung’s on vacation right now.”

“She is?” Jung Heewon’s visage brightened considerably. “Even better. You can bring someone else as your +1 if she’s not coming then.”

It was kind of her to offer, but there wasn’t anyone else. 

When Kim Dokja looked up from his glass, Jung Heewon was peering at him with a suspicious frown on her face. “Are you overthinking things again?”

“Of course not,” said Kim Dokja. “I’m just wondering if Hyunsung-ssi’s friend is going to insist on bringing his own dinner tomorrow because he still refuses to eat ‘outside food.’”

Jung Heewon grimaced. “Yeah, he probably will.”

***

Growing up, Kim Dokja never had many friends. He and Han Sooyoung started out as online penpals, and they met up for the first time when he was at university. Jung Heewon was the bartender at the bar Kim Dokja’s coworkers from his last job liked to frequent, and they had gradually gotten to know each other. Lee Hyunsung was Jung Heewon’s boyfriend, and it was even easier to befriend someone as trusting as him.

While Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung had each other and Han Sooyoung had her friends from university, Kim Dokja didn’t have anyone else. He and Yoo Sangah were work acquaintances, and with his contract ending soon, he was sure he would never see her again. Going even further back, his childhood and adolescence were completely devoid of any human connection.

But no one else knew of Mia’s existence but him, not even Han Sooyoung, who usually knew everything that was going on in his bland life. Back in middle school, Han Sooyoung had been the one to reach out to him first. This time, he was the one to actively pursue a friendship with Mia, and the one to bring her out of her self-imposed isolation.

In a way, that made her his . In a platonic and mutually feminine way, of course.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Where are you right now?

*[BF_Empress]: I know you know I know you're online, your level just went up right now.

*[BF_Empress]: I'll give you an embarrassing shoutout on the world channel if you don't reply within the next five minutes.

*[mia123]: Warped path of time 3

*[BF_Empress]: Stay there and don't move.

[BF_Empress]: You moved.

[BF_Empress]: I'm very disappointed in you.

[mia123]: What do you want

[BF_Empress]: I want to show you something. It’s pretty close to here, and I swear it won't take up too much of your time.

[mia123]: I'm busy

[BF_Empress]: Come on, Mia, what's the point of playing a game if you're not actually going to enjoy yourself? You're treating it like a second office job. 

[BF_Empress]: "Work hard and play hard - don't forget to take time to appreciate the finer things life has to offer."

[BF_Empress]: I have more quotes in my arsenal if you're still not convinced.

[BF_Empress]: "Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow." Lao Tzu.

[mia123]: Will you shut up if i go with you?

[BF_Empress]: I think that's the longest sentence I've ever seen you type. 

[BF_Empress]: And yes, I will. But I can’t promise for how long.

[BF_Empress]: It's this way, we need to go back up the ladder.

[BF_Empress]: Follow me.

[BF_Empress]: It's down here, you have to go in the water to get to the place I want to show you.

[mia123]: I'm not going in the water.

[BF_Empress]: Why not? It's a lovely day for a swim, both in-game and in real life.

[mia123]: You lose 10 hp every second.

[BF_Empress]: So?

[BF_Empress]: Don't tell me you're going to turn around and head back. You're already here, so you might as well come take a look. Sunk cost fallacy and everything.

[BF_Empress]: Death is meaningless when revival is immediate. What are you even afraid of?

[mia123]: You're insufferable.

[BF_Empress]: I've heard worse before. Are you coming or not?

[mia123]: Where the hell are we going.

[BF_Empress]: Have some patience, we're almost there.

When he first stumbled across the hidden spot, he was mostly just surprised at how this game did have some decent scenery to offer. After he got over his initial amazement, the only thought left in his head was, I want to show her this.

[BF_Empress]: Swim through this patch of seaweed and duck behind the rock here, then turn your avatar around. Now look up.

[BF_Empress]: Isn't the view beautiful? It's like looking up at the sky. You can even see the heart of the clocktower from here.

[BF_Empress]: I’m sure you noticed, but your HP doesn’t even decrease in this spot, it’s completely isolated from the rest of the underwater map.

[BF_Empress]: I don't know why they haven't repaired this glitch yet when people can easily stumble across it, but I like to think maybe someone on the development team left it in on purpose.

[BF_Empress]: It's almost like you're suspended in time here, in the water. 

[BF_Empress]: Want me to take a screenshot of you?

[mia123]: Empress

[BF_Empress]: Yes?

[mia123]: How the hell are we going to get out of here?

[BF_Empress]: Well, you know how you get sent back to the nearest town if you die? I committed suicide last time and it worked.

[BF_Empress]: If that's too morbid for you, then I can do the honours?

[ You have been killed by [mia123]! ]

[ Press OK to be revived. Once you have revived, you will be sent to a safe town nearby. ]

[ You have lost 1863 EXP. ]

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: I admit I deserved that.

*[BF_Empress]: On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the time I accidentally messaged the world channel instead of PMing you and 10 being the time I convinced you to jump to your death from the top of the clocktower, how mad are you right now?

Chapter Text

“Where’s your plus one?”

“Everyone was busy.” Kim Dokja toed off his shoes and neatly arranged them to the side of the welcome mat on the ground. 

“That’s too bad,” said Jung Heewon, walking with him to the kitchen. “I thought you were going to bring that one coworker of yours, what’s her name again?”

“You mean Yoo Sangah?” Kim Dokja dropped the bag of soda bottles he brought onto the kitchen, next to the intimidating army of soju bottles that were waiting to be consumed. As the only person who didn’t like alcohol--even the lightweight Lee Hyunsung could be peer pressured into drinking--he was in charge of bringing his own drinks to any get-togethers.

“Yeah, her. She seems cool.” 

As they made their way to the living room, Kim Dokja’s curious gaze roamed over the apartment. “Am I the first one here?”

“Hyunsung’s picking up our food orders from the restaurant,” said Jung Heewon. “He should be back soon.”

“What about the legendary bastard?”

“I don’t know, maybe he’s yelling at children to get off his lawn somewhere,” Jung Heewon replied. She rested her elbow on his shoulder and leaned in with a smirk, her eyes shining with a conspiratorial light. “By the way, this girl Hyunsung went to highschool with is also coming.” 

Kim Dokja had a bad feeling about the shit-eating grin on her face. “So?”

“She’s 26, a doctor, and single," said Jung Heewon. She patted his shoulder way harder than was necessary to drive her point home. “This is your chance to leave your bachelor life behind, Kim Dokja.”

“You never told me there was a matchmaking component to this get-together,” said Kim Dokja, alarmed. 

“Because you wouldn’t have come if I told you about it,” Jung Heewon retorted. She was right, damn her. “Relax, this isn’t a blind date, just an opportunity to get to know each other. But if you two hit it off, then...” She raised an eyebrow meaningfully.

Kim Dokja raised his hand to his forehead in exasperation. “Does she know about this?” he asked the table.

“I mean, Hyunsung told her you were single too, so.” Jung Heewon shrugged. She reached out and slapped his back in what was probably supposed to be a reassuring way, but it was really just painful. “Don’t worry, if things don’t work out between you two or if she’s not your type, we can pretend nothing ever happened and never speak of this again. It’s not a big deal.” 

The doorbell rang before Kim Dokja could say something else, like tell her how embarrassing this whole situation was and that he wasn’t currently looking for a relationship, and Jung Heewon dashed off to go answer it. The door swung open, revealing the smiling face of Lee Hyunsung, a woman Kim Dokja didn’t recognize, and--

“YJH?”

South Korean gaming legend, bookstore aggressor, and legendary bastard YJH met Kim Dokja’s gaze over Lee Hyunsung’s shoulder and narrowed his eyes in recognition. Kim Dokja glared back at him defiantly. I should’ve known it was impossible for two separate, gargantuan assholes to manifest in the same city without ripping through the fabric of the universe.

“I didn’t know you followed esports, Dokja-ssi,” said Lee Hyunsung, oblivious to the tension in the air. He passed the bag of takeout cartons to Jung Heewon and stepped inside the apartment. “This is my friend, Kim Dokja,” he gestured to Kim Dokja with a grin, “and this is my underclassman from highschool, Lee Seolhwa.”

Lee Seolhwa smiled at him, her pleasant expression a vivid contrast to the menacing aura YJH was radiating. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

“And this is Yoo Joonghyuk, my classmate from high school,” Lee Hyunsung continued, sounding unaffected. “The three of us ran into each other downstairs, so I brought them with me.”

“It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you,” Kim Dokja said to Yoo Joonghyuk in a cheerful voice. “I’ve heard so many wonderful stories about your anger management issues over the years.”

Yoo Joonghyuk gave Kim Dokja a glare full of hatred, but didn’t rise to the bait. He seemed a lot more subdued compared to their first unfortunate run-in with each other, which was just as well, because Kim Dokja wasn’t in the mood for a repeat of the collar-grab.

Lee Hyunsung glanced between the two of them with a slightly puzzled look on his face. “Do you two know each other?”

“No.” “Nope.”

“What movie are we watching, Heewon-ssi?” asked Lee Seolhwa, breaking the awkward stalemate. She arranged her shoes neatly on the ground and stepped past the three men at the door, following Jung Heewon to the kitchen. 

Yoo Joonghyuk’s gaze trailed after her figure as she walked past him and down the hallway, and Kim Dokja mentally noted down the indecipherable expression on Yoo Joonghyuk’s face for future use. Interesting. If he and Lee Seolhwa both knew Lee Hyunsung from highschool, then that meant they probably knew each other as well, and the fact that they hadn’t said a word to each other since they arrived was pretty telling.

Of course the first time Jung Heewon tried to set him up with someone, it would be with Yoo Joonghyuk’s ex-girlfriend.

***

Somehow over the course of the night, Kim Dokja ended up sitting on the same couch as Lee Seolhwa. Jung Heewon kept shooting him smug looks when she thought Lee Seolhwa wasn’t looking, and Kim Dokja didn’t have the heart to tell her that she could see what was happening in the reflection of the TV screen. 

Kim Dokja could tell that they had come to a mutual, unspoken understanding about their future (lack of a) relationship, and that Lee Seolhwa was just as disinterested in him as he was in her. And even in the unlikely case that he did like her in that way, she was so far out of his league that he had a better chance of getting together with Yoo Joonghyuk than he did with her. But then again, Lee Seolhwa had willingly dated Yoo Joonghyuk before, so perhaps she didn’t mind sinking that low, personality-wise.

The couch dipped as Yoo Joonghyuk sat down on Kim Dokja’s left, wine glass in hand. The couch was way too small for two adults and a gaping asshole to sit comfortably next to each other, and Kim Dokja found himself mashed up against Yoo Joonghyuk’s side. Even though the A/C was blowing at full force in their direction, the room seemed far too hot all of a sudden.

“There’s an empty seat over there,” Kim Dokja said pointedly, gesturing with his phone towards the armchair in the corner. Move.

Yoo Joonghyuk met his gaze head-on, completely unashamed of their awkward positions. No.

As Kim Dokja pondered how feasible it was for him to elbow Yoo Joonghyuk in the gut and get away unscathed, Lee Seolhwa spoke up. 

"It's been a while, Joonghyuk-ssi," she said quietly. There was a shadow simmering beneath the surface of her calm voice, one tinged with nostalgia and akin to pain. "How have you been?"

Out of curiosity, Kim Dokja glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk to gauge his reaction, and caught the line of the man’s jaw going rigid. "Fine," Yoo Joonghyuk said curtly. It clearly took him some effort to maintain his carefully neutral expression.

Even better, thought Kim Dokja, hand tightening around his phone as he struggled not to laugh, they're pining exes.

He wondered if Yoo Joonghyuk knew that Jung Heewon was trying to set Kim Dokja up with her--probably not, otherwise he’d already be a corpse lying crumpled on the ground right now.

"What are you reading, Dokja-ssi?" Lee Seolhwa suddenly changed the subject.

Kim Dokja carefully tilted his phone screen away from her so she wouldn’t see the random webnovel he had been scrolling through out of boredom. He wasn’t going to commit social suicide in front of Yoo Joonghyuk . "An informational article about web development," he lied.

“Is it for work?”

“Yes.”

Her attention drifted back to Yoo Joonghyuk, who was doing his best impression of a Greek statue at Kim Dokja’s side. "Is your sister in grade 4 now?” she asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk inclined his head, which seemed to be the full extent of his response. 

“Is Mia still taking piano lessons?”

“Yes.

If Lee Seolhwa was disappointed at how uncooperative he was being, it didn’t show on her face. “Do you have any siblings, Dokja-ssi?” she asked instead, turning her head to look at him.

“I’m an only child.”

“I see.”

The host of the reality show they were watching let out an obnoxious laugh just then, and the three of them turned in unison to stare at the TV screen. 

“Have you seen this show before?” Lee Seolhwa asked after a pause.

Unsure of whether she was talking to him or not, Kim Dokja didn’t respond. Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t respond either, and her words sunk through the tense air in the living room like a rock thrown into a pond, leaving ripples of embarrassment in its wake. After years of getting ridiculed by his classmates, Kim Dokja didn’t get nervous easily anymore, but even he felt like he was developing second-hand social anxiety in this stifling atmosphere.

Alright, that’s enough. 

Kim Dokja shifted his weight on the couch and made to get up from the couch, but an iron grip on his arm pulled him back before he could. His back landed against the couch with a soft thump and he whirled around to glare at Yoo Joonghyuk, whose face was expressionless even if the veins on his hand were visibly straining with the effort of holding Kim Dokja in place. 

“A friend of mine really enjoys this dating show,” Lee Seolhwa continued, choosing to ignore the scuffle beside her. “She’s been trying to convince me to watch it for a while now…”

Kim Dokja tried to pry Yoo Joonghyuk’s fingers off his arm with one hand, and when that failed, he pinched the back of his hand and squeezed. Yoo Joonghyuk’s glare levelled up from ‘third-degree burn’ to ‘life form disintegration ray’, but Kim Dokja repelled it with the catch-all shield named ‘playing dumb’.

“It’s getting late, and I think I have to leave now. I have an early shift tomorrow,” said Lee Seolhwa, checking the time on her phone. Looking back up, she smiled at Kim Dokja. “It was nice talking to you, Dokja-ssi.” 

He hadn’t done much talking at all, but he’ll take it. “Thank you.”

Lee Seolhwa’s gaze fell on Yoo Joonghyuk, and she hesitated for a fraction of a second before speaking up. “I’m glad you’re doing well, Joonghyuk-ssi. I suppose I’ll see you around?”

This is your chance. Kim Dokja widened his eyes meaningfully at Yoo Joonghyuk, willing him to understand. What are you waiting for? Go see her off.

To his dismay, Yoo Joonghyuk simply nodded and didn’t say a word. There was a bitter edge to Lee Seolhwa’s smile as she left to say goodbye to Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon in the other room, and Kim Dokja’s disappointment in this sunfish bastard was immeasurable.

After the apartment door closed behind Lee Seolhwa, Kim Dokja turned around and nudged Yoo Joonghyuk in the ribs. “As honoured as I am to beta test Bitter Ex Simulator 2019 for you tonight, you really shouldn’t involve innocent people in your problems.”

A look of mild confusion flashed across Yoo Joonghyuk’s face before realization dawned on him and he narrowed his eyes, furious. “Did I ask for your opinion?” he growled.

“Then why did you stop me from getting up back then?” Kim Dokja shot back. “And why did you sit down on the couch in the first place if you didn’t want to talk to her?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“If you still love her, then tell her,” said Kim Dokja, channelling the spirit of a thousand dating show hosts. “What, are you too scared to even look at her face? Coward.”

Yoo Joonghyuk stiffened at the word, and Kim Dokja didn’t doubt that the man would throttle him with his bare hands right now if he could. “Shut up.”

“You fear me because I speak the truth,” said Kim Dokja, and speed-walked across the room before Yoo Joonghyuk could deck him.

It was rather hypocritical of him to give out romantic advice when his own love life was a barren wasteland, but Kim Dokja prided himself on having plenty of theoretical life experience. After all, he hadn’t read 3149 chapters of...what was the name of that novel again? There was a curious blankness in his memories, as if someone had scooped out every trace of that novel from his head and deposited it elsewhere. He couldn’t even remember the protagonist’s--

Jung Heewon’s voice interrupted his reverie, and Kim Dokja promptly lost his train of thought. “Are you going home? How was it?”

“How was what?” Kim Dokja asked absently as he slipped on his shoes.

“You know,” said Jung Heewon, arching an eyebrow, “my matchmaking skills.”

Kim Dokja found himself glancing in the direction of Yoo Joonghyuk, who was still sitting on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. He turned back to Jung Heewon. “Let’s never speak of this again,” he said in a solemn voice.

Jung Heewon grimaced. “It was that bad? What did you even say?”

He thought about the vaguely stricken look in Yoo Joonghyuk’s dark eyes when he called him a coward, and had to bite down on his smile. “Nothing that can be held against me in court.”

***

Contrary to how difficult it was to speak to idiots like Yoo Joonghyuk, talking to Mia was exceptionally easy. Kim Dokja had always been more comfortable with writing as a form of communication than he was with saying things aloud, and the distance between them was...nice. 

He could say whatever he wanted--offhand comments about his impending unemployment, musings about how sometimes he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do anymore--without worrying about being pitied since Mia seemed humanly incapable of pity. And when he didn’t want to say anything at all, he didn’t have to; they could understand each other perfectly through their actions alone. 

It was easy for Kim Dokja to be himself around her, even if that version of himself happened to be a heterosexual woman. Every time he managed to render her speechless felt like a personal victory of a sort, and even if the strange, intangible relationship they had was completely virtual, it still felt real to him.

[BF_Empress]: It disgusts me how long it's taking to get to level 50. Isn't this supposed to be a relaxing activity?

[mia123]: You're not trying

[BF_Empress]: That’s kind of the point.

[mia123]: Stop dying

[BF_Empress]: That’s like asking me not to breathe.

[mia123]: Don’t go in

[mia123]: Kite the monster

[BF_Empress]: ?

[mia123]: Kiting

[BF_Empress]: What the hell is kiting?

[mia123]: Not letting the enemies get near you

She leapt off the platform she was standing on and dove into the crowd of monsters, and Kim Dokja’s earphones were inundated with the sounds of hacking and slashing. Frowning, he turned down the volume on his computer.

[BF_Empress]: Are you giving me a demonstration?

[BF_Empress]: Thanks, but I think the problem you think I have is more of a motivational one rather than a technical one.

[mia123]: Fine.

[BF_Empress]: You used proper punctuation...does that mean you’re disappointed?

[mia123]: shut up

[BF_Empress]: That’s more like it.

It was strange how he always found himself logging off with a smile on his face nowadays.

***

Going to work was an underwhelming experience, especially in the sweltering summer heat. The knowledge that he would be free of Deputy Yoon forever soon couldn't even brighten his mood as he stood in a crowded subway car, heading home after work on a Friday afternoon.

"Kim Dokja-ssi?"

Kim Dokja looked up from his phone at the sound of his name being spoken, and found Yoo Sangah smiling up at him from where she was sitting with a box in her hands. He adjusted his grip on the railing so he could turn to face her.

"Hello, Sangah-ssi." He peered at the box in her hands more closely, and noticed that it was actually a cake box sporting the logo of the fancy bakery near their office. "Is it your birthday already? I thought it was next month."

"It is next month, don't worry," she assured him, balancing the box carefully on her knees as the subway rattled to a stop. "The cake is actually for my mother, it's her birthday today."

"Are you on your way to visit your parents now?" The words sounded hollow to his ears.

"I am. They live across the city, so it's going to take a while to get there.”

There was a faint scratching at the back of his head like the sting of a reopened wound, and he blinked hard to clear his jumbled thoughts away. "What kind of cake did you buy?" 

"Black forest. The people at the office said that it's the most popular flavour there, so I thought it might be a safe choice." Yoo Sangah folded her hands on top of the white cake box, her pinky curling on top of the red letters. “I'm kind of regretting having to carry it all the way across the city right now, as you can see.”

“I’m sure your mother will like it, so it’ll be worth it.” His hand tightened around his phone.
Yoo Sangah hummed. “Does Dokja-ssi like sweets?"

"I--" Dokja, do you want chocolate or black forest? "They're fine, I--" I'll buy a small one, and we can split the cake between us. "--haven't had cake in a very long time." Don't tell your father, okay? It'll be our secret.

His mother used to always let him pick which cake he wanted on her birthday because she said she liked all flavours equally. Looking back on it, he knew she was just indulging him.

"Dokja-ssi?" Yoo Sangah was staring at him with a slight frown. "Is there something wrong?"

The train passed through a tunnel, and the view outside the window was suddenly plunged into darkness.

"It's nothing."

The train slowed to a stop at the station. Kim Dokja bade Yoo Sangah goodbye and walked the rest of the way home. The apartment was just as he had left it--dim and empty. Crossing the living room in a few strides, he collapsed onto his battered couch with a long sigh. He could hear the sounds of barking and laughter coming from Shin Yoosung’s apartment, but it all seemed so far away.

It was Chilseok today, which meant that his mother's birthday was in two days. He had completely forgotten.

He used to hide in his room and count the hours until she came home when he was little, desperate for any scraps of affection. Then, she betrayed him, and all the love he had ever felt for her morphed into a shadow he couldn't get rid of no matter how hard he tried. How many years had it been since he last saw her? Three? Five? He could barely even remember what she looked like, yet the carefree expression on Yoo Sangah’s face as she spoke about her mother still stung.

It was pathetic, how easily any mention of her could hurt him.

Around 9 pm, he finally remembered his promise to [Aslan] and logged into the game. In order to celebrate Chilseok, there was a special event quest for parties of two that provided a handsome reward if the two players completed a series of quests involving a whole lot of wheat cakes and even more birds. The quests themselves were too bland for Kim Dokja to dredge up any sort of interest for them, but a promise was a promise.

However, [Aslan] was offline when he logged in. Instead, there were a series of increasingly panicked messages lying in his inbox. 

[ Private Message from [Aslan] ]

*[Aslan]: let me know when you log in!

*[Aslan]: my professor just contacted me about my research paper so I might be gone for a while, I’ll be back!

*[Aslan]: ahhhhh why is there so much to fix

*[Aslan]: like why would you tell me the layout is wrong NOW???!!!

*[Aslan]: ARGH

*[Aslan]: WHY

*[Aslan]: ;_; I’m so sorry but I have to go pull an all-nighter to fix my paper

*[Aslan]: I really did want to do the quests with you ;_; 

*[Aslan]: I’ll see you tomorrow then?

Well, it couldn’t be helped. Students were at the mercy of the whims of their professors just like how employees were the servants of their bosses and the planets orbited the sun. 

*[BF_Empress]: Don’t worry about it. I hope your paper goes well.

[ [Aslan] is offline. They won't receive your private message until they log back in. ]

Although [Aslan] wasn’t online, a very important person was.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Hello.

*[mia123]: What

*[BF_Empress]: Do you want to go kill the 73rd Demon King again?

*[mia123]: Fine

She didn’t ask about [Aslan], so Kim Dokja didn’t explain. That was what was nice about talking to Mia--she never pried for details when it was obvious he didn’t want to give any. Or maybe she just didn’t care.

Mia’s avatar showed up in town after a few minutes, and Kim Dokja immediately invited her to his party. Instead of heading to Dark Castle, however, Mia made a beeline for the Chilseok event quest NPC and accepted the quest.

[ [mia123] has invited you to complete the quest <A Bridge of Crows and Magpies> with her. ACCEPT or DECLINE ]

Kim Dokja clicked ‘ACCEPT’.

*[BF_Empress]: What are you doing? What about the Demon King?

*[mia123]: I want the reward

*[BF_Empress]: ...You want the limited edition firework?

*[mia123]: The EXP buff

*[mia123]: Idiot

He was probably imagining things, but she almost sounded...fond. Kim Dokja's mouth twitched up at the corners, and he hid his smile in his palm. Mia could be a bitch sometimes, but she could also be friendly in her own twisted, tsundere way. Ever since he had caught a glimpse of her strange brand of kindness, he hadn’t been able to look away.

*[BF_Empress]: That last part was unnecessary.

Before he could second guess his decision, he added,

*[BF_Empress]: If I had planned on doing this quest with Aslan, would you have asked someone else?

He regretted sending the message almost instantly. What did he even want her to say? There was no point attributing meaning where there was none, especially when he personally hadn’t thought twice about accepting [Aslan]’s invitation. Her choosing to spend time with him meant nothing, and he wanted it to mean nothing--

*[mia123]: No

*[BF_Empress]: Why not?

*[mia123]: There’s no one else.

Kim Dokja took a deep breath in, and felt the invisible weight of the conversation with Yoo Sangah on his chest lessen, making it possible for him to breathe normally again. Somehow, he felt a lot better; not because she had said anything sweet or comforting, but simply because she stayed with him when everyone else was gone.

All of a sudden, he was hit with the urge to let her know who he really was. He wanted her to see him--not the avatar on the screen or who he pretended to be, but Kim Dokja. He wanted her to see him and not be disappointed. He wanted her to tell him that there was no one else, because she didn’t need anyone else, only him.

But then the moment passed, and Kim Dokja’s eyes refocused on the computer screen in front of him, where Mia was still waiting for a response.

*[BF_Empress]: How many birds do we have to kill for this quest?

*[mia123]: 777

*[BF_Empress]: Well, fuck.

777 dead magpies and 7 painstakingly crafted wheat cakes later, they returned to the NPC and received their gift box: a whole bunch of health-restoring wheat cakes and rice cakes, a firework, and a generic 7-day EXP buff. 

After that, the two of them headed to their usual training spot so Mia could do her best imitation of an anime training montage. Kim Dokja’s spirits had been mostly restored by now, and he cheerfully clicked on the firework in his inventory as Mia launched herself into the crowd of monsters.

The firework soared up into the sky above them and shattered into a dazzling burst of silver sparks, the same colour as the stars. Kim Dokja blinked in surprise at the message that flashed across the screen.

*[BF_Empress]: Did you also see the message?

After a suspiciously long pause, Mia replied.

*[mia123]: .

*[BF_Empress]: Oh, that’s kind of embarrassing.

*[mia123]: …

*[BF_Empress]: My inventory was almost full, so I used it to see what it does. 

*[mia123]: You keep too much useless garbage in your inventory

*[BF_Empress]: You never know when it might come in handy for a quest.

Kim Dokja was originally going to log off and call it a night after testing the firework, but the unexpected ellipses from Mia, which was a reaction he had never seen from her before, gave him other ideas. 

*[BF_Empress]: Are you not going to set off your firework, unnie?

*[mia123]: No

*[BF_Empress]: Are you implying our friendship won’t last as long as the constellations in the night sky?

*[BF_Empress]: I feel betrayed.

*[mia123]: Shut up

*[BF_Empress]: There are tears in my eyes right now.

*[mia123]: Don’t be difficult

*[BF_Empress]: I’ll shut up and log off if you set off the firework.

*[mia123]: Why do you care

*[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to let it expire in your inventory then? What happened to making the most out of all the items you collect in-game?

*[BF_Empress]: Use it.

*[BF_Empress]: Mia.

*[mia123]: I’ll block you if you don’t shut up.

*[BF_Empress]: Then I’ll make another account and friend you again.

*[BF_Empress]: It’s not even that I particularly care, I just think it’s such a waste if you let the firework go unused. It’s an untradeable item, so it’s not like you could sell it for coins.

*[BF_Empress]: It’s limited edition, too.

*[BF_Empress]: We killed 777 magpies for it.

*[BF_Empress]: What a waste.

Deep down inside, there was a part of him that wanted her to cut off all ties to him and prove to him, before it was too late, that there was no point in expecting anything from her. It was like he was standing on the edge of a precipice, with no idea of what lay beneath his feet. He would either jump and risk breaking every part of his body, or back away and live the rest of his life wondering what he might’ve seen if he had jumped.

Kim Dokja waited another ten minutes and sent a few more taunting messages, but Mia stopped replying. In the end, she didn’t give him an answer at all. He should’ve known that was how things would turn out, and he was a fool for hoping that she might understand what was left unsaid this time.

*[BF_Empress]: I’m logging off.

He was halfway through typing “Good night” when his screen filled up with a pure, silver light, which bloomed into a thousand shimmering stars before his eyes. Kim Dokja’s heart caught in his throat, suspended in nothing but air as he stepped off the ledge and let himself fall.

*[mia123]: Are you happy now?

The light of the firework faded, but the imprint of it was seared into his vision like a brand. 

*[BF_Empress]: Yes.

Shit, thought Kim Dokja, I think I’m in love.

Chapter Text

It wasn't as if Kim Dokja expected anything to come out of this strange infatuation; he wasn't delusional. The chances of him meeting Mia in real life were infinitely close to zero, and he knew she didn't care about him more than one would care for a faceless acquaintance. They weren't much of anything to each other, and that was part of the allure of their relationship. Like feeding a stray dog at the park without ever asking it to come home with you, he could allow her to control his emotions without fearing that she might hurt him with them. After all, it was impossible to be disappointed if you never had any expectations.

As such, his conversations with Mia became a sort of game, an intricate dance of white lies and safe truths. He would try to fish as much information out of her as possible, and he would tell her just enough details about himself so she could piece together the person he was if she wanted to. The thing was, if he truly liked her, he would come clean about his lies and ask her to start over--but he never did, and that simple fact said a lot more about the extent of his feelings for her than anything else.

[BF_Empress]: I feel like I've asked you this before, but is your name actually Mia? I'm curious.

[mia123]: It's none of your business

[BF_Empress]: Come on, we can trade secrets: my legal name isn't actually BF_Empress.

[BF_Empress]: The hanja's different.

The silence from [mia123] was a pretty good indicator of how she felt about that joke, but the frigid reception didn't deter him.

[BF_Empress]: Is Mia an important name to you in some way? Or did you just use a random username generator?

[BF_Empress]: Did you do one of those quizzes like where you combine the first character of your name and your favourite salad dressing to get your stripper name?

[mia123]: Shut. Up.

[BF_Empress]: Do you not feel anything inside when you slaughter these innocent raccoon dogs?

[mia123]: No

[BF_Empress]: Would you kill them this mercilessly if they were cats?

[mia123]: .

[BF_Empress]: I thought cats were special to you.

[mia123]: Hurry up and get over here

[BF_Empress]: I'm coming.

[BF_Empress]: So I was thinking

[mia123]: So you're actually capable of thought

[BF_Empress]: I've always called you 'unnie', but are you really older than me?

[BF_Empress]: Ha. Ha. Very funny.

[BF_Empress]: Not responding again, I see. Are you staying silent because you know you're younger and should be calling me 'unnie' instead? I'm willing to bet that I'm older than you; are you?

[BF_Empress]: I can forgive your previous transgressions if you speak formally with me from now on.

[mia123]: no

[BF_Empress]: You're not actually a high schooler, are you?

[mia123]: no

[BF_Empress]: Or a university student?

[mia123]: Are you done?

[BF_Empress]: no

[BF_Empress]: Why are you always working on weekends?

[mia123]: Why should I tell you

[BF_Empress]: You're rather talkative today. Normally you would've just told me to shut up or ignored my message.

[mia123]: Shut up

[BF_Empress]: You're losing your touch.

[BF_Empress]: Going back to the earlier subject, is your boss particularly sadistic or are you just that busy? Even I don't have to work overtime every week.

[BF_Empress]: Do you work in retail, unnie?

[mia123]: No.

[BF_Empress]: You should really consider working a job where you earn commission from sales, because your dedication to honing your craft is commendable.

[BF_Empress]: If you don't work in retail, then what industry are you in? You already know I'm in tech.

[BF_Empress]: Are you in finance or law? Or are you some sort of teacher?

Maybe it was because of how patronizing she could be sometimes, but Kim Dokja had always thought the profession suited her.

[BF_Empress]: Never mind, there's no way you could be a teacher.

Despite being an ice cold bitch and apathetic to nearly everything, Mia could be surprisingly sensitive about perceived insults to her capabilities. This contradictory personality was one of the very few things Kim Dokja found cute about her, along with her apparent love for catgirl avatars and how easy it was to bait her.

[mia123]: Why

Good, she took the bait.

[BF_Empress]: Because you seem like the type of person who hates children.

[mia123]: I don't hate children.

[BF_Empress]: So you like children.

[mia123]: Shut up

[BF_Empress]: The opposite of hatred is love, just admit you have a soft spot for children already. So what kind of teacher are you? 

[mia123]: I never said I was a teacher

[BF_Empress]: You never said you weren't either, which is as good as an admission of guilt from you. 

[BF_Empress]: It's summer vacation but you still have work everyday...is it because you have a side job? Or do you teach cram school? English? Music? Or do you work for a university?

[BF_Empress]: You know I know you always stop replying when I'm getting close, right?

***

“My parents are taking me to Star World tomorrow,” Shin Yoosung babbled as they examined her math homework together. After doing some last minute cramming online, he was starting to get the hang of elementary school math again. “Could you watch my dog for me while I’m gone? I’ll take him out for a walk in the morning, so you don’t have to do anything except feed him.”

“Sure, just drop him off at my place before you leave.” Kim Dokja had actually started off as a glorified dog sitter for her family, until Shin Yoosung developed a strange attachment to him and he began to babysit her instead.

Shin Yoosung beamed at him. “Thanks, ahjussi.”

Kim Dokja smiled briefly before turning his attention back to the textbook on the table. “Anyway, if you set A's speed as x..."

Despite having known Shin Yoosung for almost a year now, he still wasn’t sure what her dog’s name actually was. Which was why, in his head, the dog was simply known as The Dog. The Dog was currently lounging on its stomach in the hallway of his apartment and staring longingly at the door.

"She'll be back this evening," Kim Dokja informed him. "Have patience."

The Dog let out a low whine and pawed at the floor in frustration. Kim Dokja winced at the scratching sound its nails made against the floorboards, silently hoping that this level of damage wouldn't impact his rent deposit. After setting out The Dog's dinner, he settled on the couch to finish up some work he had left. He was debugging a particularly convoluted block of code while cursing whomever had written it when something nudged his leg. Looking down, he found himself staring into the soulful eyes of The Dog, who was carrying its leash between its teeth with an eager look on its face.

"Are you trying to get me to take you on a walk?" 

The Dog dropped the leash at his feet and barked. Kim Dokja hesitated and looked back at his laptop screen, where he still had some test cases to run, but, oh well. This shouldn't take long.

"Fine, let's go," he said, clipping the leash onto the collar around The Dog's neck and gently leading it towards the door. "I hope you used the bathroom earlier this morning, because I'm not really looking forward to picking up after you."

The Dog gave him an offended look, as if to say, Of course I did.

Opening his apartment door, Kim Dokja ushered The Dog outside and stepped out behind him. As he turned around to lock his door, he felt The Dog tug on the leash in his hand and hastily tugged back. "Why are you in such a rush? Didn't Yoosung already take you out this morning?"

"Ahjussi?"

Kim Dokja turned around. There was a little girl with red-rimmed eyes sitting in front of Shin Yoosung's apartment, and she was currently running her hand through the fur on The Dog's head as it sniffed at her wrist. Judging by the empty juice bottle on the ground beside her, she had been sitting here for a while.

"Yoo Mia, was it?" he said in a pleasant voice. "Are you looking for Yoosung? She's out with her parents right now."

"Oh." Yoo Mia seemed to wilt at the words, her pigtails drooping like frost-battered flowers. Sniffling, she asked, "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"Probably not until sunset."

The Dog padded back to Kim Dokja's side and laid down on the floor at his feet, resting its head on its paws. Kim Dokja glanced back at Yoo Mia, who had wrapped her arms around her knees and curled in on herself, dark eyes transfixed at the stain on the wall. Maybe it was because she shared the same name as the woman he liked, or maybe it was because she was Shin Yoosung's best friend; either way, Kim Dokja found himself taking a seat beside her on the dirty floor, making sure to leave a space between the two of them so she didn't feel cornered. 

"Do you want me to call Yoosung for you?" he asked, keeping his voice light.

She shook her head, lips twisted in a stubborn pout. "I'll just wait for her here."

"Sounds good." The Dog let out a huge yawn, and Yoo Mia gave it a curious look. Kim Dokja chose his next words carefully. "Does your brother know you're here?"

Yoo Mia's gaze snapped back to her knees, and she wrapped her arms around them. "He doesn't. I ran away," she replied, confirming his suspicions.

"Why did you run away?" he prompted. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'm just curious."

"I didn't want to go to my piano lessons, but my brother says I have to."

The answer was surprisingly....mundane. But then again, maybe this was what normal children's lives were like: mundane and full of small joys and smaller worries. Even though he didn't particularly care about the girl beside him, he was still relieved on her behalf, if only because it meant that there was one less unhappy family out there.

"Why don't you want to go to your lessons?"

The Dog rolled over onto its back and closed its eyes, basking in the patch of sunlight that streamed through the window at the end of the hallway.

"Because they're annoying, and I hate how my teacher never lets me pick the songs."

"Would stopping your lessons make you happy?"

There was a note of hesitation in her voice when she said, "Yes."

Kim Dokja wasn't sure when he had become this ten-year-old girl's life coach, but he supposed someone had to step in if her brother wasn't here. Besides, he wasn't completely unqualified in this regard--he had plenty of experience giving Shin Yoosung questionable life advice ("Don't go into Computer Science, it's a scam." "Really?").

"Do you think you truly hate piano, or is it just your teacher that you hate?"

Yoo Mia thought about it for a while, her tear-stained face scrunched up into a complicated expression as she mulled over it. "My teacher," she finally decided. It was the response he had been expecting.

"If that's what you want," said Kim Dokja, "then tell your brother that you want to switch teachers instead of running away next time." He thought about his own empty childhood and added, "I know it seems pointless now, but you'll start to appreciate having these kinds of skills in the future. I never learned how to play any instruments when I was young, and now it's too late for me to cultivate my artistic interests."

"You're not that old, are you?" she mumbled, swiping the back of her hands over her eyes. "I'm sure you could still do it."

"Thank you for your confidence," he said brightly.

Yoo Mia stared at his smile for a few beats, before reaching forward and burying her face in his shirt, smearing her snot and tears all over the black fabric. Kim Dokja barely suppressed a wince. Damn it, looks like I'm going to have to do my laundry today.

"Thanks, ahjussi," she said, voice muffled.

Kim Dokja's hand hovered in the air for a cautious moment before it found its place on the top of Yoo Mia's head. "You're welcome," he replied, ruffling her hair. "Now, why don't you call your brother and--"

A hand suddenly clamped down around his collar like an iron brand and hauled him to his feet, dislodging Yoo Mia from his side. Kim Dokja whirled around in surprise, and found himself face to face with a furious Yoo Joonghyuk. Scattered pieces of past conversations flashed through his head-- "Joonghyuk-oppa is very handsome", "Oppa has 10 years of anti-harassment experience", "Is Mia still taking piano lessons?" --and everything clicked into place.

"Don't touch her," snapped Yoo Joonghyuk, closing his other hand into a fist and swinging it at Kim Dokja's face.

All his years of experience from getting beaten up by Song Minwoo condensed into this one split second before the blow landed. Kim Dokja's body moved before his mind could react and ducked out of the way, and Yoo Joonghyuk's fist collided into the wall with a sickening crunch. The Dog jumped to its feet and glared at Yoo Joonghyuk, a low growl slipping through its bared teeth. Yoo Mia let out a small scream. The wall of the apartment complex trembled from the force of his punch, and Kim Dokja eyed it warily, heart racing in his chest. He could only imagine what would've happened if the fist had landed on his face. 

"Oppa!" Yoo Mia ran up to him and hurriedly wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm fine, he didn't do anything to me! We were just talking--"

"Just talking?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, incredulous. Blood dripped down the split knuckles of his fist and splashed onto the ground. There was a similar dark red smear on the wall beside Kim Dokja's head.

Heart rate settling back to normal, Kim Dokja wrenched his collar out of Yoo Joonghyuk's grasp and smoothed it down. "If you had actually looked before throwing punches around like a crazy bastard, then you would've known that nothing was going on," he said, voice dripping with disdain as he tugged The Dog behind him. "I found your sister sitting outside Shin Yoosung's apartment while I was taking her dog for a walk, so I sat with her to make sure she wasn't alone. In fact, we were just about to call you when you arrived and launched yourself at the wall."

Yoo Joonghyuk held his gaze for a steady moment before looking down at his sister. "Is this true?"

She nodded eagerly. "There wasn't any funny business going on, he was just sitting with me. And I was the one who wiped my nose on his shirt."

Kim Dokja grimaced. So you were wiping your snot on me.

"I'm sorry, oppa," said Yoo Mia, hugging her brother tighter as she stared up at him. "Are you mad?"

Yoo Joonghyuk looked at her for a moment before the steel in his eyes melted and he gently brushed her hair out of her eyes with his uninjured hand. "Don't run away again," he murmured. "It took me a long time to find you."

"I won't."

Kim Dokja supposed that was Yoo Joonghyuk's emotionally constipated way of saying, I was worried about you. How quaint. "What a touching reunion," he declared.

The statement earned him another dark glare from Yoo Joonghyuk. "It's none of your business."

"But I wasn't being sarcastic this time."

"Let's just go home," said Yoo Mia, tugging at her brother's shirt. Glancing over at Kim Dokja, she said, "Thanks for today, ahjussi."

"You're welcome. And tell your brother to get his hand checked out, will you? He might've broken something," Kim Dokja said cheerfully. 

"Does that have anything to do with you?" demanded Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

It was not, in fact, a rhetorical question, but luckily there were more pressing things on Yoo Joonghyuk's mind--like the blood trickling down his fingers--than trying to go for round two of the Kim Dokja vs Yoo Joonghyuk beatdown. Kim Dokja wasn't sure how Yoo Joonghyuk planned to drive home with his hand in that condition, but he had already completed his quota of one kind deed per day and the matter was out of his jurisdiction.

When Shin Yoosung dropped by to pick up The Dog, Kim Dokja made sure to keep Yoo Mia's visit a secret from her so it wouldn't ruin her fantasies of 'the handsome and cool Joonghyuk-oppa'.

However, there was one person whose sensibilities he definitely didn't need to protect.

[Han Sooyoung]

Did you know I was 5 seconds away from ruining YJH's career today? <<

Han Sooyoung's reply was almost instantaneous--she always had a good nose for gossip.

>> ???

>> YJH like the streamer

Yep. <<

>> ??????

>> did he send u unsolicited dick pics or something

I meant the 'arrested for attempted assault' kind of ruin, not the 'Twitter callout post' kind. <<

>> WHAT 

Long story short, he tried to punch me because he thought I was harassing his sister. <<

>> well were u?

...His sister's 10 years old. <<

>> ok i know u wouldn’t stoop that low

>> kim dokja did u just let him go after he tried to punch u

Yes? <<

Are you saying I should've called the police? That's too much of a hassle, and either way, he missed and punched the wall instead so I was fine. <<

>> no im saying u should've gently persuaded him to compensate u for ur emotional distress

So you're saying I should've blackmailed him. <<

>> no i said 'gentle persuasion'

Sure. <<

>> such a missed opportunity

>> could've at least asked for his autograph so u can resell it

>> do u know how rare those things are cause he never gives them out

His hand was literally dripping blood all over the floor. <<

>> he could've used his other hand

Even I'm not that cruel to people I hate. <<

>> im just saying it's a missed opportunity

After spending thirty minutes engaged in a heated debate with Han Sooyoung that neither of them won, Kim Dokja put his phone away and logged into the game on his computer. When he finally located Mia, she wasn't hanging around one of the level 45 training maps like he expected her to be, but was instead sitting in a corner in town. 

[Private message to [mia123]]

*[BF_Empress]: Do you want to go do the level 40 party quest right now?

Kim Dokja waited around for five minutes while poking and prodding at her avatar, but he got no response. 

*[BF_Empress]: I feel like this is the first time I've ever seen you this subdued.

*[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to stand here for the rest of the night until your 60 minutes is up and you can collect your daily login stamp?

*[BF_Empress]: Or are you in the bathroom right now?

*[BF_Empress]: Stay safe, it can take as little as 1/2 cup of water for a human to drown.

Still no response. Kim Dokja positioned his avatar beside hers on the screen, and took out his phone from his pocket. He was halfway through a chapter of a particularly uninspired webnovel when a flash of movement in his periphery caught his eye. Looking up, he noticed that [mia123] had gotten up and was slowly moving towards one of the nearby NPCs.

*[BF_Empress]: You're back. I'm glad you didn't drown in the toilet bowl. 

The avatar stopped in her tracks. 

*[mia123]: what?!

*[BF_Empress]: ?

*[BF_Empress]: Wow, I think that's the first time you've used that much punctuation in a sentence. Tonight is truly a night of celebrations.

*[mia123]: who are YOU?!

*[BF_Empress]: Did you hit your head so hard in the bathroom you became amnesiac?

*[mia123]: what?!

Judging by the different writing style, there was no way the person on the other end of the screen was Mia herself. This revelation brought up a lot of interesting possibilities: Was this newcomer a friend? A younger family member? A lover? Kim Dokja paused. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was Mia's boyfriend he was speaking to right now; at least then, he would be able to snuff out any last hopes he had for good. 

*[BF_Empress]: Are you Mia's friend?

*[mia123]: how do you know myuuuttukhjll;lkj;jhlk;jm,mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

*[BF_Empress]: ?

This time, Mia took even longer than her previous responses combined to reply.

*[mia123]: no

Kim Dokja raised an eyebrow. 

*[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to pretend that nothing happened? 

*[BF_Empress]: What are you even saying 'no' to anyway? That wasn't your friend? You weren't in the bathroom? Or you don't want to go do the party quest?

*[mia123]: 3

*[BF_Empress]: What an esoteric response.

[mia123] walked back to where she was sitting previously and stopped moving. [BF_Empress] sat down next to her.

*[BF_Empress]: Was that your little sister?

*[mia123]: no

*[BF_Empress]: So it was your little brother?

This reply came slower than the previous one.

*[mia123]: no

So it was her little brother then. Interesting. 

For some reason, Mia's replies seemed strangely sluggish today. Kim Dokja considered asking her if she was feeling alright, but that would probably be overstepping her boundaries, so he didn't. 

*[BF_Empress]: Do you still live with your parents? 

*[BF_Empress]: It must be nice to come home to them after work everyday. 

He wouldn't know what that was like, but he could always imagine. And the picture of a warm family with loving parents and a cute younger brother did seem kind of nice in theory. 

As usual, Kim Dokja didn't expect her to respond to his off-topic musings. In fact, he half-suspected she already had left her computer to go do something else. Yet a few minutes later, he heard the distinct noise of a message notification in his earphones.

*[mia123]: no

*[mia123]: we're not on speaking terms

There were so many things he wanted to say to her, like we're the same or don't you think it's unfair people don't get to choose their families? or I wonder if it's less lonely growing up with a sibling by your side or do you ever hate yourself for still loving them, when you know you'll only be disappointed again?

But in the end, none of those words came out.

*[BF_Empress]: On the other hand, your little brother seems very vocal. 

***

Kim Dokja woke up the next day to the sound of rain. The sky was gray outside, and the windows of his apartment were stained with rain that trickled down the glass like tears. He was finishing up some work when he heard a loud thump coming from the direction of his front door. For a second, he thought he must've imagined it. But then the sound repeated itself, and he realized it was a socially inept attempt at knocking. When Kim Dokja finally opened the door, he was greeted with the retreating back of the last person he expected to see at his door at 1 pm on a rainy Sunday morning: Yoo Joonghyuk. 

"Is this your version of a ding-dong ditch?" he called out after him.

Yoo Joonghyuk froze, and slowly turned around to face him. The menacing aura that usually enveloped him was offset by the water soaking through his wavy hair and the equally soaked bandage wrapped around the knuckles of his right hand, making him almost seem...pitiful.

Kim Dokja meant to ask him what he thought he was doing, but what came out of his mouth instead was, "Your hand doesn't look broken."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes widened for a brief moment before he narrowed them again in anger. "You sound disappointed," he said coldly. 

"Only a little," Kim Dokja replied. Eyebrows raised, he looked Yoo Joonghyuk up and down in what he hoped was a judgemental manner. "Can I help you with something?"

"I'm here to apologize," Yoo Joonghyuk forced out through gritted teeth.

Kim Dokja didn't even need to try in order to look judgemental. "For what?"

"You know what." 

Strands of black hair clung wetly to Yoo Joonghyuk's nape as he suppressed a shiver, and even his dark eyes seemed slightly damp in the humid air. A droplet of water trickled down the side of his face and disappeared into the collar of his black coat, which seemed to weigh down on his broad shoulders like a shackle.

"Is your apology sincere?" There was no reply from the man standing in front of him. Kim Dokja closed his eyes, took a deep breath in, and flashed him a plastic smile. "Just so you know, you're supposed to say 'yes' so you can guilt-trip me into forgiving you."

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth like he was going to say something rude, then thought better of it and shut it. This led to an awkward moment of silence where the two of them stared into each other's eyes, both unsure of how not to be overly antagonistic to one another. 

Sighing, Kim Dokja crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his shoulder on the doorway. His gaze dropped down to Yoo Joonghyuk's injured hand, where he could see the red tinge of blood peeking through the nearly translucent bandage. "How's your injury?"

Noticing where he was looking, Yoo Joonghyuk scowled and turned his wrist, hiding his hand from view. "It's fine," he said curtly.

"You should change your bandage, your wound might get infected."

Yoo Joonghyuk's eye twitched in annoyance. "I don't need someone to--"

"Do you want to come in? I can change your bandage for you so you won't bleed all over your steering wheel." 

Kim Dokja wasn't sure why he was doing this, but he was in a decent mood, and anything was better than having to debut another incompetently written chunk of code for Deputy Yoon. Besides, Shin Yoosung and Yoo Mia would probably be sad if they saw their idol in such a state. It’s just like how I took The Dog on a walk yesterday because I was bored, he mused. Except this dog is two times larger and arguably twice as attractive.

Yoo Joonghyuk was scowling like he wanted to turn him down, but had enough social graces to recognize that he owed Kim Dokja a favour and probably shouldn't be ungrateful. "I'll change it myself when I get home."

"Aren't you coaching a pro gaming team right now? You should lead by example and take better care of your hands." Kim Dokja straightened up and gestured towards the open door. "Hurry up and get over here, I don't have all day."

He heard the noise of shuffling footsteps behind him, then the sound of the apartment door closing as Yoo Joonghyuk followed him inside. He got out his first aid kit from the bathroom before heading back to his tiny living room, where Yoo Joonghyuk was standing in front of the couch, looking as intensely uncomfortable as his limited range of facial expressions allowed him.

"Take a seat," said Kim Dokja, setting his first aid kit down on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch. He patted the cushion beside him. "This shouldn't take more than five minutes." He was a professional at dressing wounds, if he could say so himself.

Yoo Joonghyuk sat down next to him, back rigid. Paying his discomfort no heed, Kim Dokja carefully unwrapped the wet bandage from Yoo Joonghyuk's hand and dried his knuckles with a cleans towel. After applying antiseptic (and biting down a smile when Yoo Joonghyuk furrowed his brows in pain), he took out a roll of gauze and wrapped it a few times around his hand before tucking the loose end into a crevice and patting it down to make sure it was secure.

When he looked up, Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "Why are you doing this?" the man asked. 

Because I'm bored. Because you looked like a fool standing there, dripping water all over the floor. Because you're stupid enough to not bring an umbrella when it's pouring outside. Because I know how much these types of injuries hurt. Because you looked like you needed it.  

"Basic human decency," Kim Dokja replied.

He tossed the dirty bandage into the garbage can and gathered everything back into the first aid kit. After everything was cleaned up and put away, he noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk was still sitting on the couch with a pinched frown like he was debating if he should thank him or not and decided to put him out of his misery.

"Can I get an autograph as a reward for my good deed?” asked Kim Dokja. He remembered Han Sooyoung and quickly amended his statement, “Actually, make that two."

Yoo Joonghyuk's expression immediately soured. He was really wasting his good looks, frowning all the time like this. "I don't give autographs."

"And I didn't press charges, even though I could have," Kim Dokja said kindly. Gentle persuasion, indeed. "Let me get a pen for you."

He picked up a black marker and two pieces of blank printer paper from his desk and slid them across the coffee table to Yoo Joonghyuk. "I would print a photo of you and get you to sign it, but you seem like you're in a rush, so I won't." Kim Dokja propped his chin up on his hand and beamed at him. "Well, what are you waiting for?"

Yoo Joonghyuk took the marker with his uninjured hand and signed both papers. His signature was just like him--sharp, bold, and very expensive. Satisfied with how he could tell Han Sooyoung he hadn't missed the opportunity to blackmail Yoo Joonghyuk now, Kim Dokja led him back out the door in a much better mood than earlier. It was still pouring outside, so he grabbed his ugliest umbrella from the stand next to the door and pressed it into Yoo Joonghyuk's hand. 

"Take it," he said. "There's no point in me redressing your wounds for you if your bandage immediately gets wet again."

Yoo Joonghyuk was predictably uncooperative. "I don't need it," he said stubbornly.

Kim Dokja pushed the umbrella back towards him. "Do you want your sister to worry about your injuries? Hurry up and take it before I stab you in the gut."

"I said I don't need it."

"Don't worry, your autograph resells for over 200,000 won online and this umbrella only cost me 10,000 won, so I'm actually making a profit here." 

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him, but his hand obediently reached out and took the umbrella. 

"Have a safe trip home," Kim Dokja said offhandedly.

He caught a glimpse of the strange light in Yoo Joonghyuk's dark eyes before the man whipped around and strode down the corridor without a word. After Yoo Joonghyuk had disappeared from view, Kim Dokja returned to his apartment and sat back down in front of his computer, ready for another round of cursing MinoSoft.

Chapter Text

Han Sooyoung had a tendency to message him at ungodly hours of the morning, which probably wasn’t good for her health. Meanwhile, Kim Dokja had a tendency to still be awake at those hours, which definitely wasn’t good for his health. 

[Han Sooyoung]

>> hey what level are u at

It’s 2:39 am. <<

>> have u been logging in everyday and collecting the reward

45, and yes. <<

>> 45????

>> damn

>> how much did u play

Weren't you the one who begged me to get your avatar to level 50? <<

>> level 50 was a stretch goal

>> i didn't know u would actually do it

>> also i didn't beg

So you're saying I wasted my time killing pixelated monsters for nothing? <<

>> well

>> i wouldn't call it wasting ur time

>> it's stress relief

My stress was not relieved. <<

>> that's ur problem then

>> don’t worry i'll get u something good as a souvenir

>> i swear

Good night. <<

>> night

Growing up, Kim Dokja had always been overly attached to book characters, sometimes even to the point of developing crushes. [mia123] was sort of like that for him: someone far away yet still within reach, who nobody could ever take away from him.

[mia123] had been rather quiet yesterday, which Kim Dokja had chalked up to her being tired from working weekends. He went to go look for her again when he logged on tonight, but her avatar was still sitting in the middle of town, unmoving. His private messages to her went without any response, so he left her there and went off to a different map on his own. 

It wasn’t like he was disappointed or anything, because he wasn’t. Not at all. Online relationships were notoriously unreliable, and it didn’t surprise him in the least that she would randomly decide to stop partnering with him. At the end of the day, he didn’t know enough about her to even begin to guess what might’ve caused her to change her mind, and there was nothing he could do.

[ Private message from [Aslan] ]

*[Aslan]: hey! so I didn’t get a chance to talk to you last weekend

*[Aslan]: I just wanted to say sorry about last wednesday, I didn’t mean to ghost you

*[BF_Empress]: It’s alright, I did the quest with Mia instead.

*[Aslan]: oh

*[Aslan]: OH

*[Aslan]: you did?

*[Aslan]: and she actually agreed?

*[BF_Empress]: Yes.

*[Aslan]: that’s

*[Aslan]: great

*[Aslan]: do you want to go do the level 45 party quest? I’m free right now

*[Aslan]: you can also ask mia

*[Aslan]: I won’t mind

*[BF_Empress]: I’ll ask.

[ Private message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Do you want to come do a quest with Aslan and I?

*[BF_Empress]: I know you’re online.

Kim Dokja’s fingers stilled on the keyboard. The cheerful background music of the game echoed in his earphones, but none of its carefree joy was passed on to him. I’ll ask her once, and then I won’t ask again. 

*[BF_Empress]: Are you alright?

He stood there beside her for another five minutes, but she never replied. Players around them came and went, joking and laughing with each other in the public chats, but he still felt alone. When [Aslan] messaged him again, he accepted their invitation and left. Neither of them brought up [mia123] in conversation, which was for the better.

Kim Dokja tried to convince himself that she was probably just busy, but he couldn’t get the nagging suspicion that she had noticed his growing attachment to her out of his head. Asking her about herself was a mistake; he should’ve been satisfied with the state their relationship was in and stopped prying. 

Because of the circumstances he had spent his childhood in, he had always been sensitive to disgust and rejection; first as a means of self-preservation, and then because it was the only form of interaction he knew. If Mia wanted him to leave her alone, then he would. He had other people in his life now, and he didn’t need to cling to someone as his lifeline anymore.

Kim Dokja did a few quests with Aslan, who was more than happy to stick around him. As they sped through the conversations with NPCs, he kept an eye on the little green dot beside [mia123]’s name that indicated her current in-game status, just in case. 

After an hour, [mia123] logged off without saying goodbye.

***

Kim Dokja had looked up Yoo Joonghyuk's net worth online after he left on Sunday, and even he had been reluctantly impressed. He didn't have it in him to suck up to Yoo Joonghyuk, but he was very aware of the fact that having a rich douchebag in your debt wasn't a bad idea at all. Although he didn't plan to ever use Yoo Joonghyuk for financial gain, developing and maintaining a friendly relationship with the man would only benefit him. 

In fact, the whole situation was eerily similar to how the main characters of those "transmigrated into a book" webnovels always latched onto the protagonist of the original story as a survival strategy. Kim Dokja had it even easier than those main characters--he was already connected to Yoo Joonghyuk through Yoo Mia and Lee Hyunsung, and showing the man some semblance of kindness wasn't as hard as he thought it would be. The good looks certainly helped--people were always more lenient towards particularly attractive humans.

The opportunity to meet Yoo Joonghyuk came sooner than he expected in the form of a bar of soap on Tuesday night.

Kim Dokja had just gotten home when he heard Shin Yoosung's characteristic knocking on his door. When Kim Dokja opened it, he saw both Yoo Mia and Shin Yoosung standing there. Yoo Mia averted her gaze when he looked at her, probably still embarrassed that he had seen her crying last weekend.

"My parents are taking us to the movies and dinner afterwards," Shin Yoosung announced. "Do you want to come with us, ahjussi?"

A movie wouldn't be too bad since they couldn't speak during it, but dinner with a happily married older couple who would definitely ask him about his career and/or marriage plans? That was akin to torture. 

"Thanks for inviting me, but I have some work I need to finish," he replied. "Do you need me to watch your dog for you while you're gone?"

Shin Yoosung frowned at his words, but she quickly recovered from her disappointment. "It's alright, he'll be fine on his own for a bit. We'll be back by 8 anyway."

"Tell me how the movie goes, okay?"

Her eyes brightened, and her lips tilted back up into a smile. "Okay. See you later, ahjussi."

"Have fun."

Shin Yoosung raised her hand in a wave as she walked back towards her apartment, a spring in her step. Yoo Mia snuck a look at him and inclined her head in a small nod reminiscent of her brother before turning around to chase after her friend. 

Just like every other day, Kim Dokja cooked dinner, ate dinner, and washed his dishes. Before he could take a shower, however, he realized that he was completely out of bar soap. Of course, he could use hand soap instead, but as a 28-year-old professional working man, he liked to believe his lifestyle was a bit more refined than that. Showering with hand soap only was a University Kim Dokja special; Salaryman Kim Dokja had higher standards.

There was a convenience store within walking distance, so Kim Dokja resignedly put on his shoes, opened his door, and met Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes across the hallway. The man in question was leaning against the wall next to Shin Yoosung's apartment, arms crossed over his chest.

"Good evening," said Kim Dokja, barely hiding his surprise. He took his sweet time locking his door and jiggling the knob before looking up again, but it wasn't an illusion: Yoo Joonghyuk was still standing in his dingy hallway in a vaguely threatening way. "Are you looking for Yoo Mia?"

Yoo Joonghyuk stopped pretending he didn't exist and finally glanced towards Kim Dokja, expression unreadable.

Because there seemed to be some miscommunication going on between the siblings, Kim Dokja told him, "They should be back at 8."

"I am aware," Yoo Joonghyuk said curtly. "She told me."

"Good."

Conversing with Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't a good idea in the same way waking up thirty minutes before his department meeting wasn't a good idea, but Kim Dokja was used to living life on the edge. "Why don't you wait in your car instead of standing here and blocking everyone's way? Your sister won't be back for a while."

"It's none of your business."

"Suit yourself."

Kim Dokja was halfway down the stairs when he realized that Yoo Joonghyuk probably couldn't drive due to the state his hand was in. No wonder he had gotten so drenched by the rain on Sunday--he had probably taken the train here.

The convenience store only had cheap unscented soaps in stock, but Kim Dokja wasn't picky. After paying for his purchase, he stepped back out into the humid summer heat. The wind smelled of rain, and even the flowerbeds he passed by seemed to be drooping under the weight of the moisture in the air. Yoo Joonghyuk was still standing in the hallway in the exact same position he was in earlier when Kim Dokja climbed up the stairs to his apartment. As he drew nearer, he noticed that there was a glazed sheen of sweat on Yoo Joonghyuk's uncovered skin. 

That's what you get for wearing all-black during summer like a loser, thought Kim Dokja. But what came out of his mouth was, "Do you want to wait in my apartment? I have air conditioning."

Yoo Joonghyuk pushed off of the wall he was leaning on and straightened up to his full height. "This doesn't concern you," he said in a warning tone. "Mind your own business."

"It would be troublesome if you got heatstroke in front of my apartment door," replied Kim Dokja. "I'm not motivated enough to perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on you, so your life would be in peril."

"You don't perform CPR on people with heatstroke."

"What a relief."

Before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply with a scathing comment, the phone in his hand lit up with a series of incoming messages, and both men instinctively glanced towards it. Kim Dokja only caught the words "Mia" and "sorry" before Yoo Joonghyuk tilted the screen out of view, but it was enough for him to piece things together.

"Is your sister going to be late?" he asked. "Even more reason for you to wait inside my apartment then, unless you really do want to get an ambulance called on you."

"...Fine," said Yoo Joonghyuk, even though he looked like it pained him to say so.

"You're supposed to say 'thank you.'"

Even though his apartment was small, it was decently clean for a bachelor pad, which meant Kim Dokja could invite people inside at any time without any shame. He sat Yoo Joonghyuk down at his kitchen table and pulled open the refrigerator door. Since he had already invited him over, he might as well play the part of a good host.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"No."

"What about coffee? Or tea?"

"I'm not thirsty," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

You stood in a hallway with no air conditioning in 30-degree weather for thirty minutes, of course you're thirsty. Then, realization dawned on Kim Dokja as he noticed the rigidness of Yoo Joonghyuk's spine and the distinctive shadow of distrust and suspicion in his eyes. "Are you worried I might drug you?" he asked slowly.

Yoo Joonghyuk pressed his lips together tightly and didn't deny the accusation.

"You paranoid bastard," Kim Dokja said with a laugh. He had no idea why watching Yoo Joonghyuk mentally struggle with conspiracy theories was so funny; it just was. "Do you think I'm secretly lusting after your body or something? ...Well, I guess I can't blame you for being cautious."

"What," said Yoo Joonghyuk, still frowning.

Oppa has 10 years of anti-harassment experience!  was what Yoo Mia had said, if he recalled correctly.

"As a celebrity, I'm sure you've met your fair share of rabid fans over the years, so it's wise of you to take precautions." Kim Dokja reached inside the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. "Even if you're half a head taller and at least 20 pounds heavier than me." He tossed the unopened bottle at Yoo Joonghyuk, who caught it neatly out of mid-air with one hand. "Here. The seal's unbroken, you can check."

Yoo Joonghyuk did check, and Kim Dokja had to bite back his shit-eating grin. He briefly contemplated telling Yoo Joonghyuk someone could've used a syringe to inject something into an unopened bottle, but he still valued his life for now, so he kept the forbidden knowledge to himself. Pulling out the chair opposite Yoo Joonghyuk, Kim Dokja sat down at the table and picked up his phone. 

"Did your sister ever tell you why she ran away from home last weekend?" he asked while scrolling idly through today's headlines.

It was evident by the long pause before Yoo Joonghyuk's response how little he wanted to speak to him. "Yes."

"That's good."

Kim Dokja was halfway through a dramatic gossip article about all ten women an actor cheated on his girlfriend with when he felt the familiar prickle of someone's gaze on him. When he looked up from his phone, he wasn't surprised to find Yoo Joonghyuk glaring daggers at him. "What?"

"I don't need your pity," said Yoo Joonghyuk, voice impassive.

"You made 1,000,000,000 won in 2015, do you seriously think I would pity you?"

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored the backhanded compliment. "Whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work." There was a glint of steel in his eyes as he glared at Kim Dokja. "I'm not an idiot."

If I didn't think you were an idiot before at Jung Heewon's get-together, almost breaking your hand punching the wall certainly convinced me.

Kim Dokja flashed him an innocent smile. "As I said before, I'm doing this out of basic human decency." His smile grew more genuine at the sight of the visible confusion on Yoo Joonghyuk's face. "Has it never occurred to you that I might be to befriend you because you're also Hyunsung-ssi's friend?"

"So you're admitting you have ulterior motives."

Talking to Yoo Joonghyuk was like talking to a flat-earther: it was useless trying to convince him he was wrong. "I wouldn't call friendship an ulterior motive, but sure."

They lapsed back into silence. Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't giving him any material to go off on, so Kim Dokja didn't even bother. He had never thought his one-sided conversations with [mia123] were awkward, but when the same thing happened in real life, it was suddenly much, much worse.

The peace was interrupted after a while by Yoo Joonghyuk's phone buzzing, and the deep furrow between the man's eyebrows relaxed as his eyes scanned through the message. "I'm leaving," he said, standing up and stuffing his phone back into his pocket.

"Don't forget your water," Kim Dokja said without looking up from his phone. "Have a safe trip home."

"...Thank you," Yoo Joonghyuk said grudgingly. His words still sounded stilted and unsure, but Kim Dokja could give him a gold star for effort.

***

[Jung Heewon]

>> Want to go drinking with us this Friday 

>> We have a designated driver so you don't have to take the train home

If by 'drinking' you mean 'go to the bar where you work after your shift ends and drink punch while you get smashed', then sure. <<

Who's the designated driver? Hyunsung-ssi? <<

>> Yoo Joonghyuk

Right, that bastard still existed. Maybe it was a good thing Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't going to drink, because he didn't want to sit through another round of Bitter Ex Simulator, Drunk Edition.

Is Lee Seolhwa coming? <<

He should've known it was the wrong thing to ask.

>> She's busy

>> Ha, are you disappointed?

I was asking for Yoo Joonghyuk. <<

>> Since when were you close to Yoo Joonghyuk?

You know what, never mind. <<

>> No, go on

>> Do you want me to set you up with Yoo Joonghyuk? Is that what this is?

What? <<

>> He is currently single

>> I don’t think the money can make up for the assholery though

If you're that bored, you should think about setting up Yoo Joonghyuk and Lee Seolhwa with each other instead. <<

>> Why would I do that?

>> You take priority over them

Kim Dokja's heart warmed at the sight of Jung Heewon's message.

>> They don't need my help finding a partner. You do.

Kim Dokja's heart rapidly cooled. 

Thank you for your confidence. <<

>> And don't forget to bring a plus one to split the bill

[ Private message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Are you there?

*[BF_Empress]: Good night.

The worst thing was, he wasn’t even sure what he had done.

***

Work that day was largely uneventful. One of his coworkers was celebrating her birthday today, and she brought cupcakes for everyone in their department. Even Kim Dokja was allowed to take one, although he was pretty sure she hated him for daring to challenge her assertion that everyone over the age of 30 who was unmarried was a worthless spinster. Since he was nearing 30 and still hopelessly single, he had felt compelled to defend his honour by casually bringing up how she was 31 when she married her husband. After that, she started avoiding him in the office.

As he walked towards the nearest subway station after work, Kim Dokja glanced up at the cloudless blue sky above him and sighed. It was still unbearably hot today, and the air itself seemed to swell to bursting with humidity. Taking the subway home was never appealing, but taking it home in this weather when everyone was sweaty and exhausted was torturous. As distracted by his phone and the heat as he was, it took Kim Dokja a while to notice that the tall figure walking in front of him looked rather familiar. 

"Yoo Joonghyuk?" The man turned around at the sound of his name being called, eyes narrowed. He wasn't wearing a black face mask, but he did kind of look like a movie star--one of the bad-tempered ones that made the evening news headlines for cursing out paparazzi. "Fancy meeting you here. Are you also heading--"

"Are you stalking me?" demanded Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Of course not," Kim Dokja said breezily. Yoo Joonghyuk only grew more suspicious at his casual dismissal. "Look, I work in the building on the other side of the street, and I was just heading to the subway station to catch the train home."

Looking unimpressed, Yoo Joonghyuk pulled out his phone and opened the screen lock with a swipe of his thumb. "What company do you work for?"

"MinoSoft--are you searching up its address to prove me wrong?" Kim Dokja couldn't tell if he was more offended, incredulous, or amused. "Do you seriously think I have nothing better to do than to follow you around all day?"

"We've met six times in the past two weeks," came the cautious reply. The search had obviously returned convincing results because Yoo Joonghyuk slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Then it must be fate," Kim Dokja said with a straight face. "We're destined to be friends."

They stared at each other in silence for a heavy moment. 

"Do I need to show you my work ID?" he asked in exasperation.

When Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately turn down the offer, he rolled his eyes and passed him his laminated MinoSoft credentials. Turning the ID card over in his hands, Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth twitched in what almost seemed like amusement when he noticed the unflattering photo plastered on it.

"I pulled an all-nighter the day before it was taken," said Kim Dokja, defensive. "And I look better in person than in photos."

Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze flickered upwards in the direction of his face. Kim Dokja glared back at him, daring him to say something insulting, even though Yoo Joonghyuk was so high up the aesthetics ladder that he actually had the right to look down on everyone else. But instead of mocking him, the bastard simply handed him his ID card back without a word. 

"Are you satisfied now? I'm not stalking you," said Kim Dokja, enunciating every word carefully like he was speaking to a toddler, "and our meetings are merely coincidence. I'm surprised you even kept count." 

Yoo Joonghyuk still didn't look particularly convinced. Kim Dokja knew a lost cause when he saw one and decided to retreat for now. "Watch out for heatstroke," he said ominously, brushing past him. 

A firm hand clamped down on his shoulder before he could walk away.

"Kim Dokja." Yoo Joonghyuk exhaled and clenched his jaw like he was bracing himself for impact. "I'll drive you home," he said through gritted teeth. It was supposed to be an offer, but he made it sound more like a command.

"How uncharacteristically kind of you," Kim Dokja remarked after he had gotten over his initial shock. "Are you sure you aren't delirious with heatstroke?"

"Shut up."

For one disorienting moment, Kim Dokja thought he was speaking to [mia123]. But then the moment passed and his eyes refocused on the figure of Yoo Joonghyuk, who was nowhere near as kind as [mia123] was underneath the facade of indifference. Although Kim Dokja suspected this unexpected offer might be a ploy to get him alone so Yoo Joonghyuk could kill him and dump his body in the Han River, he wasn't about to turn down a free ride in this weather. Besides, he knew all sorts of dirty tricks when it came to fighting and was confident he could get away in time to call the police.

"Sure, lead the way."

Yoo Joonghyuk's car was expensive and shiny and had leather seats, which Kim Dokja had expected. There was something about the sleek lines and aerodynamic design of the car that resonated with his Y chromosome, giving rise to a vague feeling of envy that he hadn't experienced in a long time. 

"I'm surprised you can even drive with a broken hand," he commented, strapping himself into the passenger seat. "Has it fully healed yet?"

Yoo Joonghyuk slid his key into its slot beside the ignition button. "It's not broken."

"Better your hand than my nose, in either case."

"I said it's not broken," Yoo Joonghyuk repeated stubbornly.

"I know."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't turn the radio on, so the only sounds in the car were the low hum of the engine and their own quiet breathing. Outside the window, everything looked unrealistically vivid in the blinding sunlight, like the video game assets of a fantasy MMORPG. Kim Dokja didn't ask Yoo Joonghyuk why he offered to drive him home, because he had a feeling the man would tell him himself in due time. And as with most predictions when it came to Yoo Joonghyuk, he was right.

"This makes us even," said Yoo Joonghyuk, pulling out of the parking space.

Kim Dokja lifted his head off of the windowpane and glanced at him over his shoulder. "You can't arbitrarily decide on my behalf what does or does not make us even. That's up to me to decide."

"I don't owe you anymore, so stop bothering me."

"Repeating something won't make it fact."

The frown on Yoo Joonghyuk's face deepened, and the tendons on his hand shifted under his skin as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. "What else do you want?"

"You almost disfigured me last Sunday. If I were you, I'd speak more respectfully to me."

"There's nothing to disfigure."

Kim Dokja's eyes trembled in shock. "Did you just make a joke?"

Yoo Joonghyuk hastily averted his gaze, eyebrows furrowed like he regretted getting caught enjoying their interactions.

"It was pretty bad, but I'm sure you'll get the hang of it someday," Kim Dokja said magnanimously.

"Shut up."

Kim Dokja was also the type of person who never wanted to owe anyone anything, so he understood why Yoo Joonghyuk was so insistent on cutting their ties as soon as possible. But damn it, he didn't want them to be even; he wanted Yoo Joonghyuk to stay in his debt so he could keep making fun of him without repercussions. After giving the problem some thought, he settled on the safest response he could think of.

"Give me back my umbrella first, and then we'll talk."

The car stopped at a red light, and Yoo Joonghyuk took the opportunity to turn around and glare at him. "Didn't you tell me to keep it?"

"I changed my mind," said Kim Dokja. "It has sentimental value to me."

"You said you bought it for 10,000 won."

Did this bastard really think he could win an argument against him? He hadn't verbally sparred with Han Sooyoung for years for nothing. "Yes, but the price of happy memories can't be measured with monetary units."

"It's purple."

"So? Ah, the light turned green."

Yoo Joonghyuk stepped on the gas with a vengeance and the car shot forward, the momentum slamming Kim Dokja back into his seat. They made it to Kim Dokja's apartment in record time, and he only had the opportunity to weave in two more passive-aggressive comments before Yoo Joonghyuk was shifting the gear knob to Park and glaring meaningfully in the direction of the door. 

"Thanks for the ride." Kim Dokja slung his bag over his shoulder and pushed the car door open. "See you tomorrow."

"What," Yoo Joonghyuk said flatly.

"Did you forget you're going drinking with us? Heewon-ssi's counting on you to be our designated driver."

It was hard to say how much Yoo Joonghyuk regretted accepting Jung Heewon's invitation at that moment, but Kim Dokja could hazard a guess that it was A Lot.

"I'll be counting on you tomorrow too, Driver-nim."

***

[Han Sooyoung]

>> what length do u prefer

What? <<

>> do u prefer girth over length or length over girth

Pardon? <<

>> do u want spikes or veins

Han Sooyoung. If you buy me a dildo, I'll throw away all of your avatar's equipment and change the password to your account. <<

>> OKAY I WON'T

>> ugh I was just trying to be thoughtful

>> no judgement kim dokja

It's not necessary. <<

>> straight men have prostates too

>> u gotta do what u gotta do

>> especially since u still don't have a girlfriend

You do know you're also single, right? <<

>> i'm just such a good friend that i place your well-being before mine

Don't you feel embarrassed saying that? <<

>> whatever

>> want to meet up this sunday

You're coming back this week? <<

>> uh, yeah?

>> did u have so much fun u forgot?

No. <<

I didn't forget. <<

Chapter Text

The clouds cleared overnight, and Friday morning arrived with the rich scent of rain-washed earth and the golden warmth of fresh sunlight. Keeping in mind the bad blood between him and Yoo Joonghyuk and the non-zero possibility that the man wanted to strangle him with his bare hands, Kim Dokja decided to go out on a limb and ask Yoo Sangah if she wanted to come drinking with them that night. After all, if he didn’t bring a plus one, it would just be him and Yoo Joonghyuk versus the happy couple in an awkward, twisted game of Friendship Chicken. Someone was likely to end up dead before the night ended, and Kim Dokja had a feeling it would be him.

“Good morning, Sangah-ssi,” said Kim Dokja, setting down his office-only coffee mug beside hers on the counter in the break room. “How have you been? I heard the HR department was rather busy dealing with reports this week.”

There was a weary edge to Yoo Sangah’s usual smile when she glanced over at him. “Thankfully, everything has been taken care of now, so none of us will have to work overtime.” 

As the coffee machine churned in the background, they talked a little about miscellaneous happenings around the office, harmless topics that trod the line between gossip and small-talk. Once Yoo Sangah had ingested enough caffeine to look properly cheerful again, Kim Dokja carefully broached the subject of his invitation.

“That reminds me, do you still watch YJH’s streams?” 

“Occasionally. He doesn’t stream that often,” Yoo Sangah said with a hum, sipping her coffee.

Even better. “One of my friends is actually high school classmates with Yoo Joonghyuk, and we’re all going to a bar tonight for a casual get-together. Would you like to come?” When Yoo Sangah looked hesitant, he added, “Yoo Joonghyuk won’t mind.” Which was a blatant lie, but maybe if he said it convincingly enough, she would believe him.

A doubtful look flitted across Yoo Sangah’s face at his last sentence, but she quickly smoothed her expression back into a smile. “I would love to come, but I really need to catch up on sleep first,” she said, apologetic. “Maybe another time? You’re right, it would be interesting to meet YJH in person, just to see if the rumours are true.”

“What rumours?”

"Oh, you know,” The ceiling lights danced in Yoo Sangah’s eyes as they crinkled at the corners, “that he’ll glare at you if you bring up the 2015 World Championships in front of him.”

Was that the year Yoo Joonghyuk died 18 times in Semi-Finals, setting the world record for the most deaths in a world championship ever and losing his team the last match of the series? Kim Dokja hadn’t watched the match, but he’d followed a few people online who had, and he’d witnessed the memes and subsequent fallout first-hand. 

"You’ll have to find out yourself," Kim Dokja informed her gravely. 

Yoo Sangah's laugh sounded like wind chimes in the summer breeze.

***

They were supposed to meet at the bar where Jung Heewon worked during summers at midnight, so Kim Dokja took his sweet time making dinner and unwinding after work. When he finally sat down in front of his computer, it was with a familiar sense of calm. Han Sooyoung was coming back this weekend, so he needed to log on and erase all traces of his interactions with [mia123] before that happened. Before, he might’ve contemplated telling her the truth about his deception and apologizing, but there was no point in doing that anymore.

[Aslan] was online, so he informed him courteously of the news that he was handing back this account to his friend. As expected, [Aslan] was a little disappointed about it, but didn’t argue with him over his decision outside of the perfunctory lines. Their friendship had atrophied ever since the Chilseok Incident last week, so Kim Dokja had anticipated the relatively cool reception. He had never truly considered [Aslan] a companion, or at least not in the same way as Mia. 

Kim Dokja was navigating through the extremely counterintuitive user interface in search of the Block button when his chat box lit up with a message from the last person he expected to see.

[ Private message from [mia123] ]

*[mia123]: (111, 105, 150)

*[mia123]: come

Kim Dokja laughed, so infuriated by the casually arrogant tone of her message that his anger overflowed and spilled into amusement. It was like getting bitten by a stray, feral cat: you could only quietly accept your loss and move on, because there was no way you were getting compensated for your emotional trauma. Actually, scratch that, the situation was similar to almost getting punched in the face and accused of being a child molester by Yoo Joonghyuk.

When he didn’t immediately reply, [mia123] added,

*[mia123]: coordinates

He couldn’t tell if he was more offended by her casual dismissal of everything that happened earlier this week, or that she thought he was genuinely this dumb.

*[BF_Empress]: I know they’re coordinates.

*[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to pretend nothing happened?

She didn’t even have the decency to hesitate before responding.

*[mia123]: nothing did happen

Maybe in her eyes, it was normal for her to abruptly cut off all contact for four days. Kim Dokja began to type out a sarcastic reply to her message, and stopped. He had too much pride to corner her with accusations like a jilted lover…  But then again, she didn’t know who he really was, so he could do whatever he wanted to. 

*[BF_Empress]: In case it’s slipped your mind, we’re not on speaking terms anymore.

*[mia123]: don’t be an idiot

He had to resist the urge to fire back a childish insult. He had to resist--

*[BF_Empress]: At least I don’t have the vocabulary of a fourth grader who’s failing Korean.

*[mia123]: shut up

*[mia123]: I was indisposed

Is she trying to prove that her vocabulary isn’t that limited? wondered Kim Dokja, amused.

*[mia123]: this weekend

It took him a moment to understand what her fragmented sentences meant.

*[BF_Empress]: You mean you were sick this weekend?

*[mia123]: yes

*[BF_Empress]: Why did you log onto the game while you’re sick then? Shouldn’t you be lying in bed instead? Have you ever seen a psychiatrist  for your video game addiction?

*[mia123]: shut up

*[mia123]: (111, 105, 50)

*[mia213]: get over here

*[BF_Empress]: I’m assuming this means I’m not going to get an apology.

*[mia213]: hurry up

*[BF_Empress]: You could’ve at least had the decency to not log on, instead of leaving me on read. 

*[BF_Empress]: Well, I guess you want the daily login reward, so that’s not possible.

*[mia213]: are you done?

*[BF_Empress]: One day, you won’t get what you want, and then you’ll be sorry. One day.

But not today. In retrospect, maybe four days wasn’t a long time to go without speaking to an online friend. But Mia was only the second person he had ever befriended online, and Han Sooyoung, who was the first, was one of the mouthiest people Kim Dokja knew. It wasn’t fair to hold Mia up to the same standards, especially when said standards involved lengthy arguments about every subject under the sun.

Kim Dokja navigated to the coordinates Mia sent him, which happened to be the entrance to a hidden scenario. He made sure to take as long as humanly possible to read the NPC dialogue just to be difficult, and this time, she didn’t say anything about it. Everything seemed to have fallen back into place, but there was still the nagging thought at the back of his head that he was running out of time. But Mia immediately pulled him into another quest after they finished the first one, and he didn’t even have time to consider how he could explain the whole catfishing debacle to her in a way that didn’t make him sound like a pervert.

*[mia123]: I'll let you know next time

Belatedly, Kim Dokja’s eyes drifted to where the message had appeared at the corner of his computer screen.

*[BF_Empress]: What?

*[mia123]: if I’m indisposed

The lingering tendrils of the grudge he had been holding released its grip on his heart, and the tension bled out of his shoulders. This was probably the closest to a promise he would ever get from her. There was no trace of bitterness left in his eyes when he smiled.

*[BF_Empress]: Fine.

*[BF_Empress]: Stop saying you’re ‘indisposed’, it makes you sound like a pretentious ass.

*[mia123]: be quiet

Kim Dokja was too busy bickering with Mia to keep track of the time on his phone, and by the time he finally remembered he had to get ready for the get-together, it was already 11 pm and he didn’t have time for anything but a quick goodbye.

I’ll deal with it after I get home, he thought to himself as he logged off. Han Sooyoung won’t check the game tonight because she’ll be busy packing, so I still have time.

***

“Heewon-ssi’s picking up her stuff from the staff room right now,” one of the waitresses Jung Heewon was friends with said to him in greeting when he stepped into the bar. “She said she’ll be out soon, and you can sit down at your usual booth first.”

“Thank you.”

Their usual booth was situated in the corner of the establishment, far away from the drunken rowdiness of the other patrons. As Kim Dokja drew nearer, he noticed that someone was already seated in it. The man glanced up as he approached, and it was hard to tell if the strange tightness in his chest was surprise or dismay when the light caught in the man’s dark eyes and Kim Dokja realized it was Yoo Joonghyuk.

“Good evening,” he said politely, sliding into the booth beside Yoo Joonghyuk. Their elbows knocked against each other lightly. “I hope the bones in your hand have mended by now.”

Yoo Joonghyuk opened his mouth, and for a second, Kim Dokja wondered if he was actually going to return his greetings. His hopes were quickly dashed.

“Why are you sitting here?” asked Yoo Joonghyuk, expression pinched. “Go sit on the other side.” He looked as though he was speaking to a particularly stubborn fungus, or the dog shit stuck on the bottom of his shoe. 

“Because this is my usual spot, which I’ve sat in for…” Kim Dokja gazed up at the dim ceiling lights, feigning concentration. “Ah, almost two years now, which I’m sure is much longer than you’ve been here. If you’re unhappy with the seating arrangements, you can move.”

“How am I supposed to move if you’re blocking me in?” Yoo Joonghyuk shot back, hand tightening around his water glass.

“I’m not blocking you in.” Kim Dokja threw his arm over the back of the bench and leaned back, gesturing at his open lap. “Go ahead and climb over me if you want, don’t be shy. We’re both men here.” He patted his leg in what he hoped was a cheerfully condescending manner.

In response to the taunt, Yoo Joonghyuk glared down at Kim Dokja’s crotch with a fearsome intensity, as if he were wishing decades of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation upon him. Kim Dokja bravely resisted the urge to cross his legs and parted them instead in a power pose, to prove that he wasn’t scared of him. Yoo Joonghyuk’s gaze flitted briefly towards Kim Dokja’s face before he turned away, frowning at his water glass like it held the secrets to immortality.

Was that male posturing just now? Kim Dokja wondered, swinging one leg over the other. Does this mean I won?

Before he could come up with something to say to break the sheet of ice that had formed between them from his possibly inappropriate joke, Yoo Joonghyuk spoke up. “I brought your umbrella.” He picked it up from where it was lying on the bench on his other side and handed it to Kim Dokja, handle facing outwards. 

Oh, right. He had almost forgotten he’d even asked for it back in the first place. 

“Thank you, I’m touched you remembered.” Kim Dokja took it from him, turning it over in his hands. The umbrella was supposed to be collapsible into a smaller form, but one of its metal ribs was bent at an angle that made it impossible to close the umbrella completely.  “Why is it broken?” he asked calmly. “Did you break it?”

Yoo Joonghyuk stared back at him. “It was like this when you gave it to me,” he said, sounding defensive. “I--”

“You’re right.” Kim Dokja slid it under his bench with a shrug. “It was worth a try.”

With how hard Yoo Joonghyuk was gripping his glass now, Kim Dokja was surprised it didn’t shatter and injure his other hand. “Now we’re even,” he grumbled.

“A broken nose takes three weeks to heal,” said Kim Dokja. “I’ll give you a 30% discount because it’s a hypothetical injury and you also broke your hand, which means you owe me two weeks of good will--”

“Go to hell--”

“Sorry we’re late.” Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon materialized above them, the former smiling sheepishly at them all. His collar was suspiciously crooked, and there was a wet shine to his lips that caught in the lights above. “We were talking outside--” Making out, Kim Dokja corrected. “--and lost track of time. Did you guys order yet?”

“Not yet.” Kim Dokja passed Jung Heewon a copy of the menu, which she took with a quick word of thanks. “I had dinner earlier, so I’m not that hungry.”

“What happened to your hand?” Jung Heewon asked, nodding at the bandage wrapped around Yoo Joonghyuk’s knuckles over the rim of the menu. “Did you break it?”

“It’s not broken,” Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk chorused. Yoo Joonghyuk shot him a dark glare, and Kim Dokja took a sip of water, expression innocent. 

“There was an accident,” Yoo Joonghyuk said in a clipped voice. “It doesn’t affect my driving.”

“Good to hear.” 

Despite claiming that Yoo Joonghyuk was also an asshole, Jung Heewon was a thousand times more polite to him than she ever was with Han Sooyoung. This was probably because Han Sooyoung actively tried to screw over other people (and often succeeded), while Yoo Joonghyuk only screwed over himself by doing dumb shit like punching walls.

“Since I’m not planning on drinking, I could also drive us home if you’re incapacitated. You don’t have to force yourself,” Kim Dokja offered as a gesture of good will. Lee Hyunsung was one of the few people who didn’t know how much of an asshole he was since he was usually away on deployment, and he always made sure to be on his best behaviour around him as a token of appreciation for his misplaced trust.

“I don’t trust you,” came the scathing reply.

I got full marks on the written section of my driving test, was what Kim Dokja could have said if he were as polite as he thought he was, but since he was actually a stubborn bastard, what came out of his mouth said, “A wise decision, because I’ve always wanted to crash a Mercedes.”

Lee Hyunsung had less formal and infinitely more friendly words for Yoo Joonghyuk’s injury, and they lapsed into a quiet conversation about whether he was currently in any pain. Admittedly, seeing Yoo Joonghyuk speak so civilly to a mutual friend made Kim Dokja feel almost...disappointed, even though he was the one actively provoking him most of the time. So Yoo Joonghyuk could be a reasonable human being, just not around him.

Jung Heewon’s voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he brushed them aside. “If you’re not drinking, Dokja-ssi, I’ll only get two bottles. Should we order fried chicken?”

“The fried chicken here tastes like tree bark,” he replied, glancing down at the menu carefully positioned between him and Yoo Joonghyuk so neither side was favoured.

“I know, but the night just doesn’t feel complete without it.”

“I’d rather go outside and chew on the tree by the sidewalk.”

“Then you can go do that while I sit inside and eat fried chicken.” Jung Heewon’s eyes travelled downwards across the menu as she mentally noted down their orders. “Are you finally going to try the specialty hwachae tonight? I swear it’s good.”

It was also stupidly expensive for no reason and probably not worth the price, and Kim Dokja would rather waste his money on more lasting forms of entertainment, like books. “I’ll think about it,” he deflected. Turning to Yoo Joonghyuk, he tapped him lightly on the shoulder and asked, “Are you going to order a drink?”

Yoo Joonghyuk eyed the hand on his shoulder suspiciously, and gave Kim Dokja a strange look like he wasn't sure why he was even talking to him, not to mention touching him. "No."

It was hard to keep the judgemental tone out of his voice. "So you’re just going to drink water the whole night? At a bar?"

"I have to drive you home later," Yoo Joonghyuk snapped. "What else am I supposed to drink?"

"Something more exciting. Unless you're worried this public establishment might also be trying to poison you?" When Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately reply, Kim Dokja slid the menu closer to him until its edges were poking at his arm. Eyes narrowed, Yoo Joonghyuk removed his arms from the table and crossed them over his chest. “They serve non-alcoholic hwachae here,” Kim Dokja said in a suggestive voice. “You should try the watermelon flavour, they serve it straight out of a watermelon shell and it's almost as big as your ego.”

"Skin."

"What?"

"It's watermelon skin, not shell.”

Kim Dokja couldn't tell if Yoo Joonghyuk was actually this neurotic or if this was some botched attempt at making a joke, and decided to ignore the comment. "Anyway, you should order it."

"Don't tell me what to do."

"I'm giving you a suggestion, not an order. But you really should." 

“Stop trying to force me.” Yoo Joonghyuk said ‘force’ with such vehemence that it sounded like Kim Dokja was actually trying to force himself on him, which, mind you, he most definitely was not. “Order it yourself.”

Kim Dokja sighed and shook his head. “You’re so uncooperative.” Pulling the menu back towards him, he said to Jung Heewon, “I’ll just order coffee.”

“Drinking coffee at a bar is boring,” said Jung Heewon, but it was only a token protest.

After much haggling between Jung Heewon and Kim Dokja, they successfully placed their orders. The drinks and the dreaded chicken arrived rather quickly, and Jung Heewon already had five shots down before the other dishes arrived. She and Lee Hyunsung were talking about something in low voices on the other side of the table, and Lee Hyunsung looked as if he were hanging onto her every word like they were an imperial order. Kim Dokja politely turned his gaze back towards Yoo Joonghyuk, who was diligently separating the prosciutto from his honeydew with the precision befitting a world champion. At first Kim Dokja thought this was some kind of sadistic ploy to ruin the dish for everyone else, and his eyes trembled in shock as he watched Yoo Joonghyuk picked up the piece of prosciutto with his chopsticks and placed it in his mouth. The piece of honeydew soon met the same end as its predecessor, and he chased it down with a swig of water.

"So you do eat outside food," Kim Dokja marvelled after Yoo Joonghyuk set his glass back down. "Why did you bring your own lunch to the restaurant that one time then?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes widened slightly, and he sent Lee Hyunsung a disapproving look. “You told him?”

Surprisingly, Lee Hyunsung had actually been paying attention to their conversation. “Wasn’t that back when your stalker was sending you death threats, Joonghyuk-ssi?” he said with a characteristic alcohol-induced casualness. His next line was directed at Kim Dokja, “The stalker got arrested, so he doesn’t have to be careful anymore.”

"You got death threats for playing a game?" Jung Heewon asked incredulously. She poured herself another generous shot of soju and downed it in one go.

A shadow of irritation flashed across Yoo Joonghyuk’s face from her flat dismissal.

Lee Hyunsung didn't notice the brewing storm on the other side of the table and continued on, “They sent...was it rat poison or razor blades?” He glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk for confirmation, but the man was busy glaring at a spot in the distance. “I don’t think the police ever figured out how he got his hands on Joonghyuk-ssi’s address.”

Thinking over his conversation with Yoo Sangah this morning, realization dawned upon Kim Dokja. "Was this after you died 18 times during the 2015 World Championships?" The whole team was sent a lot of death threats for their loss, if he remembered correctly. And a lot of Bronze V memes.

Contrary to the rumours, Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t immediately aim his most scathing death glare at him. "You watched the game?" he asked, sounding disturbed. The crease between his eyebrows deepened, and Kim Dokja had half a mind to tell him he was putting himself at risk for premature wrinkles.

"Of course." Someone made a joke video about it, and it has 1 million views on YouTube. "I did my research."

Yoo Joonghyuk was still looking at him without speaking. His eyes seemed darker than the average person’s, and they reminded Kim Dokja of obsidian, smooth and polished and cold to the touch. They were the sort of eyes that painters longed to capture in their works, and if they could keep even a thousandth of their likeness suspended in time in the painted world of their canvas, it would be enough. 

"By the way, how's Jihye doing?" asked Jung Heewon. Drawn to the sound of her voice, Kim Dokja tore his gaze away from Yoo Joonghyuk. 

"Fine," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I know she's still alive, I was asking about the specifics.” She squeezed a piece of chicken between her chopsticks, and could barely hide her disgust when it bounced back immediately like a rubber ball. “Did you get your microwave replaced?"

“Kim Namwoon replaced it.” 

“By the way, can you please stop ignoring my messages?” She didn’t hold back the irritation in her voice this time. “Or at least don’t ignore Hyunsung-ssi when I text you from his phone. And don’t tell me you can tell the difference between my texts and his, because I know you can’t.”

“I was indisposed,” Yoo Joonghyuk said curtly. Judging from the way he said it, by ‘indisposed’, he actually meant 'angry at myself for injuring my hand and didn’t want to talk to anyone, so I wallowed in my misery alone and jerked myself off.’ Or at least this was how Kim Dokja interpreted his statement.

“You mean your hand?” Jung Heewon frowned, but her irritation was rapidly dissipating at the sight of the injury. “You could’ve sent a voice message or something, I’m sure Hyunsung-ssi would’ve been happy to come visit you.”

“That’s not necessary.” Yoo Joonghyuk set down his glass and glanced at Kim Dokja. “I’m going to the washroom. Move.”

As part of the continued effort to maintain an unsullied image in front of Lee Hyunsung, his last true believer on this earth, Kim Dokja graciously stood up and let Yoo Joonghyuk pass.

“I also have to go,” said Lee Hyunsung, staggering to his feet after him. 

“Watch your step.” Jung Heewon watched him leave with a fond look in her eye before turning back to Kim Dokja. “Lee Seolhwa has a morning shift tomorrow, so she couldn’t make it.” When Kim Dokja didn’t react in any visible way, she continued, “I had lunch with her the other day. She has a mean sense of humour, kind of like you.” Kim Dokja still didn’t react. “Are you not going to say anything?”

“I don’t know what you expect me to say,” Kim Dokja replied, picking up a piece of chicken and placing it on his plate.

Never one to be deterred by another person’s avoidant behaviour, Jung Heewon forged ahead unprompted. “She’s not avoiding you, don’t worry. I asked.” She delivered the message with a confidence Kim Dokja admired. “You didn’t mess up that badly.” 

Of course Lee Seolhwa wasn't avoiding him; she was avoiding Yoo Joonghyuk. Or perhaps avoid wasn't the right word, more like she sensed that things would be awkward if the two of them got drunk in the same room together and consciously decided not to put herself in that situation. 

“Since when were you a passionate proponent of matchmaking? I thought you hated forced interactions.”

“I just wanted to try my hand at it,” said Jung Heewon, sounding unsure of her own words. “Han Sooyoung always boasts about how she got her university friends together, and I know I can do better.”

Kim Dokja huffed out a laugh. “And you call me a lying bastard.”

“You are a lying bastard.” The disbelief on Kim Dokja's face must have showed, because Jung Heewon let out a heavy sigh. She really didn’t have any talent for lying. “I'm just worried,” she said, quieter now. Kim Dokja suspected that this wasn’t something she would have told him while sober, but she was well on her way to getting drunk and her inhibitions were lowered. “Sometimes I get this feeling like if you don't have someone to hold you down, you'll disappear.”

Sensing that it would not go over well, Kim Dokja wisely refrained from making fun of her terrible wording and its unfortunate implication that he might be into bondage. “Disappear to where?” he asked cheerfully. “The bottom of the Han River?” Because I keep triggering Yoo Joonghyuk’s fight-or-flight response and one day he might snap and kill me and dump my body there?

There was no trace of humour in Jung Heewon’s face, which was the first sign that this was the wrong reply. “Why would you even joke about that?” she asked, voice taut with suppressed emotion. 

Kim Dokja stared back at her blankly, uncomprehending. “What’s wrong?”

Her searching gaze swept over his face, and her expression shuttered when she didn’t find what she was looking for. “You know what, never mind,” she muttered, pouring herself another shot. “Just...don’t give up so easily. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to. It doesn’t even have to be Lee Seolhwa, I mean, I won’t judge you if you get together with Han Sooyoung.”

This conversation was getting stranger and stranger by the minute. “Do you seriously think that would happen?”

“Okay, maybe I’d judge you a little,” she amended. “But you get the point. What I’m trying to say is, you should put yourself out there more. Aren’t dating apps a thing nowadays? Or you can get a penpal and start something online, you’re good with words. Or you could go to one of your school reunions and--”

"You're not qualified to give me dating advice," Kim Dokja pointed out in a completely calm and rational way. He wasn't being overly defensive, not at all.

"How am I not qualified?" Jung Heewon demanded. "In case you haven't noticed, out of me, you, and Han Sooyoung, I'm the only one who managed to find a partner."

She did have a point, but Kim Dokja wasn’t going to admit his mistake so easily. "Lee Hyunsung isn't exactly hard to seduce--"

“Bull--”

Jung Heewon's retort died on her tongue, and her eyes lit up with a mocking gleam. Following the direction of her gaze, Kim Dokja looked up from his rice bowl and met Yoo Joonghyuk's wary eyes. They stared at each other for a terse, uncomfortable moment before he got up and let him back in his seat. 

"I meant in theory," Kim Dokja added lamely, sitting back down. "Lee Hyunsung is easy to seduce in theory." 

He didn’t know why he was explaining himself, but he felt like it was necessary in the moment. If anything, the expression on Yoo Joonghyuk's face only grew more alarmed.

"It's okay, I know you don't have the hots for him," drawled Jung Heewon. "Otherwise I wouldn't have stood a chance, what with your masterful arts of seduction."

Yoo Joonghyuk’s back tensed, his spine going rigid underneath his black shirt.

You're ruining my image, Kim Dokja sent Jung Heewon a severe look across the table. 

Jung Heewon didn't look apologetic at all. You don't have an image to ruin.

"Either way," said Kim Dokja, "I already have someone I like, so you can drop the subject." And just to make it clear to Yoo Joonghyuk that he didn’t have any designations on his ex-girlfriend and killing him off wouldn’t improve his chances with her, Kim Dokja added, “Someone who’s not Lee Seolhwa.”

Even though [mia123] was kind of a terrible human being, she was a good excuse to have on hand. Besides, it wasn’t even entirely a lie, he thought fondly.

Jung Heewon looked like she wanted to try to guess who it was, but thought better of it. Unlike Han Sooyoung, she was very aware of where the boundaries of their friendship lay. "My bad. I’ll stop pushing,” she said. Her wandering gaze landed on the menus in the corner of the table, and she plucked one out of the stand. "Let's get more fried chicken.”

“I refuse.”

They compromised and ordered rice cakes. Jung Heewon ordered a few things on Lee Hyunsung’s behalf, which made Kim Dokja feel responsible for his own tablemate’s wellbeing. Even though it was unlikely that Yoo Joonghyuk’s lack of appetite had anything to do with Kim Dokja bringing up the outside food thing and reminding him of his bad experiences earlier, he still felt a vague sense of guilt. When it became increasingly apparent that Yoo Joonghyuk was content with cosplaying one of the Easter Island statues, he decided to take matters into his own hands. 

“Can you order more of the bacon-wrapped melon slices?” asked Kim Dokja.

Jung Heewon made a noncommittal noise. “I thought you hated those.”

How was he supposed to explain he was trying to do Yoo Joonghyuk a favour? “I’m trying to give them another chance.”

“Last time we were here you said they tasted like a bird vomited into a pig--”

“Get dumplings,” Yoo Joonghyuk said out of the blue, startling them both.

It speaks! thought Kim Dokja. This is an archaeological miracle...

“What kind?” Jung Heewon asked slowly. “Fried or steamed?”

“Steamed.”

Lee Hyunsung came back to the table a few moments later, and Jung Heewon took the opportunity to propose another toast for his triumphant return. They ordered a round of beers shortly afterwards, and it came as no surprise when the couple ended up drunk as the night winded down. Thankfully, Jung Heewon could walk and Lee Hyunsung could be dragged, and the four of them made it to where Yoo Joonghyuk’s car was parked with minimal fuss.

After unloading the dead weight that was Lee Hyunsung in the back of the car and strapping him in with his seatbelt, Kim Dokja made his way to the passenger’s side with his umbrella in hand and pulled open the door. Before he could sit down, however, he was stopped by Yoo Joonghyuk.

“Go sit in the back.”

You petty sunfish, thought Kim Dokja. He craned his neck around to examine the situation in the backseat. Lee Hyunsung was three sheets to the wind already, and was currently sprawled across Jung Heewon’s lap, too inebriated to hold himself upright. Jung Heewon was leaning her head against the window, eyes closed in either sleep or exhaustion, one hand in Lee Hyunsung’s hair.

“I don’t think there’s any room for me there,” Kim Dokja said innocently. “You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

Yoo Joonghyuk scowled and turned on the ignition. As the car sped down the road, streetlights raced past the window like shooting stars. Outside the window, pale stars shone brightly in the inky night sky like pearls strewn across black velvet. There was no sound but the low hum of the engine and Yoo Joonghyuk’s quiet breaths beside him. The world seemed to have narrowed down to a single point, suspended in time, as the two of them sat together in this space shuttle hurtling towards the vast unknown. Slowly, the curtain of muted stars drew closed, and he drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

"--Dokja. Kim Dokja."

Kim Dokja's eyes snapped open. "We're here?" he croaked. A quick glance at the backseat confirmed that both Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung were still in the car. "I thought you were dropping them off first."

Beside him, Yoo Joonghyuk’s side profile was outlined by the warm, dusty glow of the streetlights outside, but none of the warmth carried over to his voice. "I changed my mind."

As aloof as always, I see. "Thanks for driving me home.”

"I didn't do this for you," was the infuriating reply.

Of course you didn't. You’ve made your dislike of me very clear, was what Kim Dokja did not say. He was too tired to get into another argument at the curb. "Thanks for driving all of us home, then."

Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze was fixed on a point on the windshield as he gave him an almost imperceptible nod.

"Good night," Kim Dokja said before he slammed the car door shut with more force than necessary. "Be careful on your way back." Your sister would be devastated if you injured yourself in a car accident, even though it’s what you deserve.

He stalked off before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply with something cutting, like ‘that’s none of your business’ or ‘don’t tell me what to do’, and crossed the street to his apartment complex. As he pulled open the front door, he was hit with the strange feeling that he was being watched, and he looked over his shoulder. Much to his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk’s car was still parked at the side of the road. 

At first he thought Yoo Joonghyuk might be taking a break or fiddling with the radio like a normal person, and then it struck him: Yoo Joonghyuk stayed to make sure he got to his apartment safely, even though he was neither a woman nor a child. How paranoid did you have to be to think someone might get mugged during a 50 metres trip? Kim Dokja was at a loss for words. If mistrust of everyone and everything was a disease, Yoo Joonghyuk would be on his deathbed.

It was only after Kim Dokja climbed up the stairs to his apartment that he realized he’d forgotten his umbrella in Yoo Joonghyuk’s car, and by then he couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it. He didn’t have the man’s contact information, and messaging Jung Heewon would require explaining why he had an umbrella on him on a clear night with no rain, which would require explaining why Yoo Joonghyuk had his umbrella in the first place, and so on and so forth.

After showering and cleaning up, Kim Dokja bit back a yawn and pulled out his computer. Logging into the game was easy since he had practically memorized Han Sooyoung’s login information by now, but figuring out what to say to Mia before he blocked her was difficult. Of course, he could always just block her without a word, but then he would be sinking to her level. He felt like he should say something-- either an apology for lying to her this whole time, or the same explanation he had given [Aslan] as to why the account was switching hands. ...Or maybe a confession, to get it off his chest?

Don’t be an idiot, Kim Dokja, he told himself. You’re not actually a masochist. Now going back to my previous problem, if I leave her a message while she’s offline and then block her, will she see it? I should double-check...

Exhaustion clouded his mind before he could find the right thing to say, and Kim Dokja fell asleep to the sound of windchimes in his ears.

***

Han Sooyoung showed up at his apartment with a large bag of souvenirs at 1 pm sharp the next day, a mere twenty minutes after Kim Dokja finally dragged himself out of bed and brushed his teeth.

"Do you notice anything different about me?" asked Han Sooyoung, tossing her hair with an arrogant air about her. She cocked her hip and brought up her hand to the back of her head, angling her face in his direction.

Does this idiot think she's a celebrity? "Your face looks rounder," said Kim Dokja, his clinical gaze sweeping over her. Her smirk froze on her face. "Did you gain weight?"

"Kim Dokja." Han Sooyoung’s face was solemn as she spoke his name, and he subconsciously straightened up in his seat. "This is exactly why you can't find a girlfriend."

Kim Dokja wanted to argue that he wouldn't talk like this to a potential date, but he would only be proving how much of a two-faced bastard he was. "It's only natural that you gained weight after a month-long vacation, so don’t worry about it.”

Han Sooyoung ground her teeth together in irritation. "I meant I cut my hair!" she bellowed.

"Right, there's that too."

Rolling her eyes, she tugged out her chair with a vengeance and collapsed into it. The feet of the chair scraped across the ground with a loud screech, and Kim Dokja winced on behalf of his landlord. “Is this how you treat your great benefactor who bought you the complete set of <Peace Land>?”

“In Japanese,” said Kim Dokja. “I can’t read Japanese.”

“The books are for you to collect, not jerk off to,” she said with disdain. “And to decorate your pathetically empty apartment with, so you can impress future dates with your shit taste in manga and your inability to speak foreign languages. You can read the pirated scans online at any time.”

“Thank you for reminding me just how unscrupulous you are, I was starting to forget.”

“Hey, I also brought you snacks!”

“That you and Jung Heewon finished for me.”

“Whatever. Why do you look so stiff?” Han Sooyoung unscrewed the cap from her soda with a flourish. The bottle let out an angry hiss that made Kim Dokja sit up straighter in alarm, but luckily nothing spilled from it.

“My back’s sore.”

A complicated expression that was 30% morbid curiosity, 30% confusion, and 40% pure unadultered glee took over Han Sooyoung’s face. “Really?! Good for you, Kim Dokja. You’ve finally moved onto 3D--”

“Stop,” said Kim Dokja, unimpressed. The 3D jab hit unexpectedly close to home. “I fell asleep in my chair last night.”

“Lame,” she intoned, shaking her head in mock disapproval. 

Han Sooyoung spent the next twenty minutes complaining about all the stupid fights she got into with her friends during the trip while Kim Dokja nodded along and occasionally spoke up to take her ego down a peg or two. (“You’re lucky the hotel security didn’t catch you.” “Even if they had, I could’ve bullshitted my way out of it.” “You’re wildly overestimating your charm.”) She took a swig of her drink to soothe her parched throat after a heated argument (“Stop using Yoo Joonghyuk as a basic unit of measurement! Trust me when I say he was hot, okay?!” “I’m just trying to get a ballpark estimate of how attractive he was so I can visualize the scene better.”) and set her soda down on the table with a clunk. 

“Speaking of people I met over the past month...who’s [mia123]?”

Kim Dokja’s blood turned to ice at the sound of that name coming out of someone else’s mouth. He knew there was something he was forgetting when he woke up this morning, and he couldn’t believe he had stupid enough to let Han Sooyoung get ahold of his weakness. It was a testament to how developed his bullshitting skills were that he managed to say in a calm voice, “A stranger I did a few quests with. I forgot to block them yesterday, so you can do that for me the next time you log on.”

“That’s interesting,” said Han Sooyoung. “Because you guys seemed to have chatted with each other every day for the past month.”

“Not every day.” Kim Dokja’s protest sounded weak even to his own ears. “Only...occasionally.”

Han Sooyoung slammed her palms down on the table. “Explain,” she ordered.

“There’s nothing to explain. Just block her and be done with it.”

“You would’ve done that yourself if you truly didn’t care.” Han Sooyoung flipped the plastic cap in her fingers. Kim Dokja traced its trajectory with his eyes, up and down, up and down, like a pendulum. “It’s up to you. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, and I’ll go back and block her and we can pretend I never saw anything. Or,” she started. There was something about the way the words rolled off her tongue that made it evident she was choosing them carefully, “you can tell me what’s going on and we can make another deal.”

“I don’t accept deals without knowing the terms first,” he said cautiously.

“Tell me what’s going on first,” Han Sooyoung pressed. 

And so he gave her the rough rundown on what happened while she was gone, though he made sure to leave out any unimportant details that would make him seem strangely obsessed. By the time his speech was winding down, Han Sooyoung had the distinctive expression on her face of someone struggling not to laugh.

“You’re making me regret telling you already.”

“I didn’t even say anything yet,” she replied, the muscles on her face twitching as she suppressed her grin. “So, uh, thanks for telling me about your catfishing adventures.”

“I didn’t catfish her,” said Kim Dokja. He paused and thought about it. “Okay, maybe I did.”

“You should confess to her,” Han Sooyoung insisted, which went against everything he had just told her.

“Why would I confess just to get rejected? I’m not a masochist,” he shot back. “In addition, I’ve recently come to the realization that she’s a terrible excuse for a human being, so there’s no reason why I would do so in the first place.”

“And yet you still haven’t blocked her.” Han Sooyoung scoffed and crossed her arms. “You should confess because that’s what people do when they want to move on from a relationship like yours, obviously. Don’t you remember how back in high school, people would confess to each other on graduation day even though they’re going to separate universities so there’s no way they can be together? It’s the same principle as that.”

”Don’t project your own failed romances onto me.”

“Will you shut up and let me speak? The point is, you clearly haven’t let go of your weird obsession with this girl even though she’s a bitch--” 

“I’m not obsessed.” 

“Shut up, Kim Dokja, I’m still talking.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, I think you should confess to her, take the rejection or whatever, and then move on with your life and get a real girlfriend. Trust me, if you don’t put a proper end to this, you’ll keep moping about it for a long time because you’ll always be thinking of the possibilities.” When it looked like Kim Dokja was going to protest, Han Sooyoung took a deep breath in and added, “Besides, if there was even a 0.001% chance that she might say yes, wouldn’t you want to at least try? And don’t say I’m projecting, because I’m not. I’m not nearly stupid enough to catfish a stranger who might also be catfishing me.”

“I’m already the catfish in this relationship, so I doubt it. The chances of that happening are far too low.” Kind of like how you couldn’t be murdered by someone if you murdered them first. ...Wait, did this mean he needed to kill Yoo Joonghyuk?

“Stop arguing with me and think about what I just said,” Han Sooyoung chided.

You’ll always be thinking of the possibilities, was what she had said. And that was true, wasn’t it? A lot of people in his life had left without saying anything to him, and at the very least, he wanted to say goodbye to someone properly for once. After all, [mia123] hadn’t really done anything wrong: she was sick last weekend and couldn’t help being too tired to reply. It would be unfair to hold that against her.

Kim Dokja looked up from where his gaze had been fixed on the table. “What was the deal you were talking about earlier?” 

The smile on her face widened into a smirk. “I’ll let you borrow my account for another week so you can get your affairs in order...if you confess to her, and tell me every last gory detail of how it went down.”

“So you want information.”

She grinned and crossed her legs underneath the table, her right slipper dangling from her toes with a precarious wobble. “Of course. You know I thrive off of blackmail.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to tell you exactly how I humiliated myself.” 

“Think of it as venting,” Han Sooyoung said gleefully. “If things don’t go well and she tramples your dignity under her foot, we can get absolutely shitfaced together and curse her out.” She cleared her throat and adopted a high-pitched, whiny voice. “She doesn’t deserve you anyway, Kim Dokja! You can do so much better than her! She’s a fool who can’t recognize what a strong and dependable and good man you are, even if you did pretend to be a woman for four weeks--”

“Shut up before I throw you out,” threatened Kim Dokja. He didn’t mean to do an impression of Yoo Joonghyuk, but it came out sounding exactly like something the man would say.

“Fine. Are you going to take the deal or not?”

This wouldn’t be the first time he had broken a deal with Han Sooyoung. “I’ll take it.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, with only the rattling sounds of the old air conditioning in the background. After a moment, Han Sooyoung burst out laughing. “I’m never going to get over how you fell for a girl with a catgirl avatar,” she sneered. “Straight men and their taste in women. Honestly.”

Chapter Text

[ Desperate Housewives ]

[ Jung Heewon invited Yoo Joonghyuk to join "Desperate Housewives". ]

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: is this the yoo joonghyuk I'm thinking of

[Jung Heewon]: Who changed the group name to this bullshit

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: what do u mean bullshit

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: it's dramatic irony because none of us are housewives or desperate

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: except kim dokja

[Kim Dokja]: I can sue for libel.

[ Kim Dokja changed the group name to "Jung Heewon and Friends". ]

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: inaccurate

[ Black Flames Demon Ruler changed the group name to "Han Sooyoung's Lackeys". ]

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: accurate

[Jung Heewon]: Your narcissism makes me vomit

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: u make me vomit

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: what are all of these lame screen names I see

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: no imagination at all

[Kim Dokja]: I have coworkers on here.

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: boring

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk yo are u there

[Kim Dokja]: Why are you speaking so informally to someone you've never met?

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: I can do whatever I want

[Jung Heewon]: Have a little respect. He's older than you.

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: kim dokja's older than me too, and when have I ever respected him?

[Kim Dokja]: That's not something you should be proud of.

[Lee Hyunsung]: We were thinking of going for BBQ Monday night. Is everyone free?

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: why monday

[Jung Heewon]: It's cheaper on weekdays

[Kim Dokja]: I'm free.

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: same

[Lee Hyunsung]: :)

[Jung Heewon]: We can meet for dinner at 7 if the time works for everyone

[Jung Heewon]: @Kim Dokja You're the salaryman here

[Kim Dokja]: 7 works for me.

[Jung Heewon]: @Yoo Joonghyuk Are you coming?

[Yoo Joonghyuk]: fine

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk hey

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk I heard u broke ur hand

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk where did u go

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk u know

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: @Yoo Joonghyuk I can see that you're online

[ Black Flames Demon Ruler changed the group name to "Yoo Joonghyuk's Harem". ]

[Jung Heewon]: That's sexual harassment, Han Sooyoung.

[ Jung Heewon changed the group name to "Kim Dokja & Co". ]

[ Black Flames Demon Ruler changed the group name to "Kim Dokja's MLM Company". ]

[Kim Dokja]: Is it alright if I invite a coworker of mine?

[Jung Heewon]: Sure

[Jung Heewon]: See you all on Monday. Don't be late @Black Flames Demon Ruler

[Black Flames Demon Ruler]: why'd u @ me I'm never late

***

"Is that a t-shirt under your button-up? Why are you wearing two layers when it's thirty degrees?" asked Jung Heewon, sounding perplexed. "It's so hot out that even Joonghyuk-ssi's wearing white today."

"That's a false analogy. Yoo Joonghyuk isn't a rational or level-headed person, so he can't serve as a point of reference for an appropriate dress code," Kim Dokja replied. Turning to Yoo Sangah, who was standing beside him, he added, "This is the coworker I told you about, Yoo Sangah. And this is Jung Heewon."

Yoo Sangah beamed at them. "It's nice to meet you, Heewon-ssi. Sorry we're late, we were delayed at the office."

"Don't worry about it, we haven't ordered anything yet."

Jung Heewon led them in through the restaurant doors, and Kim Dokja was hit in the face with the mouth-watering smell of smoke and grilled meat. Their table was situated near the back of the crowded restaurant, with 2/3 of it already filled by the assortment of people they knew. There were exactly two empty seats left between, to no one's surprise, the scowling visages of Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk. And despite all previous signs indicating that he was allergic to colours, Yoo Joonghyuk was indeed wearing a white shirt with its sleeves rolled up past his tanned forearms.

"What's with the Grand Canyon over here?" asked Kim Dokja, gesturing at the empty seats. His eyes lingered on Yoo Joonghyuk's face. "Do you two even know each other enough to hate each other?"

Han Sooyoung muttered something offensive under her breath, while Yoo Joonghyuk raised his head and levelled a glare at him. "Is that any of your business?"

"Why do you keep asking questions you don't want to hear the answer to?" Kim Dokja nudged Yoo Joonghyuk's shoe with his toe, and the man immediately retracted his foot like he had been bitten by a snake. "You have to get up so we can sit down," he reminded him. "I'm surprised you haven't already, considering how much you were complaining about this specific issue the last time we--"

Yoo Joonghyuk slammed his palm down on the table and drew up to his full height, hovering menacingly over Kim Dokja. "Don't tell me what to do."

"I was just trying to help you since you seemed confused."

"I wasn't confused."

"It's okay to show weakness sometimes."

"Kim Dokja. Do you want to die?"

While Kim Dokja was busy messing with Yoo Joonghyuk's head, Yoo Sangah wove past them and sat down beside Han Sooyoung, who gave her an appreciative once-over and promptly introduced herself as a 'best-selling science fiction author', which made Jung Heewon groan. This led to a more general round of introductions, during which Yoo Sangah conducted herself with grace befitting the rising star of the MinoSoft Human Resources department. Even Yoo Joonghyuk didn't seem bothered by a stranger's presence for once, which was a lot more than could be said for the likes of people such as Han Sooyoung. Kim Dokja liked to think that in a hypothetical scenario where all of them were gold-diggers vying for Yoo Joonghyuk's affections, she would be the most likely Cinderella to succeed. 

"We're splitting the bill seven ways, right?" Han Sooyoung suddenly piped up.

Jung Heewon narrowed her eyes in an expression of mistrust, one she wore often around Han Sooyoung. "That's the idea."

"Good. I'm ordering apple soju."

Her bold declaration was met with a look of deep suspicion from Jung Heewon. "Don't even think about it, Han Sooyoung."

"What am I supposed to be thinking about, huh?" she challenged.

"I'm not going to pay for your drinking habit."

"You can order alcohol too, no one's stopping you."

"Are you kidding me? You're the only one here who doesn't have work tomorrow--"

"I'll have you know that I have to write every single goddamned day--"

In the end, Han Sooyoung settled for a beer while everyone else settled with water.

Their orders of meat and vegetables arrived mostly without a hitch, and everyone in their ragtag group actually seemed to be getting along for once. Kim Dokja was so used to going to lunch with the likes of Han Sooyoung that he'd immediately took on the job of grilling meat for everyone on his side of the table, and so far, he personally thought he was doing a great job. That is, until Yoo Joonghyuk decided to open his mouth.

"Those are the tongs for cooked meat," he said. "Use the other tongs for raw food."

Kim Dokja glanced at the other pair of tongs lying by the grill and glanced back at him, confused. "I'm just adding some vegetables to the grill, so why does it matter?"

"The vegetables are raw."

Jung Heewon groaned and dragged her hand over her face. "Not this again."

Normally Kim Dokja would've let this slide and chalk it up to the misfortune of being bitten by a rabid dog, but a small, stubborn part of him refused to take this injustice lying down. "Yes, but they're onions," he continued bravely. "People eat raw onions all the time, there's no need to worry about contamination."

"You don't know whether or not the cooks washed their hands before cutting the vegetables," Yoo Joonghyuk shot back. "Or if there's splatter from the sink."

"It's all going to be cooked anyway." When Kim Dokja tried to reach for the onions with his tongs, Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his hand and stopped him. "Let go." He tried to pry Yoo Joonghyuk's hand off, but the man's grip only tightened. Across the table, Jung Heewon raised her eyebrows in bemusement.

"I told you to use the other pair."

"It's the 21st century, you can't take away my right to--"

"Would it kill you to listen--"

"Yes."

"I can't take this anymore," Jung Heewon announced. She gazed longingly at the other grill on the table. "Mind if I share with you guys?"

"Yes," said Han Sooyoung.

"Of course not," said Lee Seolhwa, shifting her chair over to make space for her, which Jung Heewon gladly took up, shooting a wary look in their direction. 

Kim Dokja sent Yoo Joonghyuk a baleful glare. Look at what you've done. Now they'll all think we're unhinged.

Yoo Joonghyuk glared back at him, unflinching.

Deciding that this was a losing battle not worth fighting, Kim Dokja let go of the metal tongs in his hand, and Yoo Joonghyuk's arm jerked back reflexively as the force pulling against it disappeared. "If you're so bothered by how I'm cooking your food, then do it yourself," he said coldly.  "I won't touch the grill again even if you ask me to."

"Fine," Yoo Joonghyuk bit out, adjusting his grip on the tongs.

"Fine."

Dropping his elbow onto the table, Kim Dokja rested his chin on his knuckles and watched as Yoo Joonghyuk proceeded to demonstrate The One and Only Proper Way to Grill Meat at a Barbecue Restaurant, his thick brows furrowed in a look of concentration as he wielded the tongs as a sword. Whenever he leaned forwards, the strong lines of his nose and jaw would be wreathed with gold. It was like staring into a solar eclipse--all the light in the room seemed to pool in those dark eyes and crystallize into stars. Yoo Joonghyuk's ability to be both stupidly attractive and intensely stupid at the same time never ceased to amaze him.

As he traced the silhouette of that face with his eyes through the haze of shimmering heat in the air, Kim Dokja found the frustration in his chest gently easing, and any vestiges of anger he had were replaced with a milder sense of exasperation. Even though they had only met each other half a month ago, sometimes he felt as though he had known him a very, very long time. Whenever Kim Dokja saw him sitting there in silence, watching the others talking amongst themselves with a dispassionate look in his eye, he was reminded viscerally of what it felt like to be an outsider, looking in through the fogged glass at a kind of happiness that had nothing to do with him. Of course, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't need or deserve his friendship, but he still couldn't help but want to be closer to him, so he could figure out what exactly made them alike.

Yoo Joonghyuk eventually caught him staring at his face, and the light in his eyes faded. "What," he said flatly.

"Just admiring the view of my personal chef." Kim Dokja reached for the meat on the grill with his chopsticks, and when Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately slap his hand away, he assumed that meant it was ready. It turns out there was an upside to eating with Yoo Joonghyuk, he mused as he chewed. "It's perfectly cooked. Good job."

"I don't need your approval," came the stiff reply.

Kim Dokja lifted another piece of meat off the grill and placed it onto a leaf of lettuce with a dab of sauce. "I'm just trying to show my appreciation for your selfless dedication to the culinary arts, Joonghyuk-ah," he said in the most earnest voice he could manage. "I'm glad you're here; we would all be eating charred scraps and burnt ribs without you. Or god forbid, using the wrong pair of tongs on raw food."

At the far end of the table, Han Sooyoung mimed retching into her cup. Suck up, she mouthed at him. Kim Dokja ignored her.

"Don't be a fool," said Yoo Joonghyuk, sounding unimpressed. "Even a child knows not to overcook meat." He paused, then added, "And don't act so familiar with me."

"I'm wounded, Joonghyuk-ah," Kim Dokja said with a smile. "I thought we had a working relationship."

"What?"

"You know, as a diligent chauffeur and his boss." Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes narrowed at the jab. "You owe me two weeks of good will," Kim Dokja reminded him, just in case he wanted to try something.

"I don't owe you anything."

"But you could."

Lee Hyunsung's voice interrupted their staring match. "Thanks for handling the grill for us," he said brightly. Both Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja's heads snapped up in shock, the two of them having completely forgotten that he was there. “Don’t forget to eat too, Joonghyuk-ssi.”

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him a stilted nod.

"Pass me the menu," came Han Sooyoung's voice from the other end of the table.

Jung Heewon passed her the menu with a frown. "Don't order too much stuff, there's not enough space."

"Then eat faster."

Kim Dokja's phone buzzed in his pocket. He set down his chopsticks and unlocked it, only to be greeted with a slew of crude messages he was better off not reading.

[Han Sooyoung]

>> suck up

>> keep sucking

>> just suck his dick already

You seem strangely fixated on the idea of performing fellatio on Yoo Joonghyuk. <<

>> urgh

>> why r u even talking to that asshole

He's amusing. <<

>> can u be any more condescending

I thought you of all people would recognize the benefits of befriending someone like him. <<

>> what benefits

"Are you two messaging each other under the table like children?" Kim Dokja looked up at the sound of Jung Heewon's voice, which was laced with suspicion. "Who are you gossiping about behind our backs?"

"You, obviously," Han Sooyoung said sarcastically. "We're complaining about how your lipstick's crooked."

"I'm not wearing lipstick."

Their waiter, bearing a tray on his arm, materialized at the head of their table. He unloaded a beer onto the table, the liquid sloshing precariously against the sides of the glass. Han Sooyoung eyed it with interest. "I didn't order another beer," she said consideringly.

"I'm sorry, the orders must have gotten mixed up," said the waiter.

"No, don't take it back." Han Sooyoung leapt to her feet and leaned over Yoo Sangah's lap to try to pluck the glass from him with one hand, her other hand still wrapped around her phone. "You can leave it with me, I'll drink it."

Jung Heewon stood up as well. "Let go of him, that's someone else's order," she reprimanded, reaching for Han Sooyoung. 

"So? He can go get another glass from the fridge. Besides, no one wants to drink from a glass someone else touched with their dirty hands."

"It wouldn't be a glass someone else touched if you didn't touch it--"

In the ensuing struggle, Han Sooyoung slapped Jung Heewon's hand away with more force than necessary, causing the waiter to reel back in shock and drop the glass. It landed on the table with a loud thunk and tipped over, upending its contents all over the front of Yoo Joonghyuk's white shirt. A few stray droplets landed on Kim Dokja's sleeve, and he quickly retracted his arm before the remaining pool of beer on the table could spread over to him.

Han Sooyoung groaned. "This is why you don't meddle in other people's business, Jung Heewon." She shook her head in mock dismay. "Go stand in a corner and think about what you've done."

"Oh, so it's my fault now?" Jung Heewon snapped. The waiter had already left with the glass and assurances that he would return with clean towels. "You're lucky the glass didn't shatter and Joonghyuk-ssi soaked up most of the beer with his chest--"

Yoo Joonghyuk stood up abruptly, the legs of his chair screeching against the floor, and left for the washroom without a single word. Kim Dokja watched his back disappear from view before turning to Han Sooyoung. "On the bright side, at least Yoo Joonghyuk has someone he hates more than me now," he said cheerfully.

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes before getting up to help the waiter clean up the mess.

Yoo Joonghyuk spent a good fifteen minutes in the washroom before returning, which was so long that Kim Dokja had begun to wonder if he was beating up his fellow washroom-goers to alleviate his rage. There was no lingering smell of beer on Yoo Joonghyuk as he sat back down in his seat, but the obvious trade-offs were the leftover wrinkles from what must have been furious scrubbing and the huge wet patch that spanned his front. The thin shirt clung to the lines of Yoo Joonghyuk's broad chest, white fabric translucent.

"Your nipples are showing, Joonghyuk-ssi," Jung Heewon said bluntly.

The reactions were immediate: Lee Hyunsung choked on his drink, Han Sooyoung burst out laughing, Yoo Sangah hid her smile behind her hand, and even Lee Seolhwa looked amused. Kim Dokja raised his glass to his lips and snuck a look at Yoo Joonghyuk out of the corner of his eye, and lo and behold, his nipples were indeed visible through his wet shirt, brown and pebbled from cold.

To his credit, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately cover his chest with his hands like a blushing maiden. Instead, he propped his arm up on the table and angled his torso away from the burning stares of everyone else.  "Watch your mouth," he growled.

"I'm just giving you a heads up before more people see."

Judging from Yoo Joonghyuk's rapidly cooling expression, which matched the rapidly cooling wet patch on his shirt, he did not appreciate this heads up. His hand tightened around his chopsticks, knuckles whitening from the force of it.

"You should go full Asian Dad mode and take your shirt off. Show off your body to the whole world with pride," said Han Sooyoung, unhelpful as always. Knowing her, she was probably basking in the glow of having successfully humiliated Yoo Joonghyuk. "It's not like you're leaving much to the imagination anyway. Nice pectorals, by the way. I think your chest is bigger than mine."

If Kim Dokja had any doubts that Han Sooyoung was Yoo Joonghyuk's most hated person at the table, those doubts had now been vanquished by the look of contempt and utter loathing he sent her way.

"We can ask the staff for another towel," said Yoo Sangah, helpful as always. 

Han Sooyoung picked at the meat on the grill with her chopsticks. "Nah, that won't work. What he needs is a hair dryer."

"I don't think they have those at restaurants."

Yoo Joonghyuk got up and walked away. This time, everyone watched him leave. 

Lee Seolhwa was the first one to break the silence. "Someone should go check on him," she said, frowning. "He's barely eaten anything."

"I'll go." Kim Dokja set down the tongs he was using to flip the meat with and got up amidst the dumbfounded looks of everyone else. "He probably just went to the washroom again."

"I could go instead," Lee Hyunsung offered, his big eyes brimming with barely concealed worry. Jung Heewon gave him an approving nod. "Dokja-ssi..."

Kim Dokja would be touched by this gesture of friendship if he weren't offended by the implication that he couldn't hold his own against an angry Yoo Joonghyuk. Even if it did come down to murder, he was confident he could kill that bastard first. "It's fine. You guys keep eating, I'll be back soon."

As expected, he found Yoo Joonghyuk inside the men's washroom, dabbing at his shirt in front of the mirror in vain with a paper towel. Yoo Joonghyuk's movements halted as he noticed the door opening, and he quickly balled up the paper towel and threw it in the trash. 

"It's too late, I already saw," said Kim Dokja. He closed the door behind him and leaned his shoulder against it, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Yoo Joonghyuk turned on the tap and rinsed his hands in the water. "Shut up."

"Are you coming back to eat?"

"Yes. Now leave."

"Don't worry, it's so hot out that your shirt will dry in no time," Kim Dokja said diplomatically. Yoo Joonghyuk was still washing his hands, scrubbing carefully at every finger like his life depended on it. "Come on, let's go."

"You can leave if you're so impatient."

"It's been a minute already, surgeons don't even wash their hands like--" Oh, thought Kim Dokja. He's washing his hands to buy time so I'll go away and he can keep trying to dry his shirt like an idiot. I see. 

To someone with as much misplaced pride as Yoo Joonghyuk, getting into such an accident in front of his ex-girlfriend was downright humiliating; Han Sooyoung being blatantly unapologetic probably didn't help either. Of course the only time Yoo Joonghyuk didn't wear black in the past two weeks, he got into an accident like this. Kim Dokja wouldn't be surprised if he never wore white again. 

Speaking of wearing white... Kim Dokja gave Yoo Joonghyuk's chest a pitying look, then glanced down at his own white button-down and the t-shirt underneath it. Before he could rethink his decision, he reached for his collar and began unbuttoning his shirt. 

The sound of running water stopped. Kim Dokja looked up, and met Yoo Joonghyuk's startled eyes in the mirror.

"...What the hell do you think you're doing?" It was rare of Yoo Joonghyuk to sound so hesitant.

"Being a gentleman," he quipped. After undoing the last button, he shrugged out of his shirt and roughly folded it in half. "Here, take it." Ignoring the strange feeling of fresh air against his liberated arms, he passed the shirt to Yoo Joonghyuk, who took a step back. "Why are you backing away? Take it."

"I don't need your charity," Yoo Joonghyuk said in a low voice. There was a strange fire in his eyes, but he didn't sound offended, just confused.

"This isn't charity, this is just me being a decent human being," Kim Dokja corrected. Stepping forward, he stuffed the shirt into Yoo Joonghyuk's arms before turning away. "Take it before I change my mind and subject you to more of Han Sooyoung's useless comments." As he pushed the door open, he tossed a smile at him over his shoulder and added, "Hurry up and change, we're all waiting for you to get back and man the grill."

Kim Dokja pulled out his phone as he walked back to their table in order to send a few choice words to the woman of the hour.

[Han Sooyoung]

Stop sexually harassing Yoo Joonghyuk. I'm serious. <<

>> what, are u the only one allowed to comment on his abs

When did I ever do that? <<

>> do u need me to screenshot our previous conversation

In either case, just leave him alone. Trust me when I say it isn't a good look on you. <<

>> listen

>> he was the one who insulted me first

Because you harassed him in chat last weekend. <<

>> huh

>> true

Han Sooyoung gave him a discreet middle finger when he slid back into his chair, which Kim Dokja would have returned if Yoo Sangah wasn't sitting right there. Being a two-faced bastard was rather inconvenient at times. However, Han Sooyoung did seem to take his words to heart, seeing as she refrained from making any inappropriate jokes when Yoo Joonghyuk emerged from the washroom with a suspiciously tight shirt on. Yoo Joonghyuk's improved mood also had a beneficial effect on the rest of his tablemates, who managed to tone down the animosity for the rest of dinner.

 As the streetlights outside glowed golden under the summer night sky, they finished dinner and headed to the counter for their bills. Lee Seolhwa, Lee Hyunsung, Jung Heewon finished paying first and went outside so they wouldn't block the servers' way, and thus weren't privy to the scene that unfolded in front of the cash register.

"I took my son to the 2015 World Championships and he had a great time," the owner of the restaurant was saying as he vigorously shook Yoo Joonghyuk's (reluctantly offered) hand. "He'll be so happy to hear that I met you in person! He cried when you left for military service, haha."

"How old is your son?" Yoo Sangah asked politely.

"He's 9 this year." Which would make him 5 in 2015...do 5 year olds even understand MOBAs? "Hey, can I get a picture with you?"

Kim Dokja tugged on Yoo Joonghyuk's elbow to silence him before he could say something scathing. "Sorry, but we're kind of in a rush," he said, ignoring the stare burning holes into the side of his face.

Thankfully, the owner simply laughed off the rejection and didn't press the subject. "That's fine. You know what, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi, I'll give you a 50% discount," he chuckled as he gave Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder an extremely unappreciated slap. "You and your friends should come here more often! It's not every day that a celebrity eats at my restaurant."

Han Sooyoung cleared her throat. "Ahjussi, do you read webnovels?" she asked meaningfully.

"Not really," the owner replied as he punched in the numbers on the terminal. "Here, 50% off your share of the bill."

"I don't need a discount," said Yoo Joonghyuk, calmly tucking his hand back into his pocket.

Han Sooyoung scowled at him. "Stop flaunting your wealth like a douchebag, who knows when you'll go bankrupt?"

"You shouldn't curse him when you're also a rich douchebag," Kim Dokja reminded her. "It's bad karma."

"Well luckily for me, writing is a long-term career, unlike pro gaming--"

Paying no heed to the abnormally high concentration of salt in the air, Yoo Joonghyuk asked the owner, "Can I give my discount to someone else?"

The owner thought about it for a moment before shrugging. "You mean one of your friends? Sure, why not."

Kim Dokja wondered briefly if he was going to go outside to get Lee Seolhwa, but that train of thought derailed when Yoo Joonghyuk turned to face him. "Kim Dokja. You take it."

...Was this a jab at his struggling financial situation? Kim Dokja cast a self-conscious glance at Yoo Sangah, who was watching the scene unfold in front of her with wide eyes. "Thank you for the offer, but I don't need it." His wallet ached in his pocket at his brave refusal. "Save your generosity for someone else."

"'This isn't charity,'" Yoo Joonghyuk quoted, arching an elegant eyebrow. Oh, fuck you, thought Kim Dokja. "'This is just me being a decent human being.' Stop complaining and take the discount."

Kim Dokja took a deep breath in through his teeth and exhaled. "Sure, I'll take it then." He swiped his card under the fatherly scrutiny of the jovial owner and internally heaved a sigh of relief at the lowered numbers on the terminal. 

The rest of them--with the exception of Han Sooyoung, who spent five minutes trying to insinuate to the owner that she was a famous celebrity--quickly finished paying and headed out of the restaurant.

"I didn't know you were such an upstanding Korean citizen, Joonghyuk-ah," said Kim Dokja, pushing open the glass door in front of them, "looking out for your peers' wallets like that. What happened to the Yoo Joonghyuk I know who punches random strangers and destroys public property?"

Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, the corners of his lips twitching upwards as he replied, "Didn't you say I owed you two weeks of good will?"

He left Kim Dokja standing there, staring after his retreating back with a swirl of disbelief circling around in his head.

If they were ten years younger, perhaps they would've continued their night at a karaoke bar, but being the weary quarter-life-crisis-having twenty-somethings they were, their night was cut short by the prospect of work tomorrow. As they stood beside the sidewalk exchanging goodbyes, Kim Dokja found himself standing beside Yoo Joonghyuk for the second time that night. This time, instead of ignoring the almost tangible weight of that heavy stare on his face, he met it head on.

"Did you have something you wanted to say?"

Most people would've looked away out of politeness, but with Yoo Joonghyuk being Yoo Joonghyuk, his gaze didn't even waver as he stuck out his hand. "Give me your phone."

Kim Dokja reflexively obeyed the order before realizing that he was living in a democratic society and didn’t need to listen to dictators. “What are you going to do with it?” he asked, frowning down at where his phone rested in Yoo Joonghyuk’s open palm.

He half-expected him to throw it to the ground and crush it underneath his foot in an uncontrollable outburst of sociopathic tendencies, but Yoo Joonghyuk simply navigated to his phone’s contacts list and punched in a number before handing it back.

Kim Dokja gingerly took his phone from him. “Was that your number?” he asked slowly. 

“Are you an idiot?” Yoo Joonghyuk shot back. 

“I was just making sure it wasn’t a number for a sex hotline or a loan shark,” Kim Dokja retorted. “Given the sordid history between us, I wouldn’t be shocked if that were the case.”

Yoo Joonghyuk huffed out what almost sounded like a laugh, and Kim Dokja glanced up at him curiously. He managed to catch a glimpse of Yoo Joonghyuk’s faint smile in the dusty glow of the streetlights overhead before the man turned his head away, obscuring it from view.

“I’ll wash your shirt and return it, so check your messages.”

Kim Dokja couldn’t resist saying, “Or you could keep it and wire me 100,000 won instead. It’s up to you.”

“...It’s not worth 100,000 won.”

“Like I said before, there’s immeasurable sentimental value in every object. Which reminds me, don’t you still have my umbrella?”

“If you want it back so badly, don’t leave it in other people’s cars next time.”

“You say that like I had a choice.”

“You’re the sentient being, not your umbrella.”

“Sentience is a burden on the fragile mind…”

Even though he was only wearing a t-shirt, he didn’t feel the chill of the night air at all…because it was 30 degrees outside. Jung Heewon was right; wearing two layers was overkill.

***

Kim Dokja forgot all about the new contact on his phone until it was time to go to bed that night. When he checked his contacts, squinting at his bright phone screen in the darkness, he saw that Yoo Joonghyuk had saved his phone number under the name ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’. How unimaginative. If their situations were reversed, he would have definitely written something highly shameful.

Speaking of embarrassment, it couldn’t really be a sex hotline, could it? It wouldn’t hurt to check. Besides, Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t have his number yet, and it was only common courtesy to message him and let him know. But that course of action posed a different sort of challenge...

Kim Dokja spent an embarrassingly long time trying to think of what to say before he decided Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't worth it, gave up, and settled with a simple 'Good night.'

It was only after he had pulled his covers over himself and shut his eyes that he realized he never mentioned who he was in his message, and picked his phone back up from the nightstand with a sigh. To his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk had already replied.

[Yoo Joonghyuk]

>> Good night

Chapter Text

"--ended his arc early, but what am I supposed to do with this character now?" Han Sooyoung's voice crackled from the speakers of Kim Dokja's phone where it was lying to the right of his laptop. 

"Kill him, obviously," Kim Dokja said airily as he scrolled through the webpages on his computer. Somehow, in a rare act of self-flagellation, he'd found himself scrolling through the Master's program admissions FAQ pages of various Korean universities this past hour. "You can introduce the next villain simultaneously."

"Of course that's the advice you're giving me," she grumbled. "Great."

"It worked last time."

Ten years ago, he bombed his CSAT following an unfortunate encounter with Song Minwoo and ended up in a lacklustre Computer Science program at a third-rate university. Back then, he had felt like the world was crumbling down around him, but looking back on everything now, it was merely another inconsequential blip in the unending monotony of his mediocre life. When the time had come for him to choose between a graduate degree and a career, he'd followed the path of least resistance and thrown himself head-first into a string of unfulfilling jobs, one after the other. 

"Kim Dokja!" Han Sooyoung's voice pulled him back to reality before he could sink further into the downward spiral of negativity. "I'll let you crash at my place if you lose your job and get kicked out of your apartment, so stop scrolling through job postings when I'm talking to you," she scolded.

“You were typing too.”

“Because this is technically during my work hours. You’re supposed to be off work right now. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I can't just kill this guy off out of nowhere. Believe it or not, people actually like this bastard."

"The obvious solution to that would be to insert an ill-conceived and poorly paced romantic subplot between him and Yuri," said Kim Dokja, picking up his phone to speak directly into the microphone. "Soon readers will be begging you to kill him off."

"You're awful," said Han Sooyoung, but he could hear the grin in her voice. 

"I'll take that as a compliment."

There was one downside to dissolving Han Sooyoung's writing block for her--she now had the time and energy to direct her attention elsewhere. "I almost forgot to ask, how's your virtual girlfriend?"

"Don't call her that."

"What else am I supposed to call her? You don't even know her real name. Do I have to remind you that you promised me--"

Now he really regretted giving her writing advice earlier. "I'm working on it."

"Are you." Kim Dokja could almost hear Han Sooyoung's eyeroll. "If I didn't know better, I'd think Yoo Joonghyuk was the person you've got a crush on."

"It's not a crush," he said reflexively. "Moreover, why on earth would you think there's anything going on between me and Yoo Joonghyuk?"

There went the eye roll again. "Because you were staring at him the whole time during dinner yesterday, obviously. And don't think I didn't see the boyfriend jacket thing going on between you two, because I can assure you that I did and threw up a little in my mouth."

“It was a shirt.”

“Every article of clothing is a metaphorical boyfriend jacket,” said Han Sooyoung.

Kim Dokja frowned at her illogical use of the term. "I thought you were too busy looking at other people to notice."

"You left the bathroom in a t-shirt, of course I noticed. I'm not blind," Han Sooyoung huffed, indignant. "Look, if you don't want people to think you're lusting after Yoo Joonghyuk, then don't drool over his face in public. It's that simple." 

"I admire Yoo Joonghyuk's looks from a purely artistic perspective," Kim Dokja said patiently. The fact that he even needed to explain himself made him mourn the death of platonic male friendships in the 21st century. "Like how people admire the Mona Lisa, except without the smile. Or any smiles." 

When Han Sooyoung didn't immediately reply, he continued on confidently, "You know how computer users will look at a potted plant every once in a while to give their eyes a much-needed break? It's the same principle. I'm resting my eyes on an aesthetically pleasing part of the furnishing."

"Sure." She couldn't keep the disbelief out of her voice. "Let's say your potted plant analogy actually makes sense and isn't the most bullshit excuse I've heard in months; there's still no reason for you to talk to him. Hell, even Yoo Sangah and I didn't talk as much as you two did, and she's actually a nice person! You can't seriously tell me you like his personality."

As if Han Sooyoung had any right to complain about other people's personalities when she had one of the worst ones out there. Kim Dokja almost felt offended on Yoo Joonghyuk's behalf. "Like I told you before, he's amusing when he's embarrassed."

"What? Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't get embarrassed. He's cold-blooded, like a lizard." Whatever Yoo Joonghyuk had said to her at the restaurant before he arrived, it must have been bad. "I just don't get why you keep humouring him. Do you think he'll give you a loan or something?

Kim Dokja's eye twitched in annoyance. The worst part was that she was right--he did have impure intentions behind his overtures of friendship, at least in the beginning. But it wasn't because he wanted a loan, he wasn't an absolute degenerate. 

In a thought process so lame he was ashamed to admit it out loud, he had thought it would be nice to, uh, have a friend who owned a car. Han Sooyoung had sold hers after her parents disinherited her, and she claimed she was waiting to sell her adaptation rights so she could buy 'a sexy Ferrari convertible.' It was a damn good car too, a black Mercedes Benz with sleek, aerodynamic lines, fine leather seats, impeccable air conditioning, and a sunroof. Kim Dokja had never been in a car with a sunroof before, and just thinking about that little window made his heart melt a little with fondness.

"Is it so hard to believe that I don't mind his company?" 

"He clearly doesn't enjoy yours. Or anyone's, for that matter," she said with a derisive snort. "I wouldn't be surprised if he secretly hates us all. He probably gets off on feeling superior--"

Kim Dokja thought about Yoo Joonghyuk waiting in his car by the side of the road after dropping him off that night, just to make sure he got home safely; how he had played along with his joke about the two weeks of good will, despite not owing him anything; how he always listened closely to whatever Lee Hyunsung was saying, even if it wasn't that interesting; and how he had brushed his sister's hair out of her face with gentle fingers, careful not to get any blood on her dress. Over the past few weeks, he had seen Yoo Joonghyuk at his worst--but he had also, inarguably, seen him at his best.

"You don't know him. If you did, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now ," he found himself saying. He was surprised how strongly he believed those words to be true, even though by all accounts, him and Yoo Joonghyuk still barely knew each other. “He’s not as cold-blooded as you think.”

There was a long pause before she opened her mouth again. "Check your email," she muttered. "I sent you an informative article for your upcoming confession."

"Why are you so confident that I will? Confess, that is."

"Because if you don't, I'll log onto [BF_Empress] and do it myself. Just try me."

"You wouldn't set yourself up for humiliation like that," he said cautiously.

"Do you really want to test how far I'll go?" Han Sooyoung let out an irritated sigh. He could hear her flopping onto her bed on the other end of the line. "Just tell her how you feel, Kim Dokja. It's not that big of a deal."

***

A hulking man with bulging muscles stood in the middle of the path back to town, blocking their way. [BF_Empress] and [mia123] came to a stop in front of him, unsure what was happening. The man's black cloak billowed behind him menacingly, and his bare chest sported a tangle of scars and body hair arranged in the shape of an insect. The ominous username floating on top of his head read: [xInsectKingx]. Kim Dokja zoomed in closer on the man in wonder. He had no idea it was even possible to create an avatar this ugly--the difference in male and female beauty standards was truly fascinating. He owed Han Sooyoung an apology for criticizing her taste; things could have been so much worse.

Just then, the man spoke. Well, typed.

[xInsectKingx]: hey mia

[xInsectKingx]: did you sneak on to play again

Kim Dokja blinked in surprise. Mia had never mentioned that she had any other friends in the game, so the appearance of someone who seemed to recognize was entirely unexpected. It did, however, confirm something Kim Dokja had been wondering about for a long time: Mia's name was indeed Mia. It was just like her to use such an unimaginative username.

[mia123] ignored [xInsectKingx] and walked right past him. Kim Dokja moved his avatar to follow after her, albeit at a much slower pace. He was curious how this new development would unfold.

[xInsectKingx]: hello?

[BF_Empress]: Do you two know each other?

[xInsectKingx]: who are you?

[xInsectKingx]: mia are you ignoring my messages

Something about the way [xInsectKingx] typed gave Kim Dokja a very distinct impression.

[BF_Empress]: Are you...in elementary school?

[xInsectKingx]: what?

[mia123]: You have the wrong person.

[xInsectKingx]: what?

Kim Dokja waited to see if [xInsectKingx] was going to say anything else in response to Mia’s denial, but nothing happened. [xInsectKingx] had fallen silent.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: I thought you said you weren't an elementary schooler?

When she didn't immediately respond, he added,

*[BF_Empress]: Are you messaging Insect King behind my back right now?

*[mia123]: No

*[BF_Empress]: The speed of your reply is indicative of a guilty conscience.

*[BF_Empress]: Are you still a student?

*[BF_Empress]: It's alright if you lied to save face, you can be honest with me.

Maybe it was better for both of them if she was not who she said she was, considering he also wasn’t who he said he was. At least that way, he'd be able to put his complicated feelings for her to rest without ever saying anything.

*[mia123]: No

*[mia123]: I don't know him

There was something off about the whole situation, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. As Kim Dokja contemplated this unexpected turn of events, [xInsectKingx] suddenly broke into a sprint and disappeared into a nearby portal at top speed. Was [xInsectKingx] seriously that embarrassed that he mistook her for the wrong person? He didn't think elementary schoolers were normally this shy, especially ones who hung around in online games. But then again, the only kid he really knew was Shin Yoosung, and she was an exception in multiple ways. 

*[BF_Empress]: What did you say to him to scare him off?

*[mia123]: Nothing

*[mia123]: Be quiet

*[BF_Empress]: How old are you then if you’re not 8 years old?

He had asked the question many times before, and all of Mia's previous responses had essentially summed up to 'that's private information and none of your business.' 

*[mia123]: 40

Kim Dokja spat out his water. He then spent the next minute gingerly wiping at his laptop screen with a tissue, grimacing at the stray droplets on his keyboard. 

*[mia123]: You asked

Was she seriously 40 years old? The casual answer sounded like a badly executed lie, but he also wouldn't put it past Mia to be so blunt about the truth at such an unexpected time...

The more he thought about it, the less jarring and more plausible the answer became. Kim Dokja was nearing 30 himself, after all, and 40 wasn't that far off from the mark. And it wasn't as if he wanted children-- Stop, he told himself severely. Don't be pathetic.

*[mia123]: Hurry up

*[mia123]: What the hell are you waiting for

*[BF_Empress]: I'm coming, relax.

*[BF_Empress]: While we're on the subject of elementary schoolers, let me ask you a question.

*[BF_Empress]: If you have 8 marbles and 7 of them are the same weight, with 1 that's slightly lighter

*[BF_Empress]: Why do you only have to weigh them 3 times to find the defective marble? Shouldn't it be 4? You weigh 3 pairs, logically deduce which pair contains the defective one, then weigh one of that pair.

*[mia123]: What the hell is this

'Daughter of the family I dogsit for who forcefully adopted me as her reclusive, unmarried uncle and now asks me for help on her homework' was too complicated to say, so he defaulted back to pathological lying.

*[BF_Empress]: It's my sister's math homework. I thought you might be able to shed some light into the answer since you're a teacher.

*[BF_Empress]: Shouldn't something like this be child's play to you?

Kim Dokja waited patiently for a response, but Mia continued slaughtering the monsters around them in silence. She was obviously ignoring him, because he knew for a fact that she was capable of manoeuvring her character while typing. Well, it wasn't like he actually expected a response--he was just going through his routine of being vaguely irritating to try to elicit a reaction. He was halfway through typing out something else in the chat when Mia started spouting off cryptic fragments one by one.

*[mia123]: weigh 2x4

*[mia123]: weigh 2x2

*[mia123]: weigh 1

It took him a moment to realize this was her response to his earlier question.

*[BF_Empress]: How can you weigh two groups at once?

*[mia123]: It's a scale

*[BF_Empress]: Putting both on the scale at the same time doesn't accomplish anything, though.

*[mia123]: It has 2 plates

That made a lot of sense, actually.

*[BF_Empress]: I see. I misunderstood the question and thought they were using an electronic scale, but I guess we're still stuck in the 1800s in elementary math problems.

*[BF_Empress]: Thanks for the professional and very concise response.

*[BF_Empress]: Did you come up with it yourself, or did you look it up online?

*[mia123]: Shut up

He pictured her frantically searching up the question on her phone with one hand as she moved her avatar with the other, and couldn't resist the smile that spread across his face.

*[BF_Empress]: You have to stop being so easy to read.

By the time Kim Dokja logged off after a gruelling night of quest after quest after quest with Mia, he had forgotten all about the strange encounter with the incredibly ugly [xInsectKingx].

***

As Kim Dokja rounded the corner of the stairs, he heard the distinctive cadence of Yoo Joonghyuk's smooth baritone echoing in the hallway.

"You should wait inside, it’s too hot out," Shin Yoosung's mother was urging him. "Have you had dinner yet? I'm sure we have enough food for another person."

Yoo Joonghyuk noticed Kim Dokja approaching out of the corner of his eye and shifted on his feet. "It's fine," he said brusquely, turning away from her. "I have an errand to run."

"Alright. I'll let you know when the girls are done then," she replied, resting her hand on the doorknob. Her faint frown evened out into a smile when her gaze landed on Kim Dokja. "Good evening, Dokja-ssi.”

"Good evening." Kim Dokja nodded politely at her before refocusing his attention on his keys. 

The lock on his door was a bit jammed, and opening it always involved an intricate series of wiggles in just the right direction with just the right amount of force. He heard the sound of a door closing as Shin Yoosung's mother retreated back into her apartment, and then suddenly there was a tall shadow on his door and a warm presence behind him. 

"Good evening to you too," he said without turning around. The lock gave away, and he slipped his keys back into his pocket before he finally gave Yoo Joonghyuk his full attention. "I thought you were here to pick up your sister." He gestured meaningfully at the empty space beside him.

"They're watching a movie." There was a touch of something soft in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes when he said those words, but it quickly vanished as he pulled out the contents of the plastic bag he was carrying and handed them to Kim Dokja. "Your things.”

Kim Dokja's fingers brushed against the back of Yoo Joonghyuk's hand as he took the items from him. "I wouldn't have minded if you had given me 100,000 won instead."

Yoo Joonghyuk's lips twitched upwards in the beginnings of a smile, but he quickly suppressed it. "I would have minded," he said. He turned on his heel and started walking away.

"Do you really have an errand to run, or was that just an excuse so you wouldn't have to eat dinner with Shin Yoosung's parents?" Kim Dokja called out. When Yoo Joonghyuk stopped in his tracks, he knew that he had guessed right. "Don't tell me giving me my things back was your errand."

In a characteristic move, Yoo Joonghyuk was wearing black again today, and he cut an intimidating figure in the middle of the cream-coloured hallway. Which was a shame, because white suited him better. 

Those sharp eyes were trained on him now, and in the dim lighting of the hallway, it was impossible to tell what emotion was swirling within them when Yoo Joonghyuk asked in an impassive voice, "Why do you care about what I do?"

"I was just curious if you planned to wait in your car until your sister's ready to leave," Kim Dokja said innocently. "The sun hasn't set yet, and it's still incredibly humid outside right now."

He wasn't completely sure why he was trying to brainwash Yoo Joonghyuk into coming home with him, but his confusion didn't stop him from blaming Han Sooyoung for it. In fact, half the strange ideas in his head could probably be attributed to her influence on his subconscious. Yoo Joonghyuk’s nice car helped too.

"I have air conditioning," Yoo Joonghyuk replied. Lo and behold, they were actually having a normal conversation at a normal volume about normal things.

"Did you know that idling your engine wastes more gas than restarting your car?"

So what, the look on Yoo Joonghyuk's face clearly said.

"Our planet is already suffering from global warming," he continued, "and you're only furthering the problem. Don't you feel guilty?" Kim Dokja let that ominous statement marinate in the air for a while before he presented his next point. "You can wait inside my apartment if you don't want to join your sister, I don't mind."

The cautious expression on Yoo Joonghyuk's face had now transformed into one of distinct alarm. Kim Dokja would have described it as 'a deer in headlights', except Yoo Joonghyuk was more of a carnivore. A warm-blooded predator, like a wolf, perhaps. A wolf in headlights? Were mola mola warm-blooded?

"It's not because I--"

"I understand. I turn down her invitations to dinner as well," Kim Dokja said earnestly. He could see his own reflection in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes, and he personally thought he pulled off the look of innocence well. "Not because I don't like her, but because I wouldn't want to intrude. That's how you feel too, isn't it?" 

Yoo Joonghyuk looked away, his lips thinning into a frown. 

"Don't be shy, Joonghyuk-ah. What's a small favour like this between friends?" Kim Dokja said cheerfully, taking a few steps forward and slapping him on the back before he could react. Yoo Joonghyuk nearly stumbled from the unexpected force and caught himself against the wall with a hand, whipping his head around to glare at him. "Come on," Kim Dokja continued, undaunted. "Let's get you inside."

Judging by the way the tendons on Yoo Joonghyuk's hands were flexing, he was seriously considering throttling him right then and there. But in the end, common sense (or the knowledge that there was no way he could get away with it in an apartment full of witnesses) won out, and Yoo Joonghyuk's glare intensified briefly before it faded into a look of resignation, one he was wearing more and more often around Kim Dokja.

"What do you want to drink?" Kim Dokja asked as he made his way inside. He was at a loss at what he should do now that he had lured Yoo Joonghyuk into his apartment, and tried not to let it show. "I still have some soda left, and there's also orange juice." He set his umbrella and shirt down on the kitchen table and pulled open the fridge.

"Just water."

"Right, I forgot you didn't ingest frivolous substances." He passed Yoo Joonghyuk a bottle of unopened water and motioned for him to sit down on the couch. "I have to make dinner, so I don't have time to entertain you. I'm sure you'll be fine on your own, hm?"

Without waiting for a reply, he went back to the fridge and started pulling out the meagre assortment of ingredients he needed for dinner. One of the benefits of growing up regularly skipping meals was the endurance and versatility one developed with regards to food. He could appreciate the refined taste of high quality Hanwoo beef, and he could also eat nothing but plain instant noodles for weeks and not get tired of it. Not that he needed to do that anymore, now that he was an adult with budgeting skills.

Kim Dokja was peeling a particularly limp carrot when he felt the prickle of someone else's gaze on his back. Yoo Joonghyuk was standing next to the kitchen table, watching him with a curious kind of attentiveness. He took Kim Dokja's scrutiny as a cue to step forward, and directed the full force of his frown at the vegetable in his hand. 

"That's not edible."

"It may look flaccid now," Kim Dokja said magnanimously, "but once I run it under water, it'll perk right back up to full erectness. Such is the principle of plant turgidity."

His joking explanation was met with a look of what could only be described as disgust from Yoo Joonghyuk. They lapsed back into silence, with Kim Dokja now determined to ignore this ungrateful sunfish. Which was hard to do when said sunfish was incredibly vocal about his paternalistic cooking opinions.

"You didn't remove all the blemishes."

"Unlike you, my constitution isn't so delicate that I can't handle some bruised potatoes," Kim Dokja explained with a patience he did not feel. "You have a lot of nerve, speaking to someone holding a kitchen knife so condescendingly."

Yoo Joonghyuk seemed unfazed. "Are you going to use it?" he asked, eyes flickering to his face.

"That depends on your behaviour."

"With how you're handling the vegetables," There was a distinctive mocking edge to Yoo Joonghyuk's voice, "I wouldn't be worried even if you did."

Kim Dokja closed his eyes and took a deep breath in. Physical assault is a criminal offense, he reminded himself. "If you're so offended by my cooking methods, why don't you come over here and do it yourself?"

"Fine."

Ignoring his protests that he wasn't serious about the offer, Yoo Joonghyuk reached over and pulled the knife right out of his hand. He set it down on the counter out of Kim Dokja's reach before carefully rolling up his sleeves, baring his toned forearms. The healthy, bronze shine of his skin bore a stark contrast to Kim Dokja's own pallor, and seemed to glow in the sunlight.

"Go cook your eggs," ordered Yoo Joonghyuk, picking the knife up again. 

"'Don't tell me what to do'--that was an impression of you, by the way."

Kim Dokja set his pan down on the stove and turned on the heat. His feelings of bewilderment and indignation could wait; dinner was more important. He was granted a few minutes of peace as Yoo Joonghyuk attempted to salvage his potatoes, but everything came to an end once he finished cutting vegetables and moved over to supervise him.

"Why are you cracking the eggs into the pan?"

"...Because I don't want to wash an extra bowl?" Kim Dokja said slowly. "Use your critical thinking skills, Yoo Joonghyuk."

Undeterred by the implied insult to his intelligence, Yoo Joonghyuk continued to hover over his shoulder and make obnoxious observations. "How are you supposed to roll it like this?" "I can crack more eggs into the pan when I need to." "You won't have time to mix in ingredients. "You're underestimating how fast I can crack eggs." "Don't be naive, Kim Dokja."

Maybe Han Sooyoung was right. Maybe Yoo Joonghyuk did get off on feeling superior about his cooking abilities.

The warm aroma of eggs and green onions filled the air as the ingredients sizzled in the oil, and the ambience of the scene almost made Kim Dokja forget how much he regretted letting this man into his apartment. After the misshapen rolled omelette emerged from its metaphorical womb and vindicated him, Yoo Joonghyuk overthrew Kim Dokja's dictatorship and took over the stove. ("I know it looks a little flat, but I know it tastes good. I've been cooking it this way for 12 years." "Then you've been doing it wrong for 12 years.") Kim Dokja was reduced to a mere dishwasher in his own home, a job he realized he didn't mind doing after he witnessed the black magic Yoo Joonghyuk was performing on his potatoes.

The sun hadn't completely set yet when Kim Dokja set down the last dish on the table. "Do you want some food?" he asked, rice paddle in hand. 

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't look up from where he was drying his hands on the kitchen towel. "No."

"Here, let me ask again: have you had dinner yet?"

The lack of a response was as good as an admission of guilt and the closest thing to an enthusiastic agreement he would get. He grabbed another bowl from the pantry and filled it up with rice as Yoo Joonghyuk took a seat, then carried both to the table. The kitchen table was a little small for the two of them, and their ankles knocked against each other when Kim Dokja sat down on the opposite side of it. He heard Yoo Joonghyuk scooching his feet backwards on the floor and mentally mocked him for being a prude.

"So you don't want to take advantage of Shin Yoosung's mother, but you're fine with taking advantage of me?" asked Kim Dokja, spooning some of the sweet glaze of the potatoes onto his rice. "Hey, don't set down your chopsticks, I was just joking. Relax."

"I'll pay you for the meal," said Yoo Joonghyuk. Now that he was out of the kitchen, his natural habitat, he was back to sounding disgruntled.

"Considering that you cooked 70% of it against my will, I'd say it's fine."

Kim Dokja was extra careful not to contaminate the dishes with his personal chopsticks, lest Yoo Joonghyuk accidentally ingest some of his second-hand saliva and throw up in the bathroom or something. They ate in silence for a while, the golden rays of the setting sun washing over the worn wooden table as it moved below the horizon. Yoo Joonghyuk's attention was drawn to the bright green cover of a math textbook lying at the corner of the table: Advanced Math for Grade 4 Students Explained . It had been a set piece on the stage of their first meeting in the book store, if Kim Dokja remembered correctly.

Judging by the expression on Yoo Joonghyuk's face, he remembered the encounter as well. "You tutor Shin Yoosung?"

Kim Dokja took a sip of his water before answering. "Occasionally." 

"Her parents pay you?"

"Of course not. I would be scamming them out of their savings if I asked for payment, considering how little I remember about Grade 4 math. One time, Yoosung had a math question--I think it was long division--and she solved it before I did." He smiled faintly at the memory of her look of triumph. "Does your sister ever ask you for help with her homework?"

"She doesn't ask for help," Yoo Joonghyuk said calmly. A shadow akin to guilt flickered across his face, but it soon faded back into the impassive facade. 

"I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing," said Kim Dokja, choosing his words carefully. He wasn't really sure what he was trying to do, but he knew that the loneliness in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes didn't suit him. "Maybe she doesn't have any questions because she understands everything." Yoo Joonghyuk met his eyes across the table. "She looks up to you, you know." He hoped his smile was more 'supportive friend' than 'condescending dad', but either would do. "You're just as important to her as she is to you, and I'm sure she wouldn't trade you for anyone else in the world. All things considered, I think you're doing fine."

Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him like he was seeing him for the first time. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Kim Dokja, amused. The fading rays of the sun felt warm on his back. "Have you never met a generous, upstanding Korean citizen before?"

This time, the ceiling lights were bright enough that he could see every detail on Yoo Joonghyuk's face. No wonder melting the ice queen fantasies were so popular in webnovels--he could see the allure of it now, as Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth curved into a small, private smile, just for him. "An upstanding citizen is also humble.”

"I’m always humble." Kim Dokja matched his smile with a grin. "You can borrow the textbook if you want, it explains the concepts they learn in class pretty well."

The leftover sense of pride and accomplishment he felt from unlocking Yoo Joonghyuk was enough to fuel his endeavours the next day, when he finally made up his mind to confess to [mia123].

Chapter Text

[Han Sooyoung]

>> it's saturday

>> ur doing it today right

>> we made a deal

>> if u don't do it i'll post a penis enlargement ad with ur number online

That's identity theft and a prosecutable crime. <<

Don't you have a book to write? <<

>> i want my account back after ur done

It was a pragmatic decision, really. Even though he could always lie to Han Sooyoung and pretend he confessed, he knew she had her own methods of finding out. This led him to the following ethical dilemma: should he come clean about the catfishing before the confession, or should he keep quiet about it to avoid embarrassing himself further? She would only feel more uncomfortable if he told her the complete, sordid, truth, so it was really better for both of them if he kept it to himself. On the other hand, he had nothing to lose if he did go for it. Even if [mia123] doxxed him, which he didn't doubt she was capable of, she would only be getting her hands on Han Sooyoung's personal information, and Han Sooyoung could handle herself. 

When he logged into Han Sooyoung's account that afternoon to scope things out beforehand, he was surprised to see that [mia123] was online. They hadn't actually spent much time together this week, due to Mia being busy with work nowadays. Maybe this was the closest thing to a sign from the heavens he was going to get.

[ Private Message to [mia123] ]

*[BF_Empress]: Where are you?

*[mia123]: Shop 

Which was [mia123]-speak for 'I'm in the potions shop in town.' Honestly, even Yoo Joonghyuk was more eloquent than her sometimes.

*[BF_Empress]: Don't move. I'm serious.

Mia was waiting for him inside the shop, her bright red dress like an open wound in the middle of the dull brown walls. Even without saying anything, it was obvious she was clearing out her inventory, something she always did.

*[BF_Empress]: I need to talk to you.

But before he could start typing out the beginnings of the carefully subtle speech he had mentally drafted, a notification popped up on his screen.

[ [mia123] has sent you a Trade Request. ] [ You have accepted [mia123]'s Trade Request! ]

[ Trade successful. ]

She had given him a firework.

It was hard to describe what the feeling in his chest was, sweet and a little tart, like overripe fruit. Mia was manoeuvring her character to stand in one of the corners of the shop they were in, something he recognized as one of the rituals she always did before logging off.

*[BF_Empress]: Why'd you give me this?

*[mia123]: I don't need it

*[mia123]: Logging off

*[BF_Empress]: Don't leave yet, I have something to say.

*[mia123]: Say it tomorrow

*[BF_Empress]: It's urgent.

*[mia123]: Speak

The touching moment from earlier faded rather quickly under the pervasive glow of Mia's Bad Attitude.

*[BF_Empress]: Let's go somewhere more private to talk.

*[mia123]: We're private messaging already

Kim Dokja stared at the NPC shopkeeper standing beside them. The shopkeeper stared back at him. Well, sure. It wasn't like he had a single romantic bone in his body anyway.

*[BF_Empress]: Fine.

*[BF_Empress]: I was just going to tell you this account I'm on actually belongs to my friend. I was just levelling up their avatar for them, and I'll be returning the account to them tomorrow. 

*[mia123]: Ok

*[BF_Empress]: That's it? How callous of you.

*[mia123]: What do you want me to say?

It was only to be expected that she seemed rather nonchalant about the whole thing. After all, he always knew he didn't matter as much to her as she did to him.

*[BF_Empress]: You don't have to say anything. Just listen.

*[BF_Empress]: Mia, even though you have an awful personality and enough attitude to drown a blue whale, I still enjoyed the time I spent with you.

*[BF_Empress]: You’re important to me.

*[BF_Empress]: I know we’ve only known each other for a month, but somehow, I’ve recently realized I harbour certain...feelings for you.

*[BF_Empress]: I guess what I’m trying to say is

*[mia123]: I have someone else.

There's no one else, she had said that night two weeks ago.

Kim Dokja's eyes widened slightly before they creased into a knowing smile. Mia and him--they really were the same, after all. He was happy for her, even if it meant he was the only one who was alone this whole time.

[I like you], the unsent words on his screen read. She had cut through all of his delusions with her unforgiving words, and he had to admit he was impressed with how she had handled the situation, even if it did hurt. He pressed the backspace key on his keyboard and deleted the message.

*[BF_Empress]: I see. I understand.

*[BF_Empress]: Goodbye.

*[mia123]: Goodbye.

[ Are you sure you want to remove [mia123] as a friend? YES or NO. ]

[ You are no longer friends with [mia123]. ]

He walked outside the shop and set off the firework. It shot up into the sky and fizzled out in a shower of cheap digital sparks. Like sandcastles built in shallow water or the first snow of winter, fireworks were never meant to last.

After that was done, he logged out and turned off his computer. Everything had come to an end. When he looked back on what had happened this past month, it all felt like magical realism, some kind of absurdist puppet show come to life. Even now, he could still barely believe that he had fallen for a woman he had never met in under a month and made a fool of himself in front of her. Maybe he had just been alone for too long; so long that he started harbouring unrealistic hopes again. 

He felt an uncomfortable surge of resentment rise up in his gut at the thought, and was bewildered by its presence. For the longest time, he thought he was immune to these feelings; that all the strong emotions had been burned out of him in childhood by his mother's book and the fists of Song Minwoo. Feeling the familiar fingers of the pain of being left behind closing in on his throat made him nauseous.

I thought I would never feel this way again. I don't want to ever feel like this again-

Kim Dokja sat there staring at the unmoving black screen for a very long time, until the sun disappeared over the horizon and his apartment was shrouded with a heavy veil of darkness, and the clouds moved over the sky and muffled the moon.

>> r u done?

>> how did it go?

Does your offer still stand? <<

>> u wanna get smashed?

You know what? Why not. <<

>> i'll meet you at the station

***

Night had fallen like a velvet cloth draped over finished painting, an invisible burden weighing down on the drowsy world. The windows of the buildings outside glowed in the inky darkness like the eyes of concrete monsters that rose and fell with the moon as cars streaked by on the smooth roads below them. People came and went through his life just like these cars, and none of them ever stayed long enough to love him. He thought he had gotten used to that as the years passed and he grew older, but he still had a tendency to latch onto the people who did occasionally linger.

"You could do better than her anyway," Han Sooyoung ranted. She had promised him before that she would commiserate with him if things went badly, and she was currently holding up her end of the promise extremely well. "Believe me, even if things did work out and you guys met in real life, you'd just be disappointed. As the old adage goes, 'on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog,'" she said, tracing the words out in the air with her finger. "Maybe she wasn't even a woman! Did you ever consider that?"

"It wouldn't have mattered." The three bottles of soju he'd downed burned in his stomach, the fumes rising up his throat and fogging up his head. 

Han Sooyoung's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. "That's not very straight of you, Kim Dokja."

"I never said I was straight."

"Uh, yes you did? Multiple times."

Okay, so maybe he had said that. "But Mia is...different. I wouldn't have minded."

"You clearly haven't met enough people if you think someone like that is special," Han Sooyoung said derisively. "You know what, why don't I introduce you to some of the authors I know? You guys probably have lots of things in common. More things than you and whoever this Mia person is, anyway."

"Don't. There's no point."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've decided to stop looking," said Kim Dokja. He brushed his fingers over the rim of his cup, marvelling at the musical sound and the way his face was reflected on every pane of the glass, fractured into a million small pieces that made it impossible to tell which one was the real him. 

"Looking for what?"

"A possibility."

There was a pause. "One rejection and you're being this pathetic? This isn't like you, Kim Dokja."

She was right, he was pretty pathetic. He had always been pathetic--as a child, a teenager, and now as an adult. Maybe it was time for him to accept that he wasn't good enough and never would be. "I've simply come to the realization that I'm happier on my own. Someone like me could never..." He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Never mind."

"That's because you were actively making things hard for yourself!" She raked a hand roughly through her short hair, voice raised in frustration. "Of course you're going to get rejected if you confess to some random internet stranger--"

"That's not what you said when you told me to confess."

"I didn't convince you to do it to humiliate you," she said, sounding unsure of herself for the first time in years. Kim Dokja was suddenly reminded of a fifteen-year-old Han Sooyoung, fumbling through her apology over the phone after their first big fight, her voice laced with unshed tears. "I thought it would be good for you to get more experience, and that you'd laugh it off easily if things went badly."

"I know, it's not your fault," he assured her. "This was something I decided on my own. I'm not the type of person who can get married."

"Then don't get married," she said tersely. "You can still be in relationships with women. And men, if we're going down that route. Welcome to the club."

"That's not the issue." Why was this so hard to explain? It all made sense in his head. "I don't think I can have children either," he said into his half-empty glass.

"What?" Han Sooyoung's eyes trembled in thinly veiled shock. "Wow. You're really going to regret telling me about your erectile dysfunction tomorrow."

"I don't have erectile dysfunction," he said, feeling faintly offended. "It's because I'm--because I'm here." Even when he blinked, his vision wouldn't clear. "What if I become them? Any of them." The clear liquid in his glass sloshed over the rim, and he rubbed the wetness on his thumb and index finger together absently. "It's better this way, if I'm alone."

"But you're not like that!" She slammed her palm down on the table, rattling the empty bottles. "Don't be an idiot. You're not going to snap and--do whatever you think you're going to do."

"People change," Kim Dokja said quietly, eyes unfocused. "I didn't recognize who I became when I was with her."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It doesn't matter, let's not talk about this. I'll be fine." The lights swung in circles about them, round and round and round like blood spinning down the kitchen drain. "After all, I still have you, don't I? You're here with me." He rested his chin on his palm and smiled up at her. "Sooyoung-ah."

"Shut up, Kim Dokja." When Han Sooyoung reopened her eyes, they were dry. "You'll find that person someday. I promise."

Things were blurry after that. Kim Dokja lost track of how many bottles of alcohol they went through, and he drifted in and out of consciousness the rest of the night. The next time he was awake enough to be aware of his surroundings, there were a thousand indistinguishable voices buzzing around him.

"--don't drop him in my--"

"--headache--"

"Why is he--"

"--ask him yourself--"

He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of a pine forest in snow before everything went blissfully dark.

When he floated back to consciousness after what seemed like an eternity, he was lying on something soft. His bed? Something coarse brushed against his cheek, and he instinctively leaned away from it.

"Don't move," someone said. They brought the coarse towel closer to his face and dabbed at his mouth roughly.

Kim Dokja furrowed his brows in discomfort, but didn't try to escape again. "I have to change into my pajamas," he explained, eyes still closed.

"What?"

"I just washed the sheets." He tried to pull his shirt over his head, but it got stuck around his arms. He struggled with it for a second before slumping back against the pillows.

They let out a light sigh. "Why are you such a handful?"

Kim Dokja felt their weight shift on the mattress, and then they were unbuttoning his shirt for him and freeing his head from the confines of his fabric prison. The fresh air felt cool on his warm cheeks as the other person helped him lie back down on his pillow with surprisingly gentle hands. 

"Drink," they ordered.

The cold rim of a cup nudged against his lips, and he obediently opened his mouth to swallow down the water offered to him. All of a sudden, he was ten years old again, lying in bed delirious with fever in the winter before fourth grade.

Mother, he mouthed, struggling to say the word out loud.

Mother gently brushed the hair from his forehead. He tried to open his eyes so he could see her face, but he was already drifting away from her. All he could do was fit his hand against hers, interlacing their fingers.

"Thank you," he finally managed to get out. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth, weighed down by a million unspoken words.

The hand underneath his palm stilled. "For what?"

"Staying," he said. "Everyone always leaves, but you stayed."

***

The sun was bright in his eyes when Kim Dokja woke up the next morning with a splitting headache. It took him a moment to orient himself, but before he could recall what exactly had happened last night, he was distracted by the nakedness of his bare chest.

Kim Dokja felt his face transform into a look of horror as thousands of scenarios from trashy books flashed through his head. Shaking the thoughts aside, he reached downwards and carefully patted his crotch. He sighed in relief when his fingers encountered the fabric of his slacks. Good, his chastity was still intact. If he had lost his virginity to Han Sooyoung, of all people, he wouldn't know how to react.

He heard the sounds of movement outside his door and sluggishly rose to his feet, bracing one hand against his head in an effort to keep the migraine contained. When he burst into the living room, he was greeted by the sight of a disheveled Han Sooyoung who was still wearing her clothes from last night.

"What's up," she said hoarsely as she tugged the fridge open, "loser."

Kim Dokja cleared his throat. "Listen, Han Sooyoung." It was hard to speak through the throbbing pain in his head and the parchedness of his mouth, but he forged onwards bravely. "I know you don't think of me as a man--"

She raised her eyebrows at him over the mouth of her bottle of juice. "Excuse me?"

"--and likewise, I don't think of you as a woman, but it's still inappropriate of you to take off my shirt, given the differences in our genders."

"Oh, that." Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes and stretched her arms above her head, her back cracking in a way that made Kim Dokja wince in disgust. "Relax, I didn't take off your shirt. Yoo Joonghyuk did."

Who? "What was Yoo Joonghyuk doing here?"

"Dropping off your neighbour's daughter or something, I didn't ask because I didn't care," she replied, stifling a yawn. "He was the one who carried you to your room because I was too tired to lug you around, so if you feel molested you should file a lawsuit against him. Relieve him of some of that advertisement money."

Kim Dokja covered his eyes with his hand, the darkness a welcome sight compared to the blinding light streaming through the windows. "I'm too hungover to process this," he declared after a moment. Having made up his mind, he turned around and walked right back to his room, where he crawled back into bed and went to sleep.

Chapter Text

There was a study on baby monkeys he heard about a while back that claimed animals needed comfort from others more than they needed the basic necessities of food and water. Maybe children did desire such things when they were young, but as they grew older, they would inevitably realize they had been trying to find meaning where there was none. No one needed someone else to survive. That was something he'd learned on his own.

They were fighting downstairs again tonight. Just divorce already, idiots, Yoo Joonghyuk thought to himself as he covered his ears with his palms. Even when he pressed down as hard as he could, he still couldn't completely block out the noise. I'm trying to sleep.  

He could almost recite their lines by heart now.

"Your parents were the ones who forced me to marry you in the first place! I know you were the one who--"

"You show up here once every two weeks and think you have any right to tell me what to do?"

More indistinguishable yelling, and then a door slammed and everything went silent for one relieving moment that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Something crashed onto the kitchen floor amidst a litany of tearful curses, making Yoo Joonghyuk frown. He would have to clean that up for her tomorrow--she would probably be too drunk to do it herself tonight.

Maybe it was the sheer amount of noise they had made or the pale blue rays of light peeking through his curtains, but somehow, Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't seem to fall back asleep. He didn't know how long he laid there in bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about nothing in particular. Would the rest of his life be like this too? Like them? Growing up, growing old, getting married to a woman he didn't love, and screaming at her at 4 am while his child laid awake upstairs.

He shifted onto his side and tried squeezing his eyes shut to no avail; sleep continued to elude him. After a while, the dryness of his throat got too much for him and he reached over to the nightstand to check his cup for water. It was empty. With a sigh, he pulled himself out of bed and padded downstairs.

Mother was still sitting in the kitchen, a bottle of wine on the table before her. Her lips were stained red with wine as she twirled the empty glass between her long fingers. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even spare her a glance as he passed across the kitchen to the kettle resting on the counter and poured himself a cup of water. He was halfway back to the stairs when she opened her mouth.

"If only you didn't exist."

Yoo Joonghyuk stopped in his tracks. Mother's eyes were half-lidded and she was staring out the kitchen window at the dawning sun, still swirling the wine glass in her hand.

Even though he was only twelve years old, he still felt the weight of those words on his narrow shoulders. I'm not responsible for your happiness, he wanted to say. But there was no point; she never heard him. So he went back upstairs and crawled into bed.

That was the last time they really spoke to each other. From then on, they spent their days as two strangers living in the same house, and once he was old enough, he immediately moved out and cut off all contact. If he could live the rest of his life without seeing any of them ever again, he would in a heartbeat.

***

Lee Seolhwa was a good person. Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't a good person by any means, but he wanted to become one, for her. He was happy when they were together, but there was always a voice in his head telling him that it wouldn't last, that it couldn't be this easy for someone like him. He didn't trust himself not to break her heart or for her not to resent him if she saw who he truly was. 

And yet despite all his faults and shortcomings, she stayed by his side. She was there when he chose to pursue an uncertain career instead of going to university, and she was there when a small girl turned up outside his apartment one day out of the blue.

"I'm waiting for mama," Yoo Mia told him, eyes bright. "She told me to sit here."

Some part of him wasn't surprised to see her here with their parents nowhere in sight, while another part of him--a more pathetic part of him--shrank back in apprehension. It was impossible to handle a white sheet of paper without leaving the imprints of his own insecurities on its surface, and this child would be better off with someone else who didn't have ice flowing through their veins.

"There is no one else, don't be naive," said Namgung Minyoung, taking a long drag of her cigarette. She was the PC bang owner who took him in when he had nowhere to go, who used her connections to get him into the tryouts of the first pro gaming team he was on. "Your mother's clearly dead or not coming back, so it's either you or your father, and we both know who's the better choice." She snuffed out her cigarette in the ashtray. "Do the right thing, Joonghyuk."

Was it really the right thing to do?

"You're a good person, Joonghyuk-ssi," said Lee Seolhwa. "I'll be here if you need me."

When she looked at him like that, like he was the only person in the world that mattered, he could almost believe he was also a good person.

Things were rough in the beginning for all of them. 

Yoo Mia cried for their mother almost every day the first few weeks she stayed with them, and Yoo Joonghyuk watched her do so with a strange sense of detachment, so foreign was the concept of anyone caring for that woman to him. Gradually, the tears stopped coming. Even though she was only four years old, Yoo Mia seemed to understand that she had been left behind for good. The two of them were remarkably similar in that regard.

When Yoo Joonghyuk's career took off, Lee Seolhwa and Namgung Minyoung ended up being the ones taking care of Yoo Mia most of the time. Lee Seolhwa had started her clinical rotations and was always on call at night, and by the time he got home from practice late in the evening, she was already gone. All of their conversation topics revolved around Yoo Mia and how she was doing; they never talked about themselves anymore.

As time went on, the distance between them grew larger and larger, and he was powerless to stop it. He wanted to hold onto her, but he didn't know how to even begin to ask. After all, no one had taught him what it was like to need another person.

By the time the cracks were finally visible, it was already too late.

"I still love you, but I'll always be wondering if I'd be happier on my own if I don't leave." Lee Seolhwa's smile was painful at its edges. "And we both deserve better than that."

I don't, thought Yoo Joonghyuk, but you do. And so he let her go.

Their separation was only supposed to be temporary, yet one month, three months, six months passed without her contacting him. One day, he caught a glimpse of her sitting in a cafe with a stranger one morning, and couldn't remember the last time he had seen her smile so freely.

I'll always be wondering if I'd be happier on my own, she had said.

It seemed as if she had gotten her answer.

***

Lee Seolhwa's absence was a hole in his chest that never stopped bleeding out. Yet even as the fatigue weighed heavily on his shoulders, he still needed to push on through the countless hours of practice and all the events and miscellaneous appointments he had to take Yoo Mia to. Of course, Lee Seolhwa had told him he could always ask her for help when he needed it, but he didn't want to bother her after she had already moved on.

“Seolhwa-unnie sent me an email yesterday,” Yoo Mia told him excitedly at breakfast. “Do you want me to read it to you?”

“It’s fine.”

“But--”

“Are you done with your porridge?”

On some nights, the suffocating claustrophobia of his own skin would get unbearable, so he would get up and silently walk to Yoo Mia's room across the hall. Once there, he would stand outside her door and listen to her quiet breaths for hours, reminding himself of the reason why he was still alive.

"You don't live in the dormitory with everyone else and you're always coming to practice late. When was the last time you even streamed? You know you have a quota of hours per month to fill, right?" his coach demanded. "If this behaviour continues, I'm going to have to bench you."

"I understand."

One of his teammates laughed and patted him on the shoulder condescendingly. "Yeah, what's up with you these days, Yoo Joonghyuk?" He leered, leaning in. "Did you knock up that hot doctor--"

Yoo Joonghyuk punched him in the face. He was benched for the rest of the split, but it didn't matter to him anymore.

***

"Oppa, can you help me with my homework?"

"I can't tonight."

Yoo Mia's small hands closed around his arm as she gave it a good shake. "But you're not even doing anything!" She wrinkled her nose and leaned away from him. "Ew, your breath smells weird. What are you drinking?" 

"It's nothing."

He could still feel her standing there, watching him. After a pause, she turned around and left.

He didn't know how much time had passed when he heard her footsteps approaching the table again. 

"Oppa, can you download a game for me?" came Yoo Mia's voice. "I tried to do it myself but it's not working."

"I'll do it tomorrow morning."

"It won't take long, I promise. Or you can teach me how to do it."

"I'm busy right now."

A beat, then, "Is it my fault?" she suddenly asked.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked up from where he had been staring at the table. "What?"

"That Seolhwa-unnie left." Her voice sounded small. "Are you mad at me?"

If only you didn't exist. Those words had stuck with him for a decade no matter how hard he tried to forget them, and now he had unknowingly passed them on.

The leftover wine in his cup was as red as blood. As he stared at his familiar reflection in the empty glass, he was suddenly hit with an intense feeling of self-disgust. The legs of his chair scratched across linoleum as he abruptly got up, walked over to the kitchen sink, and poured the rest of the wine bottle down the drain.

"It's not your fault," he told her. The lump in his throat was hard to swallow. "Let's go. I'll download that game for you."

He knew what he had to do.

***

"This is pretty damn irresponsible of you," said Namgung Minyoung.

"I don't have much time left to complete my service."

"You could have waited until Mia was older to leave. She needs you right now." 

"She doesn't need me," he replied. No one needs me. "You're better with children than I am. If you're too busy to take care of her--"

Namgung Minyoung's lips thinned in disapproval. "Why don't you apply for an exemption from active service as someone with a dependent? That way you'll be able to come home to see her everyday."

"I'm not eligible. If it really came to that, they would contact my father to take her in."

"If this is about your contract, I can help you look for another team, I'm sure there's plenty willing to sign you."

"It's not. I just..." The words were hard to get out. "...don't think I should be around her right now."

There was a light of understanding in Namgung Minyoung's eyes. Despite the faint lines of wrinkles on her face now, she was still the same woman that had thrown him a lifeline when he needed it the most. "I just don't want to see you making any decisions you'll regret, Joonghyuk."

"I know."

He left Yoo Mia in Namgung Minyoung's care and left for military service. 

When he was finally alone in his head, he found himself missing Yoo Mia, something he had always been afraid wouldn't happen. But in the end, he did love her--more than his parents ever loved him, and more than anything else in this world, including himself. Deep down inside, he had always wanted to be needed by someone.

Whenever he looked up at the blue sky above him, he would think about all the people living peacefully far away from him, and wonder if they were all seeing the same endless horizon.

***

By the time he got back from military service, Lee Seolhwa was nothing more than a faint shadow in his heart, someone whose voice he sometimes heard in his head when it was 4 am and he couldn't sleep. He would never know what kind of future they might've had with each other, but that was fine. As long as the few people he cared for were happy, he could bear it.

Lee Hyunsung was the only old friend he was still in contact with, and they always met up whenever he was on break from deployment. Yoo Joonghyuk had met Lee Hyunsung's girlfriend, Jung Heewon, a couple times over the years, but he never met with her privately or considered her someone he was close to. That was the appropriate distance one should maintain between oneself and a friend's significant other, or so he believed. 

On his end, he had never told Lee Hyunsung about his history with Lee Seolhwa. Part of it was because by the time he had reconnected with Lee Hyunsung, his relationship with her was already crumbling, and the other part was because he had always suspected Lee Hyunsung had a crush on her in high school. 

Yoo Joonghyuk took a sip of his water as Lee Hyunsung finished narrating a misadventure his girlfriend had over the weekend.

"—luckily, Kim Dokja was there to help her find her missing shoe, so everything went well in the end."

The name was unfamiliar to him.

"Kim Dokja?" he repeated. 

"Ah, I forgot you two haven't met. You must have no idea who I'm talking about." Lee Hyunsung scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "He's Heewon's close friend."

A friend who eagerly picked up her shoes for her, apparently. Yoo Joonghyuk narrowed his eyes. "What kind of person is he?"

Over the next hour, Yoo Joonghyuk was introduced to the many tales about this elusive 'Kim Dokja' figure that seemed to permeate every aspect of Jung Heewon's life. Highlights included That Time Jung Heewon's Friend Got Accosted on the Train By Cultists, or That Time Jung Heewon's Friend Accidentally Interviewed at a Multi-Level Marketing Company, or That Time Jung Heewon's Friend Got Lost on Orientation Day at His New Company and Wandered the Premises Trying to Look Like He Belonged There.

Despite the harmless image these stories projected, Yoo Joonghyuk was not convinced of this man's innocence. He personally thought it was careless of Lee Hyunsung not to keep an eye on this Kim Dokja, who seemed to be cozying up to his girlfriend behind his back. He would offer to monitor this cuckolding bastard himself, except that would involve interacting with Jung Heewon at some capacity greater than nods of acknowledgement and single-syllable replies, which was something he was not prepared to commit to. Besides, he trusted she would not betray Lee Hyunsung in any way. 

Time passed. Lee Hyunsung left on deployment again, and Yoo Joonghyuk went back to his everyday life of going to work then going home. Jung Heewon asked him if he wanted to have lunch with her a few times, but he always declined with increasing degrees of impoliteness. Eventually, she stopped asking. 

With his switch in focus to coaching, he now had more time to spend with Yoo Mia than ever. But Namgung Minyoung had been right--things weren't the same between him and his sister anymore. There was an unspoken accusation about his departure in their every conversation, a tired grudge that only deepened with age and made every sentence he spoke to her lack conviction. All these things considered, parenting his sister was a surprisingly difficult task.

"I need to talk to you,” said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Yoo Mia looked up from what looked like the loading screen of an MMORPG and swivelled around in her chair. "About what?"

"I looked at your report card, and your marks in Music were very low--"

"Yeah, but it's Music," Yoo Mia said derisively, taking a long drag out of an imaginary cigarette. Yoo Joonghyuk stared back at her, speechless. "Minyoung-ahjumma said Music is one of those filler subjects they teach you in school to make sure even the stupid kids get at least one passing grade."

There was no question who she had gotten these awful mannerisms from.

"I did really well in English class though, did you see? I even taught my friends all kinds of cool phrases like 'good game' or 'jungle gap' or 'support diff'--"

...Maybe Namgung Minyoung wasn't the only terrible influence here.

"I've decided to sign you up for piano lessons again," Yoo Joonghyuk continued, trying to sound unfazed.

"What? Why?!"

"Didn't you enjoy them when you were small?" 

The deep pout on Yoo Mia's face was a clear indicator of how she felt about that idea now. "Knowing piano won't get you extra marks on the CSAT, though. Also, I'm busy with...studying."

Yoo Joonghyuk glanced at her computer screen. "Is that the game that charged me 30,000 won on my credit card yesterday?"

"Oh, that." Yoo Mia didn't meet his eyes. "I misclicked something, sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I won't make a mistake again."

You mean you won't leave any traces behind next time. "I see. Did you also mistakenly tell me your field trip this term cost 20,000 won when it only cost 10,000?"

"Yep!" she chirped. A bead of sweat rolled down her forehead. "It was an accident. I misread the slip."

"What did you do with the extra money?"

"Um..." Her eyes slid to the computer beside her before quickly sliding back to his face.

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at her. She stared back. "You're banned from computer games this summer while you reflect on your behaviour," he said.

"Oppa," Yoo Mia whined, "you can't do that! My classmates are forming a guild this summer to take over the server and we all promised to get to level 60 by the time school starts next year!"

Shouldn't elementary schoolers be playing outside in the park or something? Since when were they so neatly ambitious?

"If you don't let me play, then I'll be left behind by everyone," she said, punctuating her sentence with a few forced sniffles. "No one will want to play with a level 1 noob when they're all level 60."

Watching his sister fake crying in front of him, Yoo Joonghyuk was suddenly reminded of his own childhood. As someone who had never conformed to the crowd, he understood the dangers of being different from everyone else. It was a giant target on your back, a signal to the masses that you were stranded on an island without help. People could only be truly united in the face of a common enemy, after all.

"I'll get your avatar to level 60 myself." Yoo Joonghyuk remembered the endless fights he'd gotten into when he was young and made up his mind. "So you can focus on your piano lessons and studying ahead for next term."

Yoo Mia gave him a suspicious look through the tears she'd finally managed to generate. "Okay," she said slowly, "but levels are useless if you don't have the right equipment..."

She was very obviously playing him at this point, but the essence of being an older brother was seeing a trap set by your sister and willingly stepping into it. "Fine."

***

And so began his reluctant crusade in the virtual world. Having played as multiple female champions during his pro gaming career, a female avatar didn't actually bother him. The cat ears were kind of...questionable, but they were still well within his pain threshold. Yoo Joonghyuk had played MMORPGs before when he was young, but his memories of them mostly consisted of going on murderous rampages through the server before getting banned by a GM. Now that he was piloting Yoo Mia's account, he was much more cautious with the way he acted and was careful not to make any enemies. On the other hand, this meant he was also a lot friendlier to certain people than he would be in real life.

[mia123]: You're not trying

[BF_Empress]: That’s kind of the point.

[mia123]: Stop dying

[BF_Empress]: That’s like asking me not to breathe.

Out of all the players he had met so far in the game, [BF_Empress] was definitely the most incompetent. Thankfully, her particular brand of annoyance was one he could tolerate, and he even found her peculiar reactions to everything growing on him in the same way a mutant fungus might grow on bathroom tiles.

*[BF_Empress]: ...You want the limited edition <Gyeonwu and Jiknyeo’s Devotion> firework?

*[mia123]: The EXP buff

*[mia123]: Idiot

Although [BF_Empress] claimed to be a well-established member of society, her propensity to devolve into emoticon-spamming and her grudges towards all of her supervisors gave him the impression that she was actually a fresh university graduate still struggling to navigate workplace politics. This was probably what Yoo Mia would have to face in the future once she became an adult, and the thought of his sister growing up to become this kind of person made him treat her with more patience than he had.

[ [mia123] has used <Gyeonwu and Jiknyeo’s Devotion> on [BF_Empress], swearing to stay true and faithful for as long as the constellations continue to shine in the night sky. ]

*[mia123]: Are you happy now?

*[BF_Empress]: Yes.

Completing the Chilseok missions together didn't mean anything to him, but [BF_Empress] seemed to have taken it the wrong way. He had initially claimed he was a woman to circumvent any romantic entanglements before they happened, but now, he was starting to think he had made a mistake.

[BF_Empress] was clearly also attracted to women.

***

When Yoo Joonghyuk received the call from Yoo Mia's piano teacher that she hadn't shown up to her lessons, all the blood in his veins condensed into a distant sort of panic. 

"Hey, are you going out to lunch today?" asked Kim Namwoon, poking his head out the door to the training room. "Can I come with you?"

Lee Jihye grabbed the hood of his sweatshirt and dragged him away. "Are you blind? He's obviously too busy to babysit you right now. Now get over here."

"Let go!"

Shin Yoosung's apartment was the first place he thought to check. He tried calling Yoo Mia's phone on his way there, but it was shut off. A thousand worst case scenarios ran through his head as he took the stairs two steps at a time, too frazzled to wait for the elevator. When he emerged into the hallway of the 9th floor, he let out the breath he was holding at the sight of her sitting on the ground. His relief quickly turned into fury as he took in the way Yoo Mia was squirming in the man's lap, his arms pinning her down--

"Don't touch her," he snapped. He caught a flash of a familiar shocked face before his fist was colliding with the wall. 

What happened next was a blur of pain and embarrassment. All he knew was that he had made a fool of himself in front of this man again, after he had already shown weakness in front of him regarding his past with Lee Seolhwa. The fact that Kim Dokja was the one who finally convinced Yoo Mia to open up about the issues she was having with her teacher was a whole new flavour of humiliation. It seemed like everyone else in this world would make a better brother to her than he ever could, now that he had failed her in an irreparable way. No amount of flashy equipment or fireworks could ever fix the things that had gone wrong between them.

He was still distracted later that night when he logged into the game and [BF_Empress] caught him off guard with her questions.

*[BF_Empress]: Do you still live with your parents?

*[mia123]: we're not on speaking terms

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at the screen in disbelief. He had never really talked about his parents with Lee Seolhwa, and the fact that he was talking about this to an internet stranger now was a whole new level of pathetic for him. He was also beginning to realize that [BF_Empress] might be more attached to him than he thought, than he deserved.

Even though he told himself he was ignoring her messages because he couldn't type with an injured hand, he knew the real reason was because she had gotten too close to him for comfort, and he wanted to put some distance between them. The thought of her feeling hurt by this didn't even cross his mind; she could always move on to [Aslan] or whatever his name was if she was bored.

When he finally talked to her again, however, it was impossible to ignore how she felt. 

*[BF_Empress]: Are you just going to pretend nothing happened?

*[mia123]: nothing did happen

He could only imagine what her face looked like at the other end of the screen.

*[BF_Empress]: One day, you won’t get what you want, and then you’ll be sorry. One day.

All of a sudden, he was vividly reminded of the strange look on Yoo Mia's face when he returned home from military service. It hadn't been anger or disappointment, but rather resignation. Back then, he didn’t know what to say, so he hadn't apologized. But now, he knew what he needed to do.

It was always easier to tell someone how you felt when they weren't actually listening.

*[mia123]: I'll let you know next time

If I leave.

When she forgave him, it was almost like Yoo Mia had forgiven him. Almost.

Chapter Text

Yoo Joonghyuk had been together with Lee Seolhwa for six years of his life, and sometimes he doubted he would ever be able to be with someone else. The pro gamer YJH had legions of fans, but none of them knew who he truly was. They loved a version of him that didn't exist, an image carefully crafted by countless PR teams throughout the years. Everyone wanted him to be the Supreme King, the living legend of South Korea, a good coach for his team, but he was nothing but 'Yoo Joonghyuk'. Even if they all told him otherwise, he understood that he was unworthy. 

Having someone and then losing them to his own inadequacies was more painful than never having anyone at all, so he was content on his own.

He used to think he had a lot of things he wanted to say to Lee Seolhwa if he ever saw her again, but now that she was actually here, all of those words seemed to elude him. Before he knew it, he was grabbing hold of Kim Dokja to keep him in place between them. With a third person in the room, he could almost pretend he did not have to face his failures alone.

Coward, said Kim Dokja. 

He was right; he was a coward.

"You two didn't seem to get along today," Jung Heewon said in a conversational tone as he stepped into his shoes.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even bother looking up. "Who.”

"You and Kim Dokja." Jung Heewon leaned her shoulder against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. "Which I find weird, because you two actually have a lot in common. He doesn't drink, just like you. He doesn’t smoke, just like you. He also talks a lot of shit and acts like an insufferable asshole sometimes, which is exactly like you."

Yoo Joonghyuk doubted they were anything alike. For one, he was not attracted to other people's girlfriends.

"Hey, are you just going to ignore what I said?"

He closed her own door in her face.

***

"You should apologize to Yoosung's ahjussi," said Yoo Mia. 

"Who?"

Due to the limitations Yoo Joonghyuk's injury imposed on them, they were having boiled dumplings tonight. Not the instant kind, to be precise, but rather the batch he had made a few days ago and kept frozen in the fridge.

“Kim Dokja." That was a name he had been hearing with alarming regularity recently. "You almost broke his face, and Yoosung would have been sad if that happened."

When he carried the plate to the table with his good hand, she was still watching him expectantly. "Fine," he said begrudgingly. "I'll apologize to him tomorrow."

Yoo Mia beamed at him, and for one moment, everything seemed to be alright.

After weighing all of his options, he decided to apologize to Kim Dokja in person. Although he could ask Lee Hyunsung to deliver a message for him, that would involve explaining to him what happened, and he would rather face potential humiliation than Lee Hyunsung's definite disappointment. 

The storm clouds were hovering menacingly over the horizon on Sunday when he set out after lunch to Shin Yoosung's apartment complex, which was only a 10 minute drive from his place. It would be irresponsible to drive with an injured hand in this weather, so Yoo Joonghyuk begrudgingly took the bus. It was full out pouring rain outside when he arrived at his stop, and by the time he made it into the building, he was completely soaked. The elevator was still broken, so he had to climb nine flights of stairs while dripping water everywhere to get to Kim Dokja's apartment.

I shouldn't have promised her, he thought glumly as he knocked on Kim Dokja's door. If this door didn't open within 30 seconds, he would turn around and go home and never speak of this again. Evidently trying to make amends with this bastard had been some cosmic-level mistake.

And of course, because this day couldn't get any worse, Kim Dokja opened his door.

"Do you want to come in? I can change your bandage for you so you won't bleed all over your steering wheel." 

Yoo Joonghyuk could not think of anything he wanted less. "I'll change it myself when I get home."

Despite his stubborn refusal, Kim Dokja managed to manoeuvre him into his apartment with a few well-worded arguments and that infuriating grin of his. Like Lee Seolhwa, he had a special kind of smile. But unlike how hers was enigmatic, like an invitation to a world of secret wonders, Kim Dokja's smile was a little bit lonely.

"Take a seat," said Kim Dokja, setting his first aid kit down on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch. He patted the cushion beside him. "This shouldn't take more than five minutes." 

Whenever Kim Dokja leaned in to inspect his wound, Yoo Joonghyuk could smell the scent of clean soap on his hair and neck, faint yet heady. As he breathed in the unobtrusive smell, he felt the thunderous frustration in his chest transform into a different type of storm.

"Why are you doing this?" For someone like me.

"Basic human decency," was the reply.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't believe him. He had to have some sort of ulterior motive, be it financial gain or easier access to Jung Heewon. Even Namgung Minyoung had only helped him for his skill in gaming, at least in the beginning. Kim Dokja's request for his autograph assuaged his concerns, but at the same time, he could not shake the belief that it was a ruse to cover up for the real reason why he was doing all these things for him.

Their fingers brushed against each other when Kim Dokja handed him the umbrella, and it took all of his presence of mind not to flinch away.

"Have a safe trip home."

He could see his face reflected in Kim Dokja's starry eyes, and it was the only image he saw there, as if he were the only person in the world that mattered in that moment. Lee Seolhwa used to look at him the same way a long time ago.

Realization dawned upon him. No wonder Lee Hyunsung wasn't worried about his relationship with his girlfriend--Kim Dokja was a homosexual.

***

This newfound knowledge did not affect his perception of Kim Dokja at all, although it did alleviate his previous concerns of cuckoldry. Even though Yoo Joonghyuk disliked people of all genders equally, he was aware most people preferred one in particular, and a smaller subset--one Kim Dokja was part of--preferred the gender that matched their own. In either case, it was none of his business who Kim Dokja was attracted to...except when that person was him.

"Give me back my umbrella first, and then we'll talk."

The car stopped at a red light, and Yoo Joonghyuk took the opportunity to turn around and glare at him. "Didn't you tell me to keep it?"

"I changed my mind," said Kim Dokja. "It has sentimental value to me."

Now that he understood the motive behind Kim Dokja's actions, it was impossible not to notice the signs of his infatuation: Kim Dokja was constantly staring at him when he thought he wasn't looking, touching him casually, and trying to get close to him at every available opportunity. For example, it was blatantly obvious he was trying to use the umbrella as a way to maintain their fragile correspondence.

Once I give it back, he won't have an excuse to contact me anymore.

The best option was of course to inform Kim Dokja outright that he had no chance with him and should cease this behaviour immediately, but Yoo Joonghyuk would not be Yoo Joonghyuk if he spoke honestly about his feelings. Besides, he wouldn't put it past this bastard to turn around and accuse him of narcissism.

“Because this is my usual spot, which I’ve sat in for…” Kim Dokja gazed up at the dim ceiling lights, feigning concentration. “Ah, almost two years now, which I’m sure is much longer than you’ve been here. If you’re unhappy with the seating arrangements, you can move.”

Who was he trying to fool? He clearly wanted to sit next to him. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even budge from his seat, knowing Kim Dokja would simply follow him over to the other side of the table if he moved.

The rest of the night passed in much the same way. Kim Dokja continued to flirt with him with a shocking boldness that left Yoo Joonghyuk more bewildered than anything else. Was he not bothered by what their conservative society might think of him if other people found out? When Yoo Joonghyuk glanced over at Lee Hyunsung and Jung Heewon, they seemed too distracted by the awful mess of fried chicken to notice what was going on. Or maybe they were merely feigning ignorance, content with watching Kim Dokja both attempt to and fail miserably at seducing someone. Yoo Joonghyuk frowned in disapproval; he expected better from the two of them.

When he returned to the table from the washroom, he caught Kim Dokja saying, "Lee Hyunsung isn't exactly hard to seduce--" He noticed Yoo Joonghyuk walking over and added, "I meant in theory. Lee Hyunsung is easy to seduce in theory."

Yoo Joonghyuk slid back into his seat, his mind clouded with suspicion. What was Kim Dokja even trying to insinuate? That he was Lee Hyunsung's ex-boyfriend? That he was actually interested in Lee Hyunsung, and Yoo Joonghyuk had been misinterpreting his intentions this whole time? But none of his previous actions towards Lee Hyunsung seemed to indicate any romantic interest... Would he have to keep an eye on Kim Dokja for Jung Heewon from now on?

"Either way," said Kim Dokja, "I already have someone I like, so you can drop the subject. Someone who’s not Lee Seolhwa.”

What did Lee Seolhwa have to do with any of this?

Stop complicating things, Yoo Joonghyuk thought vehemently as he glared at the side of Kim Dokja’s head. He was still trying to parse through this logic problem when Kim Dokja spoke up again.

“Can you order more of the bacon-wrapped melon slices?”

“I thought you hated those," said Jung Heewon.

Kim Dokja glanced at him. "I’m trying to give them another chance."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked down at his plate, where his newly dissected melon slice glistened under the lights overhead. He thought about all of their 'accidental' touches, how gently Kim Dokja had tended to his injury, what seemed like a calculated encounter on the streets near his workplace, and the way he paid close attention to what he liked and didn't like to eat now. No, there was no reason for Kim Dokja to go this far for a stranger he was not infatuated with.

Suddenly, the pieces slid into place. The innuendo earlier was Kim Dokja's way of testing the waters to see if he might be interested while leaving enough ambiguity for backtracking. It would be awkward for Lee Hyunsung if one of his friends rejected the other outright, so the need for discretion made sense. 

It was surprisingly considerate of Kim Dokja to think about Lee Hyunsung's feelings--but then he remembered the way Kim Dokja had carefully wrapped the bandages around his injured hand, and maybe it wasn't so surprising after all.

If there was one thing Yoo Joonghyuk hated, it was being indebted to someone. He was already letting down [BF_Empress], another member of the LGBT community, so the least he could do was respect Kim Dokja's boundaries and wait until he confessed to turn him down for good. This meant that in the meantime, however, he would have to put up with Kim Dokja's inane comments.

The air outside the restaurant was unbearably humid, and Yoo Joonghyuk subconsciously undid the top two buttons of his shirt as the four of them made their way to where his car was parked. After helping Lee Hyunsung into the backseat, he turned around to tell Kim Dokja to get inside, and saw him staring in his direction with a peculiar intensity.

"You have a nice car," said Kim Dokja, in a way that made it clear he was talking about something else.

Scowling, Yoo Joonghyuk buttoned his shirt back up. “Go sit in the back," he ordered.

“I don’t think there’s any room for me there,” Kim Dokja said innocently. “You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

There was no reason for him to feel strangely reassured by those words.

Eventually, Kim Dokja fell asleep in his seat, his head tilted over to the side facing Yoo Joonghyuk. As the car sped down the road, the golden rays of the streetlights streaked across the vulnerable expression on his face and illuminated it from within. When he isn't speaking, thought Yoo Joonghyuk, he's actually halfway tolerable.

"Kim Dokja." He parked the car on the side of the road near Shin Yoosung's apartment complex. The name came out a little too soft, so he tried again in a sterner voice, "Kim Dokja."

Kim Dokja's eyes snapped open and he straightened up in his seat, stifling a yawn. "We're here?" he croaked. "I thought you were dropping them off first."

Even without looking, he knew Kim Dokja was staring at him. "I changed my mind."

"Thanks for driving me home."

"I didn't do this for you."

Yoo Joonghyuk heard the soft huff of a laugh. "Thanks for driving all of us home, then." Now he could hear Kim Dokja unbuckling his seatbelt and pushing open the car door. "Good night. Be careful on your way back."

The car door slammed shut, and Yoo Joonghyuk was left alone with nothing but the swirling thoughts in his head and the silent stars in the velvet sky.

"Why'd you drop Kim Dokja off first?" Jung Heewon grumbled from the backseat. "You two live closer to each other, so it's more efficient if you stopped by our place first. Now you have to loop all the way back."

"Shut up," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

When he finally got home after the huge detour, it was already very late at night. As he turned off the engine and pocketed his keys, he noticed a cylindrical object lying on the floor underneath the passenger's seat.

To his horror, it was Kim Dokja's umbrella.

***

Kim Dokja leaving his umbrella in his car last week was a clear signal that he wasn't ready to give up on him yet. He was no stranger to solicitations from men, but it was the first time one had continued to pursue him with such determination even in the face of constant dismissal. Yoo Joonghyuk caught himself thinking about their strange relationship whenever he was alone, which only irritated him more.

His festering irritation reached a peak when he was confronted by the person who was apparently Kim Dokja's best friend.

"Your hand looks as good as new, Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi," Han Sooyoung said in a sardonic voice. "Good thing it didn't actually collide with Kim Dokja's wooden block of a head, or else your injuries would've been much more severe."

Jung Heewon sat down beside Lee Hyunsung while Yoo Joonghyuk took the seat furthest from Han Sooyoung. "I regret letting Kim Dokja invite you."

“Please, you should be glad I even showed up. I had to postpone my chapter update today in order to find the time."

"As if that's any loss to the world."

Han Sooyoung smirked. "Perhaps not a literary loss, but definitely a financial one for me," she said loftily. "You probably wouldn't understand, considering how much you make a year."

Frowning, Yoo Joonghyuk watched Han Sooyoung flaunt her wealth without concern for the way Jung Heewon's jaw tightened at the provocation.

"There's no need to argue about something like this," said Lee Seolhwa, diplomatic as always. She shook Han Sooyoung’s hand. "It's nice to meet you, Han Sooyoung-ssi."

"Nice to meet you." Han Sooyoung looked over at Yoo Joonghyuk. "And you too, pro gamer-nim."

"Kim Dokja's friends with someone like you?" he asked expressionlessly.

He had meant it as more of a neutral observation, but judging by the look on Han Sooyoung's face, she had taken it as a personal insult. The grin on her face disappeared and her eyes took on a steely edge. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, voice cold.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't even spare her a glance.

The tense air at the table was interrupted by a chime. "Kim Dokja and his friend are here," said Jung Heewon, standing up with her phone in hand. "I'll go get them."

As usual, Kim Dokja waited for Yoo Sangah to sit down next to Han Sooyoung so he could naturally sit beside Yoo Joonghyuk. Yoo Joonghyuk was almost used to these little tricks of his by now, but his lenience did not mean he would turn a blind eye to the blatant mishandling of cooking ingredients that was going on.

"Those are the tongs for cooked meat. Use the other tongs for raw food."

Kim Dokja put up a lot more resistance than he expected from someone hopelessly infatuated with him. "I'm just adding some vegetables to the grill, so why does it matter?"

"The vegetables are raw."

"Yes, but they're onions. People eat raw onions all the time, there's no need to worry about contamination..."

Distantly, he was aware that Lee Seolhwa was watching him, and perhaps that was why he grabbed Kim Dokja's hand instead of trying to avoid any physical contact with him like he normally would.

"I told you to use the other pair."

"It's the 21st century, you can't take away my right to--"

"Would it kill you to listen--"

"Yes."

Lee Seolhwa looked away. For a second, Yoo Joonghyuk forgot what he had been trying to prove. He was jarred out of his reverie by the baleful glare Kim Dokja sent his way, and Yoo Joonghyuk glared back at him, unflinching.

"If you're so bothered by how I'm cooking your food, then do it yourself," Kim Dokja said coldly. "I won't touch the grill again even if you ask me to."

"Fine," Yoo Joonghyuk bit out, adjusting his grip on the tongs.

"Fine."

When Kim Dokja's eyes were on him, he didn't need to think about anything else. 

***

Offering the discount to Kim Dokja was his way of repaying him for the shirt, but even Yoo Joonghyuk knew it wasn't nearly enough. As the sounds of conversation continued around them, he found his eyes tracing over the dip of Kim Dokja's bare collarbones and the distinct shape of bones shifting underneath the skin of his wrist.

It was no surprise that Kim Dokja noticed his gaze with how often the man seemed to be looking at him. "Did you have something you wanted to say?" he asked.

Before he could think twice, he reached out his hand and said, "Give me your phone."

Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't sure whether continuing this back-and-forth game of shallow words with hidden meanings was a good idea or not, but he did know that Kim Dokja had weaseled his way into his life and carved out a place there in the short span of a few weeks. He glared at the stupid umbrella sitting in the passenger's seat that he'd forgotten to give back once again. When would he ever be rid of this?

Someone rapped their knuckles against his car window. Lee Seolhwa was standing beside his car with a smile on her face. "Can I catch a ride with you, Joonghyuk-ssi?"

"Sure."

"Is this Mia's umbrella?" she asked, picking it up curiously. "Is it alright if I put it in the back for now?"

He nodded and didn't correct her.

With Lee Seolhwa sitting in the front seat of his car beside him, it was almost like they had gone back in time to before everything crumbled into dust. And then the moment passed, and everything faded back into sepia-toned memories.

"Is it still the same address?"

"No," said Lee Seolhwa. "I moved."

I've also moved on, thought Yoo Joonghyuk.

He wasn’t lying to himself this time. Somehow when he hadn't been paying attention, the hole in his chest had closed up and stopped bleeding. The silence between them now was comfortable; everything that could have been said was already spoken. 

"You seem happier," she said brightly as she stepped out of the car. "I'm glad. Have a good night, Joonghyuk-ssi."

Did he really seem happier?

"You brought back leftovers!" Yoo Mia cheered, peeking into the plastic bag. "Can I have some right now?"

Yoo Joonghyuk reached out his hand and gently ruffled her hair, making her look up at him in surprise. "Go wash your hands," he said. "I'll heat them up."

When he was lying in bed that night, his phone screen lit up with a message from an unknown number. Even without looking at its contents, he knew who it was from.

>> Good night.

His fingers had already typed out a reply before his mind was done thinking about it.

Good night <<

***

"She looks up to you, you know. You're just as important to her as she is to you, and I'm sure she wouldn't trade you for anyone else in the world."

You're a good brother to her.

No one had ever said that to him before. Not Namgung Minyoung, not Lee Seolhwa, and not Yoo Mia. Although it was the farthest thing from the truth, hearing it from the lips of someone who had actually witnessed him fail to take care of his sister made his chest tighten uncomfortably. Kim Dokja believed in him, even when he had no reason to.

Because he's in love with you, Yoo Mia's voice in his head reminded him. Don't you see?

Sitting there in the tiny kitchen and watching the steam curl in the air like wisps of feathered clouds, he finally saw him. When Kim Dokja smiled at him, all the light from the window at the end of the hallway pooled within his eyes like water. 

There were stars in the sea.

Soon, Yoo Mia was texting him to let him know she was ready to go home. 

"See you," said Kim Dokja.

The warmth in his voice seemed to take on a tangible form as it crawled into Yoo Joonghyuk's chest and curled up there, wrapped around his heart. He was still thinking about the curve of Kim Dokja's smile the next day, when [BF_Empress] told him she liked him.

*[BF_Empress]: You're important to me.

How can you say that when you've never met me? She was just like the others, enamoured with the tiny facet of him he showed to the public, an eclipse of the imperfect whole he was.

Only Kim Dokja had seen him at his worst, and only Kim Dokja hadn't seemed disgusted with what he saw. And more importantly, he didn't stop looking.

Yoo Joonghyuk meant to deliver a clear cut rejection to [BF_Empress], but what he found himself saying instead was, I have someone else.

Like always, she understood exactly what he meant.

*[BF_Empress]: Goodbye.

This time, she didn't say 'See you'. She probably knew they were never going to see each other again.

***

Shin Yoosung came over to their place for dinner that evening since her parents were out on a date night, and at 10 pm, Yoo Jonghyuk drove her back home. After exchanging polite words with her parents, he walked over to the (luckily now functional) elevator and waited for it to ascend. The elevator chimed and its doors slid open, depositing one very drunk Kim Dokja in his arms.

"Oh, what the hell, it's you," Han Sooyoung grumbled from the elevator behind him. She was grabbing onto Kim Dokja's shirt with one hand and the wall with the other, and she immediately let go of Kim Dokja once she noticed Yoo Joonghyuk was there. "Give me a hand here, asshole."

"Don't drop him in my lap.”

Han Sooyoung rolled her eyes and then winced at the motion. "I literally can't hear you over my pounding headache,” she complained. “Are you just going to stand there? Help me drag him to his apartment, I'm sick of lugging his ass everywhere."

Kim Dokja's head lolled against his shoulder, his eyes squeezed shut in an expression akin to pain. "Why is he drunk?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Ask him yourself."

Together, they managed to unlock Kim Dokja's apartment door ("I swear to god his stupid lock is screwing with me. If this shit doesn't open in thirty seconds, I'm going to kick down his door.") and deposit him onto his bed.

"My job here is done," Han Sooyoung announced, swaying on her feet at the entrance of the bedroom. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out on the couch. You can show yourself out. Don't steal anything."

Yoo Joonghyuk glared at her retreating back. Once she was gone, he carefully slipped off Kim Dokja's shoes for him. Making sure Kim Dokja wasn't at risk of rolling off and snapping his neck, he left the room to set down the shoes in the foyer before washing his hands in the bathroom. True to her word, Han Sooyoung was already snoring away on the dingy couch outside. There was a clean hand towel beside the sink in the bathroom, and he soaked it in warm water and brought it back with him to the darkened bedroom. 

"Get up and clean your face," he ordered.

Kim Dokja's unconscious body did not respond. Letting out an exhale, Yoo Joonghyuk pressed the towel to Kim Dokja's face and began wiping away the sweat there. Kim Dokja turned away from the coarse touch of the towel, and Yoo Joonghyuk palmed his cheek with his hand and forced his face back into position.

"Don't move." That earned him a mumbled sentence in protest. "What?"

"I washed the sheets," slurred Kim Dokja, brows furrowed in concentration. With surprisingly nimble fingers for a drunk man, he began to unbutton his shirt as Yoo Joonghyuk watched on, dumbfounded.

"Stop taking off your clothes," he tried. That only made things worse; now Kim Dokja was full on tearing his shirt off. "Kim Dokja. Dokja." With a light sigh, Yoo Joonghyuk resigned himself to helping him out of his shirt.

A lot of drunken struggling later, Kim Dokja was happily shirtless and buried under his covers. Yoo Joonghyuk briefly considered tying his arms together to make sure he wouldn't dare to take off his pants, but that seemed like overkill, so he just tried to return with the glass of water as soon as possible. Luckily, the drunken bastard was done with the spontaneous nudity and hadn't moved from his position on the bed.

Sitting down at the edge of the bed, Yoo Joonghyuk shifted Kim Dokja's head onto the crook of his arm and pressed the rim of the cup against his lips. "Drink."

Kim Dokja drank, his throat bobbing with the motion. Once he finished the water, he tilted his head to the side and buried his face in Yoo Joonghyuk's shirt. Yoo Joonghyuk froze. After a moment, he slowly craned his neck to look down at the man in his lap. Kim Dokja's hair had fallen over his eyes, obscuring his face from view. Like a man possessed, he reached down and gently brushed the hair away from those closed eyes. Before he could retract his hand, Kim Dokja caught it in his own and interlaced their fingers. His hand felt as warm as the sun.

"Thank you." It was no more than a whisper.

"For what?"

"Staying. Everyone always leaves," Kim Dokja sighed, "but you stayed."

Yoo Joonghyuk's heart stuttered in his chest as it swelled with a long forgotten emotion. Like a spoonful of sugar dissolving in lukewarm water, the swirls of that tender feeling floated gently downwards and settled at the bottom of his lungs, weightless yet impossibly heavy at the same time. 

"I'll stay from now on," he promised.

Kim Dokja was already fast asleep.

Chapter Text

Yoo Joonghyuk was discussing draft strategies with the other coaches when he heard a chime. And then another one. And then another one. And then another--

"Is that you, Kim Namwoon?" Lee Jihye asked without looking away from her computer screen. "Why didn't you put your phone on silent?"

Han Donghoon sighed and put on his headphones.

"Why the hell do you always assume it's me?!" demanded Kim Namwoon.

"Because it is you 90% of the time."

While Lee Jihye and Kim Namwoon bickered away in a thankfully non-violent manner, Yoo Joonghyuk calmly removed his phone from his pocket and set it to silent mode. 

[Kim Dokja]

>> Shin Yoosung's mother seems to be under the impression that we're best friends.

>> Which we obviously are, but it's still strange how she even figured out we knew each other.

>> While we're on the subject, I was thinking about our friendship yesterday when I suddenly remembered our workplaces are actually located quite close together.

>> It's almost like a sign, if you think about it.

>> A sign that we should further our friendship.

Yoo Joonghyuk frowned to cover whatever other expression his face might have made. Even though they had not seen each other in a few days, Kim Dokja was still as bold as ever with his innuendos. 

A part of him had been expecting this message ever since he helped a drunken Kim Dokja into bed last Saturday and the man had confessed his attachment to him. Back in high school, Lee Seolhwa had also been the person to make the first move.

Your point <<

>> Are you free for lunch this Friday?

He thought about what taking this step would mean for the two of them--would it be an official relationship? A signal that he might be open to one? Or some kind of prelude to sexual favours? He didn't think Kim Dokja was the type of person to only pursue physical pleasure, but maybe there was a side to him he hadn't seen yet during the past month. After carefully contemplating the consequences of his affirmation, Yoo Joonghyuk finally typed out his reply.

Fine <<

>> It was a yes or no question, Yoo Joonghyuk.

***

"You look nice today, Master," Lee Jihye informed him when he arrived at the office on Friday morning. She was munching on one of the snacks the staff members had kindly provided for them and dropping crumbs all over her keyboard. Yoo Joonghyuk eyed the mess with disdain. "Are you meeting with a sponsor or something?"

Kim Namwoon looked between the two of them, confused. "He looks the same to me?"

"Of course you wouldn't understand, you wear the same t-shirt three days in a row."

"Those were completely different shirts!"

Yoo Joonghyuk walked into his office and shut the door behind him. The one good thing about being a coach was that he did not owe his players any explanations. 

When it was time for lunch break, no one in the office batted an eye when he got up and left instead of staying to eat at the cafeteria with the others. By now all the staff knew he had a little sister to take care of, and even when he didn't need to check up on her, he preferred to eat his lunch in his office alone.

The restaurant they were meeting at was not one he would've gone to willingly on his own, a fact he begrudgingly kept to himself. Contrary to popular belief, Yoo Joonghyuk understood perfectly well how social etiquette worked; he just rarely saw the need to be polite. 

"Of course you're the kind of bastard who wears cufflinks," Kim Dokja said with a mixture of sarcasm and awe, shading his eyes from the sun with his hand. "I should have known." He was wearing a plain white shirt himself with a dull blue tie, one that had clearly gone through the washing machine too many times. "Aren't you a little overdressed for the weather?"

"Do you ever shut up?" Yoo Joonghyuk asked him. He immediately regretted giving him an opening.

As expected, Kim Dokja took it. "When my mouth is full, yes." He pulled open the door and made a sweeping gesture with his hand. "Shall we go in?"

Yoo Joonghyuk vaguely remembered opening doors for Lee Seolhwa when he was nineteen and clueless; being on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour now made him feel...strange. Strange, but not offended.

They wove through the restaurant towards the tables at the back. There was a woman who was similarly overdressed for this weather sitting in the corner of the room, and Yoo Joonghyuk cast a disinterested glance her way. The next moment, his gaze solidified into a point.

"Yoo Sangah." What are you doing here?

Yoo Sangah looked just as surprised as he sounded, but she recovered quickly from her shock. "Hello. It's nice to meet you again." Glancing up at Kim Dokja, she asked, "When you said a friend of yours was joining us today, did you mean Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi?"

"Of course." Kim Dokja absently loosened his tie. "Aren't you a fan of his streams? You two didn't get a chance to talk at the barbecue last week, so I thought you would appreciate the opportunity to ask him about his accomplishments."

"I see," said Yoo Sangah, in a way that clearly meant 'I have no idea why you thought this was a good idea.'

There was a beat of tense silence.

"Your outfits today match," said Kim Dokja. He clearly thought he was doing them both a favour, pulling these awful conversation topics out of thin air. "What a coincidence."

Yoo Sangah looked down at the delicate silver pendant resting on her chest, then back up at the silver cufflinks glimmering on Yoo Joonghyuk's sleeves. "A coincidence indeed," she agreed.

Kim Dokja's insufferable smugness grated on Yoo Joonghyuk's nerves with an intensity he had never felt before, and any faint traces of disappointment on his mind were rapidly overwritten with rage. He had never wanted to wipe the smirk off someone's face more in his life.

"I have to go to the bathroom, so I'll leave you two to get to know each other better." Kim Dokja got up and walked away, leaving the two of them alone with the tension permeating the air.

Yoo Joonghyuk and Yoo Sangah exchanged assessing stares, the expressions on their faces unreadable.

"Did you think I was Han Sooyoung?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

Yoo Sangah's smile was a perfect mask on her face. "You also seemed surprised to see me here," she said instead of answering his question. "Did you think the two of you were going to be alone?"

There was nothing he had to say to her after that.

In the end, Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja spent the rest of their meal chatting about their supervisors while Yoo Joonghyuk ate his in silence.

***

Yoo Joonghyuk did not understand why he ever thought giving Kim Dokja a chance was a good idea. Whatever he had felt for him must have been a fluke, a temporary fit of insanity. There was no conceivable way someone could be that dense, which meant that Kim Dokja was actively screwing with him. He probably wanted to see him make a fool of himself as revenge for their previous altercations. 

To his credit, Kim Dokja had indeed noticed the lunch hadn't gone well. Whether he was secretly gloating about earning and then subsequently abusing Yoo Joonghyuk's trust was still up to debate, however.

>> I thought you would enjoy spending time with someone like Yoo Sangah. You two got along fine last time.

What <<

>> To be fair, that was in comparison to how badly you and Han Sooyoung did not get along, but my point is I thought you didn't mind meeting fans if they were like her.

Be quiet <<

Despite the frigid reception, Kim Dokja didn't stop messaging him, at least at first.

>> Shin Yoosung mentioned your sister was also having trouble with fractions, have you talked to her about it?

I will <<

He just kept going.

>> Did you hear their class formed a guild in a game and are now trying to manipulate market prices for profit?

Yes <<

>> Since when were elementary schoolers so ambitious?

And going.

>> Congratulations on qualifying for Worlds.

Yoo Joonghyuk had grown out of the habit of replying to everything with a period as acknowledgement, so he didn't reply at all. Gradually, the messages from Kim Dokja grew more and more infrequent until they trickled to a stop. There were many times when he pulled out his phone to stare at their conversation thread, but he could not think of what he wanted to say to him. This was also how his relationship with Lee Seolhwa had ended: conversations slowly petering out over time, words and emotions fading until there were nothing but ghosts in the spaces between them, day after day after day of struggling to find that easy connection again.

Maybe Kim Dokja was toying with him, or maybe he had simply grown tired of him, just like all the other people in his life. It was a boring conclusion to what had seemed like a fresh beginning, but at least it was something he was used to surviving.

One day in September, Yoo Joonghyuk was driving back to his workplace from a meeting elsewhere when he noticed a lonely figure standing by the side of the road. He didn't know what compelled him to pull up to the curb and roll down the window, only that he was staring into the startled face of Kim Dokja before the reality of what he was doing even registered on his mind. "Kim Dokja."

"Good afternoon to you too," Kim Dokja said in a detached voice. He looked back down at his phone with a frown. 

"Are you waiting for someone?" He wasn't sure what response he was expecting. 

Kim Dokja finally met his eyes. "I'm waiting for a taxi. A meeting ran late and now I have an interview in," He checked his phone, "twenty-three minutes to get to. Let's talk some other time."

Yoo Joonghyuk thought about his plans for today--he wasn't expected back at the office anytime soon, as Lee Jihye and the others were presumably still recovering from the Regional Finals and in no mood to practice. Making up his mind, he said, "Get in."

"Are you sure?"

"Hurry up."

"Why do you always sound so rude even when you're doing others a favour?" Kim Dokja complained. He slipped his phone back in his pocket. "Where should I sit? Maybe I should sit in the back to solidify your title as the best chauffeur in Seoul."

"Shut up and get in the front."

After pulling off a series of asshole road manoeuvres that earned him lots of angry honks and middle fingers pointed his way through tinted windows, Yoo Joonghyuk managed to deliver Kim Dokja to the right building in just under twenty minutes.

"Thanks for the ride," said Kim Dokja, unbuckling his seatbelt at an inhuman pace. "I can take a taxi back once I'm done, so you don't have to wait for me."

"I know."

Kim Dokja flashed him a smile before pushing the door open and stepping out. "Thanks again," he said over his shoulder.

The words were at the tip of Yoo Joonghyuk's tongue, if only he could unclench his jaw enough to say them, "Good lu--"

The car door slammed shut in his face.

Yoo Joonghyuk thought about leaving and going back to his office, but something that was hard to describe rooted him in his seat. Realizing that resistance was futile, he sent a message to Kim Dokja.

Tell me when you're done <<

Cars and pedestrians passed by outside his windows in colourful blurs, their faces leaving no impression on him once he realized none of them were the person he was waiting for. He didn't know how much time passed before he received a reply, only that he did receive one.

>> I'm done.

Come outside <<

The door beside the passenger's seat opened with a click. Kim Dokja was standing outside, holding his bag under his arm. "You waited," Something indescribable flickered in his eyes, "even though I told you not to."

Yoo Joonghyuk focused his gaze on the windshield in front of him. "Are you going back to work?"

"I'm taking the rest of the day off, so you can drop me off at the subway station." Kim Dokja sat down beside him, close enough that Yoo Joonghyuk thought he could smell the clean scent of soap on his skin. "Thanks."

"How was the interview?"

"What--are you seriously asking me that?" There was no reason for him to sound this shocked.

"Yes," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

Kim Dokja gave him another unreadable look, but there was a trace of a smile in there. "It went well. I made it on time, thanks to you."

The sunlight outside seemed exceptionally blinding today.

***

[Kim Dokja]

>> Let's have lunch together tomorrow, just the two of us. My treat.

>> Yes or no?

"Master, you're smiling!" came Lee Jihye's shocked voice. The girl was standing beside his table, eyes wide and mouth open in a gasp. "Did something good happen? Did you get asked out on a date?"

"Did you finish your practice today, Lee Jihye?"

"Ah, the smile's gone now." She shook her head in mock dismay before perking back up. "Come on, why do we have to talk about me? Let's talk about you."

"There's nothing to say."

"You know you can trust me with anything, right?" she asked, clenching her fist and lifting it to her heart. "I'm your most loyal disciple."

Over the past few months, Lee Jihye had gotten surprisingly comfortable with him. Although her trust meant she was more likely to take his orders seriously, it came with the downside of continuous disrespect and a fascination with his lack of a personal life. Sometimes, he almost missed the days when all the younger players were too scared to look him in the eye. 

Yoo Joonghyuk ignored her expectant stare and typed out a response to Kim Dokja.

Yes. <<

When he glanced up from his phone, Lee Jihye was wearing the look of a mother whose reclusive son had finally pulled himself together after 10 years of living in her basement and found a part-time job on her face. "Good luck on your date, Master," she said. "I'm rooting for you!"

He didn't correct her use of the term.

***

They started regularly having lunch together after that. And while Yoo Sangah occasionally joined in, her presence was far from a constant in their meetings. Even though he would never admit it out loud, Yoo Joonghyuk preferred it this way.

Instead of going to restaurants, the two of them began bringing their own lunches and eating together in a food court nearby. What had started out as an occasional bite of food stolen here and there soon transformed into outright robbery. Yoo Joonghyuk was initially disgusted by the idea of Kim Dokja's chopsticks leaving his saliva all over his food, but gradually he had grown numb to this invasion of his spiritual privacy. 

"I'm trying to introduce you to the variety of life," Kim Dokja said with a straight face. "No need to thank me, this is what friends are for."

Most of Kim Dokja's lunches were purchased from convenience stores, but even those were better than the homemade ones he occasionally brought. He was not a bad cook by any means, but he suffered from the deadly combination of an overactive imagination and limited groceries, and his creations as a result were baffling at best and traumatizing at worst. Over time, it became an unspoken game between them for Kim Dokja to continuously try to confuse him with the limitless depths of his cooking abilities. 

Everything culminated one day in late September when Kim Dokja pulled out a container from his bag and set it down on the table in front of them. Yoo Joonghyuk eyed the plastic lid suspiciously.

"Your sister recently informed me that your birthday was in August, and that you let her choose your cake for you," said Kim Dokja. "Isn't that counterintuitive to the idea of celebrating your glorious introduction onto this earth?"

"So?"

"So I decided to make you something special as a token of our undying friendship: another cake you didn't ask for and couldn't choose on a day that's not your birthday." Kim Dokja pushed the container towards him. "You're welcome, and enjoy your meal."

Yoo Joonghyuk pried the lid off the container. The yellow slice of cake sitting inside it looked depressingly flat. When he prodded it with his chopsticks, he could swear it let out the sound of a deflating tire. This was a new low, even for Kim Dokja.

Beside him, Kim Dokja's shoulders were shaking with the force of withheld laughter. "It's a rice cooker cake," he explained. "You pour the cake mixture into the rice cooker and plug it in."

"I know what it means," Yoo Joonghyuk said curtly.

"Just making sure." Kim Dokja propped his chin up on the back of his hand and stared at him, expectant. "Are you not going to try it?"

There were certain sacrifices you had to make when you were in a relationship, and this was one of them. The first test had arrived--and it was a test, even if Kim Dokja wasn't aware of it. 

Yoo Joonghyuk's grip tightened around his chopsticks, and he carefully pinched off a piece of the cake and lifted it to his mouth. It was a little soggy and quite bland, and maybe it was because of the implication behind it, but he didn't actually find it off-putting.

"It's not bad."

Kim Dokja was speechless for a moment. "...Really?" 

"Why would I lie about this?"

When Kim Dokja's face broke into a bewildered smile, he knew he had made the right decision.

Chapter Text

The realization that he didn't need a romantic relationship in his life was freeing in many ways. Now that he was no longer thinking about a middle-aged catgirl with a terrible personality all the time, Kim Dokja had a lot more time to spend on other more meaningful pursuits, namely annoying the hell out of Yoo Joonghyuk. 

Come to think of it, he had never truly had a male friend his age before. Han Sooyoung and Jung Heewon were both women and younger, while Lee Hyunsung was away on deployment half the time. And on the occasions when Lee Hyunsung was in Seoul, the two of them didn't actually spend any time alone with each other. Jung Heewon was always there with them, which automatically delegated Kim Dokja to the role of third wheel instead of a friend on equal footing. Not that he minded her presence--he didn't have much in common with Lee Hyunsung, and he could already imagine the conversations petering out awkwardly if they were left to their own devices.

Things were different with Yoo Joonghyuk. To summarize, there were two roles in a traditional comedy act: the straight man and the funny man. Yoo Joonghyuk happened to be straight in both senses of the word, and his bemused reactions were the perfect foil to the jokes Kim Dokja found himself constantly cracking at Yoo Joonghyuk's expense. Han Sooyoung would retaliate if he ever tried the same thing on her, and the sheer amount of dark history the two of them had access to made any attempts at teasing quickly devolve into mutually assured humiliation. Hence Kim Dokja got his kicks from poking fun at Yoo Joonghyuk instead.

Once in a while, though, Han Sooyoung made it extremely hard to resist teasing her.

"I'm going to ask you something serious, and I expect an honest reply," she said, resting her elbows on the table and leaning in.

Kim Dokja continued peeling the tangerine in his hands. "Go ahead."

"Okay." Han Sooyoung furrowed her brows. "So imagine you met a hot guy a while back--" "Stop referring to yourself in second person, you're not fooling anyone." "--shut up, Kim Dokja--and you know what, let's say this guy's name is Yoo Joonghyuk."

For one heart-stopping moment, he wasn't sure if she was using an analogy or not. Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk as a couple would certainly be a...lifestyle choice. "Go on."

"So you're attracted to this guy, this Yoo Joonghyuk, but you're not sure if he's into men--"

"Yoo Joonghyuk is straight," Kim Dokja said helpfully. A little bit of juice squirted into his eye when he tore the tangerine in half, and he winced at the sting of it. "But since you're only using his name as a cover-up, I'll let that inaccuracy slide."

"Silence, or I'll silence you myself," she thundered. "Anyway, now you're trying to figure out if this guy is also into you or if he's only being friendly, because sometimes girls--guys--can be really affectionate in a platonic way. Like they might hold your hand but it doesn't mean anything."

Ah, there's the slip. "Would this mysterious person the self-insert protagonist of your little story is enamoured with happen to be someone living an ivory life?" he asked in an innocent voice.

"You fell for a 2D catgirl, you're not allowed to judge my taste in women,” she snapped.

...God he missed the actual Yoo Joonghyuk, whose tongue wasn't dextrous enough to fire off these scathing retorts in time. Kim Dokja silently clutched at the bullet wound in his chest as he slipped two tangerine slices into his mouth.

Han Sooyoung brushed her bangs out of her eyes with a huff. "Going back to what I was saying; you try to figure out if they might be gay by asking them if they enjoyed this one film a few years back, but they said they’ve never watched it." She frowned. "Which brings me to my question: do you think this is their way of casually turning you down? Like a roundabout way of saying they're not interested?"

"Yoo Joonghyuk doesn't really watch movies," said Kim Dokja, chewing.

"If you don't stop with the bullshit, I swear I'll--"

"And you're overthinking things," he continued. "Judging by how often she tries to discreetly steer the conversation in your direction whenever we have lunch together, you have nothing to worry about."

"Huh." The tension bled out of Han Sooyoung's narrow shoulders and she slumped back into her chair. "Okay then. Good to know."

"Good to know," he echoed.

***

[Yoo Joonghyuk]

I keep telling you, it's a symptom of heatstroke. <<

One whole day had passed and there was still no reply. Strange; he thought he'd weaned Yoo Joonghyuk off the habit of ghosting him these past few months. Was he relapsing?

"Waiting for a message from someone?" Jung Heewon asked slyly.

Kim Dokja turned off his phone and placed it back on the table beside his hand, careful not to let anything show on his face. "Of course not."

"Sure you aren't." She hummed and set down her empty cup. "By the way, did you hear Yoo Joonghyuk caught the flu?"

He immediately perked up at the news of this exciting development. "Really?"

"Yeah. Both him and his sister have it. This is the first time that guy has been sick in all the time that I've known him, and apparently it's pretty severe..." 

Kim Dokja hadn't heard a single thing about this illness from Yoo Joonghyuk. That idiot...does he think he's the male lead of a soap opera, suffering through the pain on his own?

"Want to go visit him with me?" Jung Heewon was saying.

"Of course. You know I love seeing him in pain." At the weird look she gave him, he clarified, "That was a joke, I have no current plans to murder Yoo Joonghyuk to collect his life insurance payout."

"You wouldn't get the money anyway, you two aren't married. That was also a joke." She stuck her phone into the back pocket of her jeans and stood up. "Are you done with your food? Let's go."

They stopped by a store to get some groceries before taking the train to Yoo Joonghyuk's apartment, which was located in a building with rental fees Kim Dokja didn't want to think about. This was actually the first time he had ever been here. The receptionist didn't fully believe their explanation that they were here to visit a sick friend whose buzzer code they didn't even know, but he seemed to deem them harmless and let them pass anyway.

The elevator doors slid shut in one fluid motion. 

"Take this," said Jung Heewon. She passed him a face mask from her bag.

"I'm not exactly averse to the idea of getting sick and skipping work," said Kim Dokja.

"If you ever get into teaching, you'll know how bad these viruses can get after they've passed through every kid in school." She slipped her own mask on. "Besides, I'm on a two year flu-free streak and I'm not about to break it because you have a death wish."

Good point. Kim Dokja put his mask on. "Does Yoo Joonghyuk know we're coming?"

"No, which is why you should call him right now and let him know."

"Why don't you do it yourself?" Even though his mouth was still protesting, his hands had already begun to dial his number.

"Because he won't open the door if I call him, obviously," she said flatly. "Do you seriously think Yoo Joonghyuk wants to see me when he's sick?"

"And you think I'm somehow exempt from his disrespect?"

Jung Heewon gave him a sidelong glance. "Yes."

Before Kim Dokja had a chance to say anything, the elevator doors opened with a chime and the two of them stepped foot onto the plush carpet lining the hallway. After a short trip down the immaculately painted corridor, they stopped in front of the apartment belonging to Yoo Joonghyuk and Jung Heewon rang the doorbell.

Nothing happened. "Did you call him?" she asked.

"He didn't pick up. Do you want me to send him a strongly worded message about how he needs to drag his decomposing corpse out of bed this instant to let us into his apartment?"

"I'm starting to think the security guard shouldn't have let you past--"

There was the loud sound of metal sliding against metal, and then the door in front of them cracked open. Yoo Mia's small, flushed face peeked into the hallway. "Hello," she said, sniffing her nose. "Are you here to see my brother?"

"Hey." Jung Heewon crouched down until she was eye-level with her. "How are you feeling today?"

"A lot better." Another sniffle. "Thanks for asking, ahjumma."

Jung Heewon's smile looked a little strained around the eyes. "You can just call me unnie. Where is your brother anyway?"

"He's in bed." Yoo Mia pulled the door all the way open. "Come in."

When Yoo Mia didn't say anything disrespectful to him as he walked past her, Kim Dokja knew the situation was serious. While Jung Heewon asked Yoo Mia what she had eaten today, he made his way to the back of the apartment and examined the closed doors with interest. The first door he opened was the bathroom, and he washed his hands in the sink before retreating. There was one door that was slightly ajar on the other end of the hallway, and as Kim Dokja drew nearer, he was pleased to find the embalmed body of Yoo Joonghyuk lying on his oversized bed.

"It's rare to see you incapacitated," he remarked, leaning against the doorway. 

"Who let you in?" Yoo Joonghyuk mumbled. 

"Your sister. Don't worry, I won't steal the wallpaper off your walls." Kim Dokja sat down on the edge of his bed to get a better look at him. "You look terrible," he said bluntly.

Although he had made a lot of jokes about Yoo Joonghyuk wasting his good looks by frowning, glaring, being a general asshole, etc. over the past months, he had never meant any of them until now. Yoo Joonghyuk was so sick today even his normally wavy hair lay flat against his head. It was probably sadistic of him to think so, but this delirious sunfish was also kind of...cute. In an unattractive yet deeply pitiful way.

"Even your hair looks pathetic today," Kim Dokja marvelled.

Any gravity behind Yoo Joonghyuk's glare was ruined by how he immediately turned his face to the side to cough into his pillow. In retrospect, wearing a face mask was an excellent idea--he really did not want to catch whatever death bug it was that Yoo Joonghyuk had.

"Where's Mia?"

"Jung Heewon's taking care of her right now. If anything, you should be worrying about yourself." Kim Dokja's gaze swept over the miscellaneous objects lying on the bedside table until he found what he was looking for. Holding the thermometer in hand, he said, "Turn your head to the side, I'll take your temperature."

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't move when he patted his shoulder.

"Why are you such a handful?" Kim Dokja brandished the thermometer at his neck like a sword. "You should be glad this isn't a rectal thermometer, because I'm not ready to advance to that stage of our friendship yet." That finally got Yoo Joonghyuk to budge. "39.7 degrees," he read out loud. "Any higher and the few brain cells you have will have burned into ash."

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him another unimpressed look before closing his eyes wearily. Noticing that the cup beside the bed was almost empty, Kim Dokja picked it up and made his way to the kitchen.

Jung Heewon was stirring a pot of soup at the stove while Yoo Mia waited by the table with her face in her hands. "How is he?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Still breathing."

The flippant statement earned him a glare from Yoo Mia that was ten times stronger than the withered shell of itself her brother's version was, but still not strong enough to pierce through his impenetrably thick skin. Kim Dokja nonchalantly filled the glass with water and brought it back to Yoo Joonghyuk's room.

"Have you had anything to eat today?" he asked, setting the water down.

Yoo Joonghyuk's voice was barely above a whisper. "No."

"Are you thirsty?"

"No."

The chapped lips indicated otherwise, but Kim Dokja gave him the benefit of the doubt. "Keep lying on your deathbed then, I'll be back."

Yoo Mia was watching him with large eyes when he arrived back in the kitchen. "Is he okay? Do we need to call an ambulance?" she blurted out.

"No, but if his fever doesn't come down tonight then we might have a problem. Did your brother take any fever medication today?"

"I think he took some pills earlier."

"Good for him." Kim Dokja helped Jung Heewon cut up the ginseng and add the ingredients she needed into the pot. "How long until the soup is ready?" he asked her.

"Another fifteen minutes."

There was a tray of ice cubes in the fridge, and Kim Dokja picked them up alongside a hand towel he doused in cold water. As he pulled the bedroom door closed behind him with his foot, he noticed that the glass of water on the bedside table was untouched. Was Yoo Joonghyuk really so weak that he couldn't even lift a cup? The bed dipped as he sat down, and the jostling movement caused Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes to drearily blink open.

"Open your mouth," said Kim Dokja, patting him on the cheek with the back of his hand. "I have something for you."

To his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk did so with minimal fuss. His thumb brushed against Yoo Joonghyuk's bottom lip as he popped an ice cube into his mouth. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" he asked.

No reply. But then again, the lump in Yoo Joonghyuk's cheek meant he couldn't have responded even if he wanted to. Kim Dokja folded the towel in quarters and placed it on top of his burning forehead. He sat there for a while with his hand resting on top of the towel, the cold bleeding into his skin while he watched Yoo Joonghyuk's throat bob as he swallowed.

Suddenly, the door swung open and hit the wall with a bang. Kim Dokja retracted his hand.

"The soup's ready," said Jung Heewon, who thankfully hadn't noticed his awkward positioning. She moved the pill bottles and ice cube tray out of the way before setting down the bowl of soup on the bedside table with a hiss, clutching at the tips of her fingers. "Ow."

She couldn't see the smile behind his mask, but it was the thought that counted. "Thank you for your hard work."

"You sound like an oily middle aged salaryman," said Jung Heewon. "Is everything okay here?" She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him. "You're not taking embarrassing photos of him without his consent, are you?"

"Why would I take photos of him when he's this ugly?" said Kim Dokja. "I mean."

Jung Heewon raised her eyebrows at him, but refrained from commenting on his Freudian slip. "I'll hold you to that then."

"Be my guest."

The door swung shut, and they were alone again. Kim Dokja contemplated telling Yoo Joonghyuk to sit up and eat it himself, but judging by the feverish glaze of those dark eyes, that would probably constitute some form of cruel and unusual punishment. The burden of this sunfish's life lies on your shoulders, Kim Dokja, he joked to himself. Making up his mind, he picked up the bowl of soup and stirred it a few times with the metal spoon Jung Heewon left for them. "Yoo Joonghyuk. Wake up and eat this."

He nudged at Yoo Joonghyuk's bloodless lips with the spoon, and Yoo Joonghyuk obediently opened his mouth. As his lips closed down around the hot metal, his face briefly contorted in an expression of pain before it faded back into a vague look of exhaustion.

"My bad." Hiding his smile, Kim Dokja carefully blew on the next spoonful before feeding it to him. "Is the temperature better now?"

Yoo Joonghyuk swallowed the soup and gave him a near imperceptible nod.

Feeding him the small bowl of soup took a lot longer than Kim Dokja expected, but he was able to derive some amusement out of watching Yoo Joonghyuk obey his every whim. The towel on his forehead was almost dry now, so he went back to the bathroom and soaked it in cold water again. As he returned the towel to its rightful place, he couldn't resist running his hand through Yoo Joonghyuk's hair. His hair was a lot softer than Kim Dokja expected, but still thick and full even in its pathetically limp state. It was exactly like petting Shin Yoosung's dog.

A small sound caught his attention. When he looked down, Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at him from where he was buried in his covers. "Go to sleep," he ordered.

Instead of obeying this time, however, Yoo Joonghyuk's glazed stare roamed over his face aimlessly as if he were trying to memorize every feature there.

"What are you looking for?" asked Kim Dokja, amused. "It'll still be here when you wake up."

Seemingly satisfied with his answer, those dark eyes finally drifted closed.

As Yoo Joonghyuk slept, the crease between his usually furrowed brows smoothened out and his face took on a vulnerable expression that made him look a few years younger than he was. It was too bad he had defended his impeccable moral sense to Jung Heewon earlier, otherwise he would have definitely taken a picture of Yoo Joonghyuk's peaceful slumbering face for...blackmail purposes. Definitely blackmail.

Jung Heewon and Yoo Mia were both sitting at the kitchen table, the latter of which was halfway through her much larger bowl of chicken soup. The fact that a ten-year-old was eating more than a fully grown man was a testament to how sick Yoo Joonghyuk truly was. 

"Are you leaving after this?" Kim Dokja asked, sitting down next to Jung Heewon. He pulled his mask aside to take a sip of the water she poured him. 

"Yep. There's enough food in the fridge and Mia has my number if anything goes wrong."

He was hoping she would stay and give him a reason to stay with her, but it seemed like he would have to bring up the subject himself. Kim Dokja let his mask snap back into place. "I'll stay a bit longer to keep an eye on Yoo Joonghyuk then," he said casually.

Jung Heewon exchanged an indiscernible look with Yoo Mia, who shrugged. "He can stay," she said. "I don't really care. Oppa probably does, though."

"Thanks for the imperial decree."

"You keep an eye on both your brother and this ahjussi for me, okay?" Jung Heewon turned to Yoo Mia and ruffled her hair.

Yoo Mia nodded as fiercely as she could with a festively red nose. "I will."

Kim Dokja would be offended if the two of them thought he needed supervision if he hadn't consistently made jokes about killing Yoo Joonghyuk and/or Yoo Joonghyuk's impending doom today. All things considered, it was reasonable of them to feel like they needed to watch him closely.

After Jung Heewon left, he washed the dishes and helped Yoo Mia organize things around the house. Soon Yoo Mia went back to bed to sleep off her lingering illness, and Kim Dokja settled down in a chair in the corner of Yoo Joonghyuk's bedroom with his phone. Despite having many other things to do, he found himself routinely getting up to either change Yoo Joonghyuk's washcloth or simply check that his chest was still rising. 

I'm making sure he's still alive in the spirit of altruism. Christmas is in 41 days, after all.

He woke Yoo Joonghyuk up after a few hours to feed him some water and his medication before releasing Sleeping Beauty back into the realm of dreams. As the day went on, Yoo Joonghyuk's temperature gradually dropped below the threshold of danger, meaning his brain cells would live to see another morning. Yoo Mia was also up from her nap, so Kim Dokja cooked her dessert with the pears Jung Heewon had brought. Once everything was put away again, he laid down on the pretentious yet surprisingly comfortable leather couch with his phone and a particularly cliched novel. The brain-meltingly boring adventures of the protagonist combined with the bad life choice of only sleeping six hours last night weighed down on his eyelids like lead, and before he knew it, he was already drifting off into sleep.

When Kim Dokja blinked back into consciousness, the sun had already set and there was a soft blanket draped over him. Kim Dokja gingerly sat up and slipped his feet into his slippers. Everything was dark except for the light coming from the crack underneath Yoo Joonghyuk's door at the end of the hallway. As he approached it, he heard the sound of voices speaking quietly to each other.

"You're important to me," Yoo Joonghyuk said in a hoarse voice.

"I know,” Yoo Mia hiccuped. "I love you too."

Kim Dokja paused for a moment before turning around and silently made his way to the front door. This wasn't a conversation he should intrude on, and if Yoo Joonghyuk was lucid enough to hold a conversation, his fever must have broken.

The night sky above him was clear of clouds as he walked back home in the cold. Yoo Joonghyuk's relationship with his sister had nothing to do with him, really, but somehow even the frosty bite of the autumn breeze on his skin could not wipe off the smile from his face.

***

After what he personally dubbed the Valiantly-Nursing-Yoo-Joonghyuk-Back-To-Health-From-The-Clutches-Of-Death-For-Free experience, the distance between them decreased abruptly. It started out as an uptick in the length of the replies he got whenever he asked a question, then spread to nearly every aspect of their interactions. The first time Yoo Joonghyuk remembered that he had a work meeting the next day, Kim Dokja was so taken aback that he asked him outright if he was possessed. To be fair, if anything occult were to happen to any of the people he knew, it would definitely be Yoo Joonghyuk, who embodied all the characteristics of a classic book protagonist.

Meanwhile, the physical distance between them had also somehow decreased. They both weren't very tactile people by nature, yet little by little, Kim Dokja started getting used to the occasional touches between them. Yoo Joonghyuk's hand on the back of his neck was a familiar weight by now, even if he did continue to protest that grabbing someone by the scruff of their neck was extremely condescending.

Sometimes he even caught himself watching the way the muscles of Yoo Joonghyuk's back shifted underneath the fabric of his shirt when he rolled his shoulders and had to look away and think about something profoundly unattractive, like that time Han Sooyoung left her milk carton in the back of his fridge for three months and the milk was solid by the time he found it. All good now.

While he was caught up in his thoughts, Yoo Joonghyuk was staring at the volumes of <Peace Land> on his shelf with a look of genuine surprise on his face. "You can read Japanese?"

The 'Do I look like I can read Japanese?' sitting at the tip of his tongue transformed at the sight of the tiny wrinkle between Yoo Joonghyuk's brows. "To some degree, yes," Kim Dokja said enigmatically. Zero is also a degree.

Nowadays, whenever Yoo Mia went over to Shin Yoosung's house, Yoo Joonghyuk would stop by his place for lunch or dinner or just to sit with him and talk for a while. Kim Dokja was more than happy with this arrangement, as it meant he had a personal servant to cook and clean his kitchen for him once a week. Real housekeepers had monthly salaries of over 1 million won, and taking into account how much Yoo Joonghyuk ate and how much he contributed, Kim Dokja was actually making a net profit. Sometimes, though, he had to wonder why Yoo Joonghyuk was so obsessed with cleaning the homes of his friends. Did the thought of someone's apartment being unkempt keep him up at night? Was he also like this with Jung Heewon?

"Do you have dry yeast?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I have expired yogurt in the fridge," Kim Dokja said with false cheer. "Does that work?"

Ignoring his bullshit, Yoo Joonghyuk pulled opened the fridge door. He paused. "Why the hell do you have so much tofu in here?" 

"It's cheap. Just use baking soda instead of yeast, the end result is the same."

Shaking his head, Yoo Joonghyuk took out the ingredients he needed and moved back to the cutting board.

Walking over, he peered over his shoulder with interest. "Are you making vegetable pancakes?"

The fact that Yoo Joonghyuk actually responded to his inquiries nowadays never ceased to amaze him. "Have you made this before?"

"No." Kim Dokja passed him the flour, and Yoo Joonghyuk measured it out and poured it into the bowl. "Do you have any tips on how to make them?" He nudged him with his arm.

"I'll teach you," said Yoo Joonghyuk, casting a glance his way. "Get over here."

Even when Yoo Joonghyuk treated him like that, Kim Dokja was careful not to assign any non-existent meaning to his actions. He was not about to make a fool of himself again, not when there was always someone else out there. Someone better.

I have someone else.

Lying in bed at night, he would occasionally get a flash of memories wrapped in the warmth of the summer sun. All of his complicated feelings towards [mia123] were encased within a veneer of self-consciousness now, yet he still saw her shadow in his dreams sometimes, watching him over his shoulder with expressionless eyes. He never got to talk to her in those dreams, nor did he even know what he wanted to say.

***

With the arrival of winter, the days were getting shorter and the nights longer while the temperatures dipped their toes just beneath freezing. Kim Dokja was walking home with Yoo Joonghyuk one evening after dinner when a snowflake landed on the tip of his nose. He tried to pull the hood of his jacket over his head, but his scarf was in the way. Unwrapping it from his neck, he glanced to the side and noticed that Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't nearly as prepared for the weather as he was. 

“Aren’t you cold in that trench coat?” asked Kim Dokja.

"No."

As he held his scarf in his hands, Kim Dokja's eyes were drawn to the bare stretch of Yoo Joonghyuk's neck above his black coat and the way his hair curled on his nape. Before his eyes, a snowflake landed on the skin there and melted into a droplet of water that trailed off into his collar.

"Here, take this." Kim Dokja leaned forwards and draped the gray scarf around Yoo Joonghyuk's neck, adjusting it so the length hanging down the front was even with the back. "Don't freeze to death, idiot," he said, unaware of the fondness in his voice. "You can look fashionable another time."

Yoo Joonghyuk caught his hand in his own, the black leather of his glove wrapping around it in a firm yet gentle hold. "Where are your gloves?" 

"My hands don't get cold easily." When Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately let go, Kim Dokja elbowed him in the stomach. "Do you need me to hold your hand while you cross the road, Joonghyuk-ah?" he teased.

Yoo Joonghyuk's grip loosened, and Kim Dokja stuck his free hand back in his pocket.

The canopy of snow falling from the sky clothed the ground in a thin layer of white. Everything felt softer in this weather, and even the noises of the cars and people passing by were muted. All he could hear were the sounds of their footsteps on the pavement and the light huff of Yoo Joonghyuk's breath beside him. After what seemed like an eternity and no time at all, they reached the foot of Kim Dokja's apartment complex.

There were a few snowflakes lying on the crest of Yoo Joonghyuk's head, and he reached out and brushed it away for him. "Thanks for dinner. I'll treat you next time."

"It's fine." Yoo Joonghyuk unwound the scarf around his neck and looped it around Kim Dokja, the leather tips of his gloves brushing against the curve of his jawline. "Your scarf," he reminded him.

When Kim Dokja looked up, Yoo Joonghyuk was watching him with a softness in his eyes he had never seen directed at him before. The mist from the heat of their breaths curled in mid air and melded together until it was impossible to untangle one from the other.

Kim Dokja was the first one to step back, his heart beating loudly in his chest. "Good night," he said, turning away.

"Good night."

The warmth of Yoo Joonghyuk's skin lingered on his scarf for a long time.

Chapter Text

"You're my last hope, Kim Dokja," Han Sooyoung said over the phone.

"That line sounds distressingly familiar," Kim Dokja replied. Beside him, Yoo Joonghyuk launched the fried rice into the air with a flick of his wrist and neatly caught all of it back in the pan. "Go on then. What do you want me to do?"

"I need you to post the next chapter of my book for me at 8:00 pm tonight sharp. The finished draft is in my writing email's inbox, you know all the passwords."

"Why don't you do it yourself?"

"Because I'm not home right now, idiot."

"I'm also not home right now." Unlike Han Sooyoung, he was too mature to say the implied 'idiot' out loud.

"I know Yoo Joonghyuk owns a computer," she shot back. "And yes, it is that obvious where you are."

Kim Dokja glanced at Yoo Joonghyuk, who cast a questioning glance back at him. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation with Han Sooyoung was headed, so he wisely moved out of the kitchen and to the halway where he couldn't be overheard. "You're being surprisingly rude for someone who's trying to ask me for a favour." He pressed his phone closer to his ear to soak up all the sounds of the garbage spewing from her mouth. "Do platonic friendships between men not exist anymore?"

"I wasn't trying to imply anything, I was just making an observation," she grumbled. "But since you asked so nicely: yes they do; between you and Lee Hyunsung. Whatever relationship you and Yoo Joonghyuk have, it's not friendship."

"Hello? Han Sooyoung?" Kim Dokja removed the phone from his ear and frowned at it in mock dismay, ignoring the angry sounds of Han Sooyoung's voice emanating from the speakers. "Did you lose reception? Well, talk to you next time." He abruptly hung up.

Han Sooyoung called him back less than a second later. "I'm sorry, Kim Dokja-ssi, I'll stop calling out your pathetic self-denial since it's clearly eating away at your fragile ego--"

"Your phone is rapidly losing reception," he told her.

"...Just post the next chapter at eight tonight for me and I'll buy you a drink sometime as payment," she said, sounding defeated. "I already took a break yesterday and the day before; my readers will kill me if I do it three times in a row."

"Pouring me water at a restaurant doesn't count as buying me a drink."

"Ugh, Yoo Joonghyuk's really rubbing off on you, isn't he? And not in that way either--"

"Goodbye." 

This time, Han Sooyoung didn't call him back when he hung up on her.

In the kitchen, Yoo Joonghyuk was plating the fried rice in a perfectly smooth mound on the white porcelain dish. Yoo Mia was sitting in her chair at the table with one chopstick in each hand, looking more than ready to dig in.

"Can I borrow one of your computers later?" Kim Dokja pulled out the chair next to her and sat down. "I have something I need to do, it shouldn't take long."

"For Han Sooyoung?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Unfortunately, yes."

Yoo Mia scraped one chopstick against the other in the same way one would sharpen a knife. "You can borrow my computer," she declared, "but only if you help me fix whatever's going on with its sound. Also, you better not look at any of my private stuff on it or else I'll kill you."

Yoo Joonghyuk gave her a warning look for the death threat, which she promptly ignored by turning her head to the side.

"Sure, I can take a look at it," said Kim Dokja, hiding his smile.

While Yoo Joonghyuk washed the dishes after dinner like the faithful housewife he was, Kim Dokja took a seat next to Yoo Mia in her room and watched her boot up her laptop. All he needed was a beer in hand and a cigarette in his mouth and he would be the perfect image of a lazy husband who did nothing except watch TV while his wife slaved away in the kitchen.

Yoo Mia interrupted his derailing train of thought. "See, no sound comes out when I try to play a video," she complained, sliding her wireless mouse over to him with such force that it flipped over. "You try it."

"Don't treat your computer so roughly." Kim Dokja picked up the mouse and set it back on its feet. With a practiced ease developed from years of using shitty computers, he navigated to the control panel and opened up the list of audio devices. "Did your brother try to fix this for you before?"

"He did, but it didn't work." She lowered her voice conspiratorially. "Even though he won't admit it, he's kind of bad at using computers outside of games. The other day we spent half an hour trying to figure out why my microphone wasn't working before I realized I was using Push to Talk."

When Kim Dokja glanced at her, his amused grin was reflected on Yoo Mia's heart-shaped face. Her small grin quickly faded into her usual look of calculated indifference when she noticed him looking. "So can you fix my computer or not, ahjussi?"

If Han Sooyoung's task was a Main Scenario in the game of life, Yoo Mia's request was definitely a Hidden Scenario with little to no reward. "Possibly. One of the audio drivers you need wasn't installed properly, so after I download it everything should return to normal."

"What's an audio driver?"

"It's software that helps your computer communicate with audio devices..."

While he was explaining things to Yoo Mia, the door behind them opened and Yoo Joonghyuk walked in. He leaned against the doorway and crossed his arms over his chest, watching them with a relaxed expression.

"Try playing a video now," said Kim Dokja, redirecting his attention to the computer screen.

It really said a lot about the current state of the Yoo siblings' relationship when half the videos on Yoo Mia's Youtube recommended page were Yoo Joonghyuk-related. But then again, watching him kill people (and get killed in return) was admittedly very satisfying in a way that was hard to explain.

"It works! Okay." Yoo Mia braced her hands against the table and propelled herself out of the way, the wheels of her computer chair gliding over the carpet soundlessly. "You can borrow my computer now, ahjussi."

"You know that calling me ahjussi grants me seniority and elevates my social position above your brother's, right?"

Yoo Mia scowled. "No it doesn't."

"Yes it does." He drummed his fingers on the keyboard before pulling open a new private browsing tab and starting to type.

As Kim Dokja typed, Yoo Mia continued to watch the screen in avid interest, whereas Yoo Joonghyuk was more sensitive about the idea of privacy. "Do we need to leave the room?" he asked with all the seriousness of someone asking if he should look away while Kim Dokja buried the body.

"Why would you need to leave the room? Contrary to popular belief, Han Sooyoung doesn't actually launder money." Kim Dokja logged into Han Sooyoung's account on the Star Stream Books website. By now, he had grown indifferent to the not-so-little number representing her current earnings on the page. "She just wants me to post the latest chapter of her webnovel for her."

His statement was met with identical blank stares, although Yoo Mia's was more suspicious than blank.

"Webnovels," he said slowly. "Books that are serialized online. I'm sure you've heard of Ridibooks or Munpia before, Yoo Joonghyuk." Said man continued to stare at him in incomprehension. "Really? I thought gamers were supposed to be well-versed in internet trends."

"I have better things to do," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I know for a fact that you do not." Kim Dokja successfully scheduled Han Sooyoung's chapter for posting and logged out. "This is why Yoo Sangah doesn't think your streams are interesting--you don't know how to connect with your audience."

"I don't stream anymore."

"But you could."

"Do you want me to?"

At times like this, Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze on him seemed to hold a tangible weight, like a thousand feathers landing gently on the water.

"Alright." Yoo Mia clapped her hands together, the sharp staccato of it cutting right through the tension in the room. "Why don't you guys go talk somewhere else? I promised I'd meet Yoosung in-game tonight."

Yoo Joonghyuk looked like he wanted to say something else, so Kim Dokja grabbed his arm and gave it a tug. "That's our cue to leave."

"Don't talk to strangers online," Yoo Joonghyuk warned her, not budging from his position in the doorway no matter how hard Kim Dokja pulled.

"I know that!" she groaned. "Why would I talk to weird people I don't know? I'm not you, oppa."

"I--"

"Come on." Kim Dokja slung his arm around Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulders and led him out the door. "You don't have to be overprotective, Joonghyuk-ah; of course your sister knows better than to speak to strangers online. Everyone knows there's no way to tell if it's a human or a dog on the other side of the screen."

***

With Christmas coming up in five days and the air itself growing warm with lights and the pervasive hum of romance, the movie theatres were filled to the brim with happy couples. This made going to the movies with Yoo Joonghyuk slightly embarrassing.

"Do you want me to buy the popcorn?" asked Kim Dokja, trying his hardest to ignore the young couple exchanging insufferably saccharine words beside them. Stop passing the scarf around like it's the last drop of water in the desert, it's not that cold outside.

Unlike him, Yoo Joonghyuk's normal barrier of indifference was enough to block out the antics of people around him, and he did not seem bothered in the slightest by the extraordinary concentration of affection in the air. "Sure."

The exaggerated explosions, screaming, and general bloodshed of the action movie they watched was enough to vanquish the last traces of embarrassment lingering between them. Kim Dokja left the theatre feeling refreshed. "Out of curiosity," he said, turning to Yoo Joonghyuk, "what's driving your car like?"

Those dark eyes shone brighter than the moon in the soft crystal glow of the decorations hanging from the store fronts by the side of the street. "What do you mean?"

"Do you ever feel a sense of overwhelming superiority when you cut in front of inferior cars on the highway?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth twitched. "No."

"What's even the point of driving a Mercedes if you can't power trip?" asked Kim Dokja, shaking his head.

"The heated steering wheel."

"That doesn't sound particularly convincing."

He did not expect Yoo Joonghyuk to take his offhanded banter to heart. "Do you want to try driving?"

"Are you serious?" Kim Dokja raised an eyebrow. "You'll be liable for the damages if I get into an accident."

Yoo Joonghyuk matched his expression. "Are you so incompetent at driving that you'll crash any car you drive within thirty minutes?"

"Never challenge another man's limits," he said with a straight face. "You might be surprised by the results."

"So you're admitting you're incompetent."

This sunfish had reached his rebellious age, huh. "That's not what I'm trying to say."

"What are you trying to say?"

"That you need to put more thought into this decision. You'll be putting both your financial future and your actual future in my hands, do you--"

"I trust you," said Yoo Joonghyuk. Kim Dokja's heart stuttered in his chest, "you're not that incompetent."

Of course Yoo Joonghyuk couldn't give him a proper compliment without saying something rude to go along with it. "Like I said before, never challenge another man's limits in either direction."

Yoo Joonghyuk exhaled through his teeth. "Kim Dokja. Do you want to drive or not?"

"....Yes," he shamefully admitted.

The steering wheel of Yoo Joonghyuk's Mercedes Benz was indeed heated. "Doesn't this make your leather gloves redundant?" Kim Dokja remarked as he pulled onto the road. "Or are you just wearing them for the aesthetic?"

"Shut up."

In spite of Yoo Joonghyuk making snide comments every time he forgot to turn on his blinkers when changing lanes, the drive home was overall very enjoyable, as both the smooth acceleration of the car engine and the idea of holding Yoo Joonghyuk's life in his hands were just as beautiful as he had imagined. …Why did that sound weirdly sadistic?

"What are you doing?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk.

"Parallel parking." Keeping an eye on the rear view camera footage, Kim Dokja carefully adjusted the pressure he was putting on the gas pedal. 

"There aren't any cars here."

Ignoring him, Kim Dokja shifted the gear into Park. "Open the door and tell me how far away the car is from the curb."

Yoo Joonghyuk obeyed. "It's too far," he said in a monotone.

"Now you're just being difficult." Kim Dokja unclasped his seatbelt and leaned over the armrest, trying to catch a glimpse of the ground. "It looks fine to me," he said, pushing himself back upright with a hand on Yoo Joonghyuk's leg. "I guess my driving skills haven't--"

His sentence died in his throat as he felt the soft sensation of Yoo Joonghyuk's lips brushing against his forehead. Kim Dokja could not hide the surprise on his face when he turned to stare at Yoo Joonghyuk, who initially did not look bothered in the slightest by the accident that just occurred. When he noticed Kim Dokja's look of shock, however, he slowly drew his brows together in a frown.

"Did you not--"

"It's nothing." It was all Han Sooyoung's fault he was oversensitive about these things, mused Kim Dokja. He needed to stop trying to find meaning where there was none. Shaking the thoughts aside, he pushed open the car door. "Good night."

He hadn't noticed how bright Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes were until they dimmed. "Good night."

***

"Are we doing anything this Christmas Eve?" asked Kim Dokja.

Han Sooyoung didn't look up. "I'm busy that day. Sorry," she said around the straw of her bubble tea.

"Busy with whom? Yoo Sangah?"

She raised her head just enough to shoot him a death glare before going back to her phone. "Shut up. Go spend Christmas with Yoo Joonghyuk, you know you want to."

Kim Dokja dragged his spoon through the dregs of his free coffee, courtesy of Han Sooyoung. "You say that like I have any other choice, given how all the people I know are in a relationship."

"And you and Yoo Joonghyuk aren't?"

That was a comment that deserved to be ignored. "What happened to your vow of not settling down until you're thirty?" he asked instead.

"Why did you change the subject?"

"What subject?"

His tactic of playing dumb backfired spectacularly in his face as Han Sooyoung slammed her plastic cup down on the table and leaned in, eyes gleaming. "You know what," she said, resting her chin on her folded hands, "let's talk."

"About what? How drinking bubble tea every week significantly increases your risk of developing type 2 diabetes?"

"Nice try," Han Sooyoung snapped. "I meant Yoo Joonghyuk."

"Why does everyone keep asking me about him?" he asked the ceiling above them. "For the last time, we're not dating."

"Does he know you're not dating?"

"What kind of useless question is that?" To use an inadequate analogy, it was akin to asking if Shin Yoosung had ever contemplated killing her dog. "Of course he does."

He hadn't seen Han Sooyoung look this serious in a long time. "Kim Dokja. You can date or not date whoever you want to," she said. "I'll stop commenting on it after today, because I'm sure it's getting old for both of us." Taking a deep breath in, she continued, "But let me say one last thing: if you have no intention of following through with your actions, then you should tell Yoo Joonghyuk outright it's never going to happen."

Kim Dokja huffed out a laugh. "What do you want me to tell him?" he asked in an amused voice, his thoughts wandering to [mia123]. "That I have someone else?"

"You don't have to like someone else to not like someone," said Han Sooyoung. "You just don't."

Yet as adults, it was no longer a question of whether or not you liked someone. It was a question of whether you could see a future with them, and Kim Dokja could not see a future for him and Yoo Joonghyuk, nor had he really ever contemplated it. There was always going to be someone else, as [mia123] had said, and instead of playing an extra in the story of two other main characters, he would rather not play the game at all.

***

In the end, he didn't contact Yoo Joonghyuk about spending Christmas together. There were simply too many better options for him--his sister, his blood-unrelated mother figure, a reunited Lee Seolhwa, his coworkers--and thus Kim Dokja saw no point in finding out just how low on that priority list he was as a new friendly acquaintance. The key to never being disappointed was to never hold any expectations for anyone, after all. Yoo Joonghyuk never brought up the topic either in the few conversations they had in this period of time, so Kim Dokja liked to think they had come to a mutual agreement. Even if it was an agreement about the relative unimportance of their friendship, it was still fascinating to see how well they understood each other.

On Christmas Eve, Kim Dokja cooked himself a heavier meal than usual and ate it at his kitchen table, staring out the window at the glittering frosted lights strewn over the barren trees. He could hear the sounds of Shin Yoosung's laughter and her dog's barks through the walls, and he smiled faintly to himself as he cleaned the dishes in the sink. After washing up, he turned off all the lights in the apartment and laid down on his bed with his phone in hand. He thought he could hear the distant sounds of fireworks soaring into the air and shattering into a dazzling burst of silver sparks, the same colour as the stars. It was surreal to think about how everyone he knew and the billions of people he didn't know were all living and breathing under the same endless stretch of sky.

The glow of his phone screen on the ceiling looked like moonlight.

[Yoo Joonghyuk]

>> Are you awake?

He didn't even notice he was smiling until he saw his reflection on his phone screen.

Is that a rhetorical question? <<

>> I'm coming over

The thought of Yoo Joonghyuk driving to his place just to spend the half an hour before midnight on Christmas Eve with him was...well. What was the point of doing something like that? There was nothing for him to gain.

Did you get possessed by a dokkaebi? It's 11:30 pm. Go home. <<

>> Open the door when I knock

The knock sounded on his door less than fifteen minutes later. When Kim Dokja opened the door, Yoo Joonghyuk was standing outside in his black coat. 

Kim Dokja finally unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth. "Where's your sister?" he asked, swallowing to balance the dryness of his throat.

"She went to bed." 

"Did you forget your wallet at my apartment or something? Why did you come here this late at night?"

Yoo Joonghyuk took a step closer to him. "Are you not going to let me in?"

"I'm beginning to question your motive for coming here." Despite the retort, Kim Dokja opened the door wide and stepped aside to let Yoo Joonghyuk take off his shoes. Noticing how one of Yoo Joonghyuk's hands remained in his pockets, he asked, "Are you trying to finish the year with your first robbery at knife point?"

The look Yoo Joonghyuk gave him was the perfect blend of exasperation and reluctant acceptance. Feeling invigorated, Kim Dokja followed him as he moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. The moment he sat down beside him, Yoo Joonghyuk turned to him with a solemn look in his eyes.

"Take it." He removed a black box from his pocket and passed it to him. "It’s yours.”

Heart sinking in his chest, Kim Dokja slowly pried the box open. As he expected, there was a watch resting inside the box. Silver stars glimmered faintly on the midnight blue of the clock face like pearls strewn across a velvet curtain. 

I'm really a terrible person, aren't I?

"The owner of the store owed me a favour,” said Yoo Joonghyuk. It was like he had read his mind.

Kim Dokja looked away. "I got you something as well, but it's nowhere near as expensive." He picked up the envelope that was lying on the coffee table and passed it to Yoo Joonghyuk. "There's fifty 1,000 won bills inside, so you can give your sister her allowance more easily. I..."

A warm hand pressed against the curve of his jaw, the tips of its fingers brushing against his sluggish pulse. "Kim Dokja." Somehow, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't look disappointed, only determined. "It's fine."

Their lips met, and Kim Dokja closed his eyes.

For one moment, everything almost seemed alright. But then he opened his eyes again, and the rest of the world was still there. The moving hands of the watch in his palm overlapped for a brief moment before parting once more, like fleeting dreams melting away into rosy-fingered dawn. Nothing ever lasted and no one ever stayed.

"I'm not going to apologize, and you shouldn't either," Kim Dokja said, pushing him away with a gentle hand on his chest. "But let's not do this again."

Yoo Joonghyuk smoothed his thumb over his cheekbone before letting his hand drop back to his side. "Because we're both men?"

"That's not the problem." He tilted the watchface to the side so he couldn't see the stars anymore. "Earlier this year, here was a...woman. And after she left me, I came to realize that I wasn't as interested in being in a relationship as I thought I was."

"So you mean you have someone else," said Yoo Joonghyuk, slipping the envelope into his pocket.

I have someone else. Why did it always seem to come down to this?

"Not in that way, it’s hard to explain."

"You don't have to explain. I understand." Yoo Joonghyuk glanced down at the box sitting between them, his expression unreadable. "Was it Yoo Sangah?"

"It wasn't. You don't know that person."

After a long pause, Yoo Joonghyuk spoke up again. "I don't accept."

"Pardon?"

"I don't accept your excuse."

Even though this was a serious conversation and he was the one being disrespected, Kim Dokja still could not resist cracking a smile. "Yoo Joonghyuk, you can't reject a rejection, it doesn't work that way. And didn't you just say you understood what I meant?"

"I understood, but that doesn't mean I think it's true." 

Their fingers brushed against each other on the couch. "What do you want me to say then?"

"The truth."

Maybe if they had met a few months, a few years, or much, much earlier, things would be different. The silver hands of the watch kept ticking onwards, a silent reminder of all the time the two of them would never see again.

"The truth is, I don't like you as much as you like me,” he lied. When the words left his mouth, it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off his chest. "Is that good enough for you?"

His reflection in Yoo Joonghyuk's clear eyes was still smiling, but the fireworks outside had stopped. There was nothing left in the air but silence.

Yoo Joonghyuk started to stand up, and Kim Dokja grabbed his wrist. "This doesn't change anything between us.”

"Let go." Yoo Joonghyuk tried to shake off his hand, but he only held on tighter. "Kim Dokja," he said in a calm voice. There was no light in his eyes. "You're a fool."

Kim Dokja let go. The front door closed a few seconds later, and he was all alone again, just like he had always been. Slowly, as if not to wake a sleeping man from a peaceful dream, he craned his neck downwards to stare at the watch in his hand.

Midnight had passed.

"Merry Christmas," he said to the empty room.

Chapter Text

[Han Sooyoung]

>> come buy a ferrari with me

>> i'll treat u after

You had me at Ferrari. <<

"I'm getting a red convertible," was the first thing Han Sooyoung said to him when they met up.

"Classy," Kim Dokja replied. "Or rather, that's the furthest thing from classy. But who am I to judge if you want to project the image of a rich asshole to the world?"

She scoffed and pushed open the glass doors of the dealership. "Stop forcing your biased motor vehicle opinions on everyone."

"I'm surprised you even asked me to accompany you--why do you never hold the door open for other people--was Yoo Sangah busy today?"

"Yeah, she's having lunch with her parents." Han Sooyoung raised her eyebrows at him. "You know I would've still asked you to come even if she was free, right?"

"Because you don't trust your own taste?"

"Because you're my best friend and I want you to be here, obviously." Kim Dokja smiled; it was good to know that regardless of how badly he might have messed up with some people, he could never mess up with her. "Do you seriously think I still trust your taste after everything that happened?" she finished.

His smile faded. "You really didn't need to add that second sentence."

The salesman who greeted them was the perfect blend of enthusiastic and professional, even if he did keep making insulting assumptions about the nature of their relationship.

"Does your husband have a specific model in mind?" asked the salesman, nodding at Kim Dokja, who had been trying his best to keep his biased motor vehicle opinions to himself this whole time.

"Not my husband," Han Sooyoung said curtly, crossing her arms over her chest with a frown. "Also, I'm the one making the purchase, so you should direct any inquiries to me."

"...I see." Brushing off the misunderstanding, the salesman launched into another speech about all the great functionalities of the sports car in front of them.

When the salesman left to go retrieve the paperwork for their test drive, Han Sooyoung turned around and elbowed Kim Dokja in the side. "I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm your mistress," she said, making a face. "I guess you're the one who looks more like a rich asshole out of the two of us, hm?"

"I'm just surprised he thinks I look like I can afford a Ferrari."

Han Sooyoung opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.

Kim Dokja gave her a suspicious look. "You were going to say something about Yoo Joonghyuk, weren't you?"

"Of course not," she lied.

Soon, the salesman came back with the paperwork for the test drive, which Han Sooyoung signed with a flourish. They made their way outside to the parking lot, muddy snow crunching beneath their feet, before winding their way through the cars there until they located the right sports car, which was just as red and flashy as she had insisted on.

"Why did you suddenly decide to buy a car?" Kim Dokja asked as he buckled his seatbelt. "You've been fine with public transportation this whole time."

Han Sooyoung revved the engine and pulled out of the parking space with a sharp turn. "I'm just trying to prove to certain people that their chauffeur services are neither desired nor necessary."

"How chivalrous of you," said Kim Dokja, clapping slowly for her. "I'm practically swooning in my seat."

"Shut up."

The pavement that streaked by outside the windows were stained black with the dregs of melting ice, and the frosty crown of winter was still visible in the barren tips of the trees planted by the sides of the roads. 

"Sorry I didn't do more for her," he said.

"You obviously could've done a lot more, but she didn't need you to." Han Sooyoung's eyes didn't leave the windshield. "You letting her use you as an excuse was enough for her to take care of everything else. Besides, what else could you have done? Report Han Myungoh to his own dad? Beat him up in an alleyway?" She snorted. "As if you even could."

"I'm offended by the implication that I can't take Han Myungoh in a fight."

"Can you?"

Kim Dokja pretended to think seriously about it. "Well, I managed to break Yoo Joonghyuk's hand while Han Myungoh can't even lay a finger on him, so yes."

"So I'm not allowed to talk about Yoo Joonghyuk, but you are?" she asked in mock dismay.

"I never said you couldn't talk about him, just that there's no reason for you to."

"I can think of at least one reason." The car slowed to a stop at the red light, and Han Sooyoung turned her face to the side to stare at him. "But I promised I wouldn't bother you about him again, so I won't--"

"I rejected his confession," said Kim Dokja. "That's why we're no longer on speaking terms."

There was a beat of silence.

"Okay, I kind of expected that." Han Sooyoung took a hissing breath in through her teeth as the light above them turned green. The car behind her honked its horn angrily at the delay, and she slammed her foot down on the gas pedal. "So you really did take my advice and tell him, huh," she said once they were past the intersection. "But do you...never mind."

"I know what you're trying to ask," Kim Dokja said lightly. "The answer is yes, I do."

Han Sooyoung looked like the pressure building up in her chest was going to give her a coronary aneurysm. "Why are you being so stubborn about this then?"

"Because I promised myself I was done, remember?"

"That's bullshit," she said in a heated voice. "It's not like you swore an oath that you would never love again lest you be struck down by lightning from the heavens, and even if you did, it's the 21st century. Lightning rods exist." Her eyes suddenly lit up with dawning horror. "Wait, you're not still pining after that catfish, are you?"

Sometimes, Kim Dokja really regretted telling her anything about himself. "The only catfish in that relationship was me," he explained with a patience he did not feel. "And no, I'm not pining after her."

The fact that he never thought about [mia123] anymore really spoke of how fickle and unreliable something like love was. Whenever he was distracted nowadays, he found his thoughts wandering to Yoo Joonghyuk and the look on his face when he had left that night one month ago. After that, Kim Dokja turned down Jung Heewon's invitation to a New Year's celebration to spare them both the awkwardness, and the two of them hadn't messaged each other or met in person ever since.

Han Sooyoung looked like she was still expecting an answer, so he said, "I just don't see how things would work out for us long term. Societal pressures aside, our backgrounds and experiences couldn't be more different--"

"Don't talk to me about fucking homogamy," she groaned. "I heard enough of that from my parents before they disowned me to last me a lifetime."

Han Sooyoung flicked on her blinkers and pulled into the parking lot of the Ferrari dealership. After manoeuvring the car back into its parking space, she turned off the engine. "Do you regret it?" she asked, smoothing her thumb over the metal ridges of the Ferrari logo on the car key. "You can be honest with me."

If the two of them got together, there would be nothing to do except wait for one of them to grow tired of the other and leave. He used to think the person who would leave was Yoo Joonghyuk, but after how easily his feelings for [mia123] had vanished after Christmas Eve, he wasn't sure anymore.

"Is your steering wheel heated?" he suddenly asked.

Han Sooyoung gave him a weird look. "Does it matter?"

"No," said Kim Dokja, smiling, "it doesn't."

After discussing the price at length with the salesman, Han Sooyoung signed the sales agreement and made the purchase. As they walked out the glass doors of the dealership with the metaphorical weight of 300,000,000 won lifted off their shoulders, Han Sooyoung tossed the red car key to him. "Want to give it a spin? I already got the test drive, so you can do the honours."

"I'm good." With a hint of nostalgia, Kim Dokja thought back to the way Yoo Joonghyuk had casually pressed his lips to his forehead when he was leaning across his lap that night after the movie. He probably thought he was being smooth, the idiot. "I've already gotten the urge out of my system," he said, tossing the key back to her.

"It's your loss."

It was his loss, yes.

***

"You skipped the New Year's Eve party, which means you're not allowed to skip the Lunar New Year's Eve party," Jung Heewon said over the phone, voice serious. "Understood?"

"I was ill," said Kim Dokja.

"Don't think you can cough twice into the receiver and I'll believe you like a fool," she snapped. "How many students faking illnesses to get out of gym class do you think I've seen?"

"Do you want an estimate, or...?"

"Just promise me you'll show up, Kim Dokja."

"Fine, I'll show up," he repeated dutifully. "6 pm at your place just like last time, right?"

Jung Heewon nonchalantly passed on the terrible news to him. "Actually, Yoo Joonghyuk's hosting this time."

While he was mentally prepared to see Yoo Joonghyuk again (and perhaps even looked forward to it), the thought of meeting Yoo Mia post-rejection of her brother was horrifying. To think he had been doing so well thus far in the 'not disappointing any children' department... "Actually, I think I have a dentist appointment--"

"That's one of the worst excuses I've ever heard from you. What kind of dentist works on Lunar New Year's Eve?"

"You never know."

"If you don't come, I will personally pay your apartment a visit and break your phone in two," said Jung Heewon. After a pause, she added, "Was your fight with Yoo Joonghyuk that bad?"

"What do you mean?" he asked slowly. 

"When you didn't show up last time, Yoo Joonghyuk said it was because you didn't want to see him," Jung Heewon continued in that same casual voice. "I bet he hasn't apologized to you yet for whatever he said, right? That stubborn asshole..."

It was a good thing they weren't face to face right now, because Kim Dokja wasn't sure what sort of expression he currently had on his face. Sure, Yoo Joonghyuk was an asshole and plenty stubborn, but he was also someone who always cared for the people he loved in his own emotionally constipated way, even when they didn't deserve it. Kim Dokja was only avoiding Yoo Joonghyuk in the first place because he thought he would prefer if he didn't appear before his eyes, and it seemed as if he had assumed incorrectly.

"We didn't fight, and he doesn't need to apologize for anything," he told her. "And don't worry, I'll show up."

***

While Kim Dokja had been actively avoiding Yoo Joonghyuk, he had also been subconsciously avoiding Shin Yoosung out of trepidation. He wasn't sure how much Yoo Mia knew about her brother’s love life and how much of that information she would pass on to her best friend, and he also wasn't looking forward to finding out how low the child's opinion was of him now. 

His seclusion finally ended on a Tuesday night when Shin Yoosung showed up in front of his door. "Ahjussi, can I play a game on your computer?" she asked, staring up at him with a carefully constructed look of innocence. "My dad's using his for work right now."

"Sure." Kim Dokja took a step back to let her in. "It's low on battery though, so you should take the charger with you."

"That's okay, I don't need to take it with me. I'll be quick." Kicking off her shoes and sliding her feet into the pair of slippers he had bought just for her, Shin Yoosung bounded towards the kitchen table with a bounce in her step. "This annoying guy in my class needs some crystals to enhance his weapon, so I have to get them for him," she explained with an eye roll as she waited patiently for him to close his incriminating browser windows. 

"That's very noble of you," said Kim Dokja. "Are you sure you don't want to take the laptop back with you? My internet speed isn't the greatest, so your download might take a while."

"I don't need to download anything." Shin Yoosung navigated to the start menu, where she clicked on an icon he had nearly forgotten about. "I already updated it to the latest patch the last time I borrowed your computer. Do you still play this game, ahjussi?"

Concealing his surprise, Kim Dokja watched as the familiar sights of that one bewildering month of summer loaded up in front of his eyes. "Is this the game your class is playing?"

"Yep." Shin Yoosung beamed at him. "By the way, can I add you in-game?"

"I don't play anymore, unfortunately. I was only doing it as a favour for a friend."

"Well, let me know if you change your mind!"

The login page appeared onscreen, and Shin Yoosung blithely typed in her password while Kim Dokja concentrated his gaze on the ceiling out of respect for her privacy. He thought he had uninstalled the game a long time ago, but apparently not. When he looked back at the computer screen, her avatar was standing in the middle of a grassy field, its cat ears wiggling in the unseen breeze.

"Is that--" His voice died in his throat as he saw the white characters floating over her head spell out a familiar name: [mia123].

In that moment, countless thoughts swept through his mind like a thunderstorm: Mia saying she was 40 years old and that she had a little brother, and how he had felt like some part of that was a lie; her turning him down because she already had someone; her overwhelming dedication to racing through the levels, almost as if she had a deadline to meet or a promise to keep; combined with the fact that it was normal for housewives to spend their free time online, and video games were rising in popularity amongst all age groups--

Everything condensed into a bone-chilling conclusion. Did I accidentally try to destroy Shin Yoosung's parents' marriage? He almost couldn't tell what was worse: having to face Yoo Mia again after getting blacklisted for rejecting her brother, or talking to Shin Yoosung about the game that almost made him into a homewrecker.

"Ahjussi?" Shin Yoosung's clear voice interrupted his thoughts. Tilting her head to the side, she blinked at him curiously.

Kim Dokja cleared his throat. "Is this your account, Yoosung?" he asked lightly.

Thankfully, her reply wasn't the one he was bracing himself for. "No, this isn't my account." Kim Dokja's heart had nearly settled back into his chest when he heard her next words. "It's Yoo Mia's, I'm just logging in to get the crystals from her storage room for Lee Gilyoung. I usually play as a Summoner, not a Blade Dancer..."

His heart rate had gone on a rollercoaster in the past few minutes, and by now, the news that Yoo Mia was the real owner of the account--and the implication of that ownership--was not nearly as bewildering as it could have been.

"Last summer," He could feel his lips moving, but the words coming out of his mouth felt distant from him, as if he were playing a lagging video game, "was Yoo Mia not allowed to play the game or something?"

"Yeah, she was grounded. How did you know?"

"...How many siblings does Yoo Mia have again?" he tried out of desperation.

"Only one. A brother," said Shin Yoosung. "Why do you want to know?"

Well. That explained who the [mia123] he talked to was, once and for all. On one hand, he was no longer a wannabe homewrecker, but on the other hand, this meant that the only person he had ever gotten rejected by and the only person he had ever rejected were one and the same.

Chapter Text

Kim Dokja didn't know why he didn't make the connection earlier. Yoo 'Mia' and 'mia'123, Yoo Joonghyuk and being unnecessarily rude over text...the signs were all there for him to see. Still, it really wasn’t his fault for not making the connection when there were so many confusing factors like the cat ears thing and the whole not correcting him when he called him unnie thing. Seriously, what was that puny brain of Yoo Joonghyuk’s even thinking?

Looking back at the events of that mirage-like summer now with a critical eye, he doubted if he were ever truly in love with [mia123]. His irrational infatuation with [mia123] was caused by the void in his life last summer, when he subconsciously wanted somewhere to escape to. [mia123] represented an ideal that he wanted to live up to--even though she was all alone in the world just like him, she still approached everything with single-minded determination and a seemingly endless reserve of hope. What had drawn him to her initially were the few similarities they shared between them, and the feeling that she might understand him if he ever told her everything. In the lonely existence that was an adult’s world, finding someone you could truly connect with was a rarity, which was why it was so important for him to hold onto those he had found. 

If meeting [mia123] was statistically unlikely, then meeting Yoo Joonghyuk, getting to know him, spending lunches and weekends together, teasing him just to try to see him flustered, seeing his smile aimed solely at him—could probably be considered a modern day miracle. In many ways, Yoo Joonghyuk was a reflection of his own self. Like two birds hiding from the rain together, they found each other in the midst of this bustling, indifferent world. 

When his eyes were on him, he didn't need to think about anything else.

***

"Take off your shoes," said Yoo Joonghyuk.

"I know." The tension bled out of Kim Dokja's shoulders after he snuck a glance at Yoo Joonghyuk's face and didn't find any anger there. Not that Yoo Joonghyuk being mad at him was scary or anything he couldn't handle, but it would be easier on all of them if they remained civil tonight. "Here, I brought drinks."

Their fingertips brushed against each other as Yoo Joonghyuk took the plastic bag from him with a light nod. After Kim Dokja finished arranging his shoes beside the other pairs at the front door, he looked up and accidentally met his gaze head-on.

"I heard," Yoo Joonghyuk started, as if he were choosing every word carefully, "that you quit your job."

"My contract ended, but I don't mind if people assume I quit on my terms as a final Fuck You."

"Was it that interview?"

Even without saying it explicitly, Kim Dokja still understood which one he was referring to. "No, it's a different company. But thanks again for giving me a ride so I didn't embarrass myself in front of the interviewers that day."

"Aren't you always embarrassing?"

A month had passed since they last spoke to each other, yet somehow, he had not lost the ability to make Yoo Joonghyuk smile. "How hypocritical of you to say that when you're the one with the chuuni titles, O Supreme King."

Before Yoo Joonghyuk could reply, there was the sound of pattering footsteps and Yoo Mia rounded the corner. "Oppa, the pot is boiling. Do we add the chicken now?"

"I'll go check on it."

Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze swept over Kim Dokja one last time before he turned around and headed to the kitchen, leaving Yoo Mia and Kim Dokja to stare at each other in awkward silence.

After a while, Yoo Mia gave him a curt nod of acknowledgement. "It's been a while, ahjussi."

"Yes," said Kim Dokja. "It really has been."

"Why are you late?" was the first thing Han Sooyoung said to him when he showed up in the living room. She, Yoo Sangah, and Jung Heewon were lounging on the couches in front of the TV like a pack of lazy leopards.

Kim Dokja sat down next to Jung Heewon, who obligingly moved her legs to make room for him. "Someone as unpunctual as you has no right to say that about others." 

"Whatever. Now that Kim Dokja is finally here, let's watch an idol show so we can make fun of the shitty singing."

"No, we're not going to do that," said Jung Heewon.

"Why not?"

"Because that's a waste of my time."

"How do you live life without any enjoyment, Jung Heewon?"

"Why don't we put a concert on as background music while we chat?" Yoo Sangah suggested.

"Actually, pass me the remote, I just remembered a show we can watch."

"Don't put on anything inappropriate, there are children present."

"Do I look like that kind of person to you?"

As Han Sooyoung navigated to the list of TV shows, Kim Dokja turned to Jung Heewon and asked in as casual a voice he could muster, "Should one of us go lend Yoo Joonghyuk a hand in the kitchen?"

"See, this is why I said we should order takeout." Jung Heewon ran her free hand through her hair in frustration. "You either end up feeling bad for not helping Yoo Joonghyuk cook, or you feel bad because you have to cook for hours on Lunar New Year's Eve. There's literally no winning in this situation."

"I never feel bad for not helping Yoo Joonghyuk," Han Sooyoung chimed in, eyes not leaving the TV screen.

"That's because you don't have a heart."

"Seolhwa-ssi and his sister are already helping him out," said Yoo Sangah. She didn't seem to mind the fact that Han Sooyoung's legs were stretched out on her lap, even though Kim Dokja would have mentally wrinkled his nose at the proximity of Han Sooyoung's socked feet to his face. "I offered to wash the dishes after dinner in return. You could help out with that, if you don't mind?"

In retrospect, he should have realized Lee Seolhwa would also be here. "Sure." Kim Dokja pretended not to notice Han Sooyoung's meaningful stare and got to his feet. "I just remembered I need to use the bathroom," he announced.

"We don't need to know about your bodily functions."

The walls left shadows on the hardwood floor in the hallway where the light did not reach. As Kim Dokja walked away from the noisy warmth of the living room, everything, including his heartbeat in his chest, seemed to get quieter all at once. He found himself unwillingly drawn to the golden light pouring through white archway leading to the kitchen, and as he drew nearer, the sounds of laughter coming from it grew more and more distinct.

Kim Dokja stopped in his tracks. Lee Seolhwa, Yoo Mia, and Yoo Joonghyuk were standing by the stovetop, their heads bent over the simmering pot of soup sitting there. He couldn't make out what exactly they were saying, but the faint smile on Yoo Joonghyuk's face looked crystal clear in the rising steam.

Standing in the darkness and watching them stand in the light, he could not scratch the feeling of having played an extra in someone else's life. He was nothing but an interlude in the protagonist's tumultuous romantic arc, a wrong turn before he arrived at his happily ever after. As the female lead and the male lead got up on stage for the final encore, the court jester drew back into the curtains and left alone. Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk had waited countless days and nights to meet again, which meant that by all accounts, they deserved to be together.

Kim Dokja silently backed out of the kitchen only to nearly bump into Han Sooyoung, who was holding a half-empty glass of orange juice in her hand. "Why are you lurking in the shadows like some kind of voyeur?" he asked, hiding his surprise.

He got an obnoxiously loud slurp in response. "You know, I've seen this trope before," she said around the straw in her mouth. "Person A confesses to Person B and Person B rejects them, then afterwards Person B regrets it but Person A has already moved on, cue jealousy shenanigans and a time skip, etcetera, etcetera."

"Be quiet, Han Sooyoung."

While his situation did seem distressingly similar to that godforsaken trope, there was one crucial difference: he was never going to beg Yoo Joonghyuk to give him another chance. He had more dignity than that--not a lot more, but enough.

***

The days went by one after the other as Spring melted into Summer, Summer into Fall, Fall into Winter, and Winter back into Spring. He said goodbye to Yoo Sangah and the others at MinoSoft and started his new job at a new company. Work was tedious but still fulfilling on some level, and it was easy to fall into the mundane routine of everyday life. In the end, that's all he was: an average person working an average job and living an average life, yet even someone as painfully average as him had once held a star in his hands. He never thought about him during the day when he was busy with work, but whenever he woke up in the middle of the night just before dawn broke over the Seoul skyline, he would feel a certain hollowness in his chest, as if he were missing a lung.

It took 28 days to form a habit, and who knew how long to break one. Eventually, though, everyone forgot. It was only a matter of time.

Time passed. The cars outside his apartment window came and went as they cycled through the seasons. Kim Dokja spent the night he turned 32 years old alone in his apartment. Han Sooyoung was on a trip overseas with Yoo Sangah, and Jung Heewon was spending the few vacation days Lee Hyunsung had with him. As he scrolled through the birthday wishes he received on his phone, he suddenly came across a conversation that happened a long time ago.

When he closed his eyes, he could still hear the faint echo of his voice in his ears. You're a fool, Kim Dokja.

Kim Dokja didn't know what prompted him to send a message to Yoo Joonghyuk after so many years of no contact between them; maybe it was the familiar way the moon was hanging in the sky, or how the constellations just managed to align that night, or the right combination of the temperature outside and the wind rattling his window panes. Or maybe it was because deep down inside, he didn't want to forget.

After exchanging a few hesitant messages back and forth the next morning, the two of them agreed to grab coffee together later that week. Kim Dokja spent the days leading up to their reunion trying his best not to think about it and failing. When he finally laid eyes on Yoo Joonghyuk outside the coffeeshop on that fateful morning, he had already turned over possible scenarios in his head a million times.

Yoo Joonghyuk looked...different. Something about the way his aura had mellowed out over time and the way he held himself in his seat made him nearly unrecognizable to Kim Dokja. They were two strangers meeting for the first time when they sat down at the table together, their gazes never entwining.

"How have you been?" he asked, smoothing his finger over the rim of his coffee cup.

"Fine."

Kim Dokja was suddenly hit with the feeling that he was far too late to change anything. Everything he should have said had long since rotted away in the silences between the years that had passed, and now there was nothing left to say.

He opened his mouth again. "I want to apologize for my past behaviour." The silver ring on Yoo Joonghyuk's fourth finger glimmered gently under the sunlight, a reminder of the oath of forever he could never give him. "Do you forgive me?" he found himself asking.

Time slowed to a crawl, then stopped.

"There's nothing to forgive," said Yoo Joonghyuk. "I've already moved on."

The sunlight shining through the glass windows of the coffee shop felt like frost on his skin. There was nothing left now, no promises, no possibility of a future together, nothing to say, and nothing to forgive. 

He wasn't sure how much time passed. When he looked up again, Yoo Joonghyuk was gone, and he was alone with nothing but the cooling cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him. He picked it up and took a sip, swallowing down the bitterness without another word. 

There was the deafening sound of fireworks going off outside as he got up and walked out of the coffeeshop. The golden tails of the soaring fireworks shimmered around him like arcs of lightning raining down from the sky and scorching the earth beneath his feet. He heard someone calling his name, but when he turned around, all he could see was the image of Yoo Joonghyuk's retreating back disappearing into the crowd of faceless strangers. Above them and all the people around them, the fireworks were still ongoing--

Kim Dokja's eyes snapped open. Cold sweat trickled down his neck as he sat up in bed, his hands tightly fisted in his covers. It took a while for the realization that everything had been a dream to fully trickle through his mental barriers, and by the time his heart rate and breathing settled back to normal, his mind was made up.

Screw being an extra, he thought vehemently, I want to be the protagonist.

***

[ How to apologize to your ex ]

[ How to ask your ex girlfriend for another chance ]

[ How do you tell someone you rejected that you changed your mind ]

[ How to grovel ] 

After a pause, Kim Dokja pressed the backspace key and erased the last sentence from view. Even if he did plan to make amends with Yoo Joonghyuk, he wasn't going to grovel in front of him--he did have some pride.

Before he could set his plans into motion, he had one more thing he needed to double-check, just to make sure he wouldn't be making a total fool out of himself. Calling Jung Heewon to ask a seemingly insignificant question would be a dead giveaway about how much he actually cared about the answer, so he messaged her instead. This way, the medium of text would be able to obfuscate just how much he cared about the subject. He eased her into the conversation with a few light-hearted jokes at Han Sooyoung's expense, then casually directed her towards the question he actually wanted to ask.

Speaking of last weekend, I was surprised to see Lee Seolhwa there. Did you invite her?<<

>> Yeah

Good, so she wasn't there as the co-host of Yoo Joonghyuk's party.

You didn't invite her in another strange attempt at matchmaking, did you? <<

>> I already told you I wouldn't do it again

This was his chance to make his move.

Have you considered setting her up with someone else? <<

>> Who

A certain grumpy sunfish with a resting bitch face, of course. <<

>> Sunfish? You mean Yoo Joonghyuk?

Yes. <<

>> Just use his name like the rest of us

It's a derogatory term reserved for him. <<

>> Why would I set her up with him

Because they're clearly ex lovers? <<

>> ? I couldn't tell

Kim Dokja personally thought it was quite obvious there was some unresolved sexual tension between Lee Seolhwa and Yoo Joonghyuk last weekend, and was surprised to find out Jung Heewon hadn't even noticed. But then again, it had only been a month since the Confession, and most people as stubborn as Yoo Joonghyuk was wouldn't have been able to move on in such a short period of time. Unless it's a rebound?  He dismissed the thought almost as quickly as it appeared; Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't that type of person, and even thinking about something like this was disrespectful towards Lee Seolhwa.

Despite not trusting someone as dense as Jung Heewon's opinion, he still decided to ask for her input on the subject.

Do you think they've rekindled their fiery romance? <<

The answer he received was very typical of Jung Heewon.

>> Why are you asking me? Ask Yoo Joonghyuk himself

That would ruin the appeal of gossiping about someone behind their back. <<

>> Go message Han Sooyoung if you want to gossip

Fair point. <<

Just kidding, there was no way in hell he was going to let Han Sooyoung know about any of this because she'd never let him live it down, and he would rather die than suffer the jokes she would make at his expense. This time, he was on his own.

How expensive were flower baskets, anyway?

Chapter Text

The air was filled with the aroma of frothed milk and freshly brewed coffee as the coffee machine hummed in the background. It was an almost soothing sound, though Kim Dokja supposed everything must look rose-coloured when you were about to get the fuck out of here.

"I can't believe today's your last day at the office," Yoo Sangah said in a wistful voice. She idly brushed her fingers around the rim of her cup. "I'll miss our lunches together."

"I'm sure we'll see each other around all the time."

"Of course."

"By the way, I never asked; is Han Myungoh still bothering you?"

"Nope. I guess he realized I'm already in a relationship."

They exchanged a smile. "Oh," she suddenly exclaimed, looking down at her phone. "Sooyoung's messaging the group chat."

Kim Dokja took a strategic sip of his water to hide his reaction. "Hopefully she's not harassing Yoo Joonghyuk again."

Good, that sounded natural.

"She's just asking him about his match this Saturday." Which was probably a vast understatement of what Han Sooyoung actually said. "I've wanted to see his team play ever since you gave me his autograph, and the new season's starting this week."

"Are you going to see the game?"

"Unfortunately not, I already made plans with my parents," said Yoo Sangah. Her perfectly innocent smile seemed to widen as she added, "I wonder if Joonghyuk-ssi has ever invited anyone to his games. It would be nice to know there's someone in the audience supporting you, wouldn't it?"

He has Lee Seolhwa. Probably. Possibly.

...Hopefully not. 

"Right," he said instead. "I have to go pack my things now, I'll see you later."

"See you."

Deputy Yoon frowned at him when he brushed past him in the hallway on his way back to his seat. "Where were you?"

"That's none of your business," he said smoothly.

***

Except Yoo Joonghyuk's continued happiness was his business now, the possible situation with Lee Seolhwa notwithstanding, which was how Kim Dokja found himself seated between two strangers in a darkened arena as stage lights washed over them. Sadly, he had too much dignity to bring flowers to an esports event, but judging by the flashy neon signs everyone was holding up around him, he probably wouldn't have looked out of place. 

In the end, Yoo Joonghyuk barely showed up onstage at all. He appeared briefly at the start of each game, standing behind the players' seats and talking rather animatedly for someone with no control over their facial muscles, but other than that, he wasn't really present. Perhaps he should've just called him and asked to meet up like a regular, non-emotionally constipated person instead of lurking in the back of the stadium and watching him from afar like some kind of pathetic stalker fan. But Yoo Joonghyuk's ass did look very nice in the suit he wore today, so overall it wasn't much of a loss.

As he sat amongst the faceless crowd, listening to the deafening cheers around him and watching the golden light pour down onto the stage, he finally found himself at peace. All this time, he had thought of [mia123] as a mistake, one that strengthened his resolve to never strive for things he could never obtain, things beyond his grasp. He could long for them, sure, but he would never sacrifice himself. It was not a matter of self-confidence, but rather self-preservation.

But now, even though he was still very aware of the distance between the two of them, there was a simpler, warmer feeling eclipsing it--the desire to stay by his side.

And for the first time since that fateful night, Kim Dokja let himself want again.

Yoo Joonghyuk's team was the last match of the day, and once they had claimed their victory and exited the stage, Kim Dokja found himself stepping out into the wintery night with the rest of the audience, the light snow crunching noisily under the irregular beat of their shoes. Ignoring the dirty looks from the people walking behind him, he stopped in his tracks underneath a nearby streetlight with his phone in hand.

Congratulations on your win, he typed out with fingers numb from the cold. He quickly pressed 'Send' before he could change his mind, and slipped his phone back into his pocket--

--Only to pull it out again a minute later when it began ringing uncontrollably. Kim Dokja stared at the familiar characters of Yoo Joonghyuk's name for a long, hard second. You're not supposed to call someone when they text you. There's a reason why they chose that specific communication channel, he thought ruefully. But then again, Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't exactly known for his social graces. 

The silver band of his watch glowed like a beacon around his wrist, a stark contrast to the superficial reluctance he convinced himself he was feeling. In the end, he didn't put up any resistance. 

There was nothing but the sound of wheels gliding over pavement and the low rumble of a distant engine on the other end of the line when he lifted his phone to his ear. "Hello?"

Yoo Joonghyuk's voice sounded calm, at least on the surface. "Don't you have something to say?"

"Just congratulations about your game. Your team played well." The night sky above him was an inky blue, but Kim Dokja thought he could make out the stars in the distance, glimmering faintly like pearls strewn across velvet. "Why did you call me?"

"I'm driving. I can't respond to messages."

Then don't respond until you get home, thought Kim Dokja, even as his hand tightened around his phone and his eyes brightened in realization. "What a model citizen you are, Yoo Joonghyuk."

He regretted his words the moment they left his mouth and braced himself for a scathing retort, something like 'That's none of your business' or 'You don't know me' or 'Don't contact me again', but nothing of the sort came. Instead, he heard Yoo Joonghyuk exhale lightly, almost like he huffed out a laugh. "Are you at the stadium?" 

It was tempting to say no, but even he couldn't do something as dumb as pretending he wasn't standing outside in the February cold right now. That would be some serious, scraping the bottom of the romance barrel webnovel level bullshit misunderstanding. "Yes."

"So you came to watch my game today."

The lie came as easily as breathing. "I came to further my knowledge of the field of electronic sports," Kim Dokja corrected. "Being a member of the terminally online community, I thought it would be interesting to experience something like this at least once."

For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of the passing wind on Yoo Joonghyuk's end. Then, quieter, "Is that all you have to say?"

His first instinct was to deny his feelings, once again. Everything was so much easier when he pretended he didn't truly care about anything--not Yoo Joonghyuk, not a catgirl he accidentally spilled his heart to, not his mother sitting in a jail cell he hadn't visited in years or the things they wrote on his desk at school or going back to his apartment at the end of every day only to realize he was almost thirty and stagnating in a room he couldn't call home, because home was dead and buried. Desire fueled disappointment, and disappointment was the constant shadow hanging over everything he said and did. Disappointed with everyone who left. Disappointed with how his life turned out. Disappointed with himself. 

"Well?" asked Yoo Joonghyuk, sounding impatient.

Kim Dokja looked down at the stars sitting on his wrist and the moving hands on the watch face that ran around and around in endless circles, just like him and Yoo Joonghyuk. There are some desires worth chasing after, he thought, and let himself smile. "Well what?"

"I asked you a question."

Kim Dokja exhaled. "I came to see you," he finally admitted.

The warm puff of his breath billowed out as a cloud, floating serenely through the night air. Worse comes to worst, he could just get drunk with Han Sooyoung again. It wasn't as if he hadn't been rejected by Yoo Joonghyuk before, even if the current Yoo Joonghyuk wasn't a 2D catgirl he was trying very hard to pretend he didn't like as much as he did. With that in mind, those words weren't nearly as hard to say out loud as he thought they would be--

"Why?"

...This heartless bastard. Did he want him to cut out his heart and lay it on the ground at his feet or something? One rejection for one rejection, they were supposed to be even. Kim Dokja opened his mouth to say something obnoxious and potentially incendiary back, then paused when he remembered his search the other day.

[ How to grovel ]

He switched his phone into his other hand. "To see if there were any ladies cheering for you in the audience," he said, feigning nonchalance. "There were quite a few as expected, though none of them appeared to be of the surname Lee and in the medical profession."

"Kim Dokja." Now the familiar disgruntled roughness was back in Yoo Joonghyuk's voice, and Kim Dokja had never realized how endearing he had found it until now. "What the hell are you going on about?"

"My competition, of course." The sentence seemed to shock Yoo Joonghyuk into silence, which he took as a positive sign to continue. "Assuming you and Lee Seolhwa aren't dating..."

"We're not," Yoo Joonghyuk said quickly. A little too quickly.

"I see." Kim Dokja struggled to keep the corners of his mouth down. He was about to reply when a car horn blared right behind him. He turned around to frown at the raucous driver disapprovingly (just to make a point), and met Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes through the tinted windshield.

Yoo Joonghyuk rolled down the passenger-side window. "Get in the car," he ordered. His voice echoed back to Kim Dokja through the speakers on his phone, tinny but no less intimidating.

Not that Kim Dokja would ever be intimidated by a man who broke his hand on a wall. "You didn't need to come."

"Are you going to get in or not?"

Kim Dokja got in. He could never turn down a ride in a car this nice, even if his chauffeur's attitude needed some serious work. But to his surprise, Yoo Joonghyuk didn't immediately start the car. Instead, he turned the engine off . And then he locked the doors.

"You're going to get a parking ticket," said Kim Dokja, because he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation yet.

Yoo Joonghyuk didn't respond, but his side profile did look significantly more unimpressed. 

This was all Yoo Joonghyuk's fault, really. Calling him when he just wanted to text, showing up by the side of the road when he was perfectly content with talking over the phone...everything seemed to be going Yoo Joonghyuk's way, all of a sudden.

And what's so wrong about letting him have his way? 

Nothing, Kim Dokja begrudged. Although I do like his sulky face better than his smug one.

"You're wearing the watch."

Kim Dokja traced the direction of Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze to his wrist, where the midnight blue of the watch face sat nestled against his skin like a fragment of the sky. "Do you want to take it back?" he asked carefully.

Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes flickered upwards to his face and stayed there, steady and unyielding. "I said it was yours," he replied. "So keep it."

"I will." Kim Dokja hastily averted his gaze, willing his heart to stop racing in his chest to no avail. "By the way, there's one more thing I'm curious about," he said. "Would you have contacted me if I didn't contact you first?"

"What do you think?"

The realization that there were people out there that never gave up on him, even when he didn't deserve it, was one that never failed to amaze him. There was nothing he could offer them that they didn't already have, and yet they stayed with him and kept staying, even after most people would have left.

"You know," Kim Dokja let out a shaky laugh, "if I had known we were going to meet today, I would've bought you flowers."

It was hard to describe the complicated look on Yoo Joonghyuk's face. "Flowers," he repeated, the corners of his mouth twitching.

If this was a test, Kim Dokja was ready to ace it. "Yellow roses, to be exact," he said with a straight face, "as a representation of my sincerest apologies."

The amorphous expression on Yoo Joonghyuk's face solidified into something like an amused grimace. "I don't need them."     

"Which makes them even better."

Yoo Joonghyuk's gaze dropped from Kim Dokja's eyes to his lips, then to the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. Somehow over the course of their conversation, the distance between them had slowly decreased, until they were sitting so close together now that he could feel the heat of Yoo Joonghyuk's breath against the shell of his ear.

Kim Dokja pulled away from him. "I missed your car," he suddenly said as he reached for his seatbelt. It fell into place with a click. "The heated seats are especially nice during winter. And more useful than the steering wheel, considering you already wear gloves."

Yoo Joonghyuk stared at him for a long, hard moment before he fastened his own seatbelt and started up the engine. They turned onto the open road, the streetlights coursing past them as they left the darkness behind.

Kim Dokja tilted his head to the side to stare at the way the light outside glanced off the slope of Yoo Joonghyuk's nose, the curve of his lashes, and the relaxed expression on his face. "That time at Christmas and that time before, when I parked your car," he began, "did you kiss me because you thought we were dating this whole time?"

It was the only reasonable conclusion he had come to during those sleepless nights spent alone in bed, turning over the broken pieces of their relationship in his head and trying to convince himself he still had a chance.

At the sound of those words, Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulders tensed and he straightened up in his seat, gaze fixed stubbornly on the road in front of him. "Does it matter?"

Kim Dokja took it as the confirmation it was, and had to muffle his grin in the palm of his hand. Only for my pride. "Not really. I was just curious."

Now that he thought about it, there was in fact nothing platonic in sharing a scarf with your male friend and helping him raise his sister and going on dates every single damn week. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never actually made an official confession tonight; he had told the obstinate catgirl version of Yoo Joonghyuk that he liked her, of course, but that wasn't nearly the same, nor was it something he was ready to get into yet.

Not that he needs his ego stroked any further, when it's already too big for his head. Kim Dokja glanced over at Yoo Joonghyuk, whose shoulders were slightly tense in the way that meant he was mentally berating himself for something. Knowing him, it was probably the two mistaken kisses he brought up earlier.

Something tender and bright unfurled itself in his stomach at the sight, and all of his pride and pretenses melted away in its light. Although he did like his sulky face more than his smug one, he liked his smile far more than either.  

"I don't think I ever said this, but I like you," said Kim Dokja. He took a deep breath in and smiled. "And, well, I missed you."

Beside him, the tension bled out of Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulders, and his small frown was replaced by an unbearably smug twist of his lips. Kim Dokja wanted to punch him. Or grab his collar and kiss it off his face.

"I am aware," said Yoo Joonghyuk, because he couldn't resist being an asshole any more than Kim Dokja could resist teasing him.

"Less than I missed your car, though."

"Hm."

"It really is a nice car."

"I don't need you to tell me that."

"Hey, I'm trying to compliment you."

The rest of the drive passed without much fanfare--

("So you watched me struggle for 10 minutes to parallel park last time and never told me your car could do it automatically?"

"You never asked."

"I’ll ask now: do you know that you're an asshole, Yoo Joonghyuk?")

--and soon they were sitting in a parked car at the foot of Kim Dokja's apartment with nothing but the quiet sounds of their breaths carving through the air between them. 

He cleared his throat. "If I asked to kiss you right now," he said to Yoo Joonghyuk's reflection in the window, "what would your answer be?" Silence. When Kim Dokja snuck a look at him, there was a hint of a smile in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes. "Is that a yes?"

"It never changed."

"What?"

"My answer."

Kim Dokja’s heart lurched painfully in his chest. “Just like how my love for your car never chan--”

The rest of his sentence was cut off by the punishingly painful crash of Yoo Joonghyuk’s lips to his. Well, he mused as a rough hand tangled itself in his hair and pulled him closer, I definitely deserved that.

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and Kim Dokja was ready to come clean. But first, he needed to satisfy his own curiosity.

"Are you and Yoo Sangah officially dating now?" 

"It's complicated."

Kim Dokja took a pointed sip of his instant coffee, which Han Sooyoung had stuck in his hands when he got to her apartment. "Define complicated."

"Ugh. What are you, my uncle? But yeah, we're dating," she said with a proud twist of her lips. "She's still trying to figure out some stuff with her family, though."

"I see. I'm happy for you."

"Ugh, stop." She rubbed her palms over her arms in an exaggerated shiver even as a faint flush crawled up her neck. "You're grossing me out with the big brother act."

"It's okay to admit you're embarrassed," said Kim Dokja, smiling into his cup.

"I'm not embarrassed," she shot back. "I'm disappointed because I'm not allowed to talk about your love life, which is a lot funnier than mine."

"I don't find your love life funny."

"Okay, but I find yours hilarious."

"Can you just let me be supportive?" Kim Dokja asked. He eyed the ceiling fan hovering above them with a frown, before letting his gaze slide down to Han Sooyoung's furrowed brows and pinched expression. "I want to know how things are going because I care--" About you. "--about how your confession went after I gave you my expert advice, free of charge even."

"You mean your little spiel about how she likes me back? That barely counts as advice."

Critical hit. Kim Dokja clutched painfully at the bullet wound in his chest as his pride bled out onto the kitchen table. "Duly noted." The instant coffee tasted bitter on his tongue as he tried to drink his woes away. "In retrospect, it was quite obvious you two were official from the way she let you put your feet in her lap that one time."

Han Sooyoung arched an eyebrow. "What are you trying to imply about my feet?"

"Nothing. Just that I would never willingly touch them with any part of my body."

"Shut up, Kim Dokja."

Now was a good time to change the subject before he dug himself even deeper into his grave; he didn't want to die yet, not after he finally managed to net himself an emotionally constipated sunfish. "Did Yoo Sangah ever tell you about that time she thought you were coming to lunch with us, but it was actually Yoo Joonghyuk? She seemed quite disappointed to see him."

"Anyone would be disappointed to see Yoo Joonghyuk at lunch."

"Well." Maybe not everyone.

Kim Dokja had hoped this mention of Yoo Joonghyuk would prompt her to ask him about their current relationship status, which would lead smoothly into his admission that they had finally resolved their unresolved sexual tension. But unluckily for him, Han Sooyoung seemed to have no such curiosity, which meant he would have to awkwardly announce it himself. "Are you not going to ask why I suddenly brought Yoo Joonghyuk up?" he tried one last time.

That really set her off. "No, I'm not going to ask you about him because you're an adult who can make his own choices, even if they're stupid choices," she ranted with such force that Kim Dokja had to lean back in his chair to dodge the metaphorical artillery. "I've said all that I've could and I don't want to hear about catgirls or your stupid relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk ever again. Go see a therapist if you need to and stop screwing your own happiness over--"

"We're dating now," he interrupted before she could pop a vessel and hurt herself.

"...What?"

"I'm dating Yoo Joonghyuk. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Huh," she said, the tension in her shoulders fading bit by bit. "Okay. Wow." She sucked in a sharp breath and let out a whistle. "You actually pulled yourself together and confessed."

"I didn't confess," said Kim Dokja, unconvincingly. "I merely informed him that I had changed my mind about his prior confession. As expected, he was receptive to the idea, so now we're together."

Han Sooyoung just stared at him. And kept staring at him. And kept staring at him. And-- "Are you trying to get me to say he's whipped for you so you can feel less insecure or something?"

"No."

"Good, because you're the one who's whipped," she announced with all the glee of someone who finally had something to hold over him.

"I disrespectfully disagree."

Her grin only widened. "Were you ready to grovel for him to take you back?"

"I would rather die than grovel."

"So how did you do it? Did you bribe his sister? Buy him flowers? Write him an apology letter? Give him a blowjob in the back of his--"

In spite of Han Sooyoung's willful ignorance and offensive immaturity, it was still a beautiful Saturday morning.

***

It was Saturday afternoon, and Yoo Joonghyuk was finally ready to inform his sister about the latest development in his life. 

"I have something I wanted to tell you," he began. 

In the chair beside him, Kim Dokja looked like he was deriving far too much enjoyment than what was necessarily polite from his struggling.

"Recently, I have--"

"Do you have leukemia?" Yoo Mia asked in a hushed whisper, holding her hand over her mouth. "The protagonists always get leukemia in the movies."

"No," said Yoo Joonghyuk. The bastard beside him had the gall to look sympathetic. "I do not."

"Your brother and I are dating," Kim Dokja finished for him, "which is hopefully better news than leukemia."

If anything, Yoo Mia looked even more shocked than she had when she thought he had cancer. "You're dating him?" she demanded, eyes wide.

From the reception he was getting, one would think he had announced he decided to quit his job to become a self-employed domestic terrorist. Astronaut. "Yes," Yoo Joonghyuk begrudgingly admitted.

"You can do better, oppa."

Kim Dokja beamed. "I agree. What?" he asked innocently when Yoo Joonghyuk glared at him.

"Yoosung said you liked him the other day but I didn't believe her. I guess this means she was right," Yoo Mia continued. She looked up from where she had been picking at the threads in the tablecloth. "What about Seolhwa-unnie?"

He half-expected to feel the usual dull pain in his chest when his sister brought up Lee Seolhwa's name, but this time, there was nothing there except a muted feeling of relief. Whether it was acceptance or forgiveness, he couldn't tell.

"Lee Seolhwa and I are not getting back together." From the corner of his eye, he could see Kim Dokja's fingers loosen where they had been wrapped tightly around his water glass. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," said Yoo Mia, biting her lip. "I don't know why I brought it up, I think I always knew it was never going to happen. And I think...I think I'm over it, too."

When he looked at her, eyes softening with fondness, she gave him a tremulous smile back. 

"Are you okay with this?" Kim Dokja asked gently.

Yoo Mia glanced between the two of them. Whatever she saw there seemed to please her, because she straightened up in her chair and cleared her throat. "Can he do my homework for me if you date him, oppa?" 

"No," said Yoo Joonghyuk. "Homework is supposed to help you hone your--"

"Then it doesn't make a difference to me if you date a man or a woman," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Since neither can do my homework for me."

That was a surprisingly utilitarian way of thinking for an elementary schooler. Yoo Joonghyuk didn't know if he should be impressed or concerned by this display of wisdom beyond her years, so he settled on neither.

Kim Dokja had no such dilemma. "You know," he said with a smile, "I don't see what's wrong with a little homework collaboration."

Yoo Mia visibly perked up. "It's a deal."

"Of course."

Yoo Joonghyuk's disapproving glare slid off of Kim Dokja's thick skin like rain drops sluicing off an umbrella and did exactly 0 damage. At this point, however, he was used to his insolence.

"Does Namgung-ahjumma know you're dating yet?" his sister asked. "You should tell her, she'll be happy." 

The thought of telling Namgung Minyoung about his new relationship--and inevitably having to listen to her laugh at him for getting rejected once by a man--brought a resigned grimace to his face. "I will."

"Okay." 

Later, when they were alone in the kitchen preparing dinner while Yoo Mia went upstairs to call Shin Yoosung, Kim Dokja turned to him and asked, "The woman your sister mentioned...is she your aunt?"

"She's," A boss, a mentor, someone who took him in when he didn't have anywhere to go. Family, "my teacher."

Kim Dokja hummed in acknowledgement. "She wasn't on your Namuwiki page that I memorized."

"My what," Yoo Joonghyuk said flatly.

"Don't worry about it."

He passed him another freshly peeled carrot, which he added to the mound on his cutting board. As Yoo Joonghyuk worked through the backlog of vegetables at a frenetic pace, a small, nagging thought wormed its way into the back of his head. He normally never paid such thoughts much attention, content to bury them beneath layers and layers of indifference, but there was something...infuriating...about Kim Dokja that made it easier to voice these things out loud.

"What would you have done if my sister didn't agree?"

The response was immediate.

"Well," Kim Dokja said brightly, "I would tell her that I respect her opinion, but unfortunately her brother's body has developed a dependency on me that can't be satisfied by anyone else."

Yoo Joonghyuk slammed his knife through the hapless carrots, beheading them in one fell swoop. "Do you have any shame," he growled at the cutting board.

"Not really."

Blatant inappropriateness of making such a statement to his sister aside, the fact that what he was saying was untrue was incredibly insulting--they haven't been together long enough to do much yet.

Now that Kim Dokja had quieted down, Yoo Joonghyuk turned his attention back to the vegetables he was chopping. He could hear Kim Dokja tidying up the kitchen behind him, and the sounds of bowls and plates being systematically piled into the dishwasher. Then there was the noise of running water and the quiet patter of footsteps drawing nearer as Kim Dokja moved to stand behind him. He felt the heat against his back a moment before arms wrapped themselves around his waist and a warm body pressed up against his back. There was a light puff of air against the shell of his ear, then,

"Have you ever considered wearing cat ears, Yoo Joonghyuk? Or should I say, mia123?"

Yoo Joonghyuk froze. 

"I wasn't sure if I even wanted to tell you about this." He felt Kim Dokja lean his forehead against the back of his shoulder. "But I think you deserve to know, if only so I can make fun of you for it."

For the first time in a very long time, he could not think of what to say, so he set down his knife, turned on the tap, and washed his hands. When he finished drying them and turned around, he saw Kim Dokja watching him with an expectant look on his face.

"...Why did you pretend to be a woman?"

"Why did you pretend to be a woman?" Kim Dokja fired back.

"I didn't. Why did you call me 'unnie'?"

"Method acting, of course. I'm surprised you believed me. And didn't you pretend to be 40 years old?"

"I was trying to turn you down," said Yoo Joonghyuk, "because I already had someone I liked."

For a moment, there was nothing but the quiet sound of water dripping from the tap in the kitchen. The revelation did not change anything for him, the irony of rejecting someone for themselves aside, and he wasn't sure if it changed anything for Kim Dokja. But judging from the way his lips turned up into a smile, it did.

"It's funny how these things work out, isn't it?"

Yoo Joonghyuk wrapped his hand around the back of Kim Dokja's neck and drew him in. "Stop laughing."

"I'm not laughing," said Kim Dokja, but he was.

***

Snow fell softly from the sky outside the glossy windows as the room inside glowed golden with the warmth of friendship and--

"We are not going to watch a dating show," said Jung Heewon. "They're boring and contrived."

"I can't believe you don't enjoy trashy dating shows. They're like the white rice of reality TV." Han Sooyoung shook her head in mock dismay. "How do you even live with yourself?" 

"By ignoring people like you."

"Give me the remote."

"No."

In the ensuing verbal spar over the fate of the remote, the TV was set to the news channel, an acceptable neutral ground for the two contenders. And there it stayed until Yoo Joonghyuk appeared out of the kitchen bearing dishes piled with freshly cooked food. Everyone else sat back in their chairs and watched him slowly clear the snacks off the table, their guilty consciences burning at the back of their minds. Jung Heewon was the first one to succumb and she leapt to her feet to help him, shortly followed by Yoo Sangah and Lee Seolhwa. Soon, only two lazy assholes remained seated.

"Do you even do any chores at home, you bum?" Han Sooyoung whispered to Kim Dokja, who was finishing a webnovel chapter on his phone.

"Of course I do. I wash the dishes," Kim Dokja whispered back. "Well, I don't hand wash them, I just put them in the dishwasher. Although sometimes I don't do that either, but only because Yoo Joonghyuk has strong opinions about which things you can or cannot put in the dishwasher. I'm not a bum," he said defensively at the unimpressed look on Han Sooyoung's face.

The legs of the chair beside him scraped across the floor as a familiar presence took a seat in it. Without looking up from where he was passing out the chopsticks to everyone, Kim Dokja let his leg press up against the solid warmth of Yoo Joonghyuk's thigh. It pressed back.

"Are we watching the news?" Lee Hyunsung asked innocently. He had just returned from the bathroom, having missed most of the bloodbath earlier.

"Yep, because your girlfriend has major issues," Han Sooyoung replied as Jung Heewon shushed her and pointed to the TV screen, "Be quiet, I want to hear this."

"The 29 year old victim met a girl through an online game who kept requesting money from him, claiming she was having financial difficulties. In total, he sent her 33 million won."

"Oh my," said Lee Seolhwa. "How unfortunate."

Kim Dokja nearly chipped his tooth on his chopsticks.

"--in the same guild together in the game we played. We really hit it off and started dating," the victim was saying to the interviewer, "but whenever I tried to call her she always told me her webcam was broken."

"In fact," the host chimed in as the camera cut back to her, "the 24 year old woman he thought he was speaking to was none other than a 42 year old man who had a long history of catfishing vulnerable men online."

"I'm surprised people still fall for basic catfishing schemes in 2021," Yoo Sangah remarked. "Don't they know that no one on the internet can be trusted?"

Forcing the corners of his mouth downwards, Kim Dokja calmly dabbed his mouth with his napkin and snuck a glance to his side, where he saw the same knowing light reflected back to him in Yoo Joonghyuk's eyes.

"What are you two lovebirds smiling at?" Han Sooyoung asked in a suspicious voice.

"Nothing," said Kim Dokja, not taking his eyes off Yoo Joonghyuk. "I remembered a joke someone once told me."

Chapter Text

"Have a seat, sir," said the teacher, gesturing towards the chairs crammed beside her desk in the teachers' office. While Kim Dokja pulled out Yoo Mia's chair for her, she hastily combed her fingers through her bangs and adjusted the ruffled collar of her shirt. "I don't believe we've met before. I'm Yoo Mia's homeroom teacher, and you are...?"

"Kim Dokja. Her uncle," Kim Dokja said with a straight face. "On her mother's side, hence the surname. Her brother couldn't make it today."

Beside him, Yoo Mia made a noise that sounded suspiciously like retching. 

"I see." The teacher looked taken aback by his bold and intensely suspicious lie, but like a true professional, she quickly recovered. "Thank you for making the trip here this morning. Would you like me to fill you in on the situation?"

"Mia summarised it for me on our way here. She mentioned she had an argument with her classmate?"

Yoo Mia folded her arms over her chest defensively.

"Yes, that's what happened. Usually, we let students sort themselves out in situations like these, but since extremely inappropriate language was used during the argument--and that things nearly turned physical--we decided to call the parents of both students." The teacher paused to stare at Kim Dokja expectantly as if that was supposed to mean anything to him.

“Inappropriate language like what?” he asked curiously.

The teacher gave him a tactfully worded example.

“Ah, I see. That is indeed very inappropriate.” Feeling pressured by the metaphorical burden of responsibility on his shoulders, he turned to Yoo Mia and opened his mouth, "You shouldn't say such things to your classmates."

"Well, maybe if he wasn't a little bi--”

"What Yoo Mia means," Kim Dokja interrupted loudly, "is that she recognizes the error of her ways and will make sure this type of incident never happens again. Right?"

"Sure I will," said Yoo Mia.

It was hard to tell if the teacher was appeased by the half-assed parenting or was simply too tired for this shit in the morning, but either way, she dropped the subject. "On another note, I overheard the students talking about gambling operations in a video game they're playing together the other day," the teacher told him. "The school doesn't normally monitor what students do in their free time, but I still think it's important to keep parents informed about such behaviour."

That sounded distressingly familiar. Kim Dokja glanced over at Yoo Mia, who rolled her eyes. "I'll keep it in mind. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Can I ask if you're aware of the general guidelines regarding screen time for youth?"

"Yes," he lied.

Considering how Yoo Joonghyuk literally made a living off of playing video games, Kim Dokja was willing to bet he didn't know either. 

"It's recommended that children be limited to two hours of recreational screen time daily." As if to punctuate that statement, Yoo Mia let out a gasp of horror. "Given the things I've heard being discussed in the classroom, I believe it would be beneficial for Yoo Mia to try to adhere to those guidelines. Just to be clear, she isn't the only student I've spoken to about this," the teacher added in a soothing voice. "Many other students have the same issue."

"I see," said Kim Dokja. He could feel himself grasping wildly for responsible parental figure-type things to say and coming up with none. "I'll definitely relay the information to my nephew." That earned him a scandalised glare from Yoo Mia, which he ignored.

They talked more about how Yoo Mia was doing at school (good, with room for improvement) before Kim Dokja started punctuating his responses with meaningful looks at the watch on his wrist.

"I guess that's about all I had to say today," said the teacher, who picked up on the implication of his actions. "Do you have any questions for me?" Her eyes glittered with anticipation.

"No, I think this conversation has been very--" What was the right word? "--enlightening." Not that, but that worked. "Thank you for your time."

"And thank you for taking the time out of your day to do this," she replied, beaming. "I hope traffic on the way here wasn't too bad?"

It was flattering she assumed he owned a car, a fact Yoo Mia certainly didn't let him forget when they walked here together this morning. Why can't we take a taxi? She kept complaining. To which Kim Dokja had replied, You could've taken your brother's car to school, but there's a reason why you asked me to come instead of him, isn't there? And that was that. 

"The traffic was fine," Kim Dokja said just as Yoo Mia blurted out, "He doesn't have a car. Or a house."

There was a moment of silence. 

"You can head to class now, Yoo Mia. I'll walk your uncle to the staircase," said the teacher. 

Without a word, Yoo Mia got to her feet and stormed out of the room. The two tired adults followed after her at a much more leisurely pace. They were walking down the hall together when the teacher suddenly stopped and turned around to face him. "Oh, and before I forget," she said, averting her eyes, "I can give you my contact information in case you have a question you want to ask later. Or if there's anything else you'd like to discuss with me directly."

Why would I have any questions? thought Kim Dokja, perplexed. And then he noticed the way she was peering at him shyly through her eyelashes and the slightly warmer hue of her cheeks, and everything slid into place. It was flattering how she was interested in him despite having been exposed to Yoo Joonghyuk's face up close on multiple occasions. Like a voyager trying to adjust to the darkness of night after travelling in sunlight, how could one find anyone else's face attractive after the bar was raised so high?

"I don't think that's necessary, but thank you."

She looked a little disappointed at the implied rejection, but she didn't push the subject, just nodded politely and left to go prepare for class.

Finally alone, Kim Dokja checked his watch once again--good, he still had enough time to make it to work. Now if only he could remember where the stairs were... He turned the corner and almost ran into Yoo Mia, who was standing in the shadows with an expressionless look on her face. If he weren’t so familiar with Yoo Joonghyuk’s menacing aura by now, he might actually feel intimidated.

"Why aren't you in class right now?"

"Class doesn't start for another thirty minutes." Yoo Mia's lips twisted into a scowl. "You're not actually going to tell my brother what she said, are you?" she demanded.

"Don't worry, I'll sugarcoat things for him. Do these stairs lead to the front or the back?"

"If you tell him, then I'll tell him that you got hit on by my teacher," she said in a low voice.

He raised an eyebrow. "Then tell him. Jealousy keeps the passion alive."

"Ugh." Yoo Mia wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Why would you say something like that?"

"This is why you should never try to threaten adults," Kim Dokja said wisely. "Their hearts aren't pure."

"I thought you were supposed to be nice."

"Did you forget about all the times I lent you my laptop for free before? I am nice." He wasn't actually, but that wasn't the point. "You should head to your classroom," he said gently. “Don’t you have any last-minute homework to finish before class starts?”

"I finished my homework last night."

"Good job. Then you can read ahead for class today." 

“I don’t need to read ahead.”

“Then you can sit at your desk and meditate while thinking about how you’re going to tell your brother you got into trouble at school. I get off work late today, so I’ll give you a chance to talk to him first.” Kim Dokja mentally patted himself on the back; he was starting to get a hang of this whole "parenting" thing. "I have to go now, see you later."

He was halfway down the stairs when he heard her say under her breath, "See you."

***

Nowadays, he always seemed to end up at Yoo Joonghyuk's house for dinner. At first, it only happened once a week, but then he started to stay the night, and then he'd forget something at Yoo Joonghyuk's place and have to stop by to pick it up after work, and then since he was already there, he might as well stay for dinner again, right? So on and so forth. By now Kim Dokja had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, half a closet with his clothes in it, and was footing half the bill for groceries in the Yoo household. This only meant he had even more reason to take advantage of Yoo Joonghyuk's cooking--he needed to get his money's worth.

Said cook was currently washing the dishes in the kitchen while Kim Dokja lounged on the counter stool with his phone in hand, playing the deadbeat, beer-drinking, middle-aged husband to Yoo Joonghyuk's diligent housewife. Except he was neither middle-aged nor an alcoholic.

"Did your sister tell you how she got scolded by her teacher today?" asked Kim Dokja, scrolling absently through his phone. His eyes lingered on the water droplets sliding off of Yoo Joonghyuk's bare forearms as he dried his hands on the kitchen towel.

Yoo Joonghyuk turned the dishwasher (that he was finally convinced to use as more than an ornament) on. "Yes. Is that all the teacher said?"

Kim Dokja glanced up at the ceiling and wracked his brains for what he had promised to relay to his "nephew" earlier today. "That, and something about how she should only be using the computer for two hours a day. Pretty ironic considering how both you and I spend upwards of 9 hours a day in front of a screen." 

Even more ironic was the fact that Yoo Joonghyuk had even dropped out of high school to play video games for a living; not exactly the sort of role model one would want for their kid.

"Is that it?"

"What else were you expecting? She didn't beat anyone up, in case you were wondering."

"If that's all, then why did she ask you to go with her?" The legs of the stool beside his scraped across the ground as Yoo Joonghyuk pulled it out from beneath the kitchen island and sat down on it. "Does she think I care that she called someone a--"

"You don't have to repeat it, I know what she said," said Kim Dokja. "I don't think she's scared you'll be mad, it's more like she values your opinion more than she values mine. Either way, she did end up telling you what happened, so does it really matter who went with her this morning?" 

"She could have asked me."

He laughed at the look on Yoo Joonghyuk's face. "Are you jealous?" he asked, leaning over to smooth out the crease between Yoo Joonghyuk's eyebrows with his thumb. "Don't worry, there's no way I could ever usurp your position as her favourite. I'm just the evil stepmother."

The corners of Yoo Joonghyuk's twitched briefly like he couldn't decide whether to smile or frown at the awful analogy. In the end, he settled for catching Kim Dokja's wandering hand in his own and prying it off his face. "Are you staying tonight?"

The offer was tempting, but... "I should probably go home tonight, I have milk in the fridge I need to finish."

"You can throw it out if it expires."

"Sure," Kim Dokja said dismissively. Knowing it wouldn't go over well, he kept the info that milk was good for 2-3 days past its expiry date to himself. "Anyway, I should head back before I start wondering why I'm paying rent for an apartment I never use." He gently tugged his wrist out of Yoo Joonghyuk's grasp and stood up. 

Yoo Jonghyuk followed him to the front door and stood beside him, watching him put on his coat with what could only be described as a calculating look in his eyes. Kim Dokja ignored him. If Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to say something, he would say it eventually. And if he didn't, then he could continue posing in his foyer in silence like an idiot for all Kim Dokja cared.

As expected, Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t stay silent for long. "You should move in,” he said, which was entirely unexpected.

"Pardon?" Kim Dokja paused in the middle of buttoning up his coat. "Why?"

"As you said, you're paying rent for an apartment you don't use." There was little inflection to Yoo Joonghyuk's voice as if he were simply narrating a truth of the universe. The faint air of smugness hanging around him only made things worse.

The truth was, Kim Dokja didn’t want to argue with Yoo Joonghyuk about every little thing; he just couldn't resist himself sometimes. It was addictive, the desire to wipe the smirk off of that handsome face. "Your house is farther from my workplace than my apartment," he pointed out. Not that it had stopped him from staying overnight before, but it was the principle of the thing.

"I'll drive you."

"Don't use your car against me. We don't have the same working hours."

"It doesn't matter."

"What if I steal all your furniture and rob you blind? Maybe I was after your dishwasher all along."

"Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk said in a warning voice.

"Don't you think maintaining a sense of distance is important for the longevity of a relationship?" he tried.

Yoo Joonghyuk gave him a long, hard stare. "No."

"The sense of mystery--"

"It's been two years. There's no mystery left."

"I disrespectfully disagree," Kim Dokja bit out. "Besides, I'll miss being Shin Yoosung's neighbour."

"She can visit."

"I have a lot of things I would need to pack, and it's such a hassle--"

"Kim Dokja." The crease between Yoo Joonghyuk's brows was back, along with a deepening frown. "Do you want to or not?" 

There was a part of him that was still putting up a token protest, and then there was the other part of him that had always been waiting for Yoo Joonghyuk to ask.

"I want to. But," He paused, "wouldn't it be intrusive?"

"You're already here four days a week." Yoo Joonghyuk reached out and did up the topmost button of Kim Dokja's coat for him. As he did so, the tension in his jaw relaxed, and his expression evened out. "What do you think?"

Kim Dokja had already stared at the face in front of him for two years. By all accounts, he should be bored with it by now; except he wasn't, and didn't think he ever would be. "...I'll talk to my landlord," he replied. "I probably can't move out this month on such short notice, but I should be able to before the end of the next."

"Fine."

Yoo Joonghyuk's hands were still resting loosely on the lapels of his coat, against his chest. Kim Dokja held them in place with one hand and wrapped his other one around the back of Yoo Joonghyuk's neck, pulling him down so he could press his lips to the corner of Yoo Joonghyuk's mouth. "Good night," he breathed out. "Thanks for asking me."

When he tried to pull back, Yoo Joonghyuk grabbed his collar and dragged him back in. One thing led to another, and then another, and then another...

He didn't end up making it home that night after all.

BONUS:

"For my birthday, would you consider wearing--"

"No."

"I haven't even said--"

"No."

"Just a picture--"

"No."

END