Chapter Text
Tony was 75.98% sure he had hallucinated the whole thing. It was around when he was coming to terms with having survived Afghanistan only to probably still die. He had just left some event or another before it ended and Happy was on his way. JARVIS was in his ear, talking about the levels of palladium poisoning and possible options to reduce it, of which there were essentially none.
That’s when it happened; it being two teenagers coming up to him and asking him if he wants to be their father. Tony, with blood filled with palladium and alcohol, looked from the boy with his dishevelled hair and too-green eyes to the girl and her tiny frame and mane of waves and was about to comment on biology and genetics and how adoption actually works but there was literally no recognition in their eyes and if these two idiots were going to steal themselves a father it might as well be a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. And so, yes he’s never given children much thought, but he knows he’d be better than Howard and he was dying wasn’t he? He could at least admit that in the safety of his mind, he was dying and this time maybe he won’t be able to build himself out of it and leave an explosion in his wake. He was going to die from his own invention and the entire Stark legacy would end with him. So, he made a quip about reverse baby acquisitions and agreed.
And then- and this is how he’s almost certain it was a hallucination- the girl pulls out what he’s almost certain was an athame and asked if she could pierce his finger. He’s sure that it was so sharp he hardly felt it, if it was even real, and they collected his blood in a little glass vial that was shaped like those miniature poison decanters and then Happy was pulling up and they were gone. He glanced around the street as he got in the car and the street was utterly devoid of anyone except some guards for the event.
*-*-*-*
A few weeks later he had what he thought would be his last birthday ever, made many mistakes including destroying his home and fighting his best friend. Then a few hours later Natashalie stabbed him in the neck, and he got a spiel from the Spy of Spies. Against the odds, he built himself out of almost death and made Badassium- fuck professional naming conventions its always going to be Badassium to him- which tasted like coconuts and victory.
He forgot about that moment wherein he apparently became a father, because of course poison - heavy metal poisoning at that - causes hallucinations, and it stayed that way until the Battle of New York. To be specific, until the very end of the battle after he was startled awake by Hulk’s roar and begun the trek back to the tower. The suit was dead and so the first time JARVIS spoke to him was when he stepped out into the penthouse and even then whatever he was about to say was lost under the whirlwind of fury, worry and affection that hit him.
Distantly he tries to figure out how these people got up here without JARVIS noticing and then he startles when he realises he knows the two teenagers that had left from against the bar and rushed him.
He focuses enough to hear the girl shout “Are you an idiot? A nuke? Into space? What if you couldn’t get back?” but before he can reply, her brother - and he must be her brother right? They had asked for a father after all - walks up to him and reaches up toward his face whilst asking yet another question, “are you okay? Where hurts? Do you want Hermione to heal you? She has a lot of practice healing reckless fools” and shoots a conspiring look at him.
Natasha cuts in before he can respond, going the intimidation route and asking them to identify themselves while Barton mutters about whether they’re with Loki. The girl, Hermione, obviously hears that and then begins a rant that eerily reminds him of himself when it’s just him and JARVIS figuring things out.
“Loki? As in Loki Laufeyson? The Silvertongue? The Liesmith? God of fires, chaos, mischief and lies? The protector of the outcasts? oh, I’ve read so much about him and even though the tomes are all a bit controversial, and a lot of details differ I admire his way with words and his runic name is such a powerful chain too! In The Poetic Edda, there’s a-”
“Hermione, sister mine, I don’t think they want to hear about the god currently embedded in the floor”
“Embe- Oh Merlin, what in the world?”
And then she’s rushing over to the awakening god and Tony has to move quickly to get over to them as the rest of the team follows. She’s holding his head and making some intense eye contact within seconds.
“Who would dare to do this?” and she looks up at them and then chuckles at the way their eyes glance at Bruce. “Oh, not that, I heard he led the little invasion. I meant, who would dare try to control the actions of the god of chaos?”
“Control?” Thor asks indignantly before anyone can recover from that bomb – and maybe now isn’t the best time to make mental references to explosives.
“Yes control, see his eyes? And the way his magic is in torment? Those are signs of the aftereffects of possession or mind control”
“Loki.. was not himself?”
“Well, not really, I’m sure he’s capable of utter destruction, being chaos given form as it is but were this entirely his plan he would not have failed. No offence intended, of course, I’m sure you are all perfectly competent and formidable but insofar as records show, dubious nature of said historical records aside, your victory over Mr Liesmith had he been entirely himself is improbable”
“Not impossible?” Tony cut in, latching on to the phrasing in that way of his, casting aside all the other things he should be focusing on.
“Well, nothing is really impossible is it?” and she gives him a secretive smile that her brother mimics with a comment under his breath about veils and mystery.
“Anyway, I’m sure you lot have someone to report to, and Loki isn’t going anywhere right now” the brother interjects, and the spies and Steve reluctantly leave after a nod from Tony, most likely only so they can report to Fury. They, in all possibility, might not even leave the building but Tony signals to Jarvis to restrict their access and stop them from re-entering his floor.
Bruce accepts the offer of a room and stumbles off with JARVIS guiding him using coloured lights in the wall panels. Thor comes closer instead and focuses on the kids and Loki with an intensity that reminds Tony that this is the god of thunder, an alien, not just another agent. Loki, who up to this point had remained quiet and assessing with green – had his eyes always been green? Tony could swear they were blue before – eyes focusing on the teens, turned to face Tony.
“I think I’ll have that drink now” and Tony can appreciate sass like that, so he nods and takes a step to the bar before Hermione interrupts him.
“I’m sorry but could I bother you to shift that to water or tea instead? It’s only, I don’t think mind addling substances would be a good idea, and I’d like to do a cursory scan if you’ll allow me” she focuses the last part of her sentence to Loki who hesitates a bit before nodding an acquiescence.
And then, this little teenaged girl who might have actually asked him to be her father once and cut him with a shiny blade that drew blood painlessly before the wound immediately, improbably, healed over, she pulled out a fucking carved stick with a slight sheen and pretty vine looking design and waved it at the fucking murdering, army-from-outer-space-leading quintessential villain still half lodged in the penthouse floor. It half-amused him, and half terrified him because does she have no self-preservation?! And oh- oh no, Tony’s potential children are reckless. Well, at least something runs in the family.
“Okay so, you need rest and fluids and a few salves to recover from multiple abrasions and dehydration. Also, it would be a good idea to check over yourself to make sure all ties are cut. I have a few healing potions and salves if you need them, but I have a feeling your magic can work on healing faster if given the chance.”
And there it is, she’s sending Tony’s mind reeling again. He can barely hear Thor addressing them both formerly like the prince he is and saying something about seidhr, because all his mind is focussing on it the word potions. He latches onto it, pausing his slow-going process of pulling the pieces of his damaged suit off. They can clearly feel his wide-eyed and disbelieving stare on them as the boy turns to him and disregarding his sisters reprimanding tone as she says his name, Harry waves his shiny stick which is carved to have little knobs going along it. The result is the rest of Tony’s suit removing itself from him and as he tries to recover from his suit defying gravity and logic to float unto the counter Harry turns to him with a shit-eating grin.
“Congratulations! It’s a wizard and a witch!” the phrase is accompanied by jazz hands.
Sorcerers, Tony thinks, mind reeling anew, he gave his blood to sorcerers, and they used it to become his children even though they still don’t seem to recognize him. ‘Great job, Tony’ he mentally commented to himself, suddenly even more exhausted, thoroughly regretting not getting the shawarma or a drink first.
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