Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kara wakes up to yet another beautiful morning in National City. Over the last few weeks things have really been going great for Kara. Firstly, Kara is more confident than ever as Supergirl, with her now having a whole team behind her that she trusts implicitly, even if she got off to a shaky start with the DEO. The secondly, before Cat Grant left CatCo she pushed Kara into becoming a reporter, which is something that Kara honestly had never considered before, despite the fact that her cousin is one too, but she now adores the job. Kara has found that while the job is trying at times, with there being some less fun parts when Snapper absolutely destroys her writing style of her article, being pretty brutal at times, she loves the job none the less. Kara loves that being a reporter is another way for her to help people, but this time without a cape. As a reporter Kara can write articles about important things she wants to write about, that the people of National City, and the world, should know. In fact, one of the topics that Kara has been writing is also the third reason that things have recently being going great for Kara, and that is Lena Luthor.

Kara firstly walked into Lena’s office with Clark by her side, not even as a reporter. The two Kryptonians were just investigating the youngest Luthor’s potential involvement in a plane crash that she just so happened to not be on, even though she was supposed to be. However, Kara and Clark quickly realised that Lena was the target, not the person carrying out the attacks. This ultimately led to Kara involving herself with Lena, both as Supergirl and as Kara. In fact, it was Lena who put the seed in her mind about her potentially becoming a reporter, and after the seed was planted, Kara ran with it. Over the weeks following, Kara continued to thrive as a reporter, writing a few articles about Lena particularly. At the same time, while Lena was hesitant to be Kara’s friend at first, she soon opened up to her, and the two now have a blossoming friendship. That said, the two recently have had an issue with one another, as they got into an argument. Kara was visiting Lena to do yet another article on her, this time about the new technology that Lena told her she was developing, and this is when Kara found out Lena was working on an alien detection device. Kara for her part may have told Lena that creating the device was wrong, and she can’t support her releasing it, as a reporter, or even as her friend, before she then left Lena’s office. The fact is, the device terrified Kara, as it was everything she has ever feared embodied in a device that her new friend, and maybe slight crush, has made. Ever since Kara became Supergirl, one of her biggest fears is being exposed to the world, as that risk has been increased ever since that fateful day where she saved Alex’s plane. But Kara has just pushed forward, and come to the conclusion that what she does as Supergirl outweighs the risks of her identity potentially being exposed. But this device, it would just increase those risks exponentially, so it completely freaked Kara out.

After Kara left Lena’s office, some things did happen that helped Kara to maybe change her mind about the device, and understand that while the device still scares her, there is a need for it to stop dangerous aliens. So today, Kara plans to meet up with Lena and apologise, and maybe share lunch with the brunette.

Back in the present, Kara gets up out of bed, a smile on her face, with her happy about her plans for today. Kara thinks that today is going to be a good day, but little did she know it would be a terrible one.

Kara is just about to leave for work and her phone vibrates. Kara thinks that it is hopefully Lena, as after she got up, she texted Lena to tell her she wanted to see her and apologise for everything, but she didn’t get a response. However, as soon as Kara looks at her phone, she sees that it is Alex calling her.

“Hey Alex.” Kara says, with a smile in her voice.

“Kara…” Alex says, in a solemn tone, immediately signalling to Kara that something is wrong.

“Alex?!” Kara says, beginning to panic, “Is everything okay? Are you okay? Do you need me?”

“Kara… I’m fine…. but….. I have some…. bad news…. That…. I thought you should know before the news breaks…” Alex says.

Kara once more freaks out, with several different scenarios running in her mind as to what the news could be. Of course, Kara’s first thought is that her identity is out there, one of her worst fears come true. But Kara thinks that if that was the case then Alex would probably come see her in person, and put her in protective custody or something, even though she doesn’t need it. So, Kara then just goes through several other situations in her mind as to what the bad news could be.

“Alex… what is it…. you are scaring me…” Kara says.

“Kara… Lena…. she’s dead.” Alex says.

“WHAT?!” Kara says, shocked, a sudden wave of emotions washing over her.

“Early this morning….. a cleaner found Lena…. unconscious and unresponsive….. on her desk at L-Corp….” Alex says.

“Wha…..” Kara says, now sobbing. “Who… who did this to her?”

Alex is silent for a moment, not answering Kara.

“Al… alex?” Kara asks.

Alex sighs.

“There was a note Kara…. It looks like it was a suicide….” Alex says.

“What?! No! Lena wouldn’t… she….” Kara says, continuing to sob.

“Kar…. An autopsy is being performed on her right now…. but….. I don’t know what is in the suicide note…. But…. the NCPD have informed us that you are mentioned by name….” Alex informs her sister.

“Me?” Kara says, still uncontrollably sobbing.

“Yes Kar…. They have invited you to come down so you can read the note…. If you would like..” Alex explains.

“Yes..” Kara says quickly, wanting to grab hold of any last bit of Lena. Even if this was to only make sense of it all.

“Okay then…. I’ll meet you there Kar…. We can go in together.” Alex says.

Kara wants to fight her sister, and tell her she can do this on her own. But in reality, Kara knows she can’t. Kara is absolutely devastated that Lena is dead.

“Okay…” Kara says, sadly.

Kara arrives at the NCPD station about 20 minutes after leaving her apartment; Alex is standing outside already waiting for her.

“You okay?” Alex asks Kara, with a concerned look on her face.

“NO! Of course I am not!” Kara yells, tears running down her face. “My friend just killed herself! AND IT’S MY FAULT!”

“Whoa, whoa. Kara.” Alex says, taking her sister in for a hug, despite being shouted at. “It’s not your fault. Don’t say that.”

Kara sobs into Alex’s shoulder.

“But it is.” Kara sobs, “We got into a fight. And I told her I couldn’t be her friend because of the alien detection device.”

Alex hugs her sister, tightly.

“Kara, Lena wouldn’t have done this just over that.” Alex says, attempting to comfort her sister.

“But what if I sent her over the edge?” Kara sobs.

“You didn’t Kar. But we won’t know anything until we read the note, okay?” Alex says.

Kara nods her head into Alex’s shoulder, and a few minutes later the two sisters part.

“Alex?” Kara says, timidly.

“Yeah?” Alex replies.

“I think I…. liked Lena… more than a friend….” Kara admits.

“Oh Kara… I…. I’m so sorry.” Alex says, realising this is hitting Kara even harder than she originally thought.

“But now I’ll never get to tell her.” Kara sobs.

Alex quickly takes her sister in for another hug again.

“I’m so sorry Kara.” Alex says, softly, into Kara’s ear, “We don’t have to do this today, if you don’t want to.”

“No… I need to….” Kara says.

“Okay.” Alex replies.

The sisters hug for a few more minutes again, before they part once more.

“Can you hold my hand?” Kara asks, nervously.

“Of course. Anything you want.” Alex smiles, and then holds Kara’s hand. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Kara nods.

Alex and Kara then walk into the police station. Once the sisters are inside, Alex shows her FBI badge to the officer at the front desk, and then a few minutes later an officer called Maggie Sawyers greets them.

“Hello, I am Detective Sawyers, but you can call me Maggie.” Maggie smiles, sympathetically.

“Okay Maggie.” Alex smiles back, with Kara just looking at the ground, tears in her eyes. “I’m Alex, and this is my sister, Kara Danvers.”

“Right.” Maggie nods, “Let me take you both somewhere private.”

Alex nods her head, and she then follows Maggie, along with Kara, still holding her sister’s hand. Kara and Alex are then lead into an interrogation room.

“Sorry, but there isn’t really anywhere else for us to talk. I promise this isn’t an interrogation or anything.” Maggie says.

“That’s okay.” Alex replies.

“Please, have a seat.” Maggie says, gesturing towards the chairs.

Alex and Kara then take their seats, while Maggie remains standing. Once Kara and Alex are seated, Maggie reaches into the inside of her coat pocket, and produces a folded up piece of paper.

“This is Miss Luthor’s letter. I thought you have the right to read this Kara…. but…. it won’t be a nice experience.” Maggie says, with a lot of sympathy in her voice.

“O… okay..” Kara says, speaking up for the first time.

Maggie looks at Alex, and Alex then nods her head at Maggie. Maggie in turn places the folded up paper onto the table.

“I’ll give you two some time alone.” Maggie says.

“Thank you.” Alex nods.

Maggie then leaves the room.

Once Maggie has left the room, Kara remains completely still, not moving. Eventually, after a couple of minutes, Alex goes to unfold the letter.

“No.” Kara says, placing her hand over Alex’s.

Alex looks at her sister, confused.

“I…. I need to read it…. alone…” Kara says.

Alex looks at her sister for a moment, before then nodding her head.

“Okay…. But I’m not leaving this room.” Alex replies.

“Okay.” Kara nods.

Alex then moves her chair away slightly, to give Kara some space, and to show that she isn’t going to try and read the letter secretly while Kara is reading it. Once Alex does this, Kara takes the letter, unfolds it, and then begins reading.

Dear whoever finds this,

I am sorry that you had to be the one to find me. I know this must be scaring for you, to find your boss’ dead body in her office, and I apologise for that. If I could have found a better way to go, I would have.

To the police who will be investigating my death, I want to be clear, I have killed myself. After I finish writing this, I intend to down a bottle of sleeping pills with a large glass of scotch, and just drift off. So please, do not waste any more time and resources investigating my death than necessary.

I am sure there will be questions as to why I have decided to end my life, and if it were up to me, I would keep those answers close to my chest. But I know that if I don’t provide answers, then people may try and investigate this matter further, and waste time and resources, when they should be working on more important things. So, there are many reasons why I have decided to end my life.

I watched my mother drown when I was four years old, while in Ireland, where it was just me and my mother. I just stood there on the lakeside and did nothing. I was helpless. I wish I had done something, tried to save my mother, yelled out for someone to save her, just something. A big part of me wishes I had followed my mother in and died that day.

After my mother’s death I was taken in by the Luthor’s, and I didn’t find out until many years later, that Lionel Luthor was my biological father, and I was a result of an affair he had. My life with the Luthors was not a good one. Lillian was abusive to me on a constant daily basis, I was never enough for her, even though all I wanted from her was for her to just be my mom. But Lillian could never get passed the fact I was a result of an affair her husband had. I was a constant reminder to her, of how Lionel was unfaithful to her, and made a joke of her by cheating on her. But Lionel, he wasn’t any better growing up. Lionel was a drunk, and abusive. Then when he wasn’t drunk, he never had any time for me, or Lex. The only positive I have about Lionel, is at the very least, unlike Lillian, he treated me and Lex the same. But then there is Lex. Growing up I adored Lex, as he looked out for me and cared for me, despite being over 10 years older. But after Lex went mad, and did everything that he did to try and kill Superman, and killing all those other people, it was revealed that he had just being playing me all these years. I was nothing more than a test for him to practice his skills of manipulation on, to hone them for what he ended up doing. When I found that out, it broke me. I realised I had nothing, and no one.

My hope was reinvigorated by Supergirl, by finding out a female Kryptonian exists. My plan was to move to National City, and rebrand my family’s company, and try and prove to everyone that I am not like the rest of my family. I desperately wanted to work with the super, to show her that I’m not Lex, that we could work together, and we did, briefly. But, what I did not expect to find here in National City, was a friend, my friend, Kara Danvers.

Even though I am committing suicide right now, this isn’t just a sudden thing. I have thought about the matter for a long time. I almost did it one night, about a week and a half after I moved to National City. Everything was just overwhelming, with all the hatred for me, just because I’m Lex Luthor’s sister. But just as I was about to cut myself, and end it all, I saw a text on my phone, from Kara. Kara just texted me to ask if we could get lunch together, even though I had pushed back at her attempts to try and be friends with me. When I read the text, hope came through my chest again, hope that I desperately needed, and all I wanted was to see Kara, and live to have that lunch with her.

After that, I sort of began living to spend time with Kara, which I realise isn’t healthy. But I just didn’t want to end things when I knew I would be seeing Kara again. But, earlier today, Kara and I had an argument, just over some stupid technology I made. When I explained the technology to her, I saw the shine in her eyes for me go away. Once she left, that just broke me. Everything came back to me, and here I am now.

I am aware that Kara may be reading this. So, if she is, I just want to let her know, this isn’t your fault. The argument we had, that wasn’t the trigger for this. It was just the final straw for me, as I just can’t go on anymore. I know you are so pure and good Kara, and I have loved spending time with you, so I know you are going to blame yourself, no matter what I say. But please don’t. It is unfair of me that I used you as my crutch to go on living, and it is even more unfair of me, for our last interaction to be what put me over the edge, and I’m sorry. I am so so very sorry. I hope you will forgive me, but please, never blame yourself. Please just hate me, I want that.

I have now just downed the pills. It won’t be long now. With my last thoughts. I want to say, fuck Lillian and fuck you L…

The writing then fades off into scribbles, clearly showing the moment where Lena drifted off into unconsciousness.

“No!” Kara sobs. “NO!”

“Kara, what is it?” Alex asks, quickly taking her sister in for another hug.

“It is my fault! I pushed her over the edge!” Kara sobs.

For the next 30 minutes, Alex didn’t let go of Kara, continuing to hug her. Eventually, after that, Kara was able to stop hugging Alex long enough for them to go home, back to Kara’s. For the rest of the day, Alex tried to take care of her sister, waiting on her hand and foot, but all Kara did was cry. Kara refused to eat, to drink, to do anything other than curl up on her couch and cry. Alex honestly has never seen her sister like this before, never as bad as this.

Eventually, many many hours later, Kara cried herself to sleep, and Alex finally read the letter herself.

Kara wakes up the next morning, and for a brief moment she is happy, all the way until she remembers everything with Lena. That is when tears begin to fall down Kara’s cheeks again. Kara then continues to cry for the next 10 minutes, before she makes her way into her kitchen area. As Kara walks in, she sees that Alex is still there, asleep on her couch. Kara’s stomach then rumbles.

“Ka… kara?” Alex calls out, being woken up from Kara’s stomach.

“Here.” Kara says, timidly, from over in the kitchen.

Alex gets up from the couch and walks over to her sister.

“How are you feeling?” Alex asks, sympathetically.

“Awful.” Kara replies.

Alex nods her head.

“Okay, well, you need to eat, and I am NOT taking no as an answer today.” Alex says.

“Okay.” Kara says, timidly once more.

“Alright, you go sit down. I’ll make us some breakfast.” Alex says.

Alex then makes herself and Kara a nice breakfast, which they eat mostly in silence. While the sisters eat their breakfast, Kara is just lost in thought, thinking of Lena, and everything she would have liked to do with her, if she were still alive. Kara thinks how she would have kissed Lena, and began maybe dating her, and had a wonderful life together. But they can’t do that now. Kara just wishes she could go back and change things. That is when Kara gets an idea.

Kara flinches in her seat, jumping slightly.

“Kara?” Alex asks, noticing Kara’s jump.

“I have to go.” Kara says, and then flies out of the window.

“KARA!!” Alex yells out, but Kara ignores her sister.

Kara lands at the DEO, and marches inside on a mission to find Winn. Alex has spent the last few minutes trying to contact Kara. First by yelling out to her when she flew away, but then after by her comms unit, but Kara isn’t listening. Kara knows what she has to do, and she knows that Alex and just about everyone else will disagree with her for doing it, but she doesn’t care.

As Kara works her way further into the DEO, she makes sure she isn’t seen, before then grabbing Winn, who was in a hallway by himself, and then taking him into a private room.

“AHH!” Winn says, startled, “K… Kara?”

“Winn.” Kara says, firmly.

Winn’s eyes go wide.

“Kara… I heard what happened to Lena… I’m sorry… I..” Winn begins.

“Stop. I don’t need that.” Kara says, raising her hand.

Winn gets a confused look on his face.

“Kara…. are you okay?” Winn asks.

Kara ignores Winn’s question.

“You told me a few weeks ago that you had made an experimental time travel device that you believe I would be able to use if I flew fast enough with it attached, a bit like The Flash’s device when he came to our Earth last year.” Kara says.

“Uhhh yeah…” Winn says, confused.

“I want you to give it to me.” Kara says, firmly.

“What?! No… I haven’t even tested it Kara… It… it might not work….. it could be dangerous….” Winn says, flustered.

Kara steps closer to Winn, being intimidating.

“Winn… I am not asking you politely to give it to me… I am telling you. GIVE ME THE DEVICE.” Kara sneers.

Winn gulps.

“Okay… okay…. let me… just go get it…” Winn says, putting his hand up and surrendering.

“Good… But I will keep my ears and eyesight trained on you… I swear… if you tell anyone… or make a move to do something stupid… I will kick your ass Winn.” Kara growls.

Winn gulps again.

“Yes… I won’t…. I promise…” Winn says, nervously.

Kara then lets go of Winn and allows him to leave the room.

A few minutes later, Winn returns, with a small device in his hand.

“Okay, this is it.” Winn says. “You can…. programme it with any device… as long as you have the software….”

Kara glares at Winn.

“Put the software on my phone.” Kara orders.

“Uhhh…. right.” Winn says, nervously.

Winn then quickly leaves the room again, leaving the small little device with Kara, and he returns with his laptop a few minutes later. After this, Winn spends the next several minutes install a software on Kara’s phone.

“Okay. So you can set the time and date you want to travel to on via this software on your phone.” Winn explains.

“Okay, and where do I put this device?” Kara asks.

“You can uhh…. attached it…. here… to your suit..” Winn says, pointing to a spot just above her family crest.

Kara then places the device on the spot Winn pointed to on her suit, and it stays in place, somehow attaching to her suit.

“Okay… how do I activate the device?” Kara asks.

“You uhhh…. you have to… charge it up….. by flying… or running fast enough….” Winn explains, “A bit like back to the future.”

Kara glares at Winn once more.

“Right sorry…. no jokes.” Winn says.

“Good.” Kara says, taking her phone from Winn and then setting the time and place.

“But Kara…. this is untested…. You could die…. I….. I don’t know what will happen.” Winn says.

Kara looks up at Winn.

“I don’t care.” Kara says, and then flies out the room.

There is a flash of light, and Kara arrives, noticing she is in the sky and the weather is different than when she left. Kara looks down at the time travel software on her phone and it reads 1997. Kara has travelled to this year, because she knows that this is the year, and date, when Lena’s mother dies. Kara obviously thought of travelling to a few days prior, to stop Lena’s suicide, but that won’t deal with the route of Lena’s problem, as Lena’s letter told Kara her suicidal thoughts all originate back to her mother’s death. So, Kara wants to save Lena’s mom, to give her a better life, and have her still be alive in the future.

Kara flies across the Atlantic towards Ireland, and she spends the next several hours searching for Lena. By the time Kara finds the young 4-year-old Lena, it is midday in Ireland. Kara sees that Lena is happily with her birth mother on the lakeside. Lena and her mom are happily playing together running about.

Kara can see that Lena is just so happy with her mom, and she just wants to make sure that she is raised with that happiness. At least if Lena’s mother survives, then Lena won’t be raised by the Luthor’s and she will hopefully have a happy wonderful life full of love, not hurt and hatred. Kara of course does realise that if she succeeds, then it is highly likely that in the future Lena and her will have not met. But Kara hopes that she can just find an alive Lena in the future and meet her again, even if she has to fly to Ireland to do so. But, even if she can’t, and the two will not be friends in the future, Kara will happily live just knowing Lena is alive.

Kara watches Lena and her mom play for a while by the lakeside. There are no other people around, it’s just them. Kara is just hovering in the clouds, making sure she is hidden from sight, but can see everything clearly. Kara’s plan is to fly down and save Lena’s mom as soon as she begins to struggle in the water, saving her before she can drown.

Kara watches on for a few hours, before Lena’s mom then tells Lena that she is going to go for a dip in the water, and that she will be back soon, giving Lena a big kiss on the cheek, and letting her know she loves her. Lena replies in kind, by telling her mother she loves her very much too.

Kara continues to watch as Lena’s mom slowly makes her way out into the water, before beginning to swim about. Kara looks on for a couple minutes, before she finally notices Lena’s mom go under the water, suddenly. Kara is just about to fly down and save the woman, but that is when she realises, Lena’s mom has no heartbeat. Kara then quickly uses her x-ray vision, and that is when she sees, that Lena’s mom is dead already, she has had a massive brain aneurysm. That means that in the future, for all those years, Lena shouldn’t have blamed herself, because her mom didn’t drown, she died of natural causes, and there is nothing anyone could have done to save her. Kara hates that no one ever told the young Lena that. Kara hates the Luthors even more, as they must have known, and just withheld the information from the young girl.

Kara is then shaken out of her thoughts by Lena suddenly beginning to quietly cry, with the girl now only realising after a few minutes that something is wrong. Kara just waits, looking around and hoping that someone will find Lena and help her, but there is no one near, not for a few miles. This causes Kara to realise that this must mean that Lena waited at the lake shore, crying for maybe hours, before someone found her, and Kara knows she can’t allow that to happen.

Kara quickly lands on the ground behind Lena, with the four-year-old not hearing her approach, still sobbing.

“Hello?” Kara says, hesitantly.

Lena flinches and turns around and sees Kara, tears falling down her face.

“Please… my…. mommy… she…. she in the water…. She needs help…” Lena sobs.

Kara steps closer to Lena and gives her a sincere smile.

“I’m sorry darling… but…. she’s gone….” Kara says, wanting to be honest with Lena.

Lena bursts into even more tears upon hearing that. Kara is pretty sure that Lena already knew that was likely the case, but an adult telling her that has just made it real for her.

Lena just continues to cry standing in place, sobbing harshly. Kara knows she can’t have that so she closes the distance between her and Lena, taking her into a big hug, while picking her up in her arms.

“I’ve got you… Le… little girl…. I’ve got you.” Kara says, as Lena clings onto her neck tightly, crying into Kara’s hair.

Kara hugs Lena for hours and hours, as the girl cries into her chest. While Lena does this, Kara slowly begins walking towards the nearest town, which she saw when she was flying towards the lake earlier.

Eventually, Kara arrives outside a police station. Kara knows she has to leave Lena here, even if she wants to stay and continue to help Lena. But Kara knows that will mess with the timeline far too much, mostly due to her own presence.

“Le…. Little girl?” Kara says softly, to Lena in her arms, who has stopped crying, but just hugging her.

Lena looks up at Kara.

“We are at a police station. I’m going to take you inside, and they will find some of your… family… to take care of you.” Kara explains.

“My mommy is my only family.” Lena says, with tears in her eyes.

“Well… they will find someone to look after you.” Kara says, her heart breaking.

“Can you look after me?” The young girl asks.

A part of Kara wants to say yes, and screw the timeline, and just stay and spend the next decade or so raising Lena as her own daughter. But in reality, Kara knows she can’t do that.

“I’m sorry little one…. But I can’t do that….. But….. you will see me again one day…. I promise.” Kara says, her heart now broken.

“O..okay..” Lena replies, and cries again.

Kara then takes the 4-year-old into the police station, and explains to the officers what happened. The officers then take Lena, and Kara says goodbye to the young girl, before then walking out of the police station, with her own heart hurting so very much.

As Kara leaves Lena behind in the police station, she looks at her phone and thinks. Kara knows that she hasn’t changed anything really. The best she has changed is that Lena didn’t have to wait to be found for hours. But still, Kara doubts that will save Lena in the future, as Lena will still live this horrible life with the Luthor’s.

Kara continues to think for a few more minutes before she then gets an idea. If Lena is going to have to live a life with the Luthors, then she isn’t going to let her do it alone. Kara obviously can’t be there all the time. But she can be there for Lena every year.

Kara looks down at the time travel software on her phone and programmes it to one year into the future, 1998.