Chapter Text
Watching as the nurse took out her various tools and bandages after his buddies walked out, Joseph suddenly felt like he wanted to throw up. What if he looked disgusting? He’d been joking about it before but what if he seriously was some leathery gross thing under there?
Finlay wouldn’t want some nasty ass lizard.
Gnawing on his lip, Joseph hated the fact that his mother wasn’t here and his fear left him with the only option around. Glancing up at his father who was very closely watching the nurse’s every move, Joseph whispered in Bulgarian “Is…is it…is it really…bad? Like…nasty?”
His father looked down at him, only pure affection in his eyes that Joseph hadn’t seen in years. Affection that he’d been craving for years.
Affection that had died with him back in Jersey.
Slipping his hand into Joseph’s, his father held it tight and replied back in their tongue “Nasty? No. Tough to take in the first time? Yeah. It’s okay if you can’t look the first time and keep in mind that it’ll get better. They’re still fresh.”
Joseph didn’t feel much better but there was nothing he could do about it. Lacey gave him a smile, a pair of shiny scissors in her gloved hands. “Where do you want me to start?”
Where? How the fuck should he know? “Um…” he murmured as he glanced down at himself. The worst of it was his arm, he knew that, so… “My…foot? My foot, I think.” Had to be decent all the way over there, right? Couldn’t be too bad down there.
“Okay,” Lacey said with a nod as she scooted down the bed and pulled the blankets back. It was his first time actually looking at anything besides his bandaged arm but he noted that his toes didn’t have to be bandaged so that was good, wasn’t it? “This is a beautiful blanket you have,” Lacey admired as she began cutting the bandage with careful hands.
“My…” Joseph scrounged his brain on what to call Jiang before he just had to admit to himself, “friend’s boyfriend made it for me.”
Isha had made him a blanket. An entire fucking blanket. Joseph still didn’t feel like he deserved something so thoughtful and beautiful. Sure, he’d never been mean to Isha – Jiang would’ve kicked his ass – but he’d never been anything more than decently polite. And yet, Isha still had put the extreme time and effort to make him this.
Joseph would have to think of a really good way to thank him.
“Hey,” Joseph said in surprise at seeing his foot. He wished he could lean closer without it hurting his side. “That actually looks okay.” His foot was blotchy with burns but none of them looked serious. They were like something his mother had gotten in the kitchen before. Joseph wiggled his toes in this weird giddiness he was feeling. His foot was the least of his injuries, he knew that, but it still made him feel okay for what was coming.
“It’s looking great actually,” Lacey replied, cleaning his foot with wet gauze before very carefully patting it dry. “No swelling or blisters. Perfect.”
Watching her rewrap his foot and systematically working her way up his leg, Joseph froze when she began to untie his gown. Lacey must have noticed because she paused and explained “You have burns along your pelvis and side that I have to clean.”
Burns along his pelvis. In the back of his mind, Joseph had more or less understood that he was burned all the way down and that his mother had made sure all his nurses were women because he would never handle a man touching him…all over. He’d understood that. It was just…having her trying to undress him and…touch him didn’t sit well with him.
At all.
Joseph knew that someone had to have been doing it but he’d been unconscious then so he hadn’t felt it. “Oh. Um…um…”
Joseph had no idea what to do.
An arm stretched around him and suddenly it was his father’s hands untying the gown but he didn’t touch the tie around his neck and instead leaned Joseph forward just a bit and untied the next one down. Almost methodically like he’d been doing this for years, his father rested Joseph back down and lifted the gown back only along his burns on his hips. It was like a little window to another world, leaving no room for any other viewing. “This is how we do it with Sandy.”
Lacey seemed confused but she nodded and began removing the bandages. Once they were off, Joseph stared at the burn stretching from the edge of his hip almost to his middle, just under his belly button and stretching to the top of his pubic area.
Humor. Lacey said humor was good for this shit. “Well, lots of dudes wax their happy trail anyways.”
With a laugh, Lacey was more careful with cleaning this burn and thank God she was because even with the drugs in him, he could feel the pain every time she touched it. There were a few blisters here and there, almost like…goosebumps on steroids, surrounded by enflamed skin so red it gave cherries a run for their money. Some patches were darker, cracking in appearance while other were bright red but smooth.
It looked gross. Joseph wasn’t sure he even wanted to know what his arm looked like now.
Lacey worked with a quiet focus as she cleaned the burns, checked the blisters, and rebandaged the area. She moved up his side at a meager pace with his father holding back parts of the gown as they worked their way up. Just the fact that even when he’d been out they’d made sure to do this for him…
His parents were…pretty amazing people. On a good day.
The burns along his ribs were as bad, if not worse, as the ones along his pelvis. Some blisters were bigger, angry and pus-filled, while some were smaller but in higher quantities. He looked like a…moderately charred piece of meat and, well, he was getting more scared by the second on seeing the disgustingness of his arm. There were a few…distinctly worse patches than others and Joseph had a feeling that was closer to how his arm was going to look.
Right about now, he wanted his mother because those particular patches looked like charred meat for sure. His skin was black and what appeared to be bloodied but he knew that it was the actual meat of his arm, appearing both wet and dry at the same time. Lacey changed her gloves to a fresh pair and slid a finger along one of the patches. “Can you feel that?”
Joseph wanted his mother. Joseph wanted his mother here with him to hold his hand and tell him that she’d make everything better like she always did. But no, she’d stepped out with Gwen, neither of them telling him what they were stepping out for and not returning from. Joseph wanted his mother to be here as he tried to stop himself from panicking about the fact that he could barely even feel Lacey’s finger running along his skin. It should hurt. He should feel something.
All he felt was something like a vague whisper of a feather. It scared him. It scared him because he knew his arm was in worse condition than that patch of skin. What if his arm never worked again? What if it just became some useless limb attached to him?
“Can you feel that, Joseph?”
Biting his quivering lip, Joseph whispered “Can we wait until my mom comes back?”
From the sudden tension in his father’s hands as he held back the gown, Joseph knew that he was hurt by the question. Like he wasn’t good enough to be here, that him being here made no difference to Joseph, or that he was just that irrelevant to him. The irony of it all was that none of that was true. Joseph did in fact appreciate having his father standing beside him, watching the nurse work with a critical eye. But for the past four years, his mother had been his everything, not his father. She was the one who’d made sure that Joseph had, well, lasted as long as he has.
It wasn’t that his father didn’t matter and it wasn’t that Joseph wanted him to go away, but right at this moment, he needed his mother here too.
Lacey gave him a patient smile that didn’t reach her dark eyes. “I’m on a bit of a tight schedule-”
“Well, can’t you go and come back?” He couldn’t face his arm without his mother being here. No way. “Nothing’s going to change if you finish later.”
Giving him another one of those hideously frustrating patient smiles, Lacey must’ve realized that he wasn’t going to be easy about this. “How about this; I’ll finish checking the rest of the burns and we’ll leave your arm for last and hopefully by then, your mom is here.”
She’d just checked him from foot to ribs in five minutes. What the fuck was another couple minutes of checking his shoulder, neck, and ear going to change? “No. We’re waiting for her.” It annoyed him as she sent her patient smile to his father like she was giving him all the executive choices. Like Joseph’s word didn’t matter. “Don’t look at him; it’s not his fucking decision. I’m not some fucking ass inept-”
“Joseph,” his father cut in, trying to sound stern while still trying to not sound stern. Almost like he was afraid to be stern. It was funny, really. Looking to Lacey, he said with his own version of her patient smile “Let’s just wait a bit. She shouldn’t be long.”
Not looking particularly happy, Lacey nodded and took a seat in the chair vacated by Jiang, taking off her gloves and tossing them in the trash. While…yeah, Joseph wanted to wait for his mother, he was pretty sure that burns weren’t supposed to be left uncovered. What if he got infection from air bacteria or some shit? “You aren’t going to cover these?”
He wasn’t sure if she’d simply forgotten or not, but she sighed and smiled. “Of course. Sorry.” Putting on yet another pair of gloves, she brought them back to square one. “Can you feel my finger? I can’t cover them until we get a sense of where we’re at.”
Sighing and looking up at the ceiling, Joseph muttered “Not really.”
“Describe it for me.”
“Like…” he felt the sensation of her finger again running along the burn “you’re teasing me with a feather or some shit.” She rubbed her finger along each of the other patches and each time, Joseph told her the same answer.
The future wasn’t looking too bright for him right now. His arm had to be a wreck.
She moved on to his shoulder, then up to his neck, and then up still to his ear, completely forgoing the plan they were supposed to adhere to. Joseph was too worried about facing his arm to give her shit for it though.
Maybe in his foolproof plan, he should’ve taken into account what might happen if he did in fact live through his attempt.
Lacey moved to cut the bandages off his arm. “Alright-”
“My mom’s not here yet.”
“Joseph,” Lacey sighed as if they were even friends for her to sigh at him like that, “I really-”
“No, I want my mom. No compromises.” When she turned to look at his father yet again, Joseph ignored the pain anger would bring him and snapped “Bitch, don’t look at him like he gets a say.” His father was clenching his jaw so hard that Joseph knew that he wanted to reprimand his tone and words. “We’re waiting for my mom. That’s that.”
With a look that was far less friendly than what she’d originally started with, Lacey took a deep breath and sat back down. She even crossed her arms and Joseph knew that she was over being nice to him. It was fine because he didn’t think they’d be seeing each other again anyways. “You’re as bad as people say you are.”
“Yeah, well, fuck you too.”
There was a knock at the door and Finlay stuck his head in. “Um, done? Jiang’s supposed to take Isha out but he don’t wanna go without sayin’ bye.”
If Joseph couldn’t have his mother right now, then the queen wanted his secret lover. “We’re done for the moment. You guys can come back in.”
A smile beamed on Finlay’s face, making Joseph feel better already, as he walked in with Jiang trailing behind him. “Yo, yo,” Jiang greeted, softly fist bumping Joseph’s forehead like that made any sense. “I gotta high tail it but I’ll be by tomorrow or maybe even later, alright?”
“Yeah, it’s cool. Thanks for coming and for the gifts. Oh, and make sure to bring Isha with you too.”
Jiang stared at him like he was a foreign species. “You just thanked me.”
Seriously right now? “I’m not up for that bullshit.” With his eyes going wide, Jiang’s jaw dropped like it never had before, as though he was realizing something shocking. “What,” Joseph muttered wearily.
Pointing at him, Jiang whispered “Fuck, you’re clean, aren’t you? Oh my fuck.” He looked at Finlay but kept pointing at Joseph. “He’s clean? He’s clean. Holy shit. Oh. My-”
“Okay, stop,” Joseph grumbled, wishing he could fling a pillow at Jiang’s stupid face. This guy was always-
Fuck.
Joseph was clean. He was clean?
Holy shit.
Clean. Joseph was fucking clean.
“Oh my God,” Joseph whispered, wishing he could look in the mirror right now. “I’m clean. What. Thee. Actual. Fuck.” He pointed at himself while sharing a shocked glance with Jiang, “Fuck, dude, I’m clean.” The door opened as his mother walked in with a smile and two coffees. “Mayko, I’m clean.”
She rolled her eyes as she passed off one of the cups to his father as though he hadn’t just finished his own a moment ago. “Don’t be ridiculous, you were snorting in your sleep.”
“Is that possible?” Jiang muttered, seemingly in deep thought. “Huh…”
Finlay stared at Jiang with the rest of them until he slapped him one up top his head, making Jiang yelp in surprise. “Dumbass, she’s being sarcastic. Snort in his sleep. How fucking dense are you?”
Rubbing his head and grumbling, Jiang snorted “How the fuck should I know? Would you put it past him to find some way?”
“While I’m unconscious?”
Even Jiang knew it was stupid as he shrugged. “Yo, man, I met you, you were already getting high. This is like…monumental! Fuck, Skov is gonna freak!”
Joseph couldn’t even remember when he’d started using. He knew it’d been a stupid plan to make himself happy and in turn, make his mother happy but when…he couldn’t remember. This was going to be one hell of an experience, that was for sure. And where was Skov in all this? Joseph knew he had no love of hospitals but he hadn’t expected Jiang to come first. Really, he hadn’t expected anyone to show. Was Proko alright? Joseph had been unconscious, not dead and his father seemed fine…
Dream shit was always a curious thing. “Dunno if I want to be clean though.”
Annoyance flashed on Finlay’s face as he glared and crossed his arms. “Now you’re being the fucking dense idiot.”
“Just saying. There had to be a reason I was getting high, right? It’s not like my mental state is any better than it was.”
“We’ll make it better.”
“See? Now you’re dense.”
“Nah, nah,” Jiang interrupted with a wave of his hand, “I’m with Swan on this one. You got yourself a handsome dude now, man. Handsome dudes make everything better.”
“I still have an arm to check,” Lacey said loudly with the added effort of a huff. Joseph wished Jiang hadn’t mentioned handsome dudes in front of her. What if she went spreading around shit or something? “Can I?”
“Oh, did we clean already?” his mother asked, setting down her coffee and coming to stand beside Joseph’s bed.
“We just have the arm left.”
“Then let’s get to it.”
Jiang’s eyes went wide. “Uh, um, so I gotta go…Isha’s waiting for me. But I’ll come back. Lemme know if you want anything.”
Even if Joseph had wanted something, he wouldn’t have been able to tell him from how fast he left. It didn’t make him feel particularly good about his situation if Jiang who was badass Jiang was too afraid to peek. Looking over at Finlay, Joseph mumbled “You, uh, don’t-”
“If you want me here, then I’m staying. You don’t, then I don’t mind waiting outside. What do you want?”
What did he want? He wanted his mother to hold his hand but he wanted Finlay to hold his hand too and, well, at the moment, Joseph only had one hand for holding. His mother took priority so… “Um,” he replied, not meeting Finlay’s gorgeous eyes, “you can just…” he patted the edge of the bed beside his head on the left “just…stand…like, here.”
Finlay kept his face straight as he walked over but his eyes screamed his pleasure at being allowed to stay. He’d regret that once he saw Joseph’s arm. He knew it.
Lacey slipped on new gloves yet again as she stood, picking up her nice scissors. “Okay, let’s have a look.”