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Published:
2021-01-25
Updated:
2021-05-23
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40,411
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11/?
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To Boldly Go

Summary:

Title: Just One of Those Things
Author: Impala67
Series: TOS
Rating: M
Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

Notes:

Happy birthday Dean Winchester!

Maggie anthonycrowley on tumblr and I threw a lot of ideas back and forth about this concept, so a lot of their influence shows up in this fic.

This fic is ridiculous. You have been warned.

In the SPN universe, I’ve decided that ST:TOS is a lot more popular on ffnet, and none of us know enough about in-universe fandom in SPN to dispute it. There’s the nostalgia, but also ffnet is SO horribly formatted I find it so endearing and super fun to try to replicate. I would never post my fic there.

If you want to read the comments in chronological order, go from bottom to top. (See? Bonkers formatting choice. I love it.) Any names resembling real accounts are unintentional.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Summary:

In which Dean transfers all his old fic to ffnet.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Just One of Those Things by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: M, English, J. Kirk, Words: 2k+, Favs: 16, Follows: 2, Published: August 8, 2005

 

Title: Just One of Those Things

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: M

Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

 

A/N: Originally posted in 1996. I’m moving all my shit because of the shutdown. I was gonna let this one die with the old site with my other K/OC fics, but a couple people asked me to move it so here you go. I was a teenager when I wrote this so sorry the writing’s shit. No disclaimer because I AM Gene Roddenberry (I mean if you’re a cop and reading this you already got me on copyright infringement, what’s a little identity theft while I’m at it). Edit: This is rated Mature so don’t read it if you’re not 18+. I refuse to use fucking fruit labels on my stories.

 

 💬 for Just One of Those Things

 

Kirklover1230

I was hoping this was just mislabeled Spirk but I’m not even that disappointed. at this point I would honestly read your grocery list

 

pootpoot

dont know why everyone rags on lemons this is a good story theyre just prudes

 

Guest

cool story :)

 

Felicia

I really, really like how you show the way Kirk’s transient lifestyle affects the connections he’s able to make with people. It’s true that Kurani isn’t a fleshed-out character but I feel like that’s kind of the point! Kirk never stays in one place long enough to really get to know any of the people on a more than surface level, and you really conveyed the loneliness and the longing in that.

 

MetalHead27

I liked this, but just as a note it feels a little ooc. Like I don’t think Kirk is as much of a thoughtless womanizer as you make him here. The alien chick feels more like an object than a character

 

FusciaRose

I’m so glad you decided to move this one too! It’s sooooooo hot omg!

 

plutonium

I actually LOVE how you just cut straight to it like good for you you know what you’re about

 

lionsandtigers

You have GOT to add lemon in your A/N nobody wants to be blindsided by that shit.

 

Guest

honewstly this kind of feels like you just threw them together with no buildup but whatever it was hot

 

George Takei

Oh my god Imp I COMPLETELY forgot you used to write boring oc (and honestly ooc SORRY) het fic lol like I’m so glad you recovered

 


 

And Nothing Hurt by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: T, English, J. Kirk, Spock, Words: 4k+, Favs: 512, Follows: 399, Published: August 12, 2005

 

Title: And Nothing Hurt

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: T

Summary: Jim is injured. Spock tends to his wounds.

 

A/N: Originally posted in 1997. I’d just gotten into Vonnegut at the time, so you know what to blame that title on. Good thing I’m Gene Roddenberry and therefore don’t need a disclaimer (identity theft is a lifestyle).


💬 for And Nothing Hurt 

 

BottomsUpBiotch

Oh my god when you realize that this was all happening in his head... you’re sooo evil

 

George Takei

Imp is a MAN like god please READ the bio I PROMISE it’s not gonna hurt you vvvv

 

Guest

Giiiiirl this is so GOOD omg!

 

Dreamweaver98

Oh my god the way you just left him in the cell except he’s alone and the creature is advancing on him... I want Spock to come rescue him, but the way Jim’s feeling of peace slowly deteriorates into confusion then disappointment and then loneliness and finally terror is so well done. Also, a+ for creating a truly creepy alien race. You’re so creative and the description is so good, I literally felt a shiver down my spine. Now excuse me I’m gonna go read 18k of fluff.

 

Not a Doctor

This is the POLAR OPPOSITE of hurt/comfort what the FUCK. And why does it work so well?

 

FionaMartindale

I hate this I hate this I hate this (jk I looooove it). Spock in Kirk’s hallucination is so gentle and tender I wish it was real SO BAD!

 

George Takei

I love it when you rip my heart out Imp you are the only man I would ever willingly allow to hurt me. It just hurts SO GOOD

 

Kirklover1230

IMP! This is the first fic of yours I read and I still love it just as much.

 

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O Brother, Where Art Thou? by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: T, English, J. Kirk, K. Riley, Words: 35k+, Favs: 871, Follows: 737, Published: August 15, 2005, Updated: August 19, 2005

 

Title: O Brother, Where Art Thou?

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: T

Summary: Jim’s been hungry before, but never like this.

 

A/N: Originally posted in 2002. I literally just ripped off the title off of the most recent movie I’d seen. But hey, it fit. I’m Gene Roddenberry and I invented Star Trek, so I don’t need a disclaimer (identity theft has gotten me this far and no one’s arrested me yet). This fic is rated T, but it gets pretty heavy. Maybe skip it if you’re sensitive about food issues and death and like. Genocide.

 

💬 for O Brother, Where Art Thou?

 

MarkusAurelius

Your Tarsus IV fics are my FAVORITES

 

George Takei

YES I am rereading this fic yet again NO I don’t want to talk about it

 

2BabyBlues

Oh my GOD he doesn’t see Kevin again until he joins Starfleet I’m so sadddddd. But that reunion scene might be the most moving scene I’ve ever read. Jim didn’t fail him! And now they get to be together again on the same ship I’m crying

 

2BabyBlues

No, Kevin!!! Come back!!! Jim literally loves you like a brother and would die for you! Jim should have told him his mother was dead, but Jim was just trying so hard to protect him, to keep his hope alive, and now he’s out searching for someone he’ll never find...

 

2BabyBlues

I love Jim so much. He’s just a kid himself, but he takes such good care of Kevin, even when Kevin pushes back against him. It’s so cool how you start to slowly realize that the “brother” in the title refers to both Sam, who Jim is wishing would save him, and Kevin, who Jim is trying to save.

 

heart2heart2heart

OH MY GODDDDD

 

2BabyBlues

God, the way Jim keeps wishing Sam was there with him, and wondering if Sam or his parents even know what’s happening, and if he’ll ever see them again... it breaks my heart.

 

2BabyBlues

It was so interesting to make Jim’s time on Tarsus IV a punishment for stealing food while his parents were away on a mission—especially as like foreshadowing of the famine on Tarsus. I don’t really see many people giving Jim and Sam the army brat treatment, but you definitely have to consider that as a possibility, since their dad was in the Fleet and we never see any kids on the ships. The complex relationship you hint at between Jim and his dad is definitely interesting.

 

Four Blind Mice

This fic PHYSICALLY HURT ME, you owe me financial compensation!

 

FaithlessBeliever

Oh my god when Kevin leaves the group! And then Jim thinks he’s dead and it’s his fault oh my god you’re evil!

 

I Love Q

What the heck was he supposed to do CaliforniaSon??? He was 12!!!! Kodos was literally the only adult around, and he was manipulating and abusing them and lying to them and getting Jim so twisted around he couldn’t even tell what was and wasn’t true anymore. Did you even read the fic?

 

CaliforniaSon

I’m sorry but the way that Jim was just willing to go along with Kodos as long as it kept him and Kevin safe when he KNEW what Kodos had done is bullshit

 

flyfrenchfryfly

This fic is so so so so good. Amazing. Brilliant.

 

FreeMeFromMyself

I really love this fic. It hits like a punch to the gut, but the ending is so soft and hopeful.

 

Guest

This was different from any other Tarsus IV fic I’ve ever read, in all the best ways.

 

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Swelter by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: M, English, J. Kirk, Spock, Words: 3k+, Favs: 350, Follows: 306, Published: August 20, 2005

 

Title: Swelter

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: M

Summary: Vulcan in the summer is hotter than hell.

 

A/N: Originally posted in 2003. My original A/N: “Literally just porn. Happy birthday to me.” Once again, I, Gene Roddenberry, approve of this story. If you’re not 18+, don’t read. I’m serious. Go be a kid.

 

💬 for Swelter

 

NiftyTrick

Whyyyy is there a girl in this. Put a warning in the A/N or something.

 

PollyPink

This is disgusting. Thanks.

 

Guest

If this stays up it’ll be a miracle. A true miracle. Literally God shining down upon us all

 

Guest

Fans self

 

George Takei

This is SO FUCKING DIRTY, oh my god, I forgot how FUCKING dirty this story was, if anyone reports you I’ll kill them

 

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Five Times Sam Left and One Time He Stayed by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: K+, English, J. Kirk, G. S. Kirk, Words: 7k+, Favs: 203, Follows: 121, Published: August 23, 2005

 

Title: Five Times Sam Left and One Time He Stayed

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: K

Summary: Exactly as advertised.

 

A/N: Originally posted in 2003. Who says titles have to be creative. Anyway, if you don’t know me, I’m Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek, and this is my sandbox that I generously allow you all to play in.

 

💬 for Five Times Sam Left and One Time He Stayed

 

Kirklover1230

This is so, so, so well-written. While you know I love all your fics and I’m usually a K/S hoe, the way you write sibling relationships with all their messiness is so deeply felt and emotionally true. I just can’t handle it!

 

PeanutBusterParfait

This is really good! Sad and funny and heartfelt by turns. They’re such siblings!

 

George Takei

Every time I see your non-disclaimer I think about that person who was like “you should put a disclaimer at the top saying you don’t own the characters” and you were like “why the hell would I need to do that?” And they were like “are YOU Gene Roddenberry?” And you were like “YEP. And I’ll sue you for stealing my characters if you don’t leave me the fuck alone.” That was sooooo funny and I’m honored to know I was there for the start of such an iconic fixture in this fandom

Anyway you know how I feel about this fic because I left that monster review on it. I would repost it on here if I didn’t KNOW that you printed it out and keep it tucked in your nightstand so you can take it out lovingly and read it every night. I know that’s what I do with this fic <3

 

Guest

I enjoyed reading this! Thanks for writing :)

 

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Make Your Mind Up by Impala67

📜 TV >> StarTrek: The Original Series Rated: M, English, J. Kirk, Spock, Words: 54k+, Favs: 3k+, Follows: 3k+, Published: September 13, 2005, Updated: November 9, 2006

 

Title: Make Your Mind Up

Author: Impala67

Series: TOS

Rating: Hard M

Summary: Jim’s entire family went to Tarsus IV when he was twelve. They didn’t all make it back. When his father discovered that Kodos was alive, the Fleet agreed to let him organize a search for the man who killed his wife. However, when nearly five years have passed without result, the Fleet abandons the hunt. Jim’s father doesn’t. With their father jobless and on the trail of a genocidal maniac, Sam leaves, and Jim is left to fend for himself the only way he can.

 

A/N: First fic at the new digs. Obligatory reminder that I AM Gene Roddenberry and I own these characters. Warning for prostitution, but it’s not explicit. The entire M on this one comes from K/S. If you’re not 18+ please, please don’t read.

 

💬 for Make Your Mind Up

 

Guest

how well you write hooker fic makes me seriously concerned for you lolol

 

GetShorty

I can’t believe you wrote THE definitive Tarsus IV fic and THE definitive hooker!fic you just keep on giving the people exactly what they want don’t you? Mwah!

 

flight of fancy

I AM DEAD. THIS FIC KILLED ME AND NOW I AM DEAD.

 

ForestFire555

This is SO delicately handled, I was honestly shocked in a pleasant way when I realized you’re a man. Like I know men can be sex workers too, obviously, but this is usually a topic dudes won’t touch with a ten-foot pole, at least not when it isn’t Julia Roberts in the leading role. And you not only dove in anyway, you did so expertly. Bravo.

 

BeeHiveHairdo

Not only is this the best hooker!fic in this fandom, it might be the best hooker!fic I’ve ever READ. It might be the best FIC I’ve ever read. Wowowow.

 

Guest

This fic made me uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure it was supposed to. I’m never reading it again, but I will be thinking about it for a long time I think

 

buckwild

HOW DO YOU DO IT? God, every fic is a slam dunk.

 

Kirklover1230

You know how I feel about this fic Imp but I am here to tell you again. AHHHHHHH. That’s it. That’s the comment.

 

Frank N Furter

This is my new fave fic of all time.

 

YorkieMomma

I am so glad that you gave this such a hopeful ending. I know people who have been in the sex work industry, both by choice and... not... and a lot of times, getting pushed into that can really fuck you up. I think it’s great to send the message that it can and does get better, and that people’s work in that industry doesn’t define them or their whole lives.

 

GuitarHero

Do you write professionally? Cuz you should write professionally. The scene in the bathroom FUCKED ME UP. This made me feel so much, and now that I’m done I feel like a wrung-out sponge

 

George Takei

OH MY GOD YOU FINISHED IT!!!! PM me bitch I want to gas you upppp

 

Candy483

i KNOW there’s like a ~deeper message~ here but like. OH MY GOD is this hot. jesus

 

acaseofyou

Oh my goodness gracious. I will hold this fic in my heart forever. Thank you thank you THANK YOU for writing this! I laughed, I cried, I screamed into my pillow. I embarrassed myself at work. I wore a groove into my carpet rolling anxiously back and forth in my rolly chair. I know I’ll keep coming back to this fic again and again just to chase those feelings. This is an example of the very best of what fanfiction can be. The definition of a transformative work. Because it transformed me and the way o think about the world.

 

acaseofyou

Sooo excited for the next (last!!!!!) chapter!

 

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Notes:

P.S. Dean was PISSED when people first started calling him Imp but eventually he got over himself.