Comment on Warped Minds

  1. Insecuriosity on Chapter 2 Mon 30 Mar 2015 02:24PM UTC

    Witen

    Good! I know for a fact that only new chapters are sent out as alerts. I did not get an alert when you updates, so we're probably fine ^^

    That summary feels a lot better, and gives a better idea as to what your AU actually entails! I like it!

    Haha! Yes, Starscream's inner monologue would probably be a litle like that, though a bit more derogatory to others. I've often felt that Starscream tries to elevate himself above others by belittling them - like he tries so often with Megatron ^^

    I'm looking forward to it, and I am very interested to see where this goes!

    Also, I do get notifications when you edit a comment, but i can't really find what you changed. Anything important?

    Also, sorry that I say this so late; but I hadn't caught on that Skyway was Skywarp. Probably shoddy reading on my part.

    Last Edited Mon 30 Mar 2015 02:35PM UTC

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    1. Zatnik (Guest) on Chapter 2 Mon 30 Mar 2015 03:51PM UTC

      Hahaha, nothing important. I changed a 'to' to a 'too' ...

      Skyway is Skywarp, but it isn't stated... It's just not something I'm trying to hide. He becomes Skywarp later in the story, but for the moment he's just a young guy without prospects or special abilities. I considered Skyward as a name, but thought it was a little too similar.

      I've drafted a summary of Starscream's activities prior to what happened in chapter one. I'll see if I can edit it in after work tomorrow (it's nearly midnight here). Maybe it will make things clearer for people reading through, (unfortunately at the cost of Starscream being even more self pitying in his first appearance).

      Off to bed now... Dear sweet bed. :)

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      1. Insecuriosity on Chapter 2 Mon 30 Mar 2015 03:55PM UTC

        Witen

        Ahh...

        Well, a lot of names are similar, I think you could've gotten away with Skyward, but I can see why you thought it was too similar.

        I didn't find Starscream at all that self-pitying in teh first chapter. Maybe bitter and crude, but he was not just sitting around feeling sorry for himself. He was pretty intent on making a statement, wasn't he ?

        Sleep well, I stil have some hours to go before it's evening here :)

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        1. Zatnik on Chapter 2 Tue 31 Mar 2015 12:03PM UTC

          Woo, I edited the start of the first chapter, hopefully it makes more sense now!

          I added/edited this;

          He wasn’t in space, he was in Iacon Penitentiary. Actual gaol. At least that explained the dream. He'd been on a scientific expedition with his mentor, Skyfire, working towards his post-graduate qualifications - but disaster struck and he'd returned alone, his mentor lost somewhere in the polar ice of a distant planet. Low on fuel and without Skyfire's engines (rated for long distance space travel) it had taken almost a vorn to make it home. Nearly a third of his life. Now he was in a cell. It was beyond unfair; he didn't even have a word for what it was.

          The first thing that Starscream had done upon returning to Cybertron was to refuel. Real liquid energon - at a bar. Unfortunately when he tried to pay for it his student credit line was declined. The barkeep been surprisingly understanding about the situation, having Starscream thrown out into the street rather than arrested.

          He'd headed to Iacon Science Academy, because his dormatory had long since been occupied by other students. After a few rounds of "Starscream! You're alive! ...Where's Skyfire?" people had started to stare and whisper. This in itself was nothing new, but in no state of mind to deal with it, he'd cleared out his locker and all his research. This (apparently) was theft, since he'd created it using Academy resources. He'd been arrested - but not for the theft. They actually believed he'd killed Skyfire; when he'd nearly died trying to rescue him; when it was the university who wouldn't spare the funds to mount a search party!

          Helpful? I will probably read it later and hate it. (Don't say 'who is "they?"' - Starscream is using it to mean "all those bastards who aren't me.")

          Last Edited Tue 31 Mar 2015 12:03PM UTC

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          1. Insecuriosity on Chapter 2 Tue 31 Mar 2015 12:26PM UTC

            Witen

            Hah, I wasn't about to ask the 'they' question- it makes perfect sense that Starscream is a ' me against the world' type of guy.

            It is helpful :) It makes more clear that it is a pre-war story! I think it works well enough. Thinks can always be changed later on.

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