Chapter Text
Tony wishes Peter would just pop out of nowhere, and tackle him in a hug. Part of him still thinks he will. He expects his kid to scream his name and fling himself toward him or sneak up behind him and tap his shoulder, grinning. Tony still hopes he will.
He pictures him flipping in like he always had, landing perfectly, yet still wishing he had done it with better form. The kid was always urging for perfection, mostly to impress Tony, to be like Tony. That was something that Tony thought shouldn’t be hard to accomplish, but Peter thought was impossible.
He’d stand there and with that smile on his face, his bright chocolate brown eyes gleaming, he’d make some sort of pop culture reference or some comment that would make Tony feel better somehow. Peter always made him feel better. Tony still hopes he will.
Tony waited for an hour, still hoping. He feels he’s holding onto false hope.
By hour 2, Tony realizes Peter won’t be back.
It wouldn’t happen.
Pete was gone.
And then the tears come.
When Nebula (that was her name) came back from wherever she had wandered off to and told him that she had found Quill’s ship and that they could get back to Earth, Tony was still crying. One thought made his head raise.
Pepper, he thought, I have to make sure Pepper is ok. My son is gone, please don’t let Pepper be gone too.
Tony doesn’t move from his spot, still staring at the pile of dust, his hand trembling as it rests on some, right where Peter’s shoulder had been. Tears fall down his cheeks and at Nebula’s second request he slowly gets to his feet. She helps him limp away and around the corner. They walk about a half a mile until they reach the ship Tony hasn’t seen in a while. His suit was wasted. He listens to the broken metal clinking and breaking as they stagger forward. Nebula helped him down into a booth and went to the controls. Tony remembered the last time he had been on this ship. He looks at the spot where they had patched up the ground from where Tony had stabbed a knife through the floor as the ship spun out of control. He remembered the wind and the noise, the world spinning, and he remembered grabbing Peter as the kid went tumbling, snagging his arm and clutching him, limp and weak, against his chest. His strong arms encircled his son then, but the memory was like Peter, turning to dust and dissolving away.
“I know how to fly this,” Nebula said, her raspy voice still showing sadness, “We’ll be at Earth in an hour.”
Tony doesn’t respond, he just nods. She puts an awkward hand on his shoulder and then walks away. Tony licks his lips but his throat is hoarse. His voice is practically gone. There’s a knot the size of a soccer ball in his stomach. And there’s a lump in his throat.
He knows that he’s still in shock. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t hurt right now. Maybe that’s why nothing hurts. Maybe that’s why the tears aren’t pouring. He feels numb and empty. His hands are trembling in front of him and he clenches one, turning his palm towards his chest to start repairs. He had to fix something.
“Mr. Stark?
Tony shakes his head, biting his lip, blinking hard, as the memory already haunts him. He clenches his fist harder.
“I- I don’t feel so good.”
Tony sucks in a breath and hits his other hand against the side of the ship before lowering his head. The sharp pain that jolts up his arm focusses him.
Stop, he tells the memory, stop.
He can still see Peter fading to dust in his mind, no matter how hard he tries to close his eyes. He still sees him, locking eyes with Tony, his eyes filled with fear and guilt and panic and sadness and despair.
“Hello sir.”
Tony straightens, pain flaring in his side, which Tony is somehow thankful for. It keeps him grounded, and it makes him feel pain that he thinks he should be experiencing right now. He feels like he’s cheating. It should have been him. It shouldn’t have been Peter.
“FRIDAY!” Tony says with a sigh of relief. His voice sounds beaten and broken, and Tony understands why.
“Sir...I’m s-” FRIDAY rethinks her choice of words, “This is a horrific day.”
Tony nods, choking on his words, “How’s the suit?” His right arm is still moving up and down his chest focussing on repairs. Tony needs to do something. For once, he needs to do something. He had failed. Peter had looked at him to save him, holding him tight and gripping his shoulders, telling Tony do to something because he didn’t want to go. The kid didn’t want to go. Tony didn’t want him to go. And Tony had done nothing. He did nothing. He had said nothing. And what had happened? Peter was gone and it was his fault. It was all his fault.
“Suit is recovering sir. But severe repairs needed when we return to Earth. My scanners are completely dysfunctional sir. As are my communications.”
Tony takes a shuddery breath, his leg shaking as well. He holds his left arm to his chest and closes his eyes, “It’s my fault FRIDAY. It’s on me. ”
“Sir, 4 hours and 51 minutes ago I was sent a message.”
“By whom?” Tony asks.
“Peter’s A.I., Karen.”
Tony freezes. Why would FRIDAY bring this up now? But his curiosity gets the better of him and he says, “Play it.”
“I can’t. It’s not that kind of message. More like a sentence I am told to tell you.”
Tony’s confused, but if it’s from Peter, he wants to hear it. Anything that can make him feel closer to his son, somehow closer to the dust scattering the ground on titian.
The dust he’s leaving behind.
Tony says, “Ok? What is it?”
Tony cups Peter’s neck firmly, locking eyes with him. He doesn’t say anything; his eyes say it all. And Peter knows exactly what he’s saying. He nods. Tony nods back and then gives him a hug. Peter’s scared, he’s not gonna lie, but being in Tony’s arms made him feel safe. He just wished he got to hug him longer. But Tony pulled away and winked, “Gotta go underoos. Be safe. Kick butt- or names as Mantis thinks.”
Peter nods and smiles weakly before Tony blasts off. Peter’s mask encloses over his face and he says, “Karen?”
“Yes Peter?”
Peter doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t say anything for a while. Then he knows what he was going to tell her.
“Karen, if things go south, tell FRIDAY to tell Tony...tell him it’s not his fault.”
Tony sucks in a breath.
“Tell him it’s not his fault.”
Tony doesn’t know what to say. He puts his head in his hands. Of course Peter would say that. Tony has a feeling the kid knew. He knew something would happen. He knew.
So why didn’t Tony know? Why couldn’t he have stopped it? Why didn’t he say anything? He should have said everything. Or one thing.
Something.
Anything.
Tony puts his head in his hands.
He can’t open his eyes or he sees Peter dissolving right in front of him.
He can’t close them or he hears his son whisper, “I’m sorry.”
But most importantly, he can just see Peter telling him, “It wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault. Tony don’t think that. Please don’t.”
He knows Peter would have said that if they had had more time. It all happened so fast.
Tony realizes he never said anything. Crap. He never said anything. Oh God…
Peter was holding onto him, begging him not to let him go, telling him he was sorry and Tony never said anything back.
He never said, “I’ve got you kid,” so Peter would choke out one last, “I got you first.”
He never said, “Stay with me Peter,” so Peter would know he was doing his best to keep him calm as his son’s body was being tugged away by the wind.
He never said, “I love you Pete” or “I love you son,” so Peter would know that he did love him and so that Tony could say it one last time. He never got a chance to.
Tony can’t breath. He never even told him he loved him.
Yet after all that, after every mess up, every screw up, every single mistake he made that proved him to be far from the best, the kid still believed in him. Peter had still told Karen:
“Tell Tony it’s not his fault.”
Cap is helped up by Thor. Natasha was by his side, one hand over her mouth and one hand on her stomach like she was going to throw up. Cap sure felt like he would.
“We must regroup. Where is everyone?” Thor asks. His voice is low and sad.
Rocket comes bursting through the treeline, tears in his eyes, “Guys Groot just- holy crap…”
There’s silence as everyone just stares, an awful feeling in each one of them.
“He did it,” Bruce said quietly, breaking the silence.
“This didn’t just happen to Earth right?” Rhodey says, his voice shaking.
“The whole universe,” Thor said, not that that made it better, “Half of it’s gone.”
“But we can fix this,” Rocket said, his voice sounded desperate, “We can fix this right? We have to. They have to come back! They can’t be...gone.”
Cap realized everyone was looking at him and he said, “I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t know.” Was there even a way to reverse this? To fix this? Cap couldn’t think of one which only made it hurt more. They were the Avengers- they could fix this right?
“We need to head home, contact Nick Fury, we’ll figure this all out. But right now we need to find T’challa and make sure he can handle things-”
Okoye bursts through the woods, tears streaming down her horrified face, “Captain, captain-” her eyes are wide with fear.
“T’challa?” Cap asks, but he knows the answer.
Okoye bits back a sob, her knees wobbling underneath her. She shakes her head and says softly, “Dust.”
Cap lowers his head, “Who else that we know of? Bucky-” Cap lets the others cut him off; he still can’t believe his best friend is gone and that he turned to dust right in front of him. Bucky’s gun was still there, laying in the grass.
“Wanda,” Bruce says,” And Vision.”
Cap had been laying by the grey limp form of his friend which was still there, unlike the others, which were now scattered around because of the wind. He bites his lip.
“Sam,” Rhodey looks down.
“Groot,” Rocket sniffs.
“What about Peter and Tony?” Rhodes asks. His face falls.
Cap chokes and he makes out, “Let’s just hope they’re…” What does he say? Alive? Not dust? No...Tony can’t be gone. Cap needs him. He’s a leader when Cap isn’t, he keeps the mood up with his sarcasm and wit, and is the spark of rebelliousness that the Avengers need.
Peter...the kid couldn’t be gone- he’s too young, too innocent. If he was- if they both were, that meant Cap would not have gotten to say goodbye…
“And what about Quill and Gamora and Drax and Mantis-” Rocket croaks out.
Cap doesn’t know what to say.
Then there’s silence.
“Okoye, will you be ok?” Cap asks, breaking the eerie quietness.
Okoye straightens, “Yes Captain. Please contact us if you find out anything.”
Cap nods, “Will do. And thank you, for fighting with us. I promise we’ll do our best to fix this.”
She nods, somehow keeping a straight face, putting up a wall to hide her broken and shattered remains.
They’re all broken, they’re all shattered.
He can tell.
He’s broken. He’s shattered. But seeing his team shattered hurts more.
And the worst part is that Cap doesn’t know if he can put this back together. The pieces are scattered in the wind. They’re dust.
“Tony? Tony is that you?”
Tony breathes a sigh of relief, “Cap...thank God.”
“Tony...where are you? Are you ok?”
Tony looks at his watch on his hand, ignoring his trembling fingers, “I’m...I’m alive. We’ll be back to Earth in 30 minutes.” There’s a lump in his throat. He stutters, “I’ll meet you at the compound?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Oh God...Tony-”
“I know. Steve I’ll-” the connection cuts out.
“Steve? Steve!” Tony shouts. He’s gone. Tony grips his left arm that’s throbbing again. The next 30 minutes go by so slowly. All Tony can think about is Peter and Pepper. Don’t let her be gone too, he pleads. When he feels the ship touch down on the ground, Tony’s still shaking. He stands as Nebula comes in, and she gives him a nod. Tony slams his hand on the back hatch and watches as it opens. He steps out, walking slowly down the ramp, breathing deeply. Grey sky meets him, the sun covered my clouds. Chilly air meets him, but Tony can’t tell if he’s shivering or shaking. He staggers out in front of Nebula and sees what’s left of the team coming toward him. His heart mends a bit and shatters at the same time. Steve is in dead center, standing, with a thick beard and tired eyes- a darker suit on, Tony realizes, and he’s missing his usual bright shield. But it’s still Cap. It’s still Steve. And Tony is just glad he’s ok. Cap runs forward and he and Tony embrace. Tony doesn’t care about the stab wound that’s draining his energy. He hugs his best friend hard. Cap pulls away, holding him at shoulder length. They shake hands and he sees tears in Cap’s eyes.
“Rogers,” Tony says, smiling weakly.
“Stark,” Cap says, grinning back. The rest of the team comes up to give Tony hugs. Nat’s crying. Tony’s never seen her cry. No one has seen him cry, or even tear up. However, after they all say hello, they finally do. He tears up because Cap then asks, “Tony, where’s Peter?”
Tony looks up, his breathing becoming faster and he starts to hyperventilate. He shakes his head and Cap’s face falls. Natasha puts a hand over her mouth and goes to hug Tony who steps back, frozen, his mouth a tight line, tears forcing against his eyes. He doesn’t say anything.
Don’t break, he pleads with himself, you don’t break.
He just shakes his head and that’s when Rocket comes shoving through the crowd, “Quill! Mantis! Gamora! Drax! Guys!”
The raccoon skids to a stop and he looks at Tony with bright eyes, looking at the Milano behind Tony. He’s never seen Rocket so desperate as he asks, “Are they still on the ship?”
Tony can’t look at him. He can’t look at anyone.
“Tony where’s-” Rocket says, his voice breaking. He shakes his head and pleads, “No...no, no, no…”
“Rocket I’m sorry…” Tony says his voice breaking.
“Oh God…” Rocket sinks to the ground, holding his head in his hands, “No…”
Tony sucks in a breath, trying not to break. He’s so close to shattering. His heart is torn to shreds and he’s bleeding out. Then he hears a strangled scream from behind them and he pears through the crowd. His vision tunnels.
He sees red hair. Jeans and a white shirt.
One of the people he can’t live without.
His heartbeat speeds up and Tony feels 200 pounds lifted off his shoulders. It’s not that the 200 pounds matter; there’s still 4 million more pounds pushing down. But for that millisecond, some of it goes away. Pepper is in front of him. That’s all that matters.
“Oh my gosh- Tony!” Pepper yells. She runs at him and he pushes past people, running as fast as he can with his limp and the gaping hole in his side. He crashes into her, grabbing her as she surges for him. Tony lets out a rush of words that gumble with hers, pulling her close, his hands in her hair, kissing her, hugging her, never wanting to let go. She kisses him back, crying as he holds her tight.
“I thought…” he says softly, shaking his head, “Pep...I thought…I was so worried that-”
“You didn’t get my messages?” She sobs.
“I have no suit Pepp,” Tony says, and then he sinks against her, whispering, “I have no kid…”
“Peter?” Pepper barely can ask.
And that’s when Tony breaks.
“Oh Tony…oh no..” Pepper understands now. She lets out a gasp to match his, but his is more broken.
“It was my fault,” Tony sobs against her, holding her tight.
Pepper shakes her head sadly, “No it’s not Tony…”
“Yes it is!” He shouts, “This is all my fault...I couldn’t save him. Pepp you don’t know what it’s like-”
“But Tony it’s not your fault,” Pepper says, hugging him harder.
Tony looks up at her with tears in his eyes and shakes his head, grasping her hands that are cupping his cheeks, “You don’t understand Pepper. He died...he turned to dust in my arms.”
Pepper’s eyes widen and she sinks to the ground with Tony who grasps at his side, holding his wound that’s bleeding again, blood coming through his fingers. He falls to the ground, a bloody palm hitting the pavement, dizzy, gasping for breath and Pepper falls with him, “Tony! Tony?”
Soon enough her shrieks get the attention of the team, and now they’re rushing him to the med bay. Tony realizes how many people they’re missing. Rocket’s the only guardian left. Sam, Wanda, Vision, T’challa, Bucky all went…
Not to mention half the universe.
Not to mention Peter.
By 6 o’clock, everything has been sorted out, and by that, he means nothing has been. The world is on fire. Everyone is reeling. They decide nothing can be done today, everyone is too stressed out.
By 9 o’clock, everyone has gone to bed. But Tony is still up. He can’t sleep. He doesn’t think he ever will. He’s pretty sure he’s snapped at everyone. He ignores even Pepper, giving her an apologetic glance. She understands though, like usual, and she nods, kissing him and saying she’s off to bed. He says he’ll join her later, but he doesn’t think he will. Cap is last to see him before he goes off to his room and Tony asks him to tell the team he’s sorry. He never meant to take it out on them. Steve says he’s already been forgiven, and that no one should have gone through what Tony did. It was a nice thing to say, but Tony didn’t really take it to heart. He didn’t really take it to anything. He locks himself in his office. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He tells FRIDAY to block all news and then he sinks down in his chair.
By 12 o’clock, Tony has given up staring at the floor and he looks up, his hearing coming back just enough that he can hear a slight beeping from his computer. There’s some alert blinking on the side and Tony looks over. His heart stops.
There’s one lone light flickering above him on the ceiling, but Tony feels like he’s in darkness. Even though his friends are all on the compound, but Tony’s never felt more alone.
His finger slowly moves to the mouse and he sucks in a breath. His hand is trembling and he clenches his fist, taking a shuddery breath before he clicks on the alert.
EMAIL FROM: [email protected]
Subject: Happy Father’s Day Tony
Tony bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. He pushes the button.
Happy Father’s Day Dad.
I’m really lucky to have you and I didn’t know how to tell you other than in a video, so I made one. I hope you like it. Thanks for being there for me and for being my hero. I hope to be just like you one day. I love you dad. I don’t really know what else to say, so I’ll just let you watch the video.
From,
Peter.
Tony’s already crying, but they’re silent tears, running down his cheeks. He takes a shuddery breath and clicks in the video. Music starts playing and there’s a black screen that says Happy Father’s Day. Tony holds his shaking hands to his chest under his chin. The song playing was one of Tony’s old favorites that Peter had found out about: What a Wonderful World.
It starts off with a clip of he and Peter walking together and he reaches over and ruffles Peter’s hair. His kid grins, leaning into Tony, looking up at him with that look of awe and adoration that Tony never understood. Tony sucks in a breath. That’s the first time he’s has seen Peter, aside from the horrid flashbacks, and it hurts. It hurts a lot. Tony’s trembling, tears pushing at his eyes.
Then there’s the camera footage that Peter had at the airport fight. His iphone had been dropped a while back and was filming the tarmac, coincidentally Peter was off to the side, unconscious on the concrete after getting hit. Tony sees himself fly over, hit the ground on a run and drop to his knees by Peter’s limp form across the pavement. He watches, remembering the exact movements as his arms shoot out, catching his kid’s fists and telling Peter that he’s done; their voices muffled from the distance.
Then there’s their ‘alibi video’ to his aunt. Tony remembers that. It was a hug. No one opens the door that way. Peter knew that.
That was one of the first times Tony knew Peter was like a son to him.
There’s camera footage next of the hospital and Tony sees himself yelling, “THAT’S MY SON!” and pushing past the doctor. That scene fades into another one and Tony chokes back a sob. How did he even get that footage? Knowing Peter, he probably hacked something- his kid was a genius. Thinking about it made it hurt even more.
He hears Peter say, “I’m nothing without this suit!”
Then he hears his own voice in the background, “If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it…”
Then it’s Peter’s voice when he tucks him that time so long ago, “Thanks Dad.”
Tony’s rubbing his face with his hand, holding back tears. He sucks in a breath as the music picks up and he hears their voices in the background.
“I. Can’t. Lose you!...I can’t lose anyone else.”
“And I can’t lose you kid.”
He sees Peter asking, “That was a test right? There’s no one back there?”
And then it cuts to Pepper walking out from a room filled with reporters. Tony just smiles.
There’s a couple of pictures that flash across the screen, some he didn’t even know had been taken, like one of he and Peter passed out on the couch with Star Wars playing in the background, their ice creams on the table. There’s a lot of those, he realizes with a pang. There’s a couple more of the two of them, like the one where they’re both of their suits, one of them eating pretzels at the mall, him helping Peter with his homework, the one taken from the awards ceremony, and some pictures of him with his arm around his son during one of the Avengers hangouts. The music echoes in the room. He’s trembling as he watches this.
Next there’s some footage from Peter’s birthday party and a couple more videos: Peter driving in the new Audi and them working on the suits together. There’s a video of him and Peter throwing a ball across the table at one of the Avengers meetings, grinning like fools and not paying any attention to what Cap is saying. They both try and made each other laugh from across the table. Tony could never win that battle. It ends with a video of Peter in the Iron Spider Suit. His son’s smile lights up the screen and he grins right at the camera, looking down at his suit in awe, back when they were still working on it. He looks up, his face was lit up and he’s jumping in excitement, waving at Tony and smiling, before he webs the camera by accident and the camera falls. There’s laughing in the background. It falls face up and both he and Tony come into view, picking up the phone. Peter’s grinning as Tony puts his arm around him and then the video ends. The music fades and the screen goes black again.
Tony is broken.
He sits with his head in his hands, staring at the black screen. It’s about 5 minutes before FRIDAY breaks the silence.
“I’ve called Pepper Potts sir.”
“No it’s fine-” Tony says.
“Tony?” Pepper says from behind him.
“Darn you FRIDAY,” Tony whispers. He spins in his chair, still crying and he wipes his tears, shaking his head, “I’m fine- I’m fine- pepper…”
“You’re not fine Tony,” Pepper runs over as Tony falls to the floor, off the chair. He hits the ground hard, shaking, hyperventilating, grasping at Pepper’s arms that wrap around him. Not another panic attack...not another one. The words start coming now, like he’s throwing them all up.
“I couldn’t save him Pepper. He told me…” Tony’s voice breaks, “He told me he didn’t want to go and he said he didn’t feel good and he-” Tony takes a gulp of air, “He was hugging me and I didn’t know what to say. He hurt the most Pepper.” He looks at her with bleary eyes, “Did you know that? Everyone else just disappeared but he...he was fighting it. He...it was almost like it hurt and when he’s hurt, I’m hurt and I never said anything- I never...and then he…”
Tony sinks even lower and now Pepper’s crying, holding him, whispering words into his ear that is drowned out by a constant ringing.
“He said he was sorry Pepp,” Tony said in a shattered voice, “He said it like he failed me. He said that...the last thing he said before he…” Tony can’t finish. A minute later he says it again, like he can’t believe it, “He said he was sorry. And then he...just disappeared.”
Pepper sobs quietly in his shoulder, on the cold stone floor.
“This is all my fault,” Tony says. Pepper corrects him, but Tony knows the truth. Peter died because of him. It was his fault.
“It should have been me,” Tony says softly, “Not him. It shouldn’t have been him.”
“Tony-”
“He did nothing wrong. He should have stayed on the bus. But he didn’t. He came. He risked everything. He fought so bravely. And in the end I couldn’t save him. But he said he was sorry Pepper. He said he was sorry.” But Tony knows that in reality, Peter had never failed him.
He had failed Peter. He had failed his son.
Ross shakes his head, sitting down at the table with the rest of the Avengers. Steve takes his place right next to Tony who has bags under his eyes because Cap knows he didn’t sleep. The invincible Iron Man, who’s heart had been enclosed with red and yellow titanium had been broken. Cap gives him a nod, but Tony barely recognizes he’s there. Cap’s face falls.
His heart hurts for his friend. His heart hurts for all his friends. Those who are here...and those who aren’t.
“So,” Ross says.
“Why couldn’t he have disappeared,” Tony whispers suddenly, with no humor in his voice, to Cap who gives him a weak smile in return, even though he thinks Tony’s half serious.
“So we have to talk about-” Ross starts off, setting out some folders.
“You’re a jerk, you know that?” Tony suddenly says.
Cap looks at his friend, who’s tired eyes flash. He sees Tony’s leg shaking under the table, his hands clenched into fists.
“We don’t have time for that Stark,” Ross said angrily.
Cap looks nervously at Stark who’s fuming, his hands trembling with blinding white knuckles.
“We don’t know how to cope with this,” Ross sighs, “The world is demanding a press conference, world wide, for you to explain what happened...to explain what you’re trying to do to fix this.”
“I think the world is demanding a place to put the blame,” Bruce said.
“And with all due respect,” Cap says, continuing his friend’s sentence, “It sounds like you’re blaming us.”
“I am not,” Ross puts up his hands, “But some-”
“Yeah you are,” Tony said. Cap realizes how much more on edge and snappy his friend is without Peter there.
“You are. And I’m really not in the mood to get yelled at right now. We did the best we could, we got Thanos off Earth, stopped his kids from destroying New York, split up our whole team and I, went to an alien planet with my 16 year old son in a flying donut.” Tony was on his feet. Cap didn’t stand and pull him back just yet. Ross needed to hear this.
“We did the best we could Ross,” Tony said, “and we lost. We lost. I watched my son fade to dust in my arms, and my best friends die in front of me. So if the world wants to ask me what happened, I’ll tell them what happened. But don’t you dare try and hurry me up, or have world leaders coming at me or my friends because they did. Their. Job.”
“So you’ll do the conference?” Ross says, ignoring everything else that Tony said.
“Yes,” Tony says.
“No,” Cap corrects. He glares at Ross, “I won’t have anyone pointing fingers, or trying to put the blame on one of us.”
“Are you sure about that? Because Stark seems to have some ideas of whose fault it was,” Ross says, eyeing Stark, “Particularly his own?”
“Ross,” Steve warns.
“No, let the man speak,” Tony says, turning back around.
“I’m just saying that if the Avengers hadn’t broken up, then maybe you all could have worked together and pulled this off,” Ross leans back in his chair, raising his hands, palms up, “And I’m sure something happened on that alien planet that you don’t want to tell us about. Because I can see it in your cold eyes Stark. You know this was your fault.”
“I’m not saying it wasn’t,” Tony says softly, “But if you think that I’m just going to sit around and wait for everything to just magically come back to normal, you’re wrong.” He turns to Ross with fire in his eyes to hide the tears that Cap knows are there, “So you can tell your stupid board that I will do a conference, and I will tell them what happened. But Thanos was bigger than any of us had ever faced. It took all of us to delay him but in the end, we couldn’t stop him. We lost people, everyone lost people, the universe lost people. And my job is to fix this, I know. So don’t tell me how to do my job.”
“So you admit it’s your fault?” Ross asks.
“Get out of my compound,” Tony says softly, his voice dripping with anger.
“Answer the question Stark,” Ross taunts.
“Get. Out.” Tony hisses.
“It’s a yes or no-” Ross says, almost smiling. That’s when Steve breaks.
“That’s enough.” Steve shouts, his eyes flashing. Now he’s on his feet. Tony turns around angrily, biting his lip and closing his eyes, his hands shaking.
“I’m asking him a question!” Ross says, “Someone has to take the blame!”
“No someone doesn’t Ross! What is wrong with you?” Rhodey shouts.
“This was none of our faults,” Steve hisses.
“Then tell me what happened. When the Avengers, failed to save the day, and now are blaming it on what, fate? The world is on fire, and I have to tell them something. And what do I say?”
“You tell them that we’re doing our best,” Steve says.
“Your best?” Ross repeats.
“Is that not good enough for you?” Rockett snarls. He’s been quiet but now he’s pissed, his arms crossed, growling at Ross.
“I need to know what that is,” Ross says, “I’m in the middle here. Don’t kill the messenger.”
“Bull!” Tony shouts, “BULL!”
Ross glares at Tony, “Do you have something to say Stark?”
“I have plenty things to say but I won’t because I don’t want Pet-” Tony freezes. The room is quiet. Steve bites his lip. He remembers all those times when the only thing that kept Tony from lunging across the room and killing Ross or cussing him out was Peter. The fact that his kid, his 16 year old son, was in the room, and that kept Tony calm. It had been a saying that Tony used out of habit, and now that old habit just stabbed him in the back: “Because I don’t want Peter to hear it…”
Everyone looks down. Tony’s shaking, gripping the table hard.
“I want to stay on track,” Ross says rudely. The only thing that stops Cap from punching him is Romanoff who presses her boot against his leg discreetly.
“There is no track now,” Bruce says, “This throws science out the window. We have no idea what happened, and no idea how to fix this. If you have an idea Ross we’re all ears but until then, tell you’re board we’ll keep them posted and get out of our hair.”
Ross shakes his head, “That’s not good enough. Stark, don’t you have some sort of plan, or is your ego too wounded?”
Steve’s eyes flash and Rockett growls. Rhodey grips the table. Bruce shakes his head. Natasha looks ready to kill. Surprisingly, Tony is the only one who doesn’t look angry.
He turns around, his face completely calm, just tired and sad.
“I lost my son Ross,” Tony says, “Did you lose anyone? No. So you don’t know how that feels. But I do. And you don’t know what pain feels like until you have your 16 year old kid turn to dust in your arms. I couldn’t save him then, so I’m dang sure that I’m going to be working my butt off to get him back. If that means no sleeping and no eating, so be it. I’m willing to do that. So don’t ask me if I’m doing my best. Because that’s not a question I need to answer. Until my kid is back in this room, I will always be doing my best.”
“You can get out,” Steve says angrily to Ross, “Now.”
“We’re just talking-” Ross protests.
“Ross, until you can act professionally and not be a child, get out of here. We won’t have you blaming this on any of us, because it wasn’t our fault. We aren’t invincible. You need to realize that. And if you ever try and say any of what you just said again, I will personally get you kicked off the board and don’t think I’m lying,” Rhodey says.
“You can’t do that,” Ross laughs.
“You sure?’ Natasha says, “You really think, at a time like this, that they would rather keep you on the panel versus having us figure this out?”
“Are you blackmailing me?” Ross says, slightly amused.
“I’m telling you to get out. Now I can make you get out too, but I figured you’re sophisticated enough to walk like a normal person?” Cap says through gritted teeth.
Ross’ eyes flick to Stark who’s back is to him.
“Out,” Steve repeats, almost in a hiss he’s so angry. He’s trembling. How dare he try and blame this on Tony!
Ross sighs and pick up his folders and walks out. Tony suddenly leaves the room too, before anyone can say anything.
Cap sits down, “I hate him.”
“We all do,” Nat says. She motions for Tony who was walking briskly down the hallway, “Go talk to him.”
Cap nods, “In a bit. He needs space. He’s already thinking this was his fault. Ross isn’t helping.”
“How are we going to fix this?” Bruce says, wringing his hands.
“I don’t know,” Cap says, “I don’t know.”
Tony has called May and told her that he’s coming over. He thinks she already knows.
He gets there and doesn’t even have to knock on the door. She opens it and tackles him in a hug. Tony bites his lip and hugs her back.
“We should sit down,” he says softly. May puts a hand over her mouth and shakily walks to the couch. Tony sits next to her and looks at her with tears in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry May,” he says quietly.
She breaks down into heartbroken sobs, and Tony can’t help but cry too. He tells her what happened. Everything. Tells her everything. And when he’s done, she sits with her head in her hands. Tony’s heart hurts to see her like this. Peter was her family. Her nephew. All she had. Tony had taken his kid for granted, and he never knew how much he meant to him until he was gone. That hurt. But Tony knew he couldn’t imagine how May was feeling right now.
“May I’m going to fix this,” he says, grabbing her shoulder. He locks eyes with her and takes a breath. His voice is shaky but earnest, “I’m not going to stop until I get him back. I know how much he means to you and you know how much he means to me. I’m not going to stop. I’m going to bring him back,” he promises her.
She looks at him and nods, “I know you will.”
“I’m so sorry May,” He says again, “I- I…”
She shakes her head then, giving him a hug and then she says, “This wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes it was,” he says quietly, but she can’t hear him over her sobs, “Yes it was.”
Peter bolts up, crying out.
“Where am I...what…Tony?”
It’s dark. It’s orange. It’s cold. He’s sitting in a pool of water, but he doesn’t feel wet. He looks around, his hands falling through the inch of water and gripping the smooth floor. It hurts. It burns. Peter feels tears come to his eyes as he wrestles with the pain, a huge migraine hitting him on top of the burning feeling.
Peter looks around fearfully and whispers, “Tony?”
Nothing.
No one.
Just pain.
Just fear.
Just loneliness.
“Dad?” He tries again, his voice weak and desperate.
Nothing.
No one.
There’s no threats here- it’s empty. His mask recedes to his neck and Peter gasps in oxygen, choking he takes it in so fast. He bites back the pain and looks around. There’s a weird archway thing but it’s very far away. Peter doesn’t feel ready to go explore that just yet. He’s too busy touching his legs and chest and arms, making sure he doesn’t fade away again. Maybe that had been the burning feeling. That felt awful. Peter shuddered just remembering what it was like to watch his hands and arms get sucked away with the wind-
Wait, he thought he died...so what was this? Was this heaven? Where is he? What does he remember?
Peter closes his eyes. Think Peter think.
His mind gets sucked into a memory.
“Mr Stark? I don’t feel so good.”
“You’re alright.”
“I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go, sir please, I don’t want to go, I don’t want to go-”
“I’m sorry.”
Peter screams, bolting up, blinking back tears and gripping his arms, hugging himself tight. Tony. Tony! Oh God…
“Dad?” Peter yells, his voice cracking and breaking. It echoes until it fades, getting far enough away. The water reminds him of the ocean. The horizon that looks so flat but goes on forever.
For a second, he doesn’t hear anything.
And then he hears everything.
Peter almost falls backward from the shock.
Millions of voices calling out.
Different names, screams, shouts, sobs. He hears voices yet sees no one. And all the sounds are like they’re underwater. But then they get louder, more clear, more unique. Different languages: English, French, Korean, Polish... Different accents: British, Australian, English-
Annalice!
Kyra!
What’s going on?
No!
Matthew!
Wait!
Stop!
Where-
Millions of names.
Millions of shouts.
Millions of gasps, sobs-
Peter’s shaking, spinning and turning, his breathing getting faster. He clutches his hands over his ears, rocking back and forth, pleading for the yelling to stop, feeling so alone, so scared, so fearful. The shouting and the noise finally stops after it almost gets too loud to bear. His ears are ringing and Peter slowly lowers his hands, trembling, breathing in gasps.
What is this place?
He just wants his dad. He wants to see Tony again.
Peter pulls his legs up to his chest. He lowers his head onto his arms.
Tony sits on the floor of his lab. He’s breathing fast, his ears ringing.
He just wants his son. He wants to see Peter again.
Tony pulls his legs up to his chest. He lowers his head onto his arms.