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Late Night Reads For Restless Spirits
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Published:
2019-04-30
Completed:
2021-02-06
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2,255
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4/4
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A Slightly Salty Guide

Summary:

Ever wondered how to use an apostrophe? Did that pesky its or it's get you down? Don't know whether to use their, there, or they're? Check out this guide, which has been written by my sleep-deprived and salty self, to find some answers!

Notes:

I'm sorry.

Chapter 1: Apostrophes

Chapter Text

Hello, Internet! I have a small bone to pick with you. You know apostrophes? Those friendly little dashes that let you knew when things are possessive or contractions, which you constantly use wrong? These things: ‘

Well in case you are ever again in need, this guide will help you figure out where you can wipe your apostrophe mistakes away.

Rule #1: one of the main purposes of an apostrophe is to tell you when something is POSSESSIVE. That means someone owns a thing. Examples:

  • Harry’s wand was shooting sparks. (The wand belongs to Harry.)
  • The weapons were Black Widow’s. (The weapons belong to Black Widow.)
  • No one appreciated Sherlock’s snark. (The snark is coming from Sherlock.)

Note: if you’re adding ‘s to something already ending in s, you can leave off the last s. Examples:

  • The lost boys’ hideout was discovered. (This is a plural form. The hideout belongs to all the lost boys.)
  • Moses’ staff was freaking cool. (The staff belongs to Moses.)

Rule #2: the other main purpose of an apostrophe is to show that you have a CONTRACTION. A contraction is when you shove together two words and take out a few letters in the middle. Examples:

  • You could’ve done it, Sam!* (Words combined: could have.)
  • The Doctor couldn’t care less.** (Words combined: could not.)
  • Luke, we’re going to be okay. (Words combined: we are.)

Rule #3: THE EXCEPTION. It’s vs its can be difficult, because its is POSSESSIVE and it’s is a CONTRACTION. A good strategy is to replace whichever one you’re using with “it is”. If this makes sense, you use “it’s”. If not, use “its”. Examples:

  • It’s hot outside. (It is hot.)
  • Its head was huge, but its feet were tiny. (The head and feet belong to it. “It is head” would not make sense.)
  • It’s not you, it’s me. (It is not you, it is me.)
  • I think you hurt its feelings. (The feelings belong to it. “It is feelings” doesn’t make sense.)

Rule #4: DO NOT USE APOSTROPHES for PLURAL words. Plural words simply have an “s” or “es” added to the end (barring exceptions). They mean that there is more than one of a thing. Examples:

  • No one saw the villains coming until it was too late. (More than one villain.)
  • Peter knew he was outmatched by the wolves. (More than one wolf.)
  • The Dursleys were just the worst. (More than one Dursley.)
      • *Note: do NOT say “could of”, “would of”, or something similar. That’s just WRONG. The proper combination of words is could have, would have, etc. People often just say “could’ve” or “would’ve” when speaking, which sounds like “could of” or “would of”.

      **Note: I could care less means that you DO care, as pointed out so saltily by Weird Al Yankovic. Don’t write that. No one says that.