Chapter Text
Armageddon had come to pass, which wasn’t originally part of the Divine Plan as the angels and demons had stated for thousands of years. An angel and a demon’s execution had also passed, much to the uncontainable shock of Heaven and Hell. It was the top gossip for the next several months, and it eventually got stale and they moved onto other things to talk about. Such as the feeling that something (or someone) that had been purposefully hidden away for Millenia resurfaced, perhaps something that should've stayed hidden. When most think of something along those lines, they expect the HorsePeople to rock up and get busy. Unlike last time, this was a little more... modern. More loud, more boisterous, more excitable. A forgotten piece of the Ineffable Plan that suddenly decided that now would be the perfect time to get tangled in the affairs of Heaven and Hell a little more openly.
A figure stood in front of a very important building. They’d been standing there for a couple minutes, neck craning as far back as it could to see the top. They looked a little bummed that they couldn’t, returning their gaze to the entrance and striding forward. The swivel doors steered them in, and they immediately looked down and lifted their foot at a sound they didn’t expect. The floor was wet, and they made a noise of annoyance. Two escalators. His colleague had requested he go upstairs first, and then head further down into the building afterwards. He didn’t want to do either, quite frankly. Could’ve sent five of the others but no. It had to be him. He exhaled the breath he didn’t realise he was holding, straightening his leather jacket a little and made his way over to the escalators on the right. A familiar feeling settled into his very core, and he placed his hand on the railing as he stepped on and was sent up. The first thing he noted was how open it was in terms of space. There were no paintings or any sort of decorations as he set down the hall, which made him feel a little smaller than he would’ve liked. They could’ve at least put out a table with a plant or something. He rounded the corner, one of the guards in front of the very large door suddenly looking away from an interesting spot on the wall to him and seeming rather caught as to what to do. He watched as they tensed and looked to the other guard, who looked just as baffled. He stopped a couple feet in front of them, looking back and forth between the two before.
“The door, please.”
Scrambling to action, the two pushed open the large door and stood by each of them.
“Thanks.”
The figure stepped in, making a beeline for the several other figures who were standing in a haphazard circle of four. The shorter and stockier angel, Sandalphon, turned as the doors shut and he spoke to the others. Gabriel, and then Michael looked, Uriel the last to focus in on the stranger. He rolled his shoulders back and walked a little straighter, a little taller, a little more confidently. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to drop into a hole and land on a nice sunny beach with a cocktail.
“Are you the contact from Limbo?” Uriel asked.
“I am. Here to discuss whatever it was you all deemed so urgent.”
Uriel huffed, their eyes flicking to Gabriel expectantly. He was the one who requested their presence, but with the way his eyes widened and his jaw went slack they guessed something wasn’t right. Michael looked just as surprised, if not more.
“What is it?” Uriel demanded, and Gabriel seemed to recompose himself.
“It is... good to see you again.”
“Doubtful.” They remarked. “You haven’t been in contact with Limbo for at least four thousand years and then you send a letter of urgency regarding several events that we were both aware and unaware of.”
“Armageddon did not occur.”
“I’m aware. Otherwise, Earth would have crumbled months ago.”
There was a pause. Perhaps left a little too long once Gabriel realised it was so they could speak.
“There were... variables we did not think would affect the coming of the end of the Earth.”
“Variables you want Limbo to sort out, no doubt.”
The angels collectively nodded, albeit sheepishly. That earned a sigh from the other, who shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. He was nothing like what they expected. Black jeans with black and yellow sneakers, a shirt with the name of some obscure human reference they were sure. Their jacket was absolutely covered in metal pieces, decorative they assumed.
“Do these variables have names? The one from Heaven specifically.”
“Principality Aziraphale.” Michael said, and the figure nodded.
“Aziraphale. Okay. Any particular method or punishment you’re hoping to have him dealt with?”
“I think at this rate he’s a rogue angel.” Michael said. “Do with him as you please.”
The figure nodded, swivelling on their heel to leave the room if Gabriel hadn’t called out first.
“Archangel Raphael.”
The figure paused.
“Do you have anything else to say regarding your absence from Heaven?”
The room was quiet for a moment, and then the figure spoke up again.
“No.”
Sandalphon bit his tongue as Raphael pulled open the doors and disappeared around the corner of the corridor, finally looking to Gabriel.
“That was Archangel Raphael? From Heaven?”
“We assumed he had fallen.” Michael admitted, looking to Gabriel as well. “I didn’t know he had simply transferred.”
The archangel said nothing, staring down the now empty corridor before the doors clicked shut.
“Well, the fate of Aziraphale is out of our hands and in his.”
He gestured vaguely with his hand as he strode off, leaving Michael spluttering behind him to wait and, surely there was more to be said!
Raphael clicked the button to bring the elevator to the level he was on, watching the numbers slowly count upwards as it came up. Occasionally it would stop at a particular floor, as every elevator did, and he would become more and more aware of the stares from angels passing by. They couldn’t help it, so he didn’t blame them. An archangel, who had been missing for five thousand years, suddenly showing back up in Heaven under the guise of a contact from Limbo? It was sure to send tongues wagging. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, the angels already in it moving to get out before pausing at the singular figure outside. One of them stopped in the doorway, the lot of them only moving when the doors began to shut on them. The elevator emptied out immediately, Raphael stepping in and clicking the button of the floor he needed to be on. He double-tapped the button to close the door, hands shoving into his pockets as the doors shut and the elevator descended. He didn’t like being this high up. It was too close to the angels he left behind, the job he had originally been assigned. Too close to Her. He hadn’t spoken to Her in a while, though neither had She spoken to him. He didn’t hold any bad thoughts around it though; it was just a fact and he didn’t expect Her to to chat with him purely because it had been a while. The white lights that peeked through the small slot of the doors slowly stopped, darkness sitting outside the elevator as it slowly came to a stop and dinged. The doors opened and Raphael immediately took a start to get out, raising his hand that immediately met the chest of one of many demons that suddenly all came to a halt.
“Wait, please.” Raphael said, steering the demon back out of the elevator before moving through the sea of demons that parted for him.
It was dark, cramped, dirty, and there were far too many people all in one place. Reminded him of a shopping centre on the weekends. All those families walking in one big line and effectively becoming a human barricade? Certain it was one of Hell’s crowning achievements. He eventually came to a stop at a door, turning the handle and stepping in to find a variety of demons in fold-out chairs in front of a… Lord above, that projector was ancient! Beelzebub stood on a small podium, likely so ze could actually be seen by the demons in the back, and was now focused on the uninvited angel standing in the doorway. Hastur stood from his chair up the front, but Raphael took no notice as he looked to Beelzebub.
“You wanted to chat about the lack of Armageddon on your part?”
The demons eyes swivelled back to Beelzebub.
“We had a traitor.”
“Sounds like Heaven had one too. You want Limbo to take over as well, I assume?”
The Prince of Hell chewed on the inside of zis lip for a quick second before zis eyes flicked to Hastur. Neither had expected contact to arrive so quickly. It was hectic in Hell, and nothing actually really got done in terms of paperwork.
“Name of the demon in question.” Raphael started.
“Demon Crowley. One of the Fallen.”
If Raphael had a dollar for every time Hastur sneered at anything, he would have a lot of useless change lying around.
“Alright. I’ll get on it.”
And with that the angel turned, shut the door, and headed back down the corridor, leaving behind a room full of rather confused demons who were unsure what his plan actually was. Or whether he actually had one.
Crowley didn’t get many phone calls. When he did, it was usually from Aziraphale who invited him out for lunch or for a quick walk out to St James’ Park to feed the ducks. The angel, his angel, had recently been told that bread was actually quite terrible for their health and feed them seeds or oats instead. He’d been rather upset that he had been unknowingly harming the fowl for centuries, and Crowley was incredibly frustrated he couldn’t find the sod that told him about the bread. Having Aziraphale drunkenly sob about the poor birds had been rather funny for the first two hours. Not so much the next forty-six.
Anyway, the phone call. Crowley now stared at his phone, his more modern phone that is, as an unknown number flashed on the screen. Another telemarketer no doubt. One of Hell’s other achievements. He clicked the power button twice, leaving the buzzing and ringing as nothing but a faint memory. For about five seconds before it began to ring again. He pressed the power button again, twice, and the phone rang a third time. They weren’t going to win. Crowley wouldn’t let them. He pressed the button twice again, and a text message came through this time. Normally, he wouldn’t have opened it. If anything, he was two seconds away from swiping it off his screen until he glimpsed Aziraphale’s name part way through the first sentence. That sent his non-essential heart into maximum overdrive and he opened it up.
You’re literally harder to contact than Aziraphale, and he still uses a rotary phone.
Well, that wasn’t as bad as he thought.
I'm sure you’re busy doing whatever it is you do; dining out, driving places, stopping Armageddons here and there. You know; the usual.
That, however, was not so good.
Beelzebub sent us a real nasty letter about you. You know what it’s like to read a ten page letter about one demon’s traitorous behaviour for the last six thousand years? I had things to do, you know!
Beelzebub? What would Beelzebub want from some random… actually, who was this person?
Anyway, Hell said that we’ve been given authorisation to figure out what to do with you. Heaven also gave me direct jurisdiction and authorisation over Aziraphale. Yay!
No. No ‘yay’.
I don’t expect much, but I would like to see you at the address in the document attached by the end of the week. Aziraphale booked in for tomorrow morning so you can send a text back to book me in whenever.
He didn’t want to go at all. Why would he go to someone who explicitly stated they were working for both Heaven and Hell? His phone buzzed, and Crowley noted there was another message from them.
Oh also, I forgot to tell Aziraphale on the phone but! There’s this new bakery down in Central London? It has really good honey cakes and sells them with honeycomb pieces and stuff, so can you tell him next time you see him? Thanks boo ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
Crowley stared at his screen for a solid minute. Was he receiving text messages from a teenage human? He opened up his contacts, thumbing Aziraphale’s contact and immediately calling him. For a reason he couldn’t place, his heart hammered in his chest. Would Aziraphale pick up? Was this some kind of cruel joke? Had Hell finally figured out that if they kidnapped Aziraphale it would be the most torturous thing they could ever-
“Hello Crowley!” Aziraphale chirped.
Oh, never mind. He was alright.
“Angel, we need to talk.”