Chapter Text
1. AFRAID
EARTH 101001 ( AKA the Anime Verse.)
She often wonders if he is just as afraid of this as she is; if he thinks the same things she does, but she can’t bring herself to ask.
In the dark of her room, stolen moments with him haunt her mind. A brief glimpse of the world of Scott Summers’s bleeding heart. Gnawing her lip, Emma flips herself to her back, deciding she’ll lie awake for a little longer before throwing the idea in the rubbish altogether.
The months had been interesting. Could she call it that? The rocky foundation in which she’d started here never led to this. How could it? And yet here she was, thoughts like a schoolgirl. Had she been someone else, Emma simply would have rolled her eyes at the affection of it all nauseating. And yet, those thoughts will not be pushed down. If only she’d ask.
As if asking makes it even more ludicrous she’s scared.
It strikes her at odd moments when she can’t sleep, like tonight, and the world is forced through her head. It’s the uncertainty of this all that has her gripping all the tighter. The back and forth of them both. The tentative nature reminds her of a girl who had long since died. It’s the way her knees grow weak, her heart races at just a bare touch.
She knows how these things end, and she afraid to admit she’s not ready for the crash and burn. Not yet. Allow her to savor the feel just a bit more of the rush. She’s not willing to see it burn up in smoke and hellfire once more as these things always do for her. Her track record enough proof. A sigh pushes past her lips as dawn breaks through the sheer curtains of her room.
She doesn’t tell him these things cross her mind; his shoulders are heavy enough without her heaving doubts upon their fragile state of equilibrium.
Deciding sleep is no longer an option, Emma makes her way to the window. Pensive as she gazes on out of the new home of Xavier’s. The few students they managed to rustle about still snug in their beds. The soft rays of the sun just breaking the horizon. And yet she knows she’s not the only one up anymore.
A soft blue gaze lands on the body below her. Even now she catches herself wondering if this is what it’s supposed to be like. That having that nagging doubt, the self-sabotaging pattern she so quickly falls into is just the natural way feelings and emotions work. She wouldn’t know, of course, it’s all very raw, new, and dangerous with him. Explosive and forging in a way she can’t quite put her finger on. Nimble fingers play with the silver chain around her neck as she continues to survey the grounds.
There’s something soft about the way she looks down at him.
Often when she’s alone after tutoring Hisako, she slips into delusions she could be that girl for more than just one night, more than just one fling for someone as she often was before him. A small voice will pop into her head and whisper she could be with him.
But she believes it to be out of her nature, it’s just buried and latent with Scott. Sooner or later those tendencies will rear their ugly heads. Emma knows what type of woman she is. Has for a long time. She’s the girl you seek when you’re lonely and drunk. She’s the woman you call when you want something handled quietly, efficiently and without emotions, She’s the passing fling and the one wild night. She was toxic. Everything she touches, every ounce of happiness she’s seen is fleeting because she is at her core often that same scared little girl. She’s scared she’ll find herself down the rabbit hole once more. That her notion of what this is and isn’t will be shattered by harsh reality.
Staring out at him she thinks for a moment when he’ll wise up and go back to the way things were the Mastermind debacle, before she’d proved her metal, before those courtesy nods became smiles and fleeting touches. And then what? She’ll go on living, but at what costs to the softness beneath her exterior of cold and diamond? What then? That’s what scares Emma Frost more than her other faults. More than a haunting past.
A small smile graced her lips as he catches her looking before he disappears in the manor. She doesn’t shy away from as many others would at the attention of being caught. No, her mind is far too occupied for such things and she often makes bold choices in her life. There was no sense in playing coy anymore. One last sigh leaves her as the fears are pushed back once more. Turns to go about her day, she boxes them back up to unpack another time when sleep alludes her.