Chapter Text
“I’m not saying I want to date him. I’m just saying he’s hot.”
“And I'm saying you’re crazy for thinking that. He’s a jerk.”
“You can’t judge people’s hotness by their jerkiness, Timbo,” Stephanie said as she dug through her purse for her car keys.
Before Tim could answer, a trio of women walked up to them. They were holding pocket pistols pointed at the two and hidden from onlookers behind their purses.
“Hey there, kids,” the one in the bad wig said.
Tim looked down at his coffee with a sigh. “Lucius is going to kill me for missing the board meeting.”
Stephanie nodded, sucking at her smoothie.
“Be good and no one will have to get hurt,” the one with the obvious extensions chirped.
The straw slipped out of Stephanie’s mouth with a pop. “Listen, I’ve got a lecture in, like, thirty minutes and as fun as it would be to have a reason to get out of it, I’m not really in the mood. How about I give you the two hundred I snuck out of Timmy’s wallet and you guys save this for some other time?”
“In the van.” The one with the cheap hairspray dye job nodded towards the van a few cars away.
Stephanie turned to Tim to see him morosely shuffling towards the van. She shrugged and followed. As she watched Wig open the sliding door, she asked, “So you’re guy’s hair situations, did you want them to look purposefully bad for the kidnapping? Because if not then someone definitely ripped you off. I know a guy that could hook you up.”
Dye Job shot her a glare from behind her huge sunglasses and Extensions dug her gun into Stephanie’s back.
“Just saying,” Stephanie muttered and slipped the straw back into her mouth. She turned to share an amused look with Tim, only to see him climbing into the van. She frowned and lowered her drink. “Wait, are we actually going with them?”
Tim raised an eyebrow at her.
She shoved her drink into his free hand so she could throw her arms into the air. “Timmy, didn’t anyone ever tell you not to get into strangers’ cars?”
“Listen kid -” Extensions started alongside another nudge from her gun and Stephanie rolled her eyes.
“Lady, I’m not afraid of your mouse guns. Do you know who my dad is?”
“Bruce Wayne,” Wig said confidently.
“Ew, no. I just dated this guy,” she gestured to Tim, “then refused to leave after the break up so Brucie pays for my college bills. He’s, like, my ex-dad-in-law at best. Sugar uncle without the creepy implications? I don’t know. He’s not my dad though. No, my dad’s a supervillain who, for the record, has threatened me with acid to the face. He’s a dick, I know. Point is, you guys don’t scare me.”
Dye Job actually looked hesitant, but Wig looked unconvinced.
“Everyone’s got a relative who works for Riddler or Penguin or whatever. Nice try,” Extensions snorted and dug the gun even further.
Stephanie stepped forward and turned in one motion so she could glare at the woman. “Try Cluemaster. You know, Arthur Brown. Stephanie Brown. Ring a bell?”
“Sure, kid. Now get in.”
“Yeah, no. Last chance. Take the two hundred and leave.” When none of the trio backed down, she shrugged. “I tried.”
She clocked Extensions right in the temple, knocking her out in one blow. She grabbed Dye Job’s wrist and twisted it just as the woman pulled the trigger, making her shoot Wig in the shin. She slammed her elbow into Dye Job’s face, stunning her and possibly breaking her nose. Then she grabbed Wig’s head from where the woman had dropped into a crouch after the gunshot and slammed it into first her knee then the side of the van to knock her out. Finally, she pulled Dye Job into a chokehold and held on until the woman slumped in her arms.
With all three down for the count, she turned to Tim to see him sitting on the floor of the van with his legs hanging out.
Her drink was sitting next to him and he was rubbing the bridge of his nose. “You know, we’re supposed to just go along with the kidnapping.”
She blew a raspberry as she grabbed her drink. “I’ll leave that to you rich boys. My dad is publicly known to be a supervillain. I can beat up my kidnappers.”
Tim sighed and pulled out his phone to place a call. “Hey Jim. I’m calling to report an attempted kidnapping… No, mine this time. And Steph’s… No, we’re fine. The kidnappers are all knocked out and they never touched us… In the parking lot of the Robin’s Roast on Seventh near Hamilton. Do you think we can make this quick? I’ve got a meeting in,” he checked the time, “twenty-three minutes… Yeah, figured I’d at least try. We’ll wait here then.”
Stephanie took a loud sip of her smoothie as he ended the call and dialed someone else. “The officer he’s sending is one that’ll write me a note to my professor explaining why I missed the lecture, right?”
He nodded. “Hey, Tam, I… Oh, you’re still at lunch with your dad, great… No, I mean, yeah, but I just wanted to see if you could push the meeting back, say, an hour? I’ll be there, I swear… Kidnapping attempt… No, they tried to grab me and Steph, but Steph knocked them out right away so we’re just waiting for the police to pick them up and take our statements… No, I’m wearing my work suit… I know that. Steph says she gets privileges because she’s a supervillain's kid… You get to be the one to tell B that… What? No… Alright, fine. I’ll see you both at the meeting.”
“They pushing back your meeting then?”
“Uh-huh.” Tim put his phone away and downed his coffee. “Lucius says I have to hire you as my bodyguard though.”
Stephanie spat out her smoothie, Tim flinching away before any could land on his suit. “What? Why?”
“Apparently, you make a strong case. He’s sick of kidnapping attempts and actual kidnappings getting in the way of business. It doesn’t matter much with B because he’s Brucie, but apparently I need to be held to a higher standard because I’m responsible or some BS.”
“Sucks to suck, but you brought it on yourself,” she hummed. “Not that I’m agreeing, but what’s the pay like?”
Tim shrugged. “I’ll have to see what the going rate for bodyguards is.”
“Then double it.”
He shot her a look.
“Hey, don’t think I didn’t realize taking the job means I have to go to those boring galas Jason’s always complaining about. If I have to be bored out of my mind I want to be compensated for it.” She smirked. “Also, something tells me Lucius isn’t going to be happy if you get to work and my answer’s no.”
He gave her a full-on Batglare and she flipped him off. Sighing, he said, “Fine.”
“Also, I’ll need a couple fitted suits and nice shades. If I’m going to be a bodyguard I’m going to look sick doing it.”
“Alright,” Tim agreed, tapping at his phone.
“Can I get a gun?”
He looked up with a frown. “Why do you want a gun? Do you even know how to shoot?”
She shrugged. “Jason and Dick have guns. They could teach me. I need a weapon if I’m going to be your bodyguard. Plus, it’d tick off Brucie.”
He shook his head and turned back to his phone. “Can’t you just have a baton or something? You know how to use a baton.”
“Too close to my nightlife. What about a laser gun?”
“How are you going to get a laser gun?” he groaned.
She took a long sip. “I know people.”
“How about a taser?”
“What if I get a laser gun with a stun mode?”
“Laser gun that can only stun?”
“Deal.” She held out her fist.
He raised an eyebrow. “You know I’m going to check with Kara that the gun actually can only stun right?”
She stuck her tongue out at him and nodded so he fist-bumped her. She tried to take a drink, and frowned when she realized her cup was empty. She held out her hand and Tim placed his empty cup in it. After a quick trip to the trash can outside the coffee shop, she leaned against the van next to Tim. “So admit it: If you ignore Merrick’s personality, he’s totally hot?”
“… Alright, fine, he’s kind of hot. His personality is a complete deal-breaker though.”
“Oh, no, yeah, totally.”