Chapter Text
Lesson One:
Make a Good First Impression!
Well, there is a notebook here.
Kris almost didn't see it, the swirling, textured leaf pattern on the cover blending in almost too well with the surrounding leaf litter and other assorted detritus gathered in the small cubbyhole at the playground's edge. The human came here sometimes, when the pressures of socialising and hanging out with the class bully got to be too much (and as great as Susie was, you really could only withstand so many dead arms, noogies and backhanded snipes before it all got a bit wearing). No-one else ever came here, though whether that was because they didn't actually know about this place, or because there was some sort of unspoken agreement at play, they never could be quite sure.
Now, with this discovery, that covenant seemed to have been broken.
Kris picked up the book. It was far too nice to be a school exercise book – there was a satisfying heft to it, the cover had intricate leaf patterns painstakingly etched into it, and its pages were all trimmed with a shiny, foil-like rose-gold gilt that glittered whenever the sun caught it. It had that indescribable "new book" smell to it, the smell of unglimpsed knowledge and untapped potential. It was almost too nice to even open, let alone write in.
Yet written in it somebody had, because the first page was quite heavily dog-eared. Kris flipped it open, reading the elegant, tidy handwriting within:
"Notes on making and keeping friends!
(also secret doodles and scribbles and stuff)
Written by Falsetto, age 7-and-5/8ths ^w^"
…huh. Some kid's journal? The handwriting was almost too nice for that. Certainly a huge step up from Kris's own chicken scratch. So, had this "Falsetto" been here then? Dropped it while playing in the hedges? Or…?
'…has to be around here somewhere… it HAS to be…! Ohh, I don't know what I'll do if it's lost…!'
Kris turned towards the source of the voice, coming face-to-hood with a small child crawling on their hands and knees, their overly-long sleeves energetically brushing aside leaves and twigs with a swish and a crackle, getting dried plant matter caught in the spearmint-green fabric. From somewhere within that voluminous hood, small sighs and whimpers would issue forth as the kid scrabbled around in the dirt for their lost notebook.
Kris didn't move or speak right away, wary of spooking the distraught child. They hadn't appeared to notice the human sat a few feet from them, too engrossed in their fruitless search to register their presence. It felt like watching a wild animal as they foraged for food, in a scene straight out of one of those nature documentaries their mom enjoyed watching from time to time. It took a great deal of restraint on Kris's part not to narrate, in their best sagely, dignified voice, or to giggle at the thought:
And here we see the juvenile Lesser Hooded Capriform, scrabbling about for its lost treasure…
'Ohh, I hope no-one's found it…!' said the timorous voice, high and strained with panic. 'I—i-if anyone reads it and tells the others, I'll… I'll n-never…!'
The hooded kid stood up, dusted their sleeves as best they could, and tried to get their breathing under some sort of control.
'H-have to come back later,' he muttered, 'got my nice top all dirty now…'
Realising they were about to leave, Kris quickly crouched forward, reaching over with one hand to tap them gently on the shoulder. They had tried to be as gentle as possible, but even that small touch made the child stand ram-rod straight and give a small cry of fright and alarm.
'S-sorry…' said the human in their quietest voice. 'I… think you dropped this…'
The hooded figure turned around, very slowly, drawing the strings tightly so that Kris couldn't see their face. The kid looked down at their notebook, and then back up at the human. Then back down at the notebook. Then back up again. Then inertia finally caught up with them and they flinched backward, holding out both arms in front of them.
'H-h-h-h-h… h-h-hu… h-human…!'
Kris blinked. First time anyone had made a big deal out of that in a long time. 'Um… yeah? I guess that's…'
'D-d-don't come any c-c-closer!' the poor child shrieked. 'I d-don't want to be lunch! I… I don't taste very good! I'm v-very stringy! And y-you'll get hairballs!'
Kris could feel their forehead crease in irritation. Of all the things… 'I'm not going to… why do you think I'm gonna…? …who even told you that… wha?'
'B-b-but they said that h-h-humans can… can eat anything…' they whimpered.
'Uhh… no? I eat the same stuff everyone else does.' They thought back to the dark world moss. '…well, mostly.'
The green hoodie lowered their arms slowly. 'S… so you aren't going to… to eat me then…?'
And this would normally have been the moment where Kris would have let an evil smile spread across their face, make their voice as low as possible, lean in close and declare that they'd make a good appetiser… except this kid was already trembling like a leaf, scared witless just by the sight of them, and there wouldn't have been much fun in it. At that stage, it'd just be bullying.
So instead they shook their head, and held out the notebook again. 'Is this yours? I think you dropped it.'
'Hm? Oh!'
The child made a grab for the book, yanking it out of Kris's grip and inspecting it closely, loosening the hood to do so. Apparently satisfied it was theirs, they gave a little squeal of delight and hugged it close to their chest. From inside the gloom of that hood, Kris could just make out the faintest outline of a w-shaped smile and a pair of twinkling hazel eyes.
'You found it! I thought someone might have… oh, thank you, thank you mister human!' he said, giving them a deep bow of respect and appreciation. 'That was very kind of you!'
Urrgh. Been a while since somebody misgendered them, too. He was just trying to be kind and polite, but even so, it still stung slightly to hear.
'It's… uh, okay,' they said slowly. 'But, uh… I'm not really a… mister. And, well, I'm not really… I mean, I guess I AM a human, but… I suppose I don't really… identify as human? Does that make sense…?'
Now the child leaned in a little closer, curiosity having won out over fear and anxiety. 'Oh, okay. So then I shouldn't call you either mister or human, huh? But then… oh no!'
He recoiled again from them, though this time it was out of self-admonishment rather than fear. 'Oh, I've been so inconsiderate! I must have offended you so much with my thoughtless comments! I'm so sorry! You must think I'm a terrible person right now! Oh no, and after you did such a nice thing for me too…'
'Hey, no, it's not… it's okay…'
But already a hearty sniff could be heard coming from the child, and one of his sleeves disappeared into his hood, presumably to catch the tears budding in his eyes. And Kris looked on in bemusement. What a curious kid! His vocabulary and handwriting were better than some of the teachers, to the extent that he almost sounded like a grown up, but clearly he was still quite young, and his emotional state was… well, it was a bit all over the place, really. Just like a little kid, they supposed.
'Hey, c'mon,' said Kris quietly, inching a little closer to the sobbing boy. 'I'm not offended, okay…? You just didn't know, that's all.'
'N-nooo, but…!'
Oh, for goodness sake. The human was socially awkward at the best of times, and none of their very few formative social experiences had really prepared them for dealing with a distressed, crying child. Certainly not when the reason he was so upset was because he believed he was being rude, rather than because his toy was taken from him or something.
Think… what would Asriel do in this kind of situation? He never struggled with this stuff. He always seemed to know just what to say and do to make everyone happy, and just how to comfort those who were sad. Kris had often seen the way he would give a person gentle touches on their elbow or upper arm, maybe a reassuring hand on their shoulder, shooting them a little smile as if to say, "I get you. I'm here for you. I understand." Gestures that seemed so insignificant and meaningless. And yet…
When they had been younger, they had always thought their older brother had some kind of magic power. So when Kris now reached out, putting one hand hesitantly upon the kid's shoulder and giving it what they hoped was a reassuring rub, they weren't entirely certain that it was going to work for them in the same way. And at first, he didn't even seem to notice the contact. But then, very slowly, one sleeved arm reached up towards Kris's and gripped hold of their jumper, and then the kid just sort of… fell into them. His little arms wrapped themselves around the human's neck like delicate vines, and the weight of his small head pressed gently against their shoulder. Every now and then he would give a small quiver or a fresh sob, and Kris would just pat him on the back in wordless reassurance. Or at least, what they hoped was reassurance.
'I'b sorry…' he sniffed with a stuffy whisper. 'I'b bery sorry…'
'It's fine, really,' they shushed him. 'It's okay.'
The monster child sighed, his weight shifting ever-so-slightly into them, tiny hands gripping their collar ever tighter. And though it had been rather irritating and anxiety-inducing, there was something rather nice about this, as well. The way they could feel his breathing slow and become steadier, and the gaps between his convulsions become longer and longer… there was something surprising soothing about the experience. Some small tufts of mocha-coloured fur, curly and coarse like wool, brushed against their neck, the contact slightly ticklish. It was nothing like the soft, almost downy quality of Azzy's well-groomed fur, or Ralsei's wispy, marshmallowy fluff. But it wasn't unpleasant. Just different.
After a time, the young boy let go of Kris and stepped back, seeming suddenly bashful. His hood had fallen back, revealing a small, fuzzy face, stubby snout, and long, floppy ears, all the telltale characteristics of capriform monsters like Asriel. And indeed, there were some similarities there, aside from the colour and texture of his fur, and his almost-iridescent hazel eyes whose colours seemed to shift and swim into each other as he looked around. A pair of half-moon spectacles hung precariously upon his nose, tied to his right ear by a small rose gold chain. It leant him a studious, scholarly air, even if such eyewear seemed more appropriate for a head librarbian than a third grader. And his rather smart appearance was again offset by the meek posture he had adopted, as if he'd just been caught scarfing the last of the pie.
Well, at least he wasn't crying anymore, so that was something.
'You okay?' they asked him.
'Mm-hmm,' he nodded in response. His notebook was back in his hands now, and he clung tightly to it as if it were an anchor keeping him steady amid a violent tempest. 'I… I'm sorry. That was… rather unseemly of me, wasn't it…?'
Kris shrugged. It could have been a whole lot worse.
'S-so, um… w-what should I call you, if you don't mind my asking…?'
'Kris works,' they said. 'And I guess you're… Falsetto, is that right?'
'Yes, that's right,' said the kid. 'It… it was nice to meet you, Kris. Th… thank you for finding my notebook for me.'
'Don't worry about it. Recess is almost over, I bet. We should get going back to…'
'Yo, Kris, you in there?' barked a voice from outside the hedge, its owner stomping around in heavy boots. 'C'mon dude, I ain't goin' back to Ms. Alphys's class unless you come suffer with me!'
Kris grunted, about to answer her with a withering line or two, but then they saw Falsetto tense up again, his eyes wide with terror at the sound of that voice.
'Th-th-that's S-S-Susie…!' he squeaked. 'Wh-what's she doing here…?!'
The human was about to ask how this boy knew her, but then they remembered that Susie's reputation as a bully and troublemaker was well-established all throughout Hometown, and someone as… well, nerdy as Falsetto was a prime target for her. Or would have been, at least, not so long ago.
'It's alright,' they mouthed to him, giving him a thumbs up. 'She's not a bad person. She's cool.'
The goat boy seemed entirely unconvinced by this, but seeing how relaxed Kris was, he seemed to calm down a little bit.
And then the leaves about them parted to reveal a glowering purple dragon's face staring down at them, jagged teeth exposed in a Cheshire-cat grin. The sight almost made Falsetto fall over in shock there and then.
'Ohh, found a playmate, did ya?' she scoffed. 'I didn't know the book club got together in this dirty bush! You guys know there's a rec room, don't you?'
'Nice to see you too, Susie,' said Kris, appearing entirely unfazed by her ambush.
'You know it. And who's short-stuff over there?' she jerked her head over towards the petrified caprine. 'Say, don't he look a bit like… uhh, y'know…?'
They just nodded.
'H-h-hello, um, Susie…' he said. 'My name is F-F-F-Falsetto. It's a p-p-pleasure to make your acquaintance…'
Susie eyed him a moment or two, her grin widening. 'Man, where'd you find this one, huh Kris? He basically IS Ralsei with a different coat of paint on! …well, that'n he's a bit smaller, but c'mon!'
'Um, who is Ralsei…?'
'Uh, no-one!' the dragon girl responded. 'Just someone we saw in a picture once, right Kris?'
Finding themself without the energy to argue, they just nodded in agreement.
'Oh, I see,' said Falsetto quietly, scratching his woolly chin in thought. 'I thought that perhaps he was…'
'Nope! Now hurry up and come outta that bush before I drag you out!'
'Y-yes ma'am…!' he squeaked, burrowing his way back out into the afternoon air. Rolling their eyes, Kris followed behind. The playground was now almost completely deserted, with just a few stragglers talking amongst themselves or scrabbling to finish their homework assignment before the next class. Or Temmie, just admiring her eg collection.
'Heh, looks like attack of the walking trees out here!' Susie guffawed. 'You two should audition for the next nativity play, you could win awards for how well you'd play grass!''I'll think about it,' muttered Kris as they attempted to dust leaves, twigs and strange little burrs out of their hair and jumper, with very little success. Strangely, Falsetto didn't seem all that bothered by the assortment of detritus his hoodie and fur had collected, instead giggling as he looked down at himself.
'Why, yes, I suppose we would!' he said. 'You're very funny, Susie!'
The dragoness's grin froze in place, and the colouration of her scales deepened to a very dark plum.
'Hey, what the… no, I'm not!' she snorted. 'I'm freakin' terrifying over here, got it? I have a reputation to uphold you know!'
Falsetto just laughed again, and even Kris couldn't quite supress a small smile. Always fun to see big bad Susie get put on the spot like that.
'Well, anyway… nice to see ya Fals… Fal… Fastener…' Susie gritted her formidable teeth in irritation. 'Okay, ya know what, you're Falsei now. Good to meet you or whatever.'
'F-F-Falsei…?' the young boy said, appearing nonplussed at this.
'Yup. Pretty cool nickname, right? Now c'mon Kris, if you don't hurry up I'm skipping class again!'
'Yeah, yeah,' they said, before turning back to Falsetto. 'Don't lose your notebook this time, ok? And don't worry too much about what Susie says, she's actually a massive dork—'
'OI, I HEARD THAT, NERD!'
'…she's always coming up with stupid names for things,' they went on, as if they hadn't even heard her. 'So don't take it to heart, alright?'
'No, no, I… I actually quite like the name Falsei. It sounds very pretty, I think. But it was nice of you to think of my feelings there, so thank you very much!'
Kris just smiled down at him. This weird little bundle of wool seemed to be growing on them. 'Maybe I'll see you later, alright?'
Once he was sure Kris and Susie had left, and he was the only one left standing in the playground, Falsetto flipped open his notebook and retrieving a pencil from one of his pockets, began to scribble furiously inside one of the clean pages:
"Today, I met a human! I'd heard there was one attending the classes here, but I never thought I'd actually get to speak to one! It was a very enlightening experience, though I was quite frightened too, because someone had once told me that humans ate monsters, but apparently that isn't true.
"Their name is Kris, and they don't identify as either male or female, which is really interesting! They apparently also don't identify as human, either. Perhaps for them, being a human is just… normal? Like how I don't think too much about being a monster… except that's what I'm doing right now… oh dear, I can see why that would be quite difficult…
"Anyway, Kris was very nice to me. They found my notebook when I lost it, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this now! And they were very kind to me when I accidently called them "Mister". They smell like cinnamon and apples, a bit like how Ms. Toriel smells. It was a bit embarrassing crying like that in front of them though. But they didn't seem to mind, so that's good, I think…?
"Also, I met Susie! That was very frightening at first, because everyone says Susie is a mean person and bullies weaker kids, but she seemed okay when Kris was speaking to her. She's very funny too, even if she doesn't think she is! I think she had some trouble pronouncing my name, but then she gave me a nickname instead, which is Falsei! I've never had a nickname before, I really like it!
"I really enjoyed meeting both Kris and Susie today. I hope that we can become friends one day. I'd like some friends to talk to and spend time with. They seem really nice, and they treated me with kindness. Thank you Kris and Susie!
"I'm going to be late for class now, so I'll stop here. But I'll write some more when I get home! Hopefully I don't forget what I want to write by then!
Falsetto (Nickname – "Falsei") ^w^"