Chapter Text
(6:13) guess who just walked into the cafe i was in
(6:13) fucking
(6:13) ushijima
(6:14) ???
(6:15) lol hes probably going to get something with just milk
(6:15) FUCK he just looked over
(6:16) Duck your head. Its a coffee place there’s loads of people
(6:16) im trying im trying BUT ES MOVING HIS HEAD AROUND
(6:18) ok ok i think the coast is clear
(6:19) FUCK THE PICK UP AREAS EMPTY
(6:20) if i go hes gonna see me
(6:20) maki help
(6:20) hes not going to leave me alone and then you know what well have to do
(6:21) Ask one of the other customers to go pick it up for you
(6:22) omg youre a genius maki im giving you the last chocolate i have later
(6:26) IT WORKED
(6:26) Did you escape?
(6:27) YES lmao so much for those “extraordinary abilities” he has
(6:30) Glad you’re ok
(6:32) BTW, I’m not maki. You have the wrong number
(6:33) oh sorry new phone
(6:33) thanks anyways!
~~
(9:32) HES HERE AGAIN
(9:34) Oh my god do you have a legitimate stalker?
(9:34) And I’m still not maki
(9:44) i know
(9:44) just thought youd like to know hes still here
(9:45) Is “here” a public space?
(9:45) train station
(9:45) hes confused about where to go omg
(9:46) grown ass man
(9:48) See if you can hide behind one of the pillars
(9:48) true true let me just do that
(9:50) omg it’s working~
(9:51) Have a safe trip
(9:53) IT DIDNT WORK HES ON THE SAME CART AS ME
(9:53) fu ck
(9:53) im standing
(9:53) and theres no open seat
(9:54) hes standing too
(9:54) fuck i think he saw me
(9:55) DUCK
(9:55) DUCK WHERE I AM TALL
(9:55) tall and fine ;)
(9:56) Do you have any headphones? Turn around and ignore him
(9:57) you dont understand
(9:57) ushijimas the type of person to come around
(9:58) and wave in your face
(9:58) at least w/o the headphones i can hear him
(9:59) Walk to another cart?
(9:59) thats dangerous how dare you
(10:00) H ES COMING HER E
(10:00) GO TO ANOTHER CART
(10:01) It wouldn’t be there if it weren’t safe go
(10:03) i did it
(10:03) oh my god i did it
(10:03) i saw my life flash before my eyes how dare you tell me to go do this
(10:04) You’re in another cart though, right?
(10:04) yes im in another cart
(10:04) watch him fucking follow me though
(10:05) Was he your ex or something?
(10:05) LOL HE WISHES
(10:05) he actually wishes
(10:05) but no
(10:06) ??? Why so persistent then?
(10:07) he thinks my full potential can be reached through him
(10:07) That’s the most pretentious thing I’ve heard all day.
(10:07) And I tutor 15 yr olds
(10:07) Your full potential
(10:08) exactly
(10:08) you tutor 15 yr olds?
(10:09) Yeah in English and Math
(10:10) oh cool i tutor in science
(10:10) best subject in the world
(10:10) If you think so
(10:11) oh i do think so
(10:13) Is that so?
(10:13) that is exactly so
(10:13) why what do you think the best subject is
(10:13) Math
(10:14) Can’t go wrong with math
(10:14) i bet the kids you tutor dont think so
(10:16) The other day one kid asked me why and how I knew a poem was written from the point of view of a pigeon. The main reason why it couldn’t possibly be written in the point of a view of a pigeon was bc the pigeon could see everything and travel without issues
(10:17) He forgot pigeons could fly
(10:17) poor you
(10:18) At least in math if you’re wrong, you’re wrong
(10:18) There are no interpretation problems
(10:33) ??
(10:34) Did ushijima get you??
(10:37) ALMOST
(10:37) he got out on the stop i did
(10:38) he was right there coming for me but no fuck that
(10:38) ushijima may be a mammoth but he cant move faster than my long legs
(10:40) Are you taller than him?
(10:40) If you are, fight him
(10:41) no hes taller
(10:41) but one day he will be crushed
(10:41) one day soon
(10:43) CANT GET ME NOW THO IM OUT OF PUBLIC EYEEEE
(10:44) Congrats
~~~
(3:12) im bored
(3:15) hey what do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
(3:17) What
(3:17) a virgin mobile
(3:21) come on that was a little funny
(3:25) Shut up for a little bit I’m busy right now though tutoring someone
(3:26) rude
(3:26) would you rather spend a month studying things in the ocean OR spend that month working at the local mall
‘(3:28) Month underwater probably.
(3:28) Why?
(3:29) those are my options for later
(3:29) month underwater sounds best
(3:30) an entire month of being at the beach what will my fans say~
(3:31) ok ok salted popcorn or caramel popcorn?
(3:34) Salted. BTW do you know how to take care of a baby?
(3:35) no
(3:35) i thought you were tutoring someone??
(3:36) THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO
(3:36) The parents left the house leaving me with the one I’m tutoring and a baby
(3:37) The one I’m supposed to be tutoring is long gone so I have to make sure the babys ok
(3:38) ok first
(3:38) you shouldve met up w the child you have to tutor at the library
(3:39) second
(3:39) i dont think you have to do a lot just make sure the babys fed and diapers clean
(3:41) That’s it?
(3:41) I couldn’t do it at the library, the librarian doesn’t let that happen
(3:43) oh please
(3:43) have you ever talked to her aside from asking about tutoring?
(3:44) you probably live in my area considering i put 1 wrong number into the phone number
(3:45) I’d be distracting her from her job though
(3:45) distracting her from what?
(3:45) the librarian gets lonely sitting there looking at books and loud kids all day
(3:46) she lets me tutor in there
(3:47) Are you for real?
(3:47) wow youre really bad at talking to girls arent you
(3:48) its ok!! youre talking to me so some of my charm might rub off on you~~
(3:49) How do you know I’m not a girl myself?
(3:50) you can be a girl and still be bad at talking to girls
(3:50) -_-
(3:54) so are you?
(3:55) No I’m a guy
(3:55) You?
(3:55) same!!
(4:13) Do you know how to change a diaper?
(4:14) Its leaking
(4:16) its leaking?????
(4:16) LOL RIP
(4:18) i dont know specifics but keep a bag and a clean one with you!!
(4:18) and wipes
(4:19) Oh my god its leaking even more when I move the child
(4:20) Jesus christ what the fuck
(4:21) How does a half foot long creature release so much shit
(4:25) IT SAYS READ ANNOYING SHIT HELP ME
(4:26) rude
(4:26) this is why youre bad w girls
(4:27) if you want something from me you cant talk like that!~
(4:28) Annoying Shit please help me clean a babys shit holder
(4:28) Happy now?
(4:29) see you CAN be good w people! theres hope for you yet~*
(4:30) ok do you have the bag? the clean diaper and the wipes?
(4:31) Shut up
(4:31) Yeah
(4:31) get something to cover your nose w too baby poop is ridiculously smelly
(4:32) ok! so youre going to open up the diaper
(4:32) lift the legs up
(4:32) did you do it?
(4:33) Yes
(4:33) ok now take the wipes and wipe the butt
(4:33) wipe EVERYTHING
(4:34) then when youre done w the wipe put it on top of the poop in the diaper
(4:34) BE GENEROUS W THE WIPES the baby cant wipe its own butt so be nice to it
(4:34) ok now
(4:35) you have to do this part quick BELIEVE IN YOURSELF and youll get it
(4:35) roll the diaper up
(4:35) roll it like a wrap
(4:36) then use the sticky/velcroish parts as covers for bottom and top
(4:36) then put it in the bag and tie it reeeeally quickly
(4:37) take the baby out of the room and get out yourself
(4:42) Wtf why is this so complicated
(4:43) did you do it???
(4:44) Yeah but still
(4:44) It’s a diaper it shouldn’t be so complicated
(4:45) its not
(4:47) what no thank you after all i did
(4:47) helped u
(4:48) in your time OF NEED
(4:49) Thank you, Annoying Shit
(4:50) Oikawa
(4:50) my names Oikawa Tooru
(4:51) I love how out of everything you’ve ever sent me the only thing you ever put in a capital first letter was your name
(4:51) Iwaizumi Hajime
(4:52) nice to meet you~
--
(1:32) You were right about the librarian
(1:48) im always right about girls
(1:49) whatd you do?
(2:03) I told her her hair looked nice that day and she actually smiled at me
(2:10) see! it doesnt take much to be nice
(2:14) I’m always nice
(2:16) if it took you this long to get the librarian to smile then idk
(2:17) youre one of those people who have a bad resting face right
(2:17) its ok iwa-chan
(2:18) its just nature some people are beautiful at all times and some arent!!
(2:31) What the fuck
(2:34) the first step to happiness is acceptance!
(2:35) maybe one day you’ll get better at talking with girls so your appearance doesnt matter
(2:38) That’s not what your mom said last night
(2:40) OH MY GOD
(2:40) i help you
(2:41) and this is how you repay me
(2:43) Just sayin’
(2:44) i hope the librarian catches you with a cookie or smth
(2:45) and youre forced to tutor kids in loud places
(2:46) or THEIR HOMES eww
(2:50) You seemed to have a lot of experience with babies last I checked
(2:53) i took care of my nephew when he was a baby so his parents could work
(2:53) you never forget how to fix a diaper
(3:12) OH I SAW USHIJIMA
(3:14) When? What happened?
(3:15) HE TOLD ME I WAS LIKE A STRAWBERRY PLANT
(3:17) ???
(3:17) That doesn’t sound so bad?
(3:19) he was like oh Oikawa
(3:19) youre like a strawberry plant resilient through winter and able to survive in the worst dirt
(3:20) like thank you but excuse me?
(3:23) That sounds sweet in a way
(3:25) he called my teammates dirt D:
(3:25) super chill about it too
(3:26) Oh fuck him then
(3:27) Who’s he to say who’s dirt
(3:32) ushijima apparently
(3:32) what with his powerful legs and arms
(3:33) vball magazines like oh meet one of the best in the area!!~ One of the best, and one of the hottest
(3:37) he looks like a potato ew
(3:41) You’ll be on the cover one day
(3:42) fuck yes i will. and ushijimas going to be on page 5 on the left hand bottom corner
(3:44) You do that
(3:45) Hey what if he’s calling you a strawberry and means the flower meaning of it
(3:55) im sending him a cactus or smth
(4:04) Sounds good
(4:05) I have to go tutor someone again, sorry
(4:07) have fun!!
~~
(8:21) guess whos at the bus stop with me reading a book on “hoeing techniques”
(8:33) Well now I know why he’s so into you
(8:34) why do u do this iwa-chan
(8:36) omg hes putting post it notes into the book
(8:40) You sound very relaxed considering he’s right there
(8:42) hes not a threat
(8:43) or at least not right now
(8:45) hmmm maybe i should trip him before the game in a week
(8:45) the bigger they are the harder they fall and all that~
(8:46) Accidentally kick his shin while swinging your legs back and forth
(8:47) But don’t do it too hard it’s more satisfying beating someone when they’re fine than when they’re already hurt from the start
(8:52) awww youre so cute
(8:53) i literally could not give a fuck lmao!!
(8:53) the end result is the same
(8:54) he leaves the court
(8:55) But will you be happy tho
(8:56) yes
(9:07) Let me know how that goes, yeah?
(9:08) It involves going near him and I don’t think you’ll do that tho
(9:10) watch me
(9:48) what the fuck
(10:03) How’d it go
(10:09) he was worried about his plants and whether the soils ok for them
(10:10) what if theres not enough nitrogen in the soil???
(10:13) He’s not a casual gardener
(10:14) nope
(10:15) he has a system to his plants too
(10:15) he’ll plant in one part of his area one year
(10:16) and then the next year hell move the plants to the area next to it
(10:16) like in a circle
(10:21) That’s dedication
(10:22) thats having no life
(10:29) Leaf the man alone
(10:30) He’s an asshole but he does something productive with his free time
(10:32) pls you tutor in your free time like youre any less productive in your free time
(10:33) Why what do you do?
(10:35) playing volleyball, looking good, swimming, your mom and your dad, and work
(10:35) YOU fucker
(10:36) you called? ;)
(10:36) That was a good one though. I walked right into that one