Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Noelle looked Into her mirror; fogged up by the humidity of her shower running. Her make-up was smeared down her cheeks, mascara nearly flaking off her eyes.

I've made such a fool of myself, oh my god! No words, she had no words to describe it, let alone think about it.

Blinking in the mirror, fluttery eyelashes, she took a step back, wiping her face with the back of her wrist. The noise of the shower nearly faded out of the background, as she looked at herself again. More closely.

Her whole face was beet red, and her tear-streaked cheekbones made her look like the album cover of a Gothic band. Or one of Catty's mix CDs. Her hair was still pulled back like she did this morning, but more frizzy With pieces at the front falling out and covering part of the right side of her face. Her nose seemed to glow more than it usually did, which didn't surprise her. 

She was dizzy, light headed from running. I think asgore saw me. It didn't bother her much, of all people that could have watched her run out of the library in a panic, He was the least harmful. It's embarrassing really, so embarrassing.

…

Susie stood staring at the wall, the baseboards and the worn wooden floors of the library. The aged yellowing pages of the seemingly ancient books surrounding her, floor to ceiling. It felt so claustrophobic. That is it usually did. 

When noelle was there, it was like the space opened up. What was a place she would never go, one that (albeit she tried to hide) shook her to her bones, was lifted into something she could say was one of the best feelings in her life, at least for a library… 

She was flung back into the abyss of present when berdly paced In, looking confused with his smug beak. pshh. “Hey, is Noelle okay? Did she finally see she was delusional enough to-” berdly remembered who he was talking to. “Snrrf.” his stupid wrinkled beak always chirps out that scoff sound, it pisses me off so much I swear I'm going to punch that snarky bluebird's face in. “Well? Is she alright? You know a gentleman like me never wants to see his..” he seemed to pause, contemplating his wording. “peers sad”

Susie's face wrinkled up. Not intentionally, but enough to scare berdly off. One bird with one stone.. what? What even just happened?

We were just talking, then it was like a switch flipped in noelle. Instead of being silly-goofy like she had been acting recently, she was fidgeting with her nails, it kept getting faster, she tried to stop my rambling and then just… looked at me. Susie couldn't tell if the hard glance noelle gave her was disappointed, upset, or something else. She probably finds those stupid budget horror movies I talk about annoying, I mean, I would too wouldn't I? The interest she showed at her mansion was probably just to stop it from being awkward. Kris wasn't there to bridge The gap between them susie was just seeming to notice now.

Shit.

Susie got up, Clawing the hair off of the side of her face. She wasn't sure where to go, but she knew she couldn't be here. 

Her steps were loud as she speed-walked out of the library. She could hear berdly say something, but the sound was muffled by the doors slamming behind her. There were two places she could go. The graveyard or the lake.

…

Flopping down on the layers of silky and fluffy blankets on her bed, Noelle looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars scattered around her room. Her and Dess put them up when she was eight, the night after watching one of dess’ favourite jumpscare riddled horror films. When she woke up crying, dess came in and took some of the stars from her room that she barely got allowed by carol, and stuck them around Noelle's wall. Places hidden by from their mother. Even though she'd mostly grew out of her fear of The dark, she couldn't bear to get rid of them. There was no reason. She had to keep them there, to remember dess.

Now I'm going To cry again.

Sniffling in tears, she dug her head under the covers. I was so close. So so so close to confessing. She couldn't tell if she felt the regret for even trying to bring it up in the first place, or for screwing up her delivery. And I just left susie there. How selfish. Running away, just when she was starting to feel a bit better about their relationship. How stupid was I to think she would ever like me? Let alone love me. But she couldn't help herself from reminiscing her dream, about susie, how easy it was to talk to her there. It seemed so real.

But it was all just a stupid lie her mind made up. To make her “feel better”.

She sighed as she felt the onset of a headache, reaching over to her nightshade and pulling out a blister of ibuprofen. She had trouble swallowing, that stupid lump in her throat she always gets before crying made it difficult. Eventually, with sipping little sips of water, she could keep it down.

Her mind starts to wonder as the ibuprofen drowsiness kicks in. What is susie doing now. She still wondered, she couldn't stop herself. Is there any universe where she too is longing for us?

Chapter Text

The winds of hometown seemed to crash against Susie's head. It was not a good night to be out.

She could tell. She'd been out on nights like these where the breeze was all but gentle and it blew straight through you. But did she have a choice? No. There were too many nights like these in some places. The town before this one, it rained and rained, the cold never seemed to stop for weeks on end. But hometown, it was good to her. It was.

pacing along, her worn boots stretched. She's been walking for a long time, just wandering, thoughts in tow. She thought maybe the graveyard bench would shield against some wind? Nope. The big trees near The lake? not even a bit. So she was stuck. Just wandering. Wondering. She couldn't help but stop near noelles Place. It takes up nearly Half Of the town for hells sake! So she plopped herself down under some bushes, behind Noelle's house. 

I guess it gave her some protection from the wind, although it was really near “heating” outside from the AC being so cold in her house. like her stupid mother. 

She slouched down, nearly knee high in damp leaves. It wasn't much compared to Kris' couch. Looking up at the sky, dotted with small, glittering stars, Susie felt small. A tear rolled down her cheek.

Did I? No, not now.

She couldn't hold it in. All those years of nothing. And when she finally tried to fit in? It was ripped from her claws. It was stupid to cry. It wouldn't do anything. She'd thought after so long, she'd learned not to cry, especially over stupid things like a random girl not liking her

But Noelle wasn't a random girl.

I notice. I notice the way she fidgets with her pencils, twirling her hair. It's strange. I don't hate it though. How everytime berdly makes a stupid comment she makes the same expression before “agreeing”. The way she is kind to everyone, no matter what they've done. The way she seemed to freeze up every time talking to me. Before now. Before then. 

There was no way Susie liked Noelle. She's just different.

…

I can't Just… Leave her out in the cold can I? I don't even know where she is, she's probably at Kris' house. Or she's at school. Or somewhere else I don't know about. Susie is very secretive about this kind of thing, it isn't helpful When trying to find her.

Noelle pulled on her raincoat and tiptoed out into her hallway, then out the back door. She hoped it was quiet enough that her mother wouldn't notice. 

It was raining, the kind of misty rain that some would count As barely even rain. But It is. It's wet and cold and sad. She trudged out, umbrella in hand. Where would susie go? And her question was answered as she heard a familiar cough.

“S- susie?!?” she looked up, eyes widening in shock. She wasn't sure if she was delusional. 

“Noelle..?”