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Published:
2023-05-02
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Diversity Win! Your Brother Has Questionable Taste In Men

Summary:

Hunter comes out to Luz as bisexual - when they're 23 and 21 respectively, and Gordon Ramsay's face is on the TV screen.

Notes:

Hunter becoming canonically bi (as of the post hoot), you might assume that as a bi person I'd write a beautiful fic celebrating bisexuality and well... i think this fic is that actually x

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Everyone has guilty pleasures. 

For Luz, it’s binging seasons of Hell’s Kitchen. Except it isn’t a guilty pleasure - she’s proud of her questionable uses of free time, watching Gordon Ramsay scream at wannabe chefs included. In fact, she regularly ropes people into watching with her, and Hunter is her most common victim. 

It’s a little surprising - Luz would have assumed Hunter would not enjoy watching a middle-aged man scream at his contestants for forty-five minutes straight, given his upbringing. But it doesn’t affect Hunter, and with how much he’s learnt about cooking from Camila, he argues that the contestants actually deserve it. After watching one contestant say she thought cold water boiled faster than hot water, Luz is inclined to agree.

“Plus, they’re all in love with Gordon Ramsay, anyway,” Hunter says, as he and Luz are sat down for another episode together. Currently, on screen, one of the male contestants is discussing how much he admires and respects Gordon Ramsay, and how it’s his dream to work with the master chef. “Why else would they want to endure the man screaming in their faces day in, day out? They love him. They want him.”

“Hunter,” Luz half-scolds, cackling.

“What?” Hunter replies. “I’m right. But I can’t blame them. Gordon Ramsay is an attractive man.”

Luz freezes. She isn’t sure if Hunter means that in a joking straight dude way, or if he’s actually serious. Both options are cursed. “Er, what do you mean Gordon Ramsay is attractive?”

“Just look at him, Luz. Anyone would agree.” Hunter points at the TV. “Objectively, he’s a beautiful man.”

“No he’s not!” Luz protests, her brain scrambling. “He’s- he’s Gordon Ramsay, Hunter. He’s just - he’s not who I’d think of when someone asks me who is objectively attractive.” 

“Well, I think he is,” Hunter replies.

“I’m actually attracted to men, unlike you, so I think I get to have more of an opinion on whether Gordon Ramsay is good-looking or not,” Luz says, without thinking. Hunter’s never talked about his sexuality, but he’s dating Willow, so Luz knows he likes women. He’s never said anything about men - Gordon Ramsay is the first man he’s ever shown any attraction to. Which is again, horribly cursed. Even if he’s joking.

“I’m attracted to men too,” Hunter says, his voice serious.

Luz’s neck actually cracks with how fast it whips around to face Hunter. “What.” 

“Why are you surprised? I’ve known for years.” Hunter asks, face neutral, as if he hadn’t just come out to Luz seven years into their friendship.

“Because - because - you’ve never told me!” Luz sputters.

“You never asked!” Hunter replies defensively.

“Why would I randomly ask? You’ve literally never mentioned being attracted to men until now!”

“Does a man have to constantly say he is attracted to men to be bisexual?”

“Bisexual!” Luz practically fumes. “We have the same label and you - you never told me!”

“Why would I need to tell you?”

“We’ve missed out on seven years of bisexual bonding!”

“What do you mean?” Hunter frowns. “Every day we spend together is bisexual bonding. We’re bisexual bonding right now.”

“But I didn’t know!” Luz cries, before pausing. “Am I the only one who knows?”

“No, I’ve told Willow,” Hunter replies.

“Well, thank god for that.”

“It was after she came out to me as pansexual.”

“Yeah, I know she’s pansexual,” Luz says. “You remember how she just casually mentioned it one day? No big deal, just dropped it into the conversation? Why couldn’t you do that?”

“I literally did that just now,” Hunter replies.

“You said you’ve known for years! And this is the first opportunity you’ve found to tell me?”

Hunter thinks for a moment, before shrugging. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Luz lets out a groan akin to a pained animal. “Hunter.”

“Are you - are you actually upset?” Hunter says, his voice a little hesitant now. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t intentionally hiding it from you, or anything.”

“No, I’m not upset, I promise,” Luz replies, slinging an arm around Hunter’s shoulder. “I just - kinda can’t believe that you’ve known you’re bisexual for years, and the first time you tell me is when Gordon Ramsay is on TV and you say he’s attractive. I mean, we’ve been watching Hell’s Kitchen for years at this point! Is this a thought you had about him just now, or have you been holding it back all this time?”

Hunter shrugs. “I guess I’ve kinda always thought he was attractive, but it really didn’t register as important enough for me to say out loud. I… I know how important being bi is to you, Luz, and don’t get me wrong, it’s important to me too! But, if it wasn’t for you, I literally wouldn’t even know what bisexuality is. I thought that just finding any gender attractive was the norm, until one day, Amity and I were having a conversation and she said, and I quote: ‘No offense, Hunter, but I’d rather crawl into the nearest skip and start making out with the first bit of scrap metal I found instead of kissing you.’ So that was that.”

Luz holds back an undignified snort. “I’m sorry, Hunter, but can I laugh? That’s literally the funniest thing she’s ever said.”

“You may laugh, it was funny,” Hunter acquiseses, and Luz starts giggling. “Although I did reply ‘Full offense taken, what the fuck?’ But she was quick to clarify that she didn’t mean that because I’m me, it’s just because I’m a man. We still ended up wrestling on the floor anyway.”

“Of course you did,” Luz replies lovingly.

“My point is, I really did just see being bisexual as the norm. I still do, honestly. I kinda can’t wrap my head around just liking one gender,” Hunter says. “But I don’t really think about it that often. I’m dating Willow, we love each other, and that’s enough for me.”

Luz leans into his side. “I know. I’m just happy I have a bisexual big brother. It’s just another thing we have in common, y’know? It’s nice.” Hunter smiles down at her, and Luz smiles back. “Also, this means you can tell me about all the embarrassing crushes you’ve had! Willow can’t be the only one.”

“Hard pass,” Hunter says. “I’ve shared enough for today, let’s just get back to the TV.”

“Oh yes, I forgot about your one true love,” Luz replies, turning her attention back to Gordon Ramsay’s face. The image of him is forever ruined for her, now. “Man, if you think my reaction to you saying Gordon Ramsay is attractive was bad, you should never share that thought with Amity. Like, ever.”

“I think she would support me,” Hunter argues.

“Like hell she would,” Luz replies. “But keep living in your fantasy world.”

“I’m already living in my fantasy world,” Hunter replies, his voice curling with a smirk, “it’s one where me and Gordon Ramsay are alone and having a picnic together and he tantalisingly pushes a chocolate-covered strawberry into my mouth-“

“Actually, you know what? I’m gonna go back to pretending you’re straight.”

Notes:

One day I'll write a fic where I get to shove in my hc that rosegold are HORRIBLY mean to each other in a completely teasing way, but that seems so unprovoked and rude to other people. But they actually love each other to bits. All their conversations have to reach a certain quota of 'would cause any of their loved ones concern if they heard them' or else it just wouldn't be rosegold would it