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English
Series:
Part 1 of The Anatomy of Etiquette & Other Gentlemanly Lessons
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Published:
2017-05-03
Completed:
2017-09-12
Words:
462
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
12
Kudos:
91
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A Closeted Purist’s Guide to Drinking Whiskey (as Told By a Penny-Pincher)

Summary:

To be fair, Harry started it when he called Eggsy a penny-pincher.

Notes:

@futuredescending innocently made a comment and somehow mind fic'd me into making this xD

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

“One must refrain from knocking back their liquor like a man guzzling down water in the middle of the Atacama. Your drink is meant to be savored, Eggsy. Now, I personally prefer my whiskey neat, which- coincidentally- is also how many whiskey purists enjoy theirs. If the whiskey happens to be too tight-”

Eggsy’s mouth puckers with glee, ready to fall all over that bit of phrasing but is just as swiftly interrupted as Harry continues on.

“-of which I mean the alcohol hasn’t fully matured, Eggsy- then you may add a splash, no more, of water to open up the flavour. Try it.” Harry nods towards Eggsy’s untouched glass, carefully coaxing the uneducated-as-of-yet man into taking his time when drinking the whiskey he’d opted to bring over to Harry’s that evening.

After Eggsy’d taken a small sip, pinky finger erect as he lowered the glass back down to the table delicately- as practiced- Harry raises an eyebrow in question.

“Yeah, is a’right,” Eggsy shrugs, noncommittally.

Harry sighed. “Really, Eggsy? Just ‘alright’? Having added a splash of water-”

“-what exactly counts as a ‘splash of water’ anyway?” Eggsy grumbled beneath his breath, kicking his foot up against Harry’s desk.

“-should, as I said, help to further enhance the flavour, allowing your palate to further detect the real notes of your whiskey,” Harry finished primly.

Eggsy rolled his shoulders, pressing the glass of neat whiskey to his mouth again as he rolled his eyes in exaggeration. He knocked back a bit more than intended and pulled back, coughing as he cursed. “Shit, mate! Can’t I add some Coke or something to this? Christ, that’s rank.”

Harry made no comment as he breathed through his nose steadily. “Well, it depends primarily on your-” Leaning forward Harry plucked Eggsy’s whiskey of choice from the table between them, removing the brown bag that covered the label of the bottle. Harry stared. “Well, there’s your problem,” he says matter-of-fact.

“Wha? Wazzat?”

“It appears your palate deserves far less blame than that of your habits of penny-pinching,” Harry says severely as he turns the brand in Eggsy’s direction with dramatic flourish. “Evan Williams, really? Why not just liquefy shit directly from the source and consume it from the lavatory?”

“Says the whiskey purist,” Eggsy hisses back, red and highly offended (but mostly embarrassed).

Harry’s eyes narrow. Eggsy’s chin turns up in defiance.

OH, it is on.

 

Chapter 2: Epilogue: An Interlude

Summary:

Eggsy snickered to himself when Harry immediately vacated the premises.

Notes:

Re-read if you don't get it. :P

Chapter Text

 

Harry had stared at him, realization finally dawning before his slightly more flushed and agitated face turned tail and left from whence he came, more than likely completely forgetting that he'd even come to Eggsy's office to pass on his next mission debrief.

"Totally worth it," Eggsy snickered to himself as he heard the door down the corridor slam shut.

 

The End.

Notes:

In case it's not obvious, I have no idea what Harry's talking about (this was used as ref, forgive me).

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