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actually.juliet: guys holy shit
im.heere: what is it
actually.juliet: okay so I was scrolling through tumblr and I saw a post about romantic orientations and stuff and I went pretty deep into that side of tumblr and anyway I found this term that I think Michael will like just as much as I do
player1: well damn now I'm intrigued
actually.juliet: “A Queerplatonic relationship (or "QPR") is described as a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a "friendship", but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model. It is characterized by a strong bond, love, and emotional commitment, yet is not perceived by those involved as "romantic". The relationship may or may not have some elements or degree of sexuality/eroticism at various times, or none - it doesn't matter, because sexuality/sexual exclusivity is not what the relationship is organized around. It's defined by the intensity and significance of the emotional connection.”
player1: holy shit
actually.juliet: yeah
actually.juliet: also I found out about this thing called a “squish” which is basically the platonic version of a crush, and hey Michael
im.heere: he's definitely squishing on you back I'm just gonna reply for him
im.heere: like we'll be going to your place to study and he'll spend five minutes picking out what shirt to wear even though he knows he'll just be wearing his hoodie the whole time
im.heere: he's got it bad man
player1: jeremy!!!!!
player1: don't steal my moment from me!!!!!
player1: I wanted to be the one to tell Christine I'm squishing on her!!
actually.juliet: lol
actually.juliet: it's okay I have a squish on you too
im.heere: so who's gonna ask the other if they be in a qpr first
actually.juliet: well I was going to before you so rudely interrupted
player1: of course I'll be in a qpr with u!!
player1: wait so then what would I call u? like, ur not my girlfriend… partner?
actually.juliet: yeah, queerplatonic partners, or “qpp” for short
actually.juliet: the article also suggests “zucchini”
player1: why wtf
player1: why would I call my partner a phallic vegetable
im.heere: lmao
actually.juliet: yeah I think we're both fine with just qpp’s
player1: alright nice
player1: this is great I'm so glad u found that term
player1: cause like
player1: just saying that we're friends who happen to be dating the same person never seemed to be enough, you know?
actually.juliet: yeah
actually.juliet: friends doesn't really convey how much we care about each other
player1: yeah!!!! exactly
im.heere: awww this is so nice, seeing my partners deciding to be a different kind of partners :’)
player1: jeremy emojis exist and I expect you to use them, not that sad excuse for a smiley face
actually.juliet: :’)
player1: oh no not u too
-oOo-
Smiling, Christine put down her phone. She was so glad that now she and Michael had a word for their relationship.
She opened her computer. The screen loaded to the tumblr blog where she had found the definition of a queerplatonic relationship. There was a tab at the top labeled “Terms.” Curious, she clicked on it. Maybe she’d find something else that was relevant to her.
The terms page was divided into two sections, labeled orientations and attraction. Orientations was first, so she started reading through that.
There were a lot of new words and new terms on the list, all of them on the aromantic or asexual spectrum. Christine had been aware of aromanticism before now, but she hadn’t really looked into the term because she was, well, she was in a romantic relationship with Jeremy. How could it apply to her?
Her eye caught on a term: “ Gray-romantic - A gray-romantic (grey-romantic) is a person with a romantic orientation that is somewhere between aromantic and romantic. For example, a gray-romantic may:
- Experience romantic attraction but not very often.
- Experience romantic attraction, but not desire romantic relationships.
- Desire relationships which are not quite platonic and not quite romantic.
Gray-romantic can be used as an identity, but it is also an umbrella term. Some orientations that fall under the gray-romantic umbrella include demiromantic and lith/akoiromantic .”
Curious, she scrolled up to find the term demiromantic. “ Demiromantic - A demiromantic is a type of grey-romantic who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. Demiromantics do not experience primary romantic attraction, but they are capable of secondary romantic attraction. The sexual counterpart to demiromantic is demisexual. Demiromantic people may also prefix a gender orientation to the label, as in "Demi-heteroromantic".”
Huh. After a moment of consideration, she decided that, no, that didn’t quite fit her. She hadn’t been friends with Jake before she got a crush on him. What was the other term that was mentioned? Oh, right. “ Lith/akoiromantic - Lithromantic is a term to describe a person who experiences romantic love but does not want their feelings to be reciprocated. Lithromantic people may or may not be ok with romantic relationships. Some accept reciprocated platonic love, or even romantic love, but does not find it necessary in a relationship. The term "akoiromantic" has been suggested in place of "lithromantic", due to controversy of appropriativeness of lesbian culture.”
No, that didn’t sound like her at all. She scrolled through to the end of the orientations list and started to read through types of attraction. Immediately, the first one she saw caught her eye: “ Alterous - Alterous is described as neither being (entirely/completely) platonic nor romantic, & is an attraction best described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic, & is used in the place of -romantic or -platonic (so say bi-alterous instead of bi-romantic). Someone can be both alterous & romantic &/or platonic & can have varying degrees on attraction, ultimately feel discomfort / unease / or just a sense of inaccuracy in calling it wholly romantic or platonic.”
Oh.
Wait.
That’s a thing?
That’s a thing that you can feel?
That’s a thing that you can feel and there’s a word for it?
Well.
She needed to do some thinking about… well, everything.
-oOo-
The next day at school, she approached Michael.
“I need to talk to you,” She said bluntly.
Xe blinked. “Um… okay. Now?”
Christine looked around. They were in a busy hallway and it was in between classes. Too many people who might hear and not enough time to say it.
“No. We’ll talk during lunch,” She said.
“Okay,” Xe replied bemusedly. “Want to tell me what this is about?”
“At lunch,” She promised. The warning bell rang. “See you then.”
-oOo-
Christine sat down at the usual lunch table and waited. It was an even day, and she usually had lunch with Michael and Jeremy, but Jeremy was out sick today, so she and Michael would be alone. Perfect.
Michael came over with xyr lunch tray and sat down. “So what was it that you wanted to talk about?” Xe asked. “It sounded pretty important.”
Christine nodded. “Yeah,” She said absently. How does one go about telling their boyfriend’s boyfriend that they weren’t sure that they actually liked their boyfriend in that way?
“Okay, so yesterday, I was curious about more a-spec stuff after finding out about QPRs, so I was on some blog that had a list of, like, a-spec terms? And they had terms for orientations and and types of attraction, and so I was going through the list and I found a few terms that kind of fit, and, um. Here.” She shoved her phone into xyr face. She had pulled up the definition for gray-romantic on it.
Michael took her phone and read through the words. “So… you’re saying that you’re gray-romantic?”
She nodded. “Yeah. But there’s more.”
Xe raised an eyebrow and made an inquisitive noise.
Nervously, Christine pulled up the definition for alterous attraction and gave her phone to Michael.
She fidgeted as xe read the definition, xyr face staying fairly neutral.
Xe straightened xyr glasses and read through it again. “So…” Xe said slowly, “What are you trying to tell me here? Do you feel this way towards me?”
“Kind of, but that’s not the only thing.” Her leg bounced frantically. “I’ve been thinking it over, and I’m not sure that I’ve really felt romantic attraction towards, well anyone?” She was too nervous to look at Michael’s face, so she focused on staring at the table. “I mean, with Jake, I think it was more that I really admired him and maybe had a squish on him, or, like an alterous crush, but I’m not sure what the word for that is, and I think I just thought that that was what romantic attraction was, so I just thought that I had a crush on him, you know?” She shrugged. “Like normal people do.” Her words started to speed up as she got more nervous. “And I think with Jeremy I don’t feel romantic attraction to him, but alterous attraction, but it’s kind of more on the romantic side while with you it’s more on the platonic side, but we’re already in a romantic relationship. What do I do? I don’t want to stop dating but once I tell him maybe he will, or what if he won’t like me anymore? I still care about him! Just… not like that.” She looked up at Michael.
“Christine.” Xe grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Calm down. Jeremy’s not gonna hate you because you don’t like him romantically.” Xe took her other hand in xyrs. “It’s okay to feel this way. You can’t help what you’re feeling. Like you said, you still care about him, and that’s what really matters.” Xe looked at her understandingly. “Okay?”
Christine nodded. “Okay.”
Xe blew out a breath. “Okay. So, let’s work through this together. You said you still want to keep dating Jeremy?”
“Yeah.”
“So you don’t mind being in a romantic relationship with him even though you don’t like him romantically?”
“Well, it’s what we’ve been doing this whole time, right? I just didn’t know it,” Christine answered.
“That’s true, but knowing does make a difference,” Michael said. “Are you sure you don’t want to be in a QPR with him instead?”
Christine thought about it. “Well, I guess if he wanted to be in one instead, I’d be okay with that,” She said. “But I guess as long as I’m in a relationship with him, I don’t really care what kind it is.”
Michael nodded. “Okay. Well, I think what you need to do next is to just tell him.”
Christine nodded and blew out a breath. “Okay.”
-oOo-
Jeremy was in school the next day, and the entire day Christine was feeling anxiety thrum through her body. As she approached him after school, she had to keep reminding herself of what Michael had said the day before. Don't worry. He's not gonna hate you because you don't like him romantically.
Jeremy must have been able to tell that something was up, because when she arrived, he looked worried.
“Are you okay?” He asked. “You look really nervous about something.”
“That's because I am,” She replied. “I need to tell you something.” Seeing his reaction, she added, “Not, like, breaking up stuff.” I hope. “Don't worry, it's not that at all.”
He exhaled and looked around. “Okay. Do you want to wait for Michael to get here?”
Christine looked around as well. “No need,” she said nodding behind him at the school. Michael had just walked out of the doors and was headed straight towards them.
“Hey guys,” he said, lifting his wrist to show them his black bracelet. He noticed how nervous Christine looked and turned towards her. “Are you gonna -”
“Yeah,” she cut him off with a nod.
Jeremy looked confused. “Wait, Michael, do you know what she's gonna tell me?”
He replied sheepishly, “Yeah, I -”
“I told him yesterday,” Christine interrupted. “I needed advice.”
Jeremy looked vaguely alarmed. “Advice?”
Michael looked at Christine. “Do you want me to be here when you tell him?”
“Um… Sure? If you want to be,” She replied hesitantly.
He nodded. “I’ll stay.”
Jeremy was getting impatient. “Can someone just tell me what it is? I’m starting to get kinda worried.”
“Okay.” Christine exhaled. “So, the other day, after I found out about queerplatonic relationships, I was back on that website looking at terms, and I found a few that I think apply to me.” She took out her phone and showed him the definitions for the two terms.
Jeremy read through the information, then seemed to read through it again. He looked up at her. “So, are you saying that you’re…” He looked down at the phone. “Gray-romantic? And… alterous? I’m not sure I understand.”
“So, alterous is a kind of attraction,” Christine said. “And I think that that’s what I feel towards you.”
“Like, instead of romantic?” He asked.
She nodded. “I - I still care about you. Deeply. Just not in a romantic way. And I know that you feel romantic towards me, and I’m totally okay with that, I just thought I should let you know, cause this is kind of significant.” Jeremy was still looking at her phone. She worried over what to say next, and then burst out, “Please don’t break up with me!”
Taken aback, his head whipped up to look at her. “No no no, I’m not going to break up with you. It’s just… you still care about me?” The vulnerability in his voice was clear.
“Of course! Of course I still care about you, Jeremy!” She grabbed his hands and held them in hers. “It might not be romantic, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.”
He nodded. “Okay.” He hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want to be in a QPR instead?”
“Would that make you more comfortable?” She asked. “Because honestly, I don’t really care if we call our relationship romantic or platonic as long as we’re both still committed and we both care about each other.”
Jeremy nodded slowly. “Okay. Well, I guess if you don’t mind being called my girlfriend and you don’t mind calling me your boyfriend, then we’re okay?”
“Yeah,” She agreed. “We’re okay.”
“Great!” Michael said. They both jumped a little, having almost forgotten he was there while they were so absorbed in their world of relationship negotiating. “You guys figured it out!” He turned to Christine. “See, I told you he wouldn't dump you.”
She smiled. “Good thing you were right.”
“Hey!” Jeremy exclaimed. “I would never dump you,” he said, hugging Christine. “Or you,” he continued to Michael. “Get over here.”
Michael smiled fondly and joined the hug. The three of them stayed there for a moment, drinking in each other, before breaking apart.
“Come on,” said Jeremy, taking each of their hands and starting to walk to his house. “Let's go.”