Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Love, there is a place in my heart
It pulls me away far from you

Love, I hear it whisper at night
Saying things that you never do

"Is he coming?" Molly asked for the third time since beginning the walk to Secondary Docking Port Seven.

Keiko rocked Yoshi in her arms, experimentally slowing her movements. Yoshi had shown himself to be perfectly content with waiting, which was good, but unfortunately her arms were getting tired. "Of course, sweetie. Daddy's shuttle will be here any minute."

Her arms being full, she could only step a little closer to Molly to give her some physical contact. Molly grabbed onto her leg, clinging in a way she hadn't for two or three years now.

Keiko couldn't blame her for her anxiety. Ever since Cardassia had joined the Dominion, the atmosphere on DS9 had been tense. People had begun to leave again, at a rate she hadn't seen since the Dominion had first made itself known. She and Miles had explained to her as much as they thought she was capable of coping with and had tried to shield her from the rest, but she was such a bright little girl. She could tell things weren't right.

She was beginning to wonder if it might not be better to leave the station for a while, until matters with the Dominion had either settled down or had come to a head and a more permanent decision could be made. Taking Molly away from her father and her home would be so hard, but with the station emptying and most of her friends gone—the Petersons had just told her yesterday that they were moving back to Relva VII—there really weren't any good options. She'd have to discuss it with Miles once he'd rested from his trip. That certainly wasn't the sort of decision one person could make.

"Shuttle Twenty-Three is now docking at Secondary Docking Port Seven," the computer announced.

Molly scrunched Keiko's dress in her hands. "That's Daddy's number, right?"

"That's right, sweetheart." Her sudden lightness made it easy to smile. "Let's see who can find him first."

Her heart lifted all the more when Molly giggled. Thank goodness. "Not Yoshi!"

Now she laughed as well, looking down first at her sleeping son, then at her daughter. "No, I don't think Yoshi is going to win, either. Now, let's see. . . ."

She lifted her chin to look as people of all heights and shapes disembarked from the shuttle. When she saw the man she'd been searching for—solidly-built and curly-haired—she waited just a moment or two, to give Molly time to win. Watching him tread along behind a pair of tired Bajoran women, she felt herself relax, and only then did she realise that Molly hadn't been the only one fretting.

Suddenly, by her side came a loud, "There he is!"

Keiko looked down, but already Molly was rushing off to her father, pushing through the crowd without a thought to manners. Keiko followed behind her, offering apologies as she went. Fortunately, no one seemed bothered by the shoving; amused tolerance was expressed almost universally in as many different ways as there were species present.

Keiko certainly wasn't about to stop and catalogue what she saw, though, when Miles was right before her. The instant she made it to him, he shifted Molly to one arm and slid his other arm around her waist. She had just enough time to sigh in contentment as her body fit against his before he gave her a deliciously hard kiss. In contrast, the kiss he pressed to Yoshi's forehead was as soft as a summery breeze. Her heart melted at the sight.

"Welcome home, Miles," she said and kissed him one more time, for the simple pleasure of being able to.

"It's good to be home. I thought that conference was never going to end."

"Daddy, I painted lots of pictures while you were gone," Molly broke in. "And my tooth is going to come out!"

She tilted her head up, opened her mouth wide, and started wiggling the tooth in question. Miles peered at the back of Molly's hand—it was all that either of them could see.

"Is that right? Look at that!" he exclaimed as expected; Molly removed her finger and closed her mouth to smile with pride at him.

"Molly's been trying not to wiggle it too much so you could be there when she lost it. Isn't that right, sweetheart?" she prompted.

Molly nodded. "I only wiggled it five times."

"That's my girl." Miles hugged her against his side once more.

And Keiko smiled. Even if war with the Dominion was imminent and a certainty, she still had moments like these to tuck away in her heart. They made keeping fear at bay not easy, but . . . easier. If she had this, she could be brave, and she knew Miles felt the same way.

*

It was good to eat supper together as a family, too—or almost as a family. Nerys was eating with Commander Dax this evening, something she said she had been planning for some time. Keiko suspected the scheduling had been deliberate, which left her feeling both grateful and a little guilty. It wasn't that she didn't consider Nerys a part of their family now, but she also couldn't deny that tonight, she wanted Miles all to herself.

It was difficult to be patient as Molly poked her way through getting ready for bed. There was no rush, she knew—after supper with the Commander, Nerys was going directly on duty—but, well . . . she was feeling greedy. After their separation, she wanted as much time alone with Miles as possible.

At last, Molly was tucked in bed and even Yoshi seemed ready to sleep for at least a few hours. The moment the door to Molly's bedroom hissed shut, Keiko turned to her husband with a smile on her lips.

"Now that the children are in bed" —she let her walk toward him turn into a sashay— "I should see about welcoming you home properly. . . ."

She rose on her toes to kiss him long and slow, the sort of kisses that were a certain prelude to a very good night indeed—but then she stopped. There were no strong arms pulling her close, and Miles' kisses in response felt . . . dutiful.

"Miles?"

Usually when either of them returned from one of their conferences, it was a race to see who would strike first. This, however, was a strike on her side only.

He tried to smile. "Sorry, sweetheart. The conference really took a lot out of me. I've been feeling out of it all day."

Oh . . . damn. Even if it was a disappointment, it made sense. Especially since— "You barely ate anything at supper tonight. Maybe you should have an early night."

"Suppose I should." He kissed her gently, taking away most of her disappointment with just one touch of his lips. "Good night, love."

"Good night. I'll join you in a bit," she promised. She just needed to tire herself out first.

It was a shame they couldn't celebrate his return tonight, but it was fine. Miles needed his rest, and there was always tomorrow. She'd already waited the better part of a week. She could wait a little longer.

*

Miles might have needed his rest, but he wasn't about to get it. It would have been nice for him to have a slow day after his return home . . . so of course everyone fell over themselves to give him work—especially work with tight deadlines.

"Keo to O'Brien," came a distracted-sounding woman's voice over Miles' combadge halfway through breakfast.

"Go ahead." Miles shared an annoyed look with her.

"Sir, do you think you could come in a little early this morning? The station computers are being laggy and nobody can figure out why. We've already had fifty separate complaints, and frankly, sir, we think that's just a warmup."

Oh, poor Miles. She'd noticed the replicator was being a little unresponsive this morning, but she hadn't wanted to say anything to spare him. It seemed that her kindness had been in vain.

"I'll be down as soon as I can. O'Brien out."

Normally whenever something like this happened, Miles would shovel down his food in three great gulps and be on the move seconds later. Today he simply abandoned his breakfast. Keiko glanced at him as he went for his kit, but . . . he didn't look worn out from yesterday's trip any longer. He must have decided to be stoic and hide his exhaustion—for once.

Not one second later, a new, much deeper voice sounded. "Worf to O'Brien."

Miles made a disgusted noise, then tapped his combadge. "Go ahead."

"The Defiant's most recent diagnostic turned up a number of errors. They require your immediate attention."

"Are you sure they can't wait? The station computers—"

"They cannot. I will meet you in the Defiant in ten minutes. Worf out."

Miles raised his eyes to the ceiling and once again hit his combadge. "O'Brien to Keo."

"Keo here."

"I'm going to be late. There've been some problems with the Defiant. You'll have to cope as best you can until I get them sorted."

"Yessir." The stress in the woman's voice was plain. "Keo out."

Keiko got to her feet at the same time he did and followed him as he went to retrieve his kit.

"Poor Miles." She smiled, because he wasn't even close to doing the same, and to cheer him up, sang, "There's a hole in my bucket, dear Miles, dear Miles, there's a hole in my bucket, dear Miles, a hole."

It was a joke from early in their marriage. The song was a very old one, about a man trying to fix a bucket and the endless tasks he had to finish before he could. Even when Miles had only been transporter chief on the Enterprise—a relatively undemanding job—it had struck both of them as being very appropriate. No matter his mood, Miles always made at least a halfhearted attempt to sing back.

But today, he only managed a small chuckle, then flipped open his kit to check it.

She gave him a funny look as she prompted, "There's a hole in my bucket. . . ."

He glanced up. "Oh! There's a hole in my bucket, dear Miles—"

"Dear Keiko," she corrected. What was going on?

He laughed awkwardly. "Right. Sorry. Guess I'm still out of it from yesterday."

"I guess so," she said, trying and failing to keep the disbelief from her voice. Miles could sometimes have his head in the circuitry, it was true, but this was stretching it even for him.

"Anyway." He snapped the lid shut. "Better get going. You know how the Commander gets."

She smiled, shaking off the moment for now. "If half of what you've told me is true, I'd stop talking and make a run for it."

"Good idea." Miles strode over to kiss her quickly. "Bye, sweetheart. Have a good day."

"You too," she called as the door closed behind him.

There. Now to finish breakfast, get Molly settled with one of her learning padds, and catch up on her correspondence. Dr. Petra had sent her a question about her research yesterday that she'd completely ignored in favor of Miles' return. She'd lost her excuse for laziness, however, so it was time to be responsible once again.

*

By the time Miles returned that evening, Keiko had forgotten his odd behaviour earlier that morning. His appetite was still light at supper, but she wasn't going to worry about that yet. People went through phases where they weren't as hungry. This was probably just one of those things.

Nerys joined them for supper that evening and the whole family had a lovely, quiet night in. When Nerys admitted to being exhausted from her shift earlier in the day, though, while Keiko was of course sympathetic . . . she was also inwardly celebrating. At last she could finally go about giving Miles his welcome home.

While he was putting the children to bed, she stole into their bedroom and slid into her red Tholian silk nightgown. It was a little thin to wear overnight, so she only brought it out when she was certain she'd be kept warm. She had a good feeling that she wasn't going to have to worry too much about freezing tonight.

The low chuckle Miles gave confirmed it when he stepped into the bedroom to find her stretched out on their bed and reading something that decidedly wasn't Exobotany Quarterly. Languidly, she let the padd slide from her fingertips onto their bedside table, then rose to meet him. This time, his kisses weren't dutiful by any means, and the slow glide of his hands to her hips was not perfunctory.

Despite their recent separation, they didn't rush. She wanted to savour his body, and it was clear from his unhurried movements that he wanted to do the same with her. When they made it to the bed, Miles now wearing only a pair of loose trousers and a sliver of silk all that separated them from skin-to-skin touch, she felt positively delicious.

She sprawled on top of him, letting their legs tangle as they kissed, leisurely but not lazily. Miles broke off to press little kisses along her neck, and now she was the one to chuckle even as she arched her neck. Oh, no, she wasn't about to let him take control—not tonight.

She caught his lips again to get his attention, then broke away to kiss his chin. Then his Adam's apple. Then the dip between his collarbones. She gave one collarbone a nip and pushed herself lower, feeling silk bunch between them as their bodies slid against one another. A kiss to his chest, and again she—

Hard hands seized her shoulders, catching her hair and pulling. She gasped as pain—unwelcome pain, careless pain—burnt out pleasure.

"Miles, what are you doing?"

"Not tonight, Keiko, darling. I'm not in the mood."

Keiko tried to raise her head without sparking any more pain from her scalp. She couldn't. He was holding her too tight, Miles was holding her too tight, and something was wrong.

"You certainly seemed in the mood thirty seconds ago." Her voice was sharper than she meant for it to be. But she was shaking inside, because of Miles, because of her husband. It made no sense.

"I changed my mind."

And then he let her go and she could lift her head the rest of the way and roll off him. He even sounded remorseful when he went on to say, "Sorry, love. I'm just feeling a bit off, that's all. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Maybe you should go see Julian in the morning," she said over the beating of her heart.

He snorted, and the sound was so normal, so him, that she shivered all over again. "I'm not talking to Julian about our love life. I'll be fine. Just give me a little time to get myself sorted out." He leaned over to kiss her and she let him.

"All right."

He'd been about to lie back on his side of the bed, but then he stopped and moved closer again until his face was a breath from hers. He was so earnest, the picture of the man she knew, she loved, she'd married, and it still wasn't right.

"It's me, darling, I swear," he told her as her eyes raced across and across his face, trying to find the part of him that had suddenly become capable of hurting her. It hadn't always been there, she refused to believe it, so when had it appeared? "It has nothing to do with you. You're just as lovely as ever, just as wonderful as ever, and I still love you every bit as much as the day I married you. There's nothing to worry about, all right?"

That wasn't the part she was afraid of.

She made herself smile, forced herself across those few centimetres of space to kiss him. Her voice was steady, somehow, as she said, "Thank you, Miles. I love you, too."

He smiled back, looking relieved. "See you in the morning."

"See you in the morning."

He rolled over to his side of the bed and appeared to go to sleep soon after.

She didn't. She lay on her back, eyes open to the darkness.

She knew what was wrong now.

Chapter Text

Oh, and I want to run
I'll run 'til the break of dawn
The night will cover my face
You will never guess what's on my mind
You will never find what is in my heart
When it's asleep
I will run and when the sun graces the sky
I'll talk to you like I have nothing to hide

He had already left the bed when she woke up the next morning with gritty eyes and a head aching from a night of sleeping in snatches. Once she'd dressed and forced herself into the next room, it was to find him fiddling with a padd at the table, smears of breakfast stuck to his plate, a film of juice at the bottom of his glass. The set-up was meant to make her think his appetite had returned at last, but there was no way to tell how much food there had originally been or how much of it he'd eaten—if he'd eaten anything at all.

She did her best not to let her gaze linger or flinch away from his face, but instead allowed it to rest briefly on him before she went to collect the dishes. "Good morning. How was your sleep?"

"Huh?" She had just enough time to glimpse him looking up before she turned her back on him. Her skin prickled with hyperawareness. "Oh, fine, fine. You?"

"Not so great." She made herself grimace. Even if he couldn't see her face, he would see the expression (or its lack) in her body language. "I had a lot of strange dreams."

"Too bad."

She went to join him at the table. "Are you off to work already?"

"Yeah. Thought I'd get an early start." He set aside his padd. "The station computers are still being a bit funny, so I should give them another once over. I'd hate to be dealing with delays if the Dominion got it into its head to invade."

He chuckled and Keiko laughed along with him, hoping as she did that the shrillness of the sound was only in her imagination.

From the next room, she heard Molly give a loud "Ow!" There was a pause, a gasp, then: "Mommy! Daddy! Aunt Nerys! My tooth came out!"

"Shh, honey, Aunt Nerys is sleeping," Keiko called softly as her daughter thumped into the room, a blood-smeared hand outstretched.

"No, I'm not," she heard Nerys reply and a beat later she emerged with Yoshi in her arms. "It's fine."

"Look, Mommy!" Molly insisted.

Keiko bent down to lose herself in Molly's pride. "Look at that!" She'd needed to force her smile, but soon it slipped into something genuine. She smoothed down Molly's hair, letting her hand cradle her fragile little head for just a moment. "That's your fourth one! Let me see your mouth."

Molly immediately opened wide, and there it was: a brand new gap in the lower front, still slightly bleeding.

"Wow!" Automatically, she glanced to her husband to share the moment with him. The instant she set her eyes on him, however, her heart gave a lurch.

"Good for you, Molly. You'll have them all gone before you know it!" he told her.

How had she not noticed? The words were right, even the tone was, but there was no warmth to what he was saying, no love. Had that really been the case all along? Had she just been subconsciously filling in the right emotions ever since he had returned from that conference?

Or rather, since something had returned.

That absence was all the more obvious when she compared his tone to the deep fondness of Nerys'.

"I can't believe how big you're getting!" Nerys bent down next to Keiko, still cradling Yoshi, and beamed at Molly. "You're going to have all your grownup teeth before you know it!"

"I think this one's loose, too." Molly said. She stuck her free hand in her mouth to wiggle at something.

"Careful, sweetheart, or you'll have nothing left to chew your food with," Miles teased in a facsimile of affection, then turned his attention to Nerys. "We'd better get going or we're going to be late."

"You're right." Nerys sounded regretful as she straightened and passed Yoshi to Keiko. She fluffed Molly's hair. "Try not to lose any more teeth while we're gone, all right, kiddo?"

"I won't," Molly promised, apparently in complete seriousness.

Keiko made herself chuckle along with the other two adults. "Have a good day."

"You too," Nerys replied on the way to the door.

Miles bent in to kiss her. As those lips pressed against hers, Keiko closed her eyes and brought forward a memory: the last time she and Miles had had a date night together, just the two of them. Nerys had watched the children, and that evening, she'd remembered all over again why she had fallen in love with him.

"See you after work," he told her when he pulled back. Her returning kiss must have passed muster, then.

"Bye," she said, smiling and smiling until the door shut between them and cut the expression from her face.

For just one moment, she breathed. Then she brought back her smile to look down at Molly. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's find a safe place to put your tooth."

Tidying up Molly took some time, and after that Yoshi's diaper needed changing, taking more time still. (At least Nerys had already fed and burped him as she usually did in the mornings. She was always thankful for the extra help with the children, but never more than today.)

Only when Molly was settled with some paints and Yoshi was safe in his crib did Keiko have time to go to the computer terminal. She'd yet to have breakfast, but at this point, putting anything in her stomach seemed a bad idea.

"Keiko O'Brien to the infirmary."

There was a delay, longer than usual, and then: "Nurse Jabara here."

"Nurse, could you send Dr. Bashir to our quarters? I noticed Molly was running a bit of a temperature this morning and I was hoping he could check her out."

"Why don't I come see her?" Jabara began and Keiko's breath caught. What excuse should she give? "I don't have anyone scheduled for the next half-hour."

There was a pause. Faintly, in the background, she heard Julian say, "Oh, it's no trouble. I'll head over straight away. A temperature, she said?"

Jabara's voice returned. "Dr. Bashir is on his way." More gently, she added, "I hope your little girl feels better soon. Jabara out."

Keiko dropped into her computer chair the moment the communications link was disconnected. She should make good use of the time before Julian arrived—it was rare for both her children to be quiet at once—but even so much as considering botany made her mind scatter in all directions. Then again, the prospect of sitting and doing nothing until Julian came was even worse.

She ended up picking away at her latest paper until she could no longer stand it. After that, she cleaned up the dishes from breakfast, replicated a banana out of habit, and reclaimed it half-finished.

When the door chime finally rang, she almost dropped the miniature juniper she'd been tending. Only at the last second did she swallow her question asking who it was—if "Miles" was returning, he'd wonder at her uncharacteristic behaviour and she couldn't afford that.

Instead, she set aside her tree and called out, "Come in!"

When Julian walked through the door, she could have hugged him. The feeling only intensified when he said in that soft, calming voice of his, "Hello, Keiko. Where's our patient now?"

Spotting Molly putting the last touches on a painting, he didn't wait for an answer but crouched down next to her, long arms resting on longer legs. "I hear you're not feeling so good, Molly. Is that right?"

Molly gave him a look that suggested he wasn't very bright. "No. My tooth is fine. Look."

Julian gave a dutiful "I see" at the open mouth before him, then glanced up at her with a crease between his brows. "I thought you said she had a fever."

"I did." Keiko forced her fingers together, weaving them to stop herself from fidgeting.

What could she say? How could she start? What if "Miles" wasn't actually on duty and was watching her right now? If she let on what she knew, what would happen to her real husband?

She bit her lip. The moment she did, Julian unfolded himself from the floor and strode to her side, and as his hand settled on her shoulder, just like that, her paralysis was over.

"Let's go sit down and talk." Julian gestured at the couch, keeping in contact with her. She didn't need the touch anymore, but that was fine. She appreciated the thought.

She seated herself; Julian chose a chair nearby. She took a moment to breathe, to keep breathing, her eyes on her still folded hands in her lap, and then she looked up.

"Julian, have you noticed anything strange about Miles since he came back from his conference?"

The frown he'd worn when he'd discovered her lie about Molly returned, deeper than before. "Strange? Strange how?"

She didn't answer. She waited. And as she watched him, she could see the precise moment when he realised what she meant.

Of everyone on the station, only Odo might have understood her implications faster. After all, Julian had been replaced for an entire month without anyone noticing—a fact she still felt guilty about. The possibility of Miles being a Changeling wouldn't lie far from his thoughts.

And neither would the likelihood that they were being observed. DS9 was catacomb-like in its passages that led to every single part of the station. It would be incredibly simple for a Changeling to spy on them and impossible to prevent.

So when she saw that Julian understood, she said only, "I don't know. . . . He seems out of sorts. He's not eating, and he didn't want to—well." She let her gaze slip from his in supposed embarrassment. "I tried to get him to go see you, but he insisted he would be fine in a few days."

"Sounds like the Chief, all right," Julian agreed. His tone was wry—but he dipped his head slightly in confirmation. "I haven't noticed anything amiss, myself, but that doesn't mean there's nothing to notice.

"I'll tell you what: Tonight is darts night. I'll keep an eye on him and whisk him off to the infirmary if he starts looking a little peaky. He won't be able to argue with DS9's chief medical officer. Or rather, he will, but he won't get anywhere."

He smiled. She tried.

He must have seen how hard she fought for that expression, because he switched seats to join her on the couch, to be closer to her. Gently, he asked, "You're certain you think Miles isn't feeling well?"

Was she certain? After all, a poor appetite was such a small thing. It wasn't the first time either of them had been forgetful, or too tired to make love.

Her scalp suddenly ached in remembered pain. Her hand lifted in the air to touch it, then paused, fingers curling.

"I'm going to keep an eye on him tonight as well," she said, her voice steady. "But yes. I'm almost positive."

"All right." Julian caught her hand in midair, folded it briefly between both his. "Don't worry, Keiko. We'll take care of him, you and me. Miles is going to be fine."

She took in a breath and this time managed to smile. Even if the antics Julian and Miles got up to sometimes drove her to distraction, Julian was a wonderful friend to both of them and she had never been more grateful than right now that he had insisted his way into their lives.

"Thank you, Julian. Miles might not be too happy about this now, but he'll thank you for it later."

"All right, then." Julian gave her hand one last squeeze, released it, and stood. "I'd best be back to the infirmary. Keep me informed and I'll do the same for you." Casually, he added, "Oh, and if it's anything serious, I won't hesitate to relieve him of duty and let the Captain know. The last thing we'd want would be for him to hurt himself out of stubborn pride. Wouldn't you agree?"

She rose as well. "I would. Yes."

He nodded, then turned to wave at Molly. "Bye, Molly. Give Yoshi a kiss for me, will you?"

"Okay," Molly said without looking up from her painting.

Julian left after that. Keiko took in a breath once the doors closed behind him. She didn't have any time at all to collect herself, however, because at that moment, Yoshi began to cry in the next room.

As she held and soothed him, she thought back to her civilian training. After the first encounter the Federation had with the Founders, once the knowledge of their empire and the horrifying potential for sabotage had become widely known, every single longterm resident of the station had been required to take a Changeling detection course. There were two different branches: the first was for Starfleet, Bajoran militia, and Bajoran security, and the second was for civilians.

The civilian course had been taught by a member of either Starfleet or Bajoran security, depending on availability of personnel, and the whole program had been overseen by Security Chief Odo. It had focused largely on discovering and reporting potential Changeling infiltrators; she assumed the course for military personnel had also involved how to restrain them, although she and Miles hadn't exactly shared notes from their respective training.

Now she needed to use what she had learned to find a way to prove her suspicions right or wrong, and she had to do it without being caught. Her actions had to be subtle and undetectable, something that the Changeling who had replaced her husband wouldn't even realise was happening.

Her first thought was to somehow do a blood screening, but she quickly discarded the idea. Early on, they had been heavily relied upon, but the Founders had quickly discovered ways around that particular test and so it had become largely useless.

And at any rate, she thought as she settled a calming Yoshi more comfortably against her shoulder, it was extremely difficult to do a blood screening unnoticed. If she wanted to keep the Changling in the dark, that was the last thing she should do.

Though, thinking of the dark. . . . That was one of the aspects of Changeling detection that had been most emphasised. Changelings had a different set of senses than most species. What some species lacked, they possessed—and the reverse was true. If she was going to gather evidence that her husband really had been replaced, then that was the best place to start.

*

The day passed as agonisingly as if it were dragging itself by its fingertips. "Miles" and Nerys weren't scheduled to come off duty until nearly suppertime, leaving her unable to act until then. All she could do as she waited was distract herself as best she could.

By eighteen hundred hours, Keiko hoped very much that no one would ask her how she had passed her day, because she honestly couldn't remember. As she braced herself against the wall by the replicator, she could not call one activity to mind. All her thoughts, instead, were on what she needed to do.

"Two large bowls of beef and katterpod bean stew," she said with a dry mouth. When they appeared, more sluggishly than usual, she carried them one after the other to the table.

When Nerys had blended into their family, Keiko had gone back to experimenting with uniting the cuisines of different cultures. The dishes of Dakhur Province lay somewhere between Miles' favourites of meat and potatoes and her own far lighter preferences of vegetables, seafood, and rice, which fortunately had made adjusting their meals easier than it had been in the early days of her and Miles' marriage. Still, coming up with something not just edible but actually enjoyable had been a weeks-long challenge.

Ordinarily, she took a good deal of pride in the results of her experimentation. That wasn't the case right now.

Keiko returned to the replicator. "One small bowl of beef and katterpod bean stew." This she took to Molly's place at the table.

And now, the last one. She took in a long breath. "One large bowl of beef and katterpod bean stew. Increase salt by seventy-five percent."

The bowl materialised, looking identical to the ones she had already replicated for herself and Nerys. But any Human, almost any species with any sense of taste at all, would immediately notice that something was wrong with the food.

Changelings were one species that lacked that sense. They didn't need it—they received their nutrients by very different means than Humans did. If Miles really had been replaced, there would be no way for the Changeling to recognise that anything was wrong with his meal.

And if he reacted. . . . Once again, Keiko's hand half-rose to her scalp. If he reacted, then she would need to have a very different conversation with Julian, and soon. But she wasn't going to borrow trouble—not when she already had more than her fair share.

The door to their quarters slid open behind her. Keiko forced a smile and turned. When she saw Nerys and only Nerys, her knees went weak beneath her.

"Hello, Keiko. How was your day?" Nerys asked on her way to her room.

Keiko laughed. It was such a surreal and innocent thing to ask. "It . . . it was fine."

She must have sounded dreadful, because Nerys stopped midway through stripping out of her uniform jacket to look her over."Are you sure about that? You don't sound so good."

"I'm fine." There wasn't time for this! "Listen, Nerys, we need to talk. It's about Miles."

"What about me?" she heard from behind her and she nearly gasped. How had she missed hearing the door open? She couldn't make mistakes like this!

"Never you mind." There was a waver to her voice, one that couldn't stay if she wanted to pass off her words as a playful scold. She swallowed, faced him, and shook a finger. "It's not a good idea to be too curious when Christmas is coming."

He stared at her, his expression of incredulity perfectly arranged. "But Christmas isn't for another three months!"

She lifted her eyebrows. "Some of us in this family might do things at the last minute, but that doesn't mean we all need to."

Behind her, Nerys laughed. "She's got you there, Miles. Keiko, let me know what you're planning later, when we don't have an eavesdropper on our hands. I'll help however I can. Now both of you get out so I can change before supper goes cold."

Out both she and "Miles" went. Rather than linger in the same room as him, she immediately left to fetch her daughter.

"Molly, come wash up for supper."

Molly let out a disappointed noise that was precariously close to a whine and clutched her padd tight. "But I'm almost finished . . . !"

"You can finish after supper. Go get ready. Your Aunt Nerys is hungry and wants to eat."

As Molly let out a huge sigh and let go of the padd to pick up Lupi instead, Keiko's escape came to an end: the Changeling invaded the room—Molly's bedroom.

"Don't I get a proper welcome home?"

Her breath caught. She'd been hoping he'd forgotten.

She forced herself to step up to him and kiss him on the cheek, rather than the lips. (She wasn't sure she could manage anything else.) Then, to distract him, she asked, "How was work?"

He made a disgusted sound and rolled his eyes. "Don't ask. Between the bloody computers and the Defiant, I haven't had time to take a proper breath all day."

Keiko's eyes flicked to his chest. Changelings often had trouble replicating the little hiccups, sighs, and catches that interrupted the breathing of a being with lungs—it was another extremely subtle sign of Changeling replacement. But given how difficult overly regular breathing was to pick up on, the risk of being caught was too high to make it worth monitoring.

To distract herself, she answered, "You must be hungry, then."

—Dammit, she had told herself she wasn't going to draw any special attention to the meal! At her sides, her fingers curled slightly with frustration.

He shrugged. "Not really. I've been too busy to spare a thought for my stomach—but that doesn't mean you need to bully me down to see Julian!"

"'Bully'?" Oh, but she hoped he would let this turn into a fight. It was the only safe way to lash out at the being who had taken away her husband and put her family in danger, and suddenly, she was spoiling for the chance. "Just what do you mean by that, Miles Edward O'Brien?"

The trapped expression on his face transitioned into a too-familiar cajoling one that never failed to stoke her temper. The sight of it so perfectly replicated made her all the more furious.

"Keiko, darling, I didn't mean it like that. It came out wrong," he tried.

"So what did you mean?" she demanded. She was too harsh and too loud—Nerys, emerging from her room, was giving her a strange look.

"Uhh, well. . . ."

"Is this good?"

She stopped, her throat aching with suppressed words. Both of them looked down to see Molly standing before them with Lupi under an arm and her hands spread for inspection.

Keiko bent down, shaking with the effort of tamping down her feelings and hiding them beneath her care for her daughter. "Let me see." No visible paint or dirt, so she'd at least remembered to clean them. "How long did you leave the sonic on?"

"Fifteen," Molly reported.

She nodded, stood, and produced a smile as a final piece of cover. "Good. Then you can go start supper."

She looked for "Miles" and discovered that, like her husband would have, he'd taken advantage of her distraction to head to the table. To her almost unbearable relief, he'd chosen the same seat Miles always did. She'd counted on it—after all, the Changeling was trying to replicate Miles' habits as closely as possible. Making arbitrary changes would only draw suspicion. Still, she'd had no way of being sure that was the seat he would pick.

She made certain to give him a dirty, I-know-what-you're-doing look as she went to join the others. She spared a moment to listen—it sounded as though Yoshi was still asleep—then smiled around the table. Letting the expression dim as she met the Changeling's eyes took no effort at all.

"Eat up," she said brightly and hoped as she picked up her fork that she would be able to comply with her own instructions.

She tried not to glance the Changeling's way too often, but it was difficult to avoid. Once Nerys hummed to show her appreciation, though . . . he followed suit.

"You really need to make this more often," she heard Nerys tell her over the beating in her head.

"It's delicious," "Miles" agreed.

Keiko's eyes dropped to her own meal and she forced herself to scoop up a large forkful. "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind." She looked up. "The . . . katterpod beans aren't too much, are they?"

Once again, "Miles" waited until Nerys had assured her that they were perfect to add his own affirmation. Then they all returned to eating.

He hadn't noticed.

But would the evidence be enough? Did she have enough to pass on to prove an investigation was necessary? The early days of the Federation's conflict with the Founders had been filled with terrified station residents making false report after false report of Changeling infiltrators. According to Miles, Odo and his staff had uncovered surprise birthday parties, cheating partners, and marriage proposals, but very, very few causes for alarm, Changeling or otherwise. They investigated everything, they had to, but when they received a report, they wanted to be very sure their time wasn't being wasted.

Well, maybe they wouldn't be sure, but she was. Unless she could think of another way to trap the Changeling that wouldn't endanger her family, she was going to have to make her report with the evidence she had.

Chapter Text

There's a forest in my heart that will comfort me
One day you will find me and oh I will run
I will run to the dark
The night will cover my face

You will never guess what's on my mind
You will never find what is in my heart

The children were in bed now. Nerys had just bid her good night. The lights had begun to dim automatically some time ago, simulating the close of the day to work with the natural bodily rhythms of anyone left awake. And Keiko could no longer keep at bay what she'd known all along: soon, she would need to go to sleep.

She would need to lie down, close her eyes, and become unconscious, leaving the Changeling free to do whatever he wished. She would be defenceless, but worse than that, her family would be defenceless, with no one to guard them.

She knew that attacking any of them would be one of the most foolish moves the Changeling could make. If he wanted to impersonate Miles O'Brien, a man who would do anything for his family, he could never let any kind of harm come to them as long as he remained undercover. The same had been true when Miles had been replaced by that replicant years ago. Knowing that, as had been the case that time, did absolutely nothing to erase her breath-stealing sense of vulnerability.

What if he'd realised she knew what he was? When she was asleep would be the perfect time for an "accident" to befall her. But if she refused to sleep in his presence and he didn't yet know she wasn't fooled by him any longer, he almost certainly would figure it out.

She had no choice. Eventually, before "Miles" returned from playing darts with Julian and with one last check on her children, Keiko forced herself to her bedroom.

It wasn't a large room, but tonight, it was a cavern. It was no longer cosy and homelike; the room felt bare, with her and Miles' belongings superficial and inconsequential additions. She had never before felt so exposed in her own home, not even when she had first arrived on the barely functioning station.

She went to the bottom drawer of her dresser and pulled out a pair of pyjama pants and a long-sleeved top. Miles had perfectly calibrated the environmental controls of their quarters (after about six months of decreasingly gentle reminders) so that she rarely had to wear anything heavy. Though there was no problem with the thermal regulator, right now, she wanted full sleeves, and—a nightgown was impossible.

She went to braid her hair by the mirror and spent most of her time watching over her shoulder in it and listening for the sound of the door to their quarters. When she reached the tips of her hair, she caught her breath—she'd finished the braid without realising it. She selected a ribbon at random and went to bed.

When she had lain down on her back, she pulled the covers all the way up to her chin. Her lips compressed and she adjusted them down slightly. She probably look like a little girl who believed there was a monster under her bed. When the monster came to get in with her, that would definitely draw his suspicion.

She closed her eyes. At once, all the background sounds of the station—the generators, the settling of metal, the noises of conduits, everything—pushed into her head. She only realised she wasn't breathing beneath their soft and insistent weight when her chest grew tight.

She had to stop this. She had to go to sleep.

Without particularly thinking about it, she fell into the patterns of the Bajoran meditation Nerys had shown her right before Yoshi had been born. She wasn't habitual in her practice, but that didn't matter. If she immersed herself in her breathing, then perhaps sleep would come.

It did. Though it was gradual and light, it still came.

*

She woke up a few hours later to darkness. Now the only illumination came from the panel directly above her head. It was enough to make out the shape that filled the sheets beside her, although she would have been conscious of the second body in her bed even were there no light at all.

She closed her eyes and lengthened her breathing, and then she had to brace herself against the urge to laugh, because the Changeling was doing exactly the same thing. There they were, side by side, two enemies lying in the same bed and feigning sleep. The only difference between them was that only she knew they were both pretending.

. . . It really wasn't funny at all.

She fought off an urge to look in on Molly and Yoshi and went back to meditating, but always a part of her was listening, listening, listening, until the exhaustion of constant watchfulness and fear dragged her under.

*

"Whoa. You don't look so good," the Changeling observed the next morning when she stepped into the main room for breakfast.

Keiko wasn't sure who she was glaring at: the impostor who was holding her family hostage or the man he was imitating, because that was exactly what Miles would have said and she didn't want to hear it from either of them.

"Thanks," she said flatly. "I had a lot of nightmares again last night. They kept me up. Where are you going so early?"

Once again, he hadn't been in her bed when she'd woken up that morning. He hadn't even been at the table but was apparently doing a last-minute check of his kit. Probably she was supposed to assume he'd already eaten breakfast and had reclaimed the dishes.

"Back to the grind," he answered, snapping his kit shut. "If don't have the Defiant in perfect shape by tonight, the Commander's going to kill me."

He came over to kiss her, and god, why was he so insistent on that one piece of Miles' routine? But before he could, he stopped and squinted at her.

She was too exhausted to feel much of anything; if she'd ever received a blessing in a bigger disguise than this, she couldn't think of it. "What?"

"You really don't look so good, sweetheart," he told her. He cupped her upper arm; she tensed—and he frowned. "Maybe you should be the one to go see Julian."

"I don't need to—"

She stopped. During one of the times she'd been awake last night, she'd searched for a plausible reason to go to the infirmary. Now the Changeling himself had given it to her.

". . . Maybe you're right." She let herself sigh. "One more night like the last couple and I'll be fertilizing you and serving stew to my plants. I'll go see what Julian can give me to help me sleep."

"Good idea." He smiled. "I bet your fertilizer tastes awful."

She returned it wanly. "Let's not find out."

"Well, I'm off." He leaned in to kiss her cheek; she let him. "Oh, I might be working overtime tonight, depending on whether I can get the Defiant up and running by this afternoon. Don't bother replicating anything—I'll just make something when I get home."

"All right. Have a good day at work."

He left then, and as he strolled out the door, he whistled the opening notes of "There's a Hole in My Bucket." She could have thrown something at him.

Nerys had already left for her own shift, and so Keiko made her own check on Yoshi and went to wake Molly for breakfast. Ordinarily, she would have let her sleep, but the idea of waiting any longer than necessary to go see Julian was unbearable.

After Molly had eaten—Keiko didn't even bother trying—and the breakfast dishes had been reclaimed, Keiko cleaned her up and settled Yoshi into his carrying sling. She took Molly by the hand without Lupi and all together they set off for the promenade.

If she received her usual share of smiles at the sight of Yoshi cuddled up against her, she didn't notice. Her focus had narrowed to the hallway before her, and that was all. She stared straight ahead, taking the turns by rote, slotting herself into space left by others riding the turbolift and staring ahead without speaking. She kept Molly tethered to her at all times.

Once they reached the promenade, Molly started tugging on her hand, wanting to see this bit of colour, talk to that person, and could she have a jumja stick? Please? The answer to each question, however, was always no. Keiko grimly kept walking and only the promise that they were going to go visit Julian and see him be a doctor was enough to forestall a noisy argument.

Julian was seated at the main infirmary computer, but the instant he glanced over at her, he hastily unfolded himself and hurried on over. She smiled tightly. She must have looked a wreck to inspire that reaction in him. Probably she'd be the subject of promenade gossip for a good three days.

He reached out to cup her upper arm in sympathy. When she flinched, remembering the touch from the Changeling earlier that morning, he immediately let his hand drop and squatted down to speak with her daughter.

"Hello, Molly. Here for a visit?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Mommy said we could watch you be a doctor."

"Well, I don't know about that" —he partly turned on the balls of his feet— "but if you'd like, Dr. Rawat can show you what your heart looks like on the computer. How does that sound?"

"Yeah, okay."

Molly didn't need any encouragement to run over to the smiling, dark-haired doctor in question as he set aside a padd. As soon as she was certain Molly was engaged, Keiko looked back to Julian, who had risen and was standing in front of her.

"I'm here to see about getting something to help me sleep," she told him. The next part was hard to force out: "Miles thought it would be a good idea to come see you."

It was foolish of her, but every time she used her husband's name on the Changeling, it felt as though she were helping him to root even deeper in the real Miles' life. She knew it wasn't true, but—she'd read too many stories about the power of names.

"Well, I'm glad to see one O'Brien, at least, takes their health seriously," Julian said, inviting her to smile.

She didn't. She was sick of smiling when she didn't want to. She had a reason to stop pretending right now, and she was going to take it.

Julian ran through what she assumed was a standard checklist of questions about her sleeplessness, then put together her prescription. As he was fitting together a hypo, he remarked, "Miles and I had a good game of darts last night."

She couldn't help herself: she tensed. "Did you?"

"Yes, we did, even if he beat me three games running." He looked up from the hypo. His hands stilled and his features softened. "He must have shaken off whatever was bothering him earlier—I didn't see any sign of him being out of sorts."

"I see."

The chances of the Changeling observing them were extremely low, she knew, but it was still possible. She might have had an excuse not to smile, but there was nothing she could use to explain a lack of concern for her husband's health.

With that in mind, she feigned relief. "That's good. I have to admit, I was getting worried."

"Well" —Julian held out the hypo; she took it— "keep an eye on him anyway. For all I know, he might have been putting on a good face. You know how much he loves visiting the infirmary."

"I do." She looked down at the hypo in her hands for a moment, then tucked it in one of her sling's pockets. "Thank you."

"Oh, it's my pleasure. I hope that's enough to do the trick, but if it isn't, come pay me another visit. You know where to find me."

His own smile at last coaxed a small one out of her. "Either here, having lunch with Garak, or playing strange games with my husband in the holosuites."

"You make our holosuite time sound so unsavoury," he protested, and her smile actually grew.

He moved forward, then seemed to reconsider when the logistics of hugging a woman with a now alert and wiggling baby strapped to her front defeated him.

Instead, he settled for taking her hands as he had yesterday and giving them a squeeze. (Now everyone really would be gossiping.)

"Good luck, Keiko, and don't worry—everything is going to be all right."

She nodded, but it was more acknowledgement than agreement. She profoundly wanted to believe he was right, but after a life as full as hers, she knew very well that wanting something was no guarantee of it happening.

She squeezed his hands back, then pulled free. "I'll see you later, Julian. All finished, Molly?"

"No," Molly called back without turning away from the computer screen. On it was a perfect image of her heart, beating away and delighting its owner.

"Try some jumping jacks—and then after that you'll have to go," Dr. Rawat told Molly.

"But I want to watch some more. . . ."

"You can come back later. I'm sure your mother won't mind."

Molly began bouncing about and gave a happy little crow when her heartbeat on the monitor sped up accordingly. Keiko took a step forward, then another. Then she paused and turned, seemingly remembering something. "Oh, Julian. I'll be walking by Security Chief Odo's office on my way back. If there's anything you need me to drop off to him, I could take it for you."

Julian's eyebrows twitched together. "No, I . . . can't think of—" And then he understood. "Oh! Never mind, there is something. Hold on just one minute."

He all but flew across the infirmary and selected a padd from a full shelf of them. His fingers ran across the manual entry controls, and then, at a somewhat more normal speed, he returned to her.

"Here." He held the padd out with its screen blanked. She accepted it and deftly manoeuvred it out of Yoshi's reach. Her son made an unhappy noise. "Thank you, Keiko. I'd nearly forgotten about this."

"You're very welcome." And now it was time for her to smile again. "Have a good day. Molly!"

Molly looked a little huffy at being called away from her fun new game, but it didn't last. She gave Julian's legs what she clearly thought was a bone-crushing squeeze (and Julian was kind enough to indulge her with an "Oof!" and exaggerated praise of her strength), and then they set off once more.

Molly was further cheered when Keiko told her their next destination. While neither of them had a great deal of contact with Security Chief Odo, Molly found him fascinating, and the prospect of a visit was enough to get her skipping along at her side anytime there was enough space in the crowd to do so.

The sight was startling: when was the last time Molly had seemed so content in a crowd? She had noticed how all the new stresses in their life had affected Molly . . . but the degree to which her daughter's behaviour had changed was clearly greater than she had realised. Guilt cut through her exhaustion—when (when) Miles was back with them again, she would have to pay a great deal more attention to her little girl to make her feel safe once again.

Fortunately for her, it wasn't far from the infirmary to security. While Molly was happier than usual to be surrounded by people, she wasn't. Ordinarily, she enjoyed her time on the promenade—there was always no shortage of interesting things to see and it was good to get out and chat with friends and newcomers alike—but today, each jostle and bump felt deliberately aimed at her. Maintaining a pleasant expression was becoming more difficult by the moment.

Just before they reached security, she and Molly passed a grumpy-looking Quark heading in the direction of the bar. Once she spotted him, Keiko sped up as much as Molly's pace allowed. If Odo had just finished a meeting with Quark, it probably meant he was alone for the moment. That was just what she needed.

As she arrived, she peered through the viewing panes that made up most of the front wall of his office. There: she could see him seated in his chair, his head bent over what she assumed was a report of some kind. No one else was in sight.

The moment the doors to the office parted, Odo looked up. Before she could even greet him, Molly chirped, "Hi Odo! Mommy has something for you. It's from Julian."

Odo's body language immediately acquired an overlay of awkwardness, something she ordinarily would have found equal measures amusing and endearing. It was clear he wasn't very used to interacting with small children.

"Does she?"

Keiko held out the padd. "That's right."

Odo turned on the padd and began reading almost the second it touched his hand. His eyes flicked over the opening lines—and then he went still.

Julian must have explained the situation for her, she realised. Now she didn't have to rely on conveying what was wrong through implication alone. Oh, she could have kissed him! (. . . And thereby given the station conversational fuel for the next six months.)

As Odo resumed reading, she rubbed Yoshi's back, more to soothe herself than him—though it did forestall the beginnings of fussiness in her son. She knew Julian couldn't have included much in his report, given how quickly he'd written it, but from how long Odo was taking, it felt as though he'd written up every last detail. Her nerves weren't helped when Odo set down the padd without speaking. Instead, he kept staring at it, almost certainly absorbing what he had read. When he suddenly jerked up his head, she actually gasped.

"Don't touch that," he warned, and for a moment, she thought he was talking to her.

Then Molly responded with an affronted, "I'm just looking," and only then did Keiko notice her daughter had wandered away to scrutinise the images of wanted criminals on Odo's wall.

She at once held out her hand. "Molly."

"I just wanted to see," Molly complained but returned to her side.

As this had been going on, Odo had risen and done something to the wall. When she looked back at him, it was to see him take what appeared to be a modified phaser rifle from a compartment in the wall she hadn't noticed.

Before Molly could get nervous, Keiko quickly explained, "The Security Chief is just going to make a little light in here. We'll step outside for a minute now and let him do his work."

"Okay."

Keiko met Odo's eyes; he nodded. Then she and Molly left.

It took effort not to hold Molly's hand too tight as Odo moved from one end of his office to the other, firing expanding energy pulses at the floor, the ceiling, the walls. The bursts of light spilled into the promenade and she tried not to cringe at every head that turned.

"Hey, is this a drill?" someone called to her.

Lightly, she called back, "Just a random check!"

"Okay, sure. You never can be too careful, right?"

Her laughter was brittle. "Right."

When the pulses stopped and she saw Odo nod at her from within his office, she let out the breath that had trapped itself in her lungs and led Molly back inside.

"So," he began the moment she stepped inside, "how long have you known about this?"

"I wasn't sure until yesterday," she said as steadily as she could. Once again, it was the prospect of getting help, not of being the only person between the Changeling and her family or the danger Miles was in, that was challenging her composure. "But for the two days before that—I wasn't sure what was wrong. I just thought Miles seemed . . . off."

Odo looked down at Molly, then back at her. "So you believe something happened at the conference."

"That's right."

He grunted and, for a moment, didn't respond further. Then: "And you're certain he's not just—out of sorts?"

"I'm sure." With an eye on Molly, who was steadily edging closer to the wanted bulletins again, she said, "He's refused intimacy and didn't remark on some, ah, culinary changes I made."

Odo's face wasn't quite as expressive as many humanoids, and consequently, she sometimes had trouble reading him—but that wasn't the case right now. It was more than clear to her that he did not like what was going on. "Has he talked to you about his work at all since returning to the station?"

"Yes, he's mentioned working on the station computers and on the Defiant." She'd expected the question, though she wasn't sure how useful her information was going to be. The likelihood of the Changeling telling her exactly what he was sabotaging was nearly nonexistent.

"That's easy enough to verify. But that still leaves us with the question of where else he's been and what he's done."

He glanced about, then returned his gaze to her. "You'd better keep moving. I'll pass this information on to Captain Sisko and the rest of the senior staff. If you notice anything else out of the ordinary, notify one of us, but don't go trying to pry any more information out of him. We don't want to raise his suspicions, or he might do something . . . unpredictable."

"I won't, sir." She smiled briefly. "I'm sure he knows I don't take that much of an interest in the details of Miles' work."

Another grunt—and then Odo tried a softer expression. "Good luck."

Those two curt words dropped calmness like a blanket over her shoulders, just for a few beats. When she smiled again, it lasted. "Thanks. You too."

"I don't believe in luck," he told her as she went to take Molly's hand. (She had the feeling those bulletins were going to inspire quite a few questions later.)

"Then why did you say it?"

"It seems to be something you humanoids like hearing," he explained, and—he actually looked embarrassed.

"We do," she answered, touched by his concern. Over the past five years, it seemed she had missed out on getting to know a surprisingly considerate person. That was something she needed to change. "Or at least, I do. Thank you, Odo." She turned her attention downward. "Say goodbye now, Molly."

"Goodbye," Molly repeated obediently before, hand in hand, they left.

She had been planning on returning directly to their quarters—Yoshi was becoming increasingly unhappy about his confinement—but when the jumja stick stand came into view and Molly turned a longing but silent gaze on it, she felt guilty once again. All things considered, Molly had been extremely well-behaved. It hadn't just been today, either, but since Miles had left for his conference more than a week ago. A jumja stick wasn't nearly enough of a reward, given how much of a help that good behaviour had been, but she suspected it wouldn't go amiss.

Of course she was right. Molly's delight was heart-warming; even the man running the stand must have agreed if the fuss he made over her was any indication. She was going to have a very sticky little girl to clean up later, but right now, she didn't mind.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

Keiko straightened from tucking a napkin into the front of Molly's shirt and looked for the speaker. She found a Bajoran woman at the stand next to the jumja stick seller trying to get her attention. Oh—she was new, wasn't she? What had been there before?

"To celebrate our new location on Deep Space Nine's promenade," the woman went on, "all our perfumes are currently twenty-five percent off."

"Thank you," Keiko said. To be polite, she picked up a squat glass bottle and unstoppered it. The scent of—relinna flowers, yes—reached her nose, and at that exact instant, she sucked in a sharp breath. Too much of the perfume swept into her lungs, making her cough.

After assuring the worried seller that she was all right and that she wasn't about to splash her merchandise everywhere, she put on a friendly smile. She straightened, and with a dry mouth, said, "This is going to sound a bit strange, but . . . you wouldn't be able to sell me an empty bottle, would you?"

Chapter Text

My love, you'll see
There is a place in my heart
That pulls me away far from you

Nerys was the first one home that evening. The moment she was through the door, she said, "Miles will be here in a minute, but I wanted to tell you: I know about his Christmas surprise. Dr. Bashir let me in on the secret and it sounds great."

Keiko stared at her in bewilderment from her computer chair. Christmas surprise? What Christmas—

That had been the excuse she'd given the Changeling when she had tried to warn Nerys earlier. That meant she had another ally.

Nerys gave her one of her full and beautiful smiles, and had Keiko not already been sitting, she would have collapsed with relief. They were all still in danger, it was true, but for the moment, that didn't matter. It was hard to feel unsafe with Nerys on their side.

"Great. I can't wait to see the look on his face," she answered with just a small tremor in her voice as the door to their quarters slid open.

Stepping inside, the Changeling "playfully" demanded, "What are you two planning now?"

Keiko got up and went over to the replicator. "Water, cool." If asked about her strange tone, she could claim to have something caught in her throat.

"If we told you, it would spoil the surprise," Nerys answered right back. "You'll find out when it's time and no sooner."

As the Changeling grumbled about hating surprises, Nerys came over to Keiko's side and placed a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Keiko, you look exhausted. Why don't I get supper ready so you can get some rest?"

She smiled and shook her head. "It's all right. I wasn't planning to replicate anything out of the ordinary. You go get changed and feed Yoshi. I'll have everything on the table in a few minutes."

Nerys gave her shoulder a squeeze and moved away. "Well, all right. But let me know if you need a hand with anything."

"I will. Thank you," she said—probably too gratefully, but she just couldn't hold back. First Julian had offered to help, then Odo, now there was Nerys and all the senior staff of the station. She wasn't alone anymore, and neither was the real Miles . . . wherever he was.

Her fingers tightened around her damp glass. It slipped in her grip, but she kept hold of it. They would find him. Right now, she needed to concentrate on forcing this impostor from his life.

She didn't make any changes to the food that evening. Even had the Changeling not already been in their quarters, making it impossible for her to sabotage his portion, she still would have left the meal alone. The more time she spent searching for signs that he wasn't her husband, the greater her chances were of being caught and endangering everyone. She was already planning on running one test tonight—there was no need for a second.

"So," Keiko said brightly once they were all seated, "how was everyone's day?"

"Not bad," the Changeling answered. "I'm finally starting to get both the computers and the Defiant under control. Another day or so should do it—I hope."

She tried not to show any special interest and avoided looking at Nerys when she asked, "Really? That must be a relief."

"Oh, it is. Even not fielding a hundred questions a day about when we're going to be fixing the lag will be fantastic. I was getting pretty tired of talking to Quark every hour, believe me."

She didn't have to fake her grimace. "I can imagine."

"Well, I'm glad someone had a good day, because it sure wasn't me," Nerys announced. "I had two freighters and a Bird-of-Prey all insisting they were meant to dock at the same port at the same time. And when I went to check our records, it turned out they had gotten corrupted while the computers were being repaired!"

The Changeling turned an accusing look on her. "You never told me that!"

"I was too busy trying to stop the Klingon captain from solving the problem by firing on the other ships!"

He sighed. "Fine. I'll look into it first thing tomorrow morning. What about you, Keiko?"

The bite she held in her chopsticks slipped free; she ducked her head as she retrieved it. "I'm sorry?"

Her focus had drifted while she had let Nerys carry the conversation, but she couldn't afford that. Her struggle was almost over—no matter how tired she was, she had to keep going until the end.

"How was your day?" "Miles" asked patiently.

"Oh." She set aside her chopsticks and looked up. "Fine. I went to see Julian like you said."

"You did, huh?"

"Well, don't sound surprised." She raised her eyebrows. "I do know how to take advice when it's good."

"Sorry, I thought—never mind."

She waited a beat to give the impression she was deciding whether to press the issue, then went on. "He gave me a hypo, so I'm hoping I'll actually get some sleep tonight." She paused. "Oh, and I also bought some nice perfume from a new shop on the promenade. Nerys, remind me to show it to you later. I think you'll really like it."

"All right. I will," Nerys agreed between bites. Keiko wasn't sure if she understood what her plan was . . . but that was good. The last thing she wanted was for either of them to be was obvious.

"And we went to see Odo and I got a jumja stick," Molly put in.

Keiko's heart stopped.

"Did you?" The Changeling turned on her a look that was both mild and hard. "Now why did you do that?"

Quickly, before Molly could say anything else, Keiko explained, "Julian asked me to drop something off for him."

"Oh yeah? What was it?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. A report, I guess."

"Odo has weird pictures," Molly said, clearly wanting the focus of the conversation back on her.

One horrible moment more, and then the Changeling released her from her husband's gaze. He turned to Molly instead. "Weird pictures? What kind of weird pictures?"

Molly's explanation wasn't what anyone could call clear, but Keiko understood enough of her daughter's logic to know that, as she'd suspected, a few explanations of her own would be in order later that evening.

Mercifully, the puzzle of following where Molly led was enough to distract all of them from that dangerous moment earlier on. It was so effective, in fact, that once supper had been cleared away and Nerys asked after the perfume she'd bought, it took her a moment to remember what she was talking about.

She couldn't stop her hands from shaking as she brought back the bottle from her bedroom, and so, before her trembling became obvious, she set it down on a side table.

The bottle was a small, attractively-made thing, low and rectangular and of thick glass. The liquid inside was pale amber, the colour enriching the deep brown of the wood-and-glass stopper.

"That looks lovely. What kind is it?" Nerys asked as she picked up and studied the bottle.

She nodded at it. "Go ahead and see."

Nerys easily pulled the top from the bottle with a twist and raised it to her nose. She didn't pause, she didn't frown, and she didn't even blink when the scent of nothing more than coloured water reached her. She only sniffed again and said in pleasant surprise, "Oh, this is nice. Can I try it?"

"Of course. I bought it for both of us," she answered and reminded herself to breathe.

"Miles, come over here and smell this," Nerys ordered him, dabbing the "perfume" on her pulse points.

The Changeling raised his head from where he was sunk on the couch with a tech manual. "No, no thanks. Perfume isn't really my thing."

"Oh, come on. One little sniff isn't going to hurt." Nerys held out the bottle.

Keiko watched the Changeling hesitate—but then he set aside his padd and got to his feet. "Oh, all right."

Dutifully, he plodded over and let Nerys wave the bottle under his nose. Like her, he didn't react to the lack of scent, but only said, "It's . . . nice, yeah."

Keiko had to stop herself from sighing in relief, but then her own thoughts slammed into her. Like Nerys. What if . . . ?

As Miles bent over to pick up his manual again, Nerys caught her eye. She winked.

Keiko gasped near-silently and caught at the back of the couch with a hand. She was becoming paranoid—she'd actually thought—

She wasn't sure how much longer she could put up with the strain of all this.

She managed to toss off some comment about how hopeless Miles was, which sparked protests from the Changeling and laughter from Nerys. Then she excused herself to go play with the children, away from the others.

After Molly and Yoshi were both put to bed and when she couldn't stand to be awake any longer, she went to get changed. She dressed quickly; she wasn't sure she could keep her movements natural if the Changeling walked in on her. Then she picked up Julian's hypo from her dresser and returned to the main room.

"Well—I'm going to bed," she announced. The Changeling and Nerys looked up from their padds. "Nerys, if either of the children wake up tonight, could you look after them for me?" She gestured with the hypo. "I won't hear them."

"I could do it," the Changeling offered. Keiko's fingers tightened.

"Not if Yoshi gets hungry, you can't," Nerys told him. She smiled up at her. "Don't worry, Keiko. I'll look after everything."

The phrasing had to be deliberate, and it was one of the most comforting things she had heard all day. Keiko used the momentum of her gratitude to carry her through the smile she gave to the Changeling. "Thank you. Good night."

She turned and let the doors close behind her. Once she was under the covers, she pressed the hypo to her neck and released the medication.

Unconsciousness came quickly and had never been so welcome.

*

The Changeling was gone again in the morning. When she first awoke to his absence, she was so relaxed from her deep sleep—the most satisfying rest she'd had since Miles' last night on the station—that it was as if overnight all her problems had been solved and her family was safe once more.

But then, abruptly, she remembered. The sensation of being loose and drifting immediately seized into tension and she pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. If only she could take that hypo and dose herself back into that safe-feeling sleep—but her children needed her. She had to get up.

She rose and dressed slowly, postponing the moment when she would need to step into the main living area. Her neck and shoulders twinged and pulled with every movement and her chest muscles ached when she took anything but the shallowest of breaths. A good night's sleep, it seemed, could only cure so much.

When she could no longer avoid leaving the temporary bastion of her bedroom, Keiko took in a long breath through her nose, stepped forward . . . and found only Nerys in the living room. Dressed in her uniform, she was balancing Yoshi on her hip and cooing to him. It seemed the Changeling had already left for the day.

Keiko let out her breath all at once; the sound caught Nerys' ear.

"Good morning, Keiko." She crossed the room and held out a bright-eyed Yoshi. Keiko cuddled him close and immediately felt herself relax—somewhat.

"Good morning. Has Miles already left?"

"He has, yes. I'll be going in a minute, too, but I wanted to let you know that I've already fed Molly and Yoshi. Molly's just changing her outfit in the next room. Apparently she didn't like the one I picked for her today."

"That's our Molly—she's always known her mind, ever since she was a baby." She made herself laugh a little.

Nerys smiled, but then she stepped forward and hugged her carefully around Yoshi. She stayed, too, long enough for Keiko to rest her head against Nerys' for a moment.

"Everything is going to be fine," Nerys murmured into her ear. Then she broke the embrace and said at her usual volume, "I'd better be off or I'll be late for the start of my shift."

It was hard not to step back into Nerys' hold, but Keiko managed it. "I'll see you this evening. How does tuwaly pie sound for dessert?"

Nerys smiled again. "It sounds delicious. Don't replicate it until I get back, though—I may be working late." She bent down and wiggled her fingers. "Bye-bye, Yoshi. Be nice to Mommy, okay?"

Yoshi made a happy noise back and reached out a hand. Nerys' smile grew as she straightened and called, "Bye, Molly." Once Molly gave an answering goodbye, she left.

Keiko stood in place for a few seconds afterwards, her gaze on the front door of their quarters. She had spent so much time living between the lines this week. She might be wrong, but she thought that, at last, Nerys was offering hope.

Chapter Text

Hiding in the place in my heart
This part that I know by heart forever
Will you ever notice?

The door to their quarters chimed partway through the afternoon. She had been wrestling with making the replicator produce doll clothes at the time; the unexpected sound made her jump and nearly drop one of Molly's dolls. Once again, she stifled her urge to ask who the visitor was and instead called out as cheerfully as she could, "Come in."

When Captain Sisko himself walked through the door, she thrust the doll into her daughter's hands and stumbled to her feet. "Captain, what a surprise! I'm sorry about the mess." She gestured at where tiny pieces of clothing old and new were mingled with baby toys all over the living room. "I would have tidied up if I'd known you were coming."

The Captain smiled. "It's all right. I had a little child myself, once. A long, long time ago."

He crouched down to bring himself to Molly's level. Suddenly shy in the presence of someone so important, she hid behind Keiko's leg.

"Hello, Molly," the Captain said warmly. "How are you doing today?"

"Good," Molly mumbled into Keiko's pants.

The Captain wasn't bothered by the lack of response. Instead, he glanced at Yoshi, who was lying on his back on a blanket and making soft sounds to himself, then back to Molly. "And how's your baby brother?"

"He's good."

"That's good."

With a soft grunt, Captain Sisko sat down the rest of the way. Feeling awkward looming over the station's commanding officer, Keiko joined him. As she did, Molly pressed against her and stuck a finger in a lock of her hair to begin twisting it.

"Now, Molly, I have some news for you and your mother," the Captain began. He caught Keiko's eye for just a moment, and then focused completely on her daughter. "Your father has been called away on a very important mission."

Keiko covered her mouth as her heart began to pound and beat inside her head.

"He'll be going with Major Kira—with Nerys, and with Commander Worf and Commander Dax. We're not quite sure yet when they'll be back, but we're hoping it will be soon."

She was shaking. She curled her fingers into fists in an attempt to stop, but the force of her hope was far too great. The Changeling had been caught—that had to be what he meant, it had to. Miles was going to be found and then he was coming home!

"How soon?" Molly asked, a frown on her little face.

"Very soon." Captain Sisko smiled again. "There's no need to worry—your father has Nerys and Worf and Dax to keep him from getting into trouble. Do you think that's enough?"

In spite of herself, a giggle escaped her daughter. "Maybe."

The Captain pretended surprise. "Maybe? Do you think I should send someone else?"

"You should send Julian," Molly told him.

Keiko laughed too loudly, unable to help herself. "I think sending Julian would get Daddy in more trouble, honey, not less." She kissed the top of Molly's head, then hugged her close.

"Hmm. I'll take it under advisement. Now, Molly" —the Captain got to his feet— "if you could keep an eye on Yoshi for one minute, I need to talk to your mother outside. How does that sound?"

As the Captain had clearly known, Molly puffed up with pride in the responsibility she had been given. "That sounds good, Captain!"

"All right. I'm counting on you."

He offered a hand to Keiko; though it felt strange, she took it and rose as well. He let go as soon as she was up and gestured at the door. "If you don't mind . . . ?"

"Not at all. Molly, come get us if Yoshi needs something, okay?" she added.

"I will."

As she stepped outside, she glimpsed Molly scooting over to plunk herself protectively beside her baby brother. The sight lightened her heart still further, making her feel nothing less than weightless.

Once the door to their quarters closed, Captain Sisko glanced about. When he was certain they wouldn't be overheard, he said quietly, "We caught the Changeling late this morning. He's in a stasis field in the infirmary. Major Kira and Commanders Dax and Worf have taken the Defiant and have gone to look for the Chief, as I told Molly. Based on the information we have, I'm hoping we'll have him back on the station in no more than three days."

Keiko's knees went loose and she hurriedly pressed a hand against the wall to support herself. Captain Sisko stepped forward to catch her, but she kept herself upright.

"You know where he is?" she asked, and she made her voice be steady.

The Captain was watching her carefully now. "We have a good idea. In the meantime, we're keeping the situation quiet until it's resolved, to avoid spreading unnecessary panic."

"I understand." She gave him a half-smile. "It's hard when your husband gets called away on a mission so soon after he returned from an off-station conference, but I'll manage."

He smiled back, the expression brilliant. "I knew I could count on you." But then it faded, and, voice low, he added, "Keiko, I'm going to recommend to Starfleet that you receive the highest civilian honours possible. If you hadn't noticed that Chief O'Brien had been replaced when you did, we all would have been in a lot of trouble."

"Do you know what he was trying to do?" And for that matter. . . . "Can you tell me?"

He hesitated. ". . . Let's just say that no one on this station would have been happy."

She nodded, accepting as much. With the little she knew about what had nearly happened the last time, the Captain's implications were more than enough information for her. She was probably happier not knowing.

"I should be going." He straightened up, still holding her gaze. "If there's anything you need over the next while, anything at all, don't hesitate to let me know. We all owe you a very great deal."

She felt her face warm and her chin dropped—now Molly wasn't the only one feeling shy. "Thank you, Captain, but I'll be fine. Just knowing that you're looking for Miles is more than enough."

"All right. But tell me if you change your mind." She looked up; he added, "Have a good afternoon, Keiko."

"You as well, Captain."

Once he'd departed, she stepped back into their quarters. She had no time to think about how empty her home was going to feel with both Miles and Nerys gone for now—the sight of Molly shaking a rattle for a gurgling Yoshi was the best distraction imaginable.

She'd make it. The hard part was over now. All she needed to do was wait.

*

Two days later, just as she was putting Molly to bed, Keiko received a hail on her computer.

"Sisko to Professor O'Brien."

She dropped the storypadd beside Molly's bed and ran, nearly colliding with the slow-opening bedroom door, leaping over an abandoned art project, and shoving her computer chair out of the way.

The words leapt out of her: "Keiko here, sir!"

The Captain's voice was rich with happiness as he said, "Keiko, if I were you, I'd gather up my family and head down to Docking Port Three as soon as possible."

While he'd been speaking, she had gasped, then covered her mouth. Now, through shaking fingers, she managed, "We're on our way," and cut off the connection.

Molly was quite happy to postpone bedtime, particularly when Keiko explained why. She hopped out of bed with Lupi in her arms and headed straight for the door to wait. Keiko spent barely a moment trying to persuade her to go put on her day clothes before giving up and going to slip a sleeping Yoshi into his sling. A little girl in her pajamas wouldn't register as strange on DS9, and maybe it would get her back into bed faster once . . . once Miles was home.

Her breath caught and she nearly laughed. He was here, he really was here, and as soon as they reached Docking Port Three, they were all going to be together again.

WithYoshi settled against her, Keiko took Molly by the hand and they fairly ran through the corridors. If she hadn't had her son to worry about, she would have actually picked up Molly and sprinted. Instead, she needed to slow herself to what Molly's small legs were capable of. She tried not to be frustrated, then tried not to let her frustration show. She didn't want to wait a minute more to see Miles—she wanted the first thing he saw when he stepped onto the station to be his family. If only they could move faster . . . !

Even restricted as they were by Molly's slow pace, they still beat the Defiant to the docking port. As they waited, Keiko rocked and jiggled Yoshi in his sling and assured Molly over and over that Daddy was coming, he'd be here soon, he was coming, he was coming—

"He's here!" Molly squealed and ran forward, and Keiko had to steady herself against the wall.

Her first sight of her husband was very different from that day a week ago when she'd thought she had him back. There was no crowd for him to navigate, only Nerys and Commander Worf exiting the Defiant ahead of him. He didn't look irritable and cramped after too much shuttle travel. Instead, he looked—pale. Not only in terms of the colour of his skin, but, somehow, his body seemed washed out. He was exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with mere overexertion. She hadn't seen him like this since he'd begun his recovery from the horrific punishment inflicted by the Argrathi, and for a moment, the blending of memory and the certain knowledge of what he had been through this week was too much for her to bear.

Too much, until Miles' face lit with a beautiful smile. He scooped Molly up in his arms with a cry of, "There's my girl!" and Keiko gasped with the force of her relief.

At that moment, Yoshi—cranky from being woken so soon into his sleep—began to wail. The moment he did, Miles looked up.

It was as if she'd been flung back eight years, to that dizzying time when infatuation had been steadily growing into love, when meeting Miles' eyes alone had been enough to make her breath hitch. Their separations in recent years and her disrupted pregnancy had been hard on them, and so had Miles' transfer to DS9 in the first place, and why had she ever let anything affect their marriage?

She felt the weight in her sling shift, the only thing that could have distracted her from the sight of her husband. Nerys was lifting Yoshi into her arms, shushing him and allowing her to do what she'd been dreaming of since she'd discovered Miles' kidnapping.

She strode forward, leaned around where Molly was still fastened to Miles' leg, and swept her arms around him.

And then, without warning, she began to shake, full-body shudders that were impossible to hide.

She immediately tried to still herself, but she might as well have been trying to stop Bajor from turning. Her relief was simply too much to be contained.

Miles hugged her tight against him, and it was wonderful and still not enough to make her stop. She pressed her face against his neck, breathed in, squeezed him back just as tightly for support and out of nothing less than joy.

"What's wrong?" she heard Molly ask. Her little voice was trembling; Keiko instantly raised her head.

"It's all right, sweetheart," Miles reassured Molly. His voice was thick and she loved him for it. "Mommy is just fine. She just missed me so much and is glad to see me. . . . The, the same way I'm glad to see all of you."

"I'm okay, sweetie, it's all right," she added with a breathy laugh, then met Miles' eyes straight on. "But you are n-never allowed to leave the station again!"

All he had time to get out was, "I'm not sure I—" before she was kissing him, and kissing him hard. The last shard of doubt fell away when he kissed her back just as fiercely. He really was home.

She couldn't believe he was stopping so soon when his lips broke from hers, but then she realised that Commander Dax was saying kindly, "You know, the rest of us would like to disembark, too." They were still standing in the door.

Redfaced, laughing and still shaking a little, she and Miles moved to one side to let the rest of the Defiant's crew pass. They clung to one another and Molly, and Miles only freed an arm when Nerys passed a quieted Yoshi for him to hold.

Keiko watched as Miles tenderly greeted their son. She could see the dark circles beneath his eyes, and while it might have been her imagination, she thought there might be a few more lines marking his face. He had probably wondered if he would ever see any of them again and almost certainly whatever he had gone through would have triggered his PTSD. He had a lot of difficult recovery work ahead of him.

But he also had his family with him. And after nearly losing him yet again, Keiko had been reminded of one of the deepest truths of her life:

She loved him, Miles Edward O'Brien, beyond any words. And she would do anything to protect him and keep their family safe.